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dancingazaleas · 3 years

Text

𖨆. 08 / all for us

summary: levi decides to walk you through his garden on a rainy day. you didn’t think that you’d end up having another antagonist though.

note: oh my god, i am deeply sorry that this took such a long time. i’ve been way too busy to actually sit down and get into the mindset of this book. i’m so sorry.

word count: +2.4k

taglist: @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @the-sun-baby @uniquepickle @ascybous @messyhairday-me @stupid-stinky @saturnalya @megumitodoroki @kouyume @quacksonlover81 @gipumaur @morgana-olson @yourodangoatama

warnings/notes: cursing, creepy gestures, fluff, slight confusion, unedited, let me know if i missed anything

RAINDROPS pelted against the glass of the window gently, the sound echoing throughout the quiet room that is your bedroom.

today, levi had decided he would just spend his time with you in the comfort of your own room, holding you in his arms while he lazed the day away.

you, on the other hand, were having none of it. and by none of it, i mean cuddling. it wasn't that you didn't want to cuddle with levi, in fact, you enjoyed a lot! but, the rain outside your window was far more important in your eyes.

there was nothing exactly specific about the rain that entrapped your attention, just that it had been so long since you'd been in it. so long since you've been outside even.

but you'd never ask to go outside, the answer was already plastered onto an invisible wall inside of your head. so instead, you'd just look whenever you would get the chance.

and it didn't go unnoticed, it was actually quite obvious. you didn't care however, it's not as if erwin or levi were going to change their mind, so why worry at all?

but seeing the way your eyes sparkle at the sight of the rain gather in puddles outside, levi felt himself being convinced.

he huffs annoyedly, he just wanted to spend the day in your arms until erwin was home. he wishes it didn't rain. but even so, he begrudgingly gets to his feet and trudges to you. you look at him with a smile, hand reaching up to point at something that only you could probably see.

"we're gonna go outside for a bit, sick of watching your desperate face," he puts his hands in his pockets while staring at your widened eyes.

you stare at him for a minute, slightly creeping him out, before you even really react. you swing your arms around his neck and thank him profusely, a wide smile spread from ear to ear whenever you pull away from him.

"you're not going out in your nightgown though," he points to the silk white nightgown that ends at your bruised knees.

you follow behind him happily whenever he walks into your closet, shuffling through the different clothes he's bought you.

"you're not wearing light colors, it's too muddy outside, and if you were to get stains on you, they'd ruined beyond repair," he mutters, grabbing a black button up with bishop sleeves.

he hands it to you, gently taking your hand to lead you out of the closet and towards your dresser than held your clothes. he settles on a forest green skirt that ends just a few inches above your ankles, and then he grabs a bra for you.

"strip," you don't complain, only heat up and oblige.

his back is turned whenever he flings a black bra at you, obviously avoiding the sight of your body to help you maintain your decency. even if he did bathe you sometimes.

you hurriedly slip the bra on and levi finally decides to look at you again. he helps you button up your shirt along with the cuffs, nagging at you quietly as a husband would do for their wife. he lets you step inside the skirt on your own, which has you coming to the realization that there are built in pants that separate the air from your panties.

levi scoffs at your untucked shirt, tucking it into your skirt with fondness dripping from him. he sits you onto the stool of your vanity, which no longer has a mirror, and sighs. he picked up a brush, running it carefully through your hair to avoid any tangles that would tug at your head.

when he feels you're decent enough, he holds a cold hand out for you to take into his own. you accept it with glee, skipping behind him when he guides you through his estate and to the back door that leads to his garden.

"i need you all to clean up that table in the center. put those big umbrellas under it and dry it off with towels. then leave towels by the umbrella so i can wipe it down if it gets wet again. make us a light lunch, nothing too big but definitely not small. (name) and i are going to walk around the garden together until you all are finished or until we're ready to eat," levi's so quick with his words that it has you reeling with confusion, but his workers seem just fine with his speed and are already starting to complete the task given to them.

he holds a smaller umbrella in one hand and your hand in the other, opening it above the two of you as you step outside the door. your shoes click against the stone walkway just as thunder booms in the sky. you flinch and chuckle, pulling your hand away from levi to link arms with him.

he guides you along the garden, only explaining certain things if you had questions. the silence mixed with the light pitter patter of the rain soothes him, heavy eyes fluttering sleepily.

he's immediately awake whenever you squeal excitedly.

there was a marble statue of the goddess, themis. her scales were elegantly balanced between her fingers while her blindfold hung loosely around her eyes, other hand on the hilt of her sword that pointed to the ground.

"that was a reward for erwin at his office. i make sure to clean it myself every once and a while," you look to him, admiration mixed with confusion displayed on your face as you contemplated the meanings behind not only the goddess, but her statue as well.

you decide to keep quiet, slightly tugging levi to come closer to the statue so you can examine it more closely.

your eyes are shining whenever levi looks at you, and he feels like you're the sunshine in the midst of this pouring rain.

he looks down at his shoes silently, brushing away his cheesy and sappy thoughts. he feels stupid. not once had he felt this way towards anyone besides tall blonde men with blue eyes, but now he was feeling this way towards a woman. to say he was confused was only scratching at the surface.

he knew he'd liked you when he met you. you were quick witted, outgoing, and kind-hearted, not to mention gorgeous. but it's not like he wasn't sexually attracted to women at the time, he definitely was. he had never just felt romantically for women, not once in the entirety of his pitiful life.

but you're so docile and levi likes that. he not only likes it, he cherishes it.

for now, he'll entertain the thought that he might be bisexual, pansexual, whatever title makes him feel comfortable. if he can fall for you, then there's a chance he can fall for other girls.

levi hasn't even realized he's zoned out until you whine at him. you're lightly tugging on his hand to venture further into the garden, and levi's heart swells. you had an opportunity to leave, whether you even knew it or not, yet you chose to stay and wait for him. you had even snapped him out of it.

he lets out a huff before he stares to guide you around the garden again. he can't wait to take a nap after this.

"are you ready to eat yet," he grumbles, tugging on your hand to get you to stop walking.

"is there anything else left to see?"

"nothing that will look good in this weather," he scoffs.

"then, yes, i'm ready," and with that, he's leading you to the table his workers had been ordered to set up.

when you two arrive, you realize that the table was sat under a white hexagonal kiosko that had vines and flowers wrapping around the support beams. the table was covered from the rain, confusion clacking your brain at why levi asked for a big umbrella.

he seems pleased at seeing the table though.

"how long did it take for petra to realize," levi asks whenever he helps you sit down.

"not very long," the man said, and you recognize him from that day in bath with erwin.

you stiffen at the eye contact, looking down at the table and the empty plates that sit upon them. you feel his stare linger on you and your body, specifically your curves that were hidden underneath the button up shirt levi put on you. this kid gave you the creeps.

"i'll be back with the food," he says and walks behind your chair, fingers brushing against the back of your neck.

you swallow down your disgust, looking to levi to start a conversation.

"levi, wh... what's that boy's name?"

eyebrow raised, he responds, "his name's archie. why do you ask?"

"no reason. i think i've seen him around the house before," you shrug and idly play with the silverware on the table.

levi doesn't believe you, but the day has been too good for him to ruin now. you both talk sparingly while waiting for archie to come back, mostly talking about the new tv show you got levi to start watching and what he thinks about it.

the two of you turn your heads when you hear the sound of footsteps. you see erwin with archie following behind him with a tray of three plates, erwin holding an umbrella over the two of them. a soft smile sets on levi's face when he sees him.

"what are you doing home," you smile whenever he steps under the roof of the kiosko closes the umbrella.

"i was thinking of you two all day. it got so bad that i called a client by your guys' names," he chuckles, leaning down to give you a kiss on your head.

he does the same to levi while you giggle at his sentence. he sits down in an unoccupied chair, hand laying itself on your thigh.

"you can't just keep taking off, erwin," despite the slightly bitter sentence, levi's face is content.

archie places the plates in front of erwin and levi in silence, then to you. his arm brushes your own, and you can't help but get that weird feeling in your tummy again.

"thank you," you say to him quietly, flipping the fork between your fingers.

he just hums in response and walk away from the three of you again, sly smirk on his face. you ignore him, starting to eat the grilled chicken salad with slight confusion.

it had been over three months since you'd even had a fork in your hands. the feeling felt foreign and it felt as if all memory of how to eat with a fork washed away. the realization made your stomach ache, a dreadful look in your eyes spreading across your body. you swallowed down the huge ball that brews in your throat, hands trembling.

erwin and levi stare with pride swelling in their chests while tears swell in your eyes.

since when had you become so dependent? were you not just taking care of pieck and her cat when she was sick months ago?

you take a deep breath, adjusting the fork to make it comfortable in your hand. you try your best to eat with loose muscles, but the stiffness in your bones have practically turned you into wood.

erwin turns to you, sickeningly sweet smile on his face, taking the fork out of your hand and gathering food for you. he feeds you, just as he has done before, fingers gently touching your jaw as if he guided your chewing.

a warmth fills the ball in your chest, and deep down inside it makes you sick. you chew slowly and listen to levi and erwin's conversation, which consists of erwin's workday and how you've refused to cuddle with levi this morning.

————

you lay on the living room couch with your head in erwin's lap and feet in levi's. a crime documentary plays on the television, something erwin seemed excited about. he looked too cute to deny.

erwin's fingers run through the locks of your hair lovingly, only ever pulling them out if they start to tangle. levi's watching the documentary with a bored look on his face, thumb rubbing random patterns into your ankle. you're not exactly paying attention to the documentary, only zoning in whenever erwin points something out or whenever levi lets out a scoff.

you start to sit up and stretch, the urge of going to the bathroom taking over you.

you feel embarrassed whenever you ask, "can i go to the bathroom?"

"yeah, just go to the one in your quarters," levi's answer is immediate. he really must not like the documentary.

you pad over to the bathroom, listening to the pitter pattering of your bare feet against the dark hardwood floor. you walk into the opened door of your quarter, yawning obnoxiously and throwing your arms into the air. maybe you should've cuddled with levi this morning.

you go to the bathroom quickly, the thundering of the sky making you nervous. it would've been different if levi or erwin were with you.

you start to walk back to the living room, eyes focused on the flickering light that illuminates the large hallway. a particular loud clash of lightning and clap of thunder has you jumping into the air, house barely rumbling.

your body crashes into a chest, which you immediately grab onto, instinctively. you start to apologize to the person, obviously thinking that it was erwin judging by the height and broadness of the chest.

but when you look up, you're looking at the emerald green eyes that belong to archie. your words get caught in your throat and you feel yourself pale.

"i-i'm sorry," you stutter, immediately backing away only to come to the realization that you're already a few feet from the door to go back into the living room.

if you crashed into him, that means he was walking towards you. but the only thing ahead of the two of you would be—

would be your room.

dread drenches you, head to toe, sweat forming on your forehead as the room starts to feel a little bit fuzzy.

"wh-why were you in my room," you struggle to even get the first syllable out.

"levi wanted me to check for something in there," he shrugs nonchalantly, but you're not convinced.

you smile shakily and nod, rushing to the living room to get away from him. you try to think positive even after all the staring and subtle touches.

but it still leaves a pit in your stomach.

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thehoneyedhufflepuff · 4 years

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Promises Kept & Made (& Researched):

behind the scenes on my zine fic

(Wow, cannot even keep the title of this post succinct, but is anyone actually surprised?)

Yesterday @captain-aralias made an awesome post re: the research that went into her zine fic, & I was inspired! So, with a little less than one week left to pre-order @goldendayszine , I thought I’d fill y’all in on some of the research & reasoning that went on behind the scenes for this particular fic of mine. (If you haven’t pre-ordered your copy yet, please do! All you have to do is donate $10 or more to our charity of choice, Outright International at this link. That $10 gets you a digital copy of the zine + an entry into our raffle! More info on raffle prizes here.)

While being accepted as a writer for the zine was super exciting, I was suddenly faced with the debacle all of us writers have to face: what the heck was I going to write? What do? What is plot??? The zine’s theme is new beginnings, & I let my noggin think on that for a while, & eventually it came to me: honeymoon. Give the boys some distance from their current trauma, set this in the future, give them that milestone moment, let them be happy…

What is plot???

As usual, I laid out a short, corny, ridiculous outline for myself. Actual footage of me sharing my nonsense with the zine discord:

Why Disney? Well, I know Disney like the back of my hand. I even worked at the one in Florida for a short period of time in college (pre-bookstore days). And at the heart of it, our boys need to have some fun & experience the childhoods they never really had. I was thinking of the fun they had together at the Ren Faire & wanted to draw from that.

Of course, I then had to figure out what exactly was going on—I had a word count limit, & if y’all know me at all you probably know that had me side-eyeing myself. I knew I had to get my point across, & I only had a certain amount of words to do it. So I needed to pick one area of the park to set my fic in…

And that turned out to be the easy bit. What's my & Mr HH’s favorite attraction? The Haunted Mansion. Where do Simon & Baz have their first kiss in canon (among many of my other favorite scenes)? A literal haunted mansion.

Okay, great. I had my setting. But then I realized I had another small problem: I was sending them to Disneyland Paris, where I’ve personally never been. And then I got to thinking…that I was pretty sure the Haunted Mansion in Paris was different from the Haunted Mansions here in the US. Because after my husband & I went on our own Disneyworld honeymoon in 2015, I bought & read a book all about the Haunted Mansion in its many iterations.

And, well, I was right about the differences, of which there are many. (Maybe you wouldn’t think so if you haven’t ridden the US versions upwards of one billion times, but this one is so very different.)

Starting with the name: Phantom Manor.

I think a few people have guessed where this fic is set based on the previews shared here & by the zine tumblr, but I don’t want y’all North Americans to be shocked & confused when Baz literally says “Phantom Manor” in the fic instead of “The Haunted Mansion.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was trying to avoid like…some weird copyright thing. Treading lightly. Nope, I’m just being geographically correct.

Second difference? The outside of the manor. Unlike its cousins in the US & Tokyo, Phantom Manor is more derelict & ramshackle in outward appearance, which is really just a factoid & not at all relevant to the fic itself.

Third: the locale. With no New Orleans Square in Disney Paris, & nowhere to put the manor in Fantasyland, the house found its own home in Frontierland. And unlike the Frontierlands of the other Disney parks, this one has its very own story that ties all the attractions together. The boys refer to the legend of the Ravenswood family very briefly in the fic (it’s more of one of the many bad jokes made in the fic than it is a referral, tbh). Put very simply, it’s one of those stories where the crazy dad kills all his daughter’s suitors because he doesn’t want her to grow up & leave. You know, normal shit.

Fourth: the ride itself. Because there’s a different storyline for this manor than there is for any of the others, I spent a good deal of time watching a ride-through video. I watched that damn video so much that the music was stuck in my head for days. What’s the same? We’ve got our portrait room. We’ve got our doom buggies. We’ve got our ride through the dark, haunted mansion house (which Baz complains about, since he can see in the dark & is therefore underwhelmed with the effects) & then through the graveyard. What we don’t have: the ghost host (RIP) & the hitchhiking ghosts. And keeping us company through it all: the bride.

I was admittedly a little put out at first (so much so that I tried to find a way to rationally send them to Disneyworld in Florida instead) (spoiler alert, there was no rational way to do it, especially with Baz's sensitive vampire skin & how much he probably hates America at this point). Still, I was perturbed: no ghost host?! WhY iS iT dIfFeReNt?! But I really warmed up to this version of the manor after I acquainted myself with it. It’s just as magical as the others, really. And I love that I got to share one of my favorite things with Simon & Baz, in a way.

If you’d like to see Phantom Manor for yourself—& get the music stuck in your head—here’s the private ride-through I watched about one million times, outlined, reviewed, & used to block every mini section of the fic. (Below is one of my many outlines, & most of the bad jokes shown here did not make it into the fic.)

Anyway, hope y’all enjoyed this tangential & probably unnecessary look into my process. It’s been such a pleasure to be part of the zine, & I really hope y’all enjoy it! The previews & pieces I've gotten to see from other contributors are absolutely phenomenal.

donate $10 here to receive your digital copy of the zine*

Oh, PS. I made sure to give Simon some wonky dragon magic. It’s there if you squint. 😉

*please note that zines are not being distributed until April 1. 💜

💛💙

#zine preview #carry on zine #golden days #my fanfiction #snowbaz #snowbaz fanfiction #one word: honeymoon 👀

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Nine

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Eight

Read here on wattpad

Word count: 4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, Drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @cruecifymesixx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror @mcnibberachi

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

PMRC DEMANDS CENSORSHIP, DEVELOPES A LIST OF THE "FILTHY 15."

1. Prince, "Darling Nikki", flagged for sex/masturbation

2. Sheena Easton, "Sugar Walls", flagged for sex

3. Judas Priest, "Eat Me Alive", flagged for Sex/Violence

4. Vanity, "Strap On Robbie Baby", flagged for sex

5. Mötley Crüe, "Bastard", flagged for violence/language

6. AC/DC, "Let Me Put My Love Into You", flagged for sex

7. Twisted Sister, "We're Not Gonna Take It", flagged for violence

8. Madonna, "Dress You Up", flagged for sex

9. W.A.S.P., "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)", flagged for sex/language/violence

10. Def Leppard, "High 'n' Dry (Saturday Night)", flagged for drug/alcohol use

11. Mercyful Fate, "Into the Coven", flagged for occult themes

12. Black Sabbath, "Trashed", flagged for drug/alcohol use

13. Mary Jane Girls, "In My House", flagged for sex

14. Venom, "Possessed", flagged for occult themes

15. Cyndi Lauper, "She Bop", flagged for sex/masturbation

Tipper freaking Gore, the wife of the senator at the time, Al Gore, and bunch of other political housewives got their panties in a twist in 1985 and decided to demand artists either censor themselves when creating music, leaving no room for even the slightest hint at sex, drugs, alcohol, satanism, occultism, violence, language, or anything else almost every artist uses one of to express themselves in their music.

When musicians across the board practically told Tipper, the other wives, and everyone else that called themselves a member of the Parents Music Resource Center, to go fuck themselves, they decided to slap censorship stickers on records that contained any of the mentioned offenses.

Even John Denver got hit with censorship for his song "Rocky Mountain High."

It didn't shock me when my mother was photographed with Tipper after attending one of the hearings.

Mötley was invited to a hearing to defend their content and speak their opinions with a handful of others being censored, but they never batted an eye when the news first came out because they knew having an "X" or "XX" or "XXX" rating for violence, language, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. would only make kids buy the record more. And it did.

"It's bullshit." I state, tossing the news paper article aside.

"It's politics." Fred replies taking a bite of his bagel.

"These womens' sex lives must be atrocious or else they'd be spending more time on their husbands' dicks and less time on these people's." I motion to the article with the list on it.

"Babe--"

"If these polotical lunatics spent as much energy taking care of their own damn kids, as they're spending attempting to villainize artists who're expressing themselves, they would realize that it's not Mötley Crüe's or anyone else's job to raise their children. If you're so scared of your kids trying all this stuff, have a conversation with them about it and tell them about it, honestly, instead of relying on the music they listen to, to properly teach them about it. And at the end of the day, they're gonna buy the record whether their parents want them to or not, and they're going to try all kinds of stuff, no matter who talks to them about it, if they really want to try it." I continue my rant, Fred, Doc, Nikki, Vince, Tommy and Mick all looking at me, waiting for me to be done.

"Are you done, Sister Christian?" Vince asks me and I glare at him.

"Viv, it's publicity. Who gives a fuck?" Nikki asks me. "The kids are gonna go for the nastiest rated album anyway. The more 'X's the better."

"Yeah, but the audacity of--" Tommy's teaching his hand around my shoulder and covering my mouth before I can continue and I look at him where he's beside me.

"I've got a headache. I'm hungover, Viv. I love you, but I don't need to hear a Vivian Bitch Fit right now." Tommy explains to me.

I just look at him like he's lost his mind for shutting me up, and he cautiously moves his hand away.

I give him a ten second reprieve before shouting, at the top of my lungs:

"The audacity of these people pisses me off!" I finish what I was going to say and Tommy and Nikki are both jumping out of their seats a little at the sudden shouting, covering their ears, wincing, before Nikki's looking at me, sharply.

I roll my eyes at him and he grabs roughly at my thigh under the table, uncomfortably sinking the tips of his fingers into my flesh.

Ignoring him, I take a sip of my coffee, as he glances around and stands up.

"I gotta piss." He tells us, but I know why he's going to the bathroom.

I wait for him to disappear past the "Men's Room" sign in the Denny's before I get up and follow after him.

I walk in, catching the tail end of him snorting a line, and I cross my arms, waiting outside of the stall he's in.

I hear the familiar "click" of a needle being uncapped.

"Nikki. It's 10:00 in the morning." I tell him.

"Fuck off."

"Nikki."

"Fuck off."

"Nikk--"

"Fuck off."

"Make me."

I wait for him to come out of the stall and do what I dared him to, but I just hear the sound of him sighing out in relief as opiate hits his system, drowning out whatever argument we were about to get into.

When he didn't want to hear me complain or try to talk him out of stuff, he would run to his favorite room in his mind: his heroin den.

If we were at home, he'd lock himself in the closet, with me begging him to come out.

He'd open the door for me right before passing out so he could at least say he tried.

If we were in public or at a hotel, he'd lock himself in the bathroom and do the same thing.

The sound of vomit smattering the floor has me wincing as he mumbles "fuck it" and opens the stall door, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Don't fuckin' give me that hit dog look." He tells me, moving past me to the sink, splashing some water on his face, smearing his already smeared eyeliner that makes him look like a raccoon that's been digging around in a dumpster.

"I'm not giving you any kind of look." I mumble, forcing him to look at me as I wet a paper towel and wipe his black-coated eyelids clean.

The smell of his vomit infiltrates my nostrils and I throw the paper towel away before pulling at his wrist to leave.

Being that he's perfected his magical potion, he isn't too jittery from the coke or nodding off from the heroin.

He's just quiet.

We leave Denny's and head straight to the airport to head back home, being they wrapped up the last show of the U.S. tour last night.

Next is Europe.

Once we land in L.A., Christmas music blares through the speakers of the airport and reminds me that it's already nearing the end of December.

Apparently Vince is reading my mind because he mumbles, "apparently time flies when you're in hell."

Amen, Vince. A-fucking-men.

The second Nikki and I get into the limo to take us to our house, he's busting out a vile of blow that's nearly empty.

"Fuck, I gotta get Jason over, asap." He tells himself and I rub my lips together.

"You know, we haven't even bought a Christmas tree since we've been married." I tell him, trying to distract myself from his previous comment.

"Yeah." He says, basically blowing me off and I reach the toe of my sneaker out and nudge him on the kneecap as he gets the tip of our house key and scoops some from the bindle, snorting a bump.

"Babe." I continue to tap his kneecap until he's got his hand around my ankle, loosely, stopping me.

"What, Viv?"

"What did I just say?" I ask him, crossing my arms.

He just blinks at me, smirking a little.

"I'll gladly tell you when I finish this." He holds the bindle up.

I lean forward and take it from him, holding it hostage when he attempts to take it.

"You'll get it back when I get a Christmas tree." I tell him, raising my brows.

"Are you fucking me right now?" He asks, chuckling, not thinking I'm serious.

"No...but now that you mention it, I want that, too. Then you can get it back." I add and he smirks.

By the time we get to a department store, get my clothes back on and his pants zipped back up, grab an artificial tree, lights and ornaments, and finally get to the house, it's nearly one in the morning.

"Okay, Saint Vivian, gimme my shit back." Nikki states, carrying the boxed up tree while I carry the bags of lights and ornaments.

"Put the tree up so I can decorate it and I will." I reply.

"That wasn't apart of the deal." He argues, his tone still light.

"Well now it is." I reply.

"That's cheating."

"I made the deal. I make the rules." I shrug.

"You're making me work for something that's already mine." His free hand pulls at my waist, turning me to him and I grin mischievously as he shakes his head a little. "That's it, Sixx." He tells me before crouching enough to wrap his arm around my thighs and throw me over his shoulder.

I laugh manically, partially out of fear that he'll drop me, but also because this is the Nikki I fell in love with.

Playful, lighthearted, aggravating but meaning well, Nikki.

He manages to dig his house key out again and unlock the door before stepping in and turning on the lights in the foyer.

"Baby, put the bags down for now." He tells me and I drop them as carefully as I can while he puts the box the tree is in, down.

He's walking us to the living room, laughing when he pretends to trip and I gasp, digging my nails into him like a cat holding onto its owner to avoid a bathtub full of water.

When he flips the next light on, he stops immediately.

My mind is in shambles for a moment as I try to put together why so many people are in my house once Nikki's nearly dropping me out of shock, not even hearing them all scream out, "surprise!"

Steven and Tansy are at the forefront of people as the explosion of glitter, a mixture of neon and pastel decor, an abundance of various alcohol options, scantily clad women, a handful of Nikki's friends he hangs out with outside of Mötley Crüe, and a big ass, two-tier cake with every curse word known to man written in pristine is cursive font on the sides of it is soaked in by mine and Nikki's eyes.

Steven's wearing a beer hat, smiling widely, while Tansy looks like a sallow Barbie doll, but she's still forcing out a grin for the sake of us, and everyone's waiting for mine and Nikki's reactions.

Nikki and I exchange looks, confused as ever.

"Why is it a surprise?" I finally ask, deciding it's best if I ask instead of Nikki, because all he wanted to do was come in, shoot up, have a few lines, fuck around with me some more, and pass out.

But instead he's being forced to socialize in his own house.

His safe place has been infested.

Steven and Tansy seem horrified that we don't understand the reason for the apparent party.

"...Because it's your birthday?" Tansy reminds me.

"And Nikki's was a couple weeks ago, but he wasn't here to celebrate it." Steven adds, his smile is long gone, his eyes focused on Nikki who looks like he could kill someone right now.

"Oh, right!" I pretend that I know that it's my birthday today, and everyone seems to let out a breath of relief. "It's been a long day." I explain, stepping to the two blondes, hugging them both tightly. "Thank you so much."

While everyone else starts going on with the party, music starting to blare throughout the house on the stereo speakers, cracking open beer, whiskey, and vodka, as girls strip down to bikinis to go swimming, Nikki's still standing at the door, the look on his face is a mixture or pissed off, disappointed, and "I need another dose."

"Babe." I say gently to grab his attention, hazel eyes looking to me as a jaw tightens. "C'mon, just for a couple hours."

"I'll be right back." He tells me, shoving through people to get to our bedroom.

I brush off his attitude the second I feel hands on my shoulders, squeezing them a little and I snap around to meet Duff's chest.

"Hey, birthday girl." He greets me cooly, and I'm hugging him before I can stop myself.

Something wet falls on my hand when I pull away, and just as I'm about to look around for whatever it was, his fingers that are sticking out of leather gloves that just cover his palms, are brushing at my face.

"What's up?" He asks me, furrowing his brows a little.

What is up? Why the hell are you crying?

"I-I'm happy." Is all I can say, chuckling, wiping more tears.

He knew it was bullshit. I was happy, sure. Happy to get the fuck off the road. Happy to get a break from Nikki and Tommy harassing Vince. Happy to get away from Doc's constant pressing for more tour dates to milk as much money as possible. Happy to be able to hangout with balls of optimism and sunshine like Duff and Steven and have Slash show me his pet snakes like he'd been meaning to, and for Izzy to tell me what music I should have been listening to, and for Axl to go on and on about Tansy but then completely deny he was interested in her because he was too much of a dork to just ask her out.

"I'll be right back, alright?" I tell Duff, looking around to see Nikki's nowhere to be seen.

"Okay." He tells me, swigging from a bottle of vodka.

I thread through people who tell me "happy birthday" and I thank each of them, genuinely, before opening up the bedroom door, and shutting it behind me, stepping to our bathroom.

"Baby?" I ask, seeing Nikki standing at the mirror, teasing his hair some more. "I had no idea they would do this." I tell him.

"I had no fucking idea it was even your birthday, apparently." He grumbles. "Shows how much I care, right? Husband of the year. Something else to be hung over my head anytime we get into a fight."

"Hey, I didn't even know it was my birthday. The guys didn't either. You've all been busy and working hard and tired. I'm not going to hold this over you, Nikki." I assure him, fixing a piece of his hair for him.

I didn't realize his pride was so hurt by the gesture Steven and Tansy made.

I found out later it was Duff who brought up the idea to Tansy, who recruited the Ken to her Barbie: Steven, to help her orchestrate it.

That was another indication to Nikki that he needed to slow down, forgetting his own wife's birthday, but he didn't listen to it a bit.

"I really don't want to do this shit, Vivian." He tells me, rubbing his eyes.

"And I do?"

"They're your friends." He sighs.

"What's mine is your's." I say as I kiss his cheek and he groans.

"You owe me." He tells me as I step out of the bathroom. "Matter of fact, I want my coke back."

"Um, I can't hear you, babe. I'm sure I will when these people leave." I tell him.

"Viv--"

"I-I think you're breaking up, I'll talk to you later." I keep going, walking to the bedroom door.

"I'll break something up when these people get the fuck outta my house!" He calls back and I shut the door behind me.

The night goes on as people play beer pong on the dining room table, dance on whatever and whoever they can, snort lines off any flat surface available, and chug whatever is in their cups, drowning pain and becoming oblivious.

I hate to break it to Nikki, but I don't want these people driving in their condition, so they'll have to stay here tonight or call cabs.

After a few hours, people are either pairing off or grouping off to go get laid, passed out, or too high to function properly and are just chilling out.

Steven's observing his work, drinking from his beer cans perched in his hat when I approach him, looking for Duff.

"Have you seen Duff?" I say over the music and he nods.

"Yeah, I think he's by the pool." He tells me.

"The pool?"

"Yep."

I furrow my brows, stepping to the French doors leading outside, seeing Duff and Tansy sitting down on the pool deck, talking

"Is he pissed?" She asks me, referring to Nikki, after I sit next to her.

"I would say go see for yourself but I don't want to toss you into the lion's den." I admit. "He hasn't come out all night."

"I'll go talk to him." She says. "If he's mean to me I'll just cry and make him feel bad like I do to Vince."

Duff and I exchange looks at her confident words before she's walking away in her neon pink bikini.

"Everyone calming down?" Duff asks in a slur, and I nod, glancing through the doors to look at the guests for a few seconds. "How does it feel to be twenty-two?" He adds, rubbing his nose and I raise my brows a little, glancing at the bottle of vodka he's been working on all night.

"It's weird." I mumble. "I was a senior in high school five years ago." The reality hits me and he raises his brows. "God, I'm old."

"You were seventeen your senior year?"

"In pre-k my teacher decided I was too smart for the class and vouched for me to be moved up to kindergarten, and it didn't take my kindergarten teacher long to convince the principle of the elementary school to let me start in the first grade since they hadn't really started in on their curriculum for the year." I explain.

"I couldn't even meet the basic requirements of alternative school." He tells me.

"You're a freaking genius, you just didn't apply yourself." I tell him and he shrugs.

"I had more important things to get done.

"I guess you did." I agree, gently scoring the bottle of alcohol away from him.

"I know you're tired of me saying this, but, Viv, you gotta get back to dancing."

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah. I mean, imagine me giving up music for someone I'm in a relationship with so I can hold their hand or fucking babysit them or whatever. I mean, sure it shows I love them a lot, but it would just make who ever I was with look like a fucking bitch. And I've talked to Nikki before and he told me he didn't want you to quit dance and he wanted you to go to school." He explains. "Why didn't you?"

"I had more important things to get done." I repeat him.

"I don't know if you're selfless sometimes, or just not thinking." He says, before his face suddenly falls. "I sound like an asshole right now, I'm sorry." He apologizes and I shake my head.

"I'm not upset, I know what you mean." I assure him.

"Okay." He rubs his eyes again like a sleepy child.

"Do you need me to help you to bed?" I offer and he waves his hand at me a couple times.

"No, no, I got it." He assures me, standing up.

He nearly falls over.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do." I comment, helping him inside as he apologizes.

"I'm sorry I'm being out of hand right now, Viv, I don't get like this every night." He tells me as I open our guest bedroom and thank God nobody's in here, although it's obvious someone has been screwed to oblivion on the bed.

I just throw the blanket on the edge of the bed over the mattress and help him lay down.

"Thank you." He says as I pull his boots off and set them nice and neat on the floor at the foot of his bed.

"You're welcome." I reply, setting the garbage can beside him incase he needs it. "Goodnight."

I'm about to leave, but his hand gently grasps at my hand, stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I'm really glad we met and we're friends, Viv." He tells me, grasping my hand in his like I'm going to walk out anyway and not listen to what he's got to say.

"I am, too, Duff." I say back, smiling a little. "Sleep tight, okay?"

"Yeah." He nods his head.

"Alright, goodnight."

I go to kiss him "goodnight" on the cheek, but my entire system and body locks up the second he misreads my intentions, and kisses me.

This sounds so counteractive to who I am now and what I stand for currently, and it was ignorant of me to think such a way back then, when so many people close to me were heavily affected, some of them even dying, by drugs and alcohol...but I use to wish I liked alcohol or drugs, or even felt drawn to them.

By '87 I'd had several miscarriages, my marriage was hanging by a thread after only being married for four years, I was having an identity crisis and my entire world was seeming to fall apart and it became routine to buy a bottle of vodka or whiskey, or pills, or blow and just stare at it--trying to convince myself to go for it--for an hour before pouring it out or flushing it.

The people around me, which by that point was mainly Duff and his band, started to pick up on this struggle I had. And although they knew I had to be in some kind of extreme pain to be considering reaching such lows, they carried an "if you don't laugh about it, you'll cry" method of pulling me out of such spells.

Anytime we would be hanging out and I'd opt to try something they were doing, they would call it the "Golden Question Game" because the "Golden Question" was always "is Vivian actually gonna do it this time?" and they wouldn't argue with me about it or try to stop me because they knew the answer would always be "no" even if I didn't think it would be.

I even made the reckless suggestion to try heroin, and got as far as Izzy getting it in the syringe for me, trying to explain to me how to shoot it, how to angle it, how to know I'd hit a vein, with Steven, Slash and Duff all waiting to see if I was that desperate for an escape.

Like everything else I would think about doing, I just sat on the floor next to Izzy and stared at the golden liquid in the syringe and thought, "who the fuck are you to get pissed and angry at Nikki and Tansy for their addiction to this shit, and how it's destroying them, and then turn around and do it yourself?"

I shot it into the air away from me, handed the empty syringe back Izzy, thanked him for letting me waste his time and dose of smack, went to the bathroom with Duff at my heels, and cried.

I never went through with any of it because I knew I would never, ever, come back from it.

I would've drank myself to death or drugged myself past the point of no return and would have ended up a statistic.

I just needed a new escape because my original high became a heroin addict, and December 23, 1985, had me realizing more about Duff than what I had noticed before: Vodka was a hell of a lot easier to be around than heroin.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt #gateway drug

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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What is the best bet? Who is the best company? who should i see about this? an insurance agent? How to find good?

Car totaled. Other drivers fault but have no insurance.?

I was the designated driver for my friends. Was driving friends car home and got in a car accident. Other driver ran the red when I turned. She admitted to it to the police but my friend has no insurance. Will he be penalized and will he receive any sort of compensation from the other drivers insurance for totaling his car. He also has $1200 left with his finance company. Will they charge him anything even though he will pay the remainder off?

Are there private health insurance industries in countries w/universal(rationed) healthcare...?

Just wondering, because I thought I would have heard about it by now if that were the case. Hope Obum will make sure HC doesn't go fully national, and makes sure a private health insurance industry affordable to the middle class always exists. What say you?""

How do you find affordable health insurance?

I have a friend of mine who lives in Florida. He had open heart surgery a few years ago. After the surgery was done, the Dr walked in the room and told my friend he really never needed the surgery to begin with. He is trying to find health insurance and he is having trouble finding it because of his heart condition even though now he doesn't have one. Most of the health insurance companies want more then $1500 a month to insure him. How does he find affordable insurance in the US?""

How much is auto insurance for a 17 year old (Toronto)?

depending on the price range of insurance, i will be looking forward to buy a used car and i will probably use the car for less then 2 hours a day. I completed driving school about a year ago and i got my g2. So how much will insurance be a year for me?""

How much will it cost to add me to car insurance?

how much will it cost for my parents to add me on there insurance? I know you can't give me an exact number but just a rough estimate. We have allstate and we have 2 cars but I will be added to my moms car a ford taurus not sure what year it is. I live in West Palm Beach, FL and I'm 17. Just an estimate or how much you think it will cost. Thanks guys!""

Which group of car insurance is cheaper?group 1 or group 2?

""Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

What kind of document do I need do register a motorcycle in my name in California?

What kind of document do I need do register a motorcicle in my name in California, and get the plates, How long does it takes? It's possible for a non US resident?""

Insurance on small cars example punto ?

hey everyone iv just passed my theory test today and i want to buy a punto for my fist car i need advice on de price off tax and insurance like for example i would probably purchase any punto from 1997 -2001 and im 19 does anyone av any advice for me cause i don wanna be ripped off thanks for readin you guys xxxxxxxxxxx

How much (estimated) would it cost for insurance on this mustang?

I am soon to be 16, and a family member has a 1998 Mustang for sale. I was wondering, any idea on the insurance? read below -4.6L V8 -convertible -all power, seat belts, airbags, etc. -VERY good condition PS we dont have drivers assigned to our cars, just the drivers and cars. also, the conv. top has a 4 inch rip in the seam. is this repairable or does it have to be immeadiatley replaced? i can wait to have it replaced if i can simply repair it. NOTE: I DIDNT ASK THIS QUESTION to hear your too young or mustangs suck I am a responsible teenager and Mustangs have been my passion since i can remember. so thanks. NOTE""

""What do i do first, title or insurance?""

so i figured out what insurance company i'm going to use, and my cousin is giving me her car. do i need to get the title of the car before i get insurance or do i have to get insurance first. i'm 17 by the way.""

How much would the insurance be for a 16 year old with a v6 2010 camaro?

My mom is either giving me her car which is a 2006 Lexus gx 470 which she bought for $50,000 or she will buy me a 2010 v6 camaro. Would insurance be lower if I recieved the lexus or camaro?""

Car insurance rates on honda civics?

I am a 18 year old female(I'll be 19 in a few weeks) living in Florida and just got my permit on December of 2011, and license July of 2012. I am going to the Honda dealership on October 1st with my dad to purchase my first car. We are not to sure if we are going to lease or finance, it all depends on the car rates and the deals they offer. I will be under my moms insurance through Geico. Because I am a first time driver and a girl i know it can be a little expensive. I know I can get discounts by having good grades which is good because I actually did have good grades in high school and currently attending a college. I just want to know estimates of how much I will be paying. Oh yeah, because I will be paying for my insurance. Not my mom nor my dad. I know it also depends on what type of car you have as well. It will be a white civic either 09 or 10. If anyone can help me out that would be great. I look forward to reading your answers. Thanks!""

Where can i buy cheap but good health insurance under $120 dollars?

I am young and very healthy, and rarely have to be seen by a doctor. So besides not being wealthy, i want to find a cheap, but good health insurance...""

Renters insurance for apartments?

When renting an apartment at a complex or apartment building, is renters insurance always mandatory?""

triple a michigan insurance

I am looking for a good team name for an insurance agency.?

we are selling insurance products, estate planning and other financial products.""

Any one know where I can find an affordable car insurance on line?

In Monterey Park,california""

Temporary car insurance?

i am trying to get my boyfriend insured on my car for 1 week. there are many companies that do tempoary car insurance but i have been told that you can not have 2 policies on one car? i have Fully comprehensive car insurance but my insurers will not insure both of us on my car as we are under 25 so if i went with another insurance company who specialises in short term cover would this cover my boyfriend on my car?

Affordable dental insurance for my two year old?

I am trying to find a good dental insurance online for my son. I have came across a company called careington, but heard their discounts are never to be seen after you get things done. Does Metlife cover children? Anything helps! I'm trying to find something that isn't tricare related, he has regular tricare insurance, but takes forever for paperwork to go through, needing somethign fast and cheap...thanks.""

Insurance for a 2007 Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec V?

I've been wondering how much insurance would cost for a 2007 Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec V for a 16 year old as the main driver, but I don't want to send my information to an insurer for a quote and possibly get unwanted solicitaions from them. Does anyone have any idea? Oh, and would it be different for a 17 year old?""

Where is a good place to get classic car insurance that will let me commute - not only use the car for shows?

Most insurance that I'm looking into for classic cars are not willing to insure your car if you commute to work and school. They only want to insure cars that are used in shows, parades, etc. I will not drive my car every single day to work...maybe a few times during the week. I bought the car to enjoy it, not let it sit in the garage!""

Need help choosing car insurance HELP!!! =)?

Im 20 yrs old. i've had my drivers liscence for 2 yrs, and i have a clean driving record..I need affordable car insurance for my 01 mitsubishi, eclipse, in california... any suggestions???""

How do I become a 220/440 insurance agent in FL?

Banned Driver - Cheap Insurance ????

hiya please can you help me i no i have done wrong so i dont need any comments about how i shouldnt be back on the road - i am willing to learn from mistakes !!!! does any1 no the cheapest car insurance company for go through when you have been banned ??? much appreciated x

What car should i buy a 1999 bmw m3 or 1995 camaro Z28 convertible

they are both stick and under 5 grand. i am 17 and how much do you think the insurance will be. this is all in planning on buying a first car

Which is a feature of permanent insurance?

Which is a feature of permanent insurance? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It provides protection for a specific period. It includes an investment component. It is relatively low cost.

Wich car will cost more?

wich car will cost more in insurance? im a 16 year old boy with a3.0. i dont need exact prices just wich costs more. 2004 mustang v6 or 2004 silverado 1500 access cab 5.3 litre v8. thank you

Best Home/Condo Insurance Companies?

I am looking to obtain insurance for my condo in British Columbia, and was wondering if someone could recommend the best company to with. Currently I am just familiar with BCAA who ...show more""

Ca insurance for teens cost?

how much does car insurance for a 16 year old person cost?

""What is the difference between term, universal and whole life insurance? Which is the best way to go?""

What is the difference between term, universal and whole life insurance? Which is the best way to go?""

How much is car insurance for 17 year old?

how much is car insurance for 17 year old? i want to buy a 2001-2005 Vauxhall corsa 1.2 and i wondering how much the insurance is. also do i have to pay the full amount of insurance upfront or is split into months for example if the insurance is 3000 am i be ale to pay 250 a month

How much is insurance if you're 19 to 20 years old?

im planning on getting a car in a few months and i'm just curious how much i have to put out for insurance on a coupe car years from around 2000 to 2006. and how much less would it cost if i had my parents to buy it and just put my name under the insurance?

""How much would my car insurance be, I'm 22 years old, only had one speeding ticket, 2003 Mitsubishi Galant se?

It has 4Dr

How much does motorcycle insurance cost in California? I'm 20 years old and thinking of getting a bike.?

I'm thinking of getting a Yamaha R6. Still don't know what year? Anyone got any tips of what year i should get?

Should car insurance be mandatory?

Auto insurance should never be mandatory. Of course you may say What if you get into an accident ? Without car insurance, families can save that extra money in case of an emergency. If a person gets into a 2 car accidents through no fault of his own, the insurance rates will skyrocket. In any case, you will usually pay more for insurance than you would have paid to have your car fixed at an auto shop. This policy also unfairly discriminates against the working poor, many of which are one pull over away from being arrested or having their licenses revoked. If a person with a revoked license has no other means of transportation, it may lead to unemployment thus costing us all. This would keep them in the vicious cycle of poverty and deprive them of their dignity as adults. This is why we should abolish laws requiring car owners to have insurance.""

How much does the average American pay for Healthcare?

Spending on health care to reach $5,170 per Canadian in 2008 http://secure.cihi.ca/cihiweb/dispPage.jsp?cw_page=media_13nov2008_e I'm looking for this in American.""

Car inusrance. Where to get free quotes ?

What is the best web site to compare car insurance premiums online. What are the best companies for cheap insurance rates with good coverage for auto owners ?

CLASSIC MINI!!! How much does insurance cost for a 17 year old female?

About to buy a classic mini as my first car and wanted to know how much other peoples insurance has cost. Im female thanks

Question about life insurance?

Here is a little background info...I am a month away from joining the navy and going to flight school, I am 26 no health problems and my wife is 23 with no health problems. I went to get car insurance and the lady suggested i get life insurance now why I am still considered a substitute teacher. She said once I join the military It will require A lot more info and also my career will be considered hazordous. Does this sound right? And finally she just did a quick quaote and to cover my wife and myself each for 250k it will cost just under 70 dollars. This is also whole life not term and she said after a certain amount of time I could also cash the policy out and even make money ( something like 30 yrs). Does all this sound legit and does the quote sound reasonable, it was also state farm if that makes a difference. Thanks""

What will my insurance roughly cost when I'm 19?

Hello, I'm 18 now and about to get my drivers license. I plan on getting a cheap car with low insurance the first year of driving for me. I always wanted a Mazda RX8 and I know that theres no chance of me getting insured for the car now so I was wondering when will it become affordable for me to get a Mazda RX8? Like for example what would you suggest my salary should be to realistically own that type of car in the UK? Thanks!""

triple a michigan insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-girl-drivers-austin-kelly/"

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