#anyway ives told me to post this so here we are. and if u see it u must rb it or else 🔪 /j

[spiderversegf]

the pain is neverending...........but so is the swag 🫡

#sorry for swagposting i just think its so funny to say and now its a vocal stim #my gf: i'm in love with you! me: SWAG!!!!!! #anyway ives told me to post this so here we are. and if u see it u must rb it or else 🔪 /j #🍜 #🪲 #🦠

[oceanlipgloss]

8.1.2023

The other post couldn't fit any more images but I still wanted to add a bunch lol anyways, I'll continue stuffing extra screenshots just 'cause :D

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

intro: he is such a good king. also, this power is really admirable (hot imagery too)

update I: aaaah you go, you two <3

update II: I'm gonna melt I'M MELTINGGG I love himmmmm I love him so much

update III: aw lol he's adorable

update IV: excuse you, but Satan is MINE, not yours. MINE MINE MINE <3

update V: pls don't hinder him, let him collect money stop him at once

update VI: go ahead, sweetie how come Jjyu is being so quiet and not roasting your butt

update VII: 'thick eyebrows' they say that to my face when his eyebrows are thinner than mine tf u mean thick eyebrows what does that make my eyebrows then, bushes? I like them

update VIII: omg Mammon calls Beelzebub 'Bell' noooo that's so cute shut up shut up shut up aaaah they talk about Beelzebub and my heart + interest both go STONKS➚

update IX: goddamn, punching an unconscious Leamas, are we? Mammon doesn't seem to be the violent type though, and he seems to have something in mind, so I'll see where this goes

update X: BIMET'S IN THE CHAT WITH PPYONG, SITRI AND MC NOW TOO YESSSS

update XI: because I love you for educational purposes, honey

update XII: who's gonna tell him that MC is a hobo too? But be gentle about it, pls you don't want him to faint from shock, do you?

update XIII: kwksnjsjs eeeeee but how did he change his attitude and mind so quickly

update XIV: so Mammon doesn't trust Leamas due to a gut feeling, and it's said that Mammon's intuition is always right. And there's something about Nina...

update XV: no, it's not! Not at all! Gimme some

update XVI: someone is really romantic <3 By the looks of it, he seems to really, really like MC, so I'm going to go ahead and say that he's the type who falls in love first, and falls in love fast. SO CUTE

update XVII: "let me enjoy my date" his smile is so cute, it's almost contagious <3 and HE? IS SO, SO LOVABLE Also! There's an upcoming H-scene let's hope I can make it there first which means that MC leaving with Mammon is going to be followed with MC feeling unwell again (and logically, Mammon should be the next one to have some fun *inkling boy voice* WHOOPEEEE)It's strange that Satan didn't interject this time though TAKE YOUR LADY BACK

update XVIII: SCREECHING ANGELS INCOMING ONCE AGAIN Now close your eyes and answer me this: CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREECHING??? On the inside, of course. This poker face doesn't melt off that easily (edit 3: man, there are 36 angels, but that would've been totally fine if it weren't for how ¾ of them were of the red screaming type + there's such little space so there's no actual way to distribute your team properly besides a horizontal line. Having the demons so close to each other is the only possible 'distribution,' which means that they die like flies one after the other and ughhhh)

update XIX: this is horrid. Putrid. Vile. Grotesque. Those screaming monstrosities won't stop coming the H-scene must really be something, huh? Whatchu gonna do, Mammon?

update XX: several very, very fruitless attempts and team deaths later... Well...I have materials, and I have keys. So what do I do? FUCK IT, WE BALL *shudder* DO ONE 10-PULL, that's what! This hurts my heart knowing my luck, I'm not going to get even one L card lmao But I'm curious about something and want to confirm whether it's going to happen or not. All this time, my intution has told me that I'd get Andrealphus on my first ever 10-pull with lesser keys. Am I right or wrong? Stay tuned! (it wounds me to take this risk and spend 30 of my precious keys, but here goes nothing sob sob PLEASE let this be worth the sacrifice)

update XXI: UHHHH???? HEHEHEHEHEHEHE broooo lol omfg I AM GIDDY I WAS RIGHT LOL I can't even bring myself to feel salty about not getting an L card that's a fucking lie, yet it's also the truth BUT OMGGGGGG

update XXII: okay, I calmed down some I think Anyways, I got Marbas and Buer too (I'm holding all of Lucifer's guys hostage now. Is this a sign that I will pull Lucifer himself once his card is launched? God do I hope it is but it probably isn't) And I also sob pulled another Ppyong and another Gusion (you're so damn hot, Gusion, but WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??? I WAS HOPING FOR AN L CARD BEELZEBUB GODDAMMIT let's be honest tho, I knew I wasn't gonna get ANY L card) does this mean that Gusion likes me as much as I like him? Is my admiration so powerful it transcends screens and reaches the virtual world? Because boy...<3 but if that were the case I should have also pulled Satan and Beelzebub BUT I GOT ANDRE OH GOD THIS FEELS LIKE A DREAM I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT I SHOULD REALLY TRUST MY GUT MKRE OMG SJDBKLSJS I also have this illogical, intense desire to care for him binge-upgrade him, but I want to save materials for L cards I might never get...still, I have a feeling he won't disappoint despite being close-range, so I'm going to upgrade him to level 20, try him out and see how he does

update XXIII: "the devil who eternally gazes at his lover with blind eyes" is such a tragic and romantic sentiment, so much so that I suddenly actually FEEL inspired to write and give him more emotional anguish but will I actually find the energy to do so? Nobody knows

update XXIV: THAT'S THE FIRST THING HE SAID I KNEW IT FROM HIS INTRO QUOTE BUT HE SEEMS SO ROMANTIC AND GENTLE AND HE'S MAKING ME SAD I LOVE HIM ALREADY back to lowercase now

update XXV: So! I just tried him out in Dark Sanctuary for jello pudding that looks like jello and WHAT. THE. FUCK. HE'S AMAZING. HIS ULTIMATE ATTACK??? YOU GET A PROMOTION BBY and his chibi and its animation are so cuteeeee (edit 1: aaand I promoted him, he earned it) I haven't forgotten about Marbas either! HE'S A HERO <3 I kind of did forget about Buer though so I'll try him out tomorrow (edit 2: I lumped Buer and all my new guys into the gang and sent them out to THAT battle. And honestly? I was surprised at the improvement. I can make it to 15 angels left with people actually alive now lol Buer's not too bad, I'm using him to heal Satan but those screeching abominations won't let Satan live much. And this is kind of dark but it's funny how Andre sounds like he's having a mental breakdown when he's defeated lol)

update XXVI: he's intent on breaking my heart. I don't want MC to sleep with him, I want her to hug him and stroke his head and kiss his eyelids until he falls asleep or at the very least do all these things for him in the H-scene

update XXVII: I know the drill by now. If I don't manage to pass this hellhole of a battle by day 3 of being stuck on it, that means desperate measures a long ass wait, but I'll put up with that because no more lesser keys will be spent for now I swear it upon my honor

Wow though, is this the high you people who regularly do lesser key pulls feel? I feel powerful and I didn't even pull an L card lol because Andre may be an S in-game, but to me he's an L and because my gut was right

9.1.2024

update XXVIII: I like how 3-77 actually has the nerve to say 'lv. 49 required' when I'm sitting here with barbecue sauce on my titties a LEVEL 89 Satan and still getting obliterated to no end. 'Lv. 49 required' must be code for '2+ lvl 49 L cards needed to save your life'

update XXIX: I made it to 6 remaining angels and lost lol but I'm not really THAT pissed about it because when I first tried my hand at this battle I would constantly go down with 20+ angels out of 36 remaining, then it got better with 15 angels left, and I eventually managed to make it alive *gasp* to the final 6! That's great improvement and it hopefully means that there's a chance of getting past this woooo but I hope that if I do succeed, 3-78 would be kinder, and by kinder I mean—for the love of God, for the love of all that is holy—NO. SCREAMING. ANGELS. At least, not batches upon batches of them because my God man, they just keep on coming

update XXX: I finally passeddddd God bless each member of my team for making this possible, but I extend special blessings to Marbas, Astaroth, Andrealphus and Satan lol Now onto the next battleeee

update XXXI: PASSED! THE H-SCENE IS SO CLOSE OH MY GOD sknfdbksk it's going to get it's own post, because I always have a LOT to say and a bunch of screenshots to share, more so when it comes to H-scenes, so...IT'S GONNA BE MAMMON ISN'T IT

update XXXII: angels are in the sky and the girl is busy being horny greedy how surprising

update XXXIII: yup it makes perfect sense that he would react to her thinking 'I hope that's mine' but fuck he's so cool

update XXXIV: excuse me, but...'your muscles'?

update XXXV: oh man that's kinda soft I love that he's so happy he fell silent

update XXXVI: dude he's so happy and he wants to hear her say that she wants him again that's so adorable wtf Mammonnnn

update XXXVII: sir! Be careful with my heart

update XXXVIII: ROFL BRUH NO I CANNOT And to make it even funnier? SQUISH SQUISH

update XXXIX: the H-scene is up next! I have no doubt about it now—it's Mammon this time. But Lord, I feel sort of nervous lmao my heart is acting weird and my stomach is going *knot knot* inspired by squish squish all this and I haven't even seen the intro screen to the scene for a hint yet lol ANYWAYS, LET ME GET TO IT IN ANOTHER POST BECAUSE I PROMISE, I WILL HAVE A LOT TO BLAB ABOUT SAY

update XXXX: Mammon was right about Leamas, apparently. Thought so...but I have a bunch of battles to beat before I can see what Leamas has to say, so good luck to me lol Because wow, now that I'm almost finished with Chapter 3, even the 'normal' battles have gotten considerably harder pls be nice, I have but one L card there's constantly 30+ angels, and many of them are usually the ones that shit spikes release spikes (honestly though, anything is better than the screaming ones which I'm sure are coming soon) and they're spawning fast, making up masses and hoards lmao it's hard depending on one character to save everyone else's asses, man so I'm sometimes having to repeat more than once to get by

10.1.2024

update XXXXI: so Leamas's real name is Samael and he and Nina love each other, and I'm assuming he was punished for that. I know angels have rules to abide by, but talk about unjust...

update XXXXII: guilty gems get an honorable mention today

update XXXXIII: Satan about to threaten Mammon if he were going to say that MC is his, followed by Mammon saying that he changed his mind since he decided to be MC's, and then MC being like 'that's new. Anyways, moving on'? lol

update XXXXIV: I. LOVE. SATAN <3

update XXXXV: Leamas took MC with him. Damn, I wonder what's going to happen now and where he's going to take her and Nina. Everyone is going to come to MC's rescue, there's no doubt about it, but what's gonna happen BEFORE THEY DO? I'm so excited though, I'm gonna start Chapter 4 in a few! At least, I hope I can then again, logically, the boss fights are always a lot easier than normal battles, so I should be good! (edit: DONE! Those human-looking angels are so cute lol they look like soft little dolls. I want one)

TIME FOR CHAPTER FOURRRRRR

edit: WHAT. THE??? AN H-SCENE. RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER 4. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IT HAS TO BE BIMET'S BECAUSE BELIAL IS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL OMFG AAAAAH SKNZBKDB

#whb #what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad #what in hell is bad diaries

[shimamitsu]

if u ever wanna complain abt blue flag id be all ears. ive had it recommended a ton but never got around to hear abt it

ah, the old blue flag. every few months i remember this manga and i feel pure anger deep in my heart. long post incoming! i know a lot of people like it so i'll preface this by saying that this is my opinion, you can still like it, let's hold hands and read manga together. anyway, blue flag. my main problem is that it feels like something that was written for heterocis people to sympathize with lgbt's people's existence instead of something that actually included lgbt's people's experiences and opinions. all you have to know is that there's this scene where a character makes a list of lgbt songs or smth like that and one of them is shake it off by taylor swift. yeah. i said this yesterday but it's not like i think it's bad for lgbt manga to be educational, that's totally ok. there are works like 'i think our son is gay' that are very good at that. the whole plot of the manga is that a mom finds out her son is gay and it follows how she learns about sexuality, lgbt issues, etc etc (it's also told from her pov). its purpose clearly is to be educational for a non-lgbt audience. with blue flag... it felt like they were trying to explain lgbt 101 to me and failing. it raised a lot of questions about sexuality that in the best of cases the author couldn't give an answer to (and sometimes it's ok not to, but we weren't dealing with queer theory here, the question was like. do gay ppl deserve rights), and in the worst of cases just fumbled the resolution completely. the best example for that is how a character's outing got handled. spoilers here ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ but man. the mc gets outed by his homophobic friend, later it is revealed that this friend is homophobic bc he got assaulted by a man (wow gay predator trope, never seen that before), and the manga could've taken 10000 different directions to deal with that but what did the author decide to do? yeah -> homophobia is just a different opinion! we have to understand where both sides are coming from <3 hell no. die. (it was awful and heartbreaking to read btw). more big spoilers ‼️ another thing that made me violent (and i mean it), was how the manga handled another character's sexuality. one of the main characters, a girl whose name i can't remember, spent the entire manga rightfully struggling with coming to terms with the fact that she liked women. she explicitly said she couldn't like men if i remember correctly. well. here comes a time skip. she's married to a man. how. what. and ofc i'm not saying she can't be bi, but she was clearly written as a lesbian. why on earth is she married to a man then i wanna KILLLLLLLLL. anyway the ending also sucked. in the time skip it's implied the main boys were dating (idek how we got there, ig we skipped the entire sexuality journey of one of them) but it was told from a 1st person pov for some reason so we literally don't see them together (i wonder if it was too gay for shonen jump). when this manga was ongoing, even when it ended, people were promoting it to hell and back, saying how good the "representation" was. i assure you i never saw a manga that centered lgbt characters be talked about THAT much, except maybe shimanami tasogare. it seriously was huge. it was a lot of people's first approach to lgbt manga as well. why people think lgbt manga peaked with ao no flag is beyond me. last year a mutual made a post talking about it and they made a great point which was that blue flag would've never gotten that popular if it wasn't a shonen jump manga and i totally agree. and i'll be bitter about it being licensed where i live while shimanami tasogare isn't until the day i die. but yeah that's a summary of my issues with it. obviously i don't recommend it lol

[leggo-my-aego]

MY REACTIONS TO THE **HEARTSTEEL BOYS** PLAYLISTS FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BARELY CONSUMED LoL CONTENT (PART 2/2)

note: again, sorry if im wrong w anything, but i rlly tried my best 💜

note2: ALSO THEY SHOWED UP IN THE WORLD FINALS AND I FUCKING MISSED IT IM SOBBING 😭😭😭😭

note3: im doubting riots gonna show more of the Heartsteel content for a LONG time so this is my way of coping with that </3

this post ft. Kayn, Sett and Yone so if yll wanna see my first post w/ Aphelios, Ezreal & K'Sante, heres a link!! :

ANYWAYS BACK TO OUR IRREGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAM

KAYN 💜

>he reminds me of an overactive dog that barks at anything that moves and the description just emphasizes that

>SOO dudebro. like mans spawned from a frat and is now making music

>born to rave and def has aux in house parties where cops come to arrest ppl cuz noise complaint

>seems like the type of people who walk around in public with a speaker and blasts music while ppl stare at him

>opposite of k'sante, would NOT trust him w my drink <//3

>would trust him to start barking randomly tho and be a getaway driver (would we survive ? prolly not, but we're fast 😈)

>also used soundcloud a lot for opposite vibes of Aphelios. this mans was definitely a soundcloud rapper since high school and was voted as that superlative

>i think the fact my song reccs are from my road rage playlist is also another thing about his character

> Personal Song Reccs based off this playlist💜:

• GASLIGHT! - Maggie Lindemann, Siiickbrain

• Oh Shit!!! - Injury Reserve

• FEEL. - Kendrick Lamar

SETT 🧡

>i can only think of that discord bit of him and k'sante talking ab their protein powder and k'sante just raw dogging the powder like a psycho

>similar vibes to Kayn but this man would actually be apologetic if someone told him to turn down the music

>obsessed with Rocky and Bruce Lee films since he was a kid for sure and makes references that none of the boys get

>definitely has a guilty pleasure for catchy and annoying pop music. definitely knows the words to call me maybe by carly rae jepsen and was caught singing it by aphelios

>i wanna think he growls before a fight even in this universe

>i think ab that recent art of him tearing his shirt after the World Final performance

> Personal Song Reccs based off this playlist🧡:

• Cobra (Rock Remix) [ft. Spiritbox] - Megan Thee Stallion

• DEATHCAMP (ft. Cole Alexander) - Tyler the Creator

• God's Menu - Stray Kids

YONE 💖

>im SO serious when i say i thought all this man listened to was white noise music before i listened to this playlist

>honestly, i wasnt too far off. my song reccs are straight from my Brain Static playlist

>gives club music. but like those really lowkey ones if u know what im talking ab

>if this wasnt a playlist from a game company i would think this mans would have classical music in this playlist too

>he DEFINITELY is a Pandora user rather than spotify user for obvious reasons old ass

>hes so old im crying 😭

>i wanna think him n aphelios both listen to game soundtracks n bond over it. those two have my heart n i think is an underrated duo given they do the bts stuff

> Personal Song Reccs based off this playlist💖:

• coalescence 1212 - アトラスサウンドチーム (from Shin Megami Tensei IV : Apocalypse OST)

• EARTHBOUND - black balloons

• dream about some mistakes i made - nilöwh.

#heartsteel #league of legends #heartsteel playlist #playlist #song reccs #heartsteel kayn #shieda kayn #kayn #heartsteel sett #sett league of legends #sett #heartsteel yone #yone #yone league of legends

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII MAC! i don’t listen to tma (podcasts r hard :[ still working my way thru nightvale) but whatever an avatar of the extinction is sounds very intriguing 👀 giggling kicking my legs twirling my hair. would u like 2 perhaps. explain what that is and how it relates 2 knives perhaps??? i am holding out a microphone 2 u the floor is yours

OH FUCK YEAH. HI HI IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT KNIVES AND VASH IN THE LENS OF TMA ENTITIES. SORTING SYSTEMS AND HORROR THEMES MY BELOVED.

ok in basic terms. The Extinction rules over. obviously the fear of going extinct. (alt names for it are. The Terrible Change, The Future Without Us, and The World Is Always Ending. which. hello. slaps.) it deals with catastrophies, large forces of change, the human race dying out and being replaced with something else. you know that feeling when you think about how the sun is going to expand and swallow the earth in millions of years and theres no way the planet or anything on it will survive that, but time will keep passing anyway without us? yeah. that.

there werent ever any actual extinction avatars within the show, so its given more as a vague concept instead of given human form (which i think is very fitting) but if it was given a form i think that would be TEXTBOOK knives. thats his Whole Deal.

the extinction IS however manifested physically in different ways in the show, mostly in the form of different technology. and sometimes it gives visions of what humanity could potentially become or be replsced by.

ALL THAT TO SAY. holy shit. extinction avatar knives. he is distinctly Not Human, but appears human. he's actively working toward the destruction of all humanity, planning to replace it with plants. plants are vaguely humanoid in shape, but also distinctly Not Human. horrifying and eldritch and scary. the first time any of the humans see what a plant actually looks like its often met with disgust and horror. now imagine seeing those and being told "one day all of humanity will die and be forgetten about, and youll be replaced with these. nobody will be left to miss you." knivescore.

this post is getting sooo long but i have so much more to say. namely regarding not only knives' need for the destruction of humanity but ALSO his destruction of everyone he used to love. the people on the ship. rem. vash. etc.

BUT. i woudl also like to talk about desolation vash :]

The Desolation is the fear of losing things dear to you. losing everything you own in a house fire. family members and close friends dying unexpectedly and out of your control. everything you love being cruelly ripped away from you in an act of senseless and unstoppable violence. natural disasters. etc. you see what im talking about here.

Desolation is often represented by fire and melting wax but thats really only because the only canon representation we get is very fire-heavy. personal hc is that it can manifest in ways other than that.

normally i would call vash a victim of the desolation (victims are people whose lives are ruined or are killed by the fears, but avatars are people who either embody or serve the entity. instead of being afraid (or sometimes in spite of being afraid) they are also drawn to their fear and have a sick fascination with it) BUT. even though he has VERY much been a victim. vash has also CAUSED desolation. its not always his fault and its never intentional, but it still Happens. he doesnt want it to. and thats why hes unwilling, he would never choose to torture people in that way, but it still happens and because of his actions the entity is still being fed. look at the people who want revenge on him because of july. look at augusta and the fifth moon. it might not be his fault, but hes still the catalyst.

look at vash standing in the ruins of july and tell me that isnt desolation incarnate.

#aurghghhh this got so long but #i could talj about tma entity classifications for so fucking long dude. maybe even more than classpects. holy shit. #desolation is usually. fire coded but i think a storm/sandstorm desolation vash woukd be. equally as fucking cool. #coat blowing around in the wind etc etc #also the fucking. knife tentacles and roots in ep 11 of stampede are SO fucking. extinction core are you KIDDING me #plants in general are very extinction core. also strangercore but thats just a product of being uncanny valley #GOD i coukd tskk about this forever. fuck dude. #also very quickly. wolfwood is hunt. meryl and milly are both beholding. legato is web. #this is mostly rambling if anything still doesnt make sense PLEADE LLEASE PLEASE ask me more questions i love entity talk sm #also i didnt give many specific examples. oops. i can do that if needed #the general vibe is . trust me bro i have a phd in sorting beloved characters into horror categories #asks #friends!!! #anachronistic-falsehood #trigun #tma

[kozakuwas]

bro kagepro illness also hitting me so hard rn. i mean, ALWAYS. im always very ill but rn... I FEEL SICK!! anyways. lets join our forces. harutaka and kidomomo. tell me abt them <3 anything u want <3 do u think theyd go on double dates <3 i think kido&takane make a good duo cuz Music buddies and kido is honestly pleasantly surprised to see who they know as ene act very normal for once. they're like i thought ene was batshit insane. and takane's like No i am. but i can also be normal<3 and haruka&momo have little art clubs :3 momo is haruka's first job methinks. as like art lessons. very early str haruka's picking himself up and etc etc and momo's like HI. DRAW WITH ME and keeps insisting to pay him and he's like IM NOT A PROFESIONAL U DONT GOTTA PAY ME ALSO UR A FRIEND but momo's like ratio+i have money+u need money+IM PAYING YOU. erm. sorry that was weird im normal. i swear i was just gonna ask a question not go insane on ur askbox. TELL ME ABT HARUTAKA AND KIDOMOMO:3

AUGH 💥💥 i can absolutely see kido and takane hanging out, and the haruka and momo hangout thing reminds me of my fav kdmm fic where haruka was momo's wingman who got her to finally confess to kido. ough... god haruka teaching momo how to draw is smthn ive had in mind for SO LONG. like them drawing and haruka giving momo both art and dating advice. they're buddies post str. i just know it bugs the hell out of shintaro that his sister has gotten so close with his homie too, but he still prefers that than her hanging with takane (he thinks she's a bit of a bad influence. he does not need his sister turning into takane 2). ALSO IMAGINE MOMO DOING HARUKA'S MAKEUP. girls night <3

anyways back to kido and takane. yes they would get along great i feel, like them sharing their music recs!! kido recommending some radiohead while takane recommends the most skull shattering heavy metal songs ever. and also takane gives kido relationship advice too. like whenever ayano gives kido advice takane comes in after she leaves like "hey, all of that she just told you? Forget It. anyways..." (sorry ayano but we dont need kidomomo becoming like. you and shintaro </3)

and i just think kido and takane would just. sit in kido's room and just talk and Vibe, y'know? like takane is the best to have a convo with and yes its refreshing for kido to finally see takane's more normal side

and HRTK KDMM DOUBLE DATE SO REAL AND TRUE. momo and takane are already like this 🤞so it gives haruka and kido an opportunity to know each other better (their partners are also enjoying seeing them get along too) and ooh imagine them going to an arcade for a double date. kido and takane headphone actor rematch no powers involved. takane fucking SMOKES kido. didnt give them a chance to breathe lmao. meanwhile momo and haruka are trying to win every plushie in the crane machine. hrtk and kdmm end up going home each with like 7 plushies. the end ❤️

bonus-

kido: why does takane call you babygirl

haruka why does momo call you babygirl

kido:

haruka:

sorry if this post isnt organized but none of my posts are lol. also UR KAGEPRO MADNESS IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN MY INBOX WE ARE ALL INSANE HERE ON KAGETUMBLR 💥💥

#kagepro #kidomomo #harutaka #ven ask

[eyeless-jack62002]

You know im mentally fucked when im here again

Also to those posting in these tags u can put the squiggle line so ur not jumpscaring ppl and less likely to get reported so fast.

Not me on my 3rd acc. Tho yall really help me stay clean. My partner started back in Novemberish maybe sooner. Right after our 4 y anniversary. And then she just dropped it on me. She knew i was trying to stay clean for her and i was doing such a good job. I only thought about it and would scroll here to "get my fix" its an addiction and i dont think ppl realize that. She brought my favorite drvgs into the house and hid it from me for months. Tho she doesnt even know i have a tumblr. Shes starting therapy now finally. And me too. I have an appt next week. I havent been since i was 12. Im scared. I dont trust therapists. I wish i could just cvt head to toe. All over everywhere. Id be exactly how i wanna be. I want this. But i cant. Gotta be around for my partner. Even tho she didnt want to for me. I told her if she wanted we could together but that we wouldnt be same ever again. I wish shed said yes but thats just jack. He clouds my thoughts with his own. Ik im sick. I wish she never told me. Ive been spiraling for months but i have to shove that down so i can help her get better. I warned her. She knew i was trying ro get better but she still fucking did it behind my back for months!! I almost broke up with her. I wnated so bad to run away and never see her again. But whats the price of choosing to love someone but urself. Id give my entire being up for her and in a way i do. Ive just been so hurt and its all i can think about. I threw away my fucking stash for her!! I regret that somedays. Today especially. We had to drain our fucking saving acc bc of her. She kept skipping work and we kept having less and less financial stability. Still dont but were starting to recover from that but barely. Its like she fucking ignored all of my advice as someone who has been selfh@rming for over a decade. Fuck what i have to say tho. The worst part of it all she cvt the same way and places as my quail as my ruby did. Fucked. She didnt know that tho. And i was finally fucking comfortable with telling her about my self h@arm and she fucking did it anyways. And she told me as if it was her telling what we her having for dinner. I cant even cry anymore over this. Why does this all still bother me. I have no tears left. I admit i screamed a lot. I hit her cvts slapped them. You didnt feel the pain then but u feel it now?? It hurts now? And she said to me "i thought you would have noticed" so snarky. Why the fuck would i think my partner who knows of my history would fucking betraw me like this. And then to be a bitch about it and ask for MY HELP!?!? TEH FUCKING INSANITY. She doing better now tho. Good for her. Ive never been okay. And i dont think i will be. I dont want to get better. Being sick feels too good. And eventually me subbing out cvting for w33d will get old eventually. It always does. Nothing can scratch this itch i have so badly in me. Its like my insides scream to be let out. Its like an energy that flows out with the red. She doesnt understand what cvtting is for me. She said she wanted to die. But knowing you wont die is what keeps me held. I have sold my soul. Im bound. Ruby stopped when we broke up. And i told her i did as well. I know were both liars but thats why ill always have a place in me for ruby. I love my partnerbut if she wants to replace ruby she can be my guest. But replaceing ruby will just make you into a ruby. And no one wants that. I love my partner and im clean for her. Why couldnt she do that for me.

I feel like im in my wattpad days in here. Jacks old diary. But he likes it here better. Anyways if u made it this far enjoy a gif from one of my current special interest show 🖤 -t and jack

#self h@rm #baby cvts #i want to cvt #s3lf harn #sh tumblr #sh things #s3lf mutilation

[suntraitor]

You got me, curious about the inscryption x hadestown au, explode your ramblings and go insane sharing your thoughts GO GO GO

AWESOME OK OK OK. disclaimer like i saaid in the notes about that post idk if its even an interesting au or compelling story, we made it sleep deprived while someone was joking around with our p03 and leshy. its a dumb silly au and it makes no sense but its MY cringe baby 😤😤😤 so. its not a shipping au despite hadestown being . yk. but theere is some shipping for plot reasons.

Hades - Leshy (I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS. you can tell i put a lot of thought into his and P03's relationhip in this au) Persephone - P03 (the fucking themes. the fucking THEMES.) Hermes - Grimora / Magnificus, haven't decided yet, leaning more towards grimora but i really want all 4 scrybes included :[ Orpheus - Luke (i hate that tuber boy sometimes but god damn it he will carry my story :salute emoji:) Eurydice - Kaycee. duh. (note: kaycee and luke r not shipped together in this au, they just exist to cary the plot) the fates - one of the scrybes cohorts because i think itd be funny. probably leshy's just bc of the hades thing but i think it could work with another's.

ive rewritten this post like 8 times because i just ramble endlessly about my little cringe baby au (none of my aus are good its all serotonin factory here boss).

SO PLOTLINE. i only have a feew songs in my head but the jist i it takes place after the old_data situation and p03 is away from leshy for the spring and summer n thats where luke initially learns about kaycee and starts researching her death and junk. major plot points i have is luke playing against leshy and reluctantly being told more information about her death, and its revealed he has her death card. other plot points: p03 staying with leshy over the other half of the year and their Strained Marriage (tm).

this lyric is so them. they hate each other theyre deeply in love their marriage is failing but they stay together despite it all nd in the end they try again. i know i kissed you once before but i didnt do it right can i try again and again and again /lyric does tht explain it. theres so many themes

anyway. i dont have a lot of the plot fully fleshed out bc tbh it doesnt make sense and mking it work with both stories is taking me a minute. but i love all the dumb little plot points i have made.

ithe song how long is their dynamic FR FR FR FR.

im trying to figure out how to encorperate orpheus going to the underworld nd trying to leave with eurydice into the au but like i might need to tweek the plot a bit bc its alreaady not 1.1 wwith hadestown story but still. the reasaon p03 and leshy are more fleshed out is bc this whole au started with me comparing our leshy and p03 to hades and persephone X] im just a humble kaycee fictive i lov my blorbos my oingy boingys.... :] the characters ever. but like i gen dont like tht luke and kaycee r the only decent options for orpheus nd eurydice bc i dont want to make them romantic!!!!! i hate the tuber guy but also their dynamic could be so silly. my aromantic ass making the iconic greek myth couple PLATONIC FRIENDS. happy ending the boy doesnt get the girl X]

more lyrics with THEMES.

like do u get my image here. grips ur shoulders. do you see them.

i cant screenshot all the lyrics but GOD. any way the wind blows is kaycees song FR FR FR.... her main character moment. right b4 she dies X]

some feverish shouting from me at like 5am last night

the au makes no sense but tht is ok... its my cringe bby and it makes me happy. thank u anon for asking me about it i loved being able to explode ill rb this with more info later

#ask #inscryption #hadestown #kc.txt #kasey.txt #feral.txt #leshy.txt #so many bitches in co-front #its mostly a bunch of non cohesive plot lines in my head. #tjhis au makes no sense but i like it it makes me happy :> #what is p03 and leshys ship name again bc i technically gotta tag it #p0laroid #im sorry beloved mutuals im cringe #it came with being a kaycee fictive alas #im like so scared im gonna get called cringe by my friends but that is ok ill just go dormant if that happens /j /j /j im having FUN #call me cringe and im sicing my dogs on you

[red-elric]

OKAY kicking off classpect talks with some thoughts about KNIGHTS :) not gonna have much structure to this but if u want me to talk about a specific class or aspect all u gotta do is ask!!

anyway I think ppl are pretty wrong about knights for the most part. sorry :/ I see knights listed as active a LOT, especially when they're paired w pages as an active/passive pair; while I DO agree that knights and pages are a pair, I really truly think knights are the passive one! the way calliope talks about active vs passive to ME feels like its mostly about who the powers benefit. thieves and rogues are really clear cut for that; thieves can steal x for THEMSELVES (vriska stealing her opponents' luck (light) so she can make more powerful attacks) while rogues can only really steal x for OTHERS (roxy only being able to create generic objects and pumpkins (basically worthless lol) until she was motivated to create the matriorb to help kanaya). and when seen from that lens, looking at knights and pages, we have the class who is constantly portrayed as someone who fights to defend and protect OTHERS and the class who trains and levels up massive power for THEMSELVES. which seems p clear cut to me!

beyond that, ive been considering a division of the classes on a second axis..... got the idea from another post somewhere to consider 'creative' and 'destructive' classes as seperate, but while that post was trying to imply the existence of a bunch of other classes to fill out the destructive side iiiii kinda think we can split the ones we have already w some finagling? knights/pages arent SUPER far on the destructive end of the scale but I think when u consider the dual meanings we get from princes/bards of destroys x/uses x to destroy u can make it work; knights and pages most literally use their aspect as a weapon, which is a form of destruction. which categorizes knights as passive/destructive overall (in my mind sharing that category w bards and rogues)

some knight specific stuff....... we get themes of defense, protection, and service here, as well as inaction without a cause; dave in particular is really prone to only taking action if he has to or is told to, but I think karkat ends up in that position as well, even if it's only because of paradox space inevitability. they also seem to focus more on the importance of fighting over other aspects of the game, and I think I can safely say they tend to be really good at fighting WITHOUT relying on powers. uhh a knight in a session would indicate smth (their aspect, in some way) needs to be protected and/or precisely destroyed (liiiike think pruning or trimming, just a LITTLE destruction) for a successful session; dave -> lots of timeline shenannigans to be careful of, karkat -> lots of interpersonal problems to be careful of, latula -> lots of players' choices to be careful of.

tangential maybe but when considering classpecting, I think I like the approach of determining a class first (type of role you would play in a session........ feels v personality based more so than aspect is) -> considering the narrative beats in ur potential session (or, if u wanna go abstract, in ur real life somehow?) -> choose an aspect based on the way your class interplays w the narrative beats. so if ur prone to solving problems for other ppl, think most problems can be solved through conflict, and tend to not stick up for yourself as much, u might be a knight!

#it me #homestuck #classpects #would love to discuss this kinda thing w ppl if yall have other thoughts! #just maybe not 'actually ur 100% wrong and I hate u' hahahaha

[mageofminge]

sowwy 4 da lack of weezer posting, i am rlly into this guy and hes the only thing ive been thinking about so skip this post if y'all aren't that interested in my personal life;

ANYWAYS

since you're still here, lemme vent/delusionally ramble for a bit.

i really like this guy. like really like him. plus we get on rlly well, and i feel comfy talking to him, plus he even told me he's surprised nobody ever asked me out which was rlly sweet of him. plus he straight up told me 'yea if ur nice 2 me i'll prolly fall 4 u' so like.... i actually have hope this time. and honestly this is the first guy ive gotten pure giddy and giggly ab in ages, and thats rlly smth ! but im kinda afraid i might be taking it the wrong way and i dont rlly wanna ruin anything or come off as a creep (keep in mind there have been issues in the past where i misread social cues, caught feelings, only to kinda mess up the friendship dynamics and then get forced to backtrack).

i also feel very conscious of the fact that i am the only person out of that entire friend group that has never been in a relationship, and thus feel a bit anxious and unprepared.

im also kinda afraid of the whole coming off as delusional/a creep since ik hes also been talking to other ppl and bc of childhood issues i always feel like everyone else is a far nicer/better person than me and far more attractive than i am, esp if they're extroverted and socially competent and double esp if they're white. so basically i feel like i'd never be good enough for him to even be an option, despite (at least from what i gather, i am very bad with social cues and according to a geriatric neurologist would be on the spectrum if i was amab), him literally saying stuff that meant he could see me in more than a platonic light.

somehow at the same time, if he does like me i kinda have this perverse desire to be the one option. i don't just want him to settle for me, i want to be his first choice, i want him to be falling for me and pining after me as much as i'm pining after him. like... i want to be the only one.

and jeez i just rlly like this guy, i want to ask him out (or preferably for him to ask me out), i want to date him and buy him gifts, the whole shebang. i was going 2 write more but then i realised that might be getting way too personal, even for me. but yeah this is just a ramble, if you wanna offer advice(?) feel free to do so as well.

#bro i am down bad #maybe its a cuffing season thing #but it was never this bad before #despite me being single my whole life #relationship nonsense #jean's vents #please god 😭😭😭 #let him ask me out #i beg of you 😔✊

[badbirep]

once again gross tmi vent post u r warned

omgggg so a bit ago i told my boy best friend that we're not fucking anymore and the motherfucker is trying to sext me right now!!!!!! bitch!!!! i explicitly told u we're not fucking anymore bc you dont fucking love meeeeeeee we spent two years being Not Together we were doing weird psychological bullshit to each other the whole time and constructing fucking rituals and now im like no more rituals!!!! and u thought what? actually point ill just initiate the weirdest sexting convo ever thats way more straightforward!

apparently he thought now was the time to hit me with "babe u up wyd?" im jacking off to the thought that one day i might be free of u, demon!!! gah he is so fucking lame and its like ive been genetically engineered to fall for his shit and think he's so fucking cute and endearing also i miss his body. if he spoke english i would b like dick pic or it didnt happen BUT i would rather die than say that in my native language. also he hates when im crude but like sorry if u wanted a classy motherfucker maybe dont bang unstable bisexuals with self esteem issues!

anyway i managed to not b the most awful abt it and also did not send him any pics so huge win. also didnt ask for any and im being SO brave about it. i would like to see, in order of me missing them : his boobs, his dick his arms his tights and his belly. and yet despite him not having the same regard for me i was stronger than weakness and asked for none of that. i said bro go jack off it'll help u sleep its 1am u finished work an hour ago ur drunk like time to sleep it off. first he heavily implied he was gonna b thinking abt me and then he apologised for his behaviour.

i told him it's fine :/ and the worst is it IS fine bc i love him. but im not gonna accept the fact that he almost grew a pair and admitted that he wanted to have sex with me (after weve been banging for two years, the achievement!) as sufficient to re-embark on this bullshit :( sorry but its full on declaration of love or nothing, we have STANDARDS here. i will b fine with "i love you. i love all of you" in a crowded room IF there is significant eye contact but that's IT.

#jayspeak

[moonjxsung]

hi hi angel!!! how are you?

it’s been sorta insane for me in the worst way (things are kinda better rn). long story short, i have two classes with the same professor and we had the final project (that i clutched super insanely and got a 98!! yay we love that) but i don’t have the best grades in the other class. so the thing is that since i don’t have the best grade in that one i obsessively check for her feedback on assignments and to see if there’s new assignments posted. and i randomly check yesterday and there’s two assignments that i had never seen (but she mentioned them at the start of the semester). i click on them and the assignments were overdue by like 2 months and i start having a full blown panic attack in the class. and i wait for it to finish and i ask to talk to her and i literally start bawling bc i thought that i hadn’t sent them. and she’s just like “take a breath, don’t worry, nobody sent them. idk what happened to the platform but it seems that they were never visible to anyone.” so yeah, i had a panic attack for nothing. but i told her about how overwhelmed and anxious ive been and that im back on pills and it’s been super hard too. and, she’s very strict but she was very nice about it and told me that she was always there if i needed to talk. and reassured that i wasn’t failing.

so yeah, i need my emotional support barbie/bratz too!! let’s make them happen. i looooove barbie and bratz movies soooo much but i hadn’t found anywhere to watch them until now :((( but i shall continue this weekend!!

for my mom’s bday we ate mofongo! idk if you’ve ever tried it but it’s soooo yum.

ateez, skz and shinee comebacks are literally insane, neither my wallet or my mental health can process it. i’m so excited!!!

tattoo update: im getting it done on monday!! i’m so excited!! i rlly want a piercing too but i rlly rlly want a skzoo </3

the fact that you’ve been having shinee dreams is sooo slay!! i’ve only had one shinee dream ever and it was literally the day i first saw the ring ding dong video like in 2012. (i beg you my unconscious or wherever dreams come from, give me some minho dreams🙏🏻). and im still soooo traumatized from my hyunjin dream, i will never be able to take a nude without thinking about that </3.

(i almost forgottt!!! i had never read the tv girl felix fic!! i’ve been getting into tv girl lately bc i saw that you really liked them and i love every playlist you’ve done for your fics so i trust ur judgment. anyways, not allowed felix is my new roman empire <3)

i missed u bb! i had two frozen mochas in ur honor with my classmates <3 i hope you’re well! and that ur weekend goes sooo well and that you can give everyone hickeys <3

-🐈‍⬛

Hi baby!!!!!!! I’m so sorry to hear this week has been so stressful :((

I’m so glad your professor was so understanding about it! I looooove when professors take the time to hear you out and give you a second chance at doing an assignment. I had something really similar happen in my freshman year of college where we had these textbook quizzes that were optional, but you had to at least open it to get credit and I didn’t know they had due dates bc they were optional so I realized like halfway through the semester I was missing a good HALF of them and I cried my eyes out so hard when I found out. I talked to my professor and she was super understanding about it because I’d gotten good grades on her tests so far and I never skipped any lectures so she reopened all the assignments for me and let me resubmit them 🥹 like all it takes it some communication!! Thankful for good professors and especially ones who understand when you’re going through a rough time. I hope things get easier and I’m always here for you if you need anything at all bby 🫶💘💓💗

I’m planning on bedrotting all weekend so catch me watching bratz & Barbie movies too LMAO I need to heal my inner child 🧘‍♀️🕯️🕯️🕯️

I have never heard of mofongo but I just looked it up and it looks AMAZINGGGG oh my god I need to try it so bad

PLEASE I need to be saving so badly I am NAWTTTT ready for skz/shinee/Ateez comebacks at all!!!! I want to go to 2 cities for Ateez if I can but the prices are so much higher than I thought they would be so I think I might just try for VIP in my city and hopefully get send-off! I need to be face to face with Yeosang at least once in my life 😔🫶

SOOOOOO EXCITED FOR YOUR TATTOOOOOO BABY AHHHHHH I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT !!

Onew dreams fulfill me so much I swear I wake up with the biggest wave of SADNESSSS bc I’m so sad we’re not married irl 💔💔 he also smells vvvv good I love him so much

PLEASE not allowed Felix fic is making its rounds again since I linked it to that anon and I still hate it just as much as I used to lfmfnkdemdnmsjjfjf it’s coming up on its year anniversary so I won’t shit on it tooooo much since it was the start of this blog (but realistically WTRS was the start) but oh goddd I hate it 😭 still love TV girl tho TV GIRL MY BELOVEDDDD 😔🫶🫶🫶🫶

I missed you so much bby I’m gonna have some good coffee tomorrow in your honor and bring a cute pc!!!! Have the bestest rest of your week I love you so so so much 🫶💓💖💞💘💗💕💓👼

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

[jyuuchan]

popcult ! yippee !! heres my recap!!!

saturday was really fun! busy, but fun. woke up around 7am after getting virtually no sleep, and drove the ... hefty hour down to massachusetts. my manager made sandwiches [this is important] and we had redbull to keep us going so all was still well!

it was really fun getting to cosplay a lesser known character for my am cosplay. even though i had posted that I was there on instagram, nobody seemed to bother me! it was great!

i wish that there were more ARP cosplayers in the states, but afaik it's not super popular in japan either? maybe one day ill find merch that isnt a kajillion dollars.

the panel i held with kitsune metal was a hit! we were full! i was so shocked that so many people wanted to see me talk about being an idol!

i plan on posting a q&a on all of my platforms sometime soon. i think it went really well, and im so happy that everything went as well as it did.

i hope everyone had a good time!

getting to sing and dance with our sekai was so fun! it was very rushed, and ill probably never do something like this in THIS LITTLE TIME ever again, but it was fun. the adrenaline did its job lol

i sang 「the snow white princess is...」 and despite forgetting some lyrics and absolutely messing up others [sorry japanese speakers in the chat] i did ... ok. ill post a vocal cover of it soon, just to redeem myself TT

i also did a cover of 「newly edgy idols」 and had a BLAST!!! I LOVE NEWLY EDGY IDOLS !!!!!!!!! i love u mitchie m . thank u mitchie m .

... now for the idol showcase. what i came to the con for.

now, i auditioned for this before i did idoljam. i didnt even KNOW about idoljam when i auditioned. if i knew i was doing something before this, i wouldve picked a different song.

its not that i hate the vampire, i love it! its one of my favourite deco*27 tracks! its just that its not a showcase worthy song. its simple choreography. im a bit mad i fumbled during my ending fairy. it pisses me off a lot actually lol

but i did it. and now i have to post my vod .. next weekend i think? anyways.

people seemed to like it, and looking back at it, i was pretty sharp on all of my movements. my manager drilled me on my sloppiness, so im glad that all worked out well. maybe one day ill do the full version. i wish susupara let me do the full vers. they were a bit strict with me.

im just happy i didnt let my fans down. there are one or two oshi//ten6 that have made it to everything ive done so far, and it makes me really happy to know that im somebodys favourite. i said in my interview that my main goal as an idol is to prove to childhood me that no dream is too stupid to live out. i spent my entire life being told that my passion was weird and that i should just stick to chorus and theatre. im glad i didnt let it stop me ... because now there are people who oshi me! there are people with jyuu merch ! there are people who have seen me dance and sing and have shaken my hand !! i have a costume !! i have over a hundred followers on ig ! im happy. im so happy. i feel like exploding and imploding at the same time. i hope im still an idol when im old and wrinkly, too.

i hope little kid me is proud.

[one day, all of your blood sweat and tears will turn to glitter.] ♡ make it! by I☆Ris

#jyuuchan #jyuu #uvs48jyuu #idol #jpop idols #uvs48 #overseas idol #kaigai idols #jyuu speaks #popcult 2023 #one day ill get someone to take chekki with me . bro ive been PRACTICING ! IM AN IDOL PLS TAKE CHEKKI WITH ME PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS [shot] #maybe im just happy im someones favourite. maybe im twirling my hair and kicking my feet a bit.

[forest-from-the-trees]

.

#kinda weird to put here i guess but i wanna talk about it anyway cause im really excited #i was talking to my mom about my pain and stuff yesterday cause it was really really bad #and i ended up asking later about whether our insurance would cover a breast reduction cause i wouldnt necessarily want full top surgery #but anyways i asked about it for pain (which is genuinely the number one reason i want one) and she said we would start the process :') #she went and did a bit of research and told me what i would needed to do and stuff and it was just really nice that she was so willing #to be like yeah whether insurance covers it or not we'll get u that surgery #im just very happy #its something ive wanted for a long time cause having a really large chest is uncomfortable nothing fits and its not helping my scoliosis #and when the dysphoria hits it HITS u know? #anyways im posting this here cause i know very very few people will see it but im so happy :)

[deluluass]

all yours; all mine

71 and 58 with Atsumu pleaseeese. I just love this man and I would appreciate it if you wrote something with him. Youre so talented!💕 — anon

sidenote: anon, i hope u know that u have a very special place in my heart for being the first ask ive ever received. i hope u are well & having a gr8 day ;U;

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; daddy kink; mild angst; implied post-breakup depression; toxic relationship/s

Breakups are a messy business. A lot of crying, begging, screaming (if it's that type of a breakup). Whatever it is, breakups generally inspire intense— so-intense-it-could-get-you-kicked-out-if-you're-in-a-public-place, high-strung, and the most unpleasant kind of emotions. 

It’s understandable, considering you’re losing the person you love. 

But he doesn't even look upset.

"Aah," Atsumu sing-songed, twirling the plastic stirrer between his fingers. "Ya wanna call it off?"

The heat from the mug bit your skin as you gripped it. 

"What?" you choked, shaking your head. "I didn't say that, Atsumu. I only-"

He scoffed. "Fuckin'- ya just did."

You finally looked up at him, porcelain clinking as you placed your drink back on the saucer. Ball cap on,  muscles filling up and straining his hoodie and jeans; even in an outfit that almost concealed him he never fails to take your breath away. 

Only, it's for a different reason this time.

"I said that I-" you cleared your throat. "I want- I want you to-"

"I get it, I get it." Atsumu sighed, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Let's break up, then."

He was already standing up and he didn't even deign to meet your eyes. You didn't expect much when you'd travelled all the way to Tokyo just to have a talk with him. After all, the last conversation you had was over the phone. (And that, too, did not go well). 

Though, is it too much to expect he'd at least listen to what you have to say?

"Tsumu-kun! Wait!" 

Some customers were already staring, urging you to hide, hop on the next train, and run back home; away from the cold scrutiny of strangers. 

But not now. Not when what you have with him is hanging on a balance.

"Please, sit down and- and let's talk," you huffed, voice and hand trembling as you held onto his.

Breakups are a messy business, you heard.

A lot of crying. A lot of begging. A lot of screaming. Whichever kind it is, don't breakups usually inspire only the most intense emotions?

But he doesn't even look upset, doesn't even look like he feels anything other than a passing irritation, as if you were a fly buzzing in his ear, when he told you, "I know this is ya first rodeo, but yer gonna find someone new eventually, hm?"

It's been a long time coming, Atsumu thinks. He'd known for quite a while now that his relationship with you would end, actually, ever since you'd wanted to include "feelings" and "trust" and "opening up" into the mix. 

"Why?" he'd laughed at your face once. "What? Ya ain't happy? That it? We got somethin' good goin' on don't we?"

He didn't get it, at first. You'd always been your cheerful, bubbly self; never failing to be that one sunny spot when his day gets too pesky and such a pain in the ass. You were happy.

Until you weren't. 

"You don't.. tell me things," you muttered, fiddling with your hands on the kitchen table. "Which is fine! I'm not- go at your pace, but- but know that I'd listen to you. Always. I'm here, 'Tsumu."

And it wasn't as if he didn't try. It's just that Atsumu realized, a few months later, that he wasn't any good at it. 

Every time he'd lay it all out in front of you⁠— every tiny and pathetic and gritty part of him, you would eventually take him in your arms. So much smaller, weaker than his and yet Atsumu did not mind if it could be his entire world. 

Then, a thought would creep in, like a thief that'd stab him in his sleep. In the safety of those tender arms, with those guileless eyes peering at him, Atsumu would think that he'd rather stay there forever, cling onto you until he bites the dust.  

It disgusted him. 

Atsumu couldn't stand it. Because if he could be anything in this short life, he'd choose to be perfect. And that- that wasn't it. 

So he avoided it when the occasion arose. Diverting the subject to mundane stuff was easy, at first. The weather, the new show you're binging, your slacker of a boss, what happened back in the game. When that didn't work⁠— well, there were other ways. 

(His favorite was sticking his tongue in your wet cunt, to prod at the soft walls with the tip, and to lap and suck at the clit until you're begging for the stretch of his fat cock.)

The break up was understandable. When you'd greeted him in the café as if you'd spent the entire time you were apart crying, Atsumu knew it was over. 

You just repeated what you'd always said. It's okay to be vulnerable. If he needs some time to work out the right words then you'd always wait because I love you, 'Tsumu. 

(But there was that feeling again. Like he could die on the spot if you would so much as leave his sight.)

(Ending it was the only way out. When poison seeps itself into the bloodstream, you're left with no choice but to cut off a part of you.)

Unlike others, he can say that it was a clean parting. You wanted something and he was bad at it. And because he hated fucking up, Atsumu decided to leave. Easy. 

Really, the only people who didn't understand were his teammates.

"That's strange," Hinata spat, rice bursting to his chin when he suddenly faced Atsumu. "I don't think I've seen her for weeks now."

He could hear barely suppressed groans  behind him, no doubt from Bokuto and the others, before their spiker blurted out a confused, "What?"

Because, of course, Hinata could only mean one "her.” (There had only ever been one that Atsumu Miya allowed inside the team's gymnasium; inside his circle of friends; inside his life.)

Apparently, except for Hinata Shoyo, everyone had caught on that the both of you had thrown in the towel, so to speak. (And here they thought the guy's finally in it for real.)

"Nah, it's fine," Atsumu smirked, addressing it to everyone gathered around Samu's onigiri stand.  

"We broke up." 

He clicked his tongue. "It's not like there ain't no other fish in the sea."

The remark, casually said in between sips of cold coffee, was met with a gaping silence. 

That turned out to be right, like everything else that he'd predicted. 

A hole is a hole is a hole is a hole. No disrespect meant to you. But before you there had been many others who'd helped warm his bed. It just so happened that you got to stay for far longer. 

(Because waking up next to you meant waking up to that dreamy look, as if whoever's in charge up there has finally given you everything you've ever wanted.)

(And when he greets you with a hoarse good morning you say it back with eyes that tell him he's worth it, simply for being there.)

Anyway, going back to that old routine hadn't been difficult. 

(Except when he finally does it with someone new, for some reason he keeps searching for a different touch, expecting that endearing combination of inexperience and enthusiasm.)

(And when they cum he can't help but put a hand on their mouth, around their throat, because he's hearing the wrong voice, seeing the wrong face.) 

It's obvious, looking at him. Everyone can see that life's going pretty well for Atsumu. He can only hope that the same goes for you.

"You're miserable."

Peeling your attention away from the mother braiding her young daughter's hair, you hurriedly brought it back to the two women sitting in front of you.

"See?" Aya swung her hand in your direction. "Not even listening."

"No, no," you giggled sheepishly. Kaori was already pursing her lips.

"No, seriously. I am."

You sat upright, setting the chopsticks on your bento box. 

"Then what was it she said?" Kaori pressed. She folded her arms and you knew you were in trouble. 

"Uh..huh." You nodded. "Right. So. Um...."

"You didn't catch it," said Kaori.

"I didn't catch it," you winced.

Both girls sighed. 

The first three buttons of their blouses were open, the heat of the afternoon getting to them. And as they leaned back against the wooden bench, you had a feeling that they were about to give you the Conversation that's been waiting to happen for two long months.

That's why you'd decided to start it before they could. Just so it won't linger anymore painfully so.

“I know what you're going to say."

They only raised their brows, a mere "okay, go on" than an actual expression of surprise. 

"I've been sad. I haven't been..fine. That is true," you inhaled, preparing yourself for the agonizing part. Then, you released your breath.

"Ever since..'Tsu-" you gulped. "Ever since breaking up with Atsumu I haven't been feeling like myself but nowadays I'm getting back on my feet and I'm still working see so really there's no need to worry okay? Okay."

Aya grinned, but it didn't hold her usual devil-may-care humor to it. 

"You say that," she started, "but we’ll probably always be if you keep at that- at that⁠—"

"You're rarely in the moment," Kaori supplied, to which Aya replied with a harsh thank you. "You're distracted. And we know you're trying your best to be okay on your own. We've given you space, but remember that you have us."

Something was lodged in your chest and you found it hard to breathe. You'd missed them. You hadn't realized it, but you missed your friends. 

So much.

"Thank you," you whispered, forcing back  tears. "I- I wouldn't know what to do if it not for you two-"

"Hold it." Aya raised a palm. "Before you get corny again. Can I just say, I know he's your first dick-"

"Aya," Kaori murmured.

"And we all know it was good-"

"Aya," you hissed.

Your face burned as you searched from left to right, making sure no innocent being heard her.

"But can I just say," she slapped a palm on the surface of the table. "I don't care what you or the TV or his fans say about him! But the man's a walking red flag since day one!"

Kaori rolled her eyes. And despite yourself you couldn't keep a chuckle from bubbling. 

"Here we go again."

Aya almost rose from her seat. "When he sent that poor dude from accounting to the ER for just, I don't know, breathing your way, I knew something was up!"

You felt your smile die. 

That had been the first time it happened. You'd asked him what's wrong, after you'd rushed to the hospital, and all he gave you was silence. A whole day of it. He hadn't spoken a word about it, only that he'd warned you not to talk to that bastard again, or else.

(You'd learned, much, much later, that he doesn't do well with people that annoy him. That's what he said. You wanted to know more, but he suddenly decided that he had to make it up to you between the sheets.)

Kaori touched your hand. "Talk to us," she whispered.

You hummed as you shook your head. "I just remembered him," you said, only half of the truth.

If they knew it, they didn't let on. But Aya did say, "Tell you what. Company outing's upon us. So you know what that means?"

"Oh, I don't know," you mumbled apologetically. "I might sit this one out."

"No," Kaori gritted. 

Aya held your face with both hands as she  stared you down.

"You will buy yourself a new swimsuit. You will enjoy that cheap beach resort." 

The heaviness was lifting, bit by bit, as you felt your stomach ache with laughter. And with each silly word uttered by your friends, you could almost see the gray clouds overhead disappearing. Even for a little while.

"And you, you beautiful person you," Aya beamed. "Will finally, finally get laid."

Having best friends who are dead set on helping you get over an ex is a fearsome thing to behold, indeed. 

You couldn't even get a word in edgewise as they took you in a whirlwind of spas, salons, mani-pedis, and shopping bags. 

"Calm down. You rarely spend for yourself," Kaori told you when she'd caught you peeking forlornly at the frightening bill you'd amassed. 

But, try as you might to miss owning a fat wallet, you couldn't deny that you have no regrets wasting your money away. Not even for a single cent. Because you did feel amazing.

And when the day arrived, you couldn't help at the giddiness of having compliment after compliment thrown your way. 

"Is that really you?" said a co-worker when you'd boarded the bus. "You're glowing!"

During the games, as well, you'd often hear "Love the new look!" and "Have I ever told you before that you're so pretty? Because you are." And you'd preen with a soft-spoken thank you, having been taught by Kaori that denying a compliment makes one look stupid.  

It was so silly, honestly. Though not the part where, after a lovely comment, you'd be emboldened to strike an actual conversation. Learning that a coworker has a new baby now, or that so and so has recently moved up the corporate ladder; learning that, during your period of grief and self-pity (and even during the blissful time you’d spent with Atsumu), there were so many things you hadn't noticed.

You basked in it: the shower of pleasantries and anecdotes that had you feeling soft and fuzzy inside. The same way you lazed on the sandbar, clutching tiny conch shells in your hand, as you watched the sun tinge the sparkling waves with warm light.   

"Hey."

You jolted, turning towards the person who'd called your name. It was him. "Poor dude from accounting" as Aya dubbed him.

"Sano-san," you gasped, reaching for the towel beside you to cover up. "How- how are you?" 

Of all the people in your office, he was the last one you wanted to see. Solely for the reason that things have been awkward between you ever since that incident. A working relationship characterized by the literal turning of the other cheek whenever you two bumped into each other.

"Oh, pardon me," he scratched the back of his head. "Do you..want me to go?"

Yes. 

"No..!" you blurted out. "I think-"

The sun was almost setting. You wrapped the towel around you as you took in the balmy sea breeze. 

"I think I'm done hiding," you whispered, meeting his gaze for the first time in a long while, head on and baring the tiniest hint of shame, like how you did with your friends and other coworkers.

He didn't say anything, allowing you to continue. "I- It's nice. Talking to people again," you giggled. "Look, Sano-san. About before, I'm really sor-"

"Actually," he smiled. "That's why I'm here. Well, my partner pushed me but-"

You grinned at the blush that rose to his cheeks. 

"But I wanted to tell you: No hard feelings."

Sano-san extended a hand. You stared at it for a few seconds. His hand, then his face. Back to his hand, then his face again. And when you'd finally accepted it, it felt like witnessing the cage that’s imprisoned you for centuries finally open.

"By the way," he added, walking back towards an obviously amused fianceé. "It's a good look on you, being happy."

Atsumu entertained the possibility that maybe— just maybe, not everything was  fine the night the Jackals went home after an overseas tournament.

As soon as the plane landed on Japanese soil, the hunger he felt throughout the journey morphed into some kind of  anticipation, palpable through the thrill that electrified him into wakefulness. He might have left in a hurry, only half of his mind present when the Coach ordered for a short meeting. 

His foot tapped endlessly on the way⁠— while in the car; during the tedious elevator ride⁠— and when he'd finally entered his pad, slamming the door open with much eagerness than usual, Atsumu felt his heart plummet down his stomach when he was welcomed by a dark and empty hallway. 

You're not here. Not anymore.

Hasn't it been almost half a year now? Why did he expect you, face brightened by a grin that went from ear to ear, to materialize in front of him, with the smell of something delicious wafting from the kitchen? As if a magician with a hat trick.   

("Welcome back!" he was aching to hear.)

(You always insisted on eating with him when he got home; sometimes opting to just stay by his side⁠— munching on a midnight snack while you babbled on, if he arrived later than usual and you'd already had dinner.)

("It's lonely having a meal on your own," you explained. "Don't you think food tastes better if you have someone with you?")

Perhaps it was the jet lag. Or, it could be that the abrupt change in time zones was starting to mess with his head. Either way, Atsumu was sure that sleep would eventually cure him of the momentary delirium. 

But then he woke up the next day feeling like someone had pissed in his morning drink. The day after that, too. Even the next had been the same, persisting onto the following weeks. 

Until one game, after a winning streak that had the crowd chanting their names and with blood still roaring in his veins, he condescended to survey the numerous people occupying the bleachers. 

And when he couldn't find one⁠— one person that had always stood out to him despite being constantly drowned in an ocean of spectators— it was only then that Atsumu Miya decided that enough was enough. 

You hadn't really agreed with Aya when she told you that you'd be getting "laid" during this short vacation. 

Reason number one: it's a company outing. And you're sure you'd be breaking some protocols by fooling around with any of your coworkers. Reason Two: as you'd sagely imparted to a miffed Aya, "I don't think it's nice to cure a broken heart with sex; strings attached or no."

That being said, the lingerie she'd chosen for you did flatter your figure. It didn't matter that "no one would see it," as Aya grumbled. It was enough for you that you yourself saw it, you thought as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror. 

The way it was tailored made it seem like it was made just for your body. The details of lace also made it look so pretty that you felt kind of sad that you'd have to cover it up with a summer dress soon. 

Nevertheless, you allowed yourself to strike a few poses in front of the mirror; feeling like a teenager on their first date as you admired how you looked in it. 

You smiled to yourself, humming a tune, before you opened your makeup kit and prepared the necessities you'd be bringing for the bonfire dinner. 

"Wipes: check," you murmured, rummaging through your bag. "Hygiene stuff. Where are you hygiene stuff, hygiene stu⁠—"

You froze.

Something rustled. Outside. As if something had moved. 

Putting a robe back on, your heart thundered against your chest as you stepped out of the bathroom and into the dimly lit sleeping area, illuminated only by a small reading lamp.

"Be careful there, girlie," the old caretaker warned as she guided you to this room. "Lots of mean spirits lurking about."

You didn't believe in ghosts. For some reason, however, your coworkers did. So you'd taken it to yourself to move here after a room assignment mishap, leaving Aya and Kaori behind. 

It didn't seem like the cursed chamber that she purported to be. Sure, it was isolated at the furthest wing of the beach house, away from the other rooms and separated by a too dark hallway. But that had been the creepiest thing about it. Besides, you heard from logistics that renting the house didn't cost much, despite its size, so maybe it's just that they lacked the resources to renovate. 

The floorboards creaked beneath you. "Aya? Aya, I know it's you," you called out as you squinted, catching a faint silhouette reclined at the corner of the bed. 

It was too large to be Aya, but you chalked that up to the shadows playing with your eyes. You puffed out a chortle, resting a hand on your hips when she finally stood.   

"Very funny, Aya," you snorted when she sauntered towards you. "Just you wait until Kaori hears about.…" you trailed off.

"......this."

You drew in a breath as she moved closer, revealing a build that was much taller, towering almost in the small room, shoulders that are way broader than the ones your friend has, and a face that clearly wasn't Aya's.

"Evenin'," Atsumu yawned. 

Your legs refused to listen to you.

"Been a minute, hadn't it, darlin'?"

You don't know why he's here. 

And even if you wanted to ask, you find that no sound could escape from your mouth when you tried to open it.

You do know this, as he gave you a lopsided grin that used to have you eating at the palm of his hand, along with a lazy gaze that was belied by a bird-like focus:

That although he told you that all he wants is a little chat, you knew that he didn't come here just for that.

You ran.

Atsumu had been the worst boyfriend.

He's aware of it now, realized it fully when he knocked on Samu's door, shit-faced, and it only took a single look and a consoling arm from his brother to break Atsumu into tears and snot, as well as Samu's voice telling him, "Yer a big baby. Ya need her, dontcha?"

That's why he followed you here, figuring that you'd love a thoughtful surprise. Because you always have. He didn't expect you'd take to it kindly, of course, not right away. But he also didn't expect that you would be doing the surprising.

You were talking to that man when he arrived. 

Didn't he tell you not to?

His intentions still haven't changed. He's here to bring you back, but before anything else Atsumu's sure it's only normal that you guys clear things up first. 

And if you're going to do that, he can't have you running away now, can't he?

Grabbing you by the waist, Atsumu's palm tingled at the feel of your body, pulling you closer to him as he pinned you to the wall and stifled your shrieks with his hand.

"Everybody's gone, angel," he whispered, losing himself in your skin, though covered in silk; lips and fingers roaming every which way because finally, finally, fuckin' finally you're here and you're real.

"Just wanna talk." He stroked the curve of your ass, middle finger tracing the lining of the crack. "Ain't this what'ya always wanted? S'let's talk," he murmured against your collarbone.

You were already crying, shaky hands weakly grasping his back and tears wetting even his cheeks. Atsumu couldn't help but smile. You'd always been a crier. It's one of the many things he loves about you. Always so honest with your emotions.

"I missed ya," Atsumu groaned as he grinded his cock against your pussy, feeling it harden when he mouthed your tits.

There was something peeking out of your robe, he noticed as it became more rumpled. 

"D-don't," you breathed, your attempt to swat his hands away thwarted when he seized your wrist.

It was lace. The color pulling the eye to your body like a siren's song. And when he stripped the robe off of you, silk swishing down your elbows, Atsumu saw that it was a piece of lingerie. One that he hasn't seen before.

Because he didn't buy this one. It wasn't from him. You weren't the type to get one yourself. 

Until now.

"This for him?" he murmured, pressing a kiss against your pulse, beating like a drum against his lips. 

"Wh-who?" you whimpered.

"The ugly piece of shit. Saw you guys gettin' chummy earlier."

He was close, too close to you, back at the beach. You smiled at him, laughed and showed him what he isn't supposed to see. And when he touched you— when the fucker touched you, Atsumu wanted blood on his hands.

"Yer gonna fuck the guy whose face I busted?" 

You squeaked as he dug his blunt nails against your wrist. Atsumu licked the red impressions they made.

"And what- what about it?" Your voice was so brittle and small. God, he just wanted to hold you. "It's none of your business, who I spend my time with. And don't- don't tell me you're jealous because-"

He chuckled, the sound of it making you shrink back into the wall. "Jealous? Doll, ya wouldn't wanna know what I'm feelin right now. But, sure." Atsumu lightly nipped at the tips of your fingers. 

"'Course I'm jealous," he rasped. "You're mine."

Then, Atsumu looked at you. And what he saw in your eyes made him stumble that when you shoved him away, all he could do was stand and stare.

"I'm not your thing, Atsumu," you cried. A light-year difference from the girl who'd always stare at him so tenderly. "I never was and I never will be. I'm not yours."

You didn't run this time. You should've. 

Atsumu clenched his jaw. "Like hell ya ain't," he snarled.

People say that breakups are a messy business. Atsumu was so sure he wouldn't have to endure that, before he met you.  Now that he's had the experience, though, Atsumu can say with confidence that breakups are, in fact, a goddamn mess.

But you're over that now. It's time to turn over a new leaf and return to one another. And Atsumu's finding out, in the process, that making up can be astonishingly reminiscent of the breakup.

You started crying when you woke up, screaming for help as you tried to budge the rope that was tying your hands to your knees. You got louder when you found out that you were naked and not in the rickety confines of the beach house. 

"Welcome home, baby," he beamed, eying you from between your legs. 

The begging started when you realized how drenched your little pussy was, his tongue lapping and slathering the cum dripping from your twitching hole, against  your swollen folds; his calloused thumb massaging deep circles on your clit. 

And when he stuck another inside your puckered asshole, you writhed out of your binds and squealed, "T-tsumu-kun…!"

Fuck. 

"Babydoll," he growled. "Daddy's gotcha, daddy's gonna treat ya so fuckin' good."

He slapped your damp cunt with his long fingers, thrusting them inside to rub and feel at your walls, at the bump that never failed to make you screech. "Daddy's been mean hasn't he? Hm? Been a bad daddy to ya, baby?"

You could only gasp out wordlessly as he slurped the juices off your clit, not stopping until you were gushing, sloppy cum drizzling on the bedsheet, every muscle in spasms, incapable of even stretching out your legs although Atsumu knew you wanted to, you really wanted to so fuckin' bad, resorting to curling your toes instead. 

"E-enough, please, please, stop!"

How adorable, Atsumu thought. "My little slut," he cooed, tapping the tip of his hard cock on your pussy. "My good 'lil fucktoy."

He relished it, wanting to draw this on forever, so he slides it against your folds, pussy lips wrapping the meat of his cock, gyrating his hips back and forth, as if he were fucking you, and grabbing your tits to play with your nipples. 

"Atta girl," he laughed, licking his teeth when he finally sunk inside your tight cunt, pushing you so far down into the mattress until his chest was rubbing against your tits, your feet dangling against his shoulders.

"I don't-I don't want this, 'Tsumu," you sobbed. "Don't want this!"

Oh, of course you don't. Atsumu knows you don't. He'd fucked you against your will, after all. 

But you were taking him so well, darlin'. Your walls were hugging his cock so fuckin' nicely that he couldn't help but shove deeper inside you, craving for the way your pussy twitched rapidly around him. 

If you weren't bound, he's also sure that you'd be pushing his hips away. But that's not what's getting to him. Because as he pistoned his cock into you, heavy balls slapping against your ass, you instantly turned your face away.

Did you know that you were breaking his heart? Shattering it to pieces, when you close your eyes like doors, locking them to prevent him from ever reaching you again. 

So he gripped your chin. Forced you to meet his eyes as you wept and shook your head. 

"Am gonna be better, baby," he groaned.  "No more keeping things from ya. None of that bullshit, now."

Atsumu shivered as you came around him, convulsing under him and strained voice still begging him to stop. Because he wasn't. He would never stop. Not when it comes to you. 

"Am all yours, angel. All yours." He pounded your fucked out cunt, chasing his own high as he kneaded your tits. 

A tear fell from your eyelids. And when he kissed you, it felt like everything in his life shifted back in its rightful place. "You can have it all," he sighed, cupping your cheek.

"So give me all of you now," Atsumu pleaded. "Come back to me."

#tw noncon #tw non con haikyuu #yandere atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x female reader #dark content haikyuu #prompt

[luckyspacerabbit]

i know this is like 6 months too late but i just came across your post about how bioware treats their asian characters and UGH it was so gratifying to see someone else feel the same way ... im also asian and ive been replaying the trilogy and the whole time i couldn't stop thinking about how peoples most hated characters were non-japanese asian and how the ONLY likable or at least neutral characters were japanese lol ... ANYWAYS im just glad other people are out here pointing it out so thank u

Yeah ahh im so glad someone got gratification from reading my impassioned frustrations!! I don’t know the term for this specific thing I’m thinking about, but I do know that a lot of scifi (Mass Effect included) relies on problematic anti-asian sentiment and more specifically Anti-Chinese (my Kai Leng rant always prepped and ready to be launched) tends to be the trend in scifi far as I’m aware, given that China remains and is resurging as the Western World’s boogie man.

(Gonna speak from my POV so if anyone feels differently i totally respect that) but I know that in recent decades, certain Asian American communities have been quiet on negativity, misportrayals, and media tropes created about us as a part of our parents attempt to assimilate into Western culture, and very often when we see any references to Asian pop culture or characters, we are told we should be grateful or excited our cultures are popular enough to be portrayed and enjoyed by Western audiences.

And there are some benefits; I can buy Simu Liu action figures now and Costco has started selling boba bars.

Irl, though, I think that it’s time to start taking up space and openly saying when things don’t feel right or that we’re being made into a media commodity. Scifi is a huge breeding ground for that because its popularity in the late 20th C in conjunction with Techno Orientalism has been used to express fear and worries about Asian superpowers (China specifically) taking over and threatening the World Order.

Ik it’s not always popular in the community to speak up about these things because the pressure to assimilate in America is extremely strong; however, I feel that I owe it to those who came before me to speak up.

Tangent over! But for any consumers of Scifi franchises like Mass Effect who desire to learn more about Asians and Technology related stereotypes, my professor is releasing a book this June called the “Model Machines: A History of the Asian as Automaton.” Which talks a little bit about Asian roboticism. He’s had some fascinating lectures about the connection between Aliens and Chinese people, which I had never heard anyone mention previous to his class, but I don’t know if he’s released anything specific to that 😭

Anyway you can pre-order it here hehe

Model Machines: A History of the Asian as Automaton (Asian American History & Cultu) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439922349/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_KV181MV45Z5SBH5RJ99N

#i havent even gotten started on using cultures as set dressing absbdjlg but im not really good enough to articulate it #bry speaks #asks #anon