#I AM FUCKED UP TODAY GODDAMN

[maskyartist]

"hey Masky how do you feel about the v9 finale?" well-

GOIN ABOUT AS WELL AS IT CAN

#masky says #rwby v9 #rwby v9 spoilers #I AM FUCKED UP TODAY GODDAMN #wife n i are finally gonna binge the whole season this sunday #BUT WOWIE AM I BROKEN :D #I GOT MY CRUMBS BUT AT WHAT FUCKIN COST.... #his quiet 'i know. im not real.' #the way its both Neo finally getting her closure for the death of the one person who loved her as her- #-and her getting to finally let go and learn how to be on her own #im honestly really glad Neo's story ended this way??? cause it DOES leave room for her to actually come back #but she doesnt HAVE to #she can choose now. and if she chooses to join Roman then its her own choice #i was so happy we got Roman's appearance but im realizing the reason i wanted it so bad- #-was because it gives Neo the final chance to both say goodbye AND move on #AND SHE FUCKIN DID IT AND IM BROKEN OVER IT #MY GOD HE IS SO SOFT WITH HER #I DONT CARE IF THATS JUST AN ILLUSION ITS STILL HER ROMAN GODDAMN IT

[senselessalchemist]

Bow problems (+ other nonsense)

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #they just wanted a nice bow #the collector can do a lot of stuff but i don't think he's good at bows #i was drawing a lot of antagonistic beheaded/collector content so i wanted to do some more cute junk #okay a lot is an exaggeration. still #need some guys being buds content sometimes #weird monster guys doing domestic shit is my favorite genre #i got a bonus at holiday time and im tempted to buy a tablet i can use portably #esp because holy fuck i don't know how to draw anymore #but also i just spent stupid money on tickets to live podcasts so i probably shouldn't #unrelated im very upset today because fucking UPS didn't ring my goddamn doorbell and so “”missed me“” and couldnt deliver my specialty meds #why must i get my meds through ups #because the us is a hellscape and i am beholden to my health insurance company #ups who has literally never managed to get a package to this apartment #tbh im stressed as fuck about having to go through this every goddamn month

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

helloooo my dearest darling listeners, i am back on my soapbox to regale you all with the marvelous things i witnessed/experienced on my Whimsical As Fuck™️ three hour drive today. not necessarily in order <3

some cute does with bigass floppy ears / very sweet waitress who called me "hon" and put the most tasty looking crepes on my table / a pair of hawks divebombing a golden eagle / a kite (the bird) / a flock of magpies / some GORGEOUS scenery / a rainbow / lovely rain sprinklings / MORE gorgeous scenery, i mean what the fuck / fields of purple/orange/red tipped bushes / a meadow of buttercup-yellow very tall grass, in which many picturesque trees stood / lots of fluffy, adorable, tasty cows / a large herd of likely-feral horses with a wonderful variety of patterns & colors / the fluffiest husky ever / the juxtaposition of cold wind through an open window + warm sunlight / the most stunning snow-coated mountain of whites and blues in the sun, wreathed in clouds / no seriously some really fucking Gorgeous scenery, i was near tears with some of it

#i am feeling. Better Than I Have In A While #you know! last night i was very unhappy that i would have to do this drive! #but after my 2 hour doze in the ihop parking lot #and a nice breakfast of crepes and tea w/ my book #i was feeling better and decided Fuck It. im gonna make myself enjoy this drive #im gonna take my goddamn time and really absorb my surroundings #by fuck i will stop at a rest stop and take a walk! and i did all of it! #life is actually worth it! glad to have continuous confirmation of that #its so nice to drive and actually see things #beautiful landscapes... wildlife... Geography... #instead of just Flat. Scrub. Brown. More Scrub. Dirt. Dead Scrub aka Tumbleweed. Boring Brown Hills. No Weather. #i can go outside the clouds are Full and the air is Fresh and birds are Singing and i am Alive #absolutely unprompted #i expect the feeling of realness to fade soon but i will enjoy it while it lasts! #and maybe if i feel it often enough it will outlast the disconnect! #now i think i am going to treat myself to a pork bun i just bought & get one of the nice beers from the garage #ive Earned It! #you all treat yourself to something you like as well. we have all earned it simply by existing! #you're here today! Yippee! indulge! #im feeling so fucking whimsical today... ill go work on setting up my extra monitor and figuring out how the fuck that works! #my mic has already arrived! i have hope that i will do a test stream Soon!

[derpinette]

whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them

#you know since i have bangs #just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE #they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF #guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up #did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging #felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems #yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded #i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand #but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO #i feel really disgusted with myself RN #skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens #i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too #which means it should be illegal for me to go outside #also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so... #i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )

[scrapimmortal]

anyone who's ever worked in food service know how you stop yourself from popping a vein when it's obvious that an entitled customer is treating you like shit because you're doing 'unskilled labour' even though without you they wouldn't be buying their sourdough bread and sipping their fucking lattes

#if you disrespect service staff i fucking hate you there you go #i'm in a godawful mood because i think my period is coming and i got a migraine while working and i simply at what i do at this point #and there were barking dogs and screaming children in the shop today and i wanted to d word #i got up at 4 AM TO OPEN THAT FUCKING PLACE AND PREPARE EVERYTHING CAN I AT LEAST GET SOME GODDAMN RESPECT

[orbmanson7]

:(

Very bad grade in therapy today

#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now #what has even been the point #i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game #and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress #and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using #oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn #i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am! #continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them #they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more #but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently #why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort #i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space #free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it #i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs #like such an asshole #and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise #theres just no fucking point to any of this #... #its cold today #might be a good day to do my favorite plan #actually yeah fuck it im gonna go #hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024 #you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it #keep being amazing yall #see you on the flip side or whatever #orbs thought bubbles

[solarisposting]

screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite #the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life! #and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were #near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!! #i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and #have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and #are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without #realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time! #i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you #and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day #knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit #that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020 #but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will #i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had #and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty #but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger. #and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now. #guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!! #HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON! #ann with an ie #<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again

[peachcitt]

oh my god college life

#peach stuff #i was supposed to work on my final project for my english class today and i didn’t #but i wrote a page and a half yesterday. gonna spend all of tomorrow workin. so . maybe it’ll be alright. who knows. #i have a full unit assignment due a few days after American thanksgiving that i haven’t started i don’t really know what’s going on there #presumably i’ll have that done by next monday #next friday i have my capstone (thesis? end of major project?) presentation that ive invited my family and my teacher that I’ve been #showdowing for the past year. as well as all of my professors. so presumably it has to be good #and good god all my shit is catching up to me. i don’t really have much of breaks. but i am taking breaks anyways to get drunk. #god . college life is so fucked up #go to college but also keep your expectations for it normal. you’re not going to do more #(unless you’re not for sure neurotypical in which case. have fun) #but if you’re neurotypical or undiagnosed. be sure to pack coping strategies or learn new ones #because holy fuck. goddamn. .i have not beeen doing well #anyways goodnight unless i say something else . in which case who gives a fuck. #just . don’t ever listen to me. that’s the lesson to be learned #goodnight

[dismalzelenka]

.

#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—” #and i kinda snapped #and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life #this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run #she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience #and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way #and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me #and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree #and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide #if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here #i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department #i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress #i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms #two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues #she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field #no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past #its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect #and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for #how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn #i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is #she meant well #the pianist i mean #and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood #no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what #maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in #dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion #i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment #its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval #of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself #so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

What's the fucking point

#god i feel like killing myself #just existing is a fucking struggle #whats the point of it #moving into an apartment was supposed to help and it did i fucking guess but i am so drained from trying to survive these past few months #fuck i could hardly bring myself to get out of bed today #i could hardly bring myself to eat #small things keep fucking building up and fuck. fuck. im so fucking tired #im gonna be honest i dont know how much fight i have left in me #i tried so fucking long #i begged and pleaded online for help with just. fucking anything. i was fucking homeless and people rbed my post but i hardly got anything #i feel like my art sucks and its not even good enough for people to pity commission me when i was fucking homeless #i know people did commission me. or donate. and i really appreciate it #but the sheer fact i was open about being homeless and had a whopping... two people either comm or donate me #and id make posts talking about how/why the shelter i was staying at was bad for me #and barely anyone helped #ive spent the past few months being insulted by other people at shelters. #having my fucking abusers show up at one of them #and constantly had people downplay my sadness and mental health issues or physical health issues #even though im not homeless anymore its like theres deep scarring from the fucking. whole goddamn experience #im in so much pain #i keep crying #i cant focus #i can hardly function #ive only eaten one meal today and its 7pm now #i dont think im gonna make it. #personal #vent

[lewishamil10n]

my coworkers genuinely deserve gold stars for being THE most annoying people in the fucking world

#remy.txt #why the FUCK are you calling me on a weekend to ask if there's going to be a volunteer with you on monday #why the FUCK did you schedule five patients for a four hour shift !!! #im not gonna pick up your calls on my time off karen i dont give a fuck #fucking cope. #i swear the work culture in this entire country is so toxic #why am i expected to be available on my time off?? i dont get paid for this #and i absolutely refuse to work outside my paid hours #idc if that makes me look like a dick bc these people are so used to everyone being available 24/7 but sorry i wont do it #ive worked so hard to establish a work/life balance im not compromising on that #if i worked in a dept where everything was life or death like if i was in fucking Emergency ofc that'd be different #but im in goddamn PEDIATRICS we have FIXED HOURS and im not going to sacrifice my mental peace for yalls petty problems #fucking deal with whatever it is and stop expecting me to spoonfeed y'all and hold your hands #fucking calling me at 11 pm on weekends n shit FUCK OFF I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING A LIFE #godddd #well at least work bestie looks nice today #bitching w him is the only thing getting me through

[quillsink]

i have…friends….people who…care about me….what is this sorcery.

#okay major rant in the tags so ignore me lol #okay. why the FUCK do people like me. what in the goddamn hell is going on #i want to go back to october!!! all the guys hated me and i was friends with like two people!! #what is happening…. #people fucking TALK to me?? i have like fucking thirty friends at school what is goingON?? #THIS DOES NOT FOLLOW THE RULES THIS DOES NOT FIR WITH THE SIMULATIONS??. #ground rule hashtag one #people if they can help it do not interact with me #for over two minutes after first meeting me #there are people who WILLINGLY ask HOW I AM #who APPROACH ME after ALREADY MEETING ME #there are people who KNOW i’m gay trans and nd and still??? want to?? be my friend?? #dude one kid i’m friends with fucking made a drawing of me her and our mutual friend and i nearly cried #i mentioned having insect bites and today someone asked me “hey are your insect bites better?” and i almost fucking sobbed #yesterday i was like leaning against a wall and talking to like three girls and i’m like WHAT people t a l k to me. #i am friends with half of my class. what in thr goddamn fuck #i was panicking like an hour before an exam #and the minute before it started one girl walked up to me and said “hey man you’re gonna do great okay you got this” #and i’m like HUH??? YOU CARE??? #i have a friend group who when i talk LISTENS TO ME?? #people ask how i am?? on a daily basis?? #what in the goddamn fuck. this is so weird. #aryan talks

[luckywolfsbane]

..

#WHY AM I SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW #I have no reason to be even a little mad #it feels so irrational #rationally i think it could be ptsd acting up in response to a high level of stress #but can't talk myself out of the anger #i'm just angry and i have to cope without lashing out #everything is setting me off #am i hungry? #i don't know! #that's probably the autism #fucking hell #pick a goddamn struggle Ace #Ahhhh #my name doesn't fit today #it's like a too baggy shirt today and the collar is sitting wrong #a few of the other names fit but they have the wrong texture in the brain #it only makes me angrier :( #i'm in a mood that would let me fist fight a god #but not a mood that would allow me to do it for a good reason #i hate this so much

[catbleps]

At this point (in AZ) Starbucks breakfast is cheaper McDonalds. Girl what

#i am never gonna shut the fuck up about how expensive McDonald’s has gotten #like the number 1 problem is that i moved here from the south where fast food is generally cheaper #but also yall have been getting robbed out here #what goddamn business does a bacon egg and cheese have being almost SEVEN AMERICAN DOLLARS #a single!!!! cheeseburger is $3.69!!!!! #anyways i got starbucks breakfast for my long shift today and its tasty #life.txt #food #i really moved out at a bad time economically lmao #thats why we’re moving Back

[steddilly]

Shit is happening today. I’m feeling motivated and hydrated and focused and I will finish this fic I’ve been sitting on goddammit. I’ve had a 6k google doc sitting there for months and I’m fucking finishing the last chapter today, I’m sick of feeling anxious about it.

#steddie #werebat steve harrington #vampire eddie munson #I am fucking finishing this today #and editing #writing and editing this goddamn fic #almost canon compliant #canon complaint up until this fic #post-vol.2 #post season 4 #stranger things #I'm tired of feeling anxious about it