#anyway my main reason for hesitance is that this would be a kinda jarring change in atbb lol he would just be Suddenly Shiny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meetmeatthecoda · 6 years

Note

would you mind giving a teaser for the next chapter of His Heart? or for Scripted? 🙏 really looking forward to updates on both!

Hi there anon! :D I’m so sorry it took so long for me to answer your wonderful, polite, and completely welcome ask! Real life caught up and kinda bitch-slapped me in the face :’D But everything’s okay now and, while I’m busier then I have been in the past few months and will be that way for the next few, I will continue write as much as I can! :) Speaking of writing, I’m so glad you’re looking forward to updates on these two fics, that means so much to me! :D But, unfortunately, I can’t supply a teaser for you. :( I’m so sorry… in an effort to make it up to you… how about the full final chapter of His Heart instead? ;) Sorry, I had to! :’D Anyway, yeah, here it is for real, and I’m so happy to finally post it! I’m a tad worried that, since everyone wanted a happy ending (myself included), the general tone change in the last chapter is a little jarring. But I’m hoping it’s mostly smooth and okay :) But, at any rate, pleaseee let me know what you think if you’ve got the time! :D I reallyyy hope you enjoy, kind anon, and everyone else, of course! :) Much love!

Red smacks the side of the vending machine,aggravated. The small orange package wobbles a little but remains firmly wedgedbetween the metal spring and the glass front, despite the five dollars inchange Red has spent the last twenty minutes painstakingly inserting.

He just wants a damn Reese’s.

(It seems he’s not deserving of anything, even candy.He should have known.)

He gives the machine one last half-hearted slap andsighs. There’s no point. He turns away, defeated, and slumps into his seat atthe corner table in the hospital cafeteria, gazing dejectedly around the room.

He stayed in Lizzie’s room all through the night,about nine hours total, eyes wide and taking in the blessed sight of her, deniedfor so long, and sitting frozen for fear of being noticed.

(Even though she was asleep, he still felt strangely asthough he was intruding. Probably because he knew he wouldn’t be welcome if shewas awake.)

The first rays of sunlight were just beginning to peekthrough the blinds on her window when she began to stir, her nose crinkling inan adorable sign of wakefulness. Red had watched, entranced, as a small frowncreased her brow as she registered the pain no doubt settled in her body. The cornerof Red’s mouth had raised in a small, wonderous smile, amazed at being privy tosuch a sight, before he realized what was happening. He froze for a second morebefore gathering himself and standing quietly, moving soundlessly to the door, andslipping out just as her eyes began to open.

(He felt like a creepy, old man.)

He sent Dembe in to be with her while she was awakeand wandered through the halls until he found the cafeteria, where he’s sittingnow, brooding.

(He’s always been good at that.)

Red sighs, running a hand over his short-cropped hair.

He doesn’t really know why he’s still here. It’senough that Dembe is here for Lizzie to make sure she’s alright and doesn’tneed anything. He’s only waiting for Dembe to come find him so they can leave thehospital and go back to the hotel suite, where he can be miserable in private. Here,in the cafeteria, there are other people milling about, prodding at thetasteless hospital food and giving heavy sighs, their loved ones somewhere inthe building, being cared for.

Red gazes at them all balefully. At least the peoplethey’re here for actually want their company.

(At least they’re loved.)

As Red watches, he sees a young man enter thecafeteria and look around, searching for someone. He is tall and dark-haired, lookingworried and somber, but still handsome, Red supposes. He wonders idly why he’shere.

After a moment, Red sees the man’s face light up inrecognition and he moves forward, maneuvering around the tables towards theback of the cafeteria. His mouth opens and he calls out to someone and, though Redis too far away to hear what he says, the young woman at the table next to him suddenlyturns her head and stands, rushing towards the man. She has a pretty face withlong, wavy red hair that billows behind her as she moves.

(She looks nothing like Lizzie.)

Red watches as the two meet and embrace, the womanpushing her face into the man’s neck, the man’s running up and down her back ina soothing manner.

The woman has a loved one here then.

Red can’t seem to tear his eyes away from the couple,feeling a certain sense of self-destruction as he watches. He looks on as thewomen pulls back from the man to put her hands on either side of his face. Theykiss.

Red closes his eyes and looks away.

He doesn’t need the fact that he’ll be alone foreverrubbed in his face like this. Besides, it hurts enough that he can easilyimagine Lizzie in the arms of a man like that. He cringes at the thought. Hewill never be that man. He is too old, too damaged, not fit to touch Lizzie oranyone like her. He is destined to be alone.

(He always knew it.)

Red rubs his hands over his face. That’s it, he can’ttake any more, he doesn’t want to be here. There’s no reason to. He came to seeLizzie and make sure she’ll be all right, and he did and she will, after alittle rest. He’ll take the car and go back to the hotel. Dembe can call himwhen he’s ready to leave. He can’t stay here watching a blatant display of loveand affection he hasn’t felt in years when he can easily go and suffer insilence. He doesn’t blame the young couple, of course, it’s no one’s fault buthis own.

(But it still hurts.)

He gives a final heavy sigh and stands. He hasloitered long enough.

It’s time to go.

Red walks out of the cafeteria, leaving the couplealone at their table, heads huddled together intimately, and heads for the mainexit of the hospital. He moves slowly throughout the corridors, feeling asthough one hundred pounds are pressing on his shoulders, weighing him down.

(He’s always sympathized with Atlas.)

He drags his feet even more when the automatic slidingglass doors of the entrance come into view, knowing that the minute he walksthrough them, he’ll be leaving Lizzie for the last time. And she’d probably beglad to know it.

(His heart calls to him from her room but he ignoresit, knowing he has no right to it anymore. It’s no longer his. Besides, Lizzie shouldhave two. She’s worth it.)

The sliding doors open for him and he’s about to stepoutside, out where the earth has the audacity to keep spinning despite the factthat he’s leaving her, when hesuddenly hears his name being called.

“Raymond!”

(He was almost gone. Almost.)

He frowns and turns slowly, exhausted, to see Dembejogging towards him across the lobby of the hospital.

“Raymond, wait!”

Dembe skids to a halt in front of him, lookingdecidedly happier than he was a few hours ago.

Hm.

“Dembe, I’m going back to the suite. Stay as long asyou like, just call me when you want to leave and I’ll –”

“Raymond, no, you cannot leave.”

“What are you talking about, of course I can –”

“No.”

Red stops talking and stares at Dembe, who is rarely soblunt.

“Elizabeth would like to speak to you.”

Red stops breathing for a second, the air stutteringin his chest.

“What – you – she –”

He can’t seem to string two words together in hisshock. Dembe just smiles kindly at him.

“Come, my brother, she wants to see you.”

And Dembe takes his arm and gently pulls him towardsthe stairs. Red goes along with him in a daze, scarcely believing that he’s notasleep and having a lovely but ultimately soul-crushing dream.

(Because what else could this be?)

But then they enter Lizzie’s hallway, Dembe tugginghim firmly towards her door, and Red remembers their awful fight, the shouting,the tears, the look on her face, andhe freezes like a deer, pulling Dembe to a stop.

“But, Dembe, what if –”

(He’s so afraid. He can’t be broken again. He only hadone heart. He has nothing left to give her.)

“It will be all right, Raymond. She just wants totalk. If nothing else, just listen to her. Please.”

(And since when is Dembe such a proponent of Lizzie’s?If Red didn’t know any better, he’d have thought Dembe harbored a littleresentment toward her for all the emotional trauma she’s unintentionally put Redthrough over the years. Nothing overt, since Dembe never is, but still therenevertheless. How odd.)

Red tears his gaze away from Dembe and turns to lookat Lizzie’s door, still hesitant and unsure, and Dembe sighs.

“Raymond, please, trust me. I would not steer youwrong. Either of you.”

Red’s eyes flit back to Dembe’s face to look at hisfeatures, relaxed and content, his familiar face doing much to calm him.

He’s right, of course.

(Red trusts Dembe with his life. Surely his heart issafe in his hands as well.)

Red nods and pats Dembe on the shoulder, movingforward by himself to put his hand on the handle of Lizzie’s door.

(This is it.)

And, feeling strangely as though this is a moment hemay or may not come back from alive, he turns the handle.

It looks much like the first time he walked into theroom last night to see her asleep, resting, recuperating from her accident. However,this time, she’s awake and alert, sitting up in bed, staring fixedly at him ashe enters the room. Her blue eyes seem to pierce right through him. He lowershis gaze automatically, feeling strangely shy in her presence, in a way henever has before.

(It makes sense though, he thinks distractedly,feeling her eyes on him, unwavering. She knows everything now. What he feels. Allof him. So, of course, he’s shy.)

But he makes himself raise his eyes to meet her gazeas he gently shuts her door behind him. He can’t hide from her. Not now. Thenhe stands there looking at her, feeling a little stupid. Dembe said she wantedto talk so why is she just staring? He doesn’t understand the look in her eyes.Why won’t she –

“Hi, Red.”

Oh. Oh, she said his name. Well, his nickname, but itdoesn’t matter because he never thought he’d hear her speak again, let alonehear let his name pass her beautiful lips so pleasantly and –

“Well, don’t just stand there, silly. Come and sitnext to me.”

Yes, that sounds like the Lizzie he knows. His mouthtwitches up in a grin.

(Somewhere in the back of his mind, he’s wondering howshe can be talking to him like this, after all that happened between them thelast time they met. Granted, that was over a month ago now but he knows how thatnight is still painfully etched in his memory, so surely it must be in herstoo? But he’s not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She’s talking to him.That in itself is incredible, whatever her motives. So, he’ll listen.)

But she’s still staring.

Then Lizzie raises her eyebrows in her signaturesardonic amusement, as if to ask why the hell he’s still standing there. Hesmiles to himself. Good question, that.

He moves forward slowly, feeling as though he’s tryingnot to startle a wild animal – though he’s not completely sure that animal is Lizzie– and settles back in the chair by her bedside.

(He wishes he never left.)

He looks at her cherished face and waits, noexpectation, just thankfulness. Dembe said she wanted to talk to him and all hehad to do was listen. So, that’s what he’ll do.

For a long minute, she just stares back at him, her eyesroving slowly over his face, her expression still inscrutable.

“Dembe said you stayed with me last night,” she saysfinally, quietly.

Red simply nods at her. The ‘of course’ goes unspokenbetween them.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, her blue eyes lookingstrangely wet. “You didn’t have to. It was just a little accident, I’m barely hurt.”

Red’s eyes flit to her arm, still in a sling, and thento her leg, still suspiciously large under the blankets, before moving back toher face.

“My arm is just a sprain,” she says, wiggling it asmuch as she can to demonstrate. “And there’s just a cut on my leg. I mean, itwas pretty deep so needed a lot of stitches, but that’s the only reason it’swrapped up. The car that t-boned me wasn’t going too fast.”

Red’s gaze darkens at the thought of the car and, moreimportantly, the driver that did this to Lizzie. It wouldn’t be too hard tofind them. Just pull traffic camera footage of the crash, Dembe could hacktheir system easily enough, get the license plate number, and –

“Red.”

Red snaps back to the present to see Lizzie looking athim knowingly, her lips pursed in disapproval.

“Don’t you even,” she says darkly. He widens his eyes,trying to look as though he wasn’t just contemplating murder in her name but,by the looks of her, she doesn’t buy it for a minute. She rolls her eyes at him.“It was an accident. They weren’t even on their phone or anything. Now I cansee you thinking about it and I won’t let it happen. Do you understand me?”

Red lowers his gaze, feeling slightly guilty at being calledout, and sighs in acquiescence.

“Good,” she murmurs, happy again. Red looks back up ather, studying her lovely smile, feeling more confused more than ever.

(He’s certainly glad she’s not crying or yelling orrunning away but he’s not really sure why she’s not. Nothing has changed, at leastnot with his feelings, since they last talked. So why is she actingdifferently?)

“Red,” she starts, a little more serious now. Perhapsshe’s going to tell him. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Yes, here it is. He just nods again, afraid butmorbidly curious, as always.

(He supposes he’s like a cat in that way. Nine livesand all.)

“I asked Dembe to track you down. I was hoping hewould manage to catch you before you left. I’m glad he did.”

He can do nothing but blink at her in surprise. Glad?What is she talking about?

She sees the confusion creasing his brow and sighs.She looks down to pick at some lint on her hospital blanket before taking adeep breath and looking up at him again.

“Red, do you know where I was going last night, when Igot in…my little accident?”

Red frowns. Of course, he doesn’t know. Herdestination hadn’t even crossed his mind when Dembe told him she was hurt. Hesimply wanted to know if she was all right. Besides, he had made it hisbusiness to know nothing of Lizzie’s whereabouts after their fight. Why was sheasking? What could –

“I was coming to see you.”

Oh.

Red’s mouth falls open a little, completely shocked.Him? She was coming to see him?

“Dembe called me,” she says softly. Red frowns alittle at that. He told Dembe not to –

Oh.

That’s why Dembe had been so beside himself when shewas injured, that’s why he knew right away. They were in contact because he waswaiting for her to arrive. That’s why he was so upset, that’s why he was sodesperate to get to the hospital. If Lizzie had been seriously hurt, it wouldhave been his fault. That’s why Dembe stayed with her for so long today, that’swhy Dembe –

Oh, Dembe.

“Don’t be mad at Dembe, Red, I’m certainly not. He wasworried about you. He told me…how you were dealing with things. He asked me ifmaybe I could find it in myself to come and talk to you.”

Red opens his mouth, this time on purpose, about totell her that if Dembe forced her or guilted her into anything at all, he –

“It’s okay, Red,” she stops him before he can even geta word out. “Honestly, I was…thinking about coming to see you anyway. I…Well,you gave me plenty of time to think about things, which I’m very grateful for.A month was enough time for me to sort through…everything.”

(Had she been counting the days too?)

“And the more I thought about it, the worse I feltabout how I left things with you. You told me something…and I know it was veryhard for you. And I’m ashamed of how I reacted.”

Red starts to shake his head immediately. No, he wantsto say, it was he who was out of line, throwing something like that at her theway he did. After all, Tom had just died and she had just found out things,things he had kept from her and –

“Look, I have a whole speech planned, so could youjust let me get this out, please?”

Red looks at her for a moment, sitting there, her hairpulled back in a messy ponytail, stitches on her cheek, gazing at himhopefully.

(He couldn’t possibly love her more.)

He nods.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “Well, I was coming to seeyou…to apologize. I behaved badly because I was overwhelmed by everything youtold me and the…last thing you said was just the cherry on top. I hope maybe youcan understand that.”

She looks down for a moment, letting her words rest inthe air around them. Red just sits there trying to absorb them. She’s sorry. Lizzieis sorry. It still hurts, of course, it was a huge blow, but her apology goes along way to making it better.

(He feels better.)

She still has his heart, of course, and he doesn’twant it back. He’d rather muddle along without it. And when she invariably askshim to go in a few minutes, apology delivered, he will go quietly, thankfully,grateful that he got closure. It’s more than he ever could have asked for andhe –

“And there’s one more thing.”

More? There can’t possibly be anything more that shecan say that could make him feel more at ease. She can send him away, it’sokay, he –

“I thought more about what you said, the…last thing,that is, and I wanted to tell you that…Well, I’m not sure how to say this,actually.”

She bites her lip and Red frowns.

“I, uh…I don’t know if I can give you what you want,Red. I’ve thought and thought about what you said, once I was able to, and howyou feel about me does make sense. If I wasn’t such an idiot, I probably wouldhave seen it before.”

(What is happening?)

“But, now that you’ve told me, I have thought aboutit, I really have. A lot. And…I think I need some more time. Tom was…both thebest and worst part of my life. I loved him. But he wasn’t real. And all of thatcame to light in a relatively short period of time and…now he’s dead. And I’mnot broken up about it anymore, I’ve made my peace with things, but I won’t beready for a relationship for a while. Not with anyone.”

(What is she saying?)

“But…when I’m ready, who knows? It could happen. WhatI mean is…well, I know that it’s really not fair of me to ask you to waitaround but…if I could just have some more time. Not long, really, another fewweeks, maybe, and, well…I’d like to get to know you better.”

(What?)

“Because I’ve realized over the past few weeks that Ireally don’t know that much about you. I mean, I know what color eyes you have andwhat kind of suits you wear and what crazy foods you eat. But I don’t know whereyou grew up or how you like your tea or what side of the bed you like to sleepon. And the more I think about it…the more I think I’d like to. And yet, at thesame time, I realized that the only thing I do know about you is that you careabout me. You…you love me. And, really, at the end of the day, what else do Ineed to know?”

Oh.

She gives a quick little shrug of her shoulders, a littlequirk of her mouth, like it’s fuckingobvious, and something clenches in his chest.

Oh, Lizzie.

“Anyway,” she mumbles, rolling her eyes in aself-deprecating way and giving an adorable little huff. “What I’m trying toask is…will you wait for me? And, in a few week’s time, when I’m ready…will yougo out with me?”

(He can’t breathe.)

She looks up when she says the last six words and hersudden, direct gaze pins him to his seat. He is frozen in shock. Not coldshock, like before, not that awful freezing thing. More like a warm, flowing,surprising thing. Surprising but welcome. Completely, definitely, perfectlywelcome.

(He can’t believe it.)

“Red?” Lizzie asks, chuckling nervously. “Um, you inthere? You, uh, haven’t said anything since you walked in. Are you…okay?”

Oh, yes, he should talk. He should put her at ease. Heshouldn’t leave her waiting. That’s not fair. He should speak.

(He should tell her that he’ll wait forever.)

Red clears his throat, feeling as though he’s gettingrid of all the sadness and tears and alcohol that have gathered there over thepast month. It feels wonderful. But Lizzie is still looking at him expectantlyso he blinks a few times, works his jaw, tries to speak past the all the lovehe has for her.

(It’s not easy.)

“Y-Yes,” he manages after an unintentionally suspensefulmoment. Lizzie lets out a breathy gasp.

“Oh,” she half sighs, half laughs. It’s a wonderfulsound. “Oh, okay, good,” she smiles blindingly. “Wait, yes, what? Just toclarify, because I don’t want –”

“Yes, to everything,” he finally interrupts her in arush. “Yes, I’ll wait, yes, I’ll go out with you, yes, yes, yes.”

And they’re laughing together, giggling desperately,and, oh, all the pain is gone, everything’s okay.

(Not everything, of course. She has hurt him and he hasscared her and those wounds will take time to heal. But now they have time. That’s all that matters.)

And Lizzie tentatively offers her hand to him, palm upon her bedspread, a gentle question.

(He appreciates the choice she is giving him. Morethan she can know. He is still fragile.)

But he delights in reaching out and watching hisfingers close gently around hers. He’s allowed to touch her. She wants him to.

(She wantshim.)

Yes, everything will be okay. Lizzie can take as muchtime as she wants and he will wait here for her and he can court her and dateher and she will give him a chance –

Yes, everything will be just fine.

Because his heart is here to stay.

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #mine #fanfic #his heart #facets #ask #anon #thank you kind and lovely anon!#:D #i hope you enjoy this!#:)#much love!#<3

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