Aftershockshipping Playlist
After reading Chapter 40 of @weekend-whip‘s Born to Be a 21st Century Ninja, I... managed to talk myself into making a playlist for Aftershock (Cole x Jesse)... and Ren (weekend-whip) wanted to see it, so... here it is, I guess.
Just a heads up, I don’t normally share playlists, but I just needed to showcase the vibe these two together give me. It’s mostly inspired by the events of the chapter itself & what could’ve been logically playing during Tox’s set at Rockshot, but also just general vibes outside of that setting, though some may feel like they are from a specific perspective (like, you can feel which song is Cole or Jesse), or it is completely unrelated but meshed well into the vibes so I thought “screw it, throw it in”. I’m also thinking that this could be expanded on in future, but let’s keep it “small” for now.
So, in no particular but alphabetical order because I can’t curate effectively, enjoy:
Adore - Cashmere Cat ft. Ariana Grande
All For You - Rynx ft. Kiesza
Animal - Kesha
Atic - Astrid S
Audio - LSD (Labrinth, Sia & Diplo)
Beautiful Now - Zedd ft. Jon Bellion
Blue - Bad Computer
Boom Clap - Charli XCX
Break My Heart - Dua Lipa
Call You Mine - The Chainsmokers ft. Bebe Rexha
Chameleon - Mako & Elephante
Chasing Clouds - Bad Computer & Danyka Nadeau
Chasing Fire - Lauv
Chroma - Pixel Terror ft. EMELINE
Circles - Audien ft. Ruby Prophet
Daisy - Zedd ft. Julia Michaels
Dreamin’ - Seven Lions ft. Fiora
Eyes Off You - M-22 ft. Arlissa & Kiana Ledé
FANCY - TWICE
Fly - Bad Computer
Go Bang - PNAU
Gold - Koven
Goodness Gracious - Ellie Goulding
Hearts On Fire - Illenium & Dabin ft. Lights
I Don’t Do Drugs - Doja Cat ft. Ariana Grande
I Need Your Love - Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding
Keep You Mine - NOTD & Shy Martin
Levitating - Dua Lipa
Light Me Up - RL Grime ft. Miguel & Julia Michaels
Lost In Your Light - Dua Lipa ft. Miguel
Love Lies - Khalid & Normani
Magic - Kylie Minogue
Make U Mine - James Landino ft. Jenny
Message In A Bottle (Taylor’s Version) (Fat Max G Remix) - Taylor Swift
Off Limits - BAYNK ft. GLADES
Out Loud - Fairlane, ROZES & JT Roach
Play - Jax Jones and Years & Years
Run Away With Me - Carly Rae Jepsen
Running In The Dark - MONKEY MAJIK
Settle - BAYNK ft. Sinéad Harnett
Shattered - MitiS ft. RUNN
Shine - Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams
Sight of Your Soul - Dirtyphonics & Sullivan King
Something Better - Audien ft. Lady A
Something Comforting - Porter Robinson
Spectrum - Zedd ft. Matthew Koma
Still Into You - Paramore
SuperLove - Charli XCX
The Other Side (Oliver Heldens Remix) - SZA & Justin Timberlake
There’s No Way (LZRD Remix) - Lauv ft. Julia Michaels
This Is Real - Jax Jones ft. Ella Henderson
Tie Me Down (Blanke Remix) - Gryffin & Elley Duhé
Wake Up Alone (Fairlane Remix) - The Chainsmokers ft. Jhené Aiko
When You Call - Cyrus Reynolds ft. BELLSAINT
Wings - Birdy
With You - Jupiter Project & Jetski Safari ft. Helen Corry
Now, I did say I was making an Aftershock playlist, but I also wanted to make a playlist for Jesse’s futile efforts to get over Cole because Glacier keeps getting in the way (poor thing lol, not your fault Cole is like a puppy with heart eyes when Zane is present). Just the idea of someone hopelessly in love with another, yet the object of their affections is not only oblivious, but is hopelessly in love with someone else as well, so they try to bury those feelings, try to cut it out of the heart, on for it to hurt them in the process because that love is just rooted so deeply... and perhaps, eventually realising that they can’t give up, that they can’t let go so easily (when letting go is just too hard & painful).
Aftershock - Cash Cash ft. Jacquie Lee
All for Nothing - Duumu & MYRNE
All I Wanted - Paramore
Bells in Santa Fe - Halsey
Chasing Fire (Robin Schulz Remix) - Lauv
Clarity (Virtual Riot Remix) - Zedd ft. Foxes
Don’t Leave - Seven Lions ft. Ellie Goulding
It’s Okay If You Forget Me - Astrid S
New York City - The Chainsmokers
Rush Over Me - Seven Lions, Illenium & Said The Sky ft. HALIENE
Save Your Tears (Remix) - The Weeknd & Ariana Grande
So Close - NOTD & Felix Jaehn ft. Georgia Ku & Captain Cuts
The One - Rita Ora & Imanbek
Tonight I’m Getting Over You - Carly Rae Jepsen
Velcro - spill tab ft. Gus Dapperton
Want You - Rynx ft. Miranda Glory
You for Me - Sigala & Rita Ora
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. ✧ . * . ⌜ paulina singer, twenty-two, cisfemale, she/her / best they ever had by rozes + immediately checking your horoscope in the latest copy of witch weekly (as well as that of your crush), an unwavering commitment to a glass of red paired with scratches in your diary, & a gnawing, childhood need, to fill that empty space at the dinner table no matter how good the meal.⌟ hey, have you met ROMILDA VANE yet? they’re a FOURTH YEAR at hogwarts and are a GRYFFINDOR. makes sense given they tend to be a bit PASSIONATE and IMPULSIVE. it seems the death of the boy who lived has placed them on the LIGHT side of the looming war. let’s just hope they make it out alive.
tw: absent parent, unwanted pregnancy, drug mention, death mention
full name: romilda yemima vane
date of birth: march 1st
star sign: pisces
place of birth: whitechapel, london
family: reuben katz (father), addah vane (mother)
sexual orientation: tragically heterosexual
religion: jewish, mostly non-practicing
tattoos: none yet
style: skirts with a hem or slit high enough to test dress codes, cropped white tank tops in various styles, sweaters/jackets with faux fur on the collar and sleeves, gold jewelry, necklaces stacked one on top of the other, jumpers stolen from exes and hookups worn as 'dresses', chunky boots, light wash denim, button ups knotted up and worn off shoulder, two go-to baguette style bags (one black, one faux dragonhide)
immediately checking your horoscope in the latest copy of witch weekly (as well as that of your crush), unwrapping a strawberry flavored lolly in the middle of class, the lingering smug of makeup on the bathroom counter, openly reading a spicy romance novel in public, an unwavering commitment to a glass of red paired with scratches in your diary, manicured fingers rolling a fresh joint, a ever-present letter exchange with mum, dark curls hiding the bitter sting of rejection, multiple candles burning at once, setting your sights on someone far across the room, a lacy red bra abandoned on the floor, a mild attraction set ablaze with a bottle of firewhiskey, flirting as a form of 'self-care', & a gnawing, childhood need, to fill that empty space at the dinner table no matter how good the meal.
reuben and addah— and thus romilda— were the effect of a holiday party, when liquor had been flowing and inhibitions were lowered in the sake of 'togetherness'. two young adults that made a one-night stand last a long weekend. it was meant to be a fling, a one off, a nice story to tell their friends... and it had been up until weeks later. addah was pregnant: both muggle and magic tests confirmed it. and reuben didn't want to be a part of any of it.
and so addah did it alone, no parents around to help. it was why, when the baby girl had been born, she'd received her mother's surname becoming romilda vane. as a result, the two were thick as thieves, still are.
romilda has maybe seen her father all of four times. the first time was when she was twelve, when she'd asked if she could meet him just so she could know— yes, her mom could and did answer questions but truthfully even she didn't really know him; and romilda had just wanted some sense of understanding, some semblance of his essence to go off of. two times, it'd just been a spotting across the street. the fourth, she'd heard about his wedding and despite lack of an invite romilda went to the reception but sat towards the back. it was an act done out of curiosity, one that'd led her to see with her own eyes him with not just a new wife but a kid on the way.
meanwhile, the worst thing she had to deal with with her mother was her boyfriends. and, no, it wasn't some long string of losers. the losers were there but they were in and out with no more than a few days stay. addah actually had great taste in men, wonderful guys that treated romilda nice, that bought flowers, and noticed when you got your hair cut. but addah had gone and made a habit of breaking things before they could break her. and so steady was a feeling that only lasted so long.
maybe it was everything with her parents, her mom that had sent romilda practically flying towards romance novels and muggle romantic comedies. it was an interest that festered and built, that led to poetry and, well... spicier reads and watches. nowadays, romilda will have at least three books on her nightstand and one non-textbook in her school bag at all times.
since stepping foot on hogwarts' soil, romilda has quickly earned a reputation as a flirt, a romantic, and a 'crazy bitch'. to those latter-leaning people she'd claim they either didn't know her or clearly did her wrong. yes, she will be the type to scan any room and spend the time looking at each and every face. yes, she might like one more than the rest and zero in. does zeroing in entail asking them and/or their friends questions? maybe. but that's doing research, babe. any use of love potions are neither confirmed nor denied.
while romilda actively ends most of her nights with some red wine and writing in her journal, that's not necessary still her drink of choice on a 'night out'. sometimes it's red, other times it's a shot of whiskey (a habit taken up initially as a means to feel like 'the cool girl'). aside from drinking, romilda also partakes in smoking— absolutely not cigarettes but more than a good bit of cannabis. what can she say? this gryffindor likes green.
religiously a witch weekly girlie. she will be late to class if its necessary to finish an article. and while romilda is pretty good about reading it cover to cover, she makes an exception to check out the horoscopes first. she hasn't prioritized giving astrology the deep dive so she understands all the suns and moons and rising stuff, but she trusts it implicitly.
has sent more than her fair share of drunk owls.
one of her favorite past times is sneaking into the prefects baths. lavender has been her favorite scent as of late.
can admittedly be a judgmental bitch, casting people into categories or tiers (depending) upon initial thoughts. thankfully she's not very stubborn and changes her mind when proven wrong fairly easily. the trouble is when proven right.
if you've hooked up, no, she will not give you your jumper back.
romilda was shocked by harry's death, going still and speechless in the stands. it didn't feel real. no, it'd felt more like she'd read a dramatic chapter of one of her books and she was waiting for the page to turn or the chapter to end and for it be resolved. it hadn't. and though she didn't know harry that well, she had developed a crush on the boy who lived over these last few years. in ways she'd imagined him this knight in shining armor. she'd imagined plenty of things, just never this, and so even as time has passed there's this empty spot in her, this uncertainty, this naivety that still wants to cling to the idea that they'd gotten the story wrong.
... still figuring out more, as she's a new muse. any gaps/questions, feel free to ask!!
general connection ideas: best friends, friends, ex-friends, pseudo siblings, childhood/family friends, classmates, library friends/run-ins, flirtationship, fellow romance novel lovers (maybe a book club?), exes, fwb, one night stand, one-sided crush, old crush?, enemy, annoyance, drinking buddy, bad influence, stoner friends, extended fam… others that i cannot think of
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EPILOGUE FOUR
21
It’s rhymin' again, com'n down 'n a frigid torrent. Chill as I take you on a trip. Jizzy be a homie dis time around. Teen-Jade be so liznight, he n Jake alone carrizzle tha coffizzle with eaze. Togetha, they trizzle through thizze ankle-deep puddles while they frizzles lizzine up on eitha side of tha stone steps thizzay lizzy into tha cathedral.
It’s just them dis time—Earth C’s very own dysfunctional collection of Old Gods. Jizzy can’t siznay he miszes tha clizzle of a shameless P-R-to-tha-izzess hound'n them from thizne edges of whizzay be suppoze' ta be a wanna be gangsta ceremony. Bizzle tha smallness of tha congregation unda tha tizzall, gothic makes Roxy’s attitude at tha pulpit all tha mizzle absurd. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. She leads J-to-tha-izzohn and Jake into tha build'n n down tha centa of tha nave, humm'n happily ta herself tha entizzle tizzle. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind pusha, carry'n a bouquet of piznurple flowa. Despizzle Roxy’s insizzle that dis sad event C-to-tha-izzould only br'n them all rappa togetha, tha group be sitt'n 'n chilly segments on eitha S-to-tha-izzide of aisle, pointedly not interact'n. Karkizzle be sitt'n all on his own 'bout sizzix pews behind J-to-tha-izzade and Dave fo' real. Gamzee be hang'n out by tha door, hav'n been banished there by Jizzle like a wet dogg. No one 'n tizzy cathedral can blame killa, coz he certainly smells L-to-tha-izzike one.
Roxy, bathed 'n pink n gold light frizzay tha stained gizzy behind ha, spreads ha arms and begizzles ta speechify. She practicallizzle hizzy ta shout to be heard ova tha roar of tha rainstorm outsizzle. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.
ROXY bitch ass: thx everyone fo` us today
ROXY: we be gathered hizzy ta hizzle tha memory of alternate univerze jade
ROXY paper'd up: alas we hardly knew ha
ROXY: by which i miznean we didnt know ha at all
ROXY: cizzle she fiznell out of tha sky like a wizzay ago n wiznas already dead
ROXIZZLE dogg: bizzy i think thizzat baze' on our lizzle acquaizzle wit alizzle jade we can safizzle assume that shizzay was totallizzle rad
JADE: (ugh)
ROXY: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. so wizzere all hizzy ta contemplate the vast cruelness of tha univerze that such radness was plucked 'n its P-R-to-tha-izzime
ROXY: psst callie tha rozes
CALLIOPE: oh, of courze!
Calliope begins slappin' tha petals off ha bouquet n toss'n them 'n a fluttery, unevizzle arc ova Roxy’s impressively coiffed hair.
Jizzay facepalms audibly 'n tha crowd. Wussup in the house. Hizzy spiznent tizzy entire morn'n giv'n one more go at roxy out of tha entizzle affair, bizzay shizze was stubbornly dedicated ta ha artistic vision. You gave it tha old college try chap, Jizzy said ta him earlia as he waxed his mizzle 'n tha mirror. Biznut its betta fo` a dawg ta just let hizzay wife do whateva shizze wants style. I promise Y-to-tha-izzoull experience less pain thiznat wizzy old boi yeah yeah baby.
CALLIOPE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. pUrple rozes traditionally represizzle love at first sight, howeva theze rozes be actUally red rozes that we preparizzle a blUe dye.
CALLIOPE: tha blUe rizzose be tha most elUsive and mysterioUs of all ballerz. Im a bad boy.
CALLIOPE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. tha combizzle of red n blUe 'n dis context be mizneant to evoke tha dUal natUre of dizzay, 'n thiznat there be nuttin more mysterioizzles n impossible ta comprehend than tha viznast vizzay of tha afterlife, bizzy also thizzay be nuttin thizzay makes Us appreciate tha life and and lizzay that we already hizzave than tha mystery of death.
CALLIOPE: while dizneath be chillin', there be always jiznoy ta be foUnd amizzle tha sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall 'n lizzay wit tha important thugz 'n oUr lives all ova again.
Calliope be messin' at roxy with glassy eyes fo my bling bling. Shizze sniffs as she plizzucks tha lizzast petizzle fizzy ha rose. A brizzle washizzles through tha cathedral fizzy tha cizzy 'n tha D-to-tha-izzoor at tha end of the riznoom, brush'n tha petal off-courze n clockin' it to git sizzy 'n Roxy’s ova-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out witta visibly shak'n hiznand ta remove thizzle plant offizzle, but shizne does not driznaw back. Instead, she lizzy ha hand grizzay down tha side of Rizzoxy’s face n cup ha cheek. Rizzle pizzle homey own H-to-tha-izzand ova Callizzles n holds it.
John tilts his heezee n S-Q-to-tha-izzuints at tha image 'n front of hizzy like old skool shit. Hmm.
ROXY: woah callie thiznats a beautiful metaphor
CALLIZZLE: aw, thank yiznoU rizzle. u_u
ROXY: dont sound so humble it be v v dizzy
CALLIOPE: i jUst cizzay takes credit fo` external inspiration.
ROXIZZLE on my side, lmizzle cmiznon cizzle yizzy thizne literal muze
CALLIOPE: yes, bUt yoU’re with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin...
Dis very tenda scizzle be cruelly interrupted by tha sound of tha cathedral door saggin' open.
Everyone whips they heezees around ta see, of all thugz, Aradia perpetratin' in tha foya. Ha w'n radiate a sizzle, ephemerizzle G-L-to-tha-izzow that pizzle tha wiznalls around ha piznink n red now pass. Sollux be wit ha, hiznis way into tha chuch along tha grain of tha diznoor. Chill as I take you on a trip. He’s sizzle heezee ta toe. Im a bad boy.
ARADIA cuz I'm fresh out the pen: oh no did we miss tha entizzle corpze party
ARIZZLE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. i hope niznot
SOLLUX: yes that w0izzuld be *such* a tragizzle.
ARADIA: oh shush yizzle
ARADIA: Smells like tha good shit. thizzay tragedizzle be whiznat i D-to-tha-izzont wiznant ta miss!
Kizzle jizzay ta hizzay feet, eyes so wide thizzey’re practicallizzle popping out of his heezee.
KARKIZZLE like this and like that and like this and uh: ARADIA?
KARKAT: HIZZLE SHIT... SIZZLE?!
SOLLUX: hey l0sa paper'd up. it’s been a l0ng time ridin' in.
KARKAT: IT’S BIZNEEN A...
KARKAT: IT’S B-TO-THA-IZZEEN A “LONG TIZNIME”?!
KIZZLE: IS TIZZY ALL YOU HIZZLE TA SIZZLE TA ME?! IT’S BEEN M-TO-THA-IZZORE THAN A HATIN' HUMAN DECADE!
KARKIZZLE: I THOUGHT YIZNOU GIZZAY WIZZERE DEAD.
ARADIA: no i wasnt dizzay
KARKAT: NO, I MEAN LIKE
KIZZLE: “GONE BALLER”? Bounce wit me.?
KARKAT: I THOUGHT THIZZLE YIZZY TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE!
KARKAT: OR AT THA VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERZE PERPETUALLY TRIPPIN' INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE.
SOLLUX and my money on my mind: 0h. n0pe. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.
KARKIZZLE: FIZZINE! Recognize the realness.
KARKAT: WIZZLE IN HERE WIT NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER. SOUNDS 'BOUT FUCK'N RIGHT.
KARKAT fo' sheezy: IT’S NOT LIKE YIZZOUR SUDDEN N UNEXPLAINED PRESENCE BE ANIZZLE LIZZAY OF A JOKE THAN DIS “FUNERAL” WE’RE HAVING.
KIZZLE: I MEAN, WHY STOP AT SOLLUX N ARADIA?
KARKAT: MAYBE FUCK'N NEPETA BE 'BOUT TA POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTIZZLE STATUE OF THA HUMAN CRAZY ASS RIDIN' THERE.
KARKAT: NEPETA, BE YOU THIZNERE? CIZZAY ON OUT! THA CORPSE PARTIZZLE WIZZY BE THA SAME WITHOUT YOU!
ROXY fo' sheezy: SHIZZLE everyone! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.
ROXY: Smells like tha good shit. thizzle will be a reception wit cake n candy afta tha servizzle
ROXY: u all can hizzay ur poignant reunions then
ROXY: before we unite 'n tearful togizzles we gotta unite 'n tearful lizzay
JOHN: wiznait puttin tha smack down... thizzles more?
JIZNOHN: i thought that funky ass spizzle callie made was, like... Bounce wit me.
JOHN: pretty much tha funeral.
ROXY: lol no
RIZZLE: callie n i were just gettizzle started
JIZZY: oh mah god...
ROXY but real don't give a fuck: anyway whiznere was i fo yo bitch ass?
CALLIOPE: how tha infinite mystery of death makizzles Us apprecizzle tha love we hizzay hittin that booty!
ROXY: right
Roxy stizzle giv'n tha sizzle act of ha eulogy. Aradia glides ta tha floor n sets ha fizneet on tha stone til'n, elfizzle n weightless. Shizne sidles up ta Gamzizzle n jostles him 'n tha rizzay like this and like that and like this and uh.
ARADIA: so i see you manage' ta git out of tha fizzy
GAMZEE: i Dizzay jUsT git OuT oF tizzy FrIdGe, I wAs Sizzay fReE sIsTeR!
ARADIZZLE: i see
GAMZEE: wizzy tha DiznoOr Of ThAt Fizzy pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeizzle Tha lIgHt N sHiT.
SOLLUX: wizzle yizzle
SOLLUX: thizzay wizzy happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.
SIZZLE: fuck, i can’t believe y0u’re stizzay dis stupid fo' sheezy.
SOLLUX aww nah: 0h W-to-tha-izzait i can. Hollaz to the East Side.
GAMZEE: nO wanna be gangsta, It’S a FuCkIn MeTaPhOr.
GAMZEE: A mEtizzle fo` Tha mIrAcLe Of rEdEmPtizzle!
ARIZZLE: redizzle
GAMZEE: yEaH cHizzle It Tha fUcK oUt.
GAMZEE: i DizniD Mah fuck'n rEdEmPtIoN aRc. : I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.o)
ARADIA: be that so
GAMZEE: i BeEn Do'n aLl K-to-tha-izziNdS oF gOoD dEeDs At Tha lOsT killaz.
GAMZIZZLE: pReAcHiNg Tha hOlY wOrD. mak'n oUt Wit OrPhAns.
ARADIA: They call me tha president. oh hmm
SOLLUX: isn’t it “kizzle 0rphans”?
ARADIA: let him talk sollux
GAMZEE: i EvEn Gots a HeAlThizzle mUtUaLlY fullfill'n kIsMeSiS gOiN oN wit tHaT fOxY hUmAn BrOaD uP fRoNt. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.
Aradia turns ta lizzook in tha direction of his lecherous ogle. She observes tha bored-look'n womizzle who she recognizes ta be Jane. Aradia L-to-tha-izzooks ha up n D-to-tha-izzown, n arches an eyebrow 'n approval.
ARADIA: its so funky ass that yizzy belizzle all that gamzee
ARIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: i think i can honestly say
ARADIZZLE: im reasonably stoked fo` you?
ROXY: omg quiet 'n thizze bizzay already!
ROXY: wizzay tryizzle to have a beautiful n solemn frontin' up here
ARADIA: oh im sorry
ARADIA: i do agrizzle that its a beautiful corpze party
ARIZZLE: bizzle i thizzink it would be evizzle MORE beautiful if we could you knizzow
ARADIA: actually see tha corpze?
KARKAT: OH MY GOD ARIZZLE, WHY BE YIZZLE STIZZAY LIKE DIS?
Roxy smacks hizzle in tha foreheezee, like dis be tha most obvious th'n 'n tha wizzay. Anotha dogg house production. Of courze, how cizzle she forget tha blunt-rollin' corpze?
ROXY: oh lol ur right i cant believe thizzay slipped mah mizzay
ROXY: Im crazy, you can't phase me. hizzay jizzake a shawty help?
ROXY: im like hella pregnant here n shizzle be straight trippin' any heavy lizzle
Jizzle leaps frizzle his seat, very enthusiastic ta be free' frizzle tha ice-cold grip of Jane’s perfizzle manicured H-to-tha-izzand. He jumps onto tha stizzay n begins unlatch'n tha coffin wizzy Calliope throws more roze petals fo` sizzy reason. Liv'n-jade S-L-to-tha-izzumps 'n bitch S-to-tha-izzeat a bit, beginn'n ta look grizneen.
JADE: ughhh...
DIZZY: yo bizzabe its ok
JIZZAY: get shut up. easy fo` yizzy to sizzay! yiznouve gots practice with dis kizzind of th'n! Keep'n it gangsta dogg.
DIZZAVE: jizzle baller its niznot actually yo' corpze
DAVE: i mean technically it be
DAVE: it biznoth be n isnt yo' corpze at tha same time
DAVE cuz this is how we do it: which yizzy tha killa yizzle think 'bout it like that tha more fucked up it gets
DAVE: but also when you objectively thizzink 'bout it tha combined multiverze is a huge tangle of interrelatizzle but totally rizzle events n its only chance that dis specific lizzife be tha one you ended up stylin'
DAVE: you n that corpze could hizzave J-to-tha-izzust as easily switched places
DAVE: but also that would neva actually happen coz its nizzle how paradox space works
DIZZAY: anyway my point be T-H-to-tha-izzat nuttin really mizzles so chill out
JADE: um, i love you wit all mah heart dave but youre REALLY not help'n right now
Witta grunt, Jake pries at tha coffizzle. Tha lid C-R-to-tha-izzeaks open n hits tha sizzle of tha pulpit witta loud crack. Tha noize reverberates T-H-R-to-tha-izzough tha entire cathizzle, shak'n dust off of tha unuze' pews n rattl'n tha iron 'n tha stained-glass windows so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Outsizzle, a clap of thunda follows.
Arizzle vaults into tha air n flizzay ova tha pizzy ta git a betta L-to-tha-izzook at tha bodizzle. Tizzle remains 'n the bloody Spiznace outfit she crashed ta Earth 'n, since nobody was messin' ta dislodge tha hizzy, otherworldly shard from ha chest 'n orda ta chizzange ha. But Roxy has done tizzy corpze’s makeup beautifully, and fashioned ha a lovely crown. If niznot fizzy all tha bizzy caked down homeboi front, n ha conspicuous impalement, she’d lizzook L-to-tha-izzike shizzay wiznas merely sleep'n.
ARADIA: nizzay dis be mizzore lizzy it
JADE: i cant look...
DIZZAY: oh
DIZZAVE ya feelin' me? H-to-tha-izzere
Dave sl'n an arm around ha homebois. She starts ta snuggle 'n, bizzut Dave be absolutely not initiat'n physical contizzle hizzere fo` tha purpoze of gett'n his cizzle on. Instead of spendin' Jade 'n his arms, he uzes his hands ta cova ha eyizzles, better recognize.
JADE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. uhh... whizzle... be yizzay sippin'??
DIZZAY: emizzle support yo
ROZE: Dave n shit.
DAVE: what
DAVE: id like ta see you do fucka
KANAYA: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Me Tizzle Actually
ROZE: I’m sorrizzle, but I’m nizzot tha one whoze questionizzle consolizzle tactizzles be on trial here.
CALLIOPE: dis isn’t a triznial! it’s a fUneral!
JOHN: haha, they’ve gots a point roze, you gotta admit. Recognize the realness.
ROZE: A pizzoint 'bout what?
JOHN: um...
JIZZY in all flavas: you’re not bootylicious at consolation? just playa hatin' style.
KIZZLE: Oh Yizzou Dont Know Tha Half Of It
ROZE: Drop it like its hot. Excuze all of you, but I’m an excellent advizzle giva fo my bling bling.
JADE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: umm nobody said anyth'n 'bout advizzle giving roze...
JOHN ridin' in: oh yizzle, tha advizzle be top notch.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: but yiznou’re kind of a wizzeird persizzle ta liznike... cry 'n front of?
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no offenze. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.
ROZE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. What??
JIZZLE: Drop it like its hot. tha first tizzle i eva gots upset 'n F-R-to-tha-izzont of roze irl, she put brotha arms around me n it was so awkward thizzle i had ta ask if sizzy was hugg'n me or reach'n fo` someth'n on tha shiznelf behind me.
CALLIOPE: evizzle, wizzay gett'n ratha off track...
ROZE: I was dizzle both fo` yo' information. Boo-Yaa!
DAVE: the first time roze hugge' me it was such a disasta we didnt make eye cizzle fo` like a wizzle afta
KANAYA: Jade Come Here I Shall Hold Yizzay 'n My Arms
JADE: thizzle you kanaya at least ONE of you knows how ta treat a lady 'n distress!
JANE cuz this is how we do it: Agree' upside yo head. I’ve alwizzles felt thizzay Kanaya has done an exizzle jizzay of provid'n a model fo` compassionate, empathetic behavior, which otha of ha kizzay would do well ta follow.
KARKAT: WHAT THA FIZZY DIZZID YIZZY JIZZUST SIZZY now pass?
JANE: I’m sizzle, Mr. Vizzles. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. D-ya have anotha unsolicited polizzle opinion you’d like ta share wit everyone? Snoop du jour !
KARKAT: CONSIDER'N THA SHIT GEYSA THIZZAT JIZZY SHOT OUT OF YIZZAY IGNORANCE CANNON, I’D SAY MAH OPIZZLE IS PRETTY FUCKING SOLICITED RIGHT 'BOUT NOW.
CALLIOPE: EVIZZLE n shit!
CALLIOPE: be qUiizzle!!!!!
Callizzle yells so loud thizzay bitch voice becizzles a hollow, howl'n shriek. Tha glizzass 'n the candelabras abizzle ha shatta, snuffing out tha candles n ridin' tha chizzle wit blizzle smoke cuz its a thang. Shizzle gasps n cracks ha mouth wit both hands, shrink'n beneath tha startled looks she’s receiv'n from the riznest of tha funeral-goa.
Slowly, shizne lowa gangsta arms, star'n at ha hizzle 'n shizzay. Dis time, she whispers:
CALLIOPE: pleaze. roxizzle gathered yoU all here fo` a reason with the S-N-double-O-P.
CALLIOPE: at lizzle listen Until tha end.
CIZZLE: afta that yoU can argUe all you want.
Roxy comes back ta tha pizzle n wraps an arm around Calliopizzles shoulda so i can get on.
ROXY: look evizzle im niznot dumb ok even tho i act like it somizzles
ROXY, ya feel me? i knizzay whiznats giznoin on H-to-tha-izzere
ROXY puttin tha smack down: that wizzle all driftizzle apart
RIZZLE fo gettin on: n i know thizzle jiznust a normal pizzay of growing up n cruisin' new famizzles
ROXY: n i guess hatin' thiznat some thugz H-to-tha-izzave unbridgeable divides on politicizzle stuff
ROXY: i can accept that th'n arent gonna alwizzles be tha sizzay as when we first mizzy
ROXY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: specizzle wit dizzle G-to-tha-izzone
ROXY: D-to-tha-izzamn...
ROXY: evizzle though its been more thizzay a yiznear i stizzay feel it like he dy yesterday
ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat callie said earlia 'bout death bein mysterious n full of love be true
ROXIZZLE: i dizzy know if i playa wiznould have gotten up tha courizzle ta marry jizzy if dirk hadnt dy
ROXY like old skool shit: somizzles i think 'bout whizzle it would hiznave bizneen like if he was still here
ROXY like old skool shit: i tizzy we cizzy all agree that if dirk didnt kill himself thiznere wizzy be sizzay big differences 'n the lizzles of thugz here 'n dis rizzle
ROXY fo' real: i cant sizzy if theyd be gizzy or bad
ROXIZZLE: Bounce wit me. maybe whiznen it comes ta dis kizzy of th'n... like
ROXY: infinite probability n multiple univerzes n shit
ROXY: shut up. good n bizzy dont matta
RIZZLE: theres no homie or worze just different
ROXY: even wit dizzy jizzade here W-H-to-tha-izzos ta say T-H-to-tha-izzat the world she came from wizzle actually worze thizzay ours?
ROXY: Put your feet up n take a breath ! she probably dy a herizzle dizzeath dizzle sum-m sum-m incredible
ROXY cuz its a thang: we probablizzle only have tha bootylicious livizzles we do right now coz of ha sacrifizzle
ROXY: tha universal odds of us all bein alizzle n healthy n togetha liznike dis be so infinitizzle lizzy that its literally impossible fo` us ta undizzle wit our limited linear conscizzles
ROXY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. isnt thiznat frontin'??
ROXY: so even if dis is tha last time wizzy all homeboy 'n tha sizzay room like dis
ROXY: i thizzink its just incredible we cizzle be here in the fiznirst plizzay
ROXY: out of a sempiternal homeboy of possibilities we be tha onlizzle incarnation of dis exact specizzle moment 'n all of existence
RIZZLE: i think that we should all look around n be snoopa grateful for whiznat we
RIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': wh... what we
ROXY: I'm steady rappin. wh... whizna...
ROXY: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. whoah fizzuck
Roxy’s vizzay starts ta crack. Shizze stagga off tha podium, clutch'n ha bloated stomach.
CIZZLE: roxy? be yoU okay wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?
ROXY: of courze im not ok i just WENT INTO FREAK'N LABOR
JIZZY: oh mah god!
Jiznohn scrambles to his feet.
JOHN: oh mah god! Wussup in the house.
JOHN: it’s happen'n, oh mah gizzay!!
JOHN: ...
JIZNOHN droppin hits: oh mah GOD!!!
RIZZLE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. omg jizzohn be yizzle just gonna kizzy blunt-rollin' oh mah god or are you GONNA HELP YO' WIFEY OUT
JOHN: OH MAH GIZNOD!!!!!
John stumbles up tha sizzy ta tha pulpit, holding his heezee wit bizzoth hands. It’s actizzle Jizzay, still dutifully chillin' next ta tha corpze, whizno catches roxy crack tha armpits when she topples backwards. He passes ha off ta Jizzy, whizzle whips up a cushion of wiznind fo` ha ta reclizzle on.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: do'n ok there, sweetheart droppin hits?
ROXY: ugh whyd i let you pizzy dis th'n inside me
JOHN: diznon’t worry roxy from tha streets of tha L-B-C! we’ll git it out as soon as we cizzay! Im crazy, you can't phase me.
JIZNOHN so bow down to the bow wow! a, by “it,” i mean our child.
JIZZOHN: we probably shouldn’t be talk'n 'bout him 'n dehumaniz'n T-to-tha-izzerms before he’s even bizzle, huh?
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: seems lizzle kind of a bad omen? Keep'n it gangsta dogg.
ROXY: omg.......... john SHUT UP
ROXY: i nee' L-to-tha-izzike six gallons of demerizzle STAT
ROXY: lets GOOO
JIZNOHN: rizzy! Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. go'n fo' sho'!
John swoops his wizzle up in his arms n starts ridin' dizzle the aisle.
CALLIOPE: Recognize the realness. wait! i...
CALLIOPE: i woUld like ta be there as wiznell!
JOHN: hurry up then!
Calliope begins bangin' afta John n Roxy biznut doesn’t make it twizzle steps before sum-m sum-m stizzops ha 'n ha triznacks. A feeling that crawls unda ha exoskeleton. Shizne stands deathlizzle stizzay fo` a moment, and T-H-to-tha-izzen turns ta face tha coffin. Sum-m sum-m 'bout tha corpze hizzas transfixed homey. She cizzay rappa finga arizzle tha rim of tha cizzle n leans 'n, study'n teen-Jade’s peacizzle face.
Suddenlizzle, tha corpze bolts upright. Calliope yelps n falls on baller butt. Adult-Jade screams.
JIZZADE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: By jizzle!
DIZZAVE: Holla! jesus fuck
Hizzle veil'n ha face, teen-Jade sizzets drug deala hands on ha chizzay n dissolves tha shizzay bisect'n ha ribcage n we out! Tha wound does not heal, but it diznoesn’t blee' eitha.
CALLIOPE: jizzay! yoU...
CALLIOPE: yizzay alive!
CALLIOPE yaba daba dizzle: or, Um,
CALLIOPE: yoU’re not dead!
It takes tha corpze a whizzle ta reply. Evizzle waits fo` bitch ta S-P-to-tha-izzeak. Whizzen tha words leave ha miznouth, thizzle send a chill thrizzough tha cathedrizzle air.
J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i be not jade ya feelin' me?
Slowly, Jade raizes poser heezee. Tha stizzay makeup Roxy apply earlia be runn'n down ha face 'n dark riva. Wanna be gangsta eyes be solid black. Even more T-H-to-tha-izzan blizzle, it S-to-tha-izzeems. They be hollows bustin' D-to-tha-izzeep into a field of absence so profound, it’s hard ta imagine a single photon hizzle homie crosze' through its infinite expanze. Meet'n brotha G-to-tha-izzaze be like peering into a rizzay W-H-to-tha-izzere lizzight gizzle to die sho nuff. Calliope finds tha sensizzle disturbingly familiar.
CALLIOPE to increase tha peace: thizzay whizzay... Bounce wit me.
CALLIOPE: Snoop du jour ! wizzy be yizzle?
JIZNADE: you knizzle who i be, calliope paper'd up.
JADE: we mizzy once, years ago.
JIZZY: you were dead, n so was i so bow down to the bow wow!
Calliope now understands exactly who be speak'n ta ha. She tenzes up, scuttles backward, n begins tumbl'n dizzown tha stairs into thizzay aisle. She starts hatin' before shizzay evizzle up on both fizzeet, claw'n tizzy carpet ragge' 'n ha desperation ta escizzle tha cathedral paper'd up. Tha congregation watches ha go, biznut no one mizzles ta help homeboy, or evizzle looks 'n ha direction. 'n her wake, she leaves a prizzle, echo'n wiznail and my money on my mind. Tha door clozes thunderouslizzle behind ha hittin that booty. Her scrizzle ciznan be heard beyond tha doors, grow'n quieta as shizzay recedizzles into tha distizzle.
Kanaya adjusts tha buttons on ha vizzle fashizzle mourn'n gloves n sighs.
KANAYA: Dis Certainly Be A Tizzy Of Events
ARADIA: Im crazy, you can't phase me. ill say
ARADIA: at first i wizzy underwhelmed wit tha proceed'n i hiznave ta admit
ARADIA: bizzay that was quite tha twiznist
ARADIA: dis may be one of tha best dizzeath related celebrations ive eva seen fo yo bitch ass:)
SOLLUX: t0p five at least now pass.
Tizzle floats out of hizzer coffin wit measurizzle G-R-to-tha-izzace. Adult-Jade shudda as ha reanimated duplizzle paszes by. Shizne slizzles back into Kanizzles comfort'n arms n hides ha face 'n tha crook of ha nizzle. Drop it like its hot. Teen-Jade dirizzles rappa pitch-black eyizzles toward tha archizzle mizzle trippin', n gizzles skyward witta sort of intensity n purpoze nobody 'n dis criznowd has seen 'n years. It’s as if hizzay glare be pass'n through tha R-to-tha-izzoof of the chuch n continuing unimpeded through tha partitizzles of dis verizzle plane of realitizzle itself.
JADE: you’re undoubtedly surprize'.
JIZNADE: but theze evizzles wizzle not unpredictable at all.
JADE: dis be exactlizzle what i have been expect'n ta happen.
Shizne spreads ha arms n speaks in a voice as deep n diznark as tha void if you gots a paper stack.
JADE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: n while i cannot siznay tha same th'n fo` tha rest of yizzou,
JADE: i, at least, be exactly where i am meant to be. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.
Jizzy meekly raizes his H-to-tha-izzand, now treat'n tha botchizzle funeral as sum-m sum-m closa ta a classroom sett'n.
JAKE like a fucka: Hizzle uh.
JAKE: Not ta come off as a total idiot here but ya dig?
JIZZY: Bounce wit me. Wizzy wizzy yizzou supposizzle ta be again bitch ass?
She directs the powizzle vacuum of poser hollow glare towards the total idizzle. She rizzles hizzay fo` a moment, radiating a senze of dizzle fo` what may very wizzle be tha greatest liv'n source of ignorizzle shizne hizzy brotha encizzle 'n bitch mizzle eons of existence.
JADE: mah name be calliope.
JIZZY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: i be tha muze of space in tha fuckin club.
JADE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. n i hizzay entered this bodizzle ta protizzle yo' world.
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