#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gabyun · 3 months

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⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ he likes me, he likes me not. - n.riki

pairing - niki x fem! reader

genre - highschool! au , bestfriends to lovers , fluffy fluff, teenage love, awkwardness in some parts, amusement park date

warnings - none besides like a few swear words😭 AND ITS VERY CHEESY

summary - you and niki hangout consistently, multiple times a week. the air started to feel different between you two, but both of you just tried to ignore it. niki, unfortunately wasn’t able to ignore it so easily. he felt butterflies from such little things you would do, little things you would say. he lately had a fuzzy feeling around you, but he just kept telling himself ` i don’t like her, we’re just too close. i don’t like her, i don’t like her, i don’t like her. or do i? `

wc - 2.7k

a/n - ahh this is my first time even writing something like this, i hope its not cringe or anything and i hope it doesnt seem way too rushed. i’ve been wanting to write stuff for awhile now and i finally had the chance to so i hope this came out good 😽 lmk if theres anything i should keep in mind for the next one !! i also finished this at like 2am so its not entirely proofread but definitely give me advice 🙏(also this entire time ive been listening to ur so pretty by the wasia project so this is like the background song of this story.)

you and riki were inseparable. firstly, you guys had almost every class together so it truly added onto the fact that you both were rarely seen without each other. secondly, you both lived on the same street since second grade meaning you two walked home together everyday. so, obviously people had speculated that there was something between you both. but, you guys consistently turned the idea down. it was now last period, english class. you guys inevitably sat beside each other. " hey niki " you began. "hm? whats up?" he perked up after having his head laying down on his desk. "do you wanna stop at the convenience store before we head home? im kinda hungry and both of our parents dont get home until 6pm." you asked. "hell yeah i do!" he looked up at you excitedly. "but you have to pay this time. i didnt bring any money" "ugh, fine" you sulked. "y/n i literally payed last time." you shot him a dirty look. "fine. but dont get $30 worth of snacks like that one time." "yeah yeah whatever.."

the bell rang, and it was time to go home. you and niki excitedly walked to the convenience store you both previously mentioned. you walked up to the door, opening it and jokingly saying "ladies first" to niki. "tch" he said sassily, rolling his eyes. the door chimed whilst being opened, and the employee greeted you both. you guys walked around the snack isle, the brightly coloured drinks illuminating certain sections of the store. one in particular caught your eye, so you walked over and grabbed it "i cant believe you dont like milkis." you said. "there are way better drinks y/n. " "yeah? like what." you challenged him. "um, anything besides milkis?" he sarcastically smiled. you walked over toward the icecream bin, selecting your favourite one. "niki, u want ice cream? they have ur favourite." you reached in deeper to grab it. "yeah sure. thatll be nice on a day like this" "ugh, i don’t want winter to come.. it’ll be so cold!" you shuttered. "you’ll survive y/n" niki sighed. you walked up to the checkout counter with niki, placing your items down. "that’ll be $14!" the older, but sweet looking woman said. "thats much less then last time." you pulled out your wallet, giving her the money. you both walked out, and you sat down on the concrete steps next to the store windows. niki followed, sitting right next to you. you never noticed before, but he smells good. like a mix of shampoo and some sort of cologne. you never knew he wore cologne. you guys simultaneously unwrapped the ice cream together, and started indulging in the sweet snack. "this is so good!" you said. "i bet mines better." niki remarked. "let me try yours." he put his ice cream in-front of your mouth, and let you take a bite. "mmh.. its alright.. niki i just think my tastes are better then yours" you shrugged playfully. your relationship was always playful. you guys were constantly teasing each other, and it felt good. it felt good to be so close to someone. as you guys continued, he looked over at you. the lights of the convenience store lit up the back of your body as the sun started setting earlier due to it getting slightly colder, making your hair glisten. he never noticed how pretty your hair looked under the bright lights. you both finished up, starting to get ready to finish your walk home. as you guys cleaned up, you looked over toward his face. you giggled, reaching your hand towards his mouth. "you’ve always been such a messy eater." his eyes widened, a hint of pink slightly covering his cheeks. "i-i can clean my own face.." "oh. sorry niki." you trailed off, confused. this wasn’t your first time cleaning off his face yet to him it felt different. he felt an unusual feeling, his heart fluttered and his stomach felt warm as his face did too. throughout this whole interaction, the convenience store lady observed quietly through the window. "i miss my high school years." she sighed.

late summer turned into fall, and fall turned into winter. nikis feelings just kept getting harder and harder to ignore. niki was in the change room after gym class with his friends. "are you sure you dont have feelings for y/n?" his friend jay asked. he hesitated momentarily. "yes. i am sure.. why are you asking..?" he questioned, worriedly. "so you wont care if i ask her to go out with me?" niki looked shocked by his comment. "you dont even know her.. why would you wanna ask her out." he said, annoyed. "niki, she is really beautiful. im sure theres a lot of other guys who would love to get a chance with her." his other friend heeseung added. "still! y/n doesnt need to be dating shitty guys like you. she deserves someone who will treat her right.. especially not you guys." he huffed, even more annoyed. "and i dont like her." jay and heeseung shrugged in defeat. "or do you?" jay added. "i dont.." niki trailed off, thinking about it more. "whatever you say, buddy." heeseung said, sarcastically. niki finished changing quickly, grabbing his bag and leaving for his next class. once the door shut, jay and heeseung and a few other boys began talking "he definitely has feelings for her." "yeah, 100%" "i don’t doubt that" "its getting extremely obvious" "mhm"

he stood outside your house, waiting for you to come out so you both could get headed to school. he oddly felt nervous. you opened the door, and waved, cutely. you were wearing a scarf, as niki was also. you both had big puffy jackets. you walked towards him. "lets go! i dont wanna be late again." he took in your beauty. "mhm" he answered, quietly. as you were walking, you offered him your other earphone. you guys had similar music tastes. ‘somethin stupid’ by frank sintara had begun to play. "i love this song." you said, softly. "yeah. it is really nice." he breathed out air, the cold made it look like smoke. you opened your pocket mirror, adjusting your hair. "do i look good? i had such a bad hair day yesterday." niki turned to you, not surprised by your question, but hes never truly seen you that way before. hes always known you’re pretty, but he never actually felt that way. "you look beautiful. you are beautiful." he said. "w-what?" you said, completely taken aback. he’s obviously complimented you before, but about your looks more specifically? this time, it really sounded like he meant it. you looked away from your pocket mirror, facing him. he looked at you with a twinkle in his eyes. you both stood there for a couple seconds more. "n-nothing.. forget i even said anything." he looked down at his feet. you could practically feel his embarrassment radiating off of him. you guys continued walking, listening to your shared playlist. a couple minutes go by and you began to speak. "thank you, niki." "hm?" "thank you. for calling me beautiful." you looked down at your feet, smiling. "oh.. don’t worry about it." he rubbed the back of his neck. both of your feelings were becoming more and more apparent as the days went on.

you were laying in bed, reading your favourite book with a comforting lamp on. you were under your fluffy blanket, and your curtains flowed softly as your window was the slightest bit open. you felt the buzz go off on your phone sitting next to you.

riks : omg y/n

you : omg niki

riks : remember that amusement park we mentioned wanting to go to for awhile?

you : yes ofc i remember?!?

riks : WELL THEYRE OPENING NEXT WEEKEND!!

you : NO WAY FR??

riks : YES DO U WANNA GO

you : is that even a question.

riks : alr alr IM SO EXCITED

you : ME TOO

you shut off ur phone, kicking around in your bed out of excitement. you and nikis parents would always take you guys to amusement parks or fairs when you were little. you guys haven’t gone in quite a while, so this was gonna be fun, but also nostalgic. big rides were always your favourite thing, but he hated them. he was always so scared to go on them, so this time you were absolutely determined to make him go on one with you.

around a week passes by, and its time to get ready to go to the amusement park with niki. it was still pretty cold, so you had to take that into account. the park was opening back up for some sort of winter event, apparently it was supposed to be really pretty. you’re getting ready, styling your hair and doing your makeup. usually, you dont put that much makeup on. but this time, without even realizing, you were doing alot more. you put some really pretty eyeglitter on, using waterproof mascara so your eyelashes hold better, just overall doing stuff you wouldnt usually do on a day to day basis. "wait.. why am i so worried about how i look, its just niki." you told yourself. just niki. as you were continuing to get ready, you were getting increasingly nervous. "this isnt a date y/n, this isnt a date. you have nothing to be worried about. its just a regular hangout with your bestfriend." you kept telling yourself. you put your jacket on, and you also grabbed a fuzzy scarf. little did you know, niki was telling himself the same things in the mirror as he tried to lessen the sweat on his palms.

you and niki arrive at the amusement park. it was beautiful lit, even though it wasn’t late the lights of all the fun rides illuminated the place wonderfully. you and niki looked at each other and smiled brightly, bringing back tons of memories. niki ran over to the bumper cars, and you followed. it was always his favourite thing to do. you hopped in the car of your choice and niki went in the one beside you. the game started, and you tried your best to hit niki as hard as you possibly could, whipping him forward practically giving him whiplash. you were basically pissing yourself laughing as he gave you the nastiest look. it took him a few tries but he finally ended up beside you once again and repeatedly rammed into you. you guys went 2 more rounds before becoming tired and finally leaving the bumper car area. you both adjusted yourselves, but niki noticed your shoelace was untied. "y/n, hang on." he knelt down in-front of you, and began tying your shoelaces with his slender fingers. "i could’ve done it myself but thank you niki" he looked up at you, smiling and nodding. you ruffled his hair and he shot up. "hey!! i spent a while trying to make my hair look good.." you laughed at him, continuing to look for other things to do. one of those water gun games caught your eye. "niki look! we used to always try and win plushies on that." his head swung toward you, immediately challenging you to see who could score higher. you both were trying your hardest, and you obviously won. he sighed in defeat. the employee handed you this adorable hamster plushie. you looked at it, smiling. "niki you kinda look like a hamster when you’re sulking." you put the hamster up to his face to compare, jokingly. "tch, yeah yeah whatever y/n" he said. "niki, you should have it. it looks like you anyways, and you’ll be reminded of me everytime you look at it." you shot him a joking wink. he took the plushie as you said he should. some time passes by, and you guys already ate and drank stuff, went on the carrousel and all of the basics and its been a few hours. the sun was starting to set, and the lights of the park continued to get brighter. "niki. we need to go on a big ride." niki looked at you for a split second, as if you just told him his pet died. "um absolutely not?" he answered. "niki pleaaaaaase" you clung onto his arm, pretty close to his face. "cmonnn just this once?" you blinked at him. he was looking directly at you, but no words were escaping his mouth. "f-fine.." he looked away, with a tinge of pink covering his ears. you were unable to tell if he was blushing or if he was cold. "i never thought you’d actually agree. this is like the best day ever?!" you grabbed nikis arm, and rushed into the line of one of the relatively larger rides, but not too large so niki wouldn’t be too terrified. after a bit you guys got seated beside eachother, and the employee pulled the over the shoulder restraint on you guys. you could tell niki was obviously nervous. "y/n i cant believe you made me do this. i actually despise you right now." "im sorry!!! only this once okay, i’ve always wanted to go on one with yo-" your sentence was cut short as the ride began, making a loud noise. "y/n i cant believe this." niki panicked. you giggled slightly as the ride made its way up to the highest point. you put your hand out for niki to hold, and he grabbed it immediately. after a few more seconds of comforting him the ride reached its highest point. after the it holding for a few seconds, it let go and your free hand went up. niki squeezed tighter and screamed loud. "Y/N L/N I DONT KNOW WHY I AGREED TO THIS" "I DONT KNOW EITHER" you yelled back. after around a minute, the ride came to its final stop.

you got off smiling and happy, whereas niki came off completely disheveled. it was a funny scene, you looked like a joyful golden retriever puppy and he looked like a grumpy black cat. you looked back at him and noticed his messy appearance. "sooo, how was it." you asked curiously, fixing his jacket along with his scarf. "never again." his eyes met your face. "it couldnt have been that bad." you reached your arms up, fixing his fluffy hair. you smiled at him whilst he stared into your face, unable to think of anything besides you.

it turned late, and it was 10 minutes left on the clock before the beautiful fireworks started. you guys found a decent place to stand, and you were both snacking on a pretzel. you witnessed multiple couples walking by, and thinking about how you wouldn’t be so opposed to being in a relationship. "gosh, theres so many couples here today." "theres couples here constantly." he added. "okay, but still. they’re all so lovey-dovey." "i guess so." you guys continued talking and the fire work show started, beginning with a few small ones. you both looked up in sync, mesmerized by the bright colours. twinkling eyes, niki looked over at you. it took him a while to take it in, but at this very moment his feelings truly solidified and he wasn’t so unsure anymore. it was forever since you spent a day together at your favourite childhood place, and now its the place where he recognizes how much he likes you. "y/n?" he says your name. "mhm.. whats up..?" you say slowly, completely and utterly enthralled by the fireworks growing in size. "i-i.." he trailed off, still facing the fireworks but his head facing you. "i think i like you." a huge firework exploded. "no, i do like you." it took you a moment to process. you turned towards him in shock. "i hope this doesn’t ruin anything, i cherish our friendship and i don’t ever want to lose yo-" you cut him off, grabbing his face. "you could never lose me. i like you too, dummy." you gave him a quick peck as another firework exploded. it felt like there were mini fireworks exploding in both of your hearts.

#enhypen niki #niki #niki x reader #nishimura riki #niki nishimura #enhypen #enha x reader #enha #enha fluff #enha niki #gabyun #first post #first story #fluff #enha amusement park #amusement park date #enhypen nishimura riki

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toothlespoggers · 5 months

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”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

#tw vent #tw swearing #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw drugs #tw death #cw vent #cw depressive thoughts #vent tag #vent post #vent

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rox-and-prose · 7 months

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oh my god i saw the podcast part in your bio and now i believe you're a godsent. please PLEASE rec me some podcasts. i like fiction and none fiction both. i like mystery, fantasy, science, history, phycology, probably anything that's just Good

anyway have a nice day 💞

My immediate recommendation is always always always Hello From the Hallowoods. I think it probably counts as horror but I find it incredibly comforting. The characters the narrators follows in each episode rotate in and out but they are returned to. It's a post-apocalypse setting where everyone is dealing with a guy called The Instrumentalist, who kills people and uses their bodies to make instruments which he can then play to pilot their spirit. Okay yeah I see the horror aspect but its so good and so full of queer tenderness. There is some amount of queerphobia espoused by the villains so keep that in mind, but its so worth it.

For comedy, there's Wooden Overcoats, which is about a pair of twins on an English isle who own a funeral home, Funns Funerals. Rudyard, the brother, feels to me like an actually tolerable (to watch, at any rate) Basil Fawlty and Antigone, the sister, is an anxious mess and I love her. The series is finished but it's truly so good.

For actual play, my favorite might actually be Three of Hearts because everyone on it feels like theyre friends making a story, rather than a GM acting as a sort of game engine, if that makes sense. They're not professional actors, to my knowledge, but that doesnt mean in any way they dont know how to write characters in a way that makes them compelling and fun to listen to.

okay thats off the top of my head for now. If you have any more questions or have listened to all these already or just want to chat about podcasts please feel free to message me. I sleep during the day so I may take a while to respond but respond I will.

#roxy answers #dr-stxrk

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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Haruka's cringe compilation also includes him seeing Ene, probably thinking she looks very pretty, but instead of rekindling his high school romance he's living through the worst adaptation of "new phone who dis" ever conceived by man or snake

LMAOOO please and in that point in time haruka also technically spent a lot of time watching konoha try to get hibiya and hiyori out of the timeloop for god knows how long. we dont talk abt this enough. haruka can see everything konoha sees so like... erm. bitch also saw these kids getting killed over and over. lol! (descent into insanity complete as i think abt haruka and hibihiyo dynamic post str)

so like. last haruka saw of takane was her dead body, he had no reason to NOT think she wasn't in a similar state as him. like in some limbo place. bc tbh does haruka even know where he is... and from watching everything thru konoha he might know as much as kenjirou being a danger but that's it. cuz we don't know if he ever explicitly did anything to reveal in front of konoha that he is not Really kenjirou. ofc there are the hcs that the people inside the daze move freely and can see each other but personally i never interpreted it like this. i like the hc theyre all alone bc makes for better post str angst and i like the idea that ayano CAN do this but doesn't because she is too upset she could not save haruka and takane and is too ashamed to face haruka. and also something something self punishment i dont deserve to hang out with my friend and receive updates from what he can see with awakening eyes (but doesnt stop to think it'd be nice for haruka to have someone). i think ayano probably shows up to haruka at least once Largely based on his line in the eighth novel when she appears. he says "she was always unannounced" or something like that and yeah maybe he meant back then when they were alive ayano had always been kind of sudden and unexpected idk lol but i like to interpret it as in ayano suddenly showing up in haruka's daze like. hi. (cries a lil bit then immediately leaves)

ERM. SORRY I GOT SIDETRACKED. LIKE ALWAYS. i think haruka Knows where he is bc ayano told him, but it's also so appealing to me that he's just confused the whole 2 years (plus the 10 years it feels he's watching hibiya and hiyori die) cuz. heh. angst. but yeah i think he'd know but not much (until konoha meets the dan yknow)

ANYWAYS YEAH my point was he just went through all that, been alone for 2 years plus all the time worth in the hibihiyo timeloop and finally. HE GETS TO SEE TAKANE. except he is not really himself and konoha is just making her freak out and cry and haruka's just having a mental breakdown bc he's been in this place for so damn long where he cant feel tired or sleep or eat and he is just laying there in a room perfectly designed to fit his worst nightmare like he is by all means dead but alive enough to be tortured like this lolllll and now he gets to see the person he's been begging to see all this time like YOU KNOW in the third novel the first konohas state of the world chapter he says "if i had a final wish i would reach out to that girl who used to yell at me all the time" (insanity) like i truly think the i want to see you takane bit from the anime is from there. anyways. the fact that line happens while konoha is actively trying to stop the timeloop for hibiya and hiyori AUGGHH

um. yeah he gets to see her again. but all his other self is doing is making her cry lmaooo

but also i think haruka is rly touched that takane refuses to see konoha as him and calls him a fake LOL bc haruka hates konoha bc it acts so much like him, clueless to those around him and just being a burden but takane refuses to see it as haruka because it's NOT haruka like she knew immediately it wasn't him. and maybe from takane's pov its just her in denial of haruka having his memories erased but still she was right, it wasnt haruka in his body. and i think he would be so touched abt this (which is why he's so desperate for her company post str not only for obvious reasons like he loves takane and he was alone for god knows how long inside the daze but ALSO BECAUSE.. everyone else became great friends with konoha and he feels so bad replacing it and fears the dan resents him hehehehehfhejdjjdjfiekdkoeoeo

#ask tag #kagenalysis

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water-mellie-seeds · 1 year

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Lake I’ve become so rejection sensitive dysphoria-ly upset by something so trivial tell me about your fos

I TRULY understand this one RSD is a cruel mistress for Real

OH BOY at risk of talking about serizawa AGAIN and at risk of talking about upwards of 50 f/os lets talk about our f/o fight finalists!

Approaching this as if the people reading Do Not Know all of these characters,just in case some people in fact do not know anything about them

Luigi! He's definitely the f/o I've known and loved the longest! The year of luigi was catered to me specifically/j I just think his evolution as a character is SO interesting,especially in the M&L series. He is just such a genuinely good guy,he's sweet and even competitive (moreso in the party/kart/sports games) and I would legitimately do anything for him. I feel this way about a lot of my f/os but i genuinely wish i could just tell him how important he is BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SO MUCH(i know its for the bit but cmon!) oh yeah mario and that other guy type thing YOU LNOW HIS NAME >:(

Kumatora. I could literally talk at length about her but ultimately id just go in circles. Her recklessness when she was younger reminds me of mine. She's a badass,and she's sassy and headstrong and super powerful and yet so chill. She's also just. A good person. I know that if shit got real she would protect me,and even though i am absolutely all talk when it comes to my ability to kick ass,id do my best to protect her too. Also she has PSI so i mean. Kind of a pattern with me,huh?

Dr. Jan. I've always loved people who work in museums or amusement parks and the like. I love to see people who actually...like their jobs. Who make it their own and have fun with it! So..it's only natural id end up liking her. She's an enthusiast of all things ancient and an avid cryptid nerd. I LOVE her enthusiasm. I LOVE her vibe she is also very pretty.

Shuichi. I'm gonna be so honest i do not much like Danganronpa V3 as a game. I love the characters in it,though. but he's a really good protagonist and he just feels...very organic. His struggles with self worth and confidence really resonate with me and i love how he slowly starts to open up and really get into it during cases/trials! I'm also a voice guy and. I really like his voice very much i sometimes listen to like. Shuichi saihara voice files compilations on YouTube it scratches my brain.

Monika. Look. Again I'm a voice guy. Also,i stayed with her for every. Single. Topic she could bring up. Multiple times over. I am down fucking bad. I tried to start a literature club because of her in my own school. I started writing poems again because of her. She told me to put her file on a usb and carry it with me always and i did. I bought a lil white ribbon and tied it on there and then i put the usb on a neckace made of frayed computer wire and i BROUGHT HER EVERYWHERE I WENT. I am in love with her. She is. The true concept of an f/o. And she loves us back,that's the part that gets me.

Queen. Yeah i like silly women i like robots. No one is surprised. She is so cool i want to drink battery acid with her. Ill become a peon i dont even carw

CAPT. SPACEBOY. I haven't ever really been able to pinpoint why EXACTLY im so into him,but i am. I could treat him so so well. I couldn't fit him absolutely not but we could be worse together <3 he sings,he travels through space he's a pirate and also super nice and hospitable. We both got funky mental illnesses going on also hes just hot. Like objectively.

Jessie and James. Package deal. Im glad tumblr seems to appreciate them as much as i do. Theyre both SUCH well written characters. I have known them forever. When i saw them crossdressing as a kid it blew my mind. PEOPLE CAN DO THAT???? Indigo league in general is so so good,but jessie and james really steal the show. They have such interesting and compelling backstories and they are poor just like me fr.(well ok team rocket is. James' family doesnt count i would have also left) we could go on a date to the clearance section in the supermarket./hj i just love them very much ALSO THEY SHOULDNT HAVE TAKEN AWAY JAMES' FAKE BOOBIES! NOT FAIR! I would never do that to him.

Thank you for listening if you guys ever wanna pick an f/o on the list for me to go off about i will do it. For you all

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fictionkinfessions · 1 year

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i think my friend is...judgey might not be the right word, but maybe bitter(not in a jealous way), because they suffered greatly in their own kin timelines and lived in some very dark realities, and they see mine as happy and soft and silly in comparison. i'm not going to bring it up, because i might be reading them wrong or they dont even realize it themself, but i just want to tell them a thing or two. and maybe myself as well.

i suffer too. or have suffered, whatever you want to call it. just because they lived through some truly horrible things doesnt mean i didnt. im not lesser for having 'softer' sources. im not a pushover or a one dimensional silly guy. even if thats how i act much of the time, im really just trying to have fun in this life. im trying to ignore the bitter skeptic in my heart and convince myself and everyone else that i can be kind and that its a viable way to live. ive been cold and cruel and inconsiderate so many times, not going to do that in this reality.

i love them very much and i feel for them, but their suffering doesnt make them tougher than me. doesnt make them an evil irredeemable monster either. theyre so convinced theyre actively hurting me just by existing. im not some soft innocent angel who frolicked through fields of gold in my timelines, man. im truly sorry for them and hearing the stuff that went down in their lives and yeah, plenty of their sources are darker and more vicious than a lot of mine, but that doesnt mean i dont get it.

and this is kind of petty and id NEVER tell them this to their face, but im not the delicate one. under that spiky shell their heart is as fragile as a glass ornament. theyre more gentle and kind and considerate than they think. i hope they realize eventually that theres darkness in my heart too, because im not gonna waste energy trying to somehow prove it.

even when im annoyed like now i cant bring myself to say anything to hurt my friend. i know theyd just beat themself up over it when no one is looking, and petty annoyances are not worth that.

maybe someday when we are both more stable, we can talk about kin stuff more honestly. i hope they dont read this confession blog as often as i do. #☆0☆

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #☆0☆#canoning issue #prevabuse #mod party cat

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strawberry-peach · 11 months

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Ok I think im gonna dump all my feelings in here because i just dont have anyone to talk to and as much as the finale itself made me sad and a little bit upset, ive also seen comments that added to that and i just need to let this out somehow. if you happen to read this and dont agree... ok, fair, but just let me be please.

so yeah, by now i can admit that the finale was not great but also not awful. at first i accepted it and forced myself to be ok with it but then i just got angry and that doesnt feel good either. The thing is, i thought the beginning going thru Ted just glossing over his impending leaving with flat reactions and little to no talk about it felt strange, and i truly truly believed it meant he was either doubting his decision of something was up. As the ep progressed i started believeng more and more that he really didnt want to leave, and this is where i stand now. I really think he didnt want to leave all behind, and for a moment i thought they would do somethign about it, or maybe just imply a change of heart or the possibility of a turn around, doubts back in Kansas, the oportunity to go back to take his boy, anything. But he just left and that was it.

In the end, and as we know, Henry comes first. He always did. And I knew this and I actually love this, you know that I do. Ted and Henry's relationship was a priority for me too. So I fully understood his need to go back to his boy, his need to be with him, to be more present in the way he felt they both needed. The idea of his kid feeling left behind or abandoned probably haunted him as much as the idea of his kid leaving him. And both those things probably felt exponentially more likely with him living thousands of miles away.

The thing is that it broke my heart that he thought he had to leave everything else behind to fix that, that all the alternative options aviable to him, to them, the offer Rebecca made him for fucks sake, all of that was not worth trying. That him trying to keep some of all that happiness he had found was not worth it if it meant demanding a possible sacrifice from Henry's (and/or Michelle's) part. His new home was not worth keeping in the face of threatening the stability of Henry's.

I felt, in the end, that all of his flat reactions, his disconnectedness, his detachment, his emotional absence, his disregard of other's pleadings, his un-Tedness, whatever you want to call it, it all came down to him shutting his doors down in order to get through it. He went to the opposite of his usual coping mechanism. Because he felt he had to go back to Henry, no in-betweens, and he couldn't afford to be swayed to do anything but. He dropped everything, his newfound call, his success, his potential, his place of belonging, his friends, his new family, Beard himself ffs. All of it, there was nothing he wouldn't let go of if he had to in order to go back to his kid. Maybe he thought everyone would get over him soon enough, maybe he thought his job was done and that was enough for everyone, maybe he didn't allow himself to think of it or he would realize his decision could hurt people who cared for him. Thing is his own happiness outside of Henry was not worth it enough for him to ask for a middle ground, apparently. And that sucks.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but you know me, I love my faves more than I should and I love Ted with all my heart. So what the fuck do I know really?

Outside my heartache over Ted's finale, there are other things that I did not vibe with. For instance Beard staying with Jane. I was really really hoping that wouldn't be the case. But you know what, that weird ass cgi wedding looking like a fever dream gives me hope. It never happened.

Also Dutch guy? Of all the weird sloppy endings they could have given Rebecca, this one took the cake. What the actual fuck man? And the fact that she bumps into him like a fairytale meetcute right after she's wrecked by saying good bye to Ted? Just like that? Missed me with that. She deserved better than that. Do I mean Ted? Not necessarily, no, even though of all the options we had through the show, Ted was absolutely the best for her. But it just felt so taped on, like a last minute fix.

I also really wish we could have had more of Nate and Ted talking things out. I just think both of them deserved to let things out and reach proper closure. The things that went between them were important, they were worth being properly adressed. The pain they both went through because they care a lot for each other... Man. I appreciate that Nate made Ted listen to his apology at least, even if it was just that. Because I felt he was being his checked out self then and both Ted and Nate deserved to have that said out loud, so thank you Nate for that.

The weird Roy and Jamie thing? Yeah... I guess it was supposed to be a moment of levity? I don't know. I understand that it was a moment of regression for both of them, a step back of the work they had done through the season, it just felt a bit too close to the end, you know? Like had this had happened before we could have had a sense of it being worked out again, but now? It leaves me with the feeling that we are still very much in a volatile area. Especially after last ep? Idk, weird.

And finally, why was Jake still in the picture? That guy should have been gone long ago. I mean don't even get me started on all that crap, there are so many nos in that line of story. I just want him gone. Appreciate Henry's nonexistent rapport with him, love that he was so clearly done with the dude. That's my boy.

I think that's all the bad I can think of. It sounds like a lot and not that much at the same time. Like it's what five, six things, but some feel so so off. I loved the rest, as rushed as it felt for me, it was nice. Loved the match, loved the BELIEVE sign moment, loved Ted doing his little dance, loved Trent sharing his work and being so eager for feedback, loved Roy stepping into the Diamond Dogs and trying therapy, loved Keeley growing his bussines again, loved the callbacks (us-ie guy!), Isaac's penalty goal, Colling getting to kiss his fella, Thierry being Zorro, Nate and his box omg, the newly fixed BELIEVE sign! So so many things to love, but so much unfairness and bitterness too.

Anyway, I'll stop the ranting. I'm probably forgeting to mention something or missing a point here or there. This is just feelings vomit. And just saying that the last part, where so much of the what-the-fuck-ness is condensed, felt so fucking weird and out of left field, I am waiting for them to announce it was a joke, or a s4 or spinoff or special ep or that it was all Ted's dream in the plane... I'm waiting.

Do you hear me Jason&co? I am waiting.

#ok i hope that now i can be more at peace #my lord i probably have more thoughts stored somewhere #but i guess i just had to get these ones out #i dont really remember much of the ep if i have to be honest #its kind of a mess in my head #what i do know is that my man deserved better #and i dont appreciate how they made rebecca's offer sound irrational #it was perfect she was right #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers

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radiowlet · 2 years

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🎵🖋 finch

The Moon Will Sing-The Crane Wives

this song is LITERALLY about finch reflecting on her relationship with sunny post nether arc

after sunny suddenly cuts her off and dies shortly after, finch is left confused and hurt, thinking their relationship had been fine before the nether infection became an issue. but as she thinks back on it, she starts to realize she'd really just been floating along with whatever sunny did. sunny having finch run away with her to dashcon threw her previous plans she'd had for jamcon out the window, and things only got worse when sunny became leader of dashcon and the nether started to spread.

under the cut im going to go on a whole line by line Thing about this because this song is Literally. yeah. its the first song in the post nether arc finch playlist for a Reason

Tell me once again, I could've been anyone, anyone else / Before you made the choice for me

finch could have escaped rainfurrest the way she originally wanted to and could have lead her own con sooner, had sunny not brought her to dashcon

My feet knew the path / We walked in the dark, in the dark / I never gave a single thought where it might lead

finch had snuck off to dashcon to see sunny plenty of times before they ran away, but she never thought things would turn out the way they did. she'd even made a backup plan for jamcon just so the friends she left in rainfurrest would still have a way out. the backup plan was never used.

All those empty rooms, we could've been anywhere, anywhere else / Instead I made a bed with apathy

before she left dashcon to round up anyone who would come with her to jamcon, finch took everything she could carry and burned down her house in dashcon. the first shelter she made herself in where she settled jamcon was barely large enough for herself, let alone her And her new conmates.

My heart knew the weight, ten years worth of dust and neglect / We made our peace with weariness and let it be

i think this one is self explanatory

The moon will sing a song for me, I loved you like the Sun / Bore the shadows that you made with no light of my own / I shine only with the light you gave me / I shine only with the light you gave me

not much to say here either lmao. Finch truly, dearly loved Sunny before things went south and after she dies she becomes a completely different person

Name your courage now / We could've had anything, anything else, instead you hoarded all that's left of me

I take this as referring to how because of the circumstances of everything that happened, finch was unable to properly process. any of it. sunny just suddenly told finch she Never cared about her and then Left and then like 2 hours later before finch had time to process that sunny wound up Dead

Swallowing your doubt, like swords to the pit of my belly

this line would have to be taken a little bit more from a narrator pov than finch's pov just because finch doesnt know Why sunny did what she did but it's. still accurate in that context

sunny knew she was more than likely not going to survive her confrontation with glitch so she cut finch (and others she was close with but this isnt about them) off in hopes of causing less pain when she died (and inadvertantly just made things A Lot Worse)

I want to feel that fire that you kept from me

finch just. wanting sunny back as she remembered her, the kind and loving person she thought she was before the nether spread/infection started

she eventually gets over this but that is a Whole Other Tangent

the rest of the song is repeating lines already talked about so. thats it i just don't know how to end the post lmao

#conconcraftcraft #finch (c4)#sunny

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will-die-without-chai · 2 years

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Ramble incoming (disordered eating mention, mentions of sex, etc)

I have very weird relationship with my body. I really really don't like it. I have a super strained relationship with food because of it as well. I go days without eating anything substantial, I will have a couple of biscuits or like a handful of some chips and call it a day. But then there are some days when the hunger hits and I can't seem to eat enough. Packets on packets of junk food, carbonated drinks, whatever I can get my hands on. And then I fucking feel fucking guilty and stop eating and the cycle goes on and on and on. But ykw, even all this starving doesnt change my body.

I try to exercise and stuff but nothing works. I have tried running and that doesn't work as well. Nothing does. And I am tired of being and feeling inadequate and honestly, ugly at this point. Whatever I try, I am always the tryhard, the fantasy, the DUFF. I am the big, fat, useless, unattractive friend of the group. And these are not just my words. People think that of me, people actively come to me to tell me that.

All validation based on looks or whatever are from people who haven't met me or who love in such close quarters to me that they can't say anything to me without making it awkward but it is visible in their disdain for me, in their treatment of me. I can see it in the way they all rally together to get dressed or ready for something but I am an afterthought. Oh Aadi, you wouldn't need that jewelry, you wouldn't need those makeup products, why are you even putting eyeliner, let all of us do ours and then we'll see whats to be done with you, is that what you'll be wearing? Isn't that too bodycon? Isn't that too short? You are going to order that?

The guy I was talking to, one that I considered a friend, he stopped talking to me coz he wouldn't wanna be romantically attached to me, even in baseless rumors. I was only worth talking to as long as I was useful.

My body also is the major reason why I dont wanna date. (It's not like there's anyone who wants to date me here, or even anyone who even wants to talk to me. Sometimes days pass by without me uttering a single word to anyone and no body gives a shit)

But yeah, my body image issues seriously pose a hurdle between me and dating. Dating would lead to vulnerability, something that I can't afford to show someone. Not when I am constantly on the edge of completely breaking down at one misplaced tone change. Secondly it would come with expectations of intimacy, something I would never be comfortable with as long as I hate this body so vehemently.

The thought of being on display for somebody else to scrutinize me and use against me at anything in time makes me wanna throw myself off a fucking building. The thought of someone seeing me, double chin, body acne, surgery scars, flabby arms, stomach rolls, body hair, hyperpigmentation and all, makes me wanna barf.

I am in my 20s surrounded by people exploring their bodies and sexuality, flaunting their escapades and basking in puppy love when I can't even imagine someone wanting to like me, let alone the notion of someone believing themselves in love with me, however misplaced the feeling might be. This very horrendous feeling let me down the path of giving a stranger a blow job in a fucking train. Not my brightest moments. Not something I would want a repeat of. But the fear of not getting to have experiences made me do it. And when I sat there, in a fucking lavatory, a fucking dick down my throat, not enjoying it, the fear of them expecting more of me climbing up my spine, I wanted to jump out of the train. When he offered to return the favor after he finished, I had never I my life denied any offer that fast.

At this point in my life, I feel I'll never be comfortable enough in my body to expose myself in such a way. Ever. I will never ever believe that someone truly wants me for me. And I will never believe someone might like my body and I don't know what to do with myself for it.

#i am tired #and this makes no sense

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sock-milk · 2 years

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I don't feel loveable. I don't feel desirable. And everyday I feel less loved and less desired. Even after he holds me and tells me I'm worth it, even after he and I pleasure each other. I hate the way I am and so does he, so why do I have such a hard time doing anything right? Everytime I speak to him he's annoyed because he's doing something else, but he always is. I rarely find time to talk to him without interrupting something we are doing. I assumed that that's how conversations usually are but I was mistaken. He is hurting and so am I. Why do we have to hurt each other.

Many weeks ago I've been told that he would do things for me to please me. He had done this multiple times, but last time he said he may eat me out. As usual, he was never in the mood. The other day he was playing with me and asked if I showered. I said I hadn't and he said that when I did he had a surprise for me. I showered the next night and even shaved and got into a cute outfit. But he just wanted to sleep. So we slept. Yesterday, the day after, I wore the same shirt and white panties. Later last night we were on Twitter and I discovered my old account where i liked and shared some nsfw stuff, mostly cnc. Some of it was extremely shameful. He then asked me to suck his dick. I asked if I could get a pillow for my knees and put my hair up; he said no. I painfully got on my knees and did my job while he tried to play a game. Then he had me sit on his cock, going up and down sometimes. Then we walked, with him still inside of me, to the bed where he bent me over and fucked me nicely. Yeah it was nice. But I wasn't satisfied. He said we may or may not have more sex later that night but not to get my hopes up. I told myself it wasn't happening so I wouldn't hope, but I couldn't help it. I've been hoping for this for basically months. Last night he told me to go to bed and that he was gonna stay up for a while longer. Due to what he said earlier and the fact that he had liked a tweet along the lines of "fuck me in my sleep," I held out hope. I thought about what he might do to me and I fucking hoped harder than ever that everything would go right that night. Meanwhile I was also severely fucking anxious. I couldn't stop thinking about him leaving or hating me, that he's fucking repulsed by me so ofc he wouldn't want to be with me. I also dealt with a lot of uncontrollable memories that randomly popped into my head to make me feel more shame or self hatred. I tried to fall asleep and tell myself that whatever Ash wants to do tonight will happen. But I just couldn't stop shaking and occasionally crying. When he finally came to bed, he just laid down with me. It wasn't what I craved but I was relieved. We started talking and he said he was wide awake. Eventually he got up and said he wanted to stay up. I had been waiting so long for him and i was in a terrible place mentally, but it seems that the times that I need him most are the times that I upset him further. I don't remember exactly what I said but I begged him to stay and i held onto him. He got mad because my sadness was obvious to him and he felt guilt tripped. He said he feels like that a lot and that he doesn't really have free will. He also reminded me of his tormenting nightmares and that's why he hates sleeping. I didn't know what to say or do. I just wanted to cry and tell him that I need him but that would only have made everything worse. I need to work on how I react to things externally, not showing how disappointed or in pain I truly am. I said I try to suppress my reactions and he yelled at me basically saying it's not true. But he doesn't feel the pressure that builds up inside when I try not to cry, but a tear is still shed. He doesnt understand that I shake because I'm trying to keep the pain inside like I'm a dam, not because I'm trying to make him physically feel my pain. He sees me as unnecessarily overreactive, and I certainly am, but he doesn't feel the true extent of it. He doesnt feel my chest tighten up, or my neck muscles start to cramp up, or my stomach getting queasy, or the veins in my arms fucking burning. I hide all of that and I am still too much for people.

Last night, I was also too scared to admit that part of my pain was sexual. Sex means nothing to him, nothing good. He says he doesn't care about sex, but that's because it's easy for him. He always gets satisfied. I have been willing to do damn near anything for him, things that make me genuinely uncomfortable, even things that fucking hurt like kneeling without a cushion under my knees. I assumed a long time ago that the more effort I put into pleasing him, the more effort he would put into pleasing me. I am, once again, very sadly mistaken. And I have no idea how to deal with this. He is insecure about sex and the fact that he hasn't been making me cum is a part of that apparently, but he doesn't seem to make much effort to. The last time he "tried" and had his fingers on my mostly dry clit and then gave up. I don't know what tf to do. How do I admit something so shameful that sexual dissatisfaction has been negatively affecting my mentality, enhancing my own insecurities and fears? Especially when it means so little to him. He would think I'm a ridiculous slut. Or maybe he already thinks that. I don't know. He is worth everything to me, I just wish I was worth a little bit to him.

#6:55pm

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just-a-fangirl13 · 3 years

Text

Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens

Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!

Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)

1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.

[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]

Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)

2. They know we exist.

The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.

[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]

3. Yes 5x03 happened.

I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]

This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!

4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she?

When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.

[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]

5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated]

Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise.

From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.

So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.

If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)

This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.

6. So what about MacDesi?

So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable).

It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....

Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.

The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?

So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??

Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)

Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things.

Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.

Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.

And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.

[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]

The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!

Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #macgyvercbs #Riley davis #macriley #cbs #macxriley #macriley is endgame #otp #wilt bozer #Matilda webber #Lucas till #Tristin Mays #cbsmacgyer #russ taylor #macisback #macgyver season 5

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99adelheid99 · 4 years

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cool so since I’m procrastinating anyways on my school work im just going to write a character study on beast! dazai

because I re read it and im sad and asagiri just loves to make everyone suffer

so spoilers for the beast au

((BTW IM SO SORRY TUMBLR MOBILE ISN’T LETTING ME CUT THE POST TO A READ MORE SO IM GOING TO TRY TO DO IT ON MY PC AND HOPE IT WORKS IF IT DOESNT IM SO SORRY;;;; ))

asagiri has already decided to make dazai a tragic character and break our hearts once, but he decided to also rip them out and spit on it.

in the canon world, we see dazai struggle through depression. ever since he was young he found there was no value in living as he says to mori in the fifteen arc. he tries throughout his life desperately to understand just why humans strive to live, why they fight so hard for their lives and work hard to live life to the fullest.

it’s no different in the many other worlds The Book had created, and that lonely hole in his chest is probably much bigger.

as explained by dazai in the light novel, the power of The Book does not effect him because of his ability, since The Book itself is an ability, dazai naturally cancels it out. because of this, dazai can practically “read his own memories” from the canon world. so he knows everything that happens in the original universe, that goes for every single dazai in every single au. every single one.

this in itself is probably one of the saddest things. if people not understanding dazai didn’t hurt enough in the canon world, imagine how horrible it is that the beast! dazai had suffer with this knowledge alone, because as mentioned, it’s not wise for a lot of people to know about The Book since the world they reside in will become unstable, and have a chance of disappearing.

at the end of the light novel we also learn of dazai’s plan. why he captured gin, and why he wanted to bring akutagawa and atsushi together.

it was for odasaku.

because dazai has the memories from his “original” self, he remember odasaku. he remembers how he died, he remembers that they were best friends, he remembers how odasaku was the only person who understood dazai to his core, he remember how much odasaku means to him.

but odasaku of this world doesn’t remember it at all. because to him it never happened. there is only the beast world and the beast world alone.

this is where the angst hits (harder lol)

dazai figures out (at some time idk when) that this is the only universe that odasaku survives (im not sure how exactly, im assuming he can read the memories of the other dazais? Idk)

he remembers odasakus passionate of becoming a writer, he remembers odasakus determination not to kill just so he could write his own novel.

and because I really do believe dazai has a heart shrouded in all that darkness, dazai wants the best for odasaku, dazai wants to make it so odasaku can continue to survive and write his novel.

so dazai being dazai makes this extremely elaborate extra ass plan to make sure it happens.

dazai knows that this world has a chance of disappearing since every time something is written down in The Book in any other au (I think? I believe it can be any one of them not just the canon one) The Book doesn’t create it out of nothing exactly, but borrows from other worlds to create what is written in the book to reality.

dazai’s afraid that this world might cease to exist, and if it does odasaku won’t get to write his novel in this only universe he survives in, odasaku won’t he happy and dazai doesnt want that.

now extra ass osamu here uses a lot of cruel tactics to get to his end goal, and it isn’t right at all, but I still have to sympathize because its just so painful lmao

during akutagawa and atsushi’s final battle, dazai goes to the lupin bar where he meets odasaku for the first time in this world. I feel like dazai fought with himself a lot not to visit odasaku during this time, probably wanting to do nothing else but to run to his old friend that he missed so damn much. and I think he couldnt resist in the end, I think he desperately wanted to see him one last time because from the very beginning he knew his own fate.

one of the many (lol) things that hurts me during this meeting is how dazai immediately jumps happily into conversation with odasaku when he sees him, how he invites him quickly to sit down with him (in which odasaku does but doesn’t sit right next to him, which seemingly hurts dazai, ouch my heart) and how he picks up conversation that dazai would normally have with odasaku in the real world, asking him if anything interesting happened to him that day or telling him about new suicide methods he tried, which leaves odasaku heavily confused as he kind of awkwardly replies to each question.

now because the pov during this scene is in oda’s, we don’t get know exactly what dazai is thinking, but oda describes his posture and reactions well for us to take a guess of how hard it is for dazai to not have probably the most important person in his life not know or care about him.

dazai tightening his grip around his glass, or dazai looking like a happy child in one second to trying to compose his emotion with a small smile in the next, these reactions happen when odasaku keeps bringing up how he doesn’t know dazai and how confused he is. and dazai trying to hold onto something, someone, who made him so happy. trying to ignore the pain he feels and grasp on to the good memories he has but odasaku doesn’t.

and then there’s the part in the bar that asagiri decided to write because he’s a writer and like all authors, lowkey likes to see his audience suffer.

when dazai calls oda by his nickname odasaku once again trying to get him to understand him, the man replies:

“Don’t call me Odasaku. There is no reason of an enemy to call me that.”

yeah I cried

I cried a lot

dazai’s reaction didn’t help either.

The young man suddenly seemed to have trouble breathing…He fought against something invisible.

in this world, dazai probably mastered concealing his emotions (he does in like every world, but he’s much more grim in this one so) he put up this wall and put on a mask for everyone but odasaku, he let his wall down and odasaku didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t bring him some sort of comfort like he did in the canon universe. not intentionally of course, not because odasaku was cruel, but odasaku didn’t know dazai as anything else but his enemy. for all he knows, dazai could be trying to manipulate him.

theyre enemies. they could never be friends in this world. but dazai seems to still try, even a little.

in the end, they part ways. dazai putting on that mask once again, and acting like this whole meeting didn’t just destroy him. because it would be worth it in the end, odasaku would live, be happy, write his novel.

dazai would suffer, but that’s okay. odasaku hates dazai, but that’s okay.

because odasaku is alive. odasaku is happy. and to dazai that’s enough.

we get to the ending that no one wants to read because we’re already in pain and we know asagiri is waiting there with a shotgun to deliver the final blow.

dazai arrives after akutagawa and atsushi’s fight to reveal his reasoning behind his plan. how atsushi and aku have to work together protect The Book to make sure this world doesn’t disappear just for oda, and he mentions how no more then two people can know about the existence of The Book also for the protection and stability of their world.

atsushi decides to so some quick maths then, and realizes in horror that dazai has slowly made his way to the edge of the building.

he pleads with dazai to not do it, but theres obviously no stopping him.

and in that moment I believe for the first time in a long time dazai is truly content.

the hatred towards him is heavy, but it doesn’t matter to dazai because odasaku is safe. he completed his mission.

dazai planned all of this from the very beginning up to his death. now, arguably, despite dazai’s heartwarming end goal he was still an awful person. he was abusive and manipulate. he hurt and killed others to get what he wanted. he was not a good person

but he suffered so much for the sake of one person, he knew his ending wasn’t going to happy, but the end goal was enough. the end goal made it worth it.

osamu could never tell anyone about his pain, not even his best friend. he had to instead put on the mask of the cruel boss of the port mafia. people either had to hate him or fear him. no one could ever love him, no one could ever care for him. and osamu knew that. from the very beginning. asagiri truly wrote a tragic but beautiful character.

now if you’ll excuse me im going to go cry :)))

#i cried while writing this #im so sorry #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd beast light novel #bsd beast #beast dazai #character analysis #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #bsd odasaku

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acaciapines · 3 years

Text

@mallowstep

woulda sent this as an ask but uh. moth ghost au wont leave my head and this got. long. hope ya dont mind i think about hawkfrost and mothwing A Lot.

under a cut bc. again. long.

bc see the thing is. if i were to do a moth ghost au. the kids are all young when she dies (at least, i think? idk their timeline, i’m assuming they’re like, 3-4 months, so, youngish), so it’s like...ghost sister? ghost sister. sasha cant see her because it’s no fun if she can, so we get hawk and tadpole, both who feel like they’ve killed their sister, both who are kids and cant deal with that grief. but like...moth is right there! she’s right there! she’s still their sister even if shes a ghost and as they get bigger and lose their kit-fluff she stays the same. she’s their sister.

but sasha....sasha just lost one of her kittens, nearly lost the other two, and now the remaining ones are talking to moth as though she’s still there? cats dont leave ghosts behind--cats aren’t trapped like that. humans are, sasha was a housecat and she’s seen how humans pace around their houses, but cats are sneaky lil guys. cats arent trapped to the earth like people are. cats die and leap into the sky and become the world.

moth isn’t stuck, moth is the world. so sasha tells her sons that their sister isn’t a ghost with them, but she’s the world around them--the prey and wind and sky.

hawk and tadpole look at each other, at their very-much-there ghost sister, and are like....yeah sure mom.

so we get a hawk and tadpole who refuse to let moth go. it’s hawk who clings to her the most, i think--he acts as though nothing happened, as though nobody drowned. tadpole is...starting to listen to their mom, a bit. he knows moth is there, but...should she be? nobody should be trapped like this. her spirit deserves to move on.

“we should help her,” tadpole says.

“she’s fine,” hawk says, “she’s right here, and she’s fine, and i’m not going to let you kill her again just because you have something against ghosts.”

and tadpole doesn’t ask again. he was the first one out out that basement.

eventually the kits end up in riverclan, and tadpole doesnt really talk about moth to anybody. like, he still acknowledges her, but only when they’re alone or it’s just hawk. hawk, on the other hand, doesn’t care! sure he’s like, 6 moons old, and moth is still stuck at 4, but! who! cares! and so while the clan teaches them their clan ways, teaches them about starclan, tadpole listens and he’s able to find some comfort in the idea. that theres a place his sister can go, can move on to. he’s always liked the stars. moth will, too.

but hawk...

well, the thing is, hawk’s not a clan cat. he’s got a clan name, now, he’s down a mother and he’s a very young kid staring up at these riverclan cats, but he’s nothing if not stubborn, and he’s clung to his sister thus far and he’s not about to give her up.

the clans dont think much of other religions. they tell hawk and tadpole that there’s no such thing as ghosts. dead cats go to starclan, and only clan cats, at that--your sister isn’t there, why would she be? she died a loner. but dont worry, now you’re here, in the clans, and when you die, you’ll be together in starclan.

“it’s stupid,” hawk says, to moth, alone in their den, “who cares about starclan? thats not mine, and its not yours. if you’re going anywhere it’s the wind, not the stars.”

“did you see that one thunderclan med cat apprentice at the gathering?” asks moth. “i thought she was pretty.”

“never change,” hawk says, fondly.

but he starts to think. as he starts to spend more and more time alone, with only moth for company. and moth is moth but she is...a ghost. she’s trapped. she doesn’t grow and change like a living cat does--at this point she doesnt even know why she’s still around. something about...drowning, maybe? it happened so long ago. she’s just happy to have her brother with her.

tadpole worries. hawk pushes him away. tadpole tells him they have to let their sister go. that they have to move on--that he loves moth too, and he misses her every day, but they’re clan cats, now. they have to be the best they can be, so nobody else is ever hurt again.

so i dont hurt anyone again, he doesnt say.

because tadpole doesn’t think moth’s ghost is around, either. he’s stopped seeing her. maybe he never did. maybe he was just a kid who lost his sister, who killed his sister, even if on accident. maybe he never was able to cope with that.

he wont see his sister in starclan. he probably wont see his mother, either. he doenst know what happens to loners. sasha told them, once. the wind and the sky and the leaves. becoming a part of the world, again. energy that can never truly die, just change shape.

but that was so long ago. he’s nearly a warrior, now. who remembers the stories they were told as kids?

anyways.

hawkpaw becomes the medicine cat.

he’s got two sets of beliefs rattling around in his head--starclan, everything the clans are telling him, and half-remembered stories from his mother, that moth remembers best of them all, forever trapped as a 4 moon old kit. and somewhere along the line these have been mashed together, into one big: starclan isnt letting moth in, because she died a loner. starclan wont ever let moth in but they’re going to take me when i die and i wont let them. i wont let them tear us apart.

it’s not easy. riverclan says he’d need a sign to become a medicine cat, but since when have the dead done that? they’re dead. moth is a ghost at his side, and she watches the flowers, and the bees, and remarks about thunderclan medicine cats that hawk can’t help but be begrudgingly fond of, if only for her.

but he can do this. he has to.

hawkpaw fakes a sign. hawkpaw becomes medicine cat.

hawkpaw goes to the moonpool, and the stars tell him the same thing the clans do: there is no place for your sister here. our heavens are for worthy clan cats only.

hawk is still the villain here, just...in a different way. if this were a warriors book he’d be a villain flat-out, a med cat turning his back on starclan, who lied and cheated his way into this role, who never cared about anybody but his dead sister. but this isn’t a warriors book.

tadpole is the hero. hawk looks at the stars and tells them to their faces if you wont let my sister in, then i’ll make you regret it. i’ll show everyone that you’re nothing. that they worship cats that arent even ghosts. cats that are trapped. maybe youre wrong. maybe moth isnt the one youre keeping out. maybe shes the free one.

hawk plays the long game, though. gets his full name. learns medicines, how to heal.

how to harm.

moth watches him from the shadows. tells him kit-stories about rebirth.

the clans dont believe in that. hawk doesnt know what he is. he doesnt either.

theyre all trapped. thats what he believes.

he sets a trap for mudfur. a fox-trap down by the lake. then he, hawkfrost, will be the only link riverclan has to the stars, and he won’t listen to a word they say.

tadpole is the one to find out, to intervene before mudfur dies. to say hawk, you betrayed us all!

you betrayed me first, says hawk. me and moth both.

moth is dead! says tadpole. you can’t let her go!

you follow the words of the dead, says hawk in return, thats all the clans do. all mudfur did. he didnt want me to be his apprentice. he needed the dead to tell him what to do. what kind of life is that? and if you agree with what he did, how is it any different than me and moth? at least i know she’s real. that she’s our sister. the clans would let her die.

and so tadpole kills his brother with a stake through the heart.

he thinks he can see moth for a second. a flash against the blood.

hawk dies. he doesnt die a clan cat.

was it worth it? tadpole asks.

im going to be with moth, hawk says. youre going to go to starclan.

why dont you answer that question?

...

yeah thats my moth ghost au. is this anything? who knows! its certainly not in any way fleshed out, just the barest bones of an idea. i want leafpool to still get her ‘blood will spill blood’ prophecy--maybe she and hawk become friends, somewhere in there. who knows.

ghost moth man. fun to think about.

#warrior cats #mothwing #hawkfrost #tadpole #i write #anyways time to go to bed its fully one thirty am #i have to wake up early tommorow #i have plans #this is what warrior cats does to you

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wolferals · 3 years

Text

✨UNDER MY SKIN(S)✨

james cook x reader

„Y/n, friend." your mom shouted from downstairs. You were still busy with your english homework as you got interrupted. A sigh leaving your lips you got up from your desk to walk down to the door. Who of your friends would show up on a Tuesday night at 9pm when they knew you were busy doing schoolwork?

As your head shot around the corner you let out a frustrated moan.

The brown haired boy grinned sheepishly as he had his hands behind his back. „Cook." you spoke and approached the interrupter of your busy night.

„Hello y/n. Looking stunning."

Looking down at yourself you realized you were only wearing a big sweatshirt and some knitted socks to keep you feet warm. You were not wearing pants at all, and your hair was up in a messy bun.

„What do you want? I'm busy." You snapped at him but he just kept on smiling.

„I wanted to see if you were up for some fun. Freds and J are twats and studying for the exam tomorrow. Eff's a bit of a headache at the moment and Naomikins wont answer the door." He explained and rested his arm on the doorframe.

„Cook, as I said, I'm busy."

He made his lip tremble a bit, making you roll your eyes at him. „Come on y/n/n, just for an hour or two. I promise I dont got any drugs this time. I just dont wanna be alone right now. I'm going through something."

You again rolled your eyes at this jackass and joked:"Did Effy not wanna fuck you tonight? I'm really sorry. But fuck, fine. I just gotta get dressed. Come in and close the door behind you."

Like a little kid he let out a happy laugh as you walked upstairs, noticing that Cook was following you.

„Hello? Privacy? Also my mom won't like you being in my room with me, at that time especially."

He closed the door to your room and started looking around while you rummaged through your closet.

„You got a nice room y/n/n. Why havent I been in here?"

He asked and played with your dreamcatcher.

„Well because you're a dick Cookie? And I dont like dicks in my room."

-„Thats cool, but hey now you got one in your room. A big one. One that could make you feel real good."

He started laughing and pointed at his crotch. „Fuck you Cook. Turn around."

You quickly took off your sweater and threw on a white cardigan and paired it with a pair of some wide legged jeans.

„Okay I'm done." you then spoke and watched Cook scan your body from head to toe. „Looks cute."

You were surprised by his choice of words but didn't complain. Smiling, you grabbed your stuff and you two headed downstairs.

„Mom, I'll have to help Cook with something real quick, I'll be back in an hour."

You were about to open the front door when your mom stood in the hall. „Where are you going?" She asked, a serious expression on her face.

„Just around the block. I promise I'll be back soon."

Cook just stood there and watched you and your mom discuss but suddenly spoke up:"Ms y/l/n, I promise I'll have her back in exactly one hour. I'll take care of her, nothing will happen to your daughter I swear."

You stared at him in disbelief. That Cook new words like „I promise" or „I'll take care" shocked you a bit.

„Fine. One hour. You have a test tomorrow sweetheart, have that in mind." Your mom finally let you go and Cook didnt waste any more time slipping through the door outside, pulling you with him.

„Wow your mum seems..."

-„I know." you scoffed and shut the door.

Cook took a deep breath as well.

„So you ready for the exam tomorrow?" He then asked.

Walking down the dark street you shrugged your shoulders at him. „I think so but to be honest I was too tired to make anything stay in my brain tonight."

He laughed lightly and replied:"Welcome to my world."

You gave him a quick glance before continuing to walk through the darkness.

It didnt make you uncomfortable being with Cook, even though in fact this was your first time being alone. You simply didn't know what to say to him. He was just too different from you.

„You wanna have some fun?" He broke the silence suddenly as you two walked towards a big building.

„Sure; whats that though?"

He gave you a devilish smirk. „Ever really partied before?"

You shook your head while Cook grabbed your hand to pull you towards the building. His hand was bigger than yours. And it was warm, it felt nice holding someone's hand. You'd never had a boyfriend to touch you but that little thing you got from him there was really nice though.

„Cook what is this place?" you asked when the red lights hit you right in the face. „You're gonna love it." He smiled at you, still holding your hand.

Once down in the basement you two met a bunch of people lining up in front of a big door.

You spotted a bouncer at front letting certain people in.

„I just need you to do one thing. Could you please flirt with that man so we can get in easier? They dont really like me here that much, you need to work with those."

Cook pointed at your boobs.

„Are you kidding?" You asked him, not believing a word he just said. „Please, I really think you'd like it, plus we dont got too much time left. I need to get you home in 40 minutes so just show him your tits and we can have some fun."

You scoffed at him but eventually pulled him up to the bouncer. The guy was around 25, attractive he was for sure but you didnt really know what to say.

„Oh you again, why dont you fuck off?" He looked at Cook.

You gave Cookie a serious look and then turned back to the bouncer. „Hi, I'm sorry I've never been here before; and my friend just told me I'd have a lot of fun in there. Dont you think you could let us in, please?" You gave him your puppy eyes and lightly bit your lip.

He looked inbetween you two and spoke:"This your girlfriend?" He was obviously speaking to Cook.

He just shook his head and you answered:"No sir he's not. We're just here to have fun. I promise we won't be here for long, just a bit of fun. Please sir?"

He breathed out and opened the door behind you. „Alright then sweetheart. And you, dont come here again after tonight." Cook grinned and pulled me inside the club, speaking a „cheers" to the bouncer before coming closer to my ear due to the loud music.

„Promise one thing y/n. Have fun. Let it all go and be free. Just for now."

You looked up at him, his face being lit by the colorful lights. He again smiled at you. „I promise." was all you said before basically jumping into the middle of the dance floor and letting yourself go. A upbeat song was playing and you just started jumping and dancing with Cook as if there was no tomorrow. He seemed to enjoy it as much as you did because he was laughing. You'd never seen him so cheerful and genuinely happy.

„Cookie?" you yelled against the loud music and grabbed onto his neck. „Thank you so much for bringing me here!"

He nuzzled his head in your neck and placed a soft kiss against your skin. „Just let go." You held onto his neck and danced with him again. His forehead rested against yours and your eyes kept locked. It felt like the world around you two had stopped. It felt like Cook and you were the only thing that mattered, as if it cured every worry in your body.

And before you could think about it, you pulled him close and placed your lips onto his. He kissed you back immediately but his kiss was different than you'd expected. It was softer, much more passionate that you'd ever imagined. His hands grabbed you by the waist until you let go of him and smiled brightly.

„Take me home Cook." He licked his lips and nodded as you two made your way through the crowd to the exit door.

Once the noise had quiet down and the only thing you could feel was your own heavy heartbeat and the cold air hitting you, you leaned against the wall. Cook did the same and let out a soft giggle.

„Did you have fun?" He asked and turned his head to look at you. „A lot." You smiled happily.

„Good. Yeah, good."

He stepped closer and placed both his hands on the wall next to your head. He looked down at you and licked his lips once again. „We still got 19 minutes. Sure you wanna go home now?"

Before you got to answer he had kissed you again. It felt too good to be true, his lips moving in perfect sync with yours. His hand on your neck and your hands in his hair.

He truly was a fantastic kisser.

And yet again, the world around you had stopped. Cook was the only thing that mattered to you and deep down you knew how wrong it all was but Cook made you feel worth it. Made you feel good about yourself.

After he let go of you, he grabbed your hand once again and you two slowly walked back to your house without saying another word.

You only caught him looking at you every now and then.

But as you stood in front of your house you turned to him and said:"Thank you Cook, I had a lot of fun in that just one hour." He laughed and replied:"Good. Im glad that I could at least make someone happy tonight."

You giggled as well before looking around to see if your mom was by any chance watching you. But the lights were off and the blinds were shut so you looked back at Cook and placed another quick kiss on his lips.

He didnt seem to be having it, so he pulled you even closer to have a proper harder kiss this time.

„I'll see you tomorrow then?" He asked and put a strand of hair behind your ear. „You see that balcony? Left window is mine. Next time make sure my mom doesnt see you."

He laughed his significant cook laugh and nodded. „Understood. But how soon would be too soon? I mean would it be inappropriate to show up in, lets say 10 minutes?"

-„Cook I'm really not the girl to..."

He grabbed your head and spoke:"No, no I just dont wanna go home yet and I wanna cuddle a bit. I'd be gone before your mum could notice anything."

„Cuddle" Cook wanted to cuddle, that was a first.

„Goodnight cook. See you tomorrow."

He nodded, let go of your hand and walked a couple of steps closer to the street.

„Its really warm tonight, I'll have to air out my room a bit though." you hinted and smiled at him before stepping inside the house. Before closing the front door you saw Cook smiling happily at you before looking up to your room for you to open the window for him. This boy was up for some closure he'd never had before.

#jamescook #skins #jack o’connell #cute #preference #preferences #imagine #relationship #love #bristol #e4 #i'mcook

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