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themurphyzone · 5 years

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World’s Greatest Dad Ch 4

Ch 4: Dads and Daughters

“Are you sure you don’t have any Mary McGuffin dolls in the back?” Heinz asked the harried clerk, who was trying to gift wrap an action figure at breakneck speed. Vanessa clung to his leg, refusing to let go. Heinz let her stay there.

If it made her feel better, so be it.

The clerk glared at him. “No! For the last time, we ran out! Either buy some other doll or get out!”

“Yeesh. Great customer service ya got there, lady,” Heinz snapped, making a mental note to add mall employees to his steadily growing list of people to get revenge on. “Is it really that hard to call someone to check for you?”

“Keep it up and I’ll call security to check you outta the mall!”

“That’s it. We’re leaving,” Heinz scowled, leading Vanessa to the exit. She didn’t say anything, though Heinz wished she would just ask for another toy. That would’ve made it so much easier. Then he paused at the doorway. “You better remember the name of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, because someday I’ll be your supreme leader!”

A tiny giggle broke through the sniffles.

Despite his annoyance, Heinz couldn’t help but smile. “Didn’t catch that,” he told Vanessa. “I think you’ll have to make that noise again.”

“Dad!” Vanessa whined. Though several tears streamed down her face, she sounded somewhat like herself again.

“Kidding!” Heinz said. “Clean your face in the restroom and let’s get out. They just keep playing the same five Christmas songs on loop, and it’s driving me insane.”

Vanessa hurried into the restroom, never missing an opportunity to assert her independence.

Heinz slumped against the wall, his own childhood disappointment towards a certain toy resurfacing.

Rocks, rocks, and more rocks. In some far off land, maybe claw machines would be filled with smiling, colorful animals and delicious candy. He could always dream.

Pretend the rocks were round candies that tasted of doonkleberries. Pretend that the brown lump was actually a smiling teddy bear that awaited its new owner with outstretched arms and-

Wait a minute.

That was a teddy bear.

Sure it wasn’t smiling, but it was an honest-to-goodness stuffed animal.

Heinz stared in disbelief at it, pinching himself to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. There was no way. He couldn’t be that lucky.

He waited several minutes, but the bear didn’t disappear.

It had to be real. It just had to be.

Heinz dug around in his pocket, finally coming up with the 3-cent coin that served as his year’s allowance. He slid it into the machine, heart pounding in trepidation as he moved the claw around the perimeter.

Feeling a sudden surge in confidence, Heinz moved the claw above the teddy bear.

He had to get this right. He wouldn’t get another chance.

After adjusting the claw several times so it would be dead center above the teddy bear’s tummy, he was ready. Biting his lip, Heinz pushed the button.

The claw descended.

Heinz leaned against the glass, suddenly not so sure about the angle. Maybe he should’ve put it more to the right?

The claw opened and snatched the teddy bear up. Then it moved above the prize slot, relinquishing the bear to Heinz.

He released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

He’d done it! The bear was his!

Heinz pulled the bear out of the slot, relieved that his allowance hadn’t gotten to waste.

His allowance. Mother had given him that coin.

It was only fair that she should get the prize, because he never would’ve gotten the bear without those 3 cents!

He rushed home, keeping a tight hold on the bear so it didn’t get muddy.

Mother and Roger were playing kickball in the front yard. For once, Roger’s presence didn’t damper Heinz’s spirits.

They were floating too high for a little jealousy to reach!

“Mother! Mother!�� Heinz yelled. “Look what I got from the claw machine! I won it just for you!”

Heinz stood on his tiptoes, depositing the bear into her arms.

Mother smiled.

Heinz grinned back. She was proud of him, and he didn’t even need to kick a ball correctly! All it took was a stuffed bear!

Now he just needed to figure out where to find more!

Then Mother gave the bear to Roger.

“Thank you very much for the gift, Mother,” Roger chirped.

Heinz became acutely aware of the empty pocket his 3-cent coin used to occupy. He earned that bear.

With his allowance.

Not Roger.

Roger produced a big red marker and scrawled his name on the bear. Mother was so impressed by his penmanship that she asked Roger to write his name on her apron too.

And Heinz could only watch.

The next morning, he woke up to an apron being thrown in his face. Mother demanded that he wash it out in the tub.

And his scribbled message ‘I Love You, From Heinz’ melted away.

“Dad?”

Heinz jolted, realizing that his vision had blurred while flashbacking to his childhood.

“Oh, hey!” Heinz exclaimed, quickly ridding himself of the moisture that had built up. “So you’re ready now?”

Vanessa looked better now. Her face was freshly washed and her nose wasn’t running anymore. “Are you okay?”

“i’m fine. Nothing to worry about. Feeling better now?” Heinz asked.

Vanessa frowned. “A little. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Stubbornness was both a blessing and a curse. Heinz had learned that quickly.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Heinz said. “C’mon, it’s getting way too stuffy in here and I have a few ideas for evil I’d like to write down before I forget. You’d be surprised how often that happens.” He ushered her out of the mall. Since they both had to concentrate on fighting their way through the hordes of holiday shoppers without getting separated, that left little opportunity for Vanessa to pry further.

The rest of the weekend passed by too quickly for Heinz’s liking after their unsuccessful trip to the mall. Charlene was picking up Vanessa at six in the evening per the routine.

Heinz had broken out the Kleptocracy game board in the hopes of getting Vanessa’s mind off the doll. It seemed to work for a while, but Vanessa lost interest after they’d made six rounds across the board.

“Steal $20 from little Penny Lane’s backpack,” Vanessa read a game card dully. Instead of taking $20 from the bank, she began putting all the game pieces away. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Heinz waved her off. “Eh, it was getting boring anyway. You pick the next activity.” He gathered all the play money, sorting them into the right piles. It took several minutes to get everything to fit into the close to bursting box. “Ugh, why does the cleanup take forever on this thing? They need automatic folding pieces or a mechanical hand cause people have stuff to do.”

“I don’t really feel like doing anything,” Vanessa admitted.

“So, TV then? Maybe there’s a good cartoon on.” Heinz suggested. “You like that Ducky Momo show, right?”

Vanessa wrinkled her nose. “That’s for babies. How come he can never see a bridge right in front of him?”

“Who knows? Maybe they don’t have eye doctors in his universe. Or everyone is affected by a complete lack of depth perception.”

Vanessa giggled at his theory, then her face grew serious again. “Can I try to say sorry by myself to the girl that got mad at me on Monday? I don’t wanna go talk to the teacher with Mom.”

“Don’t worry. I think she’d be glad you’re practicing conflict resolution or whatever they call it these days,” Heinz said, somehow both happy and sad at Vanessa learning to solve her own issues. He glanced at the time, realizing that it would be time to let Vanessa go soon. “Charlene’s gonna be here any minute. You’d better pack up.”

Vanessa went to her room to grab her backpack, and Heinz busied himself by putting Kleptocracy away. He really needed to organize the cabinet by the TV. It was overflowing with games that he’d bought for Vanessa with the alimony he received.

The doorbell rang.

Part of Heinz was tempted to not open the door, to pretend nobody was home in the hopes of Vanessa staying just a tiny bit longer. She was the only person who made his lonely, drafty penthouse feel like a home.

But Charlene loved their daughter too. It was a fact of life.

“So what did you find out?” Charlene asked before Heinz could completely open the door.

“She accidentally upset a classmate and wants to apologize on Monday. Oh, and she doesn’t want you to call a conference,” Heinz explained.

“That’s all?” Charlene raised an eyebrow. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

Heinz shrugged. “Look, I’d explain it more in-depth if I could, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the questions she asked. Besides, I’m totally gonna save the explanation when I have more time to work it into a monologue. This could totally go into a backstory.”

Charlene rolled her eyes at the mention of evil schemes. Now he knew where Vanessa got that habit from.

Five minutes later, Vanessa was ready to go. She clutched her backpack’s straps with both gloved hands as Heinz took his time fussing over her jacket.

“Cover your ears,” Heinz cautioned. “You don’t wanna catch cold. Or dust bunnies. That was possible when I was a kid cause everything was just super dusty all the time.”

“I’m fine,” Vanessa mumbled.

Heinz knelt down to her level, drawing her close for a goodbye hug. “See you in two weeks,” he whispered.

“You’re still gonna be here?” Vanessa asked, her voice tiny.

“Course I will,” Heinz replied. “Someone’s gotta let you eat candy before dinner around here.”

Vanessa giggled, and they finally broke apart.

“Thanks, Dad.”

Heinz smiled back, figuring that a little reminder for Vanessa couldn’t hurt as she grew up and inevitably forgot her innocent request for a doll.

Years later, when Heinz discovered a little doll with a green dress and brown curls at a suburban garage sale, he knew he could finally become the World’s Greatest Dad to his little girl.

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