#and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person

[wrecking]

edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore

#d #my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is #i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i #cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things #and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness #and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person #instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo #and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me #that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now #and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just #processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others #and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik #there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig #which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think #idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like #what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is #just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like #i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it #like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess #not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others #this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head #i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore #which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it #i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust #and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on #maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things

[2myl0ver]

☾ 1 step forward, 3 steps back // byun euijoo

genre : angst / wc : 715 / tw : asshole reader, not a happy ending lol, cursing / masterlist / song : olivia rodrigo

♫ never doubted myself so much, like am I pretty or am I fun, girl? cuz it's always 1 step forward, and 3 steps back. do you love me? want me? hate me? girl, I don't understand. ♫

euijoo keeps his head low, leaving the practice room while on their break, he hears kei following him before he even speaks up. "hey, what's on your mind? is this about taki eating your ice cream in the fridge because if it is I already scolded him for that." euijoo lets out a breathy laugh before responding "no. it's not that, it's just y/n's been so distant recently. I feel like I'm not satisfying them and, it's making me dance sloppy and forget the dance. it's stressing me out, I don't know what I did wrong." he says, still keeping his head down. "hey," kei places his palm on euijoos shoulder, "it's okay. I'm sure they just had a bad day or something, maybe they're stressed too. I think you should be there for each other. you should talk to her so you can understand her better a she can understand you better." euijoo finally raises his head, "yeah. you're right, hyung. I'll go talk things out with her." he smiles.

♫ I kinda find it all exciting like, which lover will I get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying? ♫

"hi baby <3 can we talk? there's a cafe nearby, we can talk there!" he typed out.

ding !

"hi, yea sure. but make it quick, I have to go meet up with jay soon" read the words on his screen, his smile quickly fades upon seeing the name "jay".

"who's jay?" he asked, while walking to the cafe. "wow, so I can't have male friends anymore? get off my fucking back euijoo. stop being so fucking possessive, maybe if you stopped caring so much about who I'm with you'd actually improve your dances and be a better leader." tears form in his eyes in the middle of reading your message, he decides to stop before his tears spill out.

he arrives at the cafe and approaches your table. "hi. you were quick." he tries to lighten the mood, "can we get this over with? what did you wanna talk about?" you say, afraid of keeping jay waiting.

"w-well, I've been noticing that you haven't been the brightest recently and I just wanted to ask if there was anything I can do to make you feel better o-or if you wanna talk about it." euijoo says, concerned. "you really made me go here for this? you could've asked me this over text. I'm fine, euijoo."

"b-but-" you cut him off, "stop doing that, you keep stuttering. just get it out before I get out of here."

"I just thought we could talk about it.. you've been so distant recently and it's really effecting me. j-just please tell me what I-" he's cut off by his sobs, by this point other tables are whispering about the both of you, heads turned towards your direction. "please tell me what I did wrong, I'll change. I promise, I will. just tell me what it is.." euijoo sobs, while other people in the cafe start to feel bad for him, finally understanding what happened between you and him.

he reaches out his arms to hold your hand on the table, and you pull your hands away. "no, please.." he says, barely over a whisper while shaking his head. before he knew it, you stood up and left.

♫ it's one step forward and three steps back, I'm the love of your life until I make you mad ♫

euijoo walks back to the dorms with tears in his eyes, just hoping nobody sees him. once he enters the dorm, kei and nicholas see's him and immediately asks him what happened.

"I don't know, t-they were upset and- I just.. I don't know. they went to see someone named jay or something, whoever that is." he sniffs.

"oh euijoo.." nicholas says. "it's okay, euijoo." kei hugs him and is soon followed by nicholas

♫ no, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong? it's back and forth, going over everything I said. ♫

© 2myl0ver Copyright 2023. Do not copy, repost, or translate without my permission. ♡ ︎and ↻ are very much appreciated !

a/n : I took inspiration from someone do this with enhypen members where they give every enha member a song from the sour album but it was months ago and I don't remember who it is anymoree 😭 if yk what im talking about pls lmk 🫶

#&team #&audition #&team imagines #andaudition #&team EJ #&team scenarios #andteam #andteam reactions #byun euijoo #EJ &team #EJ &team imagines #euijoo &team #euijoo &team imagines

[mr-laveau]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Game

Tagged by a darling, @autisticempathydaemon! Thanks for the tag!

Tagging @agentplutonium because I wanna pull some SH style interrogative shenanigans/lh

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

Seventeen, not a lot but it's to be expected somewhat I suppose since I'm busy writing NeXus.

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

64,509-Oh look I beat Lexi/j/pos

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Redacted mostly, I have some unreleased Castle Audios fics, an unfinished JJBA SDC fic to finish and a Scott Pilgrim fic to start.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1 is an Ironpanther Marvel Fic of Avenger's Academy I have not touched in forever called "How Tony Stark landed a king and how T'Challa landed a genius". It was fun tho cuz my hc of T'Challa being demisexual was really well received to my knowledge. #2 is "Spitfire", which admittedly is a good FL/Damien fic and people should read it. #3 is "Ghost of the Past", my Sam/SH fic where they both used to be roommates in DUMP. #4 is "Friends...Am I right?" which was a really fun Darlin/Sam & BE+Fred fic. Finally, #5 is "Moments That Flash By" which is a really good Darlin/David fic for my soul.

5 - Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do respond when I remember...ADHD makes me do silly silly things like forget that stuff exists. I like comments and they let me know I'm doing s good job.

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Easy! "Shattered Glass Makes a Good Weapon" Gods, I love that fic so much. It was really fun for me to reach deep down and write Darlin and Quinn like that.

7 -What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhhh I dunno, probably a Marvel fic called "Crossing Buckies and Dotting Hawkeyes", I am a winterhawk girlie and I had fun writing that, others might think it's "Spitfire" or "Break time, Gorgeous" but subjectively, it's that fic.

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

If I have then I haven't seen it. I don't really engage much with fandom to care about hate comments because "haha, look at you getting mad over words about fictional characters kissing", like shut your goofy ass and move on.

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have but I'm not releasing it. I don't feel compelled to do it-mostly cuz it's for me and I like toying with the idea in my head and the people of my current fandom are not ready for the depravity I could unleash.

10 - Do you write crossovers?

No? I have ideated one but I'm still not sure if I want to do it.

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12 - Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nuh uh.

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Uhhhh no but I have ideated with Lexi about one and I have been too busy to finish the first chapter.

14 - What's your all time favorite ship?

My redactedsona/redacted men What? who said that? It's Darlin/Sam/David/Angel/Damien/Asher/Baaabe/SH/Milo. It's my ship and yes, they're all poly, yes, they're a network and yes, I am happy with myself.

15 - What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

"Platinum Portrait", It was an old JJBA fic with my OC/Jotaro and I really liked how it was going. Dunno, we'll see how it goes.

16 - What are your writing strengths?

I'm good at dialogue and characterization as well as pacing(?).

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

Gore, writing long fics, Dead Dove Do Not Eats (I wanna do those at some point with Quinn or Hush OR Porter OR OR OR Imperium Vincent) I like dark shit, idk what to tell y'all and I wanna get better at exploring darker topics properly in my writing.

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Gods, I love doing it. If you've read "Break Time, Gorgeous" then I want you to know, I love you and it was fun as hell to write.

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

Marvel. Specifically it was my Ironpanther fic.

20 - Favorite fic you've written?

An unreleased Sam/Darlin smut fic where they fuck in an alleyway. I think it's fun.

#mr. laveau #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted fandom #marvel fanfiction #jjba fanfic #redacted audio fanfic #ask game #fic writing #fanfic #ao3 fanfic

[gimmethatagustd]

Hi!! Okay so this is a bit of a weird ask (??) but I just went on a ~trip~ through your blog and thought you'd like to know. Maybe. Possibly.

So, I randomly remembered about TFM Yoongi, and super super got the itch to re-read it again. I knew it was on hiatus (literally a few days after I first read it 🥲), but I had it saved on my ✨secret bts fanfiction side-blog✨and on ao3. Couldn't find it. Panicked.

Quickly skimmed through your masterlist and wips - no signs of life. Maybe yoongles took it with him to the army for some late night reading? I considered sending you an ask, but then I was like - No, poor babygirl author probably gets a bunch of these, I'd much rather go through their posts, than to be yet another "WhEre iS tHe fiC" random stranger.

So I did. Did I find any additional info on it? Why is it gone? No. We love tumblr's search function 👍 It's fine, I'm emo anyways, grief is my companion (joking - you do do. It was fire though, I miss it dearly. Jimin was so sassy "Miss Thang" omg. Also poc rep ?? Yes).

HOWEVER. I did notice the delicious amount of DPR IAN discourse (my husband actually) AND that one post about Logic's Supermarket (i have yet to read it but the album is so slay. I actually like it better than some of his "official" stuff oop-). And I just kept thinking, damn, I love the vibes here, we're practically besties at this point.

So I guess here I am??? I don't even read that much BTS ff anymore BUT 👀 I'm all up for more Adorable Representative MCs For Youth content on my dash. We ball I suppose. I hope you have a nice day/week/ whatever 💜

HI I'M SORRY I'M FINALLY RESPONDING TO THIS !! i've been such a mess the past few days from work, so i wanted to make sure i gave myself time to actually respond to this ask properly since you were kind enough to send me such a lovely message!

you are correct, TFM is gone 😭 i deleted it from tumblr and AO3 because i was unhappy with my writing and where the story was going. i was excited for it, and then everything kinda fell apart. I'm sorry!! a lot of people got mad at me for that LMFAO, but i really grew to hate that series, and i figured it would be better to just delete it. i didn't delete the actual fic tho. like i have all my writing saved. i've considered rewriting it to be yoonmin instead of a reader-insert cuz i lowkey hate writing reader-inserts but i still do it for my tumblr followers hjsdfks but that is TBD

i'm glad you enjoyed it tho!! i think i got in my head over it idk. i love the idea and the characters (and FUCK YES diamond was my favorite character. we need queer poc representation in fics~ one thing about me is i'm gonna always give it if i can in a fic 😤) but yeah ! ANYWAY

DPR IAN. i'm gonna write a drabble for him, probably in February~ so i hope you enjoy it when i do!

AND OMG ok i need to read supermarket soon. we can do a book club lmfao. i will 1000% be your bestie, i mean, we're already there atp like you said. dm me whenever you want ok ok ok

i'm happy to be a bts ff dealer for you if you're ever in the mood for it 🙏🏽 I'm honestly on tumblr for the vibes and friends atp so nice people like you are why i stay 🥹 i hope you're doing well !!! you're so nice

ALSO yes i stalked your blog and 👀 sleep token 👀 tbh idk anything about them but i know some of their songs and i am very into it

#moonchild-in-blue #jai asks #happy things ✨ #tfm

[kiwitio]

Another ted talk TODAY?? oh meins gott.

Today's topic? Shifting.

One thing I'd like to talk about is my Shifting experience so far, or rather me trying to. As well as the shifting Community.

I, myself have been trying to shift for about 4 years now. My shifting journey started in late 2019, early 2020 and to be completly honest? It saved my life.

Thinking that there's a Universe, where I am able to go to and be happy?? Be with the Character's I love and cherrich so much? It made my life have a meaning again.

Sadly, I have not shifted yet, though I think I have come near. I have tried to Shift to many diffrent places already, like, My Hero Academia, Death Parade, Dream Smp, A Streamer Au and now?

Underverse.

Undertale has stuck and helped me for so long. I discoverd it a while back, tough never really getting into it and then, back in 2021 or 2022 i finally bought the game after watching meme's, tiktok's, Youtube videos and what not. And to say i love this game and the Au's would be an understatment.

I have found so many friends, people that I love and that have helped me so much, honestly i do not know where i would be, if i wouldn't have searched up Undertale that day.

Though enough of that, i have tried many methods, what gave me the most symptoms are the getaway tapes on spotify and the void method from Alunir.

Though it's less my journey and more about the outside.

I can not comprehent how people can have the audacidy to make fun and hate on other's for their belive in a better place.

Though people hating on other's for their belives isn't new, with religions, but i will get into that in another post somewhen.

Though for god's sake, is it so hard for people to let other's be happy? If shifting is real or not, it doesen't impect you, no one make's you belive it. Tho for fucks sake leave us alone, i do not tolerate this bullshit and it makes me absoloutly mad if I see shit like that.

Let us belive in what we want, and what if it sounds impossible to you? There is so much we don't know, and maybe never will. There could be all sorts of stuff out there, stuff out of movies, something we might not belive right now, but when we find it poof omg we were wrong!

And even if not, though for the history of shifting and proof, just be on your way, it doesent take long to just ignore something.

I'm gonna wrap this up cuz it's getting way to late and i honestly don't want to get out of hand.

So, goodnight and i'll see you next time.

#shifting #reality shift #shifters #undertale #desired reality #reality shifting

[speakyskelly-1999]

hey

so i know i've been doing fuck all for a while

i've had a lot of work to do and i've not been the wellest of people

and like i have other anime i need to talk about first but errr

OMG WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST FINISH

i just finished watching I'm in Love with the Villainess and errr i don't know whatt o make of it

it was like fine for the first 7 episodes, hell even good

but then it throw me a massive curve ball, tolerated it. watched the the next couple episodes. and err let me tell you thoes curve balls just kept on coming and just kept on getting worse.

now did i enjoy the final episode. well kinda. ignoing the first errr 6 minuets it was fiiiiiiiiine. but holy shit

and like they're not really curve balls in terms of plot exatly. they impact it of course but like it's more how they chose to drive the plot thats bugging me

some spoilers by the way

claire, who's the love interet looses her maid whos been with her for ages. fine plot point. WHY SHE LEAVES. ERMM!!!! lets just say forbidden love in the forgers christmas ad variety

ha ha ha i'm in so much pain

aaaaaaanywaaaaay

then we get some one who tests rae and claires love (rae loves claire but claire hasn't realised that she loves rae yet basically)

i need ceral break one sec

okay i have food to get me through this trying time.

it's so yummy

so err yea character who turns up to shake up the relationship

me: okay show whos this person

show: claire's first love

me; okay like a kid next door kinda thing

show; her sisterrrrrrrr

me: say sike rn

show: hahaha yea that's not her sister

me: oh thank god, weird that she calls her that but i guess if its a they were really close as kid but driftedf apart or what ever that's tolerable. as long as their not related i can tolerate-

show: sheeeeeee her cuuuuuuuuuuuz

me: kill me now

so like you might be wondering why i stared watchging

i'd like to nkow the answer myself

i think i reached a level of dispar that destoryed me mind body and soul that i had to know if it got worse

it did

cat break

aaah that cat doesn't have a care in the world

no work, no school just moew moew

okay is everyone refreshed

good back tot he shit show

now the show does a bait and switch but not really , i think

the concept of claire's cuz (i cannot fucking spell her name and i don't want to) is that in the game (yes this is a reincarnated into a video games one, i had some idea of the quality i was getting into but geez) she's one of the only ally characters to the protagonist (rae) to hepl her get with one of the love interest that she likes. now in the game you can only pick from one of the three princes but rae is going after the villainess (hence the title) so she doesn't know whoch side she'll be on.

now to save everyone some trouble, claire's cuz was deliberatly playing the "bad guy who gets in the way of their relationship to make it deeper" cos claire still haddn't realised her feelings for rae really (it is a bit odd tho cos claire's cuz also just says she was actuaslly trying to get with rae at one point and i wanna die)

god call me errr junko what ever the fuck her surname is cos that despare vortex has be by the fucking neck

okay back to it. the way. THE WAY in which claire's cousin goes about her fucking plan, her fucking deal is the worse. she flerts with claire infront of rae to deliberatly provoke her into a fight. this dosn't work so she just straight up chalengers rae and almost FUCKING KILLS HER. so i was like "ah shown your true colores now, this was the plan, no one will like you anymore and you'll leave."

no

rae lost the bet so she had to quit being clair's maid beacvuse thoes there the tems and conditions tehy came up with for the fight in essence.

SHE👏🏽 THEN👏🏽 GETS👏🏽 MAD👏🏽 AT👏🏽 RAE 👏🏽FOR👏🏽 QUITTING

tells rae that she dosn't really care for clair cos she gave up. rae states that like by law they can't be together and also claire dosn't like her back. manaria (i fucking learned her name for this, are you happy now. it's claire's cuz i didn't know if that was👍🏽errr) talks about how she had a love who she didn't wanna say anything and then ended up hurting her. sounds like weirdly placed moral support considering you caused this to happen and knew rae couldn't win against you in the fight but okay i guess

no

NO

NO NO NO NO NO

the thing that manaria did (well "did" cos idk if she was just bullshitting to get them to get back together or, as she states later, just wanted to see rae mad cos she thinks that's cute) is not nothing you lie about if she did lie. AND DEFINATLY NOT SOMETHING TO LIKE THE MORAL HIGH GROUND ON HURTING THE PERSON YOU LOVE. because rae just quit her job. manaria did something incredibly horrific. and i'm moving on cos i don't wanna talk about this part anymore

look another emotional support cat

ain't he just a darling

that's a good cat right there

you can tell i'm coping hard

yea so erm fuck

ultimatly love wins. rae and claire end up together, yay/ manaria goes home, thank fuck. and all the side characters are happy (that deserve happiness). cool is that the end of the show now. can i go home. they semi set up a season two

oh

ooooh they semi set up a season two

yea idk man like the first 7 episodes get a 7/10 and idk what the fuck the rest of it gets. it broke my scale

don't wantch it, but like if you want to just watch the first 7 episodes and you have a decent enough ending. don't watch the next time.

#pain #i'm just in so much pain #okay but like the op and ed were kinda finre #at least for me they were #i really don't care about the coherency of this ones guyss it's just pain #my flatmat gone be made at the fact i used a different bowl eheheheh

[dungeons-are-too-cold]

My thoughts on Spencer Reid's arc in Criminal Minds and why it pisses me off

I cant be the only person who is pissed at the downward spiral of Spencer's storyline, right? Like I feel like everything from season 11 on has been a fucking mess with his character and they let his plot absolutely tailspin out of control. It's just so sickening to see him not even be able to escape anything tragic or traumatic and life altering happening for like more than an episode or two.

Im pissed that Cat is back. I'm pissed that JJ confessed her love to him. I'm pissed that Gideon died without a goodbye. I'm pissed that his mother got sick, and that Maeve was killed right in front of him, and that he never received any outward support from his team when he was struggling with his addiction, and that the team has been incredibly mean towards him on and off since episode one, and I'm honestly pissed about the way he gets talked about by fans and staff and even MGG.

I can talk for hours on end about how I see so much of myself in Spencer, and how, for most of the show, he was a beacon of hope in. a sense that I could make friends, make family, and be accepted. But this absolute tragedy and chaos of his final seasons just leaves me feeling empty and angry and honestly fucking depressed.

Maybe its because I watched the seasons so fast, I know that this show wasn't meant to be consumed in its entirety over the course of a month, but honestly I don't think it would have changed how upset I am over this. I think its actually would have made me more upset to dedicate so much of my time to the show and the characters for years to just have my favorite completely neglected in terms of happy endings. He doesn't even get a happy beginning, or a happy middle, or happy anything. I'm not trying to say that happy things happening are like normal or expected or anything, but come on. Not a single good thing ever happens and remains consistent in Spencer's life.

I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent angry crying over this, to an unreasonable degree. I don't know why it makes me so upset but it does. maybe I'll delete this rant later cuz maybe i'm being too emotional or whatever, but I'm mad and maybe someone out there can validate my upset idk, idk anything anymore

#criminal minds watch through #criminal minds #dr. spencer reid #dr spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #georgia's not so critical analyisis

[chicken2potato]

It's been almost a week. And only one word from him. I feel so lost and confused. One minute I'm fine and the next I need to go to the bathroom at work to calm down before I start breaking down.

I just read a post that said "silence does not mean anger". I'm trying to tell myself that. Trying to tell myself that he just needs time. This is a lot to take in and theres a lot of variables, and i understand that. But at the same time, this isn't something you don't not talk about. I'm trying to give him space and trying to be understanding. Amanda said I should just be petty and message him and be like "Oh, so you're just not going to talk to me ever again?". But I know that won't solve anything and it'll likely make things worse.

I don't want him to be mad at me. I don't want him to think that I hate him or that I'm sad or upset for being with him. I care for him, so much. He made me happy. We had fun and I was finally beginning to think maybe it'll all be okay. I'm not going to lie, there's a big part of me that is scared as hell that he'll never talk to me again. What do i do then? And what if I go through with not doing it and after he just never talks to me again? What if he never comes over and hangs out with me again? What if i never get another hug from him and never get cuddles again? What if i never hear his voice again and never see him again? What if i do go through with it and he resents me for the rest of his life? What if he's mad that he met me? What if he's upset that he was with me and wishes he never talked to me at that party?

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to fucking do. Every time i feel like I get close to being okay with a decision, something happens and I question it all over again. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Only a few people know. Amanda was there. Shes been supportive but if I'm completely honest she's also been annoying as hell. One on hand its nice because at work at least I have someone who knows and who I can talk to about it. But shes not done a very good job at comforting me and being realistic. That first night she was just saying how if I moved back in with my mom how I'd be so much closer and how she could come over all the time and shit. But like, there's more to it all than just that. Shes treating it like its no big deal and its just something for her to do in her spare time once it happens. Thats not what this is. This shit is serious. What about him? What about me? My job? My finances? My future? My living situation? Their future? Their life? It's so much more than just being able to hang out cuz you're closer. And she's not being realistic in when she's telling me how I should talk to him. Like saying how I should be petty and just confront him. Thats not going to fix anything and at the end of the day its just going to make things so much worse.

Luc knows. I did not want to tell him. But he asked and I couldn't lie to him. I hate liers. He tried to comfort me... But then afterward was saying some weird shit... He wanted to come over tonight. I'm glad I told him not to. It would have made me feel like I was cheating on Dev. Like, I know we're not official and things are weird, but I can't just go around sleeping with other people. That would make me feel like a cheater and so scummy. And I shouldn't be doing that anyways. I have other shit I have to deal with that's a hell of a lot more important than just fucking sex. I just can't with him. I feel like he thinks that this gives him another chance of being my fuck buddy now. Since i stopped talking to him once Dev and I hung out, but since Dev isn't talking to me, i bet he thinks this is his "in". Kind of gross, to be honest.

And now Jess knows. I've wanted to tell her since the night everything happened with Dev. I texted her that night because I wanted to tell her but I knew I had to do it in person. She's been an absolutely amazing friend. I knew she was the person i needed. She comforted me and didn't judge me. She told me she'd be there no matter what, and I 100% believe her. Shes the kind of friend that you could go to for anything and she'd just be there. I love her so much and i dont think I do a very good job of being a friend to her. I don't see her as often as i should and I'm not there for her as much as I should be. I felt so bad the night of that party. She had invited me and instead of leaving with her i stayed to be with Dev. Thats not a very good friend. And I'm so sorry.

I don't deserve to have someone like her. Shes the most supportive friend i think I've ever had. Like I could never go to Mk with this news and feel like I do with Jess. Mk would sit there and judge me and analyze all of my decisions and how i should have done better. She would have made me feel even shittier than i already feel. Mk didn't even want me to be friends with Jess again. When i told her i was going to go to the bar with Jess for St. Patty's day, she gave me the most judgey face ever. Like bitch. What the fuck is your problem? Jess has done nothing to me. Mk is always "mom"-ing me and its getting fucking ridiculous. I don't need someone to scold me and lecture me. I need someone to hug me and tell me everythings going to be okay while I'm standing there crying. It's like she has no awareness for others emotions.

I'm supposed to call the places tomorrow to help get things confirmed and situated. I'm so fucking nervous. And tomorrow I'm supposed to go to Leonards and help with the truck, meanwhile, the entire time I'll just be walking around like nothing's going on. Thats the hardest part. Pretending like I'm completely fine. I'm not fine. If I could lay in my bed and cry all day, i would.

I just wish he would talk to me. I don't want him to think I hate him. Or that I wish I didnt meet him. His girl in high school just randomly blocked him one day and that was that. I don't want him to think I'm going to do that. Amanda said i should. And thats what I mean by her being so unrealistic about it all. Like thats so fucking immature. We're both grown ass adults and need to act like it. And why would i block him? He didn't do anything wrong. Would it be nice if he messaged me back? Of course. But I dont know what's going through his head. I don't know why he's taking so long. Maybe he's trying to figure things out. Or trying to convey how he wants things done. I have no idea. But I do know its not fair to him for me to just cut him out completely. I care too much about him to hurt him like that. I just want to give him a hug and tell him that no matter what happens it'll all work out. But maybe this is it. Maybe he's already checked out. Maybe I am all alone.

Everything is so confusing. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anymore. And we're running out of time. Each day that passes is another day gone that we need to make a decision. I just don't want to make a decision too late... I don't want him to resent me for the rest of his life.. I don't want to ruin his life. That was never my intention. I wanted to help him become better. I wanted to be there for him while he chased his dreams. And now what? I'm here all alone while he goes and does whatever? How the fuck did this happen? Two weeks ago I was excited as fuck because my finances were getting better and I was almost ready to get my car fixed finally and Dev and I were doing really good. And now.... Now I have to worry about my finances even more. And now I dont have my car or even the truck I was borrowing. And now I dont have Dev. What the fuck?

I'm so tired. I'm so done. No matter what, my life is changed forever and I already know it. What am i going to think 15 years from now? Will I be happy and content or sad and resentful? I just want to do what's best and it sucks because I have no idea what that is anymore...

[mcjour]

doot doot doot gotta start typing cuz i'm losing my fucking mind

i'm feeling a lot of feelings right now but i never found a healthy way to express my feelings growing up so i kind of feel like i am drowning and exploding and suffocating and bottling it the fuck up as well.

also i am supposed to start my period at any moment now so i am sure that is only amplifying the emotions.

my mom and stepdad have covid. let's stop right there. because i'm sure my mom thinks i'm mad at her for getting sick. if you're reading this, first of all, fuck you for reading my stuff. secondly, i'm not mad about that. because i realize it's just chance that it was you. and unavoidable in this shit society we live in that doesn't take a pandemic seriously.

but i am still pissed about all of the circumstances surrounding it.

first of all, the awful timing of it all. i am due back at school in a week. i am not going to be thrilled if i have to already use up sick days in my first week back!

but more than that, i have been sooo looking forward to going back to school. i fucking love back to school season, first of all!! but i am finally happy and stable with my job for once in my whole life. i am excited to return back to that. not to mention that i missed the beginning of the year last year because i was placed in a different assignment. this is my first time doing kindergarten screenings, my very first first day of kindergarten. i am so excited to do it. a little nervous too of course, but an excited nervous. now that is all up in the air.

just a couple months ago, i had to miss the school concert performance and my birthday because i was sick. those were devastating losses to me. even though life is cyclic and i always have next year. that didn't make me any less sad. i was straight up sobbing in the shower to the point that my mom asked if she needed to call an ambulance.

and i think that is a trigger for me too, getting too excited for things and too happy about things and getting them swiped away in an instant. or getting let down. it's the city year trauma, the birthday trauma, all the trauma.

and i've been trying my best to be careful too. i heard about the spikes. i've been doing outdoor stuff. when i've gone to the movie theater, i've specifically sought out the 9am showings even though it is a pain to get up that early. i've been putting off a target trip for weeks because again, i don't want to get up early to go at a non busy time. i could be doing more and all that, i'm far from perfect. but it is a bit frustrating. especially since i knew i wanted to cool things down before school started to make sure there was no chance of anything!!! and here we are.

and it's also just what a miserable society we live in. because okay, maybe i am safe this time. maybe the week passes and i never end up catching it. okay. well i'm sure it'll go around school in another 2-3 weeks. maybe i'll catch it then. great. so what was the point of all this.

part of me thinks i should just intentionally catch it now and get it overwith. again though, can't guarantee timing and i would hate to miss work over it. and also, duh, covid is not something you play around with. i don't want to intentionally infect myself with something that could actually end up disabling me long term/ forever.

i also spent all of last week at school so i could still have this week off to have fun. blah.

another thing that is bothering me is the germs. generally speaking, i am a major germophobe and i think everyone knows that about me. so i already spend enough time paranoid about catching various illnesses. so this is like bringing it to the next level. because all i can think about is all of the germs swarming around me in the air. i feel like it is inevitable that i will get sick. and here i am, just a sitting duck.

and what really pisses me the fuck off is that they don't seem to care. and i know they do. they are holed up in their bedroom, they are wearing a mask when they have to, etc. so it's not that they don't care.

but..... they are still parading around the house. they are shutting windows. are you absolutely fucking kidding me. i know it's a little chilly at night, but it's still summer. it's not winter. just grab an extra blanket or sweater or something. you talk about claustrophobia? that's how i feel with the same covid air floating around the house.

and i am not sure why you guys need to be walking around the house anyway? i offered to bring food to you. but i guess then you can't cling to your theory about how i am such a selfish and awful daughter.

in what world does it make sense to stand around the kitchen for an hour waiting for the pizza to heat up.

literally i wouldve heated the pizza up for you come the fuck on.

i wish i could move around the house but it doesn't feel safe. because of the windows shutting and the repeated passing through. why would i stay down there. but it doesn't feel safe in my room because it is right next to theirs, so every time they open their door, the trapped covid air must fly straight into my room. okay, maybe not. but to someone who is wildly anxious about germs, it is hard to convince your brain otherwise!!!!!

like this week would be the perfect time to start building my new lego set. however, i can't really do it in my room because i don't have like a table or even a hard surface that i could work at. i usually do all my building of new sets downstairs. well. why the fuck would i do that. downstairs is contaminated.

i don't get it, i'm not the one who is sick, so why am i the one who is most quarantined.

i know i can go outside of the house, but where tf would i go??? first of all, i've obviously had exposure, so i would feel guilt going anywhere. secondly, i'm a homebody as it is. so i'm not exactly going to have fun going out for the sake of getting out of the house.

if you still read that whole thing, again fuck you for reading my private stuff. this isn't a guilt trip. if it was, i would say it to your face. i am just so wildly unhappy right now that i needed to get all my feelings out. i have been sobbing non stop in the next room. you wouldn't know that. you never know.

and that i think pisses me off the most. i wish i had someone i could talk to about this. i have a therapy appointment tomorrow, so susan will definitely be hearing it. but wouldn't it be nice to have an actual mom to talk to. who would hear my worries and not try to spin it into how i am coming after her or guilting her or how she is the true victim in all of this. i'm not saying i have it worse than them. covid is awful and of course i feel bad that they are going through that. but it's always a competition of who has it worst. why can't i also be going through something.

why should i feel selfish about having big emotions about this? this effects more than just you.

[moonaggdc]

Geoguessr Daily Challenge 26/06/2023

Hello. This is the first post of these that I'm posting in this blog. I've decided to have these post separate from my other stuff, as I do not want them to get mixed too much.

I am still gonna do these disclaimers. If you haven't played the daily challenge of today and are planning to do so, do not keep reading this post, as it would tell you all of the answers and that wouldn't be fair. Ok? Ok. Let's go.

Round 1

Argentina - 4 km - 4987 pts.

Link to location

From the landscape and the car, this is probably either Argentina or Uruguay. I went to the southeast. The cars' plates have a black part, so this is Argentina then. I also see a sign to Arrufó. I saw a kilometer marker that said we were in "RN 34". I took a bit to find the highway but I eventually did, and followed it on the map until I found Arrufó. I tried to pinpoint where we were, but I messed up a bit and went too north.

Round 2

Slovakia - 488 km - 3604 pts.

Link to location

Here we have me being stupid. The landscape makes me think we might be in the Mediterranean or the Baltics. I go to the west towards the village I see, and I see text from a Slavic language and EU plates on the cars. One of them is partially visible on the blue part, and I can read "SK" on it. Sadly I was too focused on the region I had thought from the beginning that I got confused and decided to guess in Slovenia instead. I am very dumb :)

Round 3

Philippines - 488 km - 3604 pts.

Link to location

This looks like Southeast Asia, mainly Malaysia, Indonesia or Philippines. I decided to go to the south. I found a truck with a white car plate; this means we're in the Philippines, as the car plates in the other two countries are black. I go forward a bit more and see signs with text in English, confirming even more the Philippines. I am not finding any useful clues though, and time is running out. I finally see a sign for an elementary school that mentions a city: Pio Duran, Albay. I go look for it quickly, but I cannot find it. It doesn't help that the province of Albay isn't marked at all on the map. I end up guessing in the north part of Luzon, bad mistake.

Round 4

Chile - 82 km - 4733 pts.

Link to location

There are like, zero clues in this place. All I have to go off is landscape, the car being white, and the shape of the electrical poles. This place kinda makes me think of southern Chile (I am Chilean, I think I have a bit of an advantage here), specially with all the mountains and this big lake. I go in both directions in search for a specific clue, but I found nothing, so I decided to go on vibes alone. I ended up guessing in the Aysén region, where I saw a big lake and a bunch of snowed mountains. Turns out it is there, though some kilometers to the east. I am very happy with this.

Apparently I did miss a garbage can on one of the houses that mentioned both Chile Chico, a city nearby, and the village we were in, Fachinal. Meh, I'm not too mad for missing that.

Round 5

Mongolia - 567 km - 3418 pts.

Link to location

Mongolian car, and it looks like Mongolia. Mongolia is one of the countries I'm the worst at, because of how hard it is for me to find clues. Reading Cyrillic doesn't help me much sadly. I don't see anything useful to me, and I just end up guessing in the capital, Ulaanbaatar. Turns out this is a town called Mörön. Maybe it was on one of the signs but I never read it.

Final score

20346 pts.

100% could've done better in a lot of these rounds. Except Mongolia, Mongolia can go fuck itself (I love the country itself I just hate it in Geoguessr). I'm at least proud of my Chile guess, though maybe I got it cuz I'm Chilean myself. Idk.

This is the end of the post. See ya tomorrow!

#geoguessr #daily_challenge

[lovingthereign25]

Never say Goodbye

Part 9

At work the only thing I could focus on was the flashbacks of last night with Joe and how good he made me feel. I was just about to open the door when I heard Lyndsey.

"You're early, you shit the bed?" I laugh

"Fuck you, I just dropped Josh off at Joe's apparently their gonna build Jojo a tree house" she shrugs

"Oh yeah Joe did mention that this morning" I say

"This morning?" She asked

"Yea at breakfast, he gonna surprise Jojo next weekend when she comes over" I say

"You were with Joe this morning, and you two had breakfast?" She asked

"Yea, I...umm I dropped by to check on him" I lie

"Liar, you spent the night at Joe's…..oh my God you slept together didn't you!?" She yells

"Lyndsey, shut up there's other people in here" I hushed her

"Sorry but you did , didn't you?" She asks

Just then my phone rings.

"Sorry I gotta take this " I smirk walking away

*A few days later*

I made my way downstairs with Noah placing him in his play area when the doorbell rings.

"Joe, hey come in." I smile

"Hey" he smiles back kissing my cheek

My lips met his, damn his lips were perfect. I pull away.

"Sorry I shouldn't have" I say

"Don't apologize, but Y/n we really need to talk." He says

"I know we do, Joe I don't regret what happened the other night, honestly it's all I been thinking about, I have feelings for you Joe" I blurt out

"Baby I don't regret it either, it's all I think about. I love you Y/n always have always will, I just need to know what's going to happen now with us?" He says

"I don't know, I love Derek but I love you too , I'm so confused, I was mad at Derek for dancing with the girl from work that's why I let my feelings for you get the best of me but Joe being with you felt perfect it felt right" I cry

"Hey, come on baby don't cry we are gonna figure this out I promise" he says kissing me.

Later that night I was at my mom's house. We were having dinner. She invited Joe over since he was with Josh.

My mom had made one of her famous dishes, chicken alfredo which Joe loved.

"Y/n, honey I'm going to need you to take the weekend off from the store" my mom says

" Why, weekends are our busy days" I say

" I need you to watch Josiah for Josh and Lyndsey, we're going to Jacksonville for her late birthday gift" she smiles

"Umm….okay I'll get Tiffany to take over" I say.

Under the table I feel Joe's hand on my thigh. I look over at him as he gives me a little wink.

*The weekend*

Derek had flown in, he surprised me at the house this morning for our anniversary, our 10 year anniversary...how could I forget it was our anniversary.

"Baby Girl it's okay, you've been busy, I've forgotten anniversaries, remember or 4th" he laughs.

" I know but this was a big one yanno, like a milestone" I say

"Y/n, it's still early we got the whole day, come on,go get dressed up nice I got something to show you" he smiles.

I finished getting ready in a dress I designed myself to grab my purse and take Noah's hand. Derek takes us to Palafox Wharf which was the same spot we had our wedding reception 10 years ago.

"Derek, I can't believe you brought me here." I smile

"I made reservations for us to have dinner on the beach" he smiles, kissing my hand.

We enter the venue, Derek giving the lady his name and asking us to follow her. She opens the door to the outside area and I see everyone I know: family, friends, co-workers from the past, and finally I lock eyes with the only one I was actually looking for, Joe.

My mom had thrown Derek and I this huge 10 year celebration and wanted to surprise me, and all I could think about was how good Joe looked.

The whole evening was great dancing, having a good time until our wedding song played and Derek and I were now slowly dancing to it. Derek's hand slipped to my backside and immediately my eyes met at Joe's… I continued to dance, making eye contact with Joe from time to time. I make my way to the bar to grab a drink I feel a hand on my back

"How is everything you do so sexy?" I turned to see Joe

" I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting Derek or the party" I explained.

"Y/n don't apologize, he is your husband, and right now I'm completely jealous that he gets to be the one to get you out of the dress later on tonight and not me" he smirks.

"Here let me give you a special treat." I smile, sliding my hand up my dress, bringing my hot pink thong down my legs, stepping out of it , and placing it in Joe's hand.

"The hell? Baby someone could have seen you" Joe whispers

"But no one did I wink

As I go to walk away I give my ass a little shake just for him. The rest of the night was great dancing, laughing, having a good time with family and friends every now and then I would sneak close to Joe to touch his hand or rub against him letting him know he had my attention too.

The next morning I put Noah for a nap, I was walking back to the kitchen when I over hear Derek on the phone once he notices he decided to end the conversation

"Nina, I gotta go send me the case information." He says hanging up.

"How is our dear friend Nina?" I ask

" Y/n…..she's fine it's strictly professional'' he says

" Yea, I saw it at the club a few days ago" I blurted out immediately regretting it.

"Baby, it was only a dance, how'd you know about the club anyway?" He asked

" Does it even matter? I saw my husband dirty dancing on a woman that wasn't me." I say

"Again baby it doesn't mean anything it was a dance" he says again.

" I have to run to Lyndsey and Josh's for the payroll. I'll be back " I say not wanting to further the conversation . When I get to my sister's house I noticed Joe's car was parked behind Lyndsey's I quickly fix my hair and go in

"Y/n, wasn't expecting you this early" Josh smiles

" Your wife owes me payroll" I say hugging him

" Well good morning to you too " she smirked

I scan the house looking for Joe trying not to make it obvious.

" He's in the garage grabbing some tools," Lyndsey whispers in my ear.

"Shut up I wasn't looking for him, I was checking for my nephews" I lie

" Yeah ok ...I'm gonna run upstairs to grab the paperwork for you" she laughs

I make my way to the garage seeing Joe loading up a tool bag with extra tools.

"Good morning" I smile

" Hey beautiful" he smiles back.

Within minutes our lips are attached, his hands roaming my body my hands around his neck…..I wanted him so bad…..and probably would have had him right there and then if we didn't here Josh

"Ahem" he clears his throat.

Joe and I pull away looking like deer in headlights.

"I should probably see where Lyndsey is" I say

I walk past Josh not making eye contact... knowing he is close to Derek.

" What the hell was that?" He asked Joe

" You already know what it was uce" Joe shrugs

" She's married Joe, happily until you came along" he says.

" Nah cuz that's where you're wrong, she ain't been happy for a while, and thinks Derek is having his own affair" Joe says

" So this makes it right?* Josh asks

" Nah but I love her uce, and I know she still loves me" he says.

#roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns imagine #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns smut #never say goodbye

[meatheadmutt]

Hey so it's Dumb Bitch Time™ cuz my gf is rlly popular and loved by lots of girls and I'm an anxious nb fuck who barely has any friends👌 and she literally gets mad at me when I say I'm lonely because SOMEHOW when I say I'm lonely it means our entire relationship doesn't mean shit to me?? And it makes me feel lonely AND shitty??? And idk what to think of this... I'm just sad and kinda heartbroken tbh

you are braver than any us soldier just for verbalizing that to her. you are NOT shitty, you are a human with emotions. repeat that to yourself forever.

okay first question is: have you specified why you feel lonely? have you told her its because shes popular and you feel like you might hold a smaller place in her life than you think? have you specified what “lonely” means in this context (some people think “alone” when they hear “lonely”)? not placing the blame on you at ALL, please do not think that, but ive had problems like that before where they internalize what you say without analyzing the context and immediately take it personally because you two are dating. a lot of people feel like theyre failing their relationships once their partner has an issue, but most of the time thats not the case, its just the first conclusion they come to. she may just be defensive, thats natural, but she needs to be able to understand where youre coming from to come to any other conclusion.

if youre comfortable with it, sit down with her and objectively lay out your reasons for feeling lonely. just your feelings and why you feel that way and what got you to the place that youre at. try your best to use only “i” statements so that it comes across more as “i feel this way” and not “you doing this makes me feel this way”. the first step is laying out your problems and feelings on the table WITH context. people tend to make assumptions so its best to start with the facts from your perspective. by that point, its really on her to realize that its not necessarily the relationship itself or even her or you, it just happens to be the situation you both have been placed into. if she really does care about you the way she says, she should be able to see that your issue isnt with her, its from a difference in lifestyle. even if she doesnt respond this way, do not doubt that she still cares about you, its just a matter of her own issues with herself and not seeing past them/working on them. and if youre NOT comfortable with it, i want you to first work on being able to assert your feelings more. how you feel matters.

as a nb with barely any friends myself, it really is intimidating to date someone who has more luck with people that you, i totally get that. you can easily feel like you exaggerate your place in other peoples lives, but i want YOU to start realizing that the people in your life have chosen to be there for one reason or another. you enrich their lives whether you realize it or not. the people that are meant to stay in your life will stay. some relationships are just stepping stones, some are bittersweet lessons, and some are the final destination. life is about learning.

if you are able to lay your feelings out on the table, and she doesnt respect them, i hope that you can find the strength to learn and move on, whatever that entails. good luck, im rooting for you. you deserve to be happy

#barks back #anonymous #i am SO sorry for how long this is i just have a lot of experience in this field and wanted to elaborate as much as possible #also if we arent already friends i would love to get to know you!!!!!!! of course only if youre comfortable with it

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Hydrangea

To read earlier chapters in this, go to my master list here

Warning: cursing and Smut!!! nsfw

Chapter 5

I ran through the house calling out for Max, but there was no happy little yip. No tip tapping of tiny nails on the hard floors. I checked each room, opening every door and closet, looking under every bed, but came up empty handed. I went outside shouting his name, in tears at this point. Every possible situation ran through my head. Wild animals, crazy eyes kidnappers, children, there was no telling! Realistically, He must of escaped when the cleaning people came. I decided to go on a hunt for him, when I heard the garden gate creak open. I looked over to find my beautiful bestie Bill walking towards me with a proud smile, carrying my little Max. Max began to wiggle like mad when he saw me, so Bill placed him down, and he raced over to me.

“Max!!! Oh my God! Where did you find him?” I squealed as I got down on the ground to celebrate reuniting with him.

“The neighbors down the way, found him earlier. They just swung by to ask if I knew where he lived and I did of course. No biggie!”

“I was having a freaking full on panic attack. Oh my gosh I am so happy! You’re a lifesaver!” I stood up and wrapped him in a tight embrace. I went to pull away, but he wasn’t quite ready to let go.

“Mind if I stick around? It’s a little overwhelming over there.”

“Mi casa is su casa motherfucker! You can help me put stuff away.” I said as I pulled out of his arms, and headed towards the house.

“You’ve been looking for the dog all this time?”

I stuck my tongue out at Bill and ran in the house, with Max dancing at my heels. I went over to the radio and tuned it to some upbeat poppy music and I danced as I put things away. Bill sauntered into the kitchen with an amused look on his face.

“Do you dance?” I asked him holding out my hand.

“Not well.”

I was so happy I found Max! I was in the best mood and just wanted to dance and be happy. I wasn’t feeling awkward or shy around him, so I shimmied my way over to Bill swaying my hips as I took both his hands. I twirled around, catching both hands again putting my back to him. He was just chuckling, shaking his head. I knew I actually had pretty good rhythm, he just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet.

“I think I need a few shots before I embarrass myself,” he said.

I released his hands and skipped over to the items I needed to take to my room. There was quite a bit, but luckily Bill was right there to help. I never had to even ask. He took the majority of the items, while I just carried the toilet paper.

“What should I wear tonight?” I asked him since I wasn’t sure how casual I could get away with.

“Can I choose your outfit?”

“Seriously? Sure. Are you trying to make me love you? Because if you get me a cupcake, my heart is yours.” I turned to look at him but her appeared serious.

“Is that all it takes?” Bill asked mockingly.

“It’s cuz I’m easy, I’m easy like Sunday morning,” I sang out. “ oh, I gotta call my Auntie. You can look through the few clothes I have here if you like for a few ok?”

Bill nodded and I ran back in the kitchen to grab the phone. I dialed her number and was disappointed to get the machine but I left a message:

Auntie I’m not dead! Im so sorry if you thought so. I took my little dog and we went to the Summer house before anyone could hurt me. Been hanging with the Skarsgards and I’d love to see you! Kisses. Love you! Miss you! This is Lauren just in case that’s not obvious. Bye

Hopefully she’d call back before the party. I was curious what Bill was doing, so I quietly crept back to my room and found him comparing clothing with the cutest concentration look on his face. It still shocked me that this was what that knobby kneed, skinny little dork turned into. He for sure had an awkward phase, that I saw end, and the beginning of a dreamboat emerged but even then, I never dreamed he’d be this hot, not at this level.

“It’s rude to stare.” He said without turning around.

“I was just wondering if you wanted a Washington apple drink? I make pretty good ones.”

“That’d be great actually, thank you. By the time you’re back, I’ll have an outfit.”

I rushed to the bar and combined the ingredients into a shaker, pouring it over ice in two snifter glasses. There was still enough for another drink, but I just decided to down it. I didn’t want to get wasted, but I needed some liquid courage for what I was about to do.

I walked back in the room and found bill sitting on the bed, lost in thought. I walked up in front of him and I handed him his drink. He smelled it cautiously, took a sip and smiled. “Very tasty, I like it!”

“Was there ever a doubt?”

“You’re going to be the best dressed bitch there! Is there Crown in this?”

I trailed my hand down the length of his arm, watching carefully as his breath hitched at my touch. He looked up into my eyes, and I bit my lip, internally debating if I was really going to do this.

“You're a damn tease," he grumbled at me.

I giggled as I rubbed my leg against his and removed my dress in one fell swoop, standing before him in only my underwear. He eyed me up and down, but didn’t reach out, so I walked around the bed, looking at the clothes he had selected for me to wear. I felt my face getting hot by the embarrassment of getting practically naked, with no reaction. It was really only a mere moment, but it felt far, far longer than that. Finally, he got up and walked around, spinning me around to face him, and gently pushing me to sit, before he carefully spread my legs and settled in between them.

“Bill..."

A contemplative look settled on his face, and i squirmed a bit. It was a bit unnerving sitting in my underwear, while he was fully clothed, shamelessly looking over my body.

I huffed, and he snapped his eyes to mine with an arrogant smirk. Cocky bastard.

He regarded me once more and it took all my self control to sit there confidently like this wasn’t a big deal. It was. Every crazy insecurity in my brain was screaming. I started to think about all the beautiful celebrities he sees naked, and models, and suddenly felt silly, but I was just as curious, as I was aroused what he was going to do. Maybe he’d pick up the clothes and dress me, but he was gonna do something, and I was here for it. I Never have had a man look at me as if i was a problem to figure out.

He looks into my eyes and bites that damn swollen lip of his. “I’ve wanted you for my entire life. You’re my dream girl. Now you’re in front of me and I’m actually nervous. I never get nervous.” He chuckled.

“That’s actually really sweet Bill. Show me what you dreamed to do”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

His Hands settled on my hips, gently tugging me forward slightly, he leans over me, warm breath over my neck as he presses his lips to mine passionately. It’s as though someone has ignited a match under him and his kisses grow more and more desperate and needy in no time at all, turning us into panting, moaning messes. I feel His hand slide up my body, cupping my breast as his thumb rolls over my nipple. I clench at the comforter as his mouth trails downwards, teasing me with soft bites across my torso.

“Oh, fuck..." I whimper.

It seems to amuse him to see me try to keep my composure, in spite of the death grip on the comforter and my toes curling. I hated that he was being so patient and controlled as he played with my body, as we both caught our breaths. Mumbles of 'tease' and 'mean' accidentally slipped out of my mouth.

He pulled himself up, causing me to whine, as he hovered over me sporting a smirk on his face. "I'm mean now am I?"

"Don't play dumb Bill, you know what you’re doing."

He lowered himself down pressing his body against me, so I can feel his excitement against my thigh, making the reality of what was happening very well... real. It didn’t seem wrong tho.

“Don’t move,” he whispered in my ear. Fucking seriously? I was so turned on and wanted to touch him so bad, but I played along and watched him longingly as he slowly undressed, pausing to neatly fold his clothes into a pile. There was no need for rope, or anything to bind me. When he said not to move, i knew I better not dare move. He had a confident undertone I suspected liked being the boss. My breathy moans filled the air as he took his time, before settling his mouth on my chest, teasing and playing with my nipples, till finally my voice was full of desperation.

He migrated downwards, mouth moving south, before grasping beneath my knees, pulling my legs over his shoulders.

It took every ounce of my self control to hold still, to not grab him by his thick hair, and grind against his face when I felt his tongue slide between my folds, flicking over my clit. He had a heavenly mouth and a wicked tongue, And I loved that, but it was terrible now when it seemed like his goal wasn't to make me cum, but make me beg. His Tongue continued to ravage my clit, and i felt him slide a finger inside, and then a second, bending his fingers crooked and quickly finding the spot that made my whole body start to shake.

“Bill you fucking tease, I want you.” I mosned impatiently.

He laughed lowly but he didn't stop. The movement of his fingers was slow, and he sucked gently at my clit, tongue flicking against it, over and over again. He wanted me to slowly burn, until i was nearly mad with my arousal. I was moaning freely now, pleasure mounting steadily, but it wasn't enough to push me over the edge, it was just enough to keep me there teetering.

I wanted to touch him, wanted to push my sex against his face and make him, make me cum.

“Bill, please," I moaned, urgently, “Please, I need..." I needed him to make me cum, needed him to kiss me and fuck me. “I need you," i squeaked.

Bill growled and increased the pace of his fingers, while he increased the pressure of his tongue against my clit. My fingers curled, nails digging into my palms moaning, feeling my release hurtling towards me. I gave a loud cry as I came, eyes fluttering closed as Bill rode the wave, till the last drop of my orgasm was done.

I laid there blissfully, eyes still closed, until I felt him pull away from me, causing an instant panic and fear of him not wanting anything from me. I took a moment to steady my breathing, and stopped myself from leaping up seeming too needy. I told myself to play it cool as I slowly opened my eyes, to find him gazing down at me, raising his fingers to his mouth and sucking them clean.

"God, you're so fucking hot." I felt stupid as soon as I said it, but I still felt spaced out, brain unable to come up with something more complex or romantic this soon after an orgasm.

He laughed a little and a genuine smile stretched across his face. I loved his smile. I couldn’t help but look up at him and smile like a fool.

“Come here, I have a secret to tell you.” I said mischeviously.

He leaned down over me, resting his weight on his elbows as he buried his hands in my hair, and kissed me. This was what I wanted. I could taste myself on his lips and tongue, and a thrill ran up my spine when I heard him moan quietly. I managed to pull back, just barely.

"Can I touch you?" I asked, gazing deep in his eyes.

There was fleeting panic on his face, but it quickly disappeared and he nodded.

I ran my fingers through his hair. He shuddered slightly, and my free hand reached down between our bodies, wrapping around the length of his cock. I watched his face as i stroked slowly, seeing his eyes darken as he made soft moans and gentle grunts. He was so beautiful.

"I want you, Bill, please?” I whimpered and the way he made me feel when I saw he wanted me too, is indescribable. Carefully settling his weight on one arm, he positioned himself at my entrance, pressing his lips into mine, as his hips pressed forward slowly. It was amazing feeling him completely inside, and both of us took a moment to adjust deepening our kiss.

Taking hold of my hand, Bill intertwined his fingers with mine, pinning it to the bed as he thrust into me, each thrust harder than the last. Shameless moans and heavy breathing filled the room, and i felt pressure on my hand as he squeezed it, almost in unison to his thrusts.

I was shocked to find myself quickly approaching another orgasm, but something about the urgency and harshness in his movements, and his lean body pressed against mine, combined with his scent and sounds he made was driving me insane. His name was now all I could say, over and over, till I arched my back, and screamed as i came a second time.

Bill’s own release followed shortly, my name whispered on his exhale, as he maintained the most intense eye contact I’ve ever experienced.

A comfortable silence filled the room, as I closed my eyes And he pressed his forehead against mine, catching his breath, still thrusting slowly as I rode out the last waves. I tilted my head to give him a brief kiss, and he opened his big green eyes. He smiled softly at me, and it made my heart flutter knowing that smile was just for me. I caused it.

“Wanna shower and head over to the party?” He asked.

“Everyone’s going to be able to tell we did this. I have a terrible poker face.”

“Nah, they won’t be able to tell till I get everyone’s attention and announce ‘excuse me everyone, but I finally fucked Lauren’” he teased. At least I hoped he was.

“You’re so bad.”

“Honestly my mother would probably start to plan our wedding.”

“Shut up.”

“Seriously! You should hear her talk about you! She adores you.”

“Bill I will 100% marry you to make your mother mine and won’t feel guilty at all. Seriously though, don’t tell anyone.”

“Why? Are you ashamed of me?”

“No Bill. After that performance and this face, no bitch has ever been ashamed of you. Just it’s none of their business.”

“Have you met them?”

He slowly pulled out of me, pulling me up to stand, and kissing me over and over as he lead the way to the shower. He turned on the water, and lead me inside, letting me stand in the water. I switched with him, watching the soap run off his body and the way he had to bend down a little bit to get his hair wet. He caught me looking and switched

“I feel like it’s you and me against the world again,” he beamed down at me.

I smiled and nodded, but then I turned into the water so he couldn’t tell that some of the water was coming from my eyes.

#bill skarsgard #bill skarsgård #bill istvan günther skarsgård #bill fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #sweden #hydrangea

[yourneighbourpotato]

TWDG S4 EP 4 HIGHLIGHTS AND THE GREATEST BAMBOOZLE OF ALL TIME.

I'm kind of late to the party cuz I couldn't play the episode till now and I basically used way less social media trying to avoid spoilers so thanks walking dead. So yeah. Its a long post and I want it here, so I can maybe read it years later and cry like a little bitch.

-

Violet: fuck, you...

me: indeed, fuck. me.

-

*James gets pissed off at Clem for making AJ kill Lilly*

me: I DID THIS FOR YOU.

-

*meets violet*

me: fuck yes boo, ur alive and u here for me.

-

*Clem has a wholesome chat with boo*

me: *feels Light and happy and knows for sure its not for long*

-

*Clem negatively answers a little angry at Violet suggesting Texas as the new name for boarding school*

me: pls don't tell me the real villain here is going to be Clem, because she will lose it or some shit.

*Clem smiles at Texas 2 suggestion*

*me happy knowing Clem is fine and is just a little tired*

-

*hears the night will be over soon being sung*

me: omg omg omg omg is Sophie actually alive? Omg maybe Minera never killed her and Minnie actually still had a heart OMG. (BOY WAS I WRONG)

-

Tenn: you're dying

Minnie: yes yes I am, I'm finally going someplace better and I want u with me

me:

-

*Minnie chops Clem with the axe she used to kill walkers*

me: JFJSKSOFNDOSO

-

*literally seconds later Violet dies because I didn't trust AJ making calls*

me: FISBJEOGJSOAPFJKSLSKF FUCK ME

-

*RESTARTS THE WHOLE EPISODE JUST TO SAVE MY BOO, while wondering whether this choice will make aj into a murderer or a psycho and ill have to change my choice just so I'm a good parent*

-

*gets to the same scene again everything is fine and then the little mountain climbing scene*

me: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I swear to god if she gets bit ill fucking kill myself.

*seconds later Clem gets bit*

*me in denial*: haha her boots are as hard as steel, and the zombie bit the beginning of the shoe not the cutten place where the wound is at.

*Clem verifies she's been bit*

me: *starts crying for the majority of the remaining episode* (like I cried so fucking mucg and I felt sick, I had to take a break and I felt so dead inside during it)

-

When AJ and Clem got into the barn, I still had hopes that like we have time and shit, (I even ended up replaying the sequence just to change my choice from kill Clem and let her become a walker because I thought what if that way she gets a chance to live and I don't end up accidentaly killing her) but everytime I'd see Clems skin getting whiter and whiter and I'd end up crying more and more. It was fucking awful. And then the whole lessons thing. Fucking hell. And when they cut the part where AJ just swings his axe at Clem I was like: don't do this to me, fuck no. Fuck off everyone.

-

And then I cry because its the Ranch bit and I'm like I don't want to do this anymore and then I see AJ traumatised and crying and then I cry and I cry once again they have their bonding moment.

-

And then it just cuts to AJ fishing and I didn't manage to get even 1 fish, but then it hit me, Clementines hat is still missing and I cried once again upon seeing it ROWING MERRILY DOWN THE STREAM (IF U SEE A LITTLE MOUSE DON'T FORGET TO SQUEAK) yes I did sing the E3 trailer song a little and I cried even more because of it. And I thought for sure Clem was dead, but I still had so much dumb hope that, hey maybe she's alive, hahaha, but like big part of me thought that it was not true and it never will be. And then TAKE US BACK starts playing and I start to cry again and fuck me. For the whole song I crossed my fingers hoping it wouldn't end just like that and it didn't. AJ got back and then CLEMS VOICE SAYS GOOFBALL and I thought oh no, he's hallucinating isn't he? And THEN I FUCKING SEE HER WITH THE LEG CUT OFF AND I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY I START TO CRY AGAIN.

I cried.

I cried so fucking much after the whole bridge part like Holy shit. And then everything turned out to be okay. Clem was happy, I was happy and just before putting Clems hat on the table I thought : everything has a beginning and everything has an end, right? And I teared up a little, but honestly I liked the way her story ended. Even tho I went through a lot of pain (I'm sure all of us did) UHHHH. I was so angry at Minnie that I wanted her to commit reverse birth :( but it's not really her fault, so then I wanted Lilly to commit reverse birth, but then. Once again. I realised its not her fault either. It's the fucking zombies and the way world is. Would Lilly kidnap kids if no apocalypse? Probably not. Would have Violet had a healthy relationship with Minnie? Maybe. Would have Clementine lead a happy life? Maybe. Would have AJ even been born into this world? Who knows. Would have Lee just ended up being a criminal never meeting Clem and maybe changing for the worse? Well, maybe. WOULD HAVE CLEM EVEN GOT A CHANCE TO MEET EVERYONE AND GET JUST AS CLOSE WITH EVERYONE? I sure fucking hope so. Lmao. There's so fucking much, I would create wattpad just to write what I feel about TWDG right now, cuz I feel a fucking lot.

-

I ended up writing a whole paragraph up there and I messed up the "highlights" order so yeah.

-

Clementine: I'm glad I trusted you to make the right calls, otherwise I'd be dead.

*me while crying*: the 30minute replay of the beginning was worth it. (or was it, maybe Clementine would just say, gomen goofball for not trusting you, I'm glad u made the right call or smt)

-

*me going through what Clem taught me*

"if your grandma is dying, stop watching cartoons." I fuckin died

-

Also this was indeed a greatest and worst bamboozle I had to go through. But I'm not mad. I'm thankful that Clem didn't die, because I'm more than sure I would have been extra depressed for at least a week or month.

So, thank you Skybound, Telltale. I fucking love you guys. ❤️

#twdg #skybound #skybound entertainment #telltale #telltale games #telltale the walking dead #twdg clementine #twdg s4 #twdg season 4 #i am clementine #twdg louis #twdgmemes #iamclementine #my clementine #clementine #myclementine #twdg s2 #twdg s1 #twdg s3 #the walking dead final season #the walking dead game season 4 #twdg anf #twdg memes #twdg meme #buthowdidclemsurvivethecut #like the axe was just covered in walker guts #but you know what clem is a fruit and can't get sick. thus it ends my theory

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 12 - "i'm baaaaaacckkkkk 😈" ~Jodi

An iconic moment happened today and I accidentally voted my closest ally out of the game. So Brayden got sent home and he is going to hate me when he finds out what happened. I did kind of get him out on accident I did not mean for Brayden to go I wanted Jay gone but I was blindsided by Colin and Josh and Elle AND AMY!!??]£[_[3 Omg. Im really upset that hes gone i miss him so much and I dont know how Im gonna go on without his brain. I dont trust Jay but Jared and Jay were both messaging me about how they already forgive me and stuff so thats a little crazy. I think it could be fake or they are just desperate for numbers. But I am with Josh and Amy and Colin and Elle now. I want to be with their numbers. I talked to all of them individually and they said they all were sorry for lying to me and causing me to get my friend out. I know its just a game but I just feel awful and so guilty right now. This has probably been the worst day of my life. He probably will never play another org with me again and hes the only reason i play orgs its boring without him. We are best friends increal life and I hope he can forgive me. I havent said anything to him because thats breaking the rules. But when he finds out im literally so scared of what he'll say to me. I pray he will forgive me I am literally so dumb af.

i'm baaaaaacckkkkk..................... 😈

This is literally worst case right now with jodi winning the play back like throughout the day she has won back her allies including anastasia since she swapped coins with her. Elle, colin, and josh all gave me all their coins to grab immunity before the other side to protect me but also it makes me a bigger target lol plus I gave elle some swapped to get the second thing the leftover because I THOUGHT it could give us an extra vote since that was ony menu but I was tired and drunk and it was a LOT of words and it was just the hunts which I knew didn't have any and I feel terrible bc 150 tokens and my actual alliance is going to be so mad when they realize THAT I HAVE THE LAST ONES and fucked up in suggesting it at all. First they were going for info. So now I think Jodi got all the other sides tokens and they are pooling for something idek. It's literally worst case like we were set to be up 5-2 or at least 4-3 and now it looks like it's 4-4 again hahaha neat. And it looks like colin is chatting with jodi again and they are making deals lol like tbh if she gets to the end I am voting for her to win I've said it many rounds. Turns out anastasia and brayden not only know each other irl they are besties so she mad mad. And Josh looks to be making deals and thinking about flipping so I am on borrowed time but tbh I never expected to make merge. I am glad I have immunity bc I physically couldn't do the challenge anywU here lol and I fucked that up too hahahaha. Good times all around. Like I want to tell them about my steal a vote to have official numbers but now they'd just be mad hahaha literally colin and I had every advantage except jared's idol now. Ahhhh idk what to do but it remains hilarious. I'm expecting Raffy to give my info in these in the market and that is no bueno ahahahaha. I am tempted to just give colin everything bc it's funny. Also jodi talked to me until 1am just trying to guilt me into being back with her I said I have to sleep goodnight like 5 times minimum. Her social game is so good that's why I think she has them all back with her and possibly josh. The problem is that I was keeping her close bc she had the info from others and from my game. I really never had a number one lol bc I was just vibing and I guess now colin is bc I flipped with him lol and I think it's hilarious he grew his army from 0 to 5 almost.

~

I have a suspicion colin and anastasia have actually been closely aligned this whole time and she knew everything all along. Colin sure loves giving out info haha. And apparently deals are happening all over, none of which I have made 😂

Jodi's backkkkk, wild wild wilddddd. The challenge went poorly, darn thats like 20 minutes wasted. We bought the refresh and there was nothing there 💔 that's 150 tokens wasted 😅. But! We got Amy immunity✨ and then Colin won the challenge so tbh everything's still going great lol. Wonder how we're gonna vote this round :/ we'll see how this goes! I've stopped worrying whether I'm going completely, it either happens or it doesn't 💖 xoxo, gossip girl (this is misleading I HAVE NOT SEEN THE SHOW i just know way too much about it because i have friends that did lol)

So after I voted my showmance Brayden out of the game I was left with an interesting situation. I had cried to Josh Colin and Amy that I was alone now and that my whole alliance hated me. With Jodi back in, I dont think they believe me. I literally flipped sides so I could be in their alliance because I didnt trust Jay and Jared and Jodi. But they literally lied to me about the vote and said it was nothing personal to me but they didnt tell me the plan because they wanted to see if I was lying. Which sucks for me because I then voted Brayden out :( Now that they know that im truthful they said they would work with me now. But all of them have been pretty inactive today. I talked to Amy the most and a little Colin and a little Josh. But I wasnt in their alliance. So I asked Amy if I could be added into an alliance chat since I was apperently in their alliance now. And she said sure. And they added me to a vote block. That is not an alliance group chat btw. So I was like wow thanks. But inside I was like screw this. So before this all happened, Jodi, Jay and Jared put me in a true alliance group chat. This morning I was ready to work with Colin and Josh but not anymore. Not after they put me in a vote block chat clearly saying to me that I am just a number to be used. They don't even need my vote either because Amy has an idol and Amy and Colin are safe. So I'm obviously voting with Jay, Jared, and Jodi. And I know they probably have a final three without me. They could call it something really cool like the three J's. But I called Jay and explained everything to him. (Also Jay forgave me for literally trying to get him out. He umderstands that its a game and all of my motives about not trusting him anymore.) He said he would be a hypocrite if he didnt forgive me because he told people my name in the chaos vote. So I actually think we are cool. And I told Jay that I am his number one. Which is true. He told me a lot of things about how Amy is actually really smart and stuff (I thought that girl was just a goat that I could take to the end with me) But her and colin are tight and both immune. This is bad. Basically we will go to rocks unless Elle flips to our side. Jay is giving his pitch to Elle tommarow. And maybe I will apologize to her correctly tomarow too. ALSO SPELLING THE WORD TOMARROW IS THE HARDEST THING IN MY LIFE. Also I took 62 minutes to complete a puzzle today so thats kind of emberassing. Anyways bye everyone this was so much fun to type omg.

Lol I woke up to a text from jodi asking if anyone was taking about votes yet and I said no because I went to sleep early bc I almost passed out from heat yesterday and had just woke up and she responded "ummmm lol...." 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry I sleep. She's in Colin's dms saying how I was legit her number one and now we can't even talk about votes. Like yeah girl we worked our asses off to get you out of the game sorry I'm not happy you are back. Also I'm still at disney world so I don't have the time for a million conversations. I know I'm going to be the Russell Hanz of the f3 /if/ I make it. So what's jury management lol like she was already pissed I voted her out and I plan to do it again. Anyway it looks like it's hilariously about to be a unanimous jay vote tonight but I am thinking we throw one vote somewhere else in case of an idol. But if jodi did get anastasia back we can't do that. Anyway lol I'm immune so whatever. Elle and Colin discussed like if it's on elle (which apparently jared proposed an alliance of 5 which included myself lol!) Then we could go to rocks and have only josh as a possibility and statistically he won't go if he is willing to go to rocks that it. All this to say I'm f7 and I want to keep my extra vote to f6 if possible so I can use the idol for fun at f5.

https://youtu.be/snpKevncc44

My quest has come to an end. I joined this game to be someone who could be there for Jodi. Jodi and I played survivor subrosa together and we both had rough experiences due to a player in the game who harassed jodi and tried to convince everyone I was misogynistic. As much as I love Survivor, I didn’t play this game to win. I played this game because Jodi told me she was playing it and I wanted to be her body guard. I wanted to be someone who could be there for her both as a number but also as an enforcer, anybody who ever dared to do anything to Jodi would’ve had to have dealt with me. Tonight, Amy and Colin have immunity, and either amy or josh or elle have an idol, so there’s no point in making any noise tonight and wasting Jared’s idol. None of those 4 trust me, and I doubt any of them like me. It is what it is, it’s best for Jodi, Jared, and Anastasia’s game to move forward without me, and it’s smart for Jared to keep his idol. Tonight, I will be voted out, and I am 100% at peace with it. 

Since Elle, Josh, Amy and Colin pooled their tokens for immunity and advantage refresh, it means all the advantages and disadvantages are on our side. Plan is to send Elle a disadvantage and let Colin know because honestly it’s not hard to find out anyways. Jay doesn’t mind getting booted at some point cuz he wants to stand for me on the jury, but I don’t want to boot him right now. Obviously they won’t boot Elle, so I’m going to see if Jared will propose Anastasia. The thing right now is me/Jay/Anastasia/Jared also know next round is invisible. So I want Jay or Anastasia to send Colin and Amy disadvantages because if they’re paranoid seeing me Jared/Jay/Anastasia have advantages and they have disadvantages, they might be paranoid enough to play all their idols. I also wanted to keep Jay for this round as it’d be unanimous and something everyone can settle on. Jared wanted to do me/Jared/Josh/Amy/Colin as an alliance but has concerns about the 3 of them being in top 5 in the majority snd also Colin having his ideal f3. I told him my plan has the best shot at flushing all idols and hopefully we can either get Josh to flip or at least have Amy/Colin vulnerable at 5/6. Last thing is Jared is worried he’d be blindsided this round. I told him my plan and I said even if he wanted to flush his idol this round, next round should be ok if we all vote out Jay and the rest of them flush idols. Good to be back in the game! I genuinely believe Colin wants me as a shield at least for this round, and if I can make it through, I have a game to play. 

Not everyone saying they only bought an advantage lol what about those other 70 tokens 👀👀👀 Like it must be jay unless someone is lying haha i am hoping people are just busy bc these answers I'm getting from Josh and Colin are concerning 😂 It looks like only elle and got disadvantages ☠️ I am really hoping not to be a target next round even though I know I will be haha. Next round is only 7 and I'd love to take out jodi and jared before they turn on me ☠️ especially since colin creeped on jodi's insta and it is possible they know each other from sports irl. And she was so concerned about all these pregame connections 😂 and here it was likely to deflect. Anyway I just swapped my position of having jodi do all the social work with having colin do all the social work knowing full well I'm not gonna get those end votes. I'm just trying to pull up my placement average now 😂. I hope everyone sees me as having no social game to take me to the end lol bc realistically I don't bc I don't care to put in that time this game. As I write from the pirates of the caribbean line 😂 So anyway if I'm not being lied to which I might be it looks like unanimous jay tonight but also I think the other group was talking split on jay like a 3-3-2 and I'm like wait the 2 wouldn't help. Elle are you okay with that? So I think they must have figured out I have stuff ☠️ I wonder what people REALLY bought haha okay bye

Jodi is back, not just Jodi Jodi, but player Jodi. Player Jodi thinks a LOT. When I was out, the entire time I was hoping somebody caught on that Amy flipped because they knew to put a stray vote on Colin to protect him from chaos idol, but they left Josh exposed. Why? Because Colin knew Amy was going to throw a vote on Josh. Also, Colin tied with me for closest ally and that set off an alarm too. Onto the next. So Colin won immunity, Amy bought immunity, but this could possibly be good because it means they are playing knowing they are not at risk themselves. Anastasia is voting with them this round, but she's actually working with us. She told us that the actual plan on that side is: "Jay, Jared, Jodi vote elle and Elle, Amy, Colin vote Jay and Josh and Anastasia vote Jodi" Anastasia will vote me here to continue "working" with them for the next vote. Essentially, they thought that Jay had the merge idol this whole time and Colin was weary about it, and that's why he got nervous about sending out Jay last round. That told me Colin did not have the merge idol. Josh came to me too about Jay having the merge idol. But the way they're splitting the votes this round shows me now that somebody has stepped forward to mention they have it (likely Elle) because if Jay idoled, Elle goes in this split vote plan. Therefore, somebody must've been like "ok let's just be safe and split the votes, I have the other idol". That's good and bad because now Colin has no merge idol paranoia, and they're also able to use it together. It also did confirm to me they've talked about it. Here's where things get tricky. Player Jodi is so tempted to run with it and do a 4-3-1 Josh-Jay-Jodi but it's so risky and could possibly destroy the long term social game, especially if they idol for Josh and Jay goes anyway (we are not idoling for him here). So instead, I'm going to use Jay's vote out to the best of my advantage. Hopefully flush an idol if possible, maybe a steal-a-vote, something. Knowing about next round being invisible is good info for us. Having this info is so key and usually I would think that immunity for a round is bigger than this but being able to plan ahead for a GAME-CHANGING twist is crucial here. My move here is to play the game through psychological distress. I have no advantages! Since they're out of tokens from buying immunity, me/Anastasia/Jared/Jay bought advantages for ourselves and also sent out disadvantages to Colin/Amy/Elle. Seeing that not only we have advantages but also them having disadvantages, they probably still feel like things will be ok because they'll just split votes or whatever and one of them needs to win immunity. But given this is an invisible round, I think Amy is honestly paranoid enough to just play her idol, hopefully Elle does too, and then between me and Jared, we'll idol for one of us. I also plan on bluffing an advantage coming back from Jury, and say something along the lines of having to survive one round before the advantage got activated. I'm going for the win, everyone, I know that if I get to the end with anybody, I have a solid shot at winning. I just need to get there and to do that, I must play an adaptable game – more than ever. PS I am holding onto Jared's idol right now. Power (temporary) feels amazing. Dw I'm giving it back....😈

this has been the most chill round in a while. which is really weird consider JODI IS BACK AND WE BLINDSIDED BRAYDEN LAST ROUND this round is turning out to be what I WANTED last round to be. everyone is talking with everyone, people are trying to disband the sides and all intermingle. it's really interesting how no one else was on board with this until after they lost majority. seems like people don't like playing from the bottom. weird huh now these bitches know how I felt >:( anyway. jodi is back. it's weird. she knows that amy flipped now and everyone is playing very carefully my ideal boot this round was either jay or josh, in that order. so when my gay ass WON IMMUNITY I immediately put out jay's name. we already have the numbers, but I also like said my piece to jodi and jared, this is yalls chance to prove to me that you're really with me and sides don't exist. the ball is in their court do i trust them? no. am I worried? no. i have immunity, the scariest thing rn is that I think Jay is voting Elle, and if Jared and Jodi are with him then that's scary, bc Jared has an idol. The ONLY people I would play my idol for is Amy and Elle, and Elle being in trouble means I might have to play my idol on her if Jay idols himself. We have enough to split, so I'm not worried, I just hope all goes according to plan. sorry my confessional is lame. its the weekend now so i have time uwu. I'll write more the next few days

So this whole token twist thing has really annoyed me. Because of me wanting to show my loyalty to my alliance, i gave away all my coins to Amy so that she could but immunity. And against my wishes, Elle wasted her coins on the “advantage” which turned out to be a dud. I wanted to get coins together to buy game info or better yet, trade coins with other people. But i was left with nothing, while all the people on the other side used their coins to buy advantages in the next immunity challenge making it even harder for me to secure my safety. Maybe this new 2 Gays and a Jared alliance might actually pan out but im tired of getting the short end of the stick with everything.

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Anastasia: She is in the middle of the two sides. They both need her for the rest of this game before a side is terminated. She is the most powerful because she is in the middle.

Jodi: Has regained a lot of her footing in this game. Is being used as a shield by the people who voted her out. The decision to vote out Jay is questionable, but she still has a lot of power thanks to the knowledge Anastasia and Jared feed her.

Colin: The head of the opposing side. Seems to not know what is really going on with Anastasia. But his allies are willing to take him to the end which is good. Needs to avoid falling into a Jodi pitfall.

Amy: Her rat behavior has been exposed, but her allies are still willing to defend her. Second in command on the Colin side. She is being handed these immunities.

Jared: Jodi’s new #1. Will probably make it to the end of this game. However, he isn’t calling the shots and is in danger of being targeted as an “easy” vote or being called a goat at the end. Needs to start taking fate in his own hands.

Elle: Lost a lot of footing because of not telling Anastasia the truth. This move caused Anastasia to go back to Jodi’s side which will hurt in the coming round. Is the next target for the Jodi side.

Jay: Died on the sword for Jodi. I am confused why they didn’t just stack 4 votes somewhere else, but it is whatever. Has basically given up.

Josh: Left out of a lot of discussions. Is on the outside of his alliances and from the opposing side. Is the most in danger of getting targeted or being a casualty of an idol.

#episode #episodes

[gimmesumsuga]

I feel like there's been a few moments throughout this story where I would've left for a night/couple days. I'm the type of person that needs space, so whenever MC stays in that environment I feel like a step of the healing process has been skipped. But that's just me. I like to hide away and lick my wounds. And now, as hot as evil Joon is, he has utterly betrayed her (fragile, tentative) trust. And idek how Jimin & Yoongi will be. I would def be calling Sam up. I'd feel so used & embarrassed.

I think I’m quite guilty of putting a lot of myself into the reader in that respect - if ever I have an argument or get upset I desperately want to be around people and talk/cuddle it out until it’s all sorted!  I think Sam will most definitely be helping to deal with some of the fallout. 

***

Anon: THE FIRST THING THAT LEFT MY MOUTH WHEN I FINISHED CH 65 WAS “FUCK, OH NO”. ITS 2 AM AND I HAVE A FINAL LATER ON;;; THE CHAPTER WAS FUCKING HOT BUT IM STILL I GOD DAMN SHOCK

Ohh I hope your final went well despite the shock! 

***

Anon:  Omg STS 65... I screamed at the last two words. Bravo! Genius! Amazing!

Aww thank you nonnie! ^^

***

Anon:  Small spoilers‼️ *towards the ending of chap. 65* I— DID HE REALLY JUST— OH MY GOD HE DID. HE SO DID THAT. WHAT THE— NO. Oh my god that chapter was so good by the way but like- WAY TO JUST PUNCH ME IN THE FACE NAMJOON OH MY GOD. THIS IS SO GOOD I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS THE QUEEN OF ALL PLOT TWISTS AND CLIFF HANGERS. Tbh I kinda suspected cuz Jimin would’ve been there to supervise the whole thing or at least nearby so like- BUT SHIT I DIDNT REALLY THINK- I love you. I’m a mess rn but I love you~💌

Yup... yup he did.  He went there, he did that lol glad you enjoyed it hun.  Love you! 

***

Anon: Ma’am, I’m gonna need to stop trying to KILL me because holy balls. STS... I’m dead over here. It’s too good!!

I really can’t make any promises...

***

Anon: Just so you know, I just read chapter 65 of STS and uuuuhhhhhh UUUHHHHHHHHH I'm not okay with how it finished it's exactly what I was afraid of 😭😭😭 ((don't get me wrong I loved the chapter but I had sneaking suspicions about what was up and oH bOi WaS i CorReCt)) --feel free to not respond in case of spoilers or something for tumblr readers ❤️

You certainly were correct! Well done! 

***

Anon: GDHDJD CHAPTER 65 IS GIVING ME A MENTAL BREAKDOWN 😫 the smut was so good I honestly don’t know what to do with myself but thaT ending has me all kinds of fucked up

You’re not alone nonnie.  I think a lot of people were left feeling a bit compromised! 

***

Anon: OMG I JUST FINISHED READING CHAPTER 65 AND IM SCREAMING! Your writing is amazing and I check your blog everyday 😊keep up the good work love

Aww thank you nonnie! Glad to have you as a reader 

***

Anon: OH SHIT!!! THAT ENDING IM DEAD OMG YOUR A FUCKING GENIUS

You’re far, far too kind sweetie

***

Anon: WHAT THE FUCK. I KNEW I DIDN'T TRUST HIM. I FUCKING KNEW JOONIE LIED. SOMETHING DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT. JIMINIE WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO HER. JOONIE WOULD HAVE TAKEN HER TO HIS ROOM TO DOMINATE HER AND PUT HER IN HER PLACE. I KNEW IT. OOOOHHHH NOOOOO. AM I ABOUT TO CRY??? Once again, great job boo. I absolutely loved it. 👏👏💕 -A.P.

Noooo, don’t cry!  Daydream about being taken to Joonie’s room to be dominated with me instead lol 

***

Anon: That ending was evil :( lol can't wait for next part 😙

Kinda was, wasn’t it? lol

***

Anon: So..... I usually felt pretty OK (very OK) with her (reader) fucking the other guys in the house, and don't get me wrong, 65 was awesome, and perfect and I loved it, but when he told her "I lied" my heard felt full of pain, and now I feel like I've cheated on my boyfriend. This is fucked up, my heart bleeds, you made it bleed. You are good!

Aww hun, as sad as I am to hear it hurt you so much, it’s always kinda nice to know I’ve had the ability to affect someone so greatly. Thank you 

***

Anon: Okay okay okay so I want to ask a question about what may happen in chapter 66.... I totally understand if you don’t want to answer but I was wondering if in this new chapter Jimin will be upset with the main character???! Or is it mainly going to be a mad at Joonie thing?! I’m also scared because I think it was Yoongi that walked in and my baby boy bias is gonna be hurt and I’m afraid... thanks babydoll💙

I’m afraid you’re going to have to sit tight and see what happens in the next chapter sweetie!  Just keep in mind that I’m a big fan of happy endings along the way :)

 ***

Anon: BDKFHBSJENFBD CHAPTER 65 HAS ME FEELING A WHOLE LOTTA THINGS BC ON ONE HAND HOT JOONIE SMUT AYY BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HE FUCKING LIED THAT ASSHOLE OH GOD IT WAS SO GOOD THE WAIT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT

Hahaha I’m glad it was still worth it for the smut though! 

***

Anon: So like my question for chapter 65 is literally wtf? I enjoying the chapter and then out of no where it’s just like BOOM, I was smacked with a ton of dicks wtf. I really liked the chapter though, it was amazing lol, love your works

Did you.... did you actually mean a tonne of dicks?  lol this ask made me laugh so hard, because even if that’s a case of autocorrect or a typo, how absolutely apt it is in regards to this fic hahaha