#cs angsty august

[searchingwardrobes]

Scarborough Fair: 8/?

I apologize for the long wait for this chapter! We just moved into a new house, and at first we didn't have internet. I also felt that every spare moment needed to be spent unpacking and getting the house all set up. I finally escaped to Barnes and Noble to write because I just can't do it at home right now! Anyways, I hope the contents of this chapter make it up to you. We're getting to the good stuff ;)

Is the situation Emma is in as a pregnant foster teen accurate? I really have no idea, but it's in the book Impossible that this is based on. I also have no idea if you can make a shirt like that. Again, I'm going by the book Impossible. I'm not following it exactly, but those two plot points were kind of important, so I left them in. Anyways, things are going to keep getting steamier from here on out, though our lovers are far from out of danger. Plus, we've still got Snow, David, and their kingdom out there somewhere, so hang on, folks! It's gonna be a romantic yet bumpy ride.

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Emma Swan has had a charmed life, despite being a foster child. She has a wonderful family who loves her, and the best friends in the world. The only thing that mars her idyllic existence is her birth mother: a homeless woman who mutters nonsensical rhymes and claims to be Snow White. One fateful night, however, Emma’s world is shattered. Perhaps her mother’s rhymes aren’t nonsense after all.

Rated: M for date rape, dubious consent, teen pregnancy, and sexy times (the good kind!)

Words: Over 3k in this chapter

Chapter One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six

Also on Ao3

Tagging:  (let me know if you wish to be removed or added):  @snowbellewells @teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @xhookswenchx-reads-blog @thisonesatellite @welllpthisishappening @spartanguard @ohmakemeahercules @tiganasummertree @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jonesfandomfanatic​ @hollyethecurious​

Chapter Eight:

The entire family jumped right in to help Emma solve the riddle that had defeated her mother. Liam dove back into every bit of research he had accumulated about the song Scarborough Fair. He and Ingrid met with the art professor he had mentioned who had done her dissertation on textiles. Elsa talked to the scientists on board ship and zoomed with the family every single day. Even Anna found her niche, taking Emma to the library and helping her check out every book available about pregnancy and childbirth. 

And Killian? He was the rock she could lean on. The one who made her smile or laugh just when things got too heavy. He also ran whatever errands he needed to: taking Emma to her first prenatal appointment, shopping for a long list of different types of fabrics at the craft store to make this impossible shirt, and going for a late night ice cream run when Emma’s cravings started. In some ways, nothing changed.

Yet his declaration of love still hung in the air. He hadn’t brought it up again, hadn’t treated her any differently, hadn’t asked her on a date or tried to get physical. He was giving her space to decide what she wanted, and it honestly was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. 

At the same time, Emma was confused. She had always loved Killian, of course. But was it romantic love? She could even admit she had been physically attracted to him at times, but did that mean she was in love with him? Did she even want something like that right now, when she was processing having a kid of all things and still healing from a violent rape? Did Killian fully understand what he would be getting himself into? Did she want to burden him with all her crap? 

She was just completely and utterly confused. 

Then, as if she didn’t have enough to worry about, Ingrid came home one day from work visibly shaken. The entire family stilled in the process of getting dinner on the table when they saw her standing in the kitchen, her face ashen. 

“What is it?” Liam asked, his voice filled with dread.

“Emma,” she said, her voice choking on her foster daughter’s name, “Liam and I need to talk to you. Immediately.”

Killian found Emma later, sobbing in her bed. When she poured it all out to him, he was livid. 

“This is absolute shit! I can’t believe they would do that!”

“They would, and they can,” Emma explained as she hugged her pillow to her torso. “Because I’m still technically in foster care, my baby automatically is, too.”

“They can’t just take it away from you!”

Emma shrugged. “Ingrid and Liam are no longer licensed to take in infants. I either have to find somewhere else to live, or my baby will be put in a different foster home.”

“Can’t they just get licensed?”

Emma shook her head. “It’s a year-long process of paperwork and visitations from social workers. I’m due in five months! Killian, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go?”

She began to sob again, and when Killian eased into the bed next to her and put his arms around her, he could feel the small swell at her abdomen where her baby was growing. He felt a strong desire to protect them both. 

“We won’t let them take you or the baby away from us. We’re a family.”

“That’s what your brother said. Exactly.”

Killian chuckled. “Of course he did.”

“But Killian,” she choked out, “what happens if I don’t solve the riddle? I was comforted at least knowing my baby would be safe and raised by Ingrid and Liam, but now . . .”

She sobbed again against his chest, and he held her tight. “I won’t let that happen,” he vowed. “You aren’t going to go mad, Emma, you won’t. We’ll solve this. All of it. Together.”

*************************************************************************

The only time Emma’s family ever used the formal dining room was on Thanksgiving. Someone always had to actually dust the table and air out the room, but Ingrid always insisted they “do Thanksgiving right,” even down to the old chipped china plates with the maple leaf border. 

So it felt odd to be in here now with the warm summer sun spilling through the window and shining on the ancient area rug. Assorted fabrics littered the table and a sewing mannequin stood in the corner, the headless and limbless torso sending an ominous shiver down Emma’s spine. 

“So this one is probably our best bet,” Ingrid explained. 

She cradled the bundle of scratchy, thick fabric and held it out to Emma who reached out and ran her hand over the coarse woolen felt. 

“That feels like it would make the most uncomfortable shirt in the history of the world.”

Ingrid shrugged. “Does it really matter? You wet this fabric, mold it to that torso over there, and according to Dr. Freemont, when it dries, it will hold together.”

Emma took the fabric and nodded. “So then we have it. A shirt made without needle or seam.”

“Who’s gonna wear it, though?”

Ingrid and Emma whirled around at the sound of Killian’s voice. Emma’s mouth went dry immediately. He stood there, his hair wet with sweat, and his chest bare. Emma couldn’t stop staring at it. She used to think chest hair was gross. She was wrong. Killian’s was thick and dark, and it set her pulse pounding. Realizing just how long she’d been ogling him, she dragged her gaze up to his face. He gave her a knowing grin as he lifted a carton of milk to his mouth and took a swig. 

“Where the hell is your shirt?” Emma snapped.

“Where the hell is your glass,” Ingrid added drily. “You’re not the only one who might like some milk, you know.”

“I just got home from work, and I’m hot,” Killian responded, as if that explained everything.

Emma tried really, really hard not to think of the other connotation of the word hot, but she was failing. Killian hadn’t brought up his declaration since that fateful dinner last week, and Emma was still trying to process it. Yet ever since, she was hyper aware of Killian’s presence. 

His lack of a shirt didn’t help, either. 

“Pour that milk in a glass, Killian, I’m not kidding,” Ingrid said in her rarely used mom voice. 

“Sure,” Killian said, sauntering back towards the kitchen. He gave Emma one more backwards glance with a delighted smirk on his face. Emma’s face heated several degrees. 

“I think I know what he means, though,” Ingrid sighed.

“What?” Emma asked, her head still a little fuzzy.

“Is it really a shirt unless someone actually wears it?” 

Emma sighed in exasperation. “So have someone wear it.”

“I’ll do it.”

They whirled back around to find Killian standing in the doorway again. He had a glass of milk in one hand and a stack of Oreos in the other. He still hadn’t donned a shirt. Emma found herself staring again, admiring the way a summer working in construction had toned his muscles. She dropped the fabric she’d been clutching in her hands and swore under her breath as it rolled across the floor. Killian smirked at her, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to slap it off his face or kiss him senseless. 

“Well,” Ingrid said, seemingly oblivious to the sexual tension in the room, “if Killian’s going to wear it, then that makes things a little more complicated.”

“Why?” Emma and Killian asked simultaneously. He had stepped further into the room, and his close proximity almost made Emma lose hold of the fabric she’d just stooped to pick up. 

“Well, if we mold the shirt to that torso over there, and it dries, I don’t think it will fit him.”

“So measure me,” Killian said, taking a bite of a cookie. His back was to Emma now as he addressed Ingrid, and it was just as distracting as the front of him. He had freckles across his shoulders, and a few along the small of his back. 

“That won’t work.” Ingrid shook her head. “The fabric doesn’t work that way. Not if we’re trying to make it without needle or seam. We’ll have to mold it to your body.”

Emma gave a little squeak at Ingrid’s words and nearly dropped the fabric all over again. To Killian’s credit, he didn’t acknowledge her reaction.

“What would that entail?” he asked casually, taking a sip of his milk. 

“I’m not sure,” Ingrid mused, tapping her finger on her chin. 

Silence fell for a moment, the only sounds from Killian snacking on his milk and cookies. Then Ingrid suddenly clapped her hands together. 

“I’ve got it! Duct tape!”

Killian’s eyes widened. “If you wrap me in duct tape, you’ll never get it off. Not without taking my skin with it.”

“You could wear a shirt,” Emma said. 

“You made that clear already,” Killian smirked at her. “I told you, I’m hot.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I mean for the duct tape. You wear a white undershirt, I wrap it in tape, then I can put the shirt, molded to your torso, on the mannequin. Then I make the shirt.”

“You’d need to be wearing the shirt when she tapes it,” Ingrid clarified. 

“I figured that,” Killian nodded.

Emma’s throat went suddenly dry. She’d have to put her hands on his body. She’d have to be in extremely close proximity to him. She was equal parts giddy at the thought and terrified. She was light-headed just thinking about it. 

“Perfect,” Killian announced with a grin. “When do we start?”

Emma wanted to ask Ingrid if she would do it for her, but she couldn’t risk that. The riddle implied that Emma had to make the shirt herself. She steeled herself and turned to Killian. 

“Shower so you don’t stink, and then we’ll get to work.”

“As you wish,” he told her with a mock bow before he turned from the room.

Ingrid, still oblivious to the fact that Emma was practically swooning and trembling simultaneously, turned away from the dining room table and grabbed her purse from a nearby chair. 

“Since you’ve got this under control, I’ll head to the supermarket. Anything you need?”

Slightly dazed, Emma managed to shake her head “no.”

“Great, I’ll see you kids later.”

In the kitchen, Killian rinsed his dirty glass and put it in the dishwasher. He smiled to himself as he headed up the stairs. He hadn’t pressed Emma in any way since his declaration. Whether she shared his feelings or not, he’d told himself, he would still be there for her. Yet the way she’d reacted to him just now gave him hope. Maybe he would win her heart after all. 

*******************************************************************************************

“Sit right here,” Emma instructed, pointing to the dinner room chair directly in front of her. Killian obeyed, and when he looked up at her, his eyes didn’t hold teasing as she’d expected. They were tender and vulnerable. Emma swallowed nervously.

“Don’t be nervous,” he told her.

“I’m not,” she scoffed.

“You’re holding that roll of tape so hard, your knuckles are turning white.”

Emma scowled at him and pulled a long strip of tape from the roll. He blanched, and she laughed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” she told him. 

He swallowed, and she followed the motion of his adam’s apple. She licked her lips as she drew closer, touching his arm gently as she raised it.

 “I’ll start with the sleeves,” she explained unnecessarily. 

She had to slip her fingers beneath the fabric to make sure she didn’t accidentally tape his skin. She thought she heard an intake of breath from his throat as her fingers skimmed his bicep, but maybe she’d imagined it. She wound the tape around and around the sleeve of his shirt, but when she began to wrap it around his shoulder blade, she had to step closer to him. He spread his legs to allow it, and she leaned over him, her breasts pressing against his collarbone. The sharpness of breath this time was impossible to ignore. She paused and locked eyes with him - he face was so close to hers . . . 

“Did I hurt you?”

He pressed his lips together and shook his head, so she continued. Was his breathing becoming shallow, or was that her? Was that his heart thumping so fast, or her own? When she wrapped the tape around his chest, she could feel a “thump, thump” beneath her palm. 

“Um, Emma, give me a second.”

Killian grabbed a throw pillow from the wingback chair in the corner of the dining room then resumed his seat. He clutched the pillow in his lap, and his face flamed all the way to the tips of his ears. 

“Oh,” Emma breathed softly. 

Killian swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Emma said, her own cheeks warm. 

“I just don’t want to freak you out . . . or scare you or anything. You know, because . . . because of him.”

Emma shook her head, tendrils of hair brushing her cheeks where they fell from the messy bun on the top of her head. She bit her lip as she got lost in his eyes; darker than usual and stormy. She stepped close again, between his legs, and she almost laughed when he clutched the pillow tighter. 

  “Emma,” he groaned, his eyes falling shut. 

“I’m glad,” she said, her own voice deep and trembling, “that I have that effect on you.”

“You do?” 

He opened his eyes, and she nodded. Her hands shook as she lifted them and rested them upon his temples. She threaded her fingers through his hair. It was softer than she had imagined. He tipped his head back and watched her intently. She thought of him the other night, stating so matter-of-factly that he loved her. He had said it as something unshakable and infallible. Something as predictable and steady as the seasons. Then they had gone on as they always had, with no demands that she respond to his declaration in any way. 

“And you could never scare me, Killian,” she clarified. 

Then, suddenly, she was kissing him. She was kissing Killian in the middle of the dining room. His torso was half wrapped in duct tape, he was helping her make this crazy, ridiculous, magical shirt . . . 

And she was kissing him. He was kissing her back. He was kissing her back after declaring his love for her at the kitchen table. He was kissing her thoroughly, his tongue exploring her mouth, even though she hadn’t said it back.  Or maybe it didn’t matter, she wasn’t sure. After all, this was only the second boy she’d ever kissed. But no, she wasn’t going to think about that or him. Not when Killian was kissing her within an inch of her life.

The pillow he was clutching fell to the floor when he wrapped his arms around her, and Emma could feel his arousal through his jeans and pressing into her. For a split second, fear tried to grab hold of her, but it was banished quickly. He wouldn’t just take her; he wasn’t like that. 

Killian pulled away, and Emma was shocked to hear a whimper slip past her lips, especially when he stood up from the chair and took a step back. Why was he pulling away, when they - oh.

He was sinking down on one knee, and she suddenly wondered if she were dreaming. It all felt so surreal, and he was still half wrapped in duct tape. Maybe Snow had whacked her in the head with one of those bottles after all, and all this time she’d been in a coma at the hospital. It would explain so much, honestly. 

“Emma,” he said, (and were those tears gathering in his eyes?), “I know this is a lot to ask of you, since you haven’t even told me yet how you feel about me. And this is something I think I always knew I would do eventually, just not now.” 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and continuing. His words reverberated in her soul, and she knew he was right, they were always going to arrive here, somehow. She knew it the same way she knew her own reflection. 

“But with everything going on, I don’t want to wait. I know you face an uncertain future, Emma, but I always want to be by your side. So, will you marry me?” He didn’t even pause for her answer, but plunged ahead. “It makes so much sense, if you think about it. I mean, we’re going to break this curse, Emma, we will. We won’t give up, ever. But, I know you worry, and if I’m your husband, you won’t have to. You’ll know I’ll be there for the baby. It will be mine, legally. It won’t end up in foster care. Not that anything’s going to happen to you, I swear to you it won’t, but if I can ease your burden . . .”

He trailed off, and Emma sank to her knees right along with him, reaching out to cup his face in her hands. 

“And if I do go insane -”

“You won’t!”

“But if we don’t break the curse . . .”

“I’ll take care of you,” he said solemnly, “always and forever.”

It would be selfish of her, she knew that it would, to ask that of him. Nevertheless, his vow felt like the sun breaking through the darkest of clouds, and she knew she couldn’t refuse his gift. Her hands slipped down his shoulders, then his arms, and she clasped his hands tightly in hers. 

“I love you.”

It wasn’t, she discovered, difficult to say. It was just so true, so undeniable, like how she knew the sun would come up each morning. His smile was bright and blinding, and she smiled too at the sight of his dimples. They had been so rare lately. 

“Does that mean yes?” he asked her teasingly. 

A tear slipped down her face, and she found she couldn’t speak. She nodded, and he understood. Everyone would say they were crazy, of course. He was nineteen, and she was seventeen. It was absolutely insane. Ingrid and Liam wouldn’t like it, she was sure, but she also knew they wouldn’t stop them.

 He dried her tears with his thumb, then traced her lips before kissing her tenderly. The kiss continued as they clung to one another in blissful, shining faith and hope. In that moment, she believed him: They would break the curse. 

Emma and Killian were so wrapped up in one another, they didn’t notice the slight shaking of the house or the rainbow colored light that swept through the room. 

**************************************************

It wasn’t the first time Robert Gold had entered the Swan/Jones home when the family was gone. He had explored every nook and cranny, flipped through photographs, smelled their clothes. He knew this family; every weakness to be exploited had been sifted and examined. 

Yet the house had never protested like it did today, and when he turned towards the dining room, he could clearly see why. 

It was a shirt. Hideous, smelly, and dripping wet, but a shirt nonetheless. When it dried, it could even be worn. 

“Well, well, well,” he muttered, reaching out a hand towards it. 

Almost immediately, he recoiled, the shirt burning him before he’d even grazed it. Magic radiated from it. The glamor spell he always wore faded, and his hands turned a scaly green, nails yellowed and gnarled at each finger tip. It wasn’t just the shirt, he realized. The entire dining room reeked with the magic, and he was in pain from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. 

“Of course you’re in pain, Dark One.”

He writhed on the ground and cried out as a much younger face pulled away from his ancient, twisted one. 

“Stop fighting me!”

“I’m doing all this for you, son!”

“Are you, Papa?”

“I got her for you, didn’t I?”

“But I can’t keep her!”

The Dark One could no longer hold onto the shared body, and the younger man stood to his feet, opened the front door, and walked out onto the sidewalk. Neal Cassidy was the name he preferred in this realm, a name that Rumplestiltskin hated. Baelfire was his name: a strong, powerful name.

“Oh Papa,” Baelfire - Neal - whispered, “settle down and cooperate.”

“You know I’ll take over again eventually.”

Neal didn’t argue. Instead he clenched his jaw and gritted his next words through his teeth. 

“This won’t work forever. You’re losing, and you know it.”

“They only finished the first task. They’ll never complete the rest. Not in time, anyway.”

“But that magic - you know exactly what that was.”

Ah yes, he did. True love. He wasn’t worried. The Dark One had defeated true love before, and he would do it again.

#cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfic #captain swan ff #cs impossible au #cs au #lieutenant duckling #modern fantasy #angst #cs angsty august #captain swan angsty august #impossible au

[kmomof4]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARTA!!!

So, today is the birthday of one of my very favorite people in this fandom, @snowbellewells​!!!! And to celebrate, I finally got down a fic that’s been rattling around in my head for the better part of a year. I so hope you enjoy it, my friend!!! Thank you so much for all your love and support, but most of all, your friendship over the years! You mean so much to me and I hope this little offering conveys that to you!! Happiest of birthdays, love!!!

Thank you to @jrob64​ for her beta help and second pair of eyes on the artwork and also to @hollyethecurious​ who has listened to me whine about this fic since the inspiration first hit me and encouraged me to write it in the first place. And then finally to @cosette141​ for the idea of Angsty August and gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get this written. Love ya, ladies!!!

Fic Summary: Inspired by Burn the Ships by For King and Country, lyrics below. Bar wench Emma Swan has a chance encounter with Pirate Captain Killian Jones who changes her life forever.

Rating: M (Violence and Smut)

Words: 6640

Tags: AU, Golden Age of Piracy, References to Non Con, References to Prostitution, Smut, Violence, TW Physical Abuse, References to Physical Abuse,  Major Character Death, Fiery and Well Deserved Death of a Majorly Horrible Person, That Would Be Neal Y’all...

On ao3

Tagging the usuals. Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

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Inspired by Burn the Ships by For King and Country

How did we get here?

All castaway on a lonely shore

I can see in your eyes, dear

It's hard to take for a moment more

We've got to

Burn the ships, cut the ties

Send a flare into the night

Say a prayer, turn the tide

Dry your tears and wave goodbye

Step into a new day

We can rise up from the dust and walk away

We can dance upon our heartache, yeah

So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships

And don't you look back

Don't let it arrest you

This fear is fear of fallin' again

And if you need a refuge

I will be right here until the end

Oh, it's time to

Burn the ships, cut the ties

Send a flare into the night

Say a prayer, turn the tide

Dry your tears and wave goodbye

Step into a new day

We can rise up from the dust and walk away

We can dance upon our heartache, yeah

So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships

And don't you look back

So long to shame, walk through the sorrow

Out of the fire into tomorrow

So flush the pills, face the fear

Feel the wave disappear

We're comin' clear, we're born again

Our hopeful lungs can breathe again

Oh, we can breathe again

Step into a new day

We can rise up from the dust and walk away

We can dance upon our heartache, yeah

So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships

And step into a new day

We can rise up from the dust and walk away

We can dance upon our heartache, yeah

So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships

And don't you look back

And don't you look back

And don't you look back

Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

Out of the Fire, Into Tomorrow

Emma Swan looked toward the door as it opened to admit a rather large group of men.

Pirates, she thought, suppressing a shudder and turning away from the newcomers.

She would avoid them as long as she could. But spying Neal behind the counter and registering the lustful gleam in his eye as his attention moved between them and her, she knew it wouldn’t be long. There were no patrons of the seaside tavern more laden with gold than pirates- or more specifically, pirate captains- and it was her job, as well as the other wenches employed at The Dark Hollow, to show them a good time and relieve them of said gold. And since she was Neal’s prized possession, he expected her to entertain the captain. He seemed to get off on the knowledge that he could parse her out to infamous and dangerous men every night, and still call her back to his side at a moment’s notice, letting everyone know who she really belonged to.

She turned toward Ruby and Mary Margaret and shared a brief look of commiseration, before turning her resigned gaze to Neal’s angry countenance. He jerked his head toward the group as they settled at several tables near the large hearth.

Inhaling deeply and loosening her corset just a bit, she made her way over to the pirates.

“What can I bring you, boys?”

The captain looked up at her, and Emma felt her breath catch. Pirates, as a general rule, were not handsome, nor were they clean or well groomed. This man, however, broke- actually shattered- every one of those rules.

Inky black hair, just the right side of grabbable, flopped over his brow. His eyes were the color of the ocean, and his sharp jawline was covered with scruff the same color as his hair, with hints of auburn reflecting in the firelight. He was broad shouldered and lean, and she could just see the defined muscles of his chest in between the deeply opened shirt, over which he wore a blood red waistcoat. A silver necklace with several charms hanging from it lay nestled in a thick thatch of chest hair. The man was literally breathtaking.

Shaking her head slightly, she realized he was apparently just as dumbstruck by her as she was by him. His mouth hung slightly open, and stunned appreciation mixed with equal parts desire swam in his eyes. Never breaking his gaze, he reached for her hand and brought it towards his luscious mouth.

“Captain Killian Jones, milady,” he murmured, brushing her knuckles with his lips. “Might I have the honor of knowing your name?”

“Emma Swan.”

“Lovely to meet you, Miss Emma.” He kissed her knuckles again before speaking. “A round of ale for my crew, and a bottle of your best rum for myself and…” he trailed away, waggling his eyebrows, the invitation clear in his eyes.

“I’d be delighted, Captain,” she replied in complete honesty.

She turned away from the captivating captain toward Neal. Her steps faltered slightly as she took in the stormy visage on his face. As soon as she reached him, Neal grabbed her by the arm and all but hauled her over the bar toward him. She bit her tongue to keep from crying out, but the tears still gathered in her eyes from the pain of his vice-like grip.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you were looking at him,” he hissed in her ear. “Or the way he was looking at you.” He pulled back just enough to spear her with his gaze. “Just remember who you belong to. I’ll be expecting a hefty pay day when you return tonight.”

Emma didn’t answer him, but he released her and began to fill the round of tankards. He turned back to her, the anger in his eyes still clear. Her arm where he’d grabbed her throbbed as she picked up the full tray. She knew there’d be a colorful bruise there in the morning.

Approaching the pirates again, she took in the angry expression on the captain’s face and caught her breath. Where Neal’s gaze and anger were focused on her, the captain’s rage was directed at Neal. She knew he witnessed what Neal did and his apparent fury caused a feeling of safety that was wholly unfamiliar to settle around her shoulders. For all Neal’s talk of how much he loved her, how no one would care for her the way he did, just the few moments of interaction with Captain Killian Jones made it abundantly clear that everything Neal had been telling her for years was nothing more than a blatant falsehood.

A fierce longing rose in her chest. A longing to get away from here. A longing for freedom. A longing for… she didn’t know what exactly, but when she looked at him, she had a feeling she’d found it.

She set her burden down on one of the tables, Ruby and Mary Margaret right behind her, and started handing out the full tankards. She didn’t miss the smiles and brightened eyes between her friends and two of the more attractive pirates in the crew. It made her smile to herself as she turned toward the captain.

He stood and grasped her forearm gently, staying well away from where Neal had grabbed her. His eyes were filled with compassion and Emma’s heartbeat thundered in her chest in response.

“Are you alright, lass?” he asked.

She nodded. “I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “It’s no worse than what’s come before. Many times, in fact.”

Killian’s jaw clenched and his eyes flashed as he looked back at Neal. She held up the bottle of rum, catching his attention once again. He smiled, taking the bottle from her and grasped her hand in his own before leading her toward a more secluded table at the back of the tavern.

He sat down and drew her into his lap, then poured them both a drink. He was so gentle with her, she didn’t really know what to do with herself. Her experience with pirates was nothing short of brutal. One didn’t become a pirate captain by treating others, much less a bar wench, with gentleness. And her previous experiences only cemented that fact in her mind. In all the years she’d been “employed” here and all the men she’d “entertained” over those years, there had never been any thought or consideration for her comfort, her needs. Nothing but merciless violence against her body. The best she could hope for was a partner who was indifferent. At least then she wouldn’t be too bruised or even broken to move the next day. But the vast majority of the time, the patrons seemed to believe that the high price to engage her for the evening meant they could do literally anything they wanted to her, and they often did. Many times over the years, particularly cruel men had left her with broken fingers, a collarbone, and even ribs on one occasion.

But looking into Captain Killian Jones’ eyes now, she knew he was different from any other man she’d ever met.

She raised her glass to her lips and tipped it back, draining it in one swallow. The sweet burn down her throat made her hiss in pleasure before looking at him again.

“So tell me, Captain,” she purred, “What brings you to these parts? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“That’s because you haven’t,” he affirmed, refilling their glasses. “If I’d ever met you before, you can be sure, I’d be back. Regularly.” His finger traced the apple of her cheek as she threw the drink back. The intensity in his gaze and tenderness in his touch set her heart aflutter, making it difficult to catch her breath. “At least until I could convince you to join me on board my ship.” He drained his glass and looked around at the seediness of the tavern, his teeth bared in disapproval. “To take you away from this.” He looked back into her eyes, the banked heat in his making a shiver work its way down her spine. “And to your question of what brings me here- opportunity. My fortunes in New England were rather dismal, so I thought we’d move south, see what I could find here to use to my, and my men’s, advantage.”

“I see,” she said. “And what have you found?”

His eyes darkened and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Emma couldn’t breathe for a moment.

“I think my fortunes are looking up.” There was no doubt that he was talking about her. Fear gripped her. A fear of the unknown. A fear of the future. A fear of change. But curiously, not a fear of him. He moved toward her slowly, giving her ample time to pull away if she wished, before gently pressing his lips to hers. There was that word again- gentle. She’d never been treated with such gentleness and respect before. She gasped, her mouth opening for him. He immediately took advantage, but the gentleness was unchanged as his tongue met her own. The fear she’d felt before he kissed her melted away completely into trust and hope. Trust in him and hope for the future.

A low groan reached her ears as he pulled her closer to him, his hand tangling in her hair and cupping the back of her head as if she were a priceless treasure. Her arm still throbbed where Neal had grabbed her, but it didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around him and holding on for all she was worth. His scent- notes of leather and the sea, along with something that was just inexplicably him- filled her nostrils, and another shiver worked its way down her spine as his other hand began to explore. The shadows were enough that she didn’t worry about anyone seeing what was going on between them in the corner, but as his lips left hers and trailed light, teasing kisses along her jaw and the slope of her neck, she knew they should adjourn to somewhere more private. Soon.

It almost killed her to do it, but she pulled away from him and stood. His pupils were blown with arousal and she could see the hard ridge of his cock through his leathers. Fingers still entwined, she tugged until he stood next to her. He grabbed the neck of the bottle with his other hand as she collected the two glasses in hers.

Not releasing his hand, she led him to the stairs that took them to the rooms above the tavern. As soon as the door shut behind them, Killian took the glasses from her and set them and the rum down on the small table by the door. He grabbed Emma and spun her into his arms, capturing her mouth with a passion she’d never known.

His fervent desire was tempered by a care and tenderness that had her blossoming under his touch. His tongue stroked hers, one hand resuming its place in her golden locks, the other stroking her exposed skin above her corset, lighting a fire within her that threatened to blaze out of control. His lips left hers again, trailing down her jaw, neck, and decolletage while his hands went to work on the laces of her corset. Emma’s head fell back as he lavished attention to the newly exposed skin, sucking her nipple into his mouth.

A shuddering exhale left her as his tongue circled the sensitive bud and his teeth gently bit down, bringing it to an almost painful point. He switched sides, his fingers attending to the neglected breast. The pleasure was almost too much, the coil in her belly tightening, tightening, and tightening even further. She knew what was happening, but it was something she’d never personally experienced before.

He moved them toward the bed on the other side of the room, his arms reaching behind her to loosen the skirt and petticoat she wore. His passion left her dizzy, but once they began moving, she went to work on his clothing- pushing the heavy leather duster from his shoulders before unsnapping the clasps from his waistcoat and finishing the buttons on his shirt underneath it all. Once his torso was bare to her, she buried her fingers in the hair on his chest, delighting in the softness she found there. She kissed her way down until she knelt before him, the laces of his leathers in front of her. She set to work with alacrity, Killian’s hands on her shoulders, gently caressing her skin. Tears, different from those earlier, filled her eyes. She’d never been the object of such unadulterated desire and tenderness before and it left her trembling with want and expectation.

She stood on the precipice of something, she knew not what, but every touch, every kiss, every sigh of pleasure only served to make her more certain that her life was about to change. Forever.

She pushed his leathers down his strong legs, his cock bobbing proudly in front of her. She looked up at his beautiful face through her lashes and licked her lips before darting her tongue out to the tip where a bead of precum gathered. Killian groaned as she went to work on him in earnest, sucking him between her lips.

“Gods, Emma! Yes, just like that, darling,” he moaned as she bobbed up and down on his length. She wasn’t nearly ready to release him when he tugged on her hair, pleading with her to stop. “I don’t want to come like this, love. Let me see you. Please,” he begged. She released him with a pop and stood before him on shaky legs, her skirt and everything underneath left on the floor.

“Gorgeous,” he breathed. “The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He stood staring at her a few moments longer before reaching for her hand and drawing her again into his embrace. His lips captured hers as he turned them toward the bed. Moving backward, she sat down heavily when her legs met the edge. She moved toward the headboard and Killian followed her, his eyes glowing with something she didn’t dare try to define. He moved up her body, kissing, stroking, nipping, and licking his way up. When his eyes landed on the hand shaped bruise on her upper arm, she saw a flash of anger and then a softness and care that she’d never had directed toward her as he leaned over the discoloration and kissed it softly. “I’m so sorry he did this to you, love,” he breathed.

She didn’t have a chance to respond before he captured her lips again. The tenderness and affection he showered her with, using only his tongue, was so overwhelming, she was almost literally melting in his embrace. His fingers ran lightly down her sides until he cupped where she was hot, wet, and wanting. She was so aroused, his finger slipped in easily sending her spiraling, chasing her release that was now closer than ever.

“Yes, that’s it, love,” he whispered in her ear, “Take what you need.” The tension within her was beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Pure pleasure pushing her higher and higher and higher until she thought she’d spontaneously combust from the exquisite torture she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to end. His lips and teeth closed over her nipple and the coil snapped with a blinding, mind numbing, cascade of bliss completely enveloping her. She floated on a cloud of euphoria for some time afterward before she became aware of herself and her surroundings once again.

She could only open her eyes halfway, the lids so heavy in the aftermath of her pleasure. She was met with eyes as blue as the sea filled with a joy and satisfaction that was wholly unexpected.

“There you are, love,” he murmured. “Did you enjoy that?”

She felt a wet stickiness on her belly and her eyes snapped open and looked down to where his cock lay flaccid. Heat flooded her cheeks and she covered her face in shame.

“Oh, Gods,” she cried.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he rushed to reassure her, “None of that.” He took her hands in his own and drew them away from her face. “When you broke, darling, I couldn’t stop myself. You were breathtaking.”

“But I…”

“No ‘buts’, Emma,” he crooned, kissing the tip of her nose. “We have all night. I’m not letting you get away. Not tonight. Not ever.”

Her eyes widened at his declaration. After his earlier statement of joining him on his ship, was he truly saying what she thought he was saying?

He drew her close into the shelter of his embrace and she touched her forehead to his chest. She knew he was different moments after meeting him, but his tenderness downstairs and then gentle lovemaking and his lack of indignation at her failure to meet his needs simply confirmed what her heart was telling her- she’d never met anyone like him, and she belonged with him.

“What do you mean?”

A tender kiss was placed on her head before he spoke. “When I saw what he did to you downstairs, I felt rage like I had never known,” he confessed. “That he could treat you like that, like nothing more than a possession, was more than I could stand.” His arms tightened around her even as his eyes darted between her own. “Come with me, Emma,” he urged her. “I can get you away from him. I’ll take you far from here. I’ll protect you. You can step into a new day. Tomorrow can be a new day for us both. Together.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know me at all,” she exclaimed. “You might be sorry you made this offer in a week, a month, a year.” She paused a moment, searching his countenance for any hint of a lie. She found none. “How do I know you won’t leave me?” she whispered.

“I don’t have to know you well to know that you are an extraordinary and precious woman,” he assured her. “One who does not deserve to be treated like I saw you treated downstairs. And if you consent to come with me, you will never be mistreated again.” He paused, looking intently into her eyes and stroking her cheek with his finger. “You’re a bit of an open book, and I can see in your eyes, my dear, you’re close to breaking. Breaking underneath the yoke he has on you. You can cut those ties. You can feel the weight of them disappear.”

She wanted to believe him. She desperately wanted to trust him. But the fear Neal had instilled in her over the years wasn’t so easily vanquished.

“Neal took me in when I was fifteen, an orphan and a runaway,” she said, tears filling her eyes. “It wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t always like this. He didn’t make me start doing this until I’d been with him a few years. But either way, all these years I’ve been with him, he’s made sure I was fed and clothed, had a roof over my head. He says he loves me, that I’m necessary to him. He’s made me necessary, Killian. I don’t know if I can walk away from that.”

“Emma, necessary means something you can’t do without,” he explained. “From what I observed downstairs, that is not how you treat someone who is necessary to you.” His darkened blue gaze pierced her own before he spoke again. “To me, however,” he took her hands in his and kissed the pad of each of her fingers in turn, “you are very much necessary. I can’t do without you. Please, Emma. Come with me. I’ll be your refuge,” he promised. “You’ll never have to fear again.”

She looked into his beautiful blue eyes and saw more there than she’d ever seen in Neal’s eyes. Could she do it? Could she really leave Neal and this life behind? The look in Killian’s eyes bolstered her weakened resolve and she nodded slowly before drawing his face down to hers for another kiss, full of love and tenderness. The kiss quickly turned heated, as tongues tangled and hands began to roam. She was barely touching him and he was already at half mast. She giggled into his mouth as she stroked him to full hardness. He thrust into her hands, a low groan passing his lips.

Pushing on his shoulders until he lay flat on the bed, she rose above him and straddled his hips, grinding down on his length. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and his hands gripped her hips tightly. She wouldn’t mind sporting those bruises the next day. He lifted her off of him, the strength necessary for that action making her mouth dry in desire.

“I need to taste you, darling. Please,” he begged. Emma was shocked. Oral was not something she’d ever had performed on her, although it was a rare night she wasn’t expected to do it for her clients. She caught her breath and slowly positioned herself over his face. A gasp escaped her lips as he licked a long stripe through her sodden folds and she bent over until she hovered over his rigid cock, bobbing proudly against his stomach. She licked and laved at the tip before closing her mouth over it.

Emma shuddered as Killian continued to work her and she put forth all her skill at wrecking him as he had wrecked her earlier. Killian’s fingers plunged into her channel and his lips sucked hard on her clit, sending her flying. She released him and shuddered through her climax. She was too sated to move, but she refused to allow what happened last time to happen again. She dragged herself around and positioned him at her entrance. Their eyes met, a dazed clash of viridian green and cobalt blue, as she sank down upon him. A rapturous chorus of moans emerged from them both and combined into a melodious duet as they moved together in a dance from the dawn of creation.

“Killian, I think…” she gasped, “I’m gonna…” she inhaled sharply as she ground down on him, falling over that precipice once again.

“Yes, Emma, darling,” he praised. “Take me there with you.” His hips met hers one last time and she felt his throbbing release deep within her.

Emma collapsed against him, thoroughly exhausted and sated. She’d heard that sex could be as pleasureable for the woman as it was for the man, but she’d never experienced it herself. And to climax three times? She never would have believed it if she hadn’t lived it. He was stroking her back, drawing nonsensical pictures into the sweat that remained on her skin.

“So you’ll come with me?” he asked. She had a sudden thought and raised her eyes to his.

“Can Ruby and Mary Margaret come with us?” she asked. “They’re my family, and they seemed to be getting on well with two of your men.”

“We’ll have to see how all of this pans out, but I give you my word, if they want to come with us, they will.”

She moved up and captured his lips with her own in a kiss full of gratefulness.

“Thank you, Killian.” She laid her head back down on his bare chest and drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~

The next morning, Killian’s eyes opened just as dawn touched the horizon. He looked down to see the beautiful Emma Swan still sound asleep in his arms. A small smile touched his lips as he thought back to their time together overnight. They’d woken twice after they initially came together, enjoying the pleasures of the flesh until the wee hours of the morning. He was surprised he was still awake so early after all that, but once a sailor, always a sailor. He’d probably wake with the sun for as long as he lived, no matter what happened the night before.

He sighed. It’d certainly be nice to awaken Emma slowly, erotically, but after the night they’d shared, she definitely needed her rest. And Killian had plans to make and provisions to acquire.

She’d agreed to come away with him. As his thoughts turned to the bastard who purported to “own” Emma, a frown furrowed his brow and he further tightened his arms around her. What would he give to be able to publicly denounce the man and avenge his treatment of his love?

His love.

Yes, he truly did love her. The connection he’d felt with her since she entered his field of vision the night before was something he’d never experienced. And then holding her in his arms and loving her throughout the night only settled that same conviction deep in his heart. He would never regret asking her to come away with him, to give him a chance to show her what love, true love, really looked like.

He disentangled himself from the beauty at his side and smiled when she snuggled down further into the blankets that had covered them. He washed in the basin and then donned his scattered clothing before he found a paper and pen on the small writing desk on the other side of the room. He wrote Emma a brief note explaining his absence and promising her that he’d return for her this evening after seeing to his duties. Reaching into one of the many hidden pockets inside his duster, he withdrew a bag of gold that would hopefully appease the ire Emma would surely be subject to for remaining with one patron for the entire night. He made his way back over to the bed and gently stroked his knuckles along the skin of her face before leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her brow. He could just hear her soft breaths as she exhaled and it gave him such a sense of peace and well-being that he was loath to leave her.

But leave her, for the moment, he must. He’d return to her as the sun set.

~*~*~

Killian hadn’t made it back to The Dark Hollow as soon as he would’ve liked, but the sun had barely set when his long strides brought him up the cobblestone street, ever closer to his love. His men had gone on ahead and were no doubt enjoying themselves inside by this time. As he approached the establishment however, he heard a low cry from the alley behind it that made his eyes widen and then narrow in surprise and suspicion. Rage poured into his veins. He stopped at the entrance of the alley, just out of sight of the people hidden in the shadows within.

Stealthily poking his head around the corner, Killian could see the proprietor of the tavern illuminated by the lantern outside the back door, and opposite him, Emma, with yet another visible bruise marring her lovely skin. This one was blooming on her cheekbone and it was all he could do to contain himself and not reveal himself just yet. Taking a deep breath, he attended to the words the man was speaking.

“If he thinks a bag of gold will curry my favor, he is sorely mistaken! No one spends the entire night with you but me.” Killian watched as the man’s arm swung back and the crack of his hand meeting bare skin filled his ears. He then wrapped a section of her long golden hair in his fist and dragged her to her knees before him. Killian could hear the tears in Emma’s voice as she cried out and it nearly undid him. “When he comes back,” Killian could hear the sneer in his voice, “if he comes back…” the man paused, and Killian revealed himself, stepping into the light of the lantern, his cutlass gleaming in front of him.

“Oh, I’m back,” he informed the man, a manic grin lifting his lips. “And you will never lay another finger on Emma again.”

And with those words, he lunged toward his adversary, the wickedly sharp blade piercing his flesh like a hot knife sliding through butter. The look on his face was nearly comical in its surprise, and if the bloodlust created by the man’s abuse of Emma wasn’t singing through Killian’s veins, he probably would have enjoyed it. As things were, however, his innate sense of justice stood in stoic approval of the man clutching his abdomen as his lifeblood poured out of the not yet mortal wound. He fell to his knees, releasing Emma’s hair as he fell. Killian moved toward her, never releasing the blade still buried in the man’s gut, and gathered her close. Withdrawing his sword, he stood with Emma by his side and looked down at the pathetic and dying man.

He turned to Emma and watched as a mask seemed to fall over her face and she reached for the lantern by the door. Realizing what she meant to do, he stayed her hand and took it down himself.

“No, Emma,” he said. “I can’t allow you to do this. No matter what he’s done to you, vengeance isn’t the answer. This isn’t you.” Her countenance fell and tears began to fall unchecked down her cheeks. His sword clattered to the ground and he wrapped her in his arms, her tears soaking his shirt in moments.

A desperate cry as full of venom and hate as could be summoned from the depths of the dying man’s soul sounded from the ground below them before Killian was suddenly pushed back toward the wall of the tavern. The force wasn’t hard enough- the gravely wounded man hadn’t the strength for more- to make Killian release Emma, but it was surprising enough for the lantern to drop from his hand and land on top of the other man’s head, shattering the glass and covering his face with the oil. The flames leapt, engulfing him in moments. His screams pierced the night around them and before they knew it, the flames had spread to the back wall of the tavern. Emma turned terrified eyes on Killian.

“Run, hurry,” he told her. “Warn them! Get them out! You only have a few minutes.” She nodded and ran out of the alley toward the front of the tavern to get those inside, who had no knowledge of the danger they were in, out.

“Get out! All of you!” Emma cried, crashing through the door. Eyes skittering around the large room, she saw the attention of her friends, all of Killian’s crew, as well as a few others fly to her. “The Dark Hollow is going up in flames! Get out, NOW!”

Noone questioned her instructions and they all began running for the door. Emma could just begin to smell the smoke from the back of the tavern, as far away from the front door as could be. She saw Ruby and Mary Margaret being pulled along by two members of Killian’s crew and she breathed a sigh of relief when they all got out the door.

They quickly moved away from the burning building toward the harbor, just a short walk away.

“Emma! Emma!”

She turned back toward the inferno to see Killian running towards her, his silhouette lit up against the flames in the night.

“Killian!” she cried, running toward him. He caught her and swung her around in his arms before setting her back on the cobblestone street and kissing her like it was the last time he ever would.

Their lips parting, Killian rested his forehead on hers. “You’re safe, you’re safe now,” he promised. “He’s gone, never to hurt you again, and tomorrow is a new day. Leave the past. Don’t look back.”

Emma caught her breath at his declaration and brought his lips back to hers again in a fierce kiss.

“I never could. Not as long as I’m with you,” she assured him. “Take me away from here, Killian.”

“As you wish, my love.”

An hour later, they all stood upon the deck of the Jolly Roger as they headed out to sea. The flames of The Dark Hollow could still be seen and Emma felt like she could truly breathe for the first time in her life. She turned to the helm to see the man she loved handing it over to his first mate, a short, rotund man she’d heard the other men refer to as Smee. Killian came over to her and wrapped his arms around her, his fingers linking over her abdomen, mirroring the stances of his men whose arms were wrapped around Ruby and Mary Margaret.

“Ladies,” he greeted them, “Welcome to the Jolly Roger. I am her captain, Killian Jones. This is your home now, as long as you’d like it to be.” Emma glanced at her friends- her family- and saw the way they were looking at the men who held them close. She smiled softly, realizing they were in the exact same situation as she was. In love. True Love. “Some call us pirates,” Killian continued, “But we prefer to refer to ourselves as free men. We sail where we will and we answer to no crown.”

Mary Margaret turned and rested her head against the chest of a blonde headed man. “I’m right where I want to be,” she said. Emma smiled.

“My lieutenants, David Nolan, Purser, and Graham Humbert, Sailing Master,” Killian introduced, “My love, Emma Swan.” Emma felt her cheeks heat at the possessive pronoun he used for her. She nodded at the two men who responded in kind. “The gentlemen will show you to their quarters. I would assume,” he said, his eyebrows raised in question, “that you’d prefer to berth with them.”

“You assume correctly,” Ruby informed him before capturing Graham’s lips in a passionate kiss that he reciprocated quite enthusiastically.

Emma smiled at Killian as he waggled his eyebrows at her, before pulling her away from their companions and leading her toward the Captain’s Cabin. Once inside, she looked around the large space as Killian crossed to the lanterns scattered around the room and lit them, bathing the room in a soft glow. Once finished, he approached her again, seemingly a little shy. He scratched at a spot behind his ear and Emma smiled, glad that he perhaps was as nervous as she was.

The night before had been wonderful and entirely unexpected, but her life had just literally been turned completely around, and navigating the emotions surrounding those changes was going to be a challenge. But looking into his cerulean depths, she knew, just as she had the night before, that she was home. She was exactly where she belonged. At that realization, her nerves disappeared, replaced by a joy and peace she’d never known.

Killian hadn’t made any other move toward her, so she took his hands and wrapped them behind her, around her waist. She stepped toward him, into his embrace and he surrendered to her completely, kissing her passionately and tightening his arms even further around her.

“Oh, Emma, my love,” he breathed as he peppered light kisses along her cheek bone to her ear before gently taking the lobe in between his teeth. She felt his lips lift in a smile when she gasped at the sensation. He worked his way down the slope of her neck until he reached the top of her corset, tugging on her laces as she went to work on his.

He shuddered as she undressed him, desperate kisses and hands hungry for the touch of bare skin. As the last of their clothing fell to the floor, Killian lifted her in his arms, Emma wrapping her legs around his hips, and moved them toward the bed. She ground down on him, coating him in her juices, as he released a groan that she felt in her very core.

His hands were not idle as he laid her down on the bed. Eyes glowed with love and lust as they slowly roamed over her body, tracing all her curves and rediscovering all her secrets. His fingers found where she was so hot and wanting, and when he plunged them into her channel, she combusted around him, soaring as high as the main mast above them on the deck of the Jolly.

Opening her thighs for him, he settled between them and kissed her so gently, so tenderly, she felt tears fill her eyes.

“I love you, Killian,” she whispered, a single tear escaping.

“Shhhh,” he soothed, catching it on the pad of his thumb. “I love you, too, Emma. You will never have need to be afraid again,” he promised as he slid home.

He made love to her slowly, whispering endearments into her ear as his hands on her body and strong sure strokes pushed her higher and higher until finally, they came together in a cascade of unspeakable pleasure.

Floating together in each other's arms, the drift back to earth seemed to last a blissful eternity. Her limbs and eyelids were heavy, but she had one more thing to tell him.

“I think I can breathe again, Killian.” He hummed in response, fingers stroking the lines of her back. “You’ve given me my freedom. You’ve brought me out of the fire and into a hopeful tomorrow. Thank you.”

“Of course, my love,” he murmured. “You’ve faced the fear, cut the ties to your past, and reached out and grasped your future, your happiness with both hands. And I’ll be right by your side, into a lifetime of tomorrows.”

Feeling safer and more loved than she ever had before, Emma dreamed the dreams of peace, the dreams of hope, dreams with Captain Killian Jones by her side.

The End

~*~*~

Thank you all for reading and sharing! I’d love to know what you think! Happy birthday, Marta! I hope your day has been as wonderful as you are!!! 😘

#out of the fire into tomorrow #krystal writes #happy birthday marta #art by krystal #inspired by burn the ships #cs angsty august

[cosette141]

CS Angsty August 2022 - All Submissions!!🥹❤️

Banner by @undercaffinatednightmare

Thank you to everyone who participated in the csAngstyAugust22 event this year!! Beautifully heartbreaking CS from all of you🥹🥹❤️❤️

(if you still haven't posted an Angsty August fic, no worries! Whenever you do, still tag me and the event tag, and you can still add it to the collection whenever you finish it!)

Here's a list of all the submissions for the event (titles linked to either tumblr or ao3!):

When I Wake - @caught-in-the-filter

Stolen Away - @hannahhook7744

Chibi-style comic art - @cocohook38

Tin Man & Hell's Comin' With Me - @nachocheese-itsmycheese

Witness - @elizabeethan

Out of the Fire, Into Tomorrow - @kmomof4

Scarborough Fair - @searchingwardrobes

Moment of Truth - @cosette141

**Tumblr has been really dumb with the tags lately, so if I did not list or get notified of your fic or art, please let me know and I can add you to this list!! ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks again to all creators and all readers for making this such a fun event!! ❤️🥹

#csangstyaugust22 #angsty august #cs #cs ff #cs ff rec #captain swan #captain swan fanfics #captain swan fanfiction #fanfic rec #fanfic recommendations #angst #killian jones #once upon a time #fanfiction #fanfic #captain swan fanfic #emma and hook #emma and killian #thank you to everyone!! #🥹

[caught-in-the-filter]

When I Wake

— for CS Angsty August 22

Art by @undercaffinatednightmare 🥰❤️😘

Summary: Killian comforts Emma when she wakes up from a nightmare.

A/N: FINE. I wrote short angst with a happy ending. There, @kmomof4 @cosette141 . Lol 😘😘 And thank you K for betaing. ❤️

Warnings: nightmares, brief mentions of violence/death (but no one is actually harmed)

Rated: T; Words: 485; AO3

——

“Killian!”

Emma awoke with a start, sitting up in a tearful panic, her cheeks wet, scrambling to figure out where she was. Clutching at the sheets, she found herself safe in their bed, Killian sleeping soundly next to her.

The relief of seeing him there calmed her breathing though she couldn’t stop trembling, and she was glad she hadn’t woken him this time. Her sleep had been plagued by nightmares more often than not anymore, which made for countless restless nights for them both.

In her dreams, she’d watched him torn from her arms again and again in the worst ways, her subconscious deciding she didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve happiness and comfort after a lifetime of being lost and alone. As it drew from their reality and the ways she’d already lost him, she’d had to see him shot, impaled, drowned, tortured.

Tonight, his heart had been ripped from his chest by the man on whom he’d sworn to get revenge. Emma begged for him to let Killian go, even pleading that he take her instead, but he crushed it anyway, laughing while sobs wracked her body as Killian’s collapsed in front of her.

Now she intently watched his chest rise and fall, making sure he was truly alright. Lying back down next to him again, Emma carefully placed her hand there, a light touch she hoped wouldn’t stir him, feeling his heart beating under her palm. Her fingers absently toying with his necklace as she snuggled closer to his side.

Emma gasped softly as his hand moved to rest on hers, his fingers gently clasping it as he lifted her hand to his lips for a kiss before holding it tighter against his chest, knowing how it comforted her.

“I’m alright, love,” he reassured her. “We’re alright.”

“I’m sorry.” Emma’s voice was barely a whisper, apologetic. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I just—it was bad again, and I—I needed to check.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for.” Killian smiled as he opened his eyes and turned toward her, glancing down between his legs. “I was just having a very different dream.”

“Of course you were,” Emma teased, rolling her eyes before kissing him softly.

What started rather chaste quickly became much more, both of them desperate for each other in the same way for different reasons. Emma kept her hand on his chest while the other anchored in his hair. Killian rolled them both, straddling her waist as he kissed away her tears, his palm cradling her head as he leaned his weight on his blunted wrist planted firmly on the mattress. Soon she bucked up into him, needing to touch more of him, and he ground down against her.

“I’m here, my darling,” Killian rasped, his voice still laced with the last remnants of sleep, though Emma could feel he was very much awake. “Let me show you I’m here.”

——

Tag list ❤️: @anothersworld @batana54 @darkcolinodonorgasm @deckerstarblanche @donteattheappleshook @elizabeethan @holdingoutforapiratehero @hollyethecurious @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @jonesfandomfanatic @jrob64 @justanother-unluckysoul @karlyfr13s @klynn-stormz @kmomof4 @laschatzi @motherkatereloyshipper @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @sotangledupinit @stahlop @teamhook @the-darkdragonfly @thejollyroger-writer @tiganasummertree @ultraluckycatnd @veryverynotgoodwrites @wefoundloveunderthelight @whimsicallyenchantedrose @xhookswenchx @xsajx @zaharadessert

#csangstyaugust22 #captain swan #cs ff #nightmares #Kayla writes #when I wake

[donteattheappleshook]

Stats Tag Game

Thanks for the tag, @kmomof4 and @the-darkdragonfly

Rules: A list of my fics with the most hits, most kudos, most comments, most bookmarks, most words, and the least words.

Most Hits: More with 9,386 hits honestly surprised by this one!

Most Kudos: Playacting with 416 kudos again very surprised lol I didn't know people read this one 😅

Most Comments: She Came from the Water with 236 comments - My baby 🥹

Most Bookmarks: Playacting with 135 bookmarks followed very closely by It Was Only a Kiss with 132 Again surprised by Playacting coming in like a dark horse here...

Most Words: She Came from the Water with 114,132 words! This fic was so special for word count because it was the first time I realized I could write something this long and actually finish it!

Least Words: Technically, my fic with the least words is and Emerald City fic: Knock Knock at 468 words, but my shortest CS fic is Six Weeks with 2,555 I know a lot of words, but concise isn't one of them

Including the ones that @the-darkdragonfly added...

Least Comments: Check Ups with 8 comments I actually really like this one, but it's a short little fluff piece so I get it lol

Least Kudos: Barefoot in the Wildest Winter with 90 kudos A little Christmas fic that was almost (figuratively) torn up and tossed in the trash. Thankfully Kay fixed it. Read my other Christmas fic instead (I say in August) I Don't Want to Wait Till Christmas (To Love You)

Least Bookmarks: Barefoot in the Wildest Winter again with 16 comments and Just Human volume 2 a close second with 17 (I get it, I reread this recently and got mad at my past self for writing something so angsty 💀)

I feel like everyone's been tagged but if anyone hasn't and wants to play please consider this your tag!!

#cs fanfic #cs ff #tag games

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 4 Sept 2/2

The Face magazine, which hasn't published since 2004, is back with a bang! Sound familiar? You may be thinking of this June, when Harry wore a hoodie with their logo on it. The announcement dropped this morning that Harry would be one of four cover models for their return issue and they dropped a couple (more on that later) pics with the announcement. The announcement included a quote from the piece: "What’s fem­i­nine and what’s mas­cu­line … it’s like there are no lines any more" (on the subject of fashion apparently, but the context-less presentation of it as their lead quote is something indeed.) The gorgeous pictures were taken by Collier Schorr, a respected and interesting queer visual artist who you may remember Harry following in early August. The magazine will be out Fri (??!??!! Yes as in the day after tomorrow, they want to kill us) and is available for order now. More snippets from inside quickly followed: we're told it will feature "fan fiction levels of adoration from Stevie Nicks, Elton John and Alessandro Michele;" predictions? I'm thinking A/B/O from Elton, something angsty and open ended from Stevie, probably a PWP from Allessandro? They previewed a quote about how many pairs of shoes he owns, including "a pair of pink metallic Saint Laurent boots that he has never been photographed wearing," but wears to "get milk." NONSENSE said the fandom and immediately dug up a picture of them posted to Glenne's ig in 2015; but to be fair, it is taken in a store so maybe they were buying milk. The cover picture, a black and white close up, had an artists signature drawn in as a neck tat (do NOT get ideas Harry I beg you): HS and CS sharing an S (for Harry and Collier), and BQE [for Brooklyn Queens Expressway referring to the shoot location], 19, and 'the way.' About location, this looks to be the shoot that was teased by Harry Lambert and Molly Hawkins in July in New York, with the water, and seems to include the pics he took in Brooklyn in late June (last sighting of the mustard flares, lost but not forgotten RIP.) Looks like what people hoped was eyeliner was actually incompletely washed off mascara (not Stevie Nicks' fault this time.) Anyway they quickly went from teasing close up shots of Harry's hands to just dropping the whole ass photoshoot on us and then on top of that someone, unidentified and mysterious, dropped like a million outtakes. Just photos everywhere I don't even know. I can't summarize all these! I counted like 25 and that's probably low! But they're really good you guys like... Really good. Some highlights- his face, these are so incredibly expressive, pics in a tracksuit that make it seem like those articles about him looking like Louis yesterday were dropped a little early, a t shirt that just says TRUTH on it, the retro movie star vibe, the sweetness. They're great. As for the interview, I guess we'll find out Fri: it's by Trey Taylor and the bits we've seen so far feature florid prose worthy of a romance novel so you know, it should be interesting.

Anyway then someone on twitter who hates me posted a very short snippet of what might be an unreleased 1D song from 2014 and if you think I have time for this! They claim there is no more, just that random few seconds, if this develops into more I'll let y'all know but otherwise GOOD DAY SIR I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU.

Niall and Liam mostly stood aside and let all this play out, but Liam updated his playlist and Niall tweeted, "J’adore la mer." Uh good to know I guess ok thanks. It has been noted that he tweeted something obscure about waves a while back as well...

#Harry Styles #Liam Payne #Niall Horan #Harry #Liam #Niall #the face #collier schorr #Trey Taylor #Harry Lambert #molly hawkins #Glenne #is Jeff Azoffs girlfriend #Harry is RBB #RBB #Niall ocean references #4 Sept 19 #thanks for the kind words y'all this was a lot but i had fun! might take Fri or sat off though #i had a fun time getting like a character in a movie montage with my papet scribbles laptop AND phone in use for this #something I've never resorted to before but probably should have

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (21/21)

When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be.

And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones.

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: So this long, angsty, sometimes happy story has come to an end, and I have to thank all of you for reading with me along the way even though some of you swore that you wouldn’t. lol. But you made it, and I hope you enjoy this last chapter to wrap everything up💙

We’ve got one final flashback, and it’s a long time coming!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

Tag list: @ultraluckycatnd @jamif @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @pirateherokillian @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @shireness-says @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64 @snowbellewells @thejollyroger-writer @tiganasummertree @idristardis @blowmiakisscolin

-/-

Killian dives under the water, tightly shutting his eyes to keep the salt out, before jumping back up to the surface and leaping over to tug on Henry’s legs as he kicks out at him in an attempt to get away. They’ve been lounging around in the ocean for a solid two hours, their skin wrinkled at the fingertips and toes – not that his skin isn’t already a bit wrinkled – and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world as he chases after Henry and continually keeps him from getting too far away. It helps that Henry’s got a small paddle board sans the paddle strapped to his ankle so he can’t move as quickly as he normally would be able to if he were swimming. Then again, the lad is also nearing twelve this summer, and while he’s grown quite a bit recently, he’s still far shorter than Killian is.

He never had a chance.

“Dad,” Henry gasps when Killian grabs onto his ankle and pulls him back to his stomach as small waves tumble over toward them and fade out into whitewater, “that’s not fair.”

“I gave you a head start,” he protests, angling Henry’s board toward the shore since they’re already out further than they should be and need to head back. “Are you getting hungry? I’m absolutely starving.”

“I could be hungry if we’re having grilled cheese.”

“You are just like your mum.”

“They’re good.”

“Not when you use the artificial cheese.”

“That’s the best kind.”

“Whatever you say.”

“I’m right.”

“You are not.” “Agree to disagree.”

Killian clicks his tongue as he starts guiding them closer in, wrapping his arm over Henry’s back and kicking his legs out as he swims. “You really are just like your mum if you’re saying phrases like that.”

“She works at my school. I can’t get away from her, and now you’re saying I sound like her. I can’t win.”

“Do not say that around her,” he gently warns as they get a little closer to shore so that he can see Emma building a sandcastle with Ada near their umbrella so that she still has her eyes on Nathan as he sleeps in his seat. Seven-month-olds aren’t exactly huge fans of the beach, but when it’s a summer day and no one has work or school, they’re not about to pass any of this up when they now live a few feet away from the ocean.

They moved to Boothbay a little less than two years ago after everything happened. He and Emma hadn’t wanted to live in Portland anymore, couldn’t live in their house, and as much as he hated to leave the place where so many of the great moments of his life happened, he knew that it was the right decision. They went through hell as a family, and even though picking up and moving to a new place is no way to solve issues, it was a start for them. They thought about leaving that summer, but he and Emma both decided that they would let Henry stay in his school for one more year so he didn’t have to deal with anymore upheaval in his life. He was going through a lot without the emotional capabilities to handle it, and they weren’t about to take him away from his friends and his family. But when they’d brought up the idea of moving, even if it is only two hours away, he’d been excited. Killian still thinks that Henry mostly wanted to move because they told him they’d be living in a house on the beach instead of one in a suburb, but honestly, the kid is happy now. That’s all that matters.

His family’s happiness is all that’s ever mattered to him, and even though there are days when he’s pissed at Emma, frustrated with Henry, and struggles dealing with Ada and Nathan, he treasures that happiness more than anything in the world.

No part of him takes any kind of happiness for granted.

Not his own, not his children’s, not his wife’s.

Wife.

The word still almost feels foreign to him despite he and Emma having gotten married two and a half years ago during an absolute torrential downpour in August. For him to have had the ring for nearly an entire year before he got to use it, the engagement and wedding sure as hell did happen quickly.

-/-

-/-

“Babe,” Emma calls.

“Babe.”

“Killian.”

“Killian,” Emma huffs, pressing her hand into his shoulder and pushing him a little on the bed until he opens his eyes, wondering why the hell Emma is jostling him awake when he’s getting to sleep in for once in his life.

“If you’re waking me up for morning sex, I’m going to need a minute or two.”

“Oh my gosh,” she groans, sitting down on the mattress next to him and moving down until her cheek is right next to his, her ass moving the mattress enough to jostle him a little bit more awake so that he twists his head to fully look at her while his hand lazily finds her thigh underneath the cover, squeezing the warm, bare skin a bit before resting it there, “no. I’m not waking you up for sex.”

“Pity.”

“Maybe later if you don’t bother me too much today.”

“Is that a promise?” he smirks, knowing that Emma most likely thinks he looks a little more ragged than handsome this morning.

“It’s a maybe,” she laughs, dipping her head down until he feels her lips against his forehead.

It’s still early, far too early, and if he knows anything about his surroundings today, it’s that the sun hasn’t made its way into the sky, the air outside still shrouded in darkness. And for Emma to be up this early on a Saturday without having been woken up by Henry or Ada, it’s basically a once in a lifetime day.

But she’s happy. He notices that too. Her face is bare of all makeup, freckles smattering across her nose, and he can see the blonde tips of her lashes that are often hidden by mascara. And her hair is a mess, the curls around her face a little more prominent, and her teeth look especially white against the tanned skin this summer has brought her.

They’ve been in a dark place since May, and even though Emma has made an effort to have things go on as normal, they haven’t.

Getting over what Neal did to them is such a slow process, one that he’s sure will manifest itself as different challenges and issues for the rest of their lives, and though it’s been easier for about a month and a half now, he still often can’t fall asleep at night because his mind runs through everything. Mostly he thinks about Emma and Henry, how they’re dealing with it, and that’s exactly what keeps him up.

They’re…he and Emma are good, though. He thinks that they may be better than they’ve ever been. It’s certainly not like it once was when they were dating and thinking about the prospect of having Ada. It’s different, but he thinks that it’s better. There’s more trust between them, more faith too, and after a year of sometimes feeling like they weren’t even playing the same game, he thinks that they’re solidly on the same team.

Co-captains.

He loves her, and he can’t ever imagine anything changing that. And if something tries, he won’t let it.

She’s happy.

He’s happy.

They’re happy in spite of everything, but this morning it’s almost as if there’s a different light around Emma than the one that usually stays with her.

“So tell me, my love,” he sighs, inching his hand a little higher on her thigh to tease her skin while he tilts his head up to look at her, “if not because I am simply so irresistible, why are you waking me up this morning?”

“Ada took her first real steps this morning.”

“What?”

“Ada. She took her first steps.”

“When?” he chuckles, moving up on the bed so that he can look at Emma a little more clearly, his chin resting in the dip between her breasts. “How long have you been awake?”

“At, like, two this morning. Her monitor went off, and I couldn’t get her to stop crying. I guess she was just really hungry since she didn’t really eat dinner last night, so I fed her and then we played for a few minutes, and she took her steps.”

“Bloody hell,” he mutters, throwing the blanket off of him and rising from the bed, tugging up at his pajama pants and adjusting his t-shirt as his heart beats wildly in his chest, excitement heating his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“Babe,” Emma laughs, sitting up on the bed and moving the remaining blankets off of herself so he can see the skin of her legs, not that he’s really paying that much attention to them anyways. That’s a once in a lifetime thing. “Killian,” she giggles, probably at the fact that he got out of bed so quickly and is now standing in place with his hands in his hair while Emma sits further up on her knees, “what in the world are you doing?”

“She took her first steps?” he questions, the disbelief still running through him. Ada’s been nearly there for months now, seemingly always staying the cruising stage, and she took her first steps. God, he can’t…his little love continuously reaching new little milestones that are always so miraculous as he watches her develop.

He can’t believe he missed these too.

Emma smiles, and even though he already knew the answer, that’s all of the reassurance that he needed.

He’s obviously not thinking straight, his mind all over the place, but he’s so damn happy that all he can think to do is bend down and wrap his arms around Emma, pulling her up and off the bed so that he legs dangle in the air while she squeals, wrapping her arms around his neck while he gets a better grip holding her under her ass. It’s definitely not the most coordinated thing in the world, but he doesn’t care as Emma’s legs wrap around his waist with her ankles crossing at her back while he slams his lips into hers, capturing her laugh and any other words she had to say as he slowly sways them back and forth in their room, not daring to move with his eyes closed.

He can feel Emma’s smile through the kiss.

“I’m going to tell Ada to walk more often if I get that reaction out of you.”

“A bloody brilliant plan that.”

Emma laughs again, and he nips at her upper lip before pulling back and peppering kisses across her face while pleasurable shivers run down his spine with how she’s playing with his hair at the nape of his neck. She hums then, and when he pulls back, he takes the opportunity to start walking them out of the room.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“My daughter took her first steps, love. I want to see her do it again.”

“She’s asleep.”

He pinches her ass before carefully opening the door. “I know.”

“Killian, I swear, do not wake her up. She’s going to be cranky if you wake her up, and I don’t want to deal with that.”

“I’ll deal with it.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Says the woman who woke me up to tell me this.”

“It’s big news, but I just got her back down.”

“Aye.” He nods, the reality of what she’s saying sinking in as he thinks of what their day will be like if they get Ada to be all riled up when she needs sleep. “You’re right. I’m just…I got a little overexcited there.”

“Well, you do tend to have the opposite thing happen to you when you’re woken up.”

He chuckles and turns them around in the hallway, his arms aching the slightest bit from having held Emma for so long. She’s a slight little thing, but even Ada gets too heavy to carry after he’s held her for too long. When he makes it back to the bedroom, he flips the switch to turn the light on their ceiling fan on, casting the room in a bright white light, before gently placing Emma down onto the bed, letting her fall back on her elbows with her hair falling down her back while she smiles up at him.

Somehow, he can feel the smile in his own cheeks.

And it all hits him suddenly. His daughter, the one who was once no more than seven pounds and could do little more than cry, is walking on her own, even if it’s only a step or two. His son is turning nine next month. He’s been with Emma for five years, and he turned thirty eight at the end of May.

Life is moving on.

For a long while, it stood still, the insanity swirling around them and causing a thick haze that no one could see through, but they made their way through it eventually even if some of the haze still surrounds them. But they keep walking, keep moving forward, and suddenly he doesn’t want to wait another moment to find the perfect moment when there has never been a more perfect moment than right now.

“Darling, wait right there.”

He doesn’t let her respond before he’s quickly moving the few steps to the closet and turning to grab the box out of his uniform pocket, the blue velvet smooth under his fingertips as a smile forms on his face, all of the nerves he thought he would feel nowhere to be seen as he pops the box open and removed the ring, holding it in the palm of his hand. He’s got no clue what he’s going to say, how he’s going to ask, so when he gets back into the bedroom to see Emma still in the same place with her brows raised high on her forehead, he simply steps in front of her and gets down on one knee on the hardwood floor.

If Emma’s brows could get any higher, they would, both of them practically in her hairline, but as quickly as they rise, they also lower to their normal spot all the while the corners of her lips curve into a smile that makes the green of her eyes nearly disappear.

But just nearly.

“Yes,” she blurts out, the word loud and yet somehow a quiet whisper in the room.

He chuckles, wanting to close his eyes with his laughter but not wanting to look away. “Emma, you have to let a man ask.”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m – ”

“I know, love. I know.” She’s getting ahead of herself, just like he did this morning, and that seems to be a habit of theirs. He doesn’t mind. “Emma, my love, the first time I saw you in that damned bar and made you laugh, I had absolutely no idea that we were going to go through so much together, that we were going to have this life and our kids and each other, that you were going to give me the greatest parts of my life, that you  would be the greatest part of my life. I love you more than anything, and while I can’t guarantee anything else, I can guarantee that I will always, always be by your side. So what do you say? Will you marry me?”

“Of course, yes. Killian,” she sighs leaning forward and grabbing his face until her lips are on his, an insistent press that is somehow the lightest touch he has ever felt. He’s kissed Emma more times than he can count, had her lips softly gliding over his every day for years now, but right now he can barely contain himself over how much everything is different and yet very much the same. “I will marry you, and I will be right there by your side annoying you every step of the way.”

A laugh escapes him, and he presses forward to brush his lips over the corner of hers, unable to keep himself from covering every inch of her warm skin with his lips as all of the turmoil and heartache disappears and he can only feel joy that rivals the day Ada was born or the day that Henry called him his dad for the first time.

Or maybe every other moment that he’s had with Emma.

“I love you,” she whispers, pressing her forehead into his while her hands reach up to clutch his face.

“I love you,” he echoes, wishing he had the words to express his love more than those three words do. He reaches up to grab her left hand from his face, pulling it down to rest between them as he quickly slides the ring onto her finger, marveling at the fact that it’s finally in the place that it should be. “You and the kids are the best things that have ever happened to me.”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”

“I mean, I already knew that.”

“Stop,” Emma laughs, falling back against the bed while he gets up from the ground to place his hands on either side of her head, dipping his head down to kiss her neck, spending a bit of time there while Emma’s laughs turn into gasps. He rather likes that. “Oh, I think I changed my mind about the morning sex.”

“Proposing did it for you then?”

“I mean, I was already considering it, but I do think that encouraged me the smallest bit.”

“Well, I will take what I can get.”

“You’ve always been a man of standards.”

He winks. “I try.”

Later, when they’re sated and their hair is a little messier than before, his skin still tingling from the way Emma felt wrapped around him, he finds the strength to rise from the bed when he hears Henry walk past their bedroom, obviously having woken up and probably wanting breakfast.

“I can go feed Henry,” Emma mumbles, rising from the bed and pulling on a t-shirt to cover her breasts while she quickly combs her hair back into a bun, which really doesn’t do anything to hide the fact that they were just intimate, but it’s not as if Henry will know, especially not with a new ring on her finger he’s sure she’ll be talking about. “If memory serves, there’s a little girl who you were very excited to see much earlier this morning.”

“I can make breakfast, love.”

“No,” Emma insists, pressing up on her toes to brush her lips over his cheek once, twice, three times, “I will. I think today deserves celebrating with something good and unhealthy that you would never let us have.”

“I think I could make an exception today.”

“Still. I can do it.”

He nods in agreements, and when she turns around to walk away, he quickly reaches down to grab her ass, making her giggle as she turns around to briefly look at him before walking out of the room with the slightest shake of her head.

That woman is going to be his wife.

He’s the luckiest man.

After getting dressed back in his pajamas, he quietly makes his way down the hallways and into the nursery, finding Ada standing against the railing with her brown hair standing up in so many different ways that he knows she got it from him and the weird cowlicks that he has.

“Dada,” she squeals, her face lighting up in a way that will never fail to amaze him that someone so little loves him so much.

“Good morning, sweetheart. You been keeping your mummy up at weird times?”

“No,” she giggles, her favorite word as of late. He picks her up out of the crib and kisses her cheeks, making her giggle more. “No, no, no.”

“Oh come on, I think you did. And you walked too? It’s been a very big morning in this house.”

“No.”

“But it is,” he insists, standing her up on the changing table. “Your mummy told me she wants to marry me, my love bug.”

-/-

-/-

They’d gotten engaged after far too long of a time, and Emma told him that she didn’t want to wait anymore, that there was no point in delaying something that they both wanted to do. So with the help of Mary Margaret, planner extraordinaire, they planned a small wedding to happen in the backyard of Ruth’s house before Henry went back to school and Emma went back to work. Except it rained so much that everything happened in the living room, decorations haphazardly placed in the spots where the furniture had been carried to other rooms. It was a mess, but it was as close to perfect as he ever could have imagined. Liam, Belle, and Caleb decided to fly in from England, Belle absolutely insistent that she would not miss the wedding, and he finally got to meet his nephew who is now his favorite little man to get to video chat at least twice a week. David applied for a license online to marry them, and even though Emma laughed for a solid ten minutes at the image of David marrying them, she did come around to the idea.

He asked Henry to be his best man, told him it was one of the most important jobs for him to have after being a good big brother, and they let Ada be their flower girl even if it was an absolute disaster since she nearly fell every other step. He’d had to walk toward her and lean down in front of her at the end of their makeshift aisle and clap to her to continue her walking. She’d just taken those infamous first steps four weeks prior, and it was definitely still a work in progress. Emma had been standing at the back of the room in her dress, a small lacy thing that hugged her chest and flowed from her hips, and she hadn’t been able to help herself from quickly walking toward him and helping to encourage Ada to walk until she got to the end of the aisle with a small basket full of the flower petals they completely expected her to drop the moment she was handed it.

The entire thing was imperfect, crazy, and yet it was the most intimate moment of his life as he got to officially commit himself to Emma for the rest of his days.

He loves her with every beat of his heart, and while it’s never been easy, even in the days of flirting and teasing, they have fought for the love that they share because they both know it’s been worth it. He’ll never be one to claim that falling in love and getting married solves problems and brings utter happiness because that’s simply not true. Fights and petty arguments happen, disagreements over how to raise children occur, and heated discussions over what to have for dinner happen frequently. But that’s what happens when you share your life with someone else.

The disagreements, though, are always smaller than the love and happiness, and he’s thankful that he’s got this woman by his side who is his partner in all things.

And they’ve got three kids who they love more than anything.

Killian officially adopted Henry after they got married, and even though it required legally working with Neal, it was still one of the best decisions he’s ever made. The fact that Henry asked for it makes it all the sweeter. The kid has always been his son, and adoption or not, that was never going to change. Nathan arrived back in October two weeks before Emma’s birthday, and while they had planned him, it was still somehow a shock to have another little one in his arms.

(Changing the little lad’s diaper was a bit of a shock too since he was used to Ada and wasn’t around for changing a lot of Henry’s diapers.)

But a good shock.

And his little love Ada isn’t quite as little anymore, even if she’s a bit on the small side and takes after her mother in nearly every way but her hair and the indent of her chin, as she’s now four and more full of life than he ever thought possible. She talks, just all of the time, and he’s not sure if he can quite keep up with her. When he can’t, she makes sure to tell him, placing her hands on her hips and staring at him with furrowed brows until he catches up with whatever creation she’s making or story she’s telling.

He’s got good kids.

And a beautiful wife who works as a high school vice principal now while he spends his days managing the harbor for the town since they have such traffic for their boat tours and shipping. It doesn’t pay as much as his last job, but the cost of living here is cheaper. Mostly, though, he’s happy in his job, and it doesn’t make him constantly feel like he’s at war both physically and with himself.

Happy.

That’s the word he keeps coming back to.

For so long, their word was normalcy. All they wanted was for everything to go back to normal. After everything, they’re happy. They still have their difficult days, all of them still in therapy and still struggling some days, but they’re happy.

“Daddy,” Ada yells from the shore, getting up and nearly kicking over the tower on her sandcastle much to Emma’s dismay, “I want to go surfing too.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to surf, love bug,” he sighs, unstrapping Henry’s ankle wrap so that he can stand up on his own. “We only have this paddleboard.”

“Mommy said it was a surfboard.”

Emma shrugs her shoulders and raises her hands in the air while her lips press into her skin and her brows raise. “That’s my bad. I forgot the name for it. I was stuck somewhere between boogie board and surf board, so I feel like I was close enough.”

“Not really,” Henry adds in.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m never right. I get it.”

“Daddy,” Ada whines again as she runs up to him and wraps her arms around his calf, weighing him down so that he has to kick up to walk, “please. I want to.”

He glances over to Emma to see what she has to say since they really need to get back up to the house, and when she nods her head, he reaches down and picks Ada up to rest on his hip as he grabs Henry’s paddleboard, which they have been decidedly not using the paddle for. Henry just got the thing last week, and they’re still working on coordination.

“Five minutes,” he tells Ada, pulling at her braided pigtails while wading out until he’s waist deep in the water.

“That’s not very long.”

“Well, we’ve got to get inside to get food in your tummy.”

“I like food.”

“You and me both.”

He steadies the board on the nearly still water before sitting Ada down on it. He already knows that she’s going to topple over into the ocean, but her lips are pursed in that way that she gets from Emma that means she’s determined to do something.

“Alright, love,” he tells her as he stands her up, one hand wrapped around her stomach while the other stays steady on the board, “you have to stay still and suck in your tummy like you do on the balance beam at gymnastics, yeah?”

“I know.” “Oh, well if you know then.”

“I do. You have a lot of hair on your tummy, Daddy.”

“Your mummy likes that hair.” “That’s weird.”

“No, it’s not. I like the hair on you head.”

Ada sighs while he gently moves her around as he keeps her wobbly legs from falling as much as he can. She’s such a little spitfire, and that’s not at all what he was expecting for how calm of a baby she was.

It’s payback for something. It has to be.

“But it’s on my head and not on my tummy. Mommy doesn’t have hair on her tummy. You’re like a bear.”

He laughs underneath his breath before he lets go of the board to run his fingers over Ada’s stomach, making her giggle and lose her footing until she falls onto the board, the air escaping her for a moment as she lands on her bottom. He stands her up once more, but she never quite gets over her giggling fit, so he makes the executive decision that their time is up and they can go inside. Grabbing Ada, her props her up on his shoulders and grabs the board so they can walk back up onto the sand where Emma and Henry are already packing up their things.

“Nathanial, my man, why are you not helping out?” “Babe,” Emma groans, throwing her head back as she puts some of Nathan’s toys in his bag, “his name is not Nathanial. It’s Nathan, and we call him Nate. I don’t know why you insist on calling him Nathanial like he’s a little old man from two centuries ago.”

He plops Ada down on the ground with the paddleboard. “Because it bothers you, my darling wife,” he sighs, dipping his head enough so that he can slide his lips over hers, the taste of salt water and a little bit of sunscreen consuming him. “And I believe I promised to bother you every single day in my vows.”

“That is not at all what happened.”

“It’s not,” Henry adds in, walking up to her with his float wrapped around his waist and his hair lying flat on his head. “You guys said the normal vows or whatever because I remember you talked about it forever.”

“Hey now, lad, you were very excited for your mum and I get to married. You can’t act like you weren’t.”

“Yeah, but I was nine, and I didn’t realize how gross you two were then.”

Emma looks at him, and he shrugs, his brows waggling across his forehead. Such a pre-teen. “Ada bug, why don’t you go give your big brother a kiss?”

“Please no,” Henry whines, already closing his eyes while Ada nods her head and practically pounces on Henry, scrambling up into his arms until she’s placing a smattering of wet, sloppy kisses all over Henry’s face. He always acts like he hates it, but he doesn’t. Even when he’s moody because his siblings are so much younger than him and he has to watch children’s shows, he would do absolutely anything for his younger siblings.

He’s a good kid. The best kid who he absolutely loves with his entire heart.

“Henry,” Ada giggles, “stop tickling me.”

“Stop kissing me.”

“Fine,” Ada huffs until Killian is grabbing her out of Henry’s arms and resting her on his hip as both Emma and Nate laugh behind them. “Daddy, can we go get food now?”

“Absolutely, my love. You have to go pack up your things, though, okay? Pick up all of the toys.”

It takes far longer to clean up all of their things than it should, but that always seems to happen whenever they let the kids help with things like that. It’s so much easier to do things themselves, but Henry and Ada have to know to clean up their own things. And they’re not on a timeline today anyways, so it’s fine as they take their time getting everything together and walking back up to the house. As always, getting Ada showered in their outdoor shower is a struggle with her squirming away from the cold water, but he’s got to get the sand off of her before she tracks it through the house.

That happened once, and he swears the rug in the living room has never quite been the same.

“Mom, can we have grilled cheese for lunch?” Henry asks after they’ve all showered and changed into dry clothes. Emma’s simply in her pajamas, one of his t-shirts and a pair of loose shorts, and he can see her hair already curling as it dries down her back. It’s gotten curlier since they moved here, and he quite likes the way it snaps back into place after he runs his fingers through it. “I really want grilled cheese.”

“Sure. Your dad will make it because I have to feed Nate.”

“No,” Henry and Ada yell at once, and he can’t help the little sting of insult that rushes through him. “He makes it with the weird cheeses,” Henry finishes, repeating their conversation from earlier.

“I will only make it with the cheese you guys like,” he promises with a roll of his eyes as he picks Nate up from his playmat and hands him over to Emma, “but you guys also have to eat some kind of vegetable.”

“I like carrots.”

“Okay, we’ll just go with the orange foods today then.”

He turns some music on his phone, one of his playlists that he knows doesn��t have cursing in it, and plays it over a little speaker they keep in the kitchen while both Ada and Henry sit at the island scrolling through an iPad as they play whatever game they’ve agreed on lately. Emma is sitting with Nate in the living room, and when he turns around, he can easily see her. That’s one of his favorite things about this house, the openness of it all. Their entire downstairs is basically one large room with a bathroom hidden in the back, and it makes everything seem much larger despite this house being smaller than their last one. Most of their old furniture remains, the same gray couch and loveseat with the brightly colored armchair all sitting in the living room with a white and gray striped rug (the one Ada stained) underneath it. The television rests above a white brick fireplace, and it’s all backed up to a few floor-to-ceiling windows that give a view of the ocean. There are curtains that they close at night or when they want privacy, but rarely does he want to not have the view of the water.

A part of him would like to say the house is clean, but Nathan’s toys are scattered everywhere no matter how often they’re put away in their bins, Ada’s joining them, and even though Henry mostly keeps his things in his room, occasionally some of his belongings will make their way downstairs. It’s definitely a home that’s lived in, and he can get over his far too rigid ways for that.

There are too many awful, difficult things in the world for him to be constantly worrying about everything being clean all the time even if cleanliness is something he’s trying to instill in his children.

It’s a balancing act.

He finishes cooking for everyone, cutting up the sandwiches in everyone’s preferred ways and piling the plates with vegetables before sliding over the plates and cups of water to Ada and Henry, hoping that Ada won’t manage to spill her water. After they’re fed, he takes Emma’s plate over to her and places it on the end table so that she can eat too. He’ll fix himself something later once the smell of processed cheese is out of the air.

Nathan starts whining, the beginnings of a cry that he recognizes and usually dreads.

“Oh no, kid,” Emma sighs when he unlatches and his wails get a little louder. She gets up from the chair, pulling her t-shirt down in the process, and starts walking him around. “Don’t cry. We’re happy, aren’t we? We just ate, Nate. Ooh that rhymes, see? You should like rhyming. You probably don’t get it, but that fine.”

His wails calm down to quiet sniffles as Emma sways him back and forth to the sound of the music, dancing with their son until he quiets down. He’s a good baby, a little fussier than Ada was, but he’s generally pretty happy. It helps that this is their first child where nothing crazy has happened in the months after their birth, so they’re calmer, their stress levels much lower. They’ve got a pretty relaxed life, and that’s exactly what he wants.

“You used to be louder than that,” he overhears Henry tell Ada from behind him.

“I was not,” she protests.

Killian laughs to himself before rising from the couch and moving to stand in front of Emma, motioning for her to hand him Nate. She does, passing him off with a smile before she settles down in the armchair, curling her legs up underneath her as she takes a bite out of her sandwich.

“Now, Nate,” he says, swaying his hips from side to side and poking his son’s nose, “there is a secret to dancing. Sometimes you can be silly and move your arms and your bottom however you want, but then other times there’s a specific flow of how to dance. Your mum is a natural at dancing, but I believe that’s because she picked a partner who knew what he was doing.”

“You’re full of yourself.”

“No, no, I am not.” Nate babbles at him before reaching up to grab at his face, his little smile so happy when he was red faced moments ago. “You see, I used to have to go to military balls, my boy, and one time I had the pleasure of dancing with your mother. She nearly stepped on my toes, but I made sure that she didn’t. It was all very romantic.”

“We weren’t even dating at the time.”

He winks at Emma. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was romantic.”

He keeps moving around with Nate while Emma eats, trying to keep him occupied. He’s attached to Emma, is always wanting to be with her, so it’s always a bit of a bonus for Nathan to be so happy when Killian’s playing with him and Emma’s just a few feet away. Ada joins in, deciding she wants to dance too, and while Henry doesn’t really have any interest, he settles down on the couch until Emma pulls him up and forces him to join her. He’s reluctant about it, but he does it.

Eventually they all get tired out, so Emma closes the curtains and turns on a movie, letting Nathan sleep on her chest and Ada nap at her side while he and Henry debate if Spiderman or Batman would be better at saving the town if they were to ever come under any danger. Henry has had to grow up quickly because of the circumstances of his life, but it’s comforting for him to get to have these little conversations about something as inconsequential as superheroes.

(Spiderman would definitely be better.)

The rest of their day is spent lazily, only getting up to eat or use the restroom, and by the time night falls, they’ve got Ada and Nathan sleeping and Henry settled in his room reading one of his books with the promise to turn off the lights before ten. He knows it won’t happen, but he can hope.

Walking through their bedroom, he makes his way to the bathroom where Emma is standing in front of the mirror spraying something in her hair before she attempts to brush out the tangled curls. He knows it’s not fun because he did the same for Ada after taking her braids out, and it was a mess. When she curses under her breath at a knot, he steps forward until he’s swaying into her space and pressing their bodies together while his hands press up under her shirt to splay over her stomach, her skin warm from the sun she got this morning.

“Hi,” he whispers before dragging his lips across her neck, tasting the salt that still remains on her skin as she leans back into him. There will never be a more beautiful, loving woman, and he’s grateful that she’s his every day.

“Hi.”

“The kids are asleep.”

“That tends to happen at night.”

He hums in agreement before pressing another kiss to her neck as his hands wander up her stomach to her breasts, running his fingers over her nipples while Emma arches her back into him. “You know what else tends to happen at night?”

“Late night talk shows.”

“Tease,” he laughs, stopping his ministrations and resting his chin on her shoulder so that he can look at the two of them in the mirror. His eyes are immediately drawn to the little bit of gray peppering in his hair, just at the temple, and as much as Emma tells him that he’s beginning to be her silver fox, he’s not overly fond of this proof of aging, especially when his wife and his children are still so young and vibrant. “Today was a good day.”

“It was,” Emma agrees, reaching her hand up to scratch at the back of his head that sends shivers down his spine. “I wish you had off of work more often during the summers so we could have days like this.”

“It’s my busy season.”

“I know, I know. I like eating too much for us not to have jobs.”

“And the roof over our head.”

“Yeah, that too,” she chuckles before she manages to grab the corner of his lips with hers. “Give me ten minutes, and I’ll come to bed, okay?”

“I like that plan.”

He lets Emma brush through her hair and wash her face while he brushes his teeth and washes his own face, slipping out of his sweats so that he’s only wearing his boxers before leaving the bathroom and moving to settle down under the plush white comforter in their bedroom. It’s still early enough for them not to be in bed, and he knows that he has laundry to do, but he’ll let that slide until tomorrow. It takes him a few minutes to find something on television to watch, settling on reruns of Seinfeld, and Emma joins him, laying her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his stomach while he plays with her untangled hair as they sit in silence for a few minutes, the lights on the screen flickering in the dim lights of the room.

“We need to get Henry packed for his camp tomorrow. And Ada has a gymnastics class at the same time that I need to be dropping Henry off.”

“I can take Ada. I don’t have to be at work until ten on Monday.”

“That works for me, but don’t forget her - ”

“Scrunchie. Aye, I know, love,” he promises, dipping his head down to kiss the top of Emma’s hair. “I know how she absolutely has to have her hair done. She’s a particular lass.”

“I wonder where she gets that from.”

“Obviously not me.”

Emma pats his stomach and turns her head to kiss his chest. “Sure, babe. You’re never particular about anything.”

“Never.”

His hand travels down her back to run over her ass, lightly teasing the firm skin before he drags his fingers back up, scratching at her skin. He doesn’t have any devious intent, simply moving his hand up and down Emma’s body because it’s relaxing to her in the times when he’s not riling her up. And if it happens to bring a little energy back to them as they’re half asleep.

“You know, Mrs. Jones, I’ve been thinking.”

“That’s never a good thing.”

“It is at least one out of every ten times.”

“That’s debatable.”

“Anyways,” he laughs, cupping her chin and tilting her head up so that his thumb rubs over the indent in her chin and he can look into her eyes, “I was thinking that it’s such a shame that I never did get to take you as my date to one of the military balls we attended. We could have gotten dressed up, danced all night until you had me carrying your shoes because your feet hurt. You deserve nights like that.”

“Killian, we got married in my mom’s living room when we could have had a big party wearing nice clothes where we danced all night and got drunk off our asses. I don’t...it would have been great to get to go to those balls together, to have the fancy nights out, but I don’t need any of that. It’s so much better for you and me to do stupid dances in the living room with our kids. I couldn’t ask for more because I love you, and I’m happy.”

He dips his head to slide his lips over hers, quick and warm and insistent, but he likes it most of all because he can feel her smile mixed in with his.

“My love, your happiness is all I desire.”

“Same.”

“That’s not quite as eloquent.”

“Yeah, well, eloquence was never in the deal when you signed up for this package.”

He smiles at her, pressing forward to kiss her one more time as their noses brush together. “I’m more than good with that.”

#rising from the ashes #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

[anticraptainswan]

Never thought about it that way, until I read the last anon! But, by OUAT introducing that all these parallel universes exist (and CS is only a hiccup in one of them), then technically there could be a timeline where SF is endgame, where SQ is endgame, where Graham never died, where August got a redemption arch, where Hook/Wendy was angsty and lovely, where Emma didn't become so selfish and cruel and actually acted like a hero, or where Emma was played by a good actor. So we all win!

In the Wish Realm, Emma and Neal were together before he died..... Friendly reminder for ya. ;-) 

#anon #asks #Swanfire #Anonymous

[chaoticgriffins]

Captain Swan fanfic list

Whilst I am fairly new to this beautiful fandom and ship, as I just started watching in August, I have spent a shameful amount of time since then reading as much of the delightful fanfiction this world has to offer (there are some extremely talented writers obsessed with this show, we are blessed) and as such, I want to keep my favorites all in one place, as well as recommend these to anyone interested. I know most of these have been featured on many a list but alas, I feel they deserve all the recognition they can get. 

I still have a very large bookmark folder of reading to go, so I may add to this. Also if anyone wants to recommend anything to me that’s not listed, that’d be fab

*Added to list 11/17/17

**Added to list 12/09/17

***Added to list 3/07/18

-- AU/CANON-DIVERGENCE MULTI-CHAPTER  --

Walking on Water by Ms Starlight (Rated M)-  Princess!Emma meets our beloved pirate Captain Killian Jones when his crew abducts her off one of her kingdom’s ships, interrupting her journey home from a diplomatic mission after attempting to seek aid for her kingdom during the Ogre Wars. Beautiful characterization, very interesting twists and manipulations on canon plot lines. This one is definitely a favorite. 

Something like you love me by killians-dimples (Rated T) - Friends to Lovers  (because apparently I am absolute trash for this trope) and Fake!Dating. Emma and Killian have been best friends since college, and when Mary Margaret just doesn’t know when to quit pushing her towards Walsh, Killian offers to pretend to be her boyfriend for a trip home to get her mom off her back. Beautiful and heartbreaking at times, loved it.

Walking in a Straight Line by msgenevieve447 (Rated M) - Another Friends to Lovers.Emma and Killian share a few drinks and a kiss, but only one of them remembers. VERY well written, fun to read, and I loved her characterizations. Plus Killian is a lawyer, which suits him so well for some reason. A personal favorite. (Prequel and Sequel one-shots below!)

The Darling Affair by Ice_Cube44 (Rated T) - I LOVED this one. Devoured it in one sitting. Killian is ex-military and his path crosses SocialWorker!Emma’s when one of her charges is kidnapped by the Gold family, the very same Killian’s been trying to track down for years. The story is so compelling, the characterization is awesome (especially Killian, I don’t know why but I am borderline obsessed with this version), PLUS there’s Liam, so you get all the Brothers Jones glory. (Prequel one-shots linked below) 

Crimson by qqueenofhades (Rated M) - Professor!Killian meets Emma when she starts taking his class. This one is a long, mysterious, awesome ride. A fascinating twist to the canon curse and our beloved pirate and wonderful writing and storytelling.

One Against the Wind by 4getfulimaginator (Rated T) - Set in the 1700′s, Emma is shipwrecked with a friend when they are rescued and brought aboard the Jolly Roger. This is a beautiful story, and one of the few that features awesome original characters. Heartbreaking and just wonderful.

Land Next to Me by swans-and-pirates (Rated T) - LieutenantDuckling. King’s Navy Hero Killian Jones meets Princess!Emma aboard the luxury spaceliner The Swan. When the unthinkable happens and they are forced to abandon ship, they end up stuck together on a mysterious planet. A sweet and compelling story with an awesome twist.

The Lost Boys by niniadepapa (Rated M) - Rockstar!Killian meets Actress!Emma. Their agents convince them to fake a relationship for the sake of their reputations. So much fun to read, and the cast of side characters are almost as fabulous as our dynamic duo. 

Second Star to the Right by Rhianna-Aurora (Rated M) - Canon Divergence, Emma doesn’t leave Killian at the top of the beanstalk and lets him come back to Storybrooke. Well-written and lovely read. 

Under the Horizon by romancered (Rated T) - Emma falls through a portal in Neverland and ends up three hundred years in the past, on the deck of the Jolly Roger, under the watch of a newly minted and grieving Captain Hook. 

To The End by StrawberryFields4ever (Rated T) - The adventure through Neverland to find Henry takes a fascinating turn. Emma falls into an Alternate Cursed version of Storybrooke while Killian, Mary Margaret, David, Regina, and Rumple try to find Emma and Henry in Neverland. 

Call it Love by Montana-Rosalie (Rated T) - Lieutenant Duckling. Princess!Emma and Killian are friends as children, before life drags them apart and brings them back together. ALL of Montana-Rosalie’s stories are worth reading, really. This one is sweet and sad at times, but a wonderful story.

All We’d Ever Need by Montana-Rosalie (Rated T) - Ballerina!Emma and Pianist!Killian are best friends, and find their lives crumbling on the same night. Fluffy, sweet, and angsty, but really beautifully written. Plus daddy!Killian always.

Written in the Stars by Montana-Rosalie (Rated T) -Last one, these three were my favorites of hers, but again, read all of them. Princess!Emma meets Blacksmith!Killian, and decides to fight for her true love. Angst abounds, but it’s so worth it in the end. Love love love. 

The Path That Moonbeams Make by KnifeEdge (Rated T) - S2 Canon Divergence. Everyone’s favorite pirate climbs through Emma’s window after midnight, but not for the reasons you might think. Beautifully written. 

The Secret of Drowning by momothelemur (Rated T) - S2 Canon Divergence. Emma and Killian fall through the portal and end up where they least expect. They have to learn to trust each other as they go on a wild journey through the realms to try and get home to Storybrooke. 

* Incarcerus by qqueenofhades (Rated M) - Emma and Killian are vampires. I did not expect to love this one as much as I did, but it was so so fantastic. Their relationship is so unexpectedly sweet, and I loved the side characters just as much as I did CS. The story line is so well thought out and intriguing. 

*The Lightbearers by qqueenofhades (Rated M) - This one made me so emotional so many times. Steampunk AU, Emma is a bounty hunter sent after the infamous sky pirate Killian Jones. There are so many twists and turns to this story, and I’m so in love with this author’s Will Scarlet.

*The Reason by xHookedonKillianx (Rated M) - Another friends to lovers and secret dating fic, this is one of my new favorites of that trope. The progression of their relationship is endearing and heartbreaking at times, and I love when a fic can make me love the relationships between the side characters as I am with CS. Bonus Liam Jones, whom I love dearly. 

*Lethologica by lifeinahole (Rated M) - Friends to Lovers/Secret Dating. Looooved this one. Chef!Killian and Emma is in the military. So sweet and fun to read, and the twist towards the end made me emotional. 

**Warm Nights and Firelight by Oubliette14 (Rated M) - Emma runs away from a messy breakup straight back home to her parents’ horse ranch. There she meets Killian, who works as a ranch hand for her father. This one is so loving and beautiful. 

**The Trouble with Faking It by nowforruin (Rated M) - Killian is a Hollywood actor one mistake away from blowing his career. Emma is the down on her luck bail bonds woman that KJ’s manager finds, and makes her an offer she can’t refuse. FakeDating! but so sooo fantastically raw and heartbreaking. 

**Wait For the Moonrise by lifeinahole (Rated E) - Enchanted Forest/Storybrooke AU with LieutenantDuckling. On the day Killian intends to propose to Princess!Emma, she disappears, swept up in a curse. He’ll do anything to find her. 

**To Every Thing a Season by Ice_Cube44 (Rated T) - I’ve been waiting for this one to be finished for awhile and pounced the second it was done. Killian is a scientist at Storybrooke University, trying to crack the code to travel back in time to save Liam from being murdered. Emma’s his lab assistant who didn’t quite know what she was getting into. I knew I’d love this because I loved The Darling Affair, and it definitely didn’t disappoint. A wonderful knot of fluff and angst with a beautiful ending. 

***Guilty, Your Honor by shipping-goggles (Rated M) - Emma starts a new job at a law firm and realizes her one-time thing from the night before has already come back to haunt her. The journey from horribly awkward to friends to lovers is a lovely thing. 

***Headlights Fading by EvilIsntBorn337 (Rated K+) - When Emma Swan breaks down in the middle of nowhere, Maine, she finds help in the most unlikely of places, and by the time her car is ready to go, she has to decide if she is. Beautiful and sweet AU.

***If the Stars Align by twistedroses (Rated M) - This is a story world I loved and wasn’t quite ready for it to end. Emma is the Queen of France, and Killian is a loyal Musketeer who’d do anything for his queen. The stakes are high and angst abounds in this beautiful, unique twist on CS.

***Tripping Over the Blue Line by WelpThisIsHappening (Rated M) - Hockey AU. Killian is the Captain of the New York Rangers and Emma is the new Community Relations rep. Both of them have big plans and weren’t quite counting on the other to come along and change them. This is such a fun, wonderful world to spend time in even if you aren’t a sports fan (I’m not, but I still loved every minute of this fic) and I love her characterizations of Emma, Killian, and the whole crew. 

***The PyeongChang Triple by WelpThisIsHappening  (Rated M) - The fun continues in the Olympics sequel to Blue Line. 

***Out of the Frying Pan by WelpThisIsHappening (Rated M) - Celebrity Cooking AU. Emma’s trying to save her time slot for her show, and Killian wants to expand his restaurant - both of them need to win the All-Stars competition. Another fun story with completely immersive writing and a huge, lovable community. 

***You Play Ball Like a Girl by WelpThisIsHappening (Rated M) - Emma has plans to take New York sports journalism by storm, so when she starts to fall for her editor, she realizes she’s got a big problem. This one is a little more angsty than her other stories, but I loved it all the same.

***Light of All Lights by Ripplestitchskein (Rated E) - Dark Swan and Deckhand Killian AU. While the depiction of Killian as weak and fearful is hard to swallow at first, this story has an awesome depiction of Emma as the Dark One, and Killian’s growth is really beautiful by the end. Rated E for a reason, folks, but the story and characterizations are fascinating.

(Now I have a hard and fast rule not to read fics that aren’t complete, as I have mourned the loss of too many abandoned fics, but this one and the next sort of snuck up on me, and I’m recommending them because they are absolutely worth reading despite being unfinished. (They are, however, still being updated and haven’t been abandoned, so I eagerly await the endings.)

***Beyond the Horizon by AlexandraLyman (Rated M) -WIP- Princess Emma’s ship is attacked by pirates, and Captain Jones brings her aboard. Slowly but surely, they fall in love, and Killian finds a bit of the good man inside that he lost along the way while he helps Emma reunite with her parents and save her kingdom. BEAUTIFUL writing. Really, all I can talk about is how gorgeous this one is.

***Alone, Until I Get Home by phthalo (Rated M) -WIP- S3 Canon-Divergence, where Emma stays in New York after the curse for seven years instead of one. Henry and his little brother Ian find the story book in Emma’s bug, and just like that, he remembers everything and leads his family back to Storybrooke. I’m a sucker for 3B pining and this one delivers. Ian is, quite possibly, my absolute favorite OC and I love this story so much.

-- ONE-SHOTS/SHORT MULTI-CHAPTER --

Round and Round by killians-dimples (Rated T) - Enchanted Forest. Princess!Emma and Killian are best friends, and Emma is trying to pretend that’s all she feels for him. So sweet, but also dark - warnings for assault - but definitely a good read. 

Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor  by killians-dimples (Rated M) - Friends to lovers, of course. Emma and Killian knew each other in school before she moved to a new foster home. They meet again as neighbors, and find their friendship evolving into something quite different. 

Lonely Hearts Club by niniadepapa (Rated T) - A cute one-shot where Killian starts exchanging notes on a table at Granny’s with a mysterious woman, only to be thrown for a loop when he finds out who it is. 

Heart’s a Mess by niniadepapa (Rated M) - Killian meets Emma when she becomes Milah’s new roommate. This one hurts, but in the best way.

Clouds in My Coffee by msgenevieve447 (Rated M) - One-Shot Sequel to Walking in a Straight Line. Fluffy sweetness.

Serendipity (or something like it) by msgenevieve447 (Rated K) - One-Shot prequel to Walking in a Straight Line, when Emma and Killian meet for the first time. 

Freaky Friday by msgenevieve447 (Rated M) - another one, yes, just read everything she writes. Emma and Killian are accidentally put together in the same hotel room as roommates for a business convention. 

the daylight seems so far away by VickyVicarious (Rated T) - Everyone has a tattoo on their wrist that tells them the age their soulmate will be when they finally meet. Emma thinks she’s broken, as her wrist says 232. 

Bad Form by VickyVicarious (Rated T) - Lieutenant!Killian meets Thief!Emma one night by the docks. One-Shot.

Bag Over Head, Held at Gunpoint, Outnumbered, Drugged, Guilt, Grief, Panic Attack by icecubelotr44 - a collection of one-shots set in The Darling Affair universe. Mostly set before, and mostly Brothers Jones, but reading these is what made me want to read The Darling Affair, so definitely worth a read.   

Theoretically by wtvoc (Rated E) - Friends to Lovers. Witty and unexpectedly sweet. Explicit for a reason BUT it has a really good story in between the smutty fun. 

Oh, Brother... by the-captains-ayebrows (Rated T) - Fake!Dating with a twist - Liam and Emma are roommates, and Emma offers to pretend to be his girlfriend when his brother comes to town...but things quickly get complicated when sparks fly between Emma and Killian. Really fun to read, plus anything with the Brothers Jones is always a pleasure.

**Roger by Oubliette14 (Rated T) - Emma’s dog gets hit by a car, but when Killian, who works at the vet’s office, offers to pay for the emergency surgery to save the dog’s life. SO SWEET and nearly made me cry. 

**Drag Me Down by seastarved (Rated T) - Just a little royals one-shot that might break your heart, but it’s so beautifully written, I kinda wish it was a multi-chap. 

**Chasing Thursdays by nowforruin (Rated M) - Elsa and Emma open an ice cream shop in Storybrooke, Killian owns the tattoo parlor across the street. He comes in every Thursday for ice cream, and Emma doesn’t quite realize how much he’s gotten under her skin until the day he doesn’t.

**We Got Us by lifeinahole (Rated M) - Emma and Killian are happy and in love...but scared to let their friends and family in on it, lest they ruin what they’ve got with drama. A cute one-shot in which the entire Swan/Charming/Jones crew spend a beach vacation together, with CS trying to hide their relationship.

**My Eyes, They Speak For Me by lifeinahole (Rated M) - Canon-Divergence from New York City Serenade. Killian goes back to NY for Emma and she takes the potion, but when they go back to Storybrooke...it’s not there. They go back to New York and try to figure out how to get back to Emma’s family. 

***Snowflakes and Starlight by AlexandraLyman (Rated K) - LieutenantDuckling sweetness with a dash of Brothers Jones, and I’m a sucker for both. Beautiful.  

***Team Bonding by msgenevieve447 (Rated M) - After an accidental kiss during Laser Tag between coworkers, and Emma learning that not everything is as it seems. A sweet short multi-chap with some delightful pining. 

***Where the Lovelight Gleams by icecubelotr44 (Rated K) - Christimas in the Darling Affair universe. This made me way too emotional, seriously. Emma’s facing her daughter’s first real Christmas without Killian without much enthusiasm when her husband has been MIA for months, but that changes when Liam delivers the best Christmas present of all. 

***The Legend of Captain Killian Jones by HollyeLeigh (Rated M) - Killian Jones is cursed to haunt the halls of his family’s manor as a ghost, only regaining corporeal form once every hundred years as a chance to break his curse. He gets some help from an unlikely source. A fun supernatural read with an awesome twist on Killian’s story.

***Bird of Prey by Shoedonym (Rated M) - Swan Mythology AU. This is so beautiful and poetic and I can’t sing its praises enough. Killian visits the lake on the third full moon of spring even though the stories warn against it, and he comes to the conclusion that the line between fact and fairy tales is a lot more blurry than one might think. 

***Two-Day Shipping by High-Seas-Swan (Rated T) - A sweet, fun little one-shot where Killian and Liam own a bait and tackle shop. Emma goes in looking for a chair, she doesn’t quite expect anything more. 

***Not One of Those Stories by effulgentcolors (Rated M) - Killian is the town’s recluse, a loner, and when he hears that there’s a new sheriff coming to town, all he really wants is the chance to have a friend. I really loved this story, with the unique twist on an older Killian. Read the thing. 

***Tim Finnegan’s Wake by icecubelotr44 (Rated T) - Emma’s a little annoyed with the music blasting from her neighbor’s apartment, so she’s all the more surprised at how concerned she is when it suddenly stops. A lovely amount of angst ensues. 

*** CS 0155 Data Witchcraft by strangetales (Rated M) - An awesome and creative take on Emma & Killian’s love story with modern witchcraft sprinkled in. Loved this story.

#captain swan #ouat #fanfic #ff rec #killian jones #emma swan

[searchingwardrobes]

Scarborough Fair: 7/?

I was shocked to discover that I last updated this at the end of October! I still love this story, though, so I hope you all will stick with me. Writing this chapter was great therapy for me, but in addition to that, I really enjoyed writing the dynamic of this quirky and unique little family. I also rather like how this chapter ends, if I do say so myself. It’s a nice bit of levity in what has so far been a dark story. 

You might want to go back and read Mary Margaret’s journal entry from chapter 6 (the part in italics) to refresh your memory about how the curse in this story works. I know it’s been a while! 

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Emma Swan has had a charmed life, despite being a foster child. She has a wonderful family who loves her, and the best friends in the world. The only thing that mars her idyllic existence is her birth mother: a homeless woman who mutters nonsensical rhymes and claims to be Snow White. One fateful night, however, Emma’s world is shattered. Perhaps her mother’s rhymes aren’t nonsense after all.

Rated: M for date rape, dubious consent, teen pregnancy, and sexy times (the good kind!)

Words: Over 3k in this chapter

Chapter One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six

Also on Ao3

Tagging:  (let me know if you wish to be removed or added):  @snowbellewells @teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @xhookswenchx-reads-blog @thisonesatellite @welllpthisishappening @spartanguard @ohmakemeahercules @tiganasummertree @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1​ @jonesfandomfanatic

Emma descended the stairs with the pregnancy test in the pocket of her jeans, one hand clutching her mother’s journal, and the other clasped firmly in Killian’s. If not for his presence beside her, she would have collapsed. 

It hadn’t taken them long to come to this decision. Their very unique family had come together through a series of crazy tragedies. Some would call them a series of coincidences; but to every family member under this roof, it felt like fate. If Emma was cursed to follow this path, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she didn’t have to walk it alone. Elsa and Anna hadn’t been alone after their parents died in a boating accident - their Aunt had immediately taken them in, and they’d gained a third sister in the process. Killian hadn’t been alone when his father left and his mother died - a brother he had never met stepped up. Then Ingrid Arendelle and three little girls had knocked on Liam Jones’s front door with a platter of cookies to welcome him and his little boy to the neighborhood, and well - fate took over once again. 

As for Emma, what would have happened to her if Mary Margaret had never met Ingrid? This Dark One her mother wrote about in her journal couldn’t have anticipated Ingrid. Or Liam. Or Killian, Elsa, or Anna. Hiding this from them just wasn’t an option. Every time they faced difficulties, they were stronger together. 

Emma and Killian paused at the bottom of the stairs. Ingrid, Liam, and Anna were bustling about the kitchen. Anna was opening the boxes of pizza that had just been delivered, Liam was pulling paper plates from the cupboard, and Ingrid had just walked in the kitchen door after fetching sodas from the extra fridge in the garage. She kicked the door shut with one foot, her arms loaded down with soda cans. She froze, the laughter on her lips dying as she saw Emma and Killian standing there. 

“We need to have a family meeting,” Killian announced. 

All three of them looked from Killian, to Emma, then to their joined hands. Anna’s mouth opened, then snapped shut. Ingrid and Liam shared weighted glances. 

“Okay,” Ingrid agreed as she began setting the soda cans one by one on the kitchen counter. “Let’s grab our food and gather around the table.”

Killian looked at Emma and gave her an encouraging smile followed by a squeeze of his hand. Emma nodded nervously, then let go. She sat down at the kitchen table, hugging her mother’s journal to her chest. Everyone resumed dinner preparations, although their voices were softer and the laughter had floated away. Emma wasn’t hungry, but she tried to pick at the slice of pepperoni Ingrid set before her. 

“Well,” Ingrid announced, taking charge as always, “do we want to eat and then have the meeting, or talk while we eat?”

“I’d really rather get it over with,” Emma said softly.

Ingrid nodded. “Okay, then. Do we want to try and include Elsa in this?”

Emma wet her suddenly dry lips. She really just wanted to rip this off like a bandaid. “If she could, that would be nice, but I don’t want to wait.”

“Liam, see if you can get ahold of Elsa for a Zoom call.”

A series of texts were exchanged, Liam set up his laptop at Elsa’s usual seat around 

the table, and suddenly, there was her older sister, via the magic of technology. Thankfully, dinner time around Boston was lunch time in the North Sea, so Elsa was on a break from her intern responsibilities. She waved at Emma, her smile still holding that edge of concern as she asked how she was doing.

“In truth,” Emma confessed, “I’ve been better. Which is why I called a family meeting.”

“You both did, actually,” Liam clarified, giving his brother a weighted look. He glanced down to where Killian’s hand rested atop Emma’s on the table. 

Had he reached for her hand or had she reached for his? Emma wasn’t sure, but it felt right, as if it were the only way she could face this. 

Emma let out a long breath as she reached into her pocket. “There’s not really a way to ease into this conversation, so . . .”

She pulled out the pregnancy test and set it in the middle of the table. The reaction was immediate. Anna gasped, Liam made a strangled noise, and Ingrid pressed a hand to her mouth. Elsa’s confused voice came out distant and tinny from the computer screen. 

“What is that? I can’t see.”

Emma lifted the pregnancy test and held it right in front of the camera. 

“Oh . . . my,” Elsa breathed. 

“What the bloody hell have you done, Killian?” Liam suddenly burst out. 

“Me?” Killian shouted. 

“You mean you think it’s his?” Emma choked out. 

The other three female members of the family began shouting over each other in chastisement. Liam lifted both hands placatingly. 

“They come walking down here hand in hand, calling a family meeting, then she pulls out a pregnancy test? What was I supposed to think?”

Ingrid glared at her husband and smacked him in the shoulder with the back of her hand. “You’re supposed to think about Neal Cassidy and what he did to her just two months ago! Not to mention have more faith than that in your brother.”

Liam’s shoulders slumped. “Neal?” he whispered as he looked apologetically at Emma.

She nodded solemnly in reply. 

“So now we need to support Emma instead of flying off the handle,” Elsa proclaimed from across the ocean via Zoom.

Emma leaned towards the screen to address her sister. “Don’t be too hard on him. He looks pretty awful right now.”

“Well,” Ingrid announced, splaying both hands on the table, “you have options Emma. Tomorrow we can -”

Emma cut her off with a raised hand. “This is about more than an unplanned pregnancy.” She looked at Killian, pushing the slim volume with the tattered green cover towards him with her free hand. He never had let go of her other one. He squeezed her hand now and gave her a nod in understanding. 

“I found this the night of the prom in Mary Margaret’s things,” Killian explained. 

“It’s her journal,” Emma added, “and she wrote it for me.”

“Emma,” Ingrid breathed, reaching hesitantly across the table, and then drawing her hand back, “I had no idea . . .”

“I read it,” Emma continued, ignoring her foster mother, “and then I had Killian read it, and . . . well . . .”

“It explains some things,” Killian filled in for her. 

“Right. It explains things. I made Killian promise me something before he read it, and I’m going to ask you the same thing. Promise you won’t think this is crazy, or that I’m crazy.”

Any other parent would probably jump in at that point with an adamant denial that they would ever entertain such a thought. Emma’s foster parents, however, knew the gravity of what she was asking them. So did her sisters. Ingrid and Liam exchanged marital looks that spoke without words. Anna and Elsa, even through a computer screen, did their creepy sister telepathy. Then the four of them solemnly promised Emma that they would all have open minds. With that vow, Killian picked up the journal, opened it, and began to read it out loud.

He still didn’t let go of Emma’s hand. 

She refused to look at her family as he read aloud, afraid of what she might see in their expressions. There was an audible gasp from all four of them at Neal’s name, but other than that, it was eerily silent as Killian read. When he finished, he set the journal down on the table, and Emma finally raised her head. Ingrid’s brow was furrowed as if she were mentally reviewing every moment with Mary Margaret over the years. Liam stared at a point somewhere over Emma’s shoulder. Anna blinked and shook her head slightly in shock. Elsa massaged her brow with the slender fingers of both hands. The silence stretched. 

Anna, unsurprisingly, was the one who broke it. 

“That . . . actually explains a lot.”

“A curse then,” Elsa said, leaning closer to her screen, “so how do we help Emma break it?”

Liam banged both fists on the table. “I should have punched that kid when I had the chance.”

Ingrid rose, strode to the kitchen drawer, grabbed a pad of paper and a pen, then sat back down with pen poised over paper. “Repeat that riddle to me again, Killian.”

He read it again, and Ingrid scrawled furiously. Liam leaned over her shoulder. 

“I could do more research into the song,” he told everyone.

“And that art professor?” Ingrid asked, tapping the paper with the end of the pen, “What was her name? The one who did her dissertation on textiles?”

“Kate Freemont?”

“Yes, her! Maybe she could look into fabrics that would work for this first riddle.”

“How is that even possible?” Anna asked, leaning over her aunt’s list. “If you sew a shirt, doesn’t it have to have a seam? And how do you make it without a needle?”

“I can ask around here about the third riddle,” Elsa spoke up. “It seems it would be pretty hard to sow an acre on the shore before the tide comes in, but some of these scientists I’ve been working with have traveled the world. Maybe they know of a place where that would work?”

“Forget the tide,” Anna scoffed, “how do you sow an entire acre with only one kernel of corn?”

“The agriculture department!” Liam exclaimed. “I’ll ask around.”

Emma’s eyes welled up with tears as she watched her family roll up their sleeves and jump right in to solve the riddle. Not for one second did they scoff at her or turn away. Ingrid met her watery gaze, and her expression softened. She put down the pen and raised a hand to quiet the rest of the family. 

“Before we go on, there’s one solution we haven’t voiced.” She looked intently at Emma with eyes full of compassion. “The curse says that you have until your child is born to solve the riddle. If you terminate the pregnancy -”

“No!” Emma cried, placing a hand protectively to her abdomen. 

“Sweetheart,” Ingrid said gently, “you were raped. No one would fault you if -”

“I can’t,” Emma protested, shaking her head. “I can’t explain it, but my gut tells me things would be worse if I did that. I think this baby is the key to breaking this curse. If I did what you suggest, I have a feeling the madness would take me then, and my parents would be cursed forever.”

Ingrid nodded, blinking back tears. “Okay, then. Well, everyone, how do we go about finding a town that no one knows?”

Emma’s smile grew, and she felt herself relax in her chair as everyone’s voices overlapped one another. Except for Killian. He sat silently, her hand still in his, his thumb idly rubbing across her knuckles. It soothed her. 

Then he cleared his throat. “I have something I need to say.”

Everyone stopped and looked at him. 

“I’m in love with Emma.”

The words shot through the quiet room, and then Liam spoke up.

“And you all wondered why I thought the baby might be his.”

#cs ff #captain swan fanfic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfiction #cs impossible au #cs au #lieutenant duckling #modern fantasy #angst #cs angsty august #angsty august #captain swan angsty august #impossible au

[kmomof4]

LET THE ANGST BEGIN!!!! Thank you @killianslefthook for making the gif above!!!

#angsty august #cs ff #cs angsty august

[cosette141]

Moment of Truth (OUAT fanfic) | for CS Angsty August 2022!!

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Pairing: Captain Swan (and Captain Charming)

Words: 4k

Summary: After Killian learns he killed David’s father, the secret is eating him alive. So, with a load of courage and even more rum, he brings himself to tell the truth. And he prays he won’t lose the love of his life… or his best friend in the process. (S6 canon divergence where Emma doesn’t find the ring and doesn’t pressure Killian into proposing) for Angsty August 2022, CS, Captain Charming, h/c

AO3

Hi everyone! Here's a two-shot for the CS Angsty August event! :) I'll preface by saying that this has a happy ending, but we're going on a little ride haha.

I absolutely haaated that Emma found the ring in S6 and then pressured Killian into proposing. I wanted to see what it would look like if Emma hadn't found the ring and interrupted his attempt to tell the truth about David's father, and see what would have happened that way.

Hope you guys enjoy the angst ;)

~cosette141

Killian stumbled up the steps to their house.

His and Emma's house.

Their home.

Killian paused, catching his balance on the door frame, swaying with the rum that circulated through his body more than blood.

"Dead men tell no tales."

He slid the blade into the man's ribs.

He watched the life leave his eyes, watched him slump against the cart.

Watched him die.

And he, himself, smiled.

Killian felt sick.

His eyes burned, his body thrummed with the effect of the alcohol and the anxiety of having to tell her—needing to tell her.

"I actually want to tell Emma the truth."

"Well," the cricket had said, proudly, "maybe it's because you are the man that Emma wants to marry."

But what if he isn't?

What if…

He lost his breath, his hand slipping on the door frame as his heart lurched.

What if she leaves him?

He caught his breath, his heart pounding.

He couldn't lose her.

Gods, he's tried so hard.

He's changed.

He's brought himself back, dragged himself back, tore himself away from the darkness.

Twice.

And now, despite all he's done to fix it, his past and the sins he'd thought he left there have come rearing back with a bloody vengeance.

Would he ever truly escape it?

Or would he always be a prisoner of his own mistakes?

"Emma… I'm a villain."

"If you're afraid of losing your happy ending, that means you found it. What is it?"

"Don't you know, Emma? It's you."

He couldn't lose her.

He couldn't lose her.

He couldn't stand to see her look at him with the hatred he saw stare back at him in the mirror.

Killian shut his eyes, the fog of the alcohol only making the thoughts and the fear worse.

He should have known that there was a limit on his happiness with Emma.

Should've known that he never deserved her after all.

Should've known that his past would come back to kill any and all hope of his future.

And the worst part…

He deserved it.

His chest physically hurt.

He deserved to be left alone.

He deserved to see her walk away from him, to see the love for him disappear from her eyes.

True Love be damned.

He deserved to lose his happy ending.

But it wasn't only Emma he was going to lose.

David.

Killian couldn't breathe.

Just last night, less than twenty-four hours ago, David had cried into his chest.

David had embraced him like Liam once had.

And David broke under the suffering of living without his father, the father who hadn't left him like he'd thought.

Suffering that Killian had caused.

David clung onto Killian like his rock, like his brother, like family.

He'd turned to Killian over the loss of his father. Killian; his father's murderer.

Killian's eyes shut, losing feeling in his legs.

David has grown to be the greatest friend that Killian has ever had—to someone that Killian trusted as much as he'd loved and trusted Liam—

And gods, he's hurt him.

He ripped David's family apart and he's hurt him.

Killian's eyes burned.

"Well, you shouldn't have goaded him into it!"

He destroyed both his brothers' lives.

Hell—

All three of them.

Killian's breath hitched, his eyes opening, nothing but torture shining through.

The urge to run was blinding.

To save Emma from him, because she deserved someone better.

But a small voice somewhere in the back of his mind whispered to him to be a man.

To be strong in a lifetime of being weak.

To do it for Emma, because he will not leave her.

He will never leave her.

He will let her leave him—a choke in his throat, a burn in his eyes—but he will never leave her.

His eyes opened, his frame trembling with fear and the clash of where his weakness met his strength, both vying terribly for control.

But he took a shuddering breath.

And he forced himself to move, opening the door, desperately wishing that it won't be the last time he walks into their home.

Killian shut the door, hand shaking.

He heard footsteps from upstairs—

Emma.

A chill shot down his spine, stopping his heart.

"There you are," said Emma, coming down the stairs. She was smiling. She was happy.

And she kissed him immediately, something soft and sweet and happy.

He shut his eyes, trying to memorize the feel of her lips.

The feel of her.

But she pulled back far too soon, and Killian opened his eyes, begging it won't be the last kiss they ever share.

"Oh, wow. Captain Morgan," said Emma, licking her lips with a teasing smile. "I thought we were switching to water."

But Killian didn't smile—couldn't smile—not in lieu of what he was going to do.

He clung onto the strength within him that was fading more and more the longer he looked at her.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't give me the courage that I need," he whispered hollowly, forcing the words out before he could stop them.

Before he could be the coward he's always truly been.

He watched her eyes shift with confusion, and fear rose sharply through him.

Emma.

Hell, he loved her so much.

Please don't let her leave me.

"Courage… for what?" asked Emma unevenly, sensing the tension surrounding him like a vapor.

He felt paralyzed, the words trying to come out, his fear clinging onto them with all his might.

He could feel the ring in his pocket.

He was nearly going to marry her.

He'd just gotten David's blessing.

His blessing.

The man who had hated him, bloody hated him when they'd met.

And who now was his closest friend.

"You're never going to get her."

"Of course, you have my blessing."

Killian had been so close.

So close.

The desire to lie, to keep it to himself, was agony.

But he couldn't handle it.

The secret was tearing him apart, he could hardly live with himself.

He needed her, he needed her to lean on and was bloody terrified that speaking the words would tear her away from him.

Because he knew for certain that if she did, if she looked at him the way he looked at himself…

He couldn't bloody handle it.

"Killian…?"

Killian looked up, seeing Emma watching him with a concerned expression. Something scared in that expression. "What is it?" she asked slowly.

Killian took a breath.

Braced himself.

And bloody prayed she'd still be here after the words left him.

"I need to tell you something," he managed unevenly, the words hoarse, like they'd been through a war and barely made it out alive. "But I'm… I'm not sure how you're going to react."

Killian suddenly wished for more rum.

But no amount of rum could erase this.

Emma's expression only became more concerned. And…

Fearful.

A familiar kind of fearful.

Age-old crumbled walls attempted to rise in her eyes. "Killian, you're scaring me," she whispered. "Y-You're not… not… breaking up with me, are you?"

Her words were hollow and quick and breathless.

And his eyes snapped to hers, quickly saying, "No! Of—of course not, never—" His eyes shut even as he heard her little exhale of relief. "But… love, I wish I could have you promise that to me."

He felt her hand take his, and his eyes opened, utterly tortured.

He felt sick.

Emma's expression was even more concerned now, but not for herself.

For him.

"Killian, what's wrong?" she whispered gently. A little smile— "I promise I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me anything."

But she doesn't know.

He bloody killed her grandfather in cold blood, and he can't stand to tell her, and can't stand to not tell her.

So he shut his eyes, dredged up the words from the sharp claws of his fear, and spoke before he lost the strength to be the man she deserved.

"I killed David's father."

Silence.

He couldn't breathe.

His chest burned.

"What?"

Emma's voice was small, hollow and… confused.

Forcing himself to repeat it, to get it out, Killian said, "Emma, I k-killed David's father. I did it. It was me. The monster your father is looking for… is me." His voice lost all strength, a hot tear burning down his cheek. He went on before she could speak— "I didn't realize until August gave me a photograph of him, and it… it came back to me, and…" His eyes shut, pain ripping through him worse than any agony he's ever suffered. "I found his father tied to a Royal Guard cart as a hostage," he went on, forcing himself to. "I wanted their gold, I k-killed the guards—" His eyes were shut, every voicing of the word kill, another stab to his chest. "His father begged me for his life, promised to keep quiet on what he saw me do—because he—he wanted… he wanted to return to his family—" Another choke in his voice, another tear down his cheek, contempt for himself trailing through him like poison. "It wasn't even as if… as if I didn't believe him," he breathed, "I didn't need to k-kill him, I just… I didn't care—" A hitched breath, his chest burned. He felt sick. "I watched him die at my own blade, the same one that I—that I've used to spar with your father—" Another tear burned, tracking a molten line of regret down his skin, and he was shaking, he was shaking so hard— "E-Emma, I'm so sorry, I'm so bloody sorry, I murdered David's father, your grandfather, I've hurt so many people, I've—I've done so many horrible things and I'm—I'm—I'm a bloody monst—"

But he was suddenly pulled into an embrace.

His words cut off, his eyes flying open as Emma pulled him tightly to her chest, wrapping her arms around him.

In shock, he stared at her, voice hitching, "E-Emma—"

"I love you."

Killian stopped breathing.

His tears froze on his face.

"What?" he breathed.

"I love you," came Emma's voice, shaky but firm, and she pulled back just to see his face, tears on her own cheeks, but her arms only grew tighter around him. "I love you, Killian. No matter who you used to be or what you did."

Another tear burned down Killian's cheek. "But—Emma, I—"

"I know," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder again. "I know. But I meant what I said. You can tell me anything. I'm not going anywhere."

The clash of relief and utter confusion at her response just had more tears burning down his face. "Why don't you hate me?" he choked out, voice weak and hollow as shattered glass.

"Because the man who did that," she whispered, sure and strong, "was never you." She pulled back a little, his arms reluctant to let her, but he did, and she touched his face, reading every torture in his eyes. "I know you. The man you are right here… this is you." A broken smile. "That's who I love." she said, only holding him tighter. "No matter what Hook did."

He stared at her in shock, unable to process her words.

He'd expected contempt.

He'd expected to see her heart break.

He'd expected her to throw him out, to never speak to him again.

He expected her to hate him as much as he hated himself.

Another tear burned down his cheek. "I don't… Emma… David, I-I—" Another sob escaped him, hell, he was breaking, and Emma was pulling him into her arms even tighter.

"It's okay," she whispered over his shoulder. "We'll figure it out. And we'll get through it. It's okay." She hugged him tighter. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere, Killian. We'll get through this together. I love you, Killian."

And he cried, there in her arms, under the weight of everything Hook had done, everything he had done. Cried for the lives he'd taken and the lives he'd destroyed, and for his own life that had been broken enough to drive him to such darkness.

And he cried from the relief that Emma was still here. That she wasn't leaving, and that he didn't have to break alone.

Emma held him, never letting him go, whispering reassurances, whispering love. Promising him over and over that she will never leave.

He would never understand what he'd done to deserve her—what he'd done to deserve her forgiveness, her unwavering love. And he only hoped he could find a way to make this right for David, and that he wouldn't lose his best friend.

But in lieu of one of the darkest days of his life, having to tell one of his darkest secrets, Emma was a light.

She was here with him, and he didn't have to go through this alone.

-.-.-.-.

Killian felt a familiar fear run through him, and a familiar need for rum.

He felt Emma's fingers in his tighten.

"It's going to be okay," said Emma softly.

Killian swallowed hard, his numb body begging to disagree.

But he looked at her, seeing the sliver of doubt in her eyes, but enough courage and hope for the both of them.

He took a breath, lifting his hook to knock softly on the door to the loft.

He could do this.

He could do this.

Emma had accepted him, had loved him no less after learning the truth of what he's done, but…

Now, he had to tell David.

Emma had spent the whole night holding him tightly as they slept, like she knew that he was still terrified that she would change her mind about him overnight. Emma knew more about abandonment than anyone Killian has ever known, and she never once left his side since he's told her.

She'd offered to tell her father herself, but this was Killian's doing.

He needed to face his own consequences.

Even if the thought of it made him lose all the feeling in his body.

But without any hesitation, Emma chose to come with him, not letting him do this alone.

Killian still didn't understand how she could be so accepting of him, didn't understand how she wasn't angry with him.

How she couldn't hate him.

And it almost made him think that, one day, he might again be able to look into the mirror and meet his own eyes.

He let out a shuddering breath, where he was outside the loft with Emma, only a door separating him from David.

From a break he didn't know if his heart could take.

They heard footsteps approach the door at his knock, and Killian went rigid, his chest tight with lack of breath.

Emma's fingers tightened around his.

And the door opened, revealing David.

Killian nearly flinched.

"Hook," said David with surprise. "Emma. It's early for a visit."

Killian couldn't find his voice.

His mind was playing over every horrible way David could react.

He couldn't help flashing back to the other night.

"Yes. Of course, you have my blessing."

Killian's need for rum was blinding.

Emma looked at him concernedly, then looked at her father. "Um, is Mom home?"

"No," said David, stepping aside to let them inside, and Emma had to tug Killian in gently after her, for his legs were nearly too numb to move. "She's out with your brother on a walk. Why?" He looked at Killian, a little excitement in his eyes, lifting his brow. "Do you two… need to tell me something?"

His gaze snapped to Emma's left hand, brows falling a little when he saw it empty.

Killian felt sick.

"Um," said Emma, confused at the display, but shook it off. She looked to Killian.

Gods, this was harder than telling Emma.

"I… need to tell you something," said Killian, dredging up the courage from last night, that seemed to have buried itself even deeper within him, even harder to reach.

Emma's fingers tightened even more around his, lending him strength.

David caught the tension, and he crossed his arms, saying, "Okay. What is it?"

Killian shut his eyes.

Felt sick.

Utterly, horribly sick.

"David," he breathed, forcing himself to meet David's eyes. "The man who… who killed your father—"

David lifted a hand, expression shifting. "I've already decided that you were right. I'm not going to look into it anymore; there's no point finding the exact man who—"

"It was me."

The words were barely a whisper.

Killian's heart was pounding so hard it hurt.

David's words dried up in an instant.

He looked frozen in shock.

Then— "What?"

However similar to Emma's first response, the word wasn't spoken like Emma had said it.

It had a touch of that unhinged anger from days ago.

And it made Killian lose his breath.

But Killian forced himself to say it again. "It was me," he breathed, voice hollow, body numb. "I'm the one who… who killed your father."

His eyes burned.

And David….

Went frighteningly still.

Quickly, Killian said, words breathless, "I di-didn't realize until… until after the night you and I…" His voice broke off. "August found the page in the st-storybook, and I… I recognized him." Forcing himself to continue, he breathed, "I crossed paths with him many years ago, and I—" His voice broke. His eyes burned. "I—I killed him."

David was frozen. Slowly, trapped in shock, he breathed, "You… you did what?"

"David," whispered Killian, his name like agony in Killian's chest, "I am so bloody sorry. I—You've no idea how badly I wish I could take back what I've done. I—I have no excuse for what I—" His choked on the pain. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, voice breaking, a tear burning down his cheek. "David, I'm so sorry."

David stared at him, a million emotions rushing through his eyes. Shock. Anger. Confusion. Disbelief.

When he was quiet too long, Emma whispered, "I… I know this must be really hard to hear, Dad… but Killian… he feels awful and—"

David held up a hand, stumbling away from them. "Just… give me a second."

David braced himself a little on the kitchen island, like he was unsteady.

Killian still couldn't breathe.

David scrubbed a hand over his face, announcing roughly, "I… need some air."

Without waiting for a response, he walked out of the loft, door falling shut behind him.

And Killian felt himself grow horribly, terribly cold.

-.-.-.-.

Emma had poofed them back to the house when David still hadn't returned to the loft after a half an hour, and they didn't want to explain what happened to Snow.

The rest of the day went by agonizingly, Killian feeling horribly numb.

Emma still never left his side.

It was dark outside by the time there was a knock at the door.

"I think that's Henry," said Emma softly, getting off the couch, reluctantly releasing Killian's hand to get the door.

Emma opened the door, and Killian heard a little gasp from her, and a familiar voice say, "…Hey."

Killian froze.

"Is… Hook…?" began David, and Emma rushed to say, "Yeah, he's right here."

Killian was on his feet in seconds.

Heart pounding.

David walked a few steps in, eyes slowly meeting Killian's.

Killian's breathing stopped.

David let out a long breath. Then— "I gave things a lot of… thought."

Killian's chest burned.

He braced himself for the hatred.

But he already knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"And…" David sighed, like the words came from an eternity of reflection. Killian's chest tightened. But David gave another sigh, something that looked like a release, and he said, "It was a long time ago."

Killian, who had braced himself for a punch to the jaw or words that would hurt more, felt his brows raise. "What?" he breathed.

David let out another breath, meeting Killian's eyes easier this time. "The person you were then.. isn't who you are now. You've changed, and we've all seen the lengths you've gone to make up for the person you were. You saved Emma a million times over, you saved my ass in Neverland, all of us, really, over the years—hell, you even died for us."

Killian couldn't believe his ears.

He still couldn't convince himself to breathe.

With a lighter sigh, David finished, "You aren't the villain you once were."

Killian stared in disbelief.

"I'm not going to say it's easy to know what you did—" said David, as Killian nearly flinched. A meaningfulness slipped into David's eyes. "But a villain—the man who… who did that…" Something of a thoughtful, touched look crossed David's face. "Well, he wouldn't even have told me."

Killian's breath froze.

And out of the corner of his eye, he saw Emma smile.

David winced a little at the sheer lack of color in Killian's face. "You look like hell over this, and… I know you regret it."

"More than anything," Killian breathed.

"Regina has hurt and even killed our family and people and friends," said David, a little uneasily, "and even after we accepted her despite it, and we all became family…" His brows kneaded. "She's never apologized to or regretted who she's hurt in her past once." Looking Killian in the eye, David said, "There's a difference between starting to do good instead of bad… and becoming good." A slight smile. "You're that difference, Killian."

Killian.

David took another step, standing in front of Killian, who was staring at David like he was an utter enigma. And meeting his gaze, David said heavily, "You aren't the man who killed my father. You are the man who was there for me the other night. That was you." A soft look—the same one David had given him when Killian had asked for Emma's hand. "And that man is my best friend."

Killian listened in shock.

And David smiled a little, gently clapping a hand on Killian's shoulder. "Nothing about that night… nothing I said to you that night has changed."

"Of course you have my blessing."

Killian felt utterly overwhelmed with shock.

He not only had David's forgiveness and his friendship—

But he still had his blessing to marry his daughter?

David smiled at his shock, and without hesitation, pulled Killian into an embrace.

And Killian held him back, feeling like the mirror of the two of them from the other night. A tear burned down Killian's cheek, relief rushing through him so strongly it nearly brought him to his knees.

"I'm so bloody sorry," he whispered.

"I know," said David, pulling back, smiling despite it all. Like even in the light of what he's learned about Killian, it somehow sated his search for vengeance. It somehow gave him what he'd been looking for, and the look in his eyes was something almost like exhausted relief.

Which only matched the look in Emma's eyes, tears in hers as well, watching them with her own smile.

And yet, Killian still couldn't understand how they didn't hate him.

But maybe the fact that they didn't, even after hearing that he'd committed one of the worst sins, the worst mistakes of his life, after hurting them yet still getting their forgiveness…

Then maybe…

Maybe he… did deserve forgiveness.

Maybe…

He even deserved his own.

He didn't know how to forgive himself, there was so much he's done that felt unforgivable.

But theirs gave him hope for his own.

Killian felt himself smile a little, something whole and broken at once, feeling like a weight has been lifted.

"I'll see you two tomorrow," said David, walking back to the door, giving Killian one more meaningful look before bidding a goodnight, and leaving.

Emma closed the door, smiling to Killian. "You okay?"

Killian let out a heavy breath. "Aye," he whispered, meaning it.

"You deserve his forgiveness," said Emma softly, as if reading his mind. "And mine. You know that, right?"

Killian responded with a kiss on her lips. "Emma… you have no idea what it means to have you."

Emma smiled. "Or what it means for me to have you." She brushed his hair across his forehead, saying through her smile, "Thank you for coming to me."

But heat touched his eyes, and he whispered, "Thank you for letting me."

Something warm glistened in her eyes, and she's never looked more beautiful.

"It's you and me, Killian," whispered Emma. "You'll always have me."

He touched her cheek, smiling wider. "And you me, my love."

She looked so happy.

In lieu of learning the worst thing he's ever done, he's almost never seen her look happier.

And it made him smile, with sheer relief that he still had her.

He still had her, and her family.

And it made him realize how much he truly wanted to be in it.

Without a second thought, his hand was reaching into his pocket.

"I…" he began. "I wanted to do this somewhere more… romantic," he whispered, watching confusion on Emma's face. "But… Emma, I feel I've never loved you more than I do right now."

Before she could speak, he pulled the ring from his pocket.

And he sank to one knee.

Emma let out a little gasp, eyes widening.

Killian swallowed, feeling the sudden fear that he hadn't thought this through, that he suddenly didn't know how she would react to this.

But when he saw her eyes light up even brighter, his smile widened.

"Emma Swan," he whispered softly, eyes burning for an entirely new, and entirely better reason. "Will you marry me?"

And Emma sank to her knees, smiling wider than he's ever seen, eyes clear and walls down and only joy shining through, whispering one word that warmed him more than any sun ever could:

"Yes."

❤️❤️❤️

tag list: @kmomof4 @jrob64 @justanother-unluckysoul @klynn-stormz @stahlop @ilovemesomekillianjones @hookmecaptain @tiganasummertree @jadehowlettthewolf @jonesfandomfanatic @anmylica @pirateprincessofpizza @stahlop @snowbellewells @eddisfargo @motherkatereloyshipper (and tagging the other angsty august folks!) @caught-in-the-filter @undercaffinatednightmare @the-darkdragonfly

#captain swan #captain swan fanfic #captain charming fanfic #cs fic #cs #angsty august #csangstyaugust22 #angst #but with a happy ending #killian jones #captain hook #emma swan #david nolan #charming #once upon a time #fanfiction #emma and killian #emma and hook #fanfic #cs ff

[not-talking-about-pancakes]

I was tagged by @mryddinwilt

1. Who is your fave character and why?

I know it’s the obvious answer, but it’s Emma. I lover her for all the reasons most people lover her; bravery, smarts, her ability to love deeply, and fight the for the people she loves, the fact she’s come so far in her story and over come so much of her past to get to her happy beginning. And while I’m certainly not as brave as Emma, nor do I have quite the same tragic past, I grew up with a family who loved me. I was bullied as a kid, and through out most of my teenagers years I never had a lot of friends. I kept people out because I didn’t trust them not to hurt me. I spent a lot of time alone, listening to musicals and dreaming of being an actress. Then I could be someone else. So, I kind of see a lot of myself in Emma, and her story gives me hope that I too can find my happy beginning. (This answer got kind of deep. Sorry for the feels, Emma just means a lot to me.)

2. Favorite recurring character? (Not a main character)

I’m going with Ruby (even though I guess for S1 and S2 she’d be considered more of a main character). I just love the twist they put on the Red Riding Hook story, with her being the wolf. I loved her friendship with Snow, and I wish we could have gotten more of her because she was such a great dynamic to the show. And I still think it she should have fallen in love with Mulan. 

3. What was your favorite S1 moment?

It’s probably a tie between the moment Snow hits Charming with the rock and Emma giving Henry TLK’s and having the moment of clarity where she realizes everything in the book is true. Snowing was my first otp on this show and I love the story of how they met. 

4. Favorite overall moment?

There are so many, but I think the CS Movie. Specifically I love the moment in Rumple’s vault when Killian helps Emma realize she can do magic, she just has to believe in herself, and she makes the wand work. Even more than the Beanstalk I think that’s the moment I really fell in with CS as a couple. It’s so clear he cares for her and believes in her, even when she doubts herself. 

5. What is something you wish you could change?

All of Season 5. I think Camelot could have been better, and I could have done without the whole Under World thing. It got super angsty and in a show that’s suppose to be about hope, I found myself crying through most of S5. It’s been a whole year and I still can’t bring myself to watch most of 5B. It just hurt too much. 

6. If you could see more of a background character, who would it be?

Does Granny count as background? Probably not, but I’d like to see more Granny. Other than that, the only background people I know for sure are real characters are Carl and Ellie from Up. But anyone would be cool to bring into the foreground. 

7. Who is a character you wish you could like but can’t?

I don’t think there’s anyone I don’t like (except Neal, but I don’t wish I could like him), there are just characters I like less than other people. August, maybe? But then some times they write him differently and I do like him. So, I don’t know. 

I will tag @wholockgal @disastergirl @kat2609 @ultraluckycatnd and @spartanguard And if you’ve already done it...then never mind. :)

#ouat memes #tumblr games #emma swan #captain swan #ouat

[searchingwardrobes]

Scarborough Fair: 5/?

I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. I said I would update every two weeks, and then I dropped the ball on that. I won't bore you with the details, but life just got crazy. Anyways, I think I have a game plan now that I should be able to update every two weeks, alternating updates with No Wives, No Lovers, No Mothers.

This chapter is about Emma's recovery, and it's honestly a gut-wrencher. However, some important plot points also come up, so I can't really give you places to skip like the last chapter. Hopefully, if you've stuck with me this far, you'll keep reading! I can't say the angst will cease after this chapter, but the rape will no longer be the main focus. So it gets better in some ways? I guess?

This is also now part of the CS Angsty August, so be sure to check out the other fan fic and fanart from that event!

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Emma Swan has had a charmed life, despite being a foster child. She has a wonderful family who loves her, and the best friends in the world. The only thing that mars her idyllic existence is her birth mother: a homeless woman who mutters nonsensical rhymes and claims to be Snow White. One fateful night, however, Emma’s world is shattered. Perhaps her mother’s rhymes aren’t nonsense after all.

Rated: M for date rape, dubious consent, teen pregnancy, and sexy times (the good kind!)

Words: Over 3k in this chapter

Chapter One | Two | Three | Four

Also on Ao3

Tagging:  (let me know if you wish to be removed or added):  @snowbellewells @teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @xhookswenchx @thisonesatellite @welllpthisishappening @spartanguard @ohmakemeahercules @tiganasummertree @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1​

Chapter Five

The rest of that night and the next day passed for Emma in a hazy fog punctuated by bouts of crying in her bed curled up in the fetal position. Other times she just lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to let herself be swallowed up by a dark, dark hole that had taken up residence in her chest. She wanted to go numb, to never feel anything ever again. Just when she thought she’d succeeded in emptying herself of all emotion, waves of tears would begin to pound her once again.

She hadn’t had to spell anything out for Killian. He’d simply nodded when she asked for him to take her home, and in the car, he said nothing. The silence was laden with grief, yet she knew she couldn’t have handled any questions, or even worse, platitudes. 

Even when they walked through the kitchen door, no words had been necessary. Ingrid had taken one look at Emma, and a single sob had escaped her lips. Emma fell into her embrace, tears finally coming. She heard Liam make a guttural sound followed by a thud. He’d punched something, even had bruises on his knuckles the next day to prove it. Like Killian, however, he said nothing, asked no questions, and refrained from touching her. She could tell the brothers wanted to, the way their hands kept fisting then opening again, the way their arms kept reaching just short of touching her, then falling back to their sides. Emma ached with both relief and sadness at their hesitancy. 

Ingrid untangled Emma’s hair, tossing out the floral wreath and gently running a brush through the tresses. She wouldn’t let Emma bathe, however, and kept asking as gently as she could manage when Emma would be ready to go to the hospital. Emma knew what that meant. It meant an examination, a rape kit, and the police. The thought made her dizzy and physically ill. She would just shake her head, trembling in agitation. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Ingrid would soothe, “you have a little bit of time. We can wait until morning. Just don’t wash, okay?”

Emma had bit her lip as silent tears tracked down her face, yet nodded nonetheless. Ingrid helped her out of her prom clothes and into some pajamas as if she were five years old again. Then she tucked her in and brushed a kiss to her brow. Ingrid turned away, stuffing Emma’s discarded clothing into a pillowcase. Emma pretended not to see. Though she’d made no comment, Ingrid had been visibly dismayed that Emma had thrown her panties away in the public restroom. Too bad. They were the last things Emma wanted to ever touch or see again.  With the “evidence” gripped in her hands, Ingrid turned off the overhead light and slipped out of the room. She left the bedside lamp on, for which Emma was grateful. 

It felt like no time at all before headlights sliced across darkened walls of Emma’s bedroom. She could hear raucous laughter and car doors slamming, followed by the front door opening and closing. Anna’s giggles and happy chatter drifted up the stairs before coming to an abrupt end. Emma strained to hear the soft tones coming from the kitchen, and she could just make out a muffled cry. So they’d told Anna. 

She heard her sister’s footfalls on the stairs, and she turned towards the wall, pulling her quilt up over her head. Emma closed her eyes and forced herself to remain still even as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She heard the door creak open, then the bed dipped as Anna sat down gingerly. 

“Emma?” she whispered softly. Anna paused for a moment, then tried again, “Emma?”

Emma tried to even out her breathing so her sister would think she was asleep. Finally, the weight on the other side of the bed lifted and she heard Anna’s footsteps head for the door. 

“I’m so sorry,” Anna whispered before slipping out the door. 

Emma turned her face into her pillow to muffle her sobs. The night was long, and it was near dawn before she fell into a restless sleep. When she woke, the sun was streaming through her bedroom window. When she shifted, she felt the horrible pain between her legs, and the memories of the night before came rushing back. She curled in on herself, crying from both the throbbing pain and the utter devastation shredding her heart. 

When Ingrid came softly into her bedroom with a glass of water, toast with strawberry jam, and some ibuprofen, Emma’s head began to pound. She knew what Ingrid would want her to do, and she still didn’t feel ready. 

Yet the news Ingrid had to share changed everything. It didn’t matter if Emma had a rape kit done. It didn’t matter if she reported Neal Cassidy to the police or not.

Because Neal Cassidy’s car was upside down in the swollen river, crushed against a fallen tree. Though his body hadn’t been found, the driver’s seat, steering wheel, and dashboard were covered in blood. The shattered windshield was bloodied, too. His mother, Lacey Cassidy, reported him missing when she woke at 5 am to find he had never come home from prom. 

After delivering this news, Ingrid coaxed a few bites of toast into Emma so she could take the ibuprofen. Though she wasn’t hungry, Emma obeyed. 

“Sweetheart,” Ingrid told her gently, reaching forward to brush strands of hair from her forehead, “the police called. Witnesses testified that you were Neal’s date last night.”

Emma froze with her toast halfway to her mouth. “What are you saying?”

Ingrid’s hands dropped to her lap, and she couldn’t look Emma in the eye as she answered. “They’re coming over to question you.”

The toast Emma had forced down almost came back up. “Are they blaming me for something?”

“Oh no, honey!” Ingrid hurriedly clarified. “Apparently, kids from prom also said they saw Neal drinking. I think they’re just trying to figure out how he ended up in the river.”

Emma dropped her toast. “I’m taking a shower.”

She struggled out of bed, trying in vain to hide her wince. Ingrid stilled her with a gentle hand to her elbow. “You know you can still tell them what happened.”

“What’s the point!” Emma shouted, hugging her middle. “He’s dead!”

Ingrid shook her head. “They don’t know that for sure. There’s no body.”

Tears flowed down Emma’s cheeks, and her voice choked on sobs. “I don’t care. His car is in the river, and I’m . . . I’m . . .”

Ingrid hurried to her feet and pulled Emma close as she continued to sob. 

********************************************************************

Despite her family’s objections, Emma lied to the police. Well, lies of omission. She said she wasn’t sure if Neal had been drinking or not, but that he was acting weird enough to freak her out. Since she hadn’t wanted to go to the party with him, Killian had come to get her. Killian corroborated her story, and also added how he’d seen Neal acting strangely. He’d told the police how Neal had run when he called his name. 

After that, the Joneses heard nothing from the police again. They tried to ignore the spin that the news gave to the story, but that was difficult in a suburban college town where gossip raged. The tragedy seemed to be the only thing anyone wanted to talk about. Neal was painted as a good kid who made high grades in school and was the pride and joy of his single mother. What a shame, people said, that such a promising young man had his life cut short by drinking and driving. 

Neal’s elevation to golden boy following his death (disappearance? Did it really matter? The police had closed the case, after all) made both Liam and Killian livid with anger. How dare he be portrayed as some type of saint after he . . . he . . .

No one in her family could just come out and say it. They’d talk about “what happened” or “that night” or “what that snake did.” Not that Emma could blame them. She couldn’t get the “r” word past her lips, either. Couldn’t even think it, to be honest. 

Emma stayed home from school for two weeks after prom. Anna brought her work home from the teachers. Everyone was very understanding, considering the circumstances. That is, they all thought she was Neal’s grieving prom date. 

Emma continued to spend most of that time in bed, though the bouts of crying were fewer and farther between. Ingrid let it slide, but a few days before Emma returned to school, she demanded that Emma get in the car - no arguing. Emma wasn’t surprised when she drove her to the free counselor at the center. Ingrid was still Ingrid, after all. 

So life fell back into a pattern of sorts, though the Jones household wasn’t the joyous place it had once been. They all walked on eggshells around Emma, and she hated it. Even Elsa wasn’t the same on their video calls. Her brow furrowed, and her voice dropped to almost a whisper as she asked, “how are you holding up?” 

Nevertheless, the counseling was helping, and so was her prescription of citalopram. She was on a pretty high dose, at least for now, which had the blessed side effect of making her sleep deeply and without nightmares. 

The last month of school passed in a blur, and Emma ended her junior year with low Bs and one C in chemistry instead of her usual mixture of As and high Bs. Still, even that was impressive, all things considered. Her teachers expressed understanding “because of all she’d been through,” though they didn’t actually understand at all. 

Emma had never felt so relieved for summer to arrive. She had originally planned to volunteer at the family center’s camp for underprivileged youth along with Anna, but Ingrid completely understood when she changed her mind. 

“Although,” Ingrid had added with a concerned frown, “I don’t want you holed up in your room all summer.”

For the first time since April, Emma actually laughed. “Stop worrying. My counselor said the same thing.”

She promised not to hide out in her room, but she also wouldn’t promise to have a thriving social life. A summer of reading, taking dips in Lily’s backyard pool, and helping Liam grill out were about all the social activity she felt she could handle. 

Right now, she was soaking up the early June sun in Ingrid’s flower garden. For Mother’s Day, Liam and Killian had built an arbor with a swing. Emma sat in it now, pushing it back and forth lightly with one toe as she smelled deeply of the middlemist roses that had finally bloomed.

“Emma, please tell me you aren’t going to sit out here and do nothing all day.”

Emma sighed deeply at the sight of Ingrid, hands on her hips. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

Ingrid marched across the grass. “I decided to come home for lunch to check on you,and I’m glad I did. What have you done so far today?”

“Calm down, Ingrid,” Killian’s voice came from the back porch, though Emma couldn’t see him past the arbor. “She’s just waiting on me to take her for ice cream.”

Killian winked at Emma as he sauntered into view. When Ingrid turned to face him, Emma mouthed, “Thank you.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Ingrid quipped. 

“We put in overtime last weekend, remember?” Killian shrugged. “I have to be compensated for that time. Union rules.” 

“Oh, okay,” Ingrid capitulated, glancing at her watch, “well, that’s good because I’ve got an errand to run after I grab a bite.”

“You all don’t have to babysit me, you know,” Emma frowned. 

“I’m not,” Killian protested, eyes wide, “I genuinely want to spend time with my best friend.”

Emma’s heart, for the first time in a month and a half, warmed as she took the hand Killian extended to her. 

***************************************************************

Killian knew they had all been treating Emma differently, and he even knew that she didn’t like it. He couldn’t seem to stop worrying about her, though. None of them could. There were brief moments when life seemed normal, but then Emma would stare into space vacantly or jump three feet when a door slammed, and he would be reminded of that horrible night all over again. At least she was no longer spending days in bed or wandering the house aimlessly like a ghost. He could tell her therapy was helping, but it was an achingly slow process. He’d mentioned it to Ingrid once.

“Coping with this type of trauma isn’t linear, I’m afraid,” she’d explained to him. “You’ll see Emma make progress, but then you might see her regress. We all just have to be patient with her.”

It wasn’t a lack of patience, at least not for him. He realized that Emma would never be the same person she’d been before, and he wasn’t expecting or asking that of her. He just wanted to see joy in her eyes again. He wanted to see her cheeks pink as she laughed, he wanted to see her collapse against Liam on the couch as he read a book, he wanted her to sit here with him chatting about everything and nothing. In short, he wanted her to live again. Fully. Not for him, but for her own happiness. 

At least she’d finished her cup of rocky road. Large - just like old times. It was the most he’d seen her eat in a long while. Emma sighed in satisfaction as she gave her spoon one last lick, then deposited the empty cup in the passenger side cup holder. She made another small, contented sound as she looked out the windshield at this quiet section of the city park. The windows in Killian’s car were down, and a summer breeze teased the ends of Emma’s hair. He was admiring the serene look on her face, but it was short lived. She frowned, then turned to face him. 

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Killian tried to act nonchalant as he rested his arm against his open window. “I suppose that depends on what it is.”

Emma chewed on her bottom lip, and pink crept up her neck. Uh-oh, it looked like she really meant personal.

“Are you a virgin?”

Killian was glad he’d finished his cookies & cream, or we would have choked on it. “Wow, okay, well -”

“Please, Killian,” she pleaded, looking him squarely in the eyes, “I have to ask somebody this, and I don’t feel comfortable enough with anyone else.”

Killian felt his own face heat as he nervously scratched behind his ear. “Well, I don’t want you to think I’m a monk or anything, but . . . no - I mean, yes. That is to say, no, I haven’t had sex. I’m a virgin.”

Killian let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Emma’s lips quirked up, and a tiny laugh escaped. 

“Are you laughing at me?” he asked indignantly.

“No,” she said, and when he saw that old sparkle in her eyes, his embarrassment was almost worth it, “I just think it’s funny how embarrassed you are right now. It’s okay to be a virgin, you know.”

“I know,” he said, a bit defensively.

“I would be too, you know, if . . .” she trailed off and stared down at her hands which twisted in her lap. “Anyways, about my question. Even though you’re a virgin, have you ever, ummm . . . gotten . . . an orgasm?”

Killian’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “Why in the world would you want to know that!?”

Emma’s face contorted in a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to answer that. There’s just something I have to know about guys.”

Killian took a deep breath, then let it out. He looked at Emma and gently asked her, “What is it? Ask me anything you want.”

Emma’s brow furrowed as if she were searching for the right words. “When guys . . . come, do they . . . act different?”

Killian shook his head, confused. “Different how?”

“Like a different person? Do they get so . . . excited that they . . . change? Like sound different or even look different?”

Killian still had no idea where she was going with this. “I’m still not following you.”

Emma pressed her hands to her face, then looked up at Killian with pleading eyes. “If I tell you something, will you promise to believe me?”

“Of course I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

Emma’s face softened in relief. “You promise not to think I’m crazy?”

He took her hands in his. “Emma, I promise you, nothing you could say will ever make me think that of you.”

Inside, his heart was racing and his mind was in turmoil. She was about to tell him something about that horrible night, and he knew it was the last thing he wanted to hear. However, she needed him, so he would bury his feelings and be the strength she needed. 

“That night,” she began hesitantly. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes briefly, then continued. “The night Neal raped me, when he . . . well, during it, he just changed. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like his skin turned scaly and green, and . . . sparkly. It wasn’t Neal’s face above me anymore. Then, he spoke, and it wasn’t Neal’s voice. The voice was high-pitched and manic, you know? And he said . . . he said . . .”

Killian took her hands again, knowing she wanted to get it all out, but didn’t have the strength. 

“He said All magic comes with a price, dearie. I mean, isn’t that weird? What does that even mean?”

Silence fell between them, and Killian looked down at Emma’s small hands in his. He tenderly rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles. 

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” she whispered. 

He smiled at her as he slowly shook his head. He gathered his thoughts before speaking. 

“No, I don’t think you’re crazy, Emma. I completely believe that you saw what you saw. However, I think there’s a logical explanation for it.”

“So guys do become different?”

“No,” Killian said firmly, “I may be a virgin, but when a guy has sex, I think who they really are is heightened. Their love is more intense, their tenderness is deeper . . .”

Killian trailed off, suddenly self conscious as he gazed into her wide green eyes. 

“So why did I see what I saw? Hear what I heard?”

“I think that Neal wasn’t the person you thought he was. You thought he was a nice guy, and then when he acted the complete opposite of that, your mind helped you understand it by seeing him as a monster.” 

Emma pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She was quiet for a moment, then she whispered, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Then she pressed her face to her knees and began to sob. Like every other time she’d wept since prom night, Killian had to suppress his instinct to reach out for her and hold her. Ingrid kept reminding him and Liam that they had to wait for her to initiate touch; that she might not want any male to touch her, even something as simple as an arm around her shoulder, for quite some time. He’d taken her hands moments ago without thinking, and that had been the first time he’d reached for her in over a month. 

So he just sat there, not knowing what to do or what to say, his heart breaking that he couldn’t fix this. Then, suddenly, she looked up at him, her face red and tear-streaked, strands of her hair stuck to her damp cheeks. She stared at him with hurt and anger in her eyes. 

“Why won’t you hold me?” 

“Oh Emma,” he breathed, and then he was out of the car and racing around to the passenger side in a moment. When he opened her door, Emma practically threw herself at him, and he caught her as he went to his knees. She sobbed against him, half in the car and half out of it, and he rocked her reassuringly back and forth. He ran his fingers through her hair and mumbled soothing words that really meant nothing into her ear. 

“I’ve missed you,” she finally choked out once the worst of her tears were spent. “You never touch me anymore. Neither does Liam. Today you took my hand for the first time in forever, and I missed it so damn much.”

Killian held her tighter, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry. Liam and I were trying to give you space and let you heal.”

“Well, it sucked,” Emma snapped, and then they both actually laughed. Emma pulled away, wiping at her damp cheeks. “Especially with you. I don’t want to lose you, too, on top of everything else.”

Killian cupped her face in his hands, both his thumbs swiping at her cheeks. “You won’t,” he vowed to her. “I promise, you won’t.”

#cs fanfic #cs ff #captain swan fanfic #captains swan ff #lieutenant duckling #lieutenant duckling au #modern au #modern fantasy #angst #cs angsty august #angsty august #captain swan angsty august #impossible au

[cosette141]

For Angsty August 2022 | Captain Swan Fic & Art Event, how much Emma and Killian does there have to be for it to be considered captain swan angst?

Thanks for the ask!

Since it's specifically a CS fic & art event, Emma and Killian would have to be the main pairing in the story or art. So anything angsty that revolves around the two of them.

Excited to see/read what you create!! 😊

#csangstyaugust22 #angsty august #angsty august answers #captain swan event