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8lah8lah · 2 years

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like THE thing i want to be at this point in time and that is my goal that i am striving towards is to be Mature, and now during my first forays into adulthood or at least in 2019/early 2020 where i was HEAVILY ANTICIPATING/wanting to prepare for entering adulthood, it seems like the main thing here is about self-control or self-moderation, AND IT TURNS OUT! SELF-CONTROL IS NOT JUST ABOUT TELLING YOURSELF "NO NO NO NO" OVER AND OVER AND TELLING YOURSELF NO IS NOT ABOUT GOING "THAT THING IS BAD SO YOURE BAD FOR CONSIDERING DOING IT NEVER DO IT" LOL like of course there's times when it's best to slap ur own hand and just go "no, not right now" but "no not right now" doesn't mean "no, never" or "no, not with/to anybody at all" or "no, it's not appropriate or called for or fitting for any situation/place ever at all" etc and also holding yourself back/off via going "NO CAUSE I SUCK" is so infuriatingly fruitless like, glaring issue of whatever youre telling yourself you suck for not even being a bad fucking thing in most cases aside, i can't think of a single situation where degrading yourself over something would be more convincing than telling yourself "this isnt a bad thing and im not bad for wanting to do it, but this isn't the time and/or place for it and it'd make me and, if applicable, anyone else involved happier if i saved it for when it Is the time and/or place for it", when you just go with 'oh it's cause i suck' it stops feeling like choosing to be better for yourself and for others to make everyone feel and be better and safer and happier, and starts feeling like a punishment and being shamed and targeted and like help and kindness is a chore, and when it IS about something you do/did that hurt someone then you go "that hurt them and i need to own up to this and let them know i don't want to hurt them and learn how i can get better and to actually actively BE better going forth" NOT "OH I JUST SUCK SO ME BEING OUTWARDLY BAD INSTEAD OF JUST THINKING I'M BAD MAKES NO DIFFERENCE LOL" AUUUUUUUGH LIKE IM SURE YOU CAN SEE THE ISSUES IN THINKING LIKE THAT WOULD RESULT IN BUT JUST GOOD FUCKING GOD. like, when i was getting closer and closer to turning 17 (and therefore 18 "soon" after wuh oh!!!!) i was scared that me learning to be responsible and mature and owning up to things was just gonna be me having to tell myself everything i wanted to do was bad and i was bad for everything i already had done and id have to prepare for getting told i was bad by everyone else any time i couldve stopped myself from doing something but didnt and i had to prepare for a lifetime of being awful to myself when i had just gotten sick of and (mostly!) stopped that but now i'm an adult and have frames of reference to go off of and i can and HAVE see/n that no it's not like that at all, and from what i've lived out so far it's much more like "you know, i don't think my friends want to hear that, to my priv twitter it goes" "i wanna do this NOW but i don't know how to handle it safely and i think i'd end up hurting myself so i'll just say i Wish i could do this and leave it there" "i could be lazy and half-ass helping out my friend but i care about them more than i've already said so far shows and want them to be as happy as i can make them so i'll do what i can" (cause i think sometimes self-control is going 'yes do this more/do it more in this other direction' not just 'no, rein it in'!) than it is "no cut it out you look bad when you do that" "why are you even considering that it's fucking weird" "people are already getting sick of you for the few times you HAVE done this so fucking stop it", AND GOD ASIDE FROM IT FEELING WAY BETTER JUST TO LIVE WITH IN MY OWN HEAD IT HAS MADE ME WAYYYYY MORE WILLING TO BE AND (HOPEFULLY) ACTUALLY ACTIVELY BE RESPONSIBLE AND BETTER AND WELL. MATURE LOL

#8log upd8 #personal #long post #ACK SORRY THIS IS REALLY WORDY but i wanted to elaborate on the last post's tag's stuff more #cause i again hope this is helpful to anyone or is at least interesting to ppl older than me who have already known this for years #and its second nature to them at that point XD #ok like 3rd reread/revision through im just gonna post this lol this is a lot of words sorry if some parts are confusing

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cryptidprimalslayer · 3 years

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Precipice Pt. 1: Rak’Tika

this is Ney’s time in the First so uhh spoilers for essentially the entirety of SHB.

You know the saying too much of a good thing is a bad thing? this is one of those moments. this is the exact definition of that saying. all this damn white bullshit and blankness. i hate everything. i hate sineaters, i hate doing things against my will. i wanna rip his ears off and feed them to the Lightwardens. he could’ve just brought me but no he had to bring her and him and the other who i swear i dont know how he got here. really i dont like anyone here and i’d like to leave with my unwilling party like yesterday. but things can never be easy and i have to do my worst nightmare; play the hero successfully. the Scions wouldve been a better group then me, more willing. like of all the things that couldve happened to me. whatever, it is what it is. lemme just go find someone then.

i couldn’t take one step out of the Crystarium without immediately having ten things on my ass tryna kill me. i outran them and finally arrived in someplace different. it was a forest again swarming with things that wanted to kill me but i dispatched them with medium effort. this Light is really killing my eyes. granted i live in a perpetually overcast environment but beggars can’t be choosers. i was walking along looking but not looking for ay signs of life when i came across an abandoned settlement. it looked burnt down as well. Ah the unwanted memories...... i blinked and suddenly i was surrounded. funny i didn’t even hear them approach. “it’s alone we can take it!” an arrow cut through the air and lodged into my thigh. i heard two different cries as i fell to my knees. one was mine and the other must’ve been these people’s leader cause they all stood down. i heard this one approach this time as i was focused on my new accessory. then they started to speak, well yell was more accurate, at the people.

“who fired that arrow?...... i said WHO FIRED THE ARROW?!” i looked up in time to see everyone flinch then an Miqo’te, or i guess Mystel here, raised their hand slowly. the man walked over to them and then smacked them in the face. that gauntlet probably leaves a nice mark. “I distinctly remember saying let me see what it is when you reported you found something unusual. tell me does that look like a sineater to you?” he facepalmed then walked up to me helping me to my feet; i had already dislodged the arrow and did my best to close the wound.

“Lovely group ya got here man. i can tell we’ll get along just fine.” he rolled his eyes and cleaned up my shotty healing job; though his wasn’t entirely perfect either, he’s no white mage.

“C’mon i’ll show you to our camp.” he held my arm as we slowly made our way to their humble home. that hurt more then it should, i feel like lead tryna hold myself upright and walk. he mustve noticed it as well since he stopped and picked me up with an inaudible grumble. there was of course pain in my thigh but it was spreading like fire in my veins. i’m embarrassed to say i blacked out while being carried. How weak this makes me look. i believe i was in and out of consciousness a few times, one was the pace was now running instead of walking, second was being taken into a house and laid on a bed, the last was several people standing over me. i’m unsure how much time was passed after that, with this eternal light and all. i sat up, pushing the handmade blanket off of me and looked around. i saw my rapier propped against the bedframe and a vacant chair at my bedside. how long was i out? “how hard have you been pushing yourself Ney? after we absolved the poison you passed out again and it’s been two days since you first came to these woods.” the voice came from the door so i looked up and saw him.

“why is this any of your concern hm? i dont recall my mother being a Dark Knight. You shouldn’t have let me sleep that long then if you’re so concerned.”

He let out a aggravated huff and came over, sitting backwards in the seat and staring at me. “I let you sleep that long because i was that concerned like it or not. You’re pushing yourself to exhaustion then not giving yourself enough rest before doing it all over again. you will keel over eventually Ney, i know you know this.” i dont have my other arm to cross them so i just looked away with a huff of my own. he responded by grabbing my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. i always did find them an odd shade, never certain if they were entirely silver or slightly yellowish. “You just don’t get it do you? People are going to care about you regardless of your shoving them away.”

“It’s only because i’m-”

He actually stood up and hurled the chair at the wall, pulled me to my feet holding me by my shoulders; giving me a good shake. “FUCK THE TWELVE NEY IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM.” i’ve never heard someone get so passionate about someone else’s lifestyle. not even Hien gets this loud when annoyed with my self care methods. “Fuck your crystal of light, fuck the echo fuck everything you think people only care about you for. i’m talking to Ney Tswarri the Viera in front of me, not the primal slayer i hear about every other day.” i’m gonna save you the trouble and just say he yelled at me a lot more about how i need to care about myself and then a few holes in the walls and some broken furniture later he composed himself and gave me some food. i was under the impression he’d force feed me this stew so i ate it slowly. i had to eat until i was full then and only then was i allowed to make small talk with him. “It’s been five years i believe since i first came here. i’ve done what i can for these people but it’s clear a white mage would’ve been more useful.” then become a white mage is that so hard? he talks of the sineaters and a possible Lightwarden nearby according to some rumors. i was sitting during all of this so i stood then promptly fell on my face.

“Did you really have to remove my leg as well?” i pulled myself into a sitting position and scanned the room for my leg. so you wouldn’t immediately run off and get yourself killed without proper knowledge or preparations, honestly fuck you man; it’s like you want to stay or some shit.

“it’s also nighttime so back to bed with you.” Fray went over to the thrown chair and collected it, setting it by my bed to sit guard. Guess there’s always wait for him to fall asleep and look for the leg later. i pulled myself into bed and rolled towards the wall so he couldn’t see if i was asleep or not. “And actually sleep Ney......please.” but im not tired i literally just woke from a two day slumber.

They don’t know the reason i dont sleep much or at all is i cant let the nightmares find me cause then there’s no chance of sleeping again. they just so happened to find me this night and i woke in a cold sweat convinced the house was on fire, tumbling outta bed. “Hey whoa there. it was a nightmare you’re fine now. see look nothing’s different then it was. you’re fine. i’m fine. there’s no fire.” so i talked in my sleep did I? we stayed seated on the floor, the blanket tangled still around my legs while i tried to calm myself back down. “i know you don’t want to but i need you to try and sleep again. it’s the middle of the night.”

when i woke next, i can only assume it’s morning, i found we were still on the ground but we had shifted to leaning against the bed. i had been resting on a pillow placed in his lap with a blanket over me, as well as his arm resting at my chest. i guess i’m staying then, enjoy the quiet hours.

#ffxiv #fray myste #i'm going to care for you on purpose #love yourself this is a threat #kinda mama bear

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dirt-cup-draco · 5 years

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Rick O'Connell x Reader

•Hey! I was wondering if you could write a rick O’Connell x sassy badass reader with 4 and 5 from the Drabble challenge list thanks xxx•

4. "I'm too sober for this" and 5. "I'm not here to make friends"

Your head didnt just hurt. It ached and throbbed and did jumping jacks inside your skull. You'd heard a commotion from outside of your room and youd wanted to explore, a girl needed her beauty sleep and you really could not sleep with all that racket.

It was probably the rowdy half drunken men on this damn ship, you thought ruefully. Rolling your eyes you tied your robe tighter around you. If you found Colin maybe you could convince him to come to bed too. Selfish bastard though probably wouldnt come unless you offered something more than sleep in your bed and you weren't in the mood.

He was the reason you were on this boat on the first place but that didnt mean he had to be your favorite person. He was rich, youd been bored and he had loose lips when drunk. A trip to Egypt had sounded wondrous and hed been putty in your hands in the beginning.

Now you were just arm candy but a free trip was a free trip. You stepped onto the deck and immediately your eyes widened. People were jumping over the railings into the dark water and everything else was illuminated by the orange flames licking up the sides of the boat as all sorts of men fought one another and others you hadnt seen when youd boarded.

At the sound of gunshots your spine went rigid and you were running to the railing, eyes sweeping everywhere making sure you werent a target of some sort. A handsome man had the only other woman on this ship in his arms and you watched as he tossed her over the edge after asking if she could swim. He was next but when you thought about doing the same your stomach flipped.

You werent the biggest fan of leaping before you looked and even after you had looked you weren't sure jumping was a great idea. The water was dark, there could be wild animals in the water waiting for a meal, or what if you jumped in and the water was too shallow and you broke your legs.

To you these things were very prominent dangers but so was the fire at your back and the random gunfire. With a frustrated huff of air and one more look around to see if Colin was still there you haphazardly got your legs on either side of the railing.

You meant to swing your other one over and then launch yourself into the water below but your robe made for difficult moving and your left foot slipped the rest of you falling and going head first into the water after meeting the side the boat.

It disorientated you and you fought to right yourself especially in the water where you felt like you were floating and being pulled around at the same time. Flailing your arms you felt someone loop their arm around your waist and heaved you up into the open air. You sputtered, gasping for each inhale of hot air that you could get. The stranger dragged you to land as you struggled getting your hair out of your eyes.

They had kept their arm around you and you nearly shoved them away. "I'm not here to make friends," you say finally realizing it was the man from earlier who had tossed the other young woman into the water.

He gave you an incredulous look. "I just saved your damn life and that's what you have to say?"

Rolling your eyes you gathered your hair in your hands wringing out the excess water and then doing the same for your sopping clothes. "Oh did you want me to fall to the ground and kiss your feet?"

"Dont be ridiculous, a thank you would be nice though I couldve left you in there,"

You shrugged and turned your attention to the people across the river and there you saw your reason for being there. He was chatting with some other men and hadnt once looked around for you.

Rolling your eyes and hiding your wounded ego you pushed past the loud man and silent woman who had been joined by a bean pole of a human being.

....but that bean pole smelled like alcohol and you were a bit parched.

Tossing your arm over the new arrival's shoulder, as loud mouth shouted to a different man with big teeth across the river, you leaned in close.

"Got anything to drink?" He immediately shook his head but you spotted a satchel looped across his chest that seemed to hold a promising beverage. You peered around you and realized that for now you needed some people to stick close to and so even if you refused to speak to them with more than eye rolls and shrugs you followed them as they walked.

After too long you rubbed your eyes and looked to loud mouth, who was apparently named Rick. The silent woman was named Evy and she wasnt as mousy as youd believed, nor as silent. Bean pole was her brother and his name was Jonathon.

"Hey buddy how much longer until we find a hotel or something? Do you know where we're even going?" Rick gave you a once over at your questions and simply shrugged in reply. Bastard.

"I'm too sober for this," you decided as you rubbed at your eyes.

"Does drinking make you more pleasant? Because if so please be my guest and raid Jonathon's bag, but otherwise whining wont get you anywhere princess."

"You're the princess," you replied back like the genius you were. But your cheeks were colored pink and it wasnt from the sun that had kept you sweating since earlier that day.

Were you unpleasant? Is that why Colin was so quick to move on when he wasnt even sure where you were or if you were okay? You thought about it as you followed these people. You werent mean really you could be nice you just didnt hold back often and could you be blamed?

It was a man's world and the only way to get them to stop patronizing you was to have a sharp tongue. Youd rather be a bitch than some halfwit.

Lost in thought you hadnt realized that youd fallen behind some. It was even more surprising to see that Rick was now slowing his steps to match yours.

"Thank you," you said quickly as he came to walk beside you. He had saved your life and although your reply hadnt been terrible you supposed he did deserve some appreciation.

His arm came out to the side and ruffled your hair and you were almost disgusted by how the sand was shaken loose into a dust that seemed to lay on your skin. "No problem princess, would've done it for anyone,"

"Ha, except maybe that guy who pissed you off earlier, the one across the river."

"Oh I'll kill him but that's a different story."

You looked over the vast expanse of land and how much more you had to walk before you found a place to settle and smiled. "I think I have time for a story if you feel so inclined to tell it,"

The corner of his full lips quirked up and you felt a little bit better. Maybe this trip wouldnt be just a way to pass the time after all.

As long as Rick was your guide of course.

#rick o'connell x evy o'connell #rick o'connell x reader #rick x reader #evy x rick #rick o'connel #ardeth bay x reader #ardeth bae #ardeth bay #alex oconnell x reader #alex x reader #the mummy #imhotep #nefertiti #egypt #evelyn carnahan #evelyn o'connell

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