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#but writing fiction is a skill. one that she would have to hone from zero. while not necessarily having natural talent for it.
possamble · 24 days
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Question to a fanfic writer: do you think that, in Marcille’s research ways *And* her love for romance novels… would result in her writing some in-universe fanfics of her own? Like, maybe she hypes herself up on something and get disappointed, or maybe she finds some character decision isn’t as ideal as she thinks it could be? Or it’s as simple as she wants to play around with the characters and see what happens?
I can’t help but imagine a scenario where she’s struggling with some romantic trouble irl and she’s struggling with deciding on what to do, but then the answer slaps itself upside her head when she rediscovers her fanfics and how she LITERALLY made a character or two do the exact romantic decision she needs to do? It would so silly but yet I can’t help but find it so charming. Hell, just the imagery of her writing romance fanfics of her own At All is just… delightful to me hehehe.
you know I've been rotating this in my head since I saw it this morning and. I went through a wild journey of opinions before I realized... Marcille wouldn't think about fanfiction like we think about it. In the modern age, yeah, she'd be a complete tumblrina -- but we're talking about a 17th century-ish fantasy setting.
Writing before the digital age was a physical commitment to investing ink and paper into your thoughts -- and this is even before mass production can make pens and notebooks kind of whatever to buy and use on a regular basis. I'm sure the situation wasn't dire, but I really can't see Marcille, perfect honor student, using her allotted supply of stationery at the academy on super frivolous things.
Fanfiction has been normalized incredibly fast in the past few decades. Think about now normal and popular D&D is nowadays compared to how much people looked down on it 20-30 years ago. Fanfiction was a freakass nerd thing to do until relatively recent history, something that was even considered offensive to the original creators.
Remember, we've already seen Marcille react to adaptations with disgust. She's kind of a hater and an elitist fan. She also considers herself a Reputable Academic. In a setting where a digitized culture hasn't reframed fanfiction as an act of appreciation and creativity, she would absoluuuuuuuutely think that fanfiction was complete loser shit.
If she did write anything about her favourite books... She'd. She'd be one of those assholes who writes huge scathing reviews of Dal Clan translations into Common. She'd be the fantasy equivalent of those Weebs/Japanese elitists on twitter tearing through every single localization choice in anime and JRPGs and being so so annoying about it.
If we're being charitable, we could say she'd be able to appreciate non-faithful translation choices that still do a good job of carrying over the original spirit of what was said. But I think we also have to acknowledge the possibility that, at her worst, she'd really really be like those guys who were malding about the Unicorn Overlord localizations so hard the (correction: Final Fantasy Tactics Creator, not the Unicorn Overlord devs) had to step forward and ratio them. (The silver lining is that she'd never get published in the arts review newspapers/journals that she submits her essays to. those poor editors just have to deal with her being persistent.)
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razieltwelve · 3 years
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Alliance (Final Rose)
Fluffy was not one to suffer vermin. The Arc household was mercifully free of rats or any other such pests, but their newest accomodations could not say the same although that was by design. Jason wished to hone his combat skills, and he had been tasked with freeing a barn from vermin. Despite his skills, Jason was not well-versed in how to deal with vermin. Fluffy was, and he had also brought in another expert.
Under normal circumstances, Fluffy would not have gone anywhere near a snake. Snakes were trouble, especially for small cats, but this one was well behaved and seemed to be completely focused on the rats that skittered about in the barn around them.
But what kind of name was Count Strangula?
Oh well. He belonged to one of the children of the woman with spiky hair whose Aura felt like a campfire but smelt of raw devastation. More to the point, there were a lot of rats. They did not want to get swarmed. A single rat was no trouble. Fluffy’s claws and teeth would see to that easily enough. But he had witnessed more than one arrogant cat on the streets, and even a few dogs, going down beneath a tide of rodents after picking a fight with too many of them at the same time. 
“You ready, Fluffy?” Jason asked, his shield and sword at the ready.
Fluffy yowled his battle cry.
He was joined by an amused chuckle from the dark-haired girl and a hiss from the snake.
X     X     X
Jason wiped the sweat off his brow. “That... that was a lot tougher than I thought it would be.”
Victoria laughed. “Oh, you have no idea. Barn rats can be vicious. They’re very territorial, and steady access to food and water lets them grow bigger and meaner than normal rats or mice. They’re smart too. They have to be to last this long.”
Jason glanced over to where Fluffy was licking his paws. It was one thing to see the small cat claw at his dad. That was kind of funny, but watching Fluffy efficiently rip out throats and bellies was sobering. That wasn’t a domestic cat at work. No. That was a small cat who’d grown up on the streets fighting as dirtily as he needed to in order to survive.
Nearby, Count Strangula was looking very happy indeed. He hadn’t eaten most of the rats he’d killed, but there was time now to snack on a couple of them. He’d read up on how grass snakes normally fought, but what the snake had done wasn’t at all similar to what he’d expected.
“How did he learn to fight like that?” Jason asked. The whip-like movements of the snake’s tail, the way he used his body like a bludgeon, and even the spear-like thrusts of his head. It looked far too reminiscent of an actual fighting style.
“That’s a funny story.” Victoria picked up a rat, and Jason grimaced and turned away. He wasn’t about to judge her for eating it, but he didn’t want to watch it either. With her Semblance, she was always hungry, and the rat was right there. A lot of crunching and squelching followed before she continued. “You know my mom really, really loved her pet snake, Strangles. They did everything together. When my mom practiced, she always let Strangles watch. When he tried to imitate some of her moves, she decided that she might as well work out a fighting style just for him. It took her a while, but she was able to come up with something a snake could use. Strangles was a smart guy, so he was able to learn it. Moreover, normally snakes can’t use much Aura at all, but Strangles could. My mom figured it was because of how close they were and how much time they spent around each other. Count Strangula is one of his kids. He learned how to fight from Strangles, and he’s been around my mom and me long enough to pick up how to use Aura too. Plus, we’ve been working on refining the style as well.”
“So basically your mom invented Snake Fu and it’s been passed down from snake to snake and honed from generation to generation.”
“Basically, yeah.” Victoria nodded at Fluffy. “Your cat uses Aura to claw stuff.”
“He does?” Jason asked.
“Yeah. It’s not a lot and it’s really subtle, but it’s there. Why do you think he never breaks his claws when he claws your dad?”
“That is...” Jason paused. “A great point.” His father’s durability was incredible. A cat like Fluffy should have injured himself when clawing him, but he never did. “I wonder if dad knows.”
“Of course, he does. Your father has more than enough skill to detect it. He probably just doesn’t care because, well, Fluffy is a cat, and he can’t really do any damage. Besides, Fluffy is smart enough not to use Aura to claw anyone who can’t handle it.”
“You’re right about that.” Jason had noticed that as ornery as Fluffy could be, he seemed to scale the viciousness of his attacks with the ability of his opponents to handle it. For his dad, Fluffy had zero mercy, but Jason’s dad could handle just about anything. On the other hand, whenever Fluffy got annoyed at one of their friends, he’d just give them a little bit of a swipe. None of their friends had ever gotten hurt, but it was enough to warn them off. Well, Fluffy was a smart cat. His mom was always saying that, and Fluffy had done plenty of things that hinted at how smart he actually was. “So... what now?”
“Well, now that we’ve got the rats cleared up, we’ll go report in to Great Grandpa Sazh.”
“You know he hates being called that.”
“Which is why I call him that.” Victoria snickered. “Besides, it makes sense. He taught my grandparents when they were students.”
“Fair enough.” Jason stomach rumbled. “We can get some lunch too.”
Victoria kicked a rat at him.
“Ew.” Jason batted it aside with his shield. “No. I am not eating a rat.”
“They’re tasty and nutritious. I mean, yeah, you’d have to cook it first, but roasted rat is fantastic if you know how to season it.”
“...” Jason shook his head. “Nope. Not happening.”
“Well, it’s your loss.” Victoria gestured, and Count Strangula slithered up her leg and then settled into place around her neck like a scarf. “Let’s get going.”
X     X     X
Author’s Notes
Hang around hunters long enough and you become one... in all seriousness, though, one of the most common ways of Aura activation is simple exposure. It is one fo the reasons that the children of hunters almost always awaken their Aura earlier than other people.
As for Count Strangula, he earned his name after picking out the vampire costume one Halloween when Diana was dressing her snakes to trick-or-treating. He’s one of Strangle’s first batch of children, so he’s actually middle-aged at this point. Victoria brought him along since he really loves going after rats, even more so than most grass snakes. 
Also, Jason and Victoria get along decently well although as they get older, Victoria starts having fun by teasing him over his occasionally poor management of his romantic life. That said, Jason is very happy that Xanthe gets put on her team at Beacon. He knows that there is nobody better to look out for his sister.
If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.
I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here.
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itssolonelyhere · 4 years
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Like your fics! Question i came for joker and wonder why sakura? i dont get the buzz for her. shes a obsessed sasuke fangirl so she wouldnt chose joker of him right? and i watched ns and she's not at all that. idt he would go for her either. there's harley that fits better. please dont take this offensively im just curious
This has been sitting in my ask box for a bit (I’m lazy... sorry!) and wasn’t sure how to answer it. So, first... Thank you for liking my stories! Second... @radita328 reminded me of all the reasons I like Sakura so much and chose her as my lead female character in all my stories. I try not to take anything offensively and have been asked this multiple times since I started writing for this ship. 
This might be a good way to explain it... And if I get questions like this again (which I undoubtedly will), it’s already been thoroughly answered. 
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Sakura was quite insecure as a child, and the other brats often bullied her. For a while, she silently endured it and tried to ignore the comments on her appearance. It wasn’t until her friendship with Ino and crush on Sasuke that she really started to bloom and find her confidence. Sometimes we need an outside source to see ourselves in a different light or find what’s inside. I’ve debated whether it’s okay for a person to try improving for themselves or someone else. To me, it doesn’t matter. The results and finding that inner-strength is important. Sometimes it takes an outside influence or another perspective to bring out the best version of a person, and that’s the case with Sakura and myself. Those with a self-deprecating mindset rarely see what others do. 
Sakura’s infatuation with Sasuke temporarily ruined her relationship with Ino (we all make mistakes) and she became obsessed with perfecting her appearance based on rumors of what girls think he likes. Extreme dieting (even at the expense of her training), growing her hair out, fussing with everything. This is something many do in hopes of attracting their crush, especially teenage girls. During the Chunin Exams, she realized that spending so much time on her looks instead of training was a waste The boy she wanted to impress couldn’t care less about it and she put her teammates in danger by not focusing on what’s important. This arc shows the beginning of her character development. To save Naruto and Sasuke, she used her body as a shield and cut off her ‘beloved’ hair. After being beaten to a pulp, she still refused to give up, knowing it might end in death. 
Later on, Team 7 is split up as her teammates are taken to be trained, leaving her behind. Kakashi took Sasuke and Jiraiya with Naruto. Her own sensei and everyone else walked away, despite being in charge of helping her improve. Sakura took it on herself to go up to one of the Legendary Sannin and most feared woman to ask for training. She spent years studying, being pummeled by Tsunade, and honing her skill-set to the point of eventually surpassing her shishou, which is not an easy feat. The Strength of a Hundred Seal that took her three years of storing up chakra to create is a Jutsu very few are able to complete. 
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Sakura went from a small girl that was extremely self-conscious, to a top kunoichi within a few years. People doubted, overlooked, and underestimated her from the beginning, using gender and appearance as an excuse. She smashed through all those barriers (literally). People often despise her for the loyalty she’s shown to Sasuke, who doesn’t deserve it—whatsoever—and blame everything going wrong on her. There are so many instances that plenty of characters (especially in the war) would’ve died without her power, it’s not even funny, yet those facts get tossed aside carelessly. She’s had amazing character development, overcame diversity and bullying, improved herself as a person, and became one of the strongest shinobi through sheer determination. 
As a woman who’s been teased for her appearance and underestimated, I resonate with her the most. Being half-Asian in a predominately white area as a teenager when my family moved came with its own trials and tribulations. Seeing a minority character grow and develop into a strong woman is very inspiring and why I chose her. I don’t blame Sakura for what the male creator of the series decided to do with her after building up so much potential. 
Canonically, Joker and Sakura would probably kill each other, but that’s one of the points that I enjoy. He thinks everyone’s beneath him and has zero empathy, while she has an enormous heart and tries to improve to feel worthy of standing beside her comrades. They’re very different, but their strange appearance, penchant for violence (in various forms), and fanatical drive towards their goals is where they meet halfway. I’m a fan of the whole ‘enemies to lovers’ and ‘bad guy/small woman’ trope. Canon relationships are irrelevant in AU’s and fiction, in general. That’s the entire point of fanfiction, crack pairings and crossovers. 
Harley Quinn makes appearances throughout most of my stories, but we’ve all seen how her relationship with Joker plays out. It revolves around abuse, manipulation, and abandonment. Not that my ship doesn’t at all, I’m just saying... They’re unhealthy relationship goals if that’s what you’re looking for. Personally, I like Harley better with Poison Ivy compared to J. Pam has been a big part of the healing process after Harley had enough of his shit. Saying she fits better includes keeping a woman in a toxic environment where she’s never respected or appreciated and constantly hurt without a single care. 
I like to think that J has a good-eye for talent and would see that Sakura is brimming with it, even if it’s to use her as a weapon. He’s intelligent, cunning, resourceful, with ingenuity in spades. The freedom from the restraints that society puts on everyone that comes with J is very liberating, and I enjoy putting Sakura in that kind of atmosphere where she has no limits holding her back, like the Narutoverse does. Her appearance, race, gender... None of that matters in Gotham where it’s all about survival and playing the game. Him pushing Sakura beyond her limits and rattling the cage is what I’m totally living for.
Thanks for the ask and hopefully my incessant rambling answers this question now and moving forward. I get it often and not really sure why, considering all the crack pairings I’ve seen over the years, especially with Sakura. 
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butterflyinthewell · 7 years
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Do you think that Lightverse Prowl would like Daredevil? (The Netflix show, I mean.) It seems right up his alley.
Actually, Daredevil might annoy Prowl because the way Matt ‘sees a world on fire’ feels like a cheat.
I’ll explain why. Buckle in, it’s infodumpin’ time!
* * * (Note: Everything beyond this point is headcanon!) * * *
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[Prowl oh-so-gracefully dodges an explosion.]
I try to make things written from Prowl’s perspective as authentic as I can, and I did that by reading some books by blind authors, reading Livejournal blogs by blind bloggers, watching blind Youtubers and talking to a blind person IRL. I’ve had people ask me if I’m blind IRL because of how I write Prowl, and they were surprised when I said no.
Lightverse Prowl is not some super remarkable superhero, he’s just an average bot with ninja skills. He has ‘average’ senses for a bot that might seem heightened compared to a human, but compared to other Cybertronians they’re nothing special. All he’s done is hone them like a finely tuned instrument. 
His story arc (which still isn’t finished) is not about overcoming his disability, it’s about him overcoming the notion that he is broken, useless and less deserving of life than able-bodied bots. It’s about overcoming the shame society instilled in him. It’s about him learning to say “I am worth something and I deserve to be loved.” 
Here’s why Daredevil would bother Prowl:
I’m aware that most blind people have some light perception. Prowl doesn’t because of why he’s blind, so he “sees” literally nothing. It’s not black, it’s not any color, it’s just nothing. Try looking at the wall behind you through the back of your head. You can’t because you don’t have eyes there. That’s how the blind-from-birth lady who was in my church choir explained it to me. She had prosthetic eyes and was totally blind all her life. Her description made so much sense to me. (She was also really cool and said no questions were off limits to her, so I asked a lot and learned a lot until her family moved away.)
Prowl doesn’t have optics or a visual processor. Being a robot means his CPU (brain) is arranged a little differently and functions differently than a human, but for all intents and purposes he has zero way to experience vision, retain visual information or even understand it. Imagine a human born without eyes, optic nerves, a lateral geniculate nucleus or an occipital lobe. (Not sure if a human could survive with a brain like that…a lot of that stuff also relays sensory information across various parts of the brain.)
With that in mind, you can’t just slap optics and visual processors into Prowl’s head and call him fixed. His CPU “filled in” the empty space. Cybertronians have “neurons” that grow like steel wool fibers inside their skull casing as they age and experience life, and removing that to install visual processors would be like chopping off your parietal lobe or cerebellum to put in the occipital lobe, optic nerves, LGN and eyeballs.
Prowl being a fictional robot gave me a huge playground to play with how he hides his blindness in a way that can fool people into thinking he can see, and here’s what happened:
The oscillator technology Prowl uses is somewhat inspired by pinart boxes. They’re those things where you stick something into one side and an impression of it appears on the other side.
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[Pictures of pinart boxes with hands and parts of a person’s face imprinted in the pins.]
The main difference is the “pins” are much smaller (think of the tiny screws in watches or glasses) and self-contained in a frame kinda like spark plugs in a car engine. Getting this tech installed inside the top of his skull casing was pretty much major surgery done in a back alley, and Prowl lost chunks of his “childhood” memories because the installation caused some damage even though the medic* who did it was very careful. So he can remember being protoformed, but everything else is spotty for awhile until he reached the Cybertronian equivalent to young adulthood.
*He was a former Decepticon gone neutral…and NO it was’t Lockdown.
The visor is what collects the light. It’s got a bunch of tiny sensors and each one corresponds to a pin. Those sensors detect light waves and translates them into vibrations in the pins, which Prowl feels in his face plates because the setup is connected to the tactile receptors for his face. The vibrations are tiny, and he had to learn how to understand them before the technology became useful to him. Now it’s second nature, he thinks about it as much as you think about breathing.
A strong vibration means bright light and a weak one means it’s dim, and none means it’s dark.
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[A graphic showing the different light wavelengths that shows how small the visible light spectrum is. From slowest to fastest it goes: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. Above violet it goes to ultraviolet radiation, X-rays, Gamma rays. Below red it goes to infrared radiation, microwaves, radio waves.]
Color is just light vibrating at different wavelengths, so the oscillators vibrate at the speeds corresponding with a color’s wavelength. Colors moving towards red feel slower than colors moving towards violet. 
Prowl can’t tell you something is burgundy or lime green or stuff like that. Color is hard for him to understand and the names of colors are just necessary vocabulary words he sometimes uses. 
He doesn’t quite remember which color combinations you mix to get a new color. The only one he has memorized is red and blue make purple.
If you asked him to match up an outfit it might be a disaster; he had to learn what colors “go” together by rote and that’s not information he can always recall quickly. Clashing colors are fascinating to feel, but visually awful. 
Distinguishing shades is hard unless one is very light and the other is very dark– like azure vs midnight blue. One would have a strong vibration (bright) and the other a weaker one (dark), he would say “it’s blue” to both. Two shades that are very close together are indistinguishable to him. 
His favorite deflection for people who ask him to pick out colors is a deadpan statement: “The darker one, but I’m not your decorator. Go ask Jazz if you want that. He’s better at style than I am.” XD
He’d say Earth tones are his favorite colors to deflect the “what’s your favorite color?” question– because Earth tones tend to “go” together.
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[Prowl prepares to leap into the unknown.]
The oscillators have some major weaknesses, too.
Prowl needs light to use them. Anything dimmer than a full moon is too dark.
They’re the most accurate at close range. He would be able to pick up your facial details if he’s nose to nose with you. 
From across a room (about ten feet away) he just senses that a person is there, he’ll get their body shape, some info about their coloring, where light and shadow are falling on them and the movement of their gestures.
If you’re a hundred yards away– you at one goalpost at an American football field and Prowl at the other– you’re just an artifact moving against the background. He’ll sense your general shape and coloring. You won’t register much on his oscillators at all if your clothes and skin manage to blend with the environment (ie a kid dressed as a scarecrow sitting on a hay pile), if the environment behind you is moving (ie sparkly water or something flapping in the wind) or if the light level is low (ie at dusk or dawn or nighttime with poor lighting).
Prowl can read the text off large billboards from about ten feet away if the colors contrast enough and he can read a newspaper headline if he gets close to it in bright light. For reading, he prefers Braille. Discovering that on Earth is, in his mind, one of the greatest things ever because he loves to read.
Depth perception is a difficult concept for Prowl. He can’t tell if something is just small or a big thing that’s far away unless its signal “grows” when he approaches it. His audios are better at judging distance; he can tell you almost exactly how far away a sound is.
Prowl had a mystical experience that let him see temporarily, and he didn’t realize that he was experiencing sight. He found it terrifying and confusing until the “guide” inside the experience pointed out that “yes, you are seeing” and helped him understand what was happening. Weirdly, he still had access to his oscillators, so he was using them in conjunction with his temporary sight to sort of make sense of things. 
He didn’t gain a full understanding of sight before the experience ended and he wasn’t able to retain any memory of anything he saw when he woke up because he doesn’t have the “parts” that store the information. The most he can do is say “Well, I saw the stars in the sky and a wall” but he couldn’t tell you what the patterns in the wood grain looked like or that he watched stars twinkle.
I know the oscillators don’t seem like they make sense, but Prowl isn’t human. Also, the data doesn’t represent visually. It’s not like Daredevil or Geordie LaForge. It’s purely tactile, so there is no way to visually represent it in any way that will make sense. The only way to interpret Prowl’s lack of visual perception ‘visually’ is remove the TV screen completely. 
And that’s the whole point. I refuse to “cheat” when I write Prowl’s blindness. 
By the way, his visor looks a little like sunglasses. He doesn’t have to fake looking people in the eyes, but he’ll turn towards people or appear to look down at something he’s doing with his hands. He’ll get closer to things like he’s looking at them, and even Jazz sometimes forgets that he is not actually seeing. He’s feeling through his visor. 
The visor doesn’t replacing using his hands, though, and sometimes he’ll use his hands to confirm what he thinks his visor is telling him if something is close and / or safe enough to touch. 
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[Prowl rests his hand flat on the wall in front of him.]
The weaknesses in the oscillator tech is why Prowl learned to use his other senses instead of depending purely on his visor. Like Yoketron said: “It is the Cyberninja, not the weapon, that is important.” Sometimes tech breaks and light isn’t always going to be present. 
Prowl turns his oscillators off when he’s alone. His proximity sensors do a fairly good job of keeping him from crashing into things in familiar surroundings. He can hear how big a room is, and 99% of the time he can feel it if a person is sneaking up on him because they disturb the airflow. They might get a bit closer to Prowl than they would a sighted mech, but they’ll still get noticed and clobbered. 
Have you ever felt a weird “gap” in your perception in a really quiet room and turned to see somebody standing right behind you? Bam, there you go. You’re perceiving a change in the air flow and reacting by turning to look for why. 
Most people don’t pay too much attention to this, but I tend to because my silly autistic brain doesn’t filter sensory perception very well and I can’t avoid noticing it. Sometimes I can sense people walking up the driveway outside my house because my room is right by the front door. That really freaks me out. O_o;;
The only reason Prowl has the oscillators at all is because he has to pass as non-disabled. Autobot society is kind of shitty to flawed mechs (their vernacular for disabled mechs, basically). Most disabled mechs are missing components necessary for life and would never become conscious or function, but some rare ones do. Society doesn’t make any distinction, though, and doesn’t test a disabled bot to see if they’re conscious before they scrap them. 
Disabled mechs are broken down for parts and can even get hunted down for “wasting” resources by being alive!!! The anti-flaw thing is the massive skeleton in the Autobots’ closet and that rhetoric is all over their society.
Passing as able-bodied is a matter of life and death. Somebody has to be very, very careful to reveal a disability to someone else. People considered to be flaw-sympathizers can get in trouble for hiding a disabled mech. Yoketron risked his life and career on more than one occasion for a disabled mech, and he’s also kind of the reason Prowl and Jazz ended up meeting later on down the line. 
Yoketron is also the reason Prowl got back in touch with navigating the world as a blind mech by making him wear the blindfold. (I screeched at my TV when I saw him wearing that thing, omg…) The oscillators are a tool like a talking watch, white cane / dog guide, screen readers and Braille are tools, but Prowl was using them like optics and putting himself more at risk of being caught. Yoketron used the blindfold as a compromise (so visitors to the dojo wouldn’t realize Prowl was actually blind and to keep Prowl from “cheating”) to make him utilize all of his senses and be aware of what is going on around him. The blindfold didn’t come off again until Prowl mastered his blind skills. 
Prowl didn’t master that until just before Yoketron sent him out to find himself. From then on, he learned to use all of his senses while fighting or doing “ninja” stuff.
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[Prowl wearing the blindfold while mid-flip.]
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[Yoketron looks proudly at Prowl after removing the blindfold.]
Just for fun, here’s some photoshop of what you see if Prowl takes his visor off. Excuse my terrible photoshop skills. The pictures I used were low quality when I screencapped them to do this. There’s one from before and after he got the armor mods.
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[Two images of Prowl. One without samurai-like armor and one with it. Sans visor, the top half of his face is smooth because he doesn’t have optics. There is a small circuit board with pins on the bridge of his nose for his visor to hook into.]
Wow, this post got really rambly! XD Sorry! If anyone is still here at this point, here’s Lightverse: 
http://archiveofourown.org/series/283542 * * * (Note: Contains NSFW content!) * * *
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loafcrack8-blog · 6 years
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How to Start a College Essay Perfectly

SAT / ACT Prep Online Guides and Tips
How to Start a College Essay Perfectly
If you’ve been sitting in front of a blank screen, unsure of exactly how to start a personal statement for college, then believe me—I feel your pain. A great college essay introduction is key to making your essay stand out, so there’s a lot of pressure to get it right.
Luckily, being able to craft the perfect beginning for your admissions essay is just like many other writing skills—something you can get better at with practice and by learning from examples.
In this article, I’ll walk you through exactly how to start a college essay. We'll cover what makes a great personal statement introduction and how the first part of your essay should be structured. We'll also look at several great examples of essay beginnings and explain why they work, how they work, and what you can learn from them.
What Is the College Essay Introduction For?
Before we talk about how to start a college essay, let's discuss the role of the introduction. Just as your college essay is your chance to introduce yourself to the admissions office of your target college, your essay's beginning is your chance to introduce your writing.
Wait, Back Up—Why Do Colleges Want Personal Statements?
In general, college essays make it easier to get to know the parts of you not in your transcript—these include your personality, outlook on life, passions, and experiences.
You're not writing for yourself but for a very specific kind of reader. Picture it: your audience is an admissions officer who has read thousands and thousands of essays. This person is disposed to be friendly and curious, but if she hasn’t already seen it all she's probably seen a good portion of it.
Your essay's job is to entertain and impress this person, and to make you memorable so you don't merely blend into the sea of other personal statements. Like all attempts at charm, you must be slightly bold and out of the ordinary—but you must also stay away from crossing the line into offensiveness or bad taste.
What Role Does the Introduction Play in a College Essay?
The personal statement introduction is basically the wriggly worm that baits the hook to catch your reader. It's vital to grab attention from the get-go—the more awake and eager your audience is, the more likely it is that what you say will really land.
How do you go about crafting an introduction that successfully hooks your reader? Let’s talk about how to structure the beginning of your college essay.
Teenagers hard at work on their college applications.
How to Structure a Personal Statement Introduction
To see how the introduction fits into an essay, let's look at the big structural picture first and then zoom in.
College Essay Structure Overview
Even though they’re called essays, personal statements are really more like a mix of a short story and a philosophy or psychology class that's all about you.
Usually, how this translates is that you start with a really good (and very short) story about something arresting, unusual, or important that happened to you. This is not to say that the story has to be about something important or unusual in the grand scheme of things—it just has to be a moment that stands out to you as defining in some way, or an explanation of why you are the way you are. You then pivot to an explanation of why this story is an accurate illustration of one of your core qualities, values, or beliefs.
The story typically comes in the first half of the essay, and the insightful explanation comes second —but, of course, all rules were made to be broken, and some great essays flip this more traditional order.
College Essay Introduction Components
Now, let’s zero in on the first part of the college essay. What are the ingredients of a great personal statement introduction? I'll list them here and then dissect them one by one in the next section:
A killer first sentence: This hook grabs your readers' attention and whets their appetite for your story.
A vivid, detailed story that illustrates your eventual insight: To make up for how short your story will be, you must insert effective sensory information to immerse the reader.
An insightful pivot toward the greater point you're making in your essay: This vital piece of the essay connects the short story part to the part where you explain what the experience has taught you about yourself, how you've matured, and how it has ultimately shaped you as a person.
You've got your reader's attention when you see its furry ears extended … No, wait. Squirrel. You've got your squirrel's attention.
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How to Write a College Essay Introduction
Here’s a weird secret that’s true for most written work: just because it'll end up at the beginning doesn’t mean you have to write it first. For example, in this case, you can’t know what your killer first sentence will be until you’ve figured out the following details:
The story you want to tell
The point you want that story to make
The trait/maturity level/background about you that your essay will reveal
So my suggestion is to work in reverse order! Writing your essay will be much easier if you can figure out the entirety of it first and then go back and work out exactly how it should start.
This means that before you can craft your ideal first sentence, the way the short story experience of your life will play out on the page, and the perfect pivoting moment that transitions from your story to your insight, you must work out a general idea about which life event you will share and what you expect that life event to demonstrate to the reader about you and the kind of person you are.
If you're having trouble coming up with a topic, check out our guide on brainstorming college essay ideas. It might also be helpful to read our guides to specific application essays, such as picking your best Common App prompt and writing a perfect University of California personal statement.
In the next sections of this article, I'll talk about how to work backwards on the introduction, moving from bigger to smaller elements: starting with the first section of the essay in general and then honing your pivot sentence and your first sentence.
Don't get too excited about working in reverse—not all activities are safe to do backwards. (Jackie/Flickr)
How to Write the First Section of Your College Essay
In a 500-word essay, this section will take up about the first half of the essay and will mostly consist of a brief story that illuminates a key experience, an important character trait, a moment of transition or transformation, or a step toward maturity.
Once you've figured out your topic and zeroed in on the experience you want to highlight in the beginning of your essay, here are 2 great approaches to making it into a story:
Talking it out, storyteller style (while recording yourself): Imagine that you're sitting with a group of people at a campfire, or that you're stuck on a long flight sitting next to someone you want to befriend. Now tell that story. What does someone who doesn’t know you need to know in order for the story to make sense? What details do you need to provide to put them in the story with you? What background information do they need in order to understand the stakes or importance of the story?
Record yourself telling your story to friends and then chatting about it: What do they need clarified? What questions do they have? Which parts of your story didn’t make sense or follow logically for them? Do they want to know more, or less? Is part of your story interesting to them but not interesting to you? Is a piece of your story secretly boring, even though you think it’s interesting?
Later, as you listen to the recorded story to try to get a sense of how to write it, you can also get a sense of the tone with which you want to tell your story. Are you being funny as you talk? Sad? Trying to shock, surprise, or astound your audience? The way you most naturally tell your story is the way you should write it.
After you've done this storyteller exercise, write down the salient points of what you learned. What is the story your essay will tell? What is the point about your life, point of view, or personality it will make? What tone will you tell it with? Sketch out a detailed outline so that you can start filling in the pieces as we work through how to write the introductory sections.
Baron Munchausen didn't know whether to tell his story sad that his horse had been cut in half, or delighted by knowing what would happen if half a horse drank from a fountain.
How to Write the First Sentence of Your College Essay
In general, your essay's first sentence should be either a mini-cliffhanger that sets up a situation the reader would like to see resolved, or really lush scene-setting that situates your audience in a place and time they can readily visualize. The former builds expectations and evokes curiosity, and the latter stimulates the imagination and creates a connection with the author. In both cases, you hit your goal of greater reader engagement.
Now, I’m going to show you how these principles work for all types of first sentences, whether in college essays or in famous works of fiction.
First Sentence Idea 1: Line of Quoted Direct Speech
The experience of coming out is raw and emotional, and the issue of LGBTQ rights is an important facet of modern life. This three-word sentence immediately sums up an enormous background of the personal and political.
"You can handle it, Matt," said Mr. Wolf, my fourth-grade band teacher, as he lifted the heavy tuba and put it into my arms. (Matt Coppo ’07 for Hamilton College)
This sentence conjures up a funny image—we can immediately picture the larger adult standing next to a little kid holding a giant tuba. It also does a little play on words: "handle it" can refer to both the literal tuba Matt is being asked to hold and the figurative stress of playing the instrument.
First Sentence Idea 2: Punchy Short Sentence With One Grabby Detail
I live alone—I always have since elementary school. (Kevin Zevallos '16 for Connecticut College)
This opener definitely makes us want to know more. Why was he alone? Where were the protective grown-ups who surround most kids? How on earth could a little kid of 8-10 years old survive on his own?
There’s nothing but questions here. What are "old" hands? Are they old-looking? Arthritic? How has having these hands affected the author?
There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. (Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre)
There’s immediately a feeling of disappointment and the stifled desire for action here. Who wanted to go for a walk? And why was this person being prevented from going?
First Sentence Idea 3: Lyrical, Adjective-Rich Description of a Setting
We met for lunch at El Burrito Mexicano, a tiny Mexican lunch counter under the Red Line "El" tracks. (Ted Mullin ’06 for Carleton College)
Look at how much specificity this sentence packs in less than 20 words. Each noun and adjective is chosen for its ability to convey yet another detail. "Tiny" instead of "small" gives readers a sense of being uncomfortably close to other people and sitting at tables that don't quite have enough room for the plates. "Counter" instead of "restaurant" lets us immediately picture this work surface, the server standing behind it, and the general atmosphere. "Under the tracks" is a location deeply associated with being run down, borderline seedy, and maybe even dangerous.
Maybe it's because I live in Rhinelander, Wisconsin, where Brett Favre draws more of a crowd on Sunday than any religious service, cheese is a staple food, it's sub-zero during global warming, current "fashions" come three years after they've hit it big with the rest of the world, and where all children by the age of ten can use a 12-gauge like it's their job. (Riley Smith '12 for Hamilton College)
This sentence manages to hit every stereotype about Wisconsin held by outsiders—football, cheese, polar winters, backwardness, and guns—and this piling on gives us a good sense of place while also creating enough hyperbole to be funny. At the same time, the sentence raises the tantalizing question: maybe what is because of Wisconsin?
High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of 1969, two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of 1200 miles per hour. (David Lodge, Changing Places)
This sentence is structured in the highly specific style of a math problem, which makes it funny. However, at the heart of this sentence lies a mystery that grabs the reader's interest: why on earth would these two people be doing this?
First Sentence Idea 4: Counterintuitive Statement
To avoid falling into generalities with this one, make sure you're really creating an argument or debate with your counterintuitive sentence. If no one would argue with what you've said, then you aren't making an argument. ("The world is a wonderful place" and "Life is worth living" don't make the cut.)
If string theory is really true, then the entire world is made up of strings, and I cannot tie a single one. (Joanna ’18 for Johns Hopkins University)
There’s a great switch here from the sub-microscopic strings that make up string theory to the actual physical strings you can tie in real life. This sentence hints that the rest of the essay will continue playing with linked, albeit not typically connected, concepts.
All children, except one, grow up. (J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan)
In just six words, this sentence upends everything we think we know about what happens to human beings.
First Sentence Idea 5: The End—Making the Rest of the Essay a Flashback
I’ve recently come to the realization that community service just isn’t for me. (Kyla ’19 for Johns Hopkins University)
This seems pretty bold—aren’t we supposed to be super into community service? Is this person about to declare herself to be totally selfish and uncaring about the less fortunate? We want to know the story that would lead someone to this kind of conclusion.
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. (Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude)
So many amazing details here. Why is thesis writing help being executed? What does "discovering" ice entail? How does he go from ice-discoverer to military commander of some sort to someone condemned to capital punishment?
First Sentence Idea 6: Direct Question to the Reader
To work well, your question should be especially specific, come out of left field, or pose a surprising hypothetical.
How does an agnostic Jew living in the Diaspora connect to Israel? (Essay #3 from Carleton College’s sample essays)
This is a thorny opening, raising questions about the difference between being an ethnic Jew and practicing the religion of Judaism, and the obligations of Jews who live outside of Israel to those who live in Israel and vice versa. There's a lot of meat to this question, setting up a philosophically interesting, politically important, and personally meaningful essay.
While traveling through the daily path of life, have you ever stumbled upon a hidden pocket of the universe? (First line from a student in Stanford’s class of 2012)
There’s a dreamy and sci-fi element to this first sentence, as it tries to find the sublime ("the universe") inside the prosaic ("daily path of life").
First Sentence Idea 7: Lesson You Learned From the Story You’re Telling
One way to think about how to do this kind of opening sentence well is to model it on the morals that ended each Aesop's fable. The lesson you learned should be slightly surprising (not necessarily intuitive) and something that someone else might disagree with.
Perhaps it wasn't wise to chew and swallow a handful of sand the day I was given my first sandbox, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. (Meagan Spooner ’07 for Hamilton College)
The best part of this hilarious sentence is that even in retrospect, eating a handful of sand is only possibly an unwise idea—a qualifier achieved through that great "perhaps." So does that mean it was wise in at least some way to eat the sand? The reader wants to know more.
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina)
This immediately sets readers to mentally flip through every unhappy family they’ve ever known to double-check the narrator’s assertion. Did he draw the right conclusion here? How did he come to this realization? The implication that he will tell us all about some dysfunctional drama also has a rubbernecking draw.
Now go! And let your first sentences soar like the Wright Brothers' first airplane!
How to Write a Pivot Sentence in Your College Essay
This is the place in your essay where you go from small to big—from the life experience you describe in detail to the bigger point this experience illustrates about your world and yourself.
Typically, the pivot sentence will come at the end of your introductory section, about halfway through the essay. I say sentence, but this section could be more than one sentence (though ideally no longer than two or three).
So how do you make the turn? Usually you indicate in your pivot sentence itself that you are moving from one part of the essay to another. This is called signposting, and it's a great way to keep readers updated on where they are in the flow of the essay and your argument.
Here are three ways to do this, with real-life examples from college essays published by colleges.
Pivot Idea 1: Expand the Time Frame
In this pivot, you gesture out from the specific experience you describe to the overarching realization you had during it. Think of helper phrases such as "that was the moment I realized" and "never again would I."
Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I’d been in this type of situation before. In fact, I’d been born into this type of situation. (Stephen '19 for Johns Hopkins University)
This is a pretty great pivot, neatly connecting the story Stephen's been telling (about having to break into a car on a volunteering trip) and his general reliance on his own resourcefulness and ability to roll with whatever life throws at him. It's a double bonus that he accomplishes the pivot with a play on the word "click," which here means both the literal clicking of the car door latch and the figurative clicking his brain does. Note also how the pivot crystallizes the moment of epiphany through the word "suddenly," which implies instant insight.
But in that moment I realized that the self-deprecating jokes were there for a reason. When attempting to climb the mountain of comedic success, I didn't just fall and then continue on my journey, but I fell so many times that I befriended the ground and realized that the middle of the metaphorical mountain made for a better campsite. Not because I had let my failures get the best of me, but because I had learned to make the best of my failures. (Rachel Schwartzbaum '19 for Connecticut College)
This pivot similarly focuses on a "that moment" of illuminated clarity. In this case, it broadens Rachel's experience of stage fright before her standup comedy sets to the way she has more generally not allowed failures to stop her progress—and has instead been able to use them as learning experiences. Not only does she describe her humor as "self-deprecating," but she also demonstrates what she means with that great "befriended the ground" line.
It was on this first educational assignment that I realized how much could be accomplished through an animal education program—more, in some cases, than the aggregate efforts of all of the rehabilitators. I found that I had been naive in my assumption that most people knew as much about wildlife as I did, and that they shared my respect for animals. (J.P. Maloney '07 for Hamilton College)
This is another classically constructed pivot, as J.P. segues from his negative expectations about using a rehabilitated wild owl as an educational animal to his understanding of how much this kind of education could contribute to forming future environmentalists and nature lovers. The widening of scope happens at once as we go from a highly specific "first educational assignment" to the more general realization that "much" could be accomplished through these kinds of programs.
Pivot Idea 2: Link the Described Experience With Others
In this pivot, you draw a parallel between the life event that you've been describing in your very short story and other events that were similar in some significant way. Helpful phrases include "now I see how x is really just one of the many x’s I have faced," "in a way, x is a good example of the x-like situations I see daily," and "and from then on every time I . "
This state of discovery is something I strive for on a daily basis. My goal is to make all the ideas in my mind fit together like the gears of a Swiss watch. Whether it's learning a new concept in linear algebra, talking to someone about a programming problem, or simply zoning out while I read, there is always some part of my day that pushes me towards this place of cohesion: an idea that binds together some set of the unsolved mysteries in my mind. (Aubrey Anderson '19 for Tufts University)
After cataloging and detailing the many interesting thoughts that flow through her brain in a specific hour, Aubrey uses the pivot to explain that this is what every waking hour is like for her "on a daily basis." She loves learning different things and finds a variety of fields fascinating. And her pivot lets us know that her example is a demonstration of how her mind works generally.
This was the first time I’ve been to New Mexico since he died. Our return brought so much back for me. I remembered all the times we’d visited when I was younger, certain events highlighted by the things we did: Dad haggling with the jewelry sellers, his minute examination of pots at a trading post, the affection he had for chilies. I was scared that my love for the place would be tainted by his death, diminished without him there as my guide. That fear was part of what kept my mother and me away for so long. Once there, though, I was relieved to realize that Albuquerque still brings me closer to my father. (Essay #1 from Carleton College’s sample essays)
In this pivot, one very painful experience of visiting a place filled with sorrowful memories is used as a way to think about "all the other times" the author had been to New Mexico. The previously described trip after the father's death pivots into a sense of the continuity of memory. Even though he is no longer there to "guide," the author's love for the place itself remains.
Pivot Idea 3: Extract and Underline a Trait or Value
In this type of pivot, you use the experience you've described to demonstrate its importance in developing or zooming in on one key attribute. Here are some ways to think about making this transition: "I could not have done it without characteristic y, which has helped me through many other difficult moments," or "this is how I came to appreciate the importance of value z, both in myself and in those around me."
My true reward of having Stanley is that he opened the door to the world of botany. I would never have invested so much time learning about the molecular structure or chemical balance of plants if not for taking care of him. (Michaela '19 for Johns Hopkins University)
In this tongue-in-cheek essay in which Michaela writes about Stanley, a beloved cactus, as if "he" has human qualities and is her child, the pivot explains what makes this plant so meaningful to its owner. Without having to "take care of him," Michaela "would never have invested so much time learning" about plant biology. She has a deep affinity for the natural sciences and attributes her interest at least partly to her cactus.
By leaving me free to make mistakes and chase wild dreams, my father was always able to help ground me back in reality. Personal responsibilities, priorities and commitments are all values that are etched into my mind, just as they are within my father’s. (Olivia Rabbitt '16 for Connecticut College)
In Olivia's essay about her father's role in her life, the pivot discusses his importance by explaining his deep impact on her values. Olivia has spent the story part of her essay describing her father's background and their relationship. Now, she is free to show how without his influence, she would not be so strongly committed to "personal responsibilities, priorities and commitments."
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A great pivot is like great parkour—sharp, fast, and coming on a slightly unexpected curve. (Peter Waterman/Flickr)
College Essay Introduction Examples
We've collected many examples of college essays published by colleges and offered a breakdown of how several of them are put together. Now, let's check out a couple of examples of actual college essay beginnings to show you how and why they work.
Sample Intro 1
A blue seventh place athletic ribbon hangs from my mantel. Every day, as I walk into my living room, the award mockingly congratulates me as I smile. Ironically, the blue seventh place ribbon resembles the first place ribbon in color; so, if I just cover up the tip of the seven, I may convince myself that I championed the fourth heat. But, I never dare to wipe away the memory of my seventh place swim; I need that daily reminder of my imperfection. I need that seventh place.
Two years ago, I joined the no-cut swim team. That winter, my coach unexpectedly assigned me to swim the 500 freestyle. After stressing for hours about swimming 20 laps in a competition, I mounted the blocks, took my mark, and swam. Around lap 14, I looked around at the other lanes and did not see anyone. “I must be winning!” I thought to myself. However, as I finally completed my race and lifted my arms up in victory to the eager applause of the fans, I looked up at the score board. I had finished my race in last place. In fact, I left the pool two minutes after the second-to-last competitor, who now stood with her friends, wearing all her clothes.
Why Intro Sample 1 Works
Here are some of the main reasons that this essay's introduction is super effective.
#1: It's Got a Great First Sentence
The sentence is short but still does some scene setting with the descriptive "blue" and the location “from my mantel.” It introduces a funny element with “seventh place”—why would that bad of a showing even get a ribbon? It dangles information just out of reach, making the reader want to know more: what was this an award for? Why does this definitively non-winning ribbon hang in such a prominent place of pride?
#2: It Has Lots of Detail
In the intro, we get physical actions: “cover up the tip,” “mounted the blocks,” “looked around at the other lanes,” “lifted my arms up,” and "stood with her friends, wearing all her clothes." We also get words conveying emotion: “mockingly congratulates me as I smile,” “unexpectedly assigned,” and “stressing for hours.” Finally, we get descriptive specificity in the precise word choice: “from my mantel” and “my living room” instead of simply “in my house," and “lap 14” instead of “toward the end of the race.”
#3: It Explains the Stakes
Even though everyone can imagine the lap pool, not everyone knows exactly what the “500 freestyle” race is. Meghan elegantly explains the difficulty by describing herself freaking out over “swimming 20 laps in a competition,” which helps us to picture the swimmer going back and forth many times.
#4: It Has Great Storytelling
We basically get a sports commentary play-by-play here. Even though we already know the conclusion—Meghan came in 7th—she still builds suspense by narrating the race from her point of view as she was swimming it. She's nervous for a while, and then she starts the race.
Close to the end, she starts to think everything is going well (“I looked around at the other lanes and did not see anyone. 'I must be winning!' I thought to myself.”). Everything builds to an expected moment of great triumph (“I finally completed my race and lifted my arms up in victory to the eager applause of the fans”) but ends in total defeat (“I had finished my race in last place”).
Not only that, but the mildly clichéd sports hype is hilariously undercut by reality (“I left the pool two minutes after the second-to-last competitor, who now stood with her friends, wearing all her clothes”).
#5: It Uses a Pivot Sentence
This essay uses the time expansion method of pivoting: “But, I never dare to wipe away the memory of my seventh place swim; I need that daily reminder of my imperfection. I need that seventh place.” Coming last in the race was something that happened once, but the award is now an everyday experience of humility.
The rest of the essay explores what it means for Meghan to constantly see this reminder of failure and to transform it into a sense of acceptance of her imperfections. Notice also that in this essay, the pivot comes before the main story, helping us "hear" the narrative in the way she wants us to.
Sample Intro 2
“Biogeochemical. It’s a word, I promise!” There are shrieks and shouts in protest and support. Unacceptable insults are thrown, degrees and qualifications are questioned, I think even a piece of my grandmother’s famously flakey parantha whizzes past my ear. Everyone is too lazy to take out a dictionary (or even their phones) to look it up, so we just hash it out. And then, I am crowned the victor, a true success in the Merchant household. But it is fleeting, as the small, glossy, plastic tiles, perfectly connected to form my winning word, are snatched out from under me and thrown in a pile with all the disgraced, “unwinning” tiles as we mix for our next game of Bananagrams. It’s a similar donnybrook, this time ending with my father arguing that it is okay to use “Rambo” as a word (it totally is not).
Words and communicating have always been of tremendous importance in my life: from silly games like Bananagrams and our road-trip favorite “word game,” to stunted communication between opposing grandparents, each speaking a different Indian language; from trying to understand the cheesemonger behind the counter with a deep southern drawl (I just want some Camembert!), to shaping a script to make people laugh.
Words are moving and changing; they have influence and substance.
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Why Intro Sample 2 Works
Let's take a look at what qualities make this essay's introduction particularly memorable.
#1: It's Got a Great First Sentence
With the first sentence, we are immediately thrust into the middle of the action—into an exciting part of an argument about whether "biogeochemical" is really a word. We're also immediately challenged. Is this a word? Have I ever heard it before? Does a scientific neologism count as a word?
#2: It Shows Rather Than Tells
Since the whole essay is going to be about words, it makes sense for Shaan to demonstrate his comfort with all different kinds of language:
Complex, elevated vocabulary, such as "biogeochemical" and "donnybrook"
Foreign words, such as "parantha" and "Camembert"
Colorful descriptive words, such as "shrieks and shouts," "famously flakey, "whizzes past," and "hash it out"
"Fake" words, such as "unwinning" and "Rambo"
What’s great is that Shaan is able to seamlessly mix the different tones and registers these words imply, going from cerebral to funny and back again.
#3: It Uses a Pivot Sentence
This essay uses the value-extraction style of pivot: "Words and communicating have always been of tremendous importance in my life." After we see an experience linking Shaan’s clear love of his family with an interest in word games, he clarifies that this is exactly what the essay will be about—using a very straightforward pivoting sentence.
#4: It Piles On Examples to Avoid Vagueness
The danger of this kind of pivot sentence is slipping into vague, uninformative statements, such as "I love words." To avoid making a generalization the tells us nothing, the essay builds a list of examples of times when Shaan saw the way that words connect people: games (“Bananagrams and our road-trip favorite ‘word game,’”), his mixed-language family (“grandparents, each speaking a different Indian language”), encounters with strangers (“from trying to understand the cheesemonger”), and finally the more active experience of performing (“shaping a script to make people laugh”).
But the essay stops short of giving so many examples that the reader drowns. I'd say three to five examples is a good range—as long as they're all different kinds of the same thing.
Several keys offer a good chance of unlocking a door; a giant pile of keys is its own unsolvable maze.
The Bottom Line: How to Start a College Essay
The college essay introduction should hook your reader and make her want to know more and read more.
Good personal statement introductions will contain the following features:
A killer first line
A detailed description of an experience from your life
A pivot to the bigger picture, in which you explain why and how this experience has shaped you, your point of view, and/or your values.
You don’t have to write the introduction first, and you certainly don’t have to write your first sentence first. Instead, start by developing your story by telling it out loud to a friend. You can t hen work on your first sentence and your pivot.
The first sentence should either be short, punchy, and carry some ambiguity or questions, or be a detailed and beautiful description setting an easily pictured scene. The pivot, on the other hand, should answer the question, "How does the story you’ve told connect to a larger truth or insight about you?"
What’s Next?
Thinking of applying to the University of California system? Check out our detailed guide on how to approach their essay prompts and craft your ideal UC essay.
If you’re in the middle of the essay-writing process, you’ll want to see our suggestions on what essay pitfalls to avoid.
Working on the rest of your college application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying.
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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.
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