#i can cycle

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person' #but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know? #and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[astraltrickster]

This post is your reminder that you are not obligated to blog about current events.

Things are bad. Really bad. Do not let people guilt trip you into tormenting yourself even further over the fact that things are bad. Doomscrolling is not activism.

If you're just on tumblr to blorbopost or reblog pretty pictures, you are not harming people by inaction.

You are not a bad person for not dedicating every aspect of your life and leisure space to whatever disgusting mask-off attack on human life and dignity some government has decided to enact.

Take action where you can, but don't confuse doomscrolling and digital self harm for action.

If you need to lose yourself in blorboposting, go for it.

If you need to log off for the day, whether it's to take irl action or to protect what little sanity any of us have left over the past 7 years, then by all means, do.

Morale is important. Hope is important. Small joys keep us from burning out completely in times like this. Do not let any "if you don't reblog this I'm judging you" guilt trip convince you otherwise.

#serious tag #current events #im gonna be offline for the day working on making doll clothes #this is why i keep my blogging and my activism as separate as i can #and only talk about the dynamics of big irl issues as they apply to hobby spaces most of the time - #because i know myself well enough to know that i WILL fall victim to the doomscrolling cycle #it's happened before and im not going there again

[effemar]

I’M NOBODY’S BABY / I’M EVERYBODY’S GIRL / I’M THE QUEEN OF NOTHING / I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!

#blue sargent you will always be famous. #god this was so fun. i had a phase where i was really into customizing my clothes so this is partially inspired by my middle school outfits #bonus points if you can identify the graphic on the shirt…. real ones know #blue sargent #trc #my art #the raven cycle

[biruesque]

Miss Utena, don't you know how much I've always despised you?

Inspo

#revolutionary girl utena #rgu #shoujo kakumei utena #sku #tenjou utena #utena tenjou #utena #himemiya anthy #anthy himemiya #anthy #utenthy #utenanthy #utena x anthy #biruesque art #these two scenes are my favorite from the anime #yes i like pain can u tell #listen i think anthy did believe that her dying would have reset the cycle or something #a way for her to save utena from her fate #it happening right after cantarella has done so much damage to my brain

[craycraybluejay]

I also heavily resent the ever-present implication in mainstream media that at all touches on trauma that we cannot have any sympathy for Bad Victims. That it's evil to write a sympathetic Bad Victim. Hell, that it's bad to portray one at all at times. Writing a victim of trauma who's an addict or self-destructive is already an edge case-- writing trauma survivors who end up actually hurting someone else, being chronically "treatment"-resistant or having inconvenient ptsd, perpetuate the cycle, or are just kind of a total dick is considered an evil move. Instead of like. An actually complex and interesting artistic choice.

Idk. It pisses me off a lot how often Bad Victims[TM] are brushed under the rug and if you dare to speak of them/make art of them, let alone SYMPATHIZE with them you're an irredeemable monster. And that's just fictional characters. Don't even get me started on the way people treat actual people who have ptsd in a way that's at all inconvenient and problematic in their opinion.

#bad victims #trauma #purity culture #cultural christianity #cycle of abuse #the invisible victims #trauma survivor #ptsd #purity wank #freedom of expression #dark topics #media criticism #trauma in media #please can i get one traumatized blorbo that isnt purity poisoned #like you're not writing a moral guidebook for small children. you're allowed to write anything at all forever

[pocketseizure]

TofK Ganondorf Design Notes

The character design for the Ganondorf who appears in Tears of the Kingdom is extremely interesting. This is just speculation, but I don’t think he’s dressed like a villain.

The golden ornaments on Ganondorf’s topknot, chest, arms, and ankles reference the common portrayal of Fudō Myōō, one of the most widely venerated deities in Japanese Buddhism. Fudō was originally a minor Hindu deity called Acalanātha, who is an avatar of the wrath of Shiva, the god who destroys so that new life may emerge.

Like Fudō, Ganondorf wears long hair bound into a topknot, golden sandals, and loose pants gathered at the knee. These are sartorial traces of Fudō’s South Asian origins, and they serve to connect Ganondorf to the Gerudo of Ocarina of Time and Breath of the Wild, whose designs are inspired by various cultures along the ancient Silk Road.

Fudō was especially venerated by the warriors of Japan’s medieval period, so perhaps it’s fitting that Ganondorf’s costume alludes to the dress of medieval warlords. His robe, with its embroidered hem, crimson lining, and golden sleeve weights, would have been extremely expensive to create and would only be worn by a wealthy domain lord.

The matte black of Ganondorf’s outer robe is an indicator of high rank, as is its colorful interior. Toward the end of the medieval period, black robes were sewn with gorgeous inner linings in order to demonstrate wealth, power, and prestige. To me, Ganondorf’s robe reads as something that would be worn by Oda Nobunaga, one of Japan’s most notorious warlords.

What’s interesting about Ganondorf’s design is that he doesn’t come off as a deity or a warlord. A god would have no need for such a sumptuous robe, while a lord would not reveal his skin or wear sandals. I’m strongly reminded of the sort of rōnin famously played by Toshiro Mifune in The Seven Samurai, a skilled but aging warrior who retains his dignity despite his debased circumstances.

Ganondorf’s lower torso is wrapped in a haramaki to reinforce his core strength, and his right arm is bare so he can wield his sword without impediment. These are both very human touches, as is the cloth covering his shins and soles so that his skin doesn’t chafe. A more godlike character would not need these concessions, and a more aristocratic character would not bother with them.

In previous games, Ganondorf was covered from chin to toe in ornate armor or belted robes, signifying a lack of openness and vulnerability. Meanwhile, the Ganondorf of Tears of the Kingdom literally bares his chest as he reveals a number of contradictions. He is ornamented yet barefoot, and his regal black robe has been peeled back to showcase a bright lotus pattern.

Even despite his stern frown and clenched fists, I don’t feel that Ganondorf is visually coded as a villain… or, at least, he doesn’t seem completely inhuman.

#Legend of Zelda #Tears of the Kingdom #Ganondorf #I just think he's neat #I’m intrigued by the Buddhist imagery #maybe he can end the cycle #as a treat #don't get me started about the magatama on his crown #but maybe I'll write more about the lotus mandala on his inner robe

[nosnexus]

Same forest, same path, same brave little girl and Death.

#dimension 20 #d20 #neverafter #neverafter spoilers #ylfa snorgelsson #my art #ITS ABOUT CYCLES #EMILY HAS TAKEN ME OUT WITH EVERY YLFA SCENE #Fuck I was crying the whole time... #If I had another week I'd clean this up nicer #maybe I can return to it when I have some better color skill #BUT ITS DONE AND I'M SATISFIED

[drinksss]

sleepy weevil

#artists on tumblr #entomology #tiny spiny weevil #prionomerus carinatus #blender #3D modeling #render #cycles #pillow #chronic fatigue #CFS #(honestly bro the only thing I can do other than sleep during a flairup is 3D modeling. it’s just easy IDK)

[froggisarethebest]

raven cycle this raven cycle that BLUE KISSED NOAH AS A SYMBOLIC PARALLELISM OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HER KISS AND DEATH. HER FIRST KISS WAS DEATH. DONT TALK TO ME DONT LOOK AT ME DONT GO NEAR ME I CANT I REALLY CANT OH MY GOD

#i cant. i really cannot. i am unable to can. #IM SCREAMING #the raven cycle #trc reread #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue sargent #noah czerny #richard gansey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #cabeswater

[bonesblubs]

Some kings of ravens!!!

#art tag #trc #the raven cycle #pynch #I gave Henry a. little bit of a mullet because I Can

[markscherz]

In which my not-yet-two-year-old son catches a gecko for the first time, and I barely keep it together.

#personal #cute #animals #gecko #gookoo #lizard #about me #it is truly astonishing how gentle he is with animals #i have seen grown adults crush animals to death without meaning to #because they don’t have grip control #but Q is *so* gentle #just the right pressure #you can hear the tears in my eyes #the best part is that he spent the rest of the holiday turning over rocks looking for geckos #but he’s not even two so he has no concept of #(a) how big a rock is too big to turn over #and (b) how small a rock is too small to have a gecko under it #and (c) he has not yet realised there are no geckos in Denmark #*lifts tiny pebble* ‘no gookoo’ #*points at huge rock on our cycle to daycare* 'gookoo!' #Q #yes I am such a huge trekkie that I was excited my son's nickname would be Q #yes I've been on tumblr so long I even named my child Q

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

HAPPY APRIL 1st, i wrote a fic about the suez canal fiasco bc it's still the funniest thing that's ever happened. synopsis is "grumpy gods from different mythologies argue over whose job it is to unstick the goddamn boat"

#you cannot. you cannot imagine. your imagination cannot ENCAPSULATE #the immense BREADTH of my disappointment when the Ever Given got unstuck on March 29th #just DAYS SHORT OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY #can you imagine. can you flipping. ENVISION. what that human experience would have been like? #to wake up April 1st and see the entire news cycle saying the boat has been unstuck and having to fact check the hell out of it??? #and spending ALL DAY WONDERING????? #because you THINK you know. you're almost CERTAIN you know......but WHAT IF????????? #that's the timeline i belonged in i was ROBBED

[pato-roldnart]

Someone is in love and distracted 🤭

Some pynch sketches i needed to get out of my system 🙊🙊

#chainsaw is taking the chance while Ronan is distracted #I just needed to see them in cute interactions #I'm still trying to figure out how i want to draw them #my adam looks so soft 🥺🥺 #hopefully the next one will be in full colour :3 #not me trying to postpone as much as i can reading the dreamer trilogy 7n7 #sigh #pynch #pynch fanart #trc fanart #the raven cycle fanart #adam parrish #ronan lynch #opal lynch #pato's art

[punkeropercyjackson]

"We need to normalize kindness!"You guys can't even handle that making fun of eachother isn't a sign of love for everyone because some people can't handle it so it hurts their feelings and instead call them losers for it and prove their point that you're genuinely cruel

#idc about normalcy bro i'm here to break the cycle of abuse as hard as i can #anti percabeth #antijayroy #antitodobakudeku #percy jackson #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #damian wayne #duke thomas #barbara gordon #roy harper #anti bakugou #izuku midoriya #todoroki shouto #sokka #katara #anti zutara #zuko #aang #pro kataang #azula #antizucest #pjo #batfam #anti rhato #bnha geekery #atla geekery #summerposting