#I have proof that he may or may not be sex repulsed I’m not joking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oldfritz · 3 years

Note

I'm genuinely curious and don't want to start something! Just wanted to ask what you make of the 'Old Fritz might've been asexual' take, I don't know much about him and I feel you're one of the best people to ask esp since you lean towards 'he was probably queer in some way' too

Hey there! So, first off, don’t ever worry about me interpreting you asking me a question as starting something. As much as I love making dumb jokes about the guy, I love nothing more than doing this kind of stuff and defending or explaining my points. There’s two degrees I want to get over the next decade: first my JD and then my MA in Prussian history. I live for this stuff! Always have! Second off, I’m very sorry for not getting to this sooner. Things have been incredibly stressful for me for a variety of different reasons which have made answering your question, until now, rather difficult. Putting this under a cut because, holy shit, it got long!

My personal reasoning for why I think he’s bi (which, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming is what you meant instead of ace and could be a different post entirely since some historians have tried to argue that) stems more to do with some of my lingering questions about the nature of his relationships with certain woman, rather than that of his relationships with men. To me and my modern, queer eye, Fritz’s relationships with men like Hans Hermann von Katte, Francisco Algarotti, Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, and (much to my personal vexation) one Monsieur Voltaire are either outright homosexual/homoerotic in nature or very, very easily lend themselves to that interpretation rather than strictly romantic friendships (which Wikipedia does a fairly good overview of and, if you’re coming to me from AmRev perspective, uses Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship as a familiar example). While I’m avoiding those relationships in this ask, I’d be more than happy to elaborate upon one/all of them in a different one.

Before I go into the big pauses that Fritz’s relationships with Madame von Wreech and Countess Orzelska give me, I want to deny the use of Fritz’s wife as an example of Fritz’s attraction to woman. While this, admittedly, may sound odd, we have ample evidence of how turned off and repulsed Fritz found Elisabeth Christine. Before he had even met her, Fritz was complaining about how she was ‘not very pretty, speaks but little, and acts like a blockhead’ (Asprey, 87) and, later, admitted to Grumbkow his plan to ‘keep my word,...get married, but afterwards it will be a case of that is that, and goodbye, Madame, and fare thee well’ (Jones, 52). For Christ’s sake, the man pitied her knowing how his treatment would leave her as ‘one more unhappy princess in the world’! Which is little consolation when you remember he also referred to her with such romantic terms as ‘this unpleasant creature,’ ‘the abominable object of my desires,’ ‘the person,’ and claimed to have preferred to marry ‘the biggest whore in Berlin’ (Asprey, 87). And while we (fortunately? unfortunately?) know quite a bit about their sex life, Fritz largely regarded it as just another duty - to quote him, ‘I will only have the duty to fuck’ (Ibid, 87). And while Seckendorf heard - first, presumably from Count von der Schulenburg and, later on, Count Friedrich von Wartensleben, a close and intimate friend of the then-crown prince - that Fritz would ‘fuck and refuck’ Elisabeth Christine and that said act occurred in the afternoon, it still was out of a sense of obligation (Bely, 481-2). When reminded that if he wanted more money for frivolities, he’d need to produce an heir, Fritz bemoaned that he ‘cannot sleep with my wife out of desire, and when I do sleep with her, I do it out of duty rather than inclination’ (Clark, 50). All this in accumulation, as well as the myriad of other quotes and incidents I’ve left out, makes one wonder why his relationship with Elisabeth Christine is sometimes used by historians to prove any sort of heterosexual impulse in the man when she’s the woman with the weakest supports for that argument.

That being said, now we get to the women with a more muddled places in his romantic escapades, if you will. What exactly happened between Orzelska and Fritz during his trip with his father to Dresden in 1728? The main source for everything that occurred during this trip is Wilhelmina, who didn’t attend and without anything about this specific incident coming from Fritz or Friedrich Wilhelm I, make it rather hard to use as concrete, irrefutable proof. Now, if her recollections were contemporaneous - like coming from a diary or journal she kept at the time - that would be one thing. But it comes from her memoirs which, while a delightful read 10/10 recommend, are written decades after this trip took place and, memory being a finicky thing, can’t be taken to the bank. All those disclaimers, here’s the story as told by her:

‘One evening...,the King of Poland [note: Augustus II] insensibly led the King of Prussia to a very richly decorated room...The King of Prussia, delighted with what he saw, stopped to contemplate all its beauties, when [all of] a sudden a tapestry was rolled up, which procured him a very novel sight. It was a lovely female in a state of nudity [note: Countess Orzelska, the Polish king’s daughter], carelessly reclined on a couch. Her beauty excelled that of the finest pictures of Venus and the Graces; her body seemed of ivory, whiter than snow, and better shaped than that of the Venus de Medicis at Florence.

...Scarcely had the King cast his eyes on the fair one, than he turned about with indignation; and seeing my brother behind him, he rudely pushed him out of the room, and left it immediately after in a violent irritation against the trickery they had attempted to practice on him. ...In spite of the King’s vigilance, [Frederick] had had time to contemplate the Venus of the closet, who did not cause him so much horror as she had done to his father. (Wilhelmina’s Memoirs, vol. 1, 107-6)

Wilhelmina then goes on to claim Fritz had fallen ‘passionately in love’ with Orzelska and that the illness Fritz experienced upon returning home was simply being lovesick. Pinning the accuracy of this story is incredibly difficult because, again, we have only one source relayed decades after the fact and from two volumes of memoirs known to have inaccuracies. While I, personally, would love if he had had a tryst with Orzelska (who is such a badass in her own right and deserves more recognition than as a footnote in this guy’s story), there’s no one way to say with more than 30% confidence. I am inclined to believe something along these lines happened because if someone told me a story like this, lord knows I wouldn’t forget it for the rest of my life. And, with Wilhelmina being so close with her brother, it lends a bit more credence but as to the actual emotional or physical response Fritz had to it, well, without my time machine, I can’t and don’t want to say.

With Madame Eleonore-Louise von Wreech, things are a little more concrete. For starters, Fritz actually talked about her! In written correspondence that survived! We even have seven letters between the two of them that survived, which is a bigger win! As Blanning says, they’re ‘ardent but light in tone, ironic, almost flippant, and highly stylized’ (Blanning, 58). Their relationship was known to those close with Fritz at the time that Schulenberg felt compelled to visit and warn the crown prince against devoting himself to women because ‘the slight pleasures gained cause a million displeasures.’ Fritz’s response? To tell the poor guy that he may have ‘the gift of continence, but I assure you that I do not’ (Asprey, 83-4). Firtz even went so far as to send a letter to her mother, waxing poetic about Louise’s ‘beauty, her majestic air, her bearing, and her entire department.’ It’s worth noting that Louise eventually broke off the affair due to being bored by how he ‘loved [her] too much and often annoyed [her] with his clumsy love’ (Ibid, 84). Contemporaries, including Friedrich Wilhelm, believed Fritz had impregnated her with a daughter who her ‘cuckolded husband would refuse to recognize’ (Blanning, 58). Blanning is the only source I’ve seen dispute this due to this news coming from Seckendorf, who didn’t reveal how he came about this information; that Fritz and Madame von Wreech’s correspondence doesn’t indicate a physical relationship; and on the fact that she was not pregnant. I haven’t been able to find the birth dates or any sort of records for Louise’s two daughters to figure out where their conception could’ve been in the timeline and if it matches with the likely dates for the affair, but I also don’t have the resources Cambridge would afford Blanning. Either way, while the physical nature of the affair is in dispute, the emotional aspect certainly was there. Especially when taking into consideration the fact that she’s the woman Fritz was likely referring to in the 16 August 1737 letter to Voltaire where he claimed she had taught him how to love (and also inspired him to write poetry, which we shouldn’t be thankful for). Specifically, all these years later, he stated how ‘this little miracle of nature possessed every possible charm, together with good taste and delicacy. She sought to transfer these qualities to me. I succeeded well in love but poorly in poetry. Since that time I have very often been in love and have always been a poet’ (Fritz’s Oeuvres, vol. 21, 96).

All this to say, there’s a bit too much evidence of some degree of opposite-gender attraction in Fritz to completely write off the possibility that he could’ve been bisexual. While it’s undeniable he held a preference for men and that’s whose company he typically enjoyed, I still do find it interesting the two exceptions (one potential and the other with a fair degree of certainty) to this. And, while I would never want his attraction to men be minimized in favor of that to women, it still remains important to note to get the most comprehensive picture of the man.

#frederick the great #elisabeth christine #countess orzelska #madame von wreech #asks #anonymous

24 notes · View notes

the-e4b · 7 years

Photo

This post... it’s just one massive damage control and jeez louise...

Okay. So first of all, context: Peet still can’t get off her high horse and lay off of that one person she said she wouldn’t talk about anymore. Just like Josh and Ink Rose. But those come up every time out of nowhere, go figure how much she’s “over” them. Now to analyze this:

“None of them are credible. It’s all done through heresay. He has no proof for any of his claims, just as he never does.”

FNGR provided much more screenshot evidence and proof in his video then Peet did in hers. When Peet was talking about how FNGR did things wrong, she provided only stupid pictures of a “trolling punk guy” (if it’s someone popular forgive me). Also, it’s not hearsay if the proof is to be found on a site that is MADE to archive evidence of stupid people. Kiwifarms may be hateful but you can’t say they don’t do their research. All the stuff they find is legit and archived.

“I did a 23 minute video detailing the root causes of his behavior (and the behavior of similar people) and the sheer level of toxicity he engages in, and his response was to attempt to discredit me NOT by refuting everything in the video, but by bringing in one of the two people who sexually abused me (for clarification: Brittany Johnson exploited my insecurity about my sexuality and gender identity for easy cyber sex after being dumped by her girlfriend) to spread rumors about me.”

How much do you wanna bet that Peet didn’t go through the 2 hours of video, just like with the Josh response video? Peet never watched Josh’s video and then told people that Josh was being hateful and all. We all know that that isn’t true. So when Peet says that, I don’t believe it. FNGR analyzed the whole of Bug Spray and did mostly refute stuff. Not in details but in big lines. And yeah, if you’re going around discrediting people then you can expect the same. Helps too if you have people from the inside which Peet doesn’t have.

Which brings us to the BIGGEST and most DISGUSTING damage control Peet pulled in this post. Not only is she completely reversing the roles of Brittany and her, she’s ACTUALLY basically saying that Brittany cyberraped her. It’s... ugh... truly repulsing. I have had friends who backstabbed me but I wouldn’t say they’ve raped me. Which could get my ex-friends in serious trouble if found out. But hey, not a big surprise from someone who wants to bash her own mother’s skull in and do the same to others’ parents.

“Oh sure, his sycophants will claim “He admits his flaws, so he’s better than you.” But that actually works the other way: No matter how bad you think I am, he’s worse. Because he knows what he’s doing is dishonest, spiteful, and evil, and he’s doing it anyway. Admitting your flaws and NOT correcting them makes you the very worst. Aguilar thinks admitting his flaws is a get out of jail free card.”

Weird how I think someone linked a previous post of this blog to Peet cuz that quote sounds familiar. Sycophant seems to be her word of the day, isn’t it. But I’m not looking to get into FNGR’s good spot. I just want to get the truth out and I’m not blind to what FNGR does either. His bashing and his drama videos aren’t good but maybe they’re just that? Bad drama videos to entertain? That’s how I see them. And the BIG difference between FNGR and you, Peet, is that he’s doing it for laughs. You? You do everything you do as serious as Sirius can get. Nothing you do is just made for laughs, every GOW you do is made to be an attack to someone. FNGR just likes to make stupid shit jokes.

You say that FNGR hasn’t corrected his mistakes but I don’t see other analysts dropping him like a brick. They just don’t care. And in several of his videos I have atleast heard one apology directed to someone. NEVER has Peet EVER did an apology to anyone in her videos or otherwise social media. Cuz she thinks she does no wrong.

“The number of times he responds to criticism with some form of “Look in the mirror?” or “Hypocrite much?” is staggering.”

Funnily enough, I was going through those whole 2 hours of content (on speed watch mind ya) and not ONCE did I hear him say the “hypocrite” thing or “self-awareness is not your strong suit”. Which I was thinking all the time when I watched Bug Spray. But FNGR didn’t do that. Cuz he knew that the things said in the video were true but put way out of proportion. He just corrected ya a smidge.

“ The most Aguilar can actually do is annoy me.”

Then why make a page long post about him, do immense heaps of damage control regarding Brittany and keep bringing him up? For a person that just annoys you, you’re putting a lot of attention to him. And you can say “oh but people keep asking me about him.” Yeah, Peet... it’s not like you have an immense control over what questions you like to answer.

There. I could’ve analyzed more in that post but those were the main “hate” points I had and wanted to discuss. Now, another mod said that no one of us respects FNGR but that’s not entirely true. I know that FNGR can be a drama seeking troll but I respect him way more than a pedophilic abusive attention seeking whore.

- Space Mare

#Lily Peet #Jerry Peet #Space mare post

8 notes · View notes

cummunication · 6 years

Text

Unrequited Love

Believe it or not I have been rejected consistently throughout the years. I say believe it or not, not because I think I’m hot shit but because when I say this, people assume I’m fishing for compliments or being modest. & although I do consider myself a humble person, you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been turned down. This doesn’t only pertain to men, but in general. Rejection is a normal, expected part of life. Yet when it becomes a constant, it serves more as a bully in your ear instead of something to build character. I remember once I was in Hollister with an old best friend when the cashier began telling her how beautiful she was and asked if she’d be interested in a position. In the meantime, I was right there secretly furious because I would never measure up . Guys would come up to me and tell me to give my friend their phone number or they’d approach and remind me how pretty she was. People used to say we looked alike but I was like the less hot twin. This happens a lot too with my sister. There’s been too many times to remember when I’ve been out with her and girls come up and say how talented she is, or how stylish she dresses. I know I shouldn’t be complaining when I go out looking like I’ve never seen a hairbrush but it only adds to my already existing feelings of inadequacy. I’ve even been rejected from a treatment center, being told I was not thin enough to receive help for my eating disorder. Therapists have turned me away saying they cannot help me, I am too complex. I am not blind to the fact that rejection is not solely my problem, and we all deal with it from time to time. I have been guided in the direction of appreciating rejection more than loathing it, which used to be the case. My worst fear was without a doubt, rejection. It is often said that to overcome your fears, you must face them, head on. Rejection isn’t always pleasant but can be a great teacher, and in 23 years, has assisted me along my path. We all have initial childhood wounds which are our primary scars that have the ability to block us. We may be consciously or unconsciously aware of these traumas [also known as Big T or Little T trauma] and if we do not acknowledge them, they can subconsciously run our lives by influencing our behavior in a counter-intuitive way. The first time I ever felt rejected was when I found out I was adopted (this is a different topic and I’m going to address it in the near future) In therapy, I am told time and time again this has a lot to do with my abandonment issues and avoidant attachment style. I remember at a young age feeling discarded and unloved by my parents. Not knowing anything about motherhood or parenting as a kid, I assumed I had to be inherently damaged to be given away. It got worse as the years went along. I outwardly projected my feelings of unworthiness and didn’t expect others to reciprocate love. The self-defeating prophecy became my new best friend. It wasn’t really until college when I began to learn through sex education, that I noticed guys I took interest in liked me back more often than not, or at least were willing to give me a chance. There was never anything wrong with me, just like there is nothing wrong with you. When I was younger, I struggled with severe social anxiety. I was shy and awkward and assumed people didn’t talk to me because they were repulsed. In actuality, now I know if you initiate conversation and act friendly, people will most likely be warm in return. I really want you to develop an inner peace and sense of self before you go looking to others to make you happy since this my friend, will only end in disaster. If I can recall, in October I was ignored by a guy I was lusting after and surprisingly, I laughed and cared a lot less than I imagined. I was so grateful I didn’t take it personally and re framed it to be “his loss” instead of mine. I love myself, and I’m my own biggest fan. So if he’s not interested, he has bad taste and it’s a turn off anyway [sort of kidding]. We can’t control how people respond to us but we get to decide how we react. When circumstances don’t go our way, our automatic thoughts can either help or hurt us. I learned my ANTS; automatic negative thoughts, got me nowhere in the past. They would send me spiraling backwards and blame everything on myself. Don’t get me wrong, anytime our admiration is not returned, it’s painful because it makes us feel defensive & unwanted. I am a firm believer that somethings aren’t meant to be and certain events or relationships, jobs, whatever, don’t work out for a reason. If we work with this framework, remember it’s in your best interest. At the time, this can be hard to grasp and you may not see it, but God could be saving you from who knows what. This person may not be in your path or the school you were hoping to get into might not have served you; you have to believe in things you can’t see. I mean, we can’t really expect every single person we go for to be our perfect match right? That’s delusional and narcissistic to think we are the best for everybody. Numerous males have swerved me along the way; ranging from ghosting, to calling me a bovine (this means cow) to asking me out as a joke, and at times I think to myself “damn girl, you really need to re-evaluate your taste.” This is probably true, however since I was young and foolish; I had no business wanting these guys. I didn’t even know them… it was more infatuation. People could say everything happens for a reason, or whatever they so choose. I guess we’ll never really know. But rejection can be fun and exciting because it means you are taking chances and not letting fear hold you back. Think of the worst case scenario and the best. Does the good outweigh the bad? They say the biggest risks hold the biggest rewards (don’t know who did, but it’s a quote). We live once, and if a stranger turns you down, at least you know instead of wondering month after month what could’ve been. Since you’re reading this, I assume you’re fucking assume so don’t mind them, they missed out. We never know until we try, and Jia Jiang, author of “Rejection Proof” proves to us that exposure to rejection, may actually be beneficial if we make it a sort of experiment like he did www.rejectiontherapy.com Trust me, you will not die if you are rejected. I don’t know if I believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but in the case of rejection, I am proof it in fact, does.

#rejection #rejected #reject #fear #fears #blog #blogger #blogpost #datingadvice #datingcolumn #forum #thoughts #jiajiang #rejectionproof

0 notes

fadingfartconnoisseur · 7 years

Text

How Men Can Fight Toxic Masculinity and Rape Culture

If you’ve been following social media, chances are you’ve seen many of your friends posting #MeToo in recent days. Women have been posting this phrase to signal that they, too, have been a victim of sexual harassment and assault at some point in their lives.

It’s so well-intentioned, but it makes me angry at the same time. Why must we publicly share our own personal trauma in order to get men to notice how widespread this is? Rape culture and toxic masculinity are forces that affect all of us, even the most privileged women.

Many of my male friends have been shocked at the revelations of the past few days and have been asking what they can do to be an ally. Here’s what I’ve got:

We can’t win this battle without men’s support.

Just as white supremacy cannot be dismantled without the help of white people, and LGBT equality cannot be achieved without the help of straight cis people, we need men’s help in achieving gender equality.

That doesn’t mean you should take over the movement and be front and center — it means you should be a beacon of support, helping women however you can. Use your male privilege to call out behavior in a way that will draw much more notice than if a woman did the same thing. Bring women the resources they need to take this fight further.

Stop saying that you’re shocked.

We get it — you had no idea that so many of your female friends experienced sexual harassment and assault.

I assume that you feel shocked because you consider yourself a good guy. You want to express your solidarity. But to us, your female friends, you’re shocked because you haven’t been paying attention. This is part of our lives. Women live this every minute of every day. You see it in front of you, from misogynistic jokes to street harassment to women being overlooked at work. It’s too late to be surprised about it.

Hell, a guy was caught on tape bragging about sexually assaulting women and he was elected President of the United States! How much more proof do you need?!

And along the same lines, strike, “As a father of daughters” or “as someone with sisters” from your vocabulary. You should be repulsed that women are being treated this way because women are human beings — not because you happen to be related to one.

Believe women.

When a woman tells you she was sexually harassed or assaulted, listen to her tell you what happened — and believe her.

Don’t think that she made a mistake wearing that short skirt — believe her.

Don’t think that she shouldn’t have gotten that drunk that night — believe her.

Don’t think that only an idiot wouldn’t have stopped the guy — believe her.

Don’t think she said this because she wants to ruin the guy’s career — believe her.

Believe her. Please, just believe her.

Be there for the women in your life.

If a woman brings an issue to you, listen to her. Don’t try to solve her problem while she’s talking. Just start by listening.

After you’ve listened, ask what you can do to help. Maybe she’ll want you to take action. Maybe she’ll want you to back her up at work, or to run interference with a sexist relative during family gatherings. Maybe she’ll want you to walk her home at the end of the night. Maybe she’ll want you to speak up about an important upcoming election.

The important thing to do is listen to her and ask what you can do. Don’t try to be Superman.

Know that sexual abuse takes many different forms and varies widely.

There’s a stereotype that rape is a man jumping out of the bushes and attacking a woman they don’t know. That is extremely rare.

Most sexual assaults are by people the victim knows. More typical? Say, waking up naked and sore next to that guy you were talking to after being blackout drunk the night before. Going out with a guy and telling him over and over that you don’t want to do anything that night, but he doesn’t stop, and it’s late, and you’ll probably have to stay over his place anyway, and you reluctantly agree even though it’s the last thing you want to do.

And that’s on top of having your ass being groped by a stranger on a subway, having graphic phrases yelled at you while you walk down the street, or having a boss “accidentally” rub himself against you a few drinks in at the office Christmas party.

And rapists? They’re not all cartoon-like monsters like Harvey Weinstein and Donald Trump. They look normal on the outside and they feel like they’re normal on the inside. They’re a lot like you’re friends. They’re a lot like you.

Stop bringing up false equivalences.

“Men can be sexually abused, too!” Technically true, yes. But with women the level of constant abuse is on another level.

“Women can be sexist against men, too!” No. They can be prejudiced. Sexism is a system of power and the power is very much in the hands of men.

“Well, I wasn’t accepted to that college but this girl who had a lower GPA than me did!” Do not even. Do not even. Maybe that college read your essay and thought you came off like a jerk.

Also, let me know when American men are having laws passed telling them what they can do with their bodies.

Hire, lift up, and mentor women — and women of color — at work.

Women already have an uphill battle in the workplace. Not being taken seriously, being passed over for a lesser-qualified male applicants, constantly being talked over, being disliked more if they’re more successful. It’s even more difficult for women of color.

For that reason, make an effort to hire women. Not to hire in a more gender-blind manner — to hire women, specifically.

It goes beyond hiring, though. Choose women for positions of authority. Choose them to head up major projects. Choose them to represent the company publicly. Promote them from within.

If you run a conference, make a bigger effort to select women to be speakers. Choose them for big roles, like giving the keynote or spearheading a discussion on a subject like tech or photography that is dominated by men.

The systems aren’t always in place — so create them. One example of this is how Transparent director Jill Solloway wanted to hire trans writers but had trouble finding them, so she created a training program and hired directly from there.

There are lots of changes I’d like to see in the travel blogging industry. While the industry is heavily dominated by women, you wouldn’t know it by looking at conference speaking schedules, round-ups of top bloggers, or features on travel bloggers in traditional media.

I’d like to see women speak more often at conferences, particularly as keynotes on subjects like photography. I’d like to see more brands intentionally seek out diverse brand ambassadors so we don’t have a cringeworthy situation like when Allianz showed up at the New York Times Travel Show last year with only straight white male travel bloggers representing them, when straight white males constitute a tiny minority of travel bloggers. I’d like to see female travel bloggers more often quoted in traditional media as an individual — not jointly with their husband.

And for me? I’d like to be mentioned more often as a top travel blogger without the omnipresent qualifier “but for women.” You don’t see other top travel bloggers constantly qualified with “but for adventure” or “but for families” or “but for budget travel.” Why does “but for women” always get mentioned?

Help your female partners feel sexually safe with you.

You might think, “This doesn’t apply to me — I’m not a rapist.” That may be the case, but it’s possible that you’ve made a female partner uncomfortable at some point. Whether you’ve been with your partner a decade or you’re finding a new one, it’s always good to have a discussion.

Women often tend to agree to sex even when they’re not enthusiastic about it, feeling like they don’t want to make waves or they don’t want to disappoint their partner. This is why it’s important that the male partner take initiative and let the female partner know that she has just as much control and agency as he does.

Here are some good phrases that I recommend:

“Just because I came over, it doesn’t mean we need to have sex today. I’m happy just to spend time with you.”

“If you don’t feel like being sexual with me at any time, I won’t make you feel bad or guilty about it.”

“Your comfort level is my comfort level.”

It sounds basic, but trust me — those words will be so appreciated and will help you build a stronger relationship with your partner. And while you’re at it, ban the phrase “blue balls” from your vocabulary.

Take responsibility for birth control on your end.

Yeah, you might hate how condoms feel, but that’s not an excuse. If your female partner is happy to take birth control, that’s great — but not all women want to take birth control.

Did you know that birth control can cause weight gain, mood swings, and in some cases, can completely zap a woman’s sex drive? Not to mention that some women just don’t want to put hormones into their body.

And if you want to go nonhormonal with the copper IUD, did you know that it makes some women bleed nonstop? And did you know that IUDs can expel from the woman’s uterus and get stuck in her cervix? That’s uncomfortable enough if you’re at home and can get to a doctor, but what if it happens when you’re traveling through Guatemala or Laos or Malawi?

You should be an equal partner in birth control. If your female partner doesn’t want to deal with the side effects of birth control, it’s up to you to wear condoms without complaint.

Truth — condoms alone are not as effective as condoms combined with birth control, but when condoms are used correctly they are 98% effective.

Take a look at your media consumption and observe who you recommend to others.

This is a big one in the travel blogging community. I can’t tell you how often I see men writing posts recommending their favorite travel books or travel photographers and surprise! It’s a list of all men! Or maybe twelve men and two women. Usually all white.

“But I shouldn’t have to choose my favorite photographers based on their gender or skin color! Are you going to tell me I need to have favorite Muslim and trans photographers, too?”

Ugh. That’s not what I’m talking about.

Take a look at the content you consume. Before you hit publish or send on that list of recommended artists that happen to be all or mostly men, take a look at the list and think about who you’re recommending. Think about who’s missing.

Then ask yourself. “Why is it that all my favorite travel photographers are men? Is it that there aren’t any women travel photographers? No. Is it that most women travel photographers are Instagram models posing in front of pretty landscapes? No, that’s not true either. Is it that it’s harder to find them? Maybe it is because photography has traditionally been seen as a male pursuit. What I’ve been doing so far has not led me to follow enough women, so I need to make more of an effort to seek out women photographers specifically.”

And then you take action. Maybe you look up a female travel photographer on Instagram and go through the list of people she follows. Maybe you find several women photographers whose photos you enjoy and you follow them. You get to know their work over time, you communicate with them, and when it’s time to promote your favorite photographers, you have a list that is no longer just men.

Maybe you post on Facebook saying, “Hey, I just realized that I haven’t read many travel books written by women. I’d like to change that. I’d love to hear your recommendations!” Or maybe you reach out to an avid reader you know and ask her privately. You read the books; you become a fan; you recommend these new female authors to your friends.

The last few years I’ve been making more of an effort to read books by authors of color. Why? Because if I hadn’t made the effort, I would have read mostly books by white authors. The publishing business, like most businesses, overlooks people of color. I’ve read 21 books by authors of color so far this year and that’s 21 different perspectives I never would have seen otherwise.

Vote wisely.

This is particularly important for Americans. There are constantly measures on the table that undermine women’s reproductive rights. Republicans in particular are fighting for the right of companies to deny their female employees birth control.

Fight for reproductive rights, universal healthcare, and paid maternity leave.

Additionally, I encourage you to support Planned Parenthood. They provide everything from birth control to STI testing and treatment, HIV services, hormone therapy for trans patients, prenatal care, and yes, abortion services and referrals.

For some women, Planned Parenthood is the only reliable healthcare they can get. Providing women with effective healthcare is one of the greatest ways to mobilize toward economic equality.

Don’t financially support the work of predators.

Stop going to see Roman Polanski movies, remove R. Kelly from your Spotify account, and don’t stream anything by Woody Allen. And for God’s sake, don’t do anything to financially support the career of Donald Trump.

This is particularly hard and may take you some time. I cut Chris Brown’s music out of my life the day after he assaulted Rihanna, but it took me a much longer time to stop listening to R. Kelly. Make the effort. You’ll get there. And definitely don’t buy any concert tickets in the meantime.

Raise your sons to respect women.

This topic could be a lengthy post on its own; as someone who isn’t a parent, it’s not my subject of expertise. But there are things that all parents should be doing:

Teach your kids bodily autonomy. If they say, “Stop!” when you’re showering them with kisses, don’t make it a game. Just stop. Teach them that they are the boss of their own body and everyone else is the boss of theirs. And yeah, that means that if they’re not in the mood to hug Grandma, they don’t have to hug Grandma. Most importantly, teach them that no means no.

Let boys express their emotions. Boys have always been encouraged to hide their emotions, told that being stoic is the only way to “be a man.” Let them cry. Let them play.

Don’t segregate boys and girls. Have them play together from a young age; don’t differentiate between activities for boys and activities for girls. Let your boys play with dinosaurs and dolls, let them play superheroes and dress up in tutus. It’s all kids’ stuff.

Encourage your kids to stand up for others. It’s not okay to make someone feel bad. If someone is being bullied or teased, your role is to call it out and let the person know that it’s not okay. Do role-playing scenarios with your kids so they’ll know what to do.

It will be uncomfortable. You will not always feel like a hero.

I bet you have images dancing in your mind — you, telling off a brutally sexist coworker with wit and aplomb in the board room, humiliating him as everyone gives you high fives. You, on the street in a city, telling a street harasser to shut the hell up and ask the woman if she’s okay.

It’s not going to be like that.

Your coworkers might roll their eyes at you. You might be laughed at. You might be threatened. And there will come a time when the offender is your best friend, or your boss, or someone important in your career field. Harvey Weinstein was protected for decades because he was so powerful. Stop it from happening in your industry.

Will you put yourself at risk? You very well may. But social change is uncomfortable. If it were easy, we would all be doing it already.

What are you going to do to fight toxic masculinity and rape culture?

The post How Men Can Fight Toxic Masculinity and Rape Culture appeared first on Adventurous Kate.

via Travel Blogs http://ift.tt/2zgHI3D

#IFTTT #Travel Blogs

0 notes