#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

[sonego]

i've had an idea for a fic series for a bit and i wanna do it so bad but 1. i can't bring myself to write lately 2. i don't know if anyone would even care about it beside like 2 or 3 people and i'd mostly write it for myself which IS fine and great but then lately i've also felt an (even greater lol) need for validation so i'm scared i'd get sad if it flopped

#not that my fics do numbers in general but #it's a jannik ship that's not sincaraz fkcmdvmv #like the idea is: a sinnettini fic (not long. idk how short i don't plan this stuff 😭) for each song off nei letti degli altri #BC I'M LIKE. insanely obsessed w this album rn i've been listening to it over and over for what more than a month? #and it keeps making me think of Them. jean knows i think i've sent her like every song off nlda at one point or another going “that's them” #the brainrot's real. #idk maybe i'll try writing something and see if it goes anywhere ... #post filed under: NICO PERCHÉ TI FAI MILLE PAREEEEEE #nico.txt

[coquelicoq]

wild to me how the english translation of natsume is just. largely out of print i guess?? like half of the volumes you can't get ANYWHERE for love nor money, not even on amazon (unhallowed be its name)! i've found like five sites that sell print volumes and they've all got the same selection (vols 1, 2, 17, 19, 27-29, sometimes 24-26) and if you want any others you are SOL. though what's interesting is i'm pretty sure last time i looked it up a few months ago, you couldn't get volume 17 anywhere either. did they do a print run just of that volume?? total mystery.

#and then amazon does have a handful of volumes you can't get anywhere else (used) but they're selling for $40 to HUNDREDS #OF DOLLARS??? the volume with yorishima's intro is going for $251 😭 #i went so far as to look up the french translation and of course THEY are all in print and selling for 8 euros. i'll be real. i am tempted #it's nice that i can read volumes online but i really want to read them in bed before i fall asleep and i just cannot do that w e-versions #i guess i'll just check back in every few months to see if they've decided to go back and reprint any old volumes idk #and probably go back to checking them all out at the library. but the thing is the urge strikes me suddenly and i want to read them #immediately #this is such a non-problem i'm just. surprised i guess? i understand this isn't a hugely in demand series but it is #still running...and they're making a new season of the anime...idk idk i just expected it to be more accessible #take my money viz media!!! #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou

[lighthouseborn]

this is. random from me blog browsing and seeing posts on blogs i don't follow and it's not supposed to be a Vague Post™ but is technically a vague post because i'm not speaking to these people directly but listen----- the way some of you talk about, like. you will go "my character likes fat girls" (and you will say things like 'the pudge' and 'the chub' which is like. i dunno fine i guess but a little uncomfy to me.) and it's. like. i know where you're coming from with the posts and what you're trying to say and for that it's again like... fine but it flirts with being fetishization so badly and i'm not sure how many people know that.

#esp. the ones that go like..... #''most of my ships are with skinny girls'' and / or include the word 'hourglass' anywhere like #it's. .... there is Effort being made and i appreciate it but it's also. kind of strange ;sdl;fkjgsd;lkfgjs;dlkfjg #i don't know if this is a Me thing or a fat girls in general thing (pls do not panic i promise i'm in my lane) it's just #i dunno i feel like specifying ''likes fat girls'' not matter which uwu replacement word you use is like #.... i don't think it needs to be said? your muse is into whoever they're into and #unless you're specifically trying to speak to it being some form of kink #(which would be fine!) i really don't think you're doing what you think you're doing #like. fat girls are just girls. if you character is into girls you really don't need to ''the fat ones too'' yknow????? is that #is that reading the way i'm trying to explain it??? idk #genuinely about to haul off & start biting ( ooc. ) #like this is not a 1 to 1 i know stay w/me but imagine if u were like. ''my character likes girls. and also black girls'' YOU KNOW??? LIKE. #IT'S ALREADY IMPLIED AND GETS WEIRD IF YOU SINGLE IT OUT LIKE THAT .;SDKFJG;LSDKJFG;LDKSJFG

[bravevolunteer]

and when i npc / oc-ify jeremy fitzgerald what then huh

#OF COURSE i would still write w other people's but oooo i'm thinkin about it #ooooohhh im spinnin it around in my MIND #technically i oc-ify EVERYONE in my mind it's the curse of having timeline/long fic ideas #but i could officially do this . it's been in the plans for months actually LMAO #idk if it would go anywhere but my head and mentioned with some people but i just. Thoughts #/was that the bite of 87/ #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc

[arcadequeerz]

m.

#This will be deleted in a lil bit probably #but m. am i allowed to use mobility aids at like grocery stores- #because i feel like. i need them. but then i tell myself that i'm just lazy and dont need them and shouldn't #take it from someone who actually needs it- #like if i am Completely honest i never leave my house or go anywhere because I know I cannot handle #the walking at all. and its probably because of my weight but also because of my back always fucking hurting #but mm. dont like people staring at me and looking at me and the few times i Have #dared to use one of the scooters i've had people give me Pissed off Looks or even laugh at me. #and I hate having people stare at me and look at me and it freaks me out so i just kinda don't do anything or go anywhere anymore. #not sure if I am allowed to call myself disabled because i Dont Want to Piss people off who look at me #and tell me I'm Not because maybe i am Just Wrong. #chocking this up to more things I need to talk to a therapist about #but thats if i can ever get one which is seeming less and less likely. #not to mention how i havent seen a doctor in probbly like. 2 years? maybe 3. idk im not good w time. #i still think 2019 was a year ago sometimes.

[dingusships]

bigass vent over general life things

things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over

#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older #mentally and physically #when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else #idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin #w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up #probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course #of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and #seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7 #for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming #and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel #a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you #question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk #25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really #just first becoming aware of it. #i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end #instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life #covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of #long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice #add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak #vent

[ever-wondered]

Hm. Thoughts. other than the eyes and the clock on the Book Lesley gives Yellow Guy (on the top and bottom respectively), all the embossed symbols seem to relate only to Duck and Yellow? On the left is Duck's decapitated head, what I think is a heart, and then the shovel Yellow uses to dig him up in Death. The right side has Yellow Guy, a battery and wires, and then a severed hand (like how he lost his hand in Jobs). There isn't really anything related to Red Guy, and I guess u could say the eyes do but pretty much everyone in the series has that style of eye.

#dhmis tv #dhmis tv theories #dhmis tv spoilers #dhmis #dont hug me i'm scared #I dont have anywhere I'm going w this I just kinda noticed #also idk i find it a weird detail that they added a watch to Yellow's character/puppet where there wasnt one before (bar one second in Time #dhmis spoilers

[waitingforminjae]

i think lee seunggi coming out abt hook only now, eighteen years after their abuse started, does offer a unique perspective in the sense that it shows just how thoroughly it affects a person, especially if they were a child when it started. like even though someone may be 35 years old now and able to put words to what they experienced and knows it was wrong, and have removed themselves from that abusive relationship, doesn’t mean its affects just magically go away.

#him on master of the house in 2021 talking abt how right before he went into the army #he had developed a panic disorder so severe he was experiencing psychosomatic symptoms..........yeah i hope they die actually #like idk maybe it's just my own experiences w how my bullying fractured my self-image so thoroughly #but it makes sense to me that he could understand perfectly logically how talented and capable and popular he is #while also feeling like he's the worst entertainer on planet earth and nobody likes him #like i think w such a huge gap btwn his obvs popularity and skill and what the closest adults in his live were telling him...... #i think anyone would develop an imposter syndrome in those circumstances tbh #idk i'm just not sure that the sort of like...........idk how to say it #the transition btwn being an abused child and how that affects a person's life as an adult - esp if its a situation where that abuse #continues to be on-going #idk that that's rlly a topic that's reached the public convo around abuse anywhere (not just sk) #or just. the difference between knowing that and actually understanding it #i feel like a lot of times even if ppl know that they still don't always rlly understand it #anyway #p: lee seunggi

[tatooines-ghosts]

Semi-seriously considering turning Shades into my informal NaNo project this year.

I've never done NaNo before (and tbph I'm not officially doing NaNo), and I would really like to have the excuse to sit down and focus solely on one story. As I have other fics in other fandoms and I am a chronic WIP jumper, different projects can end up sadly abandoned when my muse moves onto the next shiny thing.

It drives me crazy that I have so much planned and written ahead for Shades, but I have such a hard time making the connective tissue so everything makes sense. And I do think focusing solely on Shades for NaNo would be the best way to just make me sit down and get the connecting bits done.

I feel like I have been posting so infrequently over the last couple years, and I only get one or two chapters out a year. And I would really like to get back into a worked ahead and ready buffer so I can plan to post more regularly and chapters don't just show up when the inspiration strikes.

#It would just be really nice #to have this story that much closer to being finished #not that we are anywhere close. nor am I anxious to be done bc i'm bored or w/e #but this is a huge project and it would be nice to have some of the burden lifted for the foreseeable future #and to not have the guilt of 'i should be working on this' crop up when it's been more than a month since the last update #idk where I'm going with this. this just kinda turned into me rambling and thinking out loud #if I was smart. i'd keep the blog updated with daily (or more likely weekly) word counts #but considering how much prewritten stuff I'll be pasting into chapters the word count won't be completely accurate #to the new words I have added. but then again. #it's not officially nano. so I don't have to follow the rules exactly.

[mwagneto]

consider uni means excuses to be out house even if you've not 'left' techincally "oh sorry everyday study group until 9!" double point bro(gn) you are clearly cool If all those unis wanted you <3

no yea so true half the draw of uni is having something to do but my parents aren't the "you're not allowed to go out" type strict i can (and have) leave for months at a time if i want but it's ;;; well yea at least I'll be with other people also fuck YEAH they're all gagging for me but I'm going to my first choice sorry girls😔

#I'm more worried about studying coz like #I'm really good (?) at studying for exams which is why being homeschooled worked so well #but i cannot cannot study day from day i just cant do it. i doodle in class and #listen to the lecturer and whatever stays in my brain from that (which is luckily a lot) is all they're #going to get from me #and I haven't had to go anywhere on a regular basis since like. well since I got homeschooled #it's the death of me idk how I'm gonna manage #but I'm sure it'll be fine it'll be fun. it'll be great. i soo love mesopotamia. yeah. i care. it's fine #GODDD apparently it's normal but i cant deal w just how much all my first year classes suck #not just 'boring bad' but 'i actively hate this' bad #what the sweet hell is 'geospatial informatics' #I got mail!

[sweetearthandnorthernsky]

i cannot WAIT to write the scene from bbom where the pc + gandalf go to check on the arkenstone

#now usually i don't hc that silmaril = arkenstone #mostly because that means it's either maglor's silmaril [unlikely since it was yeeted into the sea] #or maedhros' [slightly more likely imo] #even though he cast it [+ himself] into a flaming chasm right after/during war of wrath when beleriand was sinking #so idk if he'd've had the chance to yeet himself anywhere remotely close to erebor #it could be possible that the lonely mountain was Like That because it was created when eru made the world round in the end of the 2nd age #anyway that's beside the point because if it is a silmaril that means maedhros' body/skeleton is probably hanging out inside the caverns #which THAT'S a horror story in & of itself #and i may be mean but i'm not THAT mean to make morinel deal with That #ANYWAY #i may do a one shot set in an au where it is tho because #it'd be [focusing on the silmaril and not potential-maedhros-skeleton] funny #esp because a couple elves in felegoth are like #'oh yeah thranduil thought the arkenstone was a silmaril at first and we weren't friends for a while w/ dwarves over it' #which definitely almost gives morinel hives #[not in an i'm going to try to take it way but in an 'excuse me he thought WHAT'] #actually... she probably lowkey hates the damn things. and feels really guilty about hating them #meanwhile sae knows more than she did in vol 1 but she's still kinda confused #sticky note tag #writing tag #due to the tag vomit on morinel's *gestures vaguely* whole deal

[belladonnafleur]

🛏️

#im venting too much but its MY FUCMING BLOG #im sitting here wide a fucking wake bc uhhh i feel like a freak #the Bad news is getting to my head #im worried i'll never find a community anywhere and never belong anywhere #i always feel like i need to PROVE myself trustworthy and worthy of love and a community #when i just??? shouldn't have to?? #i should just be allowed to exist #i shouldn't have to change myself or push my own boundaries for other people #my school is fine but i don't like it #because i feel like theres only one Org here where i rlly belong #im sitting here like w t f #it just feels like everyone is talking shit abt me and I'm like!! #i did not do anything wrong!! i try so hard every day!! to exist!! #aaaaaaa #i try so hard every day why can't everyone see that i am Trying to be Not Annoying and Good and Friendly and personally absolvable #also i got rejected for dog application so that's a thing #idk i need to belong SOMEWHERE stat #i know crushie poo doesn't hate me but I'm never going to get anywhere w her not even friendship wise we are TOO DIFFERENT #i mean idk if thats true or not but she just seems completely disinterested in interacting w me which is fine but its :// meh #i just wish i Belonged somewhere and didn't have to sacrifice an arm and a leg to Belong #also why do i remember only the bad interactions and not the good ones #plenty of ppl like me #idk #AAAAAAA #and i don't like everyone #so not everyone liking me should be fucking FINE

[arcadequeerz]

my family asks me where I see myself in 5 years and i just have no idea.

#Cade.Vnt #like. idk. the future doesn't feel real or foreseeable. like its so far away but also rocketing towards me #at a alarming pace and i'm just kinda here too tired to react or try and do anything #like man. i'mrly 24-soon to be 25- and dear god i've really done absolutely fucking nothing with my life #and its really funny how even for a moment i thought i could go anywhere w my photography #like that isn't going to go anywhere- im not going to do anything with it. it doesn't matter. #i rly do just exist and take up space and waste peoples time. my nephew is getting older #and i've done Nothing w my Life- i'm a perfect example of what u dont wanna turn out like #i just feel empty anymore and tired.

[kuiinncedes]

hdgjkd

#hmm lol going back to my old piano school's concert this weekend #ready to see all these kids making music together and be sad abt my life LMFAO #not ready . but it's fine nfdjgnkdsf #maybe this will push me to play piano again :| #bro when they emailed alumni asking them to come back im like idk if u meant me who hasn't touched piano in monthsss :DDD #and who isn't going anywhere / doing shit w her life lmao #but here i come anyway lmfao #nah bc i just looked at the instagram of one of the kids/alumni who is like semi slightly famous and actually making music #which is super cool and like so good for her #i'm just like . sad and unmotivated and jealous XD #i won their silly little mvp 'award' one yr for this concert .... bro all i did was come and play my silly lil piano on a few songs #and literally not talk to anyone bc i was terrified of talking to ppl TT #and they said mvp she doesn't say much but she leads by example LMFAO it's always that #i am slightly less terrified of talking to ppl now so growth ig lmao #i am significantly less terrified of talking to ppl now actually . still slightly terrified but the growth is real lolll #we'll see if i see anyone i know :'') old teachers rly #or bc other kids parents used to recognize me / talk to me and i felt so awkward lmao TT #my last piano teacher recently follow requested me on ig lmaoooo and then i accepted and requested her back and no response 🤨 #i'm sure she doesn't rly look at ig tho lol #anyway if i run into her and shes like hows piano going or anything and im like haha ha haha haha hahaha so like #school happened #anyway :') basically ready to feel awkward also if they do like call the alumni in the audience up on stage like they said they might TT #like i know i am alumni and i am supposed to do that but also i will feel awkward as fuck broooofjgsdhfbgdfk why lmao #damn anyway let's see what happens #i am looking forward to it tho i just need to not overthink fucking everything like i always do lolll #jeanne talks