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hannibal-obsessed · 3 years

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Why Not Spend Your Lock-Down with Dr. Hannibal Lecter?

By Shannon L. Christie

You are cordially invited to spend your lock-down, dining in the company of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Reception

Dr. Hannibal Lecter is one of thee most iconic fictional literary villains, created in the 20th Century; Hollywood films has cemented his iconic status and his transformation into the 21st Century, via network television, has been carefully crafted under the watchful eye of executive producer, Martha De Laurentiis.

Hannibal Lecter sprang from the mind of novelist Thomas Harris; Lecter has been in our lives for almost 40 years; introduced with the publication of Red Dragon in October 1981; he has never left our consciousness for too long.

So where does one start?

Do you read the 4 novels, watch the 5 movies or the TV Series?

Do I start at the beginning with Harris's novel, Red Dragon?

There are several ways to feast upon Hannibal Lecter: read Harris' novels first: watch the movies and then dine on the TV Series; read the novels, watch the corresponding movies and then the TV Series; watch the TV Series and then go back, watch the movies and read the novels. Whatever way you decide, you will not be disappointed at the end of your feast!

The following menu outline would be my suggestion for how to feast upon the sumptuous offerings of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Amuse-bouche

In this course we are served small bit-sized morsels of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Red Dragon: Thomas Harris, 1981

Will Graham, a former FBI Special Agent with an instinct for profiling, is sucked back into consulting for the FBI on their latest serial murder case; involving the Tooth Fairy. Will's been living a quiet life in Florida with his wife and son, when his former boss, Jack Crawford visits, enticing Graham back into the game. In order to get that old scent back; Graham needs to get into the mindset of a killer, so he visits Dr. Hannibal Lecter at The Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, where Lecter is serving 9 consecutive life terms for murder. Graham was the FBI Agent who finally caught Hannibal and it almost cost him his life and sanity.

Interesting Fact: Harris attended portions of Ted Bundy's trial for the Chi Omega Murders in Florida. The Prosecutors in the Bundy trial used bite marks left on one of his victims as evidence. Dolarhyde left bite marks on Mrs. Leeds, which allowed forensics to create dental impressions, creating a sample of Dolarhyde's teeth.

Manhunter: Directed by Michael Mann, 1986

Manhunter was written and directed by Michael Mann; starring William Petersen (Will Graham), Dennis Farina (Jack Crawford), Tom Noonan (Francis Dollarhyde, film spelling/Red Dragon/Tooth Fairy), Joan Allen (Reba McClane) Brian Cox (Hannibal Lecktor, film spelling).

Manhunter is now considered a cult classic; at the time of it's original release it fared poorly at the box office and met with mixed reviews. It's cult status may be partially due to the continuing saga of Hannibal Lecter and William Petersen's success in CSI. The film touches on many of the important elements of the novel and also misses on quite a few. What is Dolarhyde's motive? The movie is dated with a definite 80's Michael Mann vibe; in spite of that it is definitely worth a watch for Noonan's performance.

Interesting Fact: Film Producer Dino De Laurentiis purchased the movie rights to the novel Red Dragon in 1983.

Red Dragon: Directed by Brett Ratner, 2002

This is where I'll skip ahead and talk about Manhunter's remake, Red Dragon. You can either choose to watch Red Dragon here or move it to after Hannibal to watch in order of release – entirely up to you.

Dino De Laurentiis passed on the movie rights to The Silence of the Lamb, due to the poor showing of Manhunter at the box office. So when The Silence of the Lambs was critically acclaimed by the critics; a huge box office success; winning the top 5 categories at the 1992 Oscars; Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay – Dino wanted another serving of Hannibal Lecter.

When Harris released his third Lecter novel, simply titled Hannibal, Dino De Laurentiis picked up the rights and saw this as an opportunity to remake Manhunter, this time using the book title, Red Dragon, especially considering the success of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter. In fact, Red Dragon was released in theatres a year after Hannibal.

Lecter's role was beefed up with a few added scenes; Lecter enjoying the symphony with the exception of the violinist; experiencing one of Lecter's sinfully delicious dinner parties of the music council with the violinist as the main course; seeing the tete-a-tete played out between Lecter and Graham (Edward Norton) that nearly cost them both their lives.

Dolarhyde's (Ralph Fiennes) abusive childhood is explored, the motivation for his heinous crimes against families. We see more of the relationship between Dolarhyde and Reba (Emily Watson) and Dolarhyde's struggle to keep the monster at bay. Ted Tally wrote the screenplay (he wrote The Silence of the Lambs screenplay and passed on the Hannibal screenplay); he has a great sense of what is essential to the narration of a well conceived movie, without loosing too much of the original story told by Thomas Harris.

I am partial to Red Dragon over Manhunter for that reason; I love Ralph Feinnes portrayal of Dolarhyde; he's creepy without being overtly creepy like Noonan is in Manhunter. Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal Lecter beautifully as he always does. There are a few flaws in this version though, namely Edward Norton's portrayal of Will Graham. I love Norton – I just think he was wrong for the part and the bleached blonde hair drove me mad. I also have issue with Harvey Keitel as Jack Crawford, I just didn't get an FBI Special Agent in charge of the Behavioral Science Unit vibe from him. Keitel is the guy you bring in to rough up your suspect. On the plus side, the crime scenes are more graphic than in Manhunter, which I feel is essential to understanding the severity of the need to capture this fiend, because now he has a taste for it and he will not stop!

Interesting Fact: Dino De Laurentiis had to make a deal with MGM, so the shot of The Baltimore State Hospital building used in The Silence of the Lambs, could be used in Red Dragon, as the building had been demolished.

Dinner

Appetizer

In this course we are treated to petite, rich tasty morsels of Hannibal Lecter,

both of the hot and cold variety.

The Silence of the Lambs: Thomas Harris, 1988

The follow up novel to Red Dragon, Harris' third novel, Lecter was not a character Harris intended to use; he just showed up one day as Harris wrote. The Silence of the Lambs was the story of a young female FBI agent in training; female agents were a relatively new concept at Quantico. J. Edgar Hoover had died in 1972 and the FBI slowly started to drag itself into the modern age and out of the Mafia/Prohibition dark ages that it was founded on. Harris' story of Clarice Starling was an exploration of an agent in training along with a manhunt, headed by Jack Crawford, for a serial killer, only known as “Buffalo Bill”; who abducted girls, held them hostage for a few days; shot them in the heads, dumped their bodies in rivers; having partially skinned them post mortem. The FBI is stumped, they have no motive, no pattern and no connections between the victims. What should they do? Crawford sends Clarice Starling, an agent in training to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

The Silence of the Lambs: Directed by Jonathan Demme, 1991

As I previously mentioned, Dino de Laurentiis passed on acquiring the movie rights for The Silence of the Lambs; the rights ended up in the hands of Demme and Orion Films, without a fee paid to De Laurentiis. The screenplay was written by Ted Tally, who managed to highlight all the important aspects of the novel, creating a balanced story. The movie starred Jodie Foster (Clarice Starling), Glenn Scott (Jack Crawford), Anthony Heald (Dr, Frederick Chilton), Ted Levine (Jame Gumb/Buffalo Bill) and Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lecter),

Interesting Fact: Anthony Hopkins on screen performance of Hannibal Lecter, consisting of only sixteen minutes earned him an Oscar for Best Actor in 1992.

Entree

This course is a hearty and meaty dish of Hannibal Lecter, served with delicate red sauce.

Hannibal: Thomas Harris, 1999

Would Harris write another Lecter novel? As we eagerly waited to see – making us wait 10 long years, Harris' reward was Hannibal; a story centred around Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I think many people weren't prepared for the monster to be uncaged. It was bloodier and gorier than the previous two films and quite sadistic. Manhunter and The Silence of the Lambs were considered psychological thrillers with a dollop of horror. Hannibal was a full on horror novel with a dollop of psychological thriller. Dr. Hannibal Lecter was free of his cage, just in-time for the new millennium and some readers were not happy.

When the novel, Hannibal, was released, many critics and readers were appalled by the goriness of it (we are talking about a man who kills people and eats them). I guess once the layers of the onion were peeled away; culture, music, art, culinary skills, courteousness – they were horrified by the monster at the centre – that was the point. Serial killers show society a veneer of acceptable personality traits; they keep the monster hidden away, until he breaks through and comes out to play. In that sense, the novel Hannibal, is spot on. He's your neighbour, your friend, your husband, your father, your brother and sometimes your son (The majority of serial killers are male, sorry guys). He wears a symbolic mask in public, to prevent you from guessing how sick and perverted he truly is.

Harris' novel, Hannibal, was the perfect GOTCHA moment! Harris had led us into a false sense of security; either intentionally or unintentionally, with Lecter's intro in Red Dragon; sure he tells Francis Dolarhyde to kill Graham's family – In The Silence of the Lamb; Lecter is so helpful trying to advance Clarice Starling's career; sure he kills several people while escaping from custody; we'll just chalk that up to acceptable carnage.

We start to rationalize that Lecter can't be all bad; he must have some redeeming qualities: he's a man of sophisticated tastes; he's knowledgeable; an incredible chef; a great musician and artist. We don't even mind knowing that he dined on Dr. Chilton, upon his escape; possibly thinking Chilton had it coming.

Harris let us peek briefly behind the curtain in Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs and perhaps Harris was dismayed to learn that upon the popularity of Hopkins portrayal of Hannibal Lecter; he'd become a pop culture icon and somewhat of a hero. Hannibal shattered that illusion.

We find Clarice Starling, 10 years later, working as an FBI Special Agent, in a stagnate career. She can't advance; being blocked by Paul Krendler.

Hannibal has been living in Florence as the curator of the Palazzo Capponi as Dr. Norman Fell (the real Dr. Fell disappeared under mysterious circumstances). Florence, Italy, the ideal spot for Lecter, a true Renaissance man. We discover there has been a string of murders by the fiend, know as Il Mostro.

Meanwhile, Mason Verger, Lecter's 4th victim, is on the hunt for Dr. Lecter, who left Mason disfigured, although technically by Mason's own hand. Verger has offered a $3,000,000 reward for information leading to the capture of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Interesting Fact: Thomas Harris attended the trial of The Monster of Florence, Pietro Pacciani, in 1994, incorporating some of the aspects of the crimes into his Hannibal novel and hinting that Hannibal himself was Il Mostro (The Monster of Florence).

Hannibal: Directed by Ridley Scott, 2001

If some readers were unhappy with the novel, there were those unhappy about the production of a movie in the same vain. Ted Tally didn't want to write the screenplay, Foster didn't want to reprise her role as Starling and Demme wasn't interested in directing. The consensus was it was too graphic and gory and they wanted no part of it; a complete turnaround; they initially were chomping at the bit to be involved in the follow-up to The Silence of the Lambs.

Interesting Fact: Dino De Laurentiis was under the impression that given a good story even he could play Clarice Starling.

The extra dinner course you never needed; you were already full.

Hannibal Rising: Thomas Harris, 2006

From all accounts that I've read, Harris was gently coerced into writing Hannibal Rising. Dino De Laurentiis wanted an origin story to turn into a film and he'd do it with or without Harris. Harris eventually caved and produced the fourth Lecter novel, Hannibal Rising.

Harris uses the hardships of WWII as the starting backdrop for the development of young Lecter's transformation into “Hannibal the Cannibal”. This is perhaps a story that never needed to be told. We were given glimpses in the novel Hannibal that never made it into the movie and perhaps that was a mistake; not seeing the humanity in Hannibal before events unfolded to create a monster and he is a monster, however refined his tastes are. It would have made a good contrast to the harshness of Lecter's grotesque and sadistic actions in Hannibal; that's where a good screenplay, might have made a difference. Francis Dolarhyde, Jame Gumb and Hannibal Lecter weren't born evil, they were shaped and moulded by their harsh experiences as young, innocent, impressionable children. Monsters aren't born, they are made – the moral of the stories. The difference being Hannibal always took responsibility for his actions, never placing the blame at someone else’s feet.

Hannibal Rising: Directed by Peter Webber, 2007

This time Harris would be involved, writing the screenplay for the Hannibal Rising movie. While I enjoyed Gaspard Ulliel as a young Hannibal, I felt that the story was unnecessary.

And just when you thought that was all and Hannibal Lecter's story had been narrated from beginning to end; Lecter was resurrected in 2013 for Bryan Fuller's TV Series, titled Hannibal, for three seasons on NBC.

Dessert

A delicate balance of psychiatry, culinary skills, food porn, relationships, sex, beauty, horror

and murder tableaus, like the layers of a sinful Double Chocolate Torte.

Hannibal TV Series: Developed by Bryan Fuller, 2013-2015

I know what you're going to say; there's no way I'm watching a Hannibal TV show without Hopkins on NBC! Whether your a Cox fan or a Hopkins fan; they both played the part in their own style and both performances are top notch. Hopkins had a little more to sink his teeth into with The Silence of the Lambs; as the screen time was slightly longer than in Manhunter.

I was stubborn too! I didn't watch Hannibal during the originally airing for season one or two. I remember catching a glimpse of an episode as I was on my way out to photograph a band; I was a live music photographer for around three years, so many of my Friday nights were spent in Toronto. It was the episode with the horse and the coffin-birth, which ultimately left an impression. So in January 2015 I binge watched season one and two (26 episodes) in only two days; I couldn't stop watching!

There's been a string of missing girls attributed to one person, known as “The Minnesota Shrike” and the FBI are struggling for leads. Upon the eighth girls disappearance, Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) walks into Will Graham's (Hugh Dancy) classroom to request his help. Graham has the unique ability to empathize with narcissits and sociopaths and as he states, it has less to do with a personality disorder and more to do with an active imagination. Dr. Bloom expresses her concerns to Jack Crawford about using Will Graham for his special gifts and recommends keeping an eye on him; suggesting a colleague of hers, Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Bryan Fuller's adaption uses Red Dragon as the main source material, with additional material from Hannibal and Hannibal Rising; expanding characters stories and switching some genders to give it a less male dominated cast. Characters like Margot Verger, who were left out of the Hannibal movie are slotted back in to give the Mason Verger story more substance. Cordell, Verger's valet and cook, is far cheekier in the TV series. Dr. Alan Bloom is transformed into Dr. Alana Bloom and Freddy Lounds, once played by the amazing Philip Seymour Hoffman becomes Freddie Lounds played by Lara Jean Chorostecki, who plays her less sleazy and yet still despicable.

Interesting Fact: Bryan Fuller incorporated some of the forward written by Harris in Red Dragon about his experience writing the novel.

Whipped Fresh Creme & a Cherry On-top!

Hannibal Fan Fiction

Season 3 of Hannibal ends on a cliff hanger and unfortunately NBC cancelled the show without a resolution. Not to worry, there is a buffet of Hannibal Fan Fiction out there for you to sink your teeth into. Hannibal fan fiction spans the spectrum of General Audience to NC-17 to pornographic; there is something to suit everyone's taste. If you don't find anything pleasing; you can always write your own fan fiction!

Interesting Fact: Some of the cast members have read Hannibal fan fiction.

Hannibal Fan Art

The amazing thing about the Hannibal fandom, whether you're old school or new school; there is incredible artwork to explore created by incredibly talented artists.

Interesting Fact: Bryan Fuller and the De Laurentiis Company are not dicks about copyright infringement, when it comes to fan art and fan fiction.

Hannibal Conventions

Red Dragon Con by Starfury: An all Hannibal Con in London, England.

Fannibal Fest: An all Hannibal Con with location tours in Toronto, Canada.

Sofa-Con by Fannibal Fest: Due to the lock-down situation around the world because of Covid-19 all conventions were cancelled in 2020. Fannibal Fest set of some Zoom meetings with guests that starred or worked on Hannibal.

There are several Hannibal fandom groups all over different parts of the world; who meat-up to dine and discuss their favourite topic, Hannibal. I am part of a GTA Fannibal group that centres around Toronto, Canada and we’ve met several times.

So, as we finish our dining experience with Dr. Hannibal Lecter; we'll eagerly anticipate another invitation to Lecter's dinner table, as a guest or if you're unspeakably rude, perhaps you'll be the main course; either way I'll meet or eat you there!

Shannon L. Christie

aka Hannibal_Obsessed

#hannibal #fannibals #hannibalobsessed #hannibalthecannibal #madsmikkelsen #hanniballecter #theofficialmads #thisismydesign #willgraham #hughdancy #anthonyhopkins #the silence of the lambs #red dragon #hannibal rising

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theliterateape · 3 years

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They Learned it from the Wolverines

by Don Hall

In his book From Sun Tzu to Xbox, Ed Halter wrote "The technologies that shape our culture have always been pushed forward by war".

I'd add to that popular culture pushes the same way.

In poll after poll of those tattered souls who still want desperately to believe that Donald Trump is still the president, a sizable chunk are from my generation: Gen X (1965-1980). Much like my surprise that Brett Kavanaugh and I are the same age and watched the same movies but only one of us is a rapist (that'd be him, btw), it is a shock to see so many of the latchkey kids of my youth turn to bizarre conspiracy theories about Democrats drinking the blood of children.

As I look around, while my generation is almost 20% of the population (which, despite contrary perspectives, is in-line with the rest of the batch), we are the generation most likely to embrace libertarian ideals as well as look to militia-esque ideology. We trust the military but despise the government. We are the least likely to buy-in to the mainstream media narratives and the most likely to embrace social distancing.

We also wholly believe that we are JukeBox Heroes and Triumphant Underdogs all while adopting a "Go Fuck Yourself" attitude to almost everyone else.

Where did we learn this? From the Wolverines.

I hadn't viewed 1984's Red Dawn, directed by ridiculously pro-military/anti-government shill John Milius, since, well, 1984 when I graduated high school. I decided to take another look these thirty-seven years later to see how that film may have cemented that Unabomber Paranoia into the Gen X mindset.

The movie starts out simply with a score that sounds suspiciously like Aaron Copland's Fanfare for the Common Man and shows us an idyllic small Colorado town. It pans to a statue of Theodore Roosevelt and sits on the plaque for a moment. It reads:

"The Rough Rider" Far better it is to dare mighty things than to take rank with those poor, timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat.

Truth be told, it's a better movie than I thought it would be but the lessons contained sum up every QAnon, Trump-supporting, quasi-patriot I can name:

Bumper sticker "They Can have my gun when they pry from my cold dead fingers" followed by a Cuban pulling the pistol from the owner's dead hand

Survivalists survive the camps by hunting and fishing and shooting a bow and arrow as well as guns.

US is attacked by Cubans and Nicaraguans = Spanish = South of the Fucking Border

C. Thomas Howell wearing a Star Wars ballcap, drinks deer's blood, and later does a movie entirely in blackface. He also becomes this film's Private Pyle.

Red Dawn really was the very first movie to get the PG-13 rating—a rating designed to make sure kids younger than eighteen can watch. Yet, this same film was unlike any R-rated movie in that it showed 134 acts of violence per hour. Indeed, at the time of its release, Red Dawn was the most violent motion picture that had ever been run in theaters, according to the National Coalition on Television Violence.

This is fucking NRA dream

Of course, we get Amanda Jones and pre-nose job Baby

Completely untrained kids beating Cuban/Russian paramilitary troops? Where do they get all the grenades and RPGs?

Powers Booth as a pilot shot down explains the invasion as "the two toughest kids in the playground eventually have to fight." He also explains that Europe is sitting this one out except for England. Our forces held them in the Heartland (Rockies to Mississippi) meaning the MidWest saved the hippies to the west and the liberal elites to the east.

One black person in the entire movie, the teacher who gets shot in the first reel.

Not one kid dies until five months in and then it's the quiet brown kid and Powers Booth.

Somehow, Milius paints a picture that the most powerful military force in history is the underdog. Extraordinary that, in this scenario, the Russians and Cubans are the United States to Patrick Swayze's Viet Cong. This time we root for the Gooks?

The politician and his son are the turncoats.

Swayze watches Baby die in this one without even a dance. He does blow her up with a grenade. I think Jerry Orbach might've had issue with that.

It's a fucking video game, a libertarian fantasy. With a lot of mascara on the dudes. I mean, the makeup artist loved mascara on the dudes.

We Gen Xers grew up watching the rogue agents solve the problems that the government couldn't: Maverick, Martin Riggs, John Rambo, John McClane, Jack Burton, Frank Dux, and anyone portayed by Chuck Norris.

We also were left mostly to our own devices ("I don't care where you go, just be back before it gets dark out.") and thus, lived our own versions of The Lord of the Flies every day. War was put into our heads by movies sponsored by the Pentagon and Milius was granted access to former Reagan Secretary of State Alexander Haig who advised on the script.

Once I rewatched the movie, I think I understand a little better the odd old dudes with misspelled signs and home-made body armor. They all think they're Patrick Swayze fighting an invading horde in the mountains outside of a tiny, All-American town in Colorado with exactly one black person.

Of course they're morons. I just wish they weren't GenX morons, you know?

#Red Dawn (1984)

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iammarylastar · 7 years

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6. Sweat and blood

“Hit me.“ Jack said, fists in front of his face, getting his gloves up. This bitch could be sneaky sometimes. "Come on, don’t be shy Babe.”

He was sure to piss her off. She hated when he called her Honey, but giving her some Babe or Love would throw him into bigger troubles.

“Never call me that again.” She growled, throwing a side kick in his ribs. He blocked her kick easily with his elbow and waved at her to fight harder.

“Show me what you’re made of, Love.” He teased her, blowing her a kiss.

She attacked him, punching restlessly in his abs, hard as stone. She was not known to be a fragile pussy, she had been taught to fight like a tigress but something was keeping her from knocking him down.

“Shut the fuck up McClane. Fight back!”

Jack smirked and threw a punch towards her face which she avoided by bending her upper body to the side.

“Come closer Honey, don’t hold back. I won’t bite. Unless you ask me to.”

She had asked him to practice a bit, all those weeks spent to do nothing but filing files and snapping shots was nerve wrecking. She needed some action. Adding the frustration to have this asshole teasing her with some fucking ridiculous pet names and she was ready to kill anyone with her bare hands. Glancing at McClane doing his daily hundred push ups, muscles tight and glistening with sweat, along with the low grunts escaping from his throat from the effort didn’t help.

Fighting seemed to be the right release. So wrong. Being so close to him, touching him even through punches or elbow kicks, made her feel weird. Why did he have to practice shirtless ? Dammit!

A slap in the face made her come back to Earth. “Honey! You should focus on my eyes, this way up!” He laughed at her, pointing two fingers at his fucking blue eyes.

Why had he to wear a so damn adorable smile? Cheeky bastard!

She startled and blushed furiously. He took her off guard and hit her, which had never happened before. Which should never have happened. And he caught her in the act of staring at his abs. Goddammit McClane! Stop being so sexy, asshole!

“Don’t worry Love, let’s say those cute cheeks got red because of the slap!”

Her blood boiled, both by anger and desire. She clenched her teeth and her fists and growled.

“Shut the fuck up McClane!”

She throws a backspin kick, aiming at his damn cute face with her heel, but Jack swiftly caught her ankle and hooked her leg on his shoulder, grabbing her waist to keep balance.

A devilish smile of victory taped on his stupid face, Jack stepped forward and closed the distance between their panting and sweating bodies. Years of yoga, gymnastics and martial arts practice had her amazingly flexible, so she didn’t flinch where her thigh almost touched her shoulder.

“You’re damn loose-limbed Honey. I could already figure out nice ways to benefit from such a skill.” Jack whispered in a sultry ton, so close to her face they were breathing the same air.

“I’m tired of you McClane. Don’t you have any other focus in life than my ass and what you want to do with it?” Jack gasped for air at the thought and narrowed his eyes to stay tuned. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his cock in his pants if she teased him like that.

“I’m only focused on one goal: have this mission done so I could fly back home, pleased and delighted to get rid of you. Honey. ” He emphasized the last word, and leant forward, his nose grazing along her jawline.

She chuckled to hide the shiver that was running through her spine and laced her hands behind his neck. His musky scent was intoxicating and she could feel the heat coming from both their waists.

Damn, aren’t sweaty men supposed to stink? Why is he SO attractive?

Her face softened and she sighed in his ear. “Do you think you could handle me McClane?

He swallowed hard, thought hard, every piece of his body was rock hard before such a challenge. This moment was worth the wait. She’s so sexy, promising him Heaven, stuck in his arms.

"I’m so fucking ready to handle you, however you like, Honey.” His heartbeat raced twice, as the heat rose from his body. Jesus they were so close…

Shade purposely brushed her lips across his jawline, moaning and tugging on his neck.

Her knee crushing his balls knocking him out. Using her grip on his neck, she jumped and threw her knee straight in his crotch, making him drop her waist and mew like a lost kitty. Falling heavily on his knees, his face twisted in an awful grimace, his hands cupping his late crashed balls, Jack winced in pain, and growled loudly before resting his forehead on the ground.

Shade crouched down and patted his back.

“I warned you not to call me Honey.

"Bitch!” He groaned through his teeth.

“That’s better." She laughed then became serious again. "I told you, you couldn’t handle me, McLane.”

Jack rolled on his side, still curled up like a wounded animal, helplessly rocking his three set. Watching his so-called wife turning on heel and leave the living room, he just yelled in anger.

“Fuck! Shade!” *

The next couple of days were nightmares. Shade hadn’t been very talkative or receptive to Jack’s jokes before the ‘incident’, but now it was worse. Jack was pouting, mute, and humiliated. He looked so miserable Shade even didn’t want to mock him. They shared their lunch without a word and shifted silently.

Around 8 pm that day, Shade finally opened her mouth and ordered:

“They’re moving. Les Bains Douches. One hour. Get ready.” She threw her Phone for him to read the text their French contact just sent.

“What? Like bathhouse? What the fuck are they going to public bathhouse at night?”

“Jack” she sighed. “Les Bains Douches! like the famous VIP nightclub. Parisian nightlife: Champagne and cocaïne. Our friends have an appointment with their contacts. ”

“OK.” He just grumbled, somewhat happy to go out of the room. Paris had been waiting for them for weeks and they barely had put their feet on the cobbled streets since they arrived.

Shade magically showed up less than fifteen minutes later, moulded in a stunning mid thigh black dress, bare back and deep dip, the cut to the side forcing Jack’s eyes wandering along her endless thigh, his mouth suddenly dry. She was walking towards him, confidently perched on silver stilettos, with the movements of a tigress… slow, soft and swaying. Her long hair dancing around her face, cascading over her plump breasts. She stopped in front of a crumbled faced Jack and handed him a sparkling necklace.

“Please. ” she just said, turning her back to him and gathering her hair to the side.

Jack swallowed loudly, biting his lips not to blurt out some shit about her being drop dead gorgeous or eating her neck up. He was too scared to losehis freshly healed nuts.

Shade hooked matching earrings to her ears and said.

“Let’s get the party started McClane.”

“Yippi kay yay” Jack thought to himself before following her partner.

Waiting for the lift to pick them up, uncomfortably shifting on their feet, both avoided the other’s look. Shade broke the ice first.

“Jack, I’m sorry for…” she looked down at his zipper" … my kick. I shouldn’t have…It wasn’t fair.“

"I deserved it. I behaved like an asshole and it was not good. I totally understand why you don’t like me and I’m sorry.” Jack apologized.

Shade smirked and pecked his cheek.

“I like you, Jack.”

She noticed the red mark her lipstick had left on his cheek and rubbed it with her fingertips.

“Now you’re gorgeous. You forgot to compliment my outfit. What do you think?” She striked a pose like a top model.

“Shade, you’re absolutely stunning, I think… breathtaking, but…” he hesitated.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was so scared you’d kick me in the nuts again.” He chuckled.

Shade laughed heartily, her laugh sounded like cristal.

“As long as you stop calling me Honey, your nuts are safe, Jack.”

“I’m glad you call me Jack. McLane refers to my father and I swear it’s harder to ear than Honey.” His smile was goddamn adorable.

As the lift ringed and its doors opened, he reached out his hand she gladly took, intertwining their fingers together.

“Mrs Sinclair, I’m in your debt.” He led her inside the lift and smiled.

Shade was all over Jack, one knee on the Louis XVI armchair he was loose spread on.

“Here you go. Like new.” Shade finished cleaning up Jack’s cut on his lower lips, drops of blood still resting on the front of his open shirt.

“Thanks.” He hissed in pain, his jaw still burning from the punch he received.

“No, thank you…” Shade looked straight in his eyes. “You saved me…”

“Nothing you couldn’t have handle all by yourself.

* The nightclub was hot and dark, jam-packed with glitter, Louboutin, jeroboams of Champagne and Cartier’s watches.

They spotted the Mafioso’s, gathered in the VIP square, and sat at a table next to them. French’s police had them put on the right list.

After a few alcohol free spy-drinks, Jack and Shade headed on the dance floor, as Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair, obviously a young couple in love. They danced together, sometimes touching, sometimes staring. Mrs Icecube seemed to finally melt, gracing Jack with some of stunning smiles of hers. Jack was forced to glue himself to her to whisper smart words in her ear, his humour hitting his target. Shade’s cristal laugh was music to his ears and he sneaked a hand successfully on the small of her back.

At one point, Shade had to go the bathroom. She needed to pee, check her make-up and free her sore feet from her stilettos for a minute. On her way to the ladies room, she jumped into the wrong guy.

"Sorry.” She said, brushing past him.

“Ohhh! Quelle beauté!” The guy forced her, grabbing her chin and scrutinizing her face. He stinked strong vodka and was obviously drunk. “Princesse…I Love you” he leant over to steal a kiss but Shade escaped his grip and kept walking away. The asshole turned mad and threw both his hands towards her, fisting his fingers in Shade’s hair and shoulder and yanked her back. The strap of her dress broke and her thighs spread to keep balance tore up its side. Shade screamed in surprise, and turned around ready to knock the guy down. A glance to the side, mobs are staring at the scene. No way she could beat him up without drawing attention on her fight skills. She had to play the trembling lamb.

“I’m just worried to know you’re alone. I don’t want you to spend the night all by yourself.” He growls, coming closer.

Nausea invaded her stomach at the memory. The 6 year old self had to deal with her terrifying drunk father, ordering her to be a good girl before slapping her for whatever reason, her mother too busy to sleep off her hangover in the couch to help. She needed someone to protect her but there was none.

“Elle est avec moi.” Jack popped up from nowhere and grabbed the fucker’s wrist, keeping him from touching Shade again. She was with him. She was his. And he wouldn’tlet any-fucking-one threatening her.

“Dégage connard!” The guy barks at Jack, throwing his fist in his jaw. Jack bent down to grab his gun taped on his calf but Shade stopped him.

“Don’t… put ourselves on the show, Cupcake. People are staring at us.” She insisted. Jack glanced at the men, laughing out loud at the Cupcake thing. She’s right. He couldn’t blow their cover.

Lifting both his hands in sign of abating, Jack calmly said to the drunk guy.

“It’s OK man, we don’t wanna fight and waste the party. Just let me check if my wife is OK and ̀ we’re gone.”

My wife.

Facing Shade and brushing her hair out from her face, he lovingly inquired. “Are you OK Boo?”

She nodded, took his hand and they got the hell out of the club.

* “Take off your shirt.” He followed, amazed, Shade’s fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt. “It’s covered with blood, I’ll clean it up before it’s too late.” He helped her to get rid of his clothes she carefully hung on the back of the armchair.

“It’s a shame he ruined your dress. You looked stunning in it.” Jack played with the broken strap and glanced at the extended rip that exposed the skin of her hip. Showing the tiny thin string of the thong she was wearing.

“I’ll make it. You’ll make it. Big boy. ” Shade says, pecking the wound on his lips. And again. And again.

Jack’s hands landed softly on her hips, eliciting a light moan from Shade. Jack said nothing as she let her lips press a little longer on his. He groaned when she darted her tongue through his parted lips.

“Boo, please don’t start something you shouldn’t.” Boo. He was dead serious. She loved the way his low tone ran through her core. “I’m not sure I could stop….”

“Stop rambling and kiss me, Cupcake.”

Jack could have laughed or chuckled if his lips weren’t busy tasting Shade’s tongue. She was fighting for dominance, dauntless tigress, but he let her have the lead. All those sleepless nights spent on that fucking sofa, looking at the ceiling to force his brain not to picture hot sex scenes with Shade, the hours spent fighting against his need to knock at her door, tiptoe into her bed and sneak a hand under her silky nighties. So many times forced to the shower for some quick releases, the ghost of Shade silhouette wandering across the suite with nothing but boy shorts and tight tops.

He still couldn’t believe it was really happening and didn’t dare to wake up from this sweet, perfect, hot dream.

Shade cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, her tongue dancing with his. He sat up to deepen the kiss, his hands flying to her ribs, where they stopped, just below her delicate breasts his thumbs caressed. She tilted her head back to moan loudly, Jack took advantage of her offered breasts he covered with his mouth. Tugging on her wasted dress, he placed wet kisses on her bare stomach, while she racked her fingers through his short hair. Her feet back on the ground, Shade trailed open kisses down his neck and chest, and further down. She licked his navel while her hands unhooked his belt and unzipped his pants.

Jack shivered in anticipation and lifted his ass, his teeth hard dug in his lower lip as he witnessed his pants and boxer disappear down his legs. Shade didn’t tease him more and took his length in her mouth, twirling her tongue around the soft skin of his shaft.

“Fuck Shade!" Jack tangled his fingers in her long hair and lowered his gaze to enjoy the show, gently guiding her head as he fucked her mouth. Her moans mixed with his grunts added more fuel to his fire and he quickly felt like he couldn’t handle more of those sweet ministrations.

In a swift but rough movement, he flipped her in the chair and captured her mouth in a searing kiss. Kneeling down between her feet, he slowly slid his hands along her thighs, up to her ass and hooked the hem of her thong he pulled down and threw to the side. Shade mewled and opened her thighs for him. Grazing and nibbling at her thighs, he took his time to be met with the little patch of hair that covered her soaked pussy. Sneaking his hands back to her bottom cheeks, he roughly pulled them to his mouth and lapped her folds like his life depended on it.

Arching her back under the heavenly sensation, she clung at his neck and forced him to lick harder. Jack was losing his mind and his hardness screamed for more. He nonetheless did his best to make her pleasure last longer.

Lifting her ass up, he almost threw her on the floor, catching the force with his hands. He hovered his taut body over her and lay on her, his heavy body melting with Shade’s.

Shade could taste her own juices on Jack’s tongue as he explored her mouth again. She felt her body liquefying when Jack entered her gently and started to fuck her as slowly as he could. Resting on his elbows he broke the kiss and plunged his eyes in Shade’s. Her green wild eyes were sparkling with lust. Jack couldn’t fight the urge to eat her neck and grazed his teeth on her pulse point.

The agonizing slow pace with which he was making love to her was quickly impossible to keep, Shade was wiggling her hips under him, inviting him to free the beast he had held back for so long. Shade slammed her hands on his ass, pulling and pushing hard to emphasize his thrusts. Jack grunted in her ear, this was thousands times better than he had imagined. "Shade…” he painfully hissed, losing control.

Shade pulled at his hair, forcing him to stare at her again. Her face twisted in pleasure but she needed more time. She parted her lips and captured a sweatdrop on his forehead. The salty taste in her mouth, the tortured sounds coming from Jack’s throat, his fucking scent were sending her over the edge.

“Shade…” he couldn’t hold on anymore. “Yes!” She cried in ecstasy, her thighs tightening around his waist as she came. Her walls crushed his cock as he spilled his load out, deep inside her. In a final thrust, Jack felt his orgasm run through him, powerful and devastating.

“Jesus!” She gasped for air once Jack had rolled to her side.

“Sorry but my name is Jack…” he joked, one hand resting on his chest, breathing heavily. His other hand played with her hair, before he rested on his elbow, staring at her flushed face.

She just chuckled, enjoying the last shot of pleasure traveling down her spine.

He leant over her to taste her lips once again, and sighed.

“Shade… I…” She stopped him, her fingers on his lips.

“Don’t say something you shouldn’t.” She whispered in a smile.

She stirred up then relaxed. “I told you, you couldn’t handle me.”

Jack rolled to hover over her again but Shade was already on her feet, combing her long damp hair back, her head tilted backwards, offering the breathtaking sight of her perfect body to a crumbled-into-pieces Jack.

Without a word, she swaged to her bedroom, leaving poor Jack alone on the floor.

His short dream was over but it was fucking worth it. It was a shame he couldn’t have shown more of his skills, his hardness was quickly back at the thought.

Shade leant on the frame of the door, her sexy ass swaying to the music of her voice.

“Round 2. Now Cupcake.”

Thank God

@kenzieam @pathybo @tigpooh67 @beautifulramblingbrains @oddsnendsfanfics @frecklefaceb @badassbaker @jaihardi @angelswannawearmyredshooz @bookwarm85 @societalfailure @beltz2016 @pernilleals @captstefanbrandt @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @zarkanic @kaybou902-blog @liendre50 @sporadichologramblizzard-ed17414 @red-diary @singingpeople @writingismyhappytime

#jack mcclane #live and die hard #6 #Sweat and blood #jack and Shade #jai courtney

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macguires · 7 years

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I'm so late but I sure hope you're still doing that ask meme because if you are I'm giving you Hannibal and Star Wars. Because I know you too well and I know you'd be waiting ;D - tattlecrimc

YESSSSSSS EDEN BLESS U (i’m assuming you mean this one bc that’s the only one i’ve reblogged recently)

i will ramble horribly on the hannibal one and i’m very sorry about it so i’ll leave that for last so i can put it under a read more

i should probably warn u that the only movie fresh in my memory is the force awakens so all of this is gonna be answered through a v tfa-heavy lens but ok

star wars

three favourite male characters: poe dameron, kylo ren & general hux (DON’T KILL ME i know kylo & hux are awful, the fandom paired w/ my pre-existing love for domhnall gleeson did this to me and i am v ashamed). finn, han solo, bodhi rook, cassian andor, chirrut imwe & luke skywalker are also v dear to me. listen i just have a lot of love to givethree favourite female characters: jessika pava (i’d better see So Much of her in ep8), phasma & padme amidala. & also rey! ‘Needs More Girls’ is my opinion on most franchises but especially star warsfavourite pairing(s): finn/poe, kylo/hux, rey/jessika & han/luke! i also like obi-wan/anakin in the sense that i don’t actively go looking for stuff abt it but when i do see it on my dash my heart does a lil “!!”notp(s): r*ylo is like one of the only ships on my blacklist so that probably tells u something. i’m also p Ew about rey with any of the villains, so that also rules out rey/hux & rey/kylo/hux which i see way too often all over the place. also you wouldn’t think snoke/kylo would be a thing but i’ve seen fics & i’ve seen art and i’ve like cried every single time, experiencing that was my tragic backstory and now i’m a jaded & cynical anti-hero who’s seen Too Much™least favourite character: snoke who’s like me: i’ll hesitantly say padme amidala? i saw the prequels when i was too young to be properly interested in them and i haven’t rewatched them yet so 99% of my knowledge is secondhand, but from what i’ve seen she’s the most relatable most attractive: jessika pava tbh, yet another reason behind me hoping she’s around a lot in the next movie, i am Absolutely in love alreadyfavourite moment/scene: THAT’S MY JACKET(also lowkey the whole starkiller/hosnian system scene, that was shot so impressively w/ the whole ~greatcoat blowing dramatically in wind~ and the brief reaction shot of the people on hosnian prime and the lights shooting across the sky and damn)favourite quote(s): LOTS

“so this is how liberty dies. with thunderous applause.” - padme

“if you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.” - maz

“mm. lost a planet, master obi-wan has. how embarrassing.” - yoda

“are you kidding me? i’m blind!” - chirrut

“there’s a problem on the horizon. …there is no horizon.” - k2-so

“so you’re with the resistance?”“obviously. yes, i am. i am with the resistance, yeah. i’m with the resistance.”“i’ve never met a resistance fighter before.”“well, this is what we look like. some of us. others look different.” - rey & finn

“lieutenant, get back to your station!”“just look! we won’t survive. even hux is gone!” - rodinon

“through the ages, i’ve seen evil take many forms: the sith. the empire. today, it is the first order.” - maz

“where is my boyfriend? […] i like that wookiee.” - maz

ok right. now for my favourite thing in the world. the show i don’t shut up about. the universe to which my heart belongs

hannibal

three favourite male characters: will graham, hannibal lecter & anthony dimmondthree favourite female characters: chiyoh, molly graham & reba mcclane (also beverly katz. and freddie lounds. and abigail hobbs. and literally every other girl)favourite pairing(s): hannibal/will, margot/alana, reba/molly, abigail/marissa & jimmy/brian are the ones i pay most attention to, but i’m honestly also down for literally any other f/f ship u can imagine from this shownotp(s): there isn’t anything i would specifically call a notp, but i’m not a huge fan of will/alana or hannibal/alana i guess? just bc as much as i love will & hannibal, alana deserves 1000x better and i lovelovelove her with margot. i also dislike mason with literally anyone for what i would hope are obvious reasons. i also tend to be kinda cringey about abigail with will or hannibal in a romantic/sexual sense bc it’s made very clear that their relationship with her is parent/child and that she’s a teenager so it feels v creepy to meleast favourite character: i like them enough as characters but i’ll say francis dolarhyde & mason verger. bc everything mason does ever makes me feel vaguely ill and my first impression of francis dolarhyde was him stretching and grunting @ his mirror in briefs w/ Glistening Muscles and i was done with That and ready to move on in under 0.00002 seconds but it just….. kept happeningwho’s most like me: peter bernardone, abigail hobbs & s1!will graham most attractive: chiyoh! i was literally Gone from the second we saw her through will’s goddamn binoculars favourite moment/scene: literally every second of dark!will i am so here for that. every moment from when he attacked freddie in the barn and then. u know. ate randall tier with hannibal, the whole ~i’ve given up good & evil for behaviourism~ conversation and the knife exchange in the kitchen. also him bringing randall’s body to hannibal in the middle of the night like some dog looking for approval wtf. and obviously him & hannibal double-teaming & killing francis in the season finale and running the fuck away together and then coming back to eat bedelia like I JUST REALLY LOVE DARK!WILLfavourite quote(s): i have SO MANY. some of them i just think are gorgeous and thought-provoking, some i like for shippy reasons or bc they were super chilling or Ominous on a rewatch/paired with later context, and some i just find straight-up hilarious

hannibal: “i’ve always found the idea of death comforting. the thought that my life could end at any moment frees me to fully appreciate the beauty and art and horror of everything this world has to offer.”

hannibal: “the essence of the worst in the human spirit is not found in the crazy sons-of-bitches. ugliness is found in the faces of the crowd.”

jack: “you remember when you decided to call hannibal?”will: “i wasn’t decided when i called him. i just called him. i deliberated while the phone rang… i decided when i heard his voice.”jack: “you told him we knew.” will: “i told him to leave, because i wanted him to run.”jack: “why?”will: “because… because he was my friend. and because i wanted to run away with him.”

hannibal: “you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.”

will: “i’ve never known myself as well as i know myself… when i’m with him.”

hannibal: “when the fox hears the rabbit scream, he comes a-running. but not to help. when you hear jack scream, why will you come running?”

chiyoh: “you have a taste for it now.”will: “for what?”chiyoh: “harm.”will: “do you?”chiyoh: “i was violent when it was the right thing to do. but i think you like it. […] if you don’t kill him, you’re afraid you’re going to become him.”will: “yes.”

freddie: “i’ve interviewed enough serial killers to know one when i see one. […] a very specific brand of hostility. i see it every time i look at will graham.”

gray: “there is no god.”hannibal: “well, not with that attitude.”

hannibal: “hello! i love your work.” (YOU NEED CONTEXT FOR THIS ONE BUT I LOVE IT)

guest: “it smells divine!”hannibal: “it is! i say that without ego. i don’t require conventional reinforcement.”

hannibal: “that may have been impulsive.”

hannibal: “a paradox.”alana: “freddie lounds thinks the two of you are a paradox. she sees something no one else sees.”will: “and what’s that?”alana: “that neither of you is the killer she’s writing about… but together you might be.”

will: “i’d pack my bags if i were you, bedelia. meat’s back on the menu. […] ready or not, here he comes.”

freddie: “what will understands is that if you can’t beat hannibal lecter… join him.”

hannibal: “what’s the meat? veal? pork?”will: “she was a slim and delicate pig.”hannibal: “i’ll make you lomo soltado. we’ll make it together. …you slice the ginger.” […]hannibal: “this meat is not pork.”will: “it’s long pig.” (RIDICULOUS. now they’re both making puns while eating people)

will: “is hannibal in love with me?”bedelia: “could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you and find nourishment at the very sight of you? yes. but do you ache for him?”

#anonymous #asks

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wallpapernifty · 4 years

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The Latest Trend In Terry Crews | Terry Crews

*Spoiler admonishing for Brooklyn Nine-Nine division 7.

Jake and Amy cradle their new babyish in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine division 7 finale.

What’s a bigger way to end a division than with a blackout while one of the advance characters goes into labor? Answer: Nothing. That’s how NBC’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine concluded its seventh division aftermost night – adventure 13, blue-blooded “Lights Out” (down from eighteen episodes in division 6). Back Brooklyn adventures a blackout, Amy (Melissa Fumero) takes allegation while Holt (Andre Braugher) and Terry (Terry Crews) are ashore in an elevator, and Jake (Andy Samberg) is beatific into the acreage to accompany in the perp, but the accomplished night takes a larboard about-face back Amy’s baptize breaks. High-jinks while a appearance goes into activity has consistently been a TV archetypal (Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, etc.), and Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s amusing division afterpiece is no exception.

The abstraction of Jake and Amy accepting their aboriginal adolescent initially came up during the division premiere, “Manhunter,” back Amy had her abundance scare, so this seems a applicable abode for the division to leave off. Amy’s been a baker back division 5, but we’ve alone apparent her absolutely get to advance so abounding times, so watching Amy footfall up and absolute the absolute belt is a absolute treat…even if it agency that she continues to put off activity to the hospital until it’s too backward and has to accord bearing at the badge station. It is additionally so appropriate to watch Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) booty affliction of Amy throughout this crisis, alike as she is absolutely grossed out. She was the one Amy confided in about the abundance scare, and now she’s actuality for her acquaintance in the home stretch. It generally feels like the appearance is actual focused on Jake and Amy as a couple, but this is a able admonition of how basic Rosa and Amy’s accord has been and continues to be.

Jake, of course, plays the archetypal role of the ancestor aggravating to get to the hospital in time to be there while his wife gives birth. He’s hindered by the perp who acquired the blackout, a racist old lady, New York City traffic, and abomination due to the blackout. Amid a badge car, walking, a adaptable bar powered by unicycles, and assorted diversions – including disappointment a coffer break-in – Jake manages to accomplish it to the base aloof in time (he went to the hospital aboriginal afore he begin out Amy wasn’t there). In accurate Jake Peralta fashion, we acquisition out that the baby’s name is Mac, called for John McClane from Die Hard.

Perhaps the funniest arc of the adventure is Terry teaching Holt

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go-redgirl · 6 years

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Burt Reynolds, Movie Star Who Played It for Grins, Dies at 82

11:47 AM PDT 9/6/2018 by Mike Barnes

The ex-jock from Florida starred in 'Deliverance' and 'Boogie Nights' but preferred making such populist, fun fare as 'Smokey and the Bandit,' 'The Cannonball Run' and 'Starting Over.'

Burt Reynolds, the charismatic star of such films as Deliverance, The Longest Yard and Smokey and the Bandit who set out to have as much fun as possible on and off the screen — and wildly succeeded — has died. He was 82.

Reynolds, who received an Oscar nomination when he portrayed porn director Jack Horner in Paul Thomas Anderson's Boogie Nights (1997) and was the No. 1 box-office attraction for a five-year stretch starting in the late 1970s, died Thursday morning at Jupiter Medical Center in Florida, his manager, Erik Kritzer, told The Hollywood Reporter.

The cause of death was cardiopulmonary arrest.

Always with a wink, Reynolds shined in many action films (often doing his own stunts) and in such romantic comedies as Starting Over (1979) opposite Jill Clayburgh and Candice Bergen; The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982) with Dolly Parton; Best Friends (1982) with Goldie Hawn; and, quite aptly, The Man Who Loved Women (1983) with Julie Andrews.

Though beloved by audiences for his brand of frivolous, good-ol'-boy fare, the playful Reynolds rarely was embraced by the critics. The first time he saw himself in Boogie Nights, he was so unhappy he fired his agent. (He went on to win a Golden Globe but lost out in the Oscar supporting actor race to Robin Williams for Good Will Hunting, a bitter disappointment for him.)

"I didn't open myself to new writers or risky parts because I wasn't interested in challenging myself as an actor. I was interested in having a good time," Reynolds recalled in his 2015 memoir, But Enough About Me. "As a result, I missed a lot of opportunities to show I could play serious roles. By the time I finally woke up and tried to get it right, nobody would give me a chance."

Still, Reynolds had nothing to apologize for. He was Hollywood's top-grossing star every year from 1978 through 1982, equaling the longest stretch the business had seen since the days of Bing Crosby in the 1940s. In 1978, he had four movies playing in theaters at the same time.

Reynolds' career also is marked by the movies he didn't make. Harrison Ford, Jack Nicholson and Bruce Willis surely were grateful after he turned down the roles of Han Solo, retired astronaut Garrett Breedlove and cop John McClane in Star Wars, Terms of Endearment and Die Hard, respectively. He often said that passing on James L. Brooks' Endearment was one of his worst career mistakes. (Nicholson won an Oscar for playing Breedlove.)

Reynolds also indicated he was Milos Forman's first choice to play R.P. McMurphy (another Nicholson Oscar-winning turn) in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, "backed away" from playing Batman on TV in the 1960s and declined the part made famous by Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.

In John Boorman's Deliverance (1972), based on a book by James Dickey, Reynolds starred as macho survivalist Lewis Medlock, one of four guys from Atlanta who head to the wilderness for the weekend. Filmed by Vilmos Zsigmond along the Chattooga River near the Georgia-South Carolina border, it was an arduous production that Boorman shot in sequence.

"When I asked John why, he said, 'In case one of you drowns,'" Reynolds wrote.

He had good reason. When Reynolds saw test footage of a dummy in a canoe going over the falls in one scene, he told Boorman the scene looked fake. He climbed into the canoe, was sent crashing into the rocks and ended up in the hospital. "I asked [Boorman] how [the new footage] looked, and he said, 'Like a dummy going over the falls,'" Reynolds wrote.

Deliverance, infamous for its uncut 10-minute hillbilly male rape scene ("squeal like a pig"), was nominated for three Academy Awards but came away empty. It lost out to The Godfather in the best picture battle.

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zeroviraluniverse-blog · 6 years

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10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

Visit Now - http://zeroviral.com/10-surprising-facts-about-burt-reynolds/

10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

If your first memory of Burton Leon Reynolds is from the 1993 film Cop and a Half, then you’re probably too young to remember—or even realize—that Burt Reynolds was once Hollywood’s biggest movie star. To put it in perspective: Every year from 1973 to 1984, Reynolds was listed as one of Quigley’s “Top 10 Money Makers,” and held the top spot on the annual poll from 1978 to 1982 (the only other person to boast a record five consecutive years at the top of the list is Bing Crosby, back in the 1940s).

After a serious knee injury and subsequent car accident ended a promising football career at Florida State University, Reynolds found his way into acting. He got his start in a series of television roles, including a regular gig on the western series Riverboat, then hit the big screen big time with his breakout role in John Boorman’s 1972 backwoods classic, Deliverance.

Reynolds followed Deliverance up with such hits as Smokey and The Bandit (a film Playboy called “the Gone with the Wind of good-ol’-boy movies”), Semi-Tough, The Cannonball Run, and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Though he hit a bit of a rough patch for a few years, all of that changed when Reynolds agreed to star in Boogie Nights, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 ode to pornography, which earned the actor a Golden Globe award, a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination, and one of the biggest comebacks of the decade. Here are 10 things you may not have known about the mustachioed Hollywood icon, who turns 80 years old today.

1. HE TURNED DOWN SOME MAJOR ROLES.

Over the course of a near-60-year career, one is bound to pass on some prime roles. And Reynolds has turned down a lot, including (by his own admission in the video above) Han Solo in Star Wars, R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Edward Lewis in Pretty Woman, and John McClane in Die Hard. Although he doesn’t regret that final one: “I don’t regret turning down anything Bruce Willis did,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan.

More notably, and perhaps more regrettably, Reynolds turned down a chance to play James Bond in 1969. As Reynolds explains it: “In my infinite wisdom, I said to [producer] Cubby Broccoli, ‘An American can’t play James Bond. It just can’t be done.’ And they really tried to talk me into it. It was a 10-minute discussion. Finally they left. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat.”

The role Reynolds laments turning down the most, however, is a role that was written specifically with him in mind. When director James L. Brooks approached him about playing Garrett Breedlove in 1983’s Terms of Endearment, Reynolds balked, instead taking a role in Hal Needham’s Stroker Ace. “When it came time to choose between Terms and Stroker, I chose the latter because I felt I owed Hal more than I did Jim,” Reynolds explained (Needham also directed Smokey and the Bandit, Hooper, and The Cannonball Run). “Nobody told me I could have probably done Terms and Universal would have waited until I was finished before making Stroker.” The role went to Jack Nicholson, who took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1984.

2. HE POSED NUDE IN A 1972 ISSUE OF COSMOPOLITAN.

It may be common knowledge that Burt Reynolds posed naked in Cosmopolitan. What may be less known is that he regrets that decision. “I’m very embarrassed by it,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan. Editor Helen Gurley Brown asked Reynolds to do the photo shoot after the two appeared together on The Tonight Show. “I thought it would be a kick,” Reynolds said. The issue came out only a short time before Deliverance was released in theaters and all 1.6 million copies of the magazine sold out.

Despite the popularity of the spread, Reynolds now believes that it may have distracted from the critical reception of Deliverance. “I thought it cost some actors in Deliverance an Academy Award,” Reynolds told Morgan. “I think it cost Jon [Voight]. I think it cost Ned Beatty, who certainly deserved an Oscar nomination. I think it hurt me, too.”

3. HE TURNED DOWN HIS OSCAR-NOMINATED ROLE IN BOOGIE NIGHTS. SEVEN TIMES.

Paul Thomas Anderson was adamant that Burt Reynolds play iconoclastic porn producer Jack Horner in his 1997 masterpiece, Boogie Nights, despite Reynolds’s aversion to the material. Anderson asked seven times, and got seven passes from Reynolds. “One night—the eighth time—[Anderson] came to my hotel room,” Reynolds recalled. “And I said, ‘Look, you don’t get it.’ And I went a little berserk. And at the end of the tirade, he said, ‘If you can do that in the movie, you’ll get nominated for an Academy Award.’ And he was right.”

4. AN ON-SET STUNT CAUSED HIM A LIFE OF PAIN.

The 1980s weren’t always kind to Reynolds. “I can’t believe I did all those bad films in a row until I looked at the list,” he said. During the filming of 1984’s City Heat, Reynolds was struck in the face by a metal chair and shattered his jaw. He developed TMJ as a result of the injury and ended up losing 40 pounds due to his inability to eat solid food. The shocking weight loss fueled speculation that Reynolds had contracted AIDS, a rumor he spent years refuting. He also developed a severe drug dependency as a result of the chronic and debilitating pain he suffered from TMJ; at one point Reynolds was taking up to 50 Halcion sleeping pills a day.

Reynolds eventually kicked the pill addiction, but was not so lucky with the pain. He still suffers daily from the more than 30-year-old injury.

5. HE HAD AN IMPROMPTU PIE FIGHT WITH DOUBLE DARE HOST MARC SUMMERS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

Burt Reynolds had just finished up his segment as a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 1994 and had shifted over to make way for the next guest, TV show host Marc Summers (Double Dare, Unwrapped). Reynolds became visibly irritated with Summers for, ostensibly, turning his back on him while he was speaking to Leno. Summers then made the comment to Reynolds, “I’m still married, by the way.” This jab precipitated a water fight between the two combatants: Reynolds dumped his mug on Summers’s lap, Summers retaliated, so on and so forth. The donnybrook culminated in a rather violent pie fight followed by a very awkward hug.

“This was not a bit,” Summers explained. “I didn’t know what to expect. He was going through a divorce with Loni Anderson at the time and he was angry … He hugged me and said, ‘I only did that because I really like you.’ You wait to get on The Tonight Show your whole life. You’re sitting next to Burt Reynolds. He drops water on your crotch, then you get into a pie fight!”

6. HE PISSED OFF ELMORE LEONARD.

Reynolds was a longtime admirer of writer Elmore Leonard. After reading Leonard’s novel, Stick, Reynolds decided that he wanted to direct and star in the film version. Things did not go well.

After watching Reynolds’s first cut of the film, the studio pushed back its release date and forced him to re-shoot the second half of the movie, much to the actor/director’s dismay. “I turned in my cut of the picture and truly thought I had made a good film,” Reynolds told the Los Angeles Times. “Word got back to me quickly that the [studio] wanted a few changes … I gave up on the film. I didn’t fight them. I let them get the best of me.”

The biggest blow came from Elmore Leonard. “Leonard saw the film the day he was interviewed for a Newsweek cover and told them he hated it,” Reynolds shared. “After his comment, every critic attacked the film and he wouldn’t talk to me. When I re-shot the film, I was just going through the motions. I’m not proud of what I did, but I take responsibility for my actions. All I can say—and this is not in way of a defense—is if you liked the first part of Stick, that’s what I was trying to achieve throughout.”

7. HE DABBLED IN THE NIGHTCLUB BUSINESS.

Burt Reynolds’s foray into the booming 1970s nightclub business was a short-lived one. He opened Burt’s Place in the late 1970s at the Omni International Hotel in downtown Atlanta. The club’s most notable feature was a stained glass dance floor that featured a rendering of Burt’s face and the words, “Burt’s Joint”—which was odd, considering that wasn’t even the name of the establishment. Burt’s Place/Joint closed after a year.

8. MARLON BRANDO WAS NOT A FAN OF REYNOLDS.

Coming up in the movie business, Burt Reynolds was a huge Marlon Brando fan. Brando did not share the sentiment. When Reynolds was being considered for the role of Michael Corleone in 1972’s The Godfather, Brando adamantly declared that if Reynolds was given the role, he would remove himself from the project. The rest is history.

Brando later said about Reynolds, “He is the epitome of something that makes me want to throw up … He is the epitome of everything that is disgusting about the thespian … He worships at the temple of his own narcissism.” Ouch! To be fair, in the same conversation, Brando admits that he had never even met Reynolds.

9. HE RELEASED AN ALBUM.

Hot off his success in Deliverance and his nude spread in Cosmo, a solo album seemed like the next, most Hollywood-appropriate course of action.

Reynolds released his debut record, “Ask Me What I Am,” in 1973 and somehow this gem seems to have evaded critics and fans alike. We do know that the album came with a double-sized poster of Reynolds in a blue jumpsuit and cowboy hat. You can listen to a track on YouTube, but if you must hear it in its entirety, it’s available on Amazon.

10. HE DOESN’T THINK DELIVERANCE COULD BE RE-MADE TODAY.

“They keep talking about a remake, but I don’t think you could find four actors crazy enough to do it,” Reynolds said. “Not by any stretch of the imagination were we white water experts. We’d quit for the day and come back and practice. We got to the point where we were more proficient, or at least we didn’t get tipped over all the time. I have to admit that, in spite of the danger, or maybe because of the danger, it was the most fun I ever had.”

Reynolds has often said that Deliverance is the finest of all of his films.

#10 #Burt #facts #Reynolds #Surprising #Facts

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itsjaybullme · 7 years

Text

10 Cheap and Easy Halloween Costumes for Jacked Guys

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It's Costume Time

Silver Screen Collection / Nancy Moran / Sunset Boulevard / Getty

The time has finally come: the week when you realize that Halloween weekend is upon us, but you've been too busy making gains in the gym to even think about putting effort into a costume. Maybe you've had a few fleeting thoughts—if that—about how you're going to dress up, and maybe your girlfriend has spent the month begging you to dress as the companion to whatever elaborate costume she'll be donning when you inevitably end up at a Halloween gathering.

But you probably didn't listen to your own thoughts or hers, and now it's crunch time and the best costumes are probably long sold out. Besides, if you waited this long to find a costume, we're willing to bet you're not about to splurge on that $600 theatrical-quality Darth Vader getup.

If you're starting to get nervous we'll stop you right there, because all that time in the gym is about to swoop in and save your Halloweekend.

Some of the most badass characters in Hollywood history are just jacked guys wearing reasonably normal clothing and minimal outlandish accessories. You may not literally have the physique that Arnold Schwarzenegger or Dolph Lundgren sported back in the '80s, but you can pull off their characters like no couch potato ever could. That's why we've compiled some of our favorite costume options that you can scrape together with minimal cash, and still look decent enough to be recognizable.

It may be too late for theatrical, but at least you'll have a costume. Because even if you're not the type of guy to roll up to the party dressed as a terrifyingly realistic movie monster, you've got to admit it's fun to get into the spirit. Plus, you don't want to be the only asshole at the bar who showed up as the murderer of all things fun and spooky (yourself sans costume).

(And if you need that emergency shred? We've got the workout for you.)

Click through for some of the cheapest, easiest options for your last-minute Halloween costume.

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1. John Matrix/Commando

Sunset Boulevard / Getty

Arnold Schwazenegger has been in plenty of movies, from thrilling action flicks like Terminator and Predator to comedies like Twins and Jingle All the Way. But one of Schwarzenegger's most badass roles was undeniably John Matrix, a former Special Forces colonel out to take down a former dictator to save his daughter. Who could forget the moment when a deadpan Matrix "let Sully go"?

The most important aspect of this costume is also the cheapest: some black body paint for you face and torso.

Assuming you have:

Pants (preferably camo/cargo pants or khakis—but jeans work, too)

Boots

Impressive biceps and a generally ripped upper body

A passable Arnold impersonation

You'll need:

Black body paint (to stripe across your face and body, $5 at Party City)

Bullet belt (optional, $10 at Party City)

Fake weapon that's very clearly not real (anything from a hunting knife to a rifle could work)

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2. The Incredible Hulk

NBC / Silver Screen Collection / Getty

In his Incredible Hulk days, Lou Ferrigno's physique was nothing short of incredible. After all, he played our favorite green maniac in the late-'70s-early-'80s series, long before CGI could take Dr. Banner from man to monster. So if you've got the physique for it, this one's as easy as can be, although it could get a little messy if you don't get a little help.

Assuming you have:

Jeans

A flannel (optional)

A hulking physique

You'll need:

Green body paint (maybe two tubes) ($5 each at Party City)

If you really want to go all out, green hairspray ($4 at Party City)

Giant, hilariously fluffy wig (optional)

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3. The Old Spice Guy

Old Spice / Youtube

While Terry Crews may have been the most jacked face of Old Spice ever, Isaiah Mustafa's embodiment is a hilarious throwback that's insanely easy to replicate:

youtube

You may not have all (or any) of the skills he boasts in the commercial, but you don't need those. All you do need is a towel, some shorts, and Old Spice to make this one work. Bonus: You'll smell great, no matter where the night takes you.

Assuming you have:

A white towel (clean, please)

Khaki shorts to wear underneath

The chops to impersonate his TV-ready voice

You'll need:

Any Old Spice product, as cheap or expensive as you please (and, hey, you may already have that, too)

Works best at: beach parties.

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4. Rambo

Nancy Moran / Getty

John Rambo is one of those action-movie badasses who seems to transcend time. Even those who have never seen the movie have a very clear idea of the gist of it. Sly Stallone's depiction of a gritty, troubled Vietnam veteran evading law enforcement launched the original film, First Blood, into a franchise. If your friends can't guess this costume at first sight, that's their problem. This one's also super-customizable, since Stallone appeared both in a black, raw-cut muscle tank and shirtless. The important parts? The bandana, the bullet belt, and the absurdly chiseled upper body and/or jawline.

Assuming you have:

A worn-out, black, clearly DIYed tank top (or a t-shirt you can cut into one)

Jeans

Ripped shoulders

You'll need:

Red bandana ($3 at Party City—or, if you cut your own tank top, save some of the fabric and just use that for free)

Fake weapon that's very clearly not real (a hunting knife to a bow and arrow, to a rife could work)

Bullet belt (optional, $10 at Party City)

Some of that $5 body paint (or dirt, if you really want to go cheap) to give the effect of roughing it in the woods

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5. Richard Simmons

Evan Hurd Photography / Getty

This one is admittedly not badass, but it's hilarious and directly related to fitness. Richard Simmons shot to fame for his weight-loss programs back in the day, and he's still at it now. His signature brightly colored tank tops and short-shorts are easy enough to replicate, as long as you never skip legs day.

Assuming you have:

A workout tank top (preferably a bright one, and preferably one with sparkles)

Quads that you're dying to show off

White sneakers

White crew socks

You'll need:

Short-shorts (whether they're your girlfriend's or something cheap from Amazon Prime)

Huge wig (optional, but adds to the effect; $20 at Party City)

Probably some energy drinks. It's a long night, and you will be expected to embody Richard Simmons.

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6. He-Man

Archive Photos / Getty

Dolph Lundgren, another Hollywood badass who's still keeping up with his fitness today, played He-Man in 1987's Masters of the Universe. We can only imagine all the physique goals that were born that year. Just a little more serious and intimidating than the cartoon version of this comic-book hero, Lundgren's He-Man is ripped out of his mind. If you are, too, show off those quads and that six-pack with this costume. This may be a bare-minimum He-Man, but we don't have time for elaborate equipment, and that's not our fault. Besides, the abs are more impressive anyway. (If you have a set of old football pads lying around that no one's gonna miss, you can easily cut out the shoulders, spray-paint them gold, and tie them together to complete the look. Remember: It's optional, but you have the power.)

Assuming you have:

An impressive chest and quads

A neutral-colored Speedo, bodybuilding suit, or even some dark-colored briefs (yup, we're really going for it)

A few belts to layer over each other

You'll need:

Blonde wig (will probably run you about $20, but completes the costume)

Fake sword (also important, but only $7 at Party City)

Spartan shin guards ($15 on Amazon)

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7. Lumberjack/The Brawny Man

Blake Little / Getty

More like lumber-jacked, right? This one may actually be the easiest costume ever, and you probably have everything you need already. And this is customizable, because if you don't want to get a fake chainsaw or ax, you can just carry a roll of paper towels around with you (which, given most of the Halloween parties we've been to, may not be a bad idea). Boom: You're instantly the Brawny Man instead of a plain ol' lumberjack.

Assuming you have:

Jeans

A flannel

A knit beanie

Gargantuan lumberjack-esque arms

You'll need:

Fake ax for lumberjack ($4 at Party City). If you're into scary costumes, a fake bloody chainsaw (like this $17 option from Party City) transforms you into a murderous lumberjack.

Paper towels for Brawny Man (free from your kitchen, probably)

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8. John McClane from Die Hard

Archive Photos / Getty

Die Hard may just be one of the best Christmas movies of all time (because it's totally a Christmas movie in our book, despite the absence of the Grinch or much holiday cheer). In the original, Bruce Willis takes on a slew of bad guys as NYPD cop John McClane, who has to take matters into his own hands to save his wife, one of their hostages. This is another one that you've probably got most of the supplies for. Yippee ki-yay, motherf*cker!

Assuming you have:

A white tank top you're willing to rub dirt on

A button-down (ideally one you're also willing to rub dirt on)

A formidable five o'clock shadow

Jeans or khakis

A built chest

You'll need:

If you don't want to rub dirt on your face and shirt, some $5 body paint

Some of your girlfriend's lipliner and a butterfly closures for a fake head wound (about $5 from any drug store)

Fake police badge ($4 at Party City)

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9. Tarzan

Mondadori Portfolio / Frank Trapper / Getty / M&F

There have been countless depictions of this jungle hero, but our personal favorite might be former M&F cover starAlexander Skarsgard's. His physique is impressive, and his costume may be the easiest (and most full-coverage, for any of you legs-day skippers).

Assuming you have:

Khakis you are prepared to sacrifice

Shredded abs and a poundable chest

You'll need:

Some $5 body paint to act as fake dirt

A wig (optional—your own messy hair will work just fine)

A loincloth (if you want to really go for it, $25 at Walmart)

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10. Zeus

Ullstein Bild / Getty

Since Zeus is literally a Greek god, you've got to have the physique to back this one up. If not, you can just tell people you're masquerading as a frat boy at a toga party. This one's pretty straightforward, and can really be tailored to any Greek or Roman deity of your choice, depending on your accessories. Take Poseidon/Neptune, for example: Add a trident, and you're suddenly the king of the ocean. The most important accessories, if the statue we're referencing is any indication, are some killer obliques.

Assuming you have:

A white bedsheet

Flip-flops

Washboard abs

You'll need:

A gray or white fake beard ($5 at Party City)

A trident for Neptune ($5 at Party City)

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from Bodybuilding Feed http://www.muscleandfitness.com/features/edge/10-cheap-and-easy-halloween-costumes-jacked-guys via http://www.rssmix.com/

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iammarylastar · 7 years

Photo

Here you go! Final chapter! 11. McClanes. Jack throws his CIA badge on McKay's desk. "I'm done McKay. I quit." "What? You can't do that! You're one of our best man here!" Chief McKay whimpers. "Your best man is tired of this job. I've been shot, hit, stabbed, threatened to death, punched and kicked enough for a lifetime. And I'm mandated by my wife for giving you her resignation as well." He slams a handwritten letter under his nose. "Your wife? You and Shade got married?" McKay ticks. He thinks he would count among the guests. "She was supposed to marry me 5 years ago. I won't wait another minute before making her mine. She almost died, chief, I could have lost her and Anna. I have a family now, I can't jeopardize it for some motherfuckers." He hands McKay a wedding invitation. "Shade insisted to have you with us. Next month. No excuses accepted." "Fuck. You almost made me cry McClane. My two whiz kids of the intelligence let me down and get married . What would happen to people of L.A. without you?" "They will survive. Mostly because John McClane is going back to New York and we're moving with him." Jack can't help but smile. New York. New life. New start. Shade made it just to testify at trial and thanks to her proofs and bruises, Varela and his minions got a one way ticket to the maximum security wing of Santa Anna jail. Anna. Jack's heart stops at the reminding. He ran in the debris in fire, the safe house was nothing safe nor house. No roof, no walls, nothing left. Only dust of his so short happy life. Anna. Where was she? Jack was not ready to face the death of his daughter, he had known her existence for less than a week, but had fallen in love instantly. John was right she looked like him so much. He loved the sound of her laugh, the glitter in her blue eyes, the scent of her hair warmed by the sun. The softness of her skin, her fingers running through his stubble, her lips pecking his cheek. But it was gone. She was gone. He couldn't wander in the destroyed basement anymore, there were only jagged wooden pieces, fishing stuff and an old shredded couch. And a reversed bark; he planned to bring Anna for a boat ride that day. Jack fell on ̂his knees. Shade had been shot but she was strong, with John taking care of her bleeding, she would surely make it. But Anna. She was young and innocent, fragile and defenceless. He was the one supposed to take care of her, protect her. He was the professional hired for her safety. He failed. Miserabily. Unforgivably. He slammed his palms on his face, scratching his skin with ferocity. He wished he was dead instead of her. His little princess. Images of her shiny face and laughs flashed before his eyes, he burst into tears. Cries. Useless cries. He could have saved her life if he had acted like a pro. Prostrate, devastated he bent down and let his rage and regrets scream out. His hand landed on something fluffy and soft. Anna's bunny. John bought her the stuffed animal during their trip to the safe house and Anna and Bunny became inseparable. Jack grabbed the toy and crushed it on his chest. The last souvenir of his daughter. His eyes glanced at the spot where he found the bunny and tried to focus despite the river of tears. Under the rim of the boat, a tiny hand. Dirty and grey. A finger moved. Jack jumped forward and threw the boat over with all the force he had left. Anna. A petrified, trembling girl laid there. Alive. "Dad." The little girl whispered. "Are the bad guys gone? Mom told me to stay hidden and grand pa showed me that hole. The better hole of the house he said." Jack rushed to her on all four and caught her, wrapping his own flesh and blood in his arms. "Anna! Baby... my baby..." he couldn't stop crying, laughing, kissing and stroking his daughter altogether. "You won. The bad guys are gone. They couldn't find you so they left. You won baby." "John!" he screamed. "John! I got her! She's safe! " All his forces left him. He kept cuddling Anna, rocking her back and forth on his lap. And stayed glued to her until the cops arrived. They made the healthy decision to leave Los Angeles to protect her. Jack and John killed most of Varela's henchmen but they'd rather be twice careful, to avoid any retaliation. Shade already planned to open a yoga and kravmaga center. The Yin and the Yang in the same woman. She could both soothe your pain or kick your ass. She's fantastic. "New York? OK. Let me warn the N.Y.P.D. about that bad news. " Chief McKay fakes to make a phone call. "See you next month. Without fail." Jack says, leaving. "I warned you McClane! What have you got yourself into? No hanky panky during the mission!" McKay shouts for Jack to hear. "What had I in mind?" He whispers to himself. "McClanes never give a shit to orders." * It didn't last long before Jack and Shade got married. A few weeks, time for Shade to recover from her surgery and bruises. Molly nearly choked when hearing the unexpected news. She was a granny. Jack was going to marry the love of his life, a woman whom she had heard the name once or twice but never had met. Jack, Shade and Anna, and that asshole of an ex John were her fucking family and everybody could have died while she was having a scalp massage and a manicure. Lucy jumped up and down, clapping her hands, singing on the top of the roofs "I'm an aunt! I'm a fucking aunt!", then blaming her brother to have had an interesting father-and-son week-end while hers had been boring and uneventful. They grew to know each other, mostly at the hospital during Shade's recovery. Jack took residence in her room, at the ICU first, then at the viceral surgery wing, finally in rehab, the bullet in her shoulder had made more damages than expected. He didn't give a fuck where she was transferred and followed, calling Shade his home. Anna was so happy to spend time with her new aunt and granny, but always asked to stay with her parents. Everyone agreed she could skip the last month of school, Anna in first place. "I already know everything there is to know at school. All I need to know now is my Dad, and he needs me to show him what to do." She stated. "And mom needs someone to keep Jack from being all over her all day long. She needs her rest! " the little girl scolded her father, hilarity ensued. Molly and Lucy had some girl chats with Shade, while the guys had a walk outside with Anna, laughing at Jack and his stupidity and cowardness, blaming the McClanes for their lack of common sense when it was about love. Mrs and Miss McClane are now all scrubbed up, overstressed and over excited, running here and there, checking the food , the music, the flowers, the chairs, the cake, their hair and make-up. As perfect hostesses, they're welcoming and chatting with the numerous guests, mostly cops and MacClane's relatives. Shade's guests are reduced to chief McKay, Anna's nanny Kendra, two moms from Anna's school, and few friends from her yoga class. Jack insisted on a reluctant Shade to call her family, arguing that if the MacClanes could have done it, her broken parents could follow. Shade gave a call, Jack by her side. "Hello? Mr Johnson?" She asked when a tough hoarse voice answered. "He's dead. What do you want." The tone was rough at the end of the line. "Mom? " Shade hesitated, thrown into the nightmare that her childhood had been. "It's Shade..." "Shade who? " the voice coldly said. Shade dropped the phone and stayed stone-faced until Jack wrapped his strong arms around her and said it was ok. Shade then, let go all the tears and sorrow she had been holding back for so long. She left the house at 15, and ran to save her life and her virginity. Her father started to find the curves of her hips and boobs tasty and his touch changed. She'd rather liked when his fists took her as a punching ball. Jack wrapped her in a warm and safe embrace, hugging and rocking her, so sorry to have forced her in this mess. He had become addicted to hugs, particularly with Anna, and practiced his new skill on the two women of his life as often as he could. Jack and Shade planned the simplest wedding ever. None of them really cared, being finally united as husband and wife was all that mattered. If it was up to them, they would have opted for the quickest ceremony, no guests but John, Molly and Lucy, Anna running around and twirling in her beautiful dress. Jack even proposed to skip the wedding and jump directly to the honeymoon. Molly pulled Jack's ear and scolded him, no way she'd wed his son like this; she had to marry him with pomp and ceremony. Shade laughed heartily and agreed to all Molly and Lucy proposed, on one condition that they took care of everything and leave them alone. Jack had only one request. The gifts Jack had imagined and designed for that special day lay on the central table, beautifully arranged around a wedding picture of Shade and Jack saying: "Boo and Cupcake". Cupcakes with tiny koala bears on top, boomerang tied on their backs. Shade hated the caption but found the idea so cute. "John McClane Junior!" Jack hears from behind. Turning around he's met with an all scrubbed up John Senior, a large smile spread on his face. "Dad! You look fucking dapper! You're not late, nor burned or bruised, that's amazing!" Father and son open their arms and share a big, male hug, patting the other's back like to make a hole in their suit. "Grandpa!" Anna rushes then jumps on John as he opens his arms to welcome the little girl. "Anna you look gorgeous! What's that beautiful dress you're wearing? And you tied up your hair? You look so wise with a ponytail." John walks away, chitchatting wedding gown, make up and little ponies with his granddaughter. Shade radiates, her long hair cascading around her shiny face, too happy about this day to bother to get things ready. Who would care? She's about to marry her lover, her saviour, the father of her child. Jack comes behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, catching her hands and intertwining their fingers together. "Ain't the groom supposed to not see his bride before the wedding?" Shade leans her head back on his shoulder. Jack chuckles and whispers in her ear: "Ain't the bride supposed not to sneak into the groom's room and give him the best sex he ever had?" Both sigh at the memory of Jack, up to his knees behind Shade, thrusting slowly inside her, one hand gripped on her breast while the other rubbed her soaked pussy, guided by Shade's hands and moans. Her sweaty back leaning on his hairy chest, his teeth grazing her shoulder, he fought not to bite her soft flesh; leaving visible marks on her would have been noticed by all the guests. "Dear husband, more remains to be done during our honeymoon..." she teases him, lightly wiggling her ass against his hip. They stay in a comfortable silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts. "How are you Honey?" Jack asks. "Fine! I can't wait to marry you. I'm still waiting for some troubles to happen. But with all those McClanes around, I'm pretty confident everything's gonna be under control." She laughs. "Are you sure you're OK? I called you Honey and you didn't punch me or point a loaded gun on my face." Jack nuzzles his face in the crook of her neck, and pulls her closer. "You did? Maybe I'm getting dumb by love. I love you Mr. McClane." She purrs. "I love you Mrs. McClane." Jack whispers in her ear before capturing her lips. Pulling back, Shade takes her husband-to-be's hands and gently lays them on her stomach. "Actually I'm known as McClanes." Jack flips her to face him, his eyebrows quirked in surprise. "Are you...? But.. " "How could have this happened? Jack, we fucked like rabbits." She laughs at his stupidly blessed mug. He laughs out loud, hugging his so romantic wife-to-be . She is awesome. "Yeah... I second that. I'm just so proud of my ability to knock you up so fast." He shows off. "This little one is already a McClane. Stubborn and unbreakable enough to survive a shot and a surgery." Shade has been used to the strong personalities of the clan. "So boy or girl? What do you want?" "I really hope it's a girl. I don't think the world could handle one more John McClane." She laughs before moulding her mouth to Jack's. The ceremony was beautiful. None gave attention to the pastor's shit. All the eyes were focused on the pair of lovers. Nothing mattered. Fuck the 20000 $ wedding gown, fuck the wedding pic on the beach, fuck the first dance on Sinatra's "Fly me to the moon" -they finally have opted for "I got you under my skin" as their first dance song, way more appropriate-. Nothing mattered but the two of them. Jack and Shade were lost in each other's stare. Their hands firmly intertwined, so close their noses almost touching , their lungs breathing the same air. They barely heard the pastor say the words, he had to ask the question twice and cleared his throat to have the couple back to the world. Shade said 'I do'. Jack said 'fuck yeah I do.' and attacked the lips of his newly wed. "By the power vested in me by the state of California, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may..." the pastor glanced at the couple still busy in a passionate kiss. "You're already kissing the bride." In their back, John took Molly's hand and brushed the tears from her eyes and shouted: "Yippi-kay-yay kids!" @kenzieam @pathybo @frecklefaceb @oddsnendsfanfics @badassbaker @beltz2016 @captstefanbrandt (for later) @bookwarm85 @red-diary @angelswannawearmyredshooz @singingpeople @beautifulramblingbrains @liendre50 @lunaschild2016 @jaihardy @jaicourtneyseyes @jojuarez26

#jack mcclane #live and die hard #11 #McClanes #Jack and Shade

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