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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 1 month

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medialog february 2k24

is it almost april. yes. am i letting that stop me. no. the perfect is the enemy of the good!

watched

she must be seeing things - a 1987 indie about a woman who gets obsessively jealous about her girlfriend's past after discovering her collection of photographs of ex-boyfriends; this movie contained one of the most human-feeling love scenes taking place between two characters in an established relationship i have ever seen, and captured the feel of new york city apartments inhabited by the un-rich in a visceral way. it is also a funny movie about how annoying artists are. i am like sincerely curious as to whether jonathan larson, during the years before or while he was developing rent, caught a screening of this (it had its premiere at film forum, where i saw it), because a story of sexual jealousy between a very professional black lesbian lawyer and her irritating yet captivating white bisexual artist girlfriend... did feel a little familiar to me as a person who could still belt out every line of take me or leave me in my sleep, ngl!

poor things - we've discussed this but: Yes. Me. Absolutely. i wanted to live in the world of this movie forever, it could have been four hours long and i NEVER say that shit. one of those where sometimes i see critiques or queries i think are valid and i nod peacefully and think: ah, but it wasn't for that; it was for me, to have a treat. also one of those where people are saying some bonkers ass shit about it all over the place, as we have also discussed; i do genuinely believe that reading it as in any way interested in or convinced it is describing a story of female empowerment is deeply misguided, and that much of the pleasure of the movie comes from the fact that bella doesn't need to be empowered, because she has been lucky enough to be raised as an experiment rather than as a woman, which is a fun sexy provocation that is of course nonsensical if taken literally but incredibly fun for me (the person this movie was for) to sit with for two hours.

office space - i watched this in high school and HAAAATED it, was bored out of my mind, and then every time it came up in conversation, which it did a lot because this is how things were in high school in 2005, i would say i didn't get it and the person i was talking to would say, "you have to watch it twice." i don't think i've ever had an experience with a piece of media where the response to my response was so reliably uniform. anyway yeah this is funnier the second time. stephen root might be our greatest living actor idk

drive-away dolls - YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHHHHHHHH

the heartbreak kid - elaine may's mikey and nicky is one of the most emotionally brutal films i've ever watched, but i think i found this harder to sit through. it's brilliant - i talked about it with a friend who'd seen it sometime earlier who said it was the first movie she could remember seeing that confronted men's fantasies so directly, which is apt - but absolutely excruciating. i never really understood what the film people were talking about when they talked about the use of cuts to build/release tension until the scene at a restaurant where a guy keeps winding himself up to break up with his wife on their honeymoon, and not doing it, and the camera just makes you stay with him until you are begging for relief.

sex, lies & videotape - rewatch with director's commentary. steven soderbergh is definitely on the list of famous people i delusionally believe i could be friends with if the circumstances of life had caused our paths to overlap.

zone of interest - another one that has really Brought Out The Takes, about which i'll just say: no one in this movie is turning a blind eye to what they're doing with the possible exception of the mother, who's happy to join in with some chattily murderous antisemitism but finds the material reality of it too distasteful to stay (in at least one potential reading of a plot point left interestingly ambiguous). personally i thought the film was (1) almost completely disinterested in the question of the banality of evil (2) quite good.

mission: impossible - i talked my friend into going through the series with me and we started off with a double-header; the colors in this movie are sooooooo good. tom cruise at this point has obviously had work done by xenu's finest specialists but revisiting this did remind me that he actually also genuinely always has looked quite young for his age - he's 34 in this but he looks like a baby.

mission: impossible - 2 - i literally can't believe there are people who don't like this movie. grow up

read

monster midway: an uninhibited look at the glittering world of the carny, william lindsay gresham - i guess i don't know what i expected from a nonfiction book about the carnival by the author of nightmare alley, the great american novel, but it definitely wasn't 300 pages about how the carnival is the most special and wonderful place on earth and the people who've given their lives to it are the noblest, boldest, most magical folks you can find. i particularly enjoyed the section on palmistry as cold-reading, which included a long quote from fake psychic about how really most people just need to be told some basic emotional truths and to believe in themselves, so if she can give them that, that's a dollar well spent, which is tbh hard to argue with.

listened

rosie tucker - tiny songs vol. 1 - rosie tucker came onto my radar through one of dave's mixes, which i'm still listening to - her song "all my exes live in vortexes," which opens "i hope no one had to piss in a bottle at work to get me the thing i ordered on the internet," caught my ear - and while i haven't delved further into her discography, i did love this 12-track, 10 minute album (not a typo!), which gives you the sense of someone spitballing an idea for a song just long enough to start it, then losing interest and moving on to the next one, but in a good way? idk it's fun and weird and only 10 minutes!

#media 2k24 #isabel 2k24

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youaremysunshinekt · 2 years

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I hope you enjoy your life, always make sure to take care of yourself, stay on track, that life will treat you kindly, things will work in your favor.

It's plain to see that you don't want or need me in your life.

I had hoped against hope that we could establish some kind of relationship, seeing as how we already share this very special, unique connection.

Life doesn't always work in our favor though and maybe we simply met at the wrong time.

All I know is that I'm at my limits, my health worse than it's ever been before and I need a break from everything, need to focus on myself.

Yes, I have severely neglected myself these past few months and for what?

My health and mental state had already been very bad to begin with but that was nothing in comparison to now.

It would've been nice for a change if someone would've actually cared for me, my health, well-being, happiness, genuinely but since I'm the only one who will presumably ever truly do so, I'll have to go pick myself up and work on improving my state, my overall health and getting back on track.

It was delusional to think that someone could ever care so much for me, love me to fight for me for a change, actually give a damn how I'm doing and feeling, if I'm even around or not.

I've never been anyone's priority but I know now that I need to make myself my priority again for that same reason.

It surely would've been great getting to have a partner, someone to share the burden of life, someone to brighten my days, someone to talk to, a reason to look forward to every single day.

At the end of the day, I'm here all alone, trapped in my mind, the darkness, the void with no light at the end of the tunnel, no one to pull me out of this epic mess but myself, no support, motivation, approval, shoulder to rest my tired head on, sweet messages to lift my spirits, kind, loving, appreciative words, no one to ever tell me that I'm the center of their little universe, that they're so grateful for having met me, to have me in their lives, someone who cares and is happy, overjoyed to be at the receiving end of my poetry, essays, love letters, stories, my dedication, appreciation.

Someone who embraces the force with which I love, appreciates it, is overjoyed and happy by it, proud to be on the receiving end of it, to have been chosen to be loved in this way and who does everything in their might to make me feel just as loved, appreciated in turn.

Yes, sometimes it really sucks big time being a hopeless romantic, feeling this strongly, loving this much, being this devoted, dedicated, selfless.

There's a reason why people like me are often single.

Only a fellow hopeless romantic could ever truly get us but love doesn't work this way, I'm afraid.

Why is unrequited love a thing anyway? How I wish I would live in a world where everyone had their match and no one would fall behind, that match being someone who truly got them without having to "learn how to love them" which is another thing that shouldn't have to be an issue.

Either you love someone or you don't, period. For me, it's always been this way.

I very much do believe in unconditional love and I have fallen in love with someone in that same way.

If you love someone unconditionally, you ultimately know how to love them right, sense what they need without them having to tell you.

Still, that knowledge is useless if the person in question does not reciprocate and to them you are merely a random stranger who they met by chance.

It wasn't chance but destiny, to me it was. We aren't strangers but soulmates. I know it but what does that knowledge, that unbearable ache in my chest help me if the one I desire doesn't give a damn about me, denies that we share this connection, denies us to deepen this special bond we share for the heavens know what reason?

All I wanted was to get to know her and talk to her.

I've failed, again and lost myself along the way.

Now who's gonna mend my broken heart?

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