#I have “feelings” about the entire drama as a whole

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Siffrin plays Disco Elysium AU: Featuring backseat gamer Loop.

#in stars and time #ISAT #Siffrin #Loop #disco elysium #digital art #When I first thought of a crossover I went from 1) 'ISAT Disco AU but Loop is all of the skills' #To: 2) 'Loop is in the mindspace alongside the skills #To my magnum opus: 3)'Loop is sitting next to Siffrin backseat gaming him the whole time.' #Loop beat Disco Elysium ages ago and repeated it to the point they know all the vision quests and dialogue variables. #Siffrin just started playing and Loop keeps ruining the fun by using their meta-game knowledge to try and help. #Also let's be real. Siffrin's stats are 100% completely focused into motorics and nothing else. #If we can't Savoir Faire ourselves of this situation - we will explode. Endurance? Call my insurance instead. #Thinking skills? None. Emotional intelligence and morale? A failed social interaction canonically feels like death to them. #I might have bumped Phys up but...Siffrin's Electrochem stat is like -10. And Pain Threshold is emotional durability too. #Unused part of this joke is that I set their signature skill to Drama. #Both these games made my brain melt so now I get to combine them! I have that power! #This joke made me laugh the entire 3 hours I sat down and drew it and that is what creation should be about.

[doctorbunny]

More serious summary of the livestream

Unfortunately I can't provide a full translation because the entire time I was watching in autistic excitement like 😊🥰🤩 whilst my brain melted out my ears and didn't pick up on a lot

Luckily, I have a feeling someone will get around to translating this stream eventually since they finally had the BGM on a lower volume so everyone was audible the whole time Without further ado:

We started with introductions seating order is Yamanaka, Yurina (Es' VA), Minami (Amane's VA), Ryouta (Kazui's VA) and DECO (who dyed his hair blonde) They each have one of the 4th anniversary acrylic stands in front of them The actors have their characters but Yamanaka has Haruka and DECO has Muu

Yamanaka admitted to being a Haruka oshi/fan

Then Minami talks about being a Fuuta fan (she calls him cool) and she's handed the Fuuta stand and she pushes the Fuuta and Amane stand next to each other (and jokes about their height difference then imitates Fuuta going zenbu zenbu zenbu!)

But then Yurina sticks her Es stand in between them to separate them

And then they move the Amane stand next to the Kazui one and everyone coos

Before moving Amane and Fuuta back together in front of Minami Then they basically just lift all of the stands up on to the table and continue on

They discuss their thoughts on the trial

Looking at who got voted inno and guilty Minami is happy Amane got inno but has no idea how Mikoto wasn't guilty They note that the audience wasn't very happy with Kotoko for beating up the other prisoners Then they give some thoughts on the MVs from Daisuki to Deep cover They get most excited talking about Cat and Purge March Kazui says that he was able to put the right emotions into Cat because he recorded the voice drama first Yurina and Minami actually caused the microphone to peak with their excited shrieks at one point (ow)

They answer some audience submitted questions One question was answered along the lines of "Be prepared" One was submitted in English and they tried to but couldn't read it Then they got a question (in Japanese) from someone from 韓国/South Korea [side note: I feel like the south korean milgram fandom has gotten more prominent recently, its always been there but it feels bigger than ever and that's pretty cool]

After audience questions they made a few announcements Some things we already knew, the gratte cafe crossover, the Kotoko line stickers, Earbuds are still on sale (and they're making badges and stuff based on the earbud promo art) the 4th anniversary art/acrylici stands literally in front of them Then some new things: Minigram LINE stamps (everyone was especially pleased for the Kazui XP stamp) There's going to be a part 2 to the Karaoke collab (no details yet other than its coming)

They also announce this year's perk for annual members [the pain of being an annual member but living outside of Japan so you can't get these 😭] Blank lamenated cards of the prisoner's interrogations and a whiteboard pen so you can write your own interro questions and answers They bring out the cards for Kazui and Amane and do some examples

"Do you like cake?" "I don't eat it."

"What did you have for lunch today?" "Gyudon." [a beef and rice dish]

Then Minami just writes "Toilet paper" in katakana and everyone laughs (Then she writes Toilet paper rap/lap/wrap and I'm not sure what she means)

Most exciting is script books for the Hallucenation liveshow (scripts of the voice dramas and songs) The live show uses condensed versions of the voice dramas but this is the first time we'll have official transcripts of key moments to help check translations with

Then they start saying that T2 was hellish, but T3 is going to go beyond hell: They're going to send everyone to Super Hell And at this point my brain fries and overloads on eeby deeby memes as they all go back and forth talking about Super Hell

They all start doing their outros/saying goodbye

Yurina talks about upcoming challenges we have as guards meanwhile Yamanaka ominously holds the Haruka stand up in frame

Then that's basically it, not much going on because a lot of stuff (like Hallucenation, the plushes, earbuds) came out right before the 4th anniversary

#milgram #ミルグラム #I probably missed a bunch of stuff but this is just the general overview

[crimeronan]

quick dunmeshi thoughts now that it's been a few hours since i finished the manga:

chilchuck good. love a bitch.

i was hoping i'd have a new popular femslash ship i can write for but unfortunately the yuris are too sweet and fluffy for me. i need my sapphics to try to kill each other at least once :(

similarly: marcille did great being unhinged within the constraints of the genre but baby girl i wanna see you in a yellowjackets type setting SO BAD. set marcille free in an adult drama where she can do true atrocities. FOLDED TOO FAST GIRLIE I BELIEVE IN YOUR ABILITY TO SUCCUMB TO DARKNESSSSS DONT LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS!! DONT BELIEVE IN LOVE!!! DONT HAVE A POIGNANT MOMENT OF EMOTIONAL GROWTH AND ACCEPTANCE!! DONT COME TO TERMS WITH GRIEF!!!! DONT LET THEM CONVINCE YOU NOT TO DO ATROCITIES YOU ARE SO POWERFUL AND CAPABLE OF RUINING EVERYTHING FOREVER!!!!!!

wasn't attracted to laios except for in one single scene.

it was the one where he suffocated falin.

we're not going to unpack this.

izutsumi would be a blorbo if she wasnt just straight-up me.

as is though so many of her lines are things i have directly said aloud in real life conversation that i spent the whole time going "well. this is freaking me out."

kabru is an icon. love guys who play 3d chess

come to think of it, i'm pretty sure his relationship with mithrun is the only one that had any emotional impact on me whatsoever. cunt who can't feel dick about shit x bitch who's pissed off about it 5EVAAAAA

i still default to snack packs of cheez its and goldfish crackers to replace the meals i don't wanna cook. an entire 100-chapter manga about the love of cooking and eating has done nothing to improve my outlook on cooking and eating.

sorry senshi. :(

#now if anyone has any fanwork they swear by where marcille and/or falin are super fucked up in dark fiction ways. well. u know what to do #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 28th April ✨

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! I started two new shows this week and fell in love with both of them!! 

👻 @tellnotalespod (S2E8.5) ohhhhhh I’m so emotional. The end of this series is going to make me cry so many happy tears, I can just feel it. 

🌲 @hellofromthehallowoods (149) With the description this week, I think I truly realised just how scary-looking the pig man is 😰 Things are looking decidedly down for Shelby and Clem. Eek. God, Valerie!!! She’s such an interesting character because you can literally connect the dots of her trauma but still be slightly disappointed by the consequences on her behaviour! And the poor Mr Greenstreets ☹️ Raj is very Syrensyr coded?? Vincent as a grief counsellor makes me wonder… about who or what Voltaire is…. 

Also, I want the Auditor to be Polly so bad and I want Nikignik to get out of the interrogation by bargaining to reunite him with Yaretzi and Mort - PLEASE. 

🧳 Travelling Light by @monstrousproductions (19) I loved seeing our Traveller stand up for themself!! It’s always so fun to see characters who are usually soft gain a backbone of steel because their core values are tested. And the discussion of the nanobots was so interesting!! The laws on nanobots elsewhere when they are literally required for survival makes the entire person illegal. And we all know that’s not right!!! 

👁️ @malevolentcast (41) I’m thinking that maybe Rafters was an exception that proves the rule… Alexander the owl was creepy as anything and I hated the way he seemed to be guiding them towards the crack in the wall. Now we’re in a possible parallel universe, it feels like all bets are off and I’m scared to even consider what might happen to John and Arthur now! 

⚔️ @camlannpod (8) OUGH. Oh my god. Can’t they just have FIVE MINUTES to RELAX?? I actually snorted out loud at: ‘you’re good with an axe, right’. Pere is a little shit and I love that for them. Morgan!!! 🫨 And Dai!!! I’m so hopeful that starting down this path will lead to good (or, at least, a whole load of shenanigans for S2!) 

🖥️ The Magnus Protocol (13) It’s very interesting to me that we were able to listen in on Sam and Cecilia’s date… how did that work? There’s something here about gambling and chance with this story and the previous one about the dice rolling?? I’m connecting the dots (I’m not connecting shit). 

🌞 Small Victories by @wgc-productions is so good, I wish I’d started listening years ago. I love the 90s sitcom vibe and the intro/outro are so unique. I absolutely love shows that centre around character studies. Marisol’s story is so gripping and I love how the writing takes us right inside her brain as she justifies every decision (good or bad). It’s so clear how loveable she is and how much people around her want her to be okay (mostly), but don’t know *how* to get her to that place given the shit they’re dealing with themselves! I got up to 1.09 so . . . bit of a cliffhanger there!! I’m very excited to see how the story progresses. I’m rooting for you, Tiny!! 

🧋 I started @hinaypod and it’s safe to say that I’m in love already! Listening has given me the same amazing feeling of listening to Desperado - the sensation that the creators have opened up a door to a brand new world and I’m so happy to be in it! I adore Mari. Even from episode one, she has this quiet self-confidence in herself and her skills which is so refreshing. I also really like the horror writing here and I’m really looking forward to delving deeper into this story! 

Hope everyone has a good week! 💙

#audiodramasunday #tell no tales #hfth spoilers #travelling light #malevolent spoilers #camlann #tmagp spoilers #small victories #hi nay

[tinybro]

jasico server was chatting about the cupid scene and jason getting nico's memories blasted straight into his brain and how jason being shot with one of cupid's arrows while with nico and this was just never brought up in canon again and now i'm thinking like...what if that's just how cupid's arrows work? not by magically manifesting love for someone out of nothing, but by giving someone the perspective that'd make them fall in love naturally? jason gets a front row seat to nico's memories and instantly understands him intimately and can trust him completely without any doubt or suspicion

so what if jason, after slowly realizing he's totally in love with nico, just thought back to the arrow incident and it made him second-guess everything? because maybe he's only feeling this way because cupid hit him with an arrow with only nico was around and it's no different than any other god messing with his love life

#i live for anything that drags out the pining/pre-relationship period as long as possible okay #give me the drama of jason frustrated about constantly being manipulated by gods #in love with nico but convinced it's just cupid fucking with him and not wanting nico to get dragged into it #maybe telling nico eventually because he's having trouble hiding his feelings and he doesn't wanna hurt nico by confusing him #which is of course an emotional rollercoaster for nico #hearing jason say he's in love with him only to then immediately hear that it's just godly fuckery #nico agreeing to help jason find cupid to get it reversed because he knows how much it sucks having feelings for someone unwillingly #and he doesn't want jason stuck mooning over someone like him just because he was unkucky enough to be with nico for the cupid incident #whole quest in which nico develops feelings in return and angsts because he's sure jason only feels that way because of the arrow #maybe a slip-up in the middle somewhere with nico accidentally revealing he likes jason back before backpedaling wildly #so now jason has hope despite himself because he'd never really thought it was possible anyway given nico's feelings for percy #and he doesn't like being manipulated by gods but he doesn't mind the idea of being in love with nico #and what if he just gave up on the hunt for cupid entirely and let it happen #while nico feels guilty since clearly it's just cupid arrow magic fucking with jason and he's enabling it #and then of course when they finally find cupid he explains how his arrows work and that he can't just FORCE someone to be in love #no more than hera could with jason and piper by fucking with their memories to push them together #cupid's methods are just way more effective #my tag babble ended up longer than the actual post oh my god #pjo #jasico #my dumb headcanons

[aroacehanzawa]

i'm going to be real with you guys for a moment. i don't think i'll continue following bsd much after this point

#i take back what i said about being excited for what's to come. i mean i am. in a very general impersonal way. #but the way the series is going. if the ending of the anime is going to be followed by the manga in a similar direction #is just very different from the silly armed detective agency vs port mafia authors with superpowers slightly high-stakes slice of life #that i originally signed up for. i've felt this way the whole decay of angels arc and just stuck around to see what happens #and because i care about the characters. bsd was always a character-focused manga for me #but the direction it seems to be taking is this massive epic entire-world-at-stake military scifi drama #where super epic power-up style ability weapons (and one-off overpowered nameless ability users are introduced and killed off in the same #scene. like the time manipulation catgirl) take the forefront at the expense of actual character focus and character development #like why are most of the (original) cast completely unaccounted for in what was meant to be a satisfying ending. #did asagiri forget that atsushi is the main character. why did tachihara's and sigma's arcs get cut short like that. #and frankly i feel like bsd started to take this direction from storm bringer onwards. the focus and scope of it is very different #to for example the untold origins or dazai's entrance exam or even 55 minutes. but if i were to theorise i would say that the scope of #the current direction of bsd must have started germinating during the 55 minutes light novel. if you can see what i mean #anyway more importantly i find that the tone is now entirely different from early bsd. it's just not the series that i fell in love with #so i think it's best that i stop here before letting it turn sour like jujutsu kaisen is to me now. #i have the manga (and anime) that i can reread (rewatch) up to the perfect crime arc whenever i want #i can reread the sskk fight of volume 20 whenever i want. i can revisit sigma and nikolai's chapters. there's wan. there's the light novels #and there's the wonderful fanfics and fanart and so many metas to read. that's what brings me joy more than the series itself nowadays. #that's all. end of era i guess. to an extent

[dirtytransmasc]

Are yyou team green or black? And why?

team green, though I'm not in support of every green character (namely Otto though my opinion of him is complicated. I also have opinions on Aegon and his characterization that makes it even more complicated)

[I have only read bits and pieces of the book, so my opinion is based almost solely on the show. keep this in mind]

I'm team green for 3 big reasons. they're more complex, thought not perfect by any means, more morally "right", and are simply more my vibe when it comes to characters. now this is very simplified and not at all nuanced, so stick with me for a minute.

Firstly, they're more complex. the greens have very deep, detailed, and nuanced lives and stories that lead to them being very complex characters that can't be put into a box. Alicent was a child bride who had lost her mother young became a mother young and suffered at the hands of power and men all her life. her children were affected by this and the world they were forced to grow up in throughout their lives. even individually her kids are drastically different; aegon the child who was forced into a life he did not want and suffered due to his father neglect and mother pain. Helaena who was never understood and grew up treated like an oddity. Aemond who was never seen to his full potential, always ignored or looked over, angry throughout his life. each of them has strengths and weaknesses, flaws and benefits, they're imperfect but never completely horrid. they're also never simplified (not entirely, even when the plot and writers seek to simplify them) to the point that they put on a moral pedestal or made straight evil (i'd even argue that the attempts of the writer to oversimplify them as evil and in the wrong makes them 10x more fascinating). I find TB characters tended to miss the mark on that, always put in the moral light, not even allowed a moment to reflect on their actions, lives, or positions in any nuanced or meaningful way, so they always just feel dull. they're also out on a moral highground that they can never be budged from, which makes them harder to like and honestly, really boring. they get away with everything instead of being emotionally and morally nuanced.

secondly, they're more morally "right". I will never say that any of the greens are perfect, they are far from it (with the exception of Helaena and her kids, who have done literally nothing to anyone, but I digress). what I will say, 9/10 times there is some level of reasoning that has some level of reasoning. Alicent always tries to do whats best for everyone, all throughout the series she tried to do best by the court, the king, her children, the realm, and Rhaenyra. did she always succeed? no, but she always tried and her mistakes were almost always honest. I will say she held resentment towards Rhaenya, but honestly, I can't blame her. Rhaenyra's lies and behavior hurt Alicent over and over again so for her to be angry is expected.when it came to succession, Alicent backed Rhaenyra until it was made clear she and Daemon would be a threat to her children's lives and even than she held mercy for Rhaenyra. Aegon's drinking can be blamed on the abuse and neglect he suffered at Viserys, Otto, and Alicent's (though the abuse and neglect from his mother is insanely different and nuanced. she perpetuated her pain onto him because she couldn't heal herself. so I hesitate to call it abuse, cause its so much more complicated than that) hands. though nothing will justify his rape of Dyana, I personally think it was a bad add in on the writers part, and leave it at that. Aemonds rage after years of being ignored doesn't entirely justify what he did to luke, but he had reason for his cruelty after years of Luke (and jace tbh) being cruel just because they could. TB characters tend to do terrible things in response to either A. nothing B. their own terrible things. Daemon kills who he wants when he feels like it, even for stating facts. Rhaneyra will lie and hurt those around her to protect her bastard children. both of them conspire to protect themselves and allow themselves to be wed, really just cause. while there are times they have their reasons, its a lot less of the time, and typically the backing to their actions, is they were trying to unbury themselves from within their own graves. (to preface, I don't care about rhaenyra sleeping around, it doesn't bother me, but its the fact that she will hurt everyone around her to protect her lies, allowing a child to be maimed and people to be murdered)

thirdly, they're my vibe. I like morally complex character, who are, to be frank, pathetic. I like characters with complex trauma's and issues, who aren't perfect people but its not entirely their fault. I would much rather watch a whole show about alicent, a child bride who tries so hard to be a good wife, queen, and mother while not prepared for any such role. Aegon who is a boy with severe mommy and daddy issues, a drinking problem, a flawed past, and constantly wet eyes. Helaena an ignored girl who has suffered for no better reason then her family. and Aemond, a boy who was tormented, bullied, maimed, and made stronger by it at the cost of his compassion and emotional stability - over a nepo baby who was coddled by her father, her murderous husband with a knack for unneeded violence, and her similarly coddled children (the show boiled them down to this, in my opinion). one is simply more up my alley than the other. I want character that need to be dissected, who have suffered, who hurt me to look at.

also, team black created almost all of their own problems. seeing as the main source of contention had to do with Rhaenyra's kids being bastards, which was Rhaenyra's problem, which she caused, and kept digging and digging that grave (faking Laenors death just so she could marry daemon, turning the blame on aemond when luke maimed him furthering the divide amongst the house, trying to wed Helaena to Jace putting her in danger, trying to take the driftmark throne and killing Vaemond for a claim her sons did not have, etc,) till viserys's death, earns her a lot less pity from me. at the end of the day, her being a woman was only a needle in a haystack worth of problems she caused herself that hurt her claim. if she had just strived to create to connection with ancient and her kids, and didn't make herself look like a threat to everyone who lessened her claim (which alicents kids would be the first people to be taken out) alicent would have backed like she had all season and there would have been no war, maybe conflict, but no war.

theres also the effect of the fans on my opinion. I have faced more cruelty, terrible media analysis, and outright ableism/misogny/(blood and sexual based) purist ideology/etc. from the TB fans then I have ever witness by TG fans. TB fans have ruined almost all of the TB characters for me in more ways than I can count, so I will say I am very biased.

thats why I'm team green. as a whole they are simply more appealing, their stories are more interesting, demand more attention to detail and emotional understanding, and from my point of view were the "right" side to be on in the war (the war was wrong on both sides, but my chips lie in the favour of the greens).

#THESE ARE ALL MY OPINIONS IF YOU DONT LIKE IT IGNORE THIS POST. MY ACCOUNT. MY EXISTENCE AS A WHOLE. #BETTER YET. IF YOU REALLY DONT LIKE MY OPINION. BLOCK ME. #I dont want drama. so dont bother me if you disagree #and to clarify discourse and conversation (even if we disagree) =/= arguing. name calling. harassment #if you can be constructive and respectful even while disagreeing your fine to stay #(the fact I have to clarify this in this fandom is embarrassing...) #defintly could have gone more in depth and better explained some things #but I'm tired and know if I don't answer this now I won't ever cause I'm a chronic procrastinator #so this is the best y'all are getting #the pity I have for all of them compared to any of the TB fans is honest to god my entire reasoning #but so many people don't understand them at all so I can't just say that #and I say this as someone who on my first watch was swayed by the intentional moral framing to hate the Greens and support the Blacks #with my whole chest. but I've grown and reflected and rewatched the show and realized I was wrong. #so I've been on both sides of the argument #I know what I'm taking about #pro team green #pro alicent hightower #I'm damn near anti TB/Rhaenyra #but I say lukewarm feelings on them to be more accurate #alicent hightower #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targeryan #luke velaryon #jace velaryon #not tagging TB I like my life and sanity #they're so mean all the time and in the last week I've been harassed by them multiple times

[simcardiac-arrested]

once again sorry to everyone for bringing this to your dashboards. but some of you are like, genuinely delirious. not even in a funny way. & i hope you die. i hope we both die. hand in unlovable hand etc etc

#Just so fucking bizarre to me how people can be Like This. there has to be something so wrong with your brain on a fundamental level #i can’t even laugh about this or anything because i genuinely feel pity for these people. it’s so sad to me how you’re gonna be like 20 #and then go in a niche tumblr community and create drama over Nothing. over Thin Fucking Air #like do you not have a life? do you not have college? or a job? doesn’t it get tiring? don’t you ever feel ashamed about all this #and the fact that they go and complain about the shipping and the ‘fandombrained’ people as well…. oh my god #how are you going to be TWENTY. and DO THAT. are you seriously sick. ? do you need help #just say you are homophobic and that you hate kids and go. it’ll save everyone a bunch of time for sure #anyways. as someone who has been a rain world fan since 2018. i love you embracing canon. i love you changing canon. i love you disregarding #canon entirely. i love you ships that make sense in canon & that make absolutely zero sense at all. i love you fancharacters that don’t #follow canon rules. i love you ‘cringe’ fancharacters and self inserts. i love you self shipping. i love you oc x canon shipping. #and i love you taking inspiration from designs. i love you community & i love you artists & i love you art #i love you borrowing elements and being inspired and referencing something because you liked it. #are fandoms perfect? GOOD GOD no. is every Fan perfect? no. am i also sometimes annoyed or irrationally pissed off over a ship that #i think is stupid and is illogical. Yes! i’m only human! but i can still love and appreciate the whole CREATIVITY of it all. and the whole #Fun that people are having. i love you having fun. if i don’t like it or if anyone else doesn’t like it they can just Cope #instead of hateposting about it on main and indirectly bullying people who are most likely children. or lgbt. or both #anyways. please continue doing whatever you want. The world is your oyster and you only live on earth once #everyone else can fuck off

[arrowpunk]

I'm still so baffled by the time this one person messaged my wife to say something along the lines of "Okay but it's metagaming if my PC actually cares about your PCs wellbeing." (This is after being in a consistent campaign together for like 2 years) Because I had been trying so hard to get this person to understand why they majorly sucked to play DnD with because they wouldn't put in the effort to care about anyone else or their characters.

And it was just like... Way to prove my point SO hard it's not even funny.

It's been over a year now since that comment and nearly a year since we've spoken to that person so it is actually really funny now. Like looking back on how absolutely stupid that whole thing was.

#ramblings of an arrow #that entire stupid drama was me trying my hardest to politely explain to someone that she needed to care about other people #in the most basic terms possible #and then her screaming at me for hurting her feelings because I asked her to please try to be kind and give a damn about other people #and then she turned around and accused me of emotional abuse to a chunk of my friends #which was super shitty to deal with #everyone who has actually seen the whole of what we said to each other during that time took my side #because like.... dude I tried so hard to be as polite and nice about the whole thing up until the end #and she just kept going nuclear every time I would say something like “hey have you considered not treating me and my wife and my friends #like shit?“ #anyways the nice thing about 2024 is that she no longer exists in my life #and now I can kind of just laugh about how stupid that whole thing was

[bereft-of-frogs]

underrated thing I love that I do not think about, use, or appreciate often enough: when a character is doing the objectively right thing, an objectively good thing....but so vindictively. like with just the bitchiest attitude. like they're for sure being kind and right but with the bitchiest, snarky attitude. I love that.

#i feel like is especially good in star wars #especially with jedi characters #so it's like there's no ~drama~ about the dark side or whatever they're objectively doing good #but just very bitchily #i love it #anyways post inspired by current wip #i finally worked out the convoluted plot and it's counter-plot #and realized that it totally fits that cere's whole counter-plot -- while objectively good and focused on that primarily-- #is almost entirely based on systematically tearing apart a nasty comment the antagonist makes near the beginning #so she's just like yup saving everyone preventing great harm....while also being like (internally) '...bitch #'we'll see about that' #like I'm just picturing her coming up with this plan to save everyone while repeated that comment in her head in a mocking tone #it was kind of an accident she doesn't originally hear that comment #but as i was coming up with the most logical plan i realized what made the most sense and caused the fewest plot holes (hopefully) #was essentially directly countering everything in this nasty comment #so i moved it to a part of the sequence she was in the room for lol #and now she gets to plot while being like 'i HaVe AlL tHe PoWeR....get wrecked asshole'

[funeralgreys]

does anyone else still have really complex feelings about atl

#I need to preface this huge rant by saying I know I’m not the victim in this scenario #but this is my blog and I need to talk about my feelings Or Else #I built my whole personality around them #I don’t wear their merch outside the house ever. #I listened to them in formative times #whenever dear Maria comes up in conversation I need to tell everyone the entire story #I still open incognito tabs to listen to them #they’re inevitably on my wrapped every year even tho I set them to do not play p much monthly #they were like my parasocial besties when I had like no one #and felt so lonely #I hate them I hate them I hate them #I miss them #idk how to stop feeling like I’m obsessed with them #so I just get obsessed with their drama and try to snoop on lawsuit stuff #because even still I’m in denial like I don’t want to believe it #but I have no real reason not to I know I’m just being dumb #I don’t know how to carry on when they are such a huge part of my childhood and who I am #it’s been two years. and there is no closure #idk does anyone else still feel like this??? please #lol #< in pain #delete later // #shutuproxie

[sainamoonshine]

So I read something recently about how the urge to over explain and justify everything we do can be a result of our every actions — even the smallest and most unimportant ones — being critiqued or questioned as autistic children and, yeah!! Yeah actually that fully explains it!!!

Like. I will fully narrate my entire life in a way that annoys / bother people, and I can’t really stop. For example if I’m sitting on my couch and then get up and sit in another chair so that I’m closer to an end table where I can put down my cup, I’ll fully tell my boyfriend that’s what I’m doing and why. I don’t need to do that!!! It’s my house and I’m an adult!! But I tell him because, like. I guess sitting in the living room and then getting up to sit in another chair in the same living room is weird. In my experience it is remarqued upon.

It is questioned, even if the question is not meant maliciously and it’s like “where are you going?” Or a teasing “what, don’t want to sit next to me?” (Or, in childhood: “you have a cup in your hand you should have sat in the chair next to the table to begin with, don’t you ever pay attention/think things through” or “don’t be childish you can hold the cup in your hand just fine without spilling it”)

But what really makes it a trauma response is that I lie. I lie all the time!!! I am a habitual liar in my muttered narration that no one gives two shit about!!! Because sometimes my reasons for doing something are not rational, or can’t really be explained in a way that would make sense to or satisfy a neurotypical person. Like the texture of the couch, which I usually don’t mind, is just not something I want to deal with that day for some reason so I’m moving to another chair. But I don’t say that, because I have long and extensive training at passing for a neurotypical and they don’t change chairs for something like that. So I lie. I come up with a good excuse for changing chair (“oh let me sit closer to the table actually”) and I mutter it as if I were totally just talking to myself and not putting on a show.

And that’s exhausting tbh.

#actually autistic #just figuring stuff out over here don’t mind me #i dont feel one iota of bad feelings about being autistic just endless vindication but I HAVE struggled with shame over being a liar #my entire life #I just lie so easily and for the stupidest things but its easier because the truth isnt accepted #you tell the true they think youre lying you lie they think youre telling the truth lmao #and the ACTING omg the acting #you always have to match the words with an Appropriately Emotional facial expression and Appropriately Emotional tone #otherwise its a whole exhausting drama trying to explain that no actually I did mean that I had a good weekend #even if I had a brain fart and forgot to make my voice chipper as I said it

[naisaa]

okay i. didnt expect you are so not invited to my bat mitzvah to actually make me cry real tears. ???? the adam sandler teen comedy movie??? was good???? and genuinely funny??? and made me so emotional?????

idk maybe im surprised bc the last time i watched an adam sandler movie was in like 2012 and i never rly liked any of them. and with this one Some of the humor and over-the-topness was a toned down version of the same type of not rly my thing... but i liked and felt for the characters and the overall tone was so. charming?

i feel like if i was a teen i'd've haaated this movie bc of how it portrays teens. like i assumed the 'ha ha look at the silly slang and behaviors of Kids These Days amiright' would start to annoy me v quickly at the start of the movie... and i do think there were a FEW moments of it being like that. but overall i was so surprised that it just felt very loving, more like lighthearted teasing. i'm sure it'll grate on actual teens anyways (and fair enough) but as an adult the more remarkable thing was rly the palpable empathy.

'look i dont understand all of this and think a lot of it is silly or even worrying and i will make fun of it a little bit, but i can see you're struggling and i care and feel for you regardless.' like. im not even a parent but that was the vibe of the whole movie and it was. genuinely rly touching. and i did not EXPECT THAT

#you are so not invited to my bat mitzvah #i just. did not expect this movie to be what it is or for this type of story to make me FEEL THINGS #it looks like a movie id roll my eyes at bc of the schmaltzy teen drama romcom-ish tropes but?? #it just felt earnest and that made it work for me #the no spoilers big thing at the end... #listen i dont normally cry during movies and when i do its like a singular tear. So When I Tell You I Was Sobbing #also sarah shermans character and entire wardrobe was a delight. bless. #N ALSO. im not jewish but currently trying to learn more abt it so idk how to put this but. i just rly liked? the jewishness of it all? :D #the setting just being like everyone here is jewish just roll w it but we do have one (1) model minority token christian kid was so funny #the fight between stacy and her dad sdkjfhfkjgdf #THATS WHY WE FOUGHT THE NAZIS?1 SO YOU COULD HAVE A MOJITO BAR?!! #pls i was on the floor #but also the only religion im personally familiar with is christianity and im so like. intrigued by how different the approach feels to me #idk why but i never feel particularly comfortable hearing christians talk about god and religious concepts #and to my surprise i dont have that at all hearing jewish ppl talk abt it? #like to bring it back to this movie. there was obv a LOT of talking abt that but instead of alienating me it feels more like #oh wow i can listen and engage with those topics without clenching my whole body for once? #and even discover that i LIKE a lot of the concepts and approaches #maybe its the absence of personal baggage? but also i just think its neat dot meme im INTERESTED i wanna know more #much to think about much to learn u__u anyway go watch it its on netflix

[mrtheinsatiable]

Hell yeah automatic renewal on my library book

#I'm only half way through #turns out taking detailed notes takes a damn long time #especially when you're essentially transcribing the entire book into a bullet point format #girl i need this information and the book has to go back so I'm writing the whole damn thing down #plus it helps me actually absorb the information when i have to read every sentence 2-3 times and also write it myself #learning about the neuroscience of human communication 👍 #having actual mechanical knowledge of complicated concepts like my own consciousness makes it easier to troubleshoot and resolve issues #it's like “hey when you're experiencing this emotion here's what's happening and why and how you can slowly change that reaction” #i wasn't born with the intuitive understanding of emotional connection allistic people apparently have #but I've always been a powerhouse in the classroom #i have full confidence in my ability to absorb information and to learn to apply it appropriately in various situations #i have the pattern recognition to tell when someone's feeling a way with pretty good accuracy #Chinese dramas are really good for studying facial expressions and emotion because they do a lot of acting with their eyes #my main problem is not having the mirror neurons that simulate the emotions of other people in my own brain #so i have the information and i understand what it means #but i also can't help thinking it's odd to feel that way because only the data comes across and not the emotion itself #but if i get a detailed enough understanding of human behavior i think i can make up for that #and with enough applied effort over time i might be able to build those networks in my own brain on purpose #bc it's not like I'm fully missing them #when someone in a show or book is sad i do cry #but i think my defenses are up too high in person to let anything through #i have noticed increased understanding and something like empathy developing lately #still not feeling the feelings but i can recognize and accommodate them which is a lot better than i used to be

[shittywriterbrain]

apologies to everyone who has to interact with me today or tomorrow because i just CANNOT be normal about hamlet and i WILL be doing this inside my head

#i have very complex feelings about fangirling over hamlet because like #its the best known play ever i think. like. yeah #like if i said oh my god do you know what makes you beautiful by one direction its so good i cannot be normal about it #but on the other hand. why should i care i should just enjoy this and not imagine that someones judging me the entire time #like yeah i guess for people who are into theater as well its like “basic” but who cares if youre basic yk this whole striving to be specia #is tiring and useless #and also. i could not tell you why i love hamlet. do Not know. i guess bc its drama and gay and emo i think thats why #i have no great theories about it i could not write an essay on hamlets character #i have however made a powerpoint about why hamlet is gay #im just ranting in the tags now i realise #sorry #hope you didnt read through all that #anyway #another one for the void #caspian is obsessed with hamlet