#and think about people that arent even in my life anymore

[hillerska-official]

Something that always really resonated with me in The Perks of Being A Wallflower was the line right near the end when Charlie says "there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 once you turn 17" and maybe it's just because I was 16 the first time I watched the movie and I felt like nobody ever listened to me because I was young, but I promised myself I would not forget what it was like to be 16, or any age that I had been, and that I would extend the respect and understanding that I so craved to others. And I forget to do that sometimes, but whenever I play the perks soundtrack on vinyl (cause I'm a 2014 hipster in my spare time) that speech plays into the last track and I hear it and remember that I need to do that. So anyways if you're 16 and you feel like nobody ever listens to you or remembers what being 16 felt like I'm sorry. I promise I do. Relish in the good parts while you have them and know the bad will be over soon 💚

#in the end i look back really fondly at that time in my life #and i KNOW a lot of bad was happening (it was 2016 lmfao) plus i was having a ton of personal issues #but when i think about what i was doing at age 16? i was going to play rehearsal and forming inside jokes that i still laugh at #and i was discovering new music and becoming close with some of my dearest friends #people i consider family now even if we arent close anymore #so i know its frustrating i really do. but dancing with your friends in the theatre will always be stronger #anyways this movie fucks me up everytime so thanks for that G (iykyk) #not yr #personal #the perks of being a wallflower #prince queuehelm

[wastelandhell]

deranged rambling

#i typed out another post but it became a massive text wall that i probably shouldnt post #but tl;dr im severley depressed. i have been my whole life but it started getting bad again in november #and this last month has been the hardest month of my fucking life #im so sleep deprived that i cant think clearly i cant eat im in constant pain #my thoughts arent even coherent my brain feels like its being twisted around #i cant do my job anymore i stopped booking clients #so thats how my lifes been going #dont worry about me ill be fine i always pull through im just tired #im going to talk to my brother tomorrow. my relationship with him is strained but hes all i have and i know he can help me. #i dont know why im posting this. ive been drinking. #also sorry for how cold ive been lately #and how ive been ignoring all my messages/asks/replies/tags for the last few months #i do like hearing from people i just. literally cannot respond

[8lah8lah]

"both sides of shipcourse are wrong" says person about to not bat a fucking eye when someone on one side gets chased off the fucking internet and doxxed and told they deserve assault for liking ships that are abusive in a way they dont immediately understand/relate to. "shipping discourse is just sooo dumb and immature" says person about to fucking gasp and scream and tell all their mutuals and post "STOP putting ***** on my dash in 202_" vagues like A Gross Drawing Existing In The World is going to singlehandedly groom and traumatize and enable and Normalize everything for everyone on the planet simultaneously for simply being put out there and it being out there is a category 10000 mental safety hazard that they must bravely defend people from. "youre stupid if you care about ship discourse lmao" posts brave tumblr user about to get really upset publically over One person they saw shipping a like, 4-year age gap between two fictional chars that's there if you Squint, an opinion that Clearly has NOTHING to do with very specifically one side of the discourse

#8log upd8 #bottom line i really really Rreally resent people going 'oh haha this Stupid Internet Drama #is So Dumb and everyone who cares about it is dumb too' followed by #literally ruining somebody's life because they never bothered to look into or learn why #that person likes the stuff they do. OR LIKE GIVE THEM ANY GOOD FAITH AT ALL? #at the very very very very fucking least you would ASSUME these people see someone getting #Harassed Off The Fucking Internet and go hm did this person really deserve it. what did they do #and why and what is their side of the story. #NOPE its just Ummmm make sure to not reblog from *** or youll get Freak Poisoning by proximity!! #it's why i don't really post my own stuff on here anymore; i don't feel comfortable- #-being in a social environment where people will just up and decide someone deserves #to Not Exist where they can see them anymore. even if it's not me it's happening to #it's too cruel and i can't stand it ._.; if you do or allow stuff like this please unfollow me #or better just block me outright. 'oh but what if they post-' I Don't Fucking Care #unless they're posting about specific real living/lived human beings in harmful ways #they don't deserve this shit and even if they WERE posting about real people (they arent.) #what do you think online harassment would do to stop that? you think predators are gonna #get vagued and go Aw shucks ive been caught better stop being weird about specific real children! #tags are getting long lol sorry

[roachemoji]

can someone put out A hit on me but instead of killing me they just come and hold me. a hired thug for a hired hug

#bo posting #vent #i am upset about things i cant articulate #or feel its worth even trying to #and thaf hurts more #to feel like its not even worth it bc i know it wont change anytbing #and i cant sleep bc of it #😄👍😁🥰😀🙂☺️ #theres too many things that i fewl that way about #to a point i cant even talk to my therapist about it #bc whats the point? #and the more i think about one the more i think about all the others #that affect me current and ones that dont matter anymore #bc the ppl theyre about arent even in my life anymore #im tired if shouldering the blame for never being able to talk about shit #with anyone #when ive done so much to learn how to communicate differently and better? #but it just feels harder. and not worth it. bc the results havr always been the same #and i think i will always feel like its my fault i feel misunderstood #or dismissed. or not taken seriously. or seen as overreacting #i dont know if ill ever feel safe. seen. and heard #and i dont know if thats just because of me and my perception of my life and others #or actually bc of other people's behaviour #🤪 #i cant even elaborate on what im specifically upset about because its not 1 thing #its just everything #and ik its bc its 6am and i was woken up and cant sleep bc im anxious and upset #but its keeping me from fixing this. by aleeping. bc i cant sleep

[excadrill]

snapchat gave me a throwback picture of my ex best friend from high school so im thinking a lot about a huge fight we had at the end of our senior year and wondering why. i ever made up with her after that. i like Completely forgot we were even still friends after high school bc of how badly this sucked like we got summer jobs together and i visited her at college and stayed over at her dorm more than once but in my head we stopped being friends just before high school graduation

#the fight was about her grossly transphobic republican boyfriend #and some really nasty shit he started saying about me when i. idk talked about trans kids and teens just Existing and transistioning #at young ages. and she was fiercely defending his right to think that parents allowing their kids to transition even just Socially #was abusive. at one point she said to me that i just act like im better and pretend to know about trans issues bc im on tumblr #when she Fully knew about the trans people in my life #and this all came a couple days before graduation and it made it such an isolating experience for me bc NO ONE in the whole friend group #i shared with her would speak to me after it. and then ig we made up and i also consolled her when she and this guy broke up #not for any of his views btw but bc they didnt think they'd do well 'long-distance' (which was like. an hour drive) #whatever ! glad we arent friends anymore she can go fuck herself lmao #transphobia #simon says

[elympios]

I am once again thinking about how accurate Fractured Ludger and that Fractured anthology Ludger are to Prime Ludger... Julius what do you want

#v #x2 #lj #think i discussed this before with li but its like. such a fun angsty thing #bc the thing about the ludger we see in the game is that. hes in the game #he meets elle and jude and julius becomes a more distant thing he doesnt get to talk about much #(partially for plot contrivances unfortunately) #but julius just wants their pre-canon life back so there isnt any secret variation of ludger hes looking for #(i mean thats stated pretty implicitly both times) #BUT. that still isnt ludger as he is now. ludger cares for people who arent julius. and not to say that the route where julius dies means #ludger doesnt care for him. even to the end julius has to comfort and encourage him by bringing up elle #but you cant unring that bell and julius knows hes not the singular most important person in ludger’s life anymore #and frankly i just love the jealousy and drama of that even tho it also hurts a lot #hmmmm now im thinking of julius and his fractured ludger #literally a little brother created from his heart’s desires. a world that was made for him. makes my brain do blender noises.

[holytrickster]

honestly i get embarrassed i don't have like. a single other interest I'm as into because i just know everyone around me is probably sick of it

#idk i probably shouldn't have to feel bad about my interests but i annoy myself like oh my god please read something else talk about.. #..something else. its not like i dont like other media; i think pathologic is really freaking cool even if i havent had the time or patience #to play either game yet; i love derry girls it's a really good show; i have this attachment to firefly despite its issues #it's not like i can't get into other things #but nothing has had the chokehold on me that the legendarium has had/still has years later and it's almost frustrating sometimes #like i used to be really into gravity falls for instance. also cuphead; also bartimaeus and lockwood and co. oh and seraphina #but while i still really like all those things and theyre nostalgic for me; i can't...so easily fall back into those worlds in the same way #maybe it is also kin related but it's almosg like i get embarrassed to be so fixated even though it's been such an enjoyable part of my life #as cheesy as that no doubt sounds. i wouldnt be the same person if somebody (i dont even remember who anymore) hadn't been like “hey.. #“..middle schooler aimenel you should read the hobbit” (actually i think i mightve read lotr first i dont remember anymore) #idk why it bugs me; why im like “oh no people will be annoyed by the constant posts” as if anyone couldnt just unfollow or block #im probably always going to be like this to some extent and i dont know why i cant stop feeling embarrassed by my attachment to certain.. #media. its not even an “oHhH nOoOo its problematic in some ways” thing because i really dont give a shit for the most part #i think its literally i feel like people are going to at a certain point go “arent you too old to like this” #which isnt even going to happen probably so i dont know why i care. i dont know why i care when im honestly cringy as shit all the time #its funny ive becomr someone a much younger me would call cringe and just trying to be special or whatever

[timeisacephalopod]

I saw a post the other day that kinda pushed back on the way all coming of age movies are about sexuality and all high school stories basically center around who wants to fuck who and how that's like. Not really all coming of age and high school stories should offer since you know. Youth isn't about who you have a crush on and probably coming of age stories in particular should be far more diverse in subject matter than they are.

Honestly as someone who, when I was 'coming of age' age, hated coming of age stories and still do for the exact reason listed above (see the weird scene in It where we all sexualize a 13 year old girl because boys have crushes and surely there's no other way to portray this than feeling a child up with a camera to demonstrate boys have ~feelings~ Bev gets no equivalent scene because she's the object of affection rather than the subject feeling desire) I also wish there was diversity in those stories. And coming of age stories about adults- we don't stop going through huge life moments that change everything forever, but back to kids. When I was a kid I could have desperately used a coming of age story where the character has a sick and dying parent who does die by the end of the story and what happens after that. Granted I did just fine without it, but even without being asexual it's always irked me that coming of age stories don't seem to appreciate that kids have way larger problems and way better stories to tell then first crushes and first kisses for shit sake give kids who went through what I did as a kid some kind of story about what happens when your parent gets cancer and how complicated that is and stop assuming the biggest thing that happens around puberty is discovering sexuality that, if you were queer, you probably already noticed what you felt wasn't in a coming of age story anyway.

#winters ramblings #id actually LOVE to see a coming of age story about an immigrant child moving to a new country #and have the coming of age center around THAT instead of these bizarre vaguely adult explorations of sexuality #that honestly ive never related to anyway like maybe the allos get it but even THEY deserve more diversity in stories #SURELY even your local allos have a dad dying of cancer they desperately need to know what to do with #like deadass a therapist told me at 26 i was robbed as a child because of what i went through and i STILL cry when i think of that #but no coming of age is all sex shit because children according to adults dont have real issues #which tells me adukts writing the stories are MASSIVELY privileged or stunted by execs or straight up assune kids wont watch #a REAL coming of age story. also i want a coming of age story about a 40 year old who is going through a career change #and the struggles that come with late career change. the benefits of a late career change. all the complicated family goo around all this #just give me decent stories that arent too focused on fycking RELATIONSHIPS for once. have them there sure i dont care #but for FUCK sakes can we stop pretending a 13 year olds biggest concern us who they have a crush on?? #my dad was DEAD and i knew only one other person who lost her mom way younger than me at 8 #we did not understand each other and how could we when our situations were so different. BOTH of us were so highly alienated #because NO ONE not even each other could relate to a lot if the people around us. the only thing we DID have in common #was the sick feeling we got when someone would bitch about their parents having fair expectations or not giving them literally everything #we both had an 'at least you HAVE parents to hokd you to reasonable standards and all you do is SQUANDER it' even if our feelings werent #faur to our peers anymore than their feelings were fair to us. wheres the coming of age story about THAT #tell me a story about a 16 year old whos mom has been dead HALF her life already like my friend. i was lucky enough not to deal with that #until i was 24. she deserved better out if high school and coming of age stories too. believe it or not kids have REAL lives and problems #and im SO tired of no one writing anything but some sad kids books about it even if the books are SOMETHING to start with #like for shit sakes must NICEthat the worst thing YOU went through was realizing you had a sexuality but my queer ass #ALWAYS knew i was different and highschool highlighted that a BUNCH so unless we're exploring aroace teens that doesnt appeal either #great yet ANOTHER story about straight teenagers because THEYRE the ones who need guidance on how to express themselves #like they dont see strsight people storoes and sexuality EVERYWHERE plus the ACTUAL opportunity to date in high school #that most queer kids dont get or dont get in the same way. why is THAT the only story being told when its the most saturated and BORING #and also ignores that kids have REAL issues and NO angency. explore THAT. do ANYTHING but yet another fucking coming of age story #about straight kids having crushes on each other and thats IT like come on SERIOUSLY

[mochapanda]

i think if i dont get a new job soon i am going to kill myself

#like im making absolute dirt shit money i cant save up even w/ over time and ive been fucking my health into the ground #to the point where im on MEDS for STRESS to cure my fucking STOMACH PROBLEMS #like. i cant digest food bc of STRESS. that is fucking insane i make minimum wage #i just need a normal 9 to 5 with weekends off how does every other adult manage that do those even exist anymore #where are all these $20/hr jobs old people complain about i dont see them #like i cant go back to school bc its awful and people are awful but work is so much worse #the assistant manager came into my twitch chat to talk about work how did i even get in that situation. #why would anyone think thats acceptable or okay #why does a 40 y/o man think im his best friend kill me kill me right now i am in hell #every day is just so fucking uncomfortable and disgusting my customers are disgusting and creepy #i am a fucking 20 year old get the fuck away from me #why cant i just be like a bank teller or smth and make enough money to move out of this god forsaken state in like a year #i dont even have my own life i have so much stuff and never do anything with it bc im always working or tired from working #i dont think bank tellers have to deal with crackheads screaming at them and calling the police bc they cant login to google #or not having a work schedule for a month bc the district manager just cannot be bothered #i think its a great job for normal people that arent constantly too high off their ass to hold a conversation #definitely wont have the same problems i do now itd be new problems #like passive aggressive 30 y/o women drama #be a nice change of pace

[godsfavoritescientist]

I have a draft saved somewhere talking about my classpect headcanons for everyone, I really need to finish that sometime so people can see where I'm coming from when I say "fidds is a mage of rage". I have Ford down as a prince of light, stan as a thief of time, and bill as a lord of hope, but I think those are a liiittle bit more self explanatory

#classpecting #<-a homestuck personality/narrative role classification system for those who dont know #godsrambles #rage is the aspect of doubt. meaninglessness. of tearing things down when they arent working. #do you see my thinking here. fidds as thr opposing force to bill. doubting the project. trying to stop it. #inventing a device that literally takes away memories. things that give context and meaning to ones life #and then being stuck with narrative meaninglessness for decades #during which time he most fully embodied the aspect of rage. like. #even the clown/jester themes of rage sort of apply during most of the show. bc of his role as a joke character for so long #idk how to sum it all up in a post. but yeah #and then with bill. hope is about endless possibilities. imagination. feeling like you can do Anything with no restrictions #which fits really well with his whole deal. like inspiring ford. 'lie until youre not lying anymore.' wanting there to be no rules. #never growing up in all his milennia of existence. playing pretend to trick people. literally existing inside dreams. being whimsical #and the 'lord' class is the most powerful destructive one of all. #so yknow. wielding the hope aspect and everything it represents. as a destructive force. it fits him so well #when i write a full post i'll go over my thoughts on all the classpects. i just know itll take longer than i'd like #to write it all out and then make it concise enough to be readable

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

.

#sorry sorry this ones gonna be a vent so look away if you're not into that #alright we good? cool cool #cw: vent #a lot of my friends both internet and irl has made advancements in their own circle of friends like they're hanging out and bonding outside #-of school #i feel left out. but this is my fault and im very aware of it #its just... its hard for me to find people that i think id have a close connection with #it makes me think im gonna be really lonely at the end of the day #sometimes texting isnt enough. i want physical enjoyment and fun too #i just find myself stuggling to click off with others and maybe its because im unsure of who i can trust #idk my classmate always talks about hows their day and compared to mine; theirs always seems so much funner to do yeah dbfbbfbfbdbdbr #i dont know. a lot of my close friends. or even best friends if you will; arent physically close with me anymore because they either #actually no its not either. they just moved out #its hard to stay in contact with them too so i dont know what's life like for them anymore #that's why I really appreciate every connection ive made here because it feels very personal here. but i feel the more i keep being here— #without actual physical communication — ill just get worse #and i always think about my faves just to cope with it but i guess i just got slapped with reality check today and came to realize that now #theres this one day in school where a problem arised during an event and i was so anxious and scared — i started crying #my schoolmate who used to be my old classmate (we're in different sections as of present) immediately comforted me and #i really appreciated that. he gave me a hug and even lent me his handkerchief. something about that moment made me realise that this is #exactly wanted. just that feeling of warmth and comfort from a friend dhfhfbdbdb it sounds petty but i really like physical languages yeah #ive been trying to finf ways to say hi to him again but its hard since our school schedules are different #im not close with anyone in my class tbh so its hard for me to feel that physical closeness too #i firmly believe in action speaks louder than words. so yeah #thats all. yeah #ill go continue reading my notes

[lightningfilledsaber]

I can and will make everything about being trans

#mud rambles #thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog #the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week #ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point) #but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl #all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as #my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to #call me by my correct name #so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be #attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought #that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point #im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore #and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it #especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a #year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard #it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life #idk idk like i said this has been hard for me #im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here #ask to tag #oversharing #abuse mention #abuse ment #mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO

[hecksupremechips]

Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales

Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them

#the klock keeps ticking #theres always a damn pattern with my faves somewhere AAGHHHH #theyre just like me and i hate it #that was another thing i really liked about the shinji social episodes in reload was that bit where hes telling minato to always keep his #promises and minato is like ‘but you arent keeping your own promises???’ its like lol get his ass #and yeah just rebecca and shinji are characters who i firmly believe to have ocd and its my hill to die on #like with rebecca shes just very obsessive over her relationships like particularly with ashton she clings to a version of him she built in #her head and she gets very angry and depressed when he doesnt fit that mold and she just tries to organize her life around her obsession #and shinji i love to imagine castor being like a metaphor for intrusive thoughts like shinji is terrified of losing control #and terrified that he is dangerous and that hes capable of seriously hurting the people he loves #so much so that he isolates himself from everyone as a way of protecting them and he takes suppression drugs to kill the intrusive thoughts #but much like what happens when you try to repress intrusive thoughts this doesnt go well and it harms him even further #but he believes its the right thing to do because at least he wont be dangerous anymore and its what he deserves #and you know isolation and desperately trying to drown away your intrusive thoughts only leads to worse obsession #im so normal about him and his relationship with his persona #this man has so much ocd my god and so does rebecca and im not TRYING TO PROJECT OKAY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING #theyre my faves for a reason 😩 #anyways i think these two would be iconic besties and also possibly horrible together cuz theyd both be trying to tell the other how to fix #themselves and neither of them would listen but i mean theyd bond over cooking rebecca could infodump and shinji would listen #rebecca would see how shinji lives and shed be like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT and insist on getting him in a safe environment #which who knows whod win shinji is awfully stubborn but rebecca is very scary and will whack a bitch with a book #shinji would see her thing with ashton and be like giving her some wise but harsh reality check which is really funny to imagine #like rebecca just gets this life lesson from some emo 18 year old shed be like ‘what do you know’ and then cry in the bathroom #i think theyd have such a big soft spot for each other though and they would be very powerful together and kick many asses

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

every day i feel myself becoming a little more pretentious and i HATE MYSELF for it

#my ass is literally writing a whole thing abt how our political system is fucked #and that the things we consider political arent actually #...bc most of these things are basically life and death #if politics is governing a body (as in population(s)) #but one of the ways to govern said group is actively making it harder for the majority to live let alone succeed financially/personally/etc #but i feel SO PRETENTIOUS for saying all this #rlly fucking feel like one of those mfers going 'but what even is reality' like shut me the fuck up #but also... am i wrong #and why isnt this the position people take more often #when some legislation or what have you is statistically actually KILLING PEOPLE #why is it still an issue of politics #bc i feel like also the idea of something being political makes it so easy for people to bow out #like 'oh yeah i dont really mess with politics its too complicated' #like stfu?? these are people's lives?? #why do you only care about yourself?? #so maybe its not that 'nothing is political anymore' but rather that politics needs to be destigmitized #like girl i get that maybe you think that seeing homeless people on the streets ruins your aesthetic (SARCASM) but those are people's lives #why are we ok with not only ignoring them but actively making their lives WORSE #and that's only one of the hundreds of issues??? #like we did not agree for our (i say not a tax payer) tax dollars to be spent on bombs for israel #tbh did not agree to use them for bombs in general!! #like if i could say 'here is where i want my tax dollars to go' then that would be so great?? #granted i literally know nothing about anything but like #how is it that our schools are underfunded and people are in crazy amounts of college debt but we can drop billions of dollars on military #aid #like make it make sense #and why is that a political issue #like at this point we're even politicizing people's mfing BODIES #HOW IS MY BODY A FUCKING POLITICAL ISSUE #cause thats what it really boils down to

[cerasum-chrysanthes]

"We will help you with medical and psychological issues and also if there are problems with other people we can try to help with that too :)"

Oldest dude in our course threatens someone and insults and annoys others. We ask for help what to do.

"That's not our issue, that's a private matter."

It happened there during break time, tho :/ Yes, if we come and ask for help you offered help before. But suddenly not.

It wasn't me who was threatened, but the guy who got threatened is a rly good dude. Our little group gets along really well. I will always defend and fight for my friends.

#defend and fight* as in beaurocratically. Can't literally fight someone since I don't wanna ruin my life #but apparently people who are older and should be much wiser don't think that far ahead #and just fucking threaten others #'the people at my old job were so mean to me :(' no fucking wonder!!! You are a bitch. You insult others even those who are nice to you. #Get FUCKED #i tried being nice and understanding. but he literally tried to forbid me to spend breaktime in our classroom talking to someone #we are allowed to be in class or anywhere during break. im allowed to talk to people in a normal volume #he sits in the corner and is bothered by people existing near him #but then he spends his time during class watching videos on his phone without headphones??? #bro we are. working rn. #turn that shit off and pay attention and maybe learn something #'im so scared i wont be making it through to the training because im so bad :(' why arent u paying attention then!!! #instead of complaining about other people existing around you and watching dumb videos. #he is over 50 i think almost 60. he behaves like a brat. #luckily i wont see much of him anymore in the future. #if he tries to follow me around to insult me like he did with the other guy today #there are always enough people as witnesses and im around my group a lot anyway #even if the socialworkers there act like it isnt their issue. if i complain enough and if the behaviour of others is affecting me and other #then i will absolutely make it their problem until they solve it

[shalaandavar]

I cant make it to thursday and i feel like no one is taking me seriously bc im not like. Externally losing it too much, but i seriously dont think i cant make it to the appointment if no one helps me. Everyday is two times worse than the last.

#most closed ones arent even reaching out #when i tell people im not gonna make it theyre just like oh youll get through it #and i wont #i wont bc no one is helping #like my life is at risk and no one is helping me #i wanna die #i dont know how to tell people this but u should care about my wellbeing #it is urgent #its fucking urgent that something gets done and no one. no one. is listening to me #i harmed myself two times in the last week #the first time i was going for the kill #the second time i looked for meds desperately so i could end it #ended up finding only 3 stupid pills that i could spare and i took them and then cut the shit out of my arm #why do people think its not serious #why does no one care #im tired #i cant keep up the act anymore