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#aaaaa it’s just hard to focus when i am so so tired and really just want like 5 solid days of No Thought Just Video Games And UTAU Dev

painted-crow · 3 years

Note

Hey I hope this isn’t awkward but that post about your burned badger (lion?) secondary really hit home for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same burned model in the past - I think I started off with a healthier badger/lion model (I can’t figure out which and am still figuring out my sorting anyway) and some external life stuff going on later, I’m really just pushing through and getting stuff done with all the delicacy of a brick. And same here with the emotional rollercoaster ... 1/2

And same here with the emotional rollercoaster of it between panic/apathy. And the burnout. And the ignoring physical pain. And I can see now how this was uh. Pretty unhealthy actually but it really was just so. effective especially given the circumstances and I kind of miss it in a way. It would be nice if I could get back a healthier version of whichever model it was. Anyway I love reading your blog you always have such insightful things to say thanks for reading this ramble <3 2/2

💙💙💙 :D

Not awkward! I'm glad that was useful for someone, rather than just being an angst dump on my part lol

Emergency secondary mode, Badger or Lion?

Links to previous posts:

- post describing my emergency secondary mode (cw for burnout stuff)

- the worst version of this post (cw for terrible memes)

So, after a lot of consideration and chatting with some lovely SHC people (looking at you @mooglesorts and you @magpie-of-a-birb), I've come to the tentative conclusion that I have a Lion secondary performance.

Which is not something I ever expected to say! I've long had a knee-jerk "aaaaa scary!" reaction to Lion secondary, but actually I think that's because I have this performance and I've had to use it in unsustainable ways.

I should probably put a trigger warning here for self harm through overwork... yeah.

So, I found this song:

youtube

(While it is a bop, it is also x2 trigger warning combo for self harm ahaha)

This song's primary is exploded Glory Hound Lion--that's not what's relatable about it to me tho. What I wanted my friends' opinion on was the secondary that's displayed here. Sounded familiar. So I brought it up on the SHC Discord server (which is out of beta, dm me for an invite link if you wanna join!).

I was thinking it might actually be the fully Burned "anything that works" secondary, but Magpie was like "no, that's a Lion sec with a Snake model" and I went "huh..."

...and then Moogle was like no that's a snakesec with an unhealthy Lion model, the masks aren't working so they're busting out Lion--and especially there's the focus on the character feeling powerful because they can hurt themself with it and keep going anyway

And I was like "oh shit that tracks more than I was expecting it to... whoops"

Badger hits different without unhealthy pressure

I do have and use a Badger secondary model, and I used to think my emergency secondary mode was just my Badger model taken to unhealthy extremes. But I don’t think so now.

First, because I actually think that my emergency mode is/was often a product of my exploded Badger primary model, which itself idealized Badger secondary.

I'm still picking through that thing's shrapnel and finding its influence in old memories and automatic reactions I still have and stuff like that--not to mention rooting it out of my system. Which is to say, now that I know what I'm looking for, I'm still discovering how far back this thing goes! Turns out I've been trying to whack this piñata for years, and it used to be so much worse.

The self-destructive "I'd rather run myself hard into the ground than fail" nature of my emergency mode makes a lot of sense in retrospect. When you tie your self-worth to achievement... well: the lyrics "I'll never lose / I'll never die" from the song seem less "I have achieved immortality!" and more "I basically equate failure with death." This song really straddles that edge of relatable but also obviously messed up. It's... something.

Second, my Badger secondary model is very different when it's not under pressure from the 'splodey primary model. I'm kind of having to figure out what it's like without that and it's weird. It seems to be a whole lot more chill and also I'm getting more Courtier than I'm used to?

Yeah, turns out if you dig out "you should help other people to justify your existence, but don't accept help back or it cancels it out" from your system (because damn, there's a system piece I didn't look at closely enough) it might have been holding up Courtier potential you haven't been using.

What's the difference?

I don't know who pointed this out first, I think I read it somewhere, but Badger secondary is very process focused and Lion secondary is very results focused. (Bet you this was from @wisteria-lodge. I'm not sure, though.)

Badger usually shows up as a few main things for me: mirroring, chipping away at big projects, picking up life maintenance and self care type tasks (especially when Bird secondary is burned), and caregiving/service stuff. It can also Burn on its own, which is its own brand of "motivation is a cryptid" exhaustion. None of this looks like Lion, so where does the confusion come in?

The only time my Badger model starts to look like Lion--and here the line really blurs with the performance--is when I've tried to get it to do tasks it's not really meant for. There are things I need Bird unburned in order to tackle (perhaps it's the presence of burned Birdsec that gets in the way? That injured confidence can be really debilitating) and I can't do them with just Badger.

I'm sure actual Badger secs know how to, say, learn Adobe Illustrator's unbelievably complicated controls while under deadline using Badger, but I have no clue. I powered through using probably the least efficient controls possible. (If you're using the nudge tool as a form of measurement, you're probably doing it wrong. I'm guessing.)

Needless to say, that's exhausting. I think there's some point in the project timeline where it stops being "well it's not efficient but at least I'm making progress!" and starts being fueled by raw stubborn determination and a little bit of spite. The contentment with the process goes out the window. I'm fighting my own perfectionism (and usually losing) because I just want this thing done.

Which, that's not necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes it's really useful to be able to go "screw it" and charge. It becomes a bad thing when you ignore all your other needs to do it, possibly because you've tied success and/or productivity to your self worth, and also you're still clutching your perfectionism and hissing "my precioussssss."

also:

It's not always obvious, but I sometimes use Lion secondary in ways not connected to the splodey Badger primary model.

(Occasionally it is obvious though... haha)

I do have this one story about realizing my younger brother might be in danger and charging off to find him, armed with a heavy wooden coat hanger against potential assailants. I went from Bird situational analysis to "this is the best weapon I can find on short notice" in like 30 seconds. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived at the time.

(It makes more sense in context.)

(Sort of.)

so.

I think the emergency secondary mode is a Lionsec performance.

This post took me like a month to write even after figuring it out. And then another few weeks collecting dust in my drafts, because how do you edit something like this

But I've been sitting on it for way too long and I'm tired of saying I should finish/post it, and tonight I'm feeling bored and a little impulsive... so, screw it--I'm calling this done.

(can you hear it? it's there... fighting my Birdsec/Badgersec model perfectionism again.)

(this time, I will listen.)

#sortinghatchats #shc performances #gryffindor secondary model #(i don't have tags for performances alas)#hufflepuff secondary model #burned ravenclaw secondary #splodey badger primary model #secondary toast revolving door #asks #paint speaks

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delicatejisung · 4 years

Note

MORE PROTECTIVE RENJUN BECAUSE WE LOVE A MAN WHO CAN PROTECT HIS LADY AND DO ANYTHING FOR HIS LADY SJDNDBDB

aaaaa i hope this reached your expectation bc my brain is literally just fried rn shdhdhd

“i think i need something sweet, my head kinda hurts and i’m getting dizzy.” yanna mumbled, walking towards where renjun was inside the practice room before holding unto the mirrored wall and leaning on her arm a bit.

to make the long story short, yanna’s started to prepare for something big coming up. and as part of the preparation, sm has instructed her to go on a diet to tone her arms and thighs aside from the neverending practices. the girl, not wanting to mess it up, has been very obedient about it. ignoring how it’s worrying the people around her, specially her boyfriend.

“maybe you need rest and actual food, not something sweet.” the boy mumbled right back, making yanna look at him a little bit before pushing herself off the wall.

“i’m fine! look, i can even jump high.” she said smugly, jumping up and down a bunch of times before turning her back on him to grab his phone and ask their manager to bring her some candy.

“great, he said he’ll bring it in a few.” the girl happily mumbled, giving renjun her phone before walking towards the center again to rehearse. after a few minutes of going over the steps, she pulled renjun with her to help her with the other parts of the choreography involving a partner. as yanna spinned around one time, renjun definitely felt how she held on to him tighter for a second and closed her eyes.

“stop straining yourself.” he said in a hard and serious tone, making the girl stop dancing before nodding a bit. she inhaled a couple of times, looking around as she felt a bit restless.

“here’s your candy, kid.” one of their managers said, arriving and making his way towards yanna who was now leaning her back against the wall once again.

“why aren’t you practicing? do you really wanna embarrass yourself in front of the heads?” their manager said a bit harshly, making renjun’s blood boil a bit. he understood, he really did. but also, he can only understand so much when it involves risking yanna’s health. he has spoken up so much about it and yet no one listened to him considering yanna’s still able to rehearse everyday while also almost eating nothing at the dorms.

“stop pressuring her, she’s been practicing all day.” he reasoned out for the girl, noticing how she looked a bit spaced out. he slowly walked over to the girl, alarmed.

“you’re aware they can cancel this anytime, right? do you really want all of this to go to waste just because your girlfriend’s being-“ he immediately stopped, noticing yanna falling and renjun running up quickly to catch her. their eyes widened at the sight of yanna in the boy’s arms.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO PRESSURE HER.” he raised his voice, enough to pour out his frustration at the whole situation.

as the girl woke up inside the van, on the way to the hospital, she was utterly confused. even more so, seeing renjun’s face in a frown.

“sure, drive slower and deprive her of iv shots too.” he mumbled a bit loud, enough for their manager to hear. yanna could only reach out her hand a bit to his face but was stopped by the boy who grabbed it and moved it away.

“why am i getting iv shots?” she asked, still confused.

“because you fucking fainted.” he replied in an angry tone, making yanna widen her eyes.

“you’re mad at me because i fainted?” she carefully asked, making renjun look at her but still with a frown on his face.

“i’m mad at you, because you don’t listen to me. you could’ve hurt your head because of that stupid diet forcing you to eat less and less and those non-stop practicing you’ve been doing. what do you think you getting hurt would’ve done to me?” he said in all seriousness, making the girl look down. renjun sighed, feeling a bit bad about scolding the girl when she was probably already stressed out.

“i’m sorry, just... listen to me about this. i’m just trying to take care of you.” he mumbled a bit, kissing yanna’s forehead as she nodded.

“she’s not gonna listen to you because she has to get back as soon as we leave the hospital.” the manager said, making yanna close her eyes instead. already feeling lightheaded hearing she still has to practice.

“no, i won’t let her.” renjun bravely said, annoyed once again.

“that’s not a choice for you to make.” the manager replied, making the boy scoff.

“i don’t care, she’s not stepping foot in that room again today nor tomorrow.” he insisted, making yanna a bit alarmed yet unsure if she should talk. she could only close her eyes once again, still feeling a bit weak (like my writing smh this sucked).

bonus fluff:

renjun carried yanna, bridal style, to make sure she wouldn’t tire herself out walking.

“stop enjoying this so much. you could be overfatigued, you know.” the boy mumbled, making yanna smiled a bit before hiding it.

“i’m not enjoying this, who said i was?” she said while also clinging to the boy’s neck further.

“you really don’t understand emergency rooms.” the boy mumbled as yanna could only snort tiredly.

“can’t really focus, your hand’s sort of on my bu—“

“yanna!” he scolded the girl, making her smile before the boy placed her on one of the hospital beds inside the emergency room.

#huang yanna #yanna huang #nct yanna #nct dream 8th member #nct 22nd member #kpop female addition #female kpop addition

35 notes · View notes

kanene-yaaay · 4 years

Text

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Kanene’s note: Okay, I’m- aaaaa

I’m very proud of this one because it’s a little different of what I use to write and it was cool to try a new something. I didn’t even wrote the laughter because I was writing this next to my family and I didn’t wanted any of them asking why my characters were laughing so much xDD.

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* Switch!Émile and Switch!Remy (It is def romantic. They are married and very gay and there is a lot of kisses in it-)

* Hmmm… This is a Tickle-Fanfic! If you don’t like this kind of stuff, please look for another blog, there are plenty of amazing art in this site!! ‘u’).

* Something around 2700 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! I didn’t proofread that one very well, so I will probably be correcting a few things later. Any advice is always very, very welcome!

* Just two silly and very mean boyos being two silly, teasy and ticklish boyos. xDD

* A versão em português brasileiro irá ser escrita, ainda! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Watch a fun video, take a good rest, talk with the one that you love and drink water! Byeioo!~

[~*~]

- Émile ~

He didn’t know from where this came from. In a second they were on the couch, smiling and watching Steven Universe, and in the other a cold shiver ran across his body, making him turn to his husband, just in the exact moment to see he taking off his sunglasses, locking his glare on him with those sweet, dangerously warm eyes and grin. Just like that. It took a heartbeat before Émile realized what was about to happen, a wobbly smile beginning to control his features as he felt himself almost paralyzed, Remy starting to tap his fingers on the lenses of his own glasses, his malefic smirk never fading.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

They stared each other, Émile’s gaze finally changing to his fingers, another round of goose bumps spreading across his spine, the adrenaline taking over his veins and giving him the enough strength to dash in full speed through the hall.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Which leaded the poor, almost giggling, adult to his current state: hiding behind his room’s door and wishing with all his will power that this plan would really worked as well as it had when he watched in the cartoons.

(He tried to ignore the voice in his mind reminding him how all that chases usually ended up in the end, the thought only being enough to heat his face.)

- Émile ~ - It was in days like this that one wearing glasses could swear that Remy was a witch. Because there wasn’t any other realistic, rational and plausible explanation about how much the giggles trapped in his throat got louder, bouncier and even more difficult to control just with the slight sound of his voice, obligating their owner to press his hand further around his mouth, lightly biting the tip of his tongue. – You had better hide well, because you know what is gonna to happen when I find you, don’t you?

Émile shook his head, his back forcing itself on the cold wall.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

- Oh, gurl, maybe you don’t even remember anymore… Now, we can’t fusion like this, can we? Let’s me remind you, then. ~ - The chased hold a pouty whine when heard these words, already feeling the beginning of a blush spread in his neck. Remy knew very well how teases could be as unbearable and unnerving as the tic… I mean, The Thing. – First, I will carry you aaaaall the way back to the couch and maybe my fingers will slip in tweaks and squeezes all over your hips, who really knows, ya know? But you better don’t squirm that much, because then I will have no escape but be obligated to bring my other hand to better hold you and just hope that this one is not more slippy then the first, right?

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

- And then: The couch. Nothing different will happen there, really. I will just lay down with my extremely ticklish, helpless husband to take a nap, and, if my glorious lips will be random blessing your incredibly sensitive neck with a lot of Goodnight Kisses and my hands will keep lightly scratching, squeezing and poking all the length of your sides, sometimes even giving a little attention to your hips, because no way in hell I will be sleeping in a hard pillow, it’s none of your business, giggly boi. – Émile couldn’t help nor stop the pitched squeal that escaped from his mouth, eyes widening and breathing immediately stopping, the others giggles also begging to escape. - Oh, and, by the way, better keep your mouth very shushed while this. We don’t want the Tickler Master waking up, am I right?

Silence.

Remy’s nonchalant tune still full filling the air, which didn’t carried the sound of his steps anymore. The cartoon lover knew there was no way for him to save himself and, in a surrender act, just let his high, excited giggles run happily across the room hiding his face in flames behind his tremble hands. Seconds later, he heard the sound of his door being closed and his hide spot exposed.

- But we both know that you just can’t contain yourself, my so poor, so defenseless lee. – Émile playfully screamed as he was lifted up in the air, quickly being carried in bridal style. He opened his eyes enough to see Remy in a bat of eyes deviating his glare from his form, the tender smile taking pieces of seconds before changing to an evil grin, fingers suddenly tweaking his kneecaps and hips, leading the carried to jump, a squeal signaling the flow of giggles that followed it.

- Please, Remy, please!! – Each new squeeze was a snort interrupting his words, making him try to start again only to get the same result and repeat the cycle all over, resulting in a more helpless babbling than anything else. The said stopped, adjusting his hold in order to sneak his thumb in that damn spot right between his shoulder blades, switching between kneading and prodding while leading to an even more no-understandable sentence. - No there, no there, no there!!! Pleasepleaseplease-

- Huh? Whatcha you are trying to say, hun? That I’m the most handsome husband in the entire world? That you are so sensitive that only a few squeezing and prodding are enough to transform you in a blushy, laughing mess? – The one being held felt his laughter increasing, the words spreading tingles in all his others ticklish spots, even the ones which weren’t being attacked. He shakes head, denying. – Is that you love all these teases and specially when I tickle tickle tickle you? Huh? Use your words, babe.

– Nonononono! – Émile arched his back just to find another attack to his hips, bucking the said as Remy buzzed his fingers in the exact point where his sides and hips connected, and generating loud crackling as response. – You a- nah! You are mean mean mean!! – His arms danced to a place to another, too much occupied with the crazy sensation to really focus in stopping it, Remy increasing his efforts in order to make the snorts start to bloom amongst his laughter and squeals, no needing too much to succeed. – Remy!!!

- Yes, gurl? Geez, you should love my name. It seems like you can’t even spent a whole real minute without saying it! – His tune was still nonchalant. However, he leaned down for a heartbeat in order to steal a peck from his beauty, giggly and cute as fuck, husband, who obtained a new shade of red creeping down his neck. Nooooice. – Anyway, what did you wanna tell me? Be quick, I still having a lot of places to knead, scratch, scribble, wriggle… This whole ‘Tickle your extremely ticklish husband, like, really, reeeeeally ticklish, like seriously, this guy is a whole tickle spot himself, a alive version of Tickle Me Elmo, and, when he became a helpless mess just tease him more and more until the big, rational, Émile Picani turns in just a poor, so poor, blushy lee.

- REMY!!

- What? Can’t handle the truth? Boo-hoo, then.

Émile didn’t answered, unless you considered his fast, absolutely incoherent, stumbling words a kind of response, choosing to clench is hands in his shirt and hide his face in flames, instead. His laughing being so strong that reverberate through the attacker’s chest, who couldn’t stop feel like a villain as he stared with a gigantic grin adorning his lips the ribs that such act let defenseless. Well, he internally shrugged as he took a deep breathe, suit himself. His arms were growing tired anyway.

Émile thought he was going to melt in any moment, the teases still heating his sensitive skin and increasing the tickles in a way that should be definitely illegal, but in the moment he felt the raspberry, spreading, taking over his nerves and T I C K L I N G he died.

And screamed, for sure. Oh, and also gripped something while kicked and trashed as if Mabble’s life was depending on it (not his own life, of course, since he was already dead). Some part of his desperate brain noticed he was falling, but the laughter exploding from his mouth and the impossible to ignore feeling quickly expelled any other thing.

He opened his eyes, breathless as his watery vision focused in the form mostly layed onto him, their giggles flying and filling the entire room. After some heartbeats, Remy finally got up, his hands resting on the floor and sustained the weight of his body. Their eyes met.

- I’ve forgot how much of a kicker you are. – Émile just curled up a little more, pulling his tongue out in a very mature and hard to win, statement

- ‘s not my fault your arms are weaken than Deadly Arms’ ones.

- Excuse you?

- Nuh.

- I beg your heck pardon?

- No, you let me fall for you. Twice. In love and on the floor. I’m ignoring you until the end of ours married days.

- Oh, is that so? – Remy replied, adjusting his position so his hands would lay each one in the sides of his husband’s head, who immediately recognized the smile beginning to shine and exploded one more time in a flow of giggles, his arms in front of his body, attempting to conjure a kind of shield.

- Wait wait waitwaitwait!! Nonono! – A yelp cut his sentence when a hand tweaked his thigh. - I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

- Yep, gurl, you will b- And his threat was interrupted when Émile pushed his shirt and connected their lips, stealing his words, breath and any and every coherent thought from his head, his giggles still floating from his mouth, which leaded, if that was even possible, to the coffee lover melt further, allowing himself to be carried away by the tenderness and love, sighing and deepening the kiss.

…Until that dirty, evil, nasty cheater digs his fucker fingers in his damn stomach, which ruined the romantic moment and absolutely did NOT made Remy Tough Picani release a half shriek half snort that DIDN’T resulted in the only one wearing glasses coos softly, excuse you.

- Awww. – Émile gave him an innocent smile, quick turning the tables and sitting on Remy’s legs, his fingers swinging in a dance that consisted in craving his thumbs right above his waistline and vibrating his others fingers in his torso, the maddening sensations culminating to free, belly laughter escape from the ‘victim’s’ mouth. Eyes tightly closed, wrinkled nose. – What is the matter, my dear? The cool, bad boy Remy can’t take some ti-tickly tickle tickling in his tummy-yummy-yummy? Huh? Huh? Can’t he? Because he is super hype dyper sensitive, aren’t you? Yes, you are! You are!

- OH MY GOD, SHUT UP!! – Remy could feel his face, against his own will power and threats, melt in flames. His laughter being replaced by hysterical giggling as his husband changed his technique to spidering, slowly walking his fingers up before quickly drag his nails in random patterns the way down, going up and down one time more and after that a couple more of times, always managing to catch four or five snorts. – THIS IS SO DUMB, FUCK.

- Now, now, Mister Ticklish Master. Let’s not be a Squidward to the Tickle Monster, alright? He just wanna to hear aaaaaaall that adorably, lovely, helpless giggles of yours!! – Émile lowered down and touched their noses, his smile increasing as he felt the other’s laugh hitting his cheeks, his tune now in flying in joyful whispers. – And what a cute laughter you have! Definitely the most lovely, sweet and favorite lee of the Tickle Monster!

- ‘m not- ‘m not cuteyourbi-nOPLEASENOTTHERE- His words stumbled in each other, specially when his shirt was lifted and a finger began to squirm and scratches his bellybutton, his legs now kicking while his hands tried to get enough strength to stop the marvelous move. However, exemplary falling as the attacker focused some quick prodding in the exposed axillaries, receiving what was suppose to be an angry snort. Émile couldn’t help but coo one more time. – I’M. NOT. – He couldn’t help the squealing cutting his sentence. - CUTE. FUCK OFF!

Émile made a soft sound of sadness, pouting even if his husband was still with his eyes tightly closed, unable to see it.

- Now, it’s a pity that you don’t believe in the words of your own husband. – He switched to lightly scribbles and pokes at his sides and lower ribs, making sure to rub circles in each one of them while also gave his ‘victim’ some room to breathe and understand his words.

- Well… maybe, maybe he would… – Remy tried, really tried to frown and looks angry, but that was really hard with the giggles still interrupting his words. His body melting in the gentle, good touch. Totally against his will, for sure. - ... if his husband wasn’t being a jerk and tickling him.

He stared directly at Émile, therefore he didn’t lose the slightest which red freckled his cheeks, smirking, wobbly that is true, but also proudly in being the only between both who managed to say ‘tickle’ without shuttering. Sadly, though, he also didn’t lose the way his eyes and smile widened, showing that the other had an idea.

Butterflies started to panic in his stomach, especially when Émile’s gaze focused there with a ratter crazy gleam, his next phrase coming out as a soft, dangerous purring.

- You know… all of this made the Tickle Monster a bit hungry… and he heard that some lil lil lee has a very yummy yummy tummy right here. – His hands squeezed his belly, as if to prove his point. Remy jumped, the adrenaline running all speed across his body as the words starting to weight in his brain.

- Wait, WAIT! Émile!!! – The one being called slowly moved towards his target, ignoring the squirm and pleas from his husband, who grew more and more desperate as his attacker innocently smiled and looked at him, his head gradually lowering to his most ticklish spot. – Émile, Émile, please, I’m actually begging you. I’m begging you!! I’m cute, see? I said it!!! Émile!!!!

- I’m listening. ~

- No, you’re not! – His euphoric, hysteric giggles already began to take over his sentences. – No! Fuck!!

- No? – Émile’s lips already were resting on his belly, the word sending shivers across his nerves, which was not helped by the fact that the other absently shook his head, demonstrating his saying.

- No! No!

- A no to ‘no’? So that is a yes?

- nO.

- No? But what about the ‘yes’?

- Stop it! Oh my gosh, I’m gonna to get a bitching divorce!! It’s a no to your yes!

- Got it! It’s a ‘no’, then?

- Yes!

- A yes? Okay!

Before any other protest could fly from his mouth, a shriek did it first. And again. And again. And one more time, almost as fast as the nuzzled raspberries buzzing and the nibbles, together with the ‘nhom nhom nhom’s’ sounds, spread and madly tickled in a total oblivion to his kicks, pushes and loud, thunderous laughter painting the air.

It didn’t took too much before the cartoon lover stopped, already aware of the other’s limits, and touched their foreheads again, Remy’s breathing and reminiscent giggles being the only thing breaking the silence which involved them in a calm, cozy, warm feeling.

- You don’t look at me like that, your traitor. – His tune was free of any harm, his bright gaze and blushed cheeks locking his attention. Émile couldn’t help himself but kiss the pout out of his face. – And don’t you dare to kiss me. – Quick kiss. - I don’t trust in your sweet lips anymore. – Soft kiss. – They are a hell of a trap. – Giggly kiss.

- I love you.

Their eyes met, one more time, and Remy finally gave up, swimming in that deep, caring moment. Their hands intertwined themselves.

- I love you, too. – He lightly poked Émile’s ribs, winning a yelp before receiving the same treatment. – But only sometimes.

- Uh huh.

- What? It’s the truth!

- Sure it is, dear.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Their heart did, beating in unison.

51 notes · View notes

vincent-frankenstein · 4 years

Note

different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it

aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao

so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u

its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half.

putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long

first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.

u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better

secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day.

it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”

try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too.

now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort

whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid

practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training

that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!

my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep.

you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical

i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.

another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control

if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me

so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!

so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid

at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master

thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!

you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.

if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort

but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun

if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work

and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream

so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world

its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!

hm wow i really went ham here lmao

thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn

#me: /spends a full half-hour infodumping abt something most people havent even heard of/#now if only i could remember this much when it comes to schoolwork lmaooooo #ty for the Infodump Permission im !! vibin rn #lowkey highkey this makes me wanna get back into it. . . might do a wbtb tonight...#personal #logan talks #lucid dreaming #Anonymous

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catcherkazuya · 5 years

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⚾☀️ daiya no ace liveblogging, ep. 9 ☀️⚾

(hey I'm on time this week!! and what an episode full of baseball drama and absolute kings )

- WHOA I CANNOT DEAL @ 2:32

- the seidou squad frame is EVERYTHING !!! - I'm shook,, my boys look so good omg omg omg it's the perfect frame - I want to make this my wallpaper, my screensaver, tattoo it on my faceee - they all look so determined !! haruichi mochi miyuki KANEMARUUU aaaaa !! - YES YES YES come thru team!

- Miyuki with the cleanup,, maezono with the rbi always cleaning up after furuya's bullshit - YES THAT #20 SPOT GOING STRAIGHT TO MY SON YUI KAORUUUU 💖💖💖💖 yeah okumura sit yo sorry ass on the stands I fucking said it

- lmao I love how fast that game was,, they were like y'all don't need to see each inning seidou wins whatever onto the next - MIYUKI'S LAUGH @ 6:13 😭😭💖💖💖 I'm so happy he hasn't laughed for like 6 episodes I am RESTORED - kaoru is literally trying to do everything and it's working GET YO COINNNNN (metaphorically) - WAIT I GET TWO MIYUKI LAUGHS BACK TO BACK @ 6:50 ??!! I AM TRULY BLESSED - lmao okay kanemaru is officially the rice warden 🍚 he keeps everyone in check and counting every single fckin bowl

- asada is a precious baby, no exceptions - before I continue, let me just say something about okumura and miyuki. first - they are both assholes in the own right. second - as much as I want okumura to LITERALLY be a better person, I cannot stand him right now so realistically I don't feel bad about him struggling with that goddamn rice. third, miyuki is (per usual) just making every genuine effort to help the first years a personal joke/experiment hence making his relationship with okumura that much more wilddd lmao captain where??

- okumura is soooo pressed to out do himself when literally no one cares - sawamura's sleep talking 😂 - KAORU IN THE PITCHER STANCE IM DECEASEDDDD ugh maybe I just have a thing for catchers???

- batteries 👼👼 batteries everywhere 🌟🌟 - SQUIRREL CHEEKS I miss u nori my love - seto is amazing honestly how does he put up with okumura I'm confused - oh WOW teito v ugumori so essentially the bourgeoisie v the proletariats - MUKAI

- HE BLEP - HE BLEEEEEEP 👅👅👅 - ugh I have to get one more narumiya internal monologue 🤮 - sawamura is trying so hard to help asada but it's just not what asada needs 😂😂 - the focus on miyuki and kuramochi's friendship is so beautiful we rarely see it and I appreciate every single moment - wait WHAT why does mochi look so short compared to miyuki??? like aren't they a few cm apart?

- WHOA YIKES nevermind 👀👀 they a whole 3 and a half inches apart my bad - damn mochi why you so short - also I love how mochi and miyuki are talking about the first years in terms of ownership "our first years" like that's so cute seidou is a perfect team - oh shit okumura is about to POP 👏🏾 OFF 👏🏾

- "I'm tired of looking at you" OH MY FUCK OKUMURA REALLY SAID THAT SHIT

- asada's whole face is my forever mood - JUST SHOOK - okumura is so sassy without warning guess that's why he wanna be like miyuki - ...and with that, the beginning of the okusawa battery !! ⚾

week nine end card (ft. nori! 💖) •

#daiya no ace #diamond no ace #Ace of Diamond #miyuki kazuya #sawamura eijun #Kuramochi Youichi #kominato haruichi #Maezono Kenta #Seto Takuma #hirofumi asada #yui kaoru #yuki masashi #Kawakami Norifumi #mukai taiyou #seidou #teito #ugumori #liveblogging #okumura koushuu

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topazshadowwolf · 7 years

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The Door (Chapter 12)

An Undertale Fanfiction by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale is owned by: Toby Fox Setting: Post neutral run when Papyrus dies with chapter intros being before the child fell. Relationships: Sans and Toriel is the main focus, with a little bit of Undyne and Alphys Rating: I’m thinking Teen? Heads up: There is some depressed thoughts, feelings of worthlessness/wanting to die, mention of major character death, and the occasional bad word. Oh, and flowey being flowey, so you know, psychological/physical trauma. I really don’t want to say much more since I really don’t want to spoil anything further down the road…

You can read it on AO3! Here is Ch 11 Ch 10 Ch 9 Ch 8 Ch 7 Ch 6 Ch 5 Ch 4 Ch 3, Ch 2, and Ch 1on Tumbler.

Random thoughts from the writer about this chapter: I'm dedicating this chapter to two of my readers: Katie, Perry (They helped me come up with the title months ago. They had no idea what was going on in the chapter. And yes, I put their names in that order for a reason.) By the way, sorry this took so long to get done. Life, I tell ya... Anyway, I've joined a Soriel Discord server, so you can sometimes find me there, if you ever want to chat. If you want to join, you can ask me here for an invite, though you need to not be anon so I can reply back privately.

And All Was Revealed

He was either late or unable to come tonight. She sighed, accepting the fact that her friend could not always be here. After all, he has his jobs, his brother, and his friends to occupy his time. She had asked about hobbies and he just laughed then said napping, though she felt there was more than that.

Over time she had started figuring out what she may, or may not, need to be comfortable down by the door. She brought a book, her journal, a pillow to sit on and a blanket to keep herself warm. When she asked her friend, if he brought anything, he just said himself. Thinking back, she chuckled lightly as she remembered how she started chiding him for sitting out in the cold snow for such a long time. Her friend took her mothering well, as he had laughed and said the cold never bothers him.

With her ‘creature comforts,’ she found herself perfectly fine waiting until he arrives. Though, she had to admit, it was starting to get late. By now he would have to read to his brother and will most likely not be coming tonight. It would be their first time not meeting since this all started. While she wasn’t upset, she couldn’t help but worry about his well-being.

She marked her page, closed the book, and was about to stand when she heard a noise on the other side. Listening carefully, she furrowed her brow, unsure if it was her friend or not; the footsteps didn’t sound like his. But then there was a knock followed by the voice she knew, “knock knock.”

“Who’s there,” she replied with a smile.

“mikey.”

“Mikey who?”

“mikey doesn’t fit in the lock.”

Toriel laughed and she heard him chuckle. Before she could offer a joke in exchange he spoke up, “i’m, uh, sorry, lost track of time. and… heh, well, i’m not really in the best condition for this?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, “Are you hurt?”

“oh, no, lady, nothing like that. just, uh, little, somewhat, kinda... really drunk…”

“Oh,” she was surprised at how well he was speaking despite being inebriated. Honestly, she wouldn’t have guessed by his manner of speech alone.

“yeah… papy is out for the night with undyne and i decided to have a drink with some folks. which turned into more than one. grillbz cut me off and, uh… i started home and remembered you when i saw the front door. was actually hoping you gave up waiting for my sorry aaaaa- self. so, ... sorry.”

“No, it’s alright, I understand that can happen,” she replied, “Though I am worried, drinking and being out in the cold is not good for you.”

He laughed, to her annoyance, “don’t worry, i’m fine… ah damn. So many puns i want to say, but they’d give what i am away.” He then snorted and laughed again, “sweet, that rhymed… anyway, everyone says i’m annoying to be around when drunk because i talk gibberish like this. Tend to go off on tangents that they don’t understand, even though i simplify it. granted, it is theoretical science mostly, but it really isn’t a hard concept when you think about it. but then, it would be easier if they remembered…,” there was a heaviness in his voice, “i really don’t like having to re-explain things.”

With how random and talkative he seems to be, she was starting to agree with the drunk assessment. But that last sentence and the tone of voice caused her to worry, “Friend, are you okay?”

“ok? yeah, i’m ok. been ok and always will be ok because that’s what i will always tell ‘em.” she could hear him muttering something before he spoke up again, “sorry, i’m just a mess right now, i should go.”

She imaged a figure walking into a dark, empty house, alone. Already, what she heard him say was enough for her to feel that was not going to be the right thing for him. He sounded lonely, hurt, and in his current state, his thoughts seemed dark, “maybe you should stay a while longer?”

“feeling lonely?”

“Actually, I’m more worried about you being lonely tonight.”

“knock knock”

She shook her head, he was deflecting again. If he was sober she would tell him that, but right now she doubted he would comprehend that, “who’s there”

“al”

“Al who?”

“al give you a kiss if you open the door,” to her surprise, there was a slight seductive purr in his voice.

Toriel was shocked by that and felt a little heat crawl into her face. Clearly, he must be joking and here she was getting fluttered over it. Shaking her head, she couldn’t help but laugh, “No you wouldn’t.”

“yes, i would,” he sounded a little insulted.

“No, you wouldn’t. You openly confessed to me the other day that you have no idea what to do in a romantic situation. Besides, I’m most likely old enough to be your great grandmother.”

There was a pause, then a dry chuckle, “yea, you’re right… but not on the old thing, i don’t buy that. y’sound too young to be that old.”

“Well, I am,” she sighed, “but, at least, we can agree that if I were to open this door, you’d most likely freeze up and I’d be the one kissing you, not the other way around?”

He was quiet, she could hear him shift his position a little as he made one soft, “heh.”

“Well, i think that answers that,” she said with a laugh, “still, I wish you weren’t alone tonight.”

“i’d stay, but… uh, yea, i’m really hard to be around like this,” his voice wavered a little.

“I think i should be the judge of that,” she then added softly, “besides, you are my friend and I know you’re not your full-self right now.”

He was quiet, thinking, “what if i say something, y’know, something mean or rude. Next to my brother, you’re my best friend. i... i don't want to do that to you…”

“It will be alright,” she smiled, hoping her tone carried reassurance. From the other side she could hear sniffling, “friend, are you alright?” she inquired.

“uh, y-yea,” his voice was wavering again and he cleared his throat, “there’s a blanket at my station, not that I need it, but, uh, i know you worry, so i’ll go get it. be right back.”

“Okay, I’m going to go get something as well,” she said, and they both parted ways. Toriel went upstairs and grabbed the log from her fire place. She brought it back down and set it by the door before lighting it with her fire magic. Never had she done this, but she felt her fire magic should be strong enough to leak heat out through the door.

As she worked on it she heard her friend return, with a yawn. Before he could say anything, she greeted him with a, “welcome back.”

“thanks,” he replied.

“When you sit, sit so you can lean by the crack between the two doors,” she urged.

“ok,” she heard him move and then sit down. There was a pause and then she heard him shifting around, “s’warm.”

“Good, I was hoping it would be,” she smiled. He sounded tired and she decided to grab her book, “Feel free to rest if you want, I’m here still if you want to talk.”

They sat in silence for a while, but it was interrupted by a sound. It was muffled, and hard to hear, but it sounded like he was crying, “friend?”

There was a sniff and a hasty clearing of his throat, “i’m fine.” His voice was weak, choked up, confirming what she thought she heard.

“No, you’re not, you’re crying, what is wrong?”

“we’ve done this before,” he exhaled a shuttering sigh, “we’ve done all of this before. i didn’t notice until now... that this was something i remember doing.”

“That’s not true. For starters, you never showed up at this door drunk before.”

“heh, yes i have, you just don’t remember. no one remembers. and when i explain it to them they either think i’m crazy or they believe me. doesn't matter either way, since they forget again when it gets reset. you believed me before, or at least said you did, and told me you would try to remember. well?”

He waited for a response, a slight eagerness was hidden in his jaded tone. What he was saying made no sense, and she didn’t know what to say. From what she could tell, this was clearly the first time they were doing this. And she has no memories of telling him she would remember something like this. The whole idea of them doing the same thing before was new, unheard of.

There was a long shuddering sigh before he said, quietly, “yea, don’t worry, you’re not the only one... sorry, i’ll sleep now.”

Walking down the hall, hands in pockets, Sans opted out of taking a short cut. Sure, it would have gotten him there faster; and, yeah, it would take less effort. But, all things considered, he was still too exhausted to concentrate on where he wanted to go. Short cuts aren't something you can cut corners on. As tempting as it would be to try, he didn't want to risk getting stuck somewhere in between where he was and where he was going. Something that could occur if he lost sight of the destination or his magic became depleted.

So, no matter how annoying, boring, or physically taxing walking was, he figured it was best to play it on the safe side. Besides, he may want to take a short cut back to the room after, and decided to save his magic for that. At least he's been around the castle enough to know where to go without his shortcuts. Some of those memories are from when he was a kid, teen, or young adult. He's not sure which, just that these fragments of his past let him know which hall was which. As to what happened in the memories, he can't remember more than just walking through these halls once before.

This broken up personal history used to bother him, but not anymore. Especially since the rest of his memories became muddled with different timelines. After so many years, it just became a way of life. The only place he didn't experience this, to the same extent, was in the Ruins with Toriel. It felt odd at first, but he found that it was enjoyable. He figured it was because the only time he had been in the ruins was this and a few other timelines. So, messed up memories of his past weren't included.

As he neared the throne room he spotted a familiar yellow monster and grinned, "hey al."

Alphys turned and looked at him with a hesitant smile, if you could call that a smile. She looked like she was about to wring her scales off her hands, and her expression looked as secure about the situation as an old, wobbly ladder on a pile of unstable rocks. Still, she offered a, "O-oh, hello Sans. You... uh, l-look a bit better." She needed to relax badly. The meeting hasn't even started, and she was ready to jump out of her scales.

"yeah, guess i was just bone-tired before," he ignored her sigh, "amazing what a little shut eye can do for someone sans eyes."

Alphys snorted, "That one was t-terrible."

"is that so?" Sans closed his sockets and shrugged, "guess i left my funny bone back in bed."

"Sans," Alphys mock glared.

"just not that humerus without it," he winked.

"S-Sans! That one is so old. I th-think it was one of the f-first puns you told me," Alphys folded her arms.

"huh, guess i'm-," he started.

Alphys threw her hands up, "Y-yes, I know, you're too m-much of a numbskull to think of something new.'' She then paused and groaned while putting her hands over her face. Sans's grin widened and he started chuckling as Alphys's hands slowly slid down to uncover her eyes, "I can't believe you got me to say that!"

"you can't blame me," he shrugged again, grinning so wide that his cheek bones were starting to hurt.

"Y-yes, I can!" Alphys snapped while giving him a shove. Sans laughed as he was forced to side step; but, even with her annoyance, she didn't look angry or anxious.

It was nice to see Alphys more relaxed. Content he did his duties as a friend, he shrugged, "alright, fine, i'll stop."

Alphys sighed and started walking toward the throne room, Sans kept pace with her. Some of the anxiety was returning to Alphys's face, but not the amount she wore before. Sans didn't blame her, he was also feeling there were many other things he would rather be doing than this. Unlike Alphys, Sans didn't wear his feelings out in the open. Instead, he wore a calm smile that fooled most into thinking nothing bothered him. The same neutral smile he had worn for years, one that Toriel has somehow learned to look past.

"Are you r-ready for this," Alphys asked, the throne room door now in sight.

"nope," Sans admitted.

"Yeah...," Alphys sighed.

Sans stopped walking and placed a hand on Alphys's shoulder to get her attention out of ear shot of the guard. "how much does she know?" Sans asked, hoping to have some control of the situation.

"T-Toriel?" Alphys asked, even though she was fully aware of who he meant. She fidgeted, hinting that she was feeling a bit guilty; for what, he wasn't sure, but he could guess. "I-I'm not sure, r-really," she finally said, after getting a simple nod from Sans, "If I h-had to g-guess, she s-suspects more than she let on."

That didn't sit well with Sans. He didn't like surprises as they never seem to work out will for him. Well, except for recently, there have been some surprises that turned out to be good. But those felt rare or just flukes. Putting his hand back in his pocket, he grinned. "alright, thanks, al," Sans said and he started towards the throne room doors.

Behind him he heard the patter of Alphys's feet and he slowed his pace to let her catch up. The doors opened and the guards let them in, announcing their arrival. As he figured, Toriel and Undyne were already there. Gerson was in the room as well, seated at the table, with a cup of tea and laughing at something Toriel had finished saying as Alphys and Sans walked in. What Sans wasn't expecting to see was Toriel standing beside Undyne, green healing magic dancing like flames from her paws and surrounding the fish monster. He stopped, watching the beautiful scene with a feeling of confusion and frustration.

What did he sleep through?

"Well, now that they are here, I'll take my leave," Sans didn't need to look to know Gerson said that. Sans knew many voices in the underground, and this one is one of the most recognizable. The unmistakable laugh of Gerson that followed verified that belief. Which is good, because he couldn't take his sockets off what was occurring before him.

No, that was rude, the old turtle, and war hero, deserved more courtesy than that. Sans turned his head to look at the old turtle, "hey there, gerson. been doing well?"

"Business has been better now that you aren't pranking my customers," Gerson said. Again, he laughed while he heartily patted Sans on the back. "Patted" is an understatement, as the action nearly pushed the small skeleton over. "But, not as amusing. Things have been too quiet in Waterfall without you or Undyne causing trouble."

Sans just glanced away and laughed, happy he could stay upright, "ah, yes, that was good times."

As Gerson passed Alphys, Sans watched him put a hand on her shoulder and give her a quiet look. Even with one eye, it was clear to see the respect he was offering her. There was sympathy, but not pity, when he spoke, "You tried."

Gerson then left, Undyne calling after him some goodbye, but Sans wasn't paying attention as he looked over at Alphys. The short, yellow monster was looking away, wringing her hands again. Sans considered asking her later what that was about, if it doesn't come up any time before then. Though he had a feeling he knew. It only took him a few trips to the lab to borrow supplies to find out what she had been doing, and the result of those experiments. Although he had helped her out, and kept the secret, it was only a matter of time before the rest of the underground knew.

Before he could turn back around, Tori had Sans wrapped in her arms, "My dear one, I'm happy you are here. Again, I am so sorry that I left you this morning."

"eh, i needed the sleep. thanks, tori," Sans leaned into her hug, enjoying the feel of her warm embrace.

"Shall be begin this meeting?" Undyne interrupted.

At that moment, the last thing Sans wanted to do was let go, and yet, testing Undyne seemed ill advised. Carefully, he freed himself from Tori and smiled at her. Like a cloth soaking up water, dread about what would soon be discussed slowly filled his soul. He had no idea if he felt temperature like other monsters, and he had never really felt the cold the same way most monsters describe it; but in that moment, he felt like he was freezing. This is not how he wanted to discuss this. With no other option, he will have to try to make the best of the situation, and know that what he had might soon end.

He will have to pick his words carefully, from here on out.

Toriel took Sans's hand, and they walked together to a long table. Undyne sat at the head of the table; which, as the current leader, was her right. The fish monster called to the scientist, insisting that Alphys sat at her right, a seat commonly reserved for trusted advisors. Considering Alphys's role, and the way Undyne treated her, this didn't feel unexpected at all. Though, Toriel couldn't help but wonder, if Gerson had stayed, would he have that seat?

On her left side were two chairs, Sans and Toriel each took one, Sans taking the one between the herself and Undyne. She didn't mind the space between her and the Empress. The two might have handled a good amount of their aggression towards each other with the fight, but there was still lingering frustration. Still, she felt on edge having Sans so close to the one who had harmed him.

Distracting her mind, she looked across the table at Alphys, and saw the notebooks that had been a source of great concern of hers. Glancing over at Sans, she could see him staring at the books, eyes void of light. Even his expression was void of anything. He looked more like a human skeleton sitting there than his normal self. That look sent a shiver through her, and she wanted to do something to get him to react.

The meeting had started with Undyne thanking them for coming, and saying she wants to get down to the bottom of whatever mystery this "anomaly" was, for the good for the kingdom. The only action Sans had done since Undyne started talking was lean back in his chair, hands shoved in his pockets. She wouldn't be surprised if he was somewhere, other than here, in his mind. As much as she would hate to give him away, at the same time, he needed to be a part of this meeting with them, otherwise it won’t get very far.

"Sans?" Toriel whispered as she tried ushering him back from where ever he was.

Unfortunately, he didn't respond and Undyne caught on. The warrior set her eye on him, a look of annoyance passing over her face, along with a grimace that said "Of course." "Hey, Sans!" Undyne snapped, but still nothing from the skeleton. Gritting her teeth, the fish monster slammed her hands on the table, making everyone, even Toriel, jump slightly. "NGAHHHH!" She bellowed placing a foot on the table, spear in hand. "SANS! PAY ATTENTION!"

Some beads of magical sweat appeared on his skull and he chuckled, "sorry, i guess you can say i'm a little empty headed today."

He may have been turned away, but Toriel could guess his expression. The laid-back grin with a wink, most likely. Whether it was or not, Undyne glared back, "Just stay focused."

Sans shrugged, "i'll try." Toriel could hear a dullness to his tone that was something other than tiredness. It was a sound she had heard in his voice before, the first being back when they were talking through the doors to the ruins. That tone had slowly worked its way into his manner of speech more each day. It had been a while since she had heard it, and now it caused her soul to ache like it did when she first heard it.

“Sans, are you alright? Maybe I should have let you sleep longer,” Toriel offered a chance for him to back out. If he wasn't ready for this, she didn’t want to force him.

He turned and looked at her, and she could see the apprehension in his smile. Still, he tried offering her a comforting look, “it’s ok, tori." He then glanced over at the notebooks before looking back at her. He was smiling, but she knew it was for her peace of mind, not his. “i, uh, was thinking about stuff. Anyway, what's first?”

"You and Alphys were talking about this other thing, and it sounded like a worse threat than the bra-” Undyne stopped and looked in Toriel’s direction, “human was. Then you said that it was still here, in the Underground, with us. Is that true?”

“yes,” Sans leaned forward and reached for one of the notebooks, his arm wasn’t that long but Alphys pushed it closer to him so he could grab it, “the anomaly is as trapped down here as we are, and it’s alive. well, as far as i know, it is.”

“That word you keep calling it,” Undyne leaned back, watching him as he flipped through the pages, “why?”

“because, it isn’t a monster, human, or anything natural. the kid had an anomaly attached to them too, in theory. through the kid’s determination, and access to the anomaly, they could reset the time lines. the first anomaly, the one in question… well… it had determination too,” He glanced up at Alphys then back at the notebook.

“So, it is determination that allows them to reset?” Toriel asked

Sans thought for a moment, “kinda, i mean, the other humans had determination too, but it is unknown if they could, and just lacked the knowledge to, reset of if they couldn't at all. something about the kid all just lined up, or maybe they just had the right amount of dt, while the others didn’t. but, it is unknown if they had reset and just gave up after losing to asgore.”

Undyne frowned, and while Toriel was curious herself, the louder monster beat her to asking, “DT?”

Before Sans could say anything Alphys spoke up, “I-it’s the abbreviation for d-determination. DT was u-used in the old notes in the l-lab. It was used by the, um, previous Royal Scientist and s-staff.”

“Oh," Undyne paused to think, then looked at Sans, "How do you know that?"

Sans shrugged, "i have been around the lab a few times. helped al here and there. i saw it in the notes."

“I... didn't think I-I left any notes l-like that out that you c-could h-have seen," Alphas said quietly.

“found it while poking around," Sans rubbed the back of his head. He then shoved his hand in his pockets again, returning to the closed off look, "guess i'm sorry, if you were meaning to hide it."

"B-but... Sans... a lot of those notes are, well, d-difficult to read. Unless y-you have prior knowledge... o-of the s-subject that is," Alphys frowned, staring straight at Sans. She seemed set on proving something, but all Sans did was shrug.

"Paps did say he was into science, Al. I'm sure he read up on it somewhere," Undyne offered.

"science fiction," Sans tried to correct.

Toriel was about to offer her own agreement, knowing Sans has displayed knowledge in various fields of science that would be plausible for anyone interested to know. But Alphys wasn't going to wait; nor, was she going to let up. "U-Undyne, what's in those n-notes is not," the scientist waved her hands around, trying to think of the words she wanted, "it's... it's not stuff y-you would learn i-in a book or c-college classes. D-DT research i-is -- was -- highly c-classified."

Toriel looked over at Sans who simply shrugged, she could tell he was thinking, debating. Sans looked at her and they made eye contact. He finally sighed and looked away, pulling his left hand free to rub his tired eye sockets.

“Anomaly, DT, his science puns… It's like you pretend to be some dumb comedian, but that’s just an act, isn’t it?” Undyne frowned.

Sans looked over at Undyne, “yes, i used to work directly under the royal scientist, the one prior to alphys. among the experiments i took part in was the dt ones. they weren’t my favorite as they were outside my personal interests, but it was the experiments king asgore was funding us to do. just as he paid you to continue the work when you became royal scientist.” He looked at Alphys who shrank back.

What Toriel heard surprised her, and yet, it didn't feel like it should be a surprise. Sans has proven he is smart and knowledgeable in various fields of science. There were many questions she had, but all of which could be asked later. One though, stuck out, due to Alphys's reaction. “What were these… DT experiments?” Toriel asked.

He pushed the notebook back and put his elbows on the table, rubbing his head, “i don’t remember everything we tried. but essentially the goal was to harness dt to bring down the barrier since it was believed, at the time, that it was dt alone that made humans so much stronger than us.” He then looked at Alphys, then Toriel, “i’ll amend that. it is still the common belief that determination is what makes humans so strong. but i personally question that. i just think it makes them so stubborn.”

“So, experiments with 'DT.' Is that how this 'thing' that you're worried about got its determination?” Undyne asked, looking at Alphys.

“Y-yes, I was, um, testing to see, uh, i-if it was p-possible to m-make a, uh, f-false human soul? I w-was injecting d-determination i-into soulless v-vessels,” Alphys said, she looked apologetic, as if she had done something wrong. Perhaps she had, after all, where had she gotten the determination to work with?

"Soulless vessels?" Toriel asked, hoping for clarification.

Alphys fidgeted with her hands a bit and the answer to Toriel's question came from Sans. He sighed, "flowers, she used some golden flowers." His eye sockets darkened for a moment before he said, "like the ones you visit in the ruins."

"Y-yes," Alphys mumbled.

"and one started talking," Sans continued, to which Alphys nodded in agreement, "since asgore likes flowers, she tried gifting it to him, but it disappeared."

"And?" Undyne glared at Sans, "What about the 'thing' we are supposed to be worried about."

"i really don't know if it is really something to be worried about, but it's the flower," Sans said as he stared at the notebook before him.

Toriel put a paw to her mouth as she thought. She remembered seeing an odd talking flower with the human child. It tried to kill the youth, and would have had she not arrived. If that was the same flower, and she had no reason to think what Sans said was a lie, then is that could be why he started acting the way he did? Why he suddenly stopped wanting to be anywhere near the flowers? And could that also explain why he started becoming hyper-vigilant in that room?

“A flower? You’re scared of a flower?!” Undyne laughed heartily.

Toriel narrowed her eyes as she looked at Undyne, "I'm sure they have ample reason to fear this... flower." She looked over at, Sans who flipped through the notebook.

Finding an entry, he wanted, he stopped at the page and started to read, “the anomaly is clearly experimenting with information it has gained via previous timelines. i believe it used to have issues dealing with undyne, but now it seems like she is nothing more than an amusing toy. my guess is the anomaly finds her predictable. none too surprising as all of us become predictable over time.”

Everyone's attention turned back to Undyne when they heard a ‘thump’ from the warrior slamming her fist on the table, “How can we believe that really happened!”

Turning a few pages, he found another one, “of all people to team up with, i find myself working with undyne against the anomaly. one would think our fighting styles would not coalesce; yet, i must say, i was rather impressed with our combined strength. regardless, i saw her die as i fell to dust.” He flipped through, “there is more, lots more.” His eye lights dimmed, “and they aren’t the worst. heh, haven't had a chance to write those down yet... don't really care to, either.”

Sans seemed lost in a dark place in his mind again, and Toriel reached over, placing a paw on his skull. He looked down and away, hiding his expression from her. "tori, i...," he said quietly, and the heaviness in his tone tugged at her emotions. "i have more to say and wish you would wait."

"Sans?" Toriel hesitated and took her paw away.

"you might... well," Sans sighed. He looked over at Undyne, "the flower is not just a plant, there really is no reason not to expect it to be anywhere at any time. and it can put up a good fight. though, it's main weapon was resetting, which, as far as i can tell, it can no longer do."

"B-because the h-human beat it in d-determination?" Alphys asked, and Sans simply nodded in response.

They continued to talk, but Toriel could hardly focus, after being asked to not comfort him. Why? Why had he asked her to back away? What did he need to say that she should wait for and why wasn't he saying it?

"i understood that the anomaly found out how to win against me. so i had trouble caring unless Pap was involved,” Sans still hadn't looked at her, keeping his attention on Undyne and Alphys.

Sans was either scared or ashamed, maybe both, considering how he has behaved in the past. He was acting relaxed for the others in the room, but Toriel could see past this false look of calm. What she saw was the broken monster within. She had seen him before, the real him, unhidden by the guise of happiness, in her house. That monster had been healing, mending under her care, and now it was if he was right where he started. Frustrated she clenched her paws into fists. For a while longer, she will wait. But he needed something, anything, to know he was not alone.

“and before you say that wouldn’t happen to you," Sans said, looking at Undyne, "i’m not you and you’re not me. just be happy you haven’t been tested.” He then closed the notebook and shrugged, “so, when the kid showed up i treated them differently. tori’s promise it made it easier to just face the kid if it meant that the timelines would all end if i didn’t. after all, if they end it all, then there are no resets, and no chances to have pap live happy. my goal was simple, keep the kid interested or... if they decided to destroy everything, i'd keep them from progressing forward until they give up. then hope they reset and try a different path."

"Did they?" Undyne asked, frowning.

"choose to destroy everything? yeah, they did. and i did what i could to stop them. in truth, i doubted i would win. sure, i could beat them over and over again, but they would figure me out and win. so, i just did my best to make it difficult for them. hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would give up trying. i could tell by their expression that they were frustrated that i stood in their way. that i,” finally, he looked over at Toriel. There was a hesitant look on his face, one that looked worried and sorry, “i broke the promise to tori, and kept killing them.”

At the moment, she didn't know what to say. Toriel sat there, taking this information in. Her child, killed... but... But, the idea seemed unreal. She had started to suspect it, though. The vague hints of memories of events that didn't happen, and what information she already had pointed to things not being as she first assumed.

"Well, yeah, you broke that promise. But that's because they would've killed all the monsters, right?" Undyne reasoned.

"not just monsters, undyne. everyone. everything. according to the reports, they would have destroyed everything if they succeeded," Sans said, which sent a chill up Toriel's spine.

Toriel felt pain on her cheek, the child she thought was innocent stood before her, weapon in hand. They had attacked her, with no mercy or consideration. There was nothing but murderous desire in the attack that was now turning her body to dust. Shocked, she struggled to speak, "Y... you... really hate me that much? Now I see who I was protecting by keeping you here. Not you... But them! Ha... ha..."

"T-Toriel?" Alphys stood up, a startled look on her face.

Looking at the others, Toriel could see they were all concerned about her. Sans was holding her right paw, so she used her left to support her head. A new, nagging headache bothered her as she tried to think about where that memory came from. That child... was that her child? The one she thought she needed to watch after and care for?

The one who killed Papyrus...

The one who, if what Sans said is true, tried to destroy everything...

The one her dear one just apologized for trying to stop because he killed them in the process.

Sans was watching her, waiting to see how she would respond, and as angry as a part of her wanted to be, another knew he did his best. In this timeline, he sacrificed his brother for her promise, a sacrifice that never should have happened. Was it fair to judge him on the behaviors of a Sans, in a different timeline, who was trapped in a dying world, fighting to save what he could? If she was in the same situation, would she have the strength to fight?

She looked at him and he started to move his hand away. Without thought, she grabbed his hand, holding it tight. "I understand," she said, unsteadily, "I... I'm not happy the promise was broken; but, I understand why."

Undyne sighed and shook her head, "Moving on, what about the kid. You got them to give up, right? Since the world is all still here."

The words she saw in the notebook came back, haunting the back of her mind. "the brat killed me and came back to kill me again." She remembered how it was hastily scrawled compared to the rest of his lazy looking writing style. It was clear he didn't want to think about it. Just write it and let it be forgotten. And how he acted that night she had startled him awake by spilling red wine on him. "just let me die in peace," he had said as if it was a simple request he had made before. That calm resignation and acceptance of his death as if the idea of dying had been trained into him as something he should just accept.

"naw, in the end, they killed me. i don’t know what stopped them after me; since, as you said, we are still here. they must’ve failed somehow.”

Having heard enough, and having left him alone to sit there talking for longer than she wanted, Toriel reached out, grabbed him, and pulled him over to her lap. She leaned her head against his and closed her eyes. "You have hidden too much from me so not to upset me. But, at what cost? Perhaps, without everything I know now, I would have been angry. Once I learned the truth, how could I stay angry? You kept the promise the best that you could. You tried to do right by me, by everyone. I know you tried to keep the promise the best you could, and that is all that matters to me."

Undyne and Alphys let them have a moment, and Toriel was thankful for it. Since Toriel was holding Sans, with his back towards her, he couldn't hug her back, but she felt his hand petting her left ear. She could feel the subtle tremble of his hands, and the change of his steady breathing pattern. Knowing he liked the feel of her ears against his head, she made sure the left one stayed draped down along the side of his skull.

Undyne wasn't going to let them have too long to cuddle, and that was understandable. They were here for a reason; and, with how tired Sans still looked - and now that Toriel was holding him - Sans would soon be asleep. To get to the point Undyne interrupted, "And this dangerous flower? You said nothing happened to it?"

“other than losing the ability to reset, yeah,” Sans answered, his voice staying calm despite what Toriel could feel.

“So, it is still out there.”

“yup”

“And? what do we do?” Undyne snapped, causing Alphys to jump slightly.

Sans, most likely used to such random outbursts, shrugged, “why do we have to do anything?”

“Damn it, you are just a lazy good for nothing!” Undyne growled.

“happy you’re on the same page as the rest of us, undyne,” Sans said, sarcasm dripping off every word. He then yawned as he still petted the left ear.

“S-Sans, how long does it take for a r-reset?” Alphys interjected.

“the kid is done, they’ve seen all the potentials they want to see. they still hold the power to reset but they said they won’t… and i guess they were telling the truth because this seems to be the longest they’ve gone without resetting,” his voice sounded heavy in sorrow as he added, “so in the end i failed pap.” Toriel hugged Sans tighter in response to what he said.

"Back to this flower," Undyne looked thoughtful, “I get that it did all these horrible things, but for what?”

"it started as curiosity," Toriel felt Sans move as he shrugged, the full extent of the action hampered by her hold. "but, uh," he sighed, "it was clear we were just toys to it. a means to entertain itself."

Undyne’s face twitched, “So, to cure its boredom it goes out and murders people? And you just want to let it be?!”

“i just don’t see a need to hunt it down,” Sans shrugged again, "but maybe i've done that enough times that i'm just sick of it. the weed has no power, and it knows that. if it calls attention to itself, it runs the risk of dying and never coming back. so, why would it try its old tricks?"

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because it has been a while AND IT'S BORED?! I can't have that thing out there, thinking that it's okay to mess with, OR KILL, monsters,” Undyne yelled, slamming both hands on the table.

"Sans, dear, I am inclined to agree with Undyne on the matter. We should At least know where it is, and what it intends to do," Toriel added while she looked down at him then across to Alphys, "Do either of you have any ideas of where it might be? That must have been it, what I saw in the Ruins with the human, perhaps it is still there?"

"it could, or it could not. it's root system runs everywhere, so it could be anywhere," Sans explained.

Undyne rubbed her head and stood, looking ready to punch something, "So, we have a murderer running lose, and is capable of being anywhere?"

“well, as far as i know, it hasn’t killed anyone in this timeline ye-,” there was a small pause, a hiccup in his speech. Easy to ignore as he quickly finished with a, “et,” but Toriel heard this change. It was not unlike the times he remembered something when talking to her at the door.

Tilting her head, she questioned, “Sans?”

Understanding her reaction, Undyne again slammed her hands down on the table. From the way she was glowering, Toriel thought Undyne looked about ready to flip the table, “Sans! Who did the flower kill?”

“The f-flower killed someone?” Alphys squeaked, catching on.

If there was a moment in this meeting that she would suspect Sans would try leaving, it would be this one. Toriel could feel him tense in her arms, and she could sense him trying to close himself off. Had she not been holding him, chances are he would have found some excuse to take a short cut out of here. Her dear skeleton friend held to his secrets and seemed to fear parting with them. "Please, Sans," she said before nuzzling the back of his skull. As she suspected, the action melted the tension.

She heard him softly mutter, "not fair, t." A smile wanted to cross her face, but concern for her love, what she will hear, and the future, held it back. Still, it was a relief when Sans finally spoke up, “asgore. the kid fought the king and was sparing him when the weed finished him off.”

“Why didn’t you stop the flower?” Undyne snarled.

“because the kid wanted to spare it. which would mean, even if i did jump in, it would all be reset and what i did would mean nothing. and, i can fight the flower as it is, sure, but with six human souls in it, that’s a different story,” Sans replied, sounding defeated in the end.

“It has t-the souls?” Alphys was shocked.

“had, the kid beat it and they just… disappeared,” Sans shrugged.

The chair Undyne had been using fell over as Undyne kicked it out of the way. The Empress formed a spear in her right hand and started for the door, her one eye full of anger. Sans watched her, and said, “undyne, if it doesn't want to be found, you're not going to find it."

The fish monster glared at Sans, and Toriel couldn't help but glare back as she said, "While I feel we should look, we may wish to consult with those who know this flower first."

"You can, but I'm not going to wait around," Undyne snorted then looked at Sans, "What's the worst this flower can do?"

“what?” Sans sounded surprised by that question.

“I want you to think of the worst thing it could possibly do that it hasn’t done yet. Then I want you to consider that if you thought of it so did it. And YOU are giving it time to plot,” Undyne then marched out of the throne room, leaving the space in an eerie silence.

Alphys spoke up quietly, hesitant as if unsure if she really wanted to know, “Um…, h-hypothetically, what would be the, erm, w-worst it could do?”

"the impossible…,” Sans said, flatly. The response wasn't what Toriel had expected, but it was telling enough. There was another pause, guessing by Alphys's expression, she had some ideas as to what this impossible thing might be. To top that off, she was sure she felt a shiver go up Sans's spine. Even though he didn't feel even remotely relaxed, his voice had a calm tone, “welp, it can’t do it no matter how much it plots or tries.”

“W-why do you say t-that?” Alphys asked.

“i’m tired al, and that is a long story. another time, alright?” Sans sighed, rubbing his ‘eye lids’ with his left hand.

"Only if you want, my dear. It seems like something no one really wants to think about, let alone talk about," Toriel interjected, trying to relieve some of his stress.

"heh, yeah," came his quiet reply.

"You should get some sleep," Toriel said, while finally releasing her hold, "I wanted to talk to Alphys for a bit, but if you are too tired, I will carry you back."

"it's alright tori, i have my short cuts," he said to her with a grin. He turned to hug her, and they sat there hugging each other before he said in a dark tone, "what happened to your ear?"

"Hmm?" Toriel asked. She felt Sans touch her right ear and a small wave of pain from where one of Undyne's spears had cut her. "Oh, that."

"yes, that, what happened?" his voice was still dark, hollow sounding even.

"Undyne and I had a little tiff, nothing to be concerned over. I'll heal it in a bit," Toriel said, trying to comfort him.

He didn't look convinced and was lightly touching around the cut on ear. Toriel could feel it, the small trace of him trying to heal her, but it’s clear that healing was not his magical forte. That, and his own magic must still be weak from everything that has happened recently. Kindly, she took his hand in her paw and held it as she smiled down at him. "It's alright. Nothing I can't heal shortly."

"you sure? i can just," Sans started to say.

"Yes," Toriel interrupted, "I am sure. You're exhausted, and should get some sleep."

There was a soft sound coming from across the table, it sounded like a muffled squeak of some sort. Glancing over, she saw Alphys was looking at them with an odd look on her face. It was unlike any she had seen before on the yellow monster, and it was rather hard for her to describe what it could possibly mean. The only thing Toriel could figure, is that Alphys was enjoying watching this tender moment between them. Sans straightened, and Toriel could feel him let go of her ear. Glancing back down at him, she saw him give Alphys a glare.

"Anyway, Sans, I won’t be too much longer. I'll meet you back in the room, alright?" Toriel said, giving him a nose nuzzle. Sure, they have an audience now, but she didn't care. It never stopped her when she was with Asgore, why should it now that she had a new love? Sans did seem more reserved about his displays of affection, but that only meant she got to see the occasional embarrassed reaction. That, on its own, was a treat to her.

Right on cue, after the nuzzle, she could see that faint hint of magic on his cheek bones as he looked at her with this half loving, half worried expression. His eye lights are far larger than they are normally as he looks at her, clearly trying to take her all in. And that classic mask of a smile had slipped slightly into and awkward grin.

In some ways, Asgore was almost the same. He didn't get embarrassed like this, which is fine. He did have his own awkwardness though, which was adorable. At first, he seemed lost in the affection department. Willing, but just as confused on the process as Sans. But after a few good years, that changed, and already she can tell Sans was getting more comfortable with her acts. While she doubted he would be as interested in all the public displays of affection her previous partner enjoyed, she was fine with that. That was her and Asgore. Sans was different, his love was different. When he chose to show it, it was far sincerer than the smaller acts of love that Toriel and Asgore shared throughout the day. Not that Asgore loved her any less. He just split it up, and spread it out through the day, making it more casual in the long run.

Though, Sans holds it all back. Even now, as she heard Sans mutter softly that he would see her back in the room, she could feel him pulling back his magic. Hiding it. Secretive as always. Because of this, she noticed that he ends up letting his feelings and magic build up until he is a ball of emotions. Which, is pleasant in its own way for her; provided it was positive energy, and not the negative he also carries around.

As she watched him leave, she resolved to keep this quick, wanting to return to cuddling him as soon as possible.

Though he had time, Sans wanted to get back to the room and finally figure out what that gift was.

Why not? He was already in a rotten mood, might as well top it off with... that

Besides, he didn't want to walk all the way back. Once he rounded the corner, and was out of sight of the guard, he felt his magic swell up within himself as he stepped forward. In a soul beat, he was in the room he shared with Toriel at the castle. The effort left him light headed, as if his empty skull wasn't already light. He chuckled at that thought as he steadied himself.

Sure enough, the present was still there, waiting for him. The sight of it made his nonexistent stomach lurch, and he closed his eye sockets, took a deep breath, then walked over. Over and over, he reminded himself that it was silly to feel so afraid of this simple wrapped gift. Exhaling the breath, he picked it up and walked over to a chair to sit down.

The room was filled with the smell of coffee and pine needles. It may have been an odd mix of smell to some, but for Sans, it was the smell of family, joy, and the holiday. The tree was decorated with a variety of things that vaguely hinted to the season, and could possibly be combustible. The figure sitting nearby, a shadow of what memory has forgotten, was important to both Sans and his younger brother. He, this shadow, was the source of the coffee smell, as he sipped from his mug while watching his children.

Sans smiled over at the figure before handing over the first gift he had bought for his younger brother. The wrapping job was a sorry affair, but that wasn't what mattered now. Long hours of chores had gone into earning the money to pay for this simple gift.

Little Papyrus, in classic Papyrus fashion, neatly unwrapped the gift. The wrapping paper could be reused with the amount of care he put into the process, except for all the wrinkles Sans put into it while wrapping the gift...

He stared down at it for a moment before sliding a finger under a small gap where one end of the paper overlapped the other. With an odd amount of care, he tried to lift the tape without ripping the paper as much as possible. Once he started opening it, it just became easier to continue until finally the contents was exposed and in his hands.

"WOWIE! PEEK-A-BOO WITH FLUFFY BUNNY," the little skeleton looked at his elder brother with magic sparkling in his eye sockets. Sans knew his little brother liked these books about Fluffy Bunny and his friends. When Sans saw the new book in the store he had to get it for his brother, and all the work to get it was worth it.

The old, well used cover of the book was more than recognizable. There was no mistaking this old book that he had read plenty of times, even after the story became repetitive for Sans. He always tried to be the patient and caring brother Papyrus deserved. Despite the fact they both could recite the story, word for word, both still insisted on using the book each night. They had switched it out a few times for a new book now and then, but it was the one they turned to when they had nothing else new, interesting, or good for bedtime.

His smile became taunt, as he ran his hand and fingers over the cover. Sans remembered where every bump, nick, and scratch came from. And just inside the hardcover was a story Papyrus had written as a child after the brothers had an argument. A story that the two would reread anytime they let anger get between them.

Staring straight ahead, Sans felt the world around himself fade. Other thoughts, memories, and sounds replaced reality.

"Thank you for opening up about all of that, Alphys," Toriel said, looking across the table at the scientist.

Alphys was still fidgeting, "T-Toriel, there is s-something else about th-those experiments that... y-you should know."

This surprised Toriel, "That I should know?"

Taking a deep breath, Alphys tried to calm down enough to speak. "U-Undyne knows," Alphys started, "a-and so does S-Sans. I-In fact, before I r-revealed the secret to Undyne, S-Sans helped me a-a lot."

That pleased Toriel to hear, and she couldn't help but smile. That caused Alphys to shift uneasily though, so Toriel tried not to "beam" so much. "I'm happy he was able to be a help to you. I do remember him talking about you."

"O-oh, um...," Alphys looked away, a very awkward look on her face. Toriel could have sworn she saw a little color in the yellow monster's cheeks. "A-anyway, there w-were some experiments on monsters with D-DT."

That caused a chill to come over Toriel, and she became more solemn, "On monsters? Did Asgore know?"

"H-he... um... he had monsters that had fallen down brought to my lab for the experiments," Alphys winced, "We, Asgore a-and I, had a theory th-that it was DT that kept humans from d-dying easily. And if we p-put DT in monsters, then m-maybe they w-wouldn't die easy. S-Sans found out after the experiments failed, s-so he didn't take p-part in...," She had that awkward smile on her face before she started talking nonstop. It took a while but Toriel got the basic information. What she did piece together sounded like a living nightmare.

"Alphys!" Toriel raised her voice to get the scientist to stop. Shocked, Alphys finally shut her mouth and sat there looking ashamed of herself. "If you want my opinion, I would have fired you had I known," to that, Alphys shrank down in her chair. Toriel sighed and looked away, "But you are not my Royal Scientist. You are Undyne's, and she chooses to forgive. I don't know how you, or your predecessor, got the DT, I can only guess. And I can see these experiments have already weighed heavy on you. While I would have forgiven you also, I personally expect more moral fiber from my scientist."

"I-I understand," Alphys squeaked out.

"That being said, I have also heard about many wonderful things you had invented from Sans. So, I know you have tried to do your best for monster kind. And Undyne seems to approve of having you as her scientist. Maybe my judgment would be wrong," Toriel smiled, "I guess we don't have to worry about finding out."

"Y-yes, though... after Undyne f-found out," the smaller monster looked down, "I think she... she l-looks at me d-different."

"But she hasn't abandoned you," Toriel hoped that would rebuild some confidence in the scientist.

"We'll see...," Alphys sighed.

Silence fell between the two, Toriel unsure what else to say to encourage Alphys; and, judging by Alphys's nervous behavior, she was scared to say much. It would be easy to blame all that happened to those monsters on Alphys, but she was not the only guilty party. Sadly, Asgore was unavailable to take his part of the blame.

"I-I don't suppose y-you'd be willing to, um, talk Sans i-into coming by the lab. There are a f-few things I... w-well, now that he's admitted to, uh... w-working at the lab before... s-somethings were left b-by the scientists before...," Alphys fidgeted while she said that. She seemed very nervous for some reason.

With a nod, Toriel said, "Of course, I see no harm in that. We need to head back and get our things if Undyne wants us to stay. We have nothing other than what is on our backs."

"O-oh, w-well if you want, I... um...," Alphys started but then stopped.

Toriel tilted her head, "Yes?"

"I-I have s-some spare clothes...," the scientist looked away, uncertain.

"Thank you, while I'm sure that could work for Sans, you two being around the same height, I don't think that would work for me," she appreciated the scientist's generosity and offered a friendly smile.

"A-actually, I... I s-sometimes... well, uh, m-make clothes? And I have some y-your size," again, Alphys looked away, embarrassed.

This was a pleasant surprise and Toriel smiled big, "Oh, that's wonderful, then. Do you have a dress? I would be honored to wear something you made."

Alphys flushed slightly and nodded, "I do, it is... uh... well... I'll b-bring it by later."

"Marvelous. Then I'll see about getting Sans out to your lab tomorrow on our way back to get our things. And in the clothes you provided," Toriel doubted Sans would object, after all, the two were friends, were they not?

Toriel finally returned, she breathed out a sigh of relief to be back in the shared room. She would far rather be home than here, but it was still better than nothing. It was quiet, and Sans was sitting in a chair by the unlit fireplace. He was very still, and must have fallen asleep, which is no surprise. She was ready to sleep herself. More accurately, she was looking forward to cuddling with him again.

She walked over to Sans, she planned to carry him to bed like she did yesterday. As she approached, she noticed his eye sockets were open but dark. He wasn't breathing, causing the stillness she noticed earlier, and he was holding something to himself. There was no acknowledgement to her being there, at all. The only other detail she had to go by was the shiny paper that had fallen to the floor.

Confused, she bent over to pick it up, and saw it was wrapping paper. That was odd to her, as far as she remembered, Gyftmas - or Christmas - wasn't for another few months. All of this gave her a very uneasy feeling that she wished would go away. Still there was no acknowledgement from Sans that she was here. The only sign of life she saw was the fact he wasn't dust.

"Did you get a gift?" she asked, puzzled, trying to get some reaction out of him. Anything would be better than now. His “dead” silence was giving her chills. But, he remained silent causing her to try again, "Sans?"

Finally. The palest of lights appeared in his sockets and he looked up at Toriel. He started to shiver and held the book even tighter to himself as tears appeared in his sockets. "it... was his favorite," was all he said before the lights disappeared again.

Worried, Toriel knelled in front of the chair, seeing the back of the book and reading the spine. Sans had told her about this book before, she knew about it and the meaning it held. "Sans, did someone give you this?" Toriel frowned. How did the book get here? He definitely didn't have the energy to go all the way to Snowdin and back, right?

The lights appeared again as his sockets narrowed. It went from a look of thought to anger, "someone was in his room."

With care, Toriel took the book from him and set it to the side on a table, "Maybe we can read it later, together. Or put it safely back in his room. You're tired, and I'm tired, so let's try to relax for a bit."

Sans's voice for a moment changed, there was a seriousness to it she had never heard him use before, "He was in my brother's room..."

"Sans?" Toriel asked while touching his skull, trying to ground him in the here and now.

Eye lights settled on Toriel and Sans's expression relaxed, "sorry, tori, yeah, let's rest for a bit."

Some Closing thoughts: I'm still trying to perfect my evil laugh. I know this chapter has a few good points for an evil writer to practice their laugh with, but I think I need to get it down pat for some future chapters coming up... Can evil people just giggle? Does that count? I don't know, but I know I need to practice to be a true evil master mind.

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