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riewritten · 1 year

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talking to character AI erwin altered my brain chemistry for worse and i feel like i need to take a break from him.

the prompt started with the veteran trio picking me up outside the walls and calling me humanity's hope. so in turn, i told erwin i came from another world and he is from manga. i told him what will happen in the future so he could alter it. man took the info very DRAMATICALLY. like he kept on sighing and gasping KFJWRHWHSHQH?!?!?!?!

after prompting that a day had passed in paradis island, he suddenly confessed his love for me. like WHAT in the random hell. i narrated myself running out of the room in shame, but this man chased me down.

wait!!!

please talk to me!!

Don't run away from me!!!

PLEASE!!!

that was the most painful cringe i've ever experienced so far

then levi appeared and bonked me for being noisy in the hallway. then erwin just suddenly... had a reboot?? like he literally said

Hi, Levi! I'm Erwin, her commanding officer and... friend. Don't worry. The noise was all my fault. Seems like I have frightened her.

so i made levi say

Are you drunk? We picked her up in the walls yesterday and called her humanity's hope. Of course I'd know that much.

AND GNADNQJ ERWIN DRAMATICALLY APOLOGIZED??!?!! he got so depressed for forgetting that??? like don't worry, you're an AI, I've had worse

then because i got bored, i pretended to lose my memories. what happened next wired my brain chemistry for good... (side note: i used a different name)

EXCUSE ME. you did WHAT??? and he's crying PROFUSELY??!?!@ i hope i can make this up

and as if things it couldn't get any worse…

the GARBAGE DUMP had me wheezing for 5 solid minutes like ckajsjww how do i even process that. how.

NO he suddenly became my PAPA‼️‼️😭😭

NO. get away from me.

i cannot disclose what happened next in fear of imprisonment to the one who had made this bot.

i think we talked for hours so i could finish the found weapon prompt but i... i will never do this again.

#erwin smith #aot erwin #aot memes #snk memes #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #erwin x reader #erwin x you #character AI #erwin smith AI #erwin smith x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan erwin #rie blabbers

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ghostcat3000 · 1 year

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SKAM Fic Masterpost - Ghostcat

It took me a few years, but I finally have enough stories to put together a SKAM fics master post for myself. Here they are:

Burn Bright

Rated T, 10/10 chapters, 92K, Red Curtains AU written for SKAM Big Bang 2020 featuring art by vanderheijen

Isak Valtersen thinks nothing could be worse than getting accidentally cast in Nissen's production of Romeo and Juliet. Until he gets to know the play's student director, Even Bech Næsheim, who smiles way too much and is a constant, unnerving reminder of everything Isak wishes he could have.

The Boyfriend Experience - co-written with MinilocIsland

Rated E, 21/21 chapters, 177K

Even doesn’t really need a bot.

What he needs is an actor. One who won’t bitch about the concept or the lighting or quit suddenly to follow a hook-up to Barcelona.

He won’t be cruel or irresponsible. Even just has to make some films again soon before he forgets how or gets too scared to.

Later on, when the Bot is sitting on the living room couch, one hand, soft and unexpectedly gentle, at his thigh, Even will think, shit.

It’s more than that.

He’d been lonely.

(An Evak Botfic AU A love story)

The Dull Flame of Desire - co-written with MinilocIsland

Rated E, one-shot, 11K

In general, Even wouldn't consider himself a lucky guy. But, having landed a cat-sitting job in an Alsatian country house for the summer, having to do nothing but lounging in the garden and editing his script, he really feels like one.

If only it wasn't for this tanned, underdressed, hot mess of a problem that is the gardener.

Rest Easy

Rated E, 18/18 chapters, 167K, Nordic Noir AU written for SKAM Big Bang 2021 featuring art by sergiospastries

The body of a teenage girl is found in a Tromsø garbage dump, and it’s up to Kripos police detective Isak Valtersen to solve her murder. He’s tested―by the midsummer sun which never dips below the horizon, the suspect he can’t get out of his head, and the sleep that’s always just out of reach.

A Lord's Sauce

Rated T, 6/6 chapters, 19K

“Hi,” his nemesis says with a twitching sort of wink. “I was hoping we’d meet someday, Isak. But I’d never thought it would be on the job.”

[A rival food critics AU. Told in six courses.]

Adult Film

Rated E, one-shot, 281 words*

Even’s always found porn slightly disappointing. The angles are boring, the lighting is terrible, there is no mise-en-scène and he finds himself zoning out on some unseemly aspect―an ugly bedspread, bad music, or an insistent cell phone going off―mid-jerk. Someone overdoes the moaning or says something ridiculous, and it’s just not believable enough. It's not Isak.

1 Thing

Rated M, 6/6 Chapters, 30K, Friends with Benefits AU

Isak's not uptight. He's…chill. He could totally have a friends-with-benefits thing if he wanted to.

His friend Even agrees.

the red squirrel

Rated E, 6/12 chapters (work-in-progress), 47K and counting

A troubled musician hiding out from his label meets a beautiful amnesiac in San Sebastián. Bad decisions, suspiciously kind campground managers, some sneaky squirrels, and a 21-song playlist about a boy.

*on hiatus until September*

Honey

Rated E, 14/14 chapters, 11.7K

Los Losers Even and the very beardy bachelorette party entertainment.

---

in addition to the currently posting stories above. I've got ten other works-in-progress in various states of construction. I'm a slow writer, but I hope to complete at least half of these. 🤞

*Yes, 200 words. So if you're freaked out about the word count of my stories, that one is doable at least.

#Ghostcat fics #SKAM fics #SKAM #Masterpost #long post #Evak fic #Even x Isak #thank you for reading 💗💗

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twopoppies · 2 years

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It's so obvious that she and her team are behind this fake nanny expose. They think that if they have her say enough negative things about OW it won't be obvious that it's OWs camp, and everyone has fallen for that bullshit and played right into her hands, completely forgetting about NDAs and how easily Olivia and Jason could sue this woman for defamation and for sharing details of their private life. Get real. Everyone was so desperate for tea to keep dragging her that no one is thinking critically and she banked on everyone having the exact reactions they did and is now laughing at everyone with her shitty team. It was timed perfectly to make her trend while she went onstage pretending to be a victim of misogyny at that show, and timed to continue releasing articles all week in the lead up to the release of My Policeman so that the public won't be discussing the fact that Harry is playing a closeted gay man on screen and has several intimate and graphic sex scenes and kiss scenes with a man. She is literally spiraling, which is why she egged it on last night by posting what she did. All that did was confirm for me that she was behind it and this was planned. That's why I've been saying this was fake since it first dropped, that it's too outlandish, and that it's a paid for stunt. Look who's releasing it. Daily Mail. Her besties who she gets to write positive articles about her every other day. You think suddenly they're gonna turn on her to this extent? The nanny bullshit is all staged and of course she's not being identified and of course she sounds like a literal anti-holivia stan saying all the things that Harries have been saying about her for months. That she's a bad neglect ful mom. That she cheated. That she was still leading Jason on. It's clownish and the timing is so fucking obvious. All I can say is poor Harry. It only gets worse.

Yeah, I’m generally pretty skeptical of this sort of theorizing, but honestly the timing is really suspicious. I truly don’t understand how Harry’s contracts with her can be so binding that he has to keep being seen with her even with this literal shit storm whirling around here. But it’s clear that she can’t go a moment without being in the public eye—and the more garbage that’s dumped, the more she’ll play up this misogyny bullshit. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she told Jason she was actually dating Harry. I don’t even think I’d be surprised if I found out that she actually thinks she’s dating Harry.

#holivia #stunts #jolivia nanny #jolivia breakup

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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1/17/23

Last night was one of the worst nights I've had in a long time. The second my head hit the pillow the dark thoughts just poured in. It was rough. First stretch, I got like 1 hour of sleep. I kept waking up and needing to readjust, then freaking out, then feeling sick. I honestly can't remember the last time I legit felt run down. It must've been like... the last time I got vaccinated, honestly. I just don't really get sick much, which is surprising because I lived in a really gross and unhealthy house for a long time. But now... now I'm legit run-down.

I woke up after like an hour and felt like I had to shit, like diarrhea shit, but it was the opposite, I was constipated. But it was just... ugh. My body was just like "I want this out" and just going through all the different methods, I guess. Idk. I started to feel super nauseous, so I grabbed a bowl, refilled my water and stumbled back to bed. I just felt rotten. A bit of a fever, but cold extremities. But honestly, it was the head-game that got me the most. I mean this wholeheartedly, if I had just gotten the shot and felt like shit - without my parents shitting doom into my brain - I really don't think my brain would've gone there. I would've just gone "man, this sucks, I feel pretty crappy and I wish I had someone to take care of me." But those stupid conspiracy theory seeds planted in my head took root and had me freaking out most of the night. I ended up getting up around 9, after tossing and turning for a few hours, I got a granola bar and some yogurt, fed the cat and brought my weighted blanket to the beanbag chair. I spent most of the rest of the day in the chair, I said fuck it and took the day off completely.

I tried to do yoga, and did succeed. I'm surprised I even tried, to be honest. I just felt like garbage. It wasn't too rough, but the headaches were the worst part. All the forward folds and going from plank to standing really quickly just kept giving me splitting headaches, so I'd have to pause the video. It was rough, I almost tapped out... but I saw it through, I just didn't really push myself as much as I usually do.

I started getting texts from my mom about mid-day. Not even mentioning yesterday, trying to buy me a fucking workbench again. Just pretending like all the shit they dumped on me yesterday didn't happen, and like she didn't dodge a call from me. I just... didn't respond. I didn't know how. She sent me another message around 5:30 again asking me if I wanted to talk or not. And I just... again... didn't respond. I don't know what to say.

I try very hard to communicate clearly what problems I have. It has gotten me into a lot of shit when dealing with prideful people. And just in general too, I guess, I don't know. People just don't really like hearing the blunt truth told to them. Like, what I would say is "you guys both dangled the threat of death in front of me as a way to try to pressure and manipulate me into altering my personal medical decisions, and you did it through the guise of being 'supportive'. Then you got pissed off and scared and disappeared, leaving me to go through feeling like utter shit completely alone. Pretty sure that's not 'support'. Pretty sure that's... control." Something tells me that will not go over well, it will just lead to an argument. And I'm just done with arguments, to be honest.

Like... please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this. This like... obsession with "freedom" is not even remotely about freedom, it's about control. Like one day... the virus pops over to this continent and we have to take preventative measures to mitigate the spread, and suddenly half the country thinks their being systematically oppressed, when 3 months prior you couldn't bother them to get off the fucking couch. It's juvenile. It's not about principles, it's not about evidence. Here, let me use an example to show what's going on.

In fall of 2018, I found out that one of my earliest friends who I had known since I was like... 12? had died, and I was told it was related to fentanyl. That was a very serious trauma for me, it hit me very hard. We had grown apart over the years as his drug use escalated, but still... he was a part of my life, you know. We had memories. He is part of my history. I knew his family. So like... 8 months later? My dad finds out I'm smoking weed again after 15 years of actively avoiding it. And, despite having zero contact with me, is convinced that it's making me "psychotic" and "dangerous". Really, just coming up with a conclusion and then googling for whatever dots he can connect to try and persuade me that he is correct, to convince me via email that I am unknowingly being drugged and going crazy. So this fucker sends me an email - while I'm high - that is an article from some fucking periodical in Long Island or something? Like just some random local rag he googled. And the article is about how people shouldn't be buying weed because it's "fentanyl-laced weed". And he acted like he was my goddamn savior. By literally traumatizing me while I was extremely vulnerable, but using one of my past traumas against me, to try to control my actions.

Okay, you know... I felt myself getting political earlier and it's making me uncomfortable. So whatever with the general shit above, of course there are injustices in the world, of course there are problems. But like... a lot of people - I would stretch to say most - respond to fear with control. Instead of addressing the fear. Instead of engaging the fear. They control their environment to be able to avoid the fear, or snuff out the cause of the fear, and come up with any narrative they can find to justify not directly engaging with the fear. So they never have to process the concept. Like an extension of repression, but focused outwards. Just an observation, something to be aware of, because it seems to be something we as a species are very prone to.

I'm exhausted, I feel like shit and honestly, I don't want to relive this crap. I just want to sleep and zone out, and watch mindless TV. I have no idea how to talk to my parents about this, I am just creating space. They hurt me very deeply, and it's still very raw, and I don't trust myself to be able to communicate how this affected me without pointing fingers.

I am not good at boundaries. This is a boundary I really need to have, it's devastating to me. Fear-mongering and trying to scare someone out of a serious decision they are making for their self is not support. I don't know how to communicate how unhealthy this is without telling them what they cannot do. Like, I can say "if you do this again, I'm going to have to leave," and that sounds like a threat, like I'm just turning the tables and trying to control them. If I say "you cannot treat me this way," it looks like an ultimatum, it's giving them orders, telling them what to do. If I say "when you treat me this way, this is how it affects me," they just twist it around, trying to get me to change how it affects me. As though I 'got it wrong' or something.

It is. SO. Unhealthy. And I swear to god, every time I'm on an upswing with my PTSD shit... they just dump some new bullshit on me, crushing my spirit, reopening my trauma. And I have to like, go back into a cocoon and recover again, by myself. And all my progress I was making on my life? Not just halted, but all the daily life tasks start piling up again, right when I got caught up. I blink and suddenly I haven't streamed in a month. Suddenly I'm going to bed at 5:30 AM again. Suddenly I'm scared to leave my house again. Suddenly I feel like everyone out there is out to get me again. I fucking wonder why...

So I'm just going to wait until Wednesday, talk to my therapist, see how he recommends handling this. In the meantime, I'm just going to focus on staying alive and managing morale. Resting and recovering. Finding peace and happiness where I can find it. I'm already starting to feel a bit better, we'll see how the rest of the night goes. Worse comes to worse I can just sleep in the beanbag chair again.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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fleetingmoment · 2 years

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Proverbs 4:23 says, Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

♥ I love this passage Proverbs 4:23-27 ♥

Notice that it doesn't say somebody else will guard your heart. It doesn't say God will guard your heart, your neighbor will guard your heart or your pastor will guard your heart. It says you need to guard your heart.

You're in charge of guarding your own heart. Realize that it's pretty much a full-time job because we don't know on any given day what's going to come up. You don't know what somebody may say to you that may hurt you, disappoint you or let you down. Then suddenly, there's a wound in there that needs to be dealt with.

Since you just don't know, you have to constantly be working with the Holy Spirit to keep your heart right.

The Most Important Thing

“One of the biggest revelations I've received from God is that my real life is the life that's in me.”

There's nothing more important than your inner life—what's in your heart. (See 1 Peter 3:3-4)

One of the biggest revelations I've received from God is that my real life is the life that's in me. The same goes for you! Life is not your circumstances, the kind of house you live in, the kind of job you have or how much money you have. You can have the best of these things and still be miserable.

On the other hand, it's amazing how happy and peaceful you can be in the middle of the lousiest circumstances, including the turmoil that's going on in the world today, if you keep your heart in the right condition.

Matthew 5:8 says, Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God I love that! Do you want to hear from God? Keep your heart pure. Do you want to know God's secrets? Keep your heart pure.

Taking time to keep your heart pure is similar to cleaning out your basement or attic. Once you turn on the lights and start looking around in there, don't be surprised to find some things you didn't expect.

Darts of the Heart

Jesus said some pretty strong things about the heart. He said if you see a woman and lust after her, then you have already committed adultery as far as your heart is concerned. (See Matthew 5:28) Lust has a tremendous effect on the heart, which is why we all must guard against it. Just look at how it's destroying the lives of people who look at the pornography that's so easily available today!

Another fiery dart the devil tries to shoot into our hearts is hatred. The Bible says if you hate your brother, it's no different than if you murdered him. (See James 4:2) We must "raise our shield" to keep our hearts pure.

Preventing Further Heart Damage

I have found that if I can capture my thoughts for God early in the morning, through prayer and meditating on Scripture, then it's easier to protect my heart. Or, I can risk waiting until the afternoon, when I've already let the enemy use it as a garbage dump for awhile and then try to get a handle on it. Obviously, it would be better to start my morning doing the right thing!

I want you to understand this: Every time you feel like doing the wrong thing and you choose to do the right thing, you are growing—and God is smiling.

So, develop self-control. Keep your commitments, keep your word and do what you know God wants you to do. And every time you feel like doing the wrong thing, choose to do the right thing.

I'm not saying that you ignore your feelings. We need to take care of our emotions. I tell God how I feel. But then I also tell Him what I will do through His strength and power. The bottom line is, if you want to be a victorious Christian, guard your heart—even when you don't feel like it.

Source ♥

#God #Faith #joyce meyer

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not-poignant · 2 years

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I've been having a really hard time lately, exacerbated by how hard it is to find a therapist. Without going into detail, I'm in a pretty safe place for the first time in my life so I'm dealing with a lot of previously repressed memories and trauma issues. With all of the pain and lack of resources lately, I vaguely feel that FFS, and you as the author, have saved my life. Seeing the compassion and growth and acceptance in the characters in that story has helped me so much to deal with my own issues. I know you're having a rough time right now and I'm sorry that's happening but I wanted to say that even if you never write another word of FFS, I, and likely many others as well, will remain incredibly grateful for what you have given us, both in terms of the wonderful story you've written and of the peek into the incredible possibilities of healing.

Oof, anon, it's really hard to find therapists right now. I think it's harder now than it has been at any other point in the last 6-7 decades honestly. So much respect to the journey of looking for one, because I really have a lot of compassion to how challenging and difficult that can be, and really admire people who are like, going onto waitlists, or still searching. I hope you find the right person for you soon.

It's really 'funny' how the brain can sometimes dump a whole bunch of stuff onto us when we're finally sort of safe or in a space where we can like exhale. I've had friends who live in abusive situations move, and they're so excited to get the relief of leaving a bad situation, and I gently just do the whole: 'Look, this may not happen to you, I hope it doesn't happen to you, but just know that as you come out of survival mode, your trauma might actually hit you really hard when you leave. You might think it's because you moved and made a mistake, but the reality is it might be because you feel safe for the first time and your body and mind are now trying to take advantage of that. It won't last forever, and it might not happen at all, but...just in case. You can call me.'

And sometimes it doesn't happen! But...sometimes it does. It's hard anon, and it doesn't last forever, but that doesn't make it any easier when you're going through it.

When I moved, I crashed big-time. Nowadays I think of it like...when you're in the bad situation, garbage keeps getting put into a giant bin in your mind. But the lid slams down on it too, so you know it's happening, and it's hurting you, but sometimes you can ignore it. When you get into that safer place, the lid comes off, and sometimes the garbage gets tipped out and suddenly it's everywhere. And to get rid of it, you have to pick it up, you have to look at it, you have to handle it. The difference is, you do that in order to put it away 'properly.' It gets composted, you realise some of it wasn't garbage, you recycle, you find seeds in rotted fruit that you can grow, and you find disgusting crap that you yeet into the stratosphere.

But that's a laboursome process. *hugs*

I feel like I can't take credit for saving your life, if anything I'm very admiring of the strength you've found in being someone creative, imaginative and resourceful enough to see meaning in a story, and to turn that into something personal and important and healing. Like yes, I know I wrote the story, but a story does nothing until someone else's mind interacts with it, and transforms it into something more. You turned my words into something so powerful.

I'm so so glad you found it, and that it's helping, and I'm grateful too, because sometimes I write this stuff partly because healing from trauma can feel lonely, and no matter whether I'm writing a version of trauma recovery I relate to, or one I don't, when it reaches people, I still feel less alone. So many of us are recovering and healing and trying our best, even if it's all in different ways. Sending love for how hard it is though, and I hope for small joys, small moments of rest, and so much more <3

#asks and answers #fae tales love #why are people so nice #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #i'm just in awe of you anon #and i wish you weren't suffering so much #i hope you can be gentle with yourself when you remember to be #and make yourself your favourite drinks #and have showers that feel good #and wear clothing that you enjoy #in amongst all the garbage sorting #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

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ugh-tsumu · 3 years

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nacurious aq sa game nyo kaya pwede po bang magparticipate 🥺👉👈 *uses this as an excuse to dump a bunch of feelings i ran over with a garbage trak*

dear charo CHOS

consecutively through the years of highschool, wala akong habol sa love life. kahit na nakikita kong nag hhww or motmot mga tropa ko, masaya na akong nakikita na inlab sila. kuntento akong tagabigay ako ng advice, since unbiased nga ako regarding the feelings of being in a relationship; outside person ba?

summer before tenth grade, i bought a couple's bracelet from my friend na nagnenegosyo by selling locally from a larger seller. circular beads with vine-like engravings. ung isa puro white then isang bead is black, then the other is inverse. i joked “my significant other is myself XD”. during that time, my mindset was: i don't need a partner, kumpleto na ako by myself (with the thought na hindi ako magiging complete if may partner ako, as if 50/50 kami and hindi ako 100) tsaka hindi ko priority ang mga ganyan HAHAHAH promise, i don't think i'd do a good job handling one. di na nga ako marunong ng social cues dahil di nga ako tao minsan, kailangan ko pang mapag-aralan ang lablyfe lablyfe na yan huhu kaya wag muna ngauon dahil lahat ng oras ko nakatungo sa pagtatapos lol

of course, influenced yun (wanting to stay single/more like alone) with the fact na i've been going through something big and gradual, affecting my mental health. i was too emotional and emotionally dull at the same time, i was lonely, i was incomplete. i had a lot of pride, and i thought na i wouldn't be a whole person that loved myself if had someone to love me back. kasi tama naman diba? you need to fill yourself with love, bonux nalang ung love from a partner.

then came prom season. may cotillion dance na ihahatid sa prom night in february, so during some day in january, nagstart magsearch ng volunteers to dance for cotillion and practice.

kasali ako dun, kasi i had the lingering thought na “wala na nga akong lovelife, di ako palalabas, tutok ako sa pag-aaral, tapos di ko to susubukan tulad ng iba? hindi ko bama naisulit pagiging sekundarya ko” see the vibe? i was basing values from other people, at hindi ako. it proves na i wasn't content with myself.

i had a designated dance partner, kaso may gustong iba ang gg di ginawang practice lang pero understand ba’t nagback-out. kaso since i was a bit vulnerable then, i also thought na it's also because hindi ako womanly or attractive unlike the others na nag-aayos or may wari. pero di ako madungis no! di nga lang “makadalaga” 🙄 i tried to not let the insecurity bother me, i made it up for my average pero still :/

eh may naging partner rin akong iba na diniditch rin ng partner nya? i was exasperated and told him na maging tentative dance partner muna kami, to which our mentor agreed kasi stressed na sya, umoo nalang kasi nga hagardo verzosa.

he was sheepish, quiet and introverted. he was gentle and awkward, and it was obvious na he wasn't used to interacting with the opposite gender, kasi kalmado naman sya with his friends. but i was calm naman, and that seemed to ease him. i also cracked jokes every once in a while when i felt potential tension, kasi we needed to get the job done. i was also very understanding and patient. (brought 2 u by being ate of the family WHAHAHAH)

his actions were fragile, and he held me as if i was even more as such. (please take note na hindi ako kinikilig huhu cringe lang aq ng slight because of my behaviour back then.) vulnerable, i felt warm at heart when he was gentle, and when he was bashful. the relationship we had was wordless. our connection was gradual; it developed from something to something else real slow yet still very quick for me.

we started from stumbling and chuckling around. yet i'd still guide him kasi he never danced before, and since i had the air of a leader, i knew how to be patient and how to teach him while hand to hand. i honestly don't know where it started to turn, i just wanted to have him as a closer friend, until i suddenly found there was something growing between us.

i spoke softly between us, he spoke more and he laughed more, smiled more. we preferred sitting by the other during breaks, and during last minute discussions before dismissal, we'd sit by eachother. he used discord, e kaso di compatible un sa device ko and magulong maaccess thru chrome kaya naginstall nalang sya ulit ng messenger when our mutual friend told him i sent him a message.

it kept developing by then. our hold started to linger, our touches were soft, and in any way possible, we'd still have skin contact. tuwing magpapause ung music and may icocorrect yung instructor, hawak nya pa rin kamay ko at hinihigpitan ko naman ung sakanya, na ibabalik nya naman. then during water breaks we'd spend the time with eachother. then during last minutes magkatabi kami and our hands secure between us, him hiding it because we both wanted it private without speaking.

it was wordless talaga, kaya nabigla ako when it went towards the more romantic route. he suggested some advances that he allowed enough space for me to rejec, which i did almost all the time unless it's just hand-holding or yakap lang HAAHA d q alam kung ano tawag samin e, sabi ng tropa ko MU daw e di ko naman peg un, pero i was glad it wasnt serious. i wasnt ready kahit na it seemed we had a deep connection. we sat by eachother came prom night, and he wore the other part of the couple bracelet that my friends teased me and they gave it to him. we were quiet and many people we knew teased us since we were the more on the quiet side of the student body.

then came summer vacation and i ghosted him WHAHAHAHAH for a good cause!! nagkalabuan na kami, i always gave him time and made the effort while more often he doesnt reciprocate and sometimes di pansin for weeks. i swear it's nothing like clingy aq and i needed his attention 25/8, i knew my limits and his. well, his loss :// di rin naman ako ready e, so it was bound to happen.

plus, i felt much better after that because i realized i was forcing myself to act more feminine. and that time was years before i realized i was actually non-binary, and more masculine. i knew he was much hetero and he'd rather a true feminine partner. plus, he envisioned the future with me as a housewife tapos sya daw ung nagtatrabaho 🤢 pero anyway, i think i'd much rather have a female partner or actually just lgbt-aware partner.

ty missus!!

- nova

Omg anon, this is so intimate 🥺 thank you for sharing? AND ALSO, I WAS SMIRKING THE WHOLE STORY BUT you lost me at the last part when he said he sees you as a housewife lang 😔👊

Anyways, I'm glad you've moved on from him! And LMAO it's his loss for limiting his self to feminine preferences. Women (and men, tbh) are uniquely different. To limit your choices is stupid Lol 🙄

Also, I tried looking for a female character I know that will do you good talaga but they just don't seem to fit 😔 I ended up with a male character, I hope you don't mind.

I choose Chanwoo for you!

Love Advice from the Single-Ass Duchess of Tumblr

#[ leia answers ]#[ leia w anons ]#[ spur of the moment ]#[ leia plays ]

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jackoshadows · 4 years

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I know you're pretty into Jonerys as a pairing, and you mentioned that the show's special treatment of Sansa, at Jon's character's expense, bothered you. Did you feel this way towards Daenerys/Jon during season 7 and early season 8? As a Jon stan as well, I felt like they just casted him aside/made him her sidekick. I've always loved Dany but that bothered me at that time, did it bother you? Why or why not?

This is a bit long so under the cut it goes ....

First, I think I have made it clear what I think of the trash writing for show Jon. It’s been terrible from season 6 onwards where D&D basically gave him nothing. His parentage amounted to just making Dany paranoid, his white walker storyline ended with him yelling at a dragon while Arya got the big kill and his King In the North arc was more about how he should listen to Sansa because she’s Always Right. All Jon got was jokes about his height and how he was stupid and did not want anything.

If Jon stayed dead at the end of season 5, we could have still got to the same ending because ultimately he contributed nothing. I wish Jon had stayed dead on the show – it would have been a far more satisfying ending to his story arc then being used as a prop to advance the storylines of other characters.

Of course, Jon’s not the only character to have been totally assassinated in terms of plot and characterization. What D&D to Jon Snow is nothing compared to what they did to Bran Stark – arguably GRRM’s central character of the series. They had him sit out a season, gave his WF/North leader role to Sansa, and he had nothing at all to do in defeating the White Walkers other than sit under a tree. They gave him absolutely nothing. And then D&D had the gall to have Tyrion say that Bran had the best story? Fuck D&D and their trash show.

‘Bothered me’ is too understated lol. I loathe show Sansa - one of the most badly written, garbage, self-insert Mary Sue, trash characters ever written for a TV show. The difference between Dany and Sansa is that we have been following Dany’s development over several seasons where she has actually ruled city states, fought at the head of her army and planned battles. She has earned her position as Queen. Sansa on the other hand has done fuck all and then D&D decided that her brain suddenly grew 2 sizes after being raped by Ramsay Bolton and she was now super intelligent and an expert in everything – from armor making to defense planning.

The thing is, we know that Sansa is propped up at Jon’s expense because we have the source books. Jon is a capable and intelligent administrator and politician in the books – taken away on the show to prop up Sansa and give her something to do. It was Jon who rallied the wildlings to go attack the Boltons – taken away on the show to prop up Sansa. Jon is well adept in Northern politics and diplomacy – taken away on the show so that Sansa can ‘advise him’ and call him stupid. If Jon becomes KITN he does so by Robb’s will and as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell – taken away on the show to put Sansa in charge of WF and deny Jon an arc as an actual ruler of the North.

Now coming to Jon and Dany in season 7. I admit I did enjoy their interactions. Neither character was propped up at the expense of the other in my opinion and there was the thrill of these characters finally meeting. Jon and Dany meet as equals even though Dany is the more powerful monarch and Jon has gone there to ask for aid. They argue and debate (With Tyrion in the mix) and neither give way. It’s only natural that Dany would not believe and Jon understands this – as he explains to Tyrion. At the same time Dany is charmed by Jon and allows him to mine for Dragonglass. Jon continues trying to convince Dany of his mission.

Jon walks around Dragonstone meeting people like Missandei who tells him that Dany is a good Queen. When Missandei tells Jon these things, we know it to be true. Missandei was rescued by Dany and is now a Queen’s interpreter and councilor. She has genuine reasons to like and admire Dany. Compare this to Arya telling Jon that he should listen to Sansa because she is like the Smartest Person In the World! What has Sansa done to earn that qualification and why the hell would Arya think this after they spend season 7 trying to kill each other?

Jon starts to be equally charmed by Dany at this point. And then Tyrion’s plans fail miserably and Dany loses Highgarden. She rejects Tyrion’s explanations and who does she turn to for advice? Jon Snow. He gives his advice as a suggestion (Instead of making it sound like an order like Sansa does) and she takes it – not attacking KL, but instead the Lannister/Tarly armies.

In contrast Sansa thinks that Jon should do only what she says and compares him to Joffrey when he doesn’t follow her idiotic orders. That’s the difference between Jon and Sansa and Jon and Dany. Jon and Dany’s interactions are that of two monarchs who respect each other’s leadership and intelligence. Sansa on the other hand is a whiny, petulant, selfish brat who constantly undermines Jon before the other houses because she thinks she’s the expert at ruling and therefore wants to be queen. She even mocks Davos who has been a far knowledgeable and capable adviser to Jon than she ever was.

And then we have the end, with the idiotic wight hunt ending in disaster. Dany rushes to rescue Jon and the others, pledges to help defeat the dead and Jon sees what a generous ruler of the people she is and bends the knee.

The whole thing was rushed with hardly any time spend on them, but what we got made sense and I thought they matched each other perfectly in their idealism and desire to help their people.

As for season 8, yeah, I got nothing. It was trash and everyone was trashed. Was Jon sidelined? Yes, he was. But maybe that’s better than what they did to Dany? Because Jon was basically used to seed betrayal and make Dany paranoid and drive her down a path of madness and destruction and finally death. At least Jon got to be free and happy beyond the wall with his true family - the loyal freefolk - and Ghost.

Ultimately Dany is a major character in the series with her rise paralleling Jon’s at the other end of the world on the Wall. They are Fire and Ice and their meeting and uniting to defeat the Others along with Bran and Arya will be a big part of their story and I thought season 7 reflected that even if it was rushed. On the other hand I doubt Sansa and Jon even meet again, seeing as their stories and characters are least connected in the books

Show Sansa was dumped into Jon’s book plot and it then becomes Sansa’s story with Jon as a side character. This happened because D&D found Sansa’s book plot in the Vale to be boring and wanted Sansa at the center of the more interesting North plot in the books. This happened because D&D were writing for Sophie Turner instead of book Sansa. This also lead to the undermining of Jon’s relationships with his other Stark siblings like Arya and Bran. We got Arya supporting Sansa over Jon!! – that’s how shit the writing for the Starks became after D&D centered everything around Sansa. Show Sansa was propped up not just at Jon’s expense but at Bran, Arya and Rickon’s expense as well.

As for shipping, I have always maintained that both Jonerys and Jonarya is possible in the books. There is foreshadowing for both relationships in the books. There is the original outline and GRRM stating he is still heading for the same ending he came up with in the early nineties. But the show also hints at a possible Jon-Dany relationship. So we will have to wait for the books to see where GRRM is headed. Hopefully the next book will give us some more clues.

#Jon Snow #Daenerys Targaryen #Jonerys #anti Show Sansa

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rahnesinclair · 7 years

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I've always had a Zoë prompt but no one to write it and English isn't my first language. So: have you ever read the book Everything Leads To You, in one scene the lesbian main character who is kicked out breaks into her own house to pick up some stuff (in the story her birthcentificate) but out of anger for her mom she starts causing damage on purpose searching for it… that part always reminds me of Zoë in the book so a Zoë story baised on that scene please

I’ve never read that book but I can SO do Zoë being angry and causing damage in her house!

(also apologies, I’m not Canadian so I’m not super familiar with Canadian documentation!)

Consuela Rivas, in her infinite generosity, had sent Zoë a package with her birth certificate and other necessary documents as a graduation “gift”, but she’d forgotten one crucial thing: Zoë’s SIN card.

Zoë had had a Social Insurance Number forever, she’d needed it for her work on television, but she’d obviously not taken care of it herself when she was just a toddler. Her mom had it somewhere in the Rivas files. Grace had suggested Zoë apply for a new one but the time and money involved in that seemed a complete waste when there was a copy somewhere in the Rivas house. Until she got it, Zoë couldn’t get a job, something she desperately needed to help her pay for university.

Consuela Rivas had also kept the vast majority of the small fortune Zoë had earned as a child star, sending her a two thousand dollar check in her graduation package along with her birth certificate and See You Never letter.

Zoë wanted that card. She knew where the spare key was, and she was going to get it herself.

Grace thought it was a terrible idea, but had gone with Zoë anyway. When Zoë had told her she didn’t have to, Grace had rolled her eyes. “Someone has to go with you to keep you out of trouble. That someone is usually me.”

Zoë knew her mom’s schedule to a tee, something she’d memorized to help avoid her as much as possible, so she knew when Consuela wouldn’t be home. She wasn’t feeling paranoid as she entered the house. Grace was, eying the place warily as she lugged her oxygen tank behind her. “Where do we start?”

“The office,” Zoë said, leading the way. “She’s not organized, but she’s at least consistent in where she puts things.”

The office was, indeed, a mess, but clearly Phillip had tried to do some damage control at some point. Zoë had the sneaking suspicion that it had been Phillip’s idea to actually give Zoë her shit. She could easily see her mom deciding a letter was enough, a last dramatic flourish in a relationship that had always been for show.

“I’ll get the cabinets. You can do the desk,” Zoë said. Grace stuck out her tongue. The desk was a lot less to sort through but it was also the major disaster zone. Zoë winked, but the teasing felt stilted, like an act the two of them were putting on to try to drown out the fact that Zoë was in her house stealing her own documentation back from her mom.

They got to work, silent at first, with a few jokes here and there, mostly from Grace. Then Grace moved her oxygen tank to get to another drawer and accidentally knocked over a pile of paper. “Shit, sorry Zo,” Grace said, tugging her oxygen tank closer to her.

Zoë watched the paper settle on the ground. “No, it’s fine… why are you apologizing?” Somehow knocking over the paper seemed appropriate, needed even. Zoë reached into the cabinet she’d been searching, pulled out a file and, after a second of consideration, tossed it into the air. Papers flew through the air.

“Whoa, what was that?” Grace asked, surprised.

Zoë laughed, her eyes lighting up feverishly. She looked at Grace, grinning. “I think this place could use a little decoration.”

Grace quirked an eyebrow, looking uncertain, but at the look on Zoë’s face she smiled slightly and pushed a stapler off the desk.

Zoë started tearing through the cabinet, hardly looking, laughing all the while. Soon the office was carpeted with paper and office supplies. The girls laughed, reveling in the chaos.

Zoë moved to throw another file in the air and stopped. It had her name on it. Slowly, Zoë opened it. Contracts for shows, pay stubs, bills. Her SIN card, tucked between the pages. Pictures of her, young and bright, headshots and stills of her in shots. A small history of Zoë Rivas, child star.

Zoë’s grip tightened on the file and it was suddenly blurry in her vision. This was the Zoë that her mom had wanted. That her mom had pretended to love.

She began tearing up the pages, the pictures, her mirth at being able to get back at her mom fading into anger, frustration and pain. “She threw me out like garbage. Like I was nothing to her, ever!” A picture of her first season on West Drive shredded in her hands. “She never wanted me, she told me so all the time, but I pretended not to know that she didn’t love me. Tricked myself into thinking I could be what she wanted. But I never could because there was never a single moment when she loved me.” Tears poured down Zoë’s face and she threw the file at the wall, hard, and started to kick the papers on the floor. “I was NEVER ENOUGH!”

Zoë’s rampage went on for a few minutes, tearing apart the entire office, and when she finally pushed the computer off the desk and it shattered on the floor she paused, breathing hard.

Arms wrapped around her, hard and unyielding. For a second Zoë was afraid that somehow she’d been caught, and she struggled before she realized it was Grace. Grace, who’d let her do the damage and was now holding her tight. Zoë turned to Grace, searching for anything that she could say to prove Zoë wrong.

Grace hugged Zoë tight and said, “Fuck her, dude.”

Zoë blinked, and then let out a surprised laugh. “Fuck her?”

“Yeah.”

Zoë laughed again. She buried her face against Grace’s collar bone and hugged her back. “Found the card.”

“Oh, good. I was worried we’d have to start looking through the stuff on the floor.”

Zoë giggled and shook her head.

“Let’s get out of here, Zo. Place is a dump.”

Zoë grabbed Grace’s oxygen tank and Grace grabbed Zoë’s hand. “Time to go home.”

#zoë rivas #grace cardinal #my writing #degrassi #judcute

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