(photo cred to @lilyhella's post)
Fragmented
Noah Sebastian x OFC
Chapters are shorter because I want to get this story out faster. Just means more chapters than the original.
The love I am getting from this story, and from Anonymous, has me absolutely dying. You all are the best. Thank you so much for taking the time to follow this! 🖤
Warnings: Desperate, sad, heartbroken smut.
+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.
Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc
Also, @diabolicdiatonics, your kind words and feedback earned you a spot on the tag list. 😉
Part 5 - Blurry
‘Having your heart ripped out of your chest’ is a grotesque, yet extremely accurate metaphor to use when you’re dealing with heartbreak. The pain, the depression, the perspective it gives, I can imagine resembles that of someone tearing through your flesh, muscle, and bone, ripping your beating heart out, and throwing it on the floor like it means nothing.
Ironic, because I’d prefer that to what I was currently feeling.
Two days had gone by since Mileena ended us. Two slow, long, painful days. One of the best parts about being a parent, that no one forewarns you of, is that you don’t get to break down. Not when you have kids.
After that phone call, all I wanted was to crawl in a hole. If anything, just to keep myself from crawling into a bar or a bottle. I wanted to lay in bed and never wake up. Stay in the safe bubble of my room forever, where the pillows and sheets and blanket smelled like her.
Is that what I did? No. I promptly took my daughter home, and kept her for the following forty-eight hours.
She didn’t deserve to see the pain that this had caused, that I somehow managed to conjure. She deserved her Daddy’s full attention, and that is exactly what she got.
The first night was hard. I had to text Leena several times to ask questions. Had her bedtime changed? Why did she keep throwing her favorite stuffed lion out of the crib? Where was the rash cream? What the hell did ‘handle’ mean?!
Leena: We go to bed at 8:30 now.
Leena: She’ll do that over and over. She’s messing with you. She’ll stop after a few times.
Leena: Medicine cabinet, Addie’s bathroom, top shelf.
Leena: Angel. She misses the dog.
Her responses were robotic. Cold. No emotion at all.
After Addison finally fell asleep, I had no time to sulk. The tour exhaustion creeping in and the weight of the entire day pulled me into bed, narrowly managing to click the baby monitor on before I fell into a slumber. In my dreams, Mileena was with me, curling her arm around my waist like she did, pressing her ice cold feet to the back of my legs, and all was right with the world.
But that reprieve didn’t last nearly long enough, as Addison was awake, bright and early at 6:30AM, ready to eat and be changed.
How did Mileena do this for months alone? I was twelve hours in and felt like dying already.
That day, I called and begged for help, prompting Nick to come hang with Addison and I for most of the day. He also, thankfully, brought Angel to stay with us until Addison went back to Mileena.
We didn’t talk about it. I couldn’t. It felt too real already.
The day passed easier, but I still had to ask too many questions.
Me: She wont eat her puffs. Is there something else she eats now?
Leena: Cereal.
Me: What’s the wifi password?
Leena: Addison1031!
Me: What size diapers does she wear?
Leena: It’s on the front of the diaper.
By the final day, I had vowed not to ask any more questions. I was a father, a grown man, I could handle my own daughter. I could make decisions and figure out how to keep her happy and fed. I wasn’t an invalid.
So that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t ask a single question the entire day. Each time I managed to figure out what Addison needed or wanted, I cheered for myself, proud that I could manage.
But by midday, my phone had chimed on the counter while I fed Addie lunch.
Leena: Everything okay?
I scrunched my eyebrows.
Me: Yeah, why?
Leena: Haven’t heard from you all day.
This made me roll my eyes.
Me: I am an adult. I can handle an 18-month old.
Leena: Okay. Is 7 a good time to come by and get her?
My heart sunk, a regular feeling for me these days.
Me: Sure.
I pursed my lips, typing again.
Me: Are you sending someone else to come get her?
Leena: Do you want me to?
I thought about this. Did I want to see her? Feel the hurt even more than I already could? Have her so close that I could touch her, but not be allowed to? Rip that wound, that had only barely begun to scab, back open wide to bleed all over?
Me: No.
Yes. Yes I did.
I was frazzled, Addison in stage four meltdown mode. She was extra tired, having refused to go down for a nap today. It was 6PM, and I hadn’t had the opportunity to pick up the living room or kitchen yet like I planned, intending to not look like a total mess in front of Leena.
My sweats were covered in what could only be described as mystery goo, crusted and a foul color. Was it food? Crap? Boogers? What a time to be alive.
“Lady, I don’t know where your lion is!” I was currently ripping my living room apart, sweat coating my forehead and neck, while my daughter sat in her walker, screaming bloody murder for her toy over and over.
“Where did you put him, mama?!” The couch cushions were askew, the coffee table pushed off to the side, and all of the cabinets in the entertainment center wide open.
The constant screaming burned a hole in my brain. I stood up, and took a calculated breath before my head exploded. It hurt so God damn bad, and the ibuprofen was just not cutting it.
It was at that exact moment I saw a flash of yellow fuzz fly by my peripheral, and I whipped my head around to see Angel, lion between his teeth, standing at attention at the edge of the living room.
I let out all of the air in my lungs, nearly collapsing in relief when he trotted over to the baby, dropping the stuffed toy on her tray and licking away her drying tears.
My body fell back onto the remaining intact cushion, and I dropped my head into my hands.
Who was I kidding? I can’t do this.
Like some kind of cosmic joke, the doorbell rang just as the thought crossed my mind, and I heavily lifted myself up, stalking to the door.
I pulled it open, any stress and anxiety melting, and an overwhelming calm overtaking me. As it sunk in, the tinge of dread at the end kept me from smiling at the sight.
Mileena stood on the other side, black tank top cut low, jean’s hugging her hips, flip-flops showing off black painted toe nails. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun on top of her head where her sunglasses were perched.
“Hey.”
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted to fall, let her catch me. I wanted to break down like a small child, and cry. Listen to her tell me it was okay. She was done punishing me, and she would come home. That life would go back to the way it was supposed to. That she loved me, and forgave me, and that we’d never be apart again.
But I knew better.
“Hey. Come in.” I stood aside, letting her step inside, watching as her eyes surveyed the scene in front of her. She looked amused.
I began twirling around, putting cushions back and straightening the table. Picking up toys and tossing them in the bin, closing cabinets.
I looked back at her, frozen in the same spot, a grin on her face. My chest lurched for a second, until she lifted her finger and pointed behind me.
Confused, I looked back, seeing Addison now laying her head down atop her lion, eyes closed and snoozing comfortably. Still bent over, completely defeated, I fell back onto the floor, knees bent, and rested my arms on them, shaking my head and chest trembling with quiet laughter. Leena took a step into the living room, chuckling herself.
"Long day?"
I just looked at her, and shrugged. "Maybe a little."
Her eyes were sympathetic. Her smile was tight.
"Uhm," She shifted, and it was then I noticed the tote bag on her shoulder. "do you mind if I run upstairs for a minute? I just need to grab a few things."
I waved toward the staircase lazily. "Go for it. Looks worse up there though."
My tone was dismissive, which wasn't exactly on purpose, but I couldn't muster anything else in that moment. She just nodded, trotting up the steps. I just stared at Addie, breathing evenly, thinking about how simple life seemed when she was sleeping.
"Noah?" I looked up to see her, hanging slightly over the banister. "Have you seen my flat iron?"
"Under the bathroom sink."
She shook her head. "It's not."
I grunted, standing back up. "Angel." I snapped and grabbed his attention, pointing at Addison. He promptly jumped up from his bed in the corner of the room, and curled up in front of the walker, always keeping watch.
I jogged up the stairs, brushing past Mileena, making a conscious effort not to notice that she smelled like fresh soap. Recently showered.
I swung into the bathroom, bending down to look under the sink, and dug around the miscellaneous items that lived under there. I finally located it, beneath a stack of towels, and pulled it out. She was stood in the doorway to the bathroom, and I handed it to her, stopping just short of a foot in front of her.
She grabbed it gratefully. "Thanks."
Leena turned around and disappeared into the closet, coming back out with some clothes she had left, and other random items that I didn't take note of. I leaned against the frame of the bathroom door, just watching her move. It made it worse, seeing her empty her things out of the bedroom, but maybe it would help me accept the situation? I definitely didn't have the energy to fight.
She finally zipped the bag, and looked up at me. "I think that's good for now. I can always grab more when I drop her off again."
"Mm." Was all I could say.
She shrugged, and sat down on the bed, her large, deep brown eyes staring at me.
"Do you hate me?"
She's joking, right? She had to be.
"What?"
"You look like you hate me."
This made me laugh from somewhere deep in my chest, a twisted, sadistic cackle. "Wow."
She crinkled her nose. So fucking cute. "Wow, what?"
I grabbed the back of my neck and looked down at the floor, trying to find the strength.
"No, Mileena. I don't hate you." I pulled at the hairs that grew at the base of my skull, begging for a sensation other than this fucking misery. "Quite the opposite, actually."
Her face looked...sad. So fucking sad. I could relate.
"I hate this." I pointed to the bag next to her on the bed. "But not you."
Her hand tapped the mattress, beckoning me to sit. I knew I should give her a wide enough berth, fearing I may lose control at any given moment. I wasn't good at that in general, but around Mileena? Fucking hell.
I didn't budge.
She rolled her eyes. "Noah. Come sit with me."
Well, I mean, when she put it that way.
I walked over to the bed, and sat. I kept at least six inches of space between us, and looked at her.
Her eyes were shiny; wet. This was hard for her, and I knew that, but I couldn't see how she could be hurting as much as me.
I was worth losing. She wasn't.
"I just," Her voice was crackling, as if it was almost gone. "I miss you."
"You know how to fix that." My words were so matter-of-fact, and I knew it wasn't that easy, but I wanted it to be.
"I told you. I can't."
"Can't, or won't?"
She was just gazing at me. There was something behind her eyes, that I was sure she didn't want me to see, something vulnerable and broken. Her soul. It hurt.
Maybe that's why she grabbed me, wrapped her arms around me, and buried her head in my chest. It startled me, but my arms still circled her, and my chin came to rest on her head. Her body was trembling hard, soft cries coming out of her.
I pressed my lips in to the top of her head, my own tears beginning to spill over, soaking into her hair.
"It's alright, baby. I got you." I tried my damndest to keep my voice even, hugging her tighter the harder she sobbed.
"Noah, I love you so fucking much."
I began rocking us gently. "I love you too, Mileena. More than you could ever understand."
Her fingers were gripping the shirt on my back like her life depended on it. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry."
Her words were so quiet that I almost missed them.
I pulled back, looking down at her reddened face. "Don't."
Her eyes widened, her lip shaking.
"Don't apologize."
I don't know why. I didn't even think. I just leaned down, and brushed a soft kiss against her lips, as if it was nothing. Like a reflex.
But when I tried to pull away, her hand had me, the back of my neck locked into place, and her mouth pressing against me hastily, as if she was starving. Like she would never get the chance again.
A spark ignited inside of me, a roaring fire building in my chest, and for the first time in days, I finally felt alive. The blood shooting through my veins was hot as sulfuric acid, needing to be put to use or it may burn through my skin.
Pressing my tongue into her mouth, she let a gasping moan come out of her mouth.
That was it. She was done for. Even if only in this moment, she was mine.
I dug my fingers into her waist, and flipped her around, pushing her back onto the bed, without disconnecting our lips. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, letting my teeth dig in hard enough to make her whimper.
Trailing wet kisses down the side of her neck, I let my left hand trail down the center of her body, and pop the button of her jeans open effortlessly, pulling the zipper down.
"Noah."
She was trying to get my attention, as if she didn't have every shred of my mind on her at all times. I didn't stop, my hand sliding down into the front of her jeans, fingers slipping into her panties.
"You tell me to stop, and it's done." I spoke against her neck, making her shiver.
I paused, waiting, but heard no sounds of protest. Just hot, ragged breathing.
Mercilessly, my hand slipped down between her lips, my index finger penetrating her smoothly, making her back arch clean off the bed.
"That's it, baby." I pressed my lips to her cheek, slipping my middle finger in, curling both digits to graze her sweet spot. "Just let it all go."
It was as if a rubber band snapped in her, her body loosening, relaxing beneath my touch. Her eyes had fluttered closed, her lashes dancing on her cheekbones. I watched her, mouth open, drinking in the sight of her coming undone. Her hips bucked, fucking herself harder on my hand.
Her hands pulled at my arm, grounding herself. "I'm going to fucking come." Her words were broken, fighting for breath.
"Yeah baby, come for me." I pressed against the soft spot inside of her, applying more steady pressure as I fingered her savagely.
I saw her eyes rolling back, and felt her spasm around my hand, a flood of moisture soaking her panties.
She reached her face up, connecting our lips again, and we laid there, making out for longer than necessary, arms and legs tangled together. How long we stayed like this, I just couldn't say. I would've stayed there forever if I could.
Eventually her hand snaked down to my sweats, palming the hard erection I had been trying to ignore. I grunted, pushing up into her hand. I would take any touch, any attention, from her.
"Noah?"
I pressed my forehead to hers, noses bumping as I continued to press light kisses on her lips. "Hmm?"
"I need you."
I am not one to deny someone their needs.
It took a fraction of a second before I had her jeans off, panties going along with, and was sliding my sweats down, letting my cock free. Her eyes stared at me, half-masked. Waiting.
I had no time to waste, for fear at any moment she may just disappear, so I lined myself up to her, and pressed in hard. She let out a noise that could only be described as guttural. I took a moment to adjust, trying not to explode right then and there. Once I had gotten a grip on myself, I began sliding slowly in and out of her.
Her hands grabbed me, fisting the hair on the back of my head, and pulled my face down to hers, locking us again in a warm, wet kiss. The emotion that poured between us was an ebb and flow of want and regret, not knowing what was coming after this was over.
Leena’s hips shifted to meet my thrusts, our bodies pressed together in a rhythmic dance. We parted to breathe, panting together, each growing closer to our respective climaxes.
“Noah,” She was staring up at me. “I love you.” She grit her teeth. “Fuck, I love you so much.”
I had to close my eyes, focusing on the feel of her around me, her pussy tighter and tighter with each thrust.
“Fuck, Mileena. I fucking love you.”
Her hands were now holding my shoulders, her face desperate. Her eyes begged me to come as I felt her begin to spasm again.
That’s all it took. I let go, the waves rushing over me all at once, my skin burning white hot.
We stared at each other for a long time, pain being shared between the small space of our bodies. It was almost suffocating, but I preferred it over feeling like I would never be here again. That single fact was enough to keep me locked onto her, silently begging her not to leave me.
However, she broke our connection, shifting underneath me, a sign that this was done. The moment had gone, and it was time to let reality back into the room.
-
Two weeks. Two weeks without my better half. The side of my soul that held anything good and sane. Two weeks I had felt like the shell of a human, a suit of skin hung over a skeleton like some kind of elaborate Halloween decoration. Two weeks I had felt like I was going to die at any given moment, or wished I would.
Somehow, I was still breathing.
Today was going to be different, though. I had received a call from Alec, our representative from Sumerian, saying that the meeting was set and we all needed to be there.
I anticipated this meeting every second since that moment in the hotel. It was finally time to make things right, to at least some degree. I was nothing if not ecstatic.
My truck parked neatly next to Jolly's Audi in the parking lot, I met the guys, who all stood outside the building, chatting.
"Afternoon, gents." The smile across my face nearly broke my jaw.
"Hey, he's alive!" Folio's arm came up to shove me, making me shove back playfully.
"Shut up, dude. I'm going through shit."
He responded with an eye roll. "Can't even check in, dick."
"Cut the man some slack, he's adjusting." Nick snickered.
"Yep. I'm adjusting." I laughed.
A woman, nearly as tall as me, clean-cut and wildly intimidating, opened the door to the building and addressed us.
"Guys? We're about to get started."
We all straightened up, walking into the office and following her to a conference room.
"Ah, guys!" Alec stood from the long meeting table, a warm smile on his face. He was dressed casually, jeans and a plain blue t-shirt, coming around to give each of us a hard hug. "Good to see you."
We all said our greetings before taking seats on the same side of the table as Alec. The woman, who I had not met yet, was sat on the other side, a folder in front of her and a pen in her hands.
"This is Elizabeth Jones, our attorney." She nodded.
"Wish we were meeting under better circumstances." We all nodded in approval. She sighed, looking at the time on her watch. "She should be here shortly."
My heart began thumping when I could hear the door handle turning, and the heavy wooden door swinging open. I leaned back in my seat, my hands folded over my stomach. I caught Alec's face, giving me a knowing glance to keep my mouth shut.
"Rachel. Come in."
Rachel walked in, dressed more professional than I think I had ever seen. She wore black slacks, a grey, sleeveless blouse, and her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her lipstick was bright red. Likely due to the demon living inside of her attempting to escape. I only allowed myself a fleeting glance before I stared down at the table.
"What can I do for you all?"
Elizabeth stood to greet her.
"Rachel, I'm Elizabeth, nice to meet you." Her smile was fake, snake-like. I loved it. Deception. Rachel's exact game being played against her.
The blonde sat directly across from me, and I could feel her eyes on me. I didn't even bother looking back at her. She didn't deserve that. Not from me.
"Rachel, we brought you here to discuss the events that took place in Manhattan, and San Diego." Alec's voice was calm.
I heard her sigh. "I assumed as much."
"Okay. Well," I looked over to see him gesturing with his hands. "you see, it's come to our attention that there is some hostile tension between you, and some of the members of the band."
I looked over to my brothers, noticing they all glared directly at her.
"Tension?" She scoffed. "You mean the way Noah nearly attacked me at the hotel?"
My jaw tightened. Shut up. Don't say a word.
"The story we heard had to do with you causing a scene in the hallway of the hotel, making advances toward Noah, and spreading some rather salacious rumors about him at a club in New York."
Her hand slapped down on the table, causing a loud, sharp sound to echo in the room. I didn't move an inch.
"That's bullshit! He came to my fucking room late at night, misconstrued me asking to hang out, and then nearly pounced on me three days later when his girlfriend fucking left him!"
Don't fucking speak, Noah. It's not fucking worth it.
My hands were nearly ripping the skin off each other, my nails digging in to keep from letting my rage spill over.
"Ms. Hollis," Elizabeth's voice came in, unnaturally soothing. "the details of the events are unimportant." She sent a stare at me, to which I did not return.
"So why am I here?" Rachel's voice was irritated. Yes, what an inconvenience this must be...for her.
"Due to the aforementioned tension, and lack of cohesion with this working relationship, we would like to make you an offer."
I finally snuck a glance at Rachel, who had an eyebrow raised at Elizabeth in apprehension.
"What kind of offer?"
Elizabeth slid the folder over to her, setting a manicured hand down on the table.
"Six months pay, up front. All vacation days paid out, and several letters of recommendation from Sumerian."
Her mouth fell open, and her eyes narrowed. "You're firing me?!"
She turned her attention back to Alec, her voice becoming shrill.
"It's a separation." Alec was cold.
Rachel stood up, shoving the folder back at Elizabeth.
"Oh fuck that, you can't fire me over this!"
"Again, this is not a termination, Rachel. It's an amicable separation."
Elizabeth, however, was met with the end of Rachel's pointer finger.
"How dare you!" She turned to us next, her lips sneer and teeth bared. "And you!" She looked directly at me. I challenged her gaze, and couldn't help but let slip the slightest smirk.
"Oh, you fucking bastards." She backed away from the table. "You'll be hearing from my fucking lawyer."
The last of her I saw was a flash of her hair before the door slammed shut.
"Guys?" Jolly looked at Alec and Elizabeth. "Do we need to be worried?"
Elizabeth just stood, sighing heavily.
"I hope not."
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