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alicedoessurveys · 7 years

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Alphabet Tag

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, two. But not bad ones and not while I’ve been driving.  02. Do you have a lot of scars? I have a couple  03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? no  04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not seriously hurt  05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? I guess I must have had stitches when I had my appendix out but I was too young to remember

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? no  07. Are you self conscious of how you look? yes very  08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? When I’m going out then yes I put makeup on but I wouldn’t say I put a lot on.  09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? No, unless you count getting your teeth straightened then yes I would  10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? their spirit and personality.

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? I was never grounded  12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i can’t even think about that, literal nightmare  13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? Yes  14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Take my family away  15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? Idk

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? Don’t speak to them  17. Name a time when you had to be strong. when Ethan left  18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? Parents used to fight every Sunday when I was a kid  19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? Thankfully I’m not in school anymore  20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. Only pets. I cried a lot

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? Yes I’ve had two jobs  22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? Not at all :’)  23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? totes emosh  24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? No way. As much as I love the idea of having my own place I dont like being home alone at night  25. How old do you act? Idk, I definitely dont act as grown up as other 22 year olds but then I have times when I act like an 80 year old

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? i don’t speak to a lot of my cousins, its not that we fell out or anything I just have soooooo many cousins and were not all close  27. If you had to choose, family or friends? Family  28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? I can tell my mom anything I just chose to keep some things to myself   29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? I have an older sister. I do get jealous of her because she’s always been the pretty sister and she actually has a job and suceeds at life whereas I’m a 22 year old unemployed girl with anxiety who still lives with her parents and has no idea what to do with her life   30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? every day

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? 5 ft 7, I’m okay being this height  32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? nope  33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? Like I said earlier, it depends on the day.  34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? Yes  35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? Yes

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? real  37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Bit of both depending on the situation, my mood, who I’m with  38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? Obviously our actions have consequences but I do believe everything happens for a reason  39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? Yes  40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? Family

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? Yes  42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? Yes, I have hashimotos thyoiditis  43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? Not in a relationship, never have been.  44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? Nope  45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? Think about death more than I should but thats living with anxiety.

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) ‘Penetrating eyes’  47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? I make people laugh, but I’m also easy to make laugh  48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? Yes  49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! Too many memories with my sis  50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? I haven’t been in class for years now but I did used to get told off for laughing, I’m a giggler

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? To learn and to be with friends   52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? Smart, because I’m god with technology and I can quite often answer questions on quiz shows because my brain remembers useless knowledge   53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? I got distinction (highest possible mark in that course) for something I did in theatrical make up class 54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher? I dont know what that means cause I’m not a student.. 55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? History, although I didn’t actually study it but I wish I did

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? No & no.   57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? Yes  58. Is love worth it? Probably 59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? No, its none of my business. and if thats what they believe they are feeling at that time then good for them 60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? I only say it to family and people I really do love. I think it gets thrown around too much these days

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? Yes, annoyingly. You can’t really do anything without money   62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? Average I think. We have a lot of debts but we still never go without or anything like that. Compared to other people I wouldn’t say we are poor   63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? Nope  64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? Not gonna lie, id rather win the money (in pounds though cause dollars are useless in UK) because I could help my family, pay for the carpark my church needs, donate some and not have to worry about bills or anything again

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? Like 8, but only because its so important to the world. I don’t like that money is so vital because its something that is so easily lost and peoples lives have crumbled because of money trouble. Its scary.

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? Yes  67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? Its not for me, but who am I to judge anyone else who wants to do that.   68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? Nope  69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? Yes  70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! Nice

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? Not that long really, I’m too trusting of people and I get attached quickly   72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? If I get the feeling that they trust me, and that they’re a genuine person who actually cares and isn’t just looking for gossip or using me   73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? Nope I’m quite trusting I think  74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? Never. there was someone who I got very close to a few years ago but I still never wanted to do anything like that. We kissed and that was about it but even then I was like nope I don’t like this   75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? i tell my mom the most but theres still stuff I wouldn’t tell her but might tell my close friends. But even then theres stuff that I just wouldn’t tell anyone ever no matter how much I trust them

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? Do you remember the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? Hasn’t everyone had negative experiences with people.thats just life  77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? I guess so   78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? i swear we’ve already had this question!  79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? Yes  80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: one of the worst days of my life was a couple years ago. I was in hospital for 10 hours while they did tests and X-rays and shiz because they suspected I had a blood clot in my lung because I had chest pains and I couldn’t breathe and it was just the scariest day. Turns out I didn’t and I was totally fine, it was either a muscle thing or just anxiety..but if I had never gone into hospital that day they would never had done a blood test and would never had spotted that there was something wrong with my thyroid. also turns out that with my type of throid disease, if left untreated it can cause you to go into a coma.. so yeah I guess something good came out of that horrible experience

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? Try to figure it out then ask for help if I’m really stuck  82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? I’m a christian so I believe in God & creation but it still blows my mind.   83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? HA no, I don’t trust the government as far as I can throw ‘em.   84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? Depends who it is and what they’ve done  85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? who is Banksy?! I wanna know who it is and what they look like :’)

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? Be polite, have manners, smile  87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? Be rude, ignorant, untrustworthy, lie  88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? Parents yes. anyone else, it depends if they deserve respect, if they behave in a way that should be respected  89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? Im not disrespectful to my parents. We don’t have the type of relationship where they would punish me anyway, they would just laugh it off  90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? Just cut them out my life tbh

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? N/a  92. When will you graduate high school/college? N/a  93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? N/a  94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? N/a  95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? no, no, yes. I dropped out of college like 3 times.

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? Yes  97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? I’ve been pressures to drink but I said no.   98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? No  99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? Nope. 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? It depends on what it is. I’m not very good as resisting temptation if its something I really want to do

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? No  103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I just wear what I want, what I feel comfortable it  104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? Im quite stubborn so I don’t give in to peer pressure  105. What makes you different from people your age? I’ve never been to a nightclub, never got drunk, never had sex, I’m not in university, I actually like my family

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? My macbook  107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? Loved ones for sure, my life is going nowhere  108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? My teddy I’ve had since I was born.   109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? My pets, my family, my laptop maybe if I had time purely because its so freakin expensive and theres no way I could ever afford to buy another one. Id wanna take my whole bedroom with me because its taken me so damn long to get it how it is now and I’m really happy with it  110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? Idk

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? My health & skinny body back, unlimited money for me and my family, for cruelty & hate to be gone from the world   112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? Loved ones  113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? Nope  114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? No  115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? Not really, I still make wishes even though I know they won’t come true its just nice to have that hope. I pray more than wish.

(I've just realised theres no ‘x’ and that questions 116-120 are missing..?)

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? Independant   122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? Animal cruelty, terrorism, hate of any kind  123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? I hope so   124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? Develop  125. Do you think people are generally good ? Everyone has the potential to be good, its about how you are bought up and how you choose to be

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? no. I’m fat, unhealthy, unemployed, single, blah blah blah   127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? nope.. never heard of it..  128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? it depends what the change is but I tend to be scared. Change makes me anxious   129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? Nope  130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? Idk haha

#survey #tag #long

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justaestheticpondery-blog · 7 years

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Hello Again(LONG)

Watch out. A straight white male has problems. Call the wambulance. No but really it’s a problem I feel should be addressed rather than me recording a video and doing what I planned to do, plus, per the advice of a therapist and maybe help any others who are struggling with some form of depression or anxiety to see the best in themselves. I will get much more satisfaction out of writing it than just throwing it out there in a video. My name is Alan and I am a miserable human being. Now don’t get the idea that i’m unhappy, I believe in the philosophy that you can be happy while miserable but it’s how you engage in long term situations rather than short term ‘happy for a second’ sort of deals. I have the occasional spurs of happiness but those don’t come too frequently anymore and I’ll get to that very soon. But to continue I am miserable and It all has to do with someone that I apparently hurt very much last year or god knows how much longer than that. I blocked that person on every site I can recall other than this one because I want to believe this is the one site that I can actually use for brutally honest and respectable posts where either of us can see eachothers posts and really respect and take things in. Okay, so with that out of the way lets get back. So I basically cut ties to them but I don’t feel like that was a bad idea at all. When you're with someone for an extremely long time and it ends abruptly one tends to have the instinct to always check on the others page so the only way I can really stop that was to block. I’m a cunt. Good now that the attention is built from that last statement I’ll say this: man I was in a bad place during the end of last year. Bad place, weak, poor decisions; pretty much sums up Oct-Dec of 2016. I badmouthed a lot of people from this separation, only one that I cared for. The other two boys will be, in my eyes, cunts for the rest of my foreseeable days and I wish only the worst to them. The badmouthing was a very poor way to go with such a situation and If I could do it different I would. This isn’t an entire apology just a backstory to catch up. So where was I? My dad died, I lost the girl I wanted to marry one day, I was then evicted from my home and my family bailed to a new home, leaving me to find a place of my own. I moved across town from where I originally lived but in doing so I have now isolated myself from everyone that I was used to seeing on the daily, or at the latest, on a weekly basis. Does not help that since then, I get hit with anxiety on a daily basis. So things are starting to look up! A change of scenery? More work? My arts taking off? Fantastic! WRONG! I constantly fight the urge to shove Tide bleach pods down my throat. I’m now busier than ever and although I have several friends, none of them are really part of my daily life because my life moves at work and thats the most socially interaction I get. I then go home to an empty room with nothing but stories on every single item I own. I did have a revelation a while back when it comes to my time and how I should approach it rather than blowing it on watching videos or with someone I don’t care to be around but In terms i’m now a robotic ghost with past empathy on my former self with the determination to find that feeling again. It may sound extremely exaggerated, but not a night passes me by where I don’t wake up in a cold sweat, my dreams being so vivid of past memories that at a single glance of her, I wake up instantaneously. I’m a mess. And with relationships as of late It isn’t helping much. I don’t even know what i’m doing anymore really. I really hope you as the reader don’t see this thinking this is a sympathy post or some form of apologetic post that’s supposed to make me seem any bit attractive because of my vulnerability. I feel i’m changing and noone said changing was easy. So every night I’ll get hit with that anxiety, the girl I date will send me 8 solid words, my best friend will talk to me about their pets, and while working on drawings, I will continue to be haunted in the back of my mind by you. It’s funny, I went to lunch a few days ago after work with a coworker. As we waited for 30 minutes for a simple order we talked about things including a simple question from her to me “well, what do you want from a significant other?” I list off a lot of things from my past relationship that I cherished more than anything. Her response will be with me for such a long time after that. She then said “so with what you just told me, it sounds like you’re looking for a best friend. Someone that goes along with ridiculous plans, never minds to come over at any time, enjoys your company, etc”. I guess I am. I still feel alone in everything I do which is a shame but if anything from this past 7 months have taught me anything; shaving my head recently, offering to work every day to have any human interaction whatsoever to distract me from the feeling of jumping into traffic, die for my art every night, write lyrics for songs for things that will never see the light of day, meeting new people, following advice from therapists, I still do it in the glimmer of hope that some day, some things will come back around and I can sleep easy knowing things have come full circle next to someone who knows what I've dealt with, understands, and loves me for it because in the end of the day i’m proud that love is my one coping mechanism.

#anxious #therapy

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aaneonjacket · 3 years

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This is gonna get a bit not fun.

My country is run by cunts whose only way to stay in power is if the covid situation does not improve.

As a result this WFH situation is gonna stay at least until end of the year. I am not complaining about WFH. I’m complaining about being forced to. I can’t go outside to see my friends and if not for the fact that I went back to my parents place before lock down happened, I wouldn’t have been able to even have my family with me. I’d be all alone.

The problem is I feel stuck.

I bought an apartment last year. The place should be completed later in the year and I can start renovating and moving in but I don’t know if thats happening still.

Workwise i seriously considered quitting last year. But when I mentioned it to my boss, she asked me to hold on for just a few more weeks so she can try to see if she could make it better. I guess she did cos next thing I know i was promoted and got a pay rise.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Basically 2020 was not bad for me. I got promoted, saved up enough for a down payment for an apartment, even reconnected with a dear old friend.

But so far 2021 has not been great.

Last year when I was struggling with work it made sense cos after i got promoted i had to learn new things which will take a while. But its mid 2021 now and i still havent gotten the hang of it. i might actually be doing worse.

I think it might be due to the fact that I am someone whos always had a lot of luck. I only failed one course in uni which i passed on my second try. i’ve always had minimal problems with my studies.im not a good student by any means, never learned how to study. i just happen to be able to pick up enough so my final results were usually between average and above average.

On the first day of school/uni/any new environment I somehow always managed to befriend the person who ends up being the friendliest and managed to be part of the group/community through them.

Even at work i somehow was put under a boss who is quite similar to me. As a result she basically took me under her wing and my career has been quite smooth.

I’m lucky. Like really really lucky.

Things in my life fall into place.

But I’m still miserable at times which makes me feel horrid honestly.

Previously my depression/dysthymia was pretty bad and basically took over my early 20s. I don’t feel so stunted by it anymore. I managed to get through the worst of it during the first lockdown. But anxiety is horrid.

It was never really a major issue for me cos my depression was always the worse one.

But I’ve been getting anxiety attacks more often these past few months. I’ve only had panic attacks twice and that was 3-4 years apart. So the fact that I’m getting anxiety attacks these days is baffling to me.

Previously I just sort of dealt with it internally .Nothing showed on the outside. But now I will be hyperventilating in front of people and its baffling.why am i doing that?

I dunno

I really really really want to self harm again but I left my blade at my place before I came back to my parents. I didnt expect to be staying here for so long but now it looks like i cant go back until the end of the year.

i want an outlet.i dont smoke or drink or do drugs and it feels stupid to suddenly start now.but i need an outlet

i just want to be able to do something about not feeling great.

Maybe this will find its place too but right now its not great

#self harm #anxiety #depression #i dunno

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