#I'll delete this later I just needed to vent somewhere | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vanillateaa-deactivated20231025 · 7 months

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#I'm genuinely so sick of family politics and shit and I've never felt this alone and helpless #i wish i had someone or had enough money to leave or live with a friend far away from these people #dealing with grief anger anxiety and also getting over people who i cared for sm #dealing with big life changes #only i know how I'm handling it all alone #and because I can't be there for my close friends I don't bother them with my worries because they can't do anything other than comfort #me with their words #and sometimes it's not enough #May swt Allah make it easier for me because I'm at my breaking point #with my problems*#I'll delete this later I just needed to vent somewhere #Allah swt*#i can't even type properly

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byanyan · 11 days

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one step forward, three steps back, every. fucking. time.

#was already not having a great day and all it took was one stupid thing #that's all. that's it. one stupid little thing and now i'm discouraged as fuck and fucking spiralling and i'm #i hate it. i feel like a fucking kid rn lmao it's so fucking inane #may or may not be having a meltdown rn idfk #and instead of being made to feel better i've been made to feel worse lmfaoooo #instead of listening or understanding i get 'it's not a big deal' yES I KNOW THATTHANK YOU DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE THIS UPSET #I KNOW IT'S STUPUIDKJFSJKFSH #i'm fine. i'll be fine. i just. need to vent somewhere #i'll delete this later just ignore me asjfds #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#vent cw #personal cw #negative cw

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pierswife · 10 months

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Vent under cut fjqjsjq sorry I am just a certified mess rn

I've been doing so so good not crying since Wednesday, almost cried I wanna say 3 times? Once when dropping a friend off, once when I left my sister's (she lives 9 hours away from me), and once while I was driving home. But it's like all crashing on me now since I can finally properly rest and there is just an overwhelming urge to cry cause I miss the people I care about, especially when some of them I only get to see once a year. I'm getting so fucking lucky and I get to see my sister in person twice. I miss my friends. I miss my sister. I miss them so fucking much. I miss my sister so fucking much. I miss my big sister. It's no fair. I wanna see her more often but work and school schedules suck. I got lucky that my sister could skip working her second job so I could go see her when I was doing my 14 hours drive home. This is the person who kept me as safe as she could a sacrificed so fucking much when one of our parents was being an asshole and making our lives and our mom's life hell. It's not fair I don't get to see her every day. I know we're both adults and it's not like we don't call and text everyday but it's not the same as being able to run and hug her whenever I want or to be able to poke my head into her room and ask if she's awake because I don't wanna be alone. When I was leaving her house she hit me with "If I hug you, that means goodbye and I don't want to" and honestly it broke me but I didn't wanna cry in front of her cause I knew she'd start crying too so I forced myself to stay strong and keep smiling. And god I miss my friends so much I had literally one of the best weeks of my life being able to hang out with some of the people I care about the most and not having to worry about work or school or monet and just have fun with them. Walking away back to my car to start driving home was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I knew if I started crying that I'd be exhausted after and not awake enough to drive, so I didn't.

I'm just so tired and I don't wanna cry because it's obviously not the last time I'll see all of them, but it still fucking hurts knowing I can't see them whenever I want because of distance and it just makes me feel so alone that a good handful of the people I care about the most are so physically out of reach. It fucking sucks.

#vent tw #tw vent #I did start crying while typing this btw jfjwjdjsis #I just feel incredibly bad actually voicing stuff like this so I usually just shove it on tumblr for a bit until I feel better then delete #Probably not the healthiest way to process my emotions but it still lets me put it somewhere and feel seen without just #dumping it all on someone because people can choose whether or not to read it which makes me feel better about it #it's also a lot easier cause then I don't need to worry about a response I can just relax after putting it out there #I would just throw it in my personal server on discord but it's just not the same and doesn't give me the same emotional release #see personal server is reserved for the stuff that NO ONE can no about because then people would worry too much 👉👉 /lh #I'll be okay crying made me feel better and I think I'm just gonna go back to sleep or at least try to #then go play some three hopes or eo or maybe draw #delete later #oh or maybe overwatch I haven't played that in like a week or so

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taichouu · 1 year

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Maybe it was for the best.

#tai talks #maybe ... I'll have to see it that way eventually #i just feel so stupid like .. how could i have done that to her. or to myself.#I always think it'll be different and I wanted it to be different so badly #thats just how it has to be and I have to be ok with it #but fucking hell. i dont want to be okay with it :'/#I dont want to be okay with my family leaving me and I dont want to be okay with bringing grief to her #im just so tired of wanting so much.#delete later #sorry for venting i just needed to put my thoughts and aching somewhere.

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whitemochacoffee · 3 months

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To my friends; i'm just really really sorry for everything. I love y'all

#delete later #vent post #personal #sorry i just really need to let this out somewhere #i've been following advice to get better #ive been working well and ive been going out #but i just feel so incredibly suicidal when i complete things that are meant to make me happier that are meant to improve my mental health #i want to be okay #but i think the fact that i'm sick just fucking messes with every bit of my being #i love my friends so much i dont want to hurt them by offing myself #but some part of me thinks that they'll be happy i'm dead because i've been such a burden #i'm deaf and i've got chronic fatigue and walking is hell for me but i try not to let it show #i feel like if i stop my performance i'm going to die #finita thats it thats done #i'm so fucking ingenuine i hate it but its better than being a fucking rock when i hang out with people #i hate that i was spending time with some folks down by the river and all i could think of was how i can drown myself #they would deem it an accident because yknow #i've been here since 8 am its now 6pm and i can't help but think of just offing myself in the most quiet way possible #i don't kmow if i'll make it through the month #but i think i'll be okay #i hope i will be okay. i will be okay #gOD WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY MUSIC MY FRIEND IS PLAYING #honestly the shock of hearing american english shocked me out of my daze 2hat the fuck #this music makes me want to go fully deaf #imagine being in the deep asian wilderness and outside the toilets youre taking a breather at fucking american country songs start blasting

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anirudhpisharody · 11 months

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#i usually put this kind of stuff in the drafts so you don't need to read it. go ahead if you want i don't care just like. don't respond lol #but this is just for me to vent publicly so it feels like the thoughts went somewhere #my sister's best friend's mom just got put in hospice and they say she has about 3 more days #and i could hear my little sister bawling when my mom told her and it's breaking my heart #they're barely teenagers they're too young for this #and my mom's trying to write an email to the father and she can't fucking do it. i wanna help but she doesn't want any which i get #i can hear my sister either giggling or crying in her room right now i can't tell which but it sounds more like laughing. i hope it is #my mom and my sister are going to do to the hospice room to say goodbye to her i think tomorrow #and i really just want to be able to hang out with my sister bc i know it's gonna be really scary for her after but i have to work #if one person complains about their problems to me at work tomorrow i'm gonna get fucking fired for what i do next #that's probably not true but i'm gonna feel like it #i don't know this woman but i know my sister loves her and my mom is friends with the father so i mean i'm not really grieving but they are #and i wish i knew what to do #at least this was somewhat expected like she was in the later stages of her cancer but i don't think anyone was thinking it would happen no #i don't know if i should post this. i want to because i have so many posts like this in my drafts and it never makes me feel any better #but i don't like sharing ultra personal stuff like this especially about other people even if nobody knows who i am #i'll post it for now but i'll delete it later. i just need it to be out there a little bit so there's proof it exists #i think this is something i should be adding trigger tags for?#tw cancer #tw death #tw grief #shut up hanna

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whelpimnauthuman · 11 months

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Gotta love when somebody asks why I chose the username I did (on a different platform) and when I answer honestly ("haha, it's an attempt at trying to light-heartedly make fun of a bad situation with my disability") they. Chose to go from 0-100 and start making fun?? As if I didn't just say "yeah, it's been hard, we haven't even had a year since this happened"?

Like, I did my best to be light hearted, and get they were probably trying to get in on joking too? But there's a difference between "yeah, my brain don't work so I'm naming myself after it, haha" to someone I barely know doing a BrAiN dOn'T WoRk voice and asking if I stopped drawing because it affected my arms??

#rambling in the tags #I'll delete this later #but- HELLO??#i get he was probably joking im just reeling a bit ig #I'm still kinda sensitive about it all ig #like. yeah dude i am gonna name myself after this and joke brain don't work. cause it doesn't #a little over six months ago i could walk just fine and had no issues talking. that's not the case now!!!#(yeah i had seizures but always have and always will so that's. fine)#and then finding out 'oh yeah it's a Fucking BRAIN LEGION jfhshs like.#we still don't know officially what that means yet #(it hasn't grown last we checked tho so yay)#i stopped drawing cause life got busy! im slowly picking it back up but Surprise! drawing takes focus and energy!#something i have trouble with!#(I'm also a perfectionist and am trying to get over stressing myself out when i do draw haha. just wanna have fun when i do it)#like i said im probably over reacting and he was also probably trying to joke with me and just. accidentally crossed a line or something #i just needed to vent this somewhere and delete it later cause DAMN

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genderqueer-miharu · 2 years

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#this is a vent post btw #just kinda been having a shitty day #i'm just so stressed about a lot of things going rn #i still haven't done anything for my school project #and i have 3 weeks left #and i guess i am...idk. scared?#which sounds kinda dumb for a school project but it also invloves a lot of public speaking and debate #which is...not something i'm particularly good at #there's also other stuff going on that's been stressing me out that i'd rather not talk about here #and idk i just kinda want this month to be over #not a point to this i just needed to put this somewhere #idk. it's late and my thoughts are not peer reviewed. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow #delete later probably

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spoonyglitteraunt · 8 months

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This is a vent post. Because no-one I usually go to with this stuff is currently awake. So not tagging it and will likely delete it come later today. But I need to put this somewhere lest it builds up more. So you all get to ride this emo train with me.

Just. If medical anxiety, cancer scare, fears around parental death and existential dread for the future are things you can't deal with right now feel free to skip. I don't blame you. I wish I could skip this.

I'm scared. Plain and simple. I'm scared.

My dad has been having episodes of peeing blood and he's finally getting it checked out. Last week he had a scan and they found something. They just don't know what since those scans don't do well with empty organs. They just have a rough size estimate of somewhere between 3 to 9mm. So in a few hours he has an exam to stick a camera up there and go see what's up.

And I'm scared.

I'd been oddly, surprisingly, uncharacteristically chill about it all week. Really not my usual. I was all, no need to stress, chances are it's just a polyp and even if it's not it's not big right? (No I have no concept of what are usual sizes of the T word are and looking it up now would be an extremely bad, no good, terrible idea.) But where I was chill all week, I'm not so much now. As in not at all actually.

It wasn't bad throughout the day, but once night fell it got progressively worse by the hour. While playing a game to distract myself it was still manageable, but once in the dark, trying to sleep, and nothing to focus on. Yeah chill is so far removed from what I am now that it's in another universe entirely. So far it's 7am and no sleep was had. Don't know if I'll get any. I should, because if it's bad news I also won't get any sleep after. But mind is not having it. And the aforementioned no one to talk to doesn't help.

All the fears, all the existential dread. All the everything. Because pitiable as it sounds with how my life has gone he's my rock. My emotional support. He is the one semi functioning cog in this broken down household of a health issues collectathon. And well, my parents are all I have.

It feels like we were finally starting on making some preparation for the future. Starting being the operative word there. As I'm the greyest of grey zones no one knows how to help other than passing the buck. And now I fear it will become a trial by fire as so much of my life has already been. And I'm still as fire proof as dry straw.

Where a few days ago I almost felt like it would be ok. That we'd sort things out, and make plans, and I'd learn. Learn to somehow take care of myself despite everything. Somehow. Figure it all out by the time I'd need it. Somehow. Now I'm right back to feeling small. Small and helpless. And I hate it.

I can't help wondering if I was fooling myself. That I'm just destined to end up bounced around from hospital to hospital to a retirement home, because there are just are no accomodations for people like me. The fact I've once spent five weeks in a hospital room with someone like that. Someone like me, who'd been forced to live exist like that and was pretty much left to waste away. Forever told no one knew what to do with her and she neither belonged nor had a place anywhere. Someone who... well who knows if she's even still alive today. It does not help these fears.

So yeah having a bit of an anxiety meltdown and I can't even go to my parents, which is usually the hack to wrangle the panic demons under control, because they have their own fears without me adding to it. It's just so much.

And I'm scared.

I know all the sayings. All the wisdom. About how worrying about something is putting yourself through it twice. And how stress isn't bad it's just a way for your body to deal with challenges. How you need to stay away from what ifs and only deal with stuff you know. All the grounding and breathing exercises. All the stay in the now stuff. All the advice. But guess how many of those are working right now when I'm posting this ramble online.

You know. Sometimes I envy those of you who believe in a god or a sentient universe or whatever. Because it would be really nice right now to think there was something out there I could appeal to to give us more time. Something I could tell, well listen, buddy. Whoever might be up, or down, or triple sideways loop the loop style out there somewhere. I'm not saying we won't still have to have a talk when I arrive wherever, but if you make sure it isn't bad news, idk. Just keep a receipt or something, and I will probably go from very pissed, to strongly worded letter, maybe even begrudging acceptance, when we do get round to that talk.

It would be nice.

But I don't.

So you all got this vent instead.

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littletealseal · 1 month

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TW: animal death mention

Wish I wouldn't keep starting these posts like this but!... hey guys, been awhile hasn't it?... muh

Ok but for real a lot has been happening in my life since I last fell off this website... again, I've been doing some stuff with my girlfriend and spending time with her too, we've been working on some projects that aren't art but video game related so that's also a thing... and then the biggest thing to shake my world up...

My dog Vanilla Swirl... has sadly passed away...

Ik ik this is kinda a big thing to drop but I feel I need to just get it out there because while I knew my life would be flipped from the trauma of loosing her.. I didn't know it would be this bad. Like ever since last week when we had to put her down (she was very old at 14 years and was ready to move on ) I felt like I had zero energy, even less energy than I already had issues with! I couldn't bring myself to check in on people I knew and even games for daily stuff, plus I got a bad stomach bug last week as well so that didn't help anything.

I'm not trying to gain any sympathy but to just explain where I've been and where I want to go with this blog.

I deleted my last art piece since I honestly felt after thinking on things it was a very stupid post to make, "not needing certain things" I was so dumb to think that stuff, because I'm needing to regress more than ever due to all this trauma being hurled at me now, not to mention just getting through each day without any problems. Man this post is sounding more and more like a vent post huh?

I honestly want to get back into drawing, because it's something I've always had at my disposal, my ability to draw and create. I'm honestly getting real tired of just letting my abilities rot away and not being able to do anything with them when I need them most. I want to perfect my skills and go somewhere with them, so from this post forward I'm going to attempt to post a drawing (being a doodle or full illustration) here or on my mains just so then at least I can get back into the swing of things, just like how it was when I was a kid 💔

I'm not sure when I'll make a digital drawing since I want to get a proper setup for that (since with how things are with my tablet and it's cables it's driving me NUTS ) but look forward to some classic paper and pen doodles from me :3

See you guys later c:

#seal speaks #vent?#cw animal death

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antisociallilbrat · 1 year

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Okay I just need to put this somewhere, I just need to get it out and this is my blog and I can post what I want. Yes I am an It and Stranger Things blog but if you've been following me for a while you may or may not have noticed I interact with both those fandoms differently. I sure as hell post more about It and that can range from silly little nonsense to ficlets to character and ship headcanons.

For Stranger Things I stick to like fandom theories and discussions and will occasionally post a headcanon about a character or a ship. I post more about Stranger Things when I'm crossing it over with It ironically. I tend to stay away from anything about the ships most of the times and I don't go out of my way to contribute a lot of solely Stranger Things content as I do for It.

There's a reason too. I love rarepairs, I think they're neat. They're not for everyone and they don't have to be but I like them. And while they thrive in the It fandom, they literally go to die in the Stranger Things fandom. Which is real ironic considering the Stranger Things fandom is massively bigger than the It fandom.

The Stranger Things fandom is so draining to interact with and so I hardly don't. I protect my peace. I never scroll through the tags anymore and I'm careful about the Stranger Things mutuals I keep.

Don't get me wrong, I love Stranger Things, I love the characters, the story, and I love quite a few ships. Elmax and Byclair are probably my top two, and I'm a big fan of madwheeler, ronance, and wheelclair. When it comes to the big ships, I enjoy both Mileven and Byler casually- and by that I mean I honestly do not care who becomes/stays canon (canon doesn't matter much to me anyways) and I don't actively seek out content for them but when it comes across my feed I enjoy it.

I've said the Stranger Things fandom is draining and I'm not going to just complain without saying why. ANY ship that is not one of the big ships, Byler, Mileven, Ronance, Lumax, ect, their tag is filled with people being like : "Best friends!! I love them platonically!!" and it's just?? So not what that tag is for? The Stranger Things fandom has created platonic tags, use those. And especially if it's a ship that contains Will that isn't byler- people will insist that those two can only ever be platonic. As if Will isn't allowed find interest in a different guy besides Mike- this is fandom, people are allowed to enjoy ships that aren't the big ones.

It goes beyond just the ship tags. If I'm in the Lucas Sinclair tag I am not there to see Mileven or Byler shit, I don't want to see Lucas as a fanboy for either ship, I want to see content for Lucas. God help the Eleven Hopper tag,

But like I said, I keep my peace, I don't scroll through the tags anymore and I limit my interactions with the Stranger Things fandom,,,only everytime I post the rare character or a ship headcannon I will have people reblog it with either A.) Saying some shit about them being 'omg besties!' when clearly I meant the ship in a romantic light or B.) If it's a character headcanon or a ship one, people will use it to shit on other ships. THAT'S NOT WHAT MY BLOG IS ABOUT.

Okay I don't know- this turned into a ramble that I'll probably delete later. I just had to vent and also a lot of only Stranger Things blogs have been following me lately and I felt the need to explain why post how I post with St vs It.

#there is a post in my drafts about the St fandom's obsession with 'canon' ships #maybe one day i'll post it #im just tired #there are so many people in the st fandom who think they're better bc they ship a certain ship #and then fill OTHER ship tags up with shit about their ship #it's exhausting #and im purposely not pointing the finger at any one ship #also I have like...five st mutuals #and you guys rock #it fandom ive never appreciated you more than when I started actively participating in the st fandom #sam rants #it 2017 #it 2019 #stranger things 4 #stranger things #im not going to heavily tag this bc I really only want my followers to see it

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theultimateultimateweapon · 3 years

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bro i am so tired