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starlight-starwings · 5 years

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The Adventure Zone Season 2 quotes.

Unfortunately the quotes I saved between seasons 1 and 2 were lost because I got a new phone, so this is starting with episode 6 of Amnesty. If anyone has good quotes from the first arc, experimental arcs, ans the live shows during the experimental arcs, feel free to add or send them.

• - listen... ok, we could... agdgsbjsbuhah. how they eat and breathe... its just a show, just relax

- technically the .. waste water systems and the regular water systems of a city or not connected, and so like theres a lot of.. a lot of ways to figure it out. But yea, maybe you get the idea that this thing doesn't.. it can.. it.. is weird man...

• hey there adventure zone lovers. I dont know if that means you love adventure zone, or you... heh heh heh, ya know.

• - can you feel it?

- the idea of feeling is kinda weird-

- close your eyes and tell me if Im doing it

- well you already did- ok.

- close your eyes. Did I do it?

- you did it

- aaahh, I didnt

- ok. This is not a fun game for me

• - its our first day here!

- yeaa. Like... Let me ask you about the fucking... cast of Friends

- youre talking about Matt Leblanc and Matthew-

- Ah fuck.

- ah shit

- damn

- son of a b- he's good, he's real good

• - Don't I have to roll?

- we have not played dungeons and dragons in so fucking long!

- Here

- what are you rolling to do?!

• - tell me, is patience one of your more valued v-

- yes!

• Hey. No ideas bad. It just wasn't good.

• - I got eleven? You got any cash on you?

- uhh yea I happen to have nine bucks right here. Griffin cant prove otherwise.

• listen Pidgeon, here's the thing: I... love... to... practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me. Its called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment, where I can get in a large body of water, where I can guarantee that running water wont be a factor. And I would just love to practice my casting in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing! Sometimes if you do it in a lake, thats what youre thinking, a fish will bite it. And normally thats ideal but Im just trying to practice casting. If like.. when you dont want to catch em. Thats when they're biting. Ya know what I mean? I need a still body of water, that I can guarentee won't move, to practice my fishing casting.

• - Noooo

- are you sure?

- yeaaaaa

- Beause its our podcast!

- noooo

- we're actually doing our own podcast

• - Make uhhh.... check. You're gonna need to make a check for this one

- I got the gum. But I have the gum

- It's good gum; you'll have advantage on it.

• Cause I mean a 4 legged octopus is a horse.

• - What does control water do?

- Merle can- well gee wiz. It makes spaghetti! What do you think control water does?

- whats the fucking card say?

• Good you know my sister Jane was doing missionary work in Honduras and normally I would spend the uh, holidays with her. But uhh I had some friends come in from uhh out of town. And uhh... I wanted to communicare this to anybody who might be listening somehow, and I thought this might be a more organic way of uh, doing it.

• um... nah so ok right... so... the pizza hut sign... started to fall, cause of the weather. And he ran up there on a... fire escape, and tried to... push it? With a bat? Dammit. Nah. He just pushed it. And it fell. But then he fell. Cause he got shocked. I bet. Mmmm. I didn't see. I was in- Ah shit. Alright. Hey folk- hey guys. Rewind. I- hey guys rewind a second. Aahh fuck. I was inside I didn't see. Anything. I don't know. This man. I do know this man. His name- fuck. Alright. I'm met.. high net... here... Mmmm, alright. So, This man's is name is Ned. And he's uh.. friend of mine. And I dont know what the hell happened to him. But you know this guy. He's always getting into something. I don't know. I was in the building. I almost got killed by a pizza hut sign. I might be in shock.

• Write the fucking story with me! We are New York Times bestselling authors!

• - Ok. Go ahead. Uhh where are your wings? Obviously you can't see them right now because I'm wearing my disguise. Would you like to see my wings?

- Yes.

- I don't know you very well, so no, not- not quite yet.

• Aw Juno this is so embarrassing. Um last week, uhh, my truck got beat up, and I... I had to take it over to Whistle's. And he wa- while he was fixing it up I had to borrow yours to run out uh... to- to do a check on... a body of water. In... the... tree... zone... forest. Fuck. It was a body of water in the tree zone. And I had to check on it in your car. And when I- I drove your car, without asking, and... I think I left my... pants? No. Wallet? Money. I left my wallet in your truck and I was wondering if you could go look for it real quick.

• - a goat..

-well. No its.. i mean you look at the legs you can kinda see... yea...

- its pan!

- no were not crossing over

- there no crossover here sir. No.

• - oh thats easy. All you have to do is press that red button right there.

- and what will that do?

- itll give you the key sphere

- well hold on....

- merle casts zone of truth!

- so what happens when I press that button?

- the red button? Itll give you the key sphere

- what will the blue button do?

- it'll kill ya

- what would the other frankenstein tell us?

- well my companion over there always lies. He'll tell ya to hit the blue button.

- oh okay. Its kinda one of those- ya know what Im gonna check his flavor real quick

- ok.

- I flip the lever

- No that'll kill me!

- the other Frankenstein sits up and says oh hey! Im Frankenstein. A lot of people say Im Frankenstein's monster but-

- yea yea yea. Ok we get it. Uh is this Frankenstein in the zone as well?

- uh yea.

- These buttons over here what will the red one do?

- oh the red one? Its the key sphere one. I would've told you its the blue one.

- ok I slam-

- No listen. Listen. No listen. Listen listen listen. Hey. Stop wait! Im the liar Frankenstein.

- I hit the red button.

• - Merle casts shield of faith

- ok. On whom?

-um.. it surrounds a creature of my choice

- yeap. So..

- time to make that choice

- that is kinda the question I asked

• - are you a grief counselor?

- yea you a grief counselor?

- I do have some counseling experience, um, but right now think of me more as your friend.

- I could really use a grief counselor I think more than a friend at the moment. I got-

- ok then Im a grief counselor, yes.

• - and Im gonna roll 2 d6... god almighty... hatchy matchy...

- howd you do, Justin?

- Well I got a 4 on that one, Trav. Which is, what we call in the biz, we call that bad. That is less than ideal.

• A charisma check. Okay. Hahahaha! That's a threeee.

• I know how you young people talk: It was rad.

• hey! Hey man fucking bigfoots behind you dude, drive! Jesus Christ! Hey Ive been skitching this whole time brother, Im really sorry but you gotta fucking drive right now dude, come on! Im vulnerable as hell! Come on! Dont make me fight bigfoot, I want thinking through this shit, go! Im not gonna fucking fight bigfoot.

• No, you know what- I'm gon- ya know what? It's fine. Ya know what? Its fine. Its fine. Im gonna- it- thisll be fine. Thisll actually be fine. Uhhh Im gonna cast lightning bolt on the tank. I thought about it, thisll be fine.

• - dont worry, the rest of us will take care of this. I think the best plan is if the three of you go up the spire to face the final confrontation alone

- why is that the best plan??

- cause theres exactly enough people outside- robots outside, that we'll need all of the army...

- but then why dont we wait and help you kill all of the robots?

- we'll kill them and then we'll all go up together

- theres no time!

- what are you talking about were just fighting a bat- theres plenty of time

- we got a whole other act!

- huurrryy

- okay we'll hurry, yes fine, yes.

- good luck

- well now dont say that! You said to go on ahead!

- I'll remember you

- this passive aggressive stuff...

- youre sending mixed signals. Should we stay and-

- the doors that ive just invented shut behind you.

• Okay uh, Hollis. Let me ask you something: Okay, on the other side of this portal- im gonna lay it out for you. Alright. Are you ready? One hundred percent honesty. On the other side of this portal is another world. Just like, the same scope and size of ours, with a population of people, and... just like us. People just like us. Right? And... think about this. In... lets say West Virginia alone, not even the whole world, the whole earth, west Virginia alone, right. How many people do you think there is, a per capita ratio, thats murderers to just regular people? Right? So what if somebody said "there are murderers in west Virginia, so we're gonna march into west Virginia and kill everyone there, cause they might be murderers." Right so what if the only thing you knew about west Virginia is that some murderers came from here? And you said "so let's just go in and wipe everone out"? You would come in and wipe out the whole state, and murder innocent people, just in case they might be murderers. What does that make you, Hollis?

• - Aubrey what... what are you?

- Oh I'm bisexual.

- Do all of bisexuals have this power?

- Yes.

• - uh lets jump right in

- im in. Already. I actually got in before you did. Just to make sure the water was okay.

- oh how is it? Hows the scene doing?

- the scene is good. Im already in it, but because the narrator has not joined us we are locked in... stasis. We are characters in search of an author as it were, in the pernella play.

- so theyve been there for 2 weeks? Or whats up?

- theyve been there for 2 weeks. Locked in perfect stasis, until time itself should turn its gaze upon us and let us resume our merry roles in this play called existence.

• - did you get the part where we're gonna find the quail and just crush its heart or whatever?

- its uh- its- it- its quell

- yea thats what I said, quail

- you said quail like a big ol bird

- wait what are you saying?

- yea quail

- no quell

- quell?

- quell

- quail?

- quell

- kwäil?

- listen- listen kwaiell

- quail!

- you said quail. Its quell

- the mothman uh, grabs your wrist duck and looks at the watch on it and says 'boy howdy I sure hope that those arent several minutes that we will need to uh prevent the apocalypse. Because they are gone now.

• - Ju- Ju- wait a minute. Juno? Juno Devine?

- yes shes-

- Juno Devine is- shes in the forest service? (Switches to character voice) Ahh-ha! Well that makes a lot of sense! She- she loved the forest. That- ahh...

- that is... did you just do a player to character cross-fade?

- that was so fucking wild Ive never seen anything like that on this podcast

- that melted my brain

- it was like Clint started the sentence, and then Thacker ended the sentence

• I can roleplay a gay elf with magical powers. I dont think I could roleplay someone who likes beef jerky

• We've all been trying to help people right? And sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes people get hurt, sometimes you can't- sometimes you act and you do things, and you're wrong. And if you let the fact that you fucked up stop you from trying to help again, thats... thats the real mistake. Ive fucked up so many times. You cant be afraid to help. Because yea, you might hurt. But you also might help. You just have to keep helping. Dont be afraid. Im not.

• - query: are the extraterrestrial invaders engaging in deception? 89.84% affirm

- now listen. You all don't know Duck like I do. Believe me, he can not engage in deception to save his life.

- he's also an employee of the federal government!

- it skyrockets up to 98.64%

• It makes sense right? Great power; great responsibility. But you know what people forget? Is that the green goblin dosen't swing up to your door everyday and blow your whole life away and in one moment you have to figure out what to do, ya know? The responsibility is every day. Its every moment, and it's- every time I pick one of those saplings up and I put it in the ground, and pat the ground around it, and I pour water on it, and I think about our childrens childrens childrens children will breathe the air that this thing makes, and Minerva, thats power. Thats my responsibility. I dont have to fight no more. I did it. And now Im gonna grow.

#the adventure zone amnesty #mcelroy brothers #podcasts #my post #quotes

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timeisacephalopod · 5 years

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Snapshot

A lil Ned/ Peter AU because these boys don’t get enough love! They’re aged up, so they’re in their twenties rather than teens, but still. Its a celeb AU also- Peter plays Spider-Man instead of being him.

“Oh my god I can’t go out there,” Ned hisses at Michelle. She looks nonplussed but she always looks like that even when there are celebrities here. Ok, there are always celebrities here but Ned doesn’t really care about most of them its just that he happens to be a huge Spider-Man nerd and Peter Parker is the best person he’s ever seen cast as the character. Toby Maguire was a travesty, and Andrew Garfield is pretty but not the perfect fit. Peter Parker though, Ned has never seen someone bring the character to life the way he does. Everything about him is absolutely perfect and now he’s sitting at a table with Tony Stark and okay this is... this...

“Ned, get your head out of your ass, he’s in your section,” Michelle tells him.

“You’ve got this!” Liz tells him over the little half wall that separates him from the kitchen area she’s in.

Yeah, he’s got this. He’s totally got this- Peter Parker is just a regular dude looking for food and Ned happens to know the food here is good. He probably eats too much of it, though to be fair he works a lot. Celebrities give good tips and he has school bills to pay for and also rent.

He starts walking over and okay never mind he does not got this he’s a lowly fat boy in school walking towards a person who plays one of the most iconic characters on television right now he is not worthy. He goes to turn around and give his table to Michelle when Peter god damn Parker notices him and smiles, waving a little excitedly and Ned has no choice now he has to go over.

“Uh, hey. I’m waiter, I’ll be your Ned this evening. I mean I’m a waiter, my name is Ned. I will be waiting. On the food. With the food, on you. Um. I’m going to shut up now,” he says, wishing he could banish himself to the shadow realm forever for that. Holy Christ he managed to embarrass the hell out of himself in less than two seconds this is the worst day of his life he hopes the earth gets hit by an astroid large enough that he’ll die long before he has to deal with poor Peter.

Yeah, Peter knows Ned is embarrassed but it was cute, watching him flounder a little. “Do you ever get used to that?” he asks Tony.

He shakes his head, “not really. I mean you get used to it in a way that you kind of expect it, but not in a way where you can really accept why people treat you that way. Or I didn’t, I know a lot of people who kind of let that kind of treatment go to your head and we’ve all watched what happens when child stars leave Disney. It really does fuck with people to have everyone treat you like a god only for them to turn around and get pissed off that you act like one now too.”

Shit, yeah Peter has seen that happen plenty but that’s just... not him. He grew up in Queens and didn’t even think he had a shot at landing the role of a lifetime. Hell, he would have ended up working a shitty dead end job because he couldn’t afford to go to college if not for Tony finding him at an improv group and deciding he had enough talent to fund his education. He’s always loved acting, putting on a show, and boy that has come back to bite him in the ass in really weird ways but in the end things worked out really well. Except for the part with the crazy fans, he doesn’t care for that, but that’s part of the job so.

“Hm. It wouldn’t be like... creepy to ask a fan out, right? Like because they’d be way less likely to say no to you? Would that be weird? I think that might be weird I won’t say anything,” he says, sealing his own fate.

Tony laughs, “depends on the fan and that one isn’t the type to worship you and also isn’t the type to stalk you. Keep in mind that consent goes both ways and fans are just as likely to ignore your boundaries. Maybe more, actually, since totally ignoring our privacy and personal space is considered normal and kind of encouraged. But that guy- just flustered. Probably a comic book nerd too,” he says.

If he’s a comic nerd Peter doesn’t see why he’d like Peter much. He can’t even believe the amount of blowback he got from the comic fandom over the fact that he’s trans and playing Spider-Man. Yeah, he obviously expected some blowback because that’s... well, normal not that he wants to admit that casual transphobia is alive and well. But it is, and he expected it, but the sheer amount of people that thought just that part of who he is should disqualify him from playing the character was nuts. Thankfully Peter Quill happens to be a crazy bastard and basically told everyone and their dogs to shove it because he knows what he’s doing. Which, to be fair, he does. And casting happens to be a skill he’s especially good with.

“Think you might be wrong about the comic nerd thing,” Peter says. Comic nerds are bird brains, he has decided.

“If you say so, kid,” Tony says and Peter can tell Tony thinks he’s right but he doesn’t say it.

Tony is trying to explain how he and Arthur Curry of all people ended up in a relationship when Ned comes back with food. Poor guy already suffered through drinks and Peter tried to talk to him to try and make him feel more comfortable but it didn’t really work. So when he comes back over Peter grins, “that smells so good,” he says and he is starving. Being stuck under film lights all day is actually exhausting work contrary to popular belief and obviously he gets fed but he’s like a bottomless pit with food. Can’t ever seem to get enough, but he’s always that way. The bonus is now that people read him as a guy no one asks if he should eat that much they just kind of assume he’s a glutton. Which, yay, because pastries.

“Um yeah, its pretty good. I’ve tried basically everything here except the caviar and the escargot because I draw the line at rich people food that sounds like it should be poor people food,” he says and Tony snorts, laughing into his hand.

“Yeah, guess fish eggs kind of do sound more like a thing poor people would eat than rich people. Weird. Also, not good- I’ve tried it and I don’t get the hype,” he says, shrugging.

“Tastes like spunk, I don’t get it either,” Tony says and the response obviously surprises Ned because he looks at Tony with a shocked expression on his face which, in hindsight, is probably why he doesn’t notice Peter’s food go overboard and into his lap. He jumps up before the hot food can do damage, then winces when the plate ends up in several pieces on the ground and Ned looks horrified.

“Its okay!” Peter says fast. “Things happen!”

“I am so sorry!” Ned says, eyes wide in horror.

“Its fine! I’ve had worse things thrown at me,” he says fast. Which is true, but also.

Ned rolls his eyes, “all those people who decided you couldn’t play Spider-Man because of some comic book inaccuracy or whatever bullshit need to look at those comics again because in issue 1034, which was released eight weeks before you even got the role, Gwen Stacy asks if you can lay eggs. Tom Holland, not you, you just play him. Whatever. Anyway, Gwen Stacy is a genius so she’d definitely know that only lady spiders can lay eggs. Also, Spider-Man is well known for his slightly high pitched voice and sure, people can argue that’s because he’s a teenager but I was sixteen once too and by then my voice was normal, so for Tom Holland to have hit puberty that late its totally acceptable to consider the effects of T on his voice and also- wait, no, oh my god. You don’t give a shit about any of this, people suck. They’re transphobes and also you have the perfect frame for it and lets be real, Christian Bale would have been a better choice than Toby fucking Maguire,” he says, flapping a hand around and wincing at his rant.

Peter raises an eyebrow, “there’s actual comic text evidence for trans Spider-Man?” he asks and Ned shrugs, cheeks turning a little red.

“I mean, you kinda gotta dig but if they can randomly make Captain America HYDRA and then unmake him HYDRA when everyone hated that shit trans Spider-Man is much less controversial. Actually, its totally inconsequential because why would that affect being Spider-Man, it just means you gotta take T and you- Tom Holland not you- got bit by a radioactive spider. Is being trans really more unrealistic than that? Because any idiot who claims realism probably need to pull their head out of their ass because the real world ain’t got super soldier serum to give you a shredded bod. Which, by the way, is my kind diet plan- just taking some experimental serum and come out hot. You don’t care about that either, oh my god, I’m getting comic nerd on a celebrity and also your food and-” Peter cuts Ned off to save him from himself.

“I think I might be in love with you, Ned,” he says and then winces, looking to Tony in a panic. Why the hell would he even say that!

“What he means,” Tony interjects smoothly, “is that he thinks you’re adorable, and he wants you number. Maybe a date, if you’re comfortable.”

Ned stares for a long moment. “Oh my god this is exactly season two episode four where MJ asks Gwen out for you even though that’s dumb because MJ and Gwen clearly belong with each other,” Ned says, eyes wide.

“Yeah I know right? Peter- Quill-” he clarifies when he remembers too late there’s two Peters involved in Spider-Man, “keeps pushing for it but stupid TV people won’t let him. So now he’s writing them as gay as possible to piss everyone off, except its kind of backfiring because now everyone thinks he’s queerbaiting but he’s not he’s queer expliciting as much as he can before someone fires him. Also yeah, I just don’t think Gwen is a good match for my character anyways, I mean she’s nice and all that but they’re kind of... platonic. Oh, um, do you know what a Miles Morales is?” he asks because Quill mentioned him and Peter has no idea who that is.

Ned does because he lets out a loud noise that’s halfway between a huff and a squeal and Peter is sure he’s never heard a noise like it before. “Oh my god they’re introducing Miles Morales! Yes!”

Tony throws a dinner roll at him and it bounces off his head, “you shit head, don’t give away spoilers!” he says like it isn’t a meme that Peter consistently gives stuff away. At this point they’ve started using it as marketing material it happens so often. Like that time he opened a supposedly internal poster on his Instagram and faked being shocked when he realized it wasn’t supposed to be public. Everyone ate it up even if they all knew it was fake- obviously it was considering the video was never taken down, but the fans loved it anyway.

“Give me every single spoiler now!” Ned says, excitement written all over his features.

Peter considers saying no but he’s not good at peer pressure, its how he got talked into doing shrooms when he was thirteen and that was a bad plan. “The multiverse explodes and one of the spider people dies but I can’t tell you which one,” he says quickly. Tony throws another roll at him for it but he can’t help it.

Ned lets out a loud screech, “oh my god if Peter Quill kills you I’ll go kill him!” he yells way too loud. People turn to stare and Peter waves them off.

“Talking about a TV show!” he assures people and Ned, to his credit, looks like he kind of wants the earth to swallow him.

“Peter doesn’t die,” Tony says, “and we’re going to leave before Dipshit McGee lets any more spoilers loose. You might not want to tell anyone any of that stuff, people will find you and I really wish that was a joke but its not. You’ll get like twelve cease and desist letters.”

“That’s true, I have like fifty of them in frames and also I’ve been banned from reading scripts until shooting schedule because I really am terrible at keeping things secret and this is really Quill’s fault for telling me any of this stuff and hey wait I don’t have his number yet,” he says and Tony drags him off.

“I’ll get his number and pay, you stop spoiling Quill’s hard work before he decides to kill you next,” Tony says.

#peter parker x ned leeds #fanfiction #alternate universe #writing

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komodo-bros · 5 years

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((More CB cast thoughts part 2. This time with the bandicoot family, their pets, and aliens.))

((Warning: More walls of text. Only one instance of mild language.))

Bandicoots

Crash

Joe: Very annoying and loud. Joe’s still not over losing that one battle during the second game for personal reasons. He wants a rematch to show this bandicoot who’s the strongest around these islands.

Moe: Needs to stop playing loud rock music so he can sleep in peace. Other than that, he isn’t that bad to be around, if a bit weird.

Coco

Joe: Is jealous of how much she accomplished for her small age. Yeah he may have found treasure, but that took time and help from his brother. Meanwhile, she already knows how to build machines, master martial arts, and hack into Tropy’s extremely complex time machine. He wonders if she’ll be able to find holy grail with how smart she is.

Moe: Easily impressed by her fighting skills. Maybe one day they can have an arm wrestling match.

Crunch

Joe: On a scale of Tiny to Roo, he fits somewhere between Koala Kong and Moe. Not super dumb, but would probably fall for simple pranks.

Moe: Yes! Another tough dude he can fight against!

Tawna

Joe: Isn’t sure what to think considering he’s never seen her around. Heard rumors that she might be Pinstripe’s lover and/or a close friend of Brio’s. If either are true, he’ll know exactly what sort opinion he should form on her.

Moe: Has no clue who she is.

Fake Crash

Joe: Looks like if Crash got hit with frying pan a hundred times and ate a whole grapefruit. He’s only ever seen him dance around in the most hard to reach places. Weird freak.

Moe: Gets excited every time he spots him. It’s like finding Bigfoot in the dense forests of Alaska.

Pets of the Bandicoot Family

Polar

Joe: Who thought it was a good idea to bring this ugly abomination to the islands? That thing is gonna grow up to eat everyone and everything before swimming to the southern Antarctic for some tasty penguin chow. Also, it looks ugly as sin.

Moe: A cute little guy.

Pura

Joe: Great, another meat eating pet. He thinks about planning an emergency food storage in case this disgusting feline eats all of the birds and fish.

Moe: Another cute critter.

Baby T

Joe: Ok, this is ridiculous. One has to wonder where the bandicoots keep getting these baby animals from. They should get an elephant calf for all he cares. Speaking of the dinosaur itself, it’s appearance is awful and should be sent back to the Cretaceous period it came from.

Moe: The best of the three. He wants to give this little dino snuggles and ride upon its back like a horse.

Aliens

(UPDATE: This used to be only Oxide and Trance. Now that its confirmed that all of the nitro kart aliens will be in the CTRNF, the brothers finally have a way to interact with them that was previously unavailable.)

Nitros Oxide (N. Oxide)

Joe: Considers this speed demon both a loser and a rival on the race tracks. After Oxide left earth for good, Joe has been practicing for many days and nights to better his driving skills. If by some chance the alien changed his mind and came back, he wants to be ready this time. He’ll take on Oxide, and show him that he has what it takes to race for the fate of this planet.

Moe: Only heard of him through his brother about how terrible he is. Not much else.

N.Trance

Joe: A repulsive creature that’s more atrocious than the singing voice of Cortex in the shower. He’d steer clear from him as much as possible with the utmost caution. His biggest fear is having Moe be captured by this rotten egg and being brainwashed to oblivion.

Moe: If he can eats raw livestock for breakfast, then he can eat this hard-boiled cyborg in just one gulp.

Emperor Velo XXVII

Joe: Great, another alien racer with a big ego that wants to destroy the planet. This is getting too ridiculous. At this point, he expects another one to just pop up right after this sour raisin loses.

Moe: Is that their uncle?

Zem

Joe: Doesn’t like the constant burping and how he has to listen to every detail about what this guy ate last Thursday. He might as well be one of Dingodile’s regular customers for how much he likes food.

Moe: Smells like re-fried beans.

Zam

Joe: It’s ugly, it’s gross, and it needs to be thrown into a fire.

Moe: Puppy!

Krunk

Joe: Reminds him of Papu Papu back on the islands. He does appear to be very territorial and hostile to outsiders like him since they’re from earth and such. The aggressiveness dialed back much to Joe’s surprise once he was told of an ancient prophecy involving himself and how it would affect Terra.

Moe: Wants to know why they have a statue of his brother even though he’s never been on this planet.

Nash

Joe: Does this jackass of a fish ever shut his stupid jaws for once? All he hears from his uproars are just a bunch of worthless nonsense that might as well be used as filler for dumb TV commercials. He hopes later on that this idiot dies of dehydration.

Moe: Is waiting for Joe to give him the signal to cut this dude into sushi.

Norm & Big Norm

Joe: Out of all of the aliens he’s had to put up with, these two seem to be the ones that he’d most likely to get along with. The smaller mime seems to know a lot despite not saying anything. The large one does all of the talking, and isn’t as big of an oaf despite the clownish appearance. Maybe they could share info with one another as a friendly exchange.

Moe: Norm reminds him of how emotionally reserved his brother can be at times while also being smart with all of those books. Big Norm is tough and supportive, getting in some arguments while also wanting the best for his little buddy. He’s even got some cool video games found only on Fenomena!

Geary

Joe: Hates how loud and obnoxious this clean freak can get. It’s like they were made with faulty parts found in a wasteland before being washed in a cement mixer and then dumped into a hot furnace. How else would it explain their erratic behavior of wanting to clean their dirt-covered robes?

Moe: The brush and vacuum tickles him a lot, reminds him of those cleaning roombas that people love so much.

Bonus

Penta Penguin

Joe: He’s seen penguins around the coastline before, but not this one in particular. There’s also this rumor that this little guy survived being toasted by Dingodile by punching the ever daylights out of him. Joe believes it to be false, thinking that the bird must be one hotshot to come up with a bogus story for people to hear.

Moe: Would protect at all costs and give plenty of hugs.

Yaya Panda

Joe: Only had a few races with her in the dense bamboo forests. Another racing rival of his, but he considers her more of a worthy opponent when compared with Pinstripe and Oxide. Other than that, he doesn’t think much else.

Moe: She sounds cool and amazing. Now if only he learned to drive a kart like Joe.

#Brains & Blades (Joe)#Brawn & Blades (Moe)#headcanon #character thoughts #character interactions #crash verse

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

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Ash You have a clear life goal in mind. You wear a lot of hats. Your pet is very special to you. You have a lot of friends. You can easily name your mortal enemies. You don’t change much. You are very determined. You tend to be romantically oblivious. Your parents are embarrassing. You like to travel.

Misty You have a quick temper. You’re a redhead. You love swimming. Your siblings are annoying. You tend to hold grudges. You are very maternal. You have a huge phobia. You really hate bugs. You have a soft side. You want to master a skill.

Brock You are the voice of reason in your group of friends. You have bad eyesight. You don’t talk about your personal life much. You like to cook. You’re very flirtatious. You have a LOT of siblings. You desperately want to be in a relationship. You are quite wise. You love nature. Your friends are all younger than you.

Tracey You like to draw. You are very observant. You idolise someone. You like people-watching. You’re a bit of a matchmaker. You’re quite tall. You like peace and quiet. You are creative. You don’t like to stay in one place for too long. You are passive about conflict.

May You want to see the world. You are kind of clumsy. You can be overconfident at times. You have a friendly feud with someone. You’re a bit ditzy. You have a younger sibling. You love beautiful things. You are a sore loser. You look to your friends for guidance and support. You really love food.

Max You wear glasses. You’re very short. You are a bit of a know-it-all. You have an older sibling. You can be kind of childish at times. You want to be one of the greats one day. You look up to many people. You like solving problems. People call you cute all the time. You don’t like to do things alone.

Dawn You love fashion. You have huge dreams. You doubt yourself a lot. You high five your friends. Your parents are very important to you. You have a lucky charm. You hate arrogance. You get into arguments with close friends often. You care about your appearance a lot. You are a perfectionist

Iris You are often described as ‘wild’. You tend to grudges. You lovingly insult your friends. You want to master a skill. You grew up in a small village. You are very athletic. You believe you can do anything you set your mind to. You don’t have much in common with your friends. When you get mad, you really get mad. You feel like you have to prove yourself.

Cilan You like to educate people People tell you you look just like your siblings. You look pretty good in a suit. You have a lot of obsessions. You are fairly cool headed. Your favourite colour is green. You are quite extravagant. You’re full of facts. You believe there’s a rational explanation for everything. You don’t like cats.

Serena You keep up with fashion trends. You treasure gifts from friends. You have a crush on someone. You’re very indecisive. Your parents don’t always agree with your life choices. You love baking. You’re scared of ghosts. You have totally changed your appearance before. You hate getting dirty. You get nervous or flustered easily.

Clemont You are full of ideas. Your friends consider you nerdy. You love science. You dress practically rather than fashionably. You are awkward in conversations. You wear glasses. You persevere when you feel like you’re onto something. You are very unfit. You dress strangely. Your remember the small things.

Bonnie You are very outgoing. You can get frustrated easily. You just want everyone to get along. Everyone calls you cute. You want your friends to be happy. You are easily entertained. You hate feeling left out. You throw tantrums when you don’t get your way. You’re very naive. You can be pretentious.

Totals: Ash: 2

Misty: 7

Brock: 3

Tracey: 5

May: 6

Max: 6

Dawn: 6

Iris: 5

Cilan: 1

Serena: 7

Clemont: 4

Bonnie: 6

I am ___Misty & Serena

| WALLFLOWER | I don’t really have any friends. I spend a lot of time at home. I don’t fear being alone. No one really knows me because nobody tries to. I can see the world for what it really is, beautiful and ugly. I only go to school for education/because I have to. I really am a great person once you get to know me. I don’t often go to dances or other high school social functions. Total: 4

| RICH KID | I’m under the age of 18. It honestly bothers me when I don’t get what I want. My house has more than six bedrooms. I never do chores. I don’t really give a shit about the homeless. I have my own car. I wear brands that are usually pretty costly. I can definitely be egocentric. Total: 1

| HIPSTER | I listen to bands that no one’s ever heard of. My hair can be described as ‘complicated’…mainly because I don’t wash it often. I spend a lot of money to look like I don’t have any money. I major/want to major in art or writing. I name drop all the time. I dye my hair frequently. My closet seems to be full of the same three outfits, particularly very tight black trousers. I hate being called a hipster. Total: 1

| VIDEO GAME NERD | I’m always playing video games on different formats. I spend way more money on video games than clothes. I’m very passionate about the things/people that I love. I own an item of clothing with a video game character on it. Most of my friends (and I DO have them) play video games. When I was a kid, I used to play a quick game on an old video game console before school. I have written a walkthrough for a video game. I enjoy anything that has to do with video game characters. Total: 3

| AVERAGE | I still watch classic Disney movies. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are more than a fad. FML < MLIA. I would love it if someone proposed to me with a Green Lantern ring. The littlest things make me happy. Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia kick ass! I own a lightsaber. I’m a ninja or a pirate. Total: 2

| REGULAR CHICK/DUDE | My parents are divorced/separated. My hair changes with my moods. I hang out with friends on a regular basis. I screw up on words all the time when I speak. I don’t think I fit into a stereotype. I own a cell phone and some kind of MP3 player. I have a profile on at least one social networking site. I actually love to eat. Maybe too much. Total: 5

| KID AT HEART | I don’t let much get to me. My only goal of the day is to have fun with people I love. Cartoons are great, no matter what age you are. I feel content when I’m playing with children. Oftentimes, I prefer kids to adults. I genuinely enjoy reading children’s picture books. I see the world with big, bright, open eyes. I don’t think there should really be ‘age limits’ on anything. Total: 1

| TROUBLEMAKER | I’m always in trouble somehow. I’ve been kicked out of class before. I’m pretty unstable, mentally and physically. I don’t really care about responsibility. I pull pranks all the time. My friends and I just like to hang out and goof off. Somehow, people find me sexy. I don’t think of the consequences, I just do whatever I want. Total: 4

| BOY/GIRL CRAZY | When I get dressed, I always think about what my preferred gender would think of my outfit. I have a bunch of exes. I seem to only talk about love and relationships with people. I update my Facebook status a lot with, “I ♥ you, [significant other’s name]!” I constantly take love/relationship surveys. When I go to a social gathering, I seem to talk about how cute all the guys/girls are there. I’m always looking for a new person to crush on. I love watching romantic movies and imagining if I met someone like the main actor/actress. Total: 3

I am a: regular chick.

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kafziels · 6 years

Text

weird shit i saw freshman year (2016-2017, part two)

again this is late and mildly nsfw

-we were talking about the sexual connotation of 'thrust his maids to the wall' in Romeo and Juliet and Matt asked to give an example sentence but he said 'I thrust my thing into her' needless to say everyone lost it

-English teacher told us he met a guy who said guys get 'periods,' saying he gets moody and anxious around the 28th every month

-same teacher called Leonardo DiCaprio a baby. 'He's just a baby!'

-ok we're currently in a bad omen, the power went out twice, then we saw a black bird in the hallway (IN THE SCHOOL) and then seconds after the fire alarm went off, turns out a generator blew out

-plot twist: we continued school that day

-english teacher was explaining what the nurse meant when she said Juliet has a bump on her head 'as big as a young cock'rel's stone' - a rooster's nut. Which is word for word, he also said a rooster's balls. And when he said 'rooster's nut' someone yelled 'BUST IT' and he said 'no. that's disgusting.' And hE STOOD UP AND GOT HAND SANITIZER AND HE WAS RUBBING IT ALL THE WAY UP TO HIS ELBOWS, NOT BREAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THIS KID THE ENTIRE TIME

-'my mom takes so long to answer her damn phone. I could get a letter back from Africa faster than her. I get a letter from some fuckin African kid named chicken mcboob nugget faster then my mom'

-*watching romeo + juliet in class* 'she's not IN the fish tank, giana'

-guys pointing bananas at each other like guns

-English teacher is giving an example to the class like 'say you go to Panda Express and you get orange chicken. and the you get another plates of orange chicken. and then you get a third plate of orange chicken. what can you infer is gonna happen sooner or later?' and a girl yelled out 'DYSENTERY'

-'what's your favorite chinese food?'

'PANDA'

'no chinese FOOD'

'P A N D A'

-football jocks behind me in study hall telling each other 'bro you look like a teddy bear'

-a girl in the hall yelled out 'DOES ANYONE HAVE A TORTILLA CHIP'

-English teacher: "ok so imagine me cutting annie's head off with a golden axe-"

-someone brought a guinea pig to school, lost it, and now it's roaming the school.

-'mr. randolph I have sss. sensitive scalp syndrome.'

-a girl had a coughing fit and my English teacher said 'if you're gonna die...do it quietly'

-a guy yelled to his friends across the hall 'I didn't touch ANY of his junk'

-there was a security guard in the hallway crying during the daily playing of the national anthem

-they're playing jazz music over the school's PA system???

-the classroom phone rang in choir while we were singing a grease medley and the teacher answered by singing along with us. when he hung up he said 'the principal was not impressed with my song.'

-the other day I saw a kid open a highlighter and put it on his lips like chapstick

-'mr. randolph did you have heelies when you were little'

'no i had friends'

-someone asked my history teacher a question and he responded by fake crying and saying 'I don't care' in the most pained voice I've ever heard

-'anybody got a toothbrush' in the middle of class

-'paris needs a cock ring'

-english teacher has a huge bleeding cut on his hand and all that's on it is a Barbie bandaid

-'I am death's boy toy' *cue mom friend turning around with a disappointed sigh*

-a girl came into history crying about a breakup and saying 'don't date people they just wanna ruin your life' and the teacher said 'is there anyway you can ruin your life more quietly'

-they just called every girl named Abby down to the office. the announcement was a whole minute long

-someone in the back of my study hall is brushing his teeth. the nearest bathroom is across the school. I don't want to turn around

-I was taking notes in english and someone in the hall yelled 'WHUP' and then we all heard a smack. I think someone fell

-*sniff sniff* 'smells like communism'

-'I was choking on some popcorn in German class while we were playing bingo so I'm sitting there like 'ECH' the whole class but I won bingo so it's ok'

-English teacher: 'were talking about salty farts here'

-'do babies fart?'

'YES THEY DO AND ITS DISGUSTING'

-there's a girl in my English class who, every so often, with no regular schedule, brings an entire jar of Nutella to class and eats it

-someone in history farted and a girl said 'that was a fart'

-history teacher was one his phone and a girl (same one from before) was like 'oooo I see you on that phone texting ya girl just HIT SEND' and the teacher said 'actually someone in my family just died but thanks'

-someone compared my English teacher to guy fieri and he said 'are you seriously body shaming me here' he said the same thing upon being compared to homer simpson

-'if I could strangle you with your ponytail I would' -english teacher 2017

-'that guy assisted at jesus' birth he's so old'

-choir teacher was very happy today. He was seriously considering getting neon hair extensions in class

-'is it susan boyle?'

'NO, SHUT YOUR MOUTH'

-someone mentioned the musical 'the book of mormon' and an actual mormon in the classroom got offended and the other guy got written up to the office. this is high school

-'if you're giving human qualities to a bear is it personification?'

'the bear was evading his taxes'

-English teacher: 'I'm gonna throat punch the next person to mention the boss baby movie'

-mid-choir class a dude burst into the room, grabbed the tissue box, and ran out. I have never seen this guy before, I don't even think he goes to school here

-English teacher is wearing a pink polo shirt and black skinny jeans right now (as I type)

-when one of the teachers greeted another, he dabbed

-'let me guess: she can twerk'

-'if tad and annie have a dougie-off....I will add 12 bonus points to everybody's final.'

-someone walking in the halls making the loudest whistle I've heard in ages, then tapping on the walls, why am I scared

-kid putting hemp lotion on: 'if I don't get high in the next 5 minutes I'm slapping you'

-during a shooter drill our choir teacher pulled a softball bat out of a closet in his office to explain he could use it if he had to. The bat said 'big daddy' on the end

-a girl at the end of an empty hallway just screamed out 'OH MY GOD I LOVE CHILI'

-middle of English class, the room got quiet for a moment and we all heard a scream. English teacher shrugged and got back to the lesson as if it was normal???

-during musical rehearsal: 'the shoe does not fit. NO SHIT. SHE ISNT THE PROTAGONIST.'

-'I was gonna grab a calculator but today I found out I'm black.' -friend who has always been black

-'that was such a huge yawn. I thought you were gonna swallow your face.'

-'why would you not want to be called a potato?'

-'WE'LL GET TO THE BUTTHOLE LIPS EVENTUALLY, EASE UP'

-'let's say I had an altercation with a hedgehog'

-my english teacher just threw a yard stick at someone, missed and hit someone else, then justified it with 'I had to use my staff'

-'why are you petting my leg'

'it's...firm'

-a guy in math: *leans over and whispers* 'is it weird that I'm black and I like to cover myself in flour and sometimes I think about putting myself in hot oil' (this is the same guy from the calculator incident)

-my big white english teacher, giggling like a child: 'are you throwing gang signs in my class?'

-the assistant teacher who everyone teases for his clothes? yeah I saw him in the hall on my way to class, he was wearing white pants with rainbow diamonds on them and a red sweater vest. I'm afraid.

-English teacher: 'can you go back to your seat and stop staring at me like someone who had to stop taking a dump early and is just...walking awkwardly cause they had to pinch it off'

-two dudes were talking with their heads out the bus windows so they could hear each other and the one guy said 'dude I had a mayonnaise sandwich for lunch it was awesome'

-English teacher followed through and held a dougie-off and the whole class got 14 bonus points on our big tests as a reward for two people participating

-a girl in the front of the class threw 3 packs of graham crackers to her friend in the back and another girl went 'what is this, the damn food drive?'

-in the middle of english we heard a cackle that I can only describe as purely villainous

-conversation I overheard between two boys at lunch:

'you think you're so cool what do you want a fuckin cookie?'

'yeah actually'

'well go buy one'

'I'm broke!'

'I know'

'What did you do this morning?'

'I dunno, what did YOU do this morning, twizzlers?'

-'that's like three fruit snacks, man. that's not a good deal.'

-there's an outbreak of whooping cough right now and everyone is running through the halls screaming 'WOOT WOOT' and that's the most I've heard that phrase since 2012

-a kid shaking his friend by the shoulders saying 'mr. krabs, you KNOW the secret formula!!'

-in English we needed an APPROPRIATE definition for 'thrust' (see last time) and a girl yelled out 'DO THE MOTION' when the teacher called on someone so he replied with 'DON'T CORRUPT HER'

-during exams someone was doing bird calls (like those exotic birds that go 'OOAAAA OOAAAA')

-in homeroom people were fuckin BARKING

-we're watching Marley and Me in english class and there's like 5 seniors crying, the one girl keeps saying 'he's a good boy...he's a good boy...'

-a girl next to me in math is giving a bj to an off-brand capri sun

#school shit #long post

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galimau · 6 years

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“Odd Jobs”

As always, this is all because of @superbadlydrawnallenwalker‘s amazing art series, DGraycember. If you all aren’t amazed by the art so far idk what to tell you my dudes. This is for the Day Three prompt, and I was glad for the chance to go a little lighter... for now. Because I’ve been pretty harsh on poor Red so far lmao

Summary: Five jobs Red worked around the circus.

Word Count: 778

super extra no editing we’re still dying like mne

1. “Hey. Red.” Henry jabbed the bundle of cloth and untamed hair that was the latest addition to their troupe. In addition to being stage-shy and deeply unpleasant company, the boy had a bad habit of vanishing whenever he wasn’t working. This time he’d found Red curled up in the fresh straw for the horse pens, sound asleep.

“What.” Red emerged from the pile with a scowl.

“You’re helping Cook with meal prep,” Henry said it like a favor. In a lot of ways it was: Red had a habit of mistrusting any food he hadn’t seen made or seen someone eat. It probably was why he snitched off people’s plates, but that wasn’t a much better plan for his long term health.

And surely enough, Red perked up.

“Well why didn’t y’just say that?” He hopped around on one foot, shaking straw from his coat, and gave Henry a dirty look.

Henry raised his hands in the global sign of surrender, not bothering to argue. The brat might be scrawny, but he could light fires with that temper.

“Cook’s waiting on you to turn up. I wouldn’t wait.”

Red sneered, and took off across camp without another word.

2. Breanne pressed a smile down behind her lips, watching Red attack his bucket of laundry. At some point, it had shifted from a regular task to a matter of personal honor. She recognized the look in his eye from her own boys, all those years ago.

If he caught her laughing, he’d freeze up for sure, and half the laundry would be left undone.

A splash, and a wave of suds and steaming water sloshed over the rim of his bucket and onto his pants.

“Oh, get fucked,” Red hissed at the water.

Breanne bit down on another laugh.

The bar of soap kept slipping from his good hand, and fishing it out of the water meant the boy had to get half-way to swimming. His left arm, usually barely visible from under the long shirtsleeves he preferred, was visible to his elbow, sleeves rucked up in a useless effort to avoid getting wet.

By now, he might have actually gotten less wet if he’d just climbed into the laundry tub. Certainly gotten wet less often.

3. Mostly, animals didn’t tend to like Red too much. Something about him made them nervous, and unlike with people Red doubted that it was his arm. Who knew, maybe he was cursed like all those people liked to say. He tried not to give it much thought.

It did make cleaning out the animal cages harder.

If it was storming, they couldn’t let them outside for fear of the horses getting spooked or the birds flying away, which made for ansty animals stuck in a small room while Red tried to clean underneath them.

It was nasty, stinking work and the only thing that made it okay was remembering that the animals might be nervous around him, but they were better than any people he’d come across.

And besides- those geese didn’t like anyone at all, so Red couldn’t care all that much if they hissed at him when he got too close.

4. “Where’s that gold tassel? The dancer’s won’t look right if-” The tassel appeared, brandished by Red. Otto snatched it up and turned back to his partner.

“Has anyone seen my, my...” Merriweather snapped her fingers, searching for the word, “my damned baton? I put it down somewhere and it’s vanished.”

“It’s over by the costume trunk,” Red muttered, and hurried off to go fetch it before she could get too angry.

Keeping the performers happy and supplied was a long, thankless job. Most days, he could slip away in the shuffle, cleaning props in an abandoned corner of the camp.

On performance nights, the flood of requests barely let him breathe.

“Someone go check the eave lines before the crowds come in!”

“Where’s the cover for the first ring?”

“If you people don’t stop moving my instruments, I swear I’ll knock your teeth in.”

“I need another ball to balance on.”

“The knife targets haven’t been changed out!”

“Are the horse harnesses polished?”

“Who’s substituting for John in the tumbling act- his ankle is still sore.”

Between the chaos, Red tried to do what he could to be in every part of the camp at once, answering to everyone he could, and to keep clear of rising tempers.

It involved a lot of ducking.

After the first few weeks it wasn’t so bad; he’d learned quick who would only cuff him around the head, and who had meaner aim.

5. “Dinner got delayed. Red, go tell Cosimo.”

Fun fact: this would have been out half an hour ago except I got distracted researching differences in tent guylines

#i'm going to fall into a coma now and sleep until my allergies go away #sorry this one is shorter than the others (shrugs)#allen continues to have a miserable life #dgm #dgm fic #my writing

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eatyourgrapes · 7 years

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11 Questions Game

Rules: Always post the rules Answer the questions given to you Write 11 questions of your own Tag 11 people (Bruh, who do you think I am) I was tagged by @thealluringsink and @warriorvolga! SO I GUESS IM DOING 22 1. Most questionable fashion choice you've ever made? Uhhhhhhhh..... I wore a dragon suit to school once, of that counts (Idk man, I'm the person who wears crocs on a regular basis and runs errands in my pajamas, what is fashion) 2. What do you do with clothes you don't need/want anymore? Pffffff.... My clothes are usually pretty destroyed by the time I get rid of them, but in the rare cases they're not, I donate them to Deseret Industries (basically Goodwill) or a family I know of in need. 3. Do you eat "not breakfast" food for breakfast? What is breakfast (Srsly, eating meals on a regular basis is unheard of for me. I take some milk and meds in the morning and then just kinda "????" The whole day) 4. Do you prefer too hot or too cold? T O O C O L D (I have to stay pretty cold to even function,tbh if I get too warm I get super sick) 5. Do you usually know what day of the week it is? Uhhhhhh Usually, cause work schedule, but that's about it 7. What is something you're proud of? MY BOOK/universe Chiaroscuro, and all the characters involved!! I'm excited to (hopefully) get it finished and published in the next year or so. 8. How many times have you moved houses? Soooooo many At least 12 9. Is there anything people always call on you to do? I've been told I have a comforting presence?? Idk, other than that I'm really good at showing up early/on time, no matter how sleep-deprived I am. 10. Have you ever thought about changing your name? I have! I have issues with my full name, I hate hearing it anymore Dx 11. Did you notice I skipped number 6? Dude, I can't even see straight rn, you could've skipped 57 and I'd just "whaaaaaat". PART TWO 1. What is your favorite fandom? They can all burn, personally (Though I have a soft spot for the LoZ fandom and SW fandom) Galra side of Voltron is 10/10 too 2. Your fave TV show? Voltron (is that even a question XD) 3. Your fave book? The Last Dragon, by Silvana De Mari 4. Your fave game? (Dude, that's so hard wtf) Uhhhhhhhh.... Probably Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, or Breath of the Wild. (The Uncharted series is a close second though) 5. Your fave character? So many Right now my obsessions are Zarkon, Alfor, and Haggar from Voltron and MIPHA, FISH BAE 6. Your favorite skin/iteration/reincarnation of a fave character? I really liked the (twilight?) skin for Volga on Hyrule Warriors, the glossy black look is something I'm weak for 7. Which movie would you like to be redone bc of how awful the original was? ERAGON (or The Last Airbender, but we don't even talk about that) 8. Night owl or early bird? Both I never sleep 9. What do you think is your best feature? I like my eyes/eyelashes The former for their color, and the latter for their natural length 10. Breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner? Again with the meal thing Idk man, what is eating. I photosynthesize for all my needs 11. How tall are you? 5'5" on a good day lol (I'm too tired to translate to centimeters I'm sorry) MY QUESTIONS 1. Your opinion on Mac n Cheese 2. Stupidest way you've ever injured yourself (or others) 3. Biggest dream in life? 4. Dream that's closest to becoming a reality? 5. Do you experience deja vu often? 6. If you could learn a new language, what would it be? 7. Have any birthmarks? 8. Do you fear shower demons? (Aka, hate closing your eyes in the shower/other enclosed space cause you feel like something will grab you. Closely related to thinking something is under the bed) 9. Do you get spooked by random people messaging you/showing up in your inbox? 10. Most notes you've ever gotten on a post? 11. What's a guaranteed way to calm you down/put you at ease? TAGGING (finally): @skolass, @the-wenzel, @lonkeronaama, @lotors-saltwife, @kolivans, @justklance, @mattvholt, @bored-space-dust, @smolsarcasticraspberry, @ace-pidge, @allawander, And anyone else I missed of course!!

#WHEW #GOT THROUGH IT FINALLY #Mobile makes things tedious

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storytimemof0z-blog · 7 years

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(k+t)+1=?

We kissed.

I forgot about Trayce, forgot about Krystal, I forgot about everything. My mind was focused on Kawika. His soft lips against mine made me have flash backs.

Our first kiss. It wasn’t a purposeful kiss. More like an accidental kiss. Wait, no. It was purposeful.

A little summary of our first kiss. Kawika had been dating Camille for a while. Unsurprisingly, Camille cheated on Kawika with some Saint Louis dude who looked like a fish. When Kawika found out, he was sad. I was walking to my last period and seen him crying in the staircase so I ran over to him and sat down. I asked what was wrong and he told me the whole story. Before that day I never did have an actual conversation with him. Kawika and I been to the same school since elementary, we’ve had a few talks here and there but nothing as personal as this.

By the time he finished telling me what happened his eyes were really puffy. I stood up and offered help, he refused standing up. So I grabbed him by the hands and pulled him up. He got up and stood there. I wiped his eyes and hugged him. The bell rang but we didn’t break the hug. I started to think to myself; damn the star football player is crying, CRYING, and I was hugging him. I started to get comfortable so I put my head on his shoulder and told him that everything was gonna be okay and that he’s gonna find someone.

The door to the stairs opened. And Camille walked in, Kawika broke the hug and kissed me. I just stood there enjoying the moment. Camille walked out and slammed the door. I pulled back but he pulled me in.

A minute went by and I finally pulled back again, he let go.

“Umm what was that?” I asked.

“I kissed you… duh.”

“WHY?”

“Why not?” he had the biggest smirk on his face.

“What a player” I said and turned around to walk to class.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me in. We kissed once again. I pulled back.

“Give me a chance” he said quickly.

“You don’t even have my number, we don’t even talk, why would I give you a chance?”

“Okay 1, I do have your number. 2 we do talk. And 3, I know you had a crush on me in 6th grade.”

“Well that was 6th grade, were Juniors now. You’re probably only trying to get with me to make Camille jealous.”

“That’s partly true. To be completely honest I kinda did check you out while we were dating. I was just too scared to talk to you because Camille controlled my entire life. Gosh she was so needy.”

“I swear you were just balling your eyes out like 10 minutes ago. Were you crying just to get me in here?”

“Crying over Camille? Please, I was crying because I just got roasted by the bird flock. They’re such douches, I hate them.”

“Hey don’t say that, Lola is dating Pali and Krystal is dating Tui. They’re probs the only 2 good birds.”

We both laughed. It was the end of the day so we decided to skip our last period and leave. We left and went to Ala Moana, he treated me to a movie and dinner. Over dinner we talked about everything and anything. I got to know everything about him in less than a day. While we were driving home I got his aux cord and played High School Musical since we both said that we like that movie. I played “Breaking Free” and we sang super loud, the family next to us looked at us like we were weird but we still kept singing.

We got into Kapolei and he dropped me off in front of my house. As I was walking around the car he rolled down his window.

“So you gonna give me a chance?”

I turned around and smiled. I ran up to the window and kissed him.

“Is that a yes?” he said then smirked.

I kissed him again.

“So it’s a yes, got it babe.” We both smiled at each other.

He rolled up his window then started to reverse. I wove goodbye until I could no longer hear or see the squeaky truck. I ran into my room and jumped into my bed feeling really good about myself. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. I was the happiest girl in the world.

I pulled away from his lips when I heard Trayces’ footsteps coming down the hall. I looked at him and wiped his eyes. Then I looked away, but his eyes were still locked on my face. I told him that we should go eat and he softly said okay.

We walked out awkwardly. Trayce turned around and sat at the table eating his bacon. He looked at me and smiled with a nod. I felt guilty knowing what I just did so I didn’t do anything back to Trayce. I grabbed 2 plates and 2 forks from the pantry, I gave one set to Kawika then made my food. I moved around Kawika awkwardly to my seat. I sat across of Trayce and started to eat looking down at my food.

I felt a kick at my feet so I looked up. Trayce lipped out if I was okay. I nodded and went back to eating. Kawika sat in the middle and started to eat. Trayce broke the awkward silence by asking what our schedule was like for the next semester. I said my schedule then Kawika said his. We had all the same classes except for Personal Health. He was in the same Personal Health class as the 2 crackheads at school, Willow and Kayla. They were the, “DynamicDuo.” They sold anything from regular marijuana to meth. They were, as what they call themselves, the “og hook ups.”

I looked at Kawika in shock since we had the same classes. Trayce said his schedule and the only class we had together was Personal Health, the one class Kawika and I didn’t have together.

I finished eating, so I stood up and threw away my plate. I went into Trayce’s room to grab my phone. I grabbed my phone then walked back out to the living room. I could hear the 2 boys talking about me again.

“Her feelings could change, all she needs is a reminder of our love.” Kawika said.

“I don’t know dude. I think she moved on.” Trayce said.

“She said we were on a break. Not completely over.”

“Your guys break could mean that she wants time to move on, or maybe even have a break from you.”

I turned around and tipped toed back to the room and slammed the door from the outside. “Sorry!” I yelled then walked back to the living room.

The 2 boys were quiet, Kawika offered me a ride home. So I said yes forgetting about my car in the garage downstairs. I grabbed all my stuff, I hugged Trayce and started making my way out of the house. I turned around at the door and looked at Trayce and Kawika whispering in the corner.

After about 2 minutes they finished talking, we said our last goodbye and walked out. As we were walking to the elevator I asked Kawika what they were talking about:

“What were you guys saying?”

“Oh nothing…”

“If you guys were whispering in the corner for 5 minutes I’m pretty sure its something.”

“Okay fine. But don’t tell him I’m telling you.”

“Yah of course.”

This is the “surprise” Trayce told me.

“Trayce planned out this cruise for the both of you this weekend, but I already planned a weekend with just me and you at Waikiki. So we were talking about who should have you this weekend and I said that he should take you because I could always reschedule the hotel and stuff.”

I felt special knowing they both planned something out for me this weekend. I wanted to go with Trayce, I’ve never been on a cruise before.

“Kawika.”

“Yah?”

“Did Trayce say how long the cruise was?”

“I think it’s 3 days 2 nights. You go to Kauai and then come back. But 3 days away from you is too long.”

I smiled at him. He put his arm around me. We got to the elevators, I pressed the button to go downstairs and the elevator door opened.

We got into the car and I fell asleep. About an hour later Kawika taps on my leg.

“You’re home.”

I looked up and rubbed my eyes. I unbuckled my belt and opened the door.

“Thanks Kawika.” I said then reached into hug him.

He hugged me back, I grabbed my stuff and stood at the door. I waited there waiving bye until he left. I stood there until I couldn’t hear or see the squeaky truck. Just like old days I said to myself.

#storytimemof0z

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The Best Wings in Every State in America

The chicken wing is the perfect storm of American snacking ingenuity, a bar food forged from the ideal that, no, we will not relegate the flapping appendages of a flightless bird to a stock pot. We will, in fact, put them in a fryer and feed them to the teeming masses that like their meat tender and their hands messy. It's a food so delicious that Sir Paul McCartney named his post-Beatles band after it (source needed). But who makes the best versions of this delicious staple of bars across the country? Well. Let us tell you. These are the best wings in every one of these United States. Some are in tiny Korean restaurants. Some are in dive bars and high-end eateries. But they're all guaranteed to leave you with dirty fingers and a very happy belly. Bring a towelette.

ALABAMA

Big Bob Gibson Bar-B-Q

DECATUR The four generations of family behind Big Bob Gibson's take their barbecue as seriously as Alabama jewel Nick Saban takes his football. And with 10 world championships, the Big Bob Gibson Competition Cooking team -- formed specifically for BBQ-battling purposes -- has earned the place its rep as one of America's best BBQ joints. That signature smoked chicken with white sauce, then, makes it very, very easy to overlook Bob's excellent smoked wings. Giant, crispy, and available in sticky piles of five, 10, 20, or 40, they serve as the perfect vehicle for the rest of Gibson's blue-ribbon barbecue sauces and come tossed in your choice of mild or spicy. Obviously, they're perfect for tailgating, as is the 'Bama way. But they're just as good if you just, you know, eat them in the parking lot before you take a full platter of the other stuff home.

ALASKA

Winky's Wings

Address and Info ANCHORAGE Alaska isn't exactly known for its wings. Probably because fish -- even the flying ones -- don't have any. But Winky's has local carnivores' needs covered with a diverse menu featuring cheesesteaks, gyros, Cajun food, and the real star of the show: the short-and-sweet selection of flavor-packed wings. Boneless (no!) or bone-in (yep!), they're pure comfort in their familiarity, with sauces running the gamut from garlic Parmesan to teriyaki, BBQ, lemon pepper, and Buffalo. Hot and crispy as hell, the deep-fried wings are available in heat grades ranging from an everyman's mild to the tongue-scorching Inferno option, which is totally the second-most enjoyable way to warm up during a brutal Alaskan winter. You don't want to know the first way.

ARIZONA

Teakwoods Tavern & Grill

Address and Info GILBERT Arizona is home to the Grand Canyon and the honey hot wings from Teakwoods Tavern – the, um, Grand Canyon of flavor. OK, maybe not quite, but the wings are damn good. The joint self-identifies as a casual neighborhood bar and grill, but the wing selection is anything but casual. There are 12 options -- including cactus-flavored wings made with a prickly pear sauce -- but make a beeline straight for an order of the Honey Hots. The deep-fried wings are coated in a sticky-sweet sauce loaded with honey but also plenty of heat. No, seriously. Teakwoods warns on its menu to order them at your own risk, but the only real risk is that you won't be able to stop eating.

ARKANSAS

The Rail - A Pizza Company

Address and Info ROGERS While the pies might be the namesake of this Rogers-based eatery, the wings -- as an appetizer or a meaty main course -- are the delicious draw, and are available in Parmesan marinara, Louisiana Hot Sauce, alfredo, garlic Parm, spicy BBQ, and Thai flavors. The Rail also offers a token tongue-scorching option for the masochists among us, the hallmark of any wing joint worth its crispy skin. This particular brand of pain is called Bring the Rain, and the while the menu instructs you to ask your waiter about it, watching this kid take the taste bullet (video involves a lot of sweating, moaning, and the repetition of the phrase "This is so bad!") might be warning enough. Godspeed! And maybe go garlic Parm.

SAN TUNG | FLICKR/THE FOODHOE

CALIFORNIA

San Tung

Address and Info SAN FRANCISCO San Francisco's Sunset neighborhood is thronged with nondescript casual Chinese joints, but do not --repeat, do not -- accept any substitutes for San Tung, even if the lunch and dinner lines looks daunting. There's a damn good reason that people queue up, and while the noodles are all fine and dandy, the wings are the draw. You can get them swimming in the sweet-and-spicy signature sauce loaded up with peppers and shoots, but don't. Get them dry. The batter that encases the wings gives a satisfying crunch as a precursor to the immaculately tender meat inside, and it all comes together in a beautiful symphony of ginger and garlic. When you've got a wing this well-honed, sauce is merely a distraction. You didn't wait in line for sauce, after all.

COLORADO

Cho77

Address and Info DENVER The best wings are not typically found in fine-dining restaurants. But when fancy-as-heck ChoLon opened in Denver, its SE Asian-inspired wings were a hit. It's an odd sensation to have sticky hands at a nice dinner, so it didn't last. A few years later, chef/co-owner Lon Symensma opened a more casual sister restaurant called Cho77 with a friend. It was the kind of restaurant where wings could… fly. (Sorry.) There, Symensma's pal/exec chef/co-owner Ryan Gorby was inspired to create a Vietnamese version of everyone's favorite bar snack based on the fish sauce-doused version that's typically served in a clay pot. First, it's a large confit wing (one where the drumstick and wing are connected) that's transferred to the grill to get a fantastic char flavor before getting that caramel fish sauce. It's a sweet, savory wing with burnt sugar, caramel, fish sauce, and chili powder all commingled. And the best news is that after you're done finishing off a plate of these, you'll be in a place where it's not weird to wipe your hands on your pants.

CONNECTICUT

J. Timothy's Taverne

Address and Info PLAINVILLE The dirt on J. Timothy's is dirt. Dirt Wings, specifically. That's what this Connecticut institution calls its signature fried-sauced-fried-again preparation, allegedly namedafter the oldest player on a softball team of bar regulars. The result is delicious: That double-deep-fried shell finishes a few shades darker than hot-sauce orange and delivers super-crisp bites. The dirtying process puts sauce into the fryer, which mucks it up and necessitates frequent oil changes, so you know you're getting the good stuff. Timothy's was founded in 1985, but the building it's in was built in 1789, so it's pretty much as old as dirt, too.

DELAWARE

2 Fat Guys

Address and Info HOCKESSIN In 2004, before they owned two successful restaurants, the two fat guys behind 2 Fat Guys ran a catering company. Back then, they knew burgers, ribs, and wings were the staples. They still are. But to stand out in a state where popular chain Wings To Go got its start, you gotta do things a little differently. Case in point: One of its most popular wing sauces is the Triple Threat -- a combo of bourbon BBQ, poached pear, and mild. About that unique poached pear sauce: It's scratch-made by, you guessed it, poaching pears, emulsifying them, and mixing with the restaurant's BBQ sauce. Another bestseller is the PB&J sauce with peanut butter, grape jelly, and BBQ sauce, which is essentially school lunch on a wing! Regulars know to ask for the special sauce of the day, as they're often wild ideas for wings that sound like they could fail miserably in the wrong hands. They don't! One winner featured regularly on Valentine's Day is Vampire's Blood, made with cinnamon Red Hots candy and Atomic Fireballs. But one stand-out wing that pops up as a special frequently is the Yuengwing, made with, yup, Yuengling. It's all the flavor of that classic lager without having to get up to go to the fridge and open one. No surprise that it'll likely be promoted to a regular menu item soon.

FLORIDA

Sports Grill

Address and Info MIAMI Though every dude who moves to South Beach for a winter and changes his Facebook hometown to "Miami" claims to be a 305 local, no one can truly claim that title until they've spent an entire Sunday crushing wings at Sports Grill. Each of the upscale sports bar's seven locations serves up these South Dade staples that are flame-grilled and THEN fried, giving the little fall-off-the-bone suckers a savory flavor unmatched anywhere in South Florida. The must-order sauce is the sweet-and-spicy Dale sauce, an addictive flavor combination of chilies and barbecue sauce named after a longtime Sports Grill regular named Dale (though most would assume it's pronounced "DAH-lay," after Mr. 305 himself).

JR CRICKETS | SEBASTIAN DAVIS/THRILLIST

GEORGIA

J.R. Crickets

Address and Info ATLANTA In 1982 a guy named Paul Juliano opened a rickety chicken wing joint in Midtown Atlanta, not far from Georgia Tech. He named it J.R. Crickets, and like any true visionary would, he branded it with a logo of an upright Caucasian peanut pretending to be a cricket in a tux jacket and no pants. Thirty-five years later Juliano's crispy-fried wings are the stuff of legend, having earned (no pun intended) a mention on Donald Glover's Atlanta for a mythical flavor called "lemon pepper wet." The classic Buffalo are unfailing, the fries are nice and salty without overkill. The skin holds up to the sauces, whether it's the thick BBQ, wet teriyaki, or lemon pepper dry (rubbed). Sure, you might find wings you like anywhere in Georgia, but it’s hard to say that anybody in this state has done it better.

HAWAII

Hale Vietnam

Address and Info HONOLULU If you didn't know any better, you'd think Hale Vietnam's absolutely enormous chicken wings were chicken tenders. This wing was inspired by a dish the chef had in Vietnam, and ever since '86 the kitchen's been frying 'em up. First, the big-ass wing is deboned and stuffed with ground pork, vegetables like carrots and onions, and long-grain rice. Then it's lightly breaded in panko and deep-fried, and finally served with fish sauce. You can also ask for a Vietnamese peanut sauce. And because you're going to want a beer with these wings (and a bowl of pho, if you're smart), you could have a Tsingtao or Singha. But our recommendation is to go local and order a Kona Longboard -- a beer brewed on the Big Island, a mere seven miles away.

BARBACOA | LAURIE PEARMAN/THRILLIST

IDAHO

Barbacoa

Address and Info BOISE Idaho isn't exactly synonymous with chicken wings, let alone ultra-swank Latin-fusion restaurants. So it's kind of crazy-surprising that the best wings in the state aren't served in a basket as an afterthought at a cowboy bar, but rather on a board with a tiny little hibachi grill. That's right. Taken on their own, the tender, plump wings are remarkably balanced in their sweet/spicy pop. But get frisky with that mug-sized grill, and you can make them your own. Add a little smoke. Or a lot of char. Or let the sauce caramelize and melt into the skin, creating extra crunch. Just don't, you know, put them on then get up to go the bathroom. Burning these things is a crime against all that is delicious.

ILLINOIS

Crisp

Address and Info CHICAGO The satisfying skin on the Korean-inspired, double-fried wings at this tiny temple to the art of fried poultry has managed to win over even the most ardent Buffalo wing devotees. Actually, Buffalo fans are still in luck at this modest North Side counter-service joint, as the wing sauce it employs from legendary hot dog stand Budacki's is reliably on point. That said, you'd really be missing out if you passed over their BBQ, kind of a hybrid American-Korean style amped up with red chili paste (they'll happily turn up the spice factor if you ask). The milder ginger-garlic-soy Seoul Sassy is also a must-order, and not just because it's super-fun to say. Fortunately this place is accustomed to mixed orders for the decision-challenged.

INDIANA

Ale Emporium

Address and Info INDIANAPOLIS No disrespect to the quality of its beer list, but this Indianapolis favorite might want to update its name to the Ale & Wing Emporium given the reverence Hoosiers express for the wing artistry here. With a wood-paneled, brass-railed neighborhood vibe, the place is a prime spot for live music and sports. But the chicken steals the most attention. While it has a sizable arsenal of your standard sauce options and heat levels, you're getting the Hermanaki wings -- a closely guarded secret recipe named for the owner that involves an addictive dry rub and a finishing stint on the grill following the fryer. Sometimes when an establishment touts a dish as "world famous" it induces skepticism. These will make you a believer.

IOWA

Jimmy Jack's Rib Shack

Address and Info IOWA CITY The ribs may be the namesake specialty at this beloved Iowa City smokehouse, but unlike some of its barbecue brethren, Jimmy Jack's really does its wings justice. The assorted tools and farm implements decking the brick-red walls let you know you're about to do some work with your hands, though not involving an ax (hopefully). First thoroughly coated in the house rub before a 2.5-hour smoking session over hickory wood, they're then placed on standby until they're fried to order and sauced up. The original sauce packs just the right balance of sweet, heat, and vinegar to make for the optimal pairing among the quartet of BBQ-centric sauce options, but it also offers a Buffalo option spiced to your liking, which marries nicely with the smoke for an upgrade over your standard hot wing.

KANSAS

Hot Basil

Address and Info OVERLAND PARK Hot Basil doesn't necessarily look like an establishment where you'd be driven to go primal on a plate of wings, what with the white tablecloths, soothing green hues, and delicate floral prints. But all concerns about decorum go out the window when you’re confronted with a plate of wings at this family-run Thai restaurant. The perpetually in-demand wings are a family recipe that starts with a trip to the deep fryer before getting tossed to the wok, where they're finished in a sauce deep with garlic, Thai basil (naturally), and a hit of Sriracha. The visible flecks of basil make you feel like you can pretty much count it as a salad, though you're more likely to be thinking about whether it'd look weird to put in a second order. It won't. Just do it.

MILKWOOD | COURTESY OF MILKWOOD

KENTUCKY

MilkWood

Address and Info LOUISVILLE Top Chef vet Edward Lee’s made quite the name for himself with his seamless melding of Southern and Asian flavors, and you probably shouldn’t pass through Louisville without enjoying some of his food. May we recommend the wings at MilkWood, the still-sleek but more casual sibling to his much-acclaimed 610 Magnolia? You'll spot an array of animal skulls and antlers adorning the white brick walls, but soon enough the only animal remnants capturing your attention will be chicken wings stripped of every morsel of meat as you wonder what just happened? Here's what happened: They were tenderly smoked before getting crisped up and tossed in some chili-lime sauce, sprinkled with sesame seeds and scallions, drizzled with Alabama white BBQ sauce, and brought to your table where you tore through them like a maniac. Nice work.

LOUISIANA

Kin

Address and Info NEW ORLEANS Last year, tiny 25-seat pan-Asian/southern fine-dining spot Kin ditched the fancy stuff and dedicated its open kitchen to atypical ramen incorporating everything from oxtail to crawdads. Chefs Hieu Than and Nate Nguyen also decided to celebrate the glories of the chicken wing with two different variations that change daily under the banner of General Meow's chicken wings. They could be honey-coated and flecked with rosemary, shimmering with garlic and chilies, or kicked up with traditional five spice. The only thing you can expect -- aside from a line -- is that the wings will have a crispy skin, tender meat, and explosive flavors. Order both offerings. Maybe two of each.

MAINE

Samuel's Bar and Grill

Address and Info PORTLAND This typically crowded and comfortably no-frills neighborhood spot offers patio seating and an extensive menu featuring every type of bar snack you can imagine. That said, don't be seduced by the nachos or caught up in the sweet siren song of the calzone, because, despite the inherent tastiness of both, the wings are the reason you're here. The offering is mostly straightforward -- served naked or tossed in Buffalo, sweet Thai chili, or BBQ sauce -- but if you want to do it big, opt for the twice-fried Dirty wings, one of the most rightfully raved-about menu items. For the full experience, we recommend putting on something with an elastic waistband and swinging by on Wednesday or Thursday night when the wings are only 50 cents each from 5 'til close. Just remember that Samuel’s is open until 1am, so, uh, pace yourself accordingly.

MARYLAND

Kisling's

Address and Info BALTIMORE Let's just get this out of the way -- of course a huge, 170-plus-seat, wood-paneled neighborhood tavern in Baltimore sells Old Bay wings. And of course its customers pair those wings with Natty Boh and Heavy Seas beers. But that's obvious: It's like telling someone from Maryland that Cal Ripken played a couple games in a row for the O's. Duh. What might not be obvious is that Kisling's has been churning out its wings for 20+ years on the back of an owner who cooked up its original, mildly spicy wing sauce that's so popular he started bottling it. It's hot but still enjoyable, so there's no need to cry for your mom and drink a gallon of milk. You can also go straight-up Buffalo with the sauce, or opt for the honey Old Bay sauce, which builds on the classic crab seasoning with a hit of honey to sweeten the proceedings, all while retaining those delicious flavors from the Old Bay. If you're one of those people who doesn't know what the hell a Cal Ripken is, Old Bay is made mostly of red pepper flakes, paprika, and celery salt. And it's damn good on wings.

MASSACHUSETTS

Buff's Pub

Address and Info NEWTON Fans of classic Buffalo-style chicken wings won't be disappointed with the canonical version at this wood-paneled watering hole plastered with sports memorabilia and even more plastered BC students. Buff's slings the best in the state. But the right move here is the joint's Honey Hots. Like the Buffalo style, they are fried until juicy and crisp-tender, then doused in Frank's RedHot. Instead of the traditional butter, they are laced with honey (duh), giving the clunkers a sticky sweet-spicy glaze. Just the right thing to tear into in sweatpants while watching Tom "I never eat sugar" Brady throw touchdown passes into his 80s.

SWEETWATER TAVERN

MICHIGAN

Sweetwater Tavern

Address and Info DETROIT A Bricktown institution housed in one of the Motor City's oldest buildings (well, at least the original location is… it's got four now), Sweetwater ditches the practice of offering a bajillion different sauce options to specialize in only one, and it's frankly heralded as Michigan's best wing. Using meat straight from the Eastern Market, each wing takes a 24-hour bath in a top-secret sauce before getting dredged in spices and fried. They arrive at your table wet but not too saucy, with spice, salt, and vinegar permeating every bite. It's Detroit soul and BBQ at its finest, an institution built on the power of the wing that also happens to be one of Motown's finest classic bars.

MINNESOTA

Monte Carlo

Address and Info MINNEAPOLIS Now, the Monte Caaaarlo might sound like the kind of joint that serves its wings boneless, stuffed with foie, and sprinkled with gold dust, a folded cloth napkin on the side, but of course. But at this landmark chophouse, a North Loop fixture since 1906, the only fussiness with its beloved dry-rubbed Beijing wings is the expertly balanced, 18-ingredient secret spice mixture. Tucked in a decidedly unfancy paper napkin-lined woven basket, the righteously crackling-crispy wings -- dry-rubbed, fried, and then dusted in more spice mixture -- betray hints of cinnamon, cumin, onion powder, and celery salt. Beats lame, upright-pinky resort food any day of the week.

MISSISSIPPI

American Wings & Cafe

Address and Info HATTIESBURG You'd be forgiven for seeing some red flags when approaching American Wings & Cafe. It's got a strip-mall look that seems better suited for a joint that sells pre-paid cellphones, which are admittedly not delicious. It's lit like a hospital (though a hospital that smells like fried food). And it's got one of those menus that features everything from cheesesteaks to shrimp and gyros. Indeed, those items are questionable. But what is unquestioned is the dominance of these old-school wings. On first inspection, they look like any old chicken wings you'd see in a bar. And yet the secret here is in the sauces, which are house-made. That includes teriyaki/garlic pepper and garlic Parm in addition to lemon pepper BBQ and an incendiary hot sauce that's like Frank's way funner cousin. It might just be among the best in Mississippi. And Mississippi isn’t exactly sleeping on the hot sauce game, either.

MISSOURI

Gobble STOP Smokehouse

Address and Info CREVE COEUR All too often poultry is the forgotten stepchild of the BBQ menu, but if you did a good job learning your animal sounds as a child you probably guessed that isn't the case at Gobble STOP Smokehouse. OK, fine, "gobble" is turkey and "cluck" is chicken, but whatever. Point is this place really does right by birds. Owner DeMarco Howard doesn’t even offer pork at his strip-mall shop outside St. Louis. What he DOES offer is some seriously addictive chicken wings among many other fine poultry options, dry-rubbed before a date with some smoldering hickory wood that leaves them with the kind of smoky juiciness that'll make you glad you have those slices of bread to make sure nothing's left behind.

MONTANA

Desperado Sports Tavern

Address and Info MISSOULA While this old-school Missoula spot sort of resembles a log cabin from the outside, the interior is jam-packed with 32 HD TVs, making it the perfect spot to post up and watch the game… every game. And the best fuel for your fanaticism is, of course, the self-proclaimed King of Wings' specialty. Grab a cold beer and a pile of the meaty, crispy-skinned Buffalo-style wings that earned this bar the best-wings-in-town crown several years running. Just keep in mind when ordering that Despo's takes the "hot" part of hot wings pretty seriously, so you shouldn't be that ashamed if you play it safe with the Sissy Sauce… We hear the Tavern is totally a no-judgment zone. Sissy.

NEBRASKA

Oscar's

Address and Info OMAHA While the phrase "char-buffed" might sound like the name of tanning salon for overly muscular bros, it's actually the technique used to cook the best chicken wings in Nebraska. At West Omaha's Oscar's, the kitchen fries each wing, dips it in sauce, and grills it until, well, it develops a nice char. It's all in the name, ya know? And if you like your wings extra saucy to the point where you have no choice but to use your shirt as a napkin, ask for them double-dipped. The wings will get another sauce bath after a stint on the grill. And if you really like to live life on the spicy-and-saucy edge, get your order made with Oscar's Kujo sauce, which is just a fancy way of saying "really insanely hot" and has nothing to do with early Stephen King cocaine allegories.

WING KING

NEVADA

Wing King

Address and Info LAS VEGAS Lots of places have a ton of different sauce options. So what makes this little joint inside the big-ass Shooters Bar & Grill so special, outside of the fact that it's a handy place to eat away your sorrow from losing your kid's college fund on a bad hand of blackjack? The 80 sauces bathing your classic bar-style wings are outstanding. You can go dry with a brown sugar/bourbon rub or one that approximates Cool Ranch Doritos, spicy with everything from curry to jerk (plus Hell Wings, which have a legendary challenge attached to them), or weirdly delicious with a sauce that tastes pretty damn close to strawberry cheesecake with a kick. Even better? This is also the home of pig wings, which are bone-in ham shanks dropped into a fryer for a nice crispy porksplosion. Get them with apple BBQ. That just makes sense… or at least as much sense as pig wings allows.

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Wing-Itz

Address and Info PORTSMOUTH You might think of New Hampshire as more of a swing state than a wing state, but as New England's only wing butchery, Wing-Itz takes fresh to another level: Every wing is guaranteed to have been cut right off the bird that day. The Portsmouth restaurant has an impressive 30-sauce roster that runs the gamut from sweet to spicy, and no matter how you prefer your hand-breaded wings, we recommend getting them Southern-style for an extra crunch. If you must go boneless, go home… Or get those suckers in wrap or sub form, both of which offer a delicious bread barrier between your fingers and any sticky sauces. And if you're a fan of the fork, you can even get 'em tossed in a salad… though, let's be real, that kinda defeats the whole point.

NEW JERSEY

The Chicken or the Egg

Address and Info BEACH HAVEN Despite being closed for the entirety of winter (one of the only downfalls of running a business in the beautiful shore town of Beach Haven), New Jersey's overall wing king is certainly The Chicken or the Egg, most commonly referred to simply as "Chegg" by locals. It opened on Memorial Day weekend -- the official launch of summer on the Jersey Shore -- in 1991, and hasn't really slowed down since. It offers up 16 varieties of sauces, though you'll probably want to try the Ludicrous (as in ludicrously hot) or the spicy honey mash-up of the Killer Bee Sting sauce. The wings are way bigger than your standard offerings and juicy as hell. Oh yeah, and it's open 24/7 in the summer. Which is perfect, because wings are a suitable meal at literally any time. They're as much a part of Jersey Shore culture as the dude who punched Snookie.

NEW MEXICO

Cowgirl BBQ

Address and Info SANTA FE With its Tex-Mex aesthetic and checkered tablecloths, the Cowgirl looks like a theme-park version of the kind of bar that Patrick Swayze might be fighting at in the big roadhouse in the sky (RIP, good sir). But the Southern-style BBQ joint proves you don’t have to be Texan to do everything bigger. Case in point, the honkin' wings, which contain a light smoke, crispy skin, and a hell of a lot of heat, even if you get the straight-up house style. You can also go jerk, but come on. Cowgirl up and go with the Wings of Fire, which are tossed in a fiery habanero-based salsa diablo that might be manageable for the weak of heart(burn) were they not so friggin' big. Lucky for you, it also has great margaritas, and you can catch some live country music as you recover. Hell, that's what Dalton would do. Remember: Pain don't hurt.

ANCHOR BAR | FLICKR/YURI LONG

NEW YORK

Anchor Bar

Address and Info BUFFALO Oh, you want wings? Well there's not really a better place to go in New York State -- or the entire world, for that matter -- than the Buffalo restaurant where wings as most bars know them were invented. Yes, this is ground zero. It goes like this: On March 4, 1964, Dominic Bellissimo was tending bar at Anchor, his family's restaurant. When a few of his friends stumbled in after a night of libations demanding something to sate their drunched-up appetites, Dominic's doting mother Teressa fried up the wings of a chicken (normally used for stock), then covered them in an impromptu, incredibly hot sauce, and served them up… to rave reviews (obviously). Thus, the first late-night wing moment happened -- and from there, Teressa's creation spread to bars across the nation. Luckily for us in the 21st century, you can still count on an otherworldly spread of wings at Anchor Bar. It even continues to use Teressa's secret sauce, alongside seven new iterations. Sometimes "first" isn't necessarily the best. This is not one of those times.

NORTH CAROLINA

Seoul Food Meat Co.

Address and Info CHARLOTTE Despite being open just under a year, Seoul Food Meat Co. has become Charlotte's go-to spot for wings. And they are a refreshing -- if not incredibly hot -- break from the traditional trappings of wing joints, with Southern BBQ and Korean traditions buddying up. The wings are double-fried with a fine, succulent crust that falls apart (in a good way) as soon as you bite into it. These suckers will melt in your mouth. There are only two flavors here: soy garlic and spicy BBQ. Get a split order of the enormous, crispy suckers. Just know that those Korean spices mixed with BBQ flavors are as hot as they are delicious. And they're pretty damn delicious.

NORTH DAKOTA

Sickies Garage

Address and Info FARGO Motorcycle-themed Sickies also serves up the best damn burger in NoDak, so we were a little hesitant to also bequeath upon the joint (which, at 50 taps, is also a formidable beer bar) the honor of the Roughrider State's best wings. Actually, no we weren't. Because these suckers are delicious and infinitely customizable. They're traditional pub-style wings at their core, but it's what you do with them that matters. Rubs range from mango habanero to Sriracha, while things really get amped up in the sauces, which include boozy variations like Jameson and Fireball and the ghost pepper-spiked Hells Fury. Go with that one and you're gonna be pretty stoked about that big-ass beer list.

OHIO

Fat Head's Brewery

Address and Info CLEVELAND Fat Head's is one of the best breweries in Ohio (and now Oregon and Pennsylvania), and the joint really makes good on its name, offering gigantic sandwiches to pair with Hop JuJu that would make even the most ardent CrossFit trainer grow jowls. Carrying on with that unpleasant joke, the wings, too, seem cut from a hyper-steroidal chicken with a serious addiction to the gym. They're big, is what we're saying. And smoked. And tossed in a special salty/spicy dry rub before getting tossed in sauce. We recommend the tangy/fun-to-say bumble berry, though you'd be a dumbass to not get at least one in garlic Parm. The price point is a little deceptive, too. At $6 for three, it sounds a little expensive. Then you pull a muscle lifting the plate, and those concerns will be gone. Again, they're big is what we're saying.

OKLAHOMA

Wing Supreme

Address and Info OKLAHOMA CITY Established in the nation's capital, Wing Supreme eventually made the move from DC to OKC, and took its secret blend of 11 spices with it. The restaurant's wing savants don't miss any opportunity to add flavor throughout the preparation process, and take an inside-out approach, frying the flavor into the wing itself rather than just slapping some sauce on afterwards. There are 16 sauce options, among them the standout Cajun and Honey Love. Regardless of what you get, they’ll be crisp and piping-hot. Whether you have the willpower to wait for them to cool, however, is between you and the burn ward. RELATED

Every State's Most Important Food Innovation

POK POK | COLE SALADINO/THRILLIST

OREGON

Pok Pok

Address and Info PORTLAND Chef Andy Ricker helped put PDX on the food map by introducing the masses to Northern Thai food. He toured Thailand with Bourdain, and even starred in his own documentary. But most importantly, he unleashed upon America Ike's Fish Sauce Wings. Prepped using a recipe from a Vietnamese street vendor, they laid the foundation for Pok Pok's expansion to New York and LA and even led the chef to open a wings-only outpost in Portland. They're basically meat candy. Giant, full-wing meat candy. After marinating in fish sauce and sugar, these Vietnamese wings get a dose of garlic after the fry, coating the crispy, caramelized skin with an explosion of flavor unlike anything you've ever had. Get them with a frozen jelly beer or Pok Pok's signature tamarind whiskey sour, and don't plan on sharing with the rest of the table.

PENNSYLVANIA

Moriarty's

Address and Info PHILADELPHIA This Philadelphia pub might share a name with Sherlock Holmes' arch-nemesis (asshole!), but trust us, this establishment is way more a friend than a foe. This classic Irish drinking hole knows how to pour a pint of Guinness and make some of the goddamn tastiest wings in America. Moriarty's epitomizes less is more and only has one seriously unfussy wing option on the menu. The chicken is deep-fried and tossed in a tangy sauce made with plenty of Frank's which generously coats the enormous Buffalo-style beauts. Boom. Simple perfection. It might sound straightforward, but trust us, the reason why Moriarty's keeps winning awards for its wings comes down to more than just the luck of the Irish. Also, can we talk about that Sherlock finale???

RHODE ISLAND

Boneheads Wing Bar

Address and Info WEST WARWICK A Kickstarter success story, Boneheads was started by four friends with zero real restaurant experience who honed the original recipes in their own homes on NFL Sundays. Fast-forward a few years, and the award-winning restaurant now pumps out 1 ton of extra-crispy wings every week and boasts 56 wet sauces and 25 dry rubs -- plus unique quarterly releases -- in both conventional flavors and more unusual options (peanut butter/Fluff, for instance). The restaurant's rock 'n' roll theme is not only reflected in the decor -- which features autographed memorabilia, concert posters, and famous guitar signs -- but on the menu, where each sauce is cleverly named for a song. For a cranberry-habanero kick, try Zombie; Pump Up the Jam with the PB&J flavor; or opt for a bestseller like the maple-bacon magic that is Breakfast at Tiffany’s, which tastes like the most important meal of the day slapped onto a wing. Or maybe just hit shuffle on your iPod and order accordingly.

SOUTH CAROLINA

Carolina Wings & Ribhouse

Address and Info LEXINGTON With its five locations, you don't have to travel too far across the state to find one of these outposts, which is good news, as the restaurant's wings have been voted the best in multiple cities. Now for the method to the delicious madness: Both the certified jumbo and the bite-sized boneless wings start off in the fryer before being transferred to the pan, where they're sautéed in one of 24 sauces. These range from the pleasantly mild teriyaki to the significantly hotter Fire Island and all the way up to the oh-my-God-why-would-you-do-this-to-yourself-Greg?!?! Beyond Blistering, which -- at 600,000 Scoville units -- is rated a Weeknd-esque "I can't feel my face!!" on the Carolina Wings heat scale. If you'd like to be able to taste anything in the foreseeable future, maybe pass on the that one.

SOUTH DAKOTA

Steerfish Steak & Smoke

Address and Info SPEARFISH The Fish is a weird and wonderful town, one where cowboy culture meets college town and that's annually overrun with hundreds of thousands of bikers spilling over from Sturgis. All will find something to love at the this dining hall-style steakhouse, which also happens to enjoy having three-ways with chicken wings. Wait, that sounded bad. What we mean is the wings (bone-in or boneless… never do the latter) are first hickory-smoked, then fried, then sautéed with sauces like Thai chili or chipotle bacon. That means you're basically getting all three classic wing preps, and at a place where you can pair them with a locally sourced steak or chicken-fried bacon. For real. We weren’t joking when we called SoDak underrated as hell.

HATTIE B'S HOT CHICKEN | JOSEPH WOODLEY

TENNESSEE

Hattie B's Hot Chicken

Address and Info NASHVILLE When you visit Nashville, you go to Prince's or Hattie B's or, these days, even fancier spots like Acme, and you get some type of hot chicken -- that spicy dry-rubbed, battered, and deep-fried poultry that is as synonymous with Music City as cowboy hats and sweltering humidity. But once you've gotten that basic fried bird, move on to Hattie B's platters of mouth-tingling whole wings. After they come out of the deep fryer, the wings bathe in a mixture of oil and a paprika-cayenne-spice explosion. The result? The flavors soak deep into the crispy bird. Order 'em Damn Hot with blue cheese and let your tongue dance with as much of that heat and flavor as you can handle.

TEXAS

The Tavern

Address and Info AUSTIN The building housing The Tavern turned 100 last year, and the restaurant's sign still proudly advertises air conditioning -- a former luxury that no doubt drew a huge, sweaty crowd during sweltering Austin summers. Now AC is an expectation, but sweaty, hungry Austinites still head in droves to the legendary Downtown bar for daily drink specials, TVs, trivia, and, of course, the unique wings. As The Tavern isn't a wing joint by definition, it doesn't serve standard-issue chicken dredged in your choice of 400 weird flavors. Instead, The Tavern has a singular -- wingular? -- focus that's manifested itself in the "Amazing White Wings" which are wrapped in bacon and jalapeños and covered in house-made hot sauce (there are also traditional Buffalo wings tossed in that sauce, but who are you kidding?). Whether you have to fight the Downtown lunch crowd by day or dodge a whole kickball team's worth of 20-somethings in neon T-shirts by night, these wings are definitely worth it. And, OK, the AC is still pretty nice.

COURTESY OF THE TROLLEY WING COMPANY

UTAH

Trolley Wing Company

Address and Info SALT LAKE CITY In 1999, long before the food truck craze swept the country, the Trolley Wing Company was dippin' and flippin' wings from an old converted trolley car in Salt Lake City. In the 18 years since, it's graduated to a more standard brick-and-mortar setup, but the cooking method -- a unique baked-not-fried technique perfected in the original location -- remains the same. The restaurant's wings are available in bone-in, boneless, veggie, and vegan variations, in four levels of heat, and can be bathed in any combo of 18 available sauces, among them raspberry habanero and the best-selling Jamaican honey garlic. That makes for 4,194,304 possible flavor combinations, and with a new sauce flavor rotating in temporarily each month – previous faves included jalapeño and bourbon peach -- there’s no chance your taste buds will ever get bored.

VERMONT

Wicked Wings

Address and Info ESSEX Contrary to popular belief, not everything you eat in Vermont involves maple syrup. Exhibit A: these chicken wings, which are available in 21 rubs and sauces. While both the hand-breaded boneless chicken bites and chicken tenders share space on the menu, the Essex eatery's house specialty is, of course, the Wicked Wings, for which the chicken is first fried, seasoned, and sauced, and then finished over an open flame. No matter what poultry product you pick, if you opt for "Melt Your Face!" -- the hottest on the five-level heat spectrum -- do yourself a favor and order a hand-spun milkshake on the side. We're pretty sure that levels everything out.

VIRGINIA

Mama J's

Address and Info RICHMOND Not only is Mama J's the best spot to snag wings in the Old Dominion state, it's one of the best soul food restaurants in the entire country. J's has been a force in the Richmond food scene since it opened in 2009, when Mama J (Velma Johnson, a born-and-bred Richmond resident) and her eldest son Lester made their long-held desire to open up a soul food joint in the city's historic Jackson Ward neighborhood a spicy-hot reality. And much of their success stems from the restaurant's consistent ability to deliver quality "chicken wingettes" deep-fried to perfection. There aren't a ton of flavors to choose from (two, actually: plain or sauced), but that's part of the beauty here. Above all, they nail that crispy, savory crunch every chicken wing skin needs. Mama J, we could kiss you. But we won't. That would be rude.

WASHINGTON

TanakaSan

Address and Info SEATTLE You gotta love a lauded chef who sticks with what he loves. Prolific James Beard winner (and actual beard wearer) Tom Douglas clearly loves wings, as the hot pepper ones at his famed Palace Kitchen have long been considered Seattle's best. But he's topped them at his TanakaSan restaurant, where the Asian-inspired wings come in two flavors (salty caramel, serrano & garlic; and smoked chili with kimchee ketchup) and are fried about the same number of times you actually watched Wings: twice. Come on. You thought we were gonna get through this whole list without a shout-out to Steven Weber's glory days?

KOCHIX | BRIAN OH/THRILLIST

WASHINGTON, DC

KoChix

Address and Info WASHINGTON, DC DC wing devotees rightly hail their outpost of Korean import Bonchon for its excellent Korean-style wings, but those in the know have come to appreciate the attention-demanding chicken achievements coming out of this less flashy Shaw corner joint. You can opt for wings, drums, or a combo -- a flexibility that's much appreciated given the impressive meat quotient found here. But no matter which route you go, you're getting a perfectly fried exterior rich with nooks and crannies for collecting more sauce -- the hot honey spicy is the favorite among the trio available, having been accused unironically of possibly containing narcotics.

WEST VIRGINIA

Clutch Wing Shop

Address and Info MORGANTOWN Clutch does a different wing special every week, supplementing its normal offerings with outside-the-basket wing flavors like Sriracha sweet chili Buffalo, honey Cholula, and the incendiary Ghost Riders sauced with those spooky peppers and topped with bacon (no Nic Cage, alas). This illustrates the main selling point of this Morgantown chicken joint: creative and rotating flavor combinations spicing up wings of the bone-in, boneless, and even tofu variety. And as Clutch is a delivery and takeout spot, it's the perfect option for those who prefer to enjoy their wings the way nature intended: on the couch, sans pants.

WISCONSIN

Points East Pub

Address and Info MILWAUKEE The former owner of this pub describes its wings as an accident -- a successful cooking style discovered when leftover Hooters wings were reheated on a gas grill one spring break. (Note: This is the only good accident in spring break history.) Fast-forward a few decades, and this unique method is what earned Points East's wings bragging rights as Milwaukee's best signature bar food. The 2,200lb of wings cooked up each week make it to your plate courtesy of a three-part process: They're first deep-fried, then dipped in the pub's hand-mixed signature spicy BBQ sauce, (the recipe for which hasn't changed in 22 years), and then finally slow-grilled to fully develop the flavor as the sauce permeates the meat. It's worth warning that wait times can be long (slow-grilled is not just a clever name), but given the impressive craft beer selection at Points East, we imagine you'll be able to entertain yourself. And if you can't, hey, maybe just reheat some Hooters leftovers.

WYOMING

Lovejoy's

Address and Info LARAMIE Namesake Elmer Lovejoy was like Wyoming's Henry Ford, having worked tirelessly to make the first horseless carriage west of the Mississippi and the garage-door opener. But more importantly, unlike overrated Henry Ford, his namesake old-timey saloon makes perhaps the best damn no-frills wings in cattle country. Which is to say, get a steak (and a garage). But before that, get these immaculate wings, a paragon of no-frills bar food tossed preferably in sweet/spicy sauce, though the Thai chili version is also a thing of beauty. On Tuesdays they come by the bucket for $6 alongside the other special, a gravy-soaked poutine. Between the Canadian fries and the Thai chili, it's as international as you're gonna get in Wyoming on a weekday. By ANDY KRYZA and SAM SUMPTERPublished On 02/03/2017 @apkryza Read the full article

#chickenwings #wings

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whiskeyandwing-blog · 6 years

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THE BEST WINGS IN EVERY STATE IN AMERICA

ALABAMA

Big Bob Gibson Bar-B-Q

ALASKA

Winky's Wings

ARIZONA

Teakwoods Tavern & Grill

ARKANSAS

The Rail - A Pizza Company

SAN TUNG | FLICKR/THE FOODHOE

CALIFORNIA

San Tung

COLORADO

Cho77

CONNECTICUT

J. Timothy's Taverne

DELAWARE

2 Fat Guys

FLORIDA

Sports Grill

JR CRICKETS | SEBASTIAN DAVIS/THRILLIST

GEORGIA

J.R. Crickets

HAWAII

Hale Vietnam

BARBACOA | LAURIE PEARMAN/THRILLIST

IDAHO

Barbacoa

ILLINOIS

Crisp

INDIANA

Ale Emporium

IOWA

Jimmy Jack's Rib Shack

KANSAS

Hot Basil

MILKWOOD | COURTESY OF MILKWOOD

KENTUCKY

MilkWood

LOUISIANA

Kin

MAINE

Samuel's Bar and Grill

MARYLAND

Kisling's

MASSACHUSETTS

Buff's Pub

SWEETWATER TAVERN

MICHIGAN

Sweetwater Tavern

MINNESOTA

Monte Carlo

MISSISSIPPI

American Wings & Cafe

MISSOURI

Gobble STOP Smokehouse

MONTANA

Desperado Sports Tavern

NEBRASKA

Oscar's

WING KING

NEVADA

Wing King

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Wing-Itz

NEW JERSEY

The Chicken or the Egg

NEW MEXICO

Cowgirl BBQ

ANCHOR BAR | FLICKR/YURI LONG

NEW YORK

Anchor Bar

NORTH CAROLINA

Seoul Food Meat Co.

NORTH DAKOTA

Sickies Garage

OHIO

Fat Head's Brewery

OKLAHOMA

Wing Supreme

Every State's Most Important Food Innovation

POK POK | COLE SALADINO/THRILLIST

OREGON

Pok Pok

PENNSYLVANIA

Moriarty's

RHODE ISLAND

Boneheads Wing Bar

SOUTH CAROLINA

Carolina Wings & Ribhouse

SOUTH DAKOTA

Steerfish Steak & Smoke

HATTIE B'S HOT CHICKEN | JOSEPH WOODLEY

TENNESSEE

Hattie B's Hot Chicken

TEXAS

The Tavern

COURTESY OF THE TROLLEY WING COMPANY

UTAH

Trolley Wing Company

VERMONT

Wicked Wings

VIRGINIA

Mama J's

WASHINGTON

TanakaSan

KOCHIX | BRIAN OH/THRILLIST

WASHINGTON, DC

KoChix

WEST VIRGINIA

Clutch Wing Shop

WISCONSIN

Points East Pub

WYOMING

Lovejoy's

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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The Psychology of Ghosting and Why People Can’t Stop Doing It

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-psychology-of-ghosting-and-why-people-cant-stop-doing-it/

The Psychology of Ghosting and Why People Can’t Stop Doing It

My ghost is named Tom.

He’s persistent, this ghost. He likes haunting my dreams, catching me off-guard in the milk-sweet land of sleep, slipping into my unconscious and rattling the cage of my brain. I dream he’s back in my life, unapologetic and unreformed, still cheating and gaslighting and drinking too much. In these dreams, I am still desperate for answers, asking him over and over why he vanished, why he gave up his flesh-and-blood self and became this ghost that — even after seven years, three new cities, countless dates and the love of a good man, the best I’ve ever known — I still can’t shake.

Ghosting (the term we’ve assigned to the sudden disappearance of a romantic interest) has become synonymous with modern romance: A 2016 Plenty of Fish survey revealed 78% of users had been ghosted. When I did my own Insta-investigation, I received dozens of responses, ranging from righteous indignation to extreme chill. “Rude but inescapable” seems to be the general agreement among those I spoke to about ghosting in the age of online dating.

It’s not that the dating “slow fade” is new (one girl told me she had a friend in high school who called it “two-weeking”: After hooking up with a girl, he’d ignore her entirely for two weeks — just long enough, he said, for her to get the picture), but technology has shifted the landscape by presenting a version of the world that feels both impossibly small and intoxicatingly large. One unreturned letter in the 1800s and you could warm yourself at night with the strong odds that he perished of scurvy; now, we’re able to see our ghosts out in the world, eating brunch, Instagram Story-ing the weird bird they saw on the walk to work. Combine that with the inherent dehumanization of online dating, in which complex individuals are reduced to swipeable avatars, and what we’ve created is a flourishing breeding ground for people for whom honest, direct communication feels not only unpalatable but unnecessary.

F. Diane Barth, a New York-based psychotherapist and the author of the new book I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives, says that while ghosting as we understand it isn’t new, the way we have pathologized it is. “In the past, a person could stop calling or dropping by,” she says, “but now we have so many more ways of disconnecting from a person, like being unfriended or unfollowed.” Online dating also provides the comfort blanket of partial anonymity: There likely aren’t mutual friends to call you out on your callous behavior, nor shared physical spaces that force interaction. “Our communities are larger now,” says Barth, “so it’s entirely possible you might never, ever run into them again.”

The Anatomy of the Ghosted

Modern ghosting can impart a distinct and isolating feeling of shame for those who experience it. “People who have been ghosted often feel that they are the person who has done something wrong,” says Barth. “You’ve been dropped off the edge of the earth, which is very traumatic. You don’t think about how many other people this has happened to, but rather that there must be something wrong with you.”

Barth notes that shame is the brain’s natural reaction when “something or someone interrupts us in the middle of doing something we are enjoying.” Our natural instinct is to “undo the situation” so we can get back to that feeling of happiness. When we can’t — when we are, in fact, cut off completely from the source of the good feeling — we look for ways to explain away the bad feelings: She didn’t want to commit, he didn’t like my laugh. “No matter how you explain it to yourself, though,” writes Barth, “your psyche is trying to undo the sense of disruption of the good feelings. Shame is a reaction to having a circuit in your emotional system broken.”

Am I not funny? Do people not get my jokes?

It’s a very particular wound and one that is becoming inescapably familiar. Former online dater and ghostee Kelsey says her primary reaction to being ghosted was the feeling that she must be the problem. “We’re obsessed with fine-tuning and laboring over our superficial appearances (both in-person and online),” she says. “So when we’re ghosted, I think we often jump to trying to figure out what in that outer shell wasn’t well-received, and we let that disapproval soak into our inner layers that define us. We cycle through our insecurities. … Oh shit, did he not think that was funny? Am I not funny? Do people not get my jokes? Oh crap, is that what I’m giving off?”

The shame is compounded by a feeling of being duped. Alexandra was ghosted by a guy she’d been dating for a few weeks. “On our first date, we talked for six hours straight and ended it in a moonlit make-out,” she says. “He talked about cooking together after we had sex in my kitchen. We went on mini field trips — to the beach! to the cliffs! — and had after-work check-ins where he’d call me on his way home to hear about my day. And then, one day, he went from telling me he was addicted to me to only speaking if spoken to. He would weasel out of committing to a plan. He would hit me with a ‘Hey!’ on the Sunday evening of a weekend where he’d assured me he would be seeing me.”

Eventually, she says, she’d had enough. “I told him I was an adult and needed planning, that I couldn’t just keep my schedule endlessly open for him on the off chance he was free. He apologized, promised he’d do better, promised we’d see each other with more regularity. But it dwindled until our interactions were reduced to him watching my Insta Stories while I was halfway across the world on a hiking trip.”

She’s now happily cohabitating with someone else but still has trouble shaking the experience. “I think he was dishonest about how he felt about me, which made me feel like a fool. And yet he didn’t have the strength to just tell me.”

The Anatomy of the Ghoster

To state the obvious: It’s rude, plain and simple, to fail to consider another person’s feelings. We’re talking preschool lessons, the golden rule. We all learned this. So why do the ghosts ghost?

“For me, the motivation was rooted in a strong aversion to being honest about my emotions, usually for fear of hurting feelings,” says Andy, reforming ghoster. “I found that it was easier to let silence do the talking than force myself to utter, ‘I had a nice time, but I don’t feel a connection’ or whatever you’re supposed to say.”

Others, like the man I have decided to spend my life with, are less apologetic. “It was the path of least resistance,” he says. “It was often because I’ve met someone else [Author’s note: It me.], and I’m just anticipating that awkward conversation and want to avoid it. When it’s someone you haven’t been dating long or you’ve been casual with, I think that there is this emerging establishment of a new norm, which is just — that’s now the way we break up with people. I do think that it’s kinder than telling someone you’re not interested in them or that you met someone better.”

He’s not alone in this; numerous people I spoke to said that in our dating universe, ghosting is both acceptable and even considerate. “It’s almost polite if the relationship was casual enough,” says Aubrey, a former ghoster and ghostee (now married). “There is something humiliating and patronizing in a dude I’ve gone out with twice ‘breaking up’ with me.”

Ghosting seems like a cop-out for people to avoid adult conversations.

Andy, turning over his new leaf, says he gives himself a pep talk before communicating his emotions to keep himself from ghosting. “The question I ask myself when the situation arises is: What’s the absolute worst thing that can happen after telling someone you don’t want to go out again? Maybe they’d be like ‘Fuck you!! You’re a sad pathetic loser! Boy bye.’ I can live with that.”

Barth agrees that some explanation is (almost) always better than none at all. “People say they ghost because ‘they didn’t want to hurt feelings.’ And yes, people who are broken up with directly will likely experience some hurt, but the thing about ghosting is that there’s no closure.” Ghosting, she says, leaves the person who was ghosted with the humiliating impression that whatever relationship they believed existed was all in their head, that they were not worth so much as a farewell text.

Julia, happily single and dating, made it a practice to always offer an explanation after a blind date called her out at a party six months later for not responding to her texts. “I had to sneak out of the party because she wouldn’t drop it,” she says. “I have a hard rule now that I always send a text to say if I don’t want to hang again. It’s awkward, but it saves the drama.”

When I was first dating in New York, I found myself making up excuses and dodging calls to avoid telling guys I didn’t want to see them again. At the time, I was terrified of seeming rude or unlikable, and the attention I received (whether wanted or not) felt like an affirmation that I was worthy and wouldn’t be alone forever. Eventually, the stress of trying to be likable while simultaneously dodging contact became absurd. A few friends and I collaborated on a standard text we’d send when we didn’t want to see someone again (please feel free to borrow, copyright not necessary, works for all genders, just trying to do the lord’s work): “Thanks for a great night! I didn’t feel any romantic energy between us, but I wish you all the best out there.”

Some (again, I’m MARRYING this man) argue that silence is, in fact, an answer of its own. “If you text someone once, twice, and they don’t respond — I mean, that is a response. That speaks very loudly. You just don’t want to hear it.”

The Anatomy of Closure

But the problem with silence is that it leaves a deep, dark hole — one it is all too easy to fill with a foggy combination of insecurity, self-loathing and confusion.

Lauren was platonically ghosted by someone she considered one of her closest friends. “I literally did almost everything with her,” she tells me. “And then one day, she just quit calling and texting and responding to me. And then she unfollowed me on all social. … It was heartbreaking.” There were signs, in hindsight, that this woman had a callous streak; still, Lauren said, she’s unable to come up with any explanation for her behavior, and years later, it still feels like a betrayal. “I feel like I’m a pretty nice and reasonable person, so if something were wrong, I feel as though she should have discussed it with me,” she said. “Ghosting seems like a cop-out for people to avoid adult conversations.”

In the absence of closure, what we are left with is a bewildering array of questions — questions that, it’s important to remember, might never be answered even if the relationship had ended on our own terms. “Relationships are always two-sided, and we can’t know everything that is going on in the other person,” reminds Barth. “If you’ve asked for closure and they haven’t been able to provide it, you’re going to stay stuck if you keep asking. You need to give up the idea that it can be solved.”

Barth recommends talking openly to friends about your experience. “Keeping [ghosting] to yourself increases the feeling of hurt and pain and isolation,” she says. “The more you can talk about it, the more you can get feedback that will help you process it.” Building this support system can also remind you of all the connections you do have: strong, beautiful friendships, a loving family, coworkers who respect you — relationships that rely not on superficialities, but on another person seeing you fully and embracing who you really are. “You need to work really hard to remember that it isn’t about you,” says Barth. “The reason that someone [ghosted] — it’s their difficulty in having to be honest.”

After multiple ghostings through online dating, Kelsey deleted her apps. Getting over being ghosted was going to require a new outlook, she realized. “It took some time and a lot of distraction, but I was finally able to ask myself the underlying question — why were these strangers making me feel bad about myself? Why was I giving up my sense of worth as a companion entirely to this pool of bachelors? Why was my vulnerability extending to all aspects of self, instead of just limiting it to what it actually was — the viability of compatibility with this particular individual?”

When she did start dating again, she says, it felt completely different. “I wasn’t checking the app constantly. I wasn’t eager to swipe and double-tap and labor over the wittiest retort. I didn’t feel the need to calculate the perfect time between responses and, most importantly, I didn’t fill the idle time with all of the reasons I had come to believe he thought I wasn’t worth it. I went out on dates and gave myself one rule of my own — hang out with guys if it sounds fun, and if it doesn’t sound fun, then don’t.”

And when she wasn’t interested? “I would tough it up and politely decline a follow-up date,” she says. “I did that both in-person and over texts, and both are uncomfortable but important. And every guy I did that to replied with appreciation and understanding.”

My ghost and I dated for eight years, and then we didn’t. Tom stopped coming home at night, stopped answering the phone and moved all of his belongings out of our apartment while I was out of town. It wasn’t as linear as all that, of course — he’d call crying or show up unexpectedly and then disappear again over the course of a few months — but when he finally did leave for good, when I found out he had been sleeping with his best friend’s girlfriend, the closest I ever got to an explanation was, “I just can’t do this anymore.”

He’s still out there — married, balding, in the city where I left him — but we haven’t spoken since. I do not imagine he ever thinks of me. I hate that I am the one left with these questions, although maybe what I am really left with is simply my own obstinate feeling that I was owed more than what I got. I have filled the space he left behind with narratives I wrote to suit my own purposes, but the truth is, humans are just bad sometimes. We do bad things — things we said we’d never do. Sometimes, the simplest, kindest thing you can do is try to explain why.

Illustrations by Gabrielle Lamontagne.

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