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woah-were-halfway-there · 4 years

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Leafs in 5

A/N: I was inspired after game 4 against Columbus, what can I say

Word Count: 4.1k

Going into the NHL’s alternate version of the postseason playoffs that 2020 decided to sprinkle in on top of everything else going on in the world, you knew it was bound to be interesting. There was a plan set in motion to keep all the players and staff safe and strict rules that needed to be followed for everything to work the way it was supposed to. Both of these resulted in your boyfriend, Auston, having to stay in a bubble at the Royal York while you stayed alone in your shared condo in Toronto that was just a few blocks away, for who knew how long.

You were lucky that when the NHL season ended back in March, you were able to travel to Scottsdale with Auston and not be separated. At the beginning of the lockdown, your workplace closed down and moved to a work from home setting until further notice. After clarifying that it’d be at least a month until you could go back, you figured it wasn’t the worst idea to go along with your boyfriend back to Arizona after asking if you’d go with him. Little did you know the two of you would be there for almost four months.

Although it was a relaxing time, it was also weird. All you really did was hang out with Auston, his family and Freddie while waiting to hear literally anything about things going back to normal, but that never happened. Your work decided that going back wouldn’t be an option even as Toronto entered its reopening phases as a safety precaution. Therefore you’d be working from home for the foreseeable future.

It sucked a lot. You liked your job, your co-workers, and having your own way to be independent in a professional setting, but a global pandemic makes things a bit pretty difficult at times, and sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Lucky for you, though, it could have been a lot worse. And Auston played a massive part in you being able to adapt as well as you have.

The time the two of you spent in Arizona together was great. Obviously, during it, you worked, spent time with the boys and the Matthews family, but a lot of new things happened too. You and Auston welcomed Felix, a Bernedoodle puppy home to be part of the fam, and dealt with life as living in a pandemic continued.

Then the NHL announced its return to play action plan, and things got wild all over again.

Auston began skating and practicing intently again. Plans were being made to get back to Toronto for training before having to go to whatever hub city was chosen for the Eastern Conference teams. With all the talk of possible locations for the playoffs to take place, you weren’t expecting Toronto to be one of the cities in deep consideration, let alone for one of the so-called bubbles actually to be there. But, that was exactly how things played out, so you and Auston prepared accordingly.

After some deep consideration and conversations with your boyfriend, you decided that when the time came, you would go back to Toronto when Auston needed to go. However, there was a period where Auston was sick, and that changed things up a bit even more, but eventually, the two of you and Felix were all set and ready to head back to the 6ix without any further delays.

The two of you settled to being back in Ontario without difficulty. You followed the rules of self-isolating for two weeks upon arriving back to the country, and so did Auston. If he wasn’t at the condo with you, he was at the rink practicing alone, since it wasn’t safe for him to be around his teammates, or the public until those 14 days were up. That was fine though, you both just chilled with Felix, watched the entirety of Sons of Anarchy and Schitt’s Creek, and prepared for how things were bound to change again once the playoffs finally started.

“I feel bad,” Auston said loudly from the bedroom as you walked down the hallway towards it with the basket full of clothes you’d just taken out of the dryer.

“Why is that?” You asked once you entered the room, tossing the clothes on the chair, and got ready to fold them. It was his last night in the condo before having to relocate down the street at the Fairmont for the entire Maple Leafs playoff run. He was busy packing, and you were busy making sure everything was organized and ready for this transition. Even Felix was taking part by laying on the bed and demanding attention from both you and Auston every once in a while.

“You know why,” he deadpanned while looking at you pointedly.

At that, you sighed.

“Aus, we talked about this.”

“I know we did, but now that it’s actually time for me to leave, I’m dreading it even more.”

As much as you tried not to let the situation bug you, it still did. Throughout your entire relationship, there were many times when you and Auston would spend time away from each other, so that part was nothing new. However, you’d never been in the same city without being able to see one another or know when you’d be able to talk face-to-face and not through a screen again would be. And although the whole bubble situation was something you and Auston had talked about a lot over the last month or so, what it entailed still hadn’t quite set in until that moment.

“Me too,” you responded quietly and stared down at the pile of clean clothes, knowing that if you looked at your boyfriend, the tears you felt pricking your eyes would undoubtedly spillover. “But it has to happen, Auston. There isn’t much else we can do, unfortunately.”

“But-.”

“No buts,” you cut him off and snapped your teary gaze to him. “This is your career. And the playoffs! Those are no small things. Regardless of how crappy this entire process is, I’m still going to be here, cheering you on as much as possible. It just sucks so bad that things aren’t normal. That I can’t go down to SBA and watch you be the amazing hockey player that you are with our friends and family, or hug you as soon as you’re done your postgame interview and tell you how proud I am. I’m just so over everything right now, and I’m sorry to be taking this out on you, this is the last thing you should have to deal with before going into the bubble. I just-.”

The way your voice cracked at the end of your spiel had your boyfriend next to you and pulling you into his embrace in a second.

You were on an emotional rant, and Auston knew that. He knew that you had been holding in how you really felt about the NHL’s plan to go ahead with the playoffs, and it was time to let it all out. Although you never expressed your frustrations, you did have quite a few, and Auston was determined to get you to talk about them, especially before he had to leave.

“I’m sorry I’m a mess,” you mumbled while wrapping your arms around his waist and leaned against his chest.

“You’re allowed to be a mess,” he replied and squeezed you. “This isn’t an ideal way for the playoffs to happen, believe me, I know, and I’m still not sure how it’s all going to play out. But know I’m sorry you’re feeling the way that you are because of something I have to do.”

“That’s the thing though, Aus, there is literally nowhere else I’d rather be than here for you... but I’m worried. What if you, or another player, or staff get sick? What will the league do then? I get that they’re strict on how things in the bubble will work and everything, but we’re still in a freaking pandemic. I just don’t think it’s necessary. But regardless of what I think about the NHL’s decision to resume, it doesn’t matter. I’m the one who agreed to come back with you, and I’m going to be here still even if you and the team end up in Edmonton for the finals, and I won’t see you until October. Wow, it sucks, even more, talking about it.”

“God, I know,” he responded before pulling away slightly to look down at you. “I’ll never be able to explain how much I appreciate you coming back and being here with me for all of this. I hate that I’m going to be so closeby and not be able to come home to you and Felix and that you’re going to be here alone, but thank you for being willing to do this for me.”

“Of course, I want to kiss your stupid face again as soon as I can after this,” you pouted. “Even if I have to fly to Alberta in order to do so.”

“Wouldn’t exactly be opposed to that idea,” he told you before leaning down and catching your lips in a soft, sweet kiss. It didn’t take long for you to deepen the kiss by wrapping your arms around the back of his neck and pulling him closer. He smiled against your lips, letting his hands linger on your waist a bit as he waited for you to make the next move. But then, you unexpectedly broke the kiss and turned away from him.

“Well, I guess we better get back to packing, yeah?”

You had the goofiest grin on your face as you reached down to grab one of your t-shirts from the laundry pile, but then Auston let out a dramatic groan from where he stood, and you had to cover your mouth so that you wouldn’t burst out laughing.

“Now you’re just being cruel,” he said as he walked up behind you and leaned his head on your shoulder. You bit down hard on your bottom lip to keep yourself from smiling any wider than you already were as he wrapped his arms around your waist, before eventually turning around to look at him again.

“How so?”

“Seriously?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I think I hear Felix getting into something,” you lied as you tried to worm out of his hold, wanting to mess with him a bit more. But he was on to you, which is also why you didn’t put up a fight when he didn’t let go.

“Babe,” Auston whined. “You’re killing me.”

“Well we can’t have that, you have to go into the bubble tomorrow-.”

Before anything else could be said, Auston pressed his lips against yours again, and you let him. You chuckled slightly before reaching up to tangle your hands into the curls forming due to him not getting a haircut. But you didn’t mind, loved it even, and used it as a way to keep him close.

“You’re full of jokes tonight, huh?” He mumbled against your lips as he slowly guided you towards the bed, all while tugging at the bottom of the hoodie you wore.

“Just for you,” you replied before pecking his lips and moving away just enough to pull the sweater off and toss it on the ground before quickly kissing him again. You then came in contact with the mattress and let Auston lay you back on it. It wasn’t long before he was leaning over you and letting his lips roam to that sweet spot along your collarbone that he knew would have you seeing stars. “I thought you needed to pack.”

“I’ll do it in the morning.”

“You’re going to regret that decision once you realize you’ll have to get up early to get ready,” you challenged.

“No, what I’ll regret is not finishing what we’re starting before I have to leave tomorrow,” he quipped and continued brushing his lips against your skin.

“Alright, fair,” you responded, figuring you’d given him a hard enough time and guided his lips back to yours; the night soon fading around you as melted into each other’s touch.

The next morning, you woke up alone in bed. The blinds were still drawn, Felix was asleep on the rug, and the AC was cranked for some reason. The cold air made goosebumps rise on your exposed skin, causing you to shiver as you pulled the bedsheet up higher to cover more of your body. Just as you started wondering where Auston had gone off to, you heard the shower turn on from the ensuite and suddenly knew where he was. Part of you wanted to just lay in bed for the whole day, but the other more logical part knew there was still a lot to be done before Auston’s departure and that you should probably get up.

You grabbed your housecoat from its place in the closet and put it on before sneaking into the washroom to brush your teeth. Auston didn’t know you were in there with him, but that changed as soon as you finished rinsing off your toothbrush and decided to join him in the shower.

Once the two of you were done in there, you eventually did get dressed and ready to start the day.

Leading up to his last day at the condo, you made sure any running around for him was done so that there would be no added stress, and that’s precisely what happened. The two of you shared a chill morning consisting of a homemade breakfast, packing, taking Felix for a walk, and simply enjoying the other’s presence before Auston had to leave.

And that time came up way too fast.

“I’m going to miss you,” Auston said in the parking lot of the Ford Performance Centre before pulling you in for a hug. You were dropping him off for his last team practice before going into the bubble, but you both knew it’d be the last time the two of you would see each other for a while.

“I’m going to miss you too, so much,” you replied and squeezed him a little tighter. “Even though you’ll be only a few blocks away.”

“It sure won’t feel like it.”

“I know.”

Gradually, some of Auston’s teammates started walking by, and you knew one of you would have to pull away sooner or later. Reluctantly, you were the first to do it.

“You’re gonna be late, Matts,” Mitchy stated as he walked by juggling his suitcase and bags he planned on taking into the bubble. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, Mitch,” you smiled as you leaned back against your car, Auston’s hands still on your waist. “Is Steph still here?”

“She’s just about to leave, I think. Are you two still hanging out this week?”

“Yeah, I’ll probably take Felix over to your house to hang out with Zeus while we watch the game and drink some wine.”

“Sounds like a typical night for you two,” he chuckled and adjusted one of the straps of his bags. “Anyways, I gotta get in there. Actually, we both do.”

He gave Auston a pointed look, and your boyfriend just rolled his eyes.

“Get off my back. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Yeah, ok,” Mitch responded and started walking again. “See ya, Y/N!”

“Bye, Mitch, good luck!” You called after him before looking back to Auston and smiling at him sadly. “You really do need to get going.”

“I know,” he sighed and began picking up his bags so he could start heading towards the building. “I’ll call you tonight once I’m settled in?”

“Yes, please do,” you replied as he looked to you and nodded. “Just give me a heads up when. I’m supposed to Facetime your sisters tonight to give them a Felix update and catch up.”

“Fair enough,” he smiled, to which you returned before pulling him in for one last kiss.

“You’re going to do great, Auston. I love you.”

“And I love you,” he pecked your lips again. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sounds good,” you said as he began walking away. “Good luck, babe.”

At that, he smiled to you over his shoulder before continuing on his way. You stood there for a moment after he disappeared out of sight, clutching onto the little 34 necklace he had gifted you for Christmas two years prior, before sighing and climbing into your car so you could head back home.

~*~

After Auston entered the bubble, the two of you FaceTimed every day, it wasn’t always planned, sometimes just in the spur of the moment when you were both bored and missing each other, and it really did make the whole transition a lot easier.

The first night, Auston gave you a virtual tour of the Leafs floor at the Fairmont. Then, he told you all about the practice and how the guys chirped him for bringing so many clothes. You couldn’t help but laugh, seeing as you knew it was true, before asking you about your day. Your day was much less eventful, so the topic of conversation shifted rather quickly. You somehow ended up playing Mario Kart on the switch from your living room against Tyson, Kerf and Freddie, all while still on FaceTime with Auston. After a few rounds of that, you were more than ready to call it a night.

Once you had said goodbye to Auston, you curled up in bed with Felix and soon passed out.

That quickly became a routine almost every night the Leafs didn’t have a game. You and Auston would catch up about the day’s events before getting into some friendly competition with the guys over something that would sometimes involve other wives or girlfriends trying to keep their men at bay as well.

On the nights the Leafs did play, you always watched the game in some way. You watched their exhibition game against Montreal with Steph at her house, FaceTimed Auston’s family while watching the first game against Columbus from the condo, and so on.

You witnessed Auston’s goal against the Blue Jackets in Game 2 and couldn’t wait to express how proud you were of him once the two of you were able to talk again that night. You also got to see the 3-0 lead the Leafs lost in Game 3 and listened to your boyfriend vent about it, but still made sure to tell him that you were insanely proud, because you were.

And then Game 4 happened.

Going into that game, you didn’t know what to expect, think, or feel. Obviously, you wanted the Leafs to win. You didn’t want their (sort of) playoff run to be over so soon, but also, the selfish part of you couldn’t help but think about how there was a chance Auston might be home that night. The conflict you felt made you anxious for the actual game, which is why you opted to watch it at home alone with Felix.

You sat on the couch, clutching onto a cushion for the entire game. Before the game started, you decided that although you would have loved for Auston to be home, you wanted the Leafs to push a Game 5. You knew they were capable of going much further than just the qualifying round and were rooting hard for them to win. Still, you gradually became a little less hopeful leading into the last four minutes of the game when Columbus was up 3-0.

But then Willy scored. Less than a minute later so did John, and then Zach managed to tie up the game with just 22 seconds left on the clock. To say you were on the edge of your seat would’ve been an understatement because it was so much more intense than that. You didn’t think what was happening was real, but the flood of texts you received from friends and family about what happened proved you wrong.

During the commercial break, you called Ema, Auston’s mom, who was absolutely losing her mind. You stayed on the phone with her, talking with Auston’s family as your heart pounded in your chest while for overtime to begin.

Then Auston scored the game-winning goal, and you literally screamed. You stood up, staring at the TV in complete awe while his teammates engulfed your boyfriend, and all the Columbus players skated off the ice. Felix looked at you oddly, and you wasted no time in picking him up and pointing to the screen, telling him what his dad just did.

After the reality of what just happened settled in, you said your goodbyes to Auston’s family before texting Steph and some other friends, still losing your mind. You watched the postgame interviews, chuckling at how it was undeniable that even Auston still hadn’t entirely accepted what happened and couldn’t wait until you received the call from him you knew was coming.

About half an hour later, your phone rang, and sure enough, it was Auston.

“I am so proud of you,” you stated as soon as the FaceTime call connected. Auston was walking down the hallway of their hotel floor, smiling widely, and you could see some of his teammates in the background on the phone with loved ones as well. “All of you. Holy fuck, you guys did that!”

“It still doesn’t seem real,” Auston responded. “Like this is real, right? I didn’t dream it?”

“It’s real, babe, you’re going to Game 5!”

“Holy shit.”

You could tell he was in his room by that point with the way he flopped on a bed and couldn’t stop smiling.

“How’s the adrenaline?” You asked and patted the space beside you so that Felix would lay beside you and be in the camera frame.

“Hi buddy,” Auston breathed out, before chuckling. “And oh, it’s pumping. I think I’m going to be up for a while after this.”

“Then what are you doing in your room? Go celebrate with the guys.”

“I know, I will. But I wanted to say goodnight to you first.”

You smiled at how soft he was even after such a significant game, and couldn’t help the blush that burned across your cheeks.

“You’re too sweet,” you said while shaking your head.

“Only for you,” he replied and sat up as someone knocked on his door.

“I think you’re being summoned,” you laughed as he rolled his eyes.

“It’s Mitchy telling me to get out of my room.”

“I think you better listen before they barge in.”

“True,” he responded. “I guess I will go. I’ll call you tomorrow? We’re off for the day.”

“I’ll be here,” you answered him softly. “Now, go be with your team, and don’t forget to call your mom.”

“Oh, yes, right, I’ll do that right now. I love you. Thank you for always supporting me.”

“And I love you, babe, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Ok, bye,” he replied and blew you a quick kiss just before the call ended.

You stared at your screen for a minute until it went dark and shook your head. Your heart was bursting with how proud you were and how much you loved your boyfriend, that even you weren’t sure if you’d be able to fall asleep right away. After scrolling through social media for a bit and liking every Maple Leafs post that showed up in your timeline, you eventually called it a night and set your phone down.

Just as you did that, though, your phone buzzed with a goodnight text from Auston.

Auston

Sleep tight. I love you.x

You laid there, smiling at the device for a moment before texting back.

Y/N

I love you more. Goodnight Auston.x

Auston

Not possible

Your heart swelled as you read over his last message multiple times before deciding what to text back.

Y/N

Bet.

Now go, babe. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.

Auston

Love you too <3

After shutting your phone off again, you finally let yourself relax even while being overcome by an emotional wave of just how much you loved your boyfriend. You knew that whether or not Auston came home after Game 5, the two of you would be ok. The distance hadn’t affected anything, and you knew it wouldn’t even if the Leafs did make it to the finals, and you and Auston were separated for a long time. It’d all be worth it in the end, and you couldn’t wait to see how the rest of the Leafs playoff run was bound to play out.

Hello friends! Somehow I managed to write this in a day, anyways, I’d love to hear what you think! And Go Leafs!

#auston matthews imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl writing #auston matthews fanfiction #nhl headcanon #nhl imagines #nhl rpf #toronto maple leafs imagine #auston matthews imagines #nhl fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey rpf #hockey imagine

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frozenartscapes · 5 years

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Have you heard about the rising right wing extremism in Canada???

Boy have I.

I’m currently living in a province that is suffering directly because of the rise of right-wing politics. And yes, that does include extremism. You want to know who the Trump of Canada is? Google Doug Ford. You might get some old posts about his crazy brother who made Toronto famous a couple of years ago, but you want to look for Doug.

Conservatives and Liberals (in this case, I’m referring to the Parties but it also corresponds to political views) have been swinging back and forth for positions of power for decades now. First we’ll start off with one, get sick of them, then switch it up for a few years. This happens on both the provincial and federal level. And because Canada isn’t a two-party system, sometimes the NDP (further left-leaning than the Liberals) and the Bloc (only in Quebec, and the main party looking for Quebec separation) will rise to power for a little bit too. Although neither of those last two parties has ever been in the Government seat on the Federal level. The furthest the NDP got was Opposition a few years back. But it’s always more or less been dominated between the rivalry between Conservatives and Liberals. Currently, the Liberals hold the power in the Federal Government. And until about a year ago, the provinces have been a mix of several different parties, and considerably more left-leaning.

Then the Conservatives started taking over. The reasons for why is a mix of several different things, ranging from people being sick of taxes to help pay for social programs, people hoping the Cons will magically bring back jobs to a dying industry, people deciding that buck-a-beer and getting beer in convenience stores was an important political platform, and the government-holding Liberal leader being so unlikeable for reasons that are beyond me that she decided to shoot her party in the foot just a few days before the election by telling the public not to vote for her. And yes, that last thing did happen. With each provincial election, more Conservatives have taken office. Most recently with PEI and Alberta joining (and in Alberta’s case, rejoining) the Blue Band Wagon. (Also I feel like I should explain that in Canada the Conservatives are blue, not red. The Liberals are red here.)

What does this have to do with extremism? A lot, actually. Just like in the USA, as the Conservatives gain power and authority, and especially when Conservatives like Doug Ford gain power and authority, it emboldens people with their heads so far up their asses they can’t hear any lick of common sense past the sound of their beer guts digesting their most recent meal. Canada has in fact seen a similar rise in extreme right-wing groups and hate crimes targeting minorities. There have been people driving gas-guzzling trucks around in protest of carbon taxes. We’ve had our own rise of “Yellow Vesters” except unlike France these protesters don’t really have a reason to protest and are just mad about things the Snowflakes seem to care about so they’ll show up to scream at people vaguely about taxes or the gubbment takin’ away our freedoms without actually knowing anything about the things that they are screaming.

And while there has always been a back and forth, it’s never quite been like this. People are so mad about the various things the Liberals have done that the Conservatives don’t even need a platform. Doug Ford won in Ontario by basically being everything Kathleen Wynne (the Liberal Leader) wasn’t. Ford literally promised nothing but stupid shit like one-dollar beer and scraping the provincial carbon tax (that then meant the Federal-imposed Carbon Tax would eventually have to take hold with considerably less-benefit to the province) but he won because people were angry and they do stupid shit when they’re angry. Ford has done nothing to help Ontario, either. So far he’s scrapped a number of social programs, focused way too much attention on Toronto and nowhere else, and wasted money redesigning license plates and rebranding the Provincial Government’s graphics. Oh, I guess he did manage to legalize tailgate parties and he’s working toward getting beer in convenience stores. The former being absolutely useless in big cities where the main sport centres are downtown with no parking lots whatsoever and the latter is going to cost the province millions in penalties thanks to an already standing contract with a government-sponsored beer vendor that won’t expire until 2025, but at least he’s done something, right?

Sorry for the rant. I’m really bitter.

The Right-Wing has definitely seen a rise, and with it the worst parts of it are crawling out of the woodwork. We are at a point where we cannot afford to have idiots who refuse to come up with probable solutions for climate change because of all the various oil companies and water-bottling plants who have their nads in a vice, nor can we have people who give us bandaid solutions to major economic problems by investing money into dying industries. Canada might not have the same impact as a country like the States, but for a while we were one of the few Western countries left that hadn’t seen a rise in Right-Wing ideals so extreme that their governments shifted that way. Now it’s starting to look like we’ll fall that way, too.

#politics #god i'm nervous for the federal election #if scheer wins i'm moving #i don't know where #but it's not gonna be here #theworldsgreatestdetective0

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quowreadspact · 6 years

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Collateral 4.4

What did it say about me and my situation when my first thought when I got dressed wasn’t what looked good, but what would serve me best in a bad situation?

... It says you are in a dangerous situation like, literally, all the time?

I grabbed a pair of cargo pants from one drawer and frowned a bit. Not my first choice. Free clothes I’d gotten at a shelter, I hadn’t liked the pants then, I didn’t like them now.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful. It was more… well, as Joel had gently put it, not long after I’d moved in, they had probably been out of fashion for a few years before their previous owner had bagged them up with a bunch of other clothes and dropped them off at a shelter. But they would have been out of fashion in Ontario, which put us about two to four years behind the times.

By the time I traced it back to a time when it would have been in fashion, I was thinking the late nineties.

..Eugh. Not your best look, no.

Bleh. They were canvas, and consequently durable, and the extra pockets were what I was looking for.

T-shirt. Knit hooded sweatshirt to get the two added pockets.

I slid the hatchet down the side of my pants leg, and found it didn’t sit nearly as well as it had with my jeans. Too much room, the handle swung as I walked. I held on to it instead, and I grabbed two spare belts from the hook in the back of my closet.

Did something happen to your jeans? Just wear em again.. Though I guess he did say he wants extra pockets. And why 2 belts? Jesus.

“Fashion police, yes, this man right here.”

What else? The locket was still uncomfortable. Looking at it, I noticed the small wound on the back of my hand where I’d stabbed myself. It wasn’t scabbed over, but it wasn’t bleeding either. Tender. Infected, or had I just washed away the scab while showering?

Something something Chekov something something gun.

The Faerie hair was, I noticed, winding along the chain, maybe a little closer to the injury than elsewhere. Closer to the wounds on my fingers where I’d sliced myself than it was to my arm.

“You okay, Blake?”

Hearing her voice coming from nowhere didn’t startle me anymore, I realized. “I’m okay, generally speaking.”

“You look pensive.”

“I’m trying to shake the idea of this Faerie hair crawling into the hole in my hand and winding its way through my entire circulatory system.”

“That’s grisly.”

“It’s not impossible to believe,” I said. “And if I let myself think it’s possible, then it’s going to become more possible, and once I get hair threading its way through my bloodstream, pain, physical changes, well, there’s no way I’m just going to meditate and convince myself it isn’t real. So how would I stop it? Even if I pulled it out, could I be sure I got all of it?”

Blake god no stop. Its TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE. (Actually very possible but don’t think about that).

“That’s… darker than I’ve come to expect of you. Letting your imagination run wild.”

I looked over to see Rose in the mirror I’d stuck to the wall, an open book in front of her.

I sighed and turned my attention to my toolbox, putting things aside as I dug through the contents. A box knife found its way to the kitchen table. I found a set of small glass jars of acrylic paint, and weighed them in my hand before setting one aside. Hole punch, good. A few smooth-headed bolts, nuts…

I paused, before I could get lost in the mindless busywork. “I guess I kind of woke up this morning and the plan doesn’t seem so hot as it did after way too much intensity and too little rest. I’m thinking in terms of worst case scenarios.”

“Well, we’re stuck with it, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” I said. “We’re committed. Give me a sec to think this stuff through, then I want to hear what you’ve been reading.”

“Deal,” she said.

What the hell could you do with a hole punch...? Also yes please Rose tell me some factual info. That’d be great. All of that stuff is super interesting.

I took the small jar of paint to the sink and washed out the little paint that remained, making sure it was clear. Then I took a pair of scissors and removed all of the hair that was crawling free of the locket.

Lighter, spoon, burning hair, some water…

I emptied the resulting ink into the paint pot and placed it in my pocket.

Box knife into the other pocket. Handful of hook screws in a sealed plastic bag, some string, pencils, a compass and protractor from a math set, a marker and two pens.

There is a lot you can do with that in a magic world. Too much to really speculate.

I found a small knife with a sheath, put the knife aside and used the sheath for a pair of scissors.

It took me a minute to arrange things so it was comfortable, and so I didn’t have too many things that would rattle or click as I walked.

I put the belts on the table, and propped one foot on the chair. I wrapped a belt around my leg, up the thigh, then marked the point where it crossed over. I did the same halfway down.

Using the box-cutter, I cut up the belts.

“Don’t look, Rose,” I said. “Taking my pants off.”

“M’kay,” she said. “Not asking why.”

1. Thank god, I thought he was gonna wear em and hook things on them.

2. I am asking why Rose. Thankfully we are about to find out.

I pulled my pants off, took the sections of belt and looped them around my now-bare leg, then used the hole punch to get through the leather. I had to force the bolt through, with the smooth side pressing against my leg, to fix it in place, but I didn’t apply the nut.

All my questions are getting answered very quickly.

I used a remaining length of belt to form loops, slid the hatchet through a few times to make sure they were a good fit, and attached the upper and lower portions together.

I screwed the bolts on tight to fix it in place, pulled my pants back on, and experimentally slid the hatchet in and out. In a resting position, the axe pressed against my hip.

In a pinch… I caught the underside of the hatchet’s head with two fingers and pulled it straight up. I caught the handle. A shift of my grip, and I slid it back into place nearly as smoothly.

I tried walking around with it, and it didn’t swing at all.

He is quite handy. And innovative and such. He really would make a good practitioner, given time and information. Maybe his implement would just be a swiss army knife.

Actually thats pretty good... can be used for combat, and the name implies that, but really it is more utility. And it has a LOT of utility... reflects how these other practitioners see Blake and also reflects how he actually is. (Have I predicted that before?)

#collateral 4.4 #text #4.4

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cabinetsngranitedirect · 3 years

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Granite Countertop: Steer Clear of These Top 3 Mistakes

Granite is a spectacular natural stone countertop option that can complement virtually any aesthetic. Furthermore, the material is durable and, when installed in your kitchen, can stand up well to sharp, heavy, and hot objects. It isn’t difficult to see why it’s one of the most sought-after kitchen countertop materials.

However, because granite is a natural stone, homeowners need to take great care to avoid making certain mistakes. A renovation or remodel can quickly spiral into a home improvement project when you aren’t careful.

So, what are some of the most common mistakes you need to avoid with granite kitchen countertops? Let’s find out.

Common Mistakes to Avoid with Granite Kitchen Countertops Here are some tips from leading bathroom and kitchen countertop providers in Mississauga, Ontario, to ensure your granite countertop remains beautiful for years while maintaining its durability.

1. Not Using the Right Cleaning Supplies

While some may be safe for use on other surfaces, when it comes to natural stone, it’s important that you invest in the right cleaning products. They ensure that your granite countertop doesn’t become damaged in any way and retains its shine and beauty.

Some products to steer clear of when it comes to granite are acidic and harsh substances such as vinegar and bleach. They will etch the finish and, in the long run, will literally eat through the natural stone.

Also, don’t attempt to clean or try to remove stains using a coarse brush or sponge. This will lead to long-term damage which is next to impossible to fix. Ask the one installing the granite counter for maintenance tips to help you ensure it retains its beauty for years to come.

2. Placing Raw Meat on the Countertop

Although properly applying sealant helps keep bacteria from working its way into its granite’s pores, it’s best to be careful when working with meats on natural stone countertops. After all, you don’t want to risk contaminating other foods or the surface. This can affect your and your family’s health.

Also, it’s best to thoroughly clean the surface both before and after placing any kind of food on the surface to prevent germs and bacteria from being transferred. Never use harsh disinfectants as they aren’t suitable for natural stones.

3. Storing Liquids on the Worktop

Even if your granite countertop has just been installed and sealed, it’s best not to store any liquids on the granite countertop’s surface. In the event of a potential leak, different cooking liquids such as oil, cooking wine, and vinegar will erode the sealant over time and make it susceptible to severe damage. If there is nowhere else you can store these things, use a tray to avoid placing bottles directly on the countertop surface.

Even though granite is one of the hardest natural stones available, never take its strength for granted. This makes it necessary to use proper cleaning supplies and tools to ensure your granite countertop remains beautiful and maintains its durability. When you look after it well, the material will most likely last as long as your home.

#countertops #granite countertops #kitchen decor

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allbeendonebefore · 6 years

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What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet.

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He’s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs.

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe’

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between.

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense.

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them.

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’.

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions.

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story.

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints.

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him.

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol.

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol

#pc: alberta #hapo rambles #projectcanada #iamp: alberta #iamp #iammatthewian #Anonymous #pc headcanon

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forkanna · 7 years

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NOTICE: Scott Pilgrim and related characters are ©Bryan Lee O'Malley. Story/plot content is © me!

Based mostly off the graphic novels but some stuff from the movie and game. There are other Kim/Knives fics but I haven't read them; I wanted to come at this completely based on the source material. Any similarities to those fics is purely coincidental.

Rated M for adult topics (including one brief not-quite-explicit flashback with a 17-year-old), and some sexual content in later chapters. You know, the L word. No, not "lesbian" — the OTHER L word: lesbians.

"... It's something else" - flyafar

I know this one kind of comes from nowhere, but I've actually been wanting to do something in the Pilgrimverse for a long time. Ever since I first saw the movie in theaters. Then a couple of weeks back, I was playing through the game again out of boredom (trying to get some elusive achievements) and I just felt this strong impulse to give Kim and Knives the ending they deserved.

If you haven't read the comics but HAVE seen the movie, I wouldn't be surprised if you view this as a crackship. It still kind of is in the comics to be honest! But don't worry, you don't have to read them to enjoy this fic; I'll cover what happened in later chapters. Plus a lot of little surprises that make up my take on them.

Hope you like this one! It's about medium-length for me, definitely no oneshot but in total it's not even as long as "Bind Us" is so far. And it's only getting started!

Jessex

[AO3 LINK]

CHAPTER ONE

And so, as our band of ragtag heroes exited from the Chaos Theater, Scott Pilgrim was reunited with his great love - well, other than himself. He and Ramona Flowers, the random American rollerblading groupie, went prancing off into Subspace together. Happily fucking ever after.

Both "fucking happily" and "happily fucking", to be honest.

What did I get? The same thing as usual. Nothing. Bitterness and emptiness. Well, I guess that's not completely accurate: Scott said he was sorry. Too little, too late, but hey… at least he tried. A for Effort. He gets Ramona, Stephen gets my old roommate, Wallace gets just about every piece of hot gay ass in Toronto besides Joseph and Stephen. Knives and Young Neil get each other, sort of, kind of. I guess. Who cares? And I'm left with a big bag of nothing.

I'm not Scott, obviously. I'm Kim. I play drums. That's all the introduction you get.

Fine, I'll be nice. You came here for this story, so I'll tell you the rest of the history first. Kim Pine. Red hair and freckles, pointless existence. Born and raised in Ontario, though I've skipped from town to town. Scorpio. My turn-ons are death and destruction, and long walks on the beach.

If you don't know any of the history, then you're probably better off. It's a long, sad story full of sighs and facepalms. But some of you probably have that morbid curiosity you can't shake, so unless you already know this and can skip it, or just care even less than me, here we go: I used to play drums for Sex Bob-omb with Scott and Stephen. Also of importance is the fact that Scott left a string of broken hearts in his wake a kilometer and a half long, with mine thrown in there somewhere. Just because he and I patched it up enough to be civil didn't mean we were "all good", but I sure as fuck wasn't going to be the one to explain it to the manchild. Anyway, we all thought for sure that Knives and Ramona were just going to be his latest casualties, or one of them would Yoko him into quitting the band. And we were right about that last part; the band fell apart, but at least not in a literal sense like The Clash At Demonhead, when their bassist was headbutted into coins and the drummer lost her cybernetic arm before disappearing completely. Not too long after the big showdown with Gideon at the Chaos, Ramona and Scott poofed into the ether and haven't been heard from since.

There, happy?

Anyway, this takes place a year after all that went down.

~ o ~

I don't even know why I was still in Toronto. After Sex Bob-omb exploded and Shatter Band shattered, there really wasn't much else for me to do. Boredom, maybe. At least Stephen was still around, making music with his boyfriend, but they didn't seem to need my drums anymore. Dynamite Headdy sounds better without me. Sure, there are days I still miss Sex Bob-omb. Not so much Shatter Band, which stank on ice. But the Bob-omb had potential, we just had Scott's lack of focus holding us back, and Stephen's too-much-focus sucking all the fun out of everything. So maybe, over the course of this paragraph, I talked myself out of missing either of those bands.

Anyway. Toronto, Delicious Cup.

Nobody wants to hear a drummer all by themselves. So I started doing this thing with Steph Nordegraf after she moved back to Toronto. Stephen introduced us; I'd met her through her brother Neil before though. It's… experimental and stupid, and I hate it. I'm on bongos while she sings and plays the zither. We sound like new age music being recorded by kindergartner, which is why we couldn't book any real coffee houses, like Second Cup or Aroma; only knockoffs like that one.

That's what we were doing in Delicious Cup the day my life stopped being pointless and colourless. So colourless that I didn't even fully realise it was summer until I saw Knives Chau walk in.

"What are you doing?" Steph hissed at me. Didn't even notice my bongos were on the floor until that point.

"What?"

"You went totally dead, like some kind of locust."

"Do locusts go dead? Is that their thing?"

"Just…" She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We'll take five."

Frowning up at her, I slipped my bongos into the backpack I normally kept them in. "Chill, Nordegraf. You're going to develop kidney stones."

Okay, so that wasn't really her fault; I was being my usual salty self to cover for the fact that I fucked up our set. Not that anyone in the coffee house was paying the slightest attention to the two weirdos who thought they were musicians; they were all chatting, drinking, and reading through magazines. When one of our ten-minute epics ended, one polite older woman clapped. That was it. We might as well have been ghosts for all the notice we got coming and going.

As I ditched her with the equipment and went up to the counter, slipping in behind Knives in line, I tried not to think too much. Sure, we had a thing once… it's barely worth mentioning. But yeah, it was oddly nice to see a familiar face. Especially with Scott and Ramona off in the ether somewhere.

She looked good. At least, I thought so; she stopped doing that thing where she dyed part of her hair, which I always thought was just a way to compete for Pilgrim's attention, anyway. And a year of college really seemed to have given her something… not that I could tell what it was, but something more. Her adorable face was turned mostly away from me, so I couldn't tell much else. Just that she was wearing clothes a little more grown up than when I last saw her, and that she didn't seem as nervously-excited. That's a good thing: I hate excitable people.

"Green milktea?" she asked when she got up to the counter.

"What… is that?" Julie asked her. "This is a coffee house, not a tea house." Typical Julie. Yeah, I knew the barista, but we don't really talk. She's even more unpleasant than I am.

"Oh… but you have green tea and chai tea on the menu. Right there."

Julie didn't even bother to look over her shoulder. "I think I would know the menu better than you would."

"But I'm serious, it's right-"

"Do you have a problem with the way this business operates? Are you blind or something?"

"No, I'm not blind," Knives said, slowly sounding a little less sure of herself. "My eyes work fine."

"Then why can't you read my lips? No. Milk. Tea."

This was going nowhere. Even though this wasn't how I wanted to reinitiate contact with either of them again, I strode up to the counter and stood next to Knives.

"If you have milk, and you have tea, you can make her fucking milktea. Besides, you know her, so stop being such a rotting tampon."

"What?" Knives breathed, taking an instinctive step away — probably just from my tone.

"Excuse me, carrot top?" Julie snapped. "You don't tell me how to-"

"And you don't own this café, Powers, even if you do seem to work in all of them. Just make the drink. I'll cover whatever extra you want to charge." Digging into my pocket for my meager amount of money that I own, I produced a couple of toonies. "Make it. Now."

"This isn't even enough for a normal cappuccino, or whatever a 'milktea' is supposed to be."

"She can pay for the actual tea herself; I'm just paying for your added mental energy, which you seem to be rationing very carefully due to a tremendous shortage."

By that point, Julie's glasses were literally steaming. Either from her face heating up with rage, or the coffee machines behind her. Knives had been shrinking away from the whole confrontation, but then she blinked a few times, leaning back toward us.

"Kim?"

My cheeks probably would have turned red at the way she breathed my name. What a dumb reaction. But I made myself focus on what I was doing, stepping forward to add another fiver atop the coins on the counter. "And this is for my espresso. Hurry it the fuck up or I'll do that ask-to-see-a-manager thing we all hate." My work done, I turned and went back over to Steph.

It only took her a minute or so to see that I was back without any drinks. "What happened to my soy latte?"

"Sorry…" All at once, I realised I forgot about that. Or about waiting around for my own drink, either. But she noticed I was out of sorts.

"What happened?"

"To what, your face? I've been wondering that for years."

"No, at the counter." She was used to my attitude by now, and could tell when I was deflecting. A skill I loathe in my friends, because it bypasses my defenses. "You look all shook up."

"Thanks, Elvis." Clearly, she wasn't going to let this go. "Okay… I ran into somebody. From the old days."

Her lip curled slightly. "From the Pilgrim Era, or like even earlier?" My face must have said it all because she winced. "Yikes…"

"I don't care," I told her flatly. "This doesn't matter. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and go back to No-Account, punch the clock, and stare into space for six hours until Comeau gets in. Probably drink a bunch of Coke and feel myself contracting diabetes."

"Why don't you just drink Coke Zero?"

My scowl said enough. Still, for good measure, I snapped, "Never… mention Coke Zero… in front of me."

"Okay, Hagrid," she snorted as she finished packing up and we headed for the door. Again, she doesn't respect my grumpiness properly. "But I hope you know this isn't the end of thi-"

Before we could escape Delicious Cup, a pair of crossed blades were blocking our path. Behind their gleaming steel was a pair of dark eyes, blazing with intensity.

"I can't let you leave."

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #scott pilgrim vs. the world #scott pilgrim #kim pine #knives chau #forkanna writes #forkanna the writer

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scifrey · 7 years

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Improbable Press put out a call asking fan fiction authors how they went from Free to Fee. Here’s my response. Happy reading!

The Story of How I Started Selling Stories

My parents, teachers, and acting/singing coaches will all tell you that I've always been a story teller. For the first twenty four years of my life, I was determined to do so through musical theatre, though I had always secretly harbored the desire to write a hit stage play. My early writing consisted of plays for my friends and I to put on, interspersed with prose that I supposed would one day become a novel, but which wasn't my passion.

I was a big reader, but where this habit came from, I'm not certain. While my mother always had a book on the go - whatever crumbling paperback law thriller or murder mystery she'd been handed by the woman down the street when she was done it, which was then passed on to the next neighbor - my father and brothers preferred sports (either on TV or outside in the yard) over reading. I stumbled into fantasy and science fiction because Wil Wheaton was hot, and his show was on every Friday night, and from there I consumed every Star Trek tie-in novel my tiny rural library carried, then started following the authors of the novels into their other worlds and series.

So you won't be surprised to learn that this was how I found fan fiction for the first time. My "I love this, gee, I wonder what else there is?" muscle was well developed by junior high, and before the internet had come to The Middle Of Nowhere Rural Ontario, I had already gotten quite adept at search keywords and codexes to track down more books to consume. Imagine my shock and joy when, in the middle of my Phantom of the Opera phase (come on, fess up, you had one too), the internet in my school library told me about not only Fredrick Forsyth and Susan Kay's stunning re-tellings, but of something called fan fiction.

I wasted a lot of the librarian's ink and paper printing out these books and secreting them into binders and pretending to do school work at my desk or backstage between scenes. A lot. And yes, I still have most of them.

And as we all well know, the jump between reading and writing is a short when one is submerged so fully in communities of creators. Everyone else's "What If" rubs off on you, and it's just a matter of time before you find yourself playing with the idea of coaxing a few plot bunnies over to spend some time with you. Not everyone loves to write, but gosh darn it, if you want to give it a try, then you couldn't ask for a better, more supportive community. It doesn't matter how new you are to it, everyone reads, everyone comments, everyone makes suggestions. People beta read. People edit. People co-write. People cheer, and support, and recommend, and enthuse. Yeah, there are the occasional jerks, flammers, and wank-mongers, but on the whole? There's literally no better place to learn how to be a writer than in fandom, I firmly believe this.

So, of course, born storyteller that I am, I had to give it a try.

I started writing fan fiction in 1991 for a small, relatively obscure Canadian/Luxembourg co-pro children’s show called Dracula: the Series. I used to get up and watch it on Saturday mornings, in my PJs, before heading off to whichever rehearsal or read through or practice I had that year.

1995 brought the English dub of Sailor Moon to my life, (and put me on the path to voice acting), and along with a high-school friend, I wrote, printed out, illustrated, and bound my first “book” – a self-insert story that was just over eleven pages long, which introduced new Scouts based on us. From there, I didn’t really stop.

1996 led me to Forever Knight and Dragon Ball Z, and from there to my friend’s basement where they’d just installed the internet. We chatted with strangers on ICQ, joined Yahoo!Groups and Bravenet Chat Boards. (Incidentally, a friend from my DBZ chat group turned out to be a huge DtS fan, too. We wrote a big crossover together which is probably only accessible on the Wayback Machine now. We stayed friends, helped each other through this writing thing, and now she’s Ruthanne Reid, author of the popular Among the Mythos series.) In 2000 I got a fanfiction.net account and never looked back.

In 2001, while in my first year of university for Dramatic Arts, I made my first Real Live fandom friends. We wrote epic-length self-insert fics in Harry Potter and Fushigi Yuugi, cosplayed at conventions (sometimes using the on-campus wardrobe department’s terrifyingly ancient serger), and made fan art and comics in our sketchbooks around studying for our finals and writing essays on critical theory or classical Latin. I was explaining the plot of the next big fic I was going to write to one of them, an older girl who had been my T.A. but loved Interview with the Vampire just as dearly as I, when she said, “You know, this sounds really interesting. Why don’t you strip all the fandom stuff out of the story and just write it as a novel?”

You can do that? was my first thought.

No! I don’t want to! Writing is my fun hobby. What will happen if I try to be a writer and get rejected by everyone and I end up hating it? was my second.

But the seed was planted. Slowly at first, and then at increasingly obsessive pace, I began writing my first novel around an undergrad thesis, fourth-year essays, several other big fanfics that popped me into the cusp of BNF status but never quite over the tine, and then a move to Japan to teach English. From 2002-2007 I wrote about 300 000 words on the novel that I would eventually shut away in my desk drawer and ignore until I published on Wattpad under my pseudonym on a lark. It was messy. It was long. It was self-indulgent and blatantly inspired by Master of Mosquiton, Interview with the Vampire, Forever Knight, and anything written by Tanya Huff, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Charlaine Harris. This was fine for fanfic, but in terms of being comfortable with presenting it to agents and publishing houses, I felt that it wasn’t original enough.

By this time I was teaching overseas, and in my spare time (and boy, was there a lot of spare time while sitting in a Japanese teacher’s office for 40 hours per week when one only actually teaches for 11 of them) I started applying to MA programs (where I eventually wrote my thesis on Mary Sue Fan Fiction). I also spent it researching “How to Get Published”, mostly by Googling it and/or buy/reading the few books on the topic in English I could find at the local book store or order from the just-then-gaining-international traction online bookstore Amazon.

What that research mostly told me was “Write and sell a bunch of short fiction first, so you have proof that a) you can do the work and b) you can finish what you promise you’ll finish and c) you have proof that other people think you’re worth spending money on.”

Short fiction. Huh. Of course we’d studied short stories in school, and I’d even taken a short story writing class in university, though nothing I’d written for the class was indicative of the kinds of stories I preferred to tell. But I felt pretty confident about this whole writing short stories thing… after all, I’d been doing weekly challenges for years. Drabbles. Flashfic. Stories and chapters that were limited to the word count cap that LiveJournal put on its posts. I’d written novellas without knowing that’s what they were called; I’d written whole novels about other people’s characters. All I needed was an idea. Short fiction I could do.

Unfortunately, everything that came to me was fanfic inspired. It frustrated me, because I didn’t want to write a serial-numbers-filed-off story. I wanted to write something original and epic and inspiring. Something just mine. I started and stopped a lot of stories in 2006-2007. I’d been doing NaNoWriMo for years by then, having been introduced to it in undergrad, and I was determined that this would be the year that I wrote something I could shop. Something just mine. Something unique.

While I adored fanfiction, I was convinced that I couldn't make a career on it. What had once been a fun hobby soon because a source of torment. Why could I think of a hundred ways to write a meet-cute between my favorite ships, but come up utterly blank when it came to something new and original and just mine?

It took me a while to realize that my playwriting and short story teachers had been correct when they said that there are no original stories in the world, no way you can tell a tale that someone else hasn’t already tried. The "Man vs." list exists for a reason.

The unique part isn’t your story, it’s your voice. Your lived life, your experiences, your way of forming images and structuring sentences. Your choices about who the narrator character is, and what the POV will be, and how the characters handle the conflict. In that way, every piece of writing ever done is individual and unique, even the fanfic. Because nobody is going to portray that character’s quirk or speech pattern quite like you do, nobody is going to structure your plot or your imagery like you. Because there is only one of you. Only one of me. Even if we're all writing fanfiction, no one's story sounds like anyone else's, or is told like anyone else's.

That is the reality of being a storyteller.

And strangely enough, the woman who opened my eyes to this was a psychic from a psychic fair I attended, who told me that Mark Twain was standing over her shoulder admonishing me to stop fretting and just get something on the page – but to never forget character. My strength, she said that he said, was in creating memorable, well written, well rounded characters. And that my book should focus on that above concerns of plot or pacing.

Well, okay. If Mark Twain says that’s what my strength is, then that’s what my strength is, right? Who am I to argue with the ghost of Mark Freaking Twain?

An accident with a bike and a car on a rice patty left me immobile for six weeks in 2006, and I decided that if I was finally going to write this original short story to sell – especially since I would need income, as the accident made it obvious that I would never be able to dance professionally, and probably would never be able to tread the boards in musicals – now was the perfect time. I was going to stop fighting my fannish training and write.

I cherry picked and combined my favorite aspects of Doctor Who, Stargate: Atlantis, Torchwood, The Farm Show/The Drawer Boy, and my own melancholy experiences with culture shock and liminal-living in a foreign culture, and wrote a novella titled (Back). It was a character study of a woman named Evvie who, through an accident of time travel, meets the future version of her infant daughter Gwen. And realizes she doesn’t like the woman her daughter will become. It was a story about accepting people for who they are, instead of who you wish they would be, and had a strong undercurrent of the turbulence I was going through in trying to figure out my own sexuality and that I wouldn't have the future in performance that I had been working toward since I was four.

Deciding that I would worry about where I would try to publish the story after it had been written, I sat down and wrote what ended up being (at least for me) a pretty standard-length fanfic: 18,762 words. It was only after I had finished the story that I looked up what category that put it in – Novella. Using paying reputable markets, like Duotrope, the Writer’s Digest, MSFV, Absolute Write, SFWA, my local Writer’s Union, Writer Beware, I realized that I had shot myself in the foot.

It seems like nearly nobody publishes novellas anymore. SF/F and Literary Fiction seem to be the last two bastions of the novella, and the competition to get one published is fierce. The markets that accepted SF/F novellas was vanishingly thin I had to do a lot of Googling and digging to figure out who I could submit to with an unagented/unsolicited SF/F novella. If I recall correctly, it was only about ten publications. I built an excel database and filled it with all the info I found.

I put together a query letter and sent it off using my database to guide me. Most of the rejections were kind, and said that the story was good, just too long/too short/ too sci-fi-y/not sci-fi-y enough. Only one market offered on it – for $10 USD. Beggers couldn’t be choosers, even if I had hoped to make a little more than ten bucks, and I accepted.

It was a paid professional publication, and that’s what mattered to me. I had the first entry on my bibliography, and something to point to in my query letters to prove that I was a worthy investment for a publisher/agent.

And energized by this, and now aware that length really does matter, even in online-only publications, I started writing other shorts to pad out my bibliography more.

I tried to tailor these ones to what my research told me the "mainstream industry" and "mainstream audiences" wanted, and those stories? Those were shot down one after the other. I was still writing fanfiction at the time, too, and those stories were doing well, getting lots of positive feedback, so why weren’t my stories?

In 2007 I returned to Canada and Academia, frustrated by my lack of sales, desperate to kick off my publishing career, and feeling a creative void left by having to depart theatre because of my new difficulties walking. I wrote my MA, and decided that if (Back) was the only original story that people liked, then I’d try to expand it into a novel.

Over the course of two years I did my coursework, and read everything there was to read about how to get a book deal, started hanging out in writer’s/author’s groups in Toronto and met some great people who were willing to guide me, and expanded (Back) into the novel Triptych. I kept reminding myself what Mark Twain said – character was my strength, the ability to make the kind of people that other writers wanted to write stories about, a skill I’d honed while writing fanfic. Because that's what we do, isn't it? Sure, we write fix-its and AUs and fusions and finish cancelled shows, and fill in missing scenes, but what we're all really doing is playing with characters, isn't it? Characters draw us to fanfic, and characters keep us there. Characters is what we specialize in.

Fanfic had taught me to work with a beta reader, so I started asking my fic betas if they'd like a go at my original novel. Fellow fanfic writers, can I just say how valuable editors and beta readers in the community are? These are people who do something that I've paid a professional editor thousands of dollars to do for free out of sheer love. Treasure your beta readers, folks. Really.

“It reminds me a lot of fan fiction,” one reader said. “The intense attention to character and their inner life, and the way that the worldbuilding isn’t dumped but sprinkled in an instance at a time, like, you know, a really good AU. I love it.”

Dear Lord. I couldn’t have written a better recommendation or a more flattering description if I’d tried. Mark Twain was right, it seems. And fanfic was the training ground, for me – my apprenticeship in storytelling.

Of course... what Mr. Twain hadn't explained is that character-study novels just don't sell in SF/F. They say Harry Potter was rejected twelve times? HA. I shopped Triptych to both agents and small presses who didn't require you to have an agent to publish with them, and I got 64 rejections. Take that, J.K.

At first the rejection letters were forms and photocopied "no thanks" slips. But every time I got feedback from a publisher or agent, I took it to heart, adjusted the manuscript, edited, tweaked, tweaked, tweaked. Eventually, the rejections started to get more personal. "I loved this character, but I don't know how to sell this book." And "I really enjoyed the read, but it doesn't really fit the rest of our catalogue." And "What if you rewrote the novel to be about the action event that happens before the book even starts, instead of focusing solely on the emotional aftermath?"

In other words - "Stop writing fanfiction." There seemed to be a huge disconnect between what the readership wanted and what the publishing world thought they wanted.

Disheartened, frustrated, and wondering if I was going to have to give up on my dreams of being a professional creative, I attended Ad Astra, a convention in Toronto, in 2009. At a room party, complaining to my author friends that "nobody wanted my gay alien threesome book!" a woman I didn't know asked me about the novel. We chatted, and it turned out she was the acquisitions editor for Dragon Moon Press, and incidentally, also a fan of fan fiction.

I sent her Triptych. She rejected it. I asked why. She gave me a laundry list of reasons. I said, "If I can address these issues and rewrite it, would you be willing to look at it again?" She said yes. She was certain, however, that I wouldn't be able to fix it. I spent the summer rewriting - while making sure to stay true to my original tone of the novel, and writing a character-study fanfiction. I sent it in the fall. I do believe it was Christmas eve when I received the offer of publication.

From there, my little fic-inspired novel was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards and a CBC Bookie, was named one of the best books of 2011 by the Advocate, and garnered a starred review and a place on the Best Books Of The Year at Publishers Weekly.

The award nominations led me to an agent, and further contracts, and even conversations with studio execs. It also made me the target of Requires Only That You Hate, and other cranky, horrible reviewers. But you know what? I've had worse on a forum, and on ff.n, and LJ. It sucked, and it hurt, but if there's one thing fandom has taught me, it's that not everyone is going to love what you do, and not everyone interprets things the same way you do. The only thing we can do is learn from the critique if it's valid and thoughtful, and ignore the screaming hate and bullying. Then you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and go write something else.

Because a screaming hater? Is not going to ruin my love of storytelling.

But for all that... the day someone made me fan art based on Triptych is one etched in my memory. It means far more to me than any of the emails I ever received inquiring about representation or film rights, or wanting meetings to discuss series.

The lesson I learned from publishing Triptych - now sadly out of print, but we're looking for a new home for it - is that if I chase what the "mainstream" and the "industry" want, I'll never write anything that sells because my heart won't be in it. I have to keep writing like a fanficcer, even if I'm not writing fanfic, if I want to create something that resonates with people. And if it takes time for the publishers and acquiring editors to figure out what I'm doing, and how to sell it, then fine - I have an agent on my side now, and a small growing number of supporters, readers, and editors who love what I do.

Do I still write fanfic? Very, very rarely. I’ve had some pretty demanding contracts and deadlines in the last two years, so I’ve had to pare down my writing to only what’s needed to fulfill my obligations. Doesn’t mean I don’t have ideas for fics constantly.

Sometimes the urge is powerful enough that I do give into it – I wrote To A Stranger, based on Mad Lori’s Performance in a Leading Role Sherlock AU recently, when I should have been writing the second and third novels of The Accidental Turn Series. And even more recently, I cleaned up To A Stranger into something resembling a real screenplay and started shopping it around to film festivals and producers because I love this story, I love what I did with it, and I’m proud of the work. If To A Stranger is only ever a fanfic, that’s fine with me. I poured my heart into it and am so proud of it. But I figure that if there’s one more project I could possibly get into the real world, then why not go for it?

The worst thing the festival heads and producers can say about the work is: “No, thank you.” And being an online writer has taught me not to take the “no, thank you”s personally. Applying the values of Don’t Like Don’t Read or Not My Kink to your publication/agent search makes it much easier to handle the rejections – not every story is for every person.

Maybe once every producer in North America has rejected it, I might think about working with someone to adapt the screenplay into an illustrated comic fanbook? Who knows?

That’s the joy of starting out as a writer in fandom – felixibility, adaptability, creative problem-solving and cross-platform storytelling comes as naturally as breathing to us fan writers. It’s what we do.

You may not think that this is a strength, but trust me, it is. I was never so shocked at an author’s meetup as when I suggested to someone that their “writer’s block” sounded to me like they were telling the story in the wrong format. “I think this is a comic, not a novel,” I’d said. “It sounds so visual. That's why the story is resisting you.” And they stared at me like I suddenly had an extra head and said, “But I’m a novelist.” I said, “No, you’re a writer. Try it.” They never did, as far as I know, and they never finished that book, either.

As fans, our strength isn't just in what we write, or how we come to our stories. It’s also about the physical practice of writing, too. We’re a group of people who have learned to carry notebooks, squeeze in a few hundred words between classes, or when the baby is napping, or during our lunch breaks, or on commute home. This is our hobby, we fit it in around our lives and jobs, and that has taught us the importance of just making time.

We are, on average, more dedicated and constant writers than some of the “novelists” that I’ve met: the folks who wait for inspiration to strike, who quit their day jobs in pursuit of some lofty ideal of having an office and drinking whiskey and walking the quay and waiting for madam muse to grace them, who throw themselves at MFAs and writing retreats, as if it's the attendance that makes them writers and not the work of it.

We fans are career writers. We don’t wait for inspiration to come to us, we chase it down with a butterfly net. We write when and where we can. More than that, we finish things. (Or we have the good sense to know when to abandon something that isn’t working.) We write to deadlines. Self-imposed ones, even.

We write 5k on a weekend for fun, and think NaNoWriMo’s 50k goal and 1667 words per day are a walk in the park. (When I know it terrifies some of the best-selling published authors I hang out with.) Or if we fans don’t write fast, then we know that slow and steady works too, and we’re willing to stick it out until our story is finished, even if it takes years of weekly updates to do so. We have patience, and perseverance, and passion.

This is what being a fanfiction writer has given me. Not only a career as a writer, but tools and a skill-set to write work that other people think is work awarding, adapting, and promoting. And the courage to stick to my guns when it comes to telling the kinds of stories that I want to tell.

This is what being a fanfiction writer gives us.

Aren’t we lucky, fellow fans? Hasn’t our training been spectacular?

J.M. (@scifrey) is a SF/F author, and professional smartypants on AMI Audio’s Live From Studio 5. She’s appeared in podcasts, documentaries, and on television to discuss all things geeky through the lens of academia. Her debut novel TRIPTYCH was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards, nominated for a 2011 CBC Bookie, was named one of The Advocate’s Best Overlooked Books of 2011, and garnered both a starred review and a place among the Best Books of 2011 from Publishers Weekly. Her sophomore novel, an epic-length feminist meta-fantasy THE UNTOLD TALE (Accidental Turn Series #1), debuted to acclaim in 2015 and was followed by THE FORGOTTEN TALE (Accidental Turn Series #2) this past December. FF.N | LJ |AO3| Books | Tumblr

#Improbable Press #Fan Fiction #fanfiction #triptych #j.m. frey #the accidental turn series #free to fee #words for writers

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offintotheinnerunknown · 6 years

Text

Broken Down In Nowhere Oregon

when i left seattle yesterday i wasn’t really sure how far i was going to drive. the route i want to take to phoenix (where i’m hoping to be by next monday or tuesday) should supposedly take about 23 hours. i figured if i drove at least 3-4 hours a day i’d be fine. but once i hit the road i felt like just going for it. getting out of the city seemed to take no time at all. then before long all of the trees were gone. I-90 east dropped me square in the desert within about an hour and a half. for most of the morning i had felt pretty numb, but realizing that i’d left the evergreens behind hit me pretty hard. the pacific northwest is an enchanted place. i feel blessed to have called it my home for so long.

i’m not a desert person. rocks, dirt, plants that may, or may not be alive...blarg. but i felt differently about it a few hours in. “this is really happening”, i thought. i’m out here. alone. traveling alone has been a dream of mine for a long time. i’ve put it off again and again for reasons that i may go into later, but for now let’s just say this is a huge deal for me. and instead of stopping for the night around hour 3 or 4, or even 7, seemed too soon. i was loving the road. my windows were down (duh, like this van has air-conditioning), my hair was flying all over the place, and i was singing my heart out. it felt like i might never want to stop. around 7:30pm i heard/felt an incredibly loud POP. it scared the crap out of me. by this time i was well into oregon and the speed limit was 70mph, i was flying down the road. i thought maybe something had hit my grill. actually, i didn’t think that. i hoped that. deep down i knew that sound had come from the engine. the van SEEMED fine. none of the gauges had shifted. i did smell something though. it wasn’t a burning smell...it was sweet. like syrup. which i thought was weird but, whatever. i kept driving, slower now, because i was out in the middle of nowhere, and wanted to make it just 30 miles further down the road to ontario, oregon (where i had planned to stop for the night). but then i started to smell something burning. almost instantly after that the van started making a loud buzzing sound. shit. i start looking around for road signs, but there’s nothing. i started to panic some. and then i started to berate myself, “why did you drive so far on the first day? this van is 28 years old! it’s basically an antique!!!” another loud noise jerked me back into reality. this time it was more a SNAP. then something fell down through the rest of the engine, hit the road, bounced up again and hit the bottom of the van, just before i ran it over. “something fell out of the engine! something fell out of the enginnnnne!!!!” the reality of this was mind-boggling to me. how was the van even still driving?!! for whatever reason, this thought calmed me. i guess because it seemed so out of my control. i re-centered myself, and at that very moment an exit appeared. i pulled off of I-84, away from its lights, and other drivers, into the empty night. i drove about two miles before realizing that there was literally nothing to drive to. luckily i saw a pull-off up ahead. it was wide enough that the van could sit safely off the road. you know, in case other people drove by...which no one did during the 3 HOURS i was out there. without thinking i shut the car off, popped the hood, and started looking at stuff. yes, “stuff”. because i don’t know cars. i mean, i know how to add coolant and oil, or change a battery, head light or tire, but that’s it. i think i even said out loud as i was putting the hood back down, “well that helpful.” i got back in the van and picked up my phone, but it had no service. even though it was probably a terrible idea, i decided i would try to drive more. sure, things were falling out but hey, it was still running. nope. no, it sure wasn’t. it wouldn’t start. i tried it a few times but it gave less of an effort after each go. i patted the steering wheel, and told her she’d done well. it was pitch black out, and the desert is cold at night. but man, the night sky was on fire. i stood outside for a good amount of time reminding myself that i am capable of this. of whatever happens. i got back in the van and picked up my phone again. 1 bar. well alright then. i called AAA, and the woman who assisted me was basically a saint. since my reception was so spotty she immediately asked me for my number so she could call me back if we got disconnected (good on her because we did. twice). due to the fact that i kept losing my signal, i hadn’t seen which exit i had gotten off, and again, i was out in the middle of NOWHERE, it took us just over 30 minutes to pinpoint my location. not once during our conversation was this woman rude or frustrated. she continually kept things light. we even laughed over the fact that the van fell apart (literally) on the first day of my month(ish)-long trip. i want to be her when i grow up. or at least have a “her” around. (no, i didn’t get her name, which really bums me out)

the tow truck showed up 2 hours later. pete--i asked him his name immediately--weirded me out at first. he wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and it seemed like his speech was slurred. i wondered if maybe he had been drinking. he didn’t smell like alcohol but better safe than sorry, i texted his license plate number to sam. turns out pete wasn’t drunk. turns out pete is an awesome dude who is shy because he has a crippling stutter. we had about a 30 mile trip to ontario, oregon, which was the closest town with a garage. we talked about working in customer service at first, because everyone who has ever worked in customer service knows that it will instantly bond you with anyone else who has done the same. after that it was smooth sailing. to be honest, i can’t really remember what we talked about because it just flowed. i do remember thinking in the middle of it, as i yawned loudly, “thanks for making this so much easier, pete.” i told him so when he dropped me off about 15 minutes later. it was just past midnight. he had unloaded the van into the parking lot of cone automotive, wished me luck, and went on his way. i crawled into the back of the van, under a billion blankets, and passed right out. 8am the garage opened, and at 8am i swung the van doors open, and stepped out into the day in all of my disheveled glory. the sun was bright. i squinted as i looked around, only to be met with the stares of two mechanics who were just opening up shop. i could tell they weren’t sure what to think of me at first. but when i explained what had happened to brian (the owner of the garage), he softened right up. because of my particular situation (traveling AND living in this broken vehicle) he took it in first thing. it took him less than 10 minutes to come out to tell me that my alternator “exploded”, his word, i swear. the fan in it shattered, and in doing so severed a belt. the belt was what i heard fall out of the engine, and then ran over. sorry belt. he ordered the parts from down the road, they arrived within 30 minutes, and he had the van up and running within two hours! HUZZAH!!! i walked away from this whole situation feeling uncharacteristically calm. it was as if the universe was showing me right up front that i’ve got this. and that there are helpers everywhere. thanks mr. rogers, for reminding me to always look for them.

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cgstark27 · 6 years

Text

The World is Changing Too Fast

At well past ten, I heard the door in the foyer shut heavily. "Cadence?"

When I heard no response, I left the library on the third floor and walked toward the stairs, but she was halfway up the first flight. She toted her backpack with her, leaning on the banister, but not particularly struggling with the stairs themselves. "Hey. You're home."

"How about that." There was an edge in her voice, and a rather sharp one at that.

"What's the matter?" I turned and walked with her, trying to keep pace. She was not keen on me keeping up with her; I let her get a few steps ahead of me, but I still wanted to hear her.

"A lot."

"Do you want to --"

"No."

"Okay."

"I'm just really upset at work and people right now." I followed her to her room, where she dropped her backpack just inside the door, then turned and went back up another flight of stairs. I had no idea where she was going, but I was going with her. She said she didn't want to talk about it, but I still wanted to hear it.

"Something happened?"

"I was literally halfway out the door when someone calls and tells me they can't find the requisition for a manifest we received from Ontario, and all the blame falls on me for losing it and having to find it. So I have no choice but to start tearing through all the work I've done for the day trying to find one piece of paper that I never had in the first place."

I followed her up to the third floor, then the fourth. She kept climbing stairs, and I kept following her.

"By the time I left, it was ten minutes to five. I had to be halfway across Manhattan at five thirty. I had plans to go get something to eat, and I had been looking forward to this ALL DAY -- and thanks to this stupid manifest someone ELSE lost, I didn't get to eat. Oh, and then I made the mistake of venting to my coworker who's fresh out of high school, and she felt the need to ask me, 'So you go to a restaurant and eat all by yourself? Why?' Because I'm a loser who has no friends, that's why. What other reason do I have?"

I wanted to ask her if she had eaten, but to interrupt her would be... dangerous, at the least.

"I bend over backwards," she said, climbing up to the fifth floor finally. "I take data and turn them into systems that work, I know where to find anything that I've had my hands on. But if I was gone tomorrow, would they care? No. I'm replaceable. I'm nothing. I'm just a number cruncher. I have no value as a human being."

She sat down on the floor facing the window. The moon was full.

"I didn't hear from you today," I mentioned. "I was a little concerned."

"Well, where have you been today?" Cady snapped.

"I was at the medical school, and then here..."

"Because I didn't hear from you today, either."

I had to admit to myself she was right. I had caught myself waiting to hear from her, but I'd never sent her a message to see how she was doing. Come to think of it, she usually was the one to initiate conversation between us when we were apart.

"I just got a lot of the 'nobody gives a damn' impression today, you know?" Cady didn't make eye contact or look my way, but her words were very sharp and short. I knew she was frustrated, and rightly so. Maybe if we had been sending a few messages back and forth today, she wouldn't be nearly as stressed right now. But she had been bottling up everything with no release, shaken up with unexpected changes, and now she was exploding.

"That's fine. Whatever. I just won't eat. I don't need to eat anyway." She rose to leave.

"Cadence."

"Don't 'Cadence' me, Stephen." She started down the stairs.

"Just tell me you ate something."

"Cheese and juice. Happy? It's all I had time for."

I watched her walk down to the second floor by herself.

--- An hour and a half later, Cady did end up crawling into bed with me. I was still up reading when she came in. She looked very down, eyes red from crying, her cheeks splotchy. I made eye contact with her, but she didn't speak; she just silently crawled into bed and curled up by herself.

"Baby, I'm sorry about everything that happened today."

She didn't respond.

"I feel like if I had talked to you more, then maybe it would have been a little better, at least. And I'm sorry I didn't. I don't know why I didn't text you, I just... I guess I assumed that if I didn't hear from you, everything is okay."

I heard her breathing in the silence, the clock ticking down the hall. Her words earlier... the more I think about them, the more they seem concerning to me. She needs some more attention from me.

"Everything's not okay, is it."

Slowly, she shook her head.

I put my book aside and lay down with her, but I left the light on, hoping she would talk to me. "I know that you've been having trouble communicating lately, but that shouldn't mean that I stop trying. I took your silence to mean that you wanted to be left alone. But you don't. Am I right?"

Cady nodded.

"I'm sorry, Cady."

I heard a sniffle.

"I'm... honestly not really sure what to do now, or how I can help, but... I don't want you to shut down on me. I don't want you to feel like you have to choose that. I want to meet you where you are right now, Cadence, wherever that may be, with whatever you're struggling with."

"What if I don't know what I'm struggling with?"

"I can try to help you figure it out."

I noticed her starting to rock herself from side to side.

"I can read your mind... I don't particularly like doing that, because I feel like it can be very invasive... but if that's something you want me to do at any point, just tell me or show me. I won't do it without your permission, though."

She nodded. I reached out to stroke her hair, and this got her attention. She looked my way for a brief moment, tears in her eyes, then hid her face from me again.

At length, I whispered, "What's wrong?" I kept stroking her hair, playing with the curls that fell behind her ear. "Tell me. Show me. Please. So I can take care of you."

After several minutes, she raised her right arm and showed me a large red bump hiding there. Another staph infection.

Without a word, I went to the bathroom, returned with medication and gauze, and dressed it for her. She rolled over toward me and I expected her to reach for me, but she pulled back the covers to show me a large red mark on her left leg.

"What happened there?" I whispered.

She pointed to herself.

"You did that?" She nodded. "To yourself? Why?"

Her expression sank heavily into sadness. Instead of speaking, she placed one of my hands on her forehead.

She showed me a memory, or she tried to. Her mind was crying, and if I tuned out the noise, I heard her loud words to herself, calling herself names, blaming herself. Angry at her coworker. Lonely, stupid, and lousy! Can't do anything right! Ugh, people suck. If they only knew how they made you feel. You don't need to eat anyway. Suck it up, buttercup! came the last snide remark, then a heavy-handed slap on her left thigh.

Cady was so very angry, and with nowhere to release those strong emotions, they had to manifest somewhere. The sound exploded in my mind's perception of the sound, followed by a strong memory of steadily increasing rage and deepening depression.

It had taken just fifteen minutes for her mood to move from calm and focused to crimson-shaded anger. The world is moving too fast and she completely lost control. A very brief fleeting consideration of suicide haunted my mind, and she tried to hide it from me... but it was too late. Who would miss me here? Who would care at work if I was gone?

It took moments for that to happen.

She never thought of me at all. There was just so much anger. I took my hand away from her forehead.

"Cadence."

She looked up, so tired.

"If you ever feel that way again... call me immediately."

She cocked her head to the side, dark circles under her eyes now.

"I won't lose you, Cady. I can't. I need you. I will do whatever it takes to help you through whatever you're going through, but I don't ever want you to be alone and feeling like that. Wherever you are, whatever is happening -- I will come find you. Do you understand me?"

She nodded. I realized I was crying too, now, only when she reached up to wipe away my tears.

I pulled her into my arms, cradled my beloved to my chest, kissed her, and refused to let her go ever again.

--Stephen

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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USAA car insurance while deployed?

"USAA car insurance while deployed?

it is illegal in MA to have no car insurance. I can take my car off the road but it costs $120 to get new plates. Does USAA have an option for insurance cheaper than the minimum allowed by your state. How am I going to drive anyway when I am deployed??? thanks

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecost.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I've had no suspensions or tickets, and im wondering what yearly insurance would be for a 2005 4 dr chevy cobalt, or a 2005 dodge sx 2.0. Please don't give me links to websites, because I want to hear first hand opinions! Thanks!""

How much will my car insurance renewal be?

I am currently insured with Admiral for my car. My insurance is up for renewal next month and I am just wondering if anybody with prior experience of them knows how much of a discount i may expect, if anything at all. My insurance last year was around 1,100 I am 22, I have had my licence for 4 years, And I will now have 1 years no claims. Thanks in advance :) Rob""

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Selling a car with no insurance?

I am selling my car but have already cancelled my insurance policy. Can a potential buyer test drive my car on their insurance or does my car have to be insured separately?

What is the best insurance and the cheapest one you think?

Car insurance rates for men vs. women?

I was just wondering if there were any car insurance companies that charge higher premiums for men and in what locations are they higher. I was looking at a study that says that men are more dangerous drivers. Statistically men get into more accidents and cause more accidents with severe injuries. I live in Michigan and I don't think that insurance rates are higher for men here. Thanks for your answers!

Wife was rear ended and i have no insurance we live in illinois and car insurance is required?

My wife was on her way home from work and was stoped at a stoplight when a car hit her from behind and we have no insurance but witness reports say the other lady is at fault will my truck be fixed by her insurance

""Free/Cheap health insurance for low income in LONG ISLAND, NY?""

I am 19 years old and i go to school part time, so i am not able to get my moms insurance, and i also work but dont get insurance there either. I come from a low income family, so i ...show more""

Where can I get cheap health insurance in NYC as an individual with a relatively low deductible & low premium?

Is that even possible? My reasoning is this: I am 26 and I am self-employed. I am basically just looking for a bare bones plan that will have the lowest premium possible and I actually care more about emergency care than doctors visits. You see, I don't get sick often and don't plan to go to the doctor a whole lot...I just want something in case of an accident and the whole low premium w/ high deductibles thing won't help me...I'll be stuck with a sky high bill to pay off if I stay in the hospital. I'd rather have emergency coverage and simply pay out of pocket for a doctor if I have to. Is there a plan out there in NY that fits this? Anyone know? HELP! I make too much money to qualify for Healthy NY or another low income program..but not enough to reasonably afford a normal healthcare plan when factoring in rent and student loans. (If this isn't a reason for universal healthcare in the US, I don't know what is)""

Is bike insurance cheaper then car insurance?

""I accidently backed into a car, but the owner doesnt want me to turn it in to my insurance?""

She doesnt have car insurance and is scared she'll get into trouble. Its at least 500 worth of damage. Do i have to pay her out of pocket? I pay insurance for a reason!!! My deductible is only 100, and i dont feel i should pay anymore than that.""

Will my insurance go up?

I was in a car accident. I was stopped at a red light lady slammed into the back of me. THe cops came and filled out info. I did not go to the hospital, because I was not in pain. But the next day my back and neck were killing me. It has been 5 days since accident. I want to go to the doctors but i am worried that my car insurrence will go up. If it was the other persons fault will my insurance go up? And is it to late to go to the doctors? Will her insurance have to pay for doctors bill?""

""You buy $89,000.00 in Insurance on your house. It burns down. What should the Insurance Company have to pay?

Got $89000.00 in Insurance and the place burnt down. Now the insurance doesn't what to pay.

Do insurance companies had out new phones?

This is the deal. I bought a new phone. HTC Desire S. I then accidentally dropped down the toilet. This caused it to get water damaged which equals broken phone. It's with the insurance company, and I know my claim has been accepted and now they are deciding whether they can repair the phone or send me a replacement. Now.. What does a replacement mean: Does that mean a new phone (fresh out of box) Does that mean a refurbished phone (second hand) Does that mean a different model phone (not a HTC Desire S) I've never used a insurance company before for this kind of thing because I'm always very careful when it comes to my technology and gadgets, so I don't know. I'm hoping I'll at least get the same model phone I had. I only had this phone for 2 weeks (Upgraded from Vodafone)""

Which will make the insurance higher manual or automatic transmission?

I'm thinking of buying a car but I want to make the insurance cheap as possible I don't know if manual or automatic transmission will make the insurance cheaper

How much would car insurance cost for a 17 year old?

Hey I will be turning 17 in a month and I was wondering how much car insurance will cost. I Think I will be going under my parents plan. I will either be getting my dads 05 range rover or an 03 nissan 350z. I have geico and live in NY if that helps. About how much would it cost to insure each car?

Car insurance for a 21 yr old living in ny?!?

Approx how much does car insurance, per month, cost for a 21 yr old college student from abroad in ny? My sister who lives in the country pays about 130 dollars per month in MA.""

How much would auto insurance cost?

I am going to be driving soon (I am 15) and I'm looking into buying a car/truck. I would like to know how much it would cost for me to get insurance so that i can drive soon. Thank you!

Will my insurance price change?

I've been on my parents insurance account for over a year with no accidents on my record and I pay 200 a month, so if I have my own account from my parents will there be any price changes of either raise or lower? I'm so confused""

Do i have to make a down payment on my car insurance?

i am buying my first car at the age of 18. i want to go on my moms insurance policy with the car in her name. i will pay for it myself though. from what i know, this should be cheaper if the car is known to be hers with me as a driver. when i add this car to her policy, will i have to make a down payment?""

How much would this cost to insure?

Hi, I'm looking to buy my first car. Two I have my eyes on are an automatic 2002 Chevy Camaro and a manual 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder. Both cost just over 5k. I'm 17, a male, I have good grades, I don't smoke or do drugs, I'm in honors classes and I've taken drivers ed. Approximately how much would they cost to insure? Please don't say They're too challenging to drive , or They have too much power. I've driven cars with power before (both manual and auto) and I don't find it challenging at all. I have pretty good hand eye coordination. Also, my apologies if this somehow gets asked in the UK answers, I'm asking this fairly late at night.""

Are you still suppose to pay car insurance when...?

Are u still supposed to pay car insurance after you have had an accident?? The car was a total loss..so I don't have it anymore and there is no other cars on my policy..am I still responsible for anything especially when my car paid for itself, the deductable, and then some....???""

Any advice on Medical Insurance?

My husband's job has an insurance plan that will take $200 out of his paycheck EVERY OTHER WEEK. He makes about $1200.. that is $400 a month which leaves us with $800 a month to survive. We think it's ridiculous.. can anyone give us advice on any other insurance policies? Blue cross blue shield maybe.. or anything... Thanks in advance!

""If I have full insurance on my car, am I covered if I drive a car that does not have insurance?""

Also, if I get pulled over, can I go to jail or am I ok with the insurance I already have? Its just a temporary (a few days) thing.......my car is broken down and I am borrowing a friends car to go to and from work...(my friend is from Florida and i live in Georgia).""

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

Can you get your own car insurance at 16 years old?

i was just wondering. i am 16, and my parents said that i have to get and pay for my own car insurance if i plan to get a car right now. is it even possible to get car insurance in you own name at 16? thank you very much""

Car insurance for an 18 year old?!?

Hi all, my cousin's 18th birthday is coming up and i've been charged with finding out what car insurance is like for 18 year olds. would it be cheaper to put her on her mother's car insurance (white BMW, automatic, about 2 and a bit years old, not sure of exact model) or to get her a second hand smaller car with a smaller engine? I have no idea! Her parents aren't willing really to pay ridiculous amounts which insurance for 18 year olds can get to! please help! thanks""

What are the payments on an Infiniti G35 Coupe?

How much for the car a month? And the insurance? If anyone has this car please let me know how much you pay for the car & the insurance. Thank you so much in advance.

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/kansas-insurance-exam-charles-oliver/"

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samtheflamingomain · 7 years

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family’s not forever

So I've written a shitload about my parents and sister and their involvement in my being kicked out. Today I want to talk about how my extended family reacted, which I don't think I've discussed.

So when I was first kicked out, I lived with my best friend Connor for a few days. On night one I realized I should call my grandparents and see if they'd give me a place to stay.

My mom's parents are extremely transphobic and therefore I hadn't seen them in years. My mom’s mom was always nice to me and warm, but she’s got health problems, lives in the middle of nowhere in Northern Ontario, and still lives with her awful, racist, homophobic husband. Also, when my mom was a kid and found her dad cheating on her mom and told her so, the same thing happened: her mom denied it. Being only 9, she couldn’t leave. Anyway, point being, I doubt she would’ve had much to offer.

My sister is a selfish person with a very low IQ, and had no capacity to deal with me. She lives in poverty up north of Toronto and I couldn’t stand the thought of living with her.

So my next thought was my dad's parents. His mother and step-father, actually.

It was an interesting phone call to say the least. Kathy picked up and told me to go home, that she didn't think I had any reason to be on my own, that I was blowing things out of proportion. When I told her that my own damn mother told me I was a psychotic liar and to get out of her house, Kathy didn't believe me. I will not attend her funeral. I do not care about her any more. She used to be one of my favourite grandparents, but that night, I saw that she was no better than my cheating father, about whom she specifically said, "would it really be that bad if he did do it?".

I contacted uncle Mikey and aunt Shelley, whom both told me they "didn't want to get involved" and that Mikey felt "I'm an adult and should get my shit together". I will never forgive them. They're lucky I haven't called Child Services on them because I know Mikey is the same as my dad. Both horrible people with a proclivity towards abusing their children. But because his abuse is likely the same as mine was (non-physical) there's not much I could do for my poor cousins Hannah (12) and Danielle (9). Of all the things I've lost, I somehow feel the worst about them. We were never particularly close but I saw the shift from "happy children" to "distressed pre-teens" and I saw it because the same thing happened to me.

A few weeks later I called my dad's parents again and my step-grandad Royal picked up. We've had our disagreements, but he was one of the very few family members I had left. I gave him my (old) phone number and told him I wanted to see him. Unfortunately, within a few weeks, I had to change my number, and I've been too much of a coward to call again.

But I've been deeply considering sending a letter or leaving a voicemail. He's halfway toward dementia, but he was lucid enough to realize the situation I was in when I called him back in March. He's literally the only extended family that didn't gaslight the fuck out of me when the shit hit the fan.

But he also can't do much, and though his relation to my family is just one by marriage, I still feel better being completely cut off from all of them.

I'd been dreading the holidays - I still am. But luckily I work all day Thanksgiving so I won't have to think about that. Christmas will probably suck, but to bring it back to my point, I'd rather be alone than have anything to do with anyone in that clusterfuck of a family.

Not sure what my point was here; I guess it was about me processing why I haven't tried contacting my granddad again. I think it's because, back in March, I will still in the middle of the crisis and would've given anything for a supportive family member, whereas now I'm at the point where I've mostly moved on, and I feel like getting involved in any way with anyone related to me would be a step back.

It's a bittersweet thing to know that the last time I talked to him will likely be the last. He's got maybe 3 or 4 years left in him, 1 or 2 of him being lucid at best. It's a shame because I would've been there for him and taken care of him, and I know his wife won't - she'll stick him in a nursing home when she gets sick of him. And I would've liked to be able to attend his funeral, but nobody has a way of contacting me to inform me.

But that's the way it has to be. Probably forever. But I'm starting to get used to it and create a new life for myself that doesn't require family.

It's a hard thing to do when every month is someone's birthday or a family day or a holiday and we're bombarded with cliches about family being forever and even when no one else is, your family will be there and all that. I've had to learn that those things simply aren't true.

I have friends and a boyfriend, so I'm not completely alone. But I'm definitely on my way to living as if they never existed. I don't spend all day agonizing over every detail of that 4-month period anymore.

I'm not there yet, but I definitely don't fear Christmas as much as I did in the summer, for example. I've become less afraid of being alone.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

#loneliness #family #sam

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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"Bogalusa Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70429

Bogalusa Louisiana Cheap car insurance quotes zip 70429

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