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elizabethrobertajones · 5 years

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14x07 watching notes

In Which It Is Now Completely Apparent Which Of Buck And Leming Are Writing A Scene At Any Given Time

A Tale Of Lizbob Being Tormented By Toddlers

Hello it is 3:32am and I am awake from a dream of what the episode might have been (plus side: overt Destiel motel room sharing, downside: Jack accidentally killed Dean) because my tantruming toddler neighbour who just moved into the haunted house next door was screaming, and threw something at our adjoining wall. At 3am. So I'm not exactly well-rested and I'm kinda pissed, which isn't the best combo for a Buckleming episode, but when you wake up with a scream and a thump, you aren't going back to sleep for a lil while :P

Kudos to the rest of the writing team, we're 7 episodes in and I've thoroughly forgotten Nick exists. I've just been assuming he was caught, featured on a true crime program, and is already gone and locked up for the new murder and likely solving of a cold case.

Ahahahaaaa the opening of the recap is "when it comes to killing you, I'll be the one to do it" so that's ominous. As you might tell, my psyche is utterly wrapped around this whole Shakespearean tragedy of Jack vs Dean, and perhaps they're not gonna murder each other today but the constant reminders they're living in a murder or get murdered delicate thematic plot balance is exactly the sort of thing that we need to have hanging over their dynamic, as well of course as being the start point of their relationship to show how far they've come and how much they've changed and now love each other and how just last episode Dean got in his "fine i have a son now" episode a season or two later than everyone else and just in time for it to be "so now you bonded with him of course he's caught Doom because you can't have nice things for literally a single episode and this is your fault for bonding with him, Dean"

This recap is designed to wound me, a Jack fan and lover of how TFW loves their son

Ew, it's Nick. The first time in my life I've been tempted to skip at least a lil of the recap.

Imagine how tight it would have been to just do a 10 second "here's Jack" recap and cut to the action

and the action includes an episode without Nick stealing time from the boy

You know i spend exactly 0 time speculating on how Eugenie might write her personal fave bits of the episodes but if you had to throw together "nick is now a serial killer ritually murdering priests on a satanic bender" then that would have been a pretty close thing to what I could have come up with as distilled Buckleming essence. (gross)

There's a vague continued overlap of the human!Cas arc with the parallel to the open of 9x03 and the general aesthetic of season 11's Lucifer's satanic rampage bender thrown together but you know what that's more meta than this arc deserves and my boy is sick

OH NO CAS IS THE ONE WATCHING OVER HIM ABORT ABORT

His grace looks pathetic. Maybe he's trying not to wake Jack up. Maybe he doesn't have a whole lot left.

That's not helping, Cas

ANXIOUS PARENTS OUTSIDE HIS ROOM

I bet Cas sent them away because they were hovering

Dean this is not what happens to kids, stop trying to kid yourself that this is like having a regular demonic toddler

Man am I glad I do not have kids right now both because I don't have to worry about them and also because they scream and throw stuff at the walls at 3am

Dean angry at Cas cuz he's worried about Jack oh no oh no oh no look at these stressed parents. Cas is forced into the doctor role because he magic but he is just as stressed as they are and tensions are high, and then the boy starts convulsing

Oh my god they snapped, they are actually bringing Jack to an emergency room. This is horrifying and kind of a trip to imagine what they're going to tell any authority figures about who this guy is and what their relationship is to him.

Do they remember that he has barcode fingerprints and probably is gonna be Medically Weird just as default?

(Alex is 29 like me and Misha is early 40s and Jimmy is canonically a year older than Misha for some reason, so at a push Cas could be his dad and have made some very early mistakes but the boy is biologically only like 10 years younger than them on average... JACK looks another half that at times but this is a hospital so idk if "smiles like a toddler" "early teenage adorableness" is a good measure of age)

(I'm stress-typing)

"His full name, please"

All 3 dads look at each other baffled.

Sam goes with Jack Kline, which, a season and a bit later, is the first canonical use of it as Jack's surname

They're cautious about using Winchester, understandably, but it's a nice reminder that Kelly is family too and as the dead parent, naming Jack in tribute to her should have been something they were doing all along (like, season 13 all along), especially as he even visited the Klines earlier this season. Sam being the one who thinks to do this is nice because he's the most dad-aligned to Jack in a traditional sense when it's come to raising him (Cas got the pre-birth role as the traditional father role) and Cas obviously had the strongest connection to Kelly before that but this isn't a moment about her so much as these 3 stressed dads.

LOL Date of birth. Sam wins another point for knowing it, while Dean makes back and forth guesses on '99/2000, making Jack 19 or 20, which would at least mean any one of them could have fathered him and chopping 10 years off Alex's age to compromise between look and feel.

Given Jack's symptoms the nurse should have been a lil more concerned asking about trips to West Africa or other likely Ebola places lately. (This may be poor timing on the show's part but isn't there a fresh outbreak right now?)

(Oof I googled it and there's "Congo Ebola outbreak 2nd worst in history" articles dated 6 hours ago... Maybe a bad year to write haemorraghic diseases for fun and also how comes no one is talking about this in the news and it's all blah blah brexit... Have we just stopped fearing it now a few outbreaks have shown it mostly stays contained in African countries so now they can just suffer it on their own? I'm making a 4am donation to relief efforts)

*returns from the doctors without borders website* anyway back to the fictional sick white boy

And his very stressed dads

I have no idea how much of this is medically accurate but I feel like this is particularly dramatised to match hospital visits people have experienced which did not involve bringing in a stumbling, feverish, person who is having seizures and coughing blood

it's still objectively sad to see TFW lined up all stressed out and Cas and Dean holding hands while they stare through the giant window

The doctors aren't wearing masks even though he has been COUGHING BLOOD

sheesh this entire hospital is in quarantine now

Nick saying he was "getting hammered" the night of the murder isn't super subtle

Cas aggressively still trying to watch over Jack even though they won't let him in the room. Dean paces and talks about ghouls in the middle of the hospital to let off stress.

Cas goes to watch over him in person while Sam and Dean have a personal chat. This is awful D:

I appreciate the sentiment of busting Jack out before they pay the hospital bills because they're running out of medical options and need to turn to magic ones, a la every dramatic event ever in their lives except that one time Dean broke his leg and Sam was too out of it with the Hallucifers to sell his soul to make it better, but if Jack's in system shutdown wouldn't at least keeping him with state of the art equipment mean things like transfusion and machines that keep him propped up?

Mind you his bloodtype is probably, like, X evil negative or something Bucklemingy

It's in his DNA... He might be cute but he's still born of their episodes and wacky non con ideas... It was gonna catch up to him eventually D: You can't outrun it forever!!

I accidentally hit a button and 8x02 started playing on VLC

"DEEEAN" Cas shoves him through the portal out of purgatory, credits roll, this was officially the weirdest episode ever.

(No I didn't watch the whole thing, I was literally paused on the last shot from where I was about to gif it last night when I fell asleep)

Sam already called Rowena... Smart cookie

obligatory yell at Cas shedding the coat to put on Jack so they don't walk him out in a hospital gown

Oh my god Jack's so sick he's white as a sheet and being carried out by 2 of his dads and he still has a lil well of snark to be like "fine we're leaving" to the doctor.

"There's just no talking to him when he gets like this"

We're at the promo scene and I'm still not 100% sure after sleeping on it that Rowena definitely did not have the Book of the Damned, and that she hadn't been able to make off with it at the end of season 11, never for it to be seen again, because she was very much in the process of stealing the Black Grimoire in 13x22, but this does, I guess, make sense in regards to which book would serve Jack better, and Mittens tried her best to convince me that Rowena plausibly did not have it because the Winchesters did... I'm still suspicious because I really did just assume that she took it and the implication was we didn't see it because SHE had hidden it, and from a line in a Buckleming episode as well. And either way around her showing up with it makes sense that she had it but I'd have occam's razor'd it that she stole the obvious books at the obvious times and not that 13x22 became a BotD heist on top of everything else :P

Jack is up and about!!

He's using a more gravelly voice and it's actually a really hot voice and for literally the first time the Alex/Jack divide (gulf) in my head that one is my age and hot and the other is a 12 year old is a bit shaken. I mean Jack's canonically now supposed to be around 19-20? Which explains why he has a "wooo spring break" attitude when we see in the promo he snaps and wants to go to Vegas.

They grow up so fast.

Anyway considering he was in total organ shutdown a lil while ago it seems a night's rest has done him well if he's wandering around the bunker

Can't tell if we swapped writers or what... well, it seems like it's possible given Jack's fluctuating sickness, which of course could just be a plot thing but also a mark of the inconsistencies in Buckleming episodes. It's still odd to me that in the filming process it didn't occur to them that Jack might not at least sway on the spot at little, but he's really standing there like a little trooper, upright and talking confidently.

And betraying to Rowena that his dads like her and say nice things about her behind her back, which is catastrophic for them. How dare. You're damaging the foundations of their relationship.

*cough cough*

"Bollocks"

Yep, her heart has softened, Jack won her over in record time, and she's just thinking about that time she adopted a wee Polish lad and loved him as her own because Jack is genetically engineered to be a blank slate son version of a Mary Sue. You take one look at him and he is Your Son in whatever way will most harm you.

Good grief I wish Crowley was still around to see what HILARIOUS overlap with Gavin we'd have wrung out of Jack's main superpower.

Cas offering his grace to stabilise Jack on the spot. Halp. It's more important to him that his son lives by miles, that this isn't even an internal debate for him. In a way, obvious that Cas would be like this as a parent, in another, Cas just offered to give up his grace live on TV

Rowena shoots down the obvious solution (oh and thank god that for once the show actually even references obvious solutions) and starts talking about how we need archangel grace and as soon as she says that I think "oh, Michael" and Dean starts to come over weird with a wooziness that makes me wonder if that was timed for the audience "oh there's one out there right now" and why would DEAN be personally affected right thiiiiiis second..............................

When they go on spring break together we're getting right to the murderin

I mean SOMETHING is up and Dean's right now having his own weird moment as Rowena talks about how Jack will now have a fluctuating set of symptoms for the sake of the plot so

It's possible this is just his internal POV emotional reaction to bad news because this is what happens to me when I hear it but I suspect Dean is a lil more healthy than me in the first place so doesn't verge on passing out whenever a catastrophe happens regularly. And also Sam and Cas aren't similarly struck with physical symptoms at the news their son is dying.

Ya know, Buckleming, or probably Eugenie specifically which makes it all the worse, writing this woman taking a call in a dark alleyway, then not being terrified to be approached by a weird man and on top of that stopping and turning to invite him to join her in the club... this is the kind of thing where they're writing someone going against all natural instinct that it's bad characterisation for someone we've literally never met before just to put her in danger.

I mean at least they didn't make Nick stab a random woman (and a black woman at that to add to their overall awful stats)

I like how Jack's just decided Vegas or Tahiti are places you just kinda go to die... I mean I don't know what he's learned about them but it all has to be absorbed through the media in his most innocent way. I feel like there's something very sweet about whatever he thinks you do in these places of reputed sin and blaze of glory live fast die young lifestyles, but also utterly tragic. Consumptive tragic hero but with a twist of the reckless and dangerous later tropes of... It's 5am and I can't think but like. Vegas. Drugs and gambling high life style tropey films and books from the American tradition.

And of course it's Dean (who utterly fits into this trope and even has yearly Vegas trips with Sam since discovering his psychic powers back in season 1 and also lives a blaze of glory mindset) who brings him the deadly glass of milk (film trope about innocence but also like, people dying) and a sandwich loaded with salami. Dean went all out to make that for Jack - a couple of episodes after sending a woman off to "make him a sandwich" and regretting it as he spoke, we see the yank the cloth away reveal of Dean's nurturing side where he is the caregiver who shows affection through food and will go to the trouble of making his boy a delicious sandwich.

"Nice." See? He's Dean's son and Dean approves his choice of places to die. "You sure this is the best time?"

"Pretty sure it is," Jack says, backpack on, already almost out the door. He's found a brown corduroy jacket which is both unlike his beige jackets and suits from the rest of his life aside from the blue apocalypse world one, and also very very much like Sam's iconic season 1-2 brown corduroy jacket that he mostly stopped wearing although I think was the one Dean wore in 4x01 as one of its sporadic dwindling appearances, if I'm not wrong.

I probably am but either way, it's a change to darker colours, something Sam-associated to fit the gap of this smol dangerous dying kid Dean has to deal with, and puts Jack in thick earthier tones, thicker clothes to ward against the cold of death, and dressed more like TFW than normal as he usually has quite a distinct child-like version of their clothes.

Jack's concept of life and mortality is fucked, possibly because he was a functioning being after a day or two of gathering his thoughts and starting to come to terms with asking deep philosophical questions about himself, so in a way discovering he only has a couple more weeks to live is hardly anything. He's a fucking mayfly.

Ugh it's now solidly 5am and I am clearly not going back to sleep so I give up, I'm finally getting coffee. The rest of the notes will be maybe a wee bit more coherent :P

Anyway kettle thought: due to Jack and Dean's murder or be murdered relationship (lordy how is this the only way you relate to fatherhood, my guy?) I kinda suspect that Dean's about to abscond with Jack without even telling dad 1 or dad 2, because he is dad 3 and that's totally cool and he's a responsible adult, but, you know, woozy and doomed while Jack is also consumptive and doomed. BAD COMBO.

I charge you with grounds of diminished responsibility due to mutual murder narrative doom

"I'm done being special. Before my life is over, I want to live it"

Okay remember in season 1 episode 14 where Dean was like "LOL WE SHOULD GO TO VEGAS BECAUSE YOU ARE PSYCHIC"? and I referenced that like 5 minutes ago so you should, obviously I've only ever been able to headcanon the reveal of Vegas Week in season 7 (Dabb episode, take a shot) dates back to that and is one of their between episode activities which makes sense that since they only started travelling as adults together in the canon of the show (and Sam 1 year older than drinking age) that it might as well have been when they started the tradition?

Well Jack here is reacting like Dean would have if HE were the one in Sam's shoes in 1x14, and being the fun lil brother who actually would be like fuck it let's go to Vegas and see how psychic I am in the casinos! In the context of season 1 Sam is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too angsty and tragic to do anything other than come across as a stick in the mud who thinks Dean is joking and they're gonna carry on being tragic and hunting monsters instead. Dean in season 2, episode 9, also wanted to fuck off and go have fun when Sam's scary destiny got too much for him to carry, and that was when he was locked in the murder or save him vow from John's last words, which is a similar burden to the narrative bind he's in with Jack.

Jack, all of his fathers' son, finally shows up as the god damn first person to take his doom sensibly and actually want to fuck off to Vegas, and that's demon!Dean levels of fuck it.

Incidentally I half-suspect that Crowley, who has billions of dollars and once bid the moon in an auction (hi I watched 99% of 8x02 yesterday and 1% of it just now) probably was steering demon!Dean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay carefully around the thought of wait a minute I have an extremely rich and powerful sugar daddy and no responsibilities... VEGAAAAAAAS.

Like, any time Dean started to form the thought, bam, naked triplets show up in their room.

Anyway Jack's busy being tragic, talking about wanting to get a tan (Beach now linked to something to do before death) or see a hockey game (oh shit we forgot Adam) or get a parking ticket (oh so that's why Dean murders him)

"And when it's all over... die."

Dean looks over his shoulder, mind made up to abduct the boy and take him joyriding

"So that's your plan, huh?"

"I don't want to waste time arguing"

"Did I say I disagree"

jack, this is Fun Dad

I know, the concept is completely radical and you've never seen Dean be fun but trust me.

Even with your very, very limited options, Sam has literally had 3 episodes about how he's Scrooge, and Cas is... Cas. But Dean is legitimately fun dad when you get him on a good day. Trust me.

No one's speaking to Rowena??? How wild.

Poor thing is never going to get her mega coven

Dean (who has rocked up already wearing his jacket) spaces out as Sam starts blahing on about the culturally appropriative shaman Ketch has located.

Same, buddy

At least Dean isn't lying to them about stealing Jack. Somewhat. Not the whole Vegas plan.

Jack smiles at Sam and Cas in a kind of way that somehow conveys in its entirety "this may be the last time you see me but I'm cool with you NOT seeing me die of coughing my lungs up and fun dad has this covered and we've always had a weird death cult about our relationship anyway so I'm okay with it and you guys were the best dads but now fun dad is going to take me out back and shoot me where you can't see and I love you bye"

"Why don't you drive?"

Jack is like ?!?!?!?!? D:

EVEN ON HIS DEATHBED he hadn't figured this would ever happen

It's the make a wish foundation :')

This is, of course, the ultimate sign of Dean loving you and caring for you in Dean's own special way of not telling you he does but showing it with a gesture of absolute confidence and letting you in, and in the vast annuls of the show dates back to the second ever episode where Dean let Sam drive at the end for all of 1 shot (seriously, they've swapped back by the long shot at the end of 1x02 where you can't see them in the car but the prop drivers are definitely doing a generic Sam in the passenger seat Dean driving routine for stock footage :P)

Anyway Dean loves Jack enough that he's letting a kid who does not know how to drive learn to drive in the Impala, like he and Sam did.

I can see Alex sweating bullets about being seated next to Jensen in the beloved Impala and having to mess up turning it on... never mind the fact that both Jensen AND Dean will murder him if he harms the car, and being murdered on both levels at once is spiritually unsettling and he will probably end up an unquiet ghost.

And yet, the glee at being behind the wheel of this legendary gal

TRAGIC NYOOOOOM

"It's like I'm you! :D"

"No, it's not! :D (but with implied murder)"

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER"

Look if he survives this, you're creating a speed demon who will want his own classic car

And then you'll have to teach him how to maintain it

oh god

But yeah, non-toxic parenting in the John Winchester As He Could Have Been style.

At least as long as Dean is in the Make A Wish mode and not back to tragic murder mode

And that wooziness that he may or may not be associating with no sleep and too much stress suggests this isn't going to last as a Fun Day Trip For The Boy

"Cas are you sure you want to handle this alone?"

NO HE NEEDS A HUG HIS SON IS DYING

Sam, go hug him, you need a hug and your son is dying.

Also, of course, you mutually need each other in this instance and Sam is reaching out to Cas with presumably the intent that he wants to be in on it but is asking as if just concerned about Cas

Cas, being Cas, has somehow deduced that Dean is "taking this particularly hard" despite the fact all three of them are Concerned Dads and CAS WHAT THE FUCK are you doing being selflessly concerned about DEAN and sizing up his emotional state when all three of you are wrecked and your son is dying?

You literally have 3x the sitting at his bedside holding his hand moments of any of them and montaged the heck out of the concern at the start of the episode

I remember way back someone wankily made a chart of how often people talked to Dean about stuff and other people talked to each other about Dean, and Sam is now crying about Dean beating himself up over being mean to Jack at the start of season 13 and regretting it, so this entire conversation is Sam and Cas man paining at each other about how much man pain Dean is in.

I say with no wank in my heart, just sheer horrified amusement at this data point if they still are hate-watching the show and being horrified about how Sam never gets stuff for himself etc (I mean. He and Cas both have had extended chunks of seasons about them parenting Jack and this is Dean's time to come belatedly to what the two of them already had)

Cas finally says "son" a season and change after Jack was wandering around calling him "father" and Sam doesn't seem inclined to disagree that this is how it feels for all 3 of them.

Obviously he's crying about Jack and it was just the context above that made it look like he was crying about Dean and I always knew that, I'm not a monster, I'm just deflecting because owwwwwwwww this hurts

HUG EACH OTHER YOU DUMB FUCKS SO I FEEL BETTER

Cas walks off instead and Sam finally after 1000 years discovers how Dean feels when Cas does that when he was angling to come along and they miscommunicated and didn't say what they meant. Except Sam wanted to come out of mutual Dad Angst comfort while Dean normally wants to go with Cas places so he can hold his hand.

Jack's so proud of himself for being able to drive.

"Born with a wheel in your hand"

He literally stole the Impala from you when he was 7 months in the womb

Dean is like, we could get you laid? And Jack is like. Nah. I have a better idea.

No idea what right now but he still doesn't wanna bang anyone

Ugh a Nick scene. Tag yourself I'm the old tyre in the foreground

Is this the house from Family Remains aka the self-admitted worst episode of the show by Kripke and Carver's explicit design

I am going to puke Jack wanted to go on a fishing trip with his dad

There were spoilers about them doing this but I repressed it the fuck down and lied to myself that Jensen was randomly teaching Alex to fish on set because I didn't want to think about Dean doing this with Jack because oh my god someone has taken my heart and gouged it out with a rusty spoon.

Also: someone design Jack a t-shirt with a witty slogan about fishing rather than hook ups. Like, dude bro fishing culture but in a world where you're as likely to get dumb slogans about not wanting sex as you are for it making you a babe magnet

"I'd rather be fishin" is a thing people get on mugs for the workplace but we could start with this sentiment and play

ALSO AS I MENTIONED I WATCHED 8x02 IN THE LAST 24 HOURS AND DEAN NEAR RIVERS SUCKS. We also have 10x01 and Daniel the fishing angel (who was the pizza man from Monster Movie, see above: slogans about fishing, pizza man innuendo, we got a thing going here) who was happy on Earth just fishing and enjoying the planet and not wanting to go back to Heaven, in a very heavy metaphor for Cas to deal with, as the angel who once compared free will to teaching poetry to fish. Lots and lots to unpack here, when we turn this into a Dean and Jack father son bonding moment and throw in Dean's peaceful dream of fishing in 4x20 that Cas interrupted. Fishing is about peace and idyll and comes as a temporary respite in this show. Traditionally, also, of course it's a sport of patience, and a classic father son bonding activity as the long stillness allows for both manly silence and sharing beers in peace, but also talk if they want to open up a conversation.

For Jack, it's an overlap of both Cas and Dean parental stuff, Cas's issues with angelic nature, where he wants to be, WHO he wants to be (just OFFERING to give up his grace to save Jack) and then with Dean we have more classic human cultural tropes but none less painful for Jack's nature and relationships. Especially throwing in that this was his choice and Dean is indulging him completely here.

John may or may not have taught them to fish but I feel like it may have had a "so you are dying in the woods" aspect to it rather than for peace and bonding. BOBBY taught Sam and Dean some basic woodsmanship so he was more likely to be the father figure teaching them to fish if anyone did.

Okay so obviously I typed that just after clutching my heart at the reveal and hitting pause, as Jack immediately goes on to say that John DID teach Dean how to fish and that it was his happiest memory of him - and it comes as a surprise for the expectations (like, that the above paragraph now stands as what I would expect of canon if I was only taking from it and not as an actual writer of the show being allowed to insert new details in which challenge us about the characters, which is where I find the line between fan fic and original fiction really is when it comes to characterisation... Anything out of left-field and you have to tag it as an AU version or explain why instead of just writing it as taken for granted).

And it's unexpected in the sense that it is such a peaceful thing and above all I think the message is that Jack intuited from whatever Dean said about it that it WAS a happy peaceful memory of John which stood so much at odds with the rest of his life. Filed under as well the thing where Mary started talking about how nice John was to Sam and Sam recoiled in confusion until Mary clarfied it was her John, not theirs. Good memories of a gentle soft John are alarming, and yet perhaps this is a way to really confront and exorcise his ghost more than anything - the sort of funeral servive memorialising of the good with the bad and working through it to come to peace in a different sort of way that lets the wounds heal and the anger leave those scars.

"It was how you said it. I could tell." He's such a smart cookie and I think that often takes Dean by surprise in the sense that Jack has been very shrewdly watching him and learning from him and absorbing anything and everything he does, which unfortunately gives him the ability to cold read Dean like very few people do, seeing past the layers and bluffs and into Dean's core.

Jack just murdered Dean by saying if he doesn't make it he wouldn't miss Tahiti or the Taj Mahal or implied going to seedy bars and hooking up, he'd miss more time with Dean.

I mean that's not a literal way to kill someone but you should see Dean's face. He's been shot.

And again, it's a metaphor for what you want from life for DEAN to absorb, the prompt that his family is right here and he doesn't need to chase pleasure outside of them, that hook up bar nearby their home base where he never strikes out, that's irrelevant to the family he has built and it's been put in the subtext of what Dean goes after that's empty pleasure when he has this core family unit around him, by the way Jack has also rejected it and is explaining to Dean the real meaning of Christmas.

Of course, this all gets a bit weird unless you account for the fact he has an angel wearing a trenchcoat made of husband material waiting back at the Bunker because the chronic singleton life otherwise probably ought to account for an outlet for Dean like a hook up bar if his happy ending is a platonic family bond so, you know, end the show 10 minutes from now with everyone happy and alive and not dying, and all Dean's learned is they're 3 dads, one son, a mom and her AUBobby, but he still has unused romantic potential and for seasons and seasons they've been trying to close the door on him seeking out random hook ups in the subtext of what Dean WANTS vs what he thinks he can have. This frank conversation about what Jack wants from life before it's all over is once again ignoring fleeting human connection for the family bonds he values above everything.

"I've had a good life, Dean" the other reason they're having this sentimental conversation by a river is because Jack is a fucking mayfly and I hate this

@ Dabb please never make me see Cas driving this car ever again

Why are you irritating Cas like this. First boring holy fire oh it must be thursday followed by the indignity of making him sit on a pouffe? Listen, when Cas gets irritated he gets snarky and then people die because he snarked them to death. I saw it he did it to the Empty. And Lucifer in 13x12. And Kip.

I just feel sorry for Cas. Why can't he go on fishing trips with the boy. Oh no he has to sit on a squishy pouffe that won't let him be intimidating so that he can cure the boy even though Jack's already decided he's gonna die and will probably Ophelia himself into the river at the end of the fishing trip.

Sergei is basically like "Have you tried turning it off and on again"

Nephilim have a reboot button on the back of their neck, if you get a paperclip and poke it in there.

At least Sergei is so... whatever he is... I can't even tell who he is supposed to be offensive towards :P I guess with the name, I lean Russian, and then he has world esoterica and occult nonsense in his caravan...

The real question is how does he know anything about Nephilim and why hasn't Cas asked that already.

LOL he has a vial of Gabriel grace just lying around. Of course, because Gabriel was just offering it up to everyone.

Considering how he was exploited for it by Asmodeus there's a weird tinge of retconning his own abuse by saying he was going around giving it to everyone before Asmodeus ever bought him and started stealing it on the regular.

Still, it IS awfully tempting a fix to have Uncle Gabriel help Jack out from beyond.

/distantly: "I'm not dead!"

sometimes I can still hear his voice.

It's way more likely Shit Goes Down and this is lost but then Cas has learned what to do with archangel grace to fix Jack just so long as they can pin down Michael and grab his instead.

But I guess in that circumstance at least once again Gabriel gave them part of the answer from beyond the grave as he did in season 5.

("Still not dead!!")

shush Gabriel. The show wants us to think you're dead and my complete disbelief in that doesn't change anything for now.

Except that maybe Gabriel came back, is fine, but has been removing his grace and selling it in the here and now while claiming not to be Gabriel and that he just haaaappens to have it and because he has no grace he could just be any old guy who happens to have an endless renewable resource of archangel grace secretly on tap to sell to fund his life of laying low. Sergei even says HE got it as part of keeping Gabriel hidden.

I'm kind of assuming Sergei isn't Gabriel unless he offers Cas kielbasa

I mean unless later I get a bonus cookie for immediately assuming Sergei is Gabriel based on the holy fire he just happened to have prepared and how similar it looked to Gabriel being trapped in 5x08.

On the other hand this may be the first time this season but pointing at literally everyone and going, that's probably Gabriel, will get old and also dock me cookie points the more wrong guesses I throw out there. Still, this one has pretty strong evidence, from messing with Cas to making him say "Porn stars"

To, um, having Gabriel's grace

Okay so Sergei gives Cas all of this out of the goodness of his heart and a "you owe me" and I AM wondering if that's a Buckleming special because remember in 8x19 where they were like hi we need to go to Hell immediately, and Ajay was like sure, I will take you to Hell and this episode is even titled after me so clearly I am an important character who *stab stab reaper dying noises* wow look I guess we don't have a bargain after all despite me saying you owe me but then Crowley just maaaaagically made it so you never had to find out what a reaper would want in exchange for taking you to Hell off the books.

Also fuck you I never got to finish my pizza

While I've been typing some random ass justice for Ajay screed, Nick has revealed a flashback to 14x02 where it turns out his neighbour said it was a cop who he saw coming out of the house. I literally went back and checked the episode and that wasn't in it, so perhaps it's a new flashback for here, fleshing out that conversation and revealing more for us, and changing the narrative of what Nick's up to, but honestly who cares enough about all this... I was double zoned out for flashbacks I'd already seen for a side story i don't care about

Wow, Nick, demons killed ya family. Could have told you that.

Aw, Dean brought Jack home. No dying out in the wilderness for you, clearly Cas phoned up before Jack could work out his plan to fling himself into the river.

Also Nick has taken up too much of this episode so there's no room for complicated twists and turns, if Buckleming are banned from introducing too many of them.

It's incredible how subdividing them so Eugenie writes all the Nick stuff and Brad writes the rest has elevated the parts of the story we care about to pretty much passable, give or take whatever Sergei was and who he was offensive to aside from the whole concept of calling yourself a shaman because you travelled the world collecting occult stuff in a sort of Aleister Crowley way.

'cept you can't namedrop Aleister on this show because both Alastair and Crowley have stolen too much from him.

So you get a knock off Sergei instead.

Jack hasn't been having as many of the supposed fainting fits that had everyone dogpiling him as I thought - maybe that's next episode too. Could have had one at the start but that doesn't seem enough to be a repeated annoyance of Alex's life :P

Anyway I was just going to comment on his sweater but that thought hopped in there first wondering if the spell was about to knock him flat, as he's sitting on a chair instead of safely in bed.

All the more dramatic for flinging yourself around if the spell messes you up

(honestly if the spells don't work, and they took him out of the hospital, how much of a bizarre commentary is this on trusting modern medicine and vaccinating your nephilims?)

It's 7:20 and my neighbours are yelling again

At least being awake since 3 meant I got a bit more peace and quiet than normal. I feel gross but I may go to yoga just to not be stuck in this room with such awful screeching on both sides of me >.>

Oh I can tell Sergei is Gabriel, he put the grace in a gold container instead of the silver ones

I'm sorry for the expenses, Zerbe

I wonder if they use her products on the show and I'm gonna go on my dash and find her beaming about a specially commissioned shiny gold grace that she made for them :P

"Here, hold this bottle of your uncle's essence"

".... okay I understand how weird that sounded on hindsight"

I love the idea of Jack's grace now being fuelled by Nice Uncle Gabriel who felt kindly towards him, even if this can't be a permanent fix, it changes his internal make up just a bit so that he symbolically has his grace stolen by his shitty bio father but the power only came from him in the first place and there was all the hoo ha about if Lucifer as his father made him inherently evil. Now whatever happens to Jack, he's had a grace transplant from a suitable donor, very much like a parallel of say he needed a kidney transplant and his 2 viable donors were his shitty deadbeat dad who gave him the kidney condition in the first place and his nice dead uncle who happened to have been an organ donor and was the only other one with the same type (if Lucifer's was X evil negative, then I guess Gabriel's is like X tricksy negative which has enough receptors to be a compatible transfusion, while Cas has like, Z dumbass positive grace and no compatibility)

And Gabriel is a beloved character who proved his kind feeling towards Jack even if they had very little bonding overall, he clearly cared and there was an immediate sort of uncle-y kindness about him in relation to Jack (just the comment alone about identifying that Jack liked shiny things and magic tricks is very much how uncles view small children who they may watch and entertain but not in the end have parental responsibility for), which is hilarious to me because Gabriel deeply reminds me of all 3 of my uncles on my mum's side, who are all 3 different shades of trickster god in their own right, and he always has reminded me of them, and now the show has sort of made Uncle Gabriel his new legacy.

I mean. I love it to bits.

It's not a sacrifice FOR Jack like Cas would have given up his grace, but it's still a part of him passed on to Jack.

I am very very aware that like me running my mouth about John (ironically the name of one of my uncles) while hitting pause, I've stopped while Jack is looking up with glowing eyes and he's almost certainly about to spew a fountain of blood across the room and fall on the floor. But I like that the grace even interacted with him and lit up his eyes and unless he physically barfs out the grace to I'm sticking by that ramble.

Cas smiled!! That's the once per season and we already hit it at episode 7, woe betide us

This does look, however, like the scene where they were all looking on from the door so... blood spew in 5 4 3 2 1...

DOGPILE THE BOY

Er, I mean, help him

God I would not want Jared to dogpile me, the man weighs literally as much as an actual moose

Uhoh Sergei made Cas mad

I mean

he made him sit on a pouffe, this was always coming

What do you mean Eugenie can't let Lucifer go wow what a shock

*kicks a pebble*

Ah, here's the concerned dads scene. I'm just going to let that be a balm to my soul while Dean laments ever taking Jack out to have fun.

"You made him happy. You did more for him than any of us"

1 dude you tried, 2 you took him on hunting trips and had fun already this season so he got his Cas Time before he died like he wanted 3 just fucking abduct him wrapped in a duvet and go fishing in the dead of night if you have to, trust me, he'd love it and your family is such a mess he wouldn't even think it's weird.

I mean you've literally absconded illegally with him before, what's a trip up to that beach where he was born and some fishing gear really going to cost you with annoyance from Dean

"What can we do?" "Watch over him," Rowena says with Cas in the background, and continues to carve me out with a rusty spoon

"As he dies"

Nah he'll be fine shut up Rowena D:

*whimper*

Well that was a very good episode if you act like me and pretend that none of the Nick stuff happened at all.

#14x07 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff

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dreamss-of-boston · 5 years

Text

Rise - ch1

Sonya Romanova of the Underground is brought to the surface on the condition that she join and serve the Survey Corps. As she comes to grips with what the surface world is actually like compared to her dreamy fantasies, she finds herself becoming more and more enamored with the stoic Captain Levi.

---

hello i suck at summaries like everybody else in the world but this is gonna be a pretty slow burn,, i haven't written fic in a while and i really wanna try and explore the world of the underground and the corps throughout this fic. if theres too much exposition i understand and im sorry and i promise things will pick up lmfao. if y'all want smut lmk cuz im down to write it but i gotta know if other ppl are interested in that kind of thing. ok sweet thanks for reading love you bye

-the start-

link on AO3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998978/chapters/39961167

“Your name is Romanova—don’t ever forget that.” Maria stopped, and coughed out the drag she had just taken from her cigarette.

Sonya grated the clothes against the washboard, focusing only on the bubbles sloshing in the water.

“Yes, mother.”

“I don’t know who the hell your father was, but who gives a damn? He never did a thing for you.” Maria took another drag. She coughed. “When did smoking become so tiresome? Sonya, darling, get me something to drink.”

Sonya knew that getting something to drink did not mean water or tea, but any assortment of alcohol stashed within the house behind her. She dropped the clothes into the soapy bucket, dried her hands on her apron, and turned to venture inside the kitchen.

Brothels had kitchens—and bathrooms, and a backyard, and balconies, and of course bedrooms. Today, Sonya was seventeen, and her mother couldn’t hold onto her any longer.

“Don’t look so stressed, sweetie.” One of the girls, Herschel, rubbed a soothing hand on Sonya’s slender back. Herschel was voluptuous to say the least: beautiful black hair cascading in curls down her back, soft, thin lips which held a deep, sensual voice within. Suffice it to say, she was very good at her job. Sonya, on the other hand, was quite small—smaller than normal seventeen-year-old girls. Unfortunately, she was gorgeous. Her eyes a golden green, chestnut brown and curly hair, and lips and cheeks so rosy it was hard to believe she’d never seen sunlight. The girls had already been cooing and teasing about how she was soon to become a number one item on the menu. Yes, Genie’s Palace was the best in the Underground—sometimes people from the surface would even venture down there to get a taste of the deprived and sensual ladies of the brothel.

“We’ll give you one of our regulars first—he’s real gentle.” Herschel was folding napkins: a necessary staple for hygiene in every room. Sonya looked down at her silk night-gown her mother had suggested she wear in order to lure in as many customers as possible. She crossed her arms.

“I’m cold.” She said—Herschel laughed.

“You’ll heat up soon enough. The first time don’t hurt as much as they say, honest!” Herschel gave Sonya’s arm a gentle squeeze. “And they usually finish up quick anyways.”

Sonya didn’t say anything—she just poured her mother a glass of vodka and hurried out of the kitchen.

She dropped the glass off at the small side-table her mother sat next to.

“Mother, I’m going to go for a walk. Is that alright?” Sonya asked quietly.

“Oh, alright. Just don’t take too long—you need to wash up properly before you get your first one.” Maria took a sip, and seemed somewhat relieved from the bitter drink.

Sonya drew her lips into a tight line, and grabbed her black coat from her chair. She pulled it on as she exited onto the lamp-lit street, feeling a little more like herself as she left the brothel behind and had something covering her shoulders.

Banners and tables lined the street; it was a strange sight, to say the least. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking closely at the insignias of the banners: a white and a blue wing, crossed over each other guarding a shield. This was foreign to Sonya—she’d never seen actual Survey Corps members in the Underground. It was almost always MPs, or the occasional Garrison soldier who could dare to afford a girl from Genie’s.

“Ah, Sonya!” A familiar voice caught Sonya’s attention, and she turned with dismay to find one of Herschel’s regulars approaching her with a signature swagger. He was called Kurt, a high-ranking officer of the MPs, and a disillusioned asshole. He actually believed what he paid Herschel to tell him, and as a result, had never been able to sleep with a woman for free. “I thought I recognized you. What are you doing out here? I thought today was the first day you started.” He looked her up and down, very obviously. “I knew you were worth more than just a cocktail waitress.”

“What are all these banners for?” Sonya nodded to the Survey Corps members, standing behind tables with clipboards and interacting with the people of the Underground.

“Oh, the Survey Corps just lost a couple hundred of their own recently on one of their foolish expeditions.” He rolled his eyes. “Now they’re trying to lure these poor suckers in for a chance to live up top.”

“What? Seriously?” Sonya tensed up.

“I know—ridiculous, really, who would ever want to join the Survey Corps?”

“No, I mean—you can live up there if you join?”

“Oh, darling.” Kurt smiled sympathetically. “You wouldn’t want to live up top—it’s just more of the same.”

“But there’s sunlight. And fresh air.” She paused. “I want to know what the rain smells like.”

Sonya had been staring at the booth for a while—there stood behind it a tall, stoic man speaking quietly with a woman with dark hair and glasses, and a shorter man with black hair. The woman with glasses seemed to notice Sonya, and she turned to her with a smile. Sonya, taken off guard by her blatant kindness, smiled shyly back.

Before she knew it, the woman had begun to make her way towards Sonya and Kurt just as he was attempting to whisk her off her feet by suggesting they go somewhere a bit more private so he could wish her a proper happy birthday.

“Pardon the interruption, Kurt!” The woman said brightly. “I know you’re down here a lot, so I’m sure this local won’t mind!”

“Wh-where did you hear that?” Kurt seemed very flustered, and Sonya had to hide a laugh.

“Oh, around!” The woman maintained her smile, and turned to focus on Sonya. “Hello. My name is Captain Hange Zoe—I’m one of the officers part of the Survey Corps.” She extended her hand to shake.

“Oh—hello.” Sonya shook her hand, amused by Captain Zoe’s remark to Kurt. “I’m Sonya Romanova.”

“Good to meet you!” Captain Zoe gestured to the table behind her, rife with clipboards and other soldiers of the Corps. “We’re recruiting people to become soldiers in the Survey Corps. Our mission is to venture into the outside world, beyond the walls, and attempt to understand why we are enclosed within these walls, what the titans are exactly, and how we can break our way free.” She stood with her hands on her hips, proud of herself. “Interested?”

“Well—” Sonya paused. “How far have you gotten?”

“Huh?”

“How many titans have you killed? Are we any closer to finding out the truth?”

Captain Zoe pondered the question, studying Sonya for a moment. “We’ve gotten a little closer—every time, we’ve made some kind of progress.” She nodded. “Asking questions like that, though—that is the true mark of someone who would make an excellent Survey Corps soldier.”

“And I could live up there?” Sonya asked eagerly—Kurt groaned in annoyance.

“Yes, of course!” Captain Zoe grabbed a clipboard off of the table. She practically shoved the pen into Sonya’s hands. She eagerly began to sign her name on one of the numbered slots, when a voice from the other side of the table gave her pause.

“You can only live up there if you make it past training.” It was the short, dark-haired man. He was almost glaring at Sonya—she was taken aback. “We won’t keep you if you’re useless.”

Sonya glanced at Kurt—a potential customer if she stayed where she was. She looked back at the clipboard, and pointedly signed her name. She looked back at the dark-haired man.

“Then I won’t be useless.”

[-]

“I won't be useless.”

That was what Sonya had vowed the day she signed up for the corps five years ago.

And today, standing at salute in front of Commander Erwin, she knew at her core that she had made the right decision. Her heart swelled with pride as she stood among her fellow soldiers, listening to the impassioned speech Erwin was delivering.

“Soldiers.” He called, gazing down on the crowd with pride. The flickering torches surrounding the soldiers and the stage cast a soft, almost theatrical effect that entranced Sonya and vaguely reminded her of the Underground.

The Underground. Her previous hell-- right after she had signed up, Sonya fled from her home without even going back to pack anything. She had asked Hange Zoe-- or maybe begged her-- if she could take refuge with her for the time being, before she was brought up to the surface to join the corps. Hange hesitated at first, but Sonya explained her situation, rife with embarrassment, and then Hange understood. She even let Sonya stay with her in the little hotel provided for soldiers stationed in the Underground. Unfortunately for her, that hotel was rife with MPs who were frequent customers of Genie's Palace. For the three days Sonya was there, they would sneer and jeer at her, offering her money to spend the night with them, and a few even touched her when she would walk past in the dimly lit hallways.

But that was behind her-- she had escaped, clawed her way through training, and somehow she was standing here.

She had just barely made it into the top ten-- if she was a normal recruit, she would be able to join the other nine soldiers in the interior, but even if she wasn't already destined to join the Corps, she would have died before joining the MPs.

Sonya glanced at Captain Levi-- he stood next to Erwin, looking rather bored and pained to be there. Now that Erwin was Commander, he had allowed Levi to form his own squad of handpicked elite soldiers. She wanted desperately to become part of that squad-- if only to prove to herself that she could, but also to prove to Captain Levi. He was the one who had cautioned her not to be useless all those years ago. And now, she had made it into the top ten, and left the Underground far behind.

Sonya had heard that in three days, the Commander would be leading her generation of Cadets on their first expedition. She knew that she should have been terrified of the prospect of meeting Titans face to face, but a part of her was indescribably excited. Sonya had loved every second of being on the surface, of feeling the sunlight and the moonlight, of tasting fresh air and hearing birds outside her window every morning. While her fellow recruits despised waking up early, Sonya was grateful that there was a sun to designate time. In the Underground, there was one clock which everyone simply had to trust-- and even then, nobody really cared what time it was. Only she and two other people from the Underground had made it past training-- the others who had signed up were too malnourished to build any muscle or stamina, and so were sent back to the depths. Sonya Romanova, Peter Wagner, and Anna Weber were the only ones standing among the recruits born on the surface.

As Commander Erwin pontificated, Sonya’s mind wandered, entertaining the thoughts of killing titans with her new friends, staying up late and talking about life with them in the cramped living quarters of HQ… she even thought of when she might-- in her wildest dreams-- be invited to join Squad Levi. She smiled dreamily at him, and when Commander Erwin finished his speech, those who did not wish to join the Survey Corps left, leaving only Sonya and about a hundred more soldiers standing at attention.

“Welcome to the Survey Corps.” Commander Erwin smiled, and Sonya and her compatriots cheered.

[-]

Two days came and went in a flash-- mostly, the new recruits were told to do chores which the veterans were too lazy to do, involving cleaning the stables, changing bed linens, mopping the floors and such. Whenever Captain Levi deigned to speak to the new recruits, he would make bitter remarks about how their cleaning was subpar, and if he was in an especially bad mood, he would sentence them to even harsher cleaning duties.

One such day, Sonya was subject to said punishments.

“Your cleaning is atrocious, Romanova.” Levi scoffed at her as she was cleaning the windows lining one of the expansive hallways of HQ.

“Apologies, sir.” Sonya said dutifully, although in her opinion her cleaning was exceptional.

“Honestly, if a soldier can't clean a window properly…” He muttered, and turned to leave.

Against Sonya's better judgment-- perhaps it was exhaustion making her particularly feisty-- she made a smart-ass remark.

“I must not be using the proper cleaning solution, sir.” She stood at salute. “Want me to spit on it?”

That had landed her a full days work cleaning the stables-- alone. Sonya had to admit, though, it was a little worth it to see the look of absolute disdain he had when she spoke up.

Being above ground, Sonya had found a new sense of confidence. Underground, she was used to being ogled at by slimy men in dimly lit rooms, but above ground, people were generally nicer, and she got compliments quite often, which caused her self esteem to sky-rocket.

Granted, those compliments were usually geared solely towards her appearance rather than her actual performance in training, but she took what she could get.

Over the course of her five years on the surface, she had grown much closer to Peter and Anna. Peter was quite a tall, handsome man with sharp features and spiky red hair. His family owned and operated one of the few taverns in the Underground, so he had come from what Sonya considered the upper middle class. He was the type of person to tell stories of his daily life as if they were comedic performances-- sometimes people were entertained, but the tired soldiers usually got annoyed by Peter’s seemingly constant energy.

Anna, on the other hand, was quite stoic, and shared very few words with anyone who wasn’t Peter or Sonya. Anna had come from the streets-- her parents had died before she really knew them, and by the time she was six years old, her aunt had abandoned her in a drunken haze, and Anna never saw her again. Sonya had thought that Anna would never make it past training, but she persevered and was now standing about in the stables while Sonya raked away at the hay.

“You’re so stupid.” Anna remarked.

“I’m stupid a lot-- be more specific?” Sonya grinned.

“What you said to Captain Levi: ‘should I spit on it?’ Honestly, what did you think was going to happen?”

“I thought maybe he’d get down on one knee and say, ‘Oh, Sonya! You’re so funny and strong! Join my squad!’” Sonya even added the theatrical gesture of getting down on one knee in front of Anna. That earned a shy smile from the black-haired girl.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Peter.” She said. “I think he likes you, by the way.”

Sonya rolled her eyes. “Peter’s probably the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

“He told me he wants to join Levi’s squad, too.”

“What?” Sonya threw her rake down in disgust. “That bastard’s just trying to copy me!”

“Maybe he’s trying to get your attention… or he’s trying to protect you!” Anna clasped her hand over her heart. “How romantic! It makes sense-- Levi’s Squad seem to always be put in the most dangerous positions.”

“Well, given my recent stunt today, I think my chances of getting in are pretty slim.” Sonya admitted. “I don’t think the Captain likes me very much-- I always smile and say good morning to him and all that, but he never even gives me the time of day except to make me do more chores.”

Anna shrugged. “Captain Levi’s just like that.”

“Maybe.” Sonya tossed the last bale of hay onto the compost heap, and sat down on a bench with a sigh. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

Anna nodded. Whenever Anna was nervous, she hardly spoke about what was truly on her mind. Sonya tended to talk too much-- they were a perfect fit.

“Me, too. I’m just hoping…”

“We’ll make it back alive?” Anna said with a wry smile.

Sonya let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah.”

The two girls sat in silence for a moment, allowing the sounds of the world to take over their conversation: the wind rustled the trees around the perimeter of HQ, wooden carts puttering over cobblestoned streets in the city outside-- Sonya leaned her head back with a smile.

“I’m never gonna get tired of life up here.”

Anna smiled back. That was the main thing they could relate to-- how awful their lives were down there. Anna especially spent every minute that she could outdoors-- she had even taken up woodworking, and had whittled a few little figurines as of late in her free time.

“Hey.” Anna said-- Sonya looked over to her. “If things get bad out there… I’ve got your back.”

Sonya nodded solemnly. “I’ve got your back, too.”

[-]

“Beautiful day to kill some titans!”

Peter Wagner adjusted the saddle on his horse, and glanced around with a smile to see if anyone would notice his remark.

“Shut up, Peter.” Sonya mounted her horse, patting his neck gently. Another thing she loved about being on the surface was the abundance of non-rabid animals-- she was assigned a horse at the beginning of her training, and this guy had stuck with her through thick and thin. She had named him Chuck.

“What, don’t tell me you’re scared, Romanova?” Peter grinned, mounting his own horse in turn.

“Of course I’m scared-- anyone who isn’t is stupid.”

Peter scoffed. “Anyone who’s scared probably didn’t train enough.”

“Hey, are you finished bickering over there?” Anna called from her section in the formation-- the Corps were currently arranging themselves in their planned positions they would fall into once the gate opened. Sonya, Anna, and Peter had all been placed in the same section-- near the back, but not too far towards the outer area that dealt with all or most of the titans.

Sonya and Peter trotted over to join Anna, and Sonya flashed Anna a reassuring smile. She was incredibly tense on her horse, gripping the reins like her life depended on it.

“All troops, move out!” Commander Erwin called from the very front of the formation, and the gate was lifted, and off they went.

#attack on titan #levi x original character #levi x oc #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #fanfiction #aot #snk #levi x reader #ho boy

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