#IS HE A LITTLE INSANE ????? YEAH BUT THATS FINE I CANT FIX HIM BUT I CAN FUCK HIM

[levinbolts]

nothing sexier than a skilled, effortlessly lethal man

#ffxvi #barnabas tharmr #POSTING IT HERE TOO BC !!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD #I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS SHAKING REWATCHING THIS UNTIL IT WAS OVER #THE FACT THAT CLIVE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD SECONDS IN????? IF BARNABAS HAD BEEN FIGHTING HIM SERIOUSLY???? WIHT ONE HAND ????? #SWORDSMEN I LOVE U SO #WALOEDER SWORDSMEN I LOVE U EVEN MORE #benedikta girl u were so real i would have also fucked both him and cid if given the chance #his little fucking chuckles and smirks during...........sir i am on my knees #the one specifically where he realizes that clive is protecting jill and joshua......and then immediately picks up a RANDOM SWORD #AND TUCKS HIS ARM BEHIND HIS BACK #ok its slepnir's sword so not completely random bUT ITS NOT ODINS #i would die for u i would end it all right here and now jsut say the word #i am NOT !!!!!!!! DOING WEL L!!! #I NEED HIM #his fucking thigh garters???????? the expensive ass shirt ????????/// #WHO GOES INTO BATTLE LIKE THAT BARNABAS #GODDDDDDDDDDDD #I NEED HIM TO STEP ON ME RIGHT TF NOW #IS HE A LITTLE INSANE ????? YEAH BUT THATS FINE I CANT FIX HIM BUT I CAN FUCK HIM #i woul d die for him i would so fast #my king wants me to become an akashic??? say less !!! goodbye free will !!!!!!!!!!!! #barnabas tharmr my favorite cult leader <3 #ok im done i htink #GRRRRRRRRRRRR BARK BARK BARK GRRRRR BAR K BARK #ok now im done

[boxwinebaddie]

Best driver in the CFPOM? :)

...so when you say 'good'...are we talking skill? or safety? Because...

if we're talking Skill:

kenny, 100%. hands down.

if it has wheels -- kenny can drive it. i feel like he's been driving since elementary school tbh. which leads me to my next point which is that kenny can drive super well...but its definitely not legal. there is No WAY he has a license like that man has no birth certificate. he def has a fake license tho and it is literally a knock off McLovin from super bad level of fake and just says McWhoremick with no first name smh. but its fine bc he can seduce his way out of any ticket ever. Slayed. ;)

but yeah no, he is ripping around the neighborhood like its GTA5, they are FLYING, kyle is having a panic attack the whole time because kenny is smoking a fat joint and yellin Look Guys No Hands! bras and panties flying all over the place from whoever was back there last, old moldy pizza slices, the hula girl on the dash is shaking ass, theres fuzzy purple dice hanging from the mirror, fake balls on the tail pipe...so much Insanity...all while ayesha erotica or the Cuntry ;) <3 playlist is blaring. tldr when kenny is driving, kyle and marjorine are not having fun but stan & cartman are having So much fun help

i feel like kenny drives a tiny little beat up red pick up truck that he fixed up himself ( hes a part time mechanic in peppermint...or thats his current job until they fire him...Soon probably ) so there is a driver seat, a front seat and a TINY cab in back which really should only have one...One!!! COUNT IT!!! ONE!! person in it but they manage to squeeze THREE people in wHICH SOMETIMES IS TWO PEOPLE AND CARTMAN AND SOMETIMES ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IS ALSO TALL ASS KYLE WITH THE MASSIVE DOUBLE WIDE TRAILER BEST ASS IN CLASS so needless 2 say its a Tight Squeeze.

they also All used to fight for shot gun ( stan wants to aux, kyle has control issues/is claustrophobic and cartman is just an asshole he also cant drive bc driving is for Poor Ugly People ) EXCEPT marj who Never EVER fought for shotgun and always used to sit in the back with whoever just bc shes nice and kind so when they started dating kenny permanently made marjorines seat the passenger seat *Kenny Being A Bastard VC* I Got A Seat For You Right Here, Sweetheart ;) *fakes out pointing to face then pats the seat smh* and everyone is like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS bc that perma put stan kyle and cartman in the back which is CHAOTIC and kenny is like hell yeah im serious!!! unless one of you is gonna start Blowing Me enjoy the back bitches!!! mwaaaah <3 Pain....oh my god. *kyle n cartman audacity*

which...stan is actually the most Chill back there, he is my relaxed king -- he also Never calls the front seat shot gun bc he HATES guns cute pacifist boy behavior -- and fights for the front way less tbh. which conflicted kyle because he just wants to sit next to stan and not cartman ( stan used to sit between them to prevent Homiecide )

but bc kenny is ripping around going a million miles per hour all the time kyle ends up in stans lap A LOT which...okay the first time he was like dude oh my god im So sorry and stan was like dont worry kp you can sit in my lap Any Time :) what are super best friends for? :*

uNAWARE OF HOW FKN INSANE THAT SOUNDED TO LITERALLY EVERYONE KYLE MADE SUCH A CRAZY SOUND HE WAS SO RED OH MY GOD KENNY MARJ AND CARTMAN ALL LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE IS THIS REAL THIS IS NOT RESALSDKLHDS

like the way that stan did not know he was in love with kyle until Now but was constantly like u can sit in my lap and wear all my clothes and have anything you want from me kyle??? LIKE?? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE STAN!!!! YOU FRUIT FUCKING SALAD!!! PUTTIN UR BEST GUY FRIEND IN UR LAP IN YOUR HOODIE PLAYIN W HIS HAIR WHISPERING SHIT INTO HIS EAR MAKING HIM BLUSH WITH THE FKN LITTLE HEART CHARM ON UR NOSE RING SHUT UPPPPP!!!!!

( also i forgot how much i luv pep!stans little emo boy Charm Bracelet Nose Ring for dramatic fruity bisexual disasters...he is so cute ily bb peppermint stan is the most babygirl ever....my son oh my gooood )

so needless to say stan just climbs in the back and does the hot boy Come Here ;) thing where he pats his lap for kyle to sit ( HELLO EXCUSE ME?? ) and it was Mostly a joke until they started dating and now everyone is like stan and kyle no funny business back there and cartman is like yeah watch it homos and but its okay they are Making Out they cant hear anyone smh <3 NASTY BOY BEHAVIOR WHEN THEYRE DATING ITS SO OBNOXIOUS I REALLY HATE THEM like they are attached at the lips/hips...but also...Good For Them omg.

iiiiii got more to say about everyone else Driving ( me crazy mostly ) but this got too long i had too much to say abt the truck and kenny so yes tldr as far as Good Driving goes...Kenny. but as far as legal? Abbbbbsooolutely Not, Babey! it is fun tho!!! yeehaw! Buckle Up <3

-uncle nina, gay and can't drive

#im actually so scared of driving its actually my one tru fear #BUT YEAH KENNYS YEEHAW OH SHIT HANDLE GETAWAY DRIVER GTA5 DRIVING IS SO ICONIC TO ME #ALL WHILE SOMETHING CRAZY IS PLAYING ON THE AUX #i do think they are Mostly in stan or kyles car tho for practicality they cant breathe in kens car...& its hotboxed to hell #its kyles usually bc stans car is a trash waste disaster zone & kyle DDs ( ok stan is more fun tho he is a Shit driver but kyle YELLS sm ) #also no one can sit in the front in styles cars but them disrespectfully its not fair but they are in love im sorry #esp ky if any1 even tries 2 take the front seat in kyles car hes like get the hell out of the stan seat u stupid bitch??? fuck off and DIE #anyways <3 Hi Stan <3333 are u comfy do u need anything :3 #and stans like hiiiii kp im good tysm sbf <333 *winks at kyle sticks tongue out and flips off everyone* everyones like bro come ONNNNNNN #its so much worse when theyre dating kyle is like hiiii cute boyyyy and stans like hiiii Cuter boy like mom & dad will you stop being GROSS #LIKE EW OH MY GOD CHILL OUT #but yeah kenny can drive anything and that man b driivng everyone wild what can i say #that man always has a ticket for being Too Fine

[mommydragon-of-all]

5,7,10,13,14,15 for your boy! :3

Aww thank you for asking, lets see da boi then!

5. Did your muse have any sweet childhood romances?

No. His childhood got upended quite early and he found himself in a constant chaos so to speak, newer even staying long at one place or in one group of people. Too much instability for such things to take root, too focused on survival and training to get strong enough to live well and fear nothing. ...until he was around 15 and thought himself oh so grown and ready for anything, only to be ruthlessly taken advantage of by his first crush who was... 23 at the time. (Yeah u could have friggin EXPECTED it u fool, the moment he took interest in your interest, no matter how skilled con man he was all around, geez.)

7. Did your muse have a favorite childhood story or fable?

When he was still very smol, living with his parents in his clan, he was fascinated by heroic tales of adventurers and such, even some of the elven legends and beliefs. But he only remembers pieces like the atmosphere around the campfire, the warmth of the flames and his fathers hold, the taste of snacks. Such bits. The elven lore stays in that category for him, fairytales that possibly originated from some real life events and people, highly distorted.

10. Does your muse like to cook? Would they cook with another?

He absolutely sucks at cooking. On a dangerous level. He newer had the care or patience or time or even need to learn it. He prefers meat raw for f*cks sake XD (likely bc of all the blood magic induced changes, but thats also the reason why he can have it raw, and why he craves fresh blood regularly) Nobody in their right mind would prefer him to cook.

Whatever he "fixes" for himself is either raw, or undercooked, just for the warmth and dash of flavors. And he doesnt feel the need to change that. He does like tasty prepared food tho, loves the warmth and loooooves spices, and those can taste different cooked. Also, pastries and such, yumm. But whenever theres no access to buy some good food hes perfectly fine with the fresh meat he hunts, some fruits on the side or sometimes even some kinds of veggies.

Keeps dry rations all the time with him too, because he needs an insane amount of calories a day (also thanks blood magic enhancements demanding more fuel) and cant risk getting stranded or something without food for much time and get weakened fast.

He would gladly help someone cook tho if they asked, and would enjoy watching them prepare it, the whole peaceful comfort of it, but for goodness sake only let him cut and clean things.

13. Are there any physical items that make your muse happy?

Hmm... He usually doesnt have any item thats not for use and that he wouldnt ditch for a better one without a blink. Even when he has a place to hoard things to, they dont actually matter much, even if he enjoys soft pillows and nice things.

However he is so very happy to receive any gift, no matter if its just a useless sad little flower or a bite of food (yes food pls, can win his favor like a puppys XD). Even if its absolutely not about the item but the show of care, i suppose that qualifies to mention here?

He also does steal clothing items from his beloved for their scent, and is very happy to have them XD. Until the scent fades and he sneaks it back.

14. Is there a particular place that makes your muse feel at home?

In his lovers arms. One and only place that feels home for him, and gosh he enjoys it.

The presence of his twin sister has a unique familiarity to it too, carried from childhood and honed through many hardships faced together, only trusting each other fully, but thats not exactly a... comfort zone XD They love each other with a silent ferocity only animals can match, but only ever make each others life more difficult and less peaceful.

15. Is there a type of music relaxes your muse?

Soren enjoys all sorts of music, and its another "people thing" hes fascinated by, but perhaps surprisingly, the music that relaxes him is usually the loud, merry, festive kind. The kind that blows the dark away, warms people up, coaxing them to let go, making it feel that all is right and tomorrow is far away with its problems. Creates that atmosphere of ease. Soren thrives in that. The worst to look out for in such bunch would be a "tavern brawl", which he also greatly enjoys to partake in XD

That aside, he also learns that if his lover sings softly to him, like a lullaby, that really relaxes and soothes him too, in a different, affectionate, peaceful way.

#Soren #Soren Lavellan #ask meme #i let myself be carried away again #but i miss writing him SO MUCH all the time #it piles up!

[irnwithdiego]

omg pls rant abt Lila i also have.. a lot of issues with her and how ppl have reacted to her character

okay well first and foremost: i Love ritu. i absolutely adore that woman and im so happy that she's finally getting the attention she deserves, i support her and david dating too - so my opinions are genuinely not based on anything to do with that. just bc ive been accused of that by people who didnt realize ive been rooting for them since last summer lol.

anyway.

my biggest issue with lila is the fact that she was introduced as a chameleon. as brilliant or clinically insane as the situation requires. unpredictable. to me that sounded so incredibly interesting, because right from the bat i knew she was gonna turn out as the bad guy, or at least one of them and i was HOPING she would. i was really hoping she would be going batshit crazy on them, doing her thing as the evil person, then when s2 came along she got revealed to be the handler's daughter which to me made it even more exciting? because thats potential to get REAL crazy.

in the end, what we got was half-assed and incoherent and neither here nor there. we didnt get a chameleon, we got a mirror. lol. i expected her to be able to adjust to situations and people perfectly, charming them maybe, yknow. chameleon stuff. (would've loved it if she for example looked different to everyone and nobody actually knows what she looks like, alas. that would've been too creative i suppose)

and yeah her humor was "twisted" in a way, and she was charming... in a way. not to me, not to five, and i think the fact diego fell for her is really just him latching onto another problem/person/situation he needs to fix. the guy with the biggest trust issues on the show, openly telling her he prefers to know what people are even lying about, trying to cut her off multiple times the entire season, getting kidnapped and drugged by her to be shown off and introduced as "boyfriend" (??), turns out to be in love with her. okay. makes little to no sense, but i suppose you could partially blame it on her ability to be unpredictable and a chameleon (i still dont even know what they meant by that, where is the logic in calling her that-)

her undressing diego down to his underwear was creepy as hell to me, she knew exactly he’s only been stabbed and there was nothing else. she patches him up and climbs in bed with him as if they’ve known each other for ages. diego seems a bit "eh" at first, then just decides to fuck her. alright. a) diego, the guy with the biggest trust issues- b) i could see it as a letting off some steam thing tbh, just destressing or whatever. but he still had the stab wound that he allegedly almost bled out/died from so..... lmao. makes sense. in the end it wasnt just a quickie, it was ~love~ and that just doesnt sit right with me.

she lies to him from the get go, she manipulates his every move, she's invasive as all hell, she cant take a no in most situations, but sure. its love. sounds healthy.

the whole clusterfuck about their weird asylum relationship got completely drowned out by her "trying not to fall for diego", which essentially just made her character seem to be all over the place. she seems unfinished, like they disnt really know what to do with her, started off strong and then went off track and couldnt get back on. it seems like they changed a lot of things last minute and i cant make sense of her actions, especially not the way they wanted me to. its clear they were trying to keep up this guessing game about whether she would turn good for diego and his siblings or betray him. it was executed so poorly though, it just feels incredibly incoherent. she contradicts herself more often than not, and fine, lets say they wanted her to look confused about her situation and everything - it was still executed so poorly idk how else to put it. she was neither crazy enough for me to believe the character sheet we got beforehand, nor was she innocent enough for me to believe she really wanted to join them.

she literally tries to KILL all of diego's siblings and him in the end. she only seems to be considering joining them very last minute, like minutes before diego's little speech she was about to erase the entire hargreeves family. and she looked like she was having fun doing it too lmao. just doesnt sit right with me at all. diego proclaiming he loves her after all THAT doesnt sit right with me at all. like what, he tries to get away from her pretty much all season but decides she's worth it only after she tries to kill his family? diego??? im- come on.

i appreciate the thought of a redemption arc, but she wasnt nearly evil enough for me to even believe her original intentions, so i dont really know what her redemption would even look like.

and last but not least - the chameleon vs mirror thing. :) bro. that annoyed me so much. she essentially just goes and god-modes the entire season within 10 minutes, to say it with the words of a friend. like what was the point of that? the logic? how did they even know she could do that, if they allegedly dont know where the other kids with powers are? who did she train her powers on? plus, this is the oldest trope in the history of sci-fi/fantasy stories. someone turns out to be able to copy/mirror back the great powers of somebody else and overthrows everything. yawn.

what makes the others special if she can do whatever they do. maybe its just me being nit-picky at this point but i really dont want it. its so boring.

i had such high hopes for lila, i seriously was so excited to see her and it Still feels like such a let down just thinking of how s2 turned out. dont even get me started on all of them NEEDING a love interest apparently. because you cant be happy without one. thanks, but no thanks.

"s2 is gonna focus on the siblings' relationships!!" my ass. lila and diego's ~bond~ was as unnecessary and illogical as klaus' powers suddenly tenfolding and his paranoia of the spirits just lowkey vanishing with no real explanation other than "he's sober now ❤"

so yeah, all in all lila just seems the least fleshed out, randomnly thrown together and a Bit forced on the romantic part. i would've preferred her just being the big bad and going mental in the end. that would've been an interesting character choice for her.

from the bottom of my heart: why not.

sorry if this is too long, i couldnt help digressing here and there.

#also sissy and vanya having to cheat on her abusive husband in order to be together #why cant we have lgbt rep without issues #just give me one unproblematic rxship i Dare you at this point #tua negativity #thanks for the prompt tho #it felt really good to just get it off my chest in one bit tbh

[softforcal]

hiii

hello! these types of questions are great don’t worry! everyones different but yeah, let me tell you about my writing process :) (this is a long ass writing rant and hopefully it’s helpful)

so for headcanons tbh, i just write them. like. i sit down and write it all in one go and tbh not much thought goes into them there isnt really a plot it’s just notes practically so headcanons for me are not difficult at all. fics/oneshots are where things actually heat up.

so for my fics i do note form outlines. what this means is i have all the major things that have to happen already lined out. i put it on a word doc on half my screen and the fic on the other and there’s no plan on how to get to each note point but i know i have to get there somehow, but having basic goals makes it easier for me.

when it comes to fics there’s usually a brainstorming process. i have two wonderful amazing loves of my absolute life @hereforlukescruff and @glitterprincelu and usually it will start with me saying an idea and we all just kind of start shooting ideas and bouncing off of each other. this process can take hours. like. i remember when i came up with gang luke (penumbra) i was in class and we ended up chatting about it for 3 hours and coming up with shit. when the main brainstorm is done i plot it all out. i have a few ocd tendencies, one of which is linear stuff means a lot to me. like i can’t start a fic at the end. i need to start at the start. so i’ll plan as much as i can but sometimes i stop at the middle and i re-evaluate once i get there and have a better sense as to where the story is going.

for me, characters are huge. like. i have the plot points but characters drive everything else. so i’ll often have a sit down and reevaluate what has happened to them and how they’re feeling and see if it’s all making sense for them, but, because i brainstorm a lot, usually i don’t end up changing much. strong characters are key my dudes. 

my biggest motivator to get to the end of the story is well, the characters. i love them so much and writing for them feels so comforting to me. LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS. but also. something ya’ll gotta understand about me is that i’ve been writing fan fiction for 8 years. i’ve probably spent an average of 2 hours a day (and that’s seriously low balling it) so thats 2x365=730x8=5840 hours that i’ve written and that’s probably too low to be accurate. so i’m a writer. i type fast as fuck and i’ve been doing this a while so writing comes very easy to me, ideas are constantly flowing. this is legit what im pursuing as a job so don’t be discouraged if you can’t write 10k in a day like I do because... well, i’ve had a fuck ton of practice. writing 10k in a day is pretty common for me i’d say, once i sit down with a oneshot i don’t want to leave until it’s done.

but. i also again, have a bit of an ocd thing and when it’s paired with anxiety, it makes it hard for me to stop. i need to get things done. to check stuff off my list. or i get bored. if i leave a fic for even a day or two, it’s likely i’m not gonna finish it. so for me, and i know this, its important to wait until i have a sufficient amount of time to bust something out and a plan makes it so easy because i don’t have to stop and ask myself “okay now what”

what more can i say about writing.... uh... characters. so important. dialogue. key. 

like i’ll start a fic with a general idea about an OC but as the fic continues they grow and i really enjoy watching them grow. i think a good rule of thumb if you’re having troubles with this is immerse the story view point in the most solid character you have (i’ll give an example of this in a moment) and use their perspective and musings on a different character, like what they notice, to promote growth.

example of what i mean when i say this. i recently wrote prince cal and from the start, he was my strong character. Ostara was new, she’s ashton’s sister, she’s back for the first time in a while. the very first paragraph establishes that calum is taken aback by how much she’s changed. there’s still some similarities to how she was growing up and i weave that comfort of the known throughout the story (with things like chicken fights in the pool or musing about how they used to play hide and seek as kids) but from the start, Calum is knocked off his feet by how beautiful she’s gotten and that’s a very obvious symbol of change, not just outside but in. so as the fic continues calum notices things about ostara. for example. the second time i wrote she was wearing a print of some sort, calum and i both mutually realized, ‘huh. she likes prints i guess.’ because ostara is ostara, i dont control her, in my brain she’s her own person, she’s dictating whats happening and baby just likes prints. and calum notices which says something about him, but its also little details like that that bring these characters to life. 

i mean. i don’t know how other people write characters. my characters are always alive to me. they have their own voice and knowing their reaction to things is second nature to me. but this can be attributed to the fact that i legit wrote fan fiction about actual characters (MCU, TVD, Teen Wolf, etc...) for 6 years and being able to step into those characters and do dialogue that seemed legit was the most important thing for me. so i have a FUCK TON of experience on characters. so once again, if its hard for you to step into your characters thats okay. maybe do those things where you have a fill in the blank sheet on whats their fav food, their fav colour, do they like summer or winter? etc....

i think there isnt one way to write. i think i’m blessed that i’ve ALWAYS been a writer. since i was like 4. you know in elementary when they made you write and they’d give you those little booklets and shit? other kids had like one or two at most but this whore was always on book number 6 or 7 like, im a writer. it’s what i am. it always has been what i am. 

im also a multitasker. so most of my writing is done while watching shows. which means its a double whammy for me. like. im learning about characters and plot WHILE writing so... as you can see, i’m hard core as fuck about this shit. 

my point is. my process is a process that i think is pretty particular to me. most people i know cant watch tv and write at the same time. most people don’t sit down and bust out 10k in one sitting. and thats fine. if you enjoy writing then do it. focus on what you can be doing better, this isnt a competition. at the end of the day, the only person you should be trying to be better than is the person you were yesterday, or last week, you know?

find people who are creatively inclined because holy shit it makes a huge difference. bouncing ideas off of supportive people is really important. without my friends, Birdie in Penumbra might be named Cherry, the Gang AU wouldn’t have an ending all planned out and ready to be written, and i would have missed out on so many hours of face time calls and back and fourth messages with two of the most important people in my life right now. 

so lets break down what the fuck i’m even saying

-find supportive people (but it’s important you support them as well. if they’re gonna let you throw ideas at them and help you out and pump you up, reciprocate hoe)

-focus on yourself 

-find what you’re good at. plots? characters? dialogue?

-find ways to strengthen the things you’re not so good at (character fill in sheets, plot planning, etc...)

-find what, at the end of the day, really works for you

-don’t put pressure on yourself. writing is for fun. it should be fun. and if it is fun, i think motivation will come easy? but i could be wrong, once again, i have an addictive personality and writing is a fix i need every day or i go insane. 

yeah. if ya’ll have any more writing questions let me know. i love answering these because i think it’s so interesting to really look at the process :) 

#Anonymous

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

[fictionalrat]

let it happen | chapter two

pairing: klance

sneak a peek:

“Lance, don’t freak out, but…” Keith adjusts his glasses, “I might have an idea.”

Lance huffs, “Don’t strain yourself.”

Keith scowls, “Shut up and hear me out, asshole.”

“Okay,” Lance leans back on his chair and crosses his arms, “I’ll bite.”

“I think we should…” Keith snaps the rubber band on his wrist, “Uhm, fuck?”

read on ao3

“Lance?” He hears when he clicks the door shut with his foot. He whips his head around to find Keith at the dinner table hugging his right leg to his chest, foot on the chair and knee tucked under his chin. He’s frowning deeply at his laptop screen like it’s offending him in some way, his glasses perched on the edge of his nose. Keith looks so damn adorable Lance’s heart almost leaps out of his chest. Fucked, Lance’s fucked.

“Yep, that’s me,” Lance responds, throwing his keys on the kitchen island and kicking off his shoes.

Keith peers up at him over the rim of his glasses. “Come here for a sec,” he nudges the chair next to him with his bare foot. Lance stares at Keith. Hm, weird. Keith narrows his eyes when he doesn’t move. Oh. Right, moving. Yep, on it. He pads towards his friend.

Lance smiles at Keith, hip-checking the table and reaching his arm forward to adjust the shorter man’s glasses with his knuckles gently, “You need to get these fixed, shorty.”

Keith bats his hand away and scowls, “Sit.”

Lance chuckles but acquiesces, “Seriously, it’s too loose.” As if on cue, Keith’s glasses slide down his nose again. Lance snorts, “Told you.”

Keith socks him on the arm, hard, “Shut up.”

“Ow, so mean!” Lance pouts as he rubs his arm, “What do you want from me, anyway?”

Keith adjusts himself on the chair, tucking his left foot under his right thigh, and turns his laptop towards Lance so he can see his own words staring back at him. “This won’t do,” Keith says seriously as he pushes his glasses back with his middle finger.

Lance drums his fingers on the table. “What?”

“Lance, this isn’t working.”

Lance’s fingers freeze, his brows rising, “What do you mean this isn’t working??”

“I mean…” he deadpans, “I can’t edit this, it’s total bullshit. There’s no hope.”

Lance bristles, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, KEITH????”

Keith snickers, “Maybe a little?”

Lance throws his head back and glares in exasperation at the ceiling, bringing his hands up to cover his face and groaning, “God, please, take me now.” After a moment, he lets his hands fall back on the table. “You know,” he starts, turning his head back so he can glower at Keith properly, “If you weren’t so good at editing and I wasn’t so desperate, I wouldn’t even think of asking you to do this for me, ‘cause you’re a serious fucking prickly pain in my fucking miserable ass.”

Keith smirks and shrugs, “Thanks.”

Lance splutters, “THAT WASN’T A COMPLIMENT.”

Keith doesn’t respond, though, he just stares at Lance in a weird way. A very, very weird way.

Lance touches his face, self-conscious, “Is there something on my-”

“Huh,” Keith blurts out, interrupting Lance.

“Keith?” Lance questions with a frown, worrying for his friend’s sanity.

“Sorry,” Keith blinks at him and blushes.

Lance squints, “Dude, what the fuck.”

“Lance, don’t freak out, but…” Keith adjusts his glasses, “I might have an idea.”

Lance huffs, “Don’t strain yourself.”

Keith scowls, “Shut up and hear me out, asshole.”

“Okay,” Lance leans back on his chair and crosses his arms, “I’ll bite.”

“I think we should…” Keith snaps the rubber band on his wrist, “Uhm, fuck?”

Lance chokes on his own spit and coughs so hard his chair almost topples over.

“Are you okay, Lance?” Keith asks, his voice concerned but amused.

“Fuck?” Lance croaks after some time, slapping his chest and blinking away tears.

“Yeah,” Keith’s mouth twitches. “For research, obviously.”

Lance can only gape at Keith, his chest heaving. Lance’s lungs are burning so, so bad.

“Look, I’ll be straight with you,“ Keith runs his fingers through his FUGLY mullet, “your writing style’s actually pretty decent. You’re eloquent, I’ll give you that. But you suck at writing sex scenes… maybe from lack of experience?” Keith teases, then winces when Lance kicks his shin under the table.

Is this guy for fucking serious? They should fuck? What kind of joke is this?

“No, but seriously.” Keith insists, “Even though the sex scenes are well-written, they lack passion, which is kind of a surprise coming from you. You clearly need some inspiration and I think being actually in character might really help, is all.”

“AND BY THAT YOU MEAN THE TWO OF US FUCKING???”

Keith bites his bottom lip in amusement and nods. He doesn’t tease, which is a first. Lance is thankful but still.

“OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Lance yells in disbelief, then takes a deep, recomposing breath. “Okay. So uh, let me get this straight… you think we should fuck this one out?”

Keith shrugs again, “I mean, if you want to.”

“Huh.” Lance’s mouth twitches, “That’s crazy but okay.”

“What?”

Lance rolls his eyes and waves him off, “I said fine, Keith. Let’s do this.”

Keith smirks, turning his attention back to his laptop. Lance stares at the side of his face then chuckles. “Gotta say, though,” Lance leers, “I didn’t know you wanted to fuck me this bad, mullet head.”

“SHUT UP!” Keith pushes Lance off his chair.

Lance can’t fucking sleep.

He tries playing dead for a while and when that doesn’t work, he settles upon changing positions back and forth.

He kicks off the sheets in frustration, takes his shirt off, turns to his side, rolls on his stomach, burrows his face into his pillow. Props himself up on his elbows and huffs, lies back down. Flips his pillow over and presses his face to the cool fabric.

It doesn’t work.

He rolls on his back and lets his eyes dart around the room as he taps his chest with his thumbs, chewing on his bottom lip.

Nothing fucking works.

He blinks up at the ceiling and blows a raspberry.

“i think we should… uhm, fuck?” he mimics under his breath.

Fucking Keith.

God, he can’t do this.

He reaches for his phone on his nightstand and brings the device closer to his face, adjusting himself on the bed. He unlocks the phone and almost drops it right on his face in agony because, wow, such brightness. He turns down the brightness on his screen and blinks several times before tapping open his messages with Hunk.

He starts typing furiously.

Lance (2:06 a.m.)

HUNK U UP

HUNK HUNK

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNKKKK

HELP

Hunk (2:08 a.m.)

why hello lance my good buddy how are you?

i’m fine thanks for asking ure so kind

what can i do for you this alarmingly late???

Lance (2:10 a.m.)

I CANR SLEEP HUNK HELP

HEPL ME

IM GONNA DIE

KEITHS A SERIAL KILLER AND HES COMING AFTER ME WITH HIS DICK

KEITHS GONNA KILL ME WITH HIS DICKKKKKKKKK

Hunk (2:13 a.m.)

i think ure overreacting a bit lance

calm down and explain this to me like a normal human being

breathe in

breathe out

Lance (2:14 a.m.)

ICANT HUNK H

U

N

K

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hunk (2:17 a.m.)

i still need an explanation

please cUT THE DRAMATICS

IM GETTING REAL WORRIED HERE AND YOU KNOW WHAT WORRYING DOES TO MY STOMACH!!!!!!!

ITS NOT PRETTY LANCE SO SPILL

Lance (2:18 a.m.)

EW GROSS

but okay

so

fucking keith came up with this fucking INSANE idea that we should FUCK

HE SAID WE SHOULD FUCK HUNK cuz my sex scenes were like AWFUL and he thought that was a brilliant idea HE SAID I LACK EXPERIENCE THE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN U BELIEVE THE NERVE????? and i went with it cuz i HAVE THE MORAL DUTY to prove him wrong and now im gonna die

okay get this

this is the weirdest part

its not only cuz i gotta prove him wrong but cuz i kinda wanna fuck the bastard for my own self-indulging and impure reasons

Hunk (2:23 a.m.)

lance not even rover thinks thats weird and hes a DOG

Lance (2:24 a.m.)

IMHYPERVENTILATING HERE AND URE MAKING FUN OF ME

URE A TERRIBLE BEST FRIEND

TERRIBLE I TELL U

IM HAVING A CRISIS HERE HUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

HES SO HOT HUNK HELP ME I CANT DO THIS

IM GONNA DIE

RIP LANCE

Hunk (2:26 a.m.)

lance youre not gonna die

jesus

i thought this was serious

Lance (2:27 a.m.)

GASP

it IS SERIOUS HUNK CANT U SEE IM A DEAD MAN WALKING?????? THIS IS PRETTYFUCKIGN SERIOUs HUNK

at first i thought i could do it but then i started thinking about it and now IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT HELP HUNK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hunk (2:29 a.m.)

calm down lance its just keith

its not like he’s gonna make fun of you or anything

Lance (2:30 a.m.)

HUNK???????? DID U HIT UR HEAD OR SOMETHING???? SHOULD I BE WORRIED????? CALL AN AMBULANCE??????? ITS FUCKING KEITH WERE TALKING ABOUT DUDE!!!! MISTER MCMULLET CAPTAIN GRUMPY PANTS!!!!!!!

Hunk (2:33 a.m.)

well i mean not too much???

Lance (2:33 a.m.)

hUNK!!!!!!!

Hunk (2:34 a.m.)

okay you got me

youre never gonna live this down good luck man

it was nice knowing you

Lance (2:35 a.m.)

well thanks

for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Hunk (2:35 a.m.)

you know i love you bro

seriously tho

you dont have to worry about this too much

keiths your friend after all isnt he

not to mention hes a cool bean, a real gem

do you trust him?

Lance (2:36 a.m.)

well duh i wouldnt be living with the guy if i didnt

Hunk (2:39 a.m.)

there it is

he knows all about your weird fixations and habits and is still there

thats gotta count for something right???

its not like hes gonna judge for real

hes just gonna tease the hell outta you which is normal behavior for him

and youll tease him right back

so DONT WORRY LANCE GO

BE BRAVE MY CHILD

CONQUER THAT BOOTY!!!!!!!

COMPLETE YOUR QUEST!!!!!!!!!

Lance (2:42 a.m.)

ohmy GOD hunk ure so embarrassing

thanks tho

for real

Hunk (2:42 a.m.)

anytime ;)

Lance (2:43 a.m.)

Lance sighs, turns on his side only to place his phone back on his nightstand, then rolls on his stomach, burying his face deep in his pillow. He closes his eyes and wills himself to fucking sleep.

About thirty minutes later, he’s out.

#klance #keith #lance #klance fic #voltron fic #voltron #vld #hunk #my stuff #keith x lance

[noidsome]

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation. 

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it. 

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress. 

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL??? 

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved.  then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens. 

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck. 

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL” 

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point. 

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY  STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc 

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

#digimon tri #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure tri loss #review

[1a-little-obsessed1-blog]

Its different now... A Nash Grier Imagine (This is linked to my previous series)

Its been 3 years since Nash And I broke up. I’m 19 Now living in London happy, Mahogany, Shawn and I were still as close as we were when i left maybe even more. My dad remarried to my amazing step mum Cheryl and i now have a cute 13 year old step sister called Tori and a baby Half brother Ace he’s only 1 month and hes adorable! I haven’t really heard from Nash but i guess i’ve moved on. I was beginning my first year in a photography and arts University in central London.

Wednesday 8th September 2016

I wake up to a new day 6:00 AM sharp. I have a warm shower and put on my outfit for my first day at uni. I wore a Blue hoodie with a white tanktop and Black jeans, I then put on a pair of white jeans and white Vans. I run down stairs and pour some Granola, Fruits and yogurt in a bowl and i then get a 1 Liter Bottle of orange juice out if the fridge and guzzle it down with my breakfast. I run back upstairs and put a headband on, I then lightly applied some makeup to my face and then put my glasses on. I put my backpack on my shoulders and run downstairs to see my little sis sitting there all ready to go to school waiting for me as usual. I sit next to her and stuff fruits into my bag. “Hey whats up T” (T is her nickname)

“Nothing much... Jazz?”(She calls me jazz because When i first met her i gave her jazz hands trying to look cool)

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to some meet up after school today... Like you pick me up and ill go with you...”

“Sure you do whatever you want but just dont expect me to join in im probably gonna be face timing Shawn and Mahogany”

“Ok whatever i just really wanna go because theres gonna be a bunch of youtubers and i cant wait sqeeeeee!!!”

“Ok OK I get it your excited c’mon let go ill drop you off at school, oh yeah we cant be long after school i have alot of video editing for my channel.”

“OK one sec let me get my bag...” she runs to the livving room and throws her bag over her arms.

We walk to school i drop her off and then catch a train to West minister After that it’s a ten minute walk from the train station.

~Skip to the end of the day~

My day at school wasn’t bad it was ok, i didn’t have any friends but i wasn’t too bothered since i’m kinda Introverted. I kept to myself being eyed down here and there by guys. The end of the day rolled around and i went to go pick up my sweet lil sis. I wait for her outside her school gates and she runs to give me a hug. We then walk to A small community center it was packed with girls wearing t-shirts that had the number 97 on them I felt like something wasn’t adding up. I felt a presence a familiar presence a warm loving one. We we waited in line for whatever Tori wanted us to go for. I just stood with her on my phone looking through my social media. I then hear the voice of a young man I look up from my phone and see... Nash... He looked around and we made ye contact, instantly i turned my head and something went off. thats when it hit me “Shit... why the fuck is Nash here... what have i done..” I mutter to myself and before i knew it we were at the front of the line. I covered one of my eyes with my fringe and plastered a smile on my face. Tori screams and hugs him, he didn't notice me standing beside her... i think. she then got him to sign her planner. she then takes a selfie with him and then my sister did the stupidest ever.

“Hey Jaz come take a picture with Nash” She said oblivious to why i was trying to avoid Nash.

“Huhh? I’ll pass...” I shrugged and held her hand tight.

“C’mon let my fix your hair...” She brushed my fringe off my face and neatly tucked it behind my ear.

“T come on let go before mum and da-” I was cut off by Nash.

“Zahra?”

I was silent for 5 seconds straight. I then plastered a smile on my face and said. “Nash.. Long time no see....Ahem. well me and Tori are gonna leave now byeeeee!!!”

“No Zahra wait...” He grabbed my arm.

“What Nash. What do you want im over you.” I felt bad why can’t i just keep my fat gob shut.

“Zahra.... please?” I could hear the same disappointment in his voice from the day i left.

“I’m sorry... i shouldn’t have said that. Here its my Dads card it has my house phone number on it.” I look in my wallet and hand him a card. I then walk away dragging Tori with me. We were only like a block away from home, we both never spoke a word to each other.

“Jazz how does Nash Grier know you?”

“Long story short , I met him when i was fifteen we dated and then I decided it wouldn’t work because long distance relationships were not really my thing.”

“YOU GUYS DATED?! how did you not tell me?!”

“I didnt really think it mattered.”

“Its ok i still love you.” she put on a silly face.

We walked into the house and were hit by a wave of crying coming from baby ace. I go to the living room where i see Cheryl going insane. “Need a little help i think my baby brother missed me.” I take the baby out of her arms and cuddle him, eventually he opens his eyes and smiles. I smile at him and he falls asleep and that smile slowly fades away. The house phone rings and i pick up.

“Hello, This is miss Zahra Korra Marglin speaking who is this?”

“Hey its Nash...”

“Oh. hi.” Ace starts crying.

“Is that a baby?” He asks.

“Yeah one second.” I then focus on my baby brother. “It’s ok Baby Ace I’m here ive got you..” I rock him to sleep.

“Wow that was quick” He sounded like there was something on his ind he really had to get off.

“I’ve been really busy  with school, youtube and my baby brother lately sorry if he cries again.”

“It’s fine... Look Zahra. I still love you.I love everything about you. I dont know why your avoiding me. i just wan to ask you if i’ve  done anything wrong.”

“No. you haven’t done anything wrong. Things are different now. I’m grown up its been three years we’ve drifted apart.” I feel a tear run down my cheek and fall onto Ace’s face.

“You wanted me to leave and thats what i did. What you said to me at the airport before you left. I really thought about it. We crossed paths ii came back give me chance please...”

“Ill think about it. Im gonna go out for a run around Primrose hill. ill call you later bye”

“Bye.”

*Hangs up*

I put Ace down in his baby bouncer and call Tori down to look after him.

“T just look after him i’m gonna go out for a run see ya”

I run out the door before she could give me a response. I started running and then i started walking. I slowed down and started walking around. I was walking past an ally way before a drunk man came and grabbed my by the arm. I Scream for him to let go but the louder i got the tighter his grip became.”Get the fuck o-off me” I then see someone appear and punch the man in the face. The man then Let go and scampered away. I looked up at the mystery guy who was towering over me.  “Wh-Who are you? And why didn’t you just leave me?” The guy took his hood off and revealed The same boy i fell in love with three years ago.

“why would i leave my one and only?” Nash said.

I hugged him tight.

“I knew you’d come back” I whisper to him.

“I could never leave you.”

“Can we go home please its a bit cold...”

I take him home and sneak him up to my room. I didn’t care when i was getting dressed for bed i just Got dressed in front of him.

“Damn your such a tease!” he says laying down on my bed.

“I bet that makes you want me more...” I say a little flirtatious.

“Damn since when did you start talking like that?! I aint complaining”

“I was forced to watch Fifty Shades Of Grey you really dont thing im a changed girl?”

“Who would do that?!”

“Jack G who els? But honestly i don’t care if i undress in front of you. Your my boyfriend arent you?” I give him a smirk.he then gets up and walks behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You dont know how long ive wanted to see you...”

“Babe.. Can we continue. from where we left off 3 years ago.”

“Of course.”

He laid down on the bed and i sat on top of his bare chest and kissed him. we then fell asleep in the arms of one another.

#nash grier #jack gilinsky #jack johnson #shawn mendes #taylor caniff #cameron dallas #arron carpenter #mahogany lox #imagine #nash grier imagine #magcon

[adambstingus]

Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172357360662

[samanthasroberts]

Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/28/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/