#I made it 45 days this time

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Expect clip posting to slow down due to irl nonsense.

Also from the 11th to the 18th I won’t have any computer access and very little internet access but I’ll schedule a couple clips beforehand for that week 🫡

#idk how often the posts will be. maybe 3-4 a week #12 hr workday + no real privacy in my room #means I could only edit late at night #or on the weekend #and it feels like such a waste of my tiny bit of free time #to be sitting at my desk pretending to do something as I wait for my mom to gtfo of my room #I think all the typing makes her suspicious idk man #it made what should have taken 45 mins take up to 2 hrs sometimes #so I will be attempting to do all my editing on friday/saturday and queue the posts #what I’ve been doing is scheduling 2-4 days of posts at a time #but like I said. doing it during the weekday is extremely time consuming due to being watched :p #on the weekends she’s less nosy and I can just wait for her to be asleep lol #if tumblr didn’t have an audio upload limit then I could just go all out for like 3 hrs and have a big queue lined up #it will actually take me less time to edit on a friday/saturday just cause I won’t be interrupted at all at nignt. lol. #tldr: I have very little free time and am interrupted constantly during the week #it will be easier for me to edit late at night on the weekend #and schedule the posts throughout the week #at the cost of no more daily posts (blame tumblr audio limit) #non voice post

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[haunthouse]

yall ever uhhhhh have a fun lil brain moment about how you spent your whole childhood assuming you wouldn't make it past your mid-20s for one reason or another and now you're 24 and you [have to/get to] live and you don't really know what to do with that

#kaylee.txt #tbd / #it doesn't help that bc of the way the last few years have been i keep misremembering my own age as already being 25 #which automatically sends alarm sirens ringing in my brain lmao #i think spending a few days w (mostly older than me) comic artists in the woods has mostly dispelled my complexes about 'oh god i'm 24 and #havent hit xyz milestones yet i'm never gonna be successful/happy' (objectively a dumb complex to have) but it seems its been replaced by #the new complex of 'oh god i made it to 24. next year im gonna be 25. someday im gonna be 35 and then 45 and 55. what the fuck.' #which is very 'yes thats how time works congrats' of me but u know how it is with brains

[myownprivatcidaho]

.

#just realized i was removed from my work groupme #?????? #i do Not have a good feeling about this #ive received no notification of termination and i cant imagine why my supervisor would remove me #without there first being notification of termination #the only other reason i cld imagine is the girl whos been giving me trouble who i reported for lynching denial and offensive accents #is now under investigation and she may have removed me. ??????? #if so thatd be retaliation so idk. idk.... #but also tmrw makes (business) day 45 of my investigation and they try to keep investigations to 45 days or less so idk. 😬😬 #ive drafted an email to my supervisor for tmrw afternoon and if i havent heard any word explaining it then im gna email him #demanding an explanation #jesus christ this is just so much unnecessary headache #i wrote a joke about a sticky note i left on my food in the fridge. this is a one time incident. #theres ample evidence to show it was a joke and that the report was made in bad faith. #god this is just so fucked up this persons been BULLYING me for months and this is just a step up from the usual trouble shes been giving m #god i dont know wgat to do this is just so much anxiety and its fucking stupid. god. #AND IVE LOST $2400 FROM IT

[wherela]

one of those crying in the shower kind of days

#my 'best friend' stood me up today #and by stood me up i don't mean canceled last minute i mean didn't show up and only responded to my calls and texts after 45 min #why? she was hanging out with some guy (she met him last week. he's not a christian.) and lost track of time #she's also initiated no contact with me over the last few weeks #the explenation was she thought i was busy with my thesis. as if you can't check in on someone when they're busy #she also gosted me for 3 days (like a month ago??) cause she was asked to share at student group and i couldn't go CAUSE I WAS SICK #I'm just so tired of it at this point #but it's also made me realise i dont really have any close friends #i have lots of friends. sure. and i trust them too. but it's not the kind of close where i can write to them when I've got a problem #like maybe I'd tell them live if they asked me? but I wouldn't really write to them it would just be weird #and so who do I tell that I met S's parents yesterday and even though so many things have happened since then already thats the only one #I can think about???? or that he actually CALLED ME afterwards specifically to tell me what they thought of our church #or that his mom apparently asked him if our relationship was still weird and he said 'yes' and I've been overthinking it cause i thought we #were finally okay and normal and genuinely just friends? #or that his mom said my look is that i dress vintage and it made me SO HAPPY!! that's my look!!! that's how I'm recognisable!!! #the answer is nobody. i have no one to tell :( #mine #s #I'm sorry I guess I had to vent this prolly turned out really really long

[kinda-daily-warriorcat]

#Day 25 #Warrior Cats #Bluestar #Spottedleaf #Yellowfang #Swiftpaw #Brindleface #Runningwind #Silverstream #Redtail #Lionheart #IT'S 11:45 IM FINE #I drew the cats that gave Firestar his lives bc I was thinking of that scene since it means a lot to me #so I drew some headshots but ran out of time and didn't know what to do with it so have 9 cats lol #(this scene means a lot to me because it was the one scene my mom read to me as a kid because I have severe chronic migraines and I was #having a migraine attack and it made me happy to listen to silly cat books while in pain. She was so confused about the book though) #2023 Daily Drawing Challenge

[this-doesnt-endd]

I still find it kinda wild that after 1 psych eval they immediently put me on antipsychotics

#i mean it was in the right direction but not the right answer #we good now tho we on the two in one epilepsy mood stabalizers ayye #i will say tho i got put on keppra for my seizures and i cant imagine being on that long term #if i stayed on it any longer than i did i prolly woulda been in the er simply cause i couldnt eat and was near passing out at every moment #but if i didnt have that i woulda been in jail #i was so fucking mad and angry all the time i thankfully was able to keep it in but oh my god #never in my life had i wanted to throw chairs at people SO bad #my mom would ask if i had found a pair of socks and it took all that was in me to not scream and throw my socks across the room #and then i got so so sad oh my god #cause i ended up taking two tweeks off work to get off it and get on a new one and i went up to see my dad #so i was on the train sobbbing my eyes out for no reason #or like a day or two after i got there we drove up into maryland to go to costco it was prolly hour 30 hour 45 #and my dad turned to look at me and my brain decided he did it wrong #i sobbed the entire way home and we had to stop at harbor freight and i cried even more #and he felt so bad and was like we can get dinner u want pizza we'll get pizza if u want and we almost couldnt find the dominos #and it almost made me worse i cried for like a solid 2 hrs and half of it was cause i was so upset abd angry that i was crying #when i didnt want to which made me cry more #god keppra is fucking evil #if it helps you of course ya got the good part but damn id never felt like that on any other med

[famewolf]

fighting every urge in my body to take a nap before work and instead filling my morning with things that I enjoy watching/reading

#[static] #the last couple of weeks Ive been so worn out from being sick & working and all i can do before work is eat breakfast and go back to bed #yesterday i woke up 45 minutes early to have time to catch up on some old favorite youtubers #and im doing the same today #it made the day more bearable since i had done something positive before work instead of just sleeping and working nonstop #i just need a new job in general tbh but finding one has felt impossible dkfjdfkj #this is a reminder to myself that even if im sleepy tired at work at least i had a good morning!!! #and that i had some time to be a human on my own time!!!

[finexbright]

moving to the UK has made me develop an irrational fear of ordering take out

#i simply refuse to order at this point like here you go : #i was craving taco bell after ages and i got back from work at 11:45 p.m and placed an order. like literally they were gonna close in #2 mins. and so i wait and i'm so hungry and i open and it's meat. when i'm a vegetarian and i couldn't even order anything else because #it was already midnight #THEN i ordered taco bell in the afternoon next day and same fucking thing happened #THEN one time i was at work it was a long shift and every one of my supervisors know i'm a vegetarian #so they made sure to tell the guy who was serving food to get me the veg lasagna #and i take my food and go to the backroom and it looks suspicious and luckily my friend was around and i #made him take a bite and he was like yep it's meat #and so because of all of this bullshit instead of ordering take out i went to mcdonald's down the road recently #because i was like absolutely not. and i order a veggie burger. and peep in and check to see it's a green box before heading home #and me and b are sat watching gogglebox and i finish my fries and open this green ass box and lo and fucking behold #it's a meat burger. INSIDE a fucking green box that says veg on it #but i was craving mcdonald's badly so i ordered it online. and guess fuckin what. meat again #i basically stopped ordering food and just physically go out to places to eat #and today it's cold and i'm tired so i ordered food from a mexican place and it took two hours for them to #deliver the food #and it was legit supposed to be veggies beans and rice. and guess fucking what. they put meat in it #i can't even get my money back anymore because i've complained too much but what the fuck honestly #YOU keep sending me meat 😭😭😭😭😭 #i'll just make some quick pasta and call it a day 😔✊ #food mention

[andthebeanstalk]

Shout-out to the galaxy-brained Lupin III artists who draw Zenigata as a man in his 40s with a receding hairline and a hairy dad bod 10/10 THIS is the Zenigata that Lupin wants to fuck!!

Let middle-aged characters look middle-aged and sexy 2023!!!

#original #lupin iii #zooploop #zeniloop #zenigata x lupin #Do YOU wanna reach the age of 45 and realize you're only attracted to people under 30?? idk if folks realize how many of our beauty #standards are based on things associated with being under 30-something #tight skin. full thick head of hair. muscles. stamina. unblemished complexion. - these things are great but #Y'all have to know that part of the human life cycle is... losing all of that! #what are you gonna do? die about it?? #or are you gonna fuck severely into the grave like me and Lupin??? #(or are you uninterested in sex or sex as i describe it and also totally valid?? aroace people are valid.) #lots of people get fat as they get older and everyone will eventually become disabled if they live long enough #if these things make a person unfuckable in your eyes then where will that leave you in a few years time?? #folks who draw zenigata ripped are valid but i am unironically into a soft belly #if he looks like a harried average dad with cute eyes who hasn't slept in two days well then he looks like zenigata to me! #and i specifically am looking for content of zenigata so i want it to look like him! #(tho again there isn't a canonically wrong way to draw him unless you made him like. white.) #anyway what i am saying is 'dulce et decorum est pro old men masturbatori' #(it is sweet and proper to jerk off to old men) #jack! i hear you say. that's a weird context in which to reference a poem about the horrors of world war one! #and to that i say #yeh #stupid hollywood with their stupid tiny narrow idea of what is desirable

[sunsoak]

I’m already experiencing the classic nonprofit conundrum of loving my job but HATING the bureaucratic, out-of-touch but thinks they’re so smart administration

#when administration comes in on Monday morning and is literally ANGRILY SNAPPING at the kids to get out of bed by 7:45 #because It’s Policy that they need to be Out Of The Dorms By 7:45 #THEYRE HOMELESS TEENAGERS BRO #LET THEM FUCKING SLEEP AS LONG AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN #they have to get up early EVERY SINGLE DAY #and then they yell at them for sleeping during the day because ITS POLICY to not sleep in the day program #WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!! TEENAGERS NEED SLEEP MORE THAN ANY OF US DO!!!!! #YOU get to sleep in at least two days of the week #THEY have to be out of here by 8 am every single day. how is that fair? really how is that fair?? #it’s not preparing them for the Real World because guess what in the real world you actually can sleep in sometimes #and then have the gall to be like well I was homeless once or I’ve been thru this kind of thing and I did this and that so why can’t they #like Jesus Christ. you preach empathy and understanding and support but it’s literally all talk #in the real world you can take a nap on your couch and no one is going to yell at you #one time they literally CALLED THE COPS on a kid who slept past 8 because it’s ‘trespassing’ to be in the shelter past 8 #like holy shit there is nothing more fucking RIDICULOUS than that. I have made my judgment and I’m sticking to it y’all are evil

[asterlark]

today has been like. 2 weeks' worth of days.

#mine #woke up at 3:30am left for the airport at 4 got to my gate at like 4:45 boarding was supposed to be at 5 for a 5:45 takeoff #but the whole airline's system was down so it was delayed 2 hours #finally got on the plane and got to the las vegas airport #thought i was gonna miss my connecting flight but that flight was delayed too so i caught it #got into chicago around 6:30pm local time (i was originally supposed to get here at 3:30) #[warning for vomit mention in next tags] #i get motion sick and tbere was turbulence and i aaalmost made it the whole 3.5 hour flight without puking but when we were landing i did #i frew up and i was flying alone so it felt so pathetic 😭😭😭 the flight attendants were v nice to me tho #FINALLY got out of there and had to pay for a super expensive uber to get to my hotel #so i am here at the hotel now and waiting for my food to arrive and i am so so soo tired #prob gonna collapse in bed after i eat tbh #i hope tomorrow is a better day #reminding myself that long travel days like this always suck #AUGH

[adw520]

cant sleep because i cant stop thinking about how the mechanic was a bit of an asshole to me for no reason when i got my car finally taken in

#adw's ramblings #'i could tell your car's been sitting for a month' yeah i wouldve moved it sooner if it could. you know. start #'the sun here drains your battery you should be able to pick it up once i charge it' that car has been #jumpstarted five times in the last week and not once has it stayed alive long enough to leave the parking spot #three of those times it died while the starter was still hooked up and on #and one of those three times the starter was the tow truck (she didnt want to go into neutral so the driver gave her a quick spark) #(it was the most pathetic sounding attempt to start i've ever heard her make) #guess what i didnt get the call to pick up my car today #i know im 5'2" and look several years younger than i am but god can you not be so condescending #and like whatever its not the only time this sort of shit will or has happened to me i know #but im already stressed about the car and im not great at sleeping to begin with so this is like the cherry on the cake #i was baking until 11:45 last night in a dorm kitchen #but i dont have milk so i can't make the muffins or quick breads i have mixes for #and guess what i need to get milk. #a working car #not that i need more baked goods im not convinced my roommate and i can make it through the cake i made before it goes bad #i'm very stressed and anxious and a little bit angry and its all just. ughhhhhhh #if you made it this far down the tags uhh here's a cookie i guess 🍪 #you can imagine it's one of the ones i made yesterday #or technically the day before yesterday since it's past midnight here

[coffee-bat]

i should be studying phycology..but i dont want to

#too lazy to edit the meme #ramble #the last few weeks uni has been intent on killing us i think #all of what's LEFT of us i mean. they've already made over half of us drop out from sheer pressure in the 1st semester (18 left from 45+). #and its not enough for them apparently #the tests have been constant and almost daily. i had a test on monday. on tuesday. yesterday. i have an exam today. #when are we SUPPOSED to study for this shit #and when we fail the teachers go off on us about how were lazy and stupid and fail bc we're 'partying instead of studying' and if someone- #-isnt having a great day mentally they jab that it must be hungover from partying #like they just cant comprehend that no. we dont have fucking TIME to party if we wanted to. were just exhausted and overwhelmed and your- #-subject isnt the only one we have to study for #ughghghgh sorry i needed to rant im so tired #im only being kept alive by pyrcon in june and the fact that my cosplay is ready #//also yesterday when i arrived to class my friend immediately told me that i 'look like something chewed me up then spat me out' and yeah- #-thats accurate i think. good that im starting to look how i feel ig lol

[stonerzelda]

I will say i can write the shit out of a professional email tho. Like yeah i poast abt stupid shit online and don't hide my personality on here but at least when it comes to work its like the spirit of a 12th century scribe possesses me to hashtag own the corporations

#i feel kinda bad bc i sent it at like 4am last night but its been on my mind all week and like. im sorry but that behavior is Not okay #or professional in the slightest #we literally go out of our way to help our colleagues when they need it like i stayed 45 minutes passed my shift that day to help the nurse #clean up HER coffee that SHE spilled on her own carpet despite my job being abt catering to the residents #and the manager lady who lectured us made the comment that shes calling me next time she spills somethin 🧍‍♂️bro this is not my job

[bookwyrminspiration]

hiii hope you’re doing well!!! sending lots of love 💕

Hii! This is sweet of you, I hope you're doing well, too <3

I'm doing alright so far, tired from yesterday but trying to enjoy the day off before the week starts up again tomorrow. Didn't get around to making a schedule for today yesterday, so gotta do that otherwise I'll be funky and I'd rather not be, but it'll be okay

Sending lots of love back!!

#quil's queries #nonsie #i do best when I've made a schedule to follow the night before #but I also. just don't make the schedules a lot #and then am surprised pikachu when I'm not doing my best #like girl we KNOW the schedules help just MAKE THEM #past me isn't listening they skip them all the time #you know what. I think this is because I schedule schedule making time at 8:45-9:00pm #and my brain stops working after 7 #(morning person gang rise up. we strike at like 6 or something) #i should shift it earlier in the day #gonna schedule schedule making time for 6 today and we'll see what happens #(if 1 specific person sees this: i didn't skip last night because we were talking! it was entirely unrelated to you. not ur fault. promise)