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justal0wk3yg4mer · 2 years

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Things I've Said: Assassin's Creed Valhalla (Spoilers)

Guess what I finally finished!!! Well actually I finished this game a few months ago but I kind of procrastinated because I'm trying to keep this post mainly storyline stuff and it was gonna take me a minute to go over everything. So...yeah...this post is going to be another long one. But still, I LOVED this game! It was so much fun and there was so much to do that I never got bored. However, this meant that I would get distracted easily and run off to do some random thing instead of the story. Still, no regrets. Now, on with the post! Me:*Player/My actions* Character Dialogue

This looks so cool. End of story, no more comments...holy shit the sounds!

I fucking love that loading symbol.

This is wholesome, like the beginning of Assassin's Creed 2 wholesome...fuck.

Where the fuck is the title screen? *Literally a hour later after exploring* There it is, now I know exactly how I'm going to be doing in this game.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this but here I am, literally doing everything else BUT the story.

Hytham: Will you follow me? Eivor: Lead on. I'll follow that sweet baby cinnamon roll anywhere!

*Reaches an anomaly* Oh, I'm getting so many AC2 flashbacks.

If I could romance Valka I would. *Couple of minutes later* IF I COULD ROMANCE HYTHAM I WOULD.

I legit met this bear 5 minutes ago and I am devastated by her death.

Bigfoot! No wait this is England.

Is that? OMG it is, the saxons are playing D'n'D.

Step on me? Glad to know that was a kink back in the day.

Bad bitch, Soma's a bad bitch.

Part of me is intrigued to go find clues and hunt for Order members. At the same time, I didn't ask to play hide and seek with these MFs.

Annnnd I need an adult.

*Gets stabbed* You're askin' for it old man.

Do I sense betrayal?

HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON??!?!

There is a reason I don't fuck with zealots, don't give them my fucking name.

You tryin' to raid the raven clan? Not today son, not today.

Fight me Dag 😡

*Goes to see Hytham and sees options* Can I please have a conversation with this man?

This guy is a keeper and Valdis knows it. So you two can fuck off.

He's fine, it's just a cliff. I've seen assassins go higher.

Finnr:...and a nap. Same my dude.

Can we discuss the Dag situation? Cause if he keeps being a bitch, Imma send his ass to Valhalla sooner.

The Ratae Bureau? Oh shit I forgot these were a thing. *Cue another hour of NOT DOING THE STORY*

Wow, everyone got the message and just dipped? Were they being hunted after Imperator Honorius died or was just like 'nope, Britannia got too weird for us.'

This 'Lady' that they keep mentioning...is it Aya? *Few minutes later* It is My Queen!

BAYAK!! 😭😭

May the father--...oh that's rich.

Ubisoft, why can't I romance Hytham?

Vinland? Either it's Hytham's accent or that's just what they use to call Finland back in the day. *Checks* Oh I'm fucking stupid. It's America.

Basim, you rub me the wrong way.

Sigurd WTF

*Hears Juno's voice* Fucking bitch.

How did you get an Apple?!? Yeet it. Yeet that bitch to the farthest depths of the ocean.

That's the wall. That's the wall from AC3. *Eivor gives the apple to the tribe* That's the apple from AC--THIS IS CONNOR'S TRIBE!

Hey uh, Bishop Deorlof...that's an interesting cross you got on.

What if the woman was the mastermind? I would fucking salute her.

NO CEOBERT MY BABY BOY!!

King getting his ass whooped with a fucking stool.

...here is an idea, what if the bishop did it? I mean, that is an interesting necklace.

That's why he kept saying Ivarr's name! My bad Bishop and Ivarr WTF?!

Basim is doing what I would be doing if I could travel back to puritan times. Mad respect. But still, fuck you Basim.

Is that a Da Vinci Code reference?

Lady Estrid be like (¬‿¬) *Few minutes later* Estrid: Is my virtue safe with you? I fucking knew it.

Why am I getting Witcher vibes? Nevermind, no disrespect Jeskier.

That's called arson...you are arsonist.

Reda, my guy, you are LITERALLY talking about Bayak and Aya and I am deeply hurt.

It almost pains me how badly I am disrespecting these fuckers in their own house.

Goodwin, you tryin' to smash?

Yes man is mortal but, if his work is passed on, is immortal. *My friend: That was deep...and you need a break.*

RAVEN GANG FOR LIFE BITCH!

Why is your titty out like that bro?

*Recieved the 'We're in the end game now' trophy*...is the game trying to rush me?

Fuck Goodwin, hello Vili.

Guy is like the pervy purge trooper all over again, but I'll allow it.

You know, I've always hated Juno in the series, however you *Fulke* have taken the cake.

Sigurd you are borderline Stockholm Syndrome my guy.

Oh you're up to something...and the result sounds like your death.

This is moldy cheese...is the cake a lie?!

Not gonna lie; this is probably the most fucked up death in the game and y'all called me a murder.

Um, Sigurd. You okay bud? A little depressed?

*Watches the last anomaly* There is so much to digest here but I will ask...does Basim know?

Sigurd is 100% that dumb white friend in horror movies.

Oh no, not this Groundhog's Day BS.

Okay so Sigurd remembers. Eivor doesn't or does and just doesn't care. Basim has to know, there are too many redflags. *Few minutes later* I fucking knew it, come here bitch.

Finally giving my man Desmond some credit 😤

I'm not surprised. Should have duct taped the staff to her hand.

Desmond? 😩

Why are y'all talking to this man? I'd slit his throat, bury the body and call it a day.

You?!? That's awesome! Such a slap to the face, even bigger than Shay's betrayal.

And finally, we are at the end. There was so much to go through and sort. Too be honest, I know I said that I wanted to make this strictly about the storyline but, I was trying to remember what was story and what led into the story but I had fun so I can't complain. Thank you for stickin' it til the end!

#things i've said #video games #gaming #assassin's creed #assassin's creed valhalla #eivor wolfkissed #hytham #sigurd #basim ibn ishaq #desmond miles #layla hassan

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robynqueenofstuff · 7 years

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Something I’ve Always Wanted To Say To Those Who Complain About A Lack Of Good Female Characters.

Yes we are just SHORT on good female characters, aren't we?

‘Takes a ginormous breath’

I mean besides Ellen Ripley, The Bride, Katniss Everdeen, Imperator Furiosa, Rey, [insert surname here] Princess Leia, [One of the greatest fucking characters ever] Sarah Connor to just name the most well-known few. We only have Hermione Granger [obviously], Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, Minerva Mcgonagoll, Molly Weasley, Lily Potter, Bellatrix Lestrange, Jyn Erso, Padme Amidala, Hera Syndulla, Sabine Wren, Mara Jade, Jaina Solo, Tahiri Veila, Jan Ors, Nomi Sunrider, Lumiya, Juno Eclipse, Bastila Shan, Satele Shan, Ahsoka Tano, Barriss Offee, Luminara Unduli, Aayla Secura, Adi Gallia, Shaak Ti, Jaden Korr [Optionally female], Asajj Ventress, Aurra Sing, Zam Wesell, Steela Gerrara, The Seventh Sister, Satine Kryze, Shmi Skywalker, Darth Zannah, Mother Talzin, [The fucking Hapes Consortium places women higher over men] Belle, Jasmine, Mulan, Pocahontas, Tiana, Jane, Rapunzel, Ariel, Cinderella, Megara, Lilo, Nani, Nala, Vanellope, Lady, Merida, Jessie, Dory, Helen/Elastigirl, EVA, Edna Mode, Joy, Sadness, Anna, Elsa, [Yes i think she's a good character but for different reasons than others do] Kida, Wendy, Alice, Judy Hopps, Kanga, Kala, Captain Amelia, Moana, Esmeralda, Flora, Fauna, Merryweather, Rita, Miss Bianca, Mary Poppins, Eglantine Price, Sally, Audrey Ramirez, Mittens, Maleficent, Ursula, Cruella De Vil, Queen Grimhilde, Yzma, Lady Tremaine, Queen Of Hearts, Madame Medusa, Mother Gothel, Honey Lemon, Go-Go, Chel, Marina, Eris, Tigress, Ginormica, Roxanne, Astrid, Valka, Ginger, Fiona, Fairy Godmother, Tzipporah and Miriam. Chihiro, San, Moro, Lady Eboshi Sophie, Kiki, Shizuku, Arrietty, Ponyo, Nausicaa, Princess Kushana, Kaguya, Sheeta, Marnie, Annie, Coraline, Anastasia, Mrs Brisby, Elle Woods, Dorothy, Matilda, Alicia Huberman, Violet, Corky, Alice Creed, Clarice Starling, Mrs Danvers, Janine Melnitz. Kylie Griffin, Junior Ghostbuster Catherine, [yeah there were already female Ghostbusters before that crappy movie] Lisbeth Salander, Mathilda Lando, Marge Gunderson, Judge Cassandra Anderson, Ma-Ma, [Madeline Madrigal] Regina George, Cady Heron, Clementine Kruczynski, M, [the one played by Judi Dench] Moneypenny,, Elle Driver, O-Ren Ishii, Julie Kohler, Yuki Kashima, Amelie Poulain, Lucy, Rose Dewitt Bukater, Joy ‘Ma’ Newsome, Grace Howard, Philomena Lee, Ofelia, Kara, [From Dragonheart] Sarah Williams, Maria von Trapp, Marion Ravenwood, Dr. Elsa Schneider, Evelyn Carnahan, Officer Anne Lewis, Dr Ellie Sattler, Paikea Apirana, Motoko Kusanagi, Carrie White, Arwyn, Eowyn, Galadriel, Yu Shu Lien, Jen Yu, Jackie Brown, Nefretiri, All the girls from St Trinians, Bliss Cavendar, The girls on the Roller Derby Team, [Maggie Mayhem, Bloody Holly, Rosa Sparks, Smashley Simpson] Sally Albright, Jean Louise ‘Scout’ Finch, Claire Standish. Allison Reynolds, Kim Possible, She-Ra, [Plus the female characters in She-Ra and He-Man] Jem, Synergy, The Holograms, The Misfits, Penny Gadget, Jessica Jones, Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Anya Jenkins, Faith, Cordelia Chase, Drusilla, Emma Swan, Carol Peletier, River Tam, Xena, Lady Penelope, Roseanne, Dana Scully, Morticia Addams, Wednesday Addams, Lily Munster, Vastra and Jenny, Jessica Fletcher, Olivia Benson, Lilly Rush, Korra, Asami Sato, Lin Beifong, Opal Beifong, Suyin Beifong, Kya, Daria Morgendoffer, Jane Lane, Susan Foreman, Barbara Wright, Jo Grant, Donna Noble, River Song, Ace, Nyssa, Romana, Sarah Jane, Clara Oswald, [the majority of the Doctor Who companions are female] Madame Vastra, Jenny, Zoe Washburne, Kaywinnet Lee ‘Kaylee’ Frye, Lagertha Lothbrok, Claire Underwood, Uhura, Nurse Chappell, Nurse Abby, Captain Katherine Janeway, B’elanna Torres, Seven Of Nine, Kira Nerys, Jadzia Dax, Deanna Troi, Penelope Garcia, Kima Greggs, Evelyn Salt, Starbuck, Lois Lane, Katara, Toph, Mai, Azula, Suki, Ty-Lee, June, Serras Victoria, Sir Integra Hellsing, Dr. Girlfriend, Elektra Nachios, Alex Drake, Cameron, [Even if she's a cyborg she counts] Veronica Mars, ALL THREE CHARLIE'S ANGELS, THE POWERPUFF GIRLS, The female rangers in Power Rangers, Sabrina Spellman, The majority of characters from My Little Pony, Mabel Pines, Wendy Corduroy, The Crystal Gems, Princess Bubblegum, Marceline The Vampire Queen, Flame Princess, Princess Allura, Katie ‘Pidge’ Holt, Violet Baudelaire, Lucy Pevensie, Alice, [again] Nancy Drew, Annabeth Chase, Clarisse La Rue, Sally Jackson, Thalia Grace, Piper Mclean, Hazel Levesque, [I AM GOING TO GET SO MUCH SHIT FROM PERCY JACKSON FANS BECAUSE THESE ARE THE ONLY ONES I CAN THINK OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD] Daenerys, Arya, Margaery, Catelyn, Brienne, Olenna, Sansa, Susan Sto Helit, Liessa Dragonlady, Tiffany Aching, Hannah Wolfe, The female characters in Malazan Book Of The Fallen, Harriet The Spy, Althea Vestrit, Aerin, Sorcha, Daine, Sabriel, Maka Albarn, Tsubaki Nakatsukasa, Liz and Patty Thompson, Meryl Strife, Milly Thompson, Winry Rockbell, Izumi Curtis, Riza Hawkeye, Mikasa Ackerman, Pepper Potts, Gwen Stacy, Black Cat, Wonder Woman [That’s a fucking no brainer], Batgirl, Batwoman, Supergirl, Raven, Starfire, Huntress, Black Canary, Zatanna, Catwoman, Hawkgirl, Mera, Katana, Talia Al Ghul, Enchantress, Poison Ivy, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Natasha Irons, Storm, Rogue, Ms Marvel, Emma Frost, The Wasp, Invisible Woman, She-Hulk, Gamora, Kitty Pryde, Psylocke, Valkyrie. Mystique, the female Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D, Not to mention the girls from Fables, Rayne, Clementine, Amanda Ripley, Coco Bandicoot, Bayonetta, Ms Pacman, Valna, Yuko, Amu, Lena, Alex, Etna, Flonne, Jennifer, Raspberyl, Vulcanas, Usalia, Maya Amano, Ulala Serizawa, Yukari Takeba, Fuuku Yamagashi, Chie Satonaka, Yukiko Amagi, Rise Kujikawa, Naoto Shirogane, Ann Takamaki, Haru Okumura, Kyoko Kirigiri, Sakura Ogami, Aoi Asahina, Chiaki Nanami, Sonia Nevermind, Akane Owari, Fiora, Melia, Sharla, BB Hood, Morrigan, Felicia, Q-Bee, Lara Croft, Samus Arran, Aya Brea, Elizabeth Comstock, Ellie, Faith, Jill Valentine, Ada Wong, Garnet Til Alexandros XVII, Tifa Lockhart, Aerith Gainsborough, Yuffie Kisaragi, Rydia, Rosa Joanna Farrell, Celes Chere, Terra Branford, Relm Arrowny, Rinoa Heartilly, Quistis Trepe, Selphie Tilmitt, Ultimecia, Ashe, Fran, Freya Crecent, Eiko Carol, Yuna, Rikku, Lulu, Aqua, Zelda, Midna, Alice from Mcgee, Odessa Silverburg plus all the females in Fire Emblem, Vocaloid, Touhou and Sid Meir’s Civilization. Not to mention the option to play as female characters in most of the LEGO games plus the option to play as a female in Mass Effect, Dragon Age: Origins, Elder Scrolls, World of Warcraft, Fallout, Saints Row, Fable, Terraria, Borderlands, Jade Empire, Neverwinter Nights, Rock Band 2, Tardew Valley, Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, Fate, Harvest Moon: The Tale of Two Town, Guilty Gear, Overwatch, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Tekken, Dynasty and Samurai Warriors plus the enormous roster in League Of Legends, Every last female in Skullgirls, All the female Pokemon trainers, All the females from Magic The Gathering, Hit-Girl, Powergirl, Tigra, Lady Sif, Spider-Woman, Vixen, Witchblade, Lady Death, Stephanie Brown, Jem, Aeon Flux, Gwen, Morgana, Morgause, Nimueh, Maid Marian, Djaq, Lady Isabella Of Gisborne, Irene Adler, Carolyn Berek, Serena Stevens, Megan Wheeler, Kate Beckett, Nikki Heat, The girls from Women’s Murder Club, Beatrice Adela Lestrange Bradley, Temperance Daesee Bradley, Brenda Leigh Johnson, Joanne Kilbourn, Josephina ‘Jo’ Lupo, Catherine Willows, Alex Rovias, Alicia Claus, Jennifer Tate, Sarah Kerrigan, Joanna Dark, Catherine 'Ann’ Archer, April Ryan, Claire Redfield, Alis Landale, Alyx Vance, Heather Mason, Elena Fisher, Amaterasu, Shantae, Rosalina, Chrodechild, Chris Lightfellow, Ellen from Folklore, Jade from Beyond Good And Evil, Maya from Septerra Core, Miriam from The Guardian Legend, The female characters from Dead Or Alive, And even if you choose to play as a male character in games like Mass Effect and Dragon Age there are still a number of female characters to choose from such as Liara T,Soni, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Ashley Williams, Miranda Lawson, Kahlee Sanders, Samara, Morinth, Dr Kelly Chambers, Samantha Traynor, Morrigan, Leliana, Wynne, Shale, Flenneth, Cassandra, Even older games have ones like Jill Of The Jungle, Debra Dare, Lady Bug, Kangaroo, The heroine from Secret Of Mana, The female ninja from Ninja Warriors, Princess Rosella from King’s Quest IV. Even Princess Peach and Daisy can count as they kick total amounts of ass in the racing and fighting games Nintendo puts out. Aunt Entity, Sergeant Rita Vrataski, Polgara The Sorceress, Cutie Honey, Vicki Barr, The girls from The Babysitters Club, The ladies from The Sleepover Club, Princess Cimorene, Egwene al Vere, Elizabeth Swann, Tia Dalma, Lieutenant Jordan O'Neil, Kyra/Jack, Carolyn Fry, Mimi Kirogoe, Hana, [The mother from Wolf Children who is now one of my favorite characters ever] The girl from The Fox And The Child, Annalise Keating, Lady Macbeth, Cherry Darling, Cathy Gale, Emma Peel, Cybersix, Elphaba, Samantha Barker, Karen Silkwood, [who was a real person] Meg Altman, Thelma Dickinson, Louise Sawyer, Shoshanna Dreyfus, Trinity, The girls from Charmed, Emma Swan, Regina Mills, Mina Harker from The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Pauline Hargraves, Max Caufield, Jodie Holmes, Samantha Greenbriar, Thea Queen, Squirrel Girl, Beatrix De Costa [Fire], Tora Olafsdotter [Ice], Wondergirl, Dazzler, Black Alice, Dove, Gypsy, Jade Canary, Cassandra Cain, Big Barda, Darna, The Boss, Meryl Silverburgh, Mei-Ling, Naomi Hunter, Sunny Gurlukovich, Olga Gurlukovich, Fortune, Quiet, GLADOS, SHODAN, Velma, Daphne, Miss Ernst/Grand High Witch, Sailor Moon and the Sailor Soldiers, [Sailor Venus, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune, Sailor Pluto,] Bulma, the majority of the characters in Orange Is The New Black, Leslie Knope, Ann Perkins, April Ludgate, Asuka Langley Soryu, Haruko Haruhara, Nana Komatsu, Nana Osaki, Lucrezia Noin, Lady Une, Dorothy Catalonia, Sally Po, Reyna, Zoe Nightshade, Meg McCaffery, Calypso, The females from The 100, Alicia Melchiott, Isara Gunther, Cosette Coalhearth, Miku Hinasaki, Leah, [from Diablo] Melody Farklight, The Totally Spies!, Mia Dolan, Kathy Selden, Vianne Rocher, Princess Ann, [Ann ‘Smitty’ Smith] Margaret Hale, Lauren Olamina, Sara Crewe, Mary Lennox, Jennifer Simpson, Christine Collins, [Who was also a real person] Turanga Leela, Tauriel, The ladies from Steel Magnolias, All the female Transformers, Farah, Annie Sawyer, Nina Pickering, Gabrielle, Saturn Girl, Sage, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, She-Thing, Scorpion, Songbird, Silk Spectre II, Spider Girl, Silver Sable, The ladies of the Wildstorm universe, Fault Zone, Solara, The Wink, Paragon, Lady Deathstrike, Madame Masque, Cheetah, Emerald Empress, All 20 superheroines before Wonder Woman, Alanna of Trebond, The ladies of The Lunar Chronicles, Catti-Brie, Alyx, [From the Adventures Of Alyx books] The ladies from Marvel's Runaways series, Veronica Layton, Marguerite Krux, Mako Mori, Blaze The Cat, Toby 'Kissy' Masuyo, April Ryan, Mona Sax, Fox, Ninja Princess, Papri, Lady Master Of Kung Fu, Reika Kirishima, The ladies from the Tales series, Noel Vermilian, Shield Knight, Petra from Emerald City Confidential, The ladies from Elsword, Anna Leonowens.[another lady from real-life but perhaps best known from The King And 1] Eliza Doolittle, Ree Dolly, Hushpuppy, Unicorn/Lady Amalthea, Aeryn Sun, Chiana, Mallory Kane, Pauline Hargraves, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Samantha Carter, The Tiger Woman, Barbara Meredith/The Black Whip, Hana Tsu-Vachel, Tessa Alvarado, Jo March, Liesel Meminger, Betty Barrett, Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug, Shelby Woo, Jaime Sommers, Molly Moon, Torchy Blane, Eliza Maza, Angela, Demona, Fox Xanatos, The girls from W.I.T.C.H, Mona The Vampire, The Worst Witch, Ms Frizzle, Carmen Sandiego, Leslie and Joni from Cluefinders, Ren Stevens, Jules Paxton and Jess Bhamra, [from Bend It Like Beckham] Hazel Grace Lancaster, Mara Of The Acoma, Aerin Dragon-Killer/Firehair, Angharad 'Harry' Crewe, The three sisters from Ballet Shoes, Anne Shirley, Lyra Belacqua, Kerowyn, Dashti, Sadie Kane, Zia Rashid, Samirah-Al-Abbas, Lydia Deetz, Juniper Lee, Gretchen, Spinelli, Alex Mack. Or female characters for really young kids such as Lizzie Mcguire, Andi Mack, Dora, Peppa Pig, Lola, Charlie, Looby Loo, Ramona Quimby, Pippi Longstocking, Star Butterfly, Meg Murray, Madeline, Angelina Ballerina, The lovely ladies of Balamory, Jemima Puddle-Duck, and Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle. Or females from Greek mythology like Gaia, Hestia, Demeter, Nemesis, Medusa, Nyx, Ananke, Rhea, Athena, Demeter, Persephone, Artemis or their Roman counterparts. Or the ladies from Norse, Finnish or Egyptian Mythology. Or historical female figures to look up to such as Elizabeth the 1st, Joan Of Arc, Queen Cordelia, Queen Gwendolen, Ethelfreda, Boudicca, Florence Nightingale, Amelia Earhart, Marie Curie, Catherine The Great and Audrey Hepburn. You play as a female Avatar in Cooking Mama and all of the Imagine series, The Jurassic Park dinosaurs were all female, Minecraft allows female appearance through customized character skins EVEN BARBIE! THERE! I SAID IT!

But besides that entire fucking catalog, I find myself and the rest of the female population well under-represented.....Except of course for the huge fucking roster of female characters available.

#female characters #tv #film #video games #i haven't named a chunk of the female characters available in Star Wars Lore #the frigging female portraits in Harry Potter have stories behind them #Please tell me who i've missed out #feminism #when feminists whine #female representation #mic drop

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