#I haven't had time to write more than like 200 words a day recently I'm sorry... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetvoid-colorpower-wisp · 2 years

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A Bit of Transparency

I'm sure y'all have noticed that this blog hasn't been very active in the past month or so. I wanted to come forward and provide a bit of insight to what's been happening behind the scenes, while also discussing where we'll go from here.

TLDR; I've been unmotivated to provide new content to share recently for a variety of reasons, and I've run out of items from my backlog to share. This backlog includes the Origins fic, which I have to put on hiatus for now. I don't know when I'll begin uploading at a more consistent schedule. Until then, I'm opening up a Discord server to have a more casual and direct way of chatting with y'all and bringing you a larger variety of content.

Why Hasn't the Blog been Very Active Recently?

Well... it's complicated. This blog was never really built on the strongest foundations, even if it seemed to be before I went on a soft hiatus.

I came up with the idea behind this AU and made this blog on a whim in the midst of a semi-manic episode. For a few weeks I had an unhealthily strong creative drive and pumped out at least two sketch pages a day, while also working on larger illustrations for this blog and other projects. I also wrote around 200 pages of various fanfic in that time too.

In short, I had no plan and was creating at an unsustainable pace. As I worked, I did eventually come up with a plan for this blog, but ended up burning out before I could begin to actually progress towards the end goal I set.

This burnout wasn't helped by the current state of affairs with this blog. It grew much more rapidly than I was expecting early on, and the fairly high amount of engagement I was getting ended up weaving with my enthusiasm for creating this art. For a while, with both of those incentives in place, I had no problem cranking out content to share. However, more recently... both of those incentives have waned.

Now, I want to be clear: I'm not trying to complain about the number of notes my more recent posts have been getting, and I'm not going to whine about people engaging with my inbox less- I'm just trying to say that the relatively low engagement recently is one of the several factors that has led to me neglecting this blog.

The last nail in the coffin for my creative drive, though, has been my mental health recently. Please don't worry about me, I have all the resources I need, but as of late I've had very poor mental and emotional stamina, and it's made content creation a lot more challenging for me. I haven't been making nearly as presentable artwork, and I've been struggling to find the bandwidth to write. So... and god, I hate to say it, but...

The Origins Fic is Going on a Hiatus

I never wanted to have to do this. It was my goal to always have a few chapters ready to post ahead of time just in case I fell into a rut like I did, but I've run out of the backlog I had built up and just don't have anything else to post for now. I've been trying to work on the next few chapters, believe me, but it's been hard while I deal with my mental health issues.

The Origins fic is currently at a bit of a transition point. We're entering the rising action, and I've been struggling enough to structure its foundation- never mind drafting the next chapter. I don't know how long it'll take me to work out the plot structure and get back into the swing of drafting and editing, and so... I don't know how long the fic will be on hiatus. I don't want to call it "indefinite", but it's the only fitting word.

For now, the Origins fic is on an indefinite hiatus.

And it's not the only thing I've been struggling with.

I'm not Content with the State of this AU

There are a number of things I am no longer happy with when it comes to this AU. I don't want to pull out the exhaustive list here, but one of the reasons I've struggled with posting is that I'm not sure how much I want to change, how people would take retcons and redesigns, and so on.

And it's not just the characters, lore, locations, and such that I'm not content with... it's the medium in which I've been sharing them that's been grating on me recently. The format of a Tumblr blog has left some things to be desired for me. For one, I feel the need to talk in this semi-professional tone, and keep myself at an arms length from y'all to moderate this space. It's tiring for me. I'm a very stream-of-consciousness, casual person, and I love chatting with people on an equal playing field. I also like attention, and sharing WIP's, and basically- I've been pining for a way to shoot the shit with all of you in a different medium than this blog. I think I know the best way to do this.

An Official Voidhog Discord Server

Now, let's make this clear: I'm not deleting or abandoning this blog. I just want a different, more casual way to chat about this AU and share my work. I kind of hope that by opening up this channel of communication, I'll rekindle my interest in working on this AU again.

Why? Because I work best when I can interact with my audience directly. I actually prefer Discord over Tumblr as an art sharing medium in general. Here's the kind of content I can offer a lot more frictionlessly there that I haven't been offering here:

Art Livestreams

Art and Writing WIPs

Casual Q&A (with me and the characters)

Content that Tumblr won't Allow

If any or all of these things interest you, stay tuned. I'll be creating the server today and providing a link to it in another post.

If you've read this far; thank you, and I'm sorry. This blog is in an unideal state, but I hope that changing up how I do things a little and providing stuff through a different medium will revive my creative energy and interest in this AU.

#the wisp speaks #i would appreciate if y'all at least skim the full post #i hope it clears up any questions or concerns anyone has about me or this blog #another post will be up soon with more info about the discord

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lewistanfanpage · 2 years

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Birthday Surprise

Lewis Tan × Reader

Story Summary: You have not seen your husband, Lewis, in 2 months due to him filming for his new show. When Lewis told you that he has an interview to do for his past films, you got an idea that you know that the both of you will love.

Warnings: smut (not too graphic, just enough), fluff, cursing

Word count, unknown

*let me know if you want to be tagged in my future writing!*

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You and Lewis have been together for six years, married for four. He is your entire world and you are his. You two met when you accidentally bumped into him in a local coffee shop here in London, spilling your coffee all over him. You recognized him from one of his movies and were so embarrassed. Lewis was not upset in the slightest. In fact, he was the first one to apologize! He paid for his new coffee and you did the same for him, even though he insisted on you not doing so, you had too. It was the least you could do after ruining the white shirt of your favorite actor.

Lewis "So you know of me huh?"

"Uh yeah," you say as you keep trying to clean him up, "I've seen Mortal Kombat, it's one of my favorites!" He grabs your hand to try to get you to stop wiping off his shirt, making your breathing hitch.

Lewis "You don't need to do that.."

"Y/n..my name is Y/n."

Lewis "Well Y/n, you do not need to do that. I promise you that i am not upset. This shirt is old anyways, look-" he shows you a huge, old stain on the side of it. Easing your mind quite a bit. "So please, do not worry."

"Okay, that does make me feel better, I'm not going to lie!" He laughs and it was music to your ears. Once you laugh, he haults. "What?"

Lewis "Oh nothing-nothing! It's just, you have the most beautiful smile that i have ever seen.."

"Than-thank you. So do you Lewis."

Lewis "So," he says as he takes a drink of the new coffee you paid for, "tell me about yourself Y/n." And you two haven't been apart since that first day in the coffee shop. You remember that day like it was yesterday. You and Lewis talked for hours, both of you not having a care in the world about the stains on your clothes. All that mattered to him was you and all that matter to you was him.

Lewis "where have you been all my life?" He asked you before dropping you back home after spending the whole day with you.

"I can say the same thing Lewis." He held your hand tight before letting you go and you felt so empty without him by your side. That was when you knew that he was your person. And you were right, he is your person.

Flash forward to recently, Lewis hasn't been home in two months. It hasn't been the longest time that you two have been apart. The longest was four months and that was absolutely brutal for the both of you. He was filming and you had to visit your family back in the states. But with that being said, any time away from your husband is hard on you. He is your strength, your rock, your love, your bestfriend. But Lewis calls you every chance that he gets, texts you, and FaceTimes you, but that is not the same as feeling his warmth. You always tell everyone new that your husband is a gentle giant because he is. He is 6 foot 2, around 200 pounds of pure muscle and yet he is so gentle with every single person in his life. He is the definition of perfection in not only your opinion but his enire fanbases opinion. You remember it took the people a good while to get used to you being in the picture because you were the new girl. The new face to an already established actor and martial artist. Lewis would have to tell you to not make it personal because you both know that your love is real. All of these thoughts makes you miss him more. And in seconds, he calls you. It is as if he can feel when you are thinking about him.

Lewis "I wish that you were here with me baby, you would love it here." He said on the phone as he pans the camera to show you beautiful Budapest.

"I wish i was there too. The days just go by so slow."

Lewis "I know baby, i will be home before you know it."

"Mm."

Lewis "Hey," you hear his voice slow down, lower in sound, and calm. "I will be. Only a few more weeks and I'll be home for awhile, okay?"

"Yeah."

Lewis "When i get home, you are my only priority. No work, no emails, no training, just you."

"Mm, sounds like heaven."

Lewis "Doesn't it?"

"I miss you Lew." He could see your eyes start to glitter from the tears forming in your brown eyes.

Lewis "I miss you more baby. More than you could ever know. But hey, i have to go. They are giving me my third warning to get back to set or they'll kill me off." You both laugh and it warms your heart. You truly married your bestfriend.

"Okay, go kill it out there babe. I love you."

Lewis "I always do, i love you more Y/n. Bye baby." You say goodbye and hang up. Little did Lewis know is that you have a huge secret that he does not know about! And once he knows, he will be the happiest man in the world.

...

A week earlier..

Lewis told you that the last thing that he has to do before coming home to you was to go on an interview for his past work in martial arts and his work as an actor. And that gave you a brilliant idea. You emailed the journalist who will be doing the interview and to your relief, the man emailed you back with great news.

Hello, my name is Y/Tan. My husband Lewis informed me that you will be doing an interview with him about all of his achievements. He is so thrilled about this opportunity with you! I am reaching out to you because i have not seen my husband in months and it is his birthday on the day of your interview. I was wondering if it would be possible to surprise him during the interview! Let me know your thoughts, have a wonderful rest of your day!

Y/N/Tan.

Once he got back to you, your nerves skyrocketed. You have never had to keep a secret from Lewis in all the years you've known him. Would you be able to pull it off? You sure as hell hope so!

____________________________________

Today is the day when you arrived in Budapest to surprise Lewis for his birthday. The call this morning was so hard for you to not blurt out the huge surprise but you managed pretty well. And much to your relief, he couldn't even tell that you were not home. You do not know why you are so nervous. Perhaps it was the fact that you will be on camera, or the fact that Lewis hasn't seen you in quite some time.

"Okay, let's do this." You say to yourself as you fix yourself in the mirror, doing the last final touches on your makeup and hair. The journalist went to the extreme of getting you a driver to the building of the interview, which was so kind of him. As you got into the car, Lewis called. Oh shit..

"Hey baby!"

Lewis "Uh its so good to hear your voice!"

"Why, is everything okay?"

Lewis "Yes, just been a long day babe. Where are you, i hear wind?" He says as he chuckles. You frantically push the window button so it rolls up.

"Oh yeah, sorry. I just wanted to take a ride. Its been a long day for me too. How was the last day of filming?!"

Lewis "It was kind of bittersweet. I will miss everyone on set but all i can think about is coming home to you this weekend."

"I know, me too babe."

Lewis "I also called to tell you that i made it to my interview. They are about to film in a sec."

"Oh okay, well have fun Lew. I love you!"

Lewis "And i love you." As you hung up, the driver looked at you in the review mirror and laughs, "He is going to lose his shit.." you burst out laughing with her because you know that she is right.

"Especially because its his birthday too!"

"Oh yeah, he might faint." She said with a straight face. "I mean i would if i was married to you, you look stunning ma'am."

"Thank you so much, so do you." You return the compliment to which she thanks you. The rest of the drive there felt like an eternity. But quite frankly, the drive was only twenty minutes from your hotel.

"And you are here mrs. Tan!"

"Shit..okay!"

She laughs, "Go get em!" She shouts as you shut the door behind you and make your way into the building.

...

Everyone guided you to the right door and the Manager got you into a storage room as quietly as possible.

"He has been back there filming for a few minutes, you should be safe." She said.

"Okay, thanks."

"When it is time for to come out, you'll here him say "i bet you miss her," in your ear piece. When you hear him say that, you follow the signs and you'll see the lights and everything!" She looked as excited as you were. Everyone was so into this plan as you were and they wanted it to succeed as much as you do. It was quite calming.

"Oh my god, i can't wait. I miss him-"

"I know. All hes been talking about is you since he sat in the hair and makeup chair." She admitted.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm, he misses you just as much as you miss him. But hey, i gotta go..good luck Y/n!" You thanked her and when she left, you were smiling like a school girl in love with a guy that she just found out that he likes her back.

You stood there, pacing back and forth in the small storage closet, just waiting for the cue.

"And you are a married man.."

"How long has it been since you've seen Y/n?"

"Oh man, i bet you miss her!" And you bolted out the door. Following the signs and once you heard his laugh, yiur heart jumped out of your chest. This is really happening..you pulled this off.

Lewis "She's the most incredible woman that I have ever known. She is truly my blessing." As he said that, you sneaked up behind him and you see the interviewer smirk.

"Oh you miss me huh?!" He jolts and looks behind him as you wrap your arm's around his broad shoulders.

Lewis gasps, "Wait wha-what the fuck?!"

"Happy birthday baby!" He looks at everyone around him as if he is asking them if this was really happening. Once they all started clapping, he focused on you and only you.

Lewis "Baby?" He says as he get up from the wobbly chair and cups your cheeks.

"Hi my love, you missed me huh?" He doesn't answer as he see's your eyes sparkle and your smile widen. He crashes his lips to your in a gentle yet passionate kiss. Both of you not caring about everyone watching.

Lewis "How are you here?!" He asks as he breaks away from the kiss.

"I wanted to surprise you for your birthday."

Lewis "you all were in on this?" He asks him and he simply nods, "Holy shit! Sorry.." he says at the camera, making everyone laugh. You almost couldn't believe that you were actually in his arm's. He hasn't let you go since you arrived.

"Alright, even though this is the cutest moment that i have ever had the privilege to be a part of, we have to get back to the interview."

Lewis "Can we grab her a chair? She doesn't have to leave does she?"

"Oh no of course not, someone find her a chair!" He shouted. Seconds later, you were sitting in the chair next to your soulmate in front of the camera. He didn't let go of your hand during the entirety of the interview. You answered some questions and he just looked down at you with pure admiration. Thinking to himself, i am the luckiest man in the entire world.

"That's a wrap, thank you Lewis and thank you Y/n for joining in! We will see all next time!" And he yelled cut and the camera lowered and everyone started coming up to you and Lewis, chatting away. All you could feel was Lewis' hands wondering all over your body. Your back, your hips, your ask, your torso.. and all you could think about was going back to that hotel room. That is, if you could make it long enough to make it back to the hotel.

Lewis "Well thank you all for everything, seriously..this is the best surprise that i have ever gotten, i can't even believe it." He was rubbing his eyes to try to get himself to wake up from a dream but you were right there.

"We pulled it off!" You say as you high five the journalist and you all say your goodbyes. His hand latches onto yours and he is practically dragging you into his room. Once you are in, he locks the door and his eyes have darkened. He grabs you and forces you against the door, smashing his lips to yours with hunger. You both moan at the sensation. You have been longing for his touch, his kiss for so what felt like an eternity. You both become breathless after a few minutes of deep kissing to where you had to break the kiss.

Lewis "I can't fucking believe that you are here." His voice was raspy from the kissing.

"I knew that you would love it."

Lewis "You have no idea-" he kisses you deeply once again, but this time, grabbing your hips and telling you to jump. You do as he commands and giggle against his lips.

"I was going to wait until we got back to the hotel-"

Lewis "No, no more waiting. You are mine. And i am going to make this whole fucking building knows that you are mine and only mine." You moan at the thought of him making you scream to the point where you both could get kicked out of the building. "I have been thinking about this moment for a long time honey, now that you are here, i ain't fucking waiting another fucking second." He says to you as he moves his finger to your throbbing center. Easily sliding his fingers into you, making him groan in your mouth. "So fucking dirty for me baby. Not even wearing underwear during an interview?"

"Couldn't ruin the outfit with panty lines baby." He slams his tongue on your mouth after you said that and quickened his pumps in you, making you feel your climax come quicker than expected. "Lew, ima cum-"

Lewis "Uh uh baby..not yet." He says as he removes his fingers from you, making you whimper from the loss. "You cum when i cum, understand?"

"I don't know if i can, I've been waiting so long!" You cry out for him.

Lewis "Hmm i know baby," he says in the crook of your neck, "So have i, and that is why i am going to savour every goddamn second." He places you back down on the ground, practically ripping yours and his clothes off, quicker than you two even did on your honeymoon. "Spread them legs for me baby." He growls and you do as he commands with a smirk on your faces. He notices and smirks back, "My little slut, so eager for me aren't you?"

"Mm, yes. Please!" He wastes no more time and slams into you. He didn't even give you time to adjust around his size. You both moan so loud that you both know that everyone could hear.

"Fuck yeah, right there!"

Lewis "Yeah, you like that baby?"

"Yes!" He kisses you as he grinds into you slow and deep. Hitting every sensation that no one else can. You feel yourself clench around him, making him twitch inside of you. He groans, you know that you are close and he is close.

"Lew!"

Lewis "I know baby, i know. Scream for me, c'mon, scream for me when we cum." And you both do exactly that. You two cum so hard that you both are a shaking mess. "Fuck baby, you make me cum so hard." You moan because that is all you really can do. He helps you collect yourself and kisses you until you both calm down from your high.

"Is this how you expected to celebrate your birthday?"

Lewis sighs, "No not at all baby, not at all." He says as he sips up his dress pants and his voice changes. And his eyes becomes glossy.

"What is it Lew?"

He looks into your eyes, "I expected to be alone on my birthday for the very first time. This would have been my first birthday without you since we've been together Y/n. So i have been dreading it." He says as if saying it pained him physically. "I haven't been sleeping, i haven't been eating. All i wanted to do is be home with you."

"Aw Lew-"

Lewis "I know, I'm being so corny right now but it's all true babe. You're always on my mind. During shooting, during the talking scenes, during my training just constantly when we aren't together." He let's his head fall and you grab his face and gently kiss his lips. So gentle that you can barely call it a kiss. Because that is Lewis' love language. That and him placing his forehead against yours. It is the intimate kind of love.

"You are always on my mind too baby. Why do you think that i surprised you today? I couldn't even wait five more days for you to come home!" He giggles at that, "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone." He kisses you then and once he pulls back, his rests his forehead onto yours and smiles.

"Will you marry me again?" You too laugh together, never once leaving your touch, "I'm being serious!"

"Yes, i would marry you over and over again Lewis. In this life and in the next."

Lewis "Forever and after that."

"Forever and after that." He kisses you one more time before you two get your things and walk out the door. When you find everyone, they all have reddened faces and couldn't keep eye contact. Once he gets into the car, he laughs to himself.

"What?"

Lewis "Well, we achieved what we wanted to my love...they heard it allllll!" You two burst out laughing and you two drive back to the hotel where you two made love all night long. Just never leaving each other's side. It felt like absolute heaven for the both of you. After hours and hours of intimacy, you are laying on top of his body, almost using him as your own bed, with his arm's lazily draped around your waist as he kisses your forehead and whispers, "Best birthday ever."

#lewis tan #lewistan #lewis tan smut

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me-on-set · 5 years

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Harrowingly Strange

When was the last time you had to face a moral dilemma? I am still reeling. I actually just got home. I think I invented a new selfie style. I wanted to take a photo of my makeup on and off.

As I currently write this, I am not an actor but instead have been doing background work for the past year. I've occasionally been a featured extra and was a body double once.

It's fascinating, seeing and doing the work that embodies being on set.

A couple of days ago, I received a message from a casting agency that had my headshot asking to submit my photo for a featured non-speaking role with a local production company. It was a one or two day shoot at $200 per day. I said yes and I got the gig.

When you are cast, you get an email the night before with details about the set location, start time, special instructions, and wardrobe. This show I booked was for a reenactment TV series about real world events. The exciting news was that this particular episode revolved around a crisis that occurred in my parents' homeland. I was to play someone at home seeing the news on television, and then in a second scene complain to police of their incompetence. I was asked to bring leisure clothing one would wear at home.

When I first started being an extra, I would bring my clothes in a backpack, trying really hard not to care too much. That behavior did not last. I found my interest stumbling forward into a natural evolution. I started taking luggage to neatly carry my wardrobe options. I found that I would mostly get cast as a mid-30's businessman. This led me to comfortably bring my outfits in a garment bag. It's funny how familiarity can grow your views.

For today, I packed shorts, sweatpants, t-shirts, a hoodie, a pair of runners, and a pair of flip flops. I got these flip flops during my last vacation with my mom overseas in her hometown. I also brought some henley shirts and arrived on set in khakis and a short-sleeved polo because there was also a mention of button-ups being an option.

The majority of work involved as an extra is waiting. It's a good idea to bring a book, although in this day and age, occupying oneself with a smart phone is a much more fulfilling time killer. I didn't end up using any of the clothes I had brought except for my belt and my runners. After my hair and makeup were done I decided to satisfy my curiosity by searching keywords of this specific production. I searched the name of the character I was to reenact. Adding quotations to strict strings of words, I had soon discovered the event I was going to portray. This was when my moral dilemma began.

I was born and raised in North America by immigrant parents who arrived in their early 20's. The typical experiences had by people of color paint a relatively positive mural that represents my upbringing. Having visited my ethnic country many times throughout my life, I felt, and still feel, a deep connection to the motherland. This connection is common for others like myself, powered by identity in a time where life will sometimes present it as a limitation. Conversely, this only strengthens cultural pride.

The role I was to play was an international representing their countrymen against the very country I identify with. Pangs of uneasiness flooded my body. There was another featured role performer who had an earlier call time. We sat together in the holding area. He was cast to play the part of a family member learning the news of the event. What surprised me more was the fact that he was a recent immigrant from my country of ethnicity. Us both, cast in roles of coincidental conflict of interest?

When it comes to acting, the only other time I recall having feelings of apprehension was during a big budget movie filmed in a church. I was a church goer among a sea of church goers seated in church pews. We were instructed to portray the enjoyment of a church service. Some of us were selected to stand and sway to the Christian music. Some had their eyes closed, head tilted to the ceiling, palms facing up to the heavens. As easy a physical task that is, I instead opted to clap along to the band and pretend to really feel the sounds of my favorite music. I know it's just acting but I was driven by the thought of my mom seeing me do anything other than that on camera. So, I coursed the music through my veins. I know the history of the band members, the albums, this music moves me, pretend.

I received my paperwork and read it over a cup of coffee from craft services. It was standard paperwork that I've filled out over a dozen times before. I looked at the inviting exit door. I was parked right outside. This is not that big of a deal, is it? I imagined this TV episode making its way to the news overseas, the citizens all over the world deeming me a traitor for perpetuating a negative image, not merely through action but through representation against them. Against us. Am I selling out? For two hundred bucks?

I thought about getting up and leaving. I thought about all of the hard work that people have put into this specific production. If you haven't been behind the scenes before, it is quite the trip. An assortment of heavy duty cables line the floors, taped in place. Racks of props in designated areas. The backstage crew zip around in sync, bursting with walkie-talkie sounds and hollers of instruction. There is a commonality in the many interactions, their minds tuned into the goal meant to be achieved. This is their career.

This is my hobby. I am a prop. Would leaving this put a blemish on my record in the local film community, or the film industry as a whole, because I wasted everyone's time being sensitive? As I languished, I get a message from my best friend and I tell him I'm on set. I tell him:

For some reason, that makes me feel better. I just might be able to work with that mentality. The other guy has finished. He returns his wardrobe and collects his belongings. I ask him if he knows what this show is about. We speak in our language among the English-speakers. I ask him if he thinks people back home are going to be mad at us. I ask him if he knew we were going to be doing this. He seems ok with it all. He said he was there during the actual event. He's new to the industry. We laugh about how we can pass as different races. This is his first time being on camera. He said he enjoyed the experience. I ask him if he'll continue. He said yes. I hope he does.

Finally, wardrobe is set and I am wearing a navy blue golf shirt and some gray slacks. I want to feel good, like the other times I've worked. How can I get that feeling? They're calling me on set. They adjust the lighting while I sit in front of the camera. A fog machine fills the mock living room belonging to my character. When the camera rolls, there is a fake TV in front of me that I am to watch casually at first and then grow increasingly interested as the live footage I am pretending to watch unfolds. I am supposed to build up into a frustration with the host country. My country. As I understand it, the real guy is being interviewed and I am the reenactment; the illustration of his side of the story. I do the scene. Twice. Filming took less than 5 minutes total. The whole time I was thinking about my mom. I can remember it still, a few hours ago today, the director describing the gradual transpiring of the footage to guide me. To help me see a reason to be frustrated on camera. It wasn't helping. It's not his fault. I don't think it's anyone's fault. I don't think they even knew why I would be uncomfortable. I don't think they knew much about the countries involved in the event. They even spelled the city name wrong. I don't even think the takes were that bad.

I wish it wasn't about my country. If it were different, I feel like I could have given more - like I had done at the church.

It's unsettling to perform make-believe, but for myself I have managed to apply a mental exercise that immerses me into a character; to actually be the person. The trick is to relate. To tie the emotion to a real memory and relive it. If it had only been about another country, I'm sure I would have enjoyed the process a lot more.

I'm writing this and I was hoping it would help me shake away this dread. Thoughts of regret imagining if I had only researched the keywords sooner. Maybe I would have cancelled. But that wouldn't have been better. I would be blacklisted and never cast as another role again. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. Hey, that's good for this line of work, right?

I honestly hope the final cut looks great. This is the biggest role I've ever been in. They gelled my hair funny like a nerd, I had on large framed glasses, just like the portrayed, and they put makeup on my upper lip to hide my dark, clean-shaven stubble.

When I got home, before I washed my makeup off, I took a before and after mirror selfie because my face looked comedically smooth. Taking the pictures reminded me of when I was sipping coffee in the holding area. I had taken pictures of my paperwork. I remember my mind racing. The feeling was like gathering license plates and insurance information after a collision. You know, just in case I have to stand trial, my cultural membership in jeopardy. I can review my situation with a lawyer to see what I can and can not say during a variety show interview that is getting my side of the story after viral, captioned screenshots of me flood the internet with embarrassing memes, stamped into history. Jesus Christ, that would be the worst. Here I go again with extreme maybes. It's an entertaining curse that I will forever be engulfed in my own hypothetical torture.

Anyway, here's that selfie I invented:

Yeah my bathroom mirrors are dirty.

I can't wait for my next job that I can cleanse my palate with. I really hope I can accept today as purely an actor's portrayal, and not a turncoat betrayal. This can't be my last go at acting. I ate some of my country's food for supper. I feel a bit better. I'm wearing a shirt that is emblazoned with our country's sports hero.

I have always been excited to see the final release of a production I am in, except for this one now. Uncontrollably, my perverse curiosity into the film world is only strengthening, so I don't think even the worst thoughts can slow my future participation. The silver lining is that the uncomfortable bar is set to a new level. I could reenact a murderous deviant now without batting a moral eyelash, I like to think. All for the sake of film.

- WSS, February 8, 2019

#on set #casting #acting

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saltylikecrait · 2 years

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What about "The Memory of Wild Things"? Have you found a publisher? I have found that already two fics of "that" ship are or will be published as original and they are successful and it makes me sad, also that no finnrey based story, much more beautiful and sane, has had the same fate. Are there any published finnrey fics to support?

No publisher or agent here. I even expanded the story by 10,000 words in preparation for publishing. As far as I know, no finnrey writer has gotten their fics published professionally. We're kind of a niche pairing, it turns out.

Agents often are more concerned about your Twitter follower count than what you actually write. I had one agent take interest in "Memory" but after the second round of manuscript reviews, she dropped me. She said she didn't like the pacing (which can be a rather weak critique, considering I've read books that take 100 pages to get into the action).

I also have a hard time figuring out where to place it in terms of genre. It's not quite YA because the characters are too old. It's fantasy, but not high fantasy nor magical realism (which is in high demand). It's based around myth and legend, but it's not retelling a particular myth. There is something called "New Adult," but it's still a small genre and a lot of agents aren't interested in that.

The other thing I have in terms of marketing issues is that while I have an F/F relationship in my story, they are not the central relationship. Technically, I fall under the LGBTQ+ label as well but some people are exclusionist and deny the identity I've chosen for myself. I'm also currently dating a man, so to outsiders, we're very much a "straight" relationship. Agents sometimes dig into your personal life and if they find something like this, they might deny you the LGBTQ+ Author label.

So, for now, "Memory" is being shelved. I'm going to rework the first chapter soon. My Twitter following is about 200 right now, but I don't tweet on things like Star Wars, just niche interests like folklore. It's a steady but slow-growing count.

Currently, I'm working on a middle grade novel about turtle conservation along the Columbia River in Oregon and Washington (where I live) and a longer, sci-fi novel set around the ethics of robotics and virtual reality when warfare is involved.

I haven't given up, but I'll be honest: breaking into publishing is hard now. Recently, I saw an interview with Stephen King and even he thinks if he were trying to break into writing now, he'd have a slim chance. Back in his day, he had the option of getting published in small magazines and grew a reputation that way. Short stories aren't really published or a mainstream way for people to read. It's more about if the agent and publisher sees promising sale numbers from the get-go -- and that translates into a huge social media following, a big newsletter list, or a rare successful self-published novel. I've tried the first two, and it's just not happening for me.

#about me #memory of wild things #writer pain #writer problems

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ohjjang · 4 years

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BTS Live Interview KBS News9 2020.09.10

🐨 We're so happy to have completed our debut stage. We'll continue to do our best as BTS.

👥 Bangtan! Thank you! We'll do our best!

🐱 It's good to dream big, right? I'd like to be No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. I'd also like to be No. 1 on the Billboard 200.

🗣 The Billboard music award goes to... BTS!

(No. 1 on the Billboard Album Chart in 2018)

(No. 1 on the Billboard Single Chart in 2020)

(No. 1 for two weeks in a row in 2020)

🐥 We never expected it but we're so happy to hear that we made No. 1 on the Hot 100. We're all in awe. It's hard to express it in words.

📺 KBS News9

🐹 Hello. I'm BTS' worldwide handsome, Jin.

🐱 Hello, I'm BTS Suga.

🐥 Hello, I'm BTS Jimin.

🐨 Hello, I'm BTS RM. Nice to meet you.

🐿 Hello! I'm your hope, J-Hope.

🐯 Hello... Hello, I'm your hope, V.

🐰 Hello, I'm Jungkook.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you were here for "Music Bank," but how do you feel being in the newsroom?

🐿 It's really cool here.

🐹 It's really solemn here. It has a serious vibe.

🐱 It's our first time in the newsroom.

🐨 I think this is the coolest place in KBS.

🐿 To be honest, it's quite fascinating.

👩🏻‍💼 Jimin, does it feel real yet?

🐥 Oh, it doesn't feel real. When something good like this happens, we should be meeting with the fans in person and hug, cry, and celebrate together. It's a shame because of the current situation. But it's an honor to be here on KBS. I hope the fans will be happy.

👩🏻‍💼 It's really difficult for a non-English speaking artist to enter the Hot 100, right?

👥 That's right.

👩🏻‍💼 Why do you think "Dynamite" was so successful? How was it able to have a universal appeal?

🐱 Well, the situation isn't good in Korea and overseas, right? So when we first came up with this song, we wanted to do what we're good at, what we were able to do, in order to provide strength for our fans. That was our biggest motivation. And fortunately, our fans really loved the song, which is what brought this amazing result. That's what I believe.

👩🏻‍💼 It's a really exciting and funky disco track. Did you choose that genre on purpose because things are so tough right now?

🐨 In these tough times... When you're feeling down and depressed, there are many ways to relieve that, right? We chose to go with our field of expertise. It's a disco-pop that everyone's familiar with. We wanted it to just be cheery. And we felt like we needed something that was hopeful. That's why we chose this genre.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you feel like you're world stars now? V, how do you feel?

🐯 First of all... It does feel more real than before. Friends of our families say that they're part of ARMY. And even many of our friends have become ARMY. We're really encouraged every time we hear that.

🐿 So many people cheered loudly for us when we entered the newsroom.

🐨 They congratulated us.

🐿 I think that makes us realize our popularity a little.

🐯 It makes us wonder how we are this popular.

🐱 It wasn't like this at "Music Bank."

👩🏻‍💼 From what I know, you had hard times in the beginning. I heard there were times when you'd go hungry.

🐹 Yes. Even for us... We used to catch fruit flies with a vacuum cleaner. We'd have rotten bananas that attracted lots of fruit flies. There were times we survived on chicken breasts. It's a relief that things worked out for us.

👩🏻‍💼 What has changed between then and now?

🐯 Our lunch boxes...

🐹 Back then, when we weren't earning much, there was a limit to what we could eat. But now we can eat whatever we want. We can have two slices of steak if we want. That's where we're at.

🐥 Our minds... I think we have more peace of mind. We felt rushed back then and felt we needed tenacity. But now, we can relax more.

👩🏻‍💼 Then what hasn't changed between then and now? Something you've kept all this time. Jungkook, what do you think?

🐰 We've changed a lot in terms of our appearances and personalities. But the one thing that hasn't changed is our love for the fans and our attitude towards music. I think that still remains true.

👩🏻‍💼 I'd say your teamwork hasn't changed either. This year is the 7th year for the 7 of you. Your album has "7" in the title as well. This would be impossible without teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you have a secret to your successful teamwork? Does the eldest keep everyone in line?

🐱 No, not at all.

👩🏻‍💼 Or perhaps the leader?

🐨 I think we all just really get along. I think that's how we maintain our positive teamwork. And if anything comes up, we always gather and have meetings. We're always trying to gather ideas for a positive outcome. I think that's why...

🐿 I think we respect each other and are considerate of each other. I think that's how we were able to get to this point.

🐨 I mention this comparison often. I believe we're all in the same boat facing different directions. The 7 of us grew up in different environments and we live life enjoying different things. It's impossible to be completely alike. But the fact that we're in the same boat. If we have that clearly in mind... And also, if we're too close, that can cause problems. So at times, we're like family and other times, we're like partners. We maintain an appropriate distance from each other to respect one another. I'd say that's the secret to our teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 J-Hope, you mentioned May 18, the Gwangju Uprising in your lyrics. Suga, you've incorporated daechwita and gukak in your music too. Do those ideas come from your discussions? From sharing your feelings and thoughts?

🐿 That's right. Being able to tell the stories that we want to through music is in itself such a great honor as artists. In my case, I felt it was a part of history that we should never forget. And I thought it was good to express that through my music. Daechwita!

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure all of your songs are precious. But is there a song that you particularly love? In particular?

🐱 "Dynamite."

🐨 "Dynamite"!

🐿 "Dynamite."

🐹 For me, it's "I NEED U." That's the first song that got us 1st place.

👩🏻‍💼 In western pop culture, it has been difficult for Asian artists to be in the spotlight. It was hard to be mainstream. But now you're right in the center and the entire world relates to you. What's your secret?

🐨 To be honest, I don't know if we're there yet. However, The Billboard Hot 100 is very symbolic. And being No. 1 for two weeks in a row is something we never expected. So I personally think... First off, the song "Dynamite" was probably more approachable because it broke down the language barrier. And as mentioned earlier, disco-pop is a familiar genre. Even for the older generation. So it's easy to listen to and at this point in time, it provides hope. It provides comfort through being simple and upbeat. I believe these factors played a big part. And more than anything, I'd say people are most curious about this. It's how we got this far. They ask us that a lot and are curious about it. But what I want to say is that we've been on the Billboard Charts since 2015. And I think we've been achieving milestones since. It's not like we had a set strategy from back then. We didn't calculate how to climb up the Billboard Charts. We were able to overcome the language barrier and other national and ethnic boundaries through the truths that we conveyed. That's what reached the many people and turned them into our fans. These things all came together and the resulting explosion was "Dynamite."

👩🏻‍💼 Don't you have ARMY to thank as well, Jimin?

🐥 We have so much to thank them for. Since the early days, I think we had a strong bond with the fans. Even when our team was really small, it's the same in our music and performances, I think it always felt like we were together. Even in this moment, we're so thankful. We want to quickly meet them and thank them in person.

👩🏻‍💼 I really studied a lot so I wouldn't get told off by ARMY. I noticed you always thank the fans whenever you receive an award. Just as Jimin said, you seem so close with the fans. Where does that tight relationship come from? Would you like to comment on that, V? That tight bond with ARMY.

🐯 First of all, it's because they were with us since the difficult times. That'd be the foremost reason. Also, our sad times, happy times, the times we were congratulated, everything was shared with ARMY. So the people that know us best are by far always ARMY.

👩🏻‍💼 To all the youths around the world that have to live with COVID-19. Is there a unique BTS challenge you can propose? (Jung Eungyeong) Who would like to answer that?

🐥 V? Since he has unique ideas.

🐨 Since you're so creative.

🐯 This is my personal opinion. Right now, there are so many things we can't do because of COVID-19. So once COVID-19 passes... Once it's completely over... Then what is... What is the very first thing you want to do? The thing you want to do the most. You could write that down or express it in some way. Perhaps draw it. That would be my challenge suggestion.

🐿 It's a dream challenge.

🐰 A dream challenge.

🐯 Dream challenge.

👩🏻‍💼 We're all spending so much time at home because of COVID-19. You guys are doing a lot of activities online. J-Hope, you made beaded wristbands. You made gimbap too. Is there anything else you'd like to try?

🐿 Yes, I did do many things, right? Well, I don't know. I'd like to do things that I haven't tried yet. I'm not very good with my hands. So I'd like to make a lot of things. For example, carving wood and making something pretty. I'd like to try a lot of those things. And share them with the fans.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you have a lot more personal time now. I hear RM has started to work out. Jungkook is learning the guitar and Suga's learning to draw. What else are you guys doing?

🐱 After things became like this, we shared a lot of our daily lives through various platforms. So that's why we have new hobbies. In this day and age, I'd like to share and show more. I started learning the guitar recently too.

🐰 He's practicing really hard right now.

🐱 I really am. I'd like to continue sharing things like that.

🐥 We're working on our next album as well.

👩🏻‍💼 I hear you have a new album coming soon. Can you briefly tell us what it'll be like?

🐥 Actually... It's hard to say what the album will contain as of now. There are songs as good as "Dynamite" and some even better, so please look forward to it.

🐨 We already love it.

🐥 Also... It's great. After topping the Billboard Charts with "Dynamite," I thought that it would be awesome if the entire album could enter the Hot 100 😄

🐱 It's good to dream big.

🐥 It's always good to dream big. So I imagine that at times.

🐰 Our level of participation for this album is extremely high for each of our members.

👩🏻‍💼 Each of your albums have a unique message. Finding yourself, for example. What do you think the message will be for this album?

🐥 I think it'll contain a variety of messages. It's like... The things we feel whether that be sadness or joy. I think we added those raw emotions. I'll end the spoilers there.

🐨 Right now... It's like... BTS is just 7 young guys. Of course, we don't live your average normal life. But the sentiment we're feeling right now... And what we dare to believe that people need right now. We added songs that will satisfy that. So I just hope many people will listen to them. That's how I feel.

👩🏻‍💼 I have to ask Suga about your next objective. Everything Suga has said has come true. Is your next goal the Grammys?

🐱 Well, first off... Yes... I've been lucky, haven't I? I'd personally like to be nominated. Once you're nominated, you can perform a song at the Grammys. And so after we perform at the Grammys, if possible, It's only our wishful thinking but... I don't know if I can say this. But if we can win a Grammy... That would be so...

🐨 Of course, it's not up to us.

🐱 Yes, of course. But we can dream, right? It's okay for us to dream, right? That's our wish.

👩🏻‍💼 Please agree to be back if you win.

👥 Oh, of course!

🐨 It'd be an honor to be back here.

👩🏻‍💼 Then to end this interview, for the people that are struggling because of COVID-19. Whether that be ARMY or viewers all over the world. Could you say a word for them?

🐰 We mentioned the challenge earlier. I'm sure many people are going through hard times right now. It was really tough for us too. We had so many things scheduled but we couldn't do any of them. That's how serious it is right now. Many people are putting in the effort. And we're doing the best we can too. I hope you can find something within. I hope you find that silver lining so that you can find some kind of joy in this dark times. It's tough but I hope you fight on.

🐨 I have a heavy heart. I can't dare say that I understand those struggling right now. It's difficult for me to say that. To tell you about "Dynamite" from our circumstances, it would not have been born without COVID-19. So, I believe... I believe that with the bad, there's always the good. Though that could take a long time. At night, the shadows are long but the sun will surely rise. I know it's tough for so many people. But we'll do our very best so please stay hopeful. And I wish you all stay healthy. Thank you.

👥 We'll shout it out! 2, 3. Let's go!

youtube

#bts #bangtansonyeondan #btsrm #btsjin #btssuga #btsjhope #btsjimin #btsv #btsjungkook #namjoon #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #InternationalPopKSensationSunshineRainbowTraditionalTransferUSBHubShrimpBTS #btsarmy #Youtube

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