#I’m actually gonna go cry some more cause I’m in my feels rn

[moodywyrm]

K sorry ignore me I’m streaming my entire consciousness for you here moons

Ellie, on the other hand, (walking in on the same scenario), it’s not that she doesn’t care (the opposite!!) it’s just she’s so painfully awkward, she doesn’t know how to handle it almost? Obviously the longer you’re together, the better she gets as she learns what you need, but she’d frown and walk over, gently stroking your hair with a soft “hey babe” that one scene with Dina nobody talk to me and would immediately crawl into bed with you. If you start crying she’d probably tease you (lovingly) and be all “aw my girl’s so soft hm? My little crybaby. That’s it, let it all out”:( and if you’re extra moody, whereas I can see Abby more just ignoring this or giving you a gentle “come on babe don’t be like that”, ellie would laugh. She think you look extra cute when you’re all >:/ she just can’t help but pinch your cheeks with a big grin or ruffle your hair or something. I think there would be a bit of a learning curve if you’re a little extra sensitive, maybe one of her usual silly jests would send you into a puddle of tears, and she’s like ??? cause usually you’d laugh and give it right back to her, so she has to learn to be a little extra gentle with you. That being said, she’d do just about anything to make you laugh, a light “there’s my smiley girl” when she finally coaxes a giggle out of you I’m crying

in the wise wise words of jj, the ppl who are crybabies on their period please rise.

it's me, im the crybaby on my period. Ellie with a gf who is just extra teary n sensitive on her period is so cute to think about. because she is so fucking awkward!! I love Ellie so so much but baby is incredibly awkward when it comes to handling emotions, even her crying girlfriend.

she's such a sweetheart though :(

she’d frown and walk over, gently stroking your hair with a soft “hey babe” that one scene with Dina nobody talk to me and would immediately crawl into bed with you.

she would!!! that little "hey babe" lives in my head rent free, it's so sweet and gentle and soooo Ellie. gonna make this a modern au bc I honestly do not want to write a period during the apocalypse rn.

somehow it always happens that Ellie is working or in class when your cramps hit :( she gets your first text telling her you got cramps like midway through her shift and she's so upset that she can't just go home and comfort you then and there. you update her when you're not incapacitated by pain or asleep, but it's hours before she can get home.

on her way home she drops by the store to pick up your favorite snacks and comfort items, literally approaches this trip with militant efficiency. get in get out, and she does!

when she gets home she's immediately in the bedroom, throwing off her jackets and shoes and sitting next to you at the edge the bed. literally just sitting there, going "hey babe" and stroking your hair, pressing a kiss to your forehead before helping you up to the bathroom.

bc of course she does my favorite period trope: helping your partner into the shower! I feel like you two wouldn't actually shower together during your periods, but she'd sit there while you shower and you'd sit there while she showers. or, alternatively, you'd wash off first and then Ellie would join you. not because I think she's afraid of blood or anything, but she wants you to be as comfortable as possible, and that includes not having to deal with the mental ahhh of getting blood on your partner. anyways yall get nice and clean and she proceeds to help you get dressed, putting lotion on you and otherwise taking care of you.

she holds your lower tummy for the rest of the night, massaging it in a way that feels heavenly <3 she's honestly so cute and sweet im >:(

as for the rest of your period, she 100% does some gentle teasing, calling you her little crybaby while also doing pretty much everything for you. suddenly she's a fucking Chef, cooking you all of your comfort food and/or picking up the Good Shit (burgers) from Joel's place. she may be a lil meanie about it, but she's also unbelievably caring during your period <3

#anon #Ellie williams #Ellie Williams x reader #Ellie williams fluff #Ellie williams x reader fluff

[bloogers-boogers]

what are ur thoughts on cartmark :D? (sincerely, rarepair girlie who fell in love with them after reading 2 of the 9 fics about them)

I had wrote the whole thing and it fucking erased I never felt this upset 😭😭😭

Okay im gonna try writing the whole thing again my god ! 💔 I was already in my feels with what I had written and poof gone to the gutter 💀

Cartmark is great! They we’re a rare pair of mine too alongside gary x cartman (i’m still trying to figure out why I shipped those two)

*I can’t believe it I’m literally crying rn wtf pls feel my pain rn fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck😭*

I can see the ship with the mixture of Kyman in it (just cause im a hoe for the ship and somehow have to get those two involved in some way jsjsjs).

I see those two pairing up against/ destroying a relationship; that relationship being Kyle’s and Rebecca.

Cartman wanted to get Kyle to break up with Rebecca while Mark joined in cause he didn’t see Kyle as the man he wanted his sister to be with.

So they plotted together, and as such they got closer. Cartman was feeling all these new things about Mark as time went on; he began wondering why his heart pounded rapidly when they began to share things unrelated to whatever they we’re plotting, every time he leaned next to him Cartman could smell the laundry detergent he’d use for his clothes.

And with Mark, I always seen him as the type of guy who’d think he’s straight as a ruler and before he knows it he’s there noticing the most smallest changes Cartman did to his appearance.

“… You cut your hair slightly from the side huh?”

And Cartman yelps in surprise, “Huh?” Cause he would never imagine someone could be capable of noticing something so small.

After more time they’ve realized they haven’t done much when if came to breaking up the pair, just having gotten to know each other better joking around, sharing certain hobbies, qualities and stuff like that. So they laugh it off awkwardly once they pointed it out.

Now actually making a plan and having it done, following it was the next step. However Rebecca barged in Mark’s room crying madly saying how Kyle had broken up with her and began cursing him out like a bitter ex already while Cartman was still in the room listening.

You’d think he’d be happy as he had got what he wanted without doing absolutely anything. However, he felt the opposite; upset cause that meant there was no reason to hang out with Mark anymore.

They both went silent, knowing this was finally the “end” as they walked outside because it was getting late and Cartman needed to get back home.

Mark stopped him grabbing his hand gently, Cartman flinched in surprised by the gesture, stunned by Mark’s brown big beautiful eyes aswell. His cheeks bloom a tint of red and that’s where Mark realized how stunning Eric looked under the dark starry sky. He was left in almost in awe before snapping back to reality.

He straightened his posture and cleared his throat, “this was quite a splendid machination we got done.”

Eric smiled somewhat relieved and cocky, shaking his head in disbelief, “stop your blabbing smart guy.” He let go, and Mark was already missing the warmth of Eric’s hand.

This is were things began turning interesting!

After a long night, Cartman did his usual and went to the bus stop the next morning and waited for the rest of his friends to arrive.

Surprisingly he had got there first, and 35 minutes in he was starting to wonder why any of his friends hadn’t arrived yet that’s when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“There’s no school today, fatass, I’m surprised to see you here.”

Cartman turned around and looked at Kyle, breathing heavily as he was taken by surprise, not that he was scared of course!

“Though I’m not surprised either,” Kyle crossed his arms looking at him with boredom.

Cartman arched a brow confused, gripping on to his backpack, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

Kyle shrugged before letting his shoulders loose, and his arms to the side, “I don’t know, you been spending a lot of time with Cotswolds lately you probably missed our message saying there was no school today.”

Cartman stared at Kyle silently, “is that’s why you’re here..?”

Kyle frowned before kicking some snow, “no, I’m just here cause I was passing by, im gonna go see Ike in like two hours he has a baseball game today so- I figured I’ll just get something from the store and… shit-” he grunted by the nonsense he was spitting, rubbing his face with frustration, “that’s none of your business fatass!”

Cartman frowned, “I didn’t tell you to blabber all your life to me, jew!” Then his eyes widen when he realized what Kyle said, “wait… how did you know I was hanging out with Mark?”

Kyle cheeks reddened, he scoffed, “it’s not like you we’re being secretive about it.”

Cartman’s cheeks redden with embarrassment as if was exposed and caught in some naughty act. Cartman immediately changed the subject and pinned the attention on Kyle, “heard you broke up with Rebecca.”

Kyle was about to speak, Cartman notice he was, but Kyle close his mouth tightly shut before storming off.

Cartman was left a little confused but headed home.

Mark on the other sides was gutted, he laid in his room floor thinking endlessly of Eric and the new found feelings he was experiencing. And somehow grief knowing it was all onesided as he knew Eric was in love with the ginger boy across his street.

He cursed internally cause he now found another reason to dislike that boy, but couldn’t even pin entirely the blame either.

He sighed wanting desperately to be open about his feelings but he couldn’t even do that cause his father would never approve of it.

So in school he conformed himself with watching Eric from the sidelines oblivious to Cartman’s side glances.

Cartman was feeling sick to his stomach every time he felt Mark’s gaze on him, the boy thought he was being slick with it but Eric notice right away when he first started staring at him, and even that was cute and dorky.

And in a blink of an eye he was found kissing Kyle in the janitor’s closet however the burning feelings he had for him weren’t as passionate as they we’re before and he didn’t know why it felt different. It wasn’t as he imagined it being, he thought he’d be the most happiest boy alive having his long time crush making out with, initiating it too! He should be rabid of excitement!

But he’s not… and his mind wondered to Mark, and the time they spent together doing absolutely nothing but fooling around and sharing shit they thought funny.

He sighed pushing Kyle away slightly, the redhead stared at him; his eyes saddened in realization, “you like him don’t you..”

:33333 and that’s all I got for now bby🫵

#crying vomiting shaking i still can’t believe i had to rewrite this by memory 😭💔 #asks♡ #guys if ur gonna look something in google makes sure to save it in draft fist istg 😭😤💀 #*first #I’m laughing like a maniac losing the last sense of my sanity #im being so dramtic about oml #actually this is good cause i have another ask that I’m gonna answer were i can pore all my insanity out jsjsjs #cause it’s related to- 🫢 #honestly I’m happy how it turned out <3

[moonjxsung]

ALSKDKDJF OKAYYY !!! I’m glad it’s not a bother !!! I overthink sometimes alskdkjf

urgh so I am having A WEEK :( I hope it’s okay I rant a bit … alslkskdj

helurf okay so after midterms last week, I’ve been trying to like relax and give myself time to rest but IVE HAD SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS :((( and I’m so tired and burnt out and stressed cause I need to start studying for finals and ahhhhhh alsksjjdjf :(

okay now for some more fun updates!! i had fun at uni yesterday!! we had a super fun soil science lab we got to go into soil pits on the farm our campus has and analyze soil (ph, diagnostic horizons, colour, structure, texture etc) !! It was a lot of fun I’m gonna miss the class and my prof :( (it was my last lab)

another fun thing is its art market week at my uni so time to drop a ton of money on prints, stickers and crocheted animals !!! :D

AND okay so I made it into a special like abroad research kinda program/course in like that’s usually only available to upper years students but somehow I made it in alskkskdjdj . Anyways, we get to go to South Africa from like May 14-June 9 to do research and stuff in the field!!! and like IM SO EXCITED??? So anyways, the 19 students that also made it in (it’s a highly competitive program to get into) we had our second group meet up plus our prof (who taught my favourite class by far last term) yesterday and it was a lot of fun and we got free dinner which was super super yum and I can’t believe I’m actually going ahhhhh

and then I went to a friends house for dinner (yes, dinner again) which was fun we like catch up at least once a month and yeah

Anyways sorry for the truck load of information about my life weh

HOW IS YOUR LIFE STAR!!! I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOU!! (With whatever ur feeling comfy sharing 💗)

🌱

UGH I always forget how close together exam season is WHYYYY ARE UR FINALS ALREADY RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER….. 💔💔 I believe in you angel manifesting all the best for you frfr you’re smart I know you got this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

AHHHH UR UNI LAB SOUNDED SO FUN I love labs where you just get to go outside and do stuff in nature it’s fr so healing 👼 I took a geology course in college where we got to go to this creek near my school and like test the ph balance of the water and it was so much fun being outside instead of cooped up in the lecture hall fr one of the best labs we ever did. AND the art market this week???? RAHHH HAVE SO MUCH FUN we used to have something similar at my uni and I would drop SO much on stickers not even joking my laptop is covered in them still :’)

ALSO OH MY GOD??? TO THE STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM?????? STOP THAT SOUNDS SO FIXKIFNT FUNNNNN IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU WYAHWJDNRJ CONGRATS ON GETTING IN BB ‼️‼️ I didn’t have to do study abroad when I was in college bc covid hit but I can’t wait to hear all about yours and live vicariously thru ur updates AHHHH and it’s coming up so soon !! WOWOWOWOW HAVE THE BEST TIME ILY ILY THATS SO FUN

My day was honestly vvvvv boring but it was productive! I had work and then I had a shit ton of laundry to do but I was tired as fuck and I have cramps bc my period started today so I got coffee first to wake me up and then after cleaning the apartment I caught up on Ateez vlogs and now I’m simultaneously writing and watching Zelda gameplay 👼 I think my emotions are like ten times worse rn because of my period so I’m just taking it easy but I have a huge party to go to this weekend and a lot of my friends are gonna be there so I need to get my shit together and stop being sad bc I don’t want to bring the mood down ☹️ why do I always have a party in the same week I feel like shit LOL the last time I had one my situationship and I got into a huge fight and my sister had to be checking on me like every 5 minutes bc I was borderline crying the whole night it was so embarrassing 😭 (I am so tired of crying over this same girl oh my god)

ANYWAYS I LOVE U ANGEL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT UR STUDY ABROAD TRIP RAHHH THATS SO EXCITING CONGRATS AGAIN ILY ILY 🩷💖💞💘💕💓👼

#🌱 anon #ask

[rianafying]

it’s 4am i have the worst migraine of all time. i’ve had it for four days now. it was okay yesterday so i thought ut was over but it’s back again, and i have to go to work cause i’ve got a huge makeup gig today. i have to do hair and makeup for 10 models, and im just, exhausted emotionally. i was supposed to do some drawings and attach them to the file, and i told my client i would do it many days ago, but i didn’t do it. partly because of my headache and partly because ive been forgetful.

update: it’s 8am, i haven’t slept, took some painkillers, been getting spontaneous bursts of anxiety since yesterday afternoon. i always feel a little anxious before a job, but it’s only part of the reason. i feel terrible rn. i feel bloated and crusty, and my hair looks terrible. a huge part of how i feel is based on how i look, and until im happy w the way i look (hair styled, outfit pressed, makeup done, accessorised) i don’t feel okay. and i just hate the way i look and i hate everything rn. i’m having one of those moments where nothing is okay. it is entirely in my head because on other days everything could go wrong and i’d still feel okay. i hate being at the mercy of my emotions. i need more time to gather myself than i have. work is in two hours, at least it’s only a 10 minute walk from my place so if i forget something or whatever, i can come back and get it. but i feel really anxious. i can physically feel it. and i’ve misplaced everything, and suddenly my room is all messy again. and all i want to do is sleep and complain. i wish i didn’t feel so crusty 99% of the time. and i felt so lonely yesterday, not the kind of loneliness that makes me wanna talk to people. it’s the kind that just is there. i don’t wanna talk to anyone. i hate everyone. and i just wanna be by myself. but that also feels bad. i have a social life, and i love my friends but it’s different. i could even see people if i wanted to but i don’t want to. why do i feel this way. i don’t wanna be with people i don’t wanna be by myself either. at least i don’t feel suicidal lately. i just feel annoyed. frustrated. especially with the migraine i just wanna throw things and break things. i never have and i never will actually throw or break things. but that’s how i feel. just super. irritated. i need time i hate being in a time crunch. none of my thoughts make sense and im simultaneously over and under stimulated. how is it too hot and too cold at the same time??? it’s too hot in my blanket but too cold if i take it off. and i can physically feel my skin, like i can feel a separate layer on my body. and im itchy and im so annoyed. its too loud and too bright. and i hate that the sun is up again, and i hate the sound of my alarm. i hate it. and u hate every terrible thing that has happened to me or to anyone. and my heart breaks for those who are going through so so so much worse. and nothing is right. this is not how it’s supposed to be. and i need my therapist. i’m gonna have a mental breakdown. i am having a mental breakdown. i can’t even cry lately. i don’t even drink water. i suck. of course im gonna feel this way. i dug myself into this hole.

another update: it’s almost 8pm, finally got home from work. it was just the most draining day ever. i’m exhausted but also strangely anxious. extremely anxious. the shoot went well, i think?? i hope!

#personal #journal entry

[meganwasbored]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts Season 2 Episodes 1 and 2

I took a little break because I am sick and feel like crap rn but I finally have the energy and motivation to watch more so I’m back!

Episode 1

-aw what happened to the sparkly hands in the intro

-fire elf things I’m assuming

-is she in Xadia cause there’s elves but also how would she get there before Callum and Ezran

-“you were looking for another good word to describe me, right? Well I consider myself quite daring” I love her

-STOP I FORGOT HE DIDNT KNOW HARROW WAS DEAD

-I’m serious if he never gots to read Harrow’s letter to him I’m done

-is Ellis gonna be with them from now on because I have no complaints

-well at least Viren doesn’t look like a zombie anymore

-“You’re out of order, Lord Viren. Only a king or queen can call for a summit” I totally forgot her name but this girl is awesome

-Phoe-Phoe is literally so pretty like I want her as a pet

-girl why did you have to TELL THEM THAT why can’t they just eat in peace

-“my duty is to prevent humans from discovering this place” well I gotta say you’re doing a bang up job

-ay Bait’s looking a little jealous

-AWWWW

-if they’re trying to make me feel sympathy for Viren it’s not gonna work

-“save it for someone who cares” she’s so done lol

-Zym is literally so cute I wanna die

-y’all chill out it’s a freaking bush

-this show is literally so pretty oh my gosh

-going out on a limb here but I think he’s gonna learn magic guys lol

-Note to self: the old elf lady’s name is Lujanne

-ah yes the classic “I overheard someone else’s advice and decided that it also applies to my situation” love to see it

-the Crow Master seems like a cool guy ngl, even the nameless characters are the best

-ok I get that she’s trying to tell him the truth but like I think he knows he’s human you can stop rubbing it in

-I’m sorry but the way she just picked a rose then dramatically passed out was so funny

Episode 2

-yay the sparkly hands are back!

-“are we gonna fight or is this a talent show” HAHAHAHAH

-“I keep telling people, “sweep the leg” is not a thing in sword fighting!” hehehehe

-Gren is so chill about being in this dungeon

-FINALLY some has an appropriate freak out response to Zym’s cuteness

-someone make this a meme

-Soren feeling really guilty one second and convincing himself he’s doing something good the next is actually really sad I feel so bad for him

-Claudia’s appearance makes her look super cool and dangerous but really she’s just some magic geek who loves cute animals and I love that for her

-she actually has a point like we kill bugs all the time why not get some use out of it

-so like it’s obvious that Callum is gonna learn to do magic on his own the question is does he learn because he finds a way to understand it like Lujanne was saying or does he have some elf in his bloodline or something

-the fact that the main character’s unrealistic crush is usually really cold to them and doesn’t like them but Callum and Claudia are literally besties rn is so refreshing like yes more of this

-has Rayla been just stalking them this whole time they were hanging out like where has she been

-“I can see you believe it. But I’ve known Soren and Claudia for years. You and I don’t have that yet” dang.

-when Soren said “I took no joy in that” after Claudia brought up the zip line and the way he says it sounds like it’s supposed to be funny when really it’s the truth

-“I’m glad my wisdom helped”

“It didn’t, it was wrong”

“Was it? Or was it just differently true?”

Imma start using this whenever someone disagrees with me

-am I supposed to recognize the place in the mirror

-hold up are Callum and Claudia less far in age than I thought cause what was that

-“I know what happened, he’s gone” I knew this was coming so why am I crying

#the dragon prince #the dragon prince season 2 #the dragon prince thoughts #the dragon prince thoughts season 2 #tdp #tdp thoughts #tdp thoughts season 2 #tdp season 2 #callum #rayla #ezran

[luveline]

jade baby hiiii! hope you’re not getting tired of reading my thoughts on your work cause i always have so much fun writing these heheh

okay first of all your writing!!!! you know (at least i hope you do) how much i absolutely love your writing but omg it’s SO GOOD in this one!! so easy flowing and so nice to read!! the first few paragraphs where eddie is talking about how every vampire representation on media is a lie was so fun to read 😭

All they have now is debt, each other, and the Great Munson mug collection. 

He turns the pedal and your back wheel spins in time with his heart. You're awesome. When was the last time somebody who wasn't Wayne said anything like that? 

Eddie doesn't know what he thinks. Wayne sets the record straight every now and then with a clap on the shoulder. You did what every parent wants their kid to do. You lived. I can't ask for more than that. 

i love every bit where we can see how much wayne loves eddie!! the fact that we never got to see them interact on the show makes seeing it in fics so much more special 😭

the “don’t say her fucking name” line physically hurt. i really had to take a moment to breath.

He looks like a man who has been tired for a very long time. You make a mental note to bring him some lavender for his pillow on your next visit. 

r caring for wayne as well 🥺💘

Making his bracelet had been a challenge, lots of knotting and double knotting, three restarts and one small under the breath tantrum. It's not anything special, black and white hearts seven strands wide, but he'd been very appreciative. 

baby 🥺 the heart bracelets 🥺

“Sarah, I was born with butterfingers and you know that.”

okay me

"He said he's gonna throw himself off a bridge," Eddie informs. "Poor guy. I know the feeling." 

okay me again (IM JOKING)

Funny how Steve's hair speaks as much as his expression, bobbing as he nods his head to emphasise each word

baby that was SO FUNNY i can picture his hair moving as he talks and i’m obsessed with the image in my head

It's all in the way you — he says this with love — perform the words. You speak like each word you're saying has equal importance, and it's calming.

You're willing to change your plans now that he's asked to go with you. It's a gesture as lovely as you are. Eddie doesn't think you'd ever think it of yourself; your kindness is so intrinsic you don't notice it, like the fine stitching of a leather bound book. Integral and widely unappreciated.

i love how eddie likes her so much that he not only appreciates things like the way she talks or her kindness but also sees it as something like deeply innate to her and likes it even more for that

WAYNE BEING SUSPICIOUS OF THEM I LOVE HIM 😭

For a time, he'd been a normal (debatable) person having a normal (horrifying) conversation with his dad. Not a vampire. Not somebody who ruins everything he touches. 

you had no right to make me laugh with the “(debatable) (horrifying)” just to make me ugly sob with him calling wayne dad and saying THAT LAST LINE. that was actually insane.

"I know I can be a lot to deal with." “Who told you that?”

crying in a corner rn. thank u

They come apart, blood smeared in both your palms like two halves of a dripping heart. 

listen. i know it’s blood and eddie was probably losing his mind. but that was such a beautiful imagery 😭

You realise as he says it how much his wanting you to go had mattered to you. Eddie's your friend, and you don't think that you're going to stay friends much longer.

i don’t really have anything to say about that. just wanted to highlight that bit

"Steve," Eddie says, jaw dropped down to his chest, "do you have a crush on me?" 

the steddie nation keeps winning!!!

I can't believe I put you through that. I can't believe I put you through that. I'm so sorry. 

NOOO HE FEELS SO GUILTY

And for a while, Eddie hadn't felt the same. The world he'd woken up to was hard. There had been lawyers and grief and guilt and becoming. He doesn't have the words to describe how it feels to become something new, something that needs to hurt people to live, something that will hurt people to live, whether Eddie wants to or not. 

The loss of choice is suffocating. 

He can live with the grief of what he is if it means other people don't have to live with grief of what he isn't. 

it’s honestly painful to realise how guilty eddie feels about putting everyone around him through what happened even though it’s not his fault, and how he’s willing to go on and live in suffering for all his life (or all eternity? im not sure how long vampires live) just so he doesn’t have to make the people he loves go through that again. he’s always so selfless :(

"Tuned into the wrong station." 

You pet the back of his head. "Yeah," you say softly, "I think I was." 

i keep thinking there’s a deeper and secret meaning in this dialogue and i can’t articulate my thoughts around it but i’m so sure in my mind that way she says that she was in the wrong station just means she was seeing things in the wrong way until now? you can totally disregard what im saying though

You make the worst sound anyone has ever made as he moves back, like something has been ripped from you. A gutted gasp, near silent. 

“the worst sound anyone had ever made” and it’s just a gasp from breaking the kiss. i’m actually going insane.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks when he gets a look at you, your unreadable expression. He takes care to keep his head angled down so you can't see the lower half of his face. 

"I don't think you could." 

STOP

He's been in here enough times to know what it looks like, but for some reason you find yourself checking his face, worried about what it is he thinks of your things, all your mismatched trinkets, your stained glass lamps, your life as you let yourselves in.

“your mismatched trinkets, your stained glass lamps, your life as you let yourselves in”. being worried about how her life seems as she lets him go into. sick and twisted

His touch is like the tide. He wades in, away. His thumb strokes inward over something soft and then his whole hand moves back to your thigh. 

‼️‼️

He's not confined to all his softest parts and he never will be. He's snarky and angry and loud. He plays guitar like a real rockstar and he doesn't take anyone's shit. He's a survivor. A glass of blood every now and then was never gonna stop him. 

that first line???? INSANELY GOOD OH MY GOD

"Least it wasn't Snoopy." 

of course there’s a snoopy reference. love u for it

jade my love that was soooo good!!! exploring eddie’s life as a vampire not only through his enhanced abilities but through all his loss and suffering and self doubting made the character so realistic (i know, he’s a vampire, but you get what i mean)!! baby you’re the best writer i know and it makes me so proud seeing you stepping out of your comfort zone and writing horror themed stories without losing your touch and your way with words and feelings!!! you’re insanely talented and i’m always thrilled that i get to read your work and to know you!! that is genuinely one of greatest joy of my life!! hope you’re being extra nice to yourself and getting enough rest and taking care!!! love u 💌 - lu

I don't ever get tired of what you think!!! Our red string of fate means you pick up on all my favourite things and it always makes me feel so special

Writing Wayne was super fun because we know literally nothing about him besides the fact that he's Eddie's guardian and he doesn't think for a moment that Eddie could do something awful, his unwillingness to give up the search in vol2 breaks my heart so it's really nice to write him with his Eddie all safe and sound

Eddie's pretty infatuated with r from the get go and not just because she's accepting of who he is and doesn't believe all the bad shit around him, he genuinely likes her and I wanted to make that distinction (like at the start when he was practically waiting for her to tell him to get gone but was trying to spend time with her anyways because he was intrigued and endeared)

Writing Eddie's voice in brackets was SO fun and so different for me, I love experimenting with third person to show the characters voice even if it isn't technically from their point of view, rest assured I made myself laugh with (debatable) and (horrifying)

Eddie feels so fucking guilty! That's basically what shaped him for me. I keep getting comments saying he was very different in this one and I kind of agree and disagree. He wasn't much like the fanon version of himself which idk if people hate that, but I think the basis of him was as true to Canon as I could get it! The basis being his innate goodness, the thing that DROVE him to feel so fucking guilty even though none of that shit was his fault, but when he goes off to be the hero in the show and "doesn't run away" that was his courage and his character showing through and so I really used that as the original thread and then built up his guilt, his humour around that. He's not as snarky as he was in the show because I felt like basically dying and going through the upside down made him very depressed and he really struggles to separate himself (though i can't take all the credit for that part because the original request wanted to see him struggle and wanted to see reader help him through it!!) From that. I love him and I needed him to have somebody like the reader character who just wants to take care of him and be his friend (and more)

Wayne being suspicious of them was so fun, I worried people might find it weird and then I was like I don't care if its weird these are real conversations people have, and Wayne in my mind is absolutely the kind of guy to be like Eddie, son, be a goddamn gentleman

That aprt about being tuned into the wring station was one thousand percent on purpose! Not so much a "Oh my god I didn't see what was right in front of me" moment, but just a you were here in Hawkins this whole time and we missed each other ! cos they're soulmates

And absolutely there's a Snoopy reference, that's my dude.

I am so lucky to have you as a friend and a reader, I fricking love hearing what you're thinking and I feel so spoiled at the end it's unbelievable, and you know I like talking about my writing probably more than I should so this is like a gently excuse /pleasure for me to ramble about the decisions I make. I think people have such different mindsets to one another that not everyone will agree with everything, but I'm lucky that we are always on the same page!

And yeah I was super psyched to dip (literally just dip) into the horror genre. Most of the time I felt like love bites was horror in the we cannot go back. my body has been changed without my asking and there's nothing i can do and im trapped kind of way rather than anything truly scary or gruesome, but I still loved doing it!

thank you my lu baby im genuinely soooooo lucky to know you and so grateful that you read my silly stories with so much love 😭♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#jade's asks #ily

[khaleesiofalicante]

Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling. -Oscar Wilde

(the whole quote is actually so beautiful, you should look it up if you want!)

I have to wake up early af tomorrow for some family thing no one cared to explain me, but I'm absolutely going to stay up late to read lbaf😎

Abigail should be protected and loved at all costs no arguing 😍

Look, I don't have a younger sister, but I don't think those are the stories you tell them normally... Nor judgement tho!

“Attacking the Consul is high treason, chiquita.” Rafael bouncing Abigail is LITERALLY the cutest mental image 🥺🥺 also the nickname ahhhhh😭

Me mind rn: RAFAEL WITH KIDS. RAFAEL WITH KIDS. RAFAEL WITH-

“Why does Ragnor want me there?” Georgia asked.

“I have no idea,” Rafael said. “But I can see why anyone would want your expertise. You add great value to everything, Gigi."

Hell yeah she is the best!!! I love how he asks her first is she wants to go tho!!!

Ragnor absolutely LOVES her and you can't change my mind😌

Conclusion: It's not a warlock, someone is collapsing the ley lines, and I'm still clueless as fuck :) but also omg Nico!!! I was sooo curious about that character!! And he is the oldest warlock alive??? I NEED TO MEET HIM SO BAD ALREADY 😔

And he was the one who sent Ragnor looking for Magnus... I need to know why. It's not a want. It's a NEED😭 I hope you know you ruined canon for me bc now this will be forever in my brain :))

Camila and Rafel? ✨Iconic duo✨

Me after every Marcus' scene: ok, that was actually kinda deep and he does seem to admire and respect Rafael a lot🥰 yeah, you don't trick me bitch! You are just as dangerous and crazy as your sister, now stay AWAY🔪🔪

But also can we talk about how great of a mirror they are to each other? So similar but so different at the same time... ✨wow✨

Anjali bothering Camilla about her crush on Marcus is everything I didn't know I needed lmaoo

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Rafael and Max talking to each other about their problems and offering advice? Because that's the content I'm here for 🥺

Jk, jk. I am here bc I like to suffer:)

Anjali being so wise and badass as always I see😍 istg if I didn't know already I'm bi af, I would have figured it out quite easily with lbaf

Alec officiating Rosewood wedding 😭😭 SCREAMING AND CRYING

“Yo. She burned all your notes, right?”

Anjali nodded. “Yes.”

“And you still became Primi Ordines?” Max asked in surprise.

Anjali nodded again. “Yes.”

Then she walked away.

Max looked at Rafael and shook his head. “What a bad bitch.”

“I’m gonna marry that bad bitch,” Rafael grinned.

She's an icon. She's a legend. She is the best- if you don't propose to her soon I sure as hell will!!!

Gigi and Lexi. Parabatai rights. Me loving it💙

Girl, JUST FUCKING TALK TO HER!!!

“I am old,” the man admitted with a shrug. “And that’s not a bad thing.” THE GROWTH 😭

“I don’t really know anyone who has their shit together.”

Lexi hummed. “Maybe no one does.”

You have no idea how accurate this is, love...

Alec>>>>>> Raziel

He is wiser, sexier and 100% better 😎

Me before Max's POV: I am confused:))

Me after Max's POV: Yeah, no. I am definitely worse lmao

“They never cause serious injury. It’s almost as if they don’t realize they’re here to attack.”

....

“What if these attacks are a distraction?”

This is foreshadowing I just feel it!!!

Uncle Jace looked stricken by that. “I think I’d know if my child was possessed.”

���You didn’t know the last time.”

Gabriel, babe, you have a point... But DON'T HURT MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT!!

I'm collecting these like pokemon lmao

I just want to give Jace a hug😭😭

I get David's point, I reaaaally do!! Bc it kinda also happens to me that, bc I'm "a nice person" people get shocked when they find I can also feel angry

BUT THERE IS SOMETHING MORE TO THIS I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT!!! I WILL LOSE MY MIND IF I CONTINUE LIKE THIS

“People change when they grow up,” David said, staring at the mirror. “Maybe this is who I was always been. Maybe this was inevitable.” He is remembering Albert, right????😭

“Play a game with me,” Max said. “Truth or dare.”

David sighed tiredly. “Mon ange-”

“Ayaan,” Max whispered, the name he used only for David. The name he made for David. “Please.”

I'm not crying, why do you ask? 🙂🙂

They ARE good at communicating!!! So, what is happening????

“I wish I could rip out of my heart and show you what’s in there,” Max whispered. “I wish I could show you who’s in there."

David let out an exhaled and kissed him again. “Promise me, Max. Promise me you’ll never get tired of me.”

Max didn’t know how to say that it was impossible.

He never wanted less of David. If anything, he wanted more.

More. More. More.

How do they manage to be so angsty but at the same time so fucking in love???🥺🥺

I need them to stop being horny bc I need answers, but honestly I can't blame them bc that was indeed hot as fuck 😔

“Déshabille-toi, mon ange,” David whispered.

Max swallowed. “I thought there was no sex talk in the car."

David pulled back further and peeled off his t-shirt. “Who said we'll be talking?"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WTF. I- I AM SPEECHLESS

He loved his David in every way.

But he was scared.

Because something changed in David.

And Max didn’t know what caused it.

And it terrified him.

Maybe David wasn’t possessed.

Nothing was wrong.

But something was not right either.

And Max intended to find out.

YESS!! GO OFF AND FIGURE THIS SHIT OUR BABE!!! AND OET JACKSON HELP YOU!! BECAUSE I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER HERE!!

I will just leave with some memes cause humor is my coping mechanism and I need to let this chapter sink in🙂

babe that's one of my fave Wilde quotes oml. Thank you for sharing it and drowning me in feels.

also omg what's with families and making us go to shit that has nothing to do with us????? make this illegal thanks :)

YOUR MEMES KILLED ME OMG.

I made you know one too <3

#lbaf

[kithtaehyung]

okay this is me praising 3tan yoongi and also u bc one of my favorite things about him is how he treats reader (everyone gasps, this is so surprising has never been said before) BUT WAIT there's more. it's partially how he's written bc the whole protective i wanna take care of u kinda guy can feel so. icky? but 3tan yoongi does it in such a quiet and gentle way where it's almost like he doesn't know how not to be patient with her and make sure she's okay. like i know he must have been pissed after whatever tf went down @ basketball (side eyeing that spoiler rn) but it wasn't super obvious that she should be worried,, he just made sure to be aware of their surroundings outside and give her a key to his place and call her and visit her and the way all of it came together after anytime OOH BOY it's the kind of thing that has you going back and marking what you missed because it's so !!!! and then even in dalo when basketball guy grabbed her he was just so stable after for her?? letting her shower and making sure she eats and telling her that he already planned on staying with her when she asked </3 just a very solid and comforting vibe i agree that 3tan yoongi is the best characterization i've ever read to date,, and i've been reading bts fanfics for like 6.5 years (omfg when i say it like THAT ???)

SCREAMINGGGG y’all are gonna make me cry like actual tears !! thank you so much, babe🥺 this is so heartwarming w t f I’m more than happy to get this feedback from you😭

So some writing commentary for y’all on 3tan yoongi: this has been the absolute biggest exercise of restraint I’ve ever had as a writer. I’m so honored that you like his characterization because even though he’s easy to write, there’s also a level of brainpower I have to exercise because there are things to keep in mind while writing him.

Like. I have to stay conscious of how much Yoongi shows. bc, going off what you lovingly said ugh ily, isn’t something massive. His words are few during reader’s POVs and his gestures are subtle and even restrained themselves most of the time.

As far as protectiveness and actions, He doesn’t need thank you’s or whatever (hell, he wasn’t even planning on telling reader about basketball??) His gestures are grand in the way that they aren’t showy or humongous, but rather just him looking out. No hidden intentions or “yeah I did this just for you now thank me😈” type of thing. It’s really just him looking out, just like he would Jimin or bro or someone he considers close to him.

Even with Shiv, he gave advice because he felt like the guy really needed it in that moment. He’s just someone that quietly gives people strength without needing any thank-you’s or something in return. How he came to be this way? Who knows! There’s still a lot to his character that we can explore and I’m really excited about that, too🍊

Ahhhh did you go back and read after Anytime?! Hell yeah I’m glad! That was my intention to keep the series rereadable just because the revelation may cause readers to go back and see what hints there were before... Regardless, I’m flattered that you like his characterization fck🥲💕 He really is my personal comfort person and I hope he gives y’all some slice of peace and assurance when you dive into this series.

#WHOOPS THAT WAS SO MUCH IM SORRY😭 #3tan yoongi appreciation hours when🥺 #thank you for the kind words too🥺🍊 #asks:3tan #3fan:yoongi #lovely people #calm tag #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌

[hunters-hairnoodle]

Hey

This is my first post ever and ig technically a rant post but idrc. None of you know who I am and that’s okay. I just occasionally have these days where my mind breaks. I survive each day and then it builds up until eventually there’s a night where I just burst. Tonight’s that night. I have no one to talk to this about. If I talk to my friends they won’t understand or won’t know what to do. My sister, maybe but unlikely. My mom is part of the issue and my dad would never understand. He’d just console me and act like that’s that, problem solved. Or he’d bring up fucking Jesus and make me pray over it, when I’m honestly fucking done with religion. 

The days themselves are fine, they’re fine ig. I mean little issues here and there but overall it’s fine. But i get to these nights and realize that it’s not all fine and that there’s a lot of fucking problems, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m a teenager, I don’t have money or can legally drive. Besides running away or suicide my options are limited. 

This is gonna sound so stupid to some people, and people will make fun of me for it cuz teenagers are demons who harvest on despair and anguish, but I’m just so worried that I can never be myself ever. At school it’s a facade. At home it’s a facade on who my mom wants me to be. I try to fit into it, but ik I’m fucking miserable. But whenever I am myself no one likes it. I become to weird or nerdy or annoying. And my mom hates it when I actually act like myself. I’ve broken free a little bit over the years, but overall I keep everything restrained. And she’s not a bad person, my mother, she’s just complicated. I can’t tell if she’s the issue or if I am. If I’m actually the bratty kid who’s complaining for no reason or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset. I can’t tell and I don’t know if I ever will be. 

On nights like these I go unnoticed by my family so I can wallow in pity alone. For some reason I can’t explain whenever anyone sees me crying or upset or having a panic attack or needing to rant I stop immediately. I listen through the walls as I cry to hear any movement. As soon as I hear any and hear my mother open her bedroom door to go to the bathroom i immediately stop and quiet myself. Just tonight while I was crying and breathing heavily and having a hard time thinking straight and acting normally I heard my mom talking to my sister. I stopped immediately and hid my phone since i knew she wouldn’t want me up. Just as I thought she walked into my room to say goodnight. I hid the crying sound from my voice as well as I could. For once she actually seemed concerned and asked if something was wrong. I was so tempted to tell her to be able to rant and cry to her, but I couldn’t. Because the problems are either her or me being gay and non-binary or just people at school. And whenever I share I’m always bad at it and don’t know how to describe it and get frustrated with myself. Guess I’m better at typing it all out then saying it. Then she always ends up getting mad at me for extending her help and I hate myself more. 

It’s not she’s a bad person she’s just hard. She yells curses in the car all the time at other drivers, which Ik isn’t a big deal but when you’ve been at school all day and just want some peace you’re hearing yelling. She’s also very judgemental of other people. She judged everyone by class and looks and their behavior. And it’s to an excessive degree. I think this may have caused me to feel the way I do about myself rn. She never says anything to me specially, but that’s when I act the right way. When I actually act like myself and wear what I want and look how I wish she judges me. Even if she doesn’t say anything directly I can tell by the way she looks and the way she responds with a tight voice. And the issue is whenever I vocalize any of these either what happens is above or she levels it down to me being a teenager and acting like a teen, therefore making my feelings not matter. That’s probably why I’m questioning if I have the right to be upset rn.

She’s also like a feminist which is a bad thing but it’s in a toxic way. Like every single man is bad boo. And then she’s hypocritical in the sense because she’ll hold men by the stereotypes but then changing her mind when it doesn’t benefit her. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. For example we watched Hamilton together and she was complaining that there were no women in it (we hadn’t gotten to Schuyler sisters yet) she complained about how they have color blind casting and all that but why women couldn’t play these roles. I explained that it has to do with voice parts since usually AFAB and AMAB people have different sounding voices. She huffed and puffed at this. Throughout the thing she would make me stop so she could learn about the women involved in it and then would just kinda talk shit about the dudes the whole time and making it this whole thing when it’s just a fucking musical about a founding father. And I just have a complicated relationship with it since I’m AFAB and non-binary it’s just hard. Cuz I’m a feminist just not in my moms sense of it. And she’s hypocritical with it. Like when we watched the Oscar’s this lady won for this feminist movie and she did a whole feminism speech thing and my mom was all here for it. But later on when black Panther won something and the lady made a speech about black power she changes the channel! And Ik she would do the same shit if it was a speech about LGBTQ stuff.

With LGBTQ it’s so fucking hard being a gay non-binary teen. I live in the south and everyone here is fucking toxic christian who just say they don’t support it and move on. Or if they accept me they don’t really. Or they just tolerate it. Ig you would call it lesbian non-binary technically. That’s what I am. I have a they/them pin on my backpack and beanie. But no one calls me the right shit. I can’t correct them cuz then they’ll look at me and we’ll talk and they’ll just think it’s weird and not care enough. And being gay is the fucking worse. I’m the odd one out and yeah I can joke about it but it gets hard. I take a lot of shit letting people joke about it. Even with the f slur. But I can’t say anything. I’m still seen as weird for it, tho I am one of the more accepted ones for it probably cuz I don’t make a big deal about it. I haven’t really dated anyone. Ik if I did or actually talked about how I liked girl I’d be see as weird and looked at funny. Even with girls I’m friends with theyll just single me out for it. Like when we’re joking around and their being silly straight girls, and I’m not even trying to join in, they’ll be like “well not you cuz you’re gay and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.” And then whenever I actually try to share my opinion on gay shit and how it makes me feel it doesn’t even matter. What’s worst of all is one of my best friends doesn’t fucking accept me cuz she’s super Christian. I want to talk to her about it but I can’t I fucking can’t cuz she doesn’t agree. I get asked weird questions or I get asked why im like this. I just wanna be myself for fucks sake. Why can’t anyone get that?

Im out to the whole grade and im really starting to regret it. 

I forgot to mention that my parents are divorced. My dads basically a sex addict but pretends he’s not. He’s just weird with everything, I never know what to do around him. I don’t know exactly what happened to make me get where I am with him, but yeah. Oh and my parents hate each other and don’t hide it. I don’t mind it too much but I bet it has some affect on me. 

Ik if ever told my mom I was gay it wouldn’t go great. There are several possibilities for it. She would either tell me I’m not, tell me I don’t know yet, or pretend to accept me but not really and judge me for it. And the non-binary thing she would hate. She’d wonder why I don’t want to be a woman. She’d say I’m just a masculine girl. But Ik I’m not. I’ve thought for fucking months about that shit and being called a girl and SHE sounds weird and wrong and not me. If I told her my new name too she’d flip. She’d wonder what was wrong with the name she chose and why I don’t like it anymore. She’d take it as a personal offense. 

This just adds to the fact that I can never be myself. But I don’t even know if that’s a good thing. No one at school ever likes when I am. They talk down about the few times I was myself. But I don’t even know wtf that is. I think it’s a little bit of what I am now, but not fully. My mom doesn’t like when I act how I want to at all. And just so you know I’m not some rebellious teen trying to do drugs or something. I just want to vibe as myself fully and without bounds. Do the things I want to do and not hold back. Wear what I want, get my hair how I want. But I can’t. It’s not just them. I’m scared to. I’ve been told my whole life that this is what good successful people do and looking this way or that will get judged and people will think this about you (aka when my mom judges everyone on every little thing). And then if I can be myself maybe I’ll finally be happy. But Ik it won’t work cuz people at school will make fun of me behind my back. I don’t know why I have all these issues or if they’re even issues at all. Maybe I am just a bratty teen complaining about nothing. I feel as tho I should be happy cuz on the surface that’s what it should be. But I’m not. Cuz if this is what happiness is it’s shit. But I don’t even know what that feels like and idk if I ever will.

If you’ve come this far thanks for reading all this. You’ve indulged me for one of my annual “nights” where I break. Thanks. I hope you’re happy. 

#i don’t even know why tf I did this #here you go ig thanks for listening to me #Ill see you some other time ig #i fucking hate myself and will probably regret this

[mokkemusic]

Gonna blog about my day just cause. Most of it wont make sense if your not me but for anyone who sees this enjoy the show I guess

Well tonight I found out that I had 3 drop buddies for a minty pin drop (if anyone doesn’t know those pins resell for like $500 dollars on Mercari after ok so it’s a big deal cause people are unfair scalpers) anyway I have 3 I had THREE drop buddies for the Tohru and Kyo couple one and all 3 couldn’t do it cause of all the extras that we’re gonna be at that shop drop we didn’t expect. Which ironically the shop drop is on the 30th which 😅.. now makes me definitely think I won’t be able to get anything cause luck on that day I don’t think Is ever in the cards. 😔 I’ll still try … but I am sure that also it might make me more disappointed if I come up empty which 99.9 percent sure I will be. But also … it’s ok cause really there’s way more important merch to me rn I am praying works out then Mintys pins. But still it would have been really nice! 🥺 it’s just disheartening to know I had 3 drop buddies and all of them couldn’t do it. Which I completely understand not there fault but still disappointed. But at the same time also tonight..

I got to talk to Erin about Chihayafuru and l like - emotional tears want to cry! Cause like oh man it’s not about Chihayfuru (well I always cry when it’s about Chihayafuru anyway) but it’s about my process for how to explain something.

It takes me an hour to like explain what I mean at one point I’m like “Erin I have no idea what I’m saying but the point is I just love it so much like I just love it so much that’s the only thing I’m trying to get across”

Like me trying to explain Taichi and Chihaya I start at point 10 and go out of order to points 3 7 and 2 like my brain just can’t tell things the way I want them and ahh it’s frustrating! But she gives me the time to do that. And like ahh it just

This story was actually made for me it was. I didn’t realize it was. But how some of my friends have said “this story was made for me” I truly agree when you all have said this about the new stories besides Hanako you have let into your life.

And this is mine my true Dana self’s self.

Idk there’s no point to this but I’m so in love with this story (gonna hysterical sob when I reach the end) and I want to shout it to the world. However I am not making others watch and being like “you gotta watch it!” Like I do all the time no this kinda story all I can do is express my love so if and when you are ready to delve into it it will be yours too. I won’t sell you on it.

But this story means the sheer the world to me rn so being able to talk about it with Erin and Ami just alone so overjoyed about that. Cause I probably will be continuing talking about this.

Oh I also talked about how Alternative Universe Dana who was not such a narrow minded stubborn soul would have been obsessed with fruits basket if I she had watched it before Hanako. For reasons that have nothing to do with Hanako but the idea of “unattainable love” as well as

Me and Erin would have been best friends as little kids with our stories. Highlights pure Highlights 👌🏻

Next - The Chihayafuru pop up store is still there so like I just check everyday on Mercari to see if they add new things. They weren’t kidding like .. if this was the Hanako pop up store everything would be online rn! But chihayfuru merch… why is it so hard to obtain! It’s insane.

I wrote a fic?? Well sort of?? It’s literally maybe 100 words but I just needed to jot it out cause it’s silly but really fluffy I have giggles and cavities

Now since someone brought it up I am really mad about that 18 card difference it’s been on my mind all day. (Like I can understand 8 but EIGHTEEN his godlike powers at work again no no that’s just not ok makes no sense)

I now have 3 poems I’m attached to: “Su” “Se” and “Chiha” (I feel bad Kana I love you and have not studied your poems yet but I will)

I have a list of edits I want to make a mile long

A tweet I want to make - when I finish

Someone post the very standees please! 😭

- oh incase you are still here these are all again about Chihayafuru.

Back to a sadder note I have developed slight paranoia - even I’m like no no this is getting out of hand. Superstitions are meant to be comforts not ruin your life. But im working on reining that back in- as if I didn’t have enough.

Back to a happier note. I helped someone the other day. 2 someone’s. Made me happy to know I could put them more at peace. At least I hope I did. ❤️ one of them I know for sure the other I hope they will let time heal their wounds.

I’m back to watching podcasts at night and … umm well I have to clean more? Gotta pre order some manga that got restocked but that’s stuff I’m going to do not I did so this is just stuff that already happened. Oh and I really do need more bookshelves I think and I want to re read Tac and re watch fruits basket

I told you this was all a jumbled mess right? Lol

#a day with Dana #i just like blogging to express myself

[moodywyrm]

hi moony! i saw u were feeling sad and insecure and wanted to share a little trick/advice i guess whenever i’m feeling the same way especially bc of pics i’m in. the first thing i do is stop looking at the pics bc the more i look, the more i over analyze, and start criticizing all the flaws i think i see. i give it a couple hours, sometimes a couple days. i remember how much fun i had wherever i was and try to keep myself from thinking about how i looked. after some time has passed i’ll look back at the pics and i usually find that what i thought were really bad pics of me actually end up being really cute pics. granted, they don’t always end up being pics i feel confident enough to post anywhere, but they’re pics i can look back at and smile at instead of pick out whatever flaws i think i see. i know this advice is all about mentality and it’s easier said than done :( but i hope it helps a little bit 💕 remember, we are our biggest critics and the flaws you think you might see aren’t flaws at all in the eyes of friends, family, loved ones, even a random passerby, etc

also just wanted to say i absolutely adore your writing and your account. i always check whatever blurbs or even small life updates you post on here cause you’ve created such a safe space on ur acct and ur such a good writer too (literally obsessed w the way u write abby <3). anyways, hope u have a little bit happier of a night/morning/afternoon (idk time zones haha). lots of love!!

you're gonna make me cry harder baby :( im gonna try and not look at the photos, but honestly it's not even just those </3 I don't know if this sounds bratty or makes me a bad person, but whenever I go out with my friend, she's the only one who gets complimented and it happens All The Time, and it always hurts when im just there like the troll next to her. and I know it's not her fault and I would never blame her, but I also know I will never be perceived as the pretty one no matter who im with and it just kinda .... sucks. a lot. i felt really pretty when we got the renfair and then it just got worse as the day went on bc we only ever got complimented as a group (five of us total) and then it kept happening even after renfair when we were running errands and idk. maybe im just being a brat.

and thank you :( I actually get really anxious about my fic writing style bc I'm 100% an academic writer who wants to do creative writing, but y'all make me feel safe :( I hope you also have a good morning/night/afternoon, it's night for me rn <3 besitos baby

#anon #moodythoughts

[outofcontexturi]

wed august 17th 2022 journal

I’m hi as hell rn. had to spell it like that cause autocorrect kept fucking with me and ion like that. I’m going into my 3rd year of drama school this September and I’m completely nervous about it. I just can’t believe I’m actually at drama school doing cool things with my life. meeting cool people and actually just living quite bohemian in a way. It’s cool. there’s something so mystifying about it all. alluring. my heart is beating quite fast rn just thinking about it all. im ready. I’m ready to show them all. second year really tried to take my soul from me. just got my pizza. intuition guided me to the door cause it’s 00:35am rn and it was expected to arrive to me at 00:55-1:10am. something higher was calling me I guess. that’s probably a perfect metaphor for what awaits me at the beginning of September. I think I’m gonna miss being a student you know. i think it’s cause I’ve romanticised the idea of what I saw on tv of what it means to be a student. Late nights. Parties. love gone right. love gone wrong. people coming and going. trying to get it right. getting it wrong. getting it right. nights where you feel rich as shit cause student finance dropped vs nights where it’s only pasta and tuna or Lidl brand evenings (not even shitting on Lidl like that; they’re helpful as fuck to nigga. But it’s true man.) early mornings. the travel. the discounts! oh god the discounts. thank god for discounts. we live for the night we will remember with people we won’t forget. just the beginning of the journey for us all. the start point. listening to that motivational playlist on my way to school just to go and live my dream and shit. Be silly for 9 hours everyday. Be the clown so you can laugh at everything. Find humour in it. In the everyday mundane. That’s also another title for how my time has been at LAMDA. I’ve learnt so much on my journey about myself. About my year. About the school. Habits, the good, the bad, the ugly. I learnt about how important it is to pick your tribe wisely cause everyone talks here. And a bad mouth is bad business as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also learnt you have to really trust the process and have faith that you know what you’re doing cause I’ve seen that also the opposite way (when everything goes wrong during a performance) and the consequences that come with that and the self reflection and imposter syndrome that attaches itself to that self reflection too and feeds off your ego. I’ve learnt about how professionalism is a thing that not many of us have. the importance and value of each other’s time and how it can’t be wasted concerning yourself with anything but the goal, anything but the objectives at hand. It serves no one. I’ve learnt how people are. Some people live to lie to people, idk maybe it’s for protection or maybe it’s for manipulation but all I know is I see it in some people and even in myself at times and it’s crazy. I’ve learnt confidence goes a long way. And if I confident in myself that I can achieve anything. I spent many days here angry at myself and my abilities and half assing things in the name of trying not to fuck up or trying to see perfection that stabbed at my confidence and killed it. I had to find my way back to myself. I’m still on that journey now as we speak. I think I’m excited for third year. I’m gonna miss this year and these people. We’ve had one hell of a ride and it’s our last dance (many for the rest of our lives. Others may just be blessed to work with the same member ever again.) we’ll argue, we’ll bitch, we’ll complain, we’ll lash out, we’ll lie, we’ll comfort, we’ll protect, especially interests of ourselves and others close to us, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll go alone, we’ll confide in, we’ll do whatever but we’ll always somehow pull it off in performance szn. every time . I remember Vik saying I need to want this shit more because it was looking like I was half assing everything again. And how it takes me a while to warm up to the audience when I’m on stage and he’s only seeing flashes of my brilliance when he wants to see it there from the get go.

#me #journal

[ellecdc]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

me rn after chap 4

IM SO FED UP BRO IM ACTUALLY DONE LETS PACK UP GO YALL I CANT DO THIS

okay seriously thoughts:

amelia is a bitch —she has her reasons and is primarily a victim— but she’s a bitch. i’m bout to toss her ass into a boiling pot of hot water LETS SEE WHOSE A TOSSER NOW. I MEAN SERIOUSLY YOU COULD PUT AWAY THE BULLYING, YOU’RE NOT MUCH BETTER THAN HER🤨🤨

THE FACT THAT HE BROKE ANCIENT WARDS TO PROTECT HER i’m fucking SCREAMING HEAVING CRYING i actually had to put my phone down for a sec cause i thought i was gonna break it 😐

i’m literally clawing at my face this chapter was so fucking good

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW?? THAT HES A WEREWOLF?? I MEAN I WOULDNT PUT IT PAST HER (my smart, amazing, beautiful, girl) BUT DOES SHE KNOW HRSJEKSDHJEKFJFEJ I WILL THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF

omg i feel james is gonna be so sad that she’s left for awhile, they seem to be such good friends ☹️

he’s so gonna find out why she left HIM SNEAKING OUT TO FIND HER AAAAAA THE ANGST

i feel the reason she left is to protect him (rem) and not herself and that makes shit so much more sad IM ACTUALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

i’m scared for the next chapters holy shit

love you, drink water, bye🫣💗💕

Hahahahahahahahahaa I fucking love you.

Okay but Rem’s getting better right? Not quite as douchey as last time?? No??? We don’t see him sort of falling for her?? Being sweet inside his mind!?!! Just me?!!! Ok.

Yeah poor Amelia, I think she honestly was just speaking to reader the way everyone else does, like I really don’t think she meant much by it (I mean, it was still rude) but I definitely don’t think she though “lol I’m being mean and it’ll make remus laugh and he’ll like me more” I legit think that’s just how most of hogwarts treats her.

The apparition wards AND the fact they haven’t been taught how to apparate yet?? (I think I read somewhere that apparition was taught in/before exit exams??? Idk, this is my universe anyway so lol) like bro didn’t even realize he was APPARATING but he KNEW he had to protect her 🫶 I just like that he’s being nicer to her now both out loud and in his mind

Cue that song *she knows………..she knows*

Yeah I can definitely see some distraught (but funny to read) Jamie in the next piece.

Hope you have a fantabulous day bestie!!!! 💖💖

#ask elle #elle chats #remus is a man with a plan

[ryuryuryuyurboat]

AHHH PH NO THE QUEEN IS SICK?! WITH FLU?!?

CURSE YOU, FLU!

leaving all that aside, I do hope you get better soon <33 *sends some hugs and medicine*

heheheh my wallet is crying rn..I blew like 200 somewhat dollars on books I’m only gonna use once and then throw away 😃 so noice

and also, do you think having a career as a set designer or writer is better? I personally want your opinion bc I have to make a PowerPoint on a career I want career exploration is just mwah and I honestly don’t know which one to pursue 😭

anyways, I hope you feel better soon!

sending lots of love,

-that anon

WAAAAUGH thankyou for the well-wish hehe i have regained a lot of strength today!!

i hate assessment books specifically because they're crazy expensive and then,, you dont even use them after your exams 😭😭 i decided to just buy them and do the exercises on another notebook and then i sell or give away the assessment book to other people heuehuee

ooooh i honestly don't know,, they both seem like really cool careers,,

both set design and writing do require quite a lot of dedication and creativity; and they both allow you to go crazy with ideas!! and bring whatever ideas you have to life :> but what sets them both apart, i think, is that you have to work with more people in set design as compared to writing, and i personally think it seems more tedious 'cause you have to create prototypes (???) on top of working with an entire team (i am not a people person ahahahahaha) and yeah. but!! if you love people and you love doing hands-on modelling and stuff and actually helping to bring scenes you visualise to life then i think set design is for you!! but if you'd rather have to interact with less people and you'd rather be the ones to help people visualise scenes (if ykwim) then writing is for you!!

aaaaah i don't really know much about both careers HAHAHAHA but i hope that helps :') all the best with your presentation! <3

#✩message in a bottle࿐࿔ #wandering wayfarer: that random anon ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[sungbeam]

OH MY GODDD IT’S LIKE YOU LITERALLY SUMMONED ME THAT’S CRAZY LIKE DA-DARA-RAAAAA 🧚‍♀️✨

I am just like… crying tears of joy… school is finally over LMAO I was fighting for my life fr fr-

BUT YAS MANIFESTING MY FIRST SUMMER FIC AND NOW I’M EXTRA EXCITED CAUSE FIRST I WAS GONNA GO ONE ROUTE AND THEN IT’S LIKE MY FYP WANTED ME TO FIND A SPECIAL SMTH SMTH FOR ME TO CREATE MY MAGNUM OPUS AND I CAN’T WAIT CAUSE NOW I’M 100% DEAD SET now I just have to see which member 🫣

BTW HOW DARE YOU RELEASE NOT ONE BUT TWO SANGYEON FICS??? LIKE HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT HE WAS ABSOLUTELY BIAS WRECKING ME 😭😭 I’m like,,, too scared to read them cause I feel like I’d get too delulu 😨

BTW NO DRAMA IS SAURRR FUNNY IM LOVING IT SM SO FAR EVEN THOUGH IT’S ONLY BEEN 3 EPISODES SO FAR LOL I’m always for the chaotic energy 🤭🤭 can’t wait to see ep 4 cause the title is already wild FYTVHGJ

But yuhhh other than that there hasn’t really been many life updates from me so feel free to use this as a little catching up/speak your mind moment hehe!

OH OH ACTUALLY OSHI NO KO IS DONE AIRING SO I CAN FINALLY WATCH IT YAS idk if you watch anime or read manga (pls recommend some if you do lolol) but I usually have to wait for a series or season to end before watching it cause I would actually go insane being left on a cliffhanger like I can’t take it fr 😭

ANYWAYS, hope you’re doing well as always and I can’t wait to catch up with anything I’ve missed out on hehe!

- In all your endeavours, forever, 🌷 anon (wink)

P.S. IT’S ACTUALLY CRAZY HOW I JUST REALIZED THAT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WROTE THAT FIC LIKE OMG??? If I difn’t mention it before, I was an atiny before I also became a deobi so I TECHNICALLY DISCOVERED YOU TWICE LMAOOO MAYBE LIGHTNING DOES STRIKE TWICE SOMETIMES

AHHHHHAHAHAH DA DARA RAAAA HELLO BESTIE WELCOME BACK !!! congrats on finishing school for the summer u made it 🤧

OMG DEAD SET???? THATS CRAZY WISH I COULD RELATE (´Д⊂ヽ now it's member picking time? 👀✨ ooh la-la would u give up any hints 👀✨ no cuz sometimes social media does work wonders and knows exactly wear ur head's at and it's chef's kiss mWAH when it happens

omg HAHA it's weird because im technically in a kyukev mood rn but my writing says otherwise 🥴🥴 crazy how these things work huh? but u should read them hehehe join the club of sangyeon delulus

AHHH im glad u like no drama so far :')) it was a lot of fun to write, and it felt very nice to just let loose and not have a specific plot to go off, just have like some chaotic dialogue/interactions in mind that i can jump off 🤧🤧 it's very therapeutic to pretend to be friends with them haha (as sad as that sounds 💀); plus, i feel like there r never enough platonic interaction fics for kpop ff, and i've always wanted to do one of those kinds of fics!!

ohh omg i actually don't watch anime or read mangas unfortunately 😭😭😭 i would deffo rec some if i did, but alas 😔 oh yeah i totally get the waiting until all the eps r out first TT but i feel like lately i've just cared a little less?? idk if that's the right wording 💀 but idk maybe i don't mind waiting anymore or im impatient? but i usually watch eps when they come out or until i have the time and energy ekfbkrbfjf did any of that make sense??? LMFAO

idk if u missed much really 😭😭 i haven't really been as active ig but hopefully u do enjoy what ur catching up on !! hopefully now that ur on break, we can talk some more hehe (^_-)-☆

bro i've been seriously considering some superhero aus for tbz (´Д⊂ヽ like i already started this one sunwoo and slight eric spiderverse fic, and i really wanna write my sunwoo star lord or nova fic too; plus, i think kev just deserves to be moon knight, no questions asked (or maybe ant man? he has that quality lol) but yeah, lmk ur thoughts!!

OMG IN ALL UR ENDEAVORS FOREVER YES MY BABY :')))) TELL ME WHO UR ATEEZ BIAS IS RN !!!!! maybe we were fate if u found me twice 👀✨

anyways, always and forever <3 lots of love 💖

#sungbeam strikes again #🌷 anon #tbz </3

[invalid-serenity]

What’s currently wrong in my life: (vent post, ignore)

- I’m lonely, I have not seen any of my friends in over a month

- My best friend stole $500 from me

- My mom “borrowed” over $5,000 from me (I’m too scared to do the actual math bc I know it’s more). It happened towards the end of last year when I was truly at my lowest. I was miserable, filled with anguish, literally just broken and incredibly su!cidal. I got assaulted on campus and as a result I stopped going to classes because I was fucking TERRIFIED. My parents were pissed that I wasted a semester so I got a really great job hoping they wouldn’t be angry anymore but they were still upset about me flunking the semester. They were so mad at me and I was still trying to deal with what happened to me on campus, I didn’t know what to do so every time my mom asked for money I gave it to her because I didn’t know any better ( I was in a state of psychosis -100/10 would not recommend, I could not think straight, frequent panic attacks, I would cry before going into work and I would fall apart afterwards. It was awful and I’m sorry I had to go through that). My mom saw me as her personal ATM which led to me being hospitalized ( I was already su!cidal, but that fact that my own mother saw me as nothing more than money making machine hurt like hell, that was literally the final straw)

- Currently unemployed 🤪😍

- Still living with my mom, abu$ive brother, and BPD sister. I want to move out and I’ve came to terms with the fact that it’s not my responsibility to take care of my mom. I’ve done my best. I also need to experience something new. I look forward to traveling and meeting new people. My mom refuses to take the time to better herself and I cannot allow her negativity or bad habits to influence me. I also cannot stay in my current environment if I want to thrive. I still can’t look my brother in the eyes and I flinch every time I hear his voice, it’s is definitely in my best interest to get my shit together so I can leave/live.

- Broke 🤧, like I said my bestie stole the money I was gonna use to get my certification 🌚 now I’m -$500 and with a certification to get a job

- Hungry, my mom is addicted to sugar (literally, it’s actually very scary), my siblings only buy ultra processed junk food and frozen “tv dinners”. I used to buy the majority of the groceries but now I’m jobless but I’m not necessarily at the point where I want to develop a junk food addiction (I will do almost anything for some kimchi right now 😭)

- VERY lonely, I already mentioned it but I actually feel like I’m forgetting how to have social interactions (I have autism, I literally cannot not afford to forget how to socialize. It took so long to get to where I’m at and I refuse to loose my progress)

- Still a virgin. The thing is I can deal with being a virgin, I cannot deal with having limited social interactions. If I have sex, I’ll at least have something to reminisce about (I do NOT want to think about what happened on campus). I look forward to making new friends in general but I really look forward to getting a boyfriend/girlfriend soon cause I’m going through it rn 😭

- my mom is being weird, she wants me to be sick with her (reason #467879 on why I will move out) (I love her but cmon, some time apart would do us both some good, she got a minor case of maunchensen by proxy)

Rant is over and I feel better already, typing is so much faster than writing. My journal is almost full anyways soo ☺️.

I’ll also make a post about all the good things going on in my life (I’m a positive person and I REFUSE to be miserable again)

#vent post #i feel better already #this week has been a lil rough lol #autism vent #idk if I’m doing this right #first post in a while