Sea Change
A follow up commission for Settle by the lovely (and very patient) 🐦 anon
Oikawa Tooru x female reader
w.c 5.4k
tw: non/dub-con, pregnancy, breeding kink (kinda), yandere themes, threats of violence, stockholm syndrome, nsfw, smut
When you were younger, you dreamed of a life spent travelling.
Beautiful sunsets, the melting pot of foreign cities, stretching out on the shores of breathtaking, glittering beaches. Wandering ancient ruins and immersing yourself in the local culture, never growing stagnant, never feeling trapped.
Paradise.
In some way, that lingering desire was what pushed you to go and study in Argentina in the first place. Sure, it wasn’t the carefree, whirlwind adventure you’d imagined as a child, but that didn’t matter. You were leaving home, standing on your own two feet for the first time in your life.
The language was tricky, it took you months before you felt even somewhat confident carrying a conversation. The customs weren’t what you were used to – tiny differences that always left you feeling slightly out of place. Undertaking college in another country brought its own set of challenges, and you were lost and unsure, not knowing whether the course you were on was the right one and terrified of making a mistake.
Still, it was everything.
Argentina stole your heart. San Juan, with its sleepy, historic atmosphere took root inside of you. It felt like home, almost from the first day you spent there. Even when you were stressed, near broke and drowning under your course work, you were utterly enamoured, enthralled by the vibrant city and its beautiful people.
You’d joked once on a call back home that it’d take a small miracle to pry you away from Argentina; you loved it here too much.
Then you met Tooru, and for a while that seemed like a dream come true, too.
It seems cruel, that you’ve been gifted everything you’ve ever dreamed of – and more – with no way of giving it back. Like the universe is laughing at you.
Across the glistening ocean, the sun’s beginning to rise. Perched at the end of the old, wooden pier, your feet dangle off the edge, high tide bringing the ocean up to lap at your ankles. The sky, awash with pink and orange and a smattering of clouds, casts a warm glow over the water, the sea taking on a wine-like hue.
Two seagulls circle overhead, and you smother a bitter laugh, resting a hand atop your swollen belly.
Another beautiful morning in paradise.
A little ways down the shore, the port is already thriving; fisherman returning, others heading out. There’s yachts and whale watching tours and on the far side of the port, a cruise ship, docked for a few days while tourists explore the beaches and the nearby islands, the sight sending an odd pang through your heart.
Here, however, out on the pier in front of the beach villa you’ve made a temporary home, it’s calm. There’s not another soul in sight, no sound but the gentle lapping of waves and the rustle of the breeze blowing through the palm trees.
You’ll take what peace you can get, even if it is at ridiculous hours of the morning. God knows you’re never blessed with it for long.
Just as you think it, and much like the proverbial devil summoned by a mere thought, an elated cry shatters the morning’s tranquillity.
“Mama! Mama!!”
You have only moments to brace yourself – the tiny pattering of footsteps quickly approaching – before two little arms are thrown around you and Hatori buries his face against your shoulder.
You’re supposed to smile. Turn to pull him into your arms, a flurry of sweet kisses while he giggles and kicks in response.
Instead, you stare at the distant port, the cruise ship with its thousand windows.
Five more minutes, you want to plead. Just five more minutes.
But a warm laugh sounds, heavier footsteps following down the pier. “Careful, buddy. You’ve got to be gentle with your mama. You don’t wanna hurt the baby, do you?”
Little Hatori, clutching at your clothes, shakes his head, “Sorry, mama.”
When you can avoid it no longer, you tilt your head towards him, mustering up the required smile. “It’s alright,” you reassure him, smoothing down his windswept locks. “I’m not that fragile.” Though sometimes you feel it; big and bloated, unable to so much as bend over to tie your shoelaces.
He beams at you, his eyes so much like his father’s.
The same father who leans down to press a lingering kiss to the crown of your head. “We woke up and you weren’t there,” he says, voice deceptively mild as he settles beside you on the edge of the pier, pulling Hatori down to sit on his lap.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Which is the truth, technically. Between Tooru’s smothering embrace and the fetus the size of a small pumpkin rolling around and kicking your insides (with an apparent fondness for your bladder) a good night’s sleep has become somewhat of a rarity.
And, because you feel his stare boring holes into your profile, you feel compelled to add, “It was stuffy inside, I wanted some fresh air.” He can’t fault you for that, can he?
Tooru hums. Uses the arm not holding Hatori to nudge you closer, curling it possessively around your pregnant belly.
“…I don’t like waking up without you.”
To Hatori, barely paying attention as it is, it probably sounds like the halfhearted grumblings of a husband hopelessly in love with his wife. You, who remember all too well the nights spent with the cold bite of metal around your wrist, know better.
You say nothing, your head falling to rest on his shoulder, watching as the sun continues to rise over the ocean.
—
“Mama, look! Crab! Crab!”
Keeping his little hand in yours, Hatori crouches to study the rock pools. Sure enough, scuttling across the rock face a grumpy looking hermit crab avoids the toddler’s pointed finger.
“It’s a hermit crab, buddy,” Tooru interjects, watching the two of you with what you can only describe as a fond expression. You used to find it endearing, sweet, even. Now, it earns a far less positive response –muscles tensing, discomfort sweeping through every vestige of your body.
But you shove that discomfort aside, doing your best to lean down, mindful of your pregnant belly to talk to the excited boy.
“Did you know that hermit crabs change their shells? Mhm, when they find a new shell they like, they’ll all come out, line up, try it on and then swap with each other, biggest to smallest.”
Hatori stares up at you, mouth softly parted, eyes wide and wondrous – understanding little, spellbound all the same.
“Though sometimes they think bottle caps and other rubbish are cool new shells and try to move into those too, which isn’t so good for them.”
Hatori’s a month shy of two and a half, and there’s three things that can hold his attention for hours at a time; the construction site across the street back home, the volleyball Tooru had given him on his first birthday, and the sound of your voice.
Tooru calls him a mama’s boy, looking thoroughly pleased each time he says it, much to your quiet dismay.
The reality behind his son’s attachment isn’t nearly so touching.
Hatori clings to you like a mother because you’re the only one he’s ever known. His own abandoned him, and Tooru’s never let anyone else get close. He adores the sound of your voice because there were days where for hours on end, he’d be the only company you had, and talking – even to a babbling infant – was the only thing that kept you from falling to pieces.
You’ve been tempted to resent him for it.
After all, if you’d never taken that babysitting job, if he hadn’t become so attached – if his father hadn’t been so charming and besotted, and you so naive – perhaps you might’ve walked away.
Maybe you’d be back home, in the midst of planning your next adventure to escape the boredom of day to day life.
But Hatori’s innocent in this.
A baby – well, toddler, now. One day he’ll be older, and perhaps he’ll begin to notice that mommy and daddy’s relationship isn’t like the ones his friends' parents share. That mommy isn’t allowed out of the house and daddy’s affection comes off a little strong.
Until that day comes, though–
“Your mama’s a clever one, isn’t she, Ha’rii?”
The toddler nods, bright eyed and beaming, and Tooru winks.
“C’mon, let’s go see the waterfalls.”
He helps you back to your feet, grinning when you quietly – begrudgingly – murmur your thanks. Not one to let you off the hook so easily, Tooru taps the side of his cheek with a finger, an expectant gleam in those soft, brown eyes.
He wants a kiss.
Won’t move until you comply.
It shouldn’t be a big deal; he’s forced you into far more degrading positions, a simple kiss on the cheek shouldn’t faze you in the slightest. Certainly not when you’re six months pregnant with his kid.
Such a small, inconsequential act of affection, and yet he takes great pleasure – judging from the wicked delight curling at his lips at your poorly concealed hesitation – in coercing those performances from you, and greedily reaping the rewards.
Bastard.
Swallowing down the bitter taste in your mouth, you lift yourself up, arms encircling his neck – his own steadying your waist, stroking at your skin – to place a chaste, fleeting peck to his jaw. The bare minimum (you hope) that he’ll accept.
At the last second, though, his head turns and your mouth instead meets his. His grin widens, smug and satisfied, deepening the kiss the moment you try to pull back.
– you’ll play along for Hatori’s sake, even if it means losing pieces of yourself along the way.
—
“I was thinking maybe we could head into town for dinner? I saw a few restaurants on the waterfront when we drove in that looked nice.”
Back at the villa, Hatori down for his nap, it’s just the two of you alone in your bedroom.
“O-or maybe tomorrow for brunch? Ha’rii might enjoy seeing all the fisherman and the boats and stuff…” you trail off, trying not to fidget the longer he stares.
Tooru smiles, perhaps a touch indulgently, walking over to where you sit on the edge of the bed. Slowly he drops his knees, presses a soft, languid kiss to each of your knees and one to your stomach – the baby rolling beneath the strangely reverent touch – caressing you like you’re made of glass.
It’s an effort not to shudder, even now.
For someone in such a public arena, he’s remarkably adept at hiding the depth of his obsession. His sickness. Even around Hatori, he likes to play at being a normal father, a loving husband.
But there’s no need for masks in the privacy of your bedroom.
“Mm, but I have something special planned for tonight.”
You swallow, changing tracks, “What about breakfast, then?”
He pauses his ministrations, chin tilting to the side, “Why? You don’t want me to make you breakfast in bed?”
You can’t remember the last time you ate out, the last restaurant, or cafe, or bar that you actually sat down in–
“No! No, it’s not that, I only thought that it might be a nice change. We’re on vacation, right? You deserve a break, too. A-and the walk would be nice, a chance to see the sights and everything.”
Your smile wavers as the seconds tick by.
And then, all of a sudden, the tension breaks, Tooru chuckling with a fond shake of his head,
“Silly girl.” He rises then, tilts your chin up to kiss you again. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit? It’s been a big day, we don’t want you over-exerting yourself. Or the baby.”
It’s never a suggestion with Tooru, and the door shuts with a quiet click that echoes throughout the room.
—
The three of you eat on the balcony overlooking the ocean. The food is amazing, of course. Not the sort of take-out you used to get back when you were living alone, with food piled high into cheap, plastic containers, presentation pushed aside in favour of ease of transport.
No, each plate is as beautiful as it is delicious, with artfully smeared sauces and garnishes arranged just so.
Idly, you wonder which restaurant he had prepare and deliver it, why you couldn’t have just saved them all the effort and gone to eat it in person at the restaurant itself.
(Not that Tooru would ever allow that. How foolish of you to believe otherwise.)
There’s three courses, four if you include the bowl of bread and dips you’d started the meal with. Champagne (non-alcoholic, of course) and your favourite dessert, which your husband took great pleasure in feeding you while you sat unwittingly on his lap.
It’s a fancy enough affair that you’d be tempted to believe that this was what Tooru had in mind when he’d told you that he’d had something special lined up for the evening.
You’re proven wrong, however, when you return to the bedroom after settling Hatori down to find a ribbon wrapped box set atop the bed.
“I bought you something,” your husband murmurs, coming up behind you to envelop you in another embrace. His lips ghost along the delicate line of your throat, brushing up against your pulse point. “Try it on for me?”
You force yourself to nod.
The box itself carries no brand or name, yet the matte finish and flowing gold bow tied perfectly screams opulence. Your fingers tremble as they brush along the lid; it’s beautiful, undoubtedly high quality, but you’d sooner throw the box into the sea than open it.
Your stomach churns.
“Thank you.”
Funny how such an innocent object can bring about such a visceral reaction.
You barely register Tooru leaving. He likely wants this particular unveiling to be a surprise – a gift of his own to unwrap and enjoy – but you’re grateful for the privacy nonetheless.
Slowly, you pull the ribbon loose and lift the lid, setting it aside. Laying carefully folded between layers of black tissue paper is a lingerie set, a blue lace babydoll with matching panties.
What else?
If it were jewellery, Tooru would’ve put it on you himself, taking the opportunity to gush over how beautiful you look, how he loves spoiling you, seeing you draped in precious metals and pretty diamonds.
You would’ve preferred jewellery. You would’ve preferred nothing.
You’ve heard of husbands losing attraction to their wives during their pregnancy. Pregnancy glow may be a real thing, and your tits have gone up a full cup size, yet with the added weight gain, your baby bump and stretched skin, the puffy ankles and ugly marks around your stomach and breasts, there’s nothing sexy about this.
Far from being disgusted by it – by you – seeing you pregnant and swollen with his kid seems to have unlocked some insatiable desire within your husband. It’s a rare night that he keeps his hands to himself, this– this is just the cherry on top.
Numb fingers work at the buttons of your sundress, the fabric hitting the floor with a quiet thump. Your panties are next, kicked aside after shimmying them off.
Mindlessly, you dress yourself in the pretty lingerie.
And it’s fine, it’s fine until you make the mistake of looking in the mirror.
Seeing your reflection, bloated and fat, the grotesque roundness of your stomach, clad in scraps of fucking lace–
You’re hideous. Fat and ugly and hideous and horrifically pregnant.
A sob claws its way up your throat, your legs giving way beneath you as you sink to the floor. You never wanted this, never asked for it. Kids were a part of the plan, yes – one day, maybe, when you found someone you loved and you were ready to settle down and start a family.
But this has been forced on you, like the ring on your finger, like the sweet boy sleeping down the hallway. You draw in a shuddering breath, curling in on yourself as much as your belly will allow. You’re disgusting. This baby – this innocent creature with no say in its creation – you’d rip it out of your stomach with your bare hands if you could.
You hate it, loathe this soul sucking little parasite feeding off of you, almost as much as you hate Tooru for putting it inside of you.
Almost as much as you hate yourself, and this gross, jiggling body you had no say in.
Tears fall, anguished and heart-wrenching, the cries muffled by the back of your palm. And still, your cradle that disgusting bump.
Time passes, you can’t say how much, but enough that Tooru’s impatience wins out. The door to the bedroom creaks open, and you hear the quiet, “Oh, baby,” as his footsteps approach.
You don’t look up as he wraps you in a tender embrace and kisses your hair, don’t acknowledge him all. You hiccup and cry, fat tears rolling down heated cheeks.
“Stand up for me.”
You hate him, you hate him, you hate him–
“Baby,” a hint of a warning, now.
Taking the offered arm, you shakily crawl to your feet, refusing to meet his eye. You feel exposed, vulnerable. He’s seen you naked more times than you care to count, but this is different. Every flaw, every ugly part of you on display beneath the ridiculous outfit he’s forced you into.
You’ve never felt less attractive in your life.
You want to curl up and disappear, for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. You don’t want him looking at you as he is, lips softly parted, pupils dilated and simmering with desire.
“Fuck, you look amazing.”
Even his voice is deeper than usual, thick and heady. You shiver with revulsion, but words are still beyond you. He tilts your chin up, wetness clinging to your lashes, trails of it running down your cheeks. He thumbs at the glistening droplets. Inhales sharply. Unsteadily.
“So pretty for me,” he breathes.
He kisses your lips then, surprisingly chaste. Cradles your face like it’s something precious, and that sick, disgusting feeling bubbles away inside of you. You can’t stand it; the feeling of his hands on you, the sickening love in his eyes, the unignorable evidence of his arousal pressing against your swollen middle.
“Don’t–” your voice wobbles – a pathetic, miserable sound, “don’t touch me.”
He ignores you, as he usually does, reaching down to cup your swollen, tender breasts, squeezing them with an appreciative hum. “They’re getting bigger.”
“Please, Tooru,” you sniffle, hating that he’s brought you to this new low. “Please not tonight.”
You don’t have the energy to explain that it hurts. You’re sore and hormonal and revolted with yourself, and you can’t bear the thought of him touching you. Raping you.
Because that’s what this is, right?
There’s no use sugarcoating the truth. You might not kick and scream every time he fucks you, but that doesn’t make it a consensual act. He drugged you, stole you, raped you, kept you, and now he’s knocked you up and put a ring on your finger and he’s all that you have. Him and Hatori and the unborn, innocent child inside of you – they’re what’s left of your world.
And you can’t stand it.
“Don’t,” you choke out.
The plea goes unheeded, capturing the hand that weakly swats at him and pressing his lips to your wrist, a heated smile curling at his lips. “Mm, but you look so good like this. Think I wanna keep you in it while I fuck you.”
“Hatori–”
“Is asleep. Now are you gonna lie back and let me take care of my lovely, pregnant wife, or are you going to keep being difficult?” his voice changes then, a hard edge where there wasn’t before.
He’s never hurt you. Not really, nothing beyond a warning slap – with a fraction of the terrifying strength you know he’s capable of.
There was one night, though, when he’d come home to find Hatori screaming and you in a fit of tears, your nails broken and bloodied, that damnable lock around your ankle without so much as a scratch. He hadn’t hit you then, either, only picked up his son to calm him, his eyes fixed on you as he rocked the boy back to sleep.
It was only when Hatori was down once more, and your tears had dried that he came to sit beside you on the bed. He’d asked to see your ankle – the one you’d been so desperate to free.
The terror that gripped you then, watching as he rolled and flexed the delicate joint in his hands (the same hands you’d seen smash volleyballs with the force of a cannon going off) under the guise of studying your self inflicted damage, humming to himself all the while – it’s seared into you.
All it would take was a sharp twist to snap it, he’d barely break a sweat. As his eyes, a deep, dark brown, had met yours, he’d smiled at you. Like he knew exactly where your mind had jumped to, and wanted you to remember that feeling.
‘Are you going to behave, cutie?’
He wouldn’t dare risk anything that would hurt the baby, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a thousand other awful ways Tooru can express his dissatisfaction.
You can’t help it though. Your hormones are swinging wildly out of control, the cracks inside of you fracturing like spiderwebs, and you shake your head, biting down on the pleas that threaten to undo you entirely.
And he sighs. “Baby, c’mon. Work with me here.”
You’re still crying when he ushers you back to lie on the bed, legs parted as he sinks down to his knees between them.
Tooru’s always held a strange fixation with your thighs, noses lovingly at the smooth expanse of skin.
They’re trembling, goosebumps rising to the surface as the warmth of his breath tickles the plush softness there, and you can’t help the gasping breath you suck in through your teeth when his mouth follows suit, sucking a hot, languorous trail towards your panties.
You try to dissociate, chest heaving, cheeks still wet from your tears. Your fingers clutch at the soft, white sheets beneath you while you stare at the ceiling fan above, lazily stirring the balmy summer night air. Anywhere but here. You can be anywhere but here if you close your eyes tight–
Tooru’s teeth nip sharply at your skin. Not hard enough to draw blood, mind you, only to pull your attention back where he wants it. That wicked, awful tongue of his is quick to soothe any hurt, though, laving at the abused flesh, a kiss pressed affectionately over the bite. Distracting you – almost – from the way he toys with the scrap of lace barely preserving your modesty. Fingers stroking and teasing at your folds.
He chuckles when you whine, your legs trying half heartedly to push him away. There’s no illusion of control here. Your husband wants, and so he’ll take.
That’s how it’s always been, from the moment he decided, unbeknownst to you, that he wanted you. It’s the way it’ll always be.
Tonight is just another reminder, hammering that message home.
“There’s my girl. Let me make you feel nice,” he purrs, squeezing at your hip when you shudder with another choked back sob. “Let me take care of you, hm?”
Nudging the seat of your panties aside, his hot mouth descends on your cunt without waiting for a response.
And you gasp, fingers tightening in the sheets. He’s in no rush, tasting your sex with a languid drag of his tongue.
If there’s an art to eating you out, it’s one your husband has taken great efforts to master.
It’s embarrassing how easily you fall apart under his ministrations. How your hips jerk when the pink muscle laps and strokes at your pussy, delving into your core in search of the spots he knows’ll drive you wild. The way your back arches, whole body tensing when he sucks your clit into his mouth and flicks at it with his tongue.
He brings you right to the brink, stroking himself through his shorts as your hips buck to meet his eager mouth. It’s easier to give in, to lose yourself to the pleasure he’s generous enough to bestow. And you feel it building, hot and burning, electric as it surges through your body.
More, more, more.
Every moan is dragged unwittingly from your lips, and they may as well be gold for how Tooru chases them.
Your hands yearn to shove him off of you, to scrub the memory of his touch from your skin. Your fingers itch to grab him by his stupid hair and hold him in place so you can ride that dizzying pleasure forever.
The tears fall quicker; you hate him, you hate him, you hate him and you hate yourself even more, but you don’t want him to stop, not when you’re so close. And the moment you begin to tip over the precipice, to hurtle over the edge with him– he pulls back to quickly rid himself of his clothes and wipe off the slick smeared across his jaw.
It’s unfair, you think, how attractive he is.
Sun kissed, golden skin. Taut, well defined muscles. And that pretty face, so lovely for someone so utterly heartless.
“Relax,” he laughs, naked now as he climbs onto the bed to settle between your thighs once more, “I said I’d make you feel good, didn’t I?”
Your cheeks burn, and childishly, you turn your face away.
“… I hate you.”
“No,” he denies, kissing your calf as he lifts it to rest upon his shoulder. “You love me. My pretty wife.”
And he fucks you gently, mindful of your swollen belly, and the baby. Takes his time stretching you out on his cock, slowly sinking into your warm, welcoming pussy, filling you to the brim with every roll of his hips.
“You love me,” he repeats, dark eyes greedily drinking down the sight of you in your pretty lingerie, pregnant with his baby.
Wholly his, and falling apart for him once more.
“You love me,” fingers circling at your clit, the walls of your pussy tightening around his cock.
You bite down on your bottom lip, desperate to keep yourself from giving him the satisfaction of hearing you cum.
“You love me,” he grunts.
And you truly think he believes it.
—
Tooru snores lightly beside you, dead to the world.
At the end of the week this little vacation of yours – the babymoon, as your husband had jokingly dubbed it – would end, and you’d go back to San Juan. Life will return to normal; days spent trapped inside the villa, waiting for Tooru to come home from training, from his games, from press conferences and fancy, promotional events.
Maybe this time he’d take you with him. A breath of fresh air, a night out. You could play the role of loving wife well enough, right? For a few hours, at least.
And there’d be Hatori to take care of, and the baby due in a few months. Then Hatori’ll be a big brother. He’s likely too young to truly understand that, but he does perk up when the topic of his soon to be sibling comes up. He likes sitting in your lap and cuddling your middle – a move which admittedly has become slightly more challenging as the baby bump grows.
You’d love them, love them both despite everything. And you’d be loved in turn.
That’s the truth, isn’t it? Tooru couldn’t love you more if he tried. Warped and poisonous and all consuming, you’d suffocate under the weight of it, and he’d follow you even then.
There’s nothing for you back home, you haven’t spoken to your family in months. You’d had to beg for that privilege on your knees, the burn in your throat and the bruises on your knees sticking with you for days afterwards.
And he’d stood there while you spoke to them, arms folded across his chest, face pinched and unhappy, the timer on his phone counting down. They don’t know about the baby, and if Tooru has his way they’ll never meet her.
Their granddaughter. Niece. Cousin. You’ll never go home.
And as if he’s cognizant of the ache in your chest, your sleeping husband draws you closer, mumbles softly into the crook of your neck, nuzzling you.
No, you’ll never have a home that wasn’t carved by his hands.
… But it isn’t just you that that’s true for anymore, is it?
Tooru’s content with locking you away from the world like a dragon hoarding gold, why should his children be spared that possessive insanity?
Ha’rii’s young, still. So, so young, but it hasn’t slipped your notice that there’s never been any mention of daycare or playdates, you’re hardly able to take him to the park without Tooru getting all huffy.
And your daughter (a girl, you’re having a baby girl), you can’t imagine he’ll loosen that leash for her. Kids need socialisation. They need friends.
They’ll suffer for it, this love of his. Your family. Your children.
Rolling over – away from your husband’s oppressive hold – you stare out the window, the glittering lights of the distant port just barely visible.
It’s so easy to be brave, daring, when you have nothing to lose, and a safety net regardless. Strength was never one of your defining traits to begin with. You broke so easily for him. So quickly.
You gave up.
Played with quiet resentment as if it were resistance, and now you’re nothing but a hollow, broken shell of the girl you used to be.
There’s nothing waiting for you beyond the home he’s built for you.
Your family haven’t heard from you in months, Tooru says that they’ve moved on. If they truly cared, they would’ve looked for you. Your uni friends have long since forgotten you. You dropped out. Disappeared off the proverbial face of the earth. It happens.
You have nothing to your name – and even that he’s taken from you.
The crashing of waves outside the window calms your heart. In a few hours, it’ll be dawn.
In a few days, you’ll return home to San Juan. In a few months, you’ll give birth to Tooru’s daughter, and that little girl will tie you to him for the rest of your lives far better than chains ever could.
Bit by bit, carefully as to not disturb him, you crawl out of bed. A wrinkle appears on your husband’s brow and he shifts with a grumble, subconsciously searching for the warmth you’ve taken with you. But he doesn’t stir, and you breathe a quiet sigh of relief.
Your clothes from yesterday lie forgotten on the floor, numbly, you slip them back on.
No one else will want you, not now that you’re a mother, pregnant with his child. No one else could ever love you as much as he does.
And you need him. You think that somewhere deep down, buried beneath the layers of bitterness and self loathing, you might even love him.
He’s given you no other choice.
A steady inhale, and you glance back at his sleeping form once more. For all his faults – for all that he takes from you, greedy and demanding and wholly unrepentant – he does provide for you. You, Hatori, your daughter, you’d want for nothing.
(Nothing, except your freedom.)
It won’t be long before he notices your absence and wakes to seek you out, and so you silently pad from the room.
Unlike his father, Hatori stirs when you push the door wide and step inside. “Mama?” his tired voice mumbles, eyes sluggishly blinking open.
You smile for him, reaching out to smooth down those pretty, dark curls of his. “Shh, go back to sleep, sweetheart,” and you kiss his forehead, pulling the blankets up to tuck him back in. “Mama loves you, remember that.”
He’s fast asleep by the time you reach the doorway.
You have nowhere to go. No money. No passport. No way back home and no guarantee that anybody’s waiting for you there, anyway.
He loves you. More than anyone. More than anything. You’ll never be cared for and adored like you are when you’re with him.
You need him.
… Your daughter needs you more, and it’s that thought alone that spurs you onwards.
There’s some cash in Tooru’s wallet that you slip into your bra, a jacket of his that you pull around your shoulders.
A little ways down the shore, the port is beginning to wake.
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