#currently I am at: man. whatever.

[obstinaterixatrix]

in general I think everyone gets ticked off when people make an assumption about your internal process and it doesn’t actually match your experience and it’s a very human thing to try to observe/understand/predict each other. lately I’ve been trying to catch myself before doing it :/ but yeah I both am completely on top of things and also I have a lot going on and it’d be great if people asked about it except it’d be terrible and I’d only have an answer after maybe the third time being asked unless it’s just too buried. you know how it is.

#my ramblings #a solid while ago I was like yeah I got sick of this part of myself so I just kind of carved it out and killed it off #and then a little while ago I was like eehhh I should probably revive that part of myself for wholeness or whatever #currently I am at: man. whatever. #too much hassle to walk around with an exposed nerve. #I don’t need it right now. maybe I’ll need it in the future :/ but that’s a problem for future stella #isn’t it exhausting to be hurt in mundane ways? just stop being hurt. #<-don’t do this btw this is just for me

[gumm1defloor]

Vox can understand Velvette just fine. They don't necessarily need to get along all the time, but they have a mutually beneficial contract that guarantees her support in the most efficient way possible, just how they both like it, short and strict and to the point. Vox does not understand Valentino. It drives him unimaginably, disgustingly insane. He knows how to handle him, make no mistake. Valentino is a never-ending powerhouse that wrangles out content from his employees like there is no tomorrow. He's proven himself to be Vox's most lucrative investment yet. He is resourceful, well-connected and most importantly predictable enough to rein in. Because he listens to you, because he needs you.

He is also, undeniably, out of his goddamn mind. Yet you've already invested too much in the corporate empire you've built together and there is no point turning back now that you have him so close to your side. It's OK however! He couldn't possibly be stupid enough to throw away the best partnership deal he's ever had just for the sake of something petty cause -oh, wait - he genuinely might just be that stupid and you never would've guessed because he's so cocksure of his bullshit that 80% of the time it ends up working in his favor anyway.

Fuck his life indeed. The kicker for this of course is that Valentino, genuinely does believe he has struck gold with Vox. Valentino is a clingy, possessive, immature, perverted, sadistic, egotistical man-child with severe rage issues and zero impulse control. No he is not aware of this at all. No he does not know why nobody is able to tolerate him and why every single person he gets close to hates his guts with every inch of their burning rotting souls. All he knows is that hell has now given him a flat faced prince in shining liquid crystal armour, riding on a cash filled horse with promises of power and luxury, who's practically handing him success on a silver platter. Doesn't mean that Val trusts him, doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy seeing him lose his shit. But at the end of the day vox has his back, and as long as Val keeps calling for him, he'll eventually turn up and make everything better. Cause hey if Vox hasn't left him yet for this long he must be doing something right. Right?

#for those of y'all new to the tag yes these two have been technically canon for a long while #and yes we still have no exact idea why #I am still of the opinion that Vox clocked Val first in terms of the alliance (for whatever reason known to man) #And Val still till this day has no fuckin clue how he managed to score him and is just winging shit as he goes along #this is until proven otherwise by canon ofc but still #No I do not know why I am doing a character analysis of Hazbin Hotel of all things but here we are #still sincerely curious as to where their bond came from though #yknow outside of physical attraction and shared business ideals #the only semi logical explanation I have currently is that Valentino still unapologetically thinks of himself as hot shit despite being #yknow #Valentino #which makes him the antithesis of Vox's fragile ego and blatant insecurities #(and therefor invertedly gives Vox personal gratification for being able to dominate him and control him) #The other possibility was narcissism but that theory is mostly scrapped now the more I watch his interactions with Val in ep2 #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel vox #voxval #staticmoth #hazbin hotel shitposts #anyone willing to respond to please feel free to do so btw been thinking abt this pairing for quite a while #I think they work very interestingly as a villain couple #I want Valentino to light vox on fire and dance with him while they burn

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hold on. i just wanted to see their height difference and. and hold on-

ill probably clean this up & do the other neighbors but ohhhhh my god. hes SMALL!!!!!! TWELVE! APPLES! (bg Home included to see if Barnaby would be able to fit through the front door. nope<3)

#im imagining barnaby leaning against home's roof while home repeatedly hits him with the side window #(it does nothing) #ANYWAY SO YEAH WALLY TINY. SMALL MAN #since the only info we have on heights is that wally is 3ft (twelve apples) and julie/sally are just a smidge taller than him #then frank/eddie are 4 ft #and then howdy/barnaby/poppy are all 7-8 ft #since theyre a bit vaguer im currently hc-ing that barnaby is the shortest at 7'9 while poppy is a solid 8 ft and howdy is between them #that still leaves barnaby as an absolute BEHEMOTH #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #okay. okay okay okay im so anormal about this #because i fucking Love height differences ok #whether its platonic or romantic or WHATEVER I AM WEAK TO IT. ITS MY FAVORITE THING #just a big person and their little guy. a little person and their big guy. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #barnaby can hold wally like a ferret. wally can probably hide under barnaby's fluffy ears. im losing it #also the character heights are probably different than the physical puppet heights #since in the official art they all seem to have consistent size/height differences that slightly contradict their heights #which makes sense!! the big guys have walkarounds And live hands to keep em in frame with the smaller guys after all #(unless that info is a lie and there Are no different puppets bc theyre all alive and autonomous maybe but also hmmm Thinking) #still. wally is. so small #also its gonna amuse me when humans come into play #bc its like oh no!!! the puppets are all 3-4 ft tall! so tiny and vulnerable! #and then barnaby & howdy & poppy show up- #they could absolutely wreck humans. like fuck dude. theyre Huge. #id shit. just saying. if a near-8-ft-tall four armed four legged caterpillar man showed up id Pass Away On the Spot #i would say No Thanks and then Die Instantly #great now im picturing julie screeching THEY CANT STOP US ALL and then the smaller puppets swarm a person #so true queen <3 they Cant stop you all <3 especially when you have a huge fuckoff dog backing yall up

[divortion]

the jury's still out on whether i want to fuck him or be him and that's because the answer is both

#johnny knoxville #to all my mutuals who tolerate me posting about whatever man i am currently thinking about: thank u. i love u

[biblically-accurate-soup]

“if you are trying to be a phd candidate in a social science field why the fuck are you studying math for fun” because i’m quirky and hot. next question.

#uriel posting #currently doing a crash course review of calc 1 and 2….. inverse trig function integrals are like a divorced lover who i still yearn for #to me. #mathblr #i guess #i think i’m mainly just pissed that i went from having the most legendary math instructors ever #to getting the 1-2 bad instructor combo and being turned off from the field for a bit #‘oh i used to be good and math and love it’ (<- he still does) #recently realized i can just. do it on my own #i was homeschooled i pretty much taught myself math from a textbook grades 6-10 #(parents consist of a former math major and mechanical engineer. i wasn’t starved for resources they were there if i needed help) #(also did dual credit grades 11 and 12. goated math instructors of all time i miss them every day) #i have so much power now. i can learn anything i want to forever #<- guy about to become the most insufferable man in the universe #you mean i can just get the textbook from the library. about anything ? #not just math. i have realized i can do this for whatever. guy who is gonna learn about art history and is so excited #if i could i’d just stay in school forever and get 83 degrees #alas #this also loops around to my philosophy that anyone anywhere should be able to learn whatever they want #i will keep you updated on how this process goes 🫡 i am keeping notes incase anyone after me is interested #god. i’m gonna be That Guy (derogatory) #‘i always wished i had majored in classics. i always enjoyed it’ can i interested you in a google document with links and a drive folder

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man i was like y tf am i so tried i didnt do shit today but no i got like 5hrs sleep. walked to the store in thr 12F weather. carried back #all my groceries. walked to the police station to get keys to the autoclave. read 40 slides abt anime. started redoing a tutorial #and spent 45 min on the phone giving my intake info for a new therapist. everytime i give the spiel it gets more exhausting #it feels so dramatic like whatever ill b fine but no im seeking help for a reason bleh #but now im tired and worried abt the semester bc itll b a lot. many plates to juggle with a fragile mind #my old boss was like u have an ambitious plan for the semester and im like oh boy well see how this goes #hopefully itll b fine once i get in the groove. just go one step at a time #currently i just wanna redraw 4lways sunny screenshots but idk what ones to draw #but should sleep. i gotta write a long email tomorrow morning for a class intro bc look at me im a professional who def #does not have underlying emotional problems. ugh. idk if i described my mood stuff right to the lady on the phone but like i got diagnosed #as b1polar for a reason idk i just still feel like its fake. like ill look at the checklists and get mad when i get a positive result #which is weird bc its like. u went to 3 doctors and they said the same thing shut up. ugh whatever. i need to sleepy #unrelated

[mostlymaudlin]

….

#man oh man liberal bullshit on my dash in 2023 is an unfollow and soft block 4 me #licherally hat e liberals and their nonsense :-) #ok I might rant hold on I’m just like #literally just saw a post blaming all the transphobia going on rn on pp being not wanting to vote #I am so serious rn I saw that w my eyes #ur liberal president is sitting in office rn doing nothing #my brother in Christ how are u gonna blame tired poor people #whatever. i do vote but I don’t think it matters. Ive voted in a swing state my whole life and the world is still like this #and Blue No Matter Who Bullshit makes me feel like Im talking to a person from another dimension like srsly what are u on #if this is making u mad that honestly brings me joy btw u can unfollow ❤️ #I’m too tired I hate seeing political nonsense or current events on tumblr bc I don’t trust y’all to not be #fucking insane LOL #tumblr is for gay ppl kissing and funny jokes only pls don’t make me look at bad opinions #also all of this is US specific btw

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[vote2]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

#its like. im a trans man 100% i want nothing to do w being seen as a women i acknowledge that. i also acknowledge that I am putting #literally zero effort in my irl life to present as a guy at all. partially lack of resources and embarrassment etc stuff like that partiall #the autism i literally look in a mirror and see a guy #and i go to class go to work and until soemone explicitally refers to me as a woman i think of myself as a guy. so like its this weird #disconnect of what i actually do vs what i percieve as expieriencing in my daily life where i am objectively living #as a cis woman who just dresses and acts a bit masc. lol. #and like that doesnt bother me atm until i get to a setting where i am gendered frequently. then i feel nauseas etc but whatever ill deal #so i always hesitate whenever i talk abt women feminism men makeup beauty expectations etc (also i am mixed thai and white which #def plays into everyhting ofc ofc) as i dont know rly what is like. not fine idc if i say smthn uncouth just i dont want to at all #seem like im doing what these other trans guys do and latch onto my femininity and 'girlhood growing up' etc or like #its all dumb to me ofc im a feminist i consider anything i speak abt feminism free the nipple being against gender essiantialism etc etc #as in feminism (not that women arent/cant be femnists just in terms of im not trying to sound like a woman) and #ofc growing up as and my current life experiences have obvi had a large impact on myself how i veiw the world my political beliefs and all. #but like. im always scared it sounds like im idr the phrase someone else used but a i dont want to seem like im latching onto girlhood as #a failsafe or whatever. its just mm ykwim its a weird feeling. cause like im a 21 year old man and read my posts as such el oh el. #idk its all weird and idk if its a specific to me thing or whattttt it just like. i feel silly sometimes and i dont want my points to be #misconstrued :) anyways me posting this after rewatching and posting abt pearl has nothign to do genuinly lmfao just timing its been #on my mind after that dumbass trans guy posting abt the lonelyness he feels abt abandoning womanhood #after watching barbie. lol and then i saw someone in the comments of some ig quote it w like 30 replies all positive like get a lifeee #i understand it can feel isolating being trans and everyones relationship back to womanhood is diff and complecated but by god. shut up #anywayyyyyssss mmm okay im done whateverr #maybe all a fear in my head and literally none of this has every crossed anyones mind however it bothers me :(

[didiwaffles]

As a panromantic person currently in a gay relationship

Outside loving my girlfriend so very much and not wanting to separate ever, I don't think I will ever be able to go back to straight relationships

Seeing straight people at this point is so cringe inducing. Like sorry babygirl you WILL have to be gay otherwise it won't work out

#and I'm still pan #and still love my gf lots #like the kinda lots that's on the edge of insanity #but honestly straight people man #am i gay biased because my current gay relationships are healthy #and my gf is wonderful #but tbh that's so rare to see with straight people #but maybe i'm just lucky #so anyways the main reason i will never be in a straight relationship cause i will marry my girlfriend #whatever it takes #emy if you read this i love you

[arowrath]

like what the fuck am i supposed to do

#tw transphobia american politics etc #like. in terms of meeeee its all about me all the time. whatever. #like my state currently isnt looking super bad legislation wise & im very lucky & very grateful #but we've seen how fast things can go downhill #and it's like . i dont know what the fuck i'd do if things get bad in my state #like. where would i get t. bc there doesnt seem to be any resources for it online because it is a felony . & ppl will be all 'oh just diy i #' as if resources for diy hrt for trans men Exist or are nearly as easy to find as those for trans women. Which they arent because it is #a FELONY !!!!!!!!!!!! for trans men. But even if i were able to get t and start t whatever #if things got bad after that. idk. ive made my peace with probably never passing in no small part due to nvr pass by she her hers #go stream . but that would make me a very obvious target & there is Nothing i can fucking do abt it bc that is just how my body is #and i dont know. if my state passes anything like mo just did. im fucked man like completely fucked #but im not gonna not transition out of fear. But its like what would i do. #Anyway in terms of not-me. How am i supposed to help people in other states Like theres no real material way i can help other than #sharing information but its like am i even accomplishing anything if i cant provide a way to help as well. but i dont know how to help. #and things just keep getting worse in my country & around the world & i cant help & i cant fix it & i dont know what to do #Anyway. whatever #text

[pegging-satan]

Self care is watching s2e13 again and again and again and again and again and again and

#man a whole episode dedicated to Kunikida? I cant say no! #look at him! what a gorgeous gorgeous beautiful man #just everything about it- the way he just. IS. ooooooh boy #and the way he deals with the current crisis he dear with it and looked damn beautiful doing it. #brah when he held aya when the bomb detonated????????????????? sexiest thing a man can ever do frfr #literally who is the sexiest character in bsd and why is it kunikida #bro I am such a SIMP for that man like legit he is everything to me #Kunikida backstory when I need to know everything about him  #president in waiting Kunikida YASS its so bittersweet because I don’t want to see the other love of my life go :( #man I just hope fukuzawa retires instead of yk being killed or whatever #idk does he die? idk. I don’t want him to tho. all I’m saying is he can pass on the flame without dying like there are less violent ways to #hand over leadership is what I’m saying A N Y W A Y S I’m just happy for my man #bungou stray dogs #bsd kunikida

[ttte-in-the-sky-au]

Go Out There And Change The World

"Go out there and change the world." He said it so often and now all that's left is a box and all the memories. Gordon could still hear Arrow's tired, raspy voice as he looked at the tiny snippet of what was once probably a school exercise book, rushed handwriting and all.

Arrow was one of Gordon's biggest supporters, besides Polly and North. Gordon could still remember that signature shaky but genuine smile that would cross Arrow's face as the young Gordon babbled to him about his day. He could still recall the shaking hand that signed his first football jersey, which was neatly folded and put in the cardboard box he rediscovered not too long ago. Under the old, worn out jersey that was in surprisingly good condition was a photograph. It was of a young adult Arrow and a pre-teen Gordon, having their first adventures in the kitchen. Tears began rolling down Gordon's cheeks as he was reminded of all the hours he'd spent with his oldest brother. "I could've- no, I should've spent so much more time with him." he thought to himself as he set the fragile photo down on the floor and focused on the box once again. Another picture, this time of Arrow and North.

The two were practically inseparable, apart for not more than 5 minutes at a time. On the back of the photo was text written in the same rushed handwriting that the little snippet had that read "Even if I can't change the world, I'll be here for you while you try."

Arrow wasn't the strongest physically, but nothing could break his spirit. He could be on his death bed and he'd still encourage you to stay positive and do something good for the world, or at least your own. He knew he didn't have as much time as his siblings, but he made the best of it.

He was there for North when he and Mallard grew distant, watched as the latter took off, helped Mary with her dreams of becoming a historian, encouraged Windsor to follow his hairdresser dreams, walked Polly to her music classes every day and of course.. he watched as Gordon and Scott grew up to be the siblings they are today. Arrow unfortunately didn't get to really see Bonny grow up, but his influence on his other siblings definitely left its mark on the little girl. He got to meet her once before he passed, and he made sure to tell her what he told their other siblings: "Go out there and change the world."

Gordon looked through all the photographs of his siblings, not even thinking about stopping the tears from falling down his face.

After he put down the photos, he picked up an old, worn out, faded picture book. It was Arrow's favourite to read to his siblings at bedtime, the pages completely faded to white where he flipped them. He could hear his brother's voice as he read the simple story. By now, there was only one thing left in the box: a white teddy bear, holding a blue heart. There was a tag attached to the toy's ear, reading "For my Shooting Star. Go out there and change the world." still in the same rushed handwriting, though even messier than the other handwritten notes. It was probably one of the last things Arrow wrote by hand before he passed on.

#ttte #ttte au #ttte humanized #ella tried #more writing! #this was based on an idea that's been on my mind all day #also I'll draw something better in the morning #it's currently 0:57 am as of writing these tags #anyway! #arrow was a very good man #he's like the older brother I wish I grew up with #ttte gordon #ttte green arrow #gresley siblings #not using my art tags for this #i gotta make an actual cover/thumbnail/whatever before I'll even think about that

[pseudonemisis]

Every time I find a fun knew male character I'm like damn, guess it's time to get buff and cut my tidies off

#and also try a new hairstyle and buy clothes for once in my life #currently musing on #vash the stampede #mans got the ultimate gender #like not entirely sure whats going on but whatever it is i am so here for it #vash