#and i feel fucked up on this fine wednesday eve

[forabeatofadrum]

Happy Wednesday. Happy Heartstopper Eve. Thank you @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @wellbelesbian and @blackberrysummerblog for the tag. It is my last Wednesday in Italy. Buttered Scone #2 is accompanying me on this fine evening by sitting next to me.

I have learned from past mistakes and I am writing this directly into the notes app, so that I don't lose it in case the Internet gets fucked again. It is appropriate that Buttered Scone #2 is here, because I came up with some fic. This is Simon's POV:

My cat isn't actually called Buttered Scone. When I adopted her, the ad at the shelter said that her name was Agatha. It is a fine name. It just happens to be the name of my ex.

Penny lamented that I should rename her, but that feels wrong. Buttered Scone probably had a home before. So I decided to give her a nickname. When I told Penny, she said she understood and then she suggested I should name Agatha after something or someone I do truly love (unlike Agatha, she implied) (painfully blunt, but true).

So I nicknamed her Buttered Scone.

The absolute moment I finished writing that down, Buttered Scone #2 got up and left. I didn't even get a cute picture to share.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen ​ @cutestkilla ​ @artsyunderstudy ​ @martsonmars ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites (welcome to the CO madness!) @whatevertheweather @cerriddwenluna

#wip wednesday #tagged in #unfortunately for me my original tags got deleted due to wifi shot #*shit #good thing i had apollo vision

[galvanizedfriend]

hi, yokan <3

I read that in Brazil there's a week-break because of carnival, therefore I hope you're finally having a bit of rest!

I was wondering if you could post an outtake with the klaroeve scene? from you comment I understood that there was more than that little scene in the latest chapter, and I would LOVE to read it!

sorry if I sound rude or pressuring, it's not my intention at all :(( I'm just Eve's third parent, I need more scenes with my babygirl being adorable 😭😭

I totally get why you don't put more of her in the main story. I ALWAYS say that babyplots are terrible due to a lot of factors, one of them being the constant present of a baby who basically does nothing (rightfully, since, yk, it went out of the whomb last year) and that adds nothing to the plot but just terrible fan service.

I think most people would agree with this, maybe even you!

HOWEVER, my little wolf/fish/mermaid is THE exception and I would love to see more of her, and, since u have a series dedicated to those fluffy moments that don't exactly fits with the plot, I really wish you will post something there 😭😭

sorry for bothering you, I hope you'll have a good day!

P.S.

totally off-topic but I also read some of your comments in Portuguese (AT LEAST I think it's Portuguese 😭) and I understood like 80% of it, privileges of being Italian ‼‼ so lol now you really can't escape me >:)

Yes, it's Carnaval right now! It's a nearly weak-long holiday, but it sadly ends on Wednesday. 😢 And I was technically on call yesterday, so 😂 But I am very much enjoying not doing anything 🤷‍♀️

About the baby thing, yes. 😂 I've been so lucky to get some passionate readers almost from the start with this fic and to have people who are still reading it a ton of years later, but I've also had to read some very mean things over the years that have stuck with me. It has made me extremely self-conscious about this story. I sometimes find myself almost apologizing for writing it, like I'm commiting some kind of crime against fandom or like I should be banned for inflicting this upon people for as long as I have. I wish I could be the kind of person who just doesn't care and remains blissfully unbothered, but I'm not. I'm not a naturally confident person in any way, and that kind of thing does get to me.

It's gotten better, of course. I care a lot less now than I used to, and the fic is not as popular as it was a few years ago either, so there's that But some of that stuff has just ingrained itself into my brain. Objectively I know this is stupid and I don't owe anybody anything, I don't have to apologize for writing a fanfiction for god's sake. There's room for everyone in fandom. I can have a corner to rewrite the show and have a magical Klaroline baby, fuck it. Who cares, you know? But it's almost stronger than me sometimes, I don't realize I'm doing it. I get this feeling that I need to be more critical otherwise people are going to think it's ridiculous and OOC and nobody's gonna want to read it anymore and etc etc. It's exhausting. And it's obviously nobody's fault, it's just me in my own head, but that's how it goes.

The scene you're talking about in particular. I had it written years ago. Literal years, maybe 2021 or early 2022. Some of my friends had even already read it a loooong time before the chapter was finished. And I was convinced that it was so cute and totally fine. Then as I wrapping up the chapter, I started getting this itch that it was actually ridiculous and the folks who had read it didn't say anything because they were being nice, they didn't want to hurt my feelings, and I had to get delete it. So I did. In all truth, I think the chapter is more polished like this. But then I removed a family scene and ended up writing smut that also had no place in the chapter, so. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rambly response. 🥲 I'll tell you this: I will read the deleted scene again and if I feel it's not dumpster-fire bad, I will post it here. But I need to check it first, because there is chance that it's not just my paranoid head telling me to get rid of the baby scenes and it really is just that bad. 😂

And as for the last part, yes, it's Portuguese. It's my native language. And it's so funny how Italian, Spanish and Portuguese can be so similar. I understand Spanish much better than Italian, but I do get some of it as well. Latin languages 🤜🤛 (except French, I don't understand French at all 😂)

#yokan answers #feat-peach

[jovalencia]

good morning ladies it is 6am and I spent the entire night awake and I’ll explain why under the cut bc I am gonna vent abt my health issues again and I’m gonna talk about vomit and all my stomach and eating issues as of late so just be aware of that. and this is all like a massive tmi but none of you are real so it’s okay

okay yeah so basically last night I had avocado toast for dinner which I’ve never had before and it was really good and that’s actually not relevant I just wanted to tell you guys. also not relevant but I was listening to tower of nero while I did that and I can’t believe how much I actually care about this series now. the lester effect I guess I’ll talk about that in a post once I finish the series

anyways I was still hungry after the toast so I ate some leftover gas station jojos from the day before and you’re probably like “carmen ofc you felt sick again last night you ate fucking gas station jojos” and yeah maybe I did and it’s not exactly the smartest decision but I also ate them two desperate times the day before so idk why this time would be any different since it hasn’t even been 2 days since I bought them. but yeah halfway though eating those (and watching my ethanimale video🫶) I started to not feel great so I was like fuck it I’ll go to bed. and I was sooooo excited to go to bed bc I was exhausted and since I’m home alone I was (tmi) gonna sleep naked bc I’ve never slept naked and it sounds fun as hell. and I’m sure it would have been if my stomach wasn’t doing backflips the whole time and despite the fact that I Just Fuckig Ate I was very noticeably hungry. I tried to fall asleep and ended up just doing that half in and out of consciousness thing that was going on last time I was sick like this. without the hallucination stress nightmares this time. except every time my stomach did a flip big enough to wake me up, I did in fact have to go to the bathroom to shit. and guys this is gross but I truly have no idea how I was able to shit so much like i took at least five full sized shits and I’m not even constipated or anything like WHERE did it all come from. every time I got up I was legit flabbergasted. anyways. I ate half a fig bar to try and get some more food in my system and finally put on some clothes and did what I know always helps when I’m sick: lay on the living room couch.

side note shoutout to my sister for insisting hat this couch was so soft and comfy that we Needed to buy it and the matching chair despite the fact that we didn’t need new living room furniture. we absolutely did and she’s the mvp of my life for that.

so yeah I was finally able to get some sleep out here on the couch and I still wasn’t feeling Great but I was able to actually sleep which is a testament to the power of this couch. and it was fine I was waking up to piss like eve Rey half hour big I’ve been driving a lot of water since it’s the only thing I can stomach and I was getting up to shit every half hour before so what does it matter. and it was all fine I could handle this until I needed to wake up for work (whether I’m going idk) but then I won’t up and I was like “yeah I’m definitely gonna throw up” so I threw up. and like here’s where it’s weird. like first of all it was a Lot of water considering how much I’ve been pissing out every 30 minutes for the whole night. second of all I threw up carrots which I haven’t had since wednesday night and god could they possibly still be in my stomach considering how much shitting I’ve done this morning. very weird.

but yeah I feel a bit better now and I tried to call my mom but she’s off the grid on a camping trip (boooooo👎) so I texted her instead and it said it went through so hopefully she gets back to me on that. I’m gonna scroll through some posts then try and get back to sleep bc despite how hungry I am right now my persistent lack of appetite is striking again and i don’t think if actually be able to eat anything right now. god bless.

#my mom’s prob gonna text me back and tell me to drink a gatorade but I don’t WANT gatorate. EW. #carmen.txt

[imminentinertia]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 tags

@boysbeloving tagged me, thank you, sweetie darling!

It will be long and there will be gifs so this goes under a read more.

KinnPorsche the series, Tankhun Theerapanyakul Yeah yeah hot men everywhere and also Erika but Tankhun is the most amazing character in this plot-bizarre production-drippy unhinged delight of a TV show. He dresses wonderfully, he's a beautifully creative bully, he has some of the best lines, he's all for killing Tawan, he adopts Chay on sight, he may seem like just an over the top camp spoiled brat but there's a sinister undertone there that I also like a lot. I honestly want KPTS to get a season 2 primarily to see what Tankhun does.

Hannibal, Francis Dolarhyde I'm not putting this here just because I happen to love Richard Armitage. Or maybe I am, a little. But the thing is, I also happen to love Dolarhyde in the book Red Dragon and I was a bit worried (but not really, because Hannibal was a very intelligent and creative show) about what they'd make out of him. It turned out they made him true to book Dolarhyde and downright mesmerising, and upped his intensity quite a bit. The scene with the original watercolour, oh my god.

The Fall, Alexandria The Fall is a wonderful film and an aesthetic joy, but behind the beauty and the heavy emotion it's actually a brilliant commentary on reception theory, which is something I'm very very interested in (there may be a uni degree involved here). I mean, Lee fucking hot Pace is in this and my fave character isn't his, but the little girl who interprets and visualises Lee's character's stories. They really nailed it with the casting of her, too.

Killing Eve, Oksana Astankova/Villanelle Best. Villain. Ever. She's deranged and her clothes are amazing and she's funny and murderous and competent. And she has Jodie Comer's expressive face. For two seasons this was great but not even Comer could save the rest, sadly.

BBC Robin Hood, sir Guy of Gisbourne Shush. He's hot and troubled and he's historically wildly un-correctly dressed Richard Armitage. (The show was actually pure fun for a while but it caught feelings eventually, and the third season has some pain to it, especially for and about Guy)

SKAM, Eva Kviig Mohn Je suis Eva. I relate so much to her that it can't be healthy. Never mind Isak and Even whose season caused SKAM to go viral, Eva's season is important to me on a very personal level.

We Best Love, Yu Zhen Xuan He corrects his behaviour around others so little and I adore that. Zhen Xuan has zero fucks to give (except about Pei Shou Yi), and I don't care how paperthin and odd the plot of the show is, how questionable the kiss scene is, how magnetic Gao Shi De is or how beautifully heartbroken and pissed off Zhou Shu Yi is (well I do care a lot about some of this, but), as long as Yu Zhen Xuan is around I'm happy.

Good Omens, Crowley Book-Crowley was a massive favourite from his first slithery appearance, and show-Crowley is David Tennant who's misplaced his hip joints. What's not to love.

Deadwood, Al Swearengen Historically uncorrect like cocksucking whoa? That's evidently fine with me as long as it's a Western and gritty and filthy and violent and sarcastic and with Ian McShane. He was splendid as Odin/Mr Wednesday in American Gods too.

The Honourable Woman, Nessa Stein We're not strictly in a fandom anymore, I think, as I wasn't an all out fangirl about this show, but oh my dear gods what Maggie Gyllenhaal does with Nessa Stein. Her performance is haunting and the character is complex and flawed and gorgeous.

Fuck, I should have slipped in Gillian Anderson in something/anything. Oh well.

I don't think I talk to ten people here these days, to be honest. If you have read this far you're so tagged because wading through this proves that you love me.

#tag game #favourite tv shows #favourite films #favourite characters

[ineffablehogwash]

I'd like to vent about my service industry job for a moment, feel free to ignore. I'd put a break if the fucking mobile app would let me, but I can't get it rn, so I'm sorry.

As a preface:

Already having 10+ years food service experience, I slid into this job with practically no training needed, and have now been here for a year, busting my ass and doing far more than I ever should have between prep, cleaning, service, etc. (and just to side-gripe, never gotten any sort of raise or recognition from the men with the money.)

Despite her admittedly having some kind of gross hot takes and political opinions, between going through our late ADHD diagnosis and treatment together and having similar job/general life experiences, I've become decent friends with my current manager. Unfortunately, part of our shared experience is being/having been food service managers for a place with ignorant, stingy, trash-men as owners.

In a commercial kitchen it is a legal requirement here (and in most places) to have a ventilation hood, and is something that a single notification to the local fire marshall would incite immediate closure and steep fines for. There are exceptions to this rule, but that's for places like Smoothie King where they don't even as much as bake cookies in-house.

We are not a Smoothie King.

We utilize a full gas setup for a double frier, flat top grill, stove top range, and two ovens, in a kitchen that may be smaller than some of your living rooms.

When using these kinds of equipment without a functional hood, not only can it raise the temperature to disgustingly, nauseatingly-high temperatures, it also allows for smoke, airborne grease particulates, and toxic fume byproducts building up in the kitchen, and depending on various circumstances and floor plans, creep into customer areas.

Well, my manager and I had noticed and notified the owners starting at least two weeks ago that ours was making a lot of noise that did not seem normal or okay.

We were blown off, mansplained to about 'moisture on the fan belts causing a little noise now and then', and a lot of other bullshit excuses to just ignore it.

This kept going day after day, progressively getting worse every time we turned it on. I could not hear anyone over the noise it was making unless I left the grill side altogether. I feel like this goes without being said, but this makes busy service more difficult than it needs to be.

Yesterday, New Years Eve, the main owner was there while it made more Jurassic Park sound effects and still blew it off while the manager and I both stared at him. I finished my shift out and left.

Later, come time for dinner service, it finally happened.

Here are excerpts from the text conversation I had with the manager:

"The hood motor completely died during dinner tonight. That sound we’ve been hearing was the fan bearings shattering. They’re trying to still do brunch tomorrow. We will close after, stay closed until Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday at the earliest. HAPPY NEW YEAR, enjoy your day (days?) off! 🤡🔫"

..."I've been on and off the phone with them while they tried to rig it with the spare intake motor. The bearings completely destroyed it tho. I said "So no brunch?" and he said we'll still do brunch, just with the door open and a fan. I said "No one should work that grill without a hood, it's illegal for a reason." ..."

"He seemed flabbergasted that we might not want to work without a hood. ..."

"This is the most comical, theatrically written moment of karmic retribution, and they're completely ignoring the bad omen staring them in the face lmao"

"CMON JUST BE COOL GUYS, THINK OF THE BUSINESS."

Of course it devolved into meme trash:

So since I have a child to feed and they are the type to opt towards spending thousands of the shop savings on unnecessary music equipment for events that don't pertain to us, but can't use that same pool for preventative equipment maintenance, repairs, or lost wages due to negligence of said maintenance, I went in for my opening shift this morning.

Ending up just being me watching this disrespectful, mansplaining, stoned out of his mind, "I'd vote for Obama again" performative liberal stutter and flounder, arguing with the manager about whether to be open or closed, making very insensitive comments about "needing the money too" and "no one wanting to work anymore" (paraphrasing, and a lot of comments hyper-situational to a few of our individual circumstances) until he broke and called it.

Now we're closed indefinitely because of the holiday timing. 🙃

I'm awaiting the update call from the manager - seems they stayed behind to continue yelling at one another, but she said she wants to help me fix up my resume.

Fuck this place, this job, this industry, and capitalism, and uh, thank you for reading I guess?

Anyway, want some shitty fan art done of your favorite ships or ocs? Proceeds go to this temporarily out-of-work nb parent lol

#happy new year #work sux #personal

[wednesdaynn]

jaw surgery: faq's and need to knows

Hee! i'm wednesday, 21 years old and had jaw surgery about... 6 days ago now, counting the day i got the surgery seeing as i had it at 8 in the morning, and i'm here to talk a bit about how the process went for me and how i'm doing almost a week after.

I'm going to mention some well known facts and how they really play out (in my experience, which can be vastly different than yours), what to look out for some things i have been looking up for every single day now, etc...

i want to do this because reality of what this surgery meant never really set in before i got it, because i have bad anxiety and hate going to the doctor i refused to think about it too much, as to not get overwhelmed. in hindsight, i dont regret doing this, but it would've made a lot of things easier to search some things up...

i'm not a medical proffessional and all these things should be discussed with your doctor.

warning of medical related talks, and vomiting.

so here are a few things you might want to know!

| 1 | waking up from the surgery can be super terrifying. i think this counts for a lot of surgeries, but i think especially jaw surgery, because you can't always speak. I had a difficult time waking up and staying awake. when in recovery i couldn't speak and everything was really overwhelming. they gave me an popsicle (i think they are called) but i couldn't eat it. i ended up having a panic attack because i couldn't speak nor could i alarm anyone as to how i was feeling because they were busy with other patients.

So when waking up, it can be scary, not to drive fear into you but it's an odd experience and can be unpleasant. BUT most people are fine afterwards so dont worry too much!

| 2 | too add onto this story... the throwing up... yes, this happened immediatly afterwards, i threw up blood everywhere in the recovery room and continued for the next 2 days and 5 nights after the surgery... and if you have elastics in your mouth that break when opening your mouth they will snap.

| 2.5 | i know this speak for itself. i'm also adding this onto it, because it ties in with the story, but for all my people out there who are uncomfortable with their body and people seeing them naked. very bad news, unless you make it known to them that this makes you uncomfortable they will not proceed with care.

this sounds very crude, but most people who work in a hospital don't give a fuck about how you feel if you don't communicate with them. and when getting jaw surgery, chances are, you can't speak about how you feel.

when i threw blood up all over myself in recovery theyjust undressed me without care. now i understand this is what they're are suppossed to do, but that doesn't make it less traumatic, i had to lay there in a room full of people while being completely naked and having a panic attack.

so if there is any reason or way you feel scared about being naked, this can happen. not saying it will but be prepared to be vulnerable.

| 3 | the hospital is shit to stay in. no matter how nice the nurses are, how comfortable the bed is or how easy your acces is to pain meds and help, you just want to be home. now every hospital is different where i went, i had to only stay 1 night and could then choose to go home if i wanted to (under certain conditions of course) so if you are in the same situantion as me, be careful if you choose to go home. i wanted to go home really badly and did seeing as my mother cared for me the next few days 24-hours a day. but if you feel bad and physically are not capable of going home yet, please stay.

| 4 | bed rest is suuuuper important. but i didnt sleep for more than 5 hours a day the first 4 days... yep you heard that right. after immediatly waking up i slept for the whole day and had a horrible night. this can happen. and it's so frustrating not to be able to sleep, because the days seem so long and the recovery seems so slow. (and this is coming from someone who willingly stayed up until 4 every night on a school day and pulls all-nighters frequently)

sleep can be difficult, and i know it's hard to get through the first few days, but it does get better and your days will feel normal soon enough.

also you can't sleep on your side for the first few days up until a week (depends on what your doctor tells you), so if you are anything like me and sleep on your side or stomach... practise before the surgery to sleep on your back, it'll do you a lot of favours!

| 5 | i know you hope that you might be some miracle patient and that your swelling goes down magically in 2 days... it won't it needs TIME! the first 4 days are the worst, with swelling and everything else, but your jaw needs to heal. it can and probably will bruise as well, this will also go away. take your time babes, you went through a rough surgery!

note on this though, if you don't see any swelling go down by minimum of 40% after 1.5/2 weeks, get into contact with your doctor/surgeon.

| 6 | short thing to mention, up until yesterday i was extremely dizzy. this can happen and is normal, just rest as much as you can.

there can also be chance you won't be able too walk to the bathroom or get up on your own the first 2 days! prevent picking things up off of the ground, bending over, showering very hot and drink a lot of water!

| 7 | you should feel a lot more stable on your feet after the first 7 days. (i'm almost there and feel almost perfectly fine physically wise) you will probably be off of your more extreme pain meds, be able to walk wherever you want without tripping or feeling unsturdy, and take longer and hotter showers. i recommend you start building up your stamina again as quickly as you can. i'm talking, start getting your own drinks if you don't already do that. move rooms multiple times a day. get outside for just 10 minutes and go on a walk. this will help your recovery.

| 8 | try to move your mouth as less as possible! just like with a broken leg it shoudn't be overexhausted.

| 9 | now my most vengeful note... the food.

liquid, and i mean liquid that are like water and milkshakes, nothing in it that can get stuck. i will recommend some food and dietary advise at the end of this note!

it could be possible that you get elastics at the front of your teeth, meaning you can't open your jaw. so even smoothies with those little seeds in it might not get through and block the liquid! so watch out with where you get the placement of your elastics and ask your surgeoun about this.

if you can open your teeth, get to soft chew, to no chew diet in a week or two. i'm talking mashed potatos, maybe fish, i have these pancakes that you can warm up in the microwave that are so soft they literally melt into your mouth! find what works and use your tongue and the roof of your mouth ;)

some foods i'd recommend: breakfast: yoghurt (if needed, watered down with water!) smoothie (especially with greens) drink yoghurt. lunch: milkshake, yoghurt blended with fruits (strained if needed) protein shakes!

dinner: pasta that has been put into a blender and then through a strainer. zuchinni soup, chicken broth, tomato soup.

and all these foods should be repeated multiple times throughout a day! don't just eat 3 times because it won't be enough and to eat more is better for your recovery.

| 10 | last but not least, do what you love, after the first few days, you will be tired of just hanging on your bed and couch, once you start feeling better, set an alarm in the morning, do your morning routine and get to working. like doing your favourite hobby, meditating, painting that canvas, read a book, write an essay, catch up on work you havent been able to, read your school books. pick up journaling or knitting, origami!

your life does not end for 6 weeks, give yourself time to recover, but you can do it while enjoying life!

i hope this helps a bit for the people who might be curious, but good luck!

#jaw surgery #tw surgery #surgery #medical #health

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Nochebuena

700 Follower Smoochfest Request #2 

A/N: **Happy New Year, Everyone! Thank you all for making 2021 suck a whole lot less. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2022! ** This is #2 of 7 short fics I have coming for my follower appreciation celebration, and though it *may* be a week late in terms of the calendar date, I hope you’ll forgive the Christmas theme (and forgive the fact that the NYE piece I have planned will probably show up next week). This is meant to be completely stand alone, and admittedly a little bit fluffed up just to suit the festive nature of the request. But really, if the end result is a festive kiss with Javi... does anyone mind? 

Requested by: @lowlights - “running their thumb over the other’s hand, squeezing hand for comfort or encouragement, not realizing that they’re holding hands until someone else points it out with a holiday moment” 

Word Count: 2,674

Summary: Javier has no plans for Christmas Eve. He barely even recognizes the date as a holiday. And that’s generally fine with him... until someone reminds him what it feels like to be cared about at Christmas. 

The office emptied early for a Wednesday. 

Not that he would have noticed if it weren’t for the sudden searing pain he felt on his right hand. “Fuck!” He hissed under his breath, quickly flicking the spent butt into the chipped tray on his desk. It landed in a heap of ashes that had grown larger than he realized, the lit end still smoldering even as it sunk into the gray cinders. Looking down at his fingers, he rubbed his thumb over the small circular burn between the knuckles of the middle one. The skin there was red and already starting to form a bubble from where the cigarette had burned down to its filter. Shaking it out, he let out a huff and finally glanced up from the phone records he’d been scrutinizing for the last hour and a half. What the fuck?  

Javi turned his head to the left and leaned forward, peering down the row of desks and finding them all vacant. Where the hell is everyone? Sucking air through his teeth at the throb and sting of air hitting his burn, he swung his head to the right. One solitary desk lamp was on at the far end of the room, but it clicked off as soon as he saw it, the agent rising from his chair and collecting his belongings. Did I fucking miss something? 

Dropping his focus back to his own desk, he shuffled through the piles of papers that covered his calendar, peeling them up to reveal the date. December 24th. Christmas Eve. He let the papers fall back to the surface. Oh. Right.

The other agent- Hawkins, I think- waved one arm in Javi’s direction. “‘Night, Peña. Merry Christmas.”  

“Yeah, thanks.” He nodded at Hawkins as the other man headed towards the hall leading to the elevators. “You too.” Those last two words were spoken to an empty room. 

It wasn’t the first time he had let himself get carried away with his work. Losing track of the date, neglecting to feed himself and pulling all nighters were all habits of his when he was on a demanding case. In Columbia, there had been entire weeks that blurred together while he and Murphy hunted Escobar. 

Oh. Fuck. Murphy. 

Apart from the date, it had also slipped his mind that his former partner was supposed to be crashing on his couch that night. He’d been on assignment in California for the last two months or so and at the last minute had been able to finagle a flight home to surprise Connie for Christmas. Or rather, two flights- one into Houston on the 24th, and another into Miami the following morning. Romantic asshole. He’d called Javi that Monday, asking if he could save himself the motel room. Though navigating not one but three airports on peak travel holidays sounded like an absolute nightmare to Javi, he knew how important Steve’s family was to him, how much the man loved his wife and daughter, so he agreed, glad to help out a friend. 

Telling Steve that the spare key to his apartment was under his doormat and that he could let himself in when he arrived since he’d still be at work, he’d rolled his eyes when Murphy had asked him if he was sure that he wouldn’t be impeding on any plans. Over the phone he had told his friend that his only plan involved a bottle of whiskey. I don’t remember the last time I had plans for Christmas Eve. Family gatherings tended to get messy, and none of the women he spent time with were ones that he wanted to spend time with at the holidays. 

But as the elevator bell chimed to signal Hawkins’ descent, it wasn’t any of the women he had spent time with in the last six months that came to mind. Instead it was someone Javier hardly knew at all; you, his new neighbor. 

Scoffing at himself for calling your face to mind so readily when he hadn’t had more than a handful of quick conversations with you as the two of you passed on the sidewalk or in the parking lot, he stood from his seat and cleared his throat. All he knew about you, aside from your name and where you lived, was that you had recently moved to Texas for work, though he wasn’t sure what your job was. Don’t be an idiot, Peña. You were friendly, always flashing him a smile and a wave, and the fact that he found you attractive was no surprise. She’s fucking gorgeous. And despite never having seen you with anyone, the idea that you were not only single but available on a holiday like Christmas Eve was inconceivable to Javi. She’s probably at a party or- He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and worked his arms into the worn leather sleeves. Or with a boyfriend. With a sigh, he reached for the pack of smokes in his top drawer and used his lips to pull one from the package, the top one curling in involuntary disappointment. None of my damn business. Lighting his cigarette, he shoved his chair back under his desk and headed for the door. 

It wasn’t a long drive from the office to his apartment, but there was a considerable amount of traffic on the roads, nearly doubling his normal commute time. The radio played nothing but an endless loop of cheerful, festive songs that he wasn’t sure how he’d tuned out on his way into work. Rather than sit through a gaudy rendition of Jingle Bells or I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, he jammed the power button, choosing silence over Silent Night. The sky outside the car began to darken as strings of bright white and multicolored lights came on to illuminate houses, windows and porches. They were simple to ignore, easy to miss in the daylight, when was making his way into the office. Now though, as he crawled along the crowded roads with other commuters, late shoppers and travelers, the twinkling lights making each building look like a gingerbread house trimmed with sugar, there was no way he could have overlooked the fact that it was Christmas Eve. 

Whole fucking month flew by.

It wasn’t that he disliked the holidays or the revelry they came with. He had happy memories of celebrating Christmas as a kid; red poinsettias on the dining room table, decorating a tree, waiting to tear open gifts, devouring too many homemade sweets, causing trouble with his cousins. He simply came to realize, as he grew older, that unlike the lights and tinsel, the glass orbs and glittering stars that hung on evergreens, the holidays themselves had lost their shine.

Maybe that’s why people need to light up their houses so the damn astronauts can see them. 

Time moved much faster now than it had when he was younger, and it seemed that as the years slipped through his hands they took the magic and enjoyment, the nostalgia and warmth of the holidays with them. In order to enjoy the celebrations, build new memories, people had to make efforts to slow down time, carve out days and hours to spend with the ones who mattered most to them. Since he never saw himself as the family man, married with two and a half kids and a dog in the yard, Javi had made room for his career instead; something that he harbored no regrets over. Most of the time. Resting the heel of his palm on the steering wheel, he dragged his thumb over the still raw, blistered spot on his middle finger again. 

Finally pulling into his apartment complex, he put his truck in park and turned off the ignition. Letting out a sigh that turned into a groan, he rolled his neck and shoulders until they cracked, releasing the work-related tension that had been building up in them for several days. One good thing about the holidays, whether he remembered them or not, was the vacation time, and he was looking forward to three consecutive days off. 

Even if I have to spend one of them with Murphy. He laughed to himself as he locked his car, sarcastic even in his own thoughts. I just hope he didn’t drink all my booze.  

Walking up to his building, he noticed that the light in the living room was on, which meant that Steve was in fact there already. But he had been expecting that. What he hadn’t expected, and what made him stop in his tracks as he rounded the corner leading to his front door, was you, standing in front of it in a dark green sweater. What? 

Your back was still turned to him, but he caught a glimpse of what you were holding, the rounded shape of a wreath peeking out from under your elbow as you rose on tiptoe to stick something to his door. What is she doing? Narrowing his eyes and wetting his lips, Javi tilted his head to the side and cleared his throat. “Hello?” 

You gasped and spun, still on the balls of your feet, eyes wide. “Javi!” You bit your bottom lip before it spread into a smile. “Hi.” Pressing your lips together, you let out a small burst of laughter that only made your eyes shine. Oh fuck. “I… was hoping to surprise you but-” 

“Well,” he took a few steps closer. “You did. I am,” he shrugged and smiled, raising one hand up. “Surprised, I mean.” Why is she here? What is..? Shaking his head, he decided just to ask. “What exactly were you surprising me with?” 

Holding up the ring of vibrant red blossoms, your eyes shot over your shoulder towards his door. “I uh…” Letting your arm and the wreath back fall back to your side, you returned your eyes to his. “Well, I noticed that your door was… that you didn’t have any decorations or anything and I was picking one of these up for my own door anyway-” Javi flicked his eyes over to your door, where an identical wreath of poinsettias hung. “So I picked one up for yours, too, and I…um-” Biting your lip again, you looked down at your feet and shook your head, another sheepish little laugh slipping out. The sound made him take a deep breath through his nose, chest expanding as you lifted your head again. “I’m now realizing that maybe there was a reason for that, like maybe you don’t-” 

“No, it’s-” He took another step, finally closing the distance enough to reach for the hand you held the wreath in, fingers sliding over your knuckles where they were nestled between the leaves. “That’s really nice of you.” Nicest fucking thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. Tightening his grasp on your hand in a light squeeze without thinking. She’ll tell me to back off if she doesn’t want me to-

“Just…” you shrugged. “Wanted to spread some cheer.” Your thumb slipped over his fingers, finding the small, round blister between his knuckles as though you knew it would be there. Unlike when he pressed and prodded at it though, your touch didn’t cause any pain or discomfort. “I don’t know anyone here yet and,” you sighed, “I just figured I’d…” you trailed off as Javi’s door suddenly opened, Steve Murphy’s face appearing in the doorway. 

“Javi.” He grinned. “I thought I heard you out here.” His eyes quickly darted from Javier to you, dipping down and then back up, a hint of amusement in them. “Who-” 

“Uh, Murphy, this is my neighbor-”

“Hi,” you pulled the wreath- and your hand- away as you turned your body in Steve’s direction, extending your opposite palm to shake his in greeting, telling him your name. “I live next door.” 

That flash of almost teasing enjoyment was back in Murphy’s eyes, the gleam in them enhanced by what Javi had no doubt was his whiskey. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said through a grin. “I’d say sorry you’re stuck living next to my friend here, but-” He shot a look over at Javi that made him want to deck the grin right off of his face before pointing down at the wreath you still held. “Maybe you don’t mind after all.” 

Your tongue slipped out to glide over your lips as yet another small laugh came with it to force another filling of Javi’s chest. “Oh,” you winked at Steve. “He’s not that bad to live next to.” 

At that, Javi acted quickly, not ready for Steve to tell you all about his experience with being neighbors. “Alright, Steve, I’ll-” 

“Yeah,” Murphy nodded. “I’ll leave you two alone. See you inside, Jav.” He gave him a pointed look before turning to you. “Merry Christmas,” he said, adding your name with a smile. You returned the sentiment and then he disappeared, closing the door behind him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had guests.” You laughed. 

Javi used one thumb to indicate his door. “Steve?” He scoffed. “He’s a friend, not a guest.” Rolling his eyes on the last word, he swore at himself for the way his eyes seemed magnetized to your lips whenever you drew them between your teeth or laughed. You did both. She’s…fuck. “He’s just staying with me tonight, flying home to surprise his wife tomorrow.” 

You nodded. “It's nice that you’re letting him stay with you, Javi.” Your mouth twitched around his name in a way that made his throat tighten. 

“Yeah well,” he swallowed, “he’s a good friend.” 

You hummed, your smile warming even more if that were possible. “So.” Bringing the wreath back up in front of you, you motioned back at his door. “I didn’t miss the mark with this, then?” You took a step sideways, and Javi finally noticed what it was that you’d stuck to his door- a plastic hook held up with a wad of duct tape. You hung the wreath on the hook, stepping back in front of him and wiping your hand together. 

Pulling his eyes from your face to glance over at his door, he let out a breath at the sight of the festive red decorations on his front door. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she… “No.” He turned back to you. “You didn’t miss the mark.” Leaning in, he rolled the dice. “Merry Christmas.” He murmured the wish against your lips, letting them part as he felt your small gasp. 

Sucking your bottom lip between both of his, Javier kissed you for the length of a breath, not wanting to push his luck but not quite wanting it to end, either. Especially not after the way you’d whispered his name just before he made contact, or the way you’d flattened one hand against his arm. 

“Merry Christmas, Javi,” you said, pulling back with a bright look in your eyes that would rival the lighted decorations he saw on his way home from work. Teeth digging into your lower lip one last time, you took his lead and gave the dice a toss of your own. “If you’re free tomorrow?” He nodded, unable to stop his own smile from climbing up one cheek. “I’ll be around.” 

At that, you turned away and headed for your own door, Javi watching you go. Damn. I… He let out a content breath. I guess I have Christmas plans. 

The grin only lasted until he stepped inside, Steve ready with a shit eating grin of his own. “Your neighbor, huh?” 

“Yes, Murphy, she lives next door. She’s my neighbor.” What the fuck is he getting at?  

Lifting one eyebrow, he smirked. “You never held my hand when we were neighbors, Peña.” 

I… was holding her hand? I… yeah, I guess I was. Huh. 

Realizing that Murphy was enjoying the lapse in response, Javi shook his head. “You know, its not too late for me to make you go stay in a fucking motel, Murphy.”

.

.

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Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to or removed from the tags for this or any of my stories, please feel free to let me know by sending a message or filling out the form on my masterlist!

tags:  @something-tofightfor @gollyderek @paracosmenthusiast @alraedesigns @cannedsoupsucks @dihra-vesa @disgruntledspacedad @littlemisspascal @mishasminion360 @stevie75 @nyctophiliiiiaaa​ @pedrostories​

#alyssa's 700 follower smoochfest #javi peña #javier peña #javi peña x reader #javier peña x reader #pedrostories #javi peña narcos #christmas kiss #nochebuena #christmas eve #javi is a nice guy (sometimes) and deserves nice things #pedro pascal characters #pedro character fic

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok *huge sigh* I want to do absolutely nothing this holiday season but here are the things I will do agh:

tomorrow I can write all day apart from one student check-in. I will try to station myself somewhere where there will be minimal interruptions like maybe the basement

on wednesday I will drive up to the university to see my cousin’s art show with my mother. then she wants to get breakfast or lunch there but I don’t want to do indoor dining so I will have to ruin that plan a little bit but I am already feeling ughhh about being a holiday buzzkill so I will wait to discuss that with her until tomorrow. that will be a big chunk of the day but hopefully I can write that whole afternoon and evening.

on thursday night we are doing outdoor lights and hot chocolate with part of the family and that will be fine. outdoor is good, indoor is no.

friday night (christmas eve) is the event with my unvaccinated relatives and I truly do not want to go but maybe I’ll make a masked appearance and then leave after a short time

saturday (christmas) no one can bother us thank fucking god

then god willing that whole next week will be minimal required extended family time

I think depending on how “at the end of my rope” I am feeling I may plan to leave before NYE lol we will seeeeee

#taking a moment to remind myself how much more stressful christmas was all through my 20s #and some of my immediate visceral stress response to the holidays is literally just like #residual unresolved stress from past years resurfacing bc my body is like It’s That Time Again #but it is not in fact that time again! i am simply recalling times that are past!!

[guessimwritingficsagain]

To been seen, part Four (Frankie Morales x Reader)

Summary : You get a text. You freak out.

Author’s note : I am very very soft for Frankie.

Also, I have a few days off and I thought I have been really self-indulgent so : the cheese gift really happened to me (best birthday ever, he got me a Mont d'Or because he knew I had planned on eating one with my best friend to celebrate), the Edward Scissorchands movie thing really happened to me, and the "date" with the grandma too. In France, the Opera is often showed in movie theaters. When I was a teenager, I thought it was quite the event, though. So I got invited. Next thing we saw together with that guy was the movie Black Swan and I made sure someone was tagged along.

The holidays came and went in a blur of laughter, hot chocolate was big sweaters. You were happy. And Jessie was happy too. January came, and went, too. Everything was slow. So you watched the movie you’d bought, and a bunch of others too.

February was over before you knew it, and when March warmed up the air, you found yourself, one morning, looking at the screen of your phone like the message would disappear if you blinked. You turned your eyes to the cupboard that contained the empty box of chocolate that sat there, hidden from the sniggering remarks of Linda, and looked back at the screen. The text message was still there. You put the phone down, abruptly, fingers tingling and burning and went to get a glass of water. Your eyes landed on the bottle of wine, still unopened, and you almost spilled your drink. You went back to your phone in a hurry, opened the chat you shared with your friends and sent

Who the fuck gave Francisco fucking Morales my phone number ?????

You waited, breathing hard, hoping anyone would answer. Nothing came, not right away. Phone on the table again, you slumped on the couch, nervous breakdown on its way. You couldn’t do it, there was no way you could do that, you couldn’t, that would kill you, you wouldn’t survive this.

Time floated for a while, up until your phone vibrated and you jumped. You’d been so caught up in your thoughts you hadn’t noticed everyone had answer, Anna, Jessie and Linda with a simple « not me » but James …

James had sent a

Go get some

And an eggplant emoji.

James, then.

Okay.

Okay.

You were fine. You could answer a text. You knew the drill, by now. You knew how to pretend you were not freaking out every time Frankie did something unexpected and kind, like that time he offered you chocolate and a bottle of wine for Christmas. You had coping mechanisms, now, to hide the fact you had a doctorate in yearning.

You’d replayed the Christmas Scene so many times in your head you sometimes thought you made it up, but the reminders were there, in your flat.

You’re replaying it now.

You’re getting out of your car, with ten minutes to spare before work starts. It’s almost six. You spot Frankie’s truck on the parking lot and you’re a bit surprised but mostly delighted, even more so when you see the man himself jogging towards you. It takes you a minute to see he’s holding presents. By the time he gets to you, you’re confused. He smiles a breathy hello before handing you what he’s got in his hands. You stare at the neatly wrapped packages for a bit, like the dumbass you are, unable to put two and two together. Maybe it’s for Clara ?

It must be for Clara.

You take them. Say thank you. And Frankie answers :

« Open them. »

Your braincells must have left the building like God in Supernatural, gone off to do the Macarena dance somewhere very far away because all you can answer is what and you know you sound like a dumbass and you feel like one too.

The lack of reaction is getting to Frankie, you can tell, because he’s rubbing the back of his neck and you feel bad that he’s embarrassed so you say :

« You got me presents ? »

Well, except you don’t really say it. More squeal it. Or shriek it. You’re not sure. It feels like a repeat of that moment a boy you’d liked but never made a move on offered you fucking cheese on your birthday and was all embarrassed about it and you didn’t know what to do or say because his birthday had been a few days before yours and you didn’t get him anything.

You add, for good measure, because why the hell not :

« But I didn’t get you anything. »

Like maybe he’s going to take them back, or maybe the moment is going to rewind except you don’t want it to rewind because Frankie has gifts for you, just for you.

Maybe he got something for Jessie and Anna, too ? You wonder. And Linda. You know he goes there to buy books. Maybe he showed up and got her some stuff. Not books, you hope. Stupid to buy books to a bookseller.

All of this goes through your mind and in the meanwhile Frankie’s waiting and when you finally put your bag down on the hood of your car to carefully open the first present, your body finally moving, you don’t miss the sigh of relief that escapes Frankie. It’s a box of chocolate, a fancy one at that. You recognize the brand. You hold it for a while, before you set it down with your bag and say thank you in a voice that’s way too small. You open the second one, then. Wine. White wine. Wine that you actually love. Your favorite. You wonder how he knows that.

You’re holding the bottle the way he’s holding his breath : tight. You lift your eyes to meet his and you can tell he’s embarrassed and a bit blushing. He rearranges the cap on his head and announces :

« Merry Christmas. »

You say it back, smile so big your cheeks hurt because Frankie got you presents for Christmas. You put the bottle with the rest of your stuff and then, on a whim, you throw yourself at him for a hug. He closes his arms around you, and one hand comes up right between your shoulder-blades, his thumb just here, sitting on the back of your neck, skin against skin and maybe you’re dead and in heaven right now.

You stay like this way too long and at some point you mumble against his shoulder that you really didn’t get him anything.

« It’s fine », he answers as he lets go, hands squeezing your side briefly.

You get into work late.

And now, you got a text. You opened it, read it again.

Maybe you could do this. Maybe you could take it to the next level. After all, you’d became closer to the boys over the last two months. Santi could have sent you that text, right ? That text didn’t have the word date in it. Maybe you were friends now. Frankie’d gotten you Christmas presents, after all.

So you read the words again, and before you could talk yourself out of it, you sent a yeah, sure, I’m in !

Your eyes went over his message once again, just to make sure the words would be burnt into your brain.

Hey, it’s Frankie. I know Friday’s your day off this week. I got two tickets to that new Marvel movie and one with your name on it. You in ?

You could spend two hours in a dark room with Francisco Morales right next to you. No problem. None at all.

———

He’d picked a screening that ended around seven. Your mind supplied just in time for dinner, and you kicked the two remaining braincells you had. You’d decided to drive there separately and were now sitting next to each other, you explaining the Marvel timeline and him listening intently. You were a nerd, but, him, not as much. You didn’t try to think too hard about the fact that he was doing this for you, because he was not as much into comics or movies as you were.

The whole thing was pleasant and relaxed.

This was not a date, you reminded yourself.

You got dinner after that, dissecting the movie as you ate - nothing fancy, but it was nice. The conversation shifted, at some point.

« Yeah, I get what you mean : movies are not the place to make a move. Especially when there’s a hot guy on the screen. I mean, what chance do you get when you’re watching a movie and Oscar Isaac is right there ? » Frankie laughed.

You nodded, getting another sip of your drink, and, as an afterthought, added :

« You know, Santi kinda looks like Oscar Isaac … »

Frankie grunted :

« Never, ever, tell him that. »

You promised you wouldn’t. After that, the two of you told each other stories about your worst dates, and you remembered :

« You know, when I was younger, before I met James, I hung out with a bunch of guys. I was like, fourteen, and they were sort of … beginning to understand I was a girl, you know. There was this guy, a good friend of mine, who actually told this other guy we weren’t going to see a movie. I remember, it was a special screening of Edward Scissorshands. So, my other friend never showed up and the guy told me he couldn’t make it. »

« Let me guess, the other guy told you later he thought you weren’t going ? »

You laughed.

« Yeah, basically. And then this guy I went to see the movie with invited me to a really fancy thing. It was a Wednesday afternoon, I remember. We got lunch. I didn’t pay for anything because he’d invited to come along with him and his grandma. Let me tell you : after that, I made sure to always have someone with us when he invited me somewhere. »

Frankie’s laugh was something you’d never grew tired of, you knew that.

———

Months went on, like that, with you and Frankie hanging out to see movies, and everybody showing up for Benny’s fight when you could (Jessie and you had to keep James updated, those nights, because he’d gone back to Washington after new year’s eve but wanted to know everything). Jessie had started dating a guy, at some point, and you didn’t find him that great but Will hated him.

« When are you gonna make a move ? » You asked, one evening as you were sipping beers with him at his place.

« When she doesn’t have a boyfriend dull as dishwater » He answered without missing a beat.

You knew this was the moment, then. You had two options : say nothing and let things be, or say something and get those idiots together. You thought hard, about the phrasing of your next sentence, and settled with :

« For you, she’d dump him. »

Will froze at that, just for a second, and quipped back :

« I’ll make a move when you make a move on ‘Fish. »

So that conversation was happening. You’d hoped none of the guys had noticed but obviously, at least one of them had. And you knew, by now, that his ex-wife had left him, had left Maria too. You knew he was available. You sputtered a bit and Will, kind Will, let it be. You enjoyed a nice evening with him, not once wondering why he sought you out, because Will and you didn’t hang out.

The answer came a few days later, with a simple text from Frankie.

Come over please

———

« I need you to take care of Maria », Frankie said as he opened the door. He looked really tired, like he hadn’t slept in days.

Please, he added, begging but you didn’t quite understand what he was begging for.

You complied, never stopping to think that this was the first time you saw Maria, never stopping to think about what might be possibly happening, even as Frankie went to his room, muttering apologies. It hit you when you put the girl to bed, and you remembered Frankie and the way he’d been looking at you that day, when he’d asked if they could throw a birthday party for their late friend’s daughter.

It was around that time, last year.

You walked hesitantly towards Frankie’s bedroom and stared at the white paint in it for a while. You were nervous, and actually turned around to smoke a cigarette outside, the air a bit too chilly for you, but cold enough to wake you up and give you the strength to walk to Frankie’s bedroom and knock.

So you did it.

He didn’t answer, but, feeling bold - or rather, feeling like you needed to do it - you opened the door anyway. The room was almost dark, the moonlight giving you an idea that Frankie was curled up, on his side. You put a hand on his shoulder. He put his on top of yours. You chose - you chose - to take it at a silent invitation, lifted the covers, and got, fully dressed, right next to him. Because friends do that.

———

When you woke up, he was staring at you. While your brain tried to make sense of the situation, you asked, voice heavy with sleep :

« What time is it ? »

Seven, Frankie answered. Maria’s gonna wake up soon, he added. You were too tired to say anything else, because when you’d laid down next to him you’d felt like your heart had been about to burst so you’d just listened to him, his breath steadying as he’d got to sleep. You’d finally got to sleep too, but it was too damn early for you.

Later, you’d blame what happened on your foggy brain : you snuggled closer, and Frankie let you. Then, it hit you. At that moment, right next to him, it hit you : you were not friends with him. You were pretending to be, but you were not and never would.

You couldn’t.

You wanted to wake up everyday like that, to Frankie telling you it’s seven, Maria’s gonna be awake soon. You wanted everything and friends just wouldn’t cut it.

Two things happened at once, then : you were realizing how much you liked - loved - Frankie when he gently took one of your forearm and brought it to his lips. All of the feelings hit home just as he was kissing the soft skin on your wrist and you froze.

He saw it and let go immediately, muttering apologies, while you were still processing what you felt about him. When you reached to grab him, to tell him how good that was and how wanted him to do it again, it was already too late.

#frankie morales x reader #francisco morales #triple frontier #Pedro Pascal x reader

[setsuntamew]

So, Persona 5 Royal, huh?

Full disclosure: I had gotten about halfway through November on Wednesday and finished it out Saturday night, which took uhhh about 65-70 hours? Some of that was sitting there waiting for the PS4 controller to recharge or listening to music in the Thieves Den while eating, but I still feel like I need to own up to how extremely bad I am at making good decisions with my life XD

MOVING ON, THOUGH, HOLY SHIT. P5 was a very good game, but Royal’s additions & changes made it incredible. I like the ending way more; I think it’s more emotionally fulfilling and meaningful, especially with everyone’s more defined future plans. Definitely felt like everyone had more growth in the end!! Which is something I’d always thought P5 was lacking.

Snip snip for spoilers and the fact that this post ended up being too damn long, oops! the last third is basically Akechi feels and analyzing his ending, so......yeah XD

Part of why I plowed through SO much of Royal in so little time is....Akechi XD Like okay, this is my stupid fandom blog, I can be excited about him all I want!!! I got to Sae’s Palace and just....I couldn’t put it down. @dragonofeternal​ and I ordered an embarrassing amount of takeout instead of cooking because we just had to see how everything with Maruki and the third semester was gonna go down. I’d already been dying along the way because Akechi’s confidant dates are so good, I just. Fuck!!!

Also, look, for the entirity of Shido’s boss fight and the depths of Mementos/Yaldabaoth/etc, we’d look at each other every few minutes and just be like AKECHI SHOULD BE HERE WITH US, HE DESERVES TO GET HIS VENGEANCE ON HIS SHITTY DAD AND FORCED DESTINY!!!!!

December 24th had to be the longest god damn day in Akira’s life because like. Final exam grades are posted in the morning! He goes to school and then dives into hell, crawls his way back out, briefly dies by fading from human cognition, fights an actual fucking god, and then....ends up dissociating in Shibuya until Sae shows up and is like “oh hey thanks for everything you did, please sign up for being arrested now.” And while he’s still reeling from that, Akechi walks up to take his place, like some kind of bullshit knight in shining armor schtick, and leaves no room for conversation.

AND THEN WE HAVE TO GO ON A DATE

I romanced Hifumi this time around, because I wanted Akria to bang a girl who is just so incredibly out of his league, but....it’s not necessarily that I forgot I was dating someone, more that it had been *so many hours of plot* that I was emotionally exhausted. Like, Hifumi texted me and I was just like. Right. RIGHT. It’s still Christmas Eve, somehow. I was at *school* this morning. The whole world merged with Mementos briefly in the middle of this, Akechi is somehow alive, and I guess I’m going on a date now????

I do appreciate how many “god I’m just dissociating my way through this” conversation options there were for the date, tbh. I feel bad though, I really like Hifumi, but I feel like Akira is not giving a date his full emotional attention at that specific time. It feels a bit like emotional whiplash, more so than I remember it being in P5? Maybe it’s because I played it 4 years ago and there wasn’t the added emotional weight of Akechi’s reappearance, but it was just like....a lot, in Royal.

AND THEN THE NEW YEAR HAPPENED. I’d been spoiled on large parts of the third semester, mostly because Royal’s been out for a year already and I’m too curious for my own good. I’d also somehow lied to myself, saying I didn’t have time to play another Persona game right now, and yet here I am, 171 hours of game play within exactly a month, kicking myself for not knowing how deep in Persona hell I would get XD

Which is to say, as soon as the new year started, it felt I was drowning in anxiety. I knew something was wrong, I knew they were in a false reality, but knowing that sure as fuck didn’t make it easier to go through. If anything, it was somehow worse, knowing that it was all gonna come crumbling down, but I didn’t yet know the exact details, only the broad strokes of it. Just. Every time someone talked about something that was wrong, my heart would clench.

God, I’m so fucking tired, I pulled an all-nighter on Friday so I could get through Royal before having to work on Sunday, and I am feeling it right now. Life tips: don’t do what I do XD

Every moment with Akechi felt like borrowed time, at least for me, because I knew what was coming. I spent so much time in Mementos with him; I ended up putting just him and Akira in my party and plowing through everything, including trouncing the Reaper over and over just for the hell of it. I got his ultimate weapons, I spent so many nights in the jazz club with him that he ran out of dialogue options, and I still took him back for more. I accidentally failed to EVER trigger Sumire’s Showtime because every fight was just Akira and Akechi against the world, because fuck it, I’m playing this for fun!! If I want to play with them in stupid costumes and no one else in the party, I’m gonna. Royal did such an incredible job giving Akechi more depth and development: it was all I could hope for, and it made it that much fucking worse to know what was in store for him.

Somehow, I thought it would be harder for me to make the decision to refuse Maruki’s deal, since fuck, fuck what I wouldn’t give for Akechi to be alive???? But I barely hesitated, only really stopping because I had to emotionally brace myself for it, because a reality where he can’t carve out his own fate would be a disrespect to everything their relationship is built on.

I have a whole shit ton of feelings about post-beating Maruki but they’re basically all Akechi related meta so somehow they ended up at the end of this post, I’m sorry XD

I understand that they had to keep the going to jail bit because 1) Akechi didn’t turn himself in, Akira did and 2) it leads to the final events of the game, but let me just say....the emotional roller coaster of fighting Maruki, almost failing multiple times, waking up in jail, the Phantom Thieves & friends getting Akira out of jail, celebrating that, and then getting thrown into Valentines Day was a LOT for my heart to take. Once again, didn’t forget I had a girlfriend, just got too invested in the plot to really be thinking about her. It’s less than two weeks after the fight with Maruki and somehow, everything is supposed to be okay????

The scene with everyone talking about their future plans is such good character growth, though. Everyone feels like they’ve truly grown and are making decisions that, even though they might be painful or hard at times, are ultimately very important to them. It’s a really good contrast to the “almost everyone goes to Shujin and they all stay in Tokyo forever without doing anything for themselves” Maruki’s perfect reality bad end.

Standing in the Underground Mall on White Day, being told I had to get flowers but finally being able to have control of Akira again was....so bittersweet. The fact that the location of the date is the aquarium is a low fucking blow, and I almost threw the controller across the room I was so upset. Like. THE AQUARIUM IS UNLOCKED BECAUSE AKECHI HAS TICKETS HOW FUCKING DARE SOJIRO SUGGEST IT LIKE MY HEART ISN’T STILL ACHING????? God, speaking of that: The fucking god damn Featherman video game tore my heart out because I ended up playing it WHILE WORKING ON SHIDO’S PALACE and I cried a ton about Gray Pigeon because of course they had to dig the emotional knife in even deeper!! Just fuck me up, it’s fine, I’m just dying!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up scrolling through his texts to find the group chats that still had Akechi in them, and fuck, it was a LOT. Like. Maybe it’s because I’m too invested in the two of them, but it was probably the worst emotional whiplash of the whole game. Like, how am I supposed to go play happy with anyone while staring at texts from a reality built of lies? It wasn’t real but the proof lives on in his phone and his heart, and I’m still fucked up over it.

HOWEVER. FUCKING. I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR BEING EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED ABOUT ALL THIS AND THEN DISCOVERED THE BASTARD STILL HAD ALL HIS EQUIPMENT, INCLUDING THE ULTIMATE MALE ARMOR!!! He returned his shit after Sae’s Palace even though he thought Akira was dead, but this time it didn’t get fucking returned to my inventory, so he must have fucking run off with all his shit!!!!!!! Why the hell did none of it get returned if he was never alive in the true reality? Like I know it'll be returned for a new game+ but I like to nitpick game mechanics for story reasons, because one of the things I love most about video games is the experience of them as another layer to the story. The texts from the third semester shouldn’t exist anymore, since they never really existed, but there they are. Akechi insisted that he has a gap in his memory after Shido’s Palace up until seeing Akira on Christmas Eve, but who can say that wasn’t related to Maruki tampering with reality or some other Persona-related reason?

I mean. I got the full and complete True Ending; I saw him in the train station. If that’s not Akechi, then who the fuck is it? Atlus made sure to put the work in to make him a part of not just the main story but also, especially, the third semester, and for what....to have his final time on screen be as the butt of the joke, squished underneath everyone in the Mona-copter? As much as it hurts, his end in Shido’s Palace matters; it fits his character and he gets to go out fighting- carving his own path, really. In Royal, barring the tiny glimpse of someone who’s probably him in the train station, the last we see of him is when he watches Joker let go of the rope to finish off Maruki. I know we got the heart to heart where Akira agrees to reject Maruki’s deal and Akechi insists that he’d rather be dead than live in a false reality, but.....no one even says goodbye to him. It’s tragic, it’s painfully lonely, but it doesn’t feel right for such a major character.

Also, as undignified as it is, for the first time ever, Akechi looks like he actually belongs in the Phantom Thieves in that final moment. He’s never been the butt of their jokes before; they always kept him at arms’ reach and he took himself too seriously to be included, but for that brief moment, it really felt like he was part of their group. He stopped lying about himself for their last month together, and so even if they don’t all like him, they can make that decision based on the truth, instead of layers of lies. His death is all the more tragic for this; a life cut short just when he’s finally finding a place he belongs. But his death was already painful; why make it so, so much worse?

Final thing: I’m gonna be spending a ton of time in the Thieves Den trying to find Akechi’s opinions on everything, but also....hey. HEY. What do those six stars that Jose (probably?) painted on the wall mean? Is it just a reference to Persona 6???? LIKE????? I HAVE QUESTIONS. SO, SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!

Anyway, I’ve gotta go cry into my Starbucks and desperately try to focus on actually doing my job at work, but I loved Royal deeply and cannot wait to drown in it ;w;

#persona 5 royal #p5r #persona 5 royal spoilers #goro akechi #akeshu #I have just so many Akechi feels I'm sorry #long post #persona 5 royal meta

[lady-of-glass-and-bone]

Vampires Don’t Sparkle

For @autumnleaves1991-blog​ Writer Wednesday and @flightlessangelwings​pride weekly writing challenge!

Prompt: Glitter and/or “I’ll always be by your side.”

Pairing: Max Phillips x werewolf!OFC

Warnings: Language, minor fight, angst, fluffy ending, Max can be soft when he wants to and I will prove it. ALSO. My blatant love for pretty dresses because the second dress in the link is just *chefs kisses* and what I imagine Doll in.

A/N: Soooo, this particular oc doesn’t have a name yet, so Doll is the filler name I’ve been using while writing the actual fic. Doll has been a werewolf for about 15 years before she met Max and this is sometime in the future after they realize that they don’t, in fact, want to kill each other and it’s just love.

“Max Phillips! I swear to whatever gods there are I am GOING to stake your sorry ass!”

“My very fine, sorry ass?”

“Fuck you! If you wanna play dirty then I’m going to tell the whole office you do sparkle in the sun” she huffs, glaring at the garment bag draped on the couch as she walks by it.

She is not going. She told him a million times. He knows, he fucking knows, what she hates about this time of year, about this stupid annual party for a stupid thing to celebrate.

“Doll!” Max’s voice all but whines after her, his steps casual, like this is just another simple negotiation with a nervous potential client.

“No, I told you! I explained it and you said, and I quote “it’s absolutely fine babe, no big deal“ your exact words!” she tosses the words like barbs over her shoulder at him.

“Okay, I know that but-”

“No. Big. Deal.” she turns on her heel, stopping Max from coming any closer with a scowl, challenging him with his own words.

He could drag this out, make it seem not so bad, bargain and maybe make a deal but he gets the distinct sense that this is not a particular bear (well, wolf actually) he should poke.

“Okay, don’t come, it is no big deal” he smirks like he means it but her shoulders don’t relax “I’ll let sleeping dogs lie.”

That gets a sigh and an eye roll out of her. And she slams the bedroom door in his face.

Still mad, not seething, but there’s nothing volatile in her scent that washes in the air around him when he turns away from the closed door and he’ll take it.

He gets it. Why she doesn’t like this particular holiday and what it means. Well, at least what it use to mean back when she was alone. It’s a raw nerve that he hasn’t figured out a way to talk himself around yet.

Listening for any encouraging sounds beyond the bedroom door and finding nothing but her heartbeat and the shuffle of her body on the sheets.

Maybe next year.

                                     -----------------------------

Doll stays curled up under the heavy comforter until the sound of his footsteps fade away down the hall outside of the apartment, the soft click of the elevator button making her jaw clench.

It’s not Max she is mad at, not even at the garment bag she hadn’t even peeked inside of.

No, there is nothing angry inside of her anymore, just . . . sad. Tired even. It’s all an empty imitation of the burning feeling she had the first few years after she was changed.

The scars that remain from it are old and faint but they pinch and ache at the memory. The reminder that no matter how many years go by nothing will change for her and how is it harder now that she had someone to share it with?

Shouldn’t it feel lighter knowing that Max won’t be ground away into nothing by time like rocks under the weight of the ocean?

Fuck this. Fucking fuck this.

Hurling away the covers, she gets out of bed and strides toward the door, shedding her baggy shirt and shorts on the way until she’s standing in nothing but her underwear, glowering at the garment bag.

Whatever sits inside of it will undoubtedly fit her perfectly because that’s just so Max. She anticipates red, tight, and barely there when she tugs at the zipper of the bag. None of which she has anything against but it’s all more Max than her and oh holy shit-

That is not at all what she had expected but okay. It’s more than okay. It’s sheer black and velvet and beading with a slit that crawls nearly up to the waist line and a high collar with light sleeves and she kind of can’t wait to put it on. If she can figure out how to.

                              --------------------------------------

The city is loud and pressing as all cities are for her senses and on New Year’s Eve inside an elaborately decorated building that vaguely reminds her of Die Hard? She might as well have brought noise canceling headphones.

She has no idea how Max does this on a regular basis.

It’s all smells of pricey hor d’oeuvres, bubbles fizzing in glasses of champagne and the ebb and flow of the crowds. But there’s no reason to text Max and ask where he is in this maze because hunting each other down the old fashion way is much more fun.

Barely fifteen minutes in, she keeps track, and technically she scented him first but the look on Max’s face when he spots her over the shoulder of the person he was talking to is worth letting it slide.

He gives some quick excuse and makes his way over to her, barely hiding the giddiness in is step and she really should tell him how fucking adorable that dimple is when he smiles.

“I’m sorry I threatened to stake your-” her words get cut off when he wraps her up in a hug that absolutely would have crushed her ribs were she human.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just really glad you came” he breathes the words into her ear, cheek pressed snugly to hers in an imitation of her usual greetings after long days apart.

“Still, I know you just wanted me to have fun, I shouldn’t have threatened your very fine ass” she slips her arms just as tightly around him.

“Doll, if I wanted you to really have fun we would be as far from here as possible” Max pulls back only far enough to look her in the eyes, grinning now.

“You’re such a dick, Phillips” she huffs, tone holding nothing but affection.

“Well, you also pulled the ‘sparkly vampire’ card earlier so . . .” his hands slide down to the velvet fabric of the high-waisted skirt, dangerously close to her ass.

“Well, you are kind of sparkling right now after you rubbed off half the glitter on my face.”

He frowns, eyes narrowing and looking from one side of her face to the other, the silver flecks of glitter uneven from one cheek to the other as the amusement in her eyes grows.

“Hmmm, doesn’t matter” he declares, dipping his face back down so it’s level with hers “I’m just happy you’re by my side this year.”

She grabs his chin, foreheads pressed together, and rubs at the glitter on the apple of his cheek with her thumb, a light, dizzy feeling swelling up in her chest. It’s tinged with fear, like it always is after another year passes, but now it doesn’t feel like she’ll drift away.

She has an anchor now, an occasionally full of himself and slightly bratty anchor, but also a thoughtful, caring and secretly loving one.

“I’ll always be by your side, Max” she tells him and makes sure he feels it when she presses her lips to his.

#writer wednesday #Jey's Pride Celebration 2k21 #max phillips #max phillips x ofc #bloodsucking bastards #max phillips imagine #max phillips drabble #i love pretty dresses that I would never fit in to #but oh well #i really got in my feels on this didn't i? #duck did it