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fatuismooches · 22 days

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LOL i lost my glasses recently (found them again, don’t worry) and i was stressing and what was worse was that i was working too

i’d like to imagine that dottore just comes to check on darling and they’re just stressing out because they’ve got lots of work to do (can’t be slacking off even when i’m sick. i love overworking 👍) but they can’t even see what they’re doing because they’ve lost their glasses

turns out, they were on the nightstand the whole time

i’m very forgetful and it is such a pain to forget where everything is — it makes me stress out so badly

i just think he probably wouldn’t be very amused but is probably used to it by now that he’s trying to find a solution to darling’s forgetfulness

also, how’s your day been? make sure to stay hydrated and get lots of rest too!

— (🍊) anon

Dottore acts annoyed and all at first, but as time goes on he's a bit worried about you, forgetting minor stuff is one thing, but what if something serious happens and you can't remember? He won't stand for you getting hurt while he's around. And more importantly, he wants you to live a better life, one that isn't hindered by your memory. Seeing you stressed and upset is of no benefit to either of you. So often times he finds himself working on a cure in his lab. Totally not because he cares about you too much - he just wants you to be more productive and useful to him, that's what he claims at least.

Thankfully, at the very least, you have a lot of segments to remember for you. They've learned to have hawk eyes on your glasses and any other items you're prone to losing. Perhaps at some point, they each have another pair of glasses in their room for you just in case neither of you can find it. Maybe some kind of tracker is embedded in the glasses too? A voice recording for you to listen to with places where you usually leave things. Whatever can help you find them.

Even if none of the older segments are available to help you, you still have a very reliable helper whose name is Zandy! Despite his age, he takes his job of helping you very seriously. You find it cute how he has a list of items he reads out to you that you check to make sure you have. Even though he's still a child, enhanced memory comes with being a segment.

#smooches talks #🍊 anon #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #im glad u found ur glasses... that must have been so scary *hugs*#also pls dont overwork urself!! >:( i will find u and put you to bed #my days have been not bad actually! i hope you stay hydrated and get rest too! (i will be watching...)#i dont wear glasses but my mom does and she be losing them in the house 😭#i be looking for them too...#this goes out to all my glasses wearing people ily

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perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin · 10 days

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Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

#long very boring and unnecessarily detailed tag monologue incoming‚ feel free to skip:#this is going to sound like a silly thing to be hitting rock bottom over #but i’m fairly certain i have a semi-rare skin condition known as sensitive skin syndrome #which is basically where skin gets progressively more sensitive #until it won’t tolerate the topical application of anything at all without getting irritated #usually it happens to people on the skin of their face and i have it there but i also specifically have it on my lips #(which apparently is extremely not normal; i found a dermatologist’s case study from like 2019 of one woman who had it on her lips #and according to this case study there were no other cases of people having it on their lips #in all the dermatological literature he had read)#i can’t follow the protocol which all the journal articles i’ve been able to find say is helpful for the rest of the face which is basicall #leave the area the heck alone for at least a year #because if i don’t apply anything to my lips for more than two or three days they will get so dry they crack and bleed #so it’s looking like one way or another i may be having to deal with dry burning irritated lips for the rest of my life #and i’m not dealing with the thought of that very well #i’ve already suffered so much anguish from extreme sensitivity on the rest of my face #and not being able to take proper care of the skin there #and this is just too much for me #i know God is allowing this for a reason but it’s filling me with so much frustration and panic and despair that i don’t know how to go on #but i must and i will #this isn’t a serious or a life-threatening condition but it’s looking like a pretty hopeless one and it’s hurting me badly #and i would appreciate prayers that it would just be healed or that i would know what to do #i think i will try going to my dermatologist but somehow i doubt she's even heard of sensitive skin syndrome #on a COMPLETELY unrelated note i'm just about to get my period and also for two days i've ''eaten'' nothing but vegetable smoothies #and those in pretty small amounts because they're disgusting #(do a detox my hormonal health doctor said)#(it'll be fun she said)#ok if you read this far you're so brave braver than any u.s. marine etc.#thanks for reading ily <3

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randomnameless · 1 month

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The idea that SS says the Church needs to be rehabilitated in Rhea's ending is entirely on the translation. The Japanese text says that "Meanwhile, Rhea, who survived, returned to her duties as archbishop after she recovered her strength, and she aligned herself with the unified kingdom, working to rebuild the church and help people suffering from war damage." And while I've mentioned Claude's endings with Flayn before regarding Wind, the endings mention that the new order/society of Fodlan is built by the heroes who saved Fodlan which would include the CoS.

Pat really hated Rhea it seems if he does that to her ending. Her rebuilding the CoS? That's not good, she needs to make them atone. But then again, he also tried to make it so that Edelgard had similar ideals to Claude when the game ultimately says otherwise.

Oh I know, I've read your posts about this lol

TBH, while Pat is to blame for the Pat'd script, the Church, as in Rhea's church, is always depicted as needing/being reformed : it wasn't in SS's ending proper, but in Rhea's own S Support where she blames herself for, well, everything that happened but also confesses she used her position as the Archbishop for her personal plan to see her mother again...

And yet, if we look at her actions - and the ones that can be tied to her "rez Sothis plan", bar maybe making Sitri a priest/nun, what did she meant by the "took advantage of my position of the Archbishop"/"used my position as the Archbishop" to see her mother again?

In this S-support, Rhea herself considers her CoS/her lead of the CoS might be to blame for Supreme Leader's war and gives "empty" criticisms to her actions : emtpy as in, well, the game doesn't bother telling/showing what were those "occasions" where Rhea explicitely used her position as the Archbishop to make her wish come true.

Maybe if we pull our hair a bit, we can say the "Billy sitting on the chair" ceremony? That was made to "bring back" Sothis and she asked Billy to do that as their boss and the Archbishop of the CoS?

In a nutshell, it's less "the church needs to be reformed" in SS, but more "Rhea acknowledges she did BaD things (which are?) and used the CoS through her position as the Archbishop to do so (receipt not found?)" so with Billy and in the epilogue, obviously she doesn't do those "BaD" things anymore and their work is miraculous.

As for Claude, while he does "fall in love" with Flayn who is working in the Church with her Father - and this ending obviously cannot be triggered if Claude ends with Billy - Claude's very own words in his Billy S-support, imo, cannot be ignored, while Billy will take Rhea's role as the one people will rely on, he wants Billy to create a Fodlan with "new values" that won't exclude people for being different... implying Fodlan had such values before the War, CoS included - when we know, even in FE16, that this is bullshit!

So while Claude can end up with Flayn despite her being a member of the Church, she's a member of the post-VW Church that is "reformed/different" from the old church, because in VW, the Church has "new values that don't exclude people for being different".

So back to the original post

Compare with Houses, who always removes Nabateans/Rhea of the picture (except in SS’s S support) and brings “reforms” to the CoS - because it needed some, even if we will never know what they are or why those reforms were needed.

SS's reforms are less "reforms" and more "Rhea reckons she did BaD things so will stop doing them now".

The icing on the cake takes the form of Seteth'n'Flayn's paired ending, let it be in the lolcalised or even in the OG (Googled though!) script :

While Flayn disappeared soon after the war, Seteth stayed at the monastery and worked to restore the authority of the Church of Seiros. Doing away with his old strictness, he adopted a tolerant stance toward all, and encouraged his followers to do the same. When he was satisfied that the message was received, he vanished from the monastery.

In the lolcalised version, Seteth adopts a tolerant stance toward all (which he didn't have before?? Source?) and asked his followers to do the same (which he never did before either???) and apparently, when he was satisfied because his message not to be, uh, asshats was received, he finally left the monastery.

Because obviously, under the old CoS, when he was leading investigations against the Western Church and called names by those same people because his creed and followers are "too tolerant", he, uh, wasn't "adopting a tolerant stance toward all and encouraging his followers to do the same".

In the JP version :

フレンは戦後まもなく姿を消したが、セテスはその後も大司教補佐として大修道院に留まり、教団の権威回復に努めた。かつての厳格さは鳴りを潜め、何事においても寛大な措置を取るよう運営方針を転換。時代に即した教義の改革を妥協なく推し進め、信徒に混乱のないことを見届けてから大修道院を去った

Google'd it gives some :

Flayn disappeared shortly after the war, but Seteth remained at the abbey as an assistant archbishop and worked to restore the authority of the order. His former strictness has subsided, and he has changed his management policy to take more lenient measures in all matters. He uncompromisingly promoted doctrinal reform in line with the times, and after seeing that there was no confusion among the faithful, he left the abbey.

So, sure, there's no fuckery about "a tolerant stance" because the JP script is more coherent with, well, the general script, it's more like Seteth finally stopped being so strict and became a tidbit more lenient.

And yet...

What are those "doctrinal reforms in line with the times"???

How did he change the CoS' doctrine, sure, it was to be "in line with the times", but what was changed?

This ending basically tells us - something Seteth also says in Nopes' expedition lines or in his Tea time lines? - that he doesn't agree with the doctrine (whatever it is he doesn't agree with) and since Seteth is a playable character who can be supported, his PoV is obviously biased as in, for the player, Seteth is the kind guy so if he says the CoS' doctrine needs reformation, he won't reform it to put some "might makes right" rule, but obviously reform it for the better.

What is that "better doctrine"?

This ending can be obtained in all routes where Nabateans aren't hunted to make a world "for humanity", even in SS where Rhea'n'Billy work together to make Fodlan prosperous and miraculous so... in all routes, the Church is reformed.

Houses wise : the Church is always reformed/needs reformation/did BaD things we never saw -> which serves to make it more "shady" and pretend to have "earl grey", because if the Church always needs reformation, then Supreme Leader targeting it isn't completely unjustified and nonsensical, right?

But when Nopes drops FE16's framing a little bit and we see, maybe for 15 seconds, the CoS do stuff... well, even if Seteth mentions "not agreeing with all tenets", from what we see and hear about the CoS, his doubts don't have the same weight since, hey, we witness the "help other if they need it" tenets, "don't impose the CoS' values on people who aren't from Fodlan" tenet, "we will repay our debts" tenet, etc etc.

Is this the part of the doctrine Seteth disagrees with? This doctrine needs reformation?

Tl;Dr : Church BaD which is why Supreme Leader's war isn't completely nonsensical and why the self insert of this opus can rightfully become God and run the show better than anyone who was there before, but we will never show us what this "BaD" entail, we just are told about it.

In turn, this creates Earl Grey and the "morally grey masterpiece uwu" reputation this game has - Agarthans have no place in this Earl Grey masterpiece, that's why some people try to come up with reasons or justifications to explain why they aren't that worse than the faction the game uses a piñata despite showing us all the "not BaD" things they do.

#fantasyinvader #imo it's less than the CoS is destroyed or ignored in the non tru piss ending #but it's always reformed/modified #because the original one under Rhea's leadership needed 'reformation'#whatever this entails #Seteth'n'Flayn's ending in both versions really sucks #that's why I can't take the Fodlan game's plot seriously #i guess we disagree on Claude lol #but back to your original post #Agarthans must be earl greyed because their victims are always depicted as very BaD #let it be by Supreme Leader but even in the rest of the games #so if the fake morally grey comes from the game telling us the sky is red when we see it's always blue #Agarthans musn't be evil and one note like they are in canon #they must somehow have redeeming qualities else it's another strike against #what the game is telling us about the Church being very very BaD and not #just an organisation that basically runs a giant charity #FE16 #3 nopes #i reblogged that post about puritanism #maybe it can also partly explain Pat's hateboner against the CoS?#idk

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sheliesshattered · 2 months

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My last post about the progress on my Batuu vest left off with me contemplating exterior pockets, looking to Bix Caleen as an example of a fitted vest in the Star Wars universe. I ended up talking myself out of any visible exterior pockets, with or without flaps, after looking at all those pictures of Bix. I've got enough other bits of visual interest going on with my outfit that I felt like exterior pockets just cluttered up the look.

Once I had decided against adding additional pockets, I was able to move on to the next step: finishing all the edges and attaching the lining to the exterior in preparation for getting the zipper in place. I turned under the armscyes of the lining and the exterior separately, both using a blue lace hem tape that I originally bought to go with this fabric back in 2016. Eventually I'll top-stitch them together with the hem tape sandwiched invisibly between the exterior and the lining, but for now they're finished enough to allow me to try the vest on without fraying the armscyes.

It took me awhile to think through all the steps for attaching the zipper, with all the asymmetry and overlapping and exterior and lining, while also not wanting the zipper to show from the outside at all. Eventually I figured out that I would need the underlap (left front) to be completely sewn together with the edges finished before I could attach the zipper to that side -- but I would need the overlap (right front) to not be sewn together yet, so that I could attach the zipper just to the lining.

With that finally figured out, I put the lining and the exterior together with right/finished sides together, lined up all the seams and notches carefully, then pinned the edges together from the left (underlap side) shoulder, down the center front of the underlap, and around the lower edge of the vest all the way around to the bottom corner of the center front on the overlapping right side of the vest.

After a lot of ironing to get all of that to lay flat when right side out, I was able to trim the center front edge of the overlap to be nice and clean and straight again. When I drafted the center front panels, I modified that right side to have an additional ~2" of width past where I wanted the zipper to be, specifically so there would be a built-in flap to cover over the zipper. Remember: no visible zippers in Star Wars!

Once I had the overlap panels of both the lining and the exterior all trued up, I marked the center front line on the lining side (in the below pic, the angled line going from lower left to upper right), laid half of the separating zipper onto the fabric so that the teeth were lined up with where the center front line met the lower edge of the vest, then measured from the outside edge of the zipper ribbon to the cut edge of the overlap panel. It was just about 7cm away from that edge, so I measured that distance all the way up (past the dashed line that marked the underbust elevation) and drew a nice crisp line with my chalk pen.

That gave me an easy line to follow when sewing the zipper to the inside/lining of the overlapping flap. Since I hadn't sewn the edge of that panel together yet, I was able to move the exterior layer out of the way and sew the zipper only to the lining, for now. I sewed one line of stitching just slightly in from the outside edge of the zipper ribbon, then did a second pass about halfway between the edge and the zipper teeth. It's on there nice and secure, but has a bit of room to separate from the fabric while it's being zipped, so it doesn't get fiddly.

After that, it was just a matter of pinning the other side of the zipper to the lower front corner of the underlap (this time on the exterior side of the fabric, where it faces the lining of the overlap), then try it on with the rest of my Batuu Bounding outfit and pin the underlap side of the zipper until I had the fit I wanted.

I sewed down that side to match the overlap panel side of the zipper, then tried everything on again to double-check the fit. It was a bit weird with the exterior of the overlap flap still unattached, but it fit well enough that I decided to sew the edges of that overlap flap from the lower corner up to the shoulder seam. The back of the neckline is still open, and the armscyes have been turned under but not attached to each other yet, so I can turn the whole thing right side out by pulling it through the back of the neck. With all that ironed and the zipper zipped up, the vest looks like this currently:

Folding back the outer edge of the overlap reveals the zipper. Because of all the overlapping and underlapping, the zipper is just top-stitched in place. It was way more mind-bending to figure out where everything needed to be placed to get this look, but way easier to actually sew on than, say, an invisible zipper set into a seam.

At this point I was able to try on the vest (with my Jyn Erso sweatshirt) and get a pretty good idea of the overall look. I still want to do a bunch of top-stitching both for accent and to help everything lay flat, but even with that I think I'm going to need something to keep the flap over the zipper from coming open.

I looked at a bunch of options for Star Wars-y looking buckles, settled on one I liked the best, then cut the basic size of them out of paper and taped five of them to the outside of the overlap just to get a basic idea of how it would look. I got Jack to weigh in on it too, and we both felt that the buckles were reducing the sleekness of the vest, and weirdly pushing it more towards an Imperial/First Order sort of look. My character isn't an out-and-out rebel, but she doesn't side with the First Order either. I pulled the taped on paper off again, and both Jack and I felt that that was the significantly better look.

But since I knew I still wanted some sort of closures to keep the flap down -- including one at the top left shoulder, that will hang open most of the time, along the lines of Han Solo's and Cassian Andor's shirts (and a bunch of others, this sort of overlap detail shows up frequently all throughout the franchise) and thus be visible where it hangs open.

I ended up finding these slightly unusual looking hooks-and-eyes that I think will provide a nice, nearly invisible look through the torso of the vest, but not look totally out of place on the flap edge that's hanging open. Bix's fitted coat has a similar closure of just barely visible, just slightly odd hooks and eyes, so I feel like I'm in good company there. They should arrive tomorrow, giving me enough time to hopefully get some of the top-stitching done before then.

That top-stitching is the next step, and one of the last things I need to do for this vest project. I want to top-stitch just inside all the finished edges, including the armscyes, and on each side of each of the seams, probably 2-3mm away from the edge and the seamline. That's going to involve getting everything lined up correctly and all the seam allowances lying flat inside the space between the exterior and the lining, but I think the effect will be totally worth it, both for the smoother fit and the subtle visual interest.

After that, I'll have some handsewing to do to invisibly anchor the zipper to the exterior of the overlap panel and to attach the hooks and eyes, once they arrive. The very last thing I'll do on this project is decide if I want a little stand-up half collar that ends somewhere on top of the shoulder, a bit like the one on Jyn Erso's vest.

I'm pretty sure I want a collar like that, the question is just if I need to lower the neckline in the back first, and then how far forward on the shoulder I should bring the collar. Once I've decided on that, I'll cut it out in two layers, lining and exterior, and sew the outside edges together. Then I'll be able to sew the lower edge of the exterior to the back of the neckline, and hand-sew the lining lower edge to fully encase all the raw edges. I did something similar with the Moment vest, and it comes together pretty quickly. I think I should be able to have the vest completely done by this time next week without much trouble. Hopefully.

Alongside working on my vest, I've been continuing to hand-sew the pleated panels onto Jack's jacket. In the tags on my last sewing update, I mentioned that I had about 5" still to go on the first panel. I was in the really annoying section in the middle of the sleeve where I really had to put my whole arm into the sleeve just to pass the needle through, and it was slow-going. I had to make myself push through that annoying section, rather than continue to put it off.

Eventually I worked my way all the way down to the cuff, cut off the excess from the pleated panel, turn under the edges of the lowest pleat, and hand-sew that into place. I am so pleased with how it turned out, but to keep Jack from making jokes about only having one sleeve done (and so that I wouldn't find myself with time to hand-sew and nothing ready to sew), I quickly pushed on to getting the second pleated strip started. I took a bunch of measurements from the finished sleeve and transferred them to the second sleeve, pinned the pleated panel into place, and had Jack try it on just to double-check the placement.

I was able to tear through the upper section of that second panel, between my increased speed and confidence in my method of hand-sewing this, the easy access through the neck side of the jacket, and a couple of long-ass work meetings where I was basically just there to listen in and take notes every now and then. As of posting this, I'm about halfway through with the second panel, and starting to get into that annoying section of the sleeve again.

The effect of the pleated panels on both sleeves is just so cool that I will definitely be getting photos of the jacket on Jack at some point, either on our Disneyland day or during a try-on before that. He's somewhat allergic to photos, but damn it I'm proud of how this looks, and I want to show it off. I've been calling it a 'sewist flex' from the very beginning -- look at what I can do, look at how cool and Star Wars-y it is -- and I'm really looking forward to sending this beauty out into the world in all its epicness.

And I think Jack feels similarly, based on how he's been talking about wearing this jacket all the time once it's done. His whole outfit together (this jacket, cream colored henley shirt with the buttons and bottonholes removed, mustard-y tan moto jeans, hiking boots) looks wonderfully casual Batuu Bound. The effect of the whole thing is Star Wars, but none of the individual pieces feel weird or costume-y. He might not wear those pieces together for anything other than going to Batuu, but each piece paired with something else looks pretty normal. So if Jack is able to get a lot of wear out of this modified jacket, all the better. I know I'll get that burst of sewist pride every time I see him wear it, lol.

#my sewing #Batuu Bounding #Batuu vest #Jack's jacket project #2024 mood #long post #10 days to go and I'm using all my excitement to keep making progress on sewing #also I've started rewatching The Mandalorian if only as a way to take a break from all the Star Wars YouTube videos I've been watching lol #there are still a couple of other tiny details I would like to do if I get time for them. in particular:#finding a way to cover the laces of my Doc Martens and the buckle on my belt #adding a place or two for 'code cylinders' on both my outfit and Jack's (especially since we don't have any other greebles)#breaking out the needle-nose pliers to adjust the length of some earrings that look cool with my outfit but hang just a bit too low #and finally gluing down the wraps on my kyber crystal necklace so I can be confident that the crystal won't fall out at some point at DL #the necklace is really the only one that MUST be done. the rest are entirely nice-to-have but I'm hoping I'll have time #and on that note I should get back to sewing lol

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flockrest · 9 months

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well. we done did it! thank you @gloryseized for volunteering your link ( you didn't even need to say anything. i just took your like and ran with it <3 ), muses' thoughts under the cut :)

#* arrowhead / study.#* plumule / study.#* powder down / study.#* field notes / study.#* wisps / study.#* roosting / ooc.#i did have lots of fun with this!! even if it's only anybody -> li.nk's thoughts that actually matter in the long run skfjldkf #this actually consumed my time so bad so i must bid y'all goodnight :'D more writing...another time!#have a wonderful rest of your day folks! be seeing you!#long post cw

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thedrotter · 3 days

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thought about it for a little bit and realized re:kinder got me out of a drawing slump thank you re:kinder for changing lives... it's was a while since i felt this satisfied with my art and drew this much till this game popped up in my life . forever changing lives thank you re:kinder whatever would i do without you

#not art #I TALK!!!#i have been filling my blog lately with these this little posts of me talking oops so sorry teehee #but like genuinely this game has cheered me up in such a way what an awesome game #god bless you parun thank you for creating such a wonderful piece of art #I REALIZED THIS BECAUSE I WAS CONTEMPLATING ON HOW MUCH I WAS DRAWING YUUICHI LMAOOO😭😭#how do i explain he just gradually over these months became a comfort character without me realising #I JUST KEPT DRAWING HIM EVERYTIME I FELT SAD which is a lot of the time oops #he just sparks joy okay its like wao...just like me fr... (no murder or many other crimes included) i wanna draw him today...#so do forgive i draw him so much i must spread the joy his character gives me with everyone by sharing the art i make of him #he deserves it he got me out of feeling dissatisfied with art😊👍👍#ON THAT NOTE I WILL SPOIL FOR YOU ALL THAT DO NOT WORRY...IM ALSO DRAWING EVERYONE ELSE #the rest of the very charmkng cast of characters #you'll see that soon . just a little something km doing in my free time #drawing the other characters made me have this whole realization anyway so its worth mentioning #they also give joy important to say ive been giggling thr whole time theyre so goofy

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bobokitty · 24 days

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Okay, lads, I think I am done with the boops. It has been a long day.

#i must rest #had like a 4 hour meeting today that i took notes for #sayonara you weeaboo shits as tumblr says on april fools ahahahaha #enjoy the boops out there

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rangergirl3 · 9 months

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Benefits of being a mama to a fantastic little girl: Lots. Lots and lots. :-) <3

Downsides: Well, let’s just say that this is the developmental stretch where my own story got really dark, really fast, so there’s…a lot of things that day-to-day stress me out. I’m in a safe place, with people I love, but the trauma still happened to me when I was young - which I don’t like to think about, but healing’s messy, sooooooo. Ugh.

Top it off with my *&%^ parents yanking on *all* of the emotional strings this last week, and I am - I’m feeling pretty tired, you guys. It’s like all of their attempts at constant emotional manipulation are BAD for me, or something!

But I cope with (new! And unpleasant) intrusive memories of complex trauma by:

1) Try to envision it as cataloging facts in my ‘Tardis of Trauma’ - meaning there’s a lot in a small space, so it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times, especially when the emotional fatigue hits and all I feel like doing is sleeping

2) Practicing self-care, which for me is doing things like crafting and trying to write sections of my book, and

3) Actively focusing on not repeating all the crappy stuff from my past.

TLDR; Dealing with generational trauma feels like this:

This is a screen shot from One Piece - and I thought it admirably captured the intensity of the feeling. Here, Ace is protecting his brother Luffy, but it felt right for my situation, too.

Because no matter what my family of origin tries, they are NOT getting to my kid.

#rangergirl3 update #overall I’m feeling okay! Just - so tired #so so tired #but I’m crafting again and getting some extra rest #oi #complex ptsd sucks #Healing is not linear #I just want to summon my spren and wack some sense into toxic people from my past #oooh! Oooh! My spren could be a pen!!! I LOVE THIS #I must take notes :D

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butchyena · 5 months

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reading the notes from my hospital stay and apparently i had an anaphylaxis event while under anesthesia

#they said some salve they use for abscesses thats gentler for the wound had some shellfish stuff in it #even the nirses were like ‘’we dont know to what extent but the warning is on there’’#i told em my allergy is not as severe as it used to be but still there #they said theyd consulr the rest of the surgical team about it but i must been unconcious when they did lol #like eight people walked into the room right as i was thinking ‘’i should be under by now’’#anyway i had a breathing tube in already #but that might explain why i was under for like 3-4 hours for a 30-90 minute procedure #and why i had oxygen going when i woke up #weird they didnt tell ne but its in the notes !!!

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qwuilty · 1 year

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i am cringe but i am free (got an item at the local festival specifically because it reminded me of dude)

#its kind of like a necklace but its got an empty bullet attached to it. and you can put in a little note or something in it #i dont post much about my self ship with p1 but. rest assured he's gotten me BAD SDJFHSFSDF #just kicking my legs and screaming into my pillow. girl (omniscient) help why must i be so gay.

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gwilin-stay-winnin · 1 year

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Gwilin of the Day: "Golden" Gwilin

Today's Gwilin of the day is brought to you by: Thanatopsiturvy on ao3!

Hollow Men

(wowie, this one's title looks really nice in cursive)

Published: Oct 29, 2020

Rated: Mature

Length: ~53,000 words

Featuring: A few OCs, Elenwen, Malborn

Set in: all over tbh; Windhelm, Riften, Ivarstead, the Thalmor Embassy, Skyrim's border with Morrowind, and quite a few places in between

REVIEW

Gwilin will never be the same again, and I have this story to thank.

This time around, I cannot comment on this Gwilin without first touching on the author's OC, Corimir. My heart broke and was put back together about a thousand times for him throughout this story. He was an Altmer prisoner of war, degraded and deprived at the hands of the Stormcloaks, and a slave to the whirlpool of seemingly incorrigible thoughts that enveloped his mind after his rescue, which were rooted in the months of abuse he had endured. Two characters helped keep him from surrendering to this whirlpool; helped him keep his head above water. The first was Elanwe. The second... was Gwilin.

The way we experience this Gwilin is filtered through the lens of Corimir’s extreme prejudice, at first. In his first appearance, he is labeled the “dirty little Bosmer”. A lesser thing. Soon enough, Corimir is the one who is made “lesser”; made to feel small for being so curt and suspect towards the stranger who opened his home and his heart to him. In a mere five days, Gwilin manages to ease Corimir's harsh exterior, to begin to buff out –in dribs and drabs– the mistrust from his tense and restless mind.

In the process, the journey of healing that Corimir began the second he'd stepped foot outside of Windhelm became intertwined with the fondness he felt himself develop for this irresistibly emphatic, almost unbelievably chipper Bosmer. This man was a fountain of patience and kindness, always willing to lend a hand or an ear, even at times when Corimir was more inclined to push the first away, and leave the second swimming in silence.

This Gwilin, though not appearing to be the boldest at first, had his heart set on Corimir from the beginning, and doesn't beat around the bush for long. He is quick to show Corimir that he's caught his eye, and quicker to respect his boundaries when it becomes clear that Corimir is still sifting through the debris in his mind, still cobbling his personhood back together. And when he has to leave Gwilin behind, Gwilin can do little else except bite his tongue, and quietly lament what could've been. And I was right there lamenting with him.

There was a pit in my stomach that grew bigger as the story progressed, product of my feeling Gwilin's absence. Corimir felt it, as well: that enchanting little Bosmer existed only as a gnawing memory in his mind, then, one which which refused to leave his side. How could it? In lieu of his person, Gwilin's memory became Corimir's respite from his nauseating experience touching base with his Thalmor superiors. In moments of quiet, of deafening silence and unbearable stillness, he wanted him to be there. To help fill in the gaps.

One of my favorite things about this story is that, in it, Gwilin is unmistakably queer. In his body language, in his self-expression, in his deeds, in the way he loves. When I first went to read this story and saw the "Trans Character" tag, I thought perhaps Corimir was the character the tag was referencing. Somewhere in Chapter 4, when Corimir and Gwilin are making out and the author dropped the line about Corimir's knee grazing between Gwilin's legs and not feeling much there, I understood Gwilin was the trans character, and became overjoyed. I am constantly thinking about all the beautiful and varied depictions of Gwilin, and I love that what they usually have in common is how understanding they are, and what a ray of light they are to the people in their lives. Queer people especially are rays of light, and to say that I appreciated being able to see a Gwilin who feels so at peace with himself and content about where he is in his life is the understatement of the century.

To balance out those strong emotions is Gwilin's ever-present good humour. Near the end of the story, in Chapter 12, Corimir asks Gwilin about his top scars, and Gwilin responds somewhat nervously –but with the earnest candor I've come to expect from my favorite Gwilins– about his being trans. He's so sincere and affable in the way he goes about it; he could disarm anyone with just the glint of his eyes, I swear.

The only pitfall of this Gwilin was that his sweetness, patience, and perkiness could occasionally drift into the overly-saccharine (though I won’t lie and pretend most everyone wouldn't love to be looked after as Gwilin looks after Corimir). Perhaps seeing Gwilin's patience wear thin at one point or talk more about what Corimir leaving made him feel like would've made it easier for me to connect with his character beyond his pleasing demeanor and his charm.

The only other thing I can think of that seemed off was that in moments where Gwilin's naiveté poked its head in, he had a tendency to come off as rather childlike, which is not a particularly endearing trait for me to detect in a character who's an adult. But that could just be me.

On the whole, there is something to be said about the kind of people who “go the other way”, who –instead of becoming hardened by years of trying to carve out their place in the world– become softer, perhaps sweetened by their wisdom. In this story, within and through everything, that is Gwilin.

Moment that my mind chose to fixate on: I really, really liked the scene where Malborn and Gwilin are speaking Bosmeris and Corimir is just like "I will now be retiring myself from the hut at this time". Also, all descriptions of Gwilin's smiles that were like “Every now and then he’d catch Corimir’s eye and would offer one of those impish little smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners." or “Gwilin laughed and scooted closer, smiling up at him in that impish way.” instantly had me imagining the kind of smile where the eyes do most of the smiling, y’know? And how can you not fall in love with that?

I. Compellingness

Very compelling Gwilin, what with his pinky promises and swishing ponytail and alchemical expertise and all. Something about him is that he speaks in quips; he is rather quippy. But the quips stem from a sort of merry drunkenness he has from living and being alive, so he gets a pass, I suppose. 8/10

II. Swagger

Getting caught admiring someone's beauty while they're asleep and still putting the moves on them? And having them reciprocate? SWAG CITY. 10/10

III. Talent

This Gwilin is a master alchemist, though he’d never call himself such for fear of appearing to put on airs. He's also an excellent caretaker, a chef, and a woodworker (obviously). Overall, a super talented and multifaceted Gwilin with a true love for his craft, and for those he gifts the fruits of his labor to. 10/10

IV. Backstory

Decent amount of backstory bestowed on this Gwilin. He has a good relationship with his mom, apparently, as well as a love for travel, having seen a decent chunk of Tamriel after leaving home at thirty and roaming around for ten years. He had a few Khajiit lovers, as well, and had some tough experiences with the Spinners (who I must confess I do not know much about). Wow. What a worldly Gwilin. 8/10

V. Pleasure of Reading

In this story, the verbless clauses sprinkled throughout were deliciously jarring to read (e.g. “A blanket fluttered down overtop of him, smelling of cedar and woodsmoke. Gwilin’s firm hand on his shoulder.”). Moreover, there were a quite a few interesting bits of grammar and word order usage that were new and unfamiliar to me, but felt very distinctive to the author's style of writing (e.g. “‘What all is in that?’” or “Either way, he’d been too frightened to ask after her.”).

I love how the author clips narration when the final thought of a sentence or paragraph can clearly be surmised, like so: “He’d had very little to tell the Stormcloaks, being a low-ranking officer. Sometimes he’d lead them on, bait them into thinking he was holding something back. The physical beatings were a relief compared to—”.

Because the substance of this story more than merits it, I have to take a moment to digress here and say Corimir’s characterization is exquisite. There are two shining examples.

One is during his interrogation in Chapter 5. He’s so, so terrified at the thought of failing to please. It illustrates how the prospect of failure lingers constantly in his mind, rearing up when in the presence of an authority figure. He's so well-conditioned with Thalmor ideology, they have his own mind keeping the knife at his throat, so they don't have to. It’s Chilling.

The other is when Kordin appears at the embassy in Chapter 7. Gosh, Corimir losing his sense of security the way he did… After weeks of reassuring himself he's safe, accepting that it's over a little bit more each day, only to have to see the irrational fear materialize? To have it be true? I couldn't imagine what that's like, but the author did an excellent job of carrying the reader through his disbelief, nausea, distress, and, finally, the anger he takes out on Malborn.

On the whole, the prose is decidedly haunting: it sticks with you and carves into you as much in the calming and tender parts of the story as it does in the harsher, more tense ones. This author presented the best imagery out of all the "gwilin" tag fics I've read, bar none. Whatever the opposite of White Room Syndrome is, is what this author had going on. I could visualize depth, space, and time super vividly in nearly every single scene of the story. 10/10

VI. Horniness

One line of supreme importance: “Gwilin nuzzled into his hand like a pleased housecat, sliding closer until he was nearly sitting in Corimir’s lap.” That, plus the way he runs his fingertips through Corimir's hair and scalp. Ooga Booga. 10/10

Final Tally

autistic ass

gives this Gwilin a 9/10!

#gotd #9/10 #oneperf #gwilin #tes #i wrote about 10000 words of notes for composing this review #a lot of it fell outside of the scope of Gwilin so i didn't include it here #but i have a strong desire to spiff the rest of my notes up and rb this later with an addition bc i went DEEP into the meta of it #i must stress that the rating here is for the gwilin. the meta analysis i did is admittedly much harsher #but that's a topic for a later date #or maybe for never who knows hehe :3

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