#cause i like to suffer apparently

[swan-orpheus]

OKay so I am watching the Umbara arc for the 10000000th time and feeling mildly chatty about it. Can we please talk about this interaction?

Rex: He’s wound tight, but he’s loyal.

Anakin: [chuckles] He kind of reminds me of you.

Rex: Maybe...back in the day.

...uttered with the saddest eyes, haltingly, traling off in the most world-weary tone imaginable as if his voice just slid into an open grave. I had to hit “pause” cause it was a lot.

And this following close on the heels of Fives remarking that it’ll be “just like old times”

*screaming*

Captain Rex is on the downward slide morale-wise and it is only going to get worse for the man.

#alex watches too much star wars #sw the clone wars #s4ep7 #darkness in umbara #the darkness within no doubt #cause i like to suffer apparently #anakin skywalker #captain rex #arc trooper fives #et le reste #i am not even going to get into who else that reminds me of #that line #i am insane enough as it is #*hits 'play'*

[venacoeurva]

...I know people in this day and age think any collaborative effort can fix things, often despite reality (ex. the MULTIPLE tumblr blackout protests over the last like 10 years across different owners of tumblr that didn’t change shit),

but I think going out of your way to buy things from tumblr en masse as a “well then they’ll be profitable and won’t have to change things to resemble profitable sites!” as if the CEO/higher ups are personally going to see this and not AT MOST just go “oh we made money, sick, Anyway.” is just. the most naive and frankly 5-year-old level of problem solving unrealistic idea if you think about it for more than 5 seconds. People are just so blinded by naive optimism it’s painful.

Staff isn’t going to see your purchases and go on a full redemption arc and restore porn in spite of payment systems’ massive stigma against it or Apple’s restrictions and never ever try to mimic Twitter or TikTok again, or whatever the fuck you’re expecting, they’ll keep focusing on shit tweaks that resemble other sites because those are what keep investors who think they know tech and user wants hooked and they think new people from other sites will come over for that instead of the fact these people are typically escaping those kinds of features.

Staff isn’t your friend, their vying for support like they’re your buddy who is hitting hard times and has been here holding your hand all these years is deliberate corporate marketing, they’re an arm of a corporation that spits in the face of LGBTQ+ people and especially black people for daring to post about themselves while touting themselves as The Queer Site! A diverse site! Look at this AMA we’re doing with someone about Black History Month! and you’re doing nobody a service when you’re unintentionally rewarding a service for getting worse because they will not know nor care about your motives, they just care that they got money and will continue making it worse regardless of you. They’re a corporation, not a small business ran by 10 people who are trying their best. People throwing money at Staff already encourages them, let alone when you buy into the weird parasocial shit they try with us which will continue as they see success with that method.

Like the mere idea of everyone buying the crabs to gift to make the site profitable is just unrealistic (especially in this economy with such terrible inflation and in NA there are issues with the weather and fires, on a site that mostly consists of groups of people who are typically low income or unable to work???), it feels very much like the gofundme pages people set up to raise money for celebrities who have debts who will be fine regardless and definitely don’t need your help. Corporations and CEOs are not your friends, they never will be. They do not care about you and they’re not some poor uwu victim of circumstance.

TL;DR half-assed blackouts aimed at companies that don’t care (that I have seen over and over) and “cr*b day” type efforts are incredibly dumb and will change nothing, and they will not change anything, just encourage them since they see they’re making money during their current marketing schemes, if they notice at all. You pitying them like they’re a poor innocent person is exactly what the corporation wants.

If you want to make a difference give that money to an artist or lgbtq+ people who basically get flagged as mature for Existing, or people who get their posts flagged for criticizing the site, or something, someone who gets screwed over by this site on the regular. It will do far more good than that whackadoo type pipe dream and sit down and think for a second, please.

#I normally would not care but this is like. absurd levels of Not Thinking At All #grown adults saw that post about this and went Yeah!!!!!! #how the fuck did someone go ''we should ALL buy crabs to give tumblr money!'' as a solution to shit corporate decisions and it get as big #as it did. Do you guys THINK #or does staff really have it wrapped around your parasocialized finger with humanizing them like a suffering entity who is so so poor #vena vents #not art #And that's a good faith interpretation that the person who suggested the crab thing aren't friends with a staff member or are one or some #shit #we've seen people on or know staff doing some shit to subdue criticisms (especially by trans and black people). I don't trust that #That as a thing that mysteriously gets slapped everywhere on here makes me narrow my eyes #Apparently judging by others comments about it the OP suggesting it is also a pr*lifer and a lot of the people boosting it are bigots so. #enjoy supporting a cause ran by people who want you dead ig

[oatbugs]

worst cramps on earth ever ever going to burn down the world

#9 days of hell !! of which like 4 are super painful !! #i had two ultrasounds done and apparently ~ nothing is wrong w me ~ but my friend (qualified) did theorise that i may have excess esteogen #which causes these issues apparently. yayyy #however. in order to have less estrogen . other issues would b caused. so i have to suffer like this indefinitely ig #every single time it feels like im on the verge of passing out. like vision getting fuzzy im dizzy af from pain etc etc #but i never do which sucks actually like let me sleep thru this !!

[gxlden-angels]

I have a lot of religious guilt around being angry, especially being angry at someone, and it's so funny talking about it with my therapist because I'll admit something like "I feel like Im in a constant low level state of resentment" or that Im thinking something slightly harsh about a person and my therapist will be sitting in his seat like

#I had a therapy rupture with him a few months ago and apparently Im not all that great at hiding extreme anger he just didn't say anything #cause we were working thru it #and now Im like 'well shit Im like sitting over here telepathically blowing u up with my mind so I guess that makes sense' #Cause Im still stuck in the 'thought life' mindset of my thoughts affecting other people besides me #and I'll get self destructive in a 'well if I self destruct you HAVE to help me then' #type of way that I know is unhealthy but I don't usually act on it. it's more just the impulse/urge #but it all stems from the idea that suffering is holy somehow #and if I suffer enough then I'll get somewhere #basically a speed run to empathy cause I didn't get care otherwise because I just needed to pray more or whatever #and now I'm learning to just let my emotions pass thru #hopefully not like diarrhea but unfortunately constipation can cause diarrhea #so ig I'll figure out my anger soon and how to let it just pass thru #its just so funny watching him get excited about me being openly angry cause that's progress #me: 'biting and biting and biting and biting and biting' #therapist: 'this is good. this is progress great job <3' #ex christian #religious trauma

[thethingything]

I forgot we get weird muscle tremors (and a tic in the same muscle) in our throat sometimes but I also somehow didn't realise those muscles can spasm in a way that makes you feel like you're being strangled even though you can still breathe and swallow perfectly fine. what the actual fuck

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #hi I'm suffering and I spent all evening like ''wtf why do I feel like I'm being choked'' #and realised it feels suspiciously like the weird tremor and tic but just constant spasming instead of it tremoring or quickly spasming #and sure enough I can tell which muscle it is and there's a name for this type of spasm and all the descriptions of it fit perfectly #and it's usually caused by stress but can also be caused by acid reflux which like... yeah that sounds about right #the good news is it's apparently harmless and the bad news is it can last for months #I feel like 2024 went ''hey I'm going to force you to deal with all this trauma then force you to process how stressed you really are'' #anyway hopefully this is definitely just the muscle spasm and not anything else #but given how well everything matches up and that we already have issues with that muscle I feel pretty confident in saying it is that

[party-with-books]

Someone send me some prayers and tips, I'm gonna be sewing a cloak out of crushed velvet when I get off work

And I've never worked with that material before, or really used a sewing machine,

So you can imagine the stress I'm under...

#cosplaying adventures #I wanted the outfit to look as accurate as possible #so I chose the correct fabric for the cloak instead of just a color match #cause I like to suffer apparently xD #any and all handy dandy sewing tips are greatly appreciated #sewing #cosplay #adventures of a bookdragon

[thresholdbb]

I was gonna work on my 25 days of voy tonight but instead I wrote a diatribe about all the things wrong with my job

#I spent my workday writing a cover letter for a new job and my free time doing what I should’ve done during work #apparently I work in hr now? makes zero sense #I want salamander Santas not a scathing criticism of the lack of DEI progress in the school district #but like the kids are suffering why are teachers and admin so terrible smh #I have a voy project done but I wanted like a little series #work saps the creative energy even though I’m barely doing anything #apparently it’s just a sensory hell and that’s why people think I’m an asshole cause my brow is always furrowed in the flourescent lighting

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Once again chanting in my mind "graphic card" to avoid snapping at my mother saying dumb shit

#how do you always get to the wrong conclusion of everything oh my godddddd #yeah yeah a lot is wrong with doctors like a fucking lot I'm well aware I've suffered huge amount of pains for years for that #but she says it from a novax point of view so she's still wrong by saying the right thing and it annoys me so much! #obviously she's too fucking fatphobic to see how that is one of the biggest issues in medicine #fun fact my father is not taking meds to heal from something that could actually kill him because it stops him from eating #that's apparently okay but vaccines aren't #someone should study their brains under a microscope #also my father problem was probably caused by the extreme diet he did that was mostly starvation #at least i feel better about myself #sometimes i get very depressed about all the things I'll never be able to do because i fucked my wrist at 18 but at least i did that #crocheting #he completely destroyed his health to lose weight #also even more fun thing he wanted to lose weight for reasons that didn't have anything to do with the weight he probably just can't eat #grains #he got better as soon as he stopped eating normal pasta and switched to the fake ones made with rice and stuff #they didn't connect the dot #but the second i thin person started to have issues breathing #that are definitely side effects of covid btw #grains were immediately blamed #god i shouldn't get into these rants because i just get mad at their stupidity AND I NEED TO STAY CALM FOR THE GRAPHIC CARD #and especially not build enough represed rage about it to risk trying to choke my mother the next time she says it's fine i lost all that #weight #sure it's fine losing weight because of illness and depression is fucking wonderful #i have to fight with myself most days to eat enough but sure that's fine I'm staying thin!

[bitegore]

if you like mtmte/ll and want more of that you should not read eugenesis.

if you liked the wreckers series you might like eugenesis.

if you like "rocks fall everyone dies" endings but think that the rest of the story should also deliver on that kind of extended misery sort of front you should DEFINITELY read eugenesis and then talk to me about how disappointed you were about the ending pulling back on that level of consistent bleak pitch-dark misery.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#red rambles #every time i read eugenesis i am struck by how fucknig great i think it is and also how fucking funny it is and how much i love it #and also how blatantly unsuitable for anyone else on the planet it is because its basically just 'suffering and torment: the fanfic' #and also apparently boring ? to everyone else ? idk i like politics #i think the political machinations in the first half of eugenesis are genuinely pretty interesting #ultra magnus and rodimus's falling-out #galvatron's complete withdrawal from the majority of the Deecepticon cause and how Soundwave makes up for it by basically taking over #the whole Sixshot thing #i thought all that was neat

[kelpiemomma]

Tfw u see someone w a take that is just so wrong you have to stand there and wonder if you watched the same show

#Saw someone on a YouTube video say that the mysterious woman from centaurworld was more of a villain than the nowhere king #Bc apparently she knew that the general was the elktaur bc she. Freed the elk from the dungeons? #It's almost a year old comment so I'm not replying to it but did we watch the same show? #I haven't watched S2 since it came out bc I didn't enjoy it but I'm 99% sure it was insinuated she didn't know #At least not for a while. Maybe she learned he was the elktaur when she freed him from the dungeon but they said #That she knew the general had separated himself from the elk during their wedding and I genuinely don't think so #Bc the general and the elktaur did not look like the same person. I just watched a live reaction to someone seeing their separation #And the elk was obviously hiding during the wedding. And the general said 'maybe I should've invited you' #I'm pretty sure he was trying to hide the truth of himself from her (though it's never explicitly stated) #But he hated himself so much as a centaur- why would he admit to the mysterious woman that he'd been one? #Is she innocent? No. Is she the cause of the nowhere king? Also no. She was also a victim of his. #He used her as an excuse but as she said. She would have loved him whole. She would've loved him as a centaur from the start. #If she'd known about the separation and the truth of it. How the elk loathed his lot. I don't think she'd have just. #Ignored it. She didn't seem like the kind of character to allow another to suffer #I accidentally got my friend to watch it so I'm gonna have to rewatch it now tho

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#is this shady for me to say? maybe. which is why its going in the tags bbbyyyy sjsjsjs #anyway I really do feel like the ending of the dsmp or just the dsmp in general suffered because of dreams lack of communication #like I will NEVER forget the time that dream just ignored tommy for MONTHS like HELLO???? #also dream trying to push season 2 forward and apparently ignored the fact that phil even told him the memory thing was bad?? #which YEAH makes sense!! all together its a bad idea + they didnt want to forget about techno #its just. at this point I ignore literally everything about dream + his involvement within the dsmp cause he aint SHIT #also I really havent been updated on the uh. situation. but I very much doubt its looking good in the slightest #ALL IM SAYING IS THAT... isnt it really funny how several creators have stopped talking or distanced themselves from him. funny #okay im gonna play block game now Goodbye

[bearded-cashew]

Me reading a post that’s complaining about thing: I hope it’s not going into...

*Post goes into sjw bullshit*

Me: Of course. Watch and they’ll blame it all on capitalism because they’re idiots.

*Post blames the thing onto capitalism*

Me: Like clockwork. 🙄

#apparently some activist thinks that the cause behind my own medical issues is capitalism #if i had been born into some communist hellhole that people like them consider a paradise i would still suffer from ais #every time someone blames capitalism for all their woes it makes me immediately disregard everything they say #sjw cringe

[feluka]

i hate BWF so much it's unreal. dude just jumps on EVERY opportunity when he sees that someone vulnerable has been abused in TTRPG spaces and goes 'that's exactly what happened to me!!!!'

my guy. a SWANA fan wrote some very mild and fair criticism of orientalist tropes in CR and like the giant baby you are started shitting your pants because you couldn't handle that and you sicced your thousands of followers on that person and got fired as a consequence of you FUCKING UP

you don't get to co-opt victims in TTRPG spaces bravely sharing the abuse they faced from powerful and influential people in the industry who abused their power to hurt them (yeah, people in positions of power, not some twitter user who ruffled your white feathers) and be like 'omg this is JUST like my experience!! how do you do fellow victims??? arent people like you and ME soooo oppressed??' FUCK OFFFFFF

#can you IMAGINE the suffering youve caused the fan? or are you unable to look beyond yourself and your own feelings for even a second? #another tweet a person made a gross joke about domestic violence #and he responded 'i got fired for telling people like this off 🙄' #yeah totally comparable. sure. brown peyeah totally comparable. sure. someone joking about abuse=fan criticizing your very special dnd show #your dnd show that can do NO WRONG apparently #let me tell you as a SWANA person who expressed concern over orientalism... wanna throw up rn criticism over c

[mntcoronet]

declaring myself the only person who is normal about this one anime (closely followed by the two irl friends who made me watch it, and my mum who watches it with me, but they are not subjected to nearly as much Online stuff as I am so they are inherently more normal about things anyway)

#maggles ramblings #i don't know what ppl on here are like about it and i don't think i want to. i think it will remain one of those things i enjoy by myself #bc like the story is about this one big and fucked up family. but apparently it's only 'family' in the loose sense; #as in; i haven't gotten to any clarification in the anime itself yet but the wiki says it's more a structure of power than actual family #which makes some things in it... Much more tolerable to say the least. but i do not trust literally any fans on here to care about that #i have a very strong inkling that not many ppl would care enough about that distinction anyway and get too into shipping regardless #despite how much ELSE there is to look at; including things i haven't really seen other stuff cover before in this particular way #and like yea ik there's shit in it anyway; not all bad but some is just rather sensitive yknow. but my point IS #that i simply do not trust the wider internet on here with the themes and situations i find so interestingly portrayed in this thing. #my brain kind of conked out near the end and i lost my original point #ahh idk it's tough to explain. i get it though in my head i am so correct about everything #like. it has some Really interesting parts!! two main characters who hate each other bc they think the other has everything they want! #when Actually both are suffering uniquely!! #an older sibling trying to deal with guilt over not protecting the younger one from abuse when they had the chance to - #and the younger one accepting their desire to reconnect; without being forced to forgive them! #characters dealing with not being Wanted; with not being able to help; with feeling like they're causing problems just by existing! #but then you have shit like 'haha this guy says weird things abt the teen characters as a joke lol' #and 'this character is trans? noo you're mistaken they simply dress feminine bc they're too cowardly to present as a guy' #and more. but yea it's. so tough. there are parts i like but i do not want it to be assumed that i also agree with all the weird shit #but i KNOW on here i can't just assume everyone else cares as much abt the shit as i do. #so i think i will just be happier having fun with it with those two irl friends of mine.

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped #I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway #you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety. #terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it. #that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze. #that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably. #why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful. #hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues. #I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does. #I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion #not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it #you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right. #like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it. #part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that). #I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway. #I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma. #but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain. #hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this. #Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt. #which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic #she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her #but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently. #anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again. #anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms #I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk #either way I'm suffering over here #not a sui risk but damn #I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months

[stonersolana]

i hope she burns. i hope she suffers the fate she placed herself in the way of. i hope she learns what true, genuine suffering is and i hope it eats away at her until there's nothing left. i hope she learns what it's like to be truly alone. i hope she learns what real, lasting pain is.

i hope that lying manipulative gaslighting piece of shit feels everything she put me through and i hope it breaks her. i have no compassion for someone who manipulated and gaslighted me for (5)years only to say the most ableist shit and claim that she feels no guilt for what she did to me and that her shitty boyfriend is a harmless angel(yeah, tell that to the hole in the wall he punched). she can make herself look like a victim, she's a spectacular liar, but that won't ever change the truth.

what a sick, disgusting, cowardly, ignorant and immature bitch.

#sunbun speaks #thing 1 #genuinely tho #she somehow blames me for her choices then turns herself into the ultimate martyr #i spent 0 dollars on anything so i could give her a full paycheck every month ($4 an hour still isn't much tho) because it's ALL I HAD #she was totally fine when her boyfriend would blow upwards of $400 a month on games and shit #but somehow I'm the one who wasn't trying and I'm the one who is irresponsible #like idk maybe the guy asking his dad for his chemo savings to buy a new PS5 with 5 or 6 games full price #is the one making irresponsible decisions #she wants to talk about 'all she did for me' as if i hadn't always done more for her #i wish i could see her suffer the consequences of her choices #she's such a fucking cowardly hypocrite and it's disgusting #'and my friends agree with me' yeah cause apparently they're just as stupid as you are in their own life choices #and like yeah they agreed with you... you told them boldfaced lies about me until i looked like the crazy one