#but only if I can find the will to go on🙃

[rafesfavgirl]

do you enjoy being hurt? — r. cameron

a little self-indulgent bc why do the people in my life always act up when i'm already stressed over finals 🙃

❝ baby, i just don't get it do you enjoy being hurt? ❞

pairing: bsf!rafe x fem!reader

context: after another break up with your boyfriend, rafe finds you.

words: 1.3k+

warnings: reader's in a toxic relationship, overprotective!rafe, insecure!reader, a little fluff, angst

"y/n, what the hell?" rafe comes bursting through your bedroom door without warning, and you quickly wipe away the tears that have been caused by your boyfriend—or ex-boyfriend—who had just broken up with you. again. "i've been-"

the look of frustration on his face switches to one of concern in a single second, rushing to crouch down beside you sitting down on the floor, leaning back against your bed. "woah, woah, woah," he says, picking your face up in his hands and making you look at him. "why you crying?"

"it's nothing, rafe," you push his hands off your face and stand up to look at yourself in your vanity mirror. pieces of your hair were sticking to your cheek from dried up tears, and your eyes were bloodshot red and puffy.

"it's not nothing," he argues, looking at you through the mirror. "you're fucking crying, y/n! what happened?" his concern slowly morphs into anger, frustrated at the fact that you wouldn't tell him anything. "it was evan, wasn't it?" he spat, beginning to pace around your room in an attempt to calm himself down. 

"that fucking motherfucker," he muttered, not being able to stop the words that fall out of his mouth. "what'd he say or do now? fuck another bitch? tell you you're not hot enough for him? accuse you of cheating? i swear to god y/n, if-"

when he realizes that you've broken down again, tears flowing out of your eyes as you leaned your hands on the vanity and stared down at it, he stops and rushes to your side.

"i'm sorry," his voice is soft now, a hand gently coming across the small of your back as a sob fell from your mouth and tears continued to trail down your cheeks. "i didn't mean to— hey. hey," he turns you around, his big arms wrapping around you in a comforting hug.

your sobs and sniffles only double in amount, as you melt into him and cry against his chest. "why am i like this, rafe?"

"shhh, shhh," he caresses your hair with his hand and rests his chin on top of your head. "it's okay."

"no, it's not okay," you reply, wiping at your tears. "i know that, i just don't-"

"hey, hey, hey," rafe separates himself form you, just enough to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs wiping at your tears. "just tell me what happened, a'ight? can you do that?"

sniffling and wiping at your nose, you nod at him, and he pulls away so you can both move to sit on the bed.

you pull your knees close to you chest, while rafe waits for you to speak. "he broke up with me… again," you say. "told me i wasn't doing enough, that i didn't benefit him in anyway. that there were other girls who did more for him, who were better." you just stare at the ground, refusing to look at him, knowing that the second you did, you'd break again.

rafe brings a hand up to rub his chin, heat rising in chest as a scoff left his mouth. that motherfucker.

"do you think he's right?" when you finally let your watery eyes meet his, the band that kept him in control snapped.

"oh fuck no," he immediately stands from the bed and charges towards the door. "i'm gonna give that son of a bitch-"

you scramble to your feet and follow him, stopping right in front of him to keep him from going any further. "rafe, no," you say, placing a hand on his heaving chest. "you can't."

"fuck you mean, i can't?" he asks, fuming. "that idiot made you cry. and not only that, but he made you feel as if you weren't good enough for him. you can't just tell me something like that and expect me to-"

"please," you plead, eyes only on his. "if you say something to him, it's only gonna make it worse. i don't want him to-"

"to what?" rafe cuts you off, his muscles tensing. "has he laid a hand on you?"

"not on purpose," you mumbled.

"what?" rafe asks through gritted teeth.

"we were both really mad," you shrug, no longer meeting his eyes. "i got pissed that he just started saying all that shit to me so i told him to calm the fuck down and got in his way so…"

"so… what?" you could tell by the sound of his voice that the next words you spoke could either have him snap or keep it together.

"look, it doesn't even matter, alright?" you push past him and head back into your room.

"the fuck you mean it doesn't matter?" he immediately follows after you, gently grabbing your wrist to make you look at him. "hey, look at me. did he touch you?"

cowering under his strong gaze, you mumble quietly. "it was an accident."

seething, his posture straightens and his hand drops from your wrist. "i'll see you later."

he turns on his heel without letting you get another word in and walks out of your room.

against your better judgment, and afraid of what he might do, you follow him down the hall and down the stairs.

"rafe," you call after him, but he ignores you and proceeds towards the foyer. "rafe, wait."

you jog to catch up and walk ahead of him, stopping him in his tracks by placing a hand against his hard, heaving chest. "where are you going?"

"get out of my way, y/n," he tells you, refusing to have his angry eyes meet yours.

if you thought he would just stand by while you told him your boyfriend "accidentally" laid a hand on you, you obviously didn't know him at all.

"where are you going?" you repeat yourself, and he finally looks at you.

"where do you think i'm going?"

you shake your head at him, your shoulders going limp. "please don't."

"for fuck's sake," he mutters under his breath and turns away from you to run a frustrated hand across his buzzed head. "why are you defending him?"

you wince at the tone of his voice, and shrug. "i'm not. it’s just-“

“just what?” he stops pacing and closes the distance between the two of you, taking both your hands in his. “i mean seriously, y/n. why do you stay with him? help me understand.”

looking into his pleading eyes, you couldn’t do much more than shrug. “i don’t know.”

and it was true. maybe you’d gotten so used to the toxicity that it was normal to you now. how fucked up is that?

a scoff leaves his mouth as he glances down and fiddles with your fingers, but it wasn’t bitter or disappointed. you really couldn’t quite place it.

“i just… i’ve gotten so used to it,” you admit. “i don’t know anything else.”

“don’t you know you deserve better?” his eyes meet yours again, but they’re no longer angry or searching for answers. they’re just sad.

you’d be lying if you said it didn’t cross your mind. every time your “boyfriend” had broken up with you, you swore to yourself it was the last time. that you couldn’t let him keep treating you the way he did, because he’d only take advantage. but that was much easier said than done.

“i’m not perfect, rafe,” you shrug, tears threatening to line up against your bottom waterline. “and love isn’t either.”

“but it shouldn’t hurt,” he tells you. “i mean, is this what you really want for yourself? some guy who constantly belittles you and makes you feel as if you’re not enough for him?”

“but what if he’s right?” you ask, causing rafe’s heart to shatter a little. he couldn’t believe that you, of all people, could really buy into that shit. you’d always been so perfect in his eyes. “what if-“

“oh, doll,” he drops one of your hands to caress your cheek. “there are so many guys out there who’d kill to just get an hour of your time.”

you lean into his touch without even thinking about it. “you think so?”

“i know so,” he nods, thumb swiping under your eye to wipe a new tear away. “let him go.”

this isn't even the draft i was suppose to finish but fuck it, we ball. this was the one that my creative juices wanted to write. look out for that ex-bf!rafe smut soon tho 🌝

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

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@baniazxxx @hangmanscoming @lanabrock @kyleimd @buckylaststraw

#rafe cameron #rafe #obx #rafe obx #outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe x y/n #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fic #rafe angst #cute rafe #best friend rafe #obx fic #rafe fic

[chaoticspeedrun]

saw ur recent post and thought

lets all stereotype the tmnt simps like they’re animals at a zoo together chaotic

[insert funny picture of us staring at the funny ppl in the cage with their desired turtles (i lowkey couldnt find a meme that would suite this 😠😠😠)]

raph simps ; either fiesty gremlins who’ll bite ur toes off if you go near them and spray them with water or sweet little souls who’ll tuck you in bed and give you forehead kisses. both simp types aren’t rare and are commonly found together as a pair, explaining their view on the himbo buff boy raph and how they can either “fix him” or “make him worse”.

leo simps ; traumatized beings, it doesnt matter if you’re a cocky and mean in a loving way or a i’ll do anything you say because you’re so great kind of leo simp, you’re traumatized in some sense, whether it be through fiction or real life. you guys lowkey ENJOYED giving ur oc’s or self inserts loads of angst when it came to the future and movie. man, you guys have so much love for this one turtle his ego is literally thru the roof.

donnie simps ; a true simp. let me guess— you like nerdy men who are also queer as hell, who is also straight as hell at the same time, who is also the type of man you’d expect him to do nice things for you to only throw you under the bus. listen up you simps, i understand that the few of you “down down bad” simps are into that and might sans fangirl your way into this— but let me explain and introduce you into the “ilovehimsomuchiwoulddieforhimandhisbigforehead” simps. you’d be an awesome duo trust.

mikey simps ; now i KNOW you guys got something beneath those precious and fluffy oc and self insert moments. there has gotta be SOME SORT OF EVIL ANGST AND TWISTY MOMENT YOU GOT GOING ON— much more worse than the leo trauma, FARTHER WORSE— teehee you guys got such a cute puppylove selfship going on teehee 😊😊WELL WHABAM!! the moment mikey gets his mystic powers n angsty moment in the movie out comes the freaking angst beast and comfort waves following behind it >:))))

— 🖼️🗝️ (guess whooo 🙃🙃🙃)

Not me looking at the way you signed and going "Who's Keyframe?" I AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME FIGURING THIS ONE OUT.

Also, I love psychoanalyzing people💖

In my opinion, from what I have seen at least, most Raph simps I've interacted with are like really sweet and anxious people that REALLY NEED A HUG just like my boy Raph.

The Leo simps, as I said earlier, enjoy bullying him so much- and with that I mean, they're most times the kind of people that tease or bully their crush, but they care so much about him and love adding so much depth to his character.

The Donnie simps I know can't drop the color purple for ONE DANG SECOND, the color is everywhere all the time all at once, they seem very curious and are some of the ones that I see the most active in the fandom.

And Mikey simps are freaking wild, one minute they're the sweetest and the next they're jumping around the walls and scaring you, I love those.

*Sips on coffee, staring at the cages*

Ah yes, what a wonderful and interesting set of specimens.

#Lmao #I really wanted to draw it as you depicted it but I can't at the moment #sob #chaos shut up #ask #rottmnt x reader

[lornasaurusrex]

I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

#Anywayyyyy #The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD #So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY. #Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃 #I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks #and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why? #STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed #So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy #But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries #Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated. #But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼‍♀️ #Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break #Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now. #OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!! #I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹) #Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS #There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE #🇵🇸

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[napping-sapphic]

I’m not cut out for even slightly more intense health issues than my usual stuff yall so here’s my will for when i die of feel too bad disorder: i’d like to dedicate my few life achievements to all the sapphics out there and also they can have all my stuff i guess

#i did not go to a doctor yet because i was better yesterday #and it is now worse again!! rude!! #now i have to consider going today🙃 #i do have a few general health issues but i don’t ever get sick or anything #so now im an absolute WIMP when it comes to feeling bad #im ready to fight whoever invented feeling bad cause it is not fun!! #also ready to pass away so pls enjoy my objects i love them a lot #you guys don’t get to have my books though please bury them with me as my final request #you can however keep my degree which is useful as tinder or perhaps a part of a decorative stack of useless papers #this is a joke and im over exaggerating and probably fine btw #just some things acting up probably not anything bad or serious #however the only thing im yearning for rn is for this to go away #so probably won’t have enough yearning for women to make many posts #unless i find some in my drafts or some such #idk #but i wanted to post about it since i know sometimes radio silence gets yall worried #so!! im good just going through it lol

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭 #sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑 #which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming. #and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!! #they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭 #remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧 #my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

[imwritesometimes]

nothing like waking up and immediately having horrible migraine aura followed by a horrible fckn migraine to just completely derail all the plans you had 😖

#last week was very very VERY stressful & busy and a lot of my day to day shit fell to the wayside #and yesterday was really good in terms of getting back to normal! I was like hell yeah crushin it! #and then I started getting the tell tale pre migraine headache last night and I was like I'll take meds to combat this now! try and prevent! #lot of good that did me! haven't had the aura shit in a while fckn doozy of a day had to scrap everything and crawl back into bed #feel slightly better? vision still isn't uhhhh... like I wouldn't drive rn lol but at least it's a little better #head is still fucked but it'll probably be that was until tomorrow #god I hate this I know it's from the massive weather change coming gonna rain for a week straight 😞 #and because I'm so fckn old now AND have nerve damage my whole body is just FUCKED from going back to cold ass weather #I did find out today my brother and I experience different migraine auras though which was interesting #still can't wear my glasses tho so lmao def can't drive or do practically anything at all 🙃 #just now able to look at my phone (only apps in dark mode fck u tumblr for being one of the only apps that has dark mode) #can't even brainstorm on fic which is killing me I can only sit like a potato and just exist #brain cannot imagine things only pound pound pound #erin explains it all

[brightokyolights]

Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*

#to explain we will have person A - person B and then me #so person B is asking me if its ok to buy stuff from ebay - because i am a person that tries to avoid buying from amazon etc #and im like yeah should be because its independent sellers mostly - to be fair though yall. i barely buy anything online because i hate #online shopping. i try to buy things in person instead #anyways insert person A whos like 👁👄👁 oH aRe YoU oNe Of ThOse PeOpLE ThAt DoESNt pUrCHasE frOm AmAzON #yall im sighing just thinking about this conversation omfg its so stupid #anyways queue me explaining that yeah. i try to avoid it if i can because i dont like my money going to some motherfucker who doesnt need #the money (person B pipes in that jeff bezos is on the way to becoming a trillionaire which is Not Good 🙃 . thank you B now i will go on) #A then goes on to explain all the benefits to amazon “what if you want something the next day” i ask if theres really anything you truly #need right away like that. we used to live in times where you would have to wait or find it in a shop. A says “oh but its so cool and #convenient“ and i say sure. because they have the money and grew their business of being more 'convenient' than other businesses #A says “oh but the customer service is so good. if i want a return theyll do it straight away with no questions and maybe even give me #credit too“ and im like yeah. because they can afford to do that. ”sometimes independent sellers are in there too“ ok so buy from them then #If You Must but i can guarantee you mostly dont. not to mentuon theyre probably only on there in the first place because amazon has made it #so its one of the most popular places to use instead of anywhere else #and it went on. i just stopped talking eventually because it eas one of those situations where the other person was not fucking listening to #the point i was trying to make. which is that if you really have to. ok do it whatever. i get that its a bit impossible to avoid sometimes #im not gonna sit here and pretend when ive not been able to get something anywhere else i havent got it from there. but the point is to #actually think about WHY youre buying stuff and WHO the money is going to. because websites like amazon especially have created such a trend #of overconsumption. that you just buy stuff and then buy prime because oh its so cheap and useful and comes right the next day! and you dont #consider why any of these things are true. whos getting fucked over in the process. that you are one of the people getting fucked over!!! #lord i could go on but i shant #point is. genuinely do what you want like deep down i do not care it does not affect me and i know its not so straightforward #but people who just BLATANTLY and actively SUPPORT rich people (forgot to mention A kept talking about how the whole site was smart and that #Jeff was a genius blah blah) can you sit and realise that this whole system and that FUCKING Imbecile of a man are!!¡! a problem!! #i wish i could articulate it better but im leaving it at that #good morning yall xD #le text post

[running-in-the-dark]

the apartment we looked at today was really bad - like, one room was missing half the flooring and they (the landlord) just put carpet over it. luckily it was only the current tenant there, though - she told us about the landlord and that she's... not great. so even if the apartment had been decent we wouldn't have been interested after that.

#it also helped us further narrow down which places/villages we'll consider from now on #it's basically just down to three places now. #and they're the same ones we would have preferred the last two times we moved. #but damn I'm just really not willing to go through all this work again just to end up in *another* shitty village that I know I won't #really like. #I'd rather stay with my mother for a couple months if it means we find a good place. #(it'd have to be my mother and not my in-laws because we're pretty sure they wouldn't want our cats in their house. so) #like it'd SUCK but I can. not. keep moving somewhere new every fucking year #especially since it takes me a year to start feeling sort of at home #we've been thinking we *might* be able to start thinking about maybe possibly mayyybe buying a house at some point. if I find a job and if #it's one that pays enough and so on. #and we would really rather not move again until we can do that. #(if we can. it's only a very vague idea at this point. but we've realised it's the *only* way we'd actually feel fully comfortable somewher #we're bad at living in a house with other people 🙃) #(and there are *no* houses for rent that aren't absolutely huge and/or way too expensive) #personal

[alloutshirt]

read 100 pages of an actual book in the last few hours which is about 100 more pages than i did in almost a year :)

#guess having to embarrassingly lay in the bathtub for 5 hours cause it’s the only place i can now be alone in #cause i no longer have a room and this house has become a sensory overload hell #and ofc that no one seems to try and understand and after all the progress ive made im getting told im the crazy one again #i seriously need to someone to help me know how the fuck you go abroad #cause let’s face it post concert depression is tough but it’s not the only reason my anxiety goes the fuck up when i come back from a trip #but then oof the guilt of leaving man #it already kills having to share time with each parent and leaving my siblings with That #i am also having a huge ass gender crisis hehe #you think they won’t look me in the eyes cause they saw my old ways coming back or #cause i mumbled im not a fucking girl when my sister said girl calm down 🙃🙃🙃🙃 #literally so sick of being so lost in life #i don’t know what i want i should find a new job but i can’t bear the idea nothing appeals to me i don’t want a fucking career #if you read this woosh 🪄 you forget it #x

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#how is it that i can get only like 6hrs of sleep. go for an hr run up a mountain and still b wired #like ??? make it make sense??? im not even a lil tired. im considering going up thr mountain again #how does my body do this? im not even euphoric. i just habe too much energy #i just wanna smash things with a baseball bat. its so weird. i guess its not really an issue. i just dont understand it which bothers me #its either a mood thing or the hyper disorder :-/ but like idk how i havent noticed it before #like have i always been like that? i have evidence going back to 2019 but i didnt actually notice it until the last year for real #...i guess there is maybe a reason i didnt have so much energy before this but ya kno #whatever. i can try to find a therapist in like 10 days or something. so ill try to figure it out lol #idk im just vibing bc im sorta unemployed rn. i mean ive been hired as a TA but dont meet for that until thurs but im not at my research #assistant job anymore as of Friday. so i can do whatever tf i want. except im still working on my data 🙃 bc im fucked up like that #hopefully the energy lasts. or maybe not bc idk how i would fucking sit in an office at a desk like this #jesus. im like: me having adhd is impossible. but also me: having to do 3 things at once to pay attention and fucking dancing while i liste #bc i cant sit still. listen. i wont believe it until someone diagnoses me. but it wouldn't not make sense #ugh. i wanna run up the mountain again. but last time i was running twice a day to get rid of energy i fucked up my leg and its still #fucked up. but like not enough thst it hurts to walk so i still run on it. maybe ill go see a doctor once my new insurance kicks in lmao #oh Jesus my brain. maybe im just happy to havr all my insurance bullshit cleared up. i guess thats a bonus to living in like libertari4n #land. less regulations than my last state in terms of car insurance lmao #or maybe im nervous abt thr start of the semester. its gonna b a fucking wild ride lol #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

man the waiting times to get an adhd diagnosis thru the nhs are so long theyre still refusing to even give me an estimate of how long itll be before I can get assessed even tho my referral went thru months ago. but going private is so stupidly expensive like its not just the diagnosis but also med titration + then some gps wont even accept a private diagnosis to let u transfer back into the nhs system for prescriptions afterwards. fuck my stupid baka life + this entire country

#was on the adhd reddit + there was a discussion of uk private diagnosis costs + the whole thing can be like £2-3k like lmfao #i for one cannot fucking afford that. goodbye #how am i meant to live like this another month let alone for the minimum six month diagnosis wait jfc #ive been doing a ton of reading to try and find other ways to cope but so much of it is complete bullshit/ppl exploiting neurodivergence #and everyone i talk to who actually has adhd is like well the only thing that helped me is meds!! so im just kinda fucked for now i guess #plus theres a med shortage in the uk currently too its not just the us 🙃 #try not to kys hard edition #whatever man. it is what it is #idek if it is adhd. imagine if i waited all that time and failed the assessment id walk out of there straight off the nearest bridge #whatever!!!! ugh im gonna go work out #.vent

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#the eddie happened a couple days ago&i keep seeing footage of tourists almost getting dragged out into the ocean. #&-- this cannot be stressed enough-- i find this hilarious bc no one died&also bc i am inherently a bad person lmao. #but also bc like. this is an excellent example of WHY locals cannot fucking stand tourists lmao. #the eddie is a surf competition that is only held when the surf can match the height necessary for the competition. #like this is one of the most dangerous&prestigious surf competitions in the world. the lifeguards they have watching the beach #are seasoned pros who regularly drag ppl out of north shore riptides. which is a good thing bc despite all this #&despite all the lifeguard warnings&despite not one singular local being on the shore #tourists got swept up&there was a mad scramble that STOPPED THE COMPETITION bc they needed to drag whole families out the water. #several lifeguards almost died trying to save someones dog. #this competition is only held when waimea's waves cap 30ft-- they have cancelled the competition before bc #waves were smaller than anticipated. its specifically named to honour Eddie Aikau a surfer who died setting out to sea #to try to save the Hokulea the first time it went out sailing w/ no navigation equipment&got stuck in a calm belt. #all these facts together give me a headache when i think of how much more regulated this stupid competition is going to be #when there have NEVER been issues like this before mostly bc the eddie isnt usually announced so so many tourists show up. #ive never even gotten to GO ppl line up down the north shore for literally a day in advance to be able to see it happen. #chxjjsbxkxbjsxnajxnsj 🙃🙃🙃

[spookykittenwrites]

rant

#shits personal #tfw i just need to disappear into a new fandom but I don't have a new fandom to disappear into bc i have no interests rn and my brain can #only hyperfixate on the one thing i find even moderately comforting and normal and interesting #so im writing about that i guess but i dont want to interact with the fandom and deal with that so im separating myself #and i cant even go back to old fandoms bc my moots have largely moved on to other fandoms im not interested in 🙃 #i just need alec/to or had/es 2 to come out so i can have fucking something that isn't what ive got to be interested in that my old moots #or the other fandom im in cares about that i could get into for real #im just so tired and this fandom has me strung out and i just dont want to deal with shit but its all i care about and idk what to do #*sigh* i guess im stuck here no matter what

[sensiblebisexual]

oh nooooooo they finally updated the app with the terrible new behaviour where you can’t go back to a previous reblog bc it now just takes you to their blog

#genuinely one of the worst updates they’ve done that completely breaks years worth of how people navigate this site #the only way I can find is if you go digging through the notes and find the reblog of where they re logged it from #except with the queue that reblog could be quite far back 🙃

[lovelyisadora]

still can’t do my papers and can’t even do the bare minimum to get two more incompletes 🙃🙃🙃 I mean I don’t have a choice I’ll have to but oh my god what has happened to me

#my other prof was like. idk if you’re gonna pass with only two of the three assignments you need because you failed your exam remember #and I was like oh right I forgot about that #and she suggested an incomplete 🙃 #my other professor also suggested an incomplete 🙃 but in order to get that one done I have minimum seven small papers to do #all are done asap tonight and I haven’t started any of them bc when I think about them I seize up #grad adventures #it’ll be okay if I can just get the work in but oh my god #it shouldn’t be hard to write seven one page papers an annotated bibliography and one 3-5 page grant proposal and yet here we are #and none of it matters if the graduate council declines my petition to extend my thesis proposal deadline bc if they do then I fail so 🙃 #anyway yeah I’m being hard on myself today but also I’ve had the last three weeks to work on these things and I haven’t been able to do its #my own fault really #ANYWAY it’s my as scheduled breakdown time and when it’s over I’ll (hopefully) be able to submit the bare minimum to get my incompletes #and this time I’ll do the damn work on time so I don’t have to petition the graduate council bc I think they’re gonna actually kill me #the good news is in a few weeks I’m restarting the medical processes of let’s find out what the fuck is physically wrong with isadora again #and that I might actually get answers bc my aunt (a doctor) is pissed off that mine doesn’t listen to me #and is going to make some calls 🙃