#as someone in a very progressive space

[nothorses]

Begging ppl to understand that they/theming someone who explicitly has told you that they do not use they/them is, in fact, just as bad as using binary pronouns that the person does not use. It’s still misgendering…..

it's not just that; "degendering" is absolutely a real phenomena that trans people deal with, and I've noticed it personally in both progressive and conservative spaces.

It's a reluctance to acknowledge trans people as the gender they say they are. It's easier for them to use they/them for me because it doesn't challenge their worldview as much, especially when I do pretty reliable pass.

The person in front of them looks like a man and says he's a man, but when he also says he's trans, their whole view of that person shifts. That's not ("just") a man, that's a trans person. Not a woman (especially if he doesn't at all look like one anymore), but also not a man; "trans" is a whole other, separate gender.

They can't, and they won't, use he/him pronouns for me. Not because they forgot, not because they're being careful. They didn't have this problem when they thought I was cis, remember? They do this because using he/him pronouns for me validates and confirms that I am a man.

It's easier to say they/them, in this situation. It's a cop-out, both for progressives who haven't actually unpacked their transphobia in the way they think they have, and for conservatives who are still just this side of actively choosing to be as hateful and incendiary as possible.

#it's complicated too tbh and it's... very very interesting to me #as someone in a very progressive space #people who assumed i was cis and never struggled with my pronouns like #suddenly 'forget' my pronouns every single fucking time once they know I'm trans.

[ispyspookymansion]

i need to make a zine about navigating the (professional) world as a trasmasc dyke so bad i feel like i could chew all my fingers off

#if i cant talk about the strange isolation and dismemberment of my identity even in progressive spaces due to the general #populace inability to Grasp what im putting down and how i always have to give something up #unless im with someone i really know and trust. i think ill start screaming. #my work is great. my job is good. the company is very inclusive. but everyone there believes im a trans man. #and i dont want to vivisect myself trying to explain #kora.txt #sorry for making posts im avoiding tasks and waiting for my pain meds to kick in #like. i Chose gender at work because id rather be gendered correctly wrt pronouns and my name and stuff that has a more real and active role #in my day to day than lesbianism. but also its not two separate things to me youre getting me wrong!!!!! yk!!

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[shopcat]

i think perhaps saying dnis don't work is a bit silly because well they do as the function of them By and large "work" by showing what you will and won't tolerate or stand for as a person and what you will be posting about in that regard and anyone who willingly follows you will know this and if they didn't read it and would be upset by the criteria on it for whatever reason it's their own fault. it's like a built in contingency as well as a statement more so for others than a big sign saying "keep out racists!!!" that the racists will sadly walk away from your blog with. so. you can't reasonably say do not interact x y and z especially for systemic bigotry that anyone including ourselves are capable of enacting but you can reasonably say i don't agree with or tolerate this shit and will kill you if you are near me, which i think is better than people just assuming so personally, esp bc a lot of things AREN'T just like, something you can assume. mostly i think it's just quicker to say a 3 letter abbreviation than anything else.

#🐾 #like yeah ppl will do whatever they want anyway but i'd say most ppl esp the kind in my dni for example #are very insecure and hateful individuals who consider themselves the victims and do not want to be quote unquote ''discriminated'' against #WHICH is why anyone saying something like pr*shippers dni works anyway bc they're so entitled that they wouldn't be ABLE #to follow someone who hated them they would rather pitch the mother of all tantrums than do that lol #and if they did follow or heavily interact despite it they have to put up with people being hostile towards them so well it's lose-lose #for them.. lol #dni's as a function anyway came from im pretty sure just normal etiquette culture in certain communities #like those banners and stuff ... ppl integrating them into their blogs themselves is a pretty natural progression but does come with other #issues that i guess other people are critical of but i don't really see the point in being so bc like well everyone KNOWS so who cares #like yeah you can't actually control who sees ur blog or posts / no one checks people bios before interacting w something #but it's expanded to just mean a plain ''don't follow me/talk to me or i'll block you'' #you can't necessarily be mad perpetually at the idea of someone you dislike as a person touching your stuff but you can control ur own like #space... #other stuff that's like sounds obvious/could be interpreted as pandering/is ''the bare minimum'' is like well okayyy but it's not FOR THAT #it's for saying you don't tolerate that type of harmful bigoted shit

[j-esbian]

see the problem with all of the puzzles in bg3 is like. sometimes the player (me) is stupid. and at least in a real dnd game you might get the dm to take pity on you

#the number of ‘’walkthroughs’’ that i’ve found that don’t actually. help #they tell you the map coordinates or whatever. what about if i cannot physically find what you’re talking about AT THOSE COORDINATES #or cannot figure out how to get to those coordinates (like when i spent three days trying to find karlach) #i’m in hell. actually still having a very hard time getting invested and like. not rly enjoying this game lmao #I AM PLAYING ON EXPLORER MODE AND SOMEONE GOES DOWN IN ALMOST EVERY COMBAT #also just. open world syndrome a little bit #too many quests that apparently i can’t actually move forward in yet. and too much open space #making me feel like. i need to go explore and grind when i just want to finish the quests i already have good lord #idrc about exploring every corner of the map. at this point??? #tried going into the mountain pass and it was like ‘hey you’re really low level. reconsider <3’ and im like #literally WHAT is there to do for me here #(it wanted me to go to the underdark. which i figured would progress the story so i was trying to find lae’zel’s crèche while we’re here??) #also on a non gameplay note #inSANE that all of the questlog items for daughter of darkness list her and i having interactions that We Did Not #got to act 2 and she’s like ‘hey i worship shar btw. this is supposed to be a reveal’ but like. the quest log told me that immediately?? #was i not supposed to read that?? she never told me that she wanted to join the justiciars. i never gave her the idol. #but it said all of those happened??? #maybe i’m biased bc my first save was trying to play as her but it REALLY feels like they’re pushing her to be the main character #like. kinda sucks how she’s the only companion you can check in with and say ‘how do you think we’re doing’ #and these fucking controls #why are the items hit boxes so weird. my cursor is a centimeter away and yet it still highlights something #the label isn’t actually next to the thing it’s describing so holding the alt key does nothing to show me where it is #god forbid you try to point at something through an open door #the fucking. camera angles. impossible to see what i’m doing or where i’m going because the trees and walls and shit keep getting in the way #straight up not having a good time #but this was a lot of money and i’ve heard it picks up #when tho #also the fact that i rly like wyll and he’s got like. nothing. id heard he has less content than other origins but #didn’t realize it was to a noticeable extent #maybe it’ll pick up and give him more to talk about once i save his dad. please god

[girls-and-honey]

Hiya honey girl!

How are you doing? ♥️

I feel gay today, and I don’t have anyone to vent to, so it’s gonna be you I’m afraid

I feel so gay, I spent half the day looking longingly in the distance, and *sighing* wishfully

Do you ever feel like that?

Last week I bought a red rose from a dude in the street and offered it to a beautiful lady singer in a bar, and even if I don’t particularly want to see her again, it still felt good to do something chivalrous and lesbiany you know?

I like living my life on my own, but some days I wish I could do those romantic things with somebody, like holding hands and cuddling, and walking along the river, and maybe kissing a little.

Even if I’m happy by myself, sometimes I still yearn for the day I’ll have my own lady to offer my roses to 🥺

inkaaaa hi hi <3

I'm doing pretty good, in drastic need of a weekend. almost there!

!!! gay vents are always welcome here! oh to look longingly into the distance whilst sighing wishfully...

do I ever feel like that YES absolutely in fact while pondering my response I did just that asjdfkl okay I might ramble in the tags but yeah completely relate to be happy with life on my own but sometimes wishing it wasn't just me yeah I'm definitely going to ramble in the tags

offering a beautiful lady a rose I'm 🥺🥺 sometimes you just have to indulge in chivalrous lesbiany actions this is unavoidable. manifesting this for you, I hope all your rose offering yearnings come true!

#this is so sweet and very relatable alksdfjs #only opting to ramble in the tags instead of the response bc I feel like this is going to get long lol you've been warned #but yeah. definitely do feel the happy by myself but sometimes wish I could be sharing that time with others #sometimes if i'm watching tv I'll wonder what new shows or movies I'd be watching if someone else was here #instead of the same eight shows I just watch on rotation all year (this is bc I like them btw. it's just hard to watch new shows #without external motivation to do so) #or when I'm working on the blanket that's been in progress almost two years. I wonder if I'd be making it in someone else's favorite colors #lot of little thoughts like this. some are fleeting and others I tend to get stuck on a bit or overthink #like breakfast for example. would I eat breakfast more consistently if I was also making it for someone else? what if they prefer to eat #the same thing every day? i need variety but I could make sure we always have their favorite fruit or put their cereal box out to make it #easier. or if getting the cereal out is part of their routine i can make sure their favorite bowl is always clean #i find myself wondering which of my mugs would be their favorite? which of theirs would be my favorite? #yeah i'm an acts of service person can you tell. also quality time... can you imagine the shared floor time conversations #a lot of the time I picture myself doing the exact same thing like watching tv and playing switch or practicing music or even working #the biggest different is just that someone else would also be here doing their own thing #to scroll tumblr in silence from the same couch... sending each other posts even though we're both right there. I do miss that #even chores would be more fun and go quicker I think. racing to see if they can do the dishes faster than I can fold and hang laundry #tidying and putting our things together in shared spaces. seeing them side by side just like we are #making the bed together and putting each of our stuffed animals on our own side #or maybe I'd just make it so they have one less thing to worry about #I think i've exposed myself enough alskdfj but there are quite literally hundreds more where those came from #anyway who wants to admit they have a crush on me (kidding) (ish) #asks #oops after posting this is looks like way more tags than I thought it would sorry anyone who made it this far

[linda-rose]

god every time I think too much about this my brain wants to explode a little, but going into teaching as a nonbinary/genderqueer person is really going to be something huh

#thinking about this again tonight bc in one of my grad classes today we were all gendered as minus the one guy in the group #like during discussion someone (who i do love) was like. well I think because everyone here idenfities as a woman etc etc #and the other day in a different class my prof was talking about the demogroahics of the class in the same way relating it to teaching #how we were all the except the guy women etc etc #and there are so many other examples and ive been wondering like...how is this possible #and how does this happen so foren bc like #my cohort is very tiny and weve all been in classes for years together and most i know really well AND an out too #and my profs are lovely and know my pronouns #and this has never happened to me in other classes before to this level let alone with people i know so well #but i think ive come to the conclusion that these are all teaching spaces and people just dont think of teachers as gender diverse at all #like even the most well meaning progressive people in literal educational justice classes just it does not occur to them as a possibility #in our class but also just in general #and we talk so much about other stuff but it constantly feels like people are leaving this out the equation #anyway this probably makes zero sense #but i am just. thinking thoughts and need to put them somewhere. #its just fascinating #teaching #nonbinary #queer

[auroral-melody]

outer wilds is such an amazing game that is so hard to convince people to play because like

the entire game is based around how much you know about the game. the best way to play the game is to know absolutely nothing

#if you play it please do not look up anything about it!!!! #it's fucking GORGEOUS #it is a space puzzle game #where knowledge is based on progression #srsly it's designed such that anyone could beat the entire game fresh file in like <20 minutes. but you don't know how #and what's mindboggling about it is #it's pretty easy!!! for someone like me who is not very good with video games!! especially on controller!!! #it's funny it's heartbreaking it's literally one of my top games of all time now #storyline tier is up there with portal hades and celeste as far as OUGGHGHGHGGHH #also #it has nonbinary aliens!!! #please play it #the graphics are also astounding if your computer can handle them #and the physics is an awesome blend of accurate and inaccurate-enough-to-be-good-for-gameplay #it's just #there have been so many moments i'm sitting there in slightly stunned silence when i come across something #in the story that just... makes me go 'oh' and have an entire overwhelming Feeling #and the game gives you that space to understand #to grieve and to feel #god i also recommend getting the dlc #if only for the Moment you have when you realize #'it was there the WHOLE FUCKING TIME I WAS PLAYING THE MAIN GAME? AND I JUST DIDNT SEE IT UNTIL NOW? WHAT THE FUCK?' #when the game directs you to it #anyway it's been weeks and i'm still not over a note in brittle hollow #like holy shit it was already heartbreaking to read 'i hope you're okay' BUT THEN TO THINK BACK TO THE NAME TAGS AND REALIZE #THE ABSENCE OF A SIGNATURE...

[bijoumikhawal]

Ngl it is mad funny seeing some people get so mad about G/B seemingly solely as a spite reaction to it being popular... it's a relationship with obvious chemistry, a significant impact to both character's arcs, and wide support so thats egg on you, but also it's a 30 year old TV show. Not only is it not worth getting mad about there are plenty of other fan communities you can go to that don't focus on it.

#Cipher talk #Idk there's just something very amusing and sad about people who hate something that's popular for a reason and are fussy about it #It's incredibly immature and shows a weird lack of responsibility to find appropriate spaces for fulfillment #As someone who was in SU crit circles and has been in small Fandoms where my favorite character was widely hated and constantly #Underutilized and mischaracterized I can personally say you need to remove yourself from spaces you don't enjoy or else you get sucked into #Weird hate vortexes full of people with horrible takes that are often meanspirited #Make a private discord. Go on Twitter. Go on Reddit even. #Also it's very preformative. 'Look at me I don't like the thing look at how much I don't like it' okay timmy #Please tell me more about how B/OB is more progressive because miles is ~irish~ and you don't understand anything about how miles comes off #To Irish people or Irish Americans. Especially if we're not white and/or queer. #Anyway beli ayin hara this is the second and last time I will discuss this publicly #IDC if you ship something that isn't popular so long as you're respectful to others about #I like quite a few less popular pairings

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

I mean I'm not goin back to him I'm not(!!!) but at this point I got no idea why

Literally just screaming into the fucking void

He already broke me to the point where all the shit he's said are my only core beliefs n even if I try to shut down the voice in my head repeatin it all I still believe every damn word

So no matter how long I cut him off for it's always there just the same. But no one else can always be there to make it go away. W/ him I at least go from a total waste of oxygen to the one thing I'll ever be any good for. It's an upgrade I can almost live with.

So what's the point? What do I or anyone gain from me stayin away?

I've been tryin so fucking hard n it's just not getting any easier. I don't know where to put all this fucking self loathing, I can't keep pouring it onto other people. I always need to keep so damn much inside n some of it still spills out n that's already bordering on too much. I don't wanna be a burden. I know everyone is, to some extent, but not like this. Not all the time. Plus they have something to give in return, I only have things no one else wants, just Val's happy to take em if offered.

I still feel the pull all the fucking time. It's like the chain he used to have around my neck but I know he's not doin the pulling, he doesn't care if he has me or not anymore. It's all me now. I'm the one who keeps wanting to go back. The rational part of me is screaming no cause I know he'll just hurt me n find new ways to cut even deeper but. What's left that he hasn't already done?

Maybe this time he'll make the feelings n the noise go away. Maybe this time he'll make it all quiet.

#i know i can't expect anyone else to save me that's something i'm supposed to do myself but #what if i can't? i don't know how to #best i've managed is a somewhat stable daily life but that relies on practically zero triggers n i don't actually get anything done ever #there's no progress. none. it's just me drowning out the noise w/ distractions n booze #everyone i see struggling w/ this shit that's made actual progress has made it w/ the type of healing experiences i can't seem to find #n cause it's all just pseudomemories n shit we can't really even unpack it in therapy cause it doesn't rly get to the real causes #it's always just 'have you had experiences in real life where someone made you feel like this?' #i don't know!! we don't have our actual trauma memories!!! #i just. i wish i didn't need so goddamn much more than what's reasonable to ask of anyone. #i wish i wasn't wired so completely fucking wrong i can't have those needs met #i wish i wasn't so fucking worthless. only ever barely keepin my head above water. #i tried to list any skills/positive traits/things i like about myself n the only thing i could come up w/ is i give great head #n i guess the way i'll let you act out any fucked up fantasy on me if you don't mind that i cry or dissociate #but i don't have anythin else to give. my body's all i have to offer n it's not even a very good one anymore #i still wish someone would use it. make me feel like i still have a use. give me some way to make up for even fucking existing #i guess i was doin some good back when i still let val take all his aggressions out on me so he had an outlet aside from doll #i'd be ok w/ him just usin me but he's always so fucking cruel about it. #i really really really wanna cut but he'd be so fucking angry i'm scared of what he'd do #i just. can't someone just fucking use me. do whatever you want to my body n tell me i'm not a waste of space cause i make you feel good #tell me i'm a good boy #spdrvent

[quirkeduptransguy]

also quick note re: my previous post's tags. have i said before that, for a presumably heterosexual man, johnny whitney has had some of the most insanely homophobic (and occasionally transphobic) vitriol spewed at him for one reason or another ive seen. because holy shit

#as a musician hes very interesting to me. non parasocially #he'll mention something in an interview and i immediately think ''i NEED to study him.'' and ill read what people say about him and have a #similar reaction #and it sucks that the immediate reaction to hearing or seeing him you see a lot is an immediate gay joke #cause his writing and vocals alone!!! so interesting to me #everything about tbb is interesting to me tho #i do admit i have a slightly weird thing with him cause of some stuff he's said in podcasts or interviews and some of how he acts #that i see/hear and go 'wow. i do that' or 'wow. i feel similarly' #but obvs idk how he is in actuality so #im gonna start putting johnnywhitneykin in my social media bios and posting mood boards etcSORRY #evil neighing compilation #but yeah onto my original point #like. for real so much insane homophobia i think about it often #in relation to his stage presence and how he presented himself etc #on purpose. like what else could it have been but to alienate the shitty hashtag hxc douchey audiences that wouldve been there #and therefore in a way making their shows. almost a safe space one could suppose? #im just spitting shit. i thiiink theres an interview where jordan blilie or someone directly says that? dont have it with me rn #but yeah. what a progressive band for the 2000s #and also. shhhhh osrry to hate post #but. they did a lot of the stuff some of u guys slobber over emo bands for #before the emo bands did. and they did it better and more explicitly #and without doing warped tour #but yeah thats me being salty speaking as per use #my original point. just pay attention to that lol

[eau-duresistance]

My favourite things about the whole OceanGate disaster, in no particular order

That the vessel was originally named Cyclops II but the CEO renamed it to Titan, so it’s even BETTER than the Titanic

He also called it indestructible

The guy piloting the vessel is an ex-naval captain who has been on several titanic manned trips. But the guy is 77 rn

The billionaire from Pakistan is apparently friends with King Charles. You’d think for someone who’s besties with a guy whose job was literally being born, he’d care more about protecting his bloodline. Instead, he brought his 19 year old with him

Meanwhile, the stepson of one of the other billionaires (I think the British one named Hamish) went to a Blink 182 concert. When questioned about this, he basically went “my family would want me to go to the concert”. Today, minutes after posting about asking for thoughts and prayers, he @‘ed an OF model on Twitter, asking her to sit on his face

Bc it’s part of the safety demo & music track list for the trip, there is a VERY good chance that if there’s still some power left in the sub, it’s playing an instrumental of My Heart Will Go On on loop

Also, the vessel is a submersible bc it doesn’t meet literally any of the safety regulations to be called a submarine. Which the CEO knew, because he’s blatantly said that safety regulations get in the way of progress

The CEO once stated that he thought the future of humanity was not in space, but in the ocean when the surface becomes uninhabitable

Apparently the controller he’s using has REAL bad reviews because the connection always fails

These idiots paid $250k EACH but they had to pack their own lunch. Not even a damn charcuterie board

The pilot’s seat is on the toilet. So whenever someone needs to go, the pilot needs to move

There’s 1 window looking out. That’s it

It’s about the size of a minivan

The sub uses texts (but only to the CEO’s phone) to communicate, as well as StarLink, but they can only access that if they surface

The door literally cannot be opened from inside

There is a decent chance that at least 1 person has been cannibalized (my bet was the pilot since he’s not rich, but bc of the banging sounds, he’s probs not dead, so it may be the CEO)

They’re supposed to run out of oxygen tomorrow (22/06/23) at 7 am est, but tbh, the CO2 scrubber system will probs fail before that

The toilet is a plastic bag

This is only the 3rd time in 3 years the vessel has gone to the Titanic. Every other time, there’s an issue and they gotta turn back within like 4 hours

A lot of major news networks are trying to remain positive, but it’s a HILARIOUS comparison when you go to social media and every single person is like “yeah that shit is built like a cardboard boat, they’re fucked”

The company’s name is literally called OceanGate

#oceangate #Titan #titanic #shut up holly #queue du résistance

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

#actually autistic #chuck tingle #tingleverse #buckaroo lifestyle

[feluka]

there's nothing more cruel than whenever queer arabs are fighting for to be seen as human beings and someone thinks an appropriate rebuttal is "lmao everyone you know wants you dead for who you are 🤣🤣" i don't think a person has an ounce of compassion when they say that. putting aside that "you have to be that much of a progressive person to deserve life" is a very fucked up mentality, it completely spits on every queer arab community fighting the hardest most gruesome battles you can think of just so they can make space for themselves and get to keep ALL aspects of their identity. you think you get to pick and choose your activism but i don't get to throw my arabness on the coat hanger before coming into your "progressive, queer-friendly" spaces. you're making us trade one injustice (suppressing our queerness to fit in) for another (suppressing our culture to fit in) and that's not the happy end you think it is. and then when we try to fight for a way to keep both aspects of ourselves you mock us very cruelly.

[teaboot]

As someone who learnt english as a second language via textbook, I have to say "flying by the seat of my pants" is a hilarious idiom xD

It's the first time I've seen/heard it.

Could you share another one you like using?

Idk about idioms specifically, but there's a bunch of phrases I learned from my mom!

Lord love a duck! (Incredulous, like 'oh my god')

Lord suffer in sheep dip! (Sheep dip meaning sheep poop. Incredulous, but for annoying things- like 'are you kidding me?')

Is there a piano tied to your ass? ('Don't be lazy, do it yourself')

Someone's cruising for a bruising. (You're picking a fight.)

I don't give a rat's rip. ('I don't care'- a rat's 'rip' is it's butt crack.)

Pull up a stump! (Get yourself a chair, sit down.)

Everybody out of the pool! (Get out of the car)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.)

Don't go blowing smoke up my ass. (Don't over-compliment me, don't flatter me, don't stroke my ego, don't tell me positive lies)

Looks like it's gonna rain on our parade. (A storm is coming.)

Sorry to rain on your parade. (I've given you bad news- can be used sincerely or sarcastically to denote sympathy for incurring a bad mood.)

Better button that lip. (Stop talking.)

Someone's gonna stick a boot up your ass. ('Stick a boot up your ass'- fight you, beat you, kick your ass.)

Stick that lip out any further, and a pigeon'll shit on it. (Stop whining.)

Suck it up, buttercup. (Stop whining.)

Dumber than a fence post. (Very stupid.)

The back forty. (The wild or forested area behind a rural home. The 'forty' being forty acres, or farmland.)

Don't go begging for a fat lip. (Whatever you're saying or doing is going to bother people and get you in trouble.)

What on God's green earth (What the fuck)

I'm sweating like a pig in a porta-potty (like a pig in a plastic outhouse- I'm very warm, it's hot here)

He thinks the universe flew out of his ass. (He thinks he's more impressive than he is.)

Your mouth wrote a cheque your ass couldn't cash. (You promised more than you were capable of providing.)

You've got a horseshoe up your ass. (You're very, very lucky.)

Taking a dirt nap. (Dead.)

Pushing (up) daisies. (Dead.)

Give me forty acres to turn this rig around. (I need time and space to move this large, heavy, or unwieldy thing. Usually about navigating a vehicle. Taken from a song lyric.)

Jesus take the wheel. (God help me, I can't handle this, I give up.)

Gone belly-up. (Has died.)

We've got a floater. (This one is dead.)

Herding cats. (Trying to organize chaos, managing an impossibly complicated situation.)

I've got a black thumb. (I am bad at growing plants, all my plants die- reference to having a 'green thumb', or being good at growing plants.)

Stop trackin' floor cookies. (Floor cookies are bits of animal shit that fall off your work boots- 'tracking floor cookies' means wearing your boots in the house; take your shoes off at the door.)

Running around like a headless chicken. (Frantic, disorganized, stressed out by many tasks or panicked by a big situation.)

Spinning my wheels. (Waiting around for something to happen, getting nowhere, frustrated by inactivity, not making any progress towards a goal.)

He's gonna blow a gasket. (He's going to lose his temper, he's going to be angry.)

They'll tan your hide. (They'll punish you severely; usually through violence. Specifically in reference to a spanking.)

He's a few bricks short a load. (He's not clever / he doesn't think things through / he's crazy)

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. (Not the smartest person. Very dumb, clumsy, or absent-minded.)

I'm not going to bail you out. (Not going to save your sinking boat- not going to help you out of your bad situation.)

Looks like things are going south. (The situation is growing worse.)

I'll start making tracks. (I'll leave now, I'll start working, I'll get going.)

He's fucking the dog. (He's not being productive, he's doing a bad job, he's made things worse, he's screwing around.)

He's making puppies. (Less graphic version of 'fucking the dog'.)

Plant your ass. (Sit.)

Playing grab-ass. (Procrastinating- accomplishing nothing, slowing people down.)

He couldn't find his ass in the dark. (He's stupid, ineffective, underqualified, or incompetent.)

He couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He is unbelievably, comically dumb or ineffective. He can't do anything right.)

One foot in the ground. (Dying, or half-dead.)

I'm kicking rocks. (I'm not doing anything productive.)

I'm hauling ass. (I'm running away.)

Madder than a wet hen. (Very, very angry.)

Like I said I'm not sure that these are all idioms but they're all the phrases and sayings from my childhood that I can remember right now

EDIT: Cannot BELIEVE I forgot my mom's favourite

52. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets filled first. (Wishes don't come true by themselves)

Plus some more I forgot:

53. You make a better door than a window. (You're in the way of my view.)

54. You can take a long walk off a short pier. (Go fuck yourself.)

55. He's about as sharp as a bowling ball. (He's stupid.)

56. Scoot your poot. (Move over.)

57. Not my first rodeo. (I know what I'm doing.)

58. He's built like a brick shithouse. (He's broad and sturdy and very strong, solid.)

59. I smell bacon. (I saw a cop nearby.)

60. I don't want to hear a peep. (Stop talking.)

61. You're thinking with the wrong head. (You're making bad decisions because you're horny.)

62. I'd lose my ass/head if it wasn't tied on. (I'm very absent-minded, forgetful.)

63. That went down like a lead balloon. (That situation was bad.)

#Teaboot

[astraltrickster]

Periodic reminder that you are not immune to reactionary radicalization through fandom.

We all know the "jokes" about how old bronies either came out as queer or became fascists - except they're not really jokes, and a lot of the queer ones admit to having been in the pipeline before they came out (some in a way that implies they never totally got out of said pipeline and don't understand the gravity of it),

GamerGate was an entire right-wing reactionary movement that was - and this is not hyperbole - partially responsible for turning fascism into a "legitimate" position by the American Overton window, composed entirely of people who feared losing their fan spaces,

We've had terfs right here on tumblr dot com BRAGGING about how useful fandom is as a recruiting space,

TJLC was a big pipeline for acephobia on this hellsite in particular, when people argued that headcanoning Sherlock as ace was inherently homophobic because it was denying a TOTALLY GONNA BE CANON (while the creators were promising that it wasn't going to be canon) gay pairing, and puritanical, and just HAVING that headcanon was saying that people COULDN'T ship Johnlock, all in the interest of a "fake" sexuality and "pretending to be oppressed" and oh whoops there you went,

We see people who all but center their fandom activity and identities around figuring out which people in predominantly queer fandom spaces are SECRETLY PEDOPHILES AND GROOMERS, acting consciously or otherwise under the assumption that predominantly queer fandom spaces are just massively infested with them in a way that other spaces are not for SOME reason, who twist the definition of "pedophilia" in these spaces until it covers shipping a 17-year old fictional character with an 18-year old fictional character, or a 30-year old with a 45-year old, or including an autistic character in a ship, and drawing two 17-year old characters kissing constitutes "child porn", and who unironically say we should bring back the Hays Code and Censorship Is Good Actually And Our Problem Is We Don't Do It Enough and this often becomes a pipeline to "sex ed is child abuse; people shouldn't even know what sex is until they turn 18; you need my consent to wear certain outfits in public if I see them as sexually charged, and Pride SHOULD be an assimilationist sideshow for our corporate overlords family-friendly party with no sadness or anger or ESPECIALLY acknowledgement of sex allowed",

We've seen otherwise progressive people defend literal hate symbols in fanart when pushback against the above brand of reactionaries gets corrupted into zero-nuance "it's us vs. them so anything they don't like is Good",

Even outside of those examples some of the most vicious, unapologetic, blatant queerphobic abuse I've seen in recent years hasn't come from right-wingers but from LGBT+ people, dressing their deep, violent, seething hatred for queer people who aren't exactly like them in a thin veneer of progressive language, who have become so convinced that they're the main character of the fucking universe that they think writing or enjoying a queer story that doesn't resonate with them is more queerphobic than sending a queer person who writes or enjoys such a story countless rape and death threats and denying their identity,

We've seen these examples again and again and again, and we keep seeing it again and again and again, so I am once again on my knees BEGGING people to recognize that this is not Something That Happens To Other, BAD People, or Something That Happens To People In BAD Fandoms, or Something That Happens To People On The OTHER Side Of Perennial Drama; this is something that CAN happen to you.

These things are the result of the fact that fandom is, by nature, a place of heightened emotion and if you don't know what to look out for that is very exploitable; you need to know the methods people use to do this, simply Being In The Right Fandoms or Liking The Right Ships is not enough.

So, if you see someone trying to convince you that you have the ONLY valid approach to any specific character, or ship, or show, or whatever, that your ship is activism and your fanfics are praxis, and liking something else or liking the same thing differently is Only For Bad People, that is the single biggest red flag that YOU NEED TO RUN, THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL YOU SOMETHING THAT YOU DO NOT WANT

#fandom #radicalization by fandom #serious tag #keeping the property values down #<- aka my tag for 'i doubt this will circulate but i dont want people who will get involved in this shit on my blog' #though i wont be mad if it does circulate because people need to realize this