okay i downloaded day r again. will play it when i get home. probably should read an updated guide as a refresher
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
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my life has collapsed upon me, my happiness stripped from my very soul, as i watch my last vestige of love in this barren life fall into the depths of struggle and turmoil, becoming a mere whisper in the wind, unsure if they were ever really here and fearfully awaiting to whenst they shall return, if at all. i fear i cannot survive this downfall, my life balancing on the edge of sorrow, ready to take the plunge to join my true love.
anyways ao3 is down for a couple of hours i am not okay
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jjk. chapter 255 spoilers under the cut !!
WWAUUUGHHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHINJUKU CHAPTERS FOR SUREEEE I CRIED I SOBBED I THREW UP MULTIPLE TIMES THIS IS SO UP MY ALLEY I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT????????? I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS????????
okay i’m gonna TRY to be coherent . gonna try to behave. but i LOVED this chapter so much it gave me so much i’ve been wanting from this manga for so long…. hhhh…………… :((((
FIRST OF ALLLLLL:
LARUEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE’S HEREEEEE HE’S HOME…… MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CANONICALLY QUEER SIDE CHARACTER……. the narrator referring to the two of them as ”team geto” made me SOB but more on that later i’m just. so happy to see him??? one of my favorite side characters???? i never thought he’d get more screentime?????
and that goes for miguel too!!! i adore them BOTH and they looked so pretty this chapter …. T_T hhhhh
miguel is so handsome ….. just one chance plspls king :’3 i’m hoping more screentime will get him more fics…… maybe specifically x reader fics…….. just a thought……….. (yes i have a miguel/reader drabble in wips no i don’t know when i’ll get to writing it 💔) and larue my gay bestie he rlly is so pretty!!!!!! hhhhh i missed them sm :(((((
ALSOOOO absolutely loved their interactions w yuuta in the beginning….. all the lil moments. larue calling miguel hun….. miguel having beef w gojo and wanting to see him beg for his help….. yuuta offering to beg instead and miguel getting freaked out 😭 THEY’RE SOOO FUNNY
I <333333 THEMMMM
and and and ….. while we’re on the topic of gojo………… THE CRUMBSSSSS THIS CHAPTER GOD HE’S SO PRETTY :(((( RETURN OF THE CIRCLE FRAMES!!!!!
he’s so cute …. andddd while we’re talking abt this interaction!!! i loved loved loved that miguel got the chance to lecture gojo on his racism. and so blatantly too !!!!!! it feels so refreshing to have a shounen manga where casual racism is acknowledged and not just treated as a gag…. and gojo apologized (albeit a lil casually but i do think it was genuine. that’s just kinda how gojo talks </3)
SPEAKKKKK YOUR TRUTH KING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ LET HIM HAVE IT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ personally i think gojo should’ve let his infinity down so miguel could get a couple good smacks in but that’s just me. (miguel looks so good here also!!!)
aaaa and !!! before i get to the Main Dish of this chapter i just wanna say :3 MAKI SWEEEEEEP OUR QUEEN OUR KING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR 🙏🙏🙏🙏 SHE’S BACK AND COOLER THAN EVERRRRRR LOOK AT THAT GRIN
serving cunt since day one ….. where would we even be w/o her……. i AM very worried for my boys and that black flash at the end but :’3 this chapter made me feel hopeful….. it’s nice to see a good ol jumpjutsu kaisen 5v1 battle.
BUTTTTT with that out of the way!!!!! let’s talk about my absolute favorite part of the chapter (and why it’s one of my favorites in shinjuku)….. which is ofc. the talk between miguel and larue. i absolutely unabashedly ADORE geto’s family and i’ve been waiting to see them again for so long!!! to learn more about them, their feelings towards geto, their feelings after his passing…… and i finally got it. and it was just…. so, so good. wow.
like …. this page almost made me cry. genuinely. i adore larue so much and it was so nice to see him again….. he’s definitely my favorite member of geto’s family (excluding geto himself ofc) and clearly the most heartfelt!!! there’s the scene in shibuya where he stops the rest of the family from harming each other because he knows that’s the last thing geto would want, he calls everyone by their first name…. it just feels like he understood geto the most. understood that what geto cared about above all else was his family, not his own plan (hot take maybe?? but i’ll die on that hill).
and goshhhh…… ”we all loved suguru-chan” :((( you don’t UNDERSTAND how emotional i feel rn. i mean we basically already knew this but it just feels so nice to get confirmation on how loved geto was!!! not just by a couple members of his family, but by all of them!!!! i think it’s so telling that even miguel, who acts a bit colder than someone like larue, was willing to help geto and grew to love him. geto is just such a sincere character at his core and i think that’s how he won them all over. but aaaa i’m just :((((( they loved him!!!!! and he loved them just as much!!!!!! i’ve said this before but i NEED a slice of life spinoff manga only featuring geto and his family.,, they mean so much to me.
and i haven’t even MENTIONED larue’s speech????????????? how lovely it is?????? how sick it is????????????? his version of mourning makes me so unbelievably emotional :(((( geto would be so fucking proud of them i can picture him looking up at them from the fiery pits just CHEERING as they punch sukuna…… sniffle sniffle. he loves them!!! and they love him!!!!!!
also obviously i NEED to mention this bc it broke me. i’ve seen people making jokes about what miguel says AND I GET THAT bc i too love joking about how geto is definitely in hell but. this line is very tragic to me!!! or maybe not tragic but it’s definitely somber. i don’t think it’s meant to be humorous, it’s there as a grim reminder of the things geto and his family did…. they loved each other but they were villains. there’s no denying that. larue is obviously a bit of a romanticist but miguel is enough of a realist to call him out on it, and i think that gets his personality across so well. because he still ends up agreeing to join larue in the fight!! those words got to him!!!! seeing his expression crumble in this page made my heart ache :((((… they were villains but they loved each other so earnestly. and i just adore them so so much!!!
okay i think ….. that’s all …….. suchhhh a wonderful chapter. it made me insane!!!!! i love miguel and i love larue and i’m hoping they’ll survive this :((
(….. but . i mean … if they end up dying ……. there’s the slightest chance we’ll get an afterlife scene of geto and his family, so …. um ……. yk …….. 👉👈 maybe . some sacrifices will have to be made……..)
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things i need
1 pipe
flint
gunpower (20 saltpeter & 10 sulfur)
50 scrap
lead (from car batteries)
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153 days of survival
50/153
more than 30% of the time has passed. i can make it through the rest. september was me trying to somewhat fix my sleep schedule so basically just sleeping sleeping and sleeping. have not slept so much in such a long, long time. tried to stay as present as possible but did kind of leave my head every 2-3 days. has been quite the journey of doing nothing. have only one day to revise each unit lol honestly at this point i have simply accepted it. yes it makes me sad. but there is not much i can do. i will just have to roll with what my brain gives me. if it’s procrastinating and staring at screens without a single thought in my head, it is what it is. will be scheduling cry days for every 2 days again. have a nice day, week, month. thank u for reading this far, send a good thought and prayer. i am so attached to all of this it is hard to let go and give up but it is so important to know when to give things up. i am just sad and scared.
context: i am simply trying to survive my a2 exams which end on 18th of jan, 2024 and documenting this here to have some kind of responsibility. the frequency of my updates is well evident of my work.
link to previous post: https://www.tumblr.com/feelingcauliflower/728287215250276352/153-days-of-survival
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