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ascnsion · 1 year

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Have you found yourself thinking ❛ I don’t know if my oc will mix well with your muses ❜ , or ❛ I don’t really want to read up on your muses ❜ , or even ❛ Would ___ muse enjoy this sort of storyline? ❜ Then look no further than the ascnsion cheat sheet.

REMY LEBEAU. “Gambit”

Species: Mutant. Earth resident; Earth born. Location: Default in the States, however he does travel all over the Earth, into outer space, and other places of note in the Marvel universe. Personality: Amicable, charming, charismatic, flirtatious, relaxed, confident, headstrong, mischievous. Alignment: Chaotic/Neutral Good. Misc. While Remy is prone to violence and is certainly not opposed to punching someone in the face who deserves it, he does not kill and does not believe murder is a viable answer. Can interact with. Civilians, allies, criminals; anyone. Thread themes. Adventure, espionage, action, casual. Crossovers. Due to his mutant abilities, Remy is highly adaptable to verses and fandoms involving magic and abilities regardless of setting. Remy would most get along with: Noh-Varr. Remy would struggle with: Bullseye.

NOH-VARR. “Marvel Boy”

Species: Super soldier. Kree; Alien; Earth and Space resident. Location: Default in the States. When aligned with the Young Avengers, he could travel across Earth, though he is more likely to be traveling across Outer Space. Personality: Amicable, comical, excitable, naïve, kind. Alignment: Chaotic/Neutral Good. Misc. Noh will only use violence against villains and criminals when a threat is posed to someone in need or to himself. He is not one to get particularly angry and lost in violence. Can interact with. Allies, civilians with ties to superheroes. May interact with. The only villains Noh can interact with are those who do not outright kill in front of him, he has ties with (like those of Osborn’s Avengers), and those who can’t be easily defeated by him if at all. Thread themes. Adventure, action, casual. Crossovers. Minimal. Adaptable to any kind of alien and powered people in a modern or futuristic setting. Noh-Varr would most get along with: Cliff, Remy. Noh-Varr would struggle with hate: The Deep.

FRANK CASTLE. “The Punisher”

Species: Human. Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. The possibility of international travel is available. Personality: Headstrong, aggressive, guilt ridden, methodical, loyal. Alignment: Chaotic “Lawful”. Misc. Extremely prone to violence with no qualms killing those he deem deserving of killing. Can interact with. Allies, civilians, powered. May interact with. Criminals who cannot be easily, or at all, defeated by him. He will innihlate a common criminal which isn’t very fun. Thread themes. Action, vigilante justice, corruption, murder, incarceration, life in the service. Crossovers. Minimal. Adaptable to verses and fandoms involving law enforcement and certain criminals. Frank would most get along with: Ghost. Frank would attempt to kill: The Deep.

BULLSEYE. BENJAMIN POINDEXTER.

Species: Human(?). Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. The possibility of international travel is available. Personality: Sadistic, aggressive, sarcastic, comical, malicious. Alignment: Chaotic Evil. Misc. Extremely prone to violence with no qualms killing whoever. Can interact with. Powered heroes, villains, civilians with ties to heroes. Thread themes. Action, murder, violence, organized crime. Crossovers. While human, his accuracy and throwing abilities are abnormal, so he crossovers involving abilities are plausible. Bullseye would most get along with: The Deep. Bullseye would struggle with: Cliff. NOTE, Bullseye from 616 and Dex from nmcu are quite different, yet alignment and thread themes are similar.

CLIFF STEELE.

Species: Human; now lives as a brain within a robotic body. Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. He can travel anywhere and to the most absurd of places. Personality: Sarcastic, comical, loud, loyal, easy going, dramatic. Alignment: True Neutral, Neutral Good. Misc. He doesn’t seek out heroic moments or violence. If some crazy thing gets in his way, he’ll pummel it. Can interact with. True neutrals, those with abilities, supernatural creatures, civilians with ties to heroes. May interact with. Heroes, but they’re not his thing. Thread themes. Comedy, chaotic nonsense, supernatural, kicking ass. Crossovers. Not likely. Cliff would most get along with: Noh-Varr. Cliff would hate: Bullseye.

KEVIN MOSKOWITZ. “The Deep”

Species: Super powered human. Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. Work can take him all over the Earth. Personality: Dim witted, egotistical, prideful, flirtatious, animal lover. Alignment: Neutral Evil. Misc. If he gets paid to kill someone or destroy something, he’ll do it. Can interact with. Villains, powered villains, people in power. May interact with. Heroes if they can tolerate him. Thread themes. Action, super hero life, espionage, corruption, hedonism, morality. Crossovers. Minimal, most likely those involving abilities. The Deep would most get along with: Bullseye. The Deep would struggle with: Frank.

ANDRE BRADSHAW. “Ghost”

Species: Super powered human. Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. Work can take him all over the Earth. Personality: Tactician, intelligent, manipulative, smooth talking, paranoid. Alignment: Neutral, Neutral “Evil”. Misc. He doesn’t enjoy violence or hurting people. He sees it as necessary evil to rise to the top. Can interact with. Villains, heroes, people in power, select civilians. May interact with. Civilians should have ties to the world of the super powered or to politics. Thread themes. Action, super hero life, adventure, rise to power. Crossovers. Not likely. Andre would most get along with: Remy. Andre would struggle with: Cliff.

TEST MUSE

x5-494. “Alec McDowell”

Species: Super soldier; genetically enhanced human. Earth born, Earth resident. Location: Default in the States. Personality: Sarcastic, mischievous, pessimistic, greedy, comical, laid back. Alignment: True Neutral. Misc. Until he broke free of his programming, violence and killing were part of the job; at thing deemed necessary. He will freely resort to violence, but he won’t kill unless absolutely necessary. Can interact with. Heroes, villains, civilians, anyone. Thread themes. Action, adventure, dystopian. Crossovers. Possible in futuristic verses and anything involving super powers and genetic engineering. Alec would most get along with: Cliff, Noh. Alec would struggle with: Frank.

#◣ test tube adults — misc information #. this ended up way longer than expected .#. i could go into detail regarding bullseye and dex some other time .

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shadeops21 · 1 year

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Project Aces didn’t need to go this hard.

I dusted off my PS2 the other week and have been playing the Holy Trinity in glorious low-res on a HDTV (great for the eyes, I know).

Decided to peruse the ACZ Assault Records and holy fuck the writers didn’t need to go this hard.

168 individual assault records with names, callsigns, aircrafts, nationalities, ages, and brief blurbs of each pilot, alongside a status?

Allow me to share a few:

#26

Monika Starke

“Bachsteize”

27 Female, Belkan Air Force

F/A-18C Hornet

KIA - Operation Round Hammer, 24/09/95

After graduating from the Belkan Air Force Academy, she enrolled in the Belkan Air Force where, during the wat, her duty was to protect installations along the Futuro Canal. Her military record, along with that her brother Fredi Starke, was highly praised.

#42

Heinrich Koenig

“Anwalt”

29 Male, Belka

F-20A Tigershark

Shot down - Operation Varsity, 12/05/95

During the war, he joined Belka’s extreme right-wing party, but disappeared when a cease-fire was declared. Investigation into his whereabouts continues. Update: 05/97 - Anonymous information states that he is now a member of the terrorist organisation ‘The Falcons of Dawn’.

#126

Lina Dietrich

“Lilie”

28 Female, Belkan Air Force

YF-23A Black Widow II

Shot down - Operation Jupier, 20/06/95

A decorated female pilot whose expertise was to assault the enemy by descending very quickly from a high altitude. While in the BAF Academy, she single-handedly brought down her instructor. After the war, she was recruited to be an instructor at Osea’s Wesson Military Academy.

And here’s the thing, I AM STILL MISSING ENTRIES.

Of the 168, I am missing 26.

Guess this PS2 is staying hooked up for longer than I thought…

#ace combat #ace combat zero #ace combat 0 #acz #ac0 #back in my days games were sold complete and had plenty of content like this that could extend your playtime for days and days and days #none of this paid dlc bullshit that was clearly just content made for the game but not included because MONEY #also some of these aces are clear easter eggs to other games #looking at you 101 erich klinsmann #detailed information regarding this pilot is unavailable #your honour he’s flying an su-37 terminator in grey camo with gold wingtips #motherfucker is yellow fucking 13

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chaosintheavenue · 1 year

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I deeply and sincerely apologise to anyone I’ve ever filled in a survey for.

#I'm going through and standardising the state/country names in the survey results to make future navigation easier #(same thing will happen for most categories eventually)#aaand. apparently I felt the need to specify where one of my OCs was born pretty much down to street level #what in the swimming fuck past chaos #you knew the exact map format we were going to use to display that data. why would that level of detail benefit anyone #if it wasn't my own survey then fair enough. but I knew exactly what sort of information gets decluttered during processing #and proceeded to provide tons of clunky unnecessary data for *myself* on *my own ocs*#XD #the kicker is that I gave the information in a way that only I would understand regarding my own headcanons #so it's not like I was mindlessly filling in response after response and forgot the data was for myself #I specifically wrote to my future self

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a-mnhia · 2 years

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a wild card appears

#i am currently working on my blog rules #so those are not up yet #but information regarding mina's current arc is live #my goal is to move blogs this weekened #and finish getting everything set up #there is information that is lacking on the arc page (mainly backstory)#this will be developed in a separate page #giving details up until where ever i am with her #story / character developement #†. OUT OF [ . . . ] the discount scooby gang is at it again.#if you are interested with plotting / interacting in the future #i would highly encourage you to give it a read!!

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sadbadbish · 2 years

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I genuinely think people are interpreting what Liam said with a bit of melodrama

#i don’t think he said what he did regarding zayn maliciously #I understand the defense for speaking on zayn’s upbringing wrong setting wrong place wrong people #but I genuinely believe he meant it in more of a way that as much as zayn loves his family maybe it wasn’t always easy #that’s ok upbringings are delicate subjects it wasn’t his information to share but I don’t think he was speaking poorly of his upbringing #also I’m regards to saying there are many things he doesn’t like about zayn his immediate follow up was I will always be on his side #I think when you are actually close to others know intimate details about them #you don’t always like everything about each other #he said he has context for zayns life and understands him #like doesn’t it speak to something complex he knows his flaws and would still say I’ll always be on his side #and he is far from perfect and the interview isn’t great but he also aknowledges how lost he is #I just see a bunch of people floating above even surface level #everyone is so quick to vilify anyone for saying something they remotely disagree with #but it’s apparent and obvious even with some of the things he said Liam doesn’t think of himself highly #he just trying very hard to believe and fake his ego #i have so much to say about this but no one cares #liam payne

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massivementalitynut · 9 months

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Today isn't turning out to be a good one.

#Could not sleep.#Got a suprise phone call about an upcoming call. Tried to keep myself awake for that important phone call regarding a potential job #Took the call and found out the job was in an unfamiliar area. Voiced my concerns. She proceeded to point out my lack of experience and age #Says I need to convince her. I ask how and she mentions just go to the interview anyway. I contemplate it thinking I should do more researc #But I was too slow to answer for her. So she proceeded to say that she won't give it to me (the chance to fully apply for the job).#I thanked her for her (initial) consideration.. ended the call and then started crying.#I know that her job is to help people find jobs and that it should go to those who want/can do it.#But i only knew there was a job from the 1st phone call of 35 sec and the other details within a 2nd phone call of 4min 30 sec.#Everything in me was saying not to commit till I had more information and she refused to give me the address (to gauge commute time)#Until she decided I was good enough for the job. I know I have to put this behind me as another missed opportunity/something that was not r #ght for me but damn did my confidence take a hit and I feel like shit. Not to mention I may have to see her in person next week for an even #And I am just 😭 thinking about it. I have some other plans before that though and I hope they turn out better that what happened today.#Lynn vents

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elio-monroe · 10 months

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im so incredibly depressed. this post is bad and contains a lot of content warnings that i can't even get myself to type out. i have a hard time seeing any of the stuff ive gone through as real or actually mattering. through most of my life if i tried to use the proper words or phrases i was told i was lying and those things dont count.

so im sorry i cant make content warnings for the read more. just take this as a big general one i guess. im not writing this for an audience im writing this for me.

this is also like a novel. so maybe don't read it because you could be doing anything better with your life. i am not exaggerating. this is so long.

i always feel like a huge bother. like im making peoples lives miserable by being around them if i am not doing everything they want to do. lately i haven't been able to make many decisions by myself, i freeze up and i just cant do it. i have to wait to be told and its frustrating, i hate it. i feel so stupid but i also feel so deeply that anything i think to do will be wrong, that ill be stepping on someone's toes.

i know my friends think i should stop making myself smaller and smaller, they encourage me to take up space. which is nice, i think, but i feel nothing but disgust for everything ive ever chosen to do.

i wish i actually didn't know why im like this. but like... i grew up every summer going to east side michigan, my grandma's house. where my cousins were, my mom's side of the family. my cousin's demanded i spend my time equally amongst them. every night i would swap what house i slept over at, if they got into a fight and didn't want to spend days playing with each other id have to make sure i evenly split my time between them and acted like i was equally on both of their sides.

if they got mad at me, even if one got mad at me, they both would ahhh you know theyd do stuff that wasnt great. a... small and lesser example would be the time they chased me and get me into a corner to terrorize me with a mechanical toy hopper (bugs life). i was very scared of that character when i was young because he was the bad guy and i was like 5 or 6. theyd do a lot of stuff like that, that would elevate as we got older. sometimes even doing more... physical stuff. i tried to tell on them when i was younger, get any adult to help me but none would really believe me. i had a reputation for being a cry baby so to them i was making stuff up. my mom would be too drunk to care at the time (she is better mother now), and my dad wasn't present in my early life (navy).

eventually i stopped being a snitch, it only ever made things worse. i guess that was a good lesson to learn early on... maybe... idk. anyways, anything theyd do to me id just keep it bottled up. i still do. and its extended past my cousins.

in late elementary my friend, who was a few years older then me and in middle school and knew a lot more about sexual education ah, well i dont think she ever meant anything bad by it im still like friends with her though we don't talk really. but i think she is a good person who just, i mean i didn't know what was happening other then being confused because i hadnt had any sexual education.... haha aaah ive just been so stupid and behind my entire life...

when we had sleep overs at her place she would usually have me sleep on a single pillow because i was pretty small when i was younger and she thought it was cute and i wanted to please her so bad. i didnt have a cell phone but she did (these were flip phone times) and she use to take a lot of photos of me... kinda non-consensually, not like sexual ones or anything so i just let it happen because there wasnt any real harm other then my mild discomfort.

eventually she moved away. and then i moved away. we kept in contact though. like i said im still her friend.

middle school was catholic and rough. i was the poorest kid going to a private school. i had hit puberty right before entering 7th grade (my first year of middle school) and my boobs had already grown to be nearly double d. catholic school uniforms are not very friendly to more curvy body types. most of the girls called me fat, i really only had one friend (and one kinda weird stalker-like girl) who had much bigger breasts then me and was a little chubby. i tried my best to not be offended at the fat comments because my friend would get them a lot more and i thought that was fucked up. i never liked when fat people where the punchline to jokes, i didn't know the word fatphobia but i was against all the shit they went through.

anyways i joined the co-ed soccer team and all girl basketball team. i had three years of soccer (on an all girls soccer team, aka real soccer) and i was a fucking killer mid-fielder. my thighs were giant and powerful, i could run for and sprint for hours without slowing down. i was a jock and i didn't even know it. i outclassed pretty much everyone on that team and i was benched pretty often because of this. the coach hated me, like literally told me how i shouldn't be as good at soccer as i am because i was making the boys feel bad. he told me it wasnt my place as a girl to do that. he'd make me run lap after lap after everyone else was allowed to stop i had to keep going.

a bit of a back up here. but i am physically disabled... i don't usually like to say that because its... minor i guess and there are so many people who have it worse. so please don't think ill of me if you are reading this, i know it doesn't count but im just getting it out there i guess. anyways my ankles (and do some extent my wrist as well) are very weak. my ankles actually hurt every single day because i am a very active person and must be on my feet a lot for my job too. but basically my ankles never really fully developed despite how much i worked out as a kid. i droll my ankles probably like 3 times a day when i was younger, im a bit more careful now, only about like once or twice a week and i rebound from it very quickly.

anways after my first year of soccer we had a new coach (this was on the all girls team) bc our first couch had to retire due to... being... not a very great person lets say. the new coach noticed i walked and ran a bit funny and one day asked me if i would allow him or my parents to wrap my ankles in bandages. i agreed and let my dad do it since he was a (navy) doctor. and lo and behold i could play soccer so much better. the pain was pretty much gone and i could fully concentrate on playing the game. and i was so fucking good.

back to middle school (in an entirely different state too) the co-ed soccer coach found out about my bandages, because one of my teammates saw me wrapping them in the bathroom and told him, and he made me stop. i got worse but i still kept trying, i wanted to spite him so bad. i wanted to spite all of them. i especially wanted to spite the girl that disclosed this information.

i hated her so much. she commented on my body so often. she bullied me every single day of middle school (thankfully i only went to middle school for two years). she was fat but called me fat, i never retaliated because it was pretty fucking clear she was insecure. sure the comments hurt because they were mean, but god i much preferred her fat comments to what she would end up sticking with after she saw me naked.

we were both on the soccer team (and basketball team), this was a very small school and i was in the largest class, at 18 people. usually we would have a good amount of time for everyone to change in the bathroom stalls individually, but it was going to rain in the late afternoon and because ppl in ct can't handle the rain like ppl in wa our game had been moved up so we all needed to get changed fast. whatever, i did not care, and i began to take off my uniform. it became very apparent to every girl on that team right then that i was not fat. so much so that bully girl had to give her thoughts on my body which was "wow, deadname! you really aren't fat." she said more but i refuse to quote her directly as it was horribly degrading and very rude to sex workers. but the gist was i had a body type perfect for men. i was 13 and appalled by this comment.

i know that probably seems like a pretty mediocre thing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things. but at 13 i had some... unfortunate sexual time on the school bus with another kid. over the fact that i couldn't be ace because of.... being a tease i suppose. before 13 my cousins often commented about how id dress like a slut from time to time. and i guess they had a point, i have a pretty more sense of what my body looks like and what it is doing at any moment in time. through out my life and still to this day i accidentally show more "private" areas of skin. my ass is fat and short skirts look better on me then long ones (and i honestly do not care that much if strangers get a glimpse, its not hurting anyone and you can just fucking look away). as a kid i often had plenty of "outfit malfunctions" that'd show off my boobs, they really don't make little girl clothing that fits around double ds. and once again i was small as kid, i could not fit adult shirts or bras or underwear (despite how fat my ass is i still wear teen/little girl underwear if im not wearing boxer breifs bc most woman's underwear will sag on me unless i go to an asian run store. mass produced clothing is fucking awful and a scam).

one time, with my first soccer team, the first coach had invited us all over for a halloween party. my mom didn't allow me to dress goth (she was and might still be scared i'll turn out to be a serial killer) but on halloween she allowed me to wear anything i wanted. and i wanted to be a skull fairy because i liked skulls and i loved being able to wear mostly black whenever i could. the top was strapless, the breast size a good amount too small for my honkers but that didn't stop me. mini skirt and thigh highs. i added a black feather boa because i loved boa's but being surrounded by other children meant i could hardly live my true camp-self day to day, but on halloween i could wear the biggest sparkly black boa i wanted. i also had some cool black fairy wings.

at the party she had us play some games, typical things like dunking for apples (i didn't participate in that one because im very bad at not breathing in water when its on my face), and pin the tail on the donkey, like super regular kid games. but there was one game where we were split into three teams, where one person on the team was tied up and chained to a chair while the other teammates took turns trying to find the right key to release the various padlocks along the captives body out of a large bowl of keys. first team to get their captive free wins. as you might imagine this game went on for a long time because there was a lot of fucking keys and if the key didn't work you had to return it to the bowl bc it might work for the other teams and all the keys looked extremely similar to each other. i was voted to be the captive (i wasn't really liked on my soccer team but i was fairly good at it for my first year and the coach saw promise in me and the team wasn't about friendship, it was about winning (we won 90% of our games that year)), which i was fine with because i didn't like the idea of running back and forth and getting frustrated. and in all honesty i was a little freak and for reasons unknown to me at the time, i really liked the idea of being tied up so i let it happen.

and oh boy how i had greatly misjudged how disliked i was! i was the first of the captives to get tied up, and i honestly don't know if there was a sorta mistake on the amount of supplies that were needed but after me, the two other captives were tied a lot less strictly to their chairs. they only had their wrists, ankles, and waists tied and padlocked to the chair, where as i also had my thighs and chest and tied up (no padlock on those two areas though). it quickly explained to me those were for like setting the scene or something. i accepted it but i was starting to panic a little because my chest was tied pretty tight and if i moved even a little bit my top would start to slip down. i tried to stay as still as possible and not bring any attention to my gradual double nip slip. but ya know, its hard to not wiggle a little when you've got various girls hands brushing against you as they try key after key.

the horror of it really came after one of the other teams won, the other team finishing seconds behind them, and my team had yet to find a single successful key. my boobs were fully out at this point and my skirt had rode up so my kim possible themed underwear was on full display. i was pretty embarrassed about the kim possible thing, and i suppose i was right to because my teammates absolutely thought it was lesbian behavior to have shego's smug face beaming from crotch. and to make everything worse, there was no skeleton key to this game. i was stuck there until the actual fucking keys were found. the teasing was pretty relentless, even after the mom came back into the room to see how things were going she didn't help. i asked her to help, i was on the verge of crying because i was very humiliated and wanted to go home (plus i was battling the very alien feeling of arousal), but she figured it would toughen me up to... sit through everything. eventually i was freed and i cried in the bathroom and asked to have my mom pick me up. she did, she asked me how the party was and i said it was fun but i was tired. (as a side note i'd be totally down to recreate this in a far more consensual way hahaha. being tied up and played with by some actual friends sounds so lovely)

so yeah, the comment about my body being great for men, for sex, was a bit to raw for me. i didn't say anything back though. i didn't know how to respond because all the other girls agreed. i got into the next stall as soon as possible and never changed in front of girls again.

i also never wore that skull fairy custom again unless it was with a long sleeved black turtle neck.

i became so much more conscious to cover my body up. but that never worked. i'd continue to be touched and groped until i eventually chopped those puppies off in my third year of college.

but even throwing my boobs away, even after starting t, cutting my hair short, wearing the most conservative outfits, people still touch me. i've grown fine with being touched by friends, i know they mean no harm. or... i guess i hope they don't mean any harm. i think overall people are good and have good intentions and sometimes just do things on accident and we don't have to over analyze everything.

i dont like strangers touching me. but... i'm very very awful. im no good at anything and i just, i just let it happen. every time. i let it happen. i guess i try to softly push their hands away, but i get so scared if i try any harder things will go worse. i dont speak up or say no. at most i maybe shake my head. god i wish i wasn't so fucking stupid.

but then maybe im not. the overwhelming majority of people i try to tell about these things don't believe me. or don't think its really bad that it happened. when i was in college i tried to use the woman's resource center for... ah well for like rape related stuff. but they told me i wasn't welcomed in the center and that whatever happened to me was not rape and does not warrant support. i know its wrong to use resources and support for something you've never actually for real gone through, but i was... and i guess still am desperate for something. i don't know what that is. i don't know how to define what i've gone through. i just have been told its not rape, its not really sexual assault, and its so minor that i can't even call it sexual harassment. but... i've seen people with similar stories to mine get those resources and be welcomed, embraced.

i hate to say this... but sometimes i wonder if its because i wore a tie and dress pants everywhere in college. i've never dyed my hair, and i don't really... idk i guess i don't look queer enough or feminine enough. maybe i scared people because i looked like the people who did bad things to them. i hadn't started t yet when i was rejected from the center, i hadn't even had my boobs removed. but no matter where i went there was this overall feeling that i was 100% a man and men don't go through those things very often. and it made it worse that i was a trans man, if i talked about those things i was invalidating my own gender and it made others uncomfortable. i had friends that hated to think of me before i was chosenname, that would tell me i was misgendering myself if i talked about specific things i went through. so i stopped.

i understood then that anyone who claimed themselves to be a safe person to talk to about things, to come to when you needed help, where not for me. i did not count.

i didn't mention my time in high school. i had one good year, 9th grade, at a tech school in ct. i moved to mi a year later. but i was loved, i was popular, i was just me. i still cry thinking about how much better my life could have been if i could have stayed at that school and not moved away. yeah i was being used because i was the smartest kid in the school and i was actively improving the test grades so much that i became a literal bargaining chip at a big conference for the district panel on fund allocation amongst the public schools. i was very happy with this by the way, and i had actively and enthusiastically given consent for the board members to use my grades as a means to afford more for the school, we all pretended that i wasn't moving come the next year. a few teachers joked about kidnapping me so i could keep attending the school (another thing i told them to do but this time they didn't :c). anyways, worked out well, the whole school got funded, more kids with higher test scores started attentending after me, and now the schools been completely remolded (it was originally designed as a cold war bunker turned tech school hahaha. we had a boiler room still that would constantly blow up and we'd just get random days off of school. it ruled).

then i moved to mi. everything went downhill. i become the obsession of one kid in my grade who i unfortunately had a locker right next to. again i wore a lot of short skirts, but at this point i was wearing leggings underneath as opposed to thigh highs, and i wore my blouses all the way buttoned up with a scarf acting as a diy tie. it was a killer look, id still wear it. but this guy decided i was his anime waifu. he'd try to get me alone. he'd push me up against walls to tell me how beautiful i am and how he would do anything for me. it was pretty bad because i didn't know how to make boundaries. i was scared of him getting violent with me (though he never showed any tendancies to do so... i was... well we've established im stupid). so for three years id occasionally just have to deal with some guy with a huge asian festish trying desperately to date me. i avoided my locker as much as i could.

then there was the pathetic guy. he was a year ahead of me and not interested in my at first. i was on the quiz bowl team with him and he had a bit of a reputation of going after woman who continually turned him down, and he often tried to go for the more.... aaa mentally ill girlies. he went after my friend who was a senior (also not a girl anymore) and i hated him forever after being told about it. i tried to be rude to him, though i don't know if he ever understood that or maybe i wasn't good at being rude (though i'm pretty damn good at it i think!). but after my friend graduated he suddenly started to push himself on me. at quizbowl matches, id sometimes get a little overwhelmed by all the buzzer sounds so id occasionally sit at the back of the room to get a bit of distance from the noise (which everyone was pretty cool with!), and well he'd follow me right on back. he didn't want me to be lonely he told me. i never felt lonely, but i did begin to worry that maybe i looked lonely or maybe he was lonely. but i also didn't like him, but also i was at a sporting event and he was my teammate so i can't be rude to him. so id let him sit near me. then he'd get nearer and nearer and nearer until he had his arms wrapped around me. he'd whisper in my ear and dig his fingers into my thighs, sometimes he'd pull them apart. but i never tried too hard to stop him. i don't know why.

eventually a girl in his grade and on my team noticed this, and she started sitting by me too. he stopped. i never told her thank you, but i thought it, i tried to convey it with my eyes. she didn't care much for me but she always kept her gaze on me when he was around. sometimes.... i find it hard to believe she was the first person to ever help me out of something like that.

occasionally at school the guy would get me alone and he'd be rather violent. he'd make me feel bad that i never told her to stop staring. didn't i like him? didn't i trust him? he was so alone and i was too and he was just trying to make me feel better. he threatened to sue me when i told his younger brother i didn't much care for his big brother as he pushed himself on my friend years ago. i did laugh in his face because that was such an empty threat, even someone as gullible and stupid as me could put that together.

god id never want to relive middle or high school, or even elementary school... or college... wild because i was really good at school and i've never been good at anything ever again.

now these days... ah my adult years have been a bit better. i get groped a little less now that i don't have boobs. but i don't wear as much conservative clothing as i use to. i've started wearing feminine outfits again, which are nice. i try not to let the... weird things people say to me get me down. i try not to believe i deserve those words.

i tried to get use to taking the bus again. i live an hours walk away from my job but i live on a direct bus line to it. though over a year ago... when i was trying out the buses again by myself a man came up to me. i was sitting down at the bus stop and he stood right in front me of, very close, as close as he could be. he was very clearly homeless and most definitely mentally ill so i didn't want to be mean about personal space right away. so he started talking and i slowly pushed myself to the end of the bench se we had more distance while talking. but that did not work as he just followed. his questions got weirder. he had commented about how he thinks boys look nice in skirts and stockings and my stupid fucking ass was like "oh well thats great! he seems really supportive! i guess i don't have anything to worry about!" then his hands came down on my thighs. i placed my hands on top of his hand gave them a slight push downwards, i was trying to say "please don't" but that wasn't clear enough. he instead started rubbing my legs up and down.

at this point i was like "ah fuck! again! again with something happening at a bus!" but i could not summon up enough of a fight in myself and i just kept answering his questions like a dumbass.

then he asked "where are your parents", that was an odd question. "not here, at home probably." "are you heading to school?" "no... no." i was so lost at this question. it seemed so fucking bizarre to me "what school do you go to? what school around here? where are you going?" "i graduated!" "from where? when?" "grand valley! a few years ago!" then i watched his eyes grow cold. he stopped smiling. and he turned and left me. no further questions. the bus arrived and i got on. i just stared out the window and cried silently as i slowly realized what had just happened. i was suppose to then take the bus back, but i couldn't. i called my boyfriend and cried to him and asked if he could pick me up instead and he did. he promised me he would if i ended up getting to uncomfortable.

i try so hard to get use to the bus. i think public transportation is great. but i keep getting scared. my looks get me in trouble more then they give me any benefit. he isn't the first guy to think im a kid and try stuff with me. even in college well meaning people told me their attraction to me felt incredibly illegal. i still don't really know how to process that. personally i think i'm rather ugly and unapealing. but i've had plenty of people tell me they are attracted to me but feel bad about it. and i don't know what that means.

i know i can't have an onlyfans. no matter how much i prove my age it just gets reported for being csem, same with instagram. i had to stop posting pictures of my fully clothed body on insta because even those were getting reported! i can't show my face for my works socmed bc it'll get taken down. even when there was just the back of my head people thought i was a child (and were freaked out by the content of the reel due to my perceived age).

i feel like im just trapped forever in this weird... bubble. nothing ive been through is considered to be enough. but all of it slows me down. all of it scares me. all of it continues to ruin my life. i get anxious. i get so scared. i have to be told what to do. i need people to not see me as human because when people care about me at a deeper level, when they don't just see me as some fun toy to play with and throw out in a year, i get scared.

god this has gone on for so long. i did not mean it. but i gotta get in the shower. i have to go to work. im scared and anxious and depressed but i gotta go to work. i wish i could just do art. but i've just started self harming again instead. im so stupid. but i guess writing all this out was better then cutting myself.

now if you somehow read through all this. do not call the cops for a wellness check. i will try my hardest to do suicide by cop.

also never call the cops for a wellness check on anyone ever you fucking moron. do you know what they do? do you? do you fucking know? would you believe me if i told you even a single fucking thing they've done to me? or are you just going to ignore that and call because "youre so scared for me" and you think because im white ill be safe. shut up and unfollow me. never talk to me again. block me. you are a fucking idiot and only view the world in black and white. i do not need that in my life. educate yourself on the history of cops and disabled folks, trans folks, and gay men. seriously. fucking go and learn and be a better person.

#this is probably the most information ive shared about myself in regards to these events #they are still very very vague #bc i know none of it matters or counts #doesnt matter how graphic i tell it or what details i include or dont include #none of this will ever mean anything #and thats just life

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the-conscious · 11 months

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youtube

#Mental Health #There are some imperfections with this information but it's still one of the best pieces I have. Certainly regarding this topic.#Video #Youtube #It's all in the details anyway.

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ao3org · 2 months

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Update on "No Fandom" tags

AO3 Tag Wranglers recently began testing processes for updating canonical tags (tags that appear in the auto-complete and the filters) that don’t belong to any particular fandom (commonly known as No Fandom tags). We have already begun implementing some of the decisions made during the earliest discussions. By the time this post is published, you may have already noticed some changes we have made. Several canonical tags are slated to be created or renamed, and we will also be adjusting the subtag and metatag relationships between some tags to better aid Archive users in filtering. Please keep in mind that many of these changes are large and require a lot of work to identify and attach relevant tags, so it will likely take some time to complete. We ask that you please be patient with us while we work! While we will not be detailing every change we make under the new process, we will be making periodic posts with updates on those changes we believe are most likely to prove helpful for users looking to tag or filter works with the new or revised tags and to avoid confusion as to why changes are being made.

New Canonicals!

1. Edging

For a long while, there has been some confusion caused by the fact that we have a canonical for Edgeplay, but not for Edging which has led to some unintentional mistagging and other challenges. Consequently, we will be creating a canonical tag for Edging with the format Orgasm Edging and this new canonical tag will be subtagged to Orgasm Control. Relatedly, we will be reorganizing the Orgasm Control tag tree to allow for easier and more straightforward filtering and renaming Edgeplay to add clarity. You’ll find more details regarding these changes in the Renamed and Reorganized canonicals section below.

2. Generative AI

We have canonized three tags related to Generative AI.

Created Using Generative AI

AI-Generated Text

AI-Generated Images

All tags which make mention of specific Generative AI tools will be made a synonym of the most relevant AI-Generated canonical. Additionally, please note that AI-Generated Text and AI-Generated Images will be subtagged to Created Using Generative AI. How to Use These To Filter For/Filter Out Works Tagged as Using Generative AI: ❌ Filtering Out: To filter out all works that use tags about being created with AI, add Created Using Generative AI to the “other tags to exclude” field in the works filter. This will also exclude works making use of the subtags AI-Generated Text and AI-Generated Images. If you wish to exclude either the Images or Text tags only, you can do so by excluding either AI-Generated Text or AI-Generated Images.

☑️ Filtering For: Add Created Using Generative AI to the “other tags to include” field in the works filter. This will also automatically include the works making use of the subtags AI-Generated Text and AI-Generated Images. If you wish to filter for Images or Text only, you can do so by including either AI-Generated Text or AI-Generated Images only .

As a reminder, the use of these tools in the creation of works is not against AO3's ToS. These new tags exist purely to help folks curate their own experience on the Archive. If you would like to see more information about AO3’s policies in regards to AI generated works, please see our News post from May 2023 on AI and Data Scraping on the Archive.

Renamed and Reevaluated Canonicals!

3. EdgeplayAs mentioned above, we will be renaming Edgeplay to clarify the tag's meaning, given that it is often confused for Edging. This tag will be decanonized and made a synonym of Edgeplay | High Risk BDSM Practices. It will be removed as a subtag of Sensation Play and be subtagged instead directly to BDSM. Please note if you have made use of the Edgeplay tag on your works or wish to continue to use it in the future, you are still welcome to do so. The tag Edgeplay will be made a synonym of the new canonical, so all works tagged with Edgeplay now or in the future will fall under the new tag so that they’re still easy for users to find. If you have made it a favorite tag, it will be transferred automatically when we make this change.

4. Orgasm Delay/Denial The tag Orgasm Delay/Denial will be decanonized and made a synonym of Orgasm Control to help limit confusion with the more specific Orgasm Delay and Orgasm Denial canonicals. Tags that are currently synonyms of Orgasm Delay/Denial are being analyzed and moved to either Orgasm Control or Orgasm Delay or Orgasm Denial or Orgasm Edging. The revised tree structure for this tree will feature Orgasm Control as the top-level metatag with subtags Orgasm Edging, Orgasm Delay, and Orgasm Denial. So, if you wish to filter for all these tags at once, you can do so just by filtering for Orgasm Control.

5. Female Ejaculation Female Ejaculation will be decanonized and made a synonym of Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation. We hope this new phrasing will be more inclusive, clear, and make the tag easier to find whether users are searching for Squirting or the previous canonical. All current synonyms of Female Ejaculation will also be made a synonym of Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation, including Squirting. You may continue to tag your works as suits your preferences, and we will make sure these tags are made synonyms of the new canonical so that your work can be found in the filters for it.

These are just some of the changes being implemented. While we won’t be announcing every change, you can expect similar updates in the future as we continue to work toward improving the Archive experience. So if you have an interest in the changes we’ll be making, you can follow us on Twitter @ao3_wranglers or keep an eye on this Tumblr for future announcements. Thank you for your patience and understanding as we continue our work!

(From time to time, ao3org posts announcements of recent or upcoming wrangling changes on behalf of the Tag Wrangling Committee.)

#ao3 #archive of our own #tag wrangling changes #no fandom #upcoming tag updates

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