#aridam🪢

[many-but-one]

EYEWITNESS

⚠️TW: religious trauma, CSA, RAMCOA, descriptions of child death⚠️

Author’s note: This is an intense poem, but is extremely important for me to share as an eyewitness to these atrocities. As the highest level gatekeeper in our system, I witnessed Everything, and was forced to cut my emotions about it away so I could do my job. Yesterday, a mutual on TikTok (The Brigadoon System) posted a video in response to a hate comment on one of our videos, in which they described the emotions about what it’s like to witness child death, and it struck such a chord in me that I actually was able to feel some of these feelings again for the first time in many, many years. It was difficult. Devastating. But also cathartic in a way. It reminded me that I’m not the cold monster I used to believe I was, and that allowing yourself to feel grief can be healing, too.

Please only read if you feel you are able to do so, please heed the trigger warnings above.

This poem DOES end on a good note, but it starts a bit heavy. Please read with caution.

EYEWITNESS

You know what they say about eyewitness reports. How they are often unreliable, how people often focus too much on a certain thing or they are too caught up in the emotions of it all that they mistake brunette hair for black, or black skin for white. Or whatever story serves the highest bidder, whatever story the pigs can scrape out of them to put someone they already hate behind bars.

You’ve all heard that, right?

And maybe it’s true that eyewitness accounts aren’t always accurate, but I’ve always felt like I would be a fantastic eyewitness, so good, in fact, the cops would hate me for how I refuse to stare at the lineup of pictures of black men with dreads or Latino men with tattoos that scare the perfect bottle blonde PTO moms lined up in front of me. They’d hate me for how I’d describe the perpetrator as a white man in a black business suit, I’d note the exact turn the curls in his hair made. I’d let the police know he wore blue eye contacts. I’d tell them not to forget the freckle underneath his right eye, I surely won’t. I could tell them that his dick was 6.75 inches too and that he never shaved, and when they ask me why I know that, I’ll tell them that I could feel him hitting my cervix when I was six years old, and he couldn’t push all the way in. I’ll tell them I used to get his hair stuck under my tongue when he used my mouth like a cunt. I’d let them know he kept his nails clean and trimmed short so that when he gripped at me he wouldn’t leave scratches that would be noticed later.

See, the thing about eyewitness accounts is that emotions are always running high when someone holds a gun to you from the other side of a convenience counter, but luckily for me I cut those away when I was seven, my job description required it, especially after that one cold December night. You know, the really important one everyone talks about all the time. It’s a night that I lament as the one I became god, and so too like god I created the separation between the sky and the land—the inner world one, I mean. Don’t think I’ve gotten cocky, I’m not that much of a sadist.

The sky I created was like spilled ink swelling across a page of parchment, and it held no stars or moon. Instead the black, viscous sky held my grief, it held that singular emotion I could not take that night, the night I was killed three times and what arose from me were sacrificial lambs, a pack of snarling wolves, and a god whose blue eyes were as cold as the winter’s midnight wind. The grief nearly overtook me and so I had to cut him away from me, I placed him in the sky, the one thing that would remain not only above me, but all around me, a place I would swim in every so often and get trapped in like a raptor in a Jurassic tar pit.

The rest of my parts, the children and the tigers and the demons and angels would never know where my grief went, they’d call me cold and cruel, they’d call me a monster, and I’d let them, because I knew they were telling the version of the truth I believed myself. I was a monster for having the ability to cut my pain away from me while they all writhed in theirs like a fly caught in a spider’s web.

For every trauma we took, for every single event I witnessed, the sky would grow larger, darker, heavier. Nobody felt the weight of it except me, the god who resided in it, an Atlas of epic proportions—who experienced everything, witnessed everything, Knew Everything. Omnipresent, omniscient, but not omnipotent. Every December reminded me of that, when I’d find myself on that church floor in my white dress with my limbs bound in prayer. O Holy God, wherest art thou? I’m right here, I’ve Always been here. Shattered over and over like delicate china dolls, those fragment pieces still scream the words I could never say at the time and will never be able to receive an actual answer for.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

The answer that I know you hold in your blackened heart is that you’re a sick and twisted man with sick and twisted followers, who keep the red eyes trained on me for money. Do you really think I’m that fucking stupid, that I don’t know your little games weren’t for a religious cause? They were so you could line your pockets. But at least I’d get a good Christmas present and my dad would get his booze money.

I used to wish that you had killed me, my desire to give up and die was held in a creature called The Nothing, held back by the strongest of my wolf pack, a black hellhound named G’mork wreathed in the fires of Wrath and Vengeance, who holds Hope like a tool of demolition. He held back this immense creature almost as expansive as my grief overhead, and it kept us alive.

It wasn’t until later that I realized how important this would be to me. See, I hated that he existed to keep that desire at bay, sometimes I wish I could tell him to let it free, let it consume us, but our brain was stubborn in keeping us alive.

I now realize that if I hadn’t lived all these years later, I wouldn’t have been able to become the most important eyewitness I’d ever become. The most painful and devastating eyewitness I would ever bear, a witness to monstrosities that cannot ever be truly described, something I wish in my heart of heart and soul of souls that I could have stopped. I couldn’t then.

But maybe now, I can.

I have lived through so many types of torture, the sorts of things that make even my therapist with decades of experience wince and cringe. The sorts of things you can’t even conceive of if you hadn’t seen them yourself.

The first time I watched a child die, she looked like me. It was an accident, and I know this because the men in their black clothes and black masks with their blue eyes peering over and through were swearing and yelling at the one responsible for her death. I never knew her name, but her blonde hair was lighter than mine, and her eyes more of a grey than a blue. Her neck snapped like a gunshot and I froze when her body went limp. The girl next to me, perhaps barely five, screamed. The one on my other side, a girl no older than me, with hair longer than mine and a darker shade of gold than mine, stood stoic, her bright blue eyes barely welling with tears. When they punished the screaming girl mere seconds after the sound had been ripped from her lungs, I copied the older girl out of desperation. I had grown used to cutting out my emotions by now, what was a bit more going to do to me? My inner world sky now held a single star. I named that girl Star in my mind. Her hair was like a halo, fluffy like angels wings. It seemed fitting. I’ll never, ever forget her. I cannot unsee her. I have never been able to grieve her.

Many more stars were added over the course of months and years, a sky full of them, twinkling down upon my system, them none the wiser of who they represented. The girl with the doe-brown eyes, I called her Bambi. The girl who compulsively tore out her hair and was so very tall for being only nine, I called her Willow. They all had nicknames in my mind, all the ones I could see well enough and for long enough to name. For those that I couldn’t, their stars shined the brightest, my grief for them more intense than the heat of a supernova. Nameless stars for nameless girls.

Many of them were named various shades of colors, after what they were wearing, or the color of their skin or hair. Most often I used the colors of their eyes, something I almost always saw. Something I never looked away from, even in their final moments when I wanted to look away.

I made a promise to my first star, that I would never look away. Looking away meant punishment anyway, but even if it didn’t, I wouldn’t. I may never know their real name if they even had one, but I would know them by the color of their eyes.

Honey, Golden, Oak, Leaf, Moss, Ocean, Mist, Bluejay.

The eyes always told me what their screams could not. Their screams were pleas for help they knew wouldn’t come, but their eyes said WITNESS ME and I bore witness to them. NEVER FORGET ME and I never forgot them. LIVE FOR ME and I lived for them.

I taught myself more colors in art class at school so I could find more names to give. There would always be names to give. Perhaps this is why I became an artist. Every time I mix new colors on the palette, dip brush to oil and brush to paint and put paint to canvas, I remember the shades of eyes I saw, who begged me to be their eyewitness. Their eyes cover my canvases. Perhaps this is why I’ve always liked the colors blue, green, and brown in my artworks.

I see their eyes everywhere I go. In the moss clinging to tree bark during an afternoon walk, in the slicked brown leaves after an autumn thunderstorm, in the clear sky on a balmy summer’s day, in the honey I put in my tea when I have a cold, and in my morning coffee.

You’d think this would make me hate going outside, but nature is my favorite place to be. You’d think this would make me stop seeing color in everything I do, but I can’t help but gaze at the colorful world around me. After all, wouldn’t it make me sad to see the cinnamon on my toast and remember the exact way a girl was dismembered before me? Maybe for some this would be true, but not for me.

To me this is the best way I can bring these girls with me along in my life, in this way, it feels like they’re growing with me. In this way, it feels like they’re now an eyewitness to MY life, a life I promised I would live for them.

I always keep my promises.

#aridam🪢 #dissociative identity disorder #personal post #manybutone #did system #poetry #my poetry

[fangedfaefreak]

I figure I should probably make a pinned because I reblog enough NSFW stuff these days that I want people to know I am indeed an adult and follow DNIs😂 Not to mention let followers know a bit more about me.

About me:

-My name is Vivek, often go by Vivi, Viv, or Vi.

-Bisexual trans man leaning mainly toward male attraction, he/him pronouns, into both cis men and t4t. Open to encounters with women but wouldn’t seek it out.

-Body age 25

-I am part of a DID system and sometimes folks from our system might make a guest appearance if they see a post I’d like. Typically you will see Val, Dori, Aridam, or Vas in my tags. They will usually tag “vivi vibes” or “vivi core” if it’s not me reblogging even if they don’t sign off themselves.

-Single😔 You might see a 👑 emoji a lot, that was from a past partner of mine. 🫀, ⛓️ , and 🌹 might show up randomly, these are FWBs. Rarely might see 🪢.

-I don’t only reblog NSFW stuff, I also have a lot of trauma related things on my blog, generally related to anger/traumacore or CSA. I may also sometimes reblog things non-NSFW I enjoy, like flowers, plants, and the moon.

-I often use tone tags when communicating and appreciate them in return.

Kinks/NSFW Things you’ll probably see on this blog (I always forget to tag though sorry):

BITING, switch (sub lean), cnc, cockwarming, exhibitionism, gangbang, choking, humiliation (light), praise (YES!!!), oral fixation, marking, masochism, pain, bloodplay(!!!)

Oh, and anything that mentions a vampire will immediately get reblogged🥵 I don’t make the rules. /joking

Uhhh titles that are okay to use for me if we interact:

(My) Boy, my darling, fairy boy, sugar, doll, pet, treasure, flower, (my) prince.

Do not use degrading names, and any sissy or detrans related shit needs to stay the fuck away from me.

DNI: If I don’t like you I will block you, regardless if you’re actually a shit person or not. DNIs rarely actually stop people so if I see someone I don’t like on my blog, I will block you and move on. I don’t care.

[many-but-one]

one of the oddest system experiences is trying to be medicated for a separate mental disorder because then after the initial wait period of the medication effectively "kicking in" it's still ineffective completely depending on fronting patterns- no matter if you take the medication at the same time daily (at least in our experience) like taking the medication when the caretakers are active= whole room gets reorganized and cleaned vs taking the medication when memory/trauma holders are active= absolutely nothing helpful getting done/maybe paranoia increases we don't really see people talk about it though, probably out of worry for how it sounds, but there is research on at least unintentional (but sometimes intentional) sabotage with missed/incorrect doses depending on alter activity

We have definitely had parts sabotage taking medications. Especially when we realized all of our mood stabilizers were screwing with our communication. Additionally our med provider was trying to treat our depression, but the thing is, we were only depressed/suicidal when triggered trauma holders came to front. Our hosts in the past were definitely not depressed to the point of needing medication. Typically inner communication and working with parts in therapy was much more effective.

Now the only medicine we are on is one anti-anxiety we take on nights we know that we will probably have a rough one. Going to bed triggered or on edge usually means nightmares to come. This one is pretty effective in keeping nightmares to a minimum. It can also be taken during the day and doesn’t cause drowsiness. It’s not extremely powerful, but it helps just take the edge off so we can actually stay focused enough to DO parts work. Because as I’m sure you know, when highly triggered or anxious it can be hard to even remember to DO parts work because you feel like you are losing your mind.

We also use THC products pretty regularly and it is extremely effective. Weed is not legal where we are, so we stick to D8 vape pens and it helps more than any medication we have ever been on in our entire lives.

I am not sure what you were wanting me to say to this message anon, but yes, definitely understand where you are coming from.

-Aridam🪢

#aridam🪢 #anon ask #anon #medicine #did alters #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder

[many-but-one]

January 8th, 2022 - see one of the main abusers walk into our store at work. Proceed to have the meltdown of all meltdowns in the office and then have to sit in a freezer for nearly an hour just to feel real.

January 11th, 2023 - see a different abuser, this one even more influential than the last. We tell him we hope he rots in his guilt, and do not stop to hear him or allow him to speak another word.

The change in our demeanor in merely a year is astounding. We are no longer fearful. We are powerful. We are a survivor.

-Aridam🪢

#manybutone #personal post #james☕️ #aridam🪢 #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #trauma #survivor #edited bc I fucked up the year number lmfao

[many-but-one]

Just wanted to drop in and say that you are special, valuable to be taken care of and loved. Your worth isn't based on what you put out but that YOU ARE. You are a unique individual, and a beautiful soul. Thank you for everything you do for so many people!!

I appreciate whoever said this, truly. I am very tired right now so I apologize for not being more eloquent with my words, but it is appreciated regardless.

-Aridam (he/him)

#aridam🪢 #james☕️ #anon #anon ask #I can guess who this is but I am unsure for certain

[many-but-one]

⚠️Trigger Warning: Loud noises toward the end, somewhat flashing, blood, themes of anger, violence, and pain⚠️

A video that I made to vent some of my frustration. I don’t know where it comes from, but I think the difficulty of being “just a trauma holder” with no real job other than hovering around being sad and angry is frustrating. Yes, I am a protector. Yes, I am a persecutor. Yes, I can sometimes co-host on a good day. But there is so much pain and rage in me. I wanted to share because I felt like people in the system community would understand, of all people.

“King” section is Aridam, our primary gatekeeper.

“Soldier” section is Valentine, Aridam’s second and our primary protector.

“Poet” section is Dorian, host, as I don’t have enough references of Indigo yet and he said it would be okay to use the photos of what he used to look like before his and Winter’s fusion.

And the “Rage” section is me, Vivian. Trauma holder, persecutor-protector, co-host.

Feels stupid to say enjoy but I worked hard on it so…enjoy, lmao.

🪷Vivi👑

Art credit list below because I only “own” the edited artbreeder portraits at the beginning of the king, solider, poet sections and we try our best to always credit artists when we can figure out who they are. Unfortunately we find a lot of our claims on Pinterest.

“King” Section (Aridam)

-Artbreeder portrait: made and edited by us.

-Male silhouette photograph: can't find the source, all sources just say "dark prince aesthetic" which...okay. lol.

-Green wolf drawing: "Dark creatures in a dark forest" by cercat

-Man with a bloody nose: 먹살 on Twitter, though their account doesn't seem to exist any longer.

-B&W wolf drawing: "Fenrir" which unfortunately, any searches for the source of this photo were futile, and mainly ended up on websites with no credit given. Sad. :(

"Solider" Section (Valentine)

-Artbreeder portrait: made and edited by us.

-Man in white uniform: Apostle on Twitter

-White haired anime style man with flowers: Lin jjx on Twitter

-Silver haired man with a heart in his hand: All attempts to find the source led me to basically Japanese Pinterest. :(

-White haired man playing flute: The only places I could find this image were on RP boards with no credit given, which sucks. :(

"Poet" section (Dorian/Indigo)

-Artbreeder portrait: made and edited by us.

-Regal elf in green: warickaart on Instagram

-pretty man in a top hat with a rose: all attempts to find this source point to a manhwa character called Aisha but I couldn't figure out who the artist is or how to link it.

-boy with a frappe: The Magicians fanart by waxanie on Twitter

-boy with smudged eyeliner (B&W image): the only sources lead to various international Pinterests. I've never seen this happen before so it was kind of funny to see Russian Pinterest, Japanese Pinterest, and Korean Pinterest.

-elf boy with black hair: this source search took me to a super dodgy looking fan art site with more ads than Wiki. Needless to say, couldn't find the source which is so sad.

-boy with ripped off wings: the only freaking place I could even possibly see who this was made by was a fantasy artist called mahdiehseyedi88 on fiverr.

"Rage" section (Vivian)

-boy with sunglasses: Taeyong fan art by hoki11 on Twitter

-Blonde boy laying on the ground photograph: Noen Eubanks

-Scratched up blonde boy photograph: Apparently people like to use this guy for edits for "Song of Achilles" but never like to credit who the model or photographer is. Very cool. (Not)

-Blonde boy upside down drawing: Unfortunately just a lot of reposts with no credit on Pinterest. However, this *looks* like it's from artist valentinaremenar on instagram. Not a guarantee, though the styles are similar. If you know who this belongs to, please lmk.

[Red Section of Rage Section]

Note: all of these photographs are not originally tinted red, this is for the style of the video. So I can't give color descriptions well, but know all photos will be named in order and with a slight description.

First (demon like, glowing eyes): "Cleanse" by Nicolas Cauteruccio on Artstation

Second (boy with sticks in his head and mouth): camouflage by Len-yan on Deviantart

Third (black skin, fiery looking hair, please know this original piece is actually blue and red and it is gorgeous): astrono77153462 on Tumblr

Fourth (boy on a bed of white roses): "doodle" by Alle Page on Artstation

Fifth (bloody looking faerie creature) Once again astrono77153462 on Tumblr

Sixth (boy with long hair, cracks, and metallic blood, please know that this original piece is white and gold and gorgeous, colors were shifted for the video aesthetic and I highly suggest checking out the OG piece): "you'll never break me" by shilin on Deviantart

Seventh (satyr with whipping marks): daifei on Tumblr

Eighth (boy with claws dripping blood): I could not find proper credit anywhere. Ugh. So sad because this art is so gorgeous.

And of course, if anyone knows any of the uncredited pieces, please feel free to DM me and I can edit the post for proper credit. Thank you.

#vivian🪷 #vivi posts #personal post #dorian🌹 #valentine🫀 #aridam🪢 #my art #manybutone #did osdd #dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #tw blood #tw flashing #tw flashing lights #angercore

[many-but-one]

Im not OP but reading that thing you reblogged with advice for the person unsure if theyre a system or not made me feel better.

I thought i was a system for a while before getting diagnosed with DPDR. sometimes i still wonder if i have it. i hate myself for ""faking it"", but treating myself as different people made coping feel easier in a way.

It was a lot easier to practice self care when i thought i was taking care of a nice and innocent child, and not a person i hate

^^That is exactly what I was hoping to get at. Thank you for sending this in, anon. I am glad my words were helpful to you as well. I would never want anyone to feel punished for feeling like they were “faking” for anything other than coping. DID is so tricky, too, so trying to find all of the answers right away will only lead you to many many dead ends. I say, a gatekeeper who created those dead ends.😂

Take care anon,

-Aridam

#aridam🪢 #anon ask #anon #manybutone

[many-but-one]

Surprise! Ur cool and loved! 🤠

-Special sneak attack from someone very predictable

Thank you🖤 Dei says hello.

-Aridam

#aridam🪢 #james☕️ #anon

[many-but-one]

LIstened to Bad Omens - The Death of Peace of Mind. I think you *might* like Trials by Starset. And the reimagine of the same song. Take care ~~

Trials by Starset is one of our favorites. :) Thank you for the suggestion regardless!

-Aridam

#aridam🪢 #james☕️ #ocean time

[many-but-one]

Welcome to Many but One

"We are many, you are but one!" -Ermac, Mortal Kombat

If you ever want to talk or ask questions, feel free to! We love making system friends. Bodily adult, however, so keep that in mind. We also use part-speak! And prefer to call alters parts, but we do switch up when semantics calls for it. We are also shooting for functional multiplicity but are open to final fusion if that occurs.

The Basics:

-Mid 20s

-White, American

-They/them or he/him pronouns collectively

-Very often go by "Many" in online spaces, it's a shortening of our system name, Many but One. If you see mutuals call us that, that's why😂

-HC-DID. Polyfrag, alter number unknown, but likely very high, well over 3k alters, mostly fragmented and nameless parts.

-blanket TW for RAMCOA related abuse.

-Not professionally dx'd, however we are seeing a verified DID specialist who is one of the best in her field in our state and would not benefit from obtaining a formal dx. It would just be for validation and we already know our experiences. We've been medically recognized by this DID specialist since March of 2021, and have been seeing her since December of 2019.

-Typically syscourse unaligned, leaning anti-endo. I have a post linked lower in this pinned that explains my views in more detail. However, I try to stay the fuck out of syscourse because that is such a minefield these days. I'll just stick with my educational posts, silly memes, and vent art lol.

-some popular tags of ours include: #manybutone, #advice, #my poetry

Meet some folks!

This used to be the section for the "mains" however, the mains in our system change very rapidly--such is the way in a polyfrag system whose trauma centers around specific times of the year. Some folks are more functional in some times of the year while others are more functional at other times of the year. So, we've decided to just list very basic info about several of us that you may see sign off.

Dorian/Dori 🌹|| he/she/they || Ageless || Current main host, Caretaker, Inner deprogrammer || Elf || Partners with Aridam and Vardan in-sys, fusion of Jules + Foster, the old host and sexual protector

Dire 🪶 || he/him || Ageless || Fronting Gatekeeper || Human/Raven hybrid. Considers himself an introject of Odin's ravens Huginn and Muninn || Dating Solstice I think? lol. || Split off of Aridam back in May of 2023.

Vasile/Vas⛓|| he/him || Appears about 30-40 in the IW, but it's debatable if he actually acts like a 30-40 year old, lmfao. || Tertiary Gatekeeper, social/worker part, host team || Demon alter who used to dress as a priest. || Partners with Vivek in-sys || Has an alters in alters subsys called the Chained subsys. Common folks you’ll see from there are [King] Samael, Velvet, and Hades.

Vivek/Vivi 👑🪷 || he/him || Age slides from 17-25ish || Sexual protector || Because of the recent fusion with Bast, Vivian went from a faerie to a Fae-Vampire hybrid thing. He has very Astarion vibes, lol. || Partners with Vasile in-sys || Part of the Faerie Court subsystem, some parts you may see from there are Sev, Varda, and Datura.

Aridam/Ari 🪢 || he/him || Ageless || Primary Gatekeeper of All system areas || Considered the "God" of our system, can look like a human, an Eldritch God thing, and a large Fenrir-sized black wolf || Partners with Dorian. Fusion of James + Death. Part of the Lone Wolves subsystem, might see Kal, Azriel, Elliot, or Eryx occasionally.

Fenrir 🐺 || he/him || Undefined Age || Host team. Persecutor-Protector || Can look like a large black wolf, a large black werewolf, and a goth teenager. Idk why. || Introject of G’Mork from The Neverending Story || Part of a subsys, only Dag and Dmitri will front most likely.

Valentine/Val 🫀|| he/him || mid-20s || Secondary Gatekeeper of Above Ground and Primary Protector || Demon || Has a subsystem called the Loveless Pain subsystem, common folks you'll see from there are Valac, Asmodeus/Asmo, and Eros.

Deimos/Dei 🐅 || he/him || One of our earliest EPs that we can understand, age unknown but he can slide between any age from 3 to our body age of 25. || Persecutor, used to be our fronting gatekeeper, recently demoted due to splits making him unstable. || Nonhuman but nobody knows what. Often identifies with tigers and shadowy figures. || Has a subsystem called the Masked Tiger subsystem. Folks you may see from there are Midnight, Terror, and Tiger Mask. || Partners with an alter named Uriel in our system.

Solstice/Sol 🌒 || fae/faer or they/them || 23-25ish || Backup Host, recent fusion of several parts. Extremely sweet and VERY chill. Good emotional neutralizer. || Elvish but also faerie-like but also has demon horns. They're literally a fusion of past host fragments that splintered off during stress, so they are almost a "Frankenstein" of past host alters like Jules, Vivian, Vasile, and even ones from as far back as high school and middle school. It is really bizarre, we have no idea why our brain did this. || may have gone dormant again.

Harley 😎 || he/him || Mentally about age 13-15 || Emotional Neutralizer, the OG emotional neutralizer, has been around for ages. || A literal orange cat. has that same male orange cat energy. Super silly and sweet and loves to make memes.

Kaine 🌑 || he/him || Ageless || Persecutor-Protector, views himself as an "Avenger" || fallen angel || very flawed moral code but we don’t hold that against him. Can be a bit assholeish but once you get past all of that he can be extremely loyal and kind.

Vardan 🦌 || he/him || Ageless but appears as a mid-late 40ish year old man || Reformed IP, Primary Gatekeeper of The In-Between, Co-Primary of entire system || Seraphim angel disguised as a priest, though he's slowly shedding the priest part of his imagery thanks to therapy. || Partners with Dorian in-sys || Part of a subsystem called the White Stag subsystem. Might see posts from Judge, Silas, or Leslie.

Jade 🐉 || She/her || About age 19-23 but her age is confusing and hard to pin down || Reformed IP, Primary Gatekeeper of the Underground || Scary but badass, we love Jade and all the hard work she’s done. || Demon/Succubus || Part of an alter in alters subsys called the Jaded Dragons subsystem, might see Elektra or Medusa around. Elektra is also in a different subsystem (she can move between the two) called the Scorpion Keys subsystem.

Some other notable names that you may see thrown around but I don't want to make this list too much longer:

Alice - she/her - protector, Aeron - she/her - former host, Anna - she/her - idk what she is (gatekeeper?), Charlie - he/him - emotional neutralizer, Saint - he/it - tertiary gatekeeper and emotional neutralizer, Eivor - she/her - caretaker and protector, King - he/they - gatekeeper of an Underground area, Lucy - she/her - Secondary in the Underground, Luzia - she/her - caretaker that loves to clean and cook, Stefano - he/they - high level IP, Poppy - she/her - caretaker, Sarah - she/her - inner caretaker and deprogrammer, Klaus - he/him - former IP + abuser introject

Names you may see on this blog of parts who have fused:

Jules - former host, the one that discovered the system and made this blog. Fused with Foster to make Dorian, Foster - former sexual protector, Fused with Jules to make Dorian, James - former primary gatekeeper, fused with Death to make Aridam, Death - former persecutor alter, fused with James to make Aridam, Brett - former caretaker, fused with Satan to make Cinna, Satan/Ess - former "guard", fused with Brett to make Cinna, Vivian - former main host/persecutor alter, fused with Bast to make Vivek. Bast was never really mentioned here, but he was a temporary split off of Vivian that ended up re-fusing to him, but he'd been out and elaborated long enough that it changed Vivian slightly and Vivian felt the name Vivian didn't fit him anymore.

This is not an exhaustive list of all parts. Not all parts wish to be known, and most will never be on the blog anyway.

Some notes about our verbiage and how we speak of our inner world (IW):

Above Ground: this is what we consider the main system, has several subsystems and even subsystems-in-subsystems.

Underground: a side system that holds most of our programmed parts. Has layers and many subsystems. Won't go any further than that.

The In-Between: a side system or possibly extra closed off subststem we know almost nothing about other than it exists and there's basically a 24/7 war going on there.

I have three things on my DNI:

-Tumblr anons who want me to dx them or validate their experiences. Here’s why. I am fine with DMs, but if you send an anon asking these things I will delete, period. -People who tag my trauma as special interest or think RAMCOA abuse is "cool and interesting." Here's why.

-People who make callout posts or blocklists. No offense, I don't want to be caught up in that drama. That shit makes me nervous as hell, so if you like doing that please just stay the hell away from me.

Some posts I've made that I think are good for newcomers to take a look at first.

To learn about the System Support Server, click here. Note: The System Support Server is no longer open to new members. Sorry!

Some basic info about our diagnosis journey and about DID: link

What fusion feels like from the perspective of two former hosts who fused: link

Our stance on syscourse: (hint, we’re unaligned) - often lean anti-endo, but open to other types of plurality. More interested in allowing for traumagenic systems to have their own spaces to heal from trauma. Essentially, people need to just mind their own damn business.

My journey of learning about parts (from the beginning of this blog to December 2022): link (BTW this shit is heavy and really shows the ugly sides of DID. It shows the steady decline in thinking you "only" have 15 parts to realizing you were part of severe cult abuse with well over 1k+ parts). This is very out of date, and will be updated shortly.

Our other blogs:

@bone-marreaux -- our main, usually run by Dori or Aridam

@anger-is-slowly-sipping-poison -- kind of a group blog for several persecutors to reblog angry shit and trauma related shit.

We have a several other sideblogs that won't be shared here, if you find them in the wild and recognize them to be ours, mind ya business😂

Red Cloud Divider Credit by @rpinkling (highly recommend looking into them, their dividers are very cool!)

#manybutone

[many-but-one]

Saw some other mutuals do this and now I am curious. I can already tell other folks in our system are going to use the poll function for stupid reasons, so while I am out I may as well use our collective brain cell to figure out how the hell we suddenly have so many followers. Even after blocking/reporting bots we were floored by how many people are here now. Thank you all for joining us☺️

-Aridam🪢

#personal post #manybutone #aridam🪢 #did system #did osdd