#and im so glad i have a room of my own

[gojoest]

Hey 🤍

Just wanted to wish you a wonderful day!!

my lovely k ♡ the way you made my day so much better ( Ĭ ^ Ĭ ) thank you ! wishing you back an even more wonderful one ! hope you're taking good care of yourself ! love you lots ♡ ♡ ♡

#(links to pinterest) #saw your ask earlier at work #and im so glad i have a room of my own #so nobody saw how i squealed and fangirled over my baby boy #ai.mail #meowtuals

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

“i have loved being with you and i have loved being me”

#theres #its #like #i couldnt have asked for a better end #like. none of the stuff that i wouldve done happened but like EMOTIONALLY it all happened #im just so happy thank u chibs #i dont have words rn i just hve feelings im gonna....watch that again and process and make a video and then maybe #i'll have words #im just so glad i was alive for this #i love you all and i love doctor who im so glad this show exists #like a house that we just all keep building new floors on top. and more rooms inside than should be possible #and all kinds of secret passageways #and youre like this should collapse under its own weight #but it hasnt yet #because everyone loves this wibbly wobbly impossible house so much #i love the thirteenth doctor and i love everyone who made her exist and i especially love everyone who loves her too #im gonna go to bed im glad i exist #not having a regeneration into 14 Does kinda fuck with my video plans though but hfkjghjghg #couldve anticipated that one i suppose #i'll make it work #god i have so much new material now #like SO much #so much thoschei material so much thasmin material so much doctor material #a whole feast #okay im gonna go sleep i love you

[stinkrascal]

yall…….. we signed a lease to rent a house and im SOOOOO excited to move in! its beautiful, 3 bedrooms w a huge backyard, SO MANY WINDOWS!!! and its got enough space where we dont feel like we’re on top of our neighbors, but close enough to the city to where we still feel included in all the city antics (literally within walking distance of the majority of the places we frequent)!!!!!! im just so happy rn i had to say something, i cant believe we fond such a nice place so soon, especially one that fits all of our needs!! i hate this word bc i think its so corny lol, but i feel very blessed 😁❤️🎉

#the first house we toured was okay #but we fell in love w this second one #we just knew we had to jump on the opportunity #and im so glad we did! i can just tell this place is gonna be amazing for us!!! #WINDOWS!!!! IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE WINDOWS AGAIN!!!!!! I MISS THE SUNLIGHT!!!!! #and now i get my own office 😁😁😁 #i’ll still mainly be in the living room on the couch lol but at least i can put my desktop in the office!!! #:D :D :D #okay im tired now gn

[llycaons]

apartment hunting is making me sick to my stomach with dread and anxiety. not that there's nothing out there, but for the first time since moving to a new state I'll truly be alone. where to live, what to focus on when picking a ppace, time management, what listing to trust, how to handle this all alone while working nearly fulltime - it's a lot, but most worrying of all is how it'll really just be me. and that's great, that's exciting, I've wanted that - but it's also so lonely and frightening. especially since im used to living right in the middle of the city. houses on the outskirts may be cheaper and bigger, but not having a car in a neighborhood with no subway and barely any bus stops really freaks me out. for all I said I wanted greenery, it sounds like I'll need a car to even come close....the isolation and silence is a lot more intimidating than the busyness of the city I've come to expect and even find comfort it. it's great when there's people around!

#MAN. i hate change. I could cry. maybe giving up a great location in a safe and cheap neighborhood with all my needs within walking distance #ISN'T the best idea #but they always have private convos in the living room so I always feel like a third wheel in my own apartment #ugh. there's a few places very similar to the one I'm leaving. they're half as large and three times as expensive #but they're in a good place #im so glad im seeing my dad tomorrow this has just been so intimidating and overwhelming #cor.txt

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#my brother sending me photos of my entire family spending the holiday together w no commentary whatsoever #makes me foam at the fucking mouth bc its crystal fucking clear that literally anything i say will be gauged for reaction&judged on a scale #of 'is she over it? has she finally come to her senses? is she still throwing this fit?' #&yet somehow im the one in the wrong even though standing on my principles has cost me fucking everything #but sure yeah its my parents who still get to spend time w everyone who are really the victims here. #i get to choose between having no family&letting trash back into my life but They are the ones whose hurt Really matters here. #glad they all got to spend christmas together. #glad that after everything i had to do in my life for their fucking family they all get to do family vacays now #bc apparently i am the one struggling the most financially in the family right now #a fact that tears my soul apart in ways i cannot even describe. #there are so many different types of fury warring in me right now lmao. i love the holidays season. i hate the holiday season. #photos of my parents smiling feel like my own personal ghosts of christmas past. #its like i can hear the screaming&shit breaking&hands being thrown all over the fucking place like its all happening in the other room. ♡ #who wouldve thought my mom smiling would give me ptsd flashbacks lmao.

[maskyartist]

"hey Masky how do you feel about the v9 finale?" well-

GOIN ABOUT AS WELL AS IT CAN

#masky says #rwby v9 #rwby v9 spoilers #I AM FUCKED UP TODAY GODDAMN #wife n i are finally gonna binge the whole season this sunday #BUT WOWIE AM I BROKEN :D #I GOT MY CRUMBS BUT AT WHAT FUCKIN COST.... #his quiet 'i know. im not real.' #the way its both Neo finally getting her closure for the death of the one person who loved her as her- #-and her getting to finally let go and learn how to be on her own #im honestly really glad Neo's story ended this way??? cause it DOES leave room for her to actually come back #but she doesnt HAVE to #she can choose now. and if she chooses to join Roman then its her own choice #i was so happy we got Roman's appearance but im realizing the reason i wanted it so bad- #-was because it gives Neo the final chance to both say goodbye AND move on #AND SHE FUCKIN DID IT AND IM BROKEN OVER IT #MY GOD HE IS SO SOFT WITH HER #I DONT CARE IF THATS JUST AN ILLUSION ITS STILL HER ROMAN GODDAMN IT

[theb0nesofmymind]

Imma rant

#my fucking ex husband is pissing me the FUCK off #usually I message him around 4-5 to tell him if I’m getting off early or not #I get off Saturdays to pick up my son anywhere from 6-8:30 #but I was doing a clients nails for 6 fucking hours today and couldn’t get to my phone #he fucking messages me at 7:50 asking if I’m still coming to pick him up like -_- #the fucking massive aggressiveness is not fucking cute #it’s not like I’m at fucking WORK where I can’t have my phone 24/7 or anything #ya imma just not pick up MY OWN son and not even tell u about it #not to mention my son hasn’t been getting consistent sleep because he has been crib training him #and wants to tell me that I should try to as well when I have been reduced to MAYBE a 10’ x 6’ room in my parents house #I CANT FIT A CRIB IN MY ROOM #like I’m so glad you found someone after we split (that happens to have a whole house) #‘try to find somewhere else for him to sleep’ SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE #i literally don’t complain to him about anything and bend over fucking backwards to accommodate his fucking needs but the second I #don’t message a time I’m coming or I can’t keep the same sleeping pattern as him he has something to fucking say #I swear to FUCK IM GONNA LOOSE IT #the only reason I haven’t is because it literally would not solve anything. he complains. he’s a complainer. #not to mention defensive whenever I BRING something up #like only he can fucking set boundaries and when I try to stand up for myself he turns everything around and makes it my fault #rant fucking over #IM OVER IT #FUUCCKKKKKKKK

[thebraxiatelcollection]

I don't do it on purpose (mostly), but some days I can literally run on two hours of sleep and forget to eat and still somehow to be productive but then I get home and wonder how I manage not to snap at anyone until I crash.

#about me #sometimes when travelling especially i get that busy i just genuinelly forget to eat and i dont feel hungry for most of it #like this weekend we have been away but the hotel room gave me a camper bed cos they couldnt provide a twin bed #and i kid you not #the camper bed was so uncomfortable #the couch was more comfy #i took a two hour power nap yesterday and im literally running off two hour nap #and the day before was the same #im so glad to have my own bed tonight #i dont even drink coffee either so im running on pure orange juice fuel #and im not a breakfast person but today i had breakfast at hotel #and now my schedule messed up #some days its like that at work #and i forget to eat because work just gets so busy at clinic and i dont have time to eat until i come home

[mainfaggot]

Spent so much time around my parents today wow i dont belong here i am not the ideal child at all

#i will never be my older sister #tbh i dont have it in me to be jealous anymore #i used to feel that way in highschool but now i just feel #hm. defeated? #like shes a nice person. shes a good person im glad shes not disappointing my parents #if she was like me then we would both make our parents so so sad #she balances things out is what im saying basically #this is why i feel like dying is okay. i might make my parents grieve briefly but theyll move on quickly #especially if they find out i was going to like. bring shame to the family #theyre not cruel people but they dont have room in their home or their hearts for someone who cant use the resources they provide #in the way they deem ideal #they pay for my tuition bc i rejected my offer into art school and chose pysch instead #they pay for my meds bc they want me to be a functioning member of society that can eventually get married to a man and give them grandkids #my life is not supposed to be in my own hands #hah. god im tired #z.post

[arthur-r]

i’ve gotten really bad over break at falling asleep in a time frame where i can wake up in the morning and function at capacity. but in other news i’ve written a very angry song aimed at my father. so that’s fun

#good morning everybody i tried so hard to go to sleep when i still had a chance at eight hours #i’m still gonna get seven but that’s like. if i fall asleep immediately #anyway my dad deserves to have a song about his problems i focused too much on my mom with hard to break #although actually the core memory that made me want to write that song is my dad calling me a monster when i was like ten #however the song itself is mostly about the way my mom looks at me. where it’s like i’m not human. which is a mom thing #anyway things have been really bad at home lately like i’ve mostly avoided talking about it but literally earlier today i packed a bag to #run away and just kind of changed my mind when i found out my mom was working #(because the type of running away i mean is not as drastic as it necessarily sounds. mostly just wanted to move into the apartment #permanently and im basically going to do that starting next week like i’ll be supposed to go home but i can always decide not to) #anyway do you kiss my mother with that mouth or let your anger rise and cuss her out? do you want to fuck her or do you say fuck her? #either way you fucking overshare!! do you kiss my mother with that mouth? or tell me to shut up and get the fuck out? #and when you tell those jokes do you understand how deep it goes? cant you see i’m broken from the actions that you chose?? #i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter?? #[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest #came up with the first bit on guitar a few days ago and my dad heard the chords from my room and was like hey that sounds like pink floyd #and i had to be like nope just a chromatic scale. and be glad that i was only whispering the words #anyway if you see me right now no you don’t. and i am so incredibly asleep rn. spooky scary talking in my sleep (/all of this is untrue) #sleeping is like. my favorite hobby. but i am entirely incapable of it when there are this many anxieties floating around my head #it also maybe doesn’t help that i finished the caffeinated lemonade this morning at like 1pm. digging my own hole to lie in here #anyway im going to try and stay after school tomorrow and then go to the apartment from there. rather than see my dad and pretend we’re okay #but hi from after midnight. i miss the days where i could sleep in until ten cause im kind of a night owl i just also really like sleeping #like if i could be blathers from animal crossing and nap for twelve hours getting woke up every once in a while and given a fossil and then #going back to sleep. and then waking up when it’s dark out and every once in a while getting given a fossil. that’s the life #anyway sorry for still being here. i was eyes closed for a while and my do not disturb has been on this whole time. and yet i’m awake #going to post this and go to sleep. though. cause unless we get another snow day in a row then i do have school tomorrow morning #and a snow day would actually be terrible because of. aforementioned not wanting to be at home. and being snowed in is terrifying #ok anyway i really have to go to sleep but yeah. goodnight world wish me luck again with sleeping!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag

[elytrafemme]

genuinely nothing feels better than looking at urself in the mirror and realizing that you are a better person than u used to be. bc u worked your ass off to be a better friend be a better sibling be a better partner etc. instant dopamine. im a good person [does one of those heel clicks]

#nightmare.personal #not to kiss my own ass TOO much i have a lot of room to grow. infinite amounts actually #which is one of the reasons im glad im here so that i can grow #i wanna be better than the person i am right now but im also glad that i am better than who i was a year ago #and those SHOULD coexist

[truthundressing]

no one will ever understand the mfasr mv like me and h do <3

#hi btw🧍 #im not back fully probably just lurking till fitf is out #but hellooooooo THAT MV WAS INSANEEEEEEE #THE GENDER OF IT ALL AHHHHHHHHHHHHH #LIKE DID YOUSE ALL SEE THE DRESSING ROOM DOOR SAID WOMENS😭😭😭 #AND HES MY ANGEL PRINCESS MERMAID BEAUTIFUL DARLING BEARDED LADY M #MWAH I LOVE HIM SO SO SO FUCKING MUCH AND OH GO #GOD IM SO GLAD I WATCHED THE WHOLE THI9NG WITHOUT LOGGING IN FIRST SO I COULD COMPLETELY EXPEREINCE IT W MY OWN #THOTS AND NOT BEING CONSUMED BY THE FANDOM BRAIN ROT #BUT AHHHHHHHH HARRY IS SO🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ #he told me himself actrually <33 #im so like its actually so so sad both this and lnt mv have kinda the same message about fame and being for public consumption #but the GENDERRRRRRR #WITH A HARD R #shes so perfect i need to wrap her up in a blanket and kis her little cheeks i love her so much like😭😭 #u dont get it !!! im actually crying i lovve him so much😭😭😭😭😭 #elio say you love h one more time i just dont know how else to express how much he means to me as a silly little nonbinary fan i feel so<3 #seen i guess <33 #idk but i feel so warm and fuzzy and todays been such a good day and this litl break was so needed and now i have a fun weekend ahead and #this has put me in such a good mood for it bc i was so stressed abt uni last weekend i was considering cancelling my halloween plans but #anyway im getting off topic #to 🤍🤍🤍 in my inbox ty beloved sry its taking me so long to answer u ill get to it sometime this weekend promise !!

[postalplants]

Venting again lol

How can "I don't think I'm more disabled than you," "I can't handle supporting you when you express symptoms of your disabilities," and "I can't handle you getting a service dog when I'm so disabled that I can't get a job" all be true? Throw in the fact that I didn't think that I could handle a job but had to for the sake of finances.

So I work, despite being so fucking exhausted by it and getting so fucking triggered every single shift I work. But I can't fucking say that! Because that's upsetting and destabilizing! You want me to be honest, but if you react like this to my honesty, how am I supposed to be honest??

I mentioned needing a service dog because I'm thinking about the fact that I'm struggling with my mental health and functioning but can't tell you that and I know that there are guarding and grounding tasks that a service dog can do that will help me do my job. And you know what! I need to get a second job because I give you the majority of my income and you still need more! You haven't asked me to get a second job but jesus christ you've done everything but.

#vent #im sitting in the work bathroom having an anxiety attack because my least favorite coworker wont shut up about me needing to retrain her #on things that ive already retrained her on while im on my fucking lunch. and it smells like shit in here and i want to cry. #and my body hurts so bad because ive been spending my days off working like a dog on things that need to get done around the house. #but i got told last night that im a deeply selfish person and all of the helpful things i do are just ways that i try to distract myself #from how selfish i know that i actually am. #the joke is that im so selfish because i told them that i need a car because i feel like i need to feel in control of my own life. #and thats selfish because apparently i control their lives by them driving me places and waiting at the hospital for me when im sick. #well. if i had a car you wouldve only had to drive me to & from my colonoscopy. and im really fucking sorry that i make your life harder #because im sick and disabled. im actually genuinely sorry and ive felt guilty for it since it happened and i tried to thank you for it and #ive been trying to do my part around the house to make up for it. and im glad that you finally confirmed that im a burden so that it #wasnt only in my imagination. you really feel like that i guess #god i cant SAY any of this because they didnt explicitly say that im a burden #they said that i controlled where they had to be when i was in the hospital and emergency room and had appointments. #its not a stretch to say that that implies that im a burden right? right?? am i crazy? #god i feel crazy. #and believe it or not these tags have NOTHING to do with the post lol. #also :) my other roommate wont talk to me until im adequately medicated :) #because im too much of a POS when im unmedicated for him to talk to me apparently. #and im the only selfish one because they give their lives up for me apparently? i guess i need to complain more about #how much effort i put in to try to help them? (i wouldnt actually do that because i dont DO things like that. even when ppl do them to me) #FUCK

[xxxboyheroxxx]

.

#not to be a weirdo but ive never felt so held #a good friend was in town so we hung out and the entire time i was like i dont deserve this friendship and ig he could tell i felt that way #because he was like im so glad to have u as a friend #and i visited my old job because i brought them tiramisu and they bought me chai #and everyone hugged me and complimented my hair #and like im so happy i have my own place and that i dont have to sleep on the living room floor anymore #and i saw my tattoo artist recently and they said theyre excited for the next piece #idk i just feel so at peace rn #maybe its the weed talking but i feel so good