Me: watching my mental health struggle to decide if improvement is worth it
Also me: proud of myself for the improvement I've made
Saat hati mulai terasa sempit, tandanya kita terlalu cinta dengan dunia, mengejar sesuatu yang tidak di bawa mati justru makin membuat hati kita terasa sempit.
I'm sick of wanting to die all the time.
And when life turned her blue, she brushed herself against the raw canvas and painted the most beautiful indanthrone night with the stain of her melancholy.
Michael Carini, @CariniArtsPoetry on IG
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I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that such a big chunk of the Touhou fandom finds Reimu personally relatable. Her characterisation in about 80% of fan-media is like: “Here’s a girl in a cute outfit! Her adorable quirk is clinical depression!”
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i don’t know what the fuck is going on with me so here’s a little mental/physical health rant
i’ve been getting migraines and i have never had a migraine in my life
i’m losing time
i’ll get in my car and end up some place and not know how i got there/not remember driving there
and i’ve started to experience auditory hallucinations
it’s mostly music
almost like my life has started to have a movie score or something because it’s just constantly in the background even when i know there’s no music playing
what is happening
Canine Studies...Wait Sorry Canine Science and Welfare
So my lecturer just said, "That the point of a science based degree, to be able to go out and have fun reading about the research and learning new things." And like sure...except that when I signed up for the course there was ONE research based topic that was optional (either that or business) and now there are THREE! Which means that I have to do triple the amount of research based assignments that they want to a professional standard, alongside my other units that I quite frankly care more about as they are actually RELEVENT to what I want to do! This is the same lecturer that has admitted the fact it will be nearly impossible to get all of the information we need to make the criteria into the word limit. This is the first year unit has been done, she set the f*cking word limit, she could change the f*cking word limit.
Also I signed up for a Canine Studies course that had practical, useful units relating to my future career such as basic and advanced behaviour and rehabilitation. They removed rehabilitation and one of the 3 behaviour units to make way for these research based units...like all my other assignments haven't had to be reference to sh*t to even get 50%.
This course is a joke and I am so glad they have stopped offering it. I have put up with this for close to 3 years I can handle another 25 days. Yes these is a count down.
Brave the shave?
I finally got a haircut today. The hairdresser I liked at the salon I used to go to went mobile so I booked her and she came to my house. Cut my hair in the bathroom. When she left I wasn’t happy with it. I wanted a more prominent undercut. Wanted to look more scruffy and punk, less neat/fringe-y emo. So it took me about 5 mins to decide to take the clippers to the haircut I’d only just had and…
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What’s stopping you from getting where you want to be? ☀️
i really am the problem, huh?
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Put yesterday down, it's heavy
#mentalhealth #willrogers #motovationmonday #mentalhealthcommunity
I just finished this book today. What a plot twist. I never saw it coming! 10/10 would recommend!
The more you climb
the more it hurts
to fall back down
where nothing works
The more you try
the pain gets worse
no relief for
this kind of curse
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i should probably say this... i haven't slept ahahahah... um i slept for like an hour maybe an hour and a half and then woke up and um couldn't fall asleep again and then after being wide awake laying in bed for six hours i decided i would just continue binge watching the vampire dairies since i was already wide awake... yeahhh something is horribly wrong w meeee.... oh well we'll try to fix my sleep schedule again tonight...
ogni giorno così, piedi bagnati nell’oceano sulla sabbia soffice e l’odore di sale tra i capelli. È forse la semplicità la stessa felicità?
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Steve Rogers tragic hero?
Steve has gone from one war to another ever since world war 2 and people forget he was like maybe 28 or 26 then (I can't remember the exact age off hand). Then he comes to 2012 (first avengers movie) and after that his dreams, his wants no longer matter to anyone he's just meant to be a soilder. Even to himslef he puts his dreams aside to be what america needs him to be. He even says that in age of ultron. He tells Tony before the war he had dreams for himslef to have a wife one day and kids. He says something along the lines of, that guy that wanted that died when he crashed the plane. Some people take that to mean he didn't want that for himslef anymore. But I saw it as he felt he couldn't have that for himslef anymore. He didn't see a way to achieve that on his current path. We see in age of ultron, in steves dream, that his biggest fear is never being able to go home and that the wars will never end.
Tony gets a lot of credit for being a tragic hero and how being a hero mentally effected him. honestly that's one of my favorite aspects of tony that his mental health is addressed. But we don't see that with steve. The pressure steve must face to always do the right thing and the pressure he puts on himslef to be a "perfect" man is insane. Everyone expects him to be the symbol of the american people, that's a lot of pressure. I feel like steve puts on a positive optimist persona but deep down he has shit he is still dealing with. Like in the first Avengers movie he was having flashbacks to all the shit that he regretted happening in the war. Yet he never deals with it, he never talks about it.
The fact that he goes back for Peggy at the very end shows how much he wanted that simple life and just wanted to be done with war. Some people try to argue that his sole purpose for going back was Peggy. I don't think it was that completely just for her. Obviously part of it was for Peggy, but I think another aspect was just to escape all the war that was going on in modern day. Like he knew that in going back in time that was a good chance that Peggy could be over him or that you know she could be married but he still chose to go back because she wasn't the only reason that he wanted to go back. She was just a factor that made him want to go back. I love the ending of Endgame because it was finally Steve doing something for himslef. He was a man who always put everyone elses needs before his own. In this one moment he does something to help himslef. The ending really ties together his story and shows that war had impacted him so much.
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