#VERY FEW of my online peers have been people with jobs n apartments n real life progress and sometimes its not a controllable thing but like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hoedamn-eron · 11 months

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baby, please - part 1

You're successful, you're independent, and you pride yourself in both. But your friends think you could do with a man.

Warnings: Mentions of drinking wine. Reader is a bit of a workaholic. Like, one swear word. Proofread but probably a mistake or two in there somewhere. Word count: 2,031 F!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Welcome to the re-write! I wanted to write this last year, around the same time as my Doctor Steven Grant, PhD series, but it got put on hiatus due to some not nice real life stuff, but it's back! I hope you enjoy it!

These are your texts. These are Santi's texts.

Series Masterlist ● Part 2

You had the tendency to prove people wrong. Only when they had negative connotations of you, of course. You didn’t do it to be an obnoxious know-it-all.

For instance, you stuck it to your family when your parents scoffed at your idea of going into marketing instead of medical, like your sisters. You’d worked your ass off at college and graduated top of your class, those naysay comments from your parents in the front of your mind as you tossed your cap at your ceremony. Because of your hard work, you had moved to Florida for an amazing job opportunity. Granted, it wasn’t New York (which is the end goal for you jobwise), but you were the head of your very successful team, and it gave you the chance to separate yourself from your hometown (and therefore, your judgemental parents).

Let’s not forget the time you bought your apartment. Your friends had laughed at the size of it, claiming that you would want more space eventually, but it was yours, and you made it your own. Now your friends had decided your apartment was the best for your wine nights (which used to be bi-weekly, but plans changed when kids were coming into the picture), because it was the most quiet and you had the comfiest couch.

And lastly, you had proven than you didn’t need a man. Sure, it would be a nice perk to have, but you were happy being single. Whilst your friends were settling down and looking to move to nice neighbourhoods with good schools, you were dating around. Your love life was mostly filled with a few dates and one-night stands. You had dabbled in online dating every now and then, but that usually fizzled out after a few weeks. It didn’t bother you, you enjoyed meeting so many new people and having all these experiences to share.

Your dating life was a common topic of conversation between your peers. Your friends frequently teased you over it, wondering when you were going to ‘settle down’ yourself. You usually laughed it off. It never bothered you, why would it? You were a full-grown adult who could make decisions for herself, and it wasn’t any of their business at the end of the day. You’ve come to embrace being ‘that friend’ who was perpetually single.

It made sense that they would tease you about it, you were nearly thirty (not like there was a deadline or anything, you had plenty of time to ‘find’ someone). You weren’t even sure if you wanted kids, or to settle down. It may have worked out for others, who was to say it would work out just the same for you? You were perfectly happy focusing on yourself and your career.

Your day started out like any other. You woke up early, already sweating, huffing at the hot air of Florida. Your AC conked out last week, and you hadn’t found the time to get someone out to look at it. Your biggest client is launching their brand in a month’s time, so you and your team had been working aggressively hard to make sure you were meeting your deadlines and that your effort was up to par and more.

Which meant you’d been spending your weekday evenings mostly at the office than in your own apartment.

Answering a few morning emails and eating your breakfast before getting ready for work, you sent a quick text in your group chat to confirm that wine night was still good to go for later that night, since it was unusual to have your girl nights on a Monday (but it was the only time anyone had free, and it had been a long time since any of you were free at the same time). The evening was planned out perfectly, you’d even treated yourself and your friends to some decent wine, since this was the first wine night in months. You were truly happy for your friends, and you still saw each other every now and then, but God, there was nothing like your wine nights.

You weren’t expecting a text back from anyone until later in the day, so you continued with your morning. You made it into work with the usual traffic, a coffee in your hands from the local Starbucks. You sat at your desk and booted up your computer, checking your voicemails in the meantime.

“Good morning!”

You held back a grimace as you greet your desk mate.

Emily is nice enough, but overly chipper. She was blonde, bubbly, and always wore bright clothing. She was young, straight out of college and had joined the team a few months ago. She was still trying to find her feet in the company, and tried hard to make friends, something that she had frequently come to you about. Recently, she’d been hanging out with George and Juliet in accounts since they were of a similar age.

You suspected she had a thing for George.

“How was your weekend?” Emily asked, throwing her pink handbag to the floor and sitting in her chair.

“It was good. How was yours?” you ask.

“It was fine, thanks. Our new roommate moved in.”

Emily had been living with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. Turned out the boyfriend had been sleeping around with some of the girls and guys from his gym and Emily and her sister had kicked him out. Last you heard he’d moved back in with his parents out of town.

“How’s that going?”

“Good, so far! Think Becca is just glad to have all his stuff gone and have her own space back.” Emily shook her head with wide eyes as she logged into her computer. “But she’s panicking now, because she wants to settle down. She’s nearly twenty-six, she thought she would be married by now. She was even talking about kids with this guy, so she’s feeling a little nervy about being on her own. Oh! That reminds me…”

Emily turned to look back at you, a grin on her face. You raise an eyebrow at her. “What?”

“There’s someone I think you should meet.”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes at your co-worker. One, because Emily had linked her sister’s ‘impending doom’ at being single with you, and two, it was the same story every time. Someone knows someone you should meet, and you go out on a date, but nothing ever comes of it. “Who do I need to meet, Emily?”

“My neighbour,” she replied, smiling widely. “His name is Santiago. He’s great, he was in the army for a while, but he’s retired now.”

“Retired?” you pulled a face. Trust Emily to try and set you up with an old fogey.

Emily shook her head quickly at you, almost as if she’d read your mind. “No, not retired like you think, he’s not old. He’s barely forty. And he’s really good looking, and nice.”

You shook your head at her. “I don’t know, Emily, work is busy, and the launch is soon…I don’t even have time to fix my AC at home, never mind go on a date.”

Emily pulls a face and makes a noise that reminds you of a toddler not getting their own way. “Come on, he’s funny and charming, and he might be ‘the one’!”

You had never believed in that kind of stuff; ‘the one’ and ‘soulmates’ and all that. You believed that there were so many people in the world, that you can (and will) fall in love multiple times throughout your life. Sure, sometimes people do just find one person who they are happy with and choose to be with for the rest of their lives, but that just wasn’t you.

But – saying that - it had been a while since you went out on a proper date. You could do with having a bit of fun and getting out the office and your apartment. And Emily liked to think she was some sort of match maker, so you’d like to humour her, just this once. “Okay, fine.”

Emily smiled widely as she excitedly gave you Santiago’s number, telling you that he was already expecting a text from you. You pull a face at her at the fact she had already anticipated you would say yes (or were you just that predictable?) and had given Santiago the heads up. You saved his number quickly before throwing your phone in your desk drawer and turning back to Emily. “Let’s finish up these mock ups and get them sent out. If we get these out of the way, we can focus on looking into finalising the merchandise.”

Your day was filled with multiple phone calls, plenty of meetings, and regular catch ups with your clients. You had hit a few snags, which could potentially delay the launch, but you were determined not to get to that point, already setting up possible plans and sending them to your client for approval. You finally sat down for your lunch when everyone was readying up for leaving for the day and going home.

You scrolled through your phone as you ate your lunch (which might as well be your dinner at this point). You caught up on your texts (wine night was still on!) and scrolling through what you’d missed on the client's social media (not much). You suddenly remembered about Santiago, who Emily had decided to set you up with. You grinned as you found his number and started a new text chain.

Hi, you introduce yourself. I’m Emily’s co-worker, she might have mentioned I would text you today?

It was a few minutes later when you received a reply.

Hey. Emily did mention you’d message. I’m Santiago. Have you thought about where you'd like to go for our date? Any preference on food?

Oh, okay, straight to the point.

I'm open to suggestions. I like pretty much anything, do you have any recommendations?

There’s this little Italian restaurant called Bella Cucina. The food is amazing, and it has a cosy atmosphere. It's not too far from where I live.

Italian sounds perfect! What day works for you?

How about Saturday? We could aim for a 7:30pm reservation if that suits you? Emily mentioned you’d been spending a lot of time at the office.

And considerate.

Saturday sounds great. 7:30pm works well for me. I'm really looking forward to it. Just to be sure, Bella Cucina is on Main Street, right?

Bella Cucina is on Main Street. I'll make the reservation for two under my name.

That’s great, I’ll put it in my schedule. I look forward to meeting you!

See you then, have a great rest of your week.

He seemed nice enough. A little stiff, maybe, but that might be due to his army background. You wondered what he looked like. You could look him up on social media if you wanted to, but you barely used the accounts you had; mainly you updated your client’s posts as requested. You imagined Santiago to be a stereotypical, muscled man with a buzzcut and lots of tattoos. One who was stoic and stern, very set in his ways.

You’d definitely dated that guy in the past.

You placed your phone back into your bag before gathering the packages of your lunch/dinner. The office was quiet, meaning everyone had probably gone home. You threw away your rubbish, walking back towards your desk to finish up a few more emails and shut down your computer. Your friends would be arriving at your place in just over an hour, so you had to make a move.

You lock up the office and make your way out of the building, making your way to your car in it’s usual parking space in the lot next door. Luckily traffic didn’t look too bad, so you should have enough time to get home and quickly and shower before setting up for wine night for when your friends arrived.

You knew you’d be fine. You could do it. You were you, and you get shit down. Apart from fixing your AC. You really needed to call someone about that.

#triple frontier #santiago garcia x reader #santiago x reader #santiago garcia x f!reader #santiago garcia #oscar isaac #pregnant!reader

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grandpayaoi · 3 years

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not to sound like a dick but why have so many of my former online friends been just. losers

#they always have some superiority complex or extreme confidence in their online persona when like.#buddy we're the same age and. i'm the only one in this chat paying taxes #VERY FEW of my online peers have been people with jobs n apartments n real life progress and sometimes its not a controllable thing but like #too many of my closest former friends also weren't trying anymore and it's good i'm not near them but also Why do u gravitate to me #SO MANY PEOPLE i met thru mostly rp will drag u down and i think its why I don't make online friendships anymore

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woogyu · 3 years

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A World Tinted Gold | Mingyu; Chapter One

Kalon; beauty that is more than skin-deep

streamer!y/n x werewolf!mingyu

notes; werewolf au, this is mostly just setting everything up, i’ve got BIG PLANS

word count; 1617

previous | next | masterlist

summary; The only werewolves you encountered were the ones living inside your video games. They were nothing more to you than mythical creatures you often had to kill in order to complete objectives. You had a good thing going with your online gaming setup. Your supporters were kind and usually tipped well during streams. Sure it meant you had to deal with the occasional creep sliding into your DMs, but it was worth it. Playing games online was putting you through college. Little did you know your quiet life was about to be turned upside down at the hands of someone you didn’t think existed outside of the virtual world.

»»————-　♡　————-««

** y/g/n = your gamer name

“Okay I’ve died like 18 times now, I think it’s time for me to give up” you said, looking in the monitor to see you friend, and fellow streamer, chucking softly. “C’mon, you’ve just been unlucky, let’s play a few more rounds” Ciri told you as she ran around completing tasks. You peaked down to take a look at the comments, smiling when you saw a lot of them were encouraging you to stay.

“Thanks everyone in the comments, and fine I’ll hang around for a few more” you said with a bright smile. This was the life of being an online gaming streamer. Smiling for the cameras and trying out different games. A lot of the time it was just trying to keep up with what was popular, right now it seemed to be Among Us. The game itself was fun enough, but you grew bored of it quick.

“Ciri, how is it that you’ve gotten imposter like 3 times in a row now” you groaned, shifting your headset a bit as you got ready for another game. “Life of a Witcher my dear y/g/n” she commented back in a fake accent. The two of you spent the next hour playing, it mostly consisted of Ciri whooping your ass. You made sure to thank new subscribers and people who donated as you went along.

“We had almost 20 thousand people tuned in for that one” Ciri told you after the steam had ended, the two of you having your normal video chat wrap up. You weren’t always the popular stream y/n, you started off making less than perfect videos for a handful of people and grew from there. Your channel grew a lot when you found the other girls. You, Ciri, Mimi, Cat and Maia were a group that the internet liked to call the ‘Gamer Gurlzz’. After the five of you started streaming together, viewership increased a lot. You comment section was often filled with a lot of higkey creepy dudes, but they were also the ones that tipped the best. You could handle some weird comments if it got you through college.

“Wow, that’s quite a big jump from last time” you commented with a low whistle, moving to put your gaming equipment away. “I’ll edit the stream so we can each upload it to the YouTube channel too” Ciri said, typing away one her keyboard. You smiled, it was Ciri’s idea to start the Gamer Gurlzz YouTube channel, a place for the five of you to upload edited streams and other extra content. “My dedicated little Witcher” you commented with a bright grin, earning a glare from the girl on the other side of the camera.

“We should start filming more vlog like content for the channel, people seemed to be really into it. They like the whole ‘getting to know us’ aspect of it I guess” Ciri explained, slipping her glasses on as she peered at the screen. You know that without Ciri both you and the other girls wouldn’t be nearly as popular as you are now. She was the brains of all of this, followed the numbers and helped guide your content. “Hmmm, of course they like that” you murmured, grabbing a make-up wipe and beginning to cleanse your face. You like streaming when it just involved gaming, when you just went by the fake name you created for your channel, y/g/n. You didn’t like the idea of random people on the internet knowing more about who you actually were, you wanted to keep some privacy.

“As long as we are careful about it, we should be okay” Ciri said slowly, understanding why you were worried. “I just don’t want people to start showing up where I shop and stuff. Remember how bad it was when someone leaked Maia’s hometown. She could barely leave her apartment without getting swarmed” you shivered, the memory not one you were eager to replicate. “I promise I’ll edit out or blur anything that could be revealing” Ciri said softly, not wanting to put any of her friends in danger.

“Thanks C, you’re really MVP of this team you know” you told her with a smile. Not only was she the most reliable co-worker you had, she was your best friend, you would trust her with anything. “Yeah yeah y/n, now isn’t it late there, go to bed” she urged you, rolling her eyes as she sat back in her chair. You hummed as you checked the clock, time zones made it difficult to set up streaming times with the other girls. “It’s 2am, I probably should head to bed” you said yawning, collecting your hair up in a ponytail. “Night babe, I’ll have it uploaded by the time you wake up” she said, blowing a kiss at the camera before hanging up. Ciri always had a way of making you feel better, like everything would actually be okay. You really trusted her to make sure that it was.

»»————-　♡　————-««

The next morning you logged on to see that Ciri had uploaded the video and it had gained quite a few views in the short time it had been up. People were talking about it all over social media, which would be good publicity for your solo stream later today. Picking up your phone you quickly made a quick tweet about the stream to remind everyone:

Morning everyone! Thanks for all the support you showed me and @WithcherCiri last night. I have a solo stream later on today starting at 1pm, I’ll be playing some Genshin Impact and chatting with you all!

After pressing the send button, you set your phone down and hopped into the shower. You liked to alter your appearance a little bit for streams, mainly so that without the hair and make-up you could usually walk around without getting noticed. So far it had worked pretty well, which you were grateful for. After getting ready and slipping into something comfy, you slipped your headset on and began checking your equipment. Your tweet from earlier had gained a lot of positive attention, so you were eager to see how this stream would go.

»»————-　♡　————-««

As it got closer to 1pm you began setting up, checking your lighting and getting ready. After pressing start you waited a few seconds before greeting the viewers with a bright smile and a small wave. “Hey everyone! Thanks for stopping by today” you said cheerfully, reading some of the comments before you started to play. There were a few usernames that always stood out to you, people who had been supporting you since the very beginning that were still around today. One of the ones that never missed a steam and was always active in the chat was someone who went by @gyu_97. You obviously didn’t know who they were, but you were always grateful for people who had been supporting you for a long time.

“Gyu_97 asked if I prefer cats or dogs? Definitely dogs” you said with a laugh, you couldn’t help but search for their comments sometimes. It was almost like seeing a familiar face in the crowd. “why? Oh well, I don’t know, I’ve always really loved big fluffy dogs. They are so warm and cuddly” you said with a giggle, answering a few other questions before turning to the game. You streamed for longer than you usually did, but you couldn’t help it, the crowd was really engaging today and fun to be around. You didn’t have any creeps commenting about your body or anyone talking trash, it was a really positive stream.

“I should probably go make something to eat” you told the camera as it neared 3pm, your stomach grumbling in protest of the lack of food. “I forgot to eat lunch this morning” you explained with a short laugh. “Don’t worry, the girls and I will be on tomorrow night for our regular weekly stream, so you’ll see me there. Thank you everyone for hanging out with me on this long stream today” you ended the video with a smile and a wave. Once the camera was off you collapsed back into your chair, rubbing your shoulders as you relaxed for the first time in two and a half hours.

“Right… food” you mumbled to yourself, standing up and heading toward the kitchen, you could deal with your equipment later on. A lot of people liked to tell you that being a stream online wasn’t a ‘real job’, but they didn’t know the amount of work that went into it. Each stream took up one to two hours of your time on average, and then there was all the time spent setting up and planning what you would play next. It was a full-time job that often had you working long days and sometimes even longer nights. You really didn’t mind, you enjoyed doing it and were thankful for the opportunity to do so. You just hated when people treated it like it was some easy hobby.

The rest of your night was spent editing your earlier stream so Ciri could upload it to YouTube and planning out the rest of your month. You email was a beat you weren’t quite ready to tackle after a long day; you were just eager to go get a bath and lie down for a while. Ever since you turned gaming into a form of income you never really played for pleasure anymore, it was something you really wished could change, but you could never find the energy to do so. Maybe someday you would rediscover the fun you used to have with playing games, but you didn’t see that happening any time soon.

#werewolf!seventeen #seventeen werewolf #werewolf!mingyu #seventeen fanfic #ultkpop #kim mingyu #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #Werewolf!AU #mingyu #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #mingyu fanfic #seventeen fic #mingyu x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen mingyu

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biofunmy · 5 years

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Polyamory Works for Them – The New York Times

The Look

Having multiple partners can mean more pleasure, but it’s not always easy.

Photographs by Yael Malka

Text by Alice Hines

Produced by Eve Lyons

Through a half-century of sexual upheaval, monogamy has been a curious stalwart.

The tradition of having a single sexual partner is among the only sexual practices liberals and conservatives rarely disagree about. Its blandness belies mysterious origins: Scientists have yet to conclude why prairie voles, much less people, prefer to bond in long-term pairs.

Yet in certain concrete burrows, monogamy’s inverse is on the rise. Jade Marks, a 26-year-old artist and herbalist in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, recalled a recent post by a friend on Instagram: “Are there any other queers out there who are monogamous?”

That feeling may have something to do with the immediate environment. Most weekends in New York, a smattering of events cater to the non-monogamous. There are lecture series, workshops and discussion groups. There are cocktail hours and meet-and-greets. And there are, of course, parties.

On a recent Saturday night in Crown Heights, an angelic gatekeeper in a pastel harness did her best to assure a reporter that she wouldn’t be a total buzz kill at a private party of 200 mostly straight, mostly non-monogamous New Yorkers. “Just watching is O.K.!” she said outside the site, a loft lit like an infrared sauna. “Have a good time! Stay hydrated! And always ask for consent!”

Inside were some of the happiest-looking sober adults ever seen after 2 a.m. “It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ meets a Gaspar Noé film,” said a Scandinavian digital artist and recent Brooklyn transplant. He and his girlfriend were attending for the first time; they had read about the party, called NSFW, on the internet.

NSFW caters to the 25-to-35 age bracket, has an all-black dress code and is made up of 60 percent women, according to its founder, Daniel Saynt. Its application for membership requires a social media profile link (“It’s very curated,” Mr. Saynt said) and responses to open-ended and check-box questions (“ultimate fantasy” is a short answer; optional boxes to check include “hedonist,” “daddy” and “label-less”). That may sound like the precursor to a job interview, but the point is to ensure that the needs of attendees are met. Wouldn’t it be nice if other clubs worked that way?

“I don’t think that polyamory is somehow more evolved than monogamy,” said Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher who will teach an online course for couples and individuals seeking to open their relationships this fall. “But it should be an option. People should have more options.”

That was a maxim for the two dozen non-monogamous people interviewed for this article. The subjects, who represent a range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender identities and professions, agreed on this: For them, more partners means more exploration and more pleasure.

Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship models, including polyamory, open relationships, sexual encounters with more than two people and swinging. Polyamorists are interested in exploring long-term relationships with multiple people. Swingers tend to be older couples opening their marriages recreationally.

According to a 2014 Chapman University survey, 5 percent of American relationships identify themselves as non-monogamous. In a more recent survey of single adults in the United States, in 2017, one-fifth of respondents said they would try some form of non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime.

In major cities, there are plenty of ways for non-monogamous and polycurious people to meet, among them apps, dinners, friends, blind dates and parties. In New York, organized sex parties include Chemistry, which requires a Q. and A. application and photo, but doesn’t screen for a particular look; NYC Inferno, a gay play party that mostly attracts cisgender men but is open to queer, trans and nonbinary people (Playhouse, a spinoff event, revolves around trans guys); Skirt Club, a members-only club for bisexual women; and Wonderland, which welcomes everyone as long as they bring a buddy who will vouch for them, and are committed to fantastical dress codes (“Ancients vs. Aliens,” “Dungeons and Drag Queens”).

Now a cottage industry of coaches and educators has cropped up to help polyamorous partners strive for compersion, the happy-for-you alternative to jealousy. Effy Blue, a relationship coach in Brooklyn, works with all of the following: triads, or three people in a committed relationship together; individuals seeking to transparently date multiple lovers simultaneously; partners who each have intimate friends, all of whom are close; and clients cultivating long-term relationships with someone who already has a primary partner.

“There is no single model that suits everyone,” Ms. Blue said. She also wrote a book on play-party etiquette. “Consent is the cornerstone of any well-produced, healthy and fun sex party,” she said. “This makes it safer and more fun than an average nightclub on any given day.”

Ella Quinlan, a 27-year-old event planner, said she knows hundreds of peers on the East and West Coasts practicing their own flavors of non-monogamy. In her own relationship with Lawrence Blume, a 55-year-old tech investor, Ms. Quinlan’s goal is to enhance what is conventionally beloved about monogamy, she said.

“We want to show people that it’s actually possible to be in a long-term, healthy, satisfying, deeply rooted and connected emotional relationship with somebody — and do this,” Mr. Blume said.

It’s not always easy. “There’s a lot of talking, and it takes a lot of work,” said Jade Marks. When Jade began exploring non-monogamy with Tourmaline, Jade’s primary partner, the pair quickly realized they had different expectations: Jade wanted casual encounters, while Tourmaline preferred sustained relationships with multiple people.

It took a lengthy negotiating period. Boundaries helped: Jade and Tourmaline established safe sex guidelines, and a rule of not bringing any partners to the apartment they share, though Jade said they have “a clause” for unexpected encounters.

Some emotions come with the territory. “A lot of us grew up with few of examples of what supportive queer, trans or non-monogamous relationships look like,” Tourmaline said. Among the couple’s queer and trans peers, non-monogamy can sometimes seem compulsory. “It’s O.K. to feel jealous,” Jade said. “It’s O.K. for this to be hard.”

Karen Ambert, 35, met Kenneth Play, a 38-year-old sex educator, three years ago on an art bus that was touring their neighborhood of Bushwick. Two years later, Mr. Play introduced Ms. Ambert, an emergency-room physician, to the man who became her second boyfriend, Geronimo Frias, the co-owner of a parkour gym.

It’s not technically a triad, but a V, as the relationship configuration is known in the poly community. Mr. Play and Mr. Frias don’t date each other, but they do date other people. (Mr. Play employs an assistant, in part to help book his rotating cast.)

Polyamorous for most of her adult life, Ms. Ambert hid it from her colleagues in medical school and residency. “I was always worrying about the next step. How will this impact my education and career?” she said. But recently she has grown more comfortable in her professional standing, and felt ready to come out about her love life too.

Mr. Frias was sitting on a couch at the home of Mr. Play with Ms. Ambert wedged in the middle, basking in the gaze of four adoring eyes.

Sexual repression is at the root of the wider public stigma about non-monogamy, said Narjesi Tragic, an environmental science student in Queens.

But that’s rapidly changing along with “tolerance of different kinds of lifestyles, traditions, religions,” said Orion Starbreeze, Narjesi’s metamour (both date Tiana North, a professional dominatrix and dog trainer, but not each other).

“We’re returning to that nomadic sharing of partners and resources,” Ms. North said. “There’s ride shares, there’s house shares, bike shares — we’re in a sharing generation now.”

Which, for some, is easier to intellectualize than practice. “The biggest obstacle to free love is the emotion we call jealousy,” the sex educators Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton write in the 1997 edition of their book “The Ethical Slut,” which introduced many Americans to the concept of non-monogamy.

One morning, I Skyped with Na’Im Najieb, a 33-year-old author, and Tyomi Morgan, 31, who is a sexuality coach. The two of them have been in an open marriage for a year and a half, and they recommend the use of mindfulness techniques to overcome jealousy.

“Is this really my partner separating from me?” Ms. Morgan said she asks herself when feelings of insecurity arise. “Or am I struggling my own abandonment issues, and needing to clearly express to Na’Im what affirmation I need to receive?”

Instead of jealousy, Ms. Morgan said she tries to think about gratitude and send messages like, “I was thinking about how much I appreciate you,” rather than, “Where are you?” and “Who are you with?”

Ms. Ambert, Mr. Play and Mr. Frias are all members of Hacienda, an intentional sex-positive community in Bushwick. (Mr. Play is a founder .)

Hacienda Villa, one of four locations, is an unassuming brick rowhouse across from an auto-body shop. Below the open concept kitchen-living room where 14 roommates have house meetings about chores, is a basement where events like Learn to Love Oral Sex: Tips from a Real Sex Worker (open to the public) and Second-Base Brunch (members only) are held.

“There’s a lot of sex problems in the world, like harassment,” Mr. Play said of the community’s mission. “We’re trying to engineer a way to coexist and celebrate sex without harming each other.”

He, Ms. Ambert, and Mr. Frias were currently in the process of contemplating a practice new to many of their open-minded friends and acquaintances: raising children.

“We’re in an extremely happy situation, and yet with a future that’s uncertain,” said Mr. Frias, 41, who is discussing starting a family with Ms. Ambert. “Being married and having kids in a V, I don’t know anyone else personally who’s done it.”

The idea was spurred during a conversation between Mr. Play and Ms. Ambert. It started much like any couple’s might, with Ms. Ambert saying she wanted children sooner rather than later, and Mr. Play hesitating.

Then Mr. Frias was in the picture. Like Ms. Ambert, he, too, wants children.

It was precisely her quality of “accepting people exactly as they are,” without trying to curtail their individual desires, that makes talk of such a long-term commitment possible, he said. “I’m not trying to change anything about her, and she’s not trying to change anything about me,” he added.

And those are just the emotional perks, said Mr. Play, who is coming around to the idea of helping raise children who aren’t his own. “Three incomes. Three parents. No one feels like they’re drowning in responsibility,” he said. “And the kid, surrounded by more loving adults.”

“I think this is really beneficial — a good life hack.”

Yael Malka is a photographer and artist raised in the Bronx and now based in Brooklyn. Alice Hines is a writer in New York City.

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cjkendricksmusicblog · 7 years

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MONDAY MOTIVATIONS

What's good, good people!?! Get ready for another jam-packed, introspective, insightful edition of CJKENDRICKS MUSIC NEWS!!

This week... It's crunch time for the Kickstarter campaign! I've got just under two weeks to go and I'm letting you in on my last ditch efforts for success. I'm heavy into promotion for the July performance at Vinyl in Atlanta! Discount tickets are available and the show rehearsals begin this week!! Listen to 89.3FM in Atlanta for singles from FAME vs INFAMY!!! And there's much much more....

CRUNCHTIME for KICKSTARTER!!!

With less than two weeks left to go in the campaign, I'm exhausting all communication efforts I've learned and accessed over the last few months. I'll be sending personal Facebook messages and emails, texting and tweeting friends and fans, and making use of services like GreenInbox, Ninja Outreach, ReverbNation's Fanreach and more to get the word out. I'm asking for any help you all can provide! Let's make this happen. I've crafted an audio sample that will be added to all outgoing messages and posted with the next Kickstarter update. Take a listen below....

https://soundcloud.com/cjkendricksmusic/kickstarter-campaign-audio-sampler

AND please support my Kickstarter campaign!!!

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JULY SHOW - CJ performing LIVE in ATLANTA

I'm so hella stoked to be returning to the Vinyl stage soon, and I've got two treats for you guys to celebrate!!! First, all tickets purchased on or before June 30th receive a free download of FAME vs INFAMY.... PLUS ... all Kickstarter backers receive FREE TICKETS to the show (pending a successful campaign). Discount tickets are available online using promo code CJ971. Advanced ticket sales not only save you guys money, but it also helps me earn a little extra cash as well as other perks such as a longer performance time, the chance to choose my position in the show line-up and so much more. So COME ON, and "meet me on the dance floor". Hurry and get your tickets now!! Discount code expires June 30th and Kickstarter campaign ends July 7th.

3 Ways to get your tickets:

- $10 - Direct from the artist or artist's team

- $12 + fees - Online at www.aftonshows.com/cjkendricksmusic

- $15 - At the Door (DOES NOT HELP THE ARTIST!!! THESE TICKETS ONLY BENEFIT THE PROMOTOR & VENUE)

CJ on the Radio!!!

SHOW U OFF, COME ON and SUMMERTIME SWEETHEART will hit the indie airwaves soon. I visited WRFG 89.3 in Atlanta last week and had a great chat with the station manager!! I've submitted singles from FAME vs INFAMY for airplay, so tune in to 89.3's SOUL RHAPSODY weekday mornings from 10am til noon, ROCKERS INTERNATIONAL Saturday afternoons at 2pm, and BEATZ and LYRICS Saturday nights at 10pm!!! This is the station that helped get iconic Atlanta artists like OutKast and TLC their start, and I'm so honored and humbled to be working with them. Streaming worldwide at www.wrfg.org

MOTOWN MONDAY RETURNS TONIGHT on YouTube!!!

I took time off last week to rest my vocals, but today I'm back with a Marvin Gaye triple feature! This week's episode of Motown Monday starts off with an acapella rendition of Trouble Man. It will also feature the usual karaoke performance, but will close with a music video cover of Let's Get It On!!! It debuts today exclusively on YouTube, don't miss it!!! And be sure to check out my INSTAGRAM this week for all new rounds of "GUESS THAT SONG" for your chance to win free music downloads, concert tickets and exclusive merchandise!!

SELF DISCOVERY: Part 2 - Epiphany incites Transition

I took a little time off from this blog and my YouTube series to rest, rejuvenate, relax, and reminisce. There're so many things in the world that I have yet to speak on as an artist because I've been careful in crafting my brand, and mindful of the persona I'm creating and how it may be perceived in the court of public opinion. But today, I have to break my silence. I feel the need to let fans and supporters know the more real, human side of me, and how recent events in the world have affected my path, my view and my vision of the future.

I've been working on my music for years without any real direction. It's been one of the most frustrating, emotionally draining, mentally exhausting things to deal with. But I've finally figured out why I've been chasing my proverbial tail... I've been allowing my ego to dictate my actions. I've allowed ego to masquerade as intellect, forcing intelligence to become a type of overly analytical anxiety. In short, I forgot myself, I forgot my place in the universe, I forgot my purpose as a vessel for creation and knowledge to pass through. Now, I have a team behind me and supporters in the wings waiting to see when it all pops off. Now I have a direction, a goal, and a plan to reach it. But, I also have room to grow, and room to expand and adapt my plan as needed to the shifting environment that is America.

In recent meditations, I've discovered what my vices are and started to slowly mediate them. Procrastination is probably the worst of them all as it feeds into my OCD and fear of succeeding. I admittedly fear success because of the changes that come along with it. Not the obvious ones, but the subtle changes one fails to notice until they have already taken place. And perhaps there is even a fear of the way success will change my family dynamics as well. But now that I am aware of these things, and the ways in which I've distracted myself from dealing with them, I can effectively heal some old wounds that have been blocking my progression. I can face the very things that have been hindering my full potential as an artist, and more importantly as a person.

Recent events in our seemingly divided country have impacted my meditations and given me an understanding as to what my future as an artist may hold. I have a responsibility as a musician to connect with my audience. I also have a responsibility as a black man in America to breach the hearts and minds of others, not to end racism... but to fully educate those that are either (willingly or unwillingly) blind to it on the truths, dangers and impacts of the various types of racism that plagues the black American in today's society.

SHOW U OFF: the Remixes

JULY 22, 2017 Exclusively on ReverbNation - In conjunction with my live performance, the moment I hit the stage... 3 Remixes of SHOW U OFF will be available for download and streaming exclusively on my ReverbNation page before it is available on SoundCloud, iTunes, Amazon and Spotify!!

CJ joins MUSICAL.LY and FUNIMATE!!

I recently hit up these new apps to connect with more fans! I'm still getting the hang of them, but look for some posts very soon across my social media accounts!!

BLACK IN AMERICA: After the Verdict - the Philander Castile case -

I have intentionally avoided blogging about anything racial, religious or political, because I believe music is meant to heal. Music is meant to bring us together, not drive us further apart... and since I'm am a musician first and everything else second, and this is my blog primarily to chronicle my musical career and adventures... well its obvious to see why I've shied away from such topics. But being a black man in America just got a little harder and a whole lot more discouraging. If you've been sleeping under a rock or you're one of those people blind to the fact that racism still exists on multiple levels in this country, then you might have missed the significance of the officers acquittal in the Philando Castile manslaughter case. Outside of the obvious (a law-abiding citizen loses his life senselessly while complying with law enforcement), what makes this worse is the injustice of the officer being charged with manslaughter instead of first degree murder. I'm sure you have all seen the videos either in news footage or from the original Facebook Live post from his girlfriend present at the scene, so I'll spare you and myself the rehashing of the gory details. The videos show clearly what happened, yet a jury of Mr. Castille's "peers" did not see enough evidence to find the officer guilty of any wrongdoing. Someone lost their life, yet the officer was acquitted of all charges. There is something wrong with that statement. The system is clearly broken and I implore you all to find out just how broken it is, and how long it has been this way. Here is a lecture by John Bracey from a few years back that a friend recently shared with me through Facebook...

vimeo

Now, growing up poor in inner city America, I was taught (like any other black kid in my generation and the ones before with halfway decent parents...) that in order to succeed I have to be twice as smart, twice as good and work twice as hard. What my parents meant by that, what is implied to all black Americans is that we have to be at least twice as good as any white person to get the same things as that person in life. Black people are conveniently both persons and product within the framework of American society. And as we all know (or should know to some degree), product is expendable. So, does that mean my life is expendable at the hands of law enforcement?!? If so, where is my motivation to be a good person, to take pride in my country, to treat my fellow American as my brother? Take note of the fact that I have to think... every time I decide to get in my car and leave my house... is today the day that someone kills me? I've become numb to most subtle racisms because I'm from the South. But now, I don't wonder if I'll be called the N word or something else. I don't wonder if I'll be passed over for a job promotion, or skipped in line at the restaurant or bar. I don't even wonder anymore if I'm going to get a ticket at a traffic stop due to racial profiling. No... now I wonder if I'm going to die at the hands of a police officer today... because I live in the suburbs, look like a rapper (apparently), and listen to loud music. Now I wonder if my daughter will have to see her daddy shot down and laying lifeless in front of her while she's strapped tightly in her car seat.

Until next time...

- CJ -

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remierin-blog · 7 years

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Major production research

Teechers and John Godber

John Harry Godber was born on the 18th May 1956, in Upton, West Riding of Yorkshire. He trained as a teacher of drama at Bretton Hall college, he then went on to become head of drama at Minsthorpe High School, the school that he once attended as he was a child, and later wrote for TV series ‘Brookside’ and ‘Grange Hil’l. After leaving teaching, he went on to venture into plays and then in 1984 he became artistic director of Hull Truck theatre company.

What set Godber apart from his peers was that he was well known for his innovative work in theatre, for example ‘Bouncers’, ‘Teechers’ and ‘Up n Under’, bringing to light social issues, that most people were to scared or ignorant to take notice of. He was also named the third most performed British playwright after Shakespeare and Ayckbourn. Godber inspired a new wave of theatre audiences, encouraging not the usual theatre goer of his time to venture to the theatre, drawn in by his relatable life like plays, appealing to the average every day type of person.

Godbers influence on modern theatre is that the theatre is more open and appealing to all social classes of the public than ever before, he heavily assisted in paving the way for working class plays and theatre goers.

His legacy will be the change and recognition that he brought to topics looked over by public majority and the government, for example he wrote ‘Shafted’ which is based on the UK miners strike and portrays the misfortune of a post mining community, something he had a personal connection to, he also wrote a play about a women’s rugby team called ‘Muddy Cows’, after he went to see female rugby teams The North play The Midlands. In an interview with the Yorkshire Post in 2013 he explained that the thought behind the play was to bring recognition to certain social problems that he wanted to tackle, the main one being certain body types which young people are told they should have by society and the media, the interview states “But for all the talk about the need for equality in sport these days women’s rugby is still dogged by sexist cliches and preconceptions, something Godber wanted to tackle. [Godber states] ‘I have two kids and they are bombarded with body types and told they should look like this and that and if they don’t wear such and such they’re square. So with ‘Muddy Cows’ I tried to get under the skin and look at real women, because the great thing about rugby is if you’re big you play prop, if you’re fast you play on the wing and if you’re adept you play fly-half, so there’s a role for everyone”. Along with one of his most famous play ‘Teechers’ which portrays issues the government seemingly overlook, as stated in the manchester evening news “’Teechers’ is no musty old piece of ephemera, its overarching themes still relevant to the challenges still found in classrooms today” Godber done the unthinkable of the time and spoke out against the government and the system that we are put into based on our social class. Godber is extremley well versed in theatre styles and addressed working class culture, issues and appealed to a variety of audiences, paving the way for working class writers such as Jim Allen and Alan Bleasdale.

The UK theatrical climate at the time of ‘Teechers’ first production, which was in 1987, was an extremley hard time for the arts as a whole, as this was Thatcher era. ‘Teechers’ premiered in the same year that Thatcher was reelected for an unprecedented third term, and then Godber burst onto the scene, a complete left wing activist, who was all for bringing a voice to the working class people. Thatcher had no understanding of what a central place the arts have in British life, during her era funding to key arts organisations were dramatically cut, Thatcher had little cultural sophistication or understanding, she activley hated culture, as she recognised it as a form of dissent.

A particular film that premiered during the Thatcher era which, just like Godber did, bravely questioned the society we live in, was ‘My Beautiful Laundrette’ the film tells the story of a young Pakistani who is given a run down laundromat by his uncle, eventually reuniting with his former lover, the film shows the social forces that threatened their relationship and business success, due to social issues at the time, including class, homosexuality and racism within the social and economic era of Thatcherism, as stated in word press “the country shown in the film is Margaret Thatcher’s England, where the official political agenda had a clear colonial nostalgia.”

The film questions the boxes society seemingly places us into, and the leading characters question everything that they are told to do and believe, the film reflects themes that Goober still questions and writes about today.

My character

The character I will be playing in ‘Teechers’ is Lillian ‘Hobby’ Hobson, she is a well liked and popular girl within the school and is best friends with Salty and Gail, although, her and Gail are complete opposites, Hobby is a tomboy and quite reserved in comparison to Salty and Gail. Thinking back to when I was in school there are a few people who remind me of my character, very tomboy-ish, yet always hung around with the most popular people in school, when studying Hobby I’ve come to believe that she hangs around with Gail and Salty and thinks so much of them because she’s scared of being on her own, whether that’s because she’s just scared of being lonely or because that would make her vulnerable to other people, because she knows she’s different to other girls this makes her worry that if she didn’t have Salty and Gail’s protection she would be picked on and bullied. I also believe that Hobby has been let down by family members, such as her mother, her mother has never been around and she has been raised solely by her father and elder brother, hence the reason that she is such a tomboy. I also think this is why she clings on to Gail and Salty so much because she is afraid of them leaving her just like her mother did.

I think it is extremely difficult for teachers to carry out their work today, especially in the poorer communities because as sad as it is, there are many kids just like Hobby, Gail and Salty who are not given fair and equal opportunities, resulting in them going against the education system and not taking it seriously, making teachers jobs a lot harder than what they need to be. With this being said, the teaching facilities that are available now compared to years ago are a lot more advanced, for example technology now makes it a lot easier and creates more fun ways to learn, as stated on Lehigh Valley Health Network, research has found that “video games encourage children to solve problems by forming hypotheses, probing for new information, rethinking a problem as a result of new information and persisting in a task...Electronic media doesn’t necessarily make children more isolated and depressed. Research suggests that video game players are consistently more social, more confident and more comfortable solving problems than non-gamers. Technology helps educate children in ways that are best suited to their personal learning styles. An estimated 60-80 percent of children are visual learners, and technology makes it easier to supplement verbal content like reading and lectures with pictures and graphs.” But just like ‘Teechers’ states, these facilities need to be made ready available to all children, of all social classes, not just for the children whose parents can afford for them to have these facilities.

Bibliography

HIBBERT, A. Review: Teechers @ The Lowry In-text: (Hibbert, 2017) Your Bibliography: Hibbert, A. (2017). Review: Teechers @ The Lowry. [online] men. Available at: http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/whats-on/arts-culture-news/review-teechers--lowry-quays-7058992 [Accessed 4 May 2017].

Website HOW TECHNOLOGY CAN HELP CHILDREN LEARN - LEHIGH VALLEY HEALTH NETWORK - A PASSION FOR BETTER MEDICINE In-text: (Lvhn.org, 2017) Your Bibliography: Lvhn.org. (2017). How Technology Can Help Children Learn - Lehigh Valley Health Network - A Passion For Better Medicine. [online] Available at: https://www.lvhn.org/wellness_resources/wellness_articles/technology_and_your_health/how_technology_can_help_children_learn [Accessed 4 May 2017].

Website THE BIG INTERVIEW: JOHN GODBER In-text: (Yorkshirepost.co.uk, 2017) Your Bibliography: Yorkshirepost.co.uk. (2017). The Big Interview: John Godber. [online] Available at: http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/what-s-on/theatre/the-big-interview-john-godber-1-5928600 [Accessed 4 May 2017].

Website THE SYMBOLIC MEANING OF THE LAUNDRETTE IN MY BEAUTIFUL LAUNDRETTE In-text: (einblogvonvielen, 2017) Your Bibliography: einblogvonvielen. (2017). The Symbolic Meaning of the Laundrette in My Beautiful Laundrette. [online] Available at: https://einblogvonvielen.wordpress.com/2015/03/02/the-symbolic-meaning-of-the-laundrette-in-my-beautiful-laundrette/ [Accessed 4 May 2017].