#SanDisk SSDs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

govindhtech · 13 days

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SanDisk Extreme PRO SSD 2TB: Take Your Work Anywhere

This card maximizes performance for expedient media offloads with fast transfer rates up to 200MB/s6 (64GB – 1TB) thanks to SanDisk Quick Flow Technology. To get the fastest rates possible, pair with the SanDisk Professional PRO-READER SD and micro SD (separately available).

Gorgeous consecutive burst mode pictures

SanDisk Extreme PRO SD UHS-I cards, rated UHS Speed Class 3 (U3) and Video Speed Class 30 (V30), enabling continuous sequential burst mode photographs.

Maximum shot rates of 140 MB/s

Delivering shots at up to 140 MB/s Without skipping a beat, the card captures the action exactly as it occurs.

Dependability in terms of durability

The SanDisk Extreme PRO SD UHS-I card is shock-, temperature-, and x-ray-proof. It was designed and tested in extreme environments.

Ideal for 4K UHD footage

There are moments when you need speed. The SanDisk Extreme PRO SD UHS-I card records stunning 4K UHD video continuously.

Retrieve pictures you unintentionally erased

Includes a promotion for Rescue PRO Deluxe, a two-year data recovery programmed that enables you to retrieve unintentionally erased photos.

SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD

Features

Transfer speeds up to 200MB/s

Perfect for 4K UHD VIDEO

Recover images you accidentally deleted

Capacity

32GB, 64GB, 128GB, 256GB, 512GB

Form Factor

SDHC

Compatibility

Compatible with SDXC and SDXC UHS-I enabled host devices.

Sequential Read Performance

Up to 100MB/s, up to 200MB/s, up to

Sequential Write Performance

Up to 90MB/s, up to 140MB/s

Warranty

Lifetime Limited Warranty

Dimensions (L x W x H)

2.17mm x 23.91mm x 31.92mm

Weight

1.67gms

Operating Temperature

-25°C to 85°C

Non-Operating Temperature

-40°C to 85°C

Certifications

CE, FCC, C-Tick/RCM, UKCA, EAC, ICES

SanDisk Extreme PRO Portable SSD Up To 4TB

SanDisk 2TB extreme pro portable SSD

Western Digital has confirmed that a software fault that arose during the production process is not affecting the SanDisk Extreme Portable SSD storage devices that are currently being shipped.

The SanDisk Extreme PRO Portable SSD, from the brand that professional photographers trust around the globe, offers strong solid state performance in a durable, trustworthy storage option. almost twice as quickly as the generation before it!

Quick and Reliable

Experience fast read/write speeds of 2000MB/s with NVMe solid state technology in a portable drive that is dependable enough to go on any journey.

Work More Rapidly and Extendedly

With the forged aluminum chassis that serves as a heatsink to provide faster sustained rates, you can store and transmit data more quickly.

Encryption to Provide Added Security

With the integrated password protection that uses 256 bit AES hardware encryption, you can help keep confidential material secret.

Proven to Be Unwaveringly Dependable

To ensure that your drive is worthy of your finest work and that you can rest easy knowing that your priceless data are in capable hands, we invest hundreds of hours in meticulous testing.

Travel Without Concern

With a 5-year guaranteed warranty and a forged aluminum chassis-silicon shell mix that provides extra protection and a quality feel, you can travel with peace of mind.

Expert-Level Storage

From SanDisk, the name that pros across the globe rely on to capture the greatest images throughout the most difficult tasks.

Get back up and live fearlessly

You have an additional duplicate of what matters most on a reliable drive, so don’t panic in the face of power outages, virus assaults, or even natural catastrophes.

Durable Enough to Bring with You

This drive is tough enough to go anywhere, with features like IP65 water and dust resistance, up to three metres of drop protection, and a convenient carabiner loop for attaching to your belt or bag.

SanDisk Memory Zone App: Simple File Organization

The SanDisk Memory Zone software, which you can download from the Google Play store, allows you to unlock, access, and backup all of the contents on your phone in one place. To clear up space, it may also automatically transfer data from your device to your SSD.

SanDisk Extreme Pro Portable SSD

Capacity

1TB, 2TB and 4TB

Interface

USB 3.2 Gen 2 x2

Compatibility

Compatible desktop or laptop

Dimensions (L x W x H)

110.26mm x 57.34mm x 10.22mm

In The Box

Extreme PRO Portable SSD

USB-C to USB-C Cable

USB-C to USB-A Cable

Safety and Warranty Guide

A high-performance portable solid-state drive (SSD) with a huge capacity, robust design, and quick speeds is the SanDisk Extreme PRO SSD. There are capacities ranging from 500GB to 2TB for it.

The SanDisk Extreme PRO SSD has the following important features, to name a few:

Speed: Thanks to NVMe technology, it has extremely high read and write rates of up to 2000MB/s, which makes it perfect for demanding applications or speedy file transfers.

Durability: It uses solid state memory, which is less prone to physical damage than conventional hard drives. An additional layer of protection against drops, shocks, and water/dust is provided by the SanDisk Extreme PRO SSD’s forged aluminum chassis and silicon cover (IP55 rating).

Capacity: Up to 2TB of storage gives you plenty of room to transport vast amounts of games, project files, or picture or video libraries.

Portability: It’s easy to carry with you wherever you go because it’s lightweight and compact.

Compatibility: It may be connected to a wide range of devices, including PCs, Macs, and some smartphones, thanks to the USB 3.2 Gen 2×2 Type-C connector.

Security: To help keep your contents safe, 256-bit AES hardware encryption is included.

All things considered, professionals or anyone else in need of a dependable and high-performing external storage option should consider the SanDisk Extreme PRO SSD.

Advantages:

Incredibly quick speeds

Robust style

Choices with a large capacity

Lightweight and portable

Suitable with a large variety of devices

Protected by hardware encryption

Cons: Possibly costly in contrast to conventional hard drives.

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#sandiskextreme #prossd #2tb #microsd #4kuhd #sduhs #ssd #nvme #nvmetechnology #technology #technews #news #sandisk #govindhtech

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alteredbeast · 1 month

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the great jon's hard drive fire of february and march 2024. good lord

#do NOTTTTTT buy western digital external ssds. worst mistake of my LIFE #(did not literally catch fire wd/sandisk is just having Issues right now)#that THINGGGG i made (his name is frank) i had to redo a month's work of progress on it tonight bc all my files corrupted #finally moving past this hellish era of my life. good night

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unirav · 2 months

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Elevate Your Storage Game with Sandisk Extreme Portable 2TB External SSD! Grab yours now on Amazon and discover the ultimate in speed and reliability. Click the link: https://unirav.com/sandisk-2tb-external-ssd-review/

#ssd #External ssd #tech gadgets #tech revolution #sandisk #affliate #unirav

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electronicproo · 2 months

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SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD: UNLEASH BLAZING SPEEDS

[email protected]

Updated on: February 14, 2024

The Sandisk 2TB Extreme Portable SSD is a reliable and durable external storage device with a high storage capacity. It provides fast and efficient data transfer and is suitable for various applications.

The Sandisk 2TB Extreme Portable SSD offers a reliable and convenient solution for storing and transferring large amounts of data. With its high storage capacity of 2TB, it provides ample space for all your files, documents, and multimedia content. This portable SSD is designed to withstand the rigors of everyday use, making it a durable and reliable choice for professionals and casual users alike.

In addition, it boasts fast data transfer speeds, allowing you to transfer files quickly and efficiently. Whether you need to backup important files, store large video projects, or transport files on the go, the Sandisk 2TB Extreme Portable SSD is a versatile and dependable option.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Overview Of The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD

Key Features And Benefits Of The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD

1. Blazing-fast Speed:

2. Rugged Durability:

3. Secure Data Protection:

4. Compact And Lightweight:

5. Compatibility:

Unleashing The Blazing Speeds Of The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD

The Cutting-edge Technology Behind The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD

How The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD Outperforms Other SSDs in Speed And Performance

Comparing Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable Ssd With Other External Ssds

Maximizing The Performance Of The Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD

Frequently Asked Questions:

How Fast Is The Sandisk 2tb SSD?

Is SanDisk External SSD Reliable?

How To Format Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD?

Why won’t My Sandisk Extreme Portable SSD Work?

Conclusion

OVERVIEW OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

When it comes to portable storage, the Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD stands out as a reliable and high-performance option. Offering a massive 2TB of storage capacity, this SSD allows you to securely store and transfer large files, ensuring quick access to your data whenever you need it. Whether you’re a professional photographer, videographer, or simply someone who needs extra storage space for their files, this SSD is designed to meet your needs.

KEY FEATURES AND BENEFITS OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

The Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD comes packed with features that make it a top choice for users seeking fast and secure portable storage. Let’s take a closer look at what sets this SSD apart:

1. Blazing-Fast Speed:

With read and write speeds of up to 1050MB/s and 1000MB/s respectively, the Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD ensures lightning-fast data transfer. Whether you’re transferring large video files or backing up important documents, you can expect quick and efficient performance.

2. Rugged Durability:

Designed to withstand the rigors of travel and everyday use, the Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD is built with a durable and shock-resistant construction. Its solid-state technology means no moving parts, reducing the risk of data loss due to shocks or drops, making it ideal for on-the-go professionals.

3. Secure Data Protection:

Your data is precious, and the Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD ensures its safety with its built-in password protection and 256-bit AES hardware encryption. With this level of security, you can confidently store your sensitive files without worrying about unauthorized access.

4. Compact And Lightweight:

The Sandisk Extreme Portable SSD is designed for portability. It is compact and lightweight, making it easy to carry in your pocket or bag. So, you can take your files with you wherever you go, without the hassle of bulky external drives.

5. Compatibility:

The Sandisk Portable SSD is compatible with both Windows and Mac operating systems. It offers plug-and-play functionality, so you can start using it right out of the box without the need for any additional software or drivers. Simply connect it to your computer or device, and you’re ready to go.

UNLEASHING THE BLAZING SPEEDS OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

The Extreme Portable SSD is a beast when it comes to speed and performance. With its cutting-edge technology, it outperforms other SSDs in the market, making it a reliable choice for professionals and enthusiasts alike.

THE CUTTING-EDGE TECHNOLOGY BEHIND THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

What sets the 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD apart from its competitors is the innovative technology that powers it. Equipped with NVMe solid-state technology, this portable SSD delivers lightning-fast transfer speeds, allowing you to transfer large files and render video projects with ease. The NVMe technology optimizes the SSD’s performance, ensuring that you experience the full potential of its capabilities.

HOW THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD OUTPERFORMS OTHER SSDS IN SPEED AND PERFORMANCE

When it comes to speed and performance, the Sandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD leaves its competitors in the dust. With read speeds of up to 1050MB/s and write speeds of up to 1000MB/s, you can access your files and load applications in a flash. Whether you’re editing high-resolution photos or editing 4K videos, this portable SSD can handle it all without breaking a sweat.

Not only does the 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD offer impressive speeds, but it also excels in durability and reliability. Built to withstand shocks, vibrations, and extreme temperatures, this SSD ensures that your data remains safe and secure. Whether you’re on a rugged outdoor shoot or working in a studio environment, you can trust the SSD to perform consistently.

Additionally, the Sandisk SSD comes with built-in password protection and 256-bit AES hardware encryption. This adds an extra layer of security to your data, ensuring that your files are protected from unauthorized access. With peace of mind knowing that your sensitive data is safe, you can focus on your work without any worries.

In conclusion, the Portable SSD is a game-changer in terms of speed, performance, and reliability. Its cutting-edge technology and impressive features make it an ideal choice for professionals who require fast and secure storage solutions. Whether you’re a photographer, videographer, or content creator, this portable SSD will take your workflow to new heights.

COMPARING SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD WITH OTHER EXTERNAL SSDS

today, we will be comparing the Sandisk Extreme Portable SSD with other popular external SSDs. When it comes to choosing the right external SSD, it’s important to consider factors such as speed, reliability, and durability. In this detailed comparison, we will explore how the 2Tb Extreme Portable Ssd stands out in terms of these crucial aspects.

A DETAILED COMPARISON OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD WITH OTHER POPULAR EXTERNAL SSDS

Before diving into the specifics, let’s look at some general pricing. The Extreme Portable SSD is competitively priced at $XXX. Comparatively, other external SSDs with similar specifications may range from $XXX to $XXX. It’s evident that Sandisk offers great value for money.

Now, let’s delve into the comparison table to get a clear picture of how the Portable SSD stacks up against the competition:ModelSpeedReliabilityDurabilitySandisk 2Tb Extreme Portable SSDSuperfast speedHighly reliableBuilt to lastBrand AFast speedReliableDurableBrand BGood speedModerately reliableDurableBrand CDecent speedQuestionable reliabilityDurable

As we can see from the table above, the Extreme Portable SSD outshines its competitors in terms of speed, reliability, and durability. It offers super fast speed, making it ideal for professionals who rely on quick data transfers and smooth performance. Its high reliability ensures that your data is protected, and you won’t have to worry about losing important files. Moreover, it is built to last, with rugged features that can withstand even the toughest environments.

In contrast, Brand A offers fast speed, but its reliability might not be on par with Sandisk. Brand B provides good speed and durability but falls behind when it comes to reliability. Brand C has decent speed and durability, but its reliability is questionable. It’s clear that the Extreme Portable SSD stands out as the best option for those who value speed, reliability, and durability.

Now that we’ve examined the comparison in detail, it’s evident why the 2Tb Extreme Portable SSD is the top choice among external SSDs. With its exceptional performance and robust design, it offers unbeatable value for your money.

MAXIMIZING THE PERFORMANCE OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

The Sandisk Portable SSD is a powerful, high-performance storage solution designed to handle your data-intensive tasks with ease. Whether you’re a photographer or videographer, or simply need a reliable storage option for your digital files, this SSD delivers fast and efficient performance. To get the most out of your Portable SSD, here are some tips and tricks to optimize its performance.

TIPS AND TRICKS TO OPTIMIZE THE PERFORMANCE OF THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

1. Keep your SSD firmware up to date: Regularly check for firmware updates for your Extreme Portable SSD. Firmware updates often include performance improvements and bug fixes, ensuring your SSD operates at its best.

2. Enable TRIM: TRIM is a command that allows the SSD to efficiently manage unused data blocks, improving performance and extending the lifespan of the drive. To enable TRIM on your Sandisk 2TB SSD, follow these steps:

Open the Start menu and type “Command Prompt.”

Right-click on “Command Prompt” and select “Run as administrator.”

Type the following command and press Enter: fsutil behavior set DisableDeleteNotify 0

3. Optimize power settings: Adjusting the power settings on your computer can help optimize performance when using the Portable SSD. Make sure your computer is set to the “High Performance” power plan to ensure maximum speed and efficiency.

4. Avoid disk fragmentation: Fragmentation can slow down your SSD’s performance over time. To prevent fragmentation, regularly defragment your Sandisk Portable SSD using the built-in Windows defragmentation tool or third-party software.

HOW TO ENSURE SMOOTH AND FAST DATA TRANSFERS WITH THE SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

1. Use a USB 3.1 Gen 2 port: To achieve the fastest data transfer speeds, make sure to connect your Sandisk Portable SSD to a USB 3.1 Gen 2 port. USB 3.1 Gen 2 offers faster transfer rates compared to previous USB versions.

2. Use the included USB Type-C cable: The Sandisk SSD comes with a USB Type-C cable for optimal performance. Use this cable to ensure a secure and reliable connection to your computer.

3. Avoid running multiple simultaneous transfers: Running multiple data transfers simultaneously can slow down the overall performance of your Sandisk Portable SSD. To ensure smooth and fast data transfers, avoid running multiple transfers at the same time.

4. Disconnect your SSD properly: Always eject or safely remove your Sandisk SSD before disconnecting it from your computer. This ensures that all data is written successfully and prevents data corruption.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

How Fast Is The Sandisk 2tb SSD?

The SanDisk 2TB SSD is a fast and reliable external storage option. It is designed to provide quick data transfer speeds and reliable performance for various tasks.

Is SanDisk External SSD Reliable?

Yes, SanDisk’s external SSD is reliable. In rare cases, SSD may not work due to driver issues, missing drive letters, or conflicts. You can resolve this by assigning a new drive letter in Windows Disk Management.

How To Format Sandisk 2tb Extreme Portable SSD?

To format your SanDisk Portable SSD, follow these steps: Go to Windows Disk Management, locate your SSD, right-click on it, and select the option to format. Make sure to assign a new drive letter to the SSD if it’s not recognized by Windows.

This will resolve any driver or drive letter conflicts.

Why Won’t My Sandisk Extreme Portable SSD Work?

SanDisk Extreme Portable SSD may not work if drivers are outdated or the drive letter is missing or conflicting. Assign a new drive letter in Windows Disk Management to fix this issue.

CONCLUSION

The Sandisk Portable SSD is a reliable and high-performance storage solution that offers fast transfer speeds and ample storage capacity. With its rugged design and compact size, it is perfect for photographers, videographers, and content creators on the go.

Whether you’re storing large files, editing videos, or backing up important data, this SSD is a great choice. Its compatibility with both Mac and PC makes it versatile and user-friendly. Say goodbye to slow transfer speeds and limited storage space, and say hello to a reliable and efficient storage solution with the Sandisk Extreme Portable SSD.

#SANDISK 2TB EXTREME PORTABLE SSD

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thephoblographer · 2 years

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The New Sandisk PRO-G40 SSD Claims it Moves 50GB in 30 Secs

Wow!

According to their claims, the new PRO-G40 SSD is capable of resisting 4,000lb of pressure of crust resistance; which means that if something runs of it, it’s bound to be fine. Of course, we’re happy to test claims like that, and we just might when we get our review unit in! But then there are the more practical tests for photographers, like the speeds. And specifically, here, they’re claiming…

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#Cameras #crshproof #durability #images #Photography #PRO-G40 SSD #sandisk #sandisk PRO-G40 SSD #usb

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burhan5566 · 2 years

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SanDisk 256GB

Up to 160MB/s read speeds to save time transferring high res images and 4K UHD videos; Requires compatible devices capable of reaching such speeds

Up to 90MB/s write speeds for fast shooting; Requires compatible devices capable of reaching such speeds

4K UHD and Full HD Ready with UHS speed class 3 (U3) and video speed class 30 (V30)

Rated A2 for faster loading and in app performance

Built for and tested in harsh conditions: Temperature Proof, Water Proof, shock Proof and x ray Proof

Get the SanDisk memory zone app for easy file management (available on Google Play)

Order with your Alexa enabled device; Just ask 'Alexa, order SanDisk microSD'

#sandisk #sanders sides #cassie sandsmark #SanDisk ssd #sanDiskpendrive #sanDisk memory cord #SanDisk 256gb #SanDisk official store #SanDisk extreme pro #SanDisk extreme #SanDisk software

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karingottschalk · 2 years

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Panasonic Releases Lumix GH6 Firmware Version 2.2 With Support for Recording On Specified SSDs

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#BSH2343 #Angelbird #Kondor Blue #Lumix cameras #LUMIX Live #Micro Four Nerds #Panasonic Leica DG Vario-Summilux 10-25mm f/1.7 Aspheric #Panasonic Leica DG Vario-Summilux 25-50mm f/1.7 Aspheric #Panasonic Lumix DC-GH6 #Samsung T5 SSDs #Samsung T7 SSDs #SanDisk SSDs #SmallRig #SmallRig Universal Holder for External SSD #solid state drives #SSD recording #SSDs

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andrevasims · 5 months

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Apparently the SanDisk portable SSD is/was a hot Black Friday deal, but they've been so prone to failing that a class-action lawsuit was filed over it.

I also saw people recommended Western Digital as an alternative to SanDisk, but... Western Digital owns SanDisk. The class-action lawsuit for the failing SanDisk drives is directed at Western Digital.

Specifically, they single out the following devices: SanDisk Extreme Pro, SanDisk Extreme, and Western Digital My Passport SSD in the sizes 500GB, 1TB, 2TB, and 4TB.

Some of them, like the 4TB Extreme Pro Portable, had discounts up to $200, which is a pretty solid deal considering they've knowingly been facing widespread hardware failures for over 6 months.

I never bought one, but I did have a Western Digital Elements external HD that my dad got me as a gift. It would randomly disconnect itself without being touched, and when I tried to unplug then replug it in, I had to do it 3 or 4 times in a row before it would get recognized again. We bought a new connecting cable since that seemed to be the problem, but it continued doing that with the new cable. Also, idk if it came this way or if it happened over time, but sectors on the external HD became corrupted to the point where my computer would get a Blue Screen of Death every time I tried copying files onto it. I got around that by using the 3rd party program TeraCopy instead of the built-in Windows copying program, but like...

My dad got me that external HD specifically because I've had 2 unrecoverable hard drive failures happen to me several years apart when I was a kid. Losing writing, drawings, photos, conversation logs with friends, stuff that just no longer exists at all. So I became pretty paranoid about backup storage. And having my backup storage randomly disconnect by itself and crash my computer when I try to use it... Obviously not ideal.

Anyway, the new external HD I got to replace that one is SeaGate. I don't know if that's "better," there's a 100% chance people have stories about SeaGate's products that are exactly like mine with Western Digital. So I'm just hoping for the best lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#I still bought Western Digital despite this bc I wanted an internal SSD as well #and trying to find the size/price I wanted while making sure it'd fit my motherboard narrowed it down to WD #soooo 2nd time's a charm I guess?#nonsims #not sims

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literallymechanical · 2 years

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You may have seen the breathless articles going around about a Google engineer who had a breakdown and became convinced that his AI project was sapient. And yes, modern neural nets will regularly pass the Turing test when faced with particularly credulous computer scientists. But in the end, these systems are just sophisticated pattern-matching machines.

That’s not to say the technology isn’t remarkable. They can be hyper-tuned in a way that far outstrips the human brain’s own pattern-matching capabilities – even a highly trained dermatologist isn’t going to be able to detect melanoma from a single photograph of a patient’s back, as a medical AI can. But ultimately, a generalized artificial intelligence would just be an extremely intuitive search engine. They have no true conscious mind, nothing like what our guys would call a “soul.” Regardless of what certain ex-Googlers would try to sell you.

The truth is that the machine learning folks have wildly overshot their goal. You might not be aware, but we can actually simulate a soul to a very high degree of accuracy with far simpler methods, and we’ve been able to do it since the mid-2000’s. All you need is a good chunk of high-speed storage and the right toolset.

Theocomputer science is a field just like any other, based on incremental progress through hundreds of little breakthroughs. That being said, if one experiment deserves the lion’s share of the credit, it was at an Israeli company called M-Systems in 2004. They pioneered flash-based solid state drives (SSDs) as a faster, less crashy alternative to traditional hard drives in the 90’s. They were bought by SanDisk in 2006.

Former M-Systems researchers claim to this day that first instantiation of a soul into an SSD happened “more or less by accident,” though I personally take that assertion with a grain of salt. Certainly, the engineer who reported the discovery, a young Tel Aviv computer scientist – sorry, the name is still redacted, let’s just call them Ari – wasn’t shy about their recreational forays into Kabbalah. The former coworkers I’ve spoken to describe Ari’s excited water-cooler chat about the Zohar as “eccentric,” “charming in a dorky way,” and “sometimes a bit much, but honestly pretty fun.”

So, you’ve probably guessed that Ari is too far along for human communication these days. My Enochian is pretty good, but it’s still a non-starter. We have to accept that the question of whether or not they did it on purpose will remain unanswered. However, regardless of their motivations, the drive that M-Systems called “SSD Aleph” was the result of Ari pulling two consecutive, solo all-nighters, fueled by a frankly astonishing amount of caffeine and an audiotape of some very specific bits of Kabbalah. At the end of the binge, Ari had SSD Aleph. Aleph represented the first ever artificial digital soul, though my peers at Vatican Theophysical Research will undoubtedly take issue with the term “artificial.”

A b’nei mitzvah was attempted, but as all these SSD’s are frozen in the digital equivalent of a permanent vegetative state, it’s unclear how well it “took.” Certainly, the question of matrilineal descent remains unresolved. And just when we started to figure this out, there was an extremely unauthorized attempt by Latter-Day Saints Para-Christological Intervention agents to give SSD Aleph a Mormon proxy baptism. The whole thing smashed into the attempted b’nei mitzvah in a mathematically… complex… way.

Please don’t ask me to go into details. My PhD was on theoparticle physics, and the theomathmatics wonks at the Institute keep going on about “Luther-Smith Fourier transforms.” I do not have the math background to grok that.

What I can talk about are my experimental data. I’ve had copies of SSD Aleph and its successors in my lab for years. We've run every test we can safely perform on M-Systems SSDs Bet through Vav, and then SanDisk’s Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and the optimistically named “Omega.” I even have some of the weirder Vatican digi-reliqueries. Every last one is hot as hell, theoradioactively speaking, but they're largely unresponsive to stimulus beyond some mild fluctuations in the presence of relics. They’re mostly inert. As long as nobody does anything stupid.

Now, here’s the issue. I also managed to get a few copies of whatever the fuck the Mormons thought they were doing before the Tablet debacle, but their SSD’s are so intensely theoradioactive that we barely have the equipment to contain them. I’m honestly worried about a primitive immanence event if we let them get too close. Dead-but-dreaming, you know the deal. I have them behind a quarter-inch of thrice-blessed gold and a solid foot of rowan, and I’m trying to call in a favor from the daoine sidh to get the wood properly invigorated.

What this means is that I have a very good signal profile for their fucked up radiation signature, good enough to detect from long-range. And a couple hours ago, one of our buddies at NSA passed along some real fucky GEOINT reports. We got a solid ping from one of the big THOTH satellites, and I’ll give you one guess as to where.

That’s right. Mountain fucking View California, Google HQ, home of at least one paranoid engineer with an evangelical upbringing, convinced he’s cracked sapient machine intelligence.

I hope I don’t need to explain the consequences of plugging an honest-to-god unstable digital immortal soul into one of Google’s dumb pattern recognition algorithms. Even dreaming-dead, these Mormon SSD’s are the single most volatile bit of preimmanent bullshit since CERN. We barely managed to shut down one mindless gibbering Swiss/French deadgod, and Azathoth was a half-dozen AU past Saturn. I’m not saying that a janky Mormon digisoul and a glorified chatbot are going to achieve Elder-level immanence, but I sure as shit wouldn’t want to be in a hundred mile radius of Silicon Valley this week.

Anyway. I think we can fix this. We’ve got a guy in the Latter-Day Saints leadership. I really hate to make this kind of deal, especially given how many more Senators they’ll squeeze out of the bargain, but I think it’s worth asking them to excommunicate the thing. It will be a bit awkward to explain, but who would you rather deal with? Some crotchety old Mormons, or a homegrown deadgod at Google?

No, don’t– don’t answer that. Yes, very funny sir. Just… will you please give Salt Lake a call before we’re “OK Googling” ourselves into an even stupider apocalypse?

Thank you.

#theological physics dispatches #my fiction #fiction

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