#and so i thought i didn't want to post it until i'd written the sequel to it (which Will exist)

[sapphireluminescence]

Amatonormative Invective

I'm so tired of love.

Please don't say that there are other kinds of love. I know, okay? I've written an ode to a best friend and an elegy to an interest and called it love both times—I know. But the rest of the world doesn't seem to. Any kind of "love" I might deign to describe will be assumed romantic, and my own arcing terms will be turned against me to hold romance aloft as the all-encompassing, end-all-be-all singular thing to die for. And so, I am tired of love. Spare me the lecture.

But at the same time, this ire is not against the idea of intimacy; I have no quarrel with connection. Romance is not inherent to either, and though it still feels like a betrayal of the sentiment, I do not want to brave the world on my own.

I want to know the quiet of companionship. Not silence—not the frigid abyss of an empty house, where every sound is startling in its foreignness, nor the tightrope tension of tripping over porcelain, reading someone else's anger into the brittle air—just, quiet. Mornings in a light-flooded bedroom, waking up slow and watching someone else blink themselves out of sleep. Inane musings over separate tasks, paper-airplane banter tossed and caught from room to room with ease. Afternoons sprawled on the living room floor, watching sunlight slant through the windows to illuminate their face, eyes molten in the glow. A study of peace, curled up in office chairs listening to rustling pages and the breath of another. Lofty midnight ramblings, hands a flurry of motion and still failing to keep pace with a brain sparking ahead, but content in the knowledge of a mind to match.

I want the warmth of someone else's presence. A partner, I guess, in the purest sense of the word. "A person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor," if the action is living and the endeavor is the building of a future. The promise of an ally. Steady at one shoulder, solid back-to-back. The assurance of a crewmate through storm and smooth sailing alike, over the ceaseless seas of this life.

But the world has agreed that these things are reserved, that they are romantic at their core.

I don't—have never—seen why.

They require trust, and understanding, and dedication, and a thousand other things, but none of them are love.

And I know it's a teenage cliche, to fear a future spent unlovable, but this is not quite that, twists around it and never quite aligns. I would have been happy piecing together an existence with friends, laughter rising through the rafters of a shared house and life, would have found joy, and warmth, and peace. I could have found myself a family—fuck what the world thinks love should be—and settled comfortably into my own skin.

Could have.

Could have, and cannot.

There is no future I can see where my friends stay, where they don't fly from my side like swallows in winter wind. Each disperses after the other, seeking warmer shores, absorbed into insular units of nuclear family to leave me, drifting unmoored and compassless, searching the skies for a sign of their soaring. The thought of a life without them makes me ache to the bone, an endless march of cold mornings in an echoing house. Their absence turns the future bleak and desolate, frost creeping over my brightest dreams.

How could they stay? You've seen what the world says:

My mother tells me to be careful about whom I marry. My father tells me to start a family early. I have expressed nothing but disinterest in either, but the advice persists, because surely it will be relevant one day, because I am young and minds change, because of course I will get married in the end.

I tell someone in a moment of confiding that I don't want kids, not really, would be satisfied with a cat or dog and a space of my own. They say, "Yeah, that's what I thought when I was like, eight."

The sentiment is passed over school tables and internet cables, words not meant to be sharp, but regardless, they find a mark.

"Reasons to stay alive," and a future marriage is at the top, followed directly by starting a family.

"Don't worry," someone consoles. "It's alright to take things slow, you'll find someone!"

"Friends don't cancel other plans" for each other the way lovers do, the song insists.

"True love," someone proclaims, like romance is the only kind that counts.

"I don't want to die alone" equates to needing to get married.

"Friendship doesn't count, doesn't last, isn't enough."

After all, your spouse is supposed to be

"The most important person,"

"Your other half,"

"Soulmate,"

"The one."

Under this barrage, who is meant to resist? Who would think to stray from the concrete course laid before them? When it's held up as the pinnacle and standard, the ultimate goal, who would dare to question?

To leave the expected trajectory—never as simple as stepping sideways, all bitter fury and disillusionment. Half the songs I once loved are tainted now, innuendo and implication mocking from the shadows. It tears cruel thorns through the fabric of this world, seeps through the cracks, into tropes and stories and conversations, desecrating spaces I once called holy.

For those who do not stray, these are words and nothing more, harmless briar in places they need not tread. They have been spared this casual clawing at my heart, and though I cannot begrudge the ones I care for their immunity, I seethe with a soundless envy.

Two roads diverge in a yellow wood—one a barely-there footpath through the trees, unnoticeable from the main route unless you're looking for a way out, mist-shrouded and dense with bramble, the other, a well-trodden trail through open fields that stretch, uninterrupted to where the waving grass meets the horizon. This one leads where I cannot follow, so I have taken the one less traveled by.

I trust that it will get easier. The slope will even out and the path will open up, mist and bristling vines alike will recede. I know this. But for now, this is an aimless trek through unforgiving and unmapped wilds, and the journey before me has never looked so long or so lonely.

#writing #poetry #amatonormativity #carnival of aros #aro #wrote this last year when i was having a crisis about what the future would look like #wrote it over a few months and by the time i was done i'd made peace with some stuff #and so i thought i didn't want to post it until i'd written the sequel to it (which Will exist) #but i'm feeling impulsive tonight and procrastinating finals #soooo #aro poetry #fuck amatonormativity

[danjaley]

One of my random book posts:

My long history with Anne of Green Gables

(and that series' unfortunate publishing history in Germany)

My first encounter with Anne of Green Gables was when the girl who bullied me in elementary school held her presentation "My favourite book" about it. The gist of her summary was: "This is a funny book about a girl who likes to pull pranks on everybody". Safe to say, she was not a kindred spirit.

This was in the late nineties, where the only way to buy books was to go to a bookshop and browse the shelves. Somehow, the only place in Germany where L.M. Montgomery seemed to sell were North-Sea holiday resorts. Probably because of the maritime setting. You can even tell by the covers that these books were supposed to be bought by seaside-tourists. Anyway, my mother bought three volumes on a holiday at the North Sea, containing everything up to Anne of Ingleside.

Until around 2000, the "whole series" in Germany consisted of three volumes containing two novels each. Some time in the 80s, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island and Anne of Ingleside also had covers of their own, but they've become rarities. In only own Anne of Avonlea as a single volume. For some odd reason this is yet another cover than the "official" one.

It took me years to really grow fond of the books. The first one I associated with my enemy from school. But at least I could relate to imagining things with your friend (yes, I had friends too). The others scared and confused me. I didn't want to leave home as a teenager to go to college and be a teacher before I was twenty! And I wasn't used to books in which people died. 😥

I think it was an airing of the Animé adaptation on television that made me read the series again at around 16. It became one of my favourite works of fiction. I love books which depict everyday life, making it interesting without overdramatizing. It's something I also try to do in my stories. In this context: Matthew McCarric is partly named after Matthew Cuthbert.

Until I was around 18 I thought Anne of Ingleside was the end of the series. Then, in another bookshop (this time in Munich), I stumbled upon the one called "Anne&Rilla", which is Rilla of Ingleside. It's a very rare experience to find that an author who's known to have died decades ago just publishes a sequel! And since Anne of Ingleside was actually written after Rilla of Ingleside, it was amazing to see that all the hints in it actually led somewhere! I'd never have thought I'd actually meet Monday the Dog! Also it was the first book I read that emotionalized World War I. I only knew books about World War II, usually written long afterwards with a didactic intention. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it sparked my interest in contemporary literature about the World Wars.

The German subtitle "Zum ersten Mal verliebt" ("In love for the first time") is of course one of the worst title translations I've ever seen, surpassing even the other two. Yes, they had already used the classic "Fateful Years", but couldn't they at least have put something with "hard times"? Also note that the sub-subtitle promises two novels in one volume.

Then I wanted to read the Emily books. They had also been published as North-Sea holiday-books, but were even rarer to find. I had bought and read the third on another North-Sea-holiday, but I couldn't warm up to characters who had a history I didn't know. The first one has been out of print for so long that it's quite expensive as a collectible. So I used this new thing, The Internet, and bought it in English. It was a mind-blowing experience and I was like "Never ever will I go back to those dated sentimental translations!" In fact I only keep the German editions because of their covers. They may sometimes forget it's set in the 1900s, but I still think they're pretty.

So I went online again and ordered the Anne and Emily books in English. It was then that I discovered, there was another book of the Anne-Series, I hadn't known about. This was in 2010, and Rainbow Valley was never translated into German until 2013. It's rare to find a sequel written by a dead author, but this is the only case where it happened to me twice.

Now, remember the German Paperbacks always contained two volumes. To disguise the fact that Rainbow Valley was missing, Rilla of Ingleside had been chopped in half, and has actually been sold as two separate novels in the past. I later bought one of these in a library jumble-sale, just as a curiosity. I've also come to appreciate that English publishers don't waste our space in the shelves. The blue book has half the content of the purple and is nearly twice its size!

By the way, the Emily series did not get chopped apart, but you can see the red label on the back of "Emily in Blair Water", which passes it off as a double volume.

I had already noticed that the German translations were strongly sentimental, but what's worse, they're also incomplete. Anne of Green Gables and of Avonlea are all right, but the lady who took over then (some time in the 1980s) had her own ideas. There were several scenes cut, for what I can only guess was considered inappropriate content. Among other things, all references to men wearing female hats or other female clothing were removed (of which there are surprisingly many). What's worse, the translator even added some dialogues of her own, usually in romantic scenes, to make them more kitschy.

There have been some signs of improvement in recent years. Rainbow Valley was finally translated in 2013. There are also new translations of the first two books, which I'm reading at the moment as a e-books. I like that it's fun and modern, but sometimes so eager to write something new, that it's not exactly the meaning of the English text any more. But I'm sure readers who happen not to have studied History and English won't mind. I guess it will be some more decades until the copyright expires for the volumes which really need a retranslation.

Well, and then I became an art historian, specializing in ceiling painting and book history. If you really want to know a book, read it in several editions. You'll be surprised about the things you'll find!

#book blog intermission #nonsims

[sophiainspace]

Happy five years of fic posting to me! 🎉

No but seriously, where have five years gone? They've shot by in a flash.*

*That was a pun. Hope you're proud of me.

On 21st Dec, 2017, I posted The Centre Cannot Hold, a neurodivergent Ray Palmer fic. (After a conversation with @habibialkaysani when she encouraged me to write what I wanted to read. It's all her fault!)

So here's a self-made fic meme to celebrate...

Soph’s Fic Meme

My favourite of my fics is... the rarely-read ColdWave neighbourfic, Mending Wall. There's a cute kid, lots of feels, and far more rambly plot than I was expecting when I started.

My fluffiest fic is... maybe the ColdFlash coffee shop meet-cute Better Latte Than Never - but the sequels are an angst fest (sorry, @blueelvewithwings!). Or there's this coldwestallen ficlet about pillows. (Literally) as fluffy as I get. It will never happen again.

My funniest fic is... the Retired Rogues series. In which retirement is not going so well for our ColdWave, till Mick takes things into his own hands. (I can't do funny, so I'm quite proud of these. I'm also quite proud to have been accused of Problematic Fic, for Mick plotting behind his partner's back. Sure, that's the most problematic thing about... ColdWave. 😁)

My saddest fic is... Rebuild, from deep in the depths of my angst-writing days. But it was hard to choose, for there are too many.

A fic I almost didn't post is... The Way Out (Mick Rory and self harm - read the content warnings). Write what you need to write, kids, even if involves stigma or you get ableism for it. Someone will be glad you did. Someone might be you.

The fic I had most fun writing is... Stealing Time & Saving Time. In which Len can't deal with his new powers and the boys can't deal with each other... until Iris steps in and bashes their heads together. (Can't have ColdWestAllen without the traditional Iris head-bashing.)

My favourite ship to write is... ColdWave. Still. Always. Gehenna is the ColdWave headcanon that I will be still talking about in the nursing home when I'm 90. The nurses will ask, of the roguish criminals they think I might have made up, "Did you know them when you were young, love?" and I will smile and nod.

My favourite femslash ship to write is... NewsHacker. They are perfect. The Mystery was fun to write. Zamaya are another fave.

My favourite OT3 to write is... You're expecting ColdWestAllen, aren't you? And you'd be right. But I have a soft spot for Rogue Canary too.

My favourite non-romantic pairing to write is... Len and Lisa. Love a sibling relationship that complicated. Many headcanons.

My favourite character to write is... Mick Rory. Still. Always. (You can tell because I've written 45 fics with him in.) Here's one.

My favourite neurodiversity fic is... Runs in the Family, with ADHD speedsters. I loved writing my ND Legends fics (like Meds) too.

The fic I remember writing most clearly is... Words. Inspired by a prompt/thought from @stungunmilly2 about autistic Mick, who struggles with spoken words but can't stop writing them. And then I couldn't stop writing it for three days. Writer!Mick is a mood.

My favourite 'written out of spite' fic is... Still Queer (Captain Canary)

My most-read fic is Can't Take That Away From Me (ColdFlash). I'm pretty happy to see it in first position, on balance. It was fun to write. (And I'm really sorry about still leaving the sequel unfinished)

My least-read fic is (Getting Past the) Pride and Prejudice - pt 2 of a NewsHacker series that is admittedly not very good, but still - Iris/Zari, okay?

The WIP I most regret not finishing is... Take The Keys (And Drive Forever). Lisa Snart-centric, would have been KillerGold if I'd got far enough with the Caitlin part, and it was going to be spooky.

My favourite gen fic is... Remember. Zari Tomaz's last moments in the timeline.

My crackiest fic is... (Here's To The) Tears and Beers and Wasted Years. ColdWestAllenWave with comedy therapy and time travel and being trapped and phobias and evil doppelgangers and flashbacks and future kids and feels. You're welcome.

And finally... it's Winter Solstice. Have an (old) Christmas fic. It's a (mostly) cute folk tale AU. A Single Matchstick to Light a Fire.

Ask me a fic question! Or say something fic-related! If you want to!

And while I'm at it... I'm going to forget someone here (sorry) - @ing a few beta readers, writing partners, prompters and cheerleaders I'm grateful for - and a few writers whose wonderful fic has kept the muse alive. Tagging you to do the fic meme if you want to: @achangeinpriorities @blueelvewithwings @areyouscarletcold @habibialkaysani @purpleyin @joanthangroff @sproutwings @stungunmilly2 @nixie-deangel @dubiousculturalartifact @peppersandcats @jewishgarygreen @siricerasi @kleptoandpyro @tigstripe @stillnotginger10 @wonderingtheblue @stillthewordgirl @coldflasher @bold-sartorial-statement @callonielb @ginger-canary @kitkatt0430 @eaion @kattahj @robininthelabyrinth @rochc93 @unwittingcatalyst

I don’t know if I’ll write anything else for the fandom now, but you never know what 2023 might bring. But if not, then thanks for an awesome five years. It's been... Oh, think of a Flash pun. Pretend I made it.*

*This is a Buffy reference. You do not have to be proud of me.

I will leave you with my favourite inspirational quote from the Flash (CW TV series, 2014-2023):

"Rule number one of having a secret identity is not taking pictures of yourself in your super suit without a mask on."

- Barry Allen

#my fic #fic meme #arrowverse fic

[ruinsoftime]

Escaflowne Voice Meme

Okay, I guess it's my turn. This is a Written Meme instead of voice btw. The original questionnaire is here: Escaflowne Voice Meme.

01. Introduce yourself! When did you first watch Escaflowne? What brought you into the fold?

I already shared part of my experience in this post, so I'm gonna expand on that.

I was young and naive and in Junior High. There was an open tv channel that broadcasted anime shows all evening. One of them was Escaflowne, and I liked it, I mean, it's medieval! With robots! And swords! And the robots wear capes! But I wasn't a fan.

I saw the movie until I was in college and I loved it.

Years later, I always attempted to watch the series, because I thought I never watched it complete (and I never passed from the first episode in those tries). In 2021 I finally watched the entire series again… I didn't remember a thing hahaha and I discovered that I had actually seen it completely before because the only things I recalled were the "Aoi Hitomi" song and that Dilandau was a woman (and I spent the entire time looking for the womanly clues on Dilandau, with no success).

But you know, I really really loved the movie but I forgot how much I did it, it took some effort on my part to remember… hell, I even had magazine clippings in my room (still there) and used to draw Van and Hitomi, but all that is still lost in my mind and from the world (I rescued a drawing, not the great thing).

So here I am.

I already had a tumblr account but I guess due to inactivity I couldn't use the tags, so I better started anew.

02. Who is your favorite character and why? Was it love at first sight? Has any of their qualities or quirks swayed you on characters in other series?

Van. The guy grew on me after my second watch, it's easy to sympathise with him.

03. Which side are you on? What do you think happens Post-Hitomi when she leaves? Who do you think will be the next opposing power?

This is fanfic area, but I think Basram would get everyone in trouble if not kept in check. Zaibach could resurface years later, too. Or, you know, Hitomi returns and starts a fight :P

04. Least favorite plot point? Was there something you think should have changed? What do you think would have made it better.

I found Millerna and Dryden's love story boring (because there's none?). Van's wings are too corny (lol) What's up with Varie? I'd have liked to see more about the war. Escaflowne's customer service was ridiculous hahaha I had to pause when Folken performed the "let's make Hitomi and Allen a couple" mission.

Movie: I wanted to know more about... everything.

05. OTP? What kind of art and fiction would you like to see? What are some head canons you have for them? What is you NoTP?

Every question is like 10 questions lol This one is pretty obvious: Hitomi x Van of course. If you drop Folken in there I won't mind (not sure if Van or Hitomi would agree though). I like to read so I find fanfics very entertaining and comfy. I like art too so fanarts are welcome. Alright my headcanon is… Hitomi comes back to Gaea, finds her place in there, marries Van of course, and the whole planet is in peace.

NoTP: Van and Dilandau. Van/Hitomi x OC (unless you convince me).

06. What would you like to see in a figurative remake/sequel? Would you include more minor characters? Would you want a whole new story that could be a stand alone?

I've lived long enough to see failed sequels shit on a perfect story so I'd go for standalone story or a backstory, like Goau's life, Varie's story, Moleman's, Leon's adventures, and so on.

07. Movie, Series, Game, or Manga preference? What are things you did/didnt like of each?

I love the movie, I love everything about it except for it to be so short, unable to expand on the new universe they built.

The series is great, we'll always wonder what would Escaflowne be if only they got all the episodes they needed and didn't have to pack everything in 26 episodes. A monumental work.

Everything else is meh to me. I've read both mangas and watched the extra scenes of the videogame. I haven't read the LNs for obvious reasons.

08. Do your favorite impression! Bonus points if you can do a conversation with a scene cut in!

floats in the middle of the room inside a levistone, taking a nap

09. What do you think about the idea of a re-dub? What are your feelings about the current cast selection for Van (and others if more are introduced)?

I haven't seen the english dub but I've seen the latino one. I wouldn't mind a re-dub, even if I feel that nowadays actors lack heart. Van's VA, Jesús Becerro, died some years ago so I'd prefer to watch it like it is for nostalgia's sake.

As for the japanese cast… it's perfect, period.

I love Maaya Sakamoto's voice (Hitomi), a shame I don't like her music. Tomokazu Seki (Van) surprised me, he's also Kougami's VA in Psycho-Pass (I love his voice in PP) and I didn't notice until certain line he said reminded me of some other character (Gilgamesh).

10. Recite your top five characters by name.

Van. Hitomi. Folken. 5 is a lot.

Secondary: Gadess, Ruhm, Moleman, Balgus, Yukari.

Fin

#escaflowne #escaflowne voice meme #Man this was long

[helloquotemyfoot]

Book Backlog Busting Reading Challenge!

The only thing I love more than reading books is buying books. Unfortunately it is a lot easier to buy a book and promise myself I will read it soon than it actually is to read the book soon. As a consequence, I have a lot of unread books on my shelves, some of which have been there for years. So here's the challenge:

I will not be buying any more books until I have read ALL of my backlog, currently standing at 110 books.

Yeah no it really is that many. No I do not have a problem. (Unless the problem is lack of bookshelves. I might have that problem.)

Rules of the challenge!

Books do not have to be completed! If I don't like a book and don't want to finish it, that's okay. As long as an earnest attempt was made.

There is an exception to the "no buying" rule for sequels to books I already own, because honestly, I would just ignore the rule anyway if I needed to read them badly enough, so we will build it in instead.

Being gifted or lent books does not count as "buying" them (although most people don't by me books anyway, because they can't keep track of the ones I own).

Keep people updated on my progress week to week! I will talk a little bit about the books I am reading and give mini reviews if I feel like it, or sometimes just post pictures of my progress.

I gave this challenge an Official Title™ because I thought it might be fun if other people joined in, so reblog this, tag me in your own reading backlog posts, whatever. My own backlog is mainly history and fantasy because that's what I primarily read, but I'd love to see what other people have been putting off for a long ass time!

Most importantly, wish me luck!

First up on the list, we have

The Time Traveller's Guide to Regency Britain by Ian Mortimer. Like the others in Mortimer's series, this is a fun and accessible read dealing with a lot of day-to-day questions about clothes, travel, and social etiquette that don't make it into most history books. This one is an existing WIP since I've been getting a lot more into writing Pride and Prejudice fic recently, so I'm already about 50% of the way through.

Lord of Chaos by Robert Jordan (Wheel of Time #6). WoT is one of my partner's favourite series of all time, and after watching and loving season 1 of the amazon adaptation, I finally started reading the series late last year. Favourite characters so far: Nynaeve and Lan. This is partially why a sequel exception was written in.

Queens of the Age of Chivalry by Alison Weir. My unwritten rule of reading is to have one chonker history book ongoing at a time. I didn't study much medieval period at uni, so this is something I've tried to correct on my own time, but a lot of general histories do not go into much depth about individual women - hence my interest in this book.

#book backlog busting reading challenge #bbb reading challenge #reading challenge #reading #books #history books #fantasy books #reading backlog

[x-authorship-x]

2022 Creators Self-Love Extravaganza!

Rules:

It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2022. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love!

This post is inspired by @bubblesthemonsterartist - thanks for bringing it across my dash! ✨

1) THE 'A' IN ANBU STANDS FOR (SURPRISE) ADOPTION

I love feel-good found-family fluff fics and this one served a side of comedy to boot. Writing this was really therapeutic at a stressful time in my life and I was feeling really guilty for not keeping up with my longstanding Shisui Series (HOPE AU, including completed work 'No Tomorrow' (NoT) and ongoing sequel 'Until Dawn Breaks' (UDB)). Writing Shisui is always my favourite thing to do, he's such a comfort character to me even if I'm making him hurtle through life and death situations or wacky AUs. This fic kind of encapsulated that, the joy I find in him as a character, and making sure he's loved and supported too. The fic started when I asked myself all the possible points in time for Shisui to transform what happened in canon; one of them was 'Itachi is under crazy pressure... How can Shisui protect him?' and 'legal guardian the shit out of his baby cousins' was the immediate answer.

Summary: Shisui didn't know why Raidou was giving him disappointed looks. It wasn't like Shisui had much of a track record for letting things go, for going with the Status-Quo and ignoring what was happening around him. Or that this was the first, er, child acquisition - for any of them! - either.

Honestly, at this rate, they were going to be renamed Squad Toddler instead of Two.

It was Kakashi who grabbed this one, anyway!

2) Until Dawn Breaks

This is the sequel to my favourite shisui fic I've ever written. I planned the whole story out, multiple arcs, before I had even written a word for the fic itself. I spent days getting together a brand new timeline for the Narutoverse, I figured out a whole cast, their abilities and motivations and relationships, and it felt like the whole thing was hovering above the page, waiting to be written. Writing No Tomorrow (NoT) was literally the best thing I've ever done and I'm so proud of that fic, even if I would edit it differently looking back on it now. For Until Dawn Breaks (UDB), I was really conflicted on the plotline because of that phrase, 'no plan survives contact with the enemy'. I'm at a cross roads with the fic, part of me wishes I'd skipped this arc entirely, but I don't want to abandon anything so I'm forced to soldier through. I have to make a lot of big plot decisions and that takes a lot of time, which I don't have, and knowledge, which has faded over the past year or so. I used to only update when I had at least three more chapters finished ahead of time and now I publish as soon as it's ready, and I'm sad to have lost that routine. Writing is hard and it's supposed to be fun. I hope my readers understand that breaks are inevitable and they still come read updates whenever they arrive. The fact I updated this fic this year is a huge thing for me and I'm really proud that I could keep going through this rough patch with the fic and IRL.

Summary: Shisui had succeeded, destroying the man who was responsible for his death, in every way possible. Who had caused so much suffering... more than anyone could have foreseen.

(He gasped for air, throat parched and lips chapped and-)

But now came the hardest part; learning to live again.

(The ground felt as distant as the dim twinkle of stars scattered across the night sky.)

All was still.

(The air, the only thing surrounding him, felt stretched in his lungs, whipped his clothes and hair taunt from his skin, and streamed tears from his eyes.)

And then it wasn't.

3) The Red Istari

I submitted my thesis at midnight and planned this fic before I went to sleep. The first chapter was completed and posted within a day of that. This fic was a watershed moment for me, I had made a promise that I wouldn't write any fanfic whilst working on my thesis drafts until it had been completed and I stuck to that. I did some brainstorming, I have a lot of WIP ideas saved up, but I didn't write and I didn't allow my focus to shift. This fic was like a dam exploding and I feel like I'm still recovering for the enforced sabbatical. I'd attempted LotR/Naruto crossovers before but it always felt like there wasn't much of an audience for it and, whilst I like to think I write for myself, I do weigh up reader engagement too because I find it discouraging to post and get nothing nice back for my hard work. This time I didn't care, tbh. I watched the extended edition on loop in the final days of my thesis work and it felt like i had to write this fic or explode. I think it worked out nicely haha

Summary: The sky was aglow, deepest crimson washing over the land and undimmed by the bruise-purple clouds that clutched at the edges of the horizon.

The sands shifted beneath him, deep and perfect as only a desert that has consumed everything within it can be.

A staff of inscribed steel stood proud where it was stabbed into the sand, radiating heat against the side of his neck.

Somehow, he knew in his bones that there was nothing out there but him, the staff, and the golden desert.

He was alive, bare, and unwounded despite the blood he could feel stuck to his flesh.

This was not death.

This was… something new.

4) REVELRY

I once wrote a Bnha self insert and the whole experience of trying to make sense of the fandom and the canon verse was so bewildering that I never wrote for my hero academia again. Until now. I've read a lot of Bnha (seriously, my total ao3 bookmarks are in the 6000s now) and I have a lot of characters I adore but i never felt the urge to write for them like i did for this Tokoyami fic. Quirk science confuses me, I'm not one of those accounts who can theorise legitimately on the topic, but quirk Shenanigans and fuckery is something I can weigh in on a little more confidently. I'm ending 2022 by trying out a fandom i thought I'd never post about again. It's a nice bit of self character development, yeah?

Summary: “The shadow is the greatest teacher for how to come to the light.”

Others don't understand that a 'quirk' is not always a tool and that, sometimes, a family is two birds in the darkness of the night.

Fumikage is going to be a hero.

And so is Dark Shadow.

AKA

What if Tokoyami was the top hero student in his class?

5) WIPS

This last celebration is for my WIPs! There are a stupid amount of them, most will never see the light of day, but i love them all ❤️ they're wacky, heart breaking, ridiculous, fluffy, healing and badass! I'll spotlight a few of my favs from this year, since I pick out a snappy title, dramatic summary and aesthetic line divider before almost anything else haha

DRAGON (KAGE SERIES WIP)

“The hunger of a dragon is slow to wake, but hard to sate." ― Ursula K. Le Guin

Mikoto had been born into a Clan that, whilst not so foolish as to disregard its girls, preferred for them to stay at home, providing future heirs and fighters, than risking themselves in the field. Peace had only esasperated the expectations that a pretty girl made a prettier wife.

Mikoto, thankfully, was the daughter of Uzushio Ambassador Uchiha Kagami and Shiho the Silvertongue.

Her inner spark was tended, never stifled. 

The Will of Fire would burn brightly once more.

AKA

Mikoto had been born in a plum grove, nearly a month premature, exactly half way between Konoha and Uzushio. Her mother predicted that she would have an indomitable will. Her father declared that she was born between two worlds.

They were both right.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

HUNTER (KAGE SERIES WIP)

The Sarutobi Clan had long been in the service of the Daimyo. The Uchiha and Senju were Noble Shinobi. The Nara were Wild Healers, coaxed out of obscurity by their connection to the Yamanaka and Akimichi.

The Hatake had been Samurai, set apart by their own moral code and Clan culture.

They'd sworn themsleves to Konoha, allies with the Senju for centuries. They were Kin to the Nidaime, who was born of Senju Butsuma's second wife, and an integral part of the village founding. Their loyalty and skill had put them in the first line of defense and had proven their Clan's downfall.

Sakumo was the Head of a Clan of two. His wife, ambushed on a solo courier mission. His son and heir, strongarmed onto the battlefield far too young for all of his genius. The Hatake were in danger and Sakumo was their only hope.

The White Fang had played the loyal watchdog for too long. Konoha had forgotten the bite of white chakra and the savagery of a desperate father.

Konoha needed to remember why the rest of the known world rightly feared wolves.

╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠╣◍╠

THORN

"We, who wield power, adorn ourselves with flowers to hide the sting of our thorns." - L. Bardugo

They saw her ebony curls, eyes like cranberries, and the strength of her Genjutsu.

'Uchiha,' they whispered, fearful, wrong.

'Pretender', the Clan-born dismissed, sneering, ignorant.

'Clan', the trees seemed to murmur, a song precious few could hear these days, and swayed towards her presence. A leaf caressed her cheek, the soil humming underfoot, and branches curved to cradle her descent.

Kurenai had grown up in a civilian family and, whenever anyone looked at her, that was all they saw. The Yuuhi family were small, wide-spread, but had done well for themselves. Kurenai was their only child, the lone Shinobi in generations, and the secrets in her blood seemed to pound just beneath her skin. 

She wove roses into reality and warped the mind in her grasp until nothing was believable and the flourishing greenery was waved away as a trick of the light.

'Yuuhi,' they called her.

'Senju', the forest breathed.

And Kurenai smiled.

AKA

Kurenai wasn't supposed to reach Jounin until she was 25, and even that might have garnered too much attention. However, when she notices familiar chakra - like her, like her, like her - lingering around her friend, Kakashi, Kurenai stumbles across a conspiracy that spans decades.

Truth will out. And Blood runs true.

AKA

Kurenai has her Grandfather's eyes and her Great Uncle's chakra.

ෆ(⁠)✿ᘛ⋋⁠✿ෆ(⁠)✿ᘛ⋋⁠✿⁠ෆ(⁠)✿ᘛ⋋⁠✿ෆ(⁠)✿ᘛ⋋⁠✿⁠ ෆ(⁠)✿ᘛ⋋⁠✿

I'll tag: @looks-like-starlight @katlou303 @thekatthatbarks @ellorypurebloodculture @raendown anyone else who wants to play!

#tag game #year in review #torship #torship talks #shisui #bnha #naruto fics #no tomorrow #until dawn breaks #HOPE AU #kage series #sukeban #revelry fic

[insecateur]

2022 fic wrap-up!

Here it is, my 2022 fic wrap-up! I'll divide it in three parts: general rambling about writing, month-by-month discussion of what I wrote in more detail, and a conclusion about what I'd like to get done this year a.k.a. 2023!

(I wrote so much I'm sorry.)

   

General Thoughts and Rambling about Writing

I've had multiple times when I'd say I stopped writing. I wrote a lot when I was younger, both fic and original, always in my native language (French.) I also roleplayed a fair amount. Back in 2011, after a very bad time in my life, I stopped writing. My last attempts were roleplaying posts; I think by that time I hadn't written fic in over a year. 

For a little while, I focused on drawing exclusively. I even created an original webcomic that's currently discontinued. Then, in 2013, Pokémon X&Y came out–

I'd planned to write posts about my main X&Y fic series on Tumblr, but only wrote one and then never got around to writing the rest. I still want to, though! It probably covers most of what I'd want to say already, so I'll be brief: I got back into writing fic in 2013, for Pokémon X&Y, in English this time, and then lost steam the next year for a variety of reasons. I got back into writing again in 2015-2016, writing more or less exclusively for myself without sharing it except on dreamwidth and password-locked blogs. At the time, I think I felt self-conscious about posting fic on AO3 that I didn't think was "up to par," not to mention I felt guilty about my lingering WIP...

In late 2017, I got into a brand new fandom, Yakuza, and for the first time in four years started to focus my creative energy in something that wasn't Pokémon X&Y. I still thought about it a lot (Lysandre especially) but I was able to get into new ships that I was excited about for reasons that weren't "this reminds me of my ultimate blorbos." In 2018, I started working on a Yakuza fic that I then gave up on, until (encouraged by one of my friends) I got back into working on it in 2020.

I don't know what did it; I'd guess it was having someone who could cheer me on and who was also a writer, maybe, but in 2020 I really started finding pleasure in writing again. I finished the fic around the end of the year and got very sweet feedback (which I was surprised about because the topic of the fic isn't something I expected people to care about haha.) I was itching to write more but I was also kind of exhausted. I figured maybe this was going to be my fanfiction swan song, which I was pretty happy about, honestly. I still think it's a pretty good fic.

Then, in 2021, Pokémon Masters EX grabbed me by the throat–

It felt kind of eye-opening. It felt like I was back in 2013/early 2014 and suddenly I was fueled by the raw power of OTP. I reread my unfinished WIP, that I'd continued further from what was posted on AO3, and thought: I can finish this. Not only that, but I can make what I've already written better. It doesn't matter that it's been almost eight years, it doesn't matter if nobody cares to read it. I can do this, for me.

And I did!

Not only that, but it kickstarted me into getting back into writing for real. I posted the finished, rewritten (in parts) version of the fic in November (I promise I'll talk about this in more detail soon,) and then in December I posted another fic about them. Which then brings us to, of course, what this post is actually supposed to be about: 2022.

   

What I Wrote in 2022 (And Other Considerations)

I started out still riding that high from having finished my long fic, and posted two fics related to it in January, turning it into a series:

* The Pangs of Disprized Love: This one is an outsider POV taking place between two of the later So Long as We Can Say chapters. It was really fun to write, despite the subject matter! The last SLaWCS chapter is actually probably my favorite, as a post-canon aficionado, so getting to write more of that was a treat.

* And With Your Hands Your Hearts: This one is a more or less direct sequel. A marriage proposal... How corny. It felt like what the characters needed after everything they'd gone through, though. I had very strong mental images for this one and I'm still pretty happy with the result.

After that, I got to work on the sequel to Et Surtout Mourir de Langueur, the first part of my mutual pining saga. At the time, I ran into two issues:

— I was embarrassed by the idea of writing and posting smut on AO3. (Yes, this seems insane to me too now.)

— I was worried people would be put off by me writing Lysandre as submissive more "aggressively." (As in, actually making it clear that was what I was going for, and not just implying it.)

Because of this, I started getting writer's block, and found myself stalling after deciding to actually include explicit scenes in (what would become) Le Bien l'Ennemi du Mieux. But something very special would happen to me that month...

Indeed, February is the month I came to know Noah a.k.a. @jonphaedrus. Which seems both so long ago and way too little time. I will refrain from gushing and just say that had we not met, I might have never started posting E-rated works to AO3 and I might have even given up on writing that second mutual pining fic. So there.

Thus, in March, thanks to Noah (and Grey!)'s support, I finished and posted:

* Le Bien l'Ennemi du Mieux: They continue pining, but this time they fuck explicitly. A lot. Way too much if you ask me. The romantic tension does not resolve in this fic and did not resolve period in 2022 but it will in 2023 I promise.

My SLaWCS energy had not left me however, and so after taking a short break I started work on a direct sequel to And With Your Hands Your Hearts, where I'd explore Augustine and Lysandre's backstories at last. This quickly became a multi-chapter project, which I was anxious about because SLaWCS (the original fic) had been my only successful attempt at that, but the fact that I had been successful once – and now had support from a fellow prfr appreciator and author – helped carry me to victory.

So, in May, I successfully published:

* Wisely and Slow: Definitely one of my favorites from the year. A three chapters story about dealing with your demons and finding a new place to belong to in the world. I could talk more about it but I won't... for now. This is the last (plot-relevant) SLaWCS story I've posted so far; the next one is going to be the wedding one and I'm SO excited to work on it. SOON.

Taking a break from longer fic writing, I wrote this treat for Noah:

* That Give Delight and Hurt (Not): I feel like this was the first step toward me going full self-indulgent when it comes to publishing smut. It still has feelings, but there's no pretense of a plot, just two characters engaging in D/s fun. It was my first time posting actual PWP on AO3... emotional...

In June, struck by a sudden bout of inspiration at the very end of a challenge from a Discord server I was in, I wrote 20k in a week:

* Perfect as a Statue, Unadorned: A Xerosic/Lysandre fic where Lysandre is a robot. It's also one of my favorites from this year! Very underrated imo. It's long, it's an AU, it's for a rarepair... so I'm not really surprised, but I do wish more people would give it a try. Oh well.

And then, finally embracing my id fully, I wrote and shared what is probably still the most unhinged thing I've written in 2022:

* All in a Day’s Work: Also known as "Rocket Lysandre free use" which tells you all you need to know. Truly just pure bottom Lysandre PWP. I think about the tag "I Want That Pokémon Villain Obliterated" regularly. I originally wasn't even planning on posting it but doing that freed me from any kind of worry about what I was "allowed" to post on my AO3, because nothing else can come close to it. Also very underrated imo but not for the same reasons LMFAO.

I was slowly getting into the habit of writing regularly, so in July I decided to try my hand at writing short fics/ficlets based on prompts I found or that were sent to me. This way, I successfully wrote five ficlets:

* Phototaxis, Show Off, The Precious Time That We Have, Then We Shall Need Each Other & Aspectabund

I also participated in BDSM Exchange, with a fic! Which was my first time writing fic for an exchange – before that, I'd only done art.

* Viens Me Libérer de Mon Sommeil (Je Suis à Ta Merci): An OT3 (Diantha/Sycamore/Lysandre) fic for Noah! It has all of our favorite things: D/s, Lysandre getting run over, BDSM therapy... I nearly finished it in time for frenchflagshipping day, too, but missed it by three days. Alas.

Powered by pure hubris, in August, I decided to try my hand at Writer's Month... and couldn't pull it off (in parts because I got very, very sick mid-way through.) I'm not going to link all of my fics for that separately (they span from August to December) but I will namedrop a few I especially like. Otherwise, you can check them all out in my series! (Shout-out to the series-within-a-series specifically for the bodyswap storyline, too. I'll finish it in 2023! I swear!)

My favorites from August were:

* My (M37) friend (M32?) keeps alienating everyone we know with the way he presents his opinions: Absolute classic. A reddit post parody. I'd still like to write a sequel/spin-off someday.

* A Comedown of Revolving Doors: Kind of a weird one; I just caught a vibe and followed it without being completely sure where I was going with it. I do enjoy the result though.

* It’s a Mechanical Bull, the Number One: Bottom Dom content for the soul. I still think this one was very big-brained of me. Also the title does not get old.

* Hit Me With the Way They’re Flaunted: It sure is over 3k about Lysandre getting his tits tortured/played with. What else can I say.

August was also the month we started posting courage is the most foolish thing in the world a.k.a. roleswap! I am not involved in the writing (as in, I don't write it; I am definitely involved in the ideas and concepts) but I couldn't not give it a shout-out. 

For September, I'll cite this one:

* Something in Your Head You’ve Been Fighting All Along: It's cakeverse. I found out about cakeverse completely randomly and have not stopped thinking about it ever since. I'll probably write and/or draw some more at some point... It's still at the back of my mind.

I also participated in another fic challenge: to write an AU fic of no more than 5k words. It turned out a lot more difficult than I expected; I apparently do not do well with max word counts. Still, I managed to post:

* From the Throat, I’m Tied to You: A very horny soulmate AU. I just decided to write the kind of soulmates I'd like to see in fic, heh. Despite how hard it was for me to get the words out, I do enjoy the result, and it was fun to work on!

In November, I posted a fic for the exchange Fic In A Box! I feel like I've already talked about this one a lot LOL, so I won't get too into it.

* do let the old enmity be: A recursive fic for Noah's main prfr series. It's all in-universe stuff, and probably the most fun I had working on a fic this year. I was very pleased to see so many people enjoy it!

I also kept working on my late Writer's Month prompts, and my favorite for that month is obvious:

* Let Your Backbone Slide: My first time writing trans porn... finally, I can put what I want to see into the world (Dom trans/cis sub, in case that wasn't clear.) I like this one a lot, tbh. I'd like to write a sequel/related fic sometime soon.

Finally, the last month of the year: December! My end of the year was really busy. I had a lot on my mind. Still, I managed to post a few more Writer's Month fills and one very special fic:

* De nouvelles saveurs: My last fic of 2023! And it's in French! It's 12k words of flirting via baking croissants. Before writing a short thing for my FIAB fill, I hadn't written in French in over a decade... so it was an interesting experience. I am pretty happy with the result though! The croissants (quaso) got baked and that truly is all that matters. 

I'll finish this off by giving a quick shout-out to the old fics I posted throughout the year. These are the fics I wrote back in 2016, as mentioned in the introduction of this post. Noah slowly encouraged me to post them on AO3, even the ones I was the most embarrassed about. Since they've all been backdated, I don't remember the exact month (of 2022) they were posted on, so I'll just give them to you in their original chronological order:

* Fighting With My Weak Hand: A post-canon story about Lysandre trying to earn forgiveness. (Yes, it was already my shit in 2016.)

* Status Symbol: Car sex.

* A Lesson in Self-Control: Omorashi. 

* This Is the Finest Game, It Ain’t Even Got a Name: Spy AU. Very self-indulgent.

* Midas Touch: Lysandre doesn't masturbate. Augustine investigates.

* Give Me Fire, Burning Hell: My original soulmate AU.

Phew. Okay, now that that's all out of the way–

   

What 2023 Has In Store (Hopefully)

I have a lot of WIPs.

See, at the beginning of 2022, I told myself I'd only have one WIP at a time. That way, I could focus on one thing, and get things done at a good pace. Unfortunately, as I began writing more and more, and chatting with Noah about ideas, I started listening to the devil on my shoulder telling me I could just work on multiple things at once.

...and I could! At the end of the day, "a lot of WIPs" isn't actually even that many WIPs. Still, I have a bunch of stuff I'd like to get done in 2023, writing-wise:

— I have an unfinished SLaWCS smut spin-off that's like two scenes away from being done and has been for months. I really need to get back on that.

— I have, of course, part 3 of my mutual pining series. I'm nearly 10k into that and Arceus knows how long it'll get. But I'll finish it this year for sure!

— I have the few prompts left from my Writer's Month, most of which I have ideas for if I haven't already started them. I will complete it this year (and not give the prompt list for this year a try, I'm sorry–)

— I have a few challenge fics I started and never finished that I might or might not go back to. (One I'm fairly confident I can finish; the other I have no idea where to go with so it might stay unfinished forever. Maybe I'll share what I have at some point.)

— I want to write in French more!!

— And, last but not least, I'm desperate to write more SLaWCS. I want them to get married!! I spent most of the latter half of 2022 writing shorter fics, and I really want to get back to longer works. I want to drop 60k of wedding planning that only five people will read. This is all I need to stay alive.

As for the rest... I'm still itching to participate in exchanges and other fandom events, so I have plans in that vein, but I don't want to give it away too early. I'm very grateful for the support I've gotten this year, no matter the content... Thank you for all your comments, asks, tags, kudos... I wouldn't have written this much without you! I don't know if I can aim for more than I did in 2022, but I'd like to keep at it, at least. 

So here's to another year of Pokémon fics... and art! If you've read this whole thing, thank you, too! I appreciate it! 🙏

#samfic #fic wrap-up #i'm sorry for writing so much lmao i wasn't planning on talking this much . you don't have to read it #it is a pretty handy guide to most of what i wrote in 2022 if you're into that tho

[applesandbannas747]

For the fic writer ask, 10, 34 and 38?

ahh!! thank you for playing more silly ask games with meee <33

10. How do you decide what to write?

whatever makes my brain go brrrr. lmfao I have a million ideas that collect in my brain (and then get jotted down in notes lest I forget them all), and then from them I'll kinda pick what to write based on a couple of things: interest level at the moment of choosing, ship, length, and genre.

Biggest thing that indicates something will be written immediately is when I start composing scenes in my head while falling asleep or zoning out--that usually means it's Time to work on that project, but that's not always how things get picked.

I do try (and I used to be better at it) to stagger my fics in a way that keeps my readers happy/interested. So I try to even out the Nichoji v Eugesse ratio I write, meaning if I just finished a long Eugesse fic, I'd look to choose from a Nichoji idea. And generally when I'm working on longer projects, little ones will pop up to keep the crops diversified in my brain and all that--and those ones always kinda happen on whims/accident and then get stored away for months/years until I have a posting gap they can fill. And genre lmfaooo it was my intention to give people realistic fiction between my fantasy bullshit but that particular criterion has been given up on and I've just accepted it at this point

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

ooo I've said it before but my love for my family and relationship with my siblings really influences the way I write the Labaos--none of the Labao children are based on me or any of my siblings and none of the relationships were copy pasted onto them, but the strong basis of love and bullshittery everything is built on is from my life. and of course the mental illness do be sneaking into all the Fence boys lmfao oops

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

honestly fucking baffled in the best way when my things get popular lmfao i still can't believe people like some of my stories so much! There's probably four that I think completely surprised me

Fairy Bound gained a lot of fans I was not expecting, especially given the size of the fandom (it's not super big and I thought it had died out a lot more than it has because it's older) and the controversy of the ship (human/fairy with large age gap, you know the drill). I think one of the reasons it got so popular is because of it being a T-rated and longer fic for the ship when most of the longer fics for them were M or E and so it filled a niche? Also it was canon compliant (at least until the sequel series came out...but i don't really see those as canon anyway so my thing still fits into the OG canon yknow?)

More was my very first Fence fic that I wrote because I could not find ANY Nichoji kissing fics and wanted those fuckers to kiss. Which, I think, is why other people liked it, but I was so surprised (in a good way) with how many people commented on it and wanted to read more. It remains my most-kudo'd fence fic, which has honestly got to be from its time accumulating those kudos XD but it makes me smile whenever I get a new kudos on it because it's nice to know that people still like it since it was what jumpstarted my time in the fence fandom

Can't Get Over You is one that baffled me for ages because I had a great time writing it, but I don't think it's my strongest fic by far...and then I realized that maybe other people are as terrible as I am and enjoy the trope of Nick fucking up really bad being mean to Seiji and making him cry, then having to spend ages getting him to believe he loves him. Sometimes makes me wonder if I should post more with that trope or if it would be too upsetti spegetti XD

And then Promised Things I seriously didn't expect to get much traction, and yet, it surpassed Truths, my until-then legacy fic...Turns out business romance is a whole genre that people do be enjoying but I just thought I was being boring because how does 'businessman au' sound appealing to anyone at all except the dumb asshole who wrote it??? also i made so many lingerie jokes in that one and am still delighted that y'all just let me get away with it

#jackshit #ask games #thanks for the ask!!💜 #i always love babbling about fence in any capacity lmfao

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Worst Films of 2022

Okay, so. Here we go. At the end of January... my personal summary of the year. This shit is surprisingly difficult. A Best list will also be done, but I thought I'd start with the negative first so as to not end the year on a sour note.

I would like to emphasise that these are my opinions, and if you disagree... fight me in the inbox. Okay. Here we go. And yeah, it's going to be long.

5. The Invitation

Despite the beautiful costumes and decent performances, this nominally January horror fell flat with its mundanity, half-arsed references to Dracula (of course), and compensation for the 15 rating. Sophie Corneliusson is having a whale of a time, though.

4. Firestarter

Not terrible, but not good, either. Some lines felt they were written by a completely different person, and a great deal of promise was shat on and binned. Left feeling nothing. No wonder it bombed.

3. Crimes of the Future

A VERY controversial choice, I know, but I was really looking forward to this one, and the final product was a letdown. The worldbuilding is really well-developed and Kristen Stewart is pretty good, but unfortunately, I couldn't get past the wanky dialogue and the apparent lack of plot (and point) until the end. Disappointing.

2. Fruits Basket: Prelude

Maybe it's because I watched it drunk but I didn't understand what the fuck was going on at any given time. Completely inaccessible for those who hadn't seen the TV show. Completely frustrating watch. Again, really pretty to look at.

Honourable Mentions

Morbius: I don't think I need to elaborate on this. Also I will glue Lego to the feet of anyone who quotes any meme from this film. And I do mean anyone.

The Next 365 Days (Kolejne 365 dni): I want to sit down with the script translator and whoever organised the soundtrack and ask them "why?". Just "why?". They can answer in Polish, I'll just Google Translate their answers like they Google Translated the script and then play an on-the-nose song as I do so.

The 355: Eh.

Luckiest Girl Alive: Terrible characters, terrible handling of themes. Hope someone hired a chiropractor for Mila Kunis - she must have been in agony after carrying this film.

And now, the worst thing I saw this year...

1. Jurassic World: Dominion

Films are meant to be one cohesive project wherein scenes are joined together to build a story. A film should be as long as the story naturally goes. If there are any legacy characters, they should be used to enhance a story, and not be a crutch for it. The existence of a sequel should be justified; a second sequel should definitely need more explanation as to its existence. In a second sequel, existing characters should be actual characters and not just stock photos of tropes. A filmmaker whose career spans twenty years should have this drilled into his head. Dominion is a two and a half hour display of this not being the case at all. Trevorrow, put the cameras down, take your money, and slip away into the night before you can embarrass yourself any further. You're done, and you've taken the franchise with you.

Thanks for reading! Best Of post coming soon.

~ Mikey

#worst of 2022 #2022 #mikey #the invitation 2022 #the invitation #firestarter 2022 #firestarter #crimes of the future #crimes of the future 2022 #fruits basket prelude #luckiest girl alive #morbius #the next 365 days #kolejne 365 dni #the 355 #jurassic world dominion

[verkja]

Happy STS!

Beginnings and endings!

Do you start writing at the beginning of the story, or do you jump in somewhere and fill the holes later? Does what you thought was the beginning sometimes change, i.e. do you cut off chapters at the start or add more?

Do you always know how it will end, what scene you are working towards, or do you only have a vague idea of where the story will take you? And what's your opinion on cliffhangers at the end of a book?

Thanks for the ask! Happy STS. :)

Hm. I don't have a single neat answer for this; it varies story to story. Starting at the beginning might be the strategy I use most often, but I'm not positive. Will just talk about my active WIP here.

For that, I started at the beginning and worked chronologically by chapter - for the most part. Some scenes were already written before I even had the idea of writing a story - just favourite daydream fragments recorded for future reference. Whenever I reached a point in my chronological writing process which seemed suited for one of these scenes, I edited details and slotted it in. Within each chapter, I jump around from scene to scene as I write.

Don't think I've ever changed the beginning of a story. I did add the prologue of my WIP after posting the first few chapters, but that's different - the prologue isn't part of the story proper, exactly. It's canon, but if I were to publish the WIP as a novel (which I don't plan to), I'd cut the prologue out and maybe flash back to it later. Why? Well, it's mainly gratuitous whump, but more importantly, it establishes Mures' character in a way I wouldn't want it established before the start of the story as a novel. I'd rather people see him via Radomil's POV first, rather than already knowing what his damage is, so to speak.

I absolutely do not always know what I'm working towards. Sure, I always knew there would be a happy ending, with the three protagonists in an ambiguously polyamorous relationship and no end of the world hanging over their heads, but the details didn't come together until later. I tend to jot down the key points of the next few chapters, from wherever I am, and go from there.

Cliffhangers at the end of a book are fine if! And only if! I know whether or not there will be a sequel. If there's a guaranteed or already written sequel, great - a cliffhanger at the end of the first book registers the same way as one at the end of a chapter, which I don't mind at all. If I know there will never be a sequel, that's less satisfying, but at least any ending I imagine won't be contradicted by canon. Being in unknown-ending-limbo, on the other hand, is hell.

#sts #storyteller saturday #ask answer #writing #long post

[normalcei]

okay so now that DDatSIB is complete, I wanna talk a bit about it (WIP playlist is in here too!!) spoilers for the fic below cut

So first: I knew all along that Scara had to be the protagonist, but I spent ages deliberating over the ship. It was very nearly ScaraMona, but as I considered the parallels between Scara and Kazuha it became more apparent that it had to be Kazuha

The 'Kazuha finds out Scara is the prince' reveal was a LOT earlier in the initial fic. As in like... I think he found out in C4?? But it was still like, C10 (which was at that point the final chapter) before they got together, there wasn't as deep a sense of betrayal to go along w that either. I'd fully written the fic, was reading over it, and went "wait, why is the primary conflict THIS early??" and restructured EVERYTHING and it was so worth it imo, much more impactful

Until the day I posted C4, I was THIS close to rewriting it so that Scara DIDN'T put the condom in Lumine's jacket pocket hahaha I thought people would hate it

The earliest scene I wrote was the star gazing and the first kisses on Kazuha's balcony. It was such a clear vision in my mind, the two of them in each others arms and watching the skies. There were other scraps here and there, the intro, the KaeyaScara scene, but the balcony was such a huge visual for me.

I've started to write a sort of epilogue chapter, and it's basically turned into an epilogue sequel! It'll be about 5 chapters following the first year of Kuni and Kazuha's relationship. Having a bit of a block w it right now, I've got all the ideas and a lot written, but I need to edit back and write forward, so there's no prospective timeframe rn. Until then I might write some rarepair oneshots based on an AU my friend and I have been working on

The Weinlesefest chapter was maybe the hardest. As I've said before, this fic was a way of me working through some stuff, and the dissociative episodes and the lingering words from years ago are so difficult. There's so much self doubt, it's so hard to shut it off sometimes. But I'm trying. The sequel is a lot about recovery, healing, learning, and that's where I am. I'm healing, and I want to take the character I've seen myself in through that journey too. We deserve to heal. We all do.

Finally, here's the playlist!! I'm not a huge music person but I've been trying to get back into it, so here's just a few songs that made me think of the fic :) Most are KazuScara, some specific to Kazuha or Kuni, and there's some TomoKazu mixed in there too

Thank you everyone who read, commented, kudosed, reblogged and shared in any way. I'm so happy to be writing again, feel a bit insane that I jumped back in w a multi chapter fic like this, and I can't wait to write more

#ddatsib

[cookinguptales]

Inspired by that last post and also a debate I saw raging on twitter today...

Let's talk about comments on NSFW fic!

(under a cut for the squeamish)

So when I wrote Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't), I used to say that going off most of the comments, you'd never even know that the whole thing was just porn. Porn held together loosely with angst and feelings, admittedly, but -- lbr! It was 35k words of porn! (80k including the sequel.)

Almost all of the comments were about the feelings and the relationship with no mention of sex whatsoever, and while I was proud to hear how emotionally involved people got, I still thought it was very funny that we were all talking around the elephant in the room. When I said that, though, a few people told me that they didn't really know how to comment on porn because they didn't want to be weird.

Add that to the fact that this morning I saw people fighting, I shit you not, over whether it was morally okay to masturbate to fanfiction...

idk, this is just a post telling you where my comfort levels and boundaries are as a writer who occasionally writes NSFW fic. I never want you to feel the need to leave a comment that makes you uncomfortable; you should always abide by your own comfort levels as well in this situation. I'm just telling you where my comfort levels as the author are.

Let's get one thing out of the way. I write porn, I have written porn, I will continue to write porn. Yeah, yeah, okay, it's "erotica", it's "nsfw", whatever, it's porn. I know that most of my nsfw output is either ridiculously fluffy and angsty and relationship focused or like some fucking weird metaphor for a historical witch trial or something, but. I'm not here to sugarcoat it. I know what I've written.

So while I would prefer you not get too tmi about your own IRL sex life in comments, I can hardly be offended if you leave a NSFW comment on a NSFW fic. I think I'd be very hypocritical if I posted like 10k words of porn and then got upset with you for saying that you liked it. It's a weird situation! I know! But I'm not gonna be upset or offended or grossed out if you tell me that you thought a particular line or detail was hot. If anything, that just makes me feel like I did a good job the same way I feel if someone says any other line I wrote was effective.

Like... I laugh about the comments on the 5+1 things fics now, but I did have a little while there where so few people were even acknowledging that the sex existed that I was like ??? did I do that bad of a job??? are we just pretending it didn't happen??? I'm chill with it now, but it can be very difficult to gauge how you're doing as an author if no one comments on something, and NSFW is something that I'm still a little insecure about because up until very recently, I didn't write it much.

So you were shy and I was shy and I was like "do I... keep going...?" THANKFULLY, I DID, but I did have a couple of insecure moments where I almost went back under my rock. lmao

So anyway... to be clear, if you quote something or talk about a position or a piece of dialogue of any other detail and you say what you liked about it or leave a bunch of horny emojis or whatever, I'm totally fine with that. That's a compliment. If you talk about what you like to see in fic involving these characters, I'm also totally chill with that! Let's have a weird nsfw conversation about how we think these two weirdos would fuck!

That said... I don't love it when people are like "oh, when I do [x position] I like this" or "I'm going to do this with my boyfriend when I get home" or "this reminds me of when I did [y]" or "I'm a top and so [long meandering thing about what they like to do sexually]". Like... what am I gonna say to that, man? I wish you all a very fulfilling sex life (or lack thereof, if that's your preference) but I really don't need to hear about it. Let's keep our nsfw discussion on the theoretical and fictional, please.

As for masturbation... Look, man, I write porn. Weird porn, to be sure, but it's porn. I don't need to hear the details, but I'm totally fine with you enjoying it however you see fit. I don't know if anyone's ever gotten off to my porn, but like... statistically speaking, it's likely! And if they did, good for them! I'm totally chill with the idea. Proud, even. I just wanna make people happy and bring joy to my readers.

One way!!! Or another!!!

Anyway, yeah, orgasms are a good thing and I'm happy if I managed to put a few more of them into the world. lmao. We should all be so lucky to bring a little more enjoyment into existence.

So...... tl;dr, say whatever you want in comments on my fic as long as everything is kept fictional. You're not gonna scandalize me, and if whatever we're talking about moves out of my comfort zone, I'll just bow out. There are certainly some sexual subjects I'm not comfortable talking about, but as long as we keep things in the same realm as what I actually wrote about, it should be fine.

Oh, unless you're a minor.

Then, like, I'm not dumb. I know you read smut. You know you read smut. But please for the love of god don't ever talk to me about it.

#I have no fucking idea how to tag this lmao

[clonehub]

you know, a lot of people thought we were ushering in a new era of star wars in this weird (falsely-named) post-social justice world, where now Minorities TM are on screen! They're heroes! they fight just like the white main characters!

I remember when the trailer for TFA first dropped, and Finn's face showed up, and I was too excited for new Star Wars to even realize how massive this was, that a Black man was going to be heading Star Wars, and he was a main character, not a stereotype, and a hero. And then the racists came out to say it was forced diversity. They never offered an example of what unforced diversity that was inclusive of Black people was. The harassment didn't stop there. It followed Finn and John Boyega through the entre sequel trilogy.

Where TFA respected Finn's character, TLJ trashed it, and TROS burned it. But by then as a Black fan of Star Wars, I wasn't surprised--sorely disappointed, but in a jaded sense.

racists didn't stop, they condensed and solidified. I got older and wiser since 2015 (lol) and I realized just how overwhelmingly white the star wars fandom is. i started looking at star wars critically. it started with plot critiques of The Clone Wars, and then it moved into critiques of the clones' treatment, the racialization of certain story lines, the whitewashing, the islamophobia, the genocide excusing, etc. It was only recently that I came to realize that a show that literally inspired me to start telling stories was also responsible for so much pain and hurt in all my friends.

The Bad Batch shows up, I'm unimpressed, but I also forget that there are large swathes of willfully ignorant fans here. even in my extended circles. they can't see the racism. they cant see the whitewashing. they dont want to see the antisemitism. and they make excuses for all of it. they patronize or coddle or shout down fans of color who try to bring this to light. they let personal, petty beef get in the way of supporting us. ive had people say they wont support the movement because they thought i was rude. whats interesting is that those people had never been posting about uwwtbb in the four months now that the movement has been in existence. i dont know who they're trying to convince.

and im in a weird position. Star Wars likes to take Black characters and villainze them and/or throw them aside. Mace is villainized by the fandom. Finn was shafted and villainized by the fandom. Saw apparently keeps getting written to be an extremist of some type. Steela was the ONLY Black woman in all of The Clone Wars. They made half her arc a love triangle with Ahsoka and a guy who wasn't worth it, and then they killed her. I couldn't even be excited to see her because of it, and I hated when she died because she didn't need to.

As a kid I latched onto Ahsoka and Rex, the former because she was a girl close to my age and she was cool and badass, and the latter because he and the clones were close to my skin tone and they were cool and badass. and the one who counts as a person of color gets shafted, too. and ahsoka is being played by a transphobe.

did you know that it wasn't until yesterday that I learned that Captain Typho was Polynesian? I'd thought he was Black (I don't have a strong image of his face in my head). I'm not upset, only baffled that the team for tcw/the bad batch can clearly animate features that stick out in the minds of fans of color, and they just choose not to. they made the heroes angular and pale and the villains (crosshairs death squad) look like me. The one Black woman in all of The Bad Batch, the second Black woman in all of TCW/TBB, and she's a war criminal. I'd had a haircut like hers once. Our face shapes are the same. she murders civilians with a flamethrower. the fandom has very little issue with this.

#CH posts #long post #hmmmmmm not putting htis under a cut you will all be subjected to my thoughts #racism tw #unwhitewashtbb #idk just as a categorical tag

[icemankazansky]

The Storm Series Trivia for Trivia Tuesday

This Trivia Tuesday, I'm giving you all the behind the scenes info on my Storm series.

The Eye of the Storm is the eighth Top Gun story I wrote.

Hurricane Blues was done two weeks later.

And then it took me eight years to write Lightning Strikes Twice, because I am the worst.

The first real m/m slash I'd ever written was Ray Levoi/Walter Crow Horse from Thunderheart, which I'd started writing the year before The Eye of the Storm and Hurricane Blues were posted. I'd been in fandom about 13 years at that point, but until then I'd only written het and femslash. I didn't get comfortable writing explicit gay sex for years later, which is why there's a difference in the sex scenes in Storm 1 and 2 and Storm 3 and 4.

The Eye of the Storm is my third most popular story on AO3, fifth for kudos (Hurricane Blues is third), and receives the second most comments of all my fic. It has my eighth highest word count, just behind Then I Climb in Bed With the Thunder.

I went into The Eye of the Storm with nothing but the question, "What happens the next time Maverick sees Iceman?"

There is some crossover between Storm and other Ice/Mav stories I write, but I don't have one, cement idea of what happens in the future, and that's it. I write a lot of different versions of the boys, but there definitely are stories outside the series that I consider to be in the Storm universe.

You will recognize Captain Burgess from Iceman Kazansky's Family Tree is Missing Some Branches, But He Turned Out Okay, which we also call The Wall Series for what I think are obvious reasons.

The first sex scene, in Ice's car in the O Club parking lot, is one of the first scenes I had in my head.

I just never tire of Maverick sticking his foot in his mouth re: Ice being in a wheelchair.

I straight up do not know what color Val Kilmer's eyes are. I have met the man in person and I still don't know. I swear to God they change.

It's not mentioned by name until Lightning Strikes Twice, but the medication Ice takes to help after his nightmares is Xanax, which is an anti-anxiety drug usually prescribed to be taken on an as needed basis.

I have two chronic illnesses and I worked as a pharmacy technician in undergrad; I know a lot about medication. Useless Skill #456.

So, a couple years before I wrote The Eye of the Storm, my mom broke her leg, and I took FMLA to stay home and take care of her. A lot of Ice's injury comes from that; there are a lot of small details, like the chair in his shower, that I didn't have to research because I'd just done it.

Maverick switching from "Ice" to "Tom" during tender moments or when he really wants his attention and is having trouble getting it is one of my favorite things.

My personal headcanon is that Ice doesn't bottom unless he really likes someone.

I put up a poll on my blog to see if using the word "fruity" to describe how Ice tastes after drinking wine was rude while writing m/m. The verdict was that I am a ridiculous human. (I had a similar poll about whether it's okay to call a blind guy "good looking," and was told I am the only person who would ever even think of that.)

The conversation in the hangar in which Ice asks Maverick, "Is that what you'd like to be called?" when he asks if he's got a girlfriend is the first thing I wrote for Hurricane Blues.

I usually don't have a title until a story's mostly, or sometimes entirely, written, and they're not easy for me, but Hurricane Blues just dropped into my head the second I decided to write a sequel.

It's never mentioned in the stories, but the kind of therapy Ice does is DBT. That's where all the exercises he's doing after nightmares and when he's stressed come from, and I did zero research about it because it's the kind of therapy I do.

I stole a bunch of Maverick's thoughts about water for an essay I wrote in grad school, and no, I don't feel bad about it.

I feel like maybe I owe an apology to the people of Fallon, Nevada.

I already knew the word hypnagogic, but had to look up hypnopompic for this.

Both of Ice's therapists are women because I think it's easier for him to relax around them. With men, there's so much stress in the possibilities: will everything be a competition, will they be like his father, will there be an attraction? With women, there's no pressure.

The role play. I have had a lot of people ask me where that scene is. It didn't feel right tonally for Storm 3, and then it wasn't right for Storm 4, but it's being written and it will be in Storm 5.

Ice getting pulled over is one of the first scenes I wrote for this story.

I knew pretty soon after starting Then I Climb in Bed With the Thunder the way the story had to go, and it was hard for me. I was afraid it would be too much for some of the people who love this series, and I was worried about the readers more than I have been maybe any other time in my life, because something like this, a series where you're watching the characters grow, and something that has so influenced fanon… it doesn't just belong to me. It also belongs to everyone who's read and loved these stories, and I didn't want to let them down, so for the first time in the series, I had a beta reader analyze the crap out of the thing, and basically just reassure me that I'd made the right choices.

I changed the poem for this one a couple times before finding one that really fit.

Ice bought a '60s Fiat Spider until I ran it by Natasha and she side-eyed me into changing my mind.

I taught my friend Alexis to drive, so I just thought about that. Thankfully, she was much more timid and law-abiding than Maverick, though I didn't get why car sex out of the deal, so maybe Ice drew the long straw, here.

This was meant to mirror their first time, but I switched their positions because a theme of this story is Ice learning to let Maverick take control, to be the one in the driver's seat, so to speak.

Captain Foster first appears in Wall 2.

This story initially had a Maverick orchestrated date in a hotel room, but then the O Club sex scene ran so long, and since it ended in a hotel room, it just felt a bit redundant.

Rachel's metaphor about Ice's PTSD being like the injury to his leg was originally from something Ice said to his sister in Wall 3.

Originally, in the car on the way to the hospital, Maverick says something along the lines of, "I guess it doesn't snow in Hawaii much, huh?" but my beta reader informed me that not only does it, but there are ski resorts. My bad.

Ice's statement about meds was originally much shorter, but my beta reader said it might be a little confusing to people not familiar with mental healthcare, so I wrote out this huge speech in a text to her with the note, "this might be too much" (it was the last edit, and I really wanted to get the story posted), and she just texted back, "Oh my god, that is fantastic. Leave it all and put it in the story." So I did, and then the story went live as soon as I made that change.

@collophora did sketches of Maverick giving Ice his dog tags back, and they made me AND the beta reader cry.

Ice also lives on Spanish Sahara Drive in Wall 2.

The color of Ice's house was described as three different types of ice cream, but they were all too pink. Depression glass is the correct amount of pink.

Ice's back porch is modeled after my grandfather's.

The biggest change the beta had me make was to the end. It got about three times as much dialogue as I had originally written.

Maverick is OBVIOUSLY an Aries (I think he's probably an Aries with an Aries moon, because he is just that much Aries nonsense), and while I initially read Ice as a Capricorn, after more thought I think he's a Leo with Cap rising, so Maverick's birthday is April 1st, and Ice's is the first week of August. (Which makes him right about the math.)

There! Now you know all my secrets.

#trivia tuesday #the storm series #Fanfiction directors commentary #Fanfiction bts #top gun fanfic