#actually it's only 9pm but I'm always tired as fuck

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Me watching the Demon Anime Boy failing to impress me

Me: yawn

Me when the unholy abomination walks in

Me: (batting my eyelashes and twirling my hair) soo do you come here often?

Monster: (voices of the damned)

Me: wow your so interesting (slowly moving closer)

#local is tired and thinks they are funny #actually it's only 9pm but I'm always tired as fuck #shitpost #actually reading this sounds kinda cringe tbh #I need to make more of them #if you can't handle cringe this is the wrong blog #I'm always cringe and I like it #also I want to fuck monsters

[warwickroyals]

Okay, so earlier (technically it was yesterday for me) I asked where I should start reading your story. I then proceeded to not wait for an answer and start from the very beginning. I'm currently about to start page 19 in chronological order, and I am very much enjoying it.

Your writing is amazing, and so is your cinematography. Also, romance montages, my beloved. I am now fighting the urge to make one of my own sims. (Must fight the urge. So many spoilers.)

It's wild seeing how drastically Nick and Alex flip flop over time, especially having read your most recent posts. I'll be very curious to see this all play out.

Also, I love Phillip a lot, and I can't wait to see how everyone reacts to Jean being a part of his life. Cause she is amazing, and I love her. I understand both her and Phillip's sides at this point. Phillip has seen firsthand exactly what the press can do to people, so I totally get him not wanting to fuck Jean up like that, even if she thinks she wants it or thinks she can handle it. But on the other hand, he's very much pushing Jean away, which isn't fair to her. She wants to be a very serious and important part of his life, and he won't let her near the part of his life that has fucked him up the most.

Sorry for providing rambling commentary several months late, but I'm enjoying myself. I would really, really love to keep reading, but it's after 12:30 in the morning, I have an 8:30am class tomorrow (or rather, today), and I still have to take a shower. Was getting hooked on a sims story at 9pm a good idea? No. Did I do it anyways? Yes. Do I regret it? Currently no, but ask me again in the morning.

(Sorry, I'm rambly at the best of times, and even worse when tired.)

(Also, when I say "got hooked at 9pm", I did NOT read 18 pages in 3 hours. I only read like, 10-12 of them in 3 hours. :p)

Okay, I'm actually shutting the fuck up now!! I will hopefully finish tomorrow!!! I must be getting close now, seeing as the dates are only "two months ago".

OMG! No, never shut the fuck up! I love hearing all your thoughts, and it warms my heart whenever people engage with my writing like this. It's the best type of feedback. Thank you for all of the compliments and I'm glad that I've inspired someone in some way :)

Nick & Alex - I think they might just have the most complicated relationship out of all of my characters; they 100% are the most complex sibling relationship at least. I'm actually working on a scene between the two of them right now, and I think it's really amazing how jealousy is the driving factor for a lot of the hostility between the two brothers. Growing up, there has always been an underlying sense of bitterness and rivalry, but recently, especially after Margaux's birth, it's gotten out of control. Nicholas resents Alex because he thinks that he's irresponsible beyond reason, but he also envies Alex's position as second in line. It seems to him that Alex is constantly able to mess up without any meaningful consequences. Alex, on the other hand, thinks that Nick is too full of himself and that his being the heir has rotted his ability for empathy and understanding. Alex is also jealous of Nick being the older, more intelligent, brother. On top of the jealousy I think a lot of their current issues come from projecting their insecurities onto each other, especially when it comes to their relationships with their parents and women. They need to talk it out! Things will get better for them at some point but, as long as they refuse to communicate, it'll only get worse.

Phillip & Jean - I'm very glad people like Jean as much as I do because I wasn't sure about how she would be "received" if that makes any sense. Phillip in my opinion has always been paranoid, but a lot of his paranoia is validated by his life experiences like you said. As a child, he watched the media pressure destroy his mother's well-being; as an adult, it ruined his marriage. Even first-hand, a lot of his defining moments were him having to hide his mental illness and addiction struggles because of how exploitative the press was. So I understand how hard it would be for him to be publically in a relationship with Jean, someone who's so unconventional. But at the same time, like you said, it's not fair for Jean who also has abandonment issues of her own. I'm so glad that, in the time between Chapters 2.5 and 3 they've established a really strong relationship! Although they're not as prominent in chapter 3, there is a lot of conflict generated from their relationship and how both the press and family react to Jean as a permanent addition to Phillip's life. Their relationship is a really important element of the story.

Oh, boy, now I feel like I'm rambling, but I'm always down to ramble about my characters, so thank you for entertaining me for a little while. I can't wait to get to your other asks 😭

#warwick.answers #morrigan-sims

[weerewolf-mullets]

I still think back to art school alot. It gives me ideas. Ideas for projects that I never did when I was actually in the class. Things I could have changed about projects I did, different answers I could have given. It bothers me alot to look back at just how much that school made me struggle. How much it broke me. How much I broke myself. How much I'm still breaking myself. I hate that art school gave me all these grand ideas for art I wanted to do, inspired by those around and before me. Ive always wanted to do massive stuff, cut a spiral into a house like that one guy did. Splash paint and glitter all over a room. Destroy a gallery idk just do these grand ideas just for the sake of doing them. I hated them for all this inspiration that's I can't do fucking shit with. I just feel like I'm full of ideas, a malestorm of them, all moving too fast to ever finish the thought, write down lightning before it's gone. I just want to drown in paint, roll in it like a pig in shit just for fun, just because and get some rich idiot to pay thousands for the joy of simply doing. School always demanded a why (which is fair I guess) but they never seemed satisfied with the answer "beacuse I wanted to" I wanted to see what would happen, the reactions and the results, just for the hell of it, no thinking just doing. And you can say you can do that nothing is stopping you. I guess when they say the difference between fucking around and science, is writing it down. So many things I could have written down but writing is so hard for me. Having to stop, sit down, and wrote down your ideas. Ideas I can't keep still long enough to write the first word? I could t keep up with my own head, how could me hands even have a chance in the race. So many things are stopping me. I am stopping myself. Sometimes I want to do something so bad but I know I can't. It's not the time or the place or the complete lack of money. And fear. So much fear. Fear in change fear in bothering people fear in their reaction their response. It's terrifying. I have this dream tone day get out of my parents basement. Out of this room with no windows. Out of this house that feels so dull. Can't be what I want to be, can't make them understand how I feel, ildont have the words to help them understand. I am tired. So tired. Tired of my brain not working, how I can seemingly only be awake between the hours of 3pm to 4am. In a town that shuts down at 9pm, that judges and stares and asks questions. Too many eyes. Not enough eyes. I want to go back to the city or closer to it. Easier to get out of my own head. See people I want to see. So many eyes that you're basically invisible. The sound of it all. I think about art school alot. How it gave me so many people and experiences. Idk if I'll go back. Spend another 8 years. Maybe I'd go back just for certain shop classes? Probably not.

Don't mind me. Just rambling

[sendmelovebaby]

sunday 11/12/2023 around 8:30pm

it's been awhile but hey... they always come back!

i got written up at work today. maybe i'm always ready to be upset about something i did wrong. it doesn't surprise me they grew tired of me being late practically every day, but it does surprise me they took the time to find the name of someone who got a slightly negative review.... "server was aloof". bitch read the room, it was a show night. i was busy.

anyways one night i had done something i normally was doing with my managers before (since i started serving) which was give a recap about the night and how i felt about it. highs and lows type vibe. they never really asked anyways. so i thought something was off and uptight about Tom. i told him how i had forgotten to ring a drink in, and it ended up being fine. i don't remember what i said word for word in that moment (this was like 2 or 3 weeks ago) and he quoted me apparently being happy that a guest pounded his drink, the drink i had forgotten to ring in (and ended up doing so, obviously)

i don't know if writing while i'm drinking is actually what will help me in the long run

i think writing while smoking helps me narrow/streamline my thoughts, and when drinking my writing turns into emotion filled out pours of my innermost thoughts, yet it feels so messy

it's like i can't keep track of where i start or where i end but maybe that doesn't matter

getting lost in the words is what matters. for the time being.

so yes i still want to go to miami and study to get my masters and portfolio work from miami ad and fiu. it's the only thing giving me hope that i feel i can actually count on. anything else giving me hope is unfulfilled or unreliable. i don't want to say unrealistic but it's not as attainable under my control as my education seems. or maybe i'm misunderstood and i have more control than i allow myself to believe

either way, feeling lonely at the bar and being written up at work tonight is why i'm here typing in my phone at momos at 8:49pm on a sunday

it's raining and i'm sitting under a heating lamp out on the patio, enjoying a vape. they know people like to smoke cigs and drink, so it works perfect that i can vape while i drink out here. it makes the drink go down easier

it still makes me sad that Brendan ignores me at work, or at least tries to, and he maybe even actively tries to avoid me. i want to say whatever, i do every fucking time i want to laugh about it. but i can't. hearing his voice alone made me cry, knowing whatever the fuck i did makes me worthy of being ignored like that. even when he saw me, he went on his phone as if that's not the rudest shit ever to do to someone you know..... ..... .... zzzzzzz and i'm back to whatever

it's raining harder and something about it is comforting. it's interesting being 25. so many directions and possibilities it seems easier/easiest to sit down and do nothing. but at the end of the day i'll feel better getting things done, seeing people i care about, and quite possibly maybe most importantly -- doing things that make me feel good. writing write now feels good. but i know there's a lot of things that are bad for me that could make me feel good. i don't want to restrict or punish myself, it's not as godly or christly as i may think from time to time

hearing people yelling at the bar is alarming. but also entertaining, it's more fun when i'm here with my coworkers, but this gives me a different perspective on my surroundings. there's another girl here sitting at a table by herself near me reading. it makes me more comfortable knowing i'm not the only one who goes out alone and can enjoy a drink out without needing to be with friends you knew prior.

being out at 9pm in the winter feels like being out at midnight. it's always so refreshing when summer rolls around and it's dark til 9pm

i'll probably check back in but i want to get mac and cheese soon. because by the time i'm halfway done with my drink it'll be here. yep im going to go do that. brb

[werevampiwolf]

I posted 39,420 times in 2022

That's 9,773 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (0%)

39,414 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@flange5

@luidilovins

@spongebobssquarepants

@bloodfetcher

@renthony

I tagged 928 of my posts in 2022

#toh spoilers - 24 posts

#hot damn - 18 posts

#stained glass my beloved - 12 posts

#youtube - 11 posts

#i don't go here but - 11 posts

#flashing lights - 7 posts

#hell yeah - 7 posts

#mochi - 7 posts

#i love her - 6 posts

#owl house spoilers - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i got distracted trying to decide if i'm too tired to make myself dinner or if i should just eat a snack and go to bed because it's 9pm lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My roommates are throwing a party and it's so fucking loud and I can't sleep and this is a fucking autistic/PTSD sensory hell

3 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#4

Fun fact, blaze posts ignore tag filters. Also I'm not sure how well Tumblr screens blazes before they post.

@staff

[Brief image description: a tumblr blaze sponsered post to a fic that is tagged with both "dead dove: do not eat" and "incest"]

3 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#3

It's my birthday today

4 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

#2

Mr. Man got his first-ever tag today and is very proud of it!! I’m so in love with the tags we got all 3 of my dogs (they’re the same but Milo’s is blue, Laika’s is gold, and Loki’s is black) that I’m gonna get 3 more with their names to use as keychains lol (I have no idea why I call him Mr. Man, it just came out one day and now I can’t stop lmao)

Those are amazing tags and now I want one for my dog lol. I want to get my dog a collar with a matching bracelet for me

Also I'm now going to accept that Man is his last name (or middle name if you consider your dogs to have your last name)

4 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@niuniente

Here’s what my dumb questions were leading up to. I present: bubblegum Death-Head with extra eye and makeup. She’s a half-face tuatara, which have an extra eye on the top of their heads, though I took some liberties with the placement. She can’t see details with it but she can sense light and dark, like a real tuatara. She doesn’t have human ears, just little earholes like a lizard, so her glasses are actually magnetically attached to piercings she has right there. Her spikes go down her head and they’re naturally green, but she paints the ones on her head with nail polish. She used to always wear pink eyeshadow on all three eyes, but with her mask and all, now she only does the middle eye. She’s also got a tail that’s hidden in the shawl, because I cannot draw a lizard tail that doesn’t look terrible. And while I didn’t draw any teeth details, they’re very sharp, and she will not hesitate to bite.

I think I’m gonna call her Anahera, which is Maori for “angel“ (since tuatara are from New Zealand)

Made in Inkscape, and I did it pretty fast, at least for me, so the anatomy isn’t exactly amazing lol.

(also the model I found to reference was already wearing the glasses, so I figured it was fate since it matches Alrick’s)

30 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[0nlinejournal]

November 11, 2022

6:50pm

First of all, I cannot believe it is only 6:50pm. Daylight savings has absolutely ruined my perception of time. I am sleeeeepy. I went to bed at like 9pm last night. I turned 26 and immediately became a sleepy old lady.

Today I would like to rant about my supervisor. I dislike him so much. I cried on the way to work today thinking about having to interact with him, because my goodness he is so unpleasant to talk to. He is so fucking condescending. Any interest anyone has (or maybe it's just me I don't know) he has to immediately be judgmental about. He has the disposition of a guy that I would have wanted to impress when I was in high-school. The guy who looks down on everyone around him because he thinks he's too cool. He's an sculptor, and he smokes weed every fucking day. He fucking reeks of weed every god damn day, and...

....I don't know when this started to bother me so much, but my god it does. I don't share my judgement about this with people, because ultimately I don't actually give a shit, and I don't want to make anyone think I do. People smoke, they can handle their weed, and they like going about life like that, fine. But at what point are you drowning out your ability to enjoy life without being high? At what point are you killing your ability to just fucking exist and enjoy existing without smoking? The constant smoking irritates me more when it's someone like him. He's not an anxious person, he's a fucking asshole who says whatever the fuck he wants because he thinks he can, he doesn't need weed as an anxiety soother, he just likes it. It's gross to me.

That was not what I meant to rant about but whatever, I guess that's part of it.

This is harsh but I find him a revolting person. The way he deals with anger is pathetic, and he is angry nearly everyday. He throws shit, he marches around the place all pissy and complaining about having to do his fucking job, and if there is any minor inconvenience he'll hit whatever is nearest to him with whatever he has in hand. I've seen him throw a tape measure after knocking the table saw wall back a fucking centimeter (meaning he has to recalibrate it). I've seen him violently hit a table with a mallet because someone put too long of a nail in the tip of the bondo tube. I see him often all huffy and puffy talking about, "I am so tired of having to tell people this," even though we have new fucking employees every few months and it's his fucking jooooobbbbb. It's frightening to be around him when he's in a bad mood, I really can't imagine what he's like with his girlfriend.

He's such a bad supervisor. If someone does something wrong he addresses everyone about it instead of just addressing that person. Oh he's tired of telling people shit? I'm tired of hearing the same shit every time we have a new hire and they're still learning how to do our job. And he doesn't explain how to fix the issue, EVER, he just says stop it. So if someone isn't wrapping bundles of sticks right, they're not gonna learn how but they know that they need to be wrapped tighter... somehow. Fucking idiot. He does that with new people but when it comes to me??

He is always on my ass. On myyyy ass. He checks up on me multiple times throughout the day while he only checks up on my coworkers once a day. And like 8 times out of 10 he has something to fucking say. What irritates me about that is what he has to say usually has something to do with something that has never been an issue before. He just wants to fucking say something to me. Just to fuck with me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I swear to god it's true. He just likes to fuck with me. Every fucking day, and I am so fucking tired of it. To make it worse, if it is an actual issue, and he needs me to be doing something a specific way, he just tells me to not do it the way I'm doing it, but literally nevvveeerrr shows me how to do it how he wants me to. I always have to ask for him to show me how he wants it done. Which sucks, because I do not want to speak to him. Sometimes if he leaves me that opening to ask, I won't, because I don't want to prolong conversing with him.

Which brings me to his general unpleasant disposition. He sucks. He is nearly always pissy. And if he's in the mood to chat then he's a dick. He's form of conversing is playfully making you feel like shit for your interests. Like, oh, you like x genre of music? That's so silly, I only listen to nu metal. Oh you like watching tv? Psh, why would you waste your time watching mind numbing entertainment. Like what the fuck do you want me to do man? Why the fuck would I want to talk to you if you make me feel like I'm beneath you for my interests??? He's so fucking dumb too, because he makes so many assumptions.

My coworker burned a massive burn pile we had, and I asked if he had taken any pictures (because I like large fires) and my supervisor chimed in with, "Not everyone films everything, people like to live their lives without having their phones out. Some people don't feel the need to take photos of every second of their life." He was laughing, playing it off as a joke, but he does this shit all the time and it's so fucking annoying. He doesn't know how I behave on social media, so I don't know why he's speaking to me that way. He also walked in while I was talking to my coworker about Love is Blind, the literal only reality tv show I watch, and on top of that one of the only tv shows I watch in genral, and proceeded to ask me why I'm letting a reality tv show control my life. Like fucking excuse me? I want to complain about someone's crazy behavior on tv for funsies and for a conversation at work, and you're assuming it's eating away at me?? What the fuck is wrong with you? Was I speaking to you? Did I ask for your fucking input? Why are you so god damn condescending?! What am I supposed to do with my free time? Smoke weed in my RV? Fuck off man.

My resentment for him is growing rapidly and I don't know what to do about it. I feel bad because I've been getting snippy with him as of late. My coworker was training me on how to build crates, and my supervisor walked in, made a snarky comment basically saying I wasn't doing something right, and I kind of yelled (while trying to keep a joking tone), "WELL IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT CORRECTLY INSTEAD OF MAKING SNARKY COMMENTS THAT WOULD BE FANSTASTIC". He chuckled and walked away I think sensing that I was genuinely upset. On Monday I walked in, he made a snarky comment, and I told him I was not in the mood for that in a very flat tone and his whole demeaner shifted because I shut him down.

I've run out of steam for now. I started complaining to my coworker because I need to talk to someone about it.

This next week is going to be stressful, my supervisor is going to be the worst, but then he will be gone for two weeks.

8:05pm

#november #november 11 2022 #daily entry #rant #tumblr journal #online journal #journal blog

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag???? #aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘 #love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop. #my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me??? #or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘ #imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so) #i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀 #sentencessss*

[thisolddag]

Our Family Unplugged For 24 Hours. Here’s What Happened.

Back in September, our thirteen-year-old son finally got his own room. We converted the playroom by dragging in his bed and desk from the room he used to share with his little brother. The new “bedroom” still has bins of Legos and Thomas trains and action figures hidden in drawers, and it’s still painted a cheery bright teal, and he let me keep yesteryear scribbly artwork up, and it doesn’t quite fit his current cool, detached teenager image - but it’s got a TV and it is His Own Personal Space. 

From which he hardly ever retreats.

This is the first thing. The fact that we have for all intents and purposes, momentarily “lost” contact with him. It’s normal, I know this - normal to want to burrow away and figure things out in solace, normal for someone who is 13 and looks 16 and is wracked with evolving feelings and changing body. I get it.

But this new room, and this new kid (who is now taller than me) got me missing things. Missing how things used to be before we walked around with devices in our hands. Because the truth is we are - all four us in this house - burrowed away in our own Personal Spaces. Eyes down, time wasted, hours spent scrolling, clicking, forwarding, deleting. Even the ten-year-old who doesn’t have a phone, has an iPad and access to a computer - and so while we still play board games, and eat dinner as a family, watch movies together sometimes - the cold, hard truth is that any leisure time to spare is time spent alone, in some corner, staring down at a screen.

So when I came across Tiffany Shlain’s new book “24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day A Week” it was like a plea, a dare, and an answer all rolled into one. The next day, I called a family meeting. 

“We’re going to implement a Tech Shabbat. We are going to unplug for twenty-four hours. No iPhones, no iPads, no computers. ALL of us. We will have a landline, a list of phone numbers to call people if we want, and one TV to share, in the family room.”

The ten year old was excited.

The thirteen year old cried.

He shed actual tears, and his reaction - fear, confusion, desperation, fury - further cemented my decision. 

Yesterday was our first unplugged Sunday.

And here are my take-aways.

THINGS THAT WERE SURPRISING

1. Teenagers are resistant and reluctant to use phones for anything other than texting. I had to implore my 13 yr old to pick up the house phone and call his friends (they were supposed to meet up for Superbowl hangout that evening.) “Nobody calls anybody! Nobody leaves voice messages. Nobody checks voicemail!” “They won’t know this number. They won’t pick up.” He was correct on all accounts. I had to call parents and inform them that it was, in fact, our son calling from a landline, that this was no prank. The kids who ended up calling back didn't know to how to greet me. They stammered and hemmed and hawed. The idea that reaching out to a friend did not guarantee a direct connection with said friend, was foreign and stupid and strange. This all blew my mind.

2. The day felt incredibly long and languid. It unfolded slowly. When we get on a device, time is sucked up so quickly. I liken it to being in a casino. Minutes fly by, the whole concept of time is warped, thwarted, eradicated. Many times a day, I take my phone out of my pocket and there I am - Instagram, Facebook, Flipboard, Twitter, Matchington Mansion - and when I slip it back into my pocket, I’m unaware of how much time has passed. An hour? Twenty minutes? I don't register it, and yet, it’s gone in a flash.

3. I didn’t miss the things I thought I would. I didn’t miss social media, I didn't miss news notifications popping up, I didn't even miss the Marco Polos I love exchanging with a group of close friends. I didn’t miss getting emails. I didn’t miss looking around for my phone or “alone time.” I still had my alone time except it was quieter - an aloneness with my thoughts, observing things instead of being distracted by them. I didn’t miss being available and connected to an outside world. When I started wondering about how someone was doing, I picked up the house phone and gave them a ring. I left a message and hoped they’d call back. It felt freeing. It felt authentic. My husband felt the same. However, our oldest son’s biggest worry was missing out. He still got dropped off at his friend’s house for the SuperBowl party (the only kid there without a phone, I'm sure) and he still had loads of fun. In fact, when I called the kid’s house later that night to check up on him, he sounded energetic and happy and even ended the conversation with “I love you, mom.” But later he mentioned experiencing anxiety - feeling like he was missing out on “something important” by not having access to his phone. To him, having his phone nearby means having his friends nearby. Without it, he feels lost, unmoored. That admission made me think about how hard it is for our kids, who have grown up used to being “connected” all the time.

4. Landlines are FUN. My friends called a few times, and I would slightly thrill at the sound of a phone ringing throughout the house, and I’d run downstairs to pick up the receiver in time, smiling. As we talked, one friend commented how it felt like we were sixteen, hanging off our beds, twirling our hair, talking about our crushes. 

5. My husband and I worked on a crossword puzzle over coffee and breakfast. I also finished a jigsaw puzzle in one afternoon, which I’d been working on for weeks. I read a lot. My boys lay together on the couch and agreed on what to watch on the one TV we could use. They hung out more than they had in a long, long time. We all felt relaxed. I ended up watching the Superbowl because by 9pm, I was too tired to start another jigsaw puzzle, too tired to read, so what else was there to do? I laid on the couch and learned about fumbles, and touchdowns, and cheered for the Chiefs and I kind of got into it. Who the fuck would have thunk. 

THINGS THAT WERE ANNOYING

1. I couldn’t take pictures. That sucked. 

2. Traveling was unsettling. When the boys went to SkyZone, I didn't like not being able to get in touch with them. Granted, my sister and her husband and kid were there too, and I called her, but still. I thought about car accidents or something random and awful happening while they were out, and I worried about when they’d get home. That kinda sucked too. It felt like an old yet unfamiliar sensation - not knowing what was going on at every single moment. 

3. We couldn't order anything online. We couldn't use GrubHub or DoorDash, or GoogleMaps. We couldn’t just like check the weather with a swipe of one finger. Not having the everyday convenience of being online was a bit of a bother, but we survived. It made me realize that we have gotten lazy about daily tasks, and that part of our brain has BECOME our iPhone. 

4. I snacked a lot. Without my calorie counting and fitness apps to log my food intake, I suddenly found myself snacking on junk. I did work out, but eating that day became a sort of time filler, and the feeling reminded me of quitting cigarettes and turning to food. That was unforeseen, and I did not like it.

THINGS THAT WERE PROFOUND

1. All day, we felt like we were together in the same space. We retreated less often. We felt serene, light on our feet. We settled into feeling bored, or lazy, or inspired. We gave each other more attention but somehow felt less encumbered upon. It was really, really lovely and soothing. Putting away our devices felt like going on vacation. When we went to bed, I felt closer to my husband. I felt like we had truly shared the day. And both us were not exactly looking forward to Monday, because it felt like going back to the grind. Already there was a bubble of anxiety in our chests, a feeling of weight on our shoulders. Also, I had 127 emails waiting for me this morning and not a one of them was something that desperately should have been answered yesterday. So there was that realization too. The world won’t fall apart if you check out for one day.

2. Twenty-fours can change you. It is a small amount of time, yet our 24 hours unplugged felt so incredibly substantial and so behavior-altering that it made me pause and realize just how addicted we have become to always being connected to the outside world via technology. It’s fucking bizarre, if you think about it. 

3. Unplugging and reaping the benefits will only work when the adults in the house do it too. We already have a Device Free day and have had it for years, but it only applied to the kids. It has never felt as pure, and as important and GOOD, as yesterday, when the rules applied to all of us. Taking electronic away from the kids, while being allowed ourselves because “we didn't grow up with this, so we’re not addicted to it” - is like telling someone to go on a diet and eating cake in front of them all day, because well, you personally don't have an issue with weight. Suddenly, it became clear: to be together, we have to do this together.

Moral of the story: this was a pretty amazing experience, as trivial as it seemed to some. If you are feeling burdened, stressed out, fractured, cranky with your kids, your partner - I highly recommend investing in a landline, writing down phone numbers, picking a weekend day, and trying it out. It will feel new and beautiful, and reassuring somehow. Because while there were moments when obviously we went our own ways, did our own thing, we still felt as one. There were no walls, no apps, no texts getting in the way of figuring out and enjoying the day. We were fully present with each other, with ourselves - aware of time but not panicked or confined by it. 

In her book, Tiffany Shlain writes that her family has been unplugging one day a week for ten years now. I don’t know how long we’ll last, but all I know is this - we can’t wait for next Sunday.

#unplugging #24/6 #familytime #rest #technolgy

[queenjanai]

q&a! #1

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾  ⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾  ⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

glad you guys are rolling with me. i hope to keep this as a daily thing until you get tired of me. questions and answers will be posted around 9pm in my time. you can still send questions, i’ll just answer them tomorrow. let’s get this started!

@from-shattered-stars asked: how did you start making gifs? how did you discovered tdp?

i always saw gifs and i was like "this is so cool! i wanna do it too" but i was afraid of downloading a virus or making my computer crash. one day i was finally like, "fuck it". i found a download link, a really simple tutorial, and started from that. my older gifs are so ugly, i finally have a good method, and there are always new things to discover

i knew about tdp a while before it came out, i saw the poster i think and i knew it was from someone who worked on avatar. wait now that i'm thinking about it, i'm pretty sure i got netflix just so i could watch the show. yeah. i convinced my parents about that

anon asked: favorite crepe filling? (or do you prefer them plain?)

my default answer is always chocolate, tho i did try a lotus cookies cream and it was very tasty. just look at it

anon asked: dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk, but i developed a weird love for white chocolate like two years ago

anon asked: if you could turn into any animal at will (and back into a person), what would it be?

either a cat or a red panda

anon asked: what's your 3rd favorite lizard?

i got a question for you anon: what makes you think i can really answer this question?

@nightworldlove asked: Do you have a friend you initially didn't expect to become friends with?

yes, actually. one of my friends was new where i work, and, i don't know, i didn't really think i'd connect with her, but she's a good friend of mine and we're always on the same shift together

anon asked: Favorite cookie flavor and hamantaschen filling?

cookie flavor is chocolate chip and fun fact: in jewish tradition, hamantaschen has only two flavors, poppy seeds and chocolate. anything else is less common and both flavors are really nice

thank you all for asking!

#q&a night #elinor.txt

[zombie-girl-memoirs]

Some thoughts and feelings have been buried inside me for years. Yesterday I wrote them down.

I'm filled with oblivion and apathy, and all around me is paper and plastic, a cage carefully manufactured by me. I hate this silence. Like everyone in the world is dead. Maybe I am. Inside.

I'm a zombie girl.

And I don't even like zombies. Well, I don't really like myself either, tbh. I'm working on my self-esteem and stuff.

[See the last phrase? Even here I try to pretend like I'm okay and be the positive spiritual guru that I'm not. I'll try to keep it honest and not let that mask blur my truth...]

Time seems paralyzed and I want to disappear, crash my skull like a watermelon to stop thinking. I can't even read.

But when I put music on, this strange void and stuffiness is filled with sound and air. And I forget it all

I speak through their voice

I thrive

I forget

I grin

I know that probably I won't change tomorrow

That makes me sad

But I keep dancing

...

I have a call.

I don't want to talk to people.

I wish someone could come and rescue me

That they'd look at me and see me, with my pain and wonders.

And they smile and hug me.

I understand, you're safe with me, they'd say.

Ah, I wish...

...

I brushed my hair in the dark.

I do things just to appear busy. Or think that im actually trying.

Everything good that blooms inside me, i kill. Inside me there's a grey dessert. Dessert. Haha. Typos... *desert

I feel so angry at the world. I feel like i gave up on myself and people. I cut every thread that connected me to others. I conviced myself i only need me. I dont know any more...

But i fear trying. Caring is hurting. It hasnt worked well for me in the past...

I dont know how to talk to people. I dont know how to be vulnerable. I dont know how to be myself.

Everything is cut off in the middle. I break and reconstruct myself again and again till the point where i never get anything done.

I cant be honest with people.

I want them to think im okay.

I feel self centered and whiny if i say im not.

I fear being co dependent.

I fear being alone.

I fear it all.

Im tired.

I want to change.

Like a phoenix.

Maybe i struggle cause part of me doesnt want to perish...

I hope this was easier.

But i guess growth never is.

I have to accept it.

The sooner the better.

I got a call now.

I dont feel social.

I'll paint a smile on my face and put the pre recorded voice. They'll love me.

Maybe i resent everyone because i feel like its their fault. Like they were the ones there. Even if they didnt even know i existed.

Like they might hurt me again as they did. They're not individuals who hurt me. They're ghost that live in every person i encounter. I dont like ghosts.

But maybe i am one myself.

Funny life, innit?

Im falling asleep, its only 9pm, and i'll probably stay half unconscious till 1 or 2... Who cares. I dont. No one ever does.

Im always angry inside.

Why cant anyone see my pain.

Im akways kind of nervous when sharing this darkness of mine. Everyone seems to have the right to complain and scream about how stupid the world is and how that new Star Wars movie stinks even though you were looking forward to it, and everyone seems to love it.

I dont know about you, but im very critical and annoyed with that kind of people. I want to snort and tell them to shut the fuck up, no one cares that you're sad and angry.

No one does.

Maybe its because i myself am sad and angry and i never express it. I sometimes wish i could set a fire and break havoc.

Oh, someone called me while writing this. Needless to say, i ignored it.

Anyway.

...

It was a delivery. I got a package delivered. Something I bought for msyelf. A beautiful tarot deck. Its funny. I was so pissed this morning. Yesterday i was kind of excited for it, as if it was christmas, the only interesting thing to look forward to. Now i have it. I dont know how to feel. Its gorgeous. I like it.

Anyway!

Let me finish my rant. As i was saying. I hate people that are whiny, and pessimistic and cynic. I kinda feel like they do it to be interesting.

But i do feel cynical and pessimistic.

I just dont show it because i feel like everyone will get tired of me and hate me. Like the rot apple.

I read a book where the protagonist is dark and depressed and cynical and somehow everyone forgives her and loves her for who she is, she finds a gorgeous boy, just as quirky and wise and broken as her, he tells her he'll help her live again. He hugs her even when she's crap.

I thought it was a pretty fairy tale. It doesnt happen irl. Not to me.

Maybe i just have bad luck and live in the most boring place in the world.

I dont like to share these feelings because i know what they'll say and its not helpful. You know, that thing you see in mugs and posters. Live love laugh. Idk the correct order.

It'll be alright! You're awesome!

Mkay, Susan, now I'm happy and all my problems have been solved. Thank you.

I know they mean well. But i dont want advice or comfort words. I just want someone to listen, to see me, to see my pain for what it is and dont dismiss it. And then give me a hug, maybe. If i like them. I dont like hugs from strangers, or people in general.

The other scenario is like that time when i was crying and my mom yelled at me WHY CANT YOU BE OKAY, WHY CANT YOU BE HAPPY?! Or when my dad stared at me in silence while i cried, frozen, and he said with stern tone, stop crying. I didnt.

Sadness and anger arent pretty emotions, nor acceptable.

And i dismiss it when i see someone else's.

Maybe because no one sees my pain, so i dont want to see theirs.

You see, when i was a kid i was cheerful and creative and social and happy and adaptable. But... you know that they make products so that they get broken at certain point so that you buy a new one? Expiration date pre fabricated. I feel like that. I was functioning right till i was 12. Then everything was broken.

You know that meme? About 4 mysteries of humanity, and one of them is "why i stopped being happy when i was 11"

#relatable

I've been dead inside since then.

No one noticed though. Maybe they just didnt want to care, it was inconvenient. Then they put the blame on my for not being a happy fucking unicorn with rainbows and flowers. Cussing in english is kinda fun...

My older sister was very sick once. Everyone put money for the operation. Everyone surrounded her like she was the sun and im Pluto. A dwarf planet. Sounds kinda cute. Its not.

Im always supporting everyone yet no one asks me if im alright. Probably i'd lie if they'd do, though. I always lie. Thats why i wish someone would see through me.

Anyway. I thought it was hilarious.

I started feeling like a ghost since i was 12. It wasnt pretty. Invisibility isnt a nice superpower, i tell you that. Pick teleportation in the buzzfeed quiz instead.

I thought i was okay now. Turns out im not. I feel like a zombie. Or a paper doll with a smile painted on her face, hollow inside, maybe filled with ghosts.

Im dead and no one cares.

Do i want them to care?

Idk.

I wanted to die a few times. Not like die die irl. More like what Hermione does with that obliviate spell. Disappear. Poof! And go live to a forest and read.

Sounds pretty cozy, right?

I think connection to others is also connection to life. But i cut the threads. Im pretty sure they'd forget about me quickly...

I already isolated myself like Elsa.

Fuck y'all! Im tired of your bullshit!

Go, Elsa, go!

I kinda want someone to sneak in my ice castle, and pat me in the head, like in animes do, ara ara, and i'd smile like a cute anime girl, or like that shinigami from Death Note. No middle ground. But i'll breath relieved.

I want someone that feels like sunshine.

But im not worthy of that sunshine. I would stain their beauty with my darkness, like a virus or black ink spilled in gorgeous silk paper.

And chances are that sunshine is a facade. Its funny how many personality traits are just a defense mechanism.

You know, that smiling boy who is always happy, you go and scratch the coating paint and find out monsters and goo and death metal and screams.

I dont want to deal with his pain.

But its not fair that i only share mine.

So i'll just not. You know. Make friends with him.

He doesnt exist btw, i just made him up.

Im not straight btw, just to get it clear.

But this isnt about gender and sexuality, even though i find those topics very interesting.

Lately i've been listening to Billie Eilish a lot. What a surprise, huh?

Hostage, in particular. I kind of feel that way. I want to have someone love me yet i dont want them to break my walls or share my heart cause i hate being vulnerable.

Maybe thats why i write this. And share it with you.

Though idk if anyone is reading it.

Maybe its like talking to the empty space in the universe.

Or not.

The point is that i can share here without completely showing my truth yet not lying at the same time.

You wont meet me, like, ever. I wont meet you. It would be strange if we'd do. You'd know more about me than i know about you. Or maybe because you relate to me i kinda do know you, a little. Who knows. Sounds like a movie. Aint happening. Sorry for being such a mood killer. I do like to romanticize life in general... just not here, not now.

Back to the main point here, you may relate to something i say, and you feel a teeny tiny bit less lonely.

Kinda like laughing at memes about panic attacks. Its not a funny thing but its nice seeing that you're not alone.

Funny thing is that even if we dont meet you'll know me better than my friends and family do. Cause i keep a mask of happy me when im around them.

So that kinda makes us a tiny bit like friends.

I hope you dont relate that much to me, though. I'd like for you to be happier than i am.

Looking back, this post is hella long ㅋㅋㅋㅋ but whatever

#Spotify #thoughts #emotions #mental health