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bisexualcrowley · 3 years

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Fairytale of New York

Pairing: Jack Kline x Reader (Gender non-specified)

Summary: Jack gives you something you’ve always dreamt of while walking through a park on Christmas eve

Content/warnings: Fluff, songfic, little bit of angst, censored use of the F slur in song lyrics, can be read as romantic or platonic

Word count: 2, 581

A/N: I absolutely recommend you listen to the song while reading, I know it’s not really everyone’s taste but I feel that it adds to the mental image, plus there's a bunch of instrumental bits that I think are worth being included :) // Originally wrote this as a Jack fic, but felt that Jack fit better

The snow fell in a light drifting throughout the city, glistening in the glow of the streetlights and setting the scene for what in most movies would be seen as the perfect Christmas eve. It was quiet, peaceful, the soft noises of traffic heard behind the sound of slow Christmas music playing soothingly from a shop across the street.

Since becoming a hunter, you hadn’t really been much for the holidays, especially religious ones, but tonight as you walked side by side with Jack through the little park, boots crunching in the fallen powder with snowflakes dusting your hair as you made your way to a nearby pizza joint to meet Sam Dean and Cas, it felt different, the way Christmas should feel.

Tonight it didn’t matter that the apocalypse was approaching, the thought was shoved to the back of your head along with everything else that had gone wrong. Tonight was just snow, food, gifts, and family, and you found yourself smiling as you made your way along the path.

You were so caught up in your thoughts, or lack of them, that it took you a moment to realize you had been walking by yourself for a few seconds, and quickly doubled back to where the nephilim was standing.

You were concerned at first, his still figure bringing all sorts of unpleasant thoughts to mind, but your worries quickly evaporated when you drew closer to your friend. A peaceful smile graced his features, eyes closed and face tilted upwards, snowflakes hitting his skin and melting, the fair few settling softly on his eyelashes.

“...Jack?” You called quietly, hesitating at the idea of disturbing him but knowing he wouldn’t want to be late to dinner with the Winchesters.

Luckily, the nephilim’s peaceful expression cracked into a toothy grin as he turned his head to face you, a light dusting of snow falling from his hair onto his nose and making you giggle.

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it Y/n. I never took the time to experience a snowfall properly before now, and it’s just... Well it’s just incredible. God did a good job with this one” He murmured happily, his gaze returning to the sky, this time followed by your own.

It had been years since you sat back and allowed yourself to enjoy a moment like this, year after year of hunting taking priority over and over again, and you were glad that there was time for it tonight. Jack was right, the sight truly was beautiful, the crystals of ice glistening as they blew through the sky and settled on every surface in sight.

You had just opened your mouth to respond when a familiar melody filled the air, and you paused in your thoughts. Fairytale of New York, The Pogues. You hadn’t heard this one in years, though you never forgot it, your teenage daydreams always somewhere in the back of your mind.

Apparently Jack had found your silence alarming and turned his attention back to you, finding you lost in thought, a troubled expression having replaced your smile from before.

“You look upset, Y/n, are you alright?” Your friend questioned, a concerned expression gracing his usually happy features, and his worry drawing a dry chuckle from your lips.

“It’s nothing Jack, lets just keep going, Sam and Dean are probably already at the pizza place” You replied in a dreary voice, sighing as the song progressed from purely instrumental to include vocals, the piano echoing sweetly in the darkened street and Shane Macgowan’s somewhat rough voice flooding your ears.

It was Christmas Eve babe

In the drunk tank

An old man said to me, won't see another one

Turning away from Jack, you moved to cross away from the park, but found yourself held back by the angel’s hand landing firmly on your shoulder, forcing your gaze back in his direction.

“Honestly, it’s stupid, lets just keep going please” Your voice came out tight and clipped and the sound made you wince, hoping Jack didn’t think of it as rude. Luckily, in that sense, your friend didn’t seem to be offended, but unluckily it made him push the subject further.

And then he sang a song

The Rare Old Mountain Dew

“You've never been good at lying to me, Y/n, it’s clear that this isn’t stupid. Please, talk to me.”

You shot him a defeated smile, the ache in your heart showing clearly in your eyes as you shoved your hands in your pockets, shifting your weight from one leg to the other.

I turned my face away

And dreamed about you

“I dunno, Jack, It’s just this song.” You mumbled, gaze falling to the ground in hopes of avoiding the nephilim’s concerned stare.

“Ah, I understand. Cas explained this to me, how humans can connect bad memories to songs,” He nodded, his hand returning to your shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Got on a lucky one

Came in eighteen to one

“No, it’s not that. It’s just... Ever since I was a kid I’ve always dreamt of dancing with someone to Fairytale of New York. I haven’t heard it in years, hunting kind of took over my life, but hearing it again makes me realize, as small as it is, I want it, so so badly. Being pulled close and spun around as the snow falls around me on Christmas eve, it’s so stupid but knowing the world is gonna end and I’ve never had the chance to experience it hurts like hell, Jack, and I know as a hunter I should have higher priorities, but honestly it’s all I fucking want, the only thing I wanted to do before I die and now I’m not gonna get the chance.”

I've got a feeling

This year's for me and you

You didn’t plan to ramble on, spill such a close desire to your friend but as soon as you started speaking the dam broke, all your feelings slipping out at once. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the tears running down your cheeks, not until a gentle hand tilted your chin up, your eyes locking on Jack’s caring ones as he brushed them away.

“That’s not stupid, Y/n... Actually, I think it’s quite beautiful. There’s so much hate and greed in this world, but all you ask for is one moment in time...”

Jack’s voice was quiet but sincere as he spoke, and though you couldn’t work up the strength to thank him, you appreciated what he had said.

So happy Christmas

I love you baby

“It doesn’t matter, we can’t all get what we want, right?” You smiled tightly, quickly clearing your throat and turning to head towards the road again, and once more you were stopped by a strong hand pulling you back.

"Jack please, lets go, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, ok? It’s upsetting and it’s getting cold, let’s just go meet the guys” You huffed, now slightly annoyed at the nephilim’s stubbornness, but the feeling melting almost immediately into confusion as your friend pulled your shorter frame against his own, leading one of your hands to his waist and capturing your other in his.

I can see a better time

When all our dreams come true

“Dance with me, Y/n.” He whispered, smiling shyly at the expression on your face.

“..what?” You managed to ask, somewhat in shock at the quick movements Jack had made to settle you in such a position.

“Look, I know this probably isn’t exactly what you were hoping for, It’s barely snowing, we’re probably going to get yelled at by Dean and well, it’s me, but if the world really does end, I don’t want you to go out having not experienced the thing you’ve dreamt of all your life. I understand if you don’t want to waste the moment with me, but if you do I’d be more than happy to share it with you”

Jack chuckled at the end of his sentence, but didn’t go on, waiting for an answer as the music picked up, moving from piano to accordion.

You had to fight back tears as your friend spoke. It was hard to believe, but it was finally happening, you were finally going to get your dance, and you just beamed up at the angel, emotions overflowing with each second that passed, and as the third verse began, you nodded, Jack responding by matching your smile and settling his free hand on your waist.

They've got cars big as bars

They've got rivers of gold

But the wind goes right through you

It's no place for the old

You hadn’t danced to the song since you were a kid, twirling around in an oversized dressing gown with a broom in Bobby’s basement, and you were almost certain Jack had never even heard of it before now, but somehow the both of you knew exactly what to do, how to move. Two steps and a spin, swinging away from the angel only to be pulled back in, each switch of your hands, it was all exactly how you had always pictured it.

When you first took my hand

On a cold Christmas Eve

You promised me

Broadway was waiting for me

1 2 3 4 5 6, 1 2 3 4 5 6. You counted silently along with the patterns played, a squeal turning into a joyous laugh as a particularly passionate spin from Jack led the both of you sliding along a patch of ice, boots leaving trails in the freshly fallen snow.

You were handsome

You were pretty

Queen of New York City

When the band finished playing

They howled out for more

You hadn’t expected Jack to enjoy himself as much as he appeared to be. You figured, hey, he’s a nephilim, I’ve helped him out, he probably feels obligated to do this, right? To see that you were wrong, the elation on his face made the already indescribable moment all the better

Sinatra was swinging

All the drunks they were singing

We kissed on a corner

Then danced through the night

The rare passerby walking through the park would smile, pause for a moment to watch the two of you spin happily across the frozen ground before continuing on their way, each one chuckling to themselves over whatever joke they came up with about once upon a time being young enough to move like that

The boys of the NYPD choir

Were singing Galway Bay

And the bells were ringing out

For Christmas day

As the two of you danced, you couldn’t help but think how beautiful this scene would be in a movie, all done up in fancy clothes, cameras following each sweeping movement you made

You're a bum

You're a punk

You're an old slut on junk

Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed

Another step. Another swing.

You scumbag, you maggot

You cheap lousy f*ggot

Happy Christmas your arse

I pray God it's our last

Jack’s hands flew to your hips, picking you up as if weighed nothing as the chorus peaked once again, spinning you in the air and making you feel like you were flying.

The boys of the NYPD choir

Still singing Galway Bay

The moment your shoes touched the ground Jack bent you down in a dip, flashing you a goofy smile at the noise you let out

And the bells are ringing out

For Christmas day

Jack smiled, and you beamed up at him

I could have been someone

Well so could anyone

You took my dreams from me

When I first found you

The music slowed slightly, and Jack traded your previous quick footsteps for a simple back and forth box step, the softening of your movements giving him a proper look at you, with your hair mussed and face rosy from the cold. Your smile stood out the most to the angel though, the unfiltered joy crinkling your eyes and releasing whatever tension you were holding before

I kept them with me babe

I put them with my own

Can't make it all alone

I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir

Still singing Galway Bay

And the bells are ringing out

For Christmas day

As the instrumental section came to an end, the wall inside you that you hadn’t even realized was there finally broke down, and you followed in suit. Your arms flew around the nephilim’s neck and you clung to him as if letting go would kill you, and you sobbed. The sudden burst frightened Jack, who quickly pulled away enough to meet your eyes, but was surprised to find that you weren’t upset, but were crying tears of happiness.

“Y/n are you alright?” He whispered, tightening his hold around you as you pulled him along, your complicated waltz now replaced by the simple motions of a slow dance, weight shifting from one side to another as the song neared it’s end

You didn’t reply at first, choosing instead to smile up at Jack with teary eyes and nod rapidly before managing to choke out the words “Thank you, Jack”.

As the final few notes finally faltered off, you pulled away from the tight embrace, looking earnestly up at your friend, who wore a warm smile as well

“Really, Jack, Thank you. So, so much, that was incredible, I can’t even-” Your voice cracked, cut off, and unable to vocalize anything more you reached out and took his hand between your own, squeezing tightly.

Luckily Jack understood what you were trying to say. He knew he couldn’t ever truly understand the level of happiness the action had brought you, but he knew he was gonna cherish the moment for the rest of his life. It was the most fun he had had in as long as he could remember, but that wasn’t why he knew it would stick with with. There was something special about sharing such a moment with someone he loved so dearly, being able to give you that happiness that made life worth living, gave the strength to keep fighting whatever the hell would be thrown at them next.

You and Jack would have been happy to stay there forever, hands clasped together and snow dusting your hair, but as always, the reminder that all good things must come to an end was brought to you by whichever shop was playing music turning their volume way up, the blasting of trumpets from rockin’ around the Christmas tree hitting you like a truck and thoroughly ruining the peaceful setting.

Your reactions were like a scene out of a movie, the simultaneous jump, staring at each other in shock and finally breaking down in peals of laughter seconds later.

“I think that means it’s time to go” you snickered, the nephilim chuckling in response, and at that the two of you took off again, making your way towards the pizza place.

Thank you, you repeated silently. Thank you

Tags, let me know if you want to be added <3 @cursedbobs @frog-tiddies @imagine-whatever

#jack kline x reader #jack kline #supernatural imagines #songfic #fairytale of new york #self-projecting babey

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itrytowrite-things · 4 years

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Welcome to Buzzfeed high

Summary: Reader works at Buzzfeed and is filming ‘Following a High School Schedule for 24 Hours’ video with Jazzmyne and Lindsay. Can shane and Y/N keep it professional when Shane is suppose to be her teacher? This fic is based off of this video.

A/N: Hey guys, so how this is going to work is normal text is the actual scene and bold represents the interview scenes. I couldn’t think of a better way to distinguish between the two if you guys have any ideas please let me know. Sidenote: thanks to @fuckhead-writer for helping me edit this fic

The small board room erupted with laughter, everyone staring down at the “school” schedule that had just been handed out. Y/N shook her head at the silly thing, already knowing that she would hate almost every second of the day tomorrow.

“Okay here is how the day is going to go,” Allsup said breaking the laughter from the head of the table. He goes into the spiel about how Buzzfeed will be running the video. The three women were prompted to vlog during any moments of the day when a camera was not set up for them. Allsup then started listing how the classes where going to be run.

“So your going to my teacher huh?” Y/N leaned over whispering into Shane’s ear, bored of Allsup’s rant. Shane tipped back in his chair, smirking slightly. They both found the newest project extremely funny. The list of teacher/student taboo jokes would write themselves tomorrow; making the episode better.

“Okay Shane,” all the attention was turned towards the lanky man as Allsup addressed him directly. “Do you have a lesson plan for tomorrow?” The question hung in the air before Shane cracked a joke.

“Oh yes! These women better be ready for the rigorous lesson I have planned, really going to make them work.” The group laughed at the comment before Allsup moved on to the next “teacher” asking about their lesson plans. That’s how it went the employees telling their boss that they did have a lesson plan that they were excited for, until it was Janna turns to talk about her lesson. She stood up passing out a paper to the three women that would be portraying the students.

“I actually have a homework assignment for my students, they will be responsible for reading Act 1 scene 2 of Romeo and Juliet and writing an analysis paper on it.” Y/N’s heart started to beat a little faster. She had been great at English back in high school, but she hadn’t written a paper in ten years. Not to mention her hatred for anything Shakespeare.

Y/N glanced down at the paper, taking in all the details of the assignment. Settling back down, she noticed the paper only had to be one page; double spaced. How hard could that be? After all the details were written up, the meeting was adjourned with the reminder that the school bus would be picking them up outside of Jazz’s house at 6:50 am.

Y/N sat in between Jazzmyne and Lindsay, light shining down on the three of them. They were filming the intro before leaving to officially start the challenge with their homework tonight.

“Hi I’m Jazzmyne.” The woman to Y/N’s left introduced herself.

“I’m Y/N.”

“And I am Lindsay.”

“And we are following a highschool schedule for 24 hours.” The three said at the same time, slightly out of unison. Y/N flashed the schedule to the camera giving a glimpse of what the viewers had to look forward to.

“We have a set of rules, you disobey the rules you get a strike. Three strikes you get sent to detention.” Jazz explained.

“The rules are simple: no skipping class, no foul language, no phones out in class without permission, no bad behavior, hall passes are required, follow the dress code, and lastly do not be tardy.” Lindsay said reading from the list they were given.

“So what I am hearing is, all of us are going to end up in detention by the end of the day?” Y/N joked laughing. The other women soon joined in. Jazzymne stated what rules she would have a problem with before announcing their homework assignment.

“We have to write an essay on Romeo and Juliet. It has to be a page analyzing act 1 scene 2.”

“It’s double spaced right?” Lindsay asked, giving a worried face to the camera.

“My significant other, K8, is a 9th grade english teacher who teaches Romeo and Juliet.” Jazz mentioned, leaving both of the other women mouth’s in a pout.

“Well, that’s just not fair.” Y/N stated.

Y/N sat on the floor with her legs crossed, knees pressed up against the coffee table. Her laptop sat open to an empty word doc, the paper describing her assignment sat next to it. She quickly pulled out the small black camera Buzzfeed had supplied her for vlogging.

“Okay guys so It’s 9 o’clock at night. I have read the act, understood almost nothing, and now I am going to attempt to write my paper.” The woman talked to the camera before switching it around showing her blank doc. “Shane refuses to help me.” Y/N turned the device again showing her boyfriend slumped on the couch above her, typing on his phone.

“Sorry, have to do it on your own.” He says unapologetically, shrugging his shoulders dramatically for the camera. She shut the viewfinder and placed the camera on the table. Y/N scanned over the requirements of the assignment once again before typing in the doc.

So wrapped up in her work, Y/N didn’t even notice Shane slide off the couch onto the floor. Him reading over her shoulder. He placed a quick kiss to her arm startling her out of her work flow.

“It’s good sweetheart, really good.” Shane wraps his extremely long arms around the small woman, smiling as she continues typing.

“Thanks bub.” She said taking her left hand off of the keys, and nessiling it in his floppy brown hair. He smiled happily pushing his head into her hand. Kissing at her neck, a laugh escaped her diaphragm.

“Shane. Stop. Have to. Finish my paper.” She let out in between giggles.

“Mmh or you could blow it off like a real high school student.” He suggests looking down at the clock on her laptop. It flashed 10:39 in the lower right hand corner. Y/N turned her head, looking into his golden brown eyes. The puppy dog look that was displayed on them melted her heart. Causing a smile to appear on her face, she pressed her lips against Shane’s for a short kiss. She was reluctant to pull away.

“I am almost done babe, go play some video games or something. I promise ten more minutes and I will be finished.” Shane let out a pout, kissing her again before standing up. His long legs unfolded as he stands, them cracking slightly, producing another laugh from Y/N.

She was a woman of her word. Less than ten minutes later, she closed her laptop, happy with her paper. Y/N looked up at Shane, he had changed into a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white tee. He looked comfortable. his thumbs lazily moving across the Xbox controller. She stood in front of him, smiling down at him. Shane raised his head to peer up at her, pausing his game. She crawled into his lap, watching as he returned her smile with one equally as kind.

“So Mr. Madej, what will you be teaching me in class tomorrow?” She asked in a teasing tone, hands wrapped around his neck. He placed a hand on her back, the other to her hip as his thumb rubbed her hipbone like the controller, lazy and soft.

“Mmh can’t tell you that princess, now can I? That’s just not fair to my other students.” His voice was a soft whisper as he spoke. She stuck her tongue out at him, giving him a kiss before laying her head in the crock of his neck, feeling suddenly tired in his warm embrace.

“Well let’s get you to bed little lady. Big day tomorrow, first day of school.” Shane stood up, as Y/N clung to his body sleepily. Legs wrapping around his slender waist as he carried her to bed.

Her arm shot out immediatly, shutting off the stupid alarm. One of the perks of working at Buzzfeed, is they normally have pretty slack business hours. Which meant the women normally strolled in at 10, but not today. Her alarm was set for 5:50 last night and it did not disappoint, going off at 5:50 am on the dot. Y/N tugged on the string of her lamp. Rolling over, she was met with Shane’s bareback. She moved closer to him, craving his warmth. As soon as her body was press against his, Shane was turning around.

“Got to get up sweetheart, suppose to be vlogging.” Sitting up, he kissed her on the forehead before getting out of bed and walking into the master bathroom they share. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right.

The vlog camera was held above her as she laid back down into the bed, head resting on her pillow.

“It’s currently 5:58,” she said and held up her phone showing the time “This freaking sucks, I don’t want to get out of bed.” She snuggled closer into her pillow before switching the camera off and getting out of bed.

“It was the worst part.” Y/N claimed, pouting at the camera. Jazz and Lindsay nodded in agreement

“Like I remember pulling all nighters or staying up until 4 am doing school work in highschool and waking up at 6. I have no idea how I did that, I only stayed up until like 11:30 the night before and it took everything out of me to get out of bed in the morning.” Y/N explained herself.

“Exactly! Damn teenageers are ruthless.” Jazzmyne added.

“Yeah, I certainly don’t miss that part of school.” Lindsay said making the final statement.

It wasn’t until 6:48 when Y/N pulled out the camera again. She was in her car outside of Jazzmyne’s house. She huffed lightly, straightening out her baby blue jean jacket. It was over a black band tee paired with black ripped jeans. She decided to dress like she did in highschool going back to her edgy roots.

“So It’s 6:48. The bus gets here at 6:50 and I am just now arriving at Jazz’s house, so that’s my morning. Oh there’s Lindsay. Glad we all don’t have our shit together.” She turned the camera showing Lindsay pointing her camera at Y/N. They both gave an unenthusiastic wave to the other person’s camera. Before stepping out of her car, Y/N turned her camera off shuffling over towards Lindsay to get in the frame of her camera.

“So running late as well?” Lindsay poses the question with a laugh, Y/N just nodded her head laughing as well.

“If we are running behind, I can’t imagine what Jazz is like.” Y/N said adding fuel to their laughter.

“The bus was suppose to leave at 6:51. I didn’t walk out of my house until 6:53.” Jazz rolled her head with statement, her black frame sunglasses sliding down her face.

“Thankfully the bus was still there. Normally that would not happen.” Lindsey butted in.

“Actually I made really good friends with my bus drivers, they would have waited for me.” The woman on the left clapped back.

“Of course you did. I can see it now, ‘Oh Jazzmyne, I love her let me just give a little honk’.” Y/N pushed her palm against the air to stimulate a horn. The three women busted out laughing knowing that’s exactly what happened.

Allsup was standing outside of the office in a suit, his hands held behind his back looking strikingly like a real principal. Y/N so desperately want to laugh at the man pacing in front of the door. The three women dropped their heads as they passed him on their way into the building, each mumbling their own version of ‘Hello Principal Allsup’.

Buzzfeed had went all out for this video, even going as far as making a little hallway lined with lockers with posters hanging around them promoting fake clubs and plays. Each woman chose a locker and placed their gym clothes in it along with anything extra they didn’t need. The women stared at each other after they closed their lockers.

“Okay well I have to go do morning announcements.” The blonde said sipping what Y/N assumed was water through a pink straw.

“Okay, see you in first hour.” Jazz said throwing her backpack over her shoulder and heading towards stage 8 for their first class of the day. Y/N gave a small wave to Lindsay before following behind Jazz.

“Our schedule starts with history with Mr. Madej.” Lindsay points out while waving the schedule back and forth in front of the camera. She turned to wiggle her eyebrows at Y/N. Y/N felt a small blush heat up her face.

“We know that will be your favorite class.” Jazz said and bumped shoulders with the woman teasingly.

“What can I say, I like history.” She retaliated, shrugging her shoulders.

First hour was with Shane, and Y/N couldn’t help but be excited to see him. They typically get to commute to work together. She missed that time they normally got to share together, so she was eager to see him.

“This is so cute.” Jazz said gesturing to the tiny classroom that Buzzfeed had set up in stage 8. It truly was cute, a little chalkboard was set up in front of the room, a world map drawn on it in chalk. There was a table with three red chairs in front of the board. A small circular table sat next to the board, a water bottle and book placed on it. Then there was Shane. He leaned over the tiny table reading the book.

That’s what Y/N eyes trained on, she couldn’t focus on anything else. Shane was dressed professionally, wearing a white and navy blue striped button down paired with a red tie. It made his torso look long and lean. His lengthy legs were covered by black skinny jeans held up by a brown belt. He looked so handsome. Her eyes couldn’t focus on anything else, her mouth felt dry looking at him.

“Good morning.” Shane Mr. Madej said as the two women entered the room. He nodded softly, watching as they took their seats next to each other. Jazz sat in the middle seat as Y/N took the one closest to the wall.

“You look spiffy.” Jazz said from her seat.

“Oh thank you.” Shane replied looking down at his outfit, tugging at his tie. Y/N nodded her head in agreement. Words not really working out for her at the moment. They sat in silence for a moment before the speaker crackled from somewhere in the room. Allsup’s voice filled the room.

“Goodmorning Buzzfeed High! Hope you all have a fun day, but remember to have fun, you have to follow the rules.” Shane pointed up in the air at the word ‘follow’ and back to the two women at the word ‘rules’. Y/N and Jazz laughed pointing a finger back at him. There was silence as the mic was passed to Lindsay.

“Please stand for the pledge of Allegiance.” Her voice boomed.

“Here we go I was waiting for that.” Shane smiled pointing towards the small American flag that he had taped up on a bookshelf. Y/N smiled at his pride for the tiny flag. The announcements carried on with Lindsay stumbling through the lunch menu.

“What the hell? These announcements suck.” Jazz laughed. The mic was passed back to principle Allsup.

“Let’s go corgi’s, go get them, woof woof!” And that was the end of morning announcements.

Lindsay soon joined the other two women in history, taking her seat next to Jazz. She placed her bag on the floor getting comfortable for the lesson.

“How’s everyone doing this morning?” Mr.Madej asked clapping his large hands together.

“Well you know, it’s early.” Jazzmyne mumbled back at him.

“I am gonna see if I can switch this board around.” He pushed the board forward trying to flip it to the other side. He unfortunately didn’t pull it forward enough, causing it to smack against the wall. The sound echoed throughout the room. She tried to hold it in, she really did, but Y/N couldn’t fight back the bubbling laughter that flowed out of her. Shane’s head snapped back to the woman, a smirk plastered on his face.

“You think that’s funny Miss.Y/L/N?”

“Yes.” She gasped, barely getting it out among the fits of laughter. Shane stared her down, trying to be serious but he couldn’t help but laugh back. Everything about Y/N was contagious, so it wasn’t a surprise when only laughter filled the room.

“Mr. Madej was a cool teacher.” Jazz stated, Lindsay nodding her head in agreement.

“It was a nice way to start off the day.” The blonde said.

“He was hot.” Y/N said dryly, like him being hot was a fact not a statement. The other woman burst out laughing.

“He just had a great way of connecting with us, having fun.” Lindsay added trying to get the conversation back on topic, but failed as the next thing out of Y/N mouth was:

“I really wish I could have connected with him a little more if you know what I mean” She gave a wink to the camera and a smirk to go along with it.

Y/N blanked out as Shane started his lesson. Her focus was on the way Shane moved around the chalkboard, scribbling his messy handwriting in orange chalk. She watched his lips move, he was talking about something history related she was sure of that, but she didn’t exactly know what.

“Miss. Y/L/N are you okay?” His voice snapped her out of her trance.

“Yes sorry just a bit distracted.”

“And what is distracting you?”

“You are, with those tight jeans and perfect lips.” She teased back at him, Lindsay snickered at the comment.

“That’s highly inappropriate Miss. Y/L/N.”

“I believe that falls under bad behavior Mr. Madej.” Jazz points out smirking at Y/N. Her eyes widening back at the short haired woman.

“I am afraid I have to agree, sorry that’s a strike.” Y/N’s face was priceless as her mouth hung open, her eyes so wide they might explode out from her.

Jazz tried to talk, but the laughter was too much. She and Lindsay both hunched over with their laughter. Y/N on the other hand, sat in the middle, fake fuming for the sake of good entertainment.

“Okay sorry,” Jazzmyne said finally calming herself down “So Y/N got a strike for flirting with a teacher.”

“I really thought it would be Jazz to get a strike for being inappropriate, but here comes Y/N talking about Mr. Madej’s tight jeans and perfect lips.” Both women laughed at the reintroduction of Y/N words.

“He really should have been filtered.” She crossed her arms over her chest a pout coming out on her lips.

“But the best part was a second later she got another strike because she flicked him off when she thought he wasn’t looking.” The women were almost on the floor at that point.

The bell rang dismissing the women to the next class which was Englsih with Ms.Macatangay. The women underestimated the time they had to get to this class, causing them to have to run up the stairs nearly dying on the way. They luckily made it just in the nick of time. They were forced to read their homework assignments in class, which made Y/N feel like she was actually back in highschool, anxiety racing through her. However, she recited it without a hitch.

Before the women knew it, it was time for P.E. They had survived physics and Spanish and they were on their way to grab their gym clothes out of their lockers. Buzzfeed had made cute little gym shirt they were black and read “Buzzfeed 2019 highschool athletic department” in white. The women were also granted other classmates in this class. Of course among those classmates was the famous Ryan Bergara. Through the two years of dating Shane, Y/N and Ryan had became somewhat close. Bonding over their shared love for the tall boy like man. So it was natural when he dropped down next to her on the floor.

“Ten minutes into P.E and Jazz gets called out for talking.” Lindsay says.

“All I said was she was thick.” She defended herself.

“Which I think is unfair that I got a strike for that.” Y/N chimed in.

“That was different, I didn’t tell her to her face that she had perfect lips.” Y/N face heated up as she smirked.

The dodgeball game started with a whistle. It was Y/N and Jazzmyne on one team and Lindsay and Ryan on the other. Y/N’s team lost the first game prompting Ryan to trash talk to her about her crappy throwing skills. Which was not a good idea because now she was out of blood. She waited for the whistle, foot touching the back wall, staring daggers at Ryan. She used her foot to push off as soon as the whistle sounded. Y/N quickly grabbed a blue ball, aiming it straight at Ryan.

“This is for trying to steal my boyfriend Bergara!” She shouted, ball flying out of her hand hitting Ryan right in the gut. He played up the pain for the camera hobbling over towards the sidelines grumbling about how Shane was his first. Her team ended up winning the second and third game.

Lunch was the worst, the food was cold. It also didn’t help that everyone else in the office was eating chipotle. Y/N was over the day at that point. She was hungry, tired, and her brain ached from all the knowledge that had been thrown at her. She grumbled her way back up the stairs for 6th hour which was math.

“I walked in thinking it was pre-cal, but it was trig I never took that class in highschool.” Lindsay complained.

“Same.”

“I took it, but I didn’t remember anything.” Y/N stated, her enthusiasm slipping.

Y/N sat through the class, head in her hands trying to understand what Mr. St.Juste was writing on the board. She might have been the only one to take the class in highschool, but it didn’t make the subject any less alien to her. Luckily they all passed and were on their way to their last class, home ec with Mrs. Mcclenny. They were making Tamagoyaki, a japanese style omelette. It was delicious which was amazing because Y/N was starving. A huge sigh left all three women lips as the final bell rang.

“It was exhausting and I never want to do it again.” Y/N stated bluntly.

“Yeah, teenagers deal with a lot of shit and we should appreciate them more.” Lindsay said.

“Exactly, well that was following a highschool schedule. We are going to go home and sleep for five years.” Jazz said.

“Bye!” All three said in unison waving at the camera.

Y/N was slowly grabbing things out of her locker when Shane creeped up and leant against the locker next to hers. Looking like a stereotypical jock from a teen movie. He smiled, watching as her slumped body packed up her things.

“Need help with that beautiful?” She smiled as his voice put some energy back into her.

“Do you flirt with all your students Mr.Madej?” She asked walking away from him. He followed after her, a cheeky smirk played on his face. They dropped the subject on their walk to the car.

“I am so tired Shane, today was fun but awful.” She groaned resting her hand against the handle of the car.

“Well, let me take you home and make it better princess.” A smug grin crossed his face.

“I don’t think so asshole, you gave me two strikes.” She held up two fingers before sliding into the car, Shanes grin fell as he too got in the car

“You’re joking right?” He asked hopefully.

“I don’t know, get me home and we’ll see.” The grin returned as he started the car. I guess sleep could wait a little longer.

#shane madej #shane madej x reader #buzzfeed #buzzfeed unsolved #shane #x reader #ryan bergara

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villenovalife · 5 years

Text

“Fogerty turned Helsinki into Woodstock for one night”

HELSINKI - There’s something special in listening John Fogerty talk about his own experience at Woodstock music festival, roughly 50 years ago to this date. For a younger generation of rock’n’roll fans, including myself, Woodstock remains as this mystical gathering of drug-filled, life loving group of young people, who believed they were changing the planet for better.

Fogerty himself simply referred to this generation as “us, the kids”. Now, 50 years later the world has surely changed - for better or worse? - but the music of the 1960’s and 70’s has survived the test of time. On a cloudy summer night in Helsinki, John Fogerty brought the spirit of Woodstock alive.

It has been a while since CCR surfaced on to the American rock’n’roll scene like a wildfire and took over the record sales. You think the moon landing was long ago? As stated in the opening video of the show, “Bad Moon Rising” is exactly as old as the moon landing - 50 years. Plus 10,000 people gathered at Hartwall Arena got a glimpse of what it was like at Woodstock on that August weekend.

Half-million people, creating a sea of people that stretched as long as the eye could see. The show itself kicked off with “Born on the Bayou”, continuing straight into “Green River”. The first half-hour also included a strong version of old classic “Susie Q” and evergreen “Who’ll Stop the Rain”.

Fogerty’s “50-year trip” -tour celebrates the entire five-decade long trip all the way from the days of CCR, all the way to his solo days - not forgetting some of the other greats of the 1960’s and 70’s. For a musician, like Fogerty, it isn’t easy to “sacrifice” 30 minutes from the set for the cover songs. In this case though, covers are an integral part of the show and the trip itself. Fogerty describes the songs of the late 1960’s as the songs “with a deeper meaning”.

Joe Cocker’s version of “With a Little Help From My Friend” is a tribute to the legend himself, but also to the influence of The Beatles. Fogerty’s son, Shane, got a chance to shine in the spotlight, covering the famous Jimi Hendrix-rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner”. Cover part of the show ends with John Lennon’s “Give Peace a Chance”, that works - surprise, surprise - well with the whole Woodstock theme.

While a part of the Woodstock-generation, Fogerty’s strong points were never tied solely into the culture of “freedom” and the ideas of strong liberalism. For him, rock’n’roll has always been the closest to his heart. It’s easy to see that - still at the age of 74 - he enjoys playing and honestly, who wouldn’t? Fogerty has written hours and hours worth of hits, that tap straight into the heart of American rock’n’roll. 50 years later, artists like Fogerty are still the bedrock of the greatest era of entertainers. Going into the summer of 2019, the feel and spirit of Woodstock are alive and well.

Setlist:

1. Born on the Bayou

2. Green River

3. Lookin’ Out My Back Door

4. Susie Q

5. Who’ll Stop the Rain

6. Hey Tonight

7. Up Around the Bend

8. Blueboy

9. Rockin’ All Over the World

10. I Heard It Through the Grapevine

11. With a Little Help From My Friend

12. Long as I Can See the Light

13. My Generation

14. Good Golly Miss Molly

15. Everyday People

16. Dance to the Music

17. Give Peace a Chance

18. The Star-Spangled Banner

19. Run Through the Jungle

20. Keep on Chooglin’

21. Have You Ever Seen the Rain

22. Down on the Corner

23. The Old Man Down the Road

24. Fortunate Son

Encore:

25. Bad Moon Rising

26. Proud Mary

#johnfogerty #woodstock

0 notes

artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

A Fresh New Start- Trixya - Chapter 1

A/N- Trixie and Katya are both women. It touches on Biadore and Shalaska but this is the chapter which sets the scene really. It also touches on abuse from Trixie’s stepfather.

This is it. Trixie thought to herself as she looked in the cracked mirror of her bedroom. She waited for the day she had saved enough money to leave behind her abusive stepfather and mother who never payed attention to the abuse or her. She hairsprayed her backcombed golden blonde curled hair and let out a sigh. She thought this is exactly what she needs. A fresh start. She finished covering her swollen and black eye with her extra coverage foundation, it now barely noticeable. She hardly had any belongings to take with her when she moved to L.A. Trixie shuddered at the sound of her stepfather coming up the stairs, drunk and as loud as ever. TRACY YOU BITCH, he screamed. She hid down the side of her bed and waited for him to walk past her bedroom door, he didn’t hesitate to bang on the door and listen to any movements coming from inside. However, she heard him fall in the room next to her with a thud. She said to herself, this is it now Trix, now or ever. With that she grabbed her things, leaving behind her blood stained, mascara stained sweatshirt but grabbing her small unicorn teddy her grandmother gave her before she passed away. She left her key on the cabinet near the front door of their home and with that she left and never looked back.

She finally felt free, she strolled along the sidewalk with her hot pink suitcase and bag. She smiled to herself as she thought about all the new things she could accomplish in L.A. She was finally living the life like Barbie did. She was the real life Barbie. As she sat on the bus to the airport, she held the unicorn her grandmother had bought her. She brought it closer to her face eyed and closed her eyes, picturing her lovely gran. She thought about how much her gran was the only person who truly loved and understood who she was. How she was the first person she came out to about her sexuality, and the only one who truly accepted her. How if her gran was still alive none of this would have happened, her mother would have still cared about her and her stepfather wouldn’t have been around to make her life a living hell. She remembered the day her gran died and her whole world around her collapsed. She would give anything to go back to that day. Before she knew it the bus had stopped at the airport. A sudden urge of excitement and anxiety filled up inside her. A massive adrenaline rush. Her boarding ticket said seat 32B. Trixie giggled to herself and thought that was the 32B she would fit in, relating to her larger sized breasts.

She sat on the plane and put her headphones in, she fell asleep before they had even took off. She awoke to a nudge from the person next to her pointing at the plane food being placed in front of her. Trixie scrunched her nose up at the food which resembled the food she used to feed to her kitten. She looked at the woman next to her who was giggling to herself at Trixie’s reaction. She was a beautiful woman with blonde hair and a beauty mark on her forehead. Trixie had never seen anyone quite so beautiful before, she was perfect and pristine. She couldn’t help but notice the chicken tattoo she had on her arm, staring a little too long before the woman said ‘Oh that. That chicken won me an award!’ Trixie quickly snapped out of her gaze and laughed at the woman.

‘My name is Fame, what’s yours?’ Trixie froze, how can someone be so friendly to her? She’s only used to people giving her abuse or completely disregarding her. ‘Um, T-Trac-I mean Trixie. My name is Trixie.’ Fame laughed. ‘Well T-Trac-Trixie, it’s nice to meet you. So tell me, what are you doing coming to L.A.?’ Trixie thought to herself, what do I actually say to this woman? It’s a long journey, do I tell her all? Do I tell her business what? ‘Oh I don’t know really, a fresh start.’ Trixie bit her lip and the woman realised something wasn’t quite right. As they continued to talk, Fame noticed Trixie’s makeup had started to rub away and her black eye was once again becoming more visible. She reached into her carryon bag and took out her makeup bag and turned Trixie’s face to her. Trixie seemed concerned at first but realised with the woman’s delicate touch, she was just being a good person. Had Trixie finally made a friend? Fame finished covering her eye again, eyeing her whole face up and down and nodded. ‘Yes. Perfect. Just like Barbie again.’ Trixie smirked to herself. She loved it when other people called her Barbie, seeing as Barbie was her favourite person in the whole world.

‘So where are you staying Trix? Oh I can call you that cant i? I mean we are friends now, right? Ha, I always do this to people but you’re really nice and I can sense us being really good friends, oh I’m rambling aren’t I sorry.’ Trixie laughed, this woman never shuts up, but it was comforting to know she didn’t have to make small talk with someone. ‘Oh I, I don’t actually have anywhere to stay yet, I was gonna stay in a hostel tonight and see tomorrow.’ Fame seemed shocked. Her smile widened as her eyes lit up. ‘No, no Trix, I have an excellent idea!’ Trixie swallowed with a gulp, her mouth went dry. She had never felt someone trust her so much just meeting them on a plane. ‘I live in a building with all my friends, we live on the same floor in different apartments. My friend, she’s just moved back from Moscow, she’s in need of a roommate, and this is so perfect!’ Trixie nervously smiled, oh no, she was never good with meeting new people. Especially with a black eye. ‘You can leave your things at mine, we will meet them all at the bar over the road, that’s where we spend every night. Our friend Adore sings there, it’s also a karaoke bar.’ Trixie thanked her new friend. Wow, if she knew it was this easy she would’ve left a long time ago. Trixie dozed off again, waking up to the bump of the planes wheels touching the floor and the irritating sound of people clapping the pilot. Fame rolled her eyes and turned to Trixie ‘I hate when people do that’.

Fame linked her new friend as they walked out the airport, Trixie looking round. WOW. This was her new life now. Goodbye every shit part of her old life. Fuck you all. They grabbed a cab and ended up pulling up outside this normal looking building. Nothing special. Trixie noticed the bar opposite and breathed. Aaaaah, this must be it. She stepped out the cab and looked around. Fame excitedly shimmied her inside to the elevator. Trixie was excited and nervous, she could feel her chest start to burn. The elevator binged, third floor. They stepped out and fame carried most of Trixie’s luggage. Trixie’s heart warmed, how somebody can be so lovely, she hardly knows anything about me. ‘So you’ll be in apartment 304, this is mine, 302. Come in. Freshen up.’ Trixie smiled as she walked in, wow this is beautiful. It reminded her of Monica’s apartment from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, with the purple walls. ‘So Fame…’ ‘yeah?’ ‘Can you tell me some things about my new roommate? So y’know im not sharing with a freak.’ Fame laughed to herself a lot more than Trixie expected. ‘Oh, you’re definitely sharing with a freak.’ Trixie bit her lip nervously and raised her eyebrow. ‘No, no! Don’t be scared. Everyone loves her, you can’t not.’ That made Trixie feel slightly better. Fame gave her a cup of coffee before they went to the bar and sat on the sofa with her. ‘Ok so, her name is Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, but you can call her Katya. She is Russian, a bit of a whore if I’m honest.’ Trixie laughed. ‘Oh and she’s a lesbian. I hope that doesn’t bother you but if it does I mean you may aswell leave, most of us are.’ Trixie felt so much better about this whole situation, wow. ‘No, no that’s fine, I mean I’m a bisexual so it’s no bother at all.’ Fames face lit up, ‘GREAT!’ She exclaimed. She grabbed Trixie’s hand, ‘Let’s go to the bar and meet your new friends!’ Luckily Trixie got changed into a nice pink bodycon midi dress. She couldn’t go out in those jeans she had been wearing all day, they stunk.

As Trixie walked into the bar, she smelt beer straight away, it was dark luckily, but she could see groups and groups of people. Fame took her to the bar and ordered a lemonade for herself, and a beer for Trixie. Ugh a beer, who did she think she was? ‘Oh there they all are! Come over Trix!’ As Trixie walked over she seen a group of around 8-10 people. About 4 men and 6 women? Possibly more she couldn’t tell from afar. She noticed a beautiful dark haired girl, in ripped fishnets and a denim shirt. She looked like a ball of energy and Trixie automatically liked her. Fame introduced Trixie, and the dark haired girl was the first to introduce herself, she hugged her straight away ‘Hi! I’m Adore Delano, I sing here!’ Trixie smiled back, ‘Oh you’re Adore, Fame was telling me about you on the plane here.’ ‘Yeah what star sign are you? I’m fucking libra, I love to sing, I’m bringing rock back into fashion.’ She laughed at Adore, she was so lovely, how was she so worried to meet these people, well she had only really spoke to one. ‘This is Roy, he’s my boyfriend. We live in 308.’ Trixie turned to the man she pointed to, he had the nicest dimples and sweetest face. ‘Hey Trixie, you look like a cunt. You’ll fit in well with these absolute bastards’ Trixie couldn’t help but laugh. She was a little shocked that someone could insult their friends so much and it be ok, but then again that’s because she didn’t have any friends so she wouldn’t know. She then proceeded to meet Alaska and Sharon, a very tall skinny woman with beautiful high blonde hair, and a smaller but slimmer woman who had the nicest dimple in her chin. They were 306, so they were to be Trixie’s neighbours. She then met Willam and Shane, two roommates who obviously had a thing for each other but continued to deny it. Tatiana and Pearl, who were also roommates but as Adore claimed ‘just fucking each other and anything’. She then met Jason, Fame’s roommate, lover, best friend and ride or die as it was described. These people were really warming and welcoming, Trixie was beginning to feel welcoming. As soon as Trixie sat down, she began to introduce herself. ‘My name is Trixie, I’m 23 and I fucking hate my family so I ran away’ as soon as she opened her mouth to continue, she was distracted. The most beautiful woman walked past her and sat down next to Adore. She had the most beautiful cheekbones, piercing blue eyes and bright red lips. Trixie felt lost for words. She was stunned by this beautiful woman. Fame whispered to her and she smiled at Trixie. Oh My God. How can someone have the most perfect teeth she had ever seen and be so beautiful? Trixie felt herself staring a little too long when she felt someone grab her hand to drag her to the bar, it was Adore again.

‘Oh Trix, do you sing?’ ‘Uh yeah I guess so. I mean I used to. I used to play guitar but um things happened. I guess.’ ‘Well it’s a karaoke bar, you should put your name down for something.’ ‘Hmmm maybe. Adore? Who just sat down next to you and Fame?’ ‘OH! That’s Katya, Im guessing your new roommate’ No fucking way. Trixie found herself happier then she’d ever been, but how could she stop the obviousness that she was attracted to her? Next thing, Adore handed her 2 shots. ‘Bitch you better fucking shot them if you’re gonna sing here.’

Katya bit her lip. She was looking at this fucking beautiful Barbie doll at the bar with Adore, is this really her new roommate? Her curves were amazing, her bum was beautiful and as soon she turned around Katya couldn’t stop her eyes from wandering from her breasts to her legs and all the way back up again. She could actually feel something with this person. She didn’t understand why, she never felt like this. Infact, she hadn’t even fucking spoken to her but she knew they would be special.

Trixie didn’t feel like singing, she was too interested in drooling over her new roommate. Whenever Katya stood up for a cigarette Trixie would admire her. She was wearing a red fluffy coat with a matching pompom in her hair, with a braid hanging down from it. She was yet to hear Katya speak, but she didn’t need to speak, Trixie was already mesmerised. As Trixie watched Katya walk back towards the table, she felt Katya squeeze her hands on her shoulder and Trixie smiled to herself. She heard a laugh to her side and Alaska leaned in; ‘you could make it less obvious you like her’. Shit. Trixie turned to her. ‘Is it that obvious?’ Alaska giggled ‘No don’t worry. Katya gets that reaction a lot. Shes used to it’. ‘Oh I see, she’s beautiful.’ Sharon joined in. ‘She’s a beautiful mystery.’ With that, everyone decided to call it a night, Fame linking Trixie as they walked back to the apartments.

As Trixie walked in front of her, Katya lit a cigarette but focused on Trixie’s bum as she walked. Wow. Now that’s a woman she thought. Her mind started to wander about things she could do when she felt a hand on her arm. It was Sharon.

‘Don’t bother.’ ‘What?’ ‘Don’t bother doing anything to that one. She’s a good girl and part of this group now Katya, don’t hurt her like you do to the rest.’ Katya laughed. ‘Fuck off Sharon you cunt’ Sharon pushed her with a laugh. Trixie stood behind Katya as Katya opened the door to their apartment. Trixie walked in and looked around. It was odd in here but it was nice. There were different patterned throws on the sofa and Trixie couldn’t help but laugh and Katya’s taste in fashion. Katya looked at Trixie and smiled. Trixie’s heart melted. ‘That’s your room Trix.’ ‘Oh ok thanks.’ Her accent was fucking sexy wow. The roll of her R’s made Katya automatically all the more attractive. As Trixie turned around Katya smacked her ass. ‘Sorry about that, I’ve been looking at it all night and I’m constantly horny.’ Trixie laughed, she could get used to this.

Trixie took off her makeup after a long fucking day. She looked in the mirror and her mood automatically dropped, her black eye. She couldn’t wait for it to fade so she could completely forget about her life. As she changed into her pyjamas she noticed a bruise around her ribs area. She prodded and realised how much it hurt. That fucking bastard she thought to herself. She felt her eyes start to burn and the tears start to fall. She pressed herself into the unicorn she brought with her. She didn’t realise how loud she was crying until she heard a knock on the door, she shot up. ‘Trix, are you ok? I hear you crying.’ ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m, erm, im f-f-f-fine’ her voice trembled. ‘No you aren’t I’m coming in ok.’ Katya swung open the door, to see Trixie sitting there in her underwear, this was not a sight she expected to see on their first night. She started to admire her body and realised why she was in there. ‘What’s wrong Trix’ grabbing her hands and turning her towards her. That’s when she say the marks. ‘What the fuck is this?!’ Trixie put her head on Katya’s shoulder and cried. And cried. And cried. When she finally calmed down, she explained to Katya that her stepfather was abusive but didn’t go into much detail. Katya could feel herself getting more annoyed the second it went on. How anyone could hurt someone so perfect and more so, how can she still look so gorgeous when she’s completely bruised and inconsolable.

‘I’m sorry’ Trixie explained. ‘I know we only just met and you shouldn’t be having to do this on a Tuesday night.’ But Katya didn’t care, something about Trixie was enticing, and made Katya feel things she’s never felt before. She’d only just met this girl, what the fuck was going on. ‘I know I’ve only just met you, but I really don’t want to be alone tonight… Will you stay with me?’ Katya didn’t think this would happen for a few days, even weeks but she didn’t care. All she wanted was Trixie to be ok. ‘Yes of course I will.’ They both crawled under the covers, and Trixie found herself cuddling into Katya’s side with Katya hugging and holding her towards her. What the fuck was Katya doing, she never cuddled. Even when her friends needed her, she offered sarcasm and twisted humour instead of affection. But something about this felt different. She felt Trixie’s breath on her skin and assuming she was asleep, kissed her forehead. Trixie wasn’t asleep, she smiled to herself as she felt herself blush and felt butterflies in her stomach. They both knew this was the start of something different, something new. A fresh start for Trixie and she couldn’t wait.

#trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #a fresh new start #lottie #rpdr fanfiction #submission #lesbian au

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wharfertunes-blog · 7 years

Text

Scenes of the Tourist lyrics + credits

All songs written by Kyle Wall

Produced by Shane O'Hara and Kyle Wall

Mixed by Shane O'Hara

Mastered by Josh Bonati

Kyle Wall – vocals, piano, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, synths, organ, banjo, mandolin, electric bass

Phoebe Hunt – violin (1, 2, 3, 12)

Dominick Leslie – mandolin (7)

Shane O’Hara – drums and percussion (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 12)

David Speranza – upright bass (1, 4, 8, 12)

David Moss – cello (1, 3, 4, 9, 10, 12)

Roy Williams – electric bass (6), acoustic guitar (10)

Alex Hargreaves – violin (10)

1.BREEZE (SINCE I WAS BORN)

I came to my senses and came to your door,

But I can't trust my senses anymore.

I tried to be fair but you never did care,

And I'm fairly sure my role's outgrown me.

So if I have to die and you ask me why,

I'm beaming, “these clouds won't spit on my eye anymore.”

I'd love to go quietly into the wild,

But I can't go quietly anywhere.

I'd die to be under palm trees,

How the orange breeze would soothe my mind.

And if I should float down and you saw me around,

Darling I'd bleed to bend down on one knee

But I lost the ring and I can't sing the blues

The way this world showed me how.

So it's now that I'll slip out,

It's only been hours since I was born.

2. LILACS

This town we're a part of

Buries us from year to year.

An ocean of lilacs, baby,

Couldn't bring your body here.

It couldn't bring your body here.

It's starting to get cold

And I'm going out alone tonight,

Hypnotizing any entity exposing our crime,

It’s the same way you did it to me.

My words'll keep coming,

And I'll breathe through tomorrow

As I sit here and sing about you,

Fading into grass.

You're a thing of the past,

And I love you like that.

Beneath Alabama,

Memories disappear,

And the holes that we're digging save me,

But they couldn't bring your red eyes here.

They couldn't bring your red eyes here.

We're getting old

But we're going to get home tonight.

Hypnotizing any entity exposing our crime,

It’s the same way you did it to me.

If my words'll keep coming, why would you wake me?

If I sing tomorrow, would you let me sleep?

3. BATON ROUGE

Ran a mile in burgundy,

Rolling into Baton Rouge.

The criminals can see right through us,

Glued to overwhelming news,

Oh, it's overwhelming news.

Nuisance into nuisance, I'm arriving.

No sense in reminding me of anyone

While I'm hanging in my attic

And overheating on the fence.

Bled my wings in burgundy

Flies summon my drink.

And I've swallowed all my invitations,

And the air is like Christmas,

The air is alive.

Nuisance into nuisance, I'm arriving

No sense in reminding me of anyone

While I'm hanging in my attic

And overheating on the fence.

4. BLUE LEWIS

He knows what's going on,

How I've been blue.

Now his heart is underground,

But I've been true to you

In this season of foolish remedies, I'm screwed -

And I know you're losing time to lure me in.

Had a dream in black and white,

Where were you?

Now Old Donnie's settled down

And I'm back out the way I blew in,

As the winter rows us to sin,

I don't want to be an etching in blue, and you -

You are never gonna see the world for me,

It's full of daydreams and sunshine and haze.

I'm done now.

5. RYE WISH

The stars have all hid in our agony tonight

Veering around the room, new aches in our sights

Satan swallows my words and I'm shrinking again

Our town is a wire to godless sin

But my soul'll be projected on the edges of the wind

And my arteries'll always hold an image of your skin

Crying all night, stepping into the creek

My clouds run dry, I've been bawling here all week

I don't think I can ever step back in

The kitchen'll choke me, the bedroom'll do me in

But my soul'll be projected on the edges of the wind

And my arteries'll always hold an image of your skin

6. SOMEWHERE A METEOR CALLS ME

New dazing honor,

Separate alarms going off in our eyes.

Boy, I'm electric,

Cattle days sneak up and eat me alive.

Somewhere a meteor calls me

And whittles me down to my blood and my wires.

Oh now it's falling,

See melody, the doldrums are real.

I'm out of things to turn around,

My soul's been lost along the sound of you.

My bones are full of abstinence,

But it's an honor to be caring less and less.

Somewhere a meteor calls me.

And whittles me down to my blood and my wires.

Oh now it's falling,

See melody, the doldrums are real.

And nothing is real as yesterday.

So I'm betting on a silhouette,

It's bullshit but I'd love to see her win.

7. THE SUITCASE

A wreck like me, blind in infamy.

Avoidance in spades is electrocution,

An elevation of an ending.

I'm in hiding and I'll ride it out.

Sparks under sheets where we used to spin,

The kind of emergence I've been imagining.

I can't let you out, but I will let you down,

Howling in my room.

I'm losing, no I lost, I'm rail-thin in my thoughts,

You could never lose with your eyes all soaked in booze.

I'm still hiding it and I'm drying out.

I can't let you out, but I will let you down,

Howling in my tomb.

So say goodnight now, I'll be quiet.

8. MARIGOLD

I'm gonna slip in my marigold, my marigold of wire.

The sky's got me coming undone and I'm blood in the bayou.

You don't know where I've come from tonight,

So sing a fable and rip out all my lies.

I'm looking into my marigold, my marigold's blind eye.

The sky saw me sipping alone now I'm throwing up ice.

But I don't think that you're alone enough,

Your dreams are strung within my baring bluff. is that enough?

I'm gonna get you my marigold, my merry golden bride.

My old girl's a murderer dying to eat me alive,

But I don’t think that she’s alone tonight.

Let's sing a fable and rip out all our lies.

9. ARROWS

If you'd fell into the bleeding elements

Our country sings so well,

I'd ride 'round the memories I can

And disregard the rest as fleeting wind.

With hundreds of arrows on my mind,

I'm pointing out the highways and the way they surrendered

Me, into the one who's always breaking down

And escaping out the back.

Please don't stare into the light too long

If I'm the only one to crash.

Please don't dream about the leaves too long

'Cause I'll be drifting back.

10. IN THE OLD MAGNOLIA TREES

If my god had caught me walking down another aisle,

In a dream, a funeral's got me riled up.

Would his actions come and visit me,

Rolling thunder over rum and tea?

Tired of the way the wind keeps talking out of symmetry,

I hook the bait and try to memorize

The order of the never-ending seas,

The busted San Andreas melodies.

I've been here a lifetime,

In the old magnolia trees.

I drank all my lifelines,

It's the right time to descend into the breeze.

Eight nights alone and I'm addressing every passing need,

But I promise I've forgotten almost every damn thing.

Dig me under dying stars tonight,

The high is blinding and I've been sorry for miles.

11. ST. HELENA

Jonathan, give me life.

To the South Atlantic Ocean, I'll retire.

Hunting down schemes after dark,

We'll drink until our eyeballs bust.

But you're already blind

And you're stayin' up to piss in this dirt

And if I boil down,

Will the others realize what I'm worth, worth to you?

Boy, you've been here for two hundred years

One jug of rye and I disintegrate.

You old motherfucker, make my memories erupt.

When she held out her hand

And I came in the way that I left

If I could design a moment,

I'd have wept, wept for you

Boy, you've been here for two hundred years.

12. THE WILD

In dreams of a world that is winding down,

Where workers'll always be blessed,

The hermit assesses the seaboard

And finds that it's all he's got left.

The scenes of the tourists die suddenly,

Old California unrest.

He knows the grass won't watch itself,

Hell in the mountains out west.

Pipe dreams and plywood, he sees it all,

And makes love the shame that it is.

If disaster's swimming in anyway,

Why won't the saints visit him?

He wrote our whole history out on Tamalpais,

Keeping it close to the chest,

But he knows the past won't wash itself,

Hell in the mountains out west.

Sixty spins out of a rabbit hole,

Seconds away from the gun,

Lost in a teenage eternity,

And brothers who blew through the sun.

He whispers, "I'm going home to my old Alaska,

Easing away from the stress,

I love you all, goodbye and go wild."

Hell in the mountains out west.

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scarlett-carson · 7 years

Text

Its funny, but not in a HA HA HA kind of way

things have been...all over the godsdamn place of late ive been busy ive been broken ive been, a bit under construction of late. there was a bit of a phoenixing going on behind the scenes and maybe not everyone knew it. or maybe they did and i am not as lowkey as i fancy myself to be sometimes. there was a bit of a semi-public accidental crash recently, so... it doesnt matter. no, i mean it totally matters but thats...not the point of this recently, i went on vacation. there was a road trip with my sister and it was all kinds of things. it was, above all....FUCKING NECESSARY but. to the point of this post:: we were driving back from a week in daytona and it was the middle of the night and we were talking about things and stuff and nonsense and serious stuff and bullshit and like...everything...because that is kind of this thing that we do sometimes and shes had kind of a rough go in her own way and i think we both sort of needed a quality 3am talk about what one wants to do when they realize they dont have to camp out at rock bottom anymore and that there are options beyond "idk, just not die i guess" and in all of the talk about all of the things, she asked me why i stopped writing. (because she is a cunt and kind of a sadist) i dont have an answer for that i have a list of like...bullshit excuses for why i dont write depression lack of focus nothing to say impostor syndrome "i cant i have rehearsal" etc etc etc but i didnt have an ANSWER in that moment but i did tell her that recently, id been thinking a whole lot about how i miss doing slam and spoken word. that even if i dont have the stamina to write longform anything, doesnt mean i dont have things to say and that maybe it would be a way to get my legs back under me but i dont know because its been a really REALLY long time and what if i dont know how anymore and the rules have changed and like nothing i have to say is interesting to anyone else or like what if there is something i feel deep all the way into my marrow, but like someone else can say it better? this bitch has the audacity to pull over to the side of the road. like in the middle of fucking NOWHERE mountainsville, kentucky or wherever the fuck we were...and goes "so, its funny you should mention THAT. its funny, but not in a HA HA HA kind of way. i have to show you this thing. but its going to kick you in the face. long dramatic pause, because she knows just a little bit too much about my life possibly twice" ...and then shows me the following spoken word piece on her spotify playlist: ~~~~~~~ **We never promised each other much, we were always just kind of touch and go. as if we knew we'd know that somehow we'd grow differently. so we did and we do and none of this is to say that it wasn't worth going through or that i care any less about you. shoulders to lean on are hard to come by. I know because there were times I would have broken my own neck just so that I'd have one of my own to cry on. And I remember when each finger was a pawn moving slowly across the chessboard of your body and we made each game last. Passed up each avenue of attack because neither one of us were trying to win So how do we begin again when that feels like now and this feels like then? When all I can do is tell you "if you've got something that needs saying, tonight I'm paying dues." I've got a pocket full of blues and two pennies to rub together Which means I'm wealthy enough that I can finally afford to pay attention. I'm listening. And I know right now I'm somehow like that kid sitting in math class, terribly aware of his first boner. It's hard. But difficulty has never been a good enough reason to describe the effort it takes to make the good times and the memories worth having. And they were and they are and I wouldn't have come this far if you weren't worth the sleepless nights where abandoned appetites of a heart, now rail-thin, because of the constant hunger strikes. In your absence, I'm finding value, because what starves you carves you, and I'm chipping away the rough edges of a statue built to memorialize everything we've been through. And when I'm done, I'm gonna set it against the backdrop of the sun and stare just no matter where I go, it'll always be etched into the back of my mind, stenciled in behind whatever future I have left to find. Maybe we were never meant to last. Maybe we're only meant to reflect fondly upon a past where we cast ourselves in the lead role of a one-year sitcom. One that had the critics standing, while putting hand to palm, in an ovation we're still getting curtain calls for. And the stage floor was a graveyard for the freshly cut roses that we waded through to take our bows and say thank you. It was beautiful. And it was and it is and none of it was ever show-biz. But we were waiting for lights to dim on a stage where we set ourselves to music. As if the swelling violins could ever mimic the hidden moments found in the theatre where we kept audiences stapled to their seats. And they watched us, looking for vacancies they could occupy in the spaces between our heartbeats, as if silence was a room for rent, and we both went "shh." But the beats themselves: they were loud enough to drown out the applause. And we laughed at the ushers left looking in the aisles for the dropped jaws of patrons who still can't believe we took time to find beauty in the flaws we possess. That there's only something better to be found in allowing our collective damage to coalesce. And all we confess of ourselves forever is that we will make it through this. We're gonna make it through this, like a big-ass jug of kool-aid with legs and arms busting through a brick wall to quench the thirst of our loneliness and say "fuck yeah." Yes, I miss you. When I'm not looking, the softest parts of me will issue restraining orders. Not the kind that define borders or boundaries; these are the kind that will keep me in place when I ask "please, call me when you get there." Because every somewhere I go to, is just another place that reminds me I miss you. And my broken heart is where I keep the scar-tissue that I used to dry my eyes when a tear tries to make a break for it. I've built my eyelids into an Alcatraz, where every prisoner has a parole board meeting scheduled for yesterday. And they played dominoes until time comes full circle, like a sunrise, and today tries to set them free because they'll be locked up here until I let them go, until it's safe to let you know you're my best friend. And that some things end so that other things can begin. Sometimes an ending can be an origin. That history is a resin that can keep two people stuck together, that change can be a tether if you let it. I'll always want to kiss you. Or touch you. Or do that thing that drives you crazy. And by that, I mean you literally go crazy when I call you "cranky pants." Sorry, but it makes me laugh. And that's important to someone who's given more than half of their life to tragedy. I keep your side of the bed empty with a just-in-case mentality of that hope's middle name is maybe and maybe you miss me too. One day, you and I are going to make it through this. And we'll look back and we'll realize that we have, and we did, promise. PROMISE--shane koyczan** ~~~~~ go ahead and take a minute take all the time you need because i needed fucking 20 minutes and i am pretty sure i stopped breathing we sat there in dead silence at almost 4 am on a dark as mountain road and she just held my hand while silent tears fell out of my stupid fucking face. because, like she knew she would be... she was not wrong. she was so very very not wrong. i got back to chicago on monday i have spent the last few days (still not writing) debating like...what to do with this. do i post it on Other Social Media? do i text a youtube link? do i tag everyone who crossed my mind as i listened to it the first time? (for the record, it is probably exactly who you expect, AND...other people you wouldnt so, there's been some unpacking too like "why them, though") do i sit in the corner of my shower and just cry about it for a while until it shifts from "pathetic" to "cathardic" and do i even remember where that line IS anymore? and like...sure i could direct send it but would they even read it? would they get it? would they understand? ...does it fucking matter what they think? and in all of the debating and unpacking i realized one thing: not really, no. things that resonate with ME, wont always register with Person X--certainly not always in the same way--and like...that is kind of okay, actually they dont have to get it its not for them its my thing other people will think its pretty cool, though and i can show them and those people will get excited...it only becomes problematic when Person X disregards that it resonates at all that is a dick move and like...if i, as a person. as a fucking force with which to be reckoned...resonate with so many people WHY should i keep trying to share that resonance with people who just kind of "meh" about it when i could just show it to the other people who think its pretty cool. so fuck it i will put it here and people can see it and they can think that its pretty cool or "meh" and thats ok but i should probably stop being my own Problematic Person X...

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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I Don’t Know Him (ABC) - Lemonade

AN: In all honesty, this story was originally inspired by someone’s text post about their ‘Biadore heart’ after Bitney had their date night. I started thinking Danny having the same reaction to the pictures would make a good fic, then I realized their dinner was the same night Adore had a show for the first time in a bit, then this happened. There is mentions of Danny’s anxiety throughout, but if you want to skip the brunt of it avoid paragraphs 8-11 (count the paragraphs broken up by text messages, but not the texts themselves.) I’m planning on writing a second part to this, so don’t worry!! The ending is definitely not the end.

Danny’s heart thumped erratically in his chest. He was bursting with excitement and choking on nervousness. The first few shows of his new tour had went rather well, they were more fulfilling and electrifying than he could have possibly imagined. Performing as Danny instead of Adore had ignited a fire inside of him. A new, raw passion that he thought he had lost on the way. He felt vulnerable, and grimy, and ugly. He felt beautiful, and alive, and genuine. The atmosphere of those shows definitely did help. He booked a few intimate venues in Seattle for the first handful of performances. It felt at home, safe, and cozy. He embraced his new city rather quickly. The vibe of the towns around him, the welcoming, warm, and cool as shit people helped him settle down with ease. He was happy and comfortable there, but he wasn’t in Seattle anymore.

Danny’s next few shows were scattered across California, his first couple in Los Angeles. The same place he had escaped to find his niche in the world, he was shoved back into. Danny never liked the energy of L.A. It was bougie and he always felt like a piece of meat to be gawked at when he was there. The more he thought about it, the higher his anxiety for the show grew. These were his fans, they loved him, he knew it, but he couldn’t help but have negative thoughts about the upcoming event: What if they don’t like the music? What if they don’t get me anymore? What if they’re only there to be able to say they saw ‘Adore Delano’ with no care for the music whatsoever? What if they try to pull or grab me?

Danny had worked himself up into a frenzy of nervous energy, his hands immediately reaching for his phone. The one thing he was looking forward to was his friends being there. They hadn’t had the chance to see him perform as just himself, and hear his new music in person yet. Knowing they’d be there watching and supporting him from behind the curtain let a calm wash over his anxious being.

1:15pm

Danny: You bitches are coming to my show tonight right???

1:16pm

Greg: Wouldn’t miss it!!

1:17

Danny: I’m so fucking excited man

Danny waited. And waited. And waited. It wasn’t unusual for Roy and Shane to be the last ones to reply to the group chat. It seemed especially so whenever it was Danny who had been the one talking. They weren’t always the worst texters in the world, but since they started dating it was like they couldn’t find time for anyone but each other.

4:25pm

Roy: SHANE AND I CAN’T MAKE IT

Danny’s heart plummeted at the decline. Roy’s texting in all caps usually added humor to whatever he was saying, but this wasn’t funny. Danny really needed his friends to be there for him tonight. The thought of Shane in the wings clapping and jumping, Roy bear hugging him right as he got off stage, had helped calm Danny’s increasing anxiety. Now they wouldn’t even be in the audience to watch him perform. His chest tightened at the realization, the disappointment becoming a physical ache.

Shane: Stop typing in caps lock Shane: We’re so sorry Danny!!! Shane: We’ll make it up to you I promise!!! Shane: We love you good luck baby 💞 Roy: EVERYTHING SHANE SAID Roy: GOOD LUCK CHOLA ❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

Roy dropped his phone on the nightstand after sending his last message. “I feel like shit for doing that to him.” He informed Shane, who was sitting on the floor in front of their closet, legs crisscrossed, and clothes that had been deemed unworthy for their long awaited date night scattered all around him. “He’ll be fine.” Shane said matter of factly. There was no wavering in his tone. He really didn’t see the big deal. They had cheered at a countless number of Adore’s concerts, why couldn’t they skip out on one show to focus on their own relationship? “He was excited for us to be there, Shane. It’s all he’s talked about in the group chat for a month.” The slight sting of guilt had turned into a gut punch of it. Roy swallowed down the queasy feeling in his stomach. “I think we should go.” Shane stood straight up from the floor, popping up so fast and sudden he was like a pop-tart being ejected from a toaster. “No!” His voice took on that shrill tone Roy fucking hated, he rolled his eyes at it reared it’s ugly head. “Listen, I love Danny. You love Danny. Everyone fucking loves Danny. He’ll be fine if we miss one show out of how many other’s he’s playing? We can go to any one of them-” “And we can go out to dinner any day of the week.” Roy interjected. Shane’s complete disregard for Danny’s feelings was shocking. Out of the two of them, Shane had always been the more empathetic one. “No, we can’t Roy! It’s taken us how many weeks to plan this? You’re never home, and when you are home, I’m not. Why can’t we be selfish and take care of us for once? You know, our relationship?” Tears glistened in his eyes, threatening to fall but Shane refused to let them. Roy had crawled across the bed to get to the other side of the room where Shane was standing. He climbed off and immediately enveloped him in an embrace. The anger bubbling up inside of Shane told him to push Roy right off of him, but the pain pricking at his heart made him squeeze his boyfriend as tightly as he could.

“I just want us to have this night.” Shane finally spoke after minutes of just hugging and swaying back and forth in each other’s arms. One of Roy’s hands came up to cup Shane’s cheek, the pad of his thumb running across his skin. “I feel awful for abandoning Danny too, but remember what we said?” This had been an ongoing problem in their relationship from the get-go, trying to balance a romantic relationship between the two of them and their friendship with Danny as a whole. They would either neglect themselves for the friendship, or unintentionally ice Danny out entirely. It was an exhausting, hurtful pattern for Danny; He was sure neither of them understood what that did to him or how it made him feel. “Relationship above friendship. We both agreed, but you don’t seem to be holding up your end.” It was no secret Roy had a soft spot for Danny. He loved the kid. Maybe he did tend to put Danny before Shane, but Danny needed him in a completely different way than Shane did. He didn’t want him to feel like he was useless now that he and Shane were together. “Fine,” Roy’s hand dropped from his face. He wasn’t going to bother arguing with Shane. It would be an unnecessary headache he’d rather avoid. “but we have to make it up to him, not just say that we will. He doesn’t even live in L.A. anymore, it’s been months since we’ve seen him without a screen cutting through.” “I promise the both of you, we’ll go to his next show with flowers and signs and megaphones. We’ll make it up to him.” He agreed with Roy.

—–

This crowd had to be the worst Danny had ever dealt with. They screamed over his singing, yanked him down roughly when he reached his hand out, and had no respect for him or his music. Every minute on stage felt like another hand wrapping around his throat, constricting his air flow until he couldn’t breath anymore. Why was this happening? He never had anxiety attacks on stage. This was his safe place. This is where he lost all control and could exist without the world echoing in his ear.

They didn’t care, and he needed to get off stage before he made a scene. The absolute last thing he wanted was to collapse in a hyperventilating mess in front of a crowd of people with their phone cameras pointed directly in his face. Danny managed a strangled “Thank you.” before scurrying backstage. The audience was confused, he had only made it about halfway through his setlist. The abrupt ending caused the audience to breakout in a roar of his name, which he heard backstage and only worsened the panic coursing through his body. Danny dropped to his knees a few steps away from the curtain he had disappeared behind. One hand pressed against his chest as if it would help him catch a breath. Tears didn’t threaten to fall, but rained down his cheeks like a storm. He was a mess, a damn train wreck. This wasn’t suppose to happen. Not with this tour, not with this music, not with the person he was growing to be.

“I can’t breathe.” He gasped to the person who had knelt down in front of him. Danny didn’t look up, he couldn’t face anyone like this. Greg put both hands on Danny’s shoulders and ran them up and down his arms. “What’s the matter, Danny? What’s going on?” He didn’t understand. Basically all of Danny’s friends knew he had anxiety, only a few could relate, and only one knew how to calm him down as much as possible (or enough to get him off of whatever floor he had slumped onto). Roy knew to hold both his hands, Roy knew to make Danny focus on him and nothing else around them, Roy knew to demonstrate proper, exaggerated breathing so Danny could copy, he knew to pick him up off of the ground if he couldn’t stand, and he knew to press a cold washcloth to his face when it was all over. It wasn’t romantic or cute, Roy learned to care for Danny because he couldn’t bare to sit back and watch him suffer helplessly. He needed that right now, even a FaceTime call had been enough to pull him through an attack in the past.

Of course, Roy wasn’t there, and Danny wouldn’t attempt to interrupt him while he was with Shane. Ever since they started dating Danny felt less and less important to them individually. Eventually, Greg and John (Danny’s cousin) managed to get him up from the dirty floor and to his dressing room. The rest of his night was full of shallow breath, shaking hands, desperate sobs, and people who really didn’t know how to handle him.

——

Shane rolled off of Roy and cuddled into his side. An arm wound around his waist and pulled the blond in closer as a pair of lips pressed against his forehead. “See?” Shane practically sung as he traced odd patterns against Roy’s chest. “Aren’t you glad we stuck to our plans? We would still be at Danny’s show if we had went.” Roy looked down at him, shifting uneasily under his body. He had completely forgotten that they essentially ditched Danny’s show, a show so important to him he’d been beaming about it from the moment the date was finalized, to have dinner…and fuck. A pang of guilt revisited his stomach. “I still feel bad about that.” “I told you he’ll be fine, pussyface. Besides, the next three shows he has in California we’ll be the most obnoxious fans there.” Shane declared. Despite not necessarily seeming like it, he did feel crummy about choosing not to go to Danny’s show, but he had decided when he and Roy started dating that they would be his priority. Danny had other performances, Shane only had one shot at being with Roy. He pushed himself up to press his lips against Roy’s. “Round two?” He purred in his ear, nipping at his earlobe to persuade him. Roy answered by flipping them over and pinning him to the mattress. In the back of their minds they both knew they should at the very, very least text Danny to ask how his gig went, but this quickly took priority. The rest of their night was full of heady kisses, needy touches, choked moans, and two people who knew each other’s body’s better than anyone else had.

—-

Danny woke up mid-afternoon with stinging eyes, a stuffy nose, and a pounding headache. Last night was an absolute disaster, the unruly crowd getting the best of him. He groaned at the memory and pulled his blanket over his face, turning over so he could grab his phone from the other side of the bed. He didn’t want to see tweets from concerned fans or any mean spirited comments on his Facebook page; He wanted to talk to his friends. As the reflection of his lock screen illuminated his eyes, he realized his friends didn’t want to talk to him. He had one private text message from Greg asking how he was after last night, and none from Shane or Roy. They hadn’t even gotten around to asking how his show went. He felt that same sinking disappointment in chest as when Roy initially told him they wouldn’t be making it. “I am so fucking sick of this.” He muttered bitterly under his breath. He was beginning to feel like more of an inconvenience than a friend.

It was a petty, bratty thing to do, he thought, but Danny unlocked his phone and went to check their social media to see if they had posted anything since the last time he had spoken to them. Just as he suspected, they did. His Instagram feed was flooded with pictures from Courtney and Bianca’s accounts. The last update from Courtney, three hours ago. It was a picture of him and Roy in bed together with some cheesy caption about waking up to ‘the love of his life’, Danny nearly gagged as he read it. That was the final straw. Since they started dating they also started dodging his phone calls, taking hours to respond to texts, not contacting him when they were (by some grace of God) in the same city, and denying every offer to hang out as a group Danny presented to them whenever he was in L.A. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be treated like this anymore, not by the two people he considered to be his closest friends.

Danny quickly responded to Greg’s text from this morning, letting him know that he was thankful for him being there last night and checking up on him today. When that was done, he started a new group chat with just Shane and Roy.

Danny: Glad to see you two had fun last night!!! My show went great btw!! I had a full blown anxiety attack in the middle of it :)

If there was one thing Danny wouldn’t stand for was his friends not supporting him. He could almost forgive everything else if they had just showed up this one time. They knew about this show. They knew how Danny had been bursting at the seems to start this new chapter in his career. They knew how much this meant to him and how much their support meant to him. Still, they chose a dinner date they could have rescheduled for any other day of the week over something that was so important.

Roy was the first to check his phone, seeing as Shane was in the shower. His eyes widened at the text. Fuck! He had a lingering feeling of forgetting something since he had awoken, but couldn’t put his finger on what exactly that was until Danny texted him. The now familiar feeling of guilt deep in his gut had returned. No doubt it was worsened by the knowledge of Danny having an anxiety attack. He knew they should of went, at least he could have been there to hold his hand through it.

Roy: DANNY I’M SO SORRY!!! ARE YOU OKAY???

Shane’s eyes were captured by Roy’s harsh features as he entered their bedroom. He stared down at his phone, his eyebrows laced together as he looked like he might be sick. “Baby?” Shane’s voice was soft as it called for his attention. Roy’s head snapped back to look in his direction. “What’s wrong, Roy?” “We completely fucking forgot to say anything to Danny about his show last night and now he’s pissed…He had a panic attack.” “What!? Just because we didn’t go?” Now that tinge of guilt Roy had become accustomed to punched Shane right in the face. He should have listened to Roy, they should have went to Danny’s show. “No. At least I don’t think so.” Roy shrugged his shoulders. “It happened at the gig, now he’s not answering me.”

Just as he finished his sentence the phone in his hand lit up with a FaceTime request from Danny. “It’s him.” “Danny?” Shane leapt onto the bed, losing the towel he had wrapped around his waist as he hurriedly crawled across the surface and into Roy’s lap just to grab his phone from him and hit answer. Danny’s face didn’t have time to load on the screen before Shane was shouting for him. “Danny? Danny? Are you okay? What happened?” Roy looked over Shane’s shoulder as he waited for Danny to speak. “I’m fine no thanks to either of you.” His tone was harsh. “Danny, we’re sorry.” Roy chimed in, half hidden by Shane’s body in front of him. His voice was gentle and comforting, a complete contrast to Danny’s. “Yeah, Danny, really. We promise next time we’re gonna be there with signs and balloons and a confetti machine if that’ll make you happy.” “It’s not even fucking about that!” Danny snapped at them. How could they not see it? How could they not understand this was just the straw that broke the camels back? Did they really not understand they were making him feel like a burden?

“You guys have been treating me like shit since you started dating. Like I don’t matter to either of you, like I never did! Like all I’ve ever done is get in the way of you two being together, and now that you are there’s no use for me!” “Danny, that’s not true.” Roy spoke up. He wasn’t argumentative for once, he didn’t even believe what he was saying. Did either of them really feel like that? Hell no. Were they treating him in a way that would make him feel like those were their true thoughts? Absolutely. It hurt to hear, but they had to be aware of how they were making him feel. “Yeah Danny, we love you.” Shane added. “You have a shit way of showing it! You guys never answer my call or texts, you never want to hang out anymore, you ditched my fucking show! You guys ditched a show that you’ve know about for months! A show you knew was important to me. This was the real kickoff of my tour, my music. My fucking music that means the world to me, and you two weren’t there like you had promised ten times over! Roy, I went to so many of your gigs when you were on tour I could recite your whole goddamn act to you right now. Shane, I literally got you fucking booked in Seattle so I could see you! Meanwhile you guys can’t even bother to text me? I don’t deserve to be treated like this!” “Alright, you’re being a little fucking dramatic now.” Roy shocked even himself with his words; He was sick of hearing Danny insinuate that they didn’t care about him, or support him, or whatever the fuck he was getting at. “We have a relationship. You can’t expect us to drop everything just because you want our attention.” “Are you fucking kidding me?” Danny yelled through the phone, if there weren’t a screen between them he wasn’t sure his hands wouldn’t be around Roy’s throat right now. His blood was beyond the boiling point. “Is that what you fucking got from all of that? Really Roy? Just because I want attention? I wanted my best fucking friends to share this experience with me. I wanted my best fucking friends to support me while I exposed a huge piece of my soul. Me, Danny. Not Adore. This is so special to me and you guys don’t even get it! You don’t get me, because you haven’t talked to me properly since you started sucking each other’s dicks–You know what? I’m fucking over this. I promised myself this would be the year I take care of my mind, and cutting off friends who can’t seem to make more than two minutes for me is a great way to continue that. Don’t contact me unless one of you is dying.”

And with that the call ended. Roy and Shane stared at each other almost speechless. Shane shook his head as he removed himself from Roy’s lap. “That did not just happen. Did he just cut us off? He cut us off!” Shane senselessly rambled, pacing back and forth ass-naked trying to make sense of the situation. Were him and Roy really neglecting Danny to the point he thought cutting them off would be better for himself than their friendship? What the hell was he gonna do without Danny? His best friend! Who was he gonna ask for advice and call up drunk at four in the morning when Roy was passed out?

As Shane walked a rut into the floor Roy sunk into his own world. Him and Danny had never fought. In all honesty, Danny was the best friend he had in his forty one years. He’d seen him blubber like a baby, he knew things about him that no one else in the world could claim. What the hell was he gonna do without Danny? He shouldn’t have snapped. Maybe if he didn’t snap they could have talked this out. It was all his fault.

Danny threw his phone across the room, the device making direct impact with the wall and the screen shattering in front of his eyes. Well, they definitely won’t be contacting him now. Danny plopped down on the hotel bed, head in hands. He tugged at his hair in frustration. Was this his sensitive heart acting on pure emotion or was this his bossy brain trying to protect him from people that weren’t good for him anymore? Either way, he made his decision, whether impulsive or not, and he had to deal with the consequences of that. Today would mark the first day in years that Shane and Roy weren’t Danny’s ‘ride or dies’. Though, it seemed like they willingly relinquished that title ages ago.

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