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Ok fellow black girlies, I talk a lot of shit and may have a fondness for yt men, but at the end of the day I dont think I see myself ending up w/ a yt man. A non black person of color MAYBE but when its all said and done, I really want my children to look like me. As a dark skin girl, having dark skin sons and/or daughters is very important to me and always has been. Not only that, but a yt man can only sympathize so much w/ what poc go through and truth be told, no one other than another poc (emphasis on a bm) will truly understand my experiences as a black woman. Plus, I like seasoned food. Even though I feel the bm in this country make me feel less desirable than anyone else, I’m always conflicted bc these thoughts are always running through my head. This could also be why I find myself more partial to African or Caribbean black men bc 9/10 when i see dark skin women in happy relationships w/ black men who literally worship them, they are not American

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Did I told a story about that I was stalked at my work, because I gave my phonenumber to my indirect colleague (we work for the same company, but have different occupations), and started to harass me at work? Well, here it goes. I never actually intended to give up my phonenumber, but after he persisted, I reluctantly gave it to him. Only after I explicitly told him I wasn’t romantically, or any kind of that, interested in him. We only had mutual interest in music. That’s it. But even if I was interested in him this doesn’t justify his behavior. It never is. At first he was respectful, then he started to stalk me. After which I told him personally, via text and called him, repeatedly, to stop. It escalated to the point that he interrupted me at work, in front of my employer, because he wanted to “talk” with me (try to manipulate me to date him that is). I told him, in a nice way still, to go away. My employer asked him to get lost after he didn’t listen. He still didn’t listen. It took a severe verbal discussion to get him away. Afterwards he tried to call me, even after I permanently blocked him, and also received a very foul message from him. Not long after the incident I had to sit and talk with my employer, the supervisor of my employer and the employer of my stalker to stop him from harassing me. After the talk, he basically got a slap on his wrist with an unofficial warning. He eventually stopped harassing me, for a while at least.

Mentally I was done at this point: I didn’t want to go to work. I wanted to stop. I actually wanted to call the police (but that wouldn’t work too). I cried a lot. A lot. It took a huge emotional toll on me. It was awful. It’s still is. Everytime I wanted to go to work it was met with so much dreadfulness. Then after few weeks of no harrasement. He did it again. He provoked me. Again. In front of other colleagues, which helped me to get him an official warning letter from human resources. He should’ve been laid off at this point, but instead they just let him work… eventually. My employer even blamed me for this, because I gave up my phonenumber. Because, hey, that means I must be romantically interested, right? So that is a sign to get harrased by this grown ass troglodyte. A choice that he, the stalker, knowingly made. It’s not that I’m grown enough to tell that stalker that I’m not interested in the first place and that he’s adult enough to understand that. Right? No. I got blamed instead, by my own employer no less. By the stalker’s employer. By a few of my colleagues. Because I gave up my phonenumber. Because it’s easier to blame a person not at fault. Because it’s easier to blame a woman.

The stalker even had the nerve to say that every time I walked past him— A choice I don’t have, sometimes, because of my job—he said that I “provoke” him. As if I’m the evil seducer, and to rub salt into the wound his crusty ass employer said the same. So because of my gender, I can’t do my job? I can’t walk certain areas? Because that is what eventually happened. Also, my own employer also said that I could even lose my job, since this stressful situation (or any other for that matter) can make me less productive. Not with the fact it’s because I got harrased that I eventually couldn’t sleep properly anymore. My employer only cares about productivity, instead of the well-being of his employees. Ironically, without its protection and safety, how will a employee be productive in the first place? But I digress. The company failed to protect their employees. Their female employees. Their POC employees. Their Black employees who are women. I can’t even say what’s on my mind or what I’m worried about, without jeopardizing my job, because I get gaslighted to get open up my feelings, only to get backfired as soon as I’m vulnerable.

I just hope justice will prevail very soon, because as of now society does nothing provide any kinds of justice. There’s too much racism, especially against Black people. Misogyny that I deal with every Goddamn day. Ageism. Every single day. Ironically, this pandemic actually makes my job a little bit more better— Which is insane if I think about it. But, I’m tired of it, people. I’m done with their fuckery.

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