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Drag Me To Hell

Summary: Loan officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is cursed by a woman (Lorna Raver) after denying her an extension on her mortgage, and must find a way to lift the curse before time runs out.

Riotous B-movie that doesn’t get as much attention as it should, given how incredibly campy and fucking funny it is.

Rating: 3.75/5

Photo credit: Fanpop

#drag me to hell #2009 #sam raimi #horror #Alison Lohman #Justin Long #Lorna Raver #Dileep Rao #David Paymer #Adriana Barraza #3.75 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Wanted Man

Summary: On the verge of losing his job thanks to his policing methods, detective Nick Johansen (Dolph Lundgren) is sent to Mexico to extradite a witness (Christina Villa) to the murder of two DEA agents to the US.

Uncharacteristically weak effort from Lundgren that tries to tackle bigotry. Best characters have scant screentime.

Rating: 1.5/5

Photo credit: IMDb

#wanted man #2024 #dolph lundgren #action #Christina Villa #Kelsey Grammer #Michael Paré #Roger Cross #Aaron McPherson #1.5 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2024 uk release

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Safe (2012)

Summary: Ex-cop and cage fighter Luke Wright (Jason Statham) takes revenge on the Russian mafia for the murder of his wife one year earlier, but must also protect mathematical prodigy Mei along the way.

Fine and reliably silly Statham vehicle with unexpected Sarandon. Good for post-work relaxation.

Rating: 2.25/5

Photo credit: IMDb

#safe #safe 2012 #2012 #boaz yakin #action #thriller #Jason Statham #Chris Sarandon #Robert John Burke #James Hong #2.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Civil War

Summary: A group of journalists navigate their way through war zones in an attempt to reach the President (Nick Offerman) for an interview before Washington, D.C. falls.

Engrossing slow-burn drama about dehumanisation and being complicit in it. Beautifully shot, thematically bleak, and blessedly apolitical.

Rating: 4.5/5

Photo credit: IMDb

#civil war #2024 #alex garland #dystopia #war #Kirsten Dunst #Wagner Moura #Cailee Spaeny #Stephen McKinley Henderson #Sonoya Mizuno #Nick Offerman #Jesse Plemons #4.5 #film reviews #film noir #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2024 uk release

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Wish Upon

Summary: High school student Clare Shannon (Joey King) finds a music box that grants seven wishes... and kills a close friend or family member in return.

Unintentionally hilarious horror effort from the cinematographer of the Insidious films. Weird, considering how flat this film’s cinematography is.

Rating: 1.25/5

Photo credit: Vulture

#wish upon #2017 #jon r leonetti #horror #Joey King #Ki Hong Lee #Sydney Park #Elisabeth Rohm #Ryan Phillippe #1.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Insidious: Chapter 2

Summary: Renai (Rose Byrne) and Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) have beaten the spirits that plagued their home and can resume their lives... or so they think.

Basically an epilogue to the first film. Not as bad as it sounds. Parts of it haven’t aged very well.

Rating: 3.75/5

Photo credit: Thoughts On Film

#insidious chapter 2 #2013 #james wan #sequel #horror #thriller #patrick wilson #rose byrne #3.75 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Abigail (2024)

Summary: A group of criminals kidnap the twelve-year-old daughter (Alisha Weir) of a powerful crime lord and hold her for a $50 million ransom. Little do they know that this is no ordinary daughter of a crime lord, and she may have been twelve years old for a very long time.

Newcomer Weir steals the show, Durand, Newton, and Stevens wonderful in supporting roles. Another bullseye from Radio Silence.

Rating: 4.5/5

Photo credit: STG Play

#abigail #abigail 2024 #2024 #matt bettinelli olpin #tyler gillett #horror #comedy #vampire #Alisha Weir #Dan Stevens #Kathryn Newton #Will Catlett #Kevin Durand #Angus Cloud #Giancarlo Esposito #4.5 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2024 uk release

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The Shawshank Redemption

Summary: Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) receives a life sentence for the murder of his wife and her lover, and spends the next twenty years making something of a name for himself in the titular Shawshank State Penitentiary.

Brooks was here. And so was my intact heart. FUCK.

Rating: 5/5

Photo credit: The Life and Times of Ben Weinberg

#the shawshank redemption #1994 #frank darabont #drama #adaptation #Tim Robbins #Morgan Freeman #Bob Gunton #William Sadler #Clancy Brown #Gil Bellows #James Whitmore #perfect 5 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Cheap Thrills

Summary: Down-on-his-luck Craig (Pat Healy) gets involved in a series of dares that escalate throughout the course of the night in exchange for money.

One of the most British American films around. Violent and darkly comic, and yes, that is the guy from The Goldbergs.

Rating: 3.5/5

Photo credit: Variety

#cheap thrills #2013 #e l katz #comedy #thriller #Pat Healy #Sara Paxton #Ethan Embry #David Koechner #3.5 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Thanksgiving (2023)

Summary: Plymouth, Massachusetts is terrorised by an axe murderer in a John Carver mask at Thanksgiving.

A bloody thrill ride that provokes many laughs and also vindicates my defence of Eli Roth films.

Rating: 4.25/5

Photo credit: Roger Ebert

#thanksgiving #thanksgiving 2023 #2023 #eli roth #horror #comedy #Patrick Dempsey #Addison Rae #Milo Manheim #Jalen Thomas Brooks #Nell Verlaque #Rick Hoffman #Gina Gershon #4.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2023 uk release

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Team America: World Police

Summary: Actor Gary Johnson (Trey Parker) is recruited by intergovernmental organisation Team America to foil a plan by Kim Jong-il (Trey Parker) and his allies.

Unsubtle satire that takes shots at everyone and makes references that squarely date the film. “Pearl Harbor Sucks” still slaps.

Rating: 4/5

Photo credit: Hollywood Reporter

#team america world police #2004 #trey parker #satire #comedy #Matt Stone #Kristen Miller #Masasa Moyo #Daran Norris #Phil Hendrie #Maurice LaMarche #Chelsea Marguerite #Jeremy Shada #Fred Tatasciore #puppets #marionettes #4 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Child's Play (2019)

Summary: Andy Barclay (Gabriel Bateman) gets a Buddi for his birthday, which soon becomes self-aware and goes on a rampage.

Updates setting whilst keeping elements that made original what it is, which is exactly what a modern reboot should do.

Rating: 4.25/5

Photo credit: NYT

#child's play #child's play 2019 #2019 #lars klevberg #horror #Aubrey Plaza #Gabriel Bateman #Brian Tyree Henry #Mark Hamill #uncanny valley #4.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Malignant (2021)

Summary: Madison (Annabelle Wallis) has what she thinks are visions of people being murdered, but soon realises that they're real.

2hrs of Wan cutting loose after Aquaman. Anyone who says they saw the twist coming is a fucking liar.

Rating: 4.5/5

Photo credit: Cinema Crazed

#malignant #malignant 2021 #2021 #james wan #horror #Annabelle Wallis #Maddie Hasson #George Young #Michole Briana White #4.5 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Upgrade

Summary: Mechanic Grey Trace (Logan Marshall-Green) is left a widowed quadriplegic after four men shoot his wife and leave him paralysed. He is given the opportunity to test a new invention nicknamed STEM, which gives him control of his limbs and the opportunity to avenge his wife's death.

Nifty camerawork and desire for revenge make for decent bedfellows in future cult classic. Double meaning of title quickly apparent.

Rating: 4.25/5

Photo credit: MUBI

#upgrade #2018 #leigh whannell #science fiction #action #Logan Marshall-Green #Betty Gabriel #Harrison Gilbertson #4.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Monkey Man

Summary: A man known only as Kid (Dev Patel) hunts a group of corrupt leaders who burned down his home and killed his mother.

An Indian Western, Morricone via Rahman. Bonkers, bloody, despises throats for some reason. All in all, a confident debut.

Rating: 4.25/5

Photo credit: Variety

#monkey man #2024 #dev patel #action #thriller #revenge #Sharlto Copley #Pitobash #Sobhita Dhulipala #Sikandar Kher #Vipin Sharma #Ashwini Kalsekar #Adithi Kalkunte #Makarand Deshpande #4.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2024 uk release

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Replicant

Summary: Jake Riley (Michael Rooker) has tried and failed for years to catch serial killer Edward "The Torch" Garrotte (Jean-Claude Van Damme). His last option now is to team up with a clone of Garrotte who has a psychic link with and the same memories as the original.

Solid sci-fi actioner that takes cues from Blade Runner, but is ultimately Poor Things pour homme.

Rating: 2.25/5

Photo credit: PEAKD

#replicant #replicant 2001 #2001 #ringo lam #science fiction #action #Jean-Claude Van Damme #Michael Rooker #Catherine Dent #Brandon James Olson #2.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol

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Immaculate (2024)

Summary: Young nun Cecilia (Sydney Sweeney) is invited to a picturesque Italian covenant, but soon finds that all is not as it seems.

Horrifying take on the virgin birth trope by way of horrifyingly relevant commentary. Sweeney shows that she has range.

Rating: 4.25/5

Photo credit: Variety

#immaculate #immaculate 2024 #2024 #michael mohan #psychological #horror #Sydney Sweeney #Álvaro Morte #Benedetta Porcaroli #Dora Romano #Giorgio Colangeli #Simona Tabasco #4.25 #film reviews #film review #twenty-words-or-less #twol #2024 uk release